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#dimmi qualcosa
affogonellamarmellata · 2 months
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reiterazione (shakerando + italodisco)
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mybittersweet · 11 days
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Addicted
Le tapparelle chiuse. La stanza buia che tutta in una volta si illumina di rosso mettendo a tutti gli oggetti un velo di proibito. Sul letto. Sul tavolo con la bottiglia di vino sopra. Su di te seduto sulla sedia accanto al tavolo. Su di me in piedi di fronte a te. Anche sulla musica che si infila e si intreccia tra di noi. Mi guardi. La tua camicia di lino è aperta. Si vede come si alza e si abbassa il tuo petto quando respiri. Sempre più forte. Hai fatto un sorso dalla bottiglia. Stai passando le dita sulla tua pelle scoperta. Dal petto verso la pancia e poi sopra i pantaloni. Torni sul petto. Lo accarezzi..lo graffi. Hai voglia. Il tuo sguardo mi sta toccando..mi sta facendo a pezzi. Ti sei alzato tenendo ancora la bottiglia in mano. Adesso il tuo viso a 2 centimetri dal mio e la tua mano sta sul mio collo. Mi baci. Ti bacio. Mi lecchi le labbra. E poi mi guardi di nuovo. Passi la tua mano sulla mia guancia e mi dai uno schiaffo. Mi sta bene. Ti sorrido. Il tuo sguardo diventa serio e la mano va dietro la mia testa. Mi raccogli i capelli e tiri la mia testa indietro. Sussuri "Apri la bocca". Lo faccio tirando la lingua fuori. Sputi sopra e poi mi versi il vino in bocca.
- Bevi!
Cerco di bere ma stai versando troppo velocemente e il vino comincia a scolare ovunque su di me. Sulle braccia..sul seno..sulla pancia..sulle gambe. Ti fermi e mi baci bevendo il vino dalla mia bocca. Lasci i miei capelli e mi stringi vicino a te. Il mio seno bagnato schiacciato al tuo petto. Mi graffi la schiena con le unghie. Mi baci il collo..lo lecchi scendendo verso le braccia e le dita. Sanno di vino. Gli prendi in bocca e succhi. Mi guardi negli occhi. E in questo momento non si capisce chi sottomette chi. Salendo passi la tua lingua sulla mia pancia. Ti fermi sul seno. Lo schiafeggi e lo succhi subito dopo. Passi le unghie sopra e sui capezzoli bagnati. Mi lasci i segni addosso.
Non so il perché ma ti fermi e ti allontani. Sparisci nel buio. Sento solo il rumore. Stai cercando qualcosa. Resto ferma e aspetto. So che non devo muovermi da qui. Torni con polaroid in mano. Scatti una foto ai segni che mi hai lasciato sulla pelle. La sventoli e la metti nella tasca dei pantaloni aspettando che sviluppi. Passi le dita sul mio viso e sulle labbra. Gli prendo in bocca e gli succhio. Ti guardo. Tiri fuori le dita e gli metti nella tua bocca succhiandoli. Senti il sapore della mia saliva. Stai attaccato alla mia faccia. Gemi. Sai quanto mi eccita sentirti gemere. Passi le dita bagnate sul mio petto strizzando un po i miei capezzoli facendomi aprire la bocca di nuovo. Le dita scendono ancora...verso linguine..mi toccano leggermente. Senti come mi fa bagnare tutto questo.
Ti togli la cintura dai pantaloni con i miei occhi puntati sulle tue mani. E mentre giochi con i miei capezzoli appena colpiti con la mano avvicini il tuo orecchio alla mia bocca.
- Dimmi dove vuoi essere colpita
Non riesco a non gemere perché le tue dita sopra miei capezzoli mi fanno impazzire e ti rispondo:
- Sul culo
Vai dietro di me e scatti un'altra foto da questa prospettiva. Mi dici di stare ferma e passi la cinta su tutta la mia schiena. Mi fa vivere i brividi. Ti allontani e mi dai un colpo sul culo, e subito un altro veloce. Mi lasci i segni. Ti pieghi e passi la tua lingua sopra. Lo accarezzi per calmare il dolore. Ti alzi e dai altri due colpi..anche sulle cosce. È difficile stare ferma. Ma lo so che ti piace. Ti piace vedermi lottare per mantenere il controllo. Vieni di nuovo davanti a me. Mi baci. Sto cercando i tuoi baci perché mi danno la tregua. Scendi a baciare tutto il mio corpo. Sul collo e di nuovo sul petto, lungo le braccia, giù sulla pancia e sulle cosce.
- Posso toccarti?
- No! Prima devo finire di assaggiare tutto il tuo corpo.
Dalle cosce ti sposti verso il ginocchio e il polpaccio, e poi sui piedi. Lecchi tutto. Ti metti in gioco davanti a me e prendi il mio piede portando le dita sulle tue labbra succhiandoli uno per volta. Mi eccita molto vederti così.
Questo racconto è stato scritto in collaborazione e con l'influenza di una persona che non ci sta più su Tumblr. Però volevo pubblicare lo stesso 🖤
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arreton · 4 days
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Un'altra cosa che ho conosciuto da quando mi sono spostata qua in provincia di Bergamo è la generosità vera e propria. Ne avevo parlato brevemente in un vecchio post, ma credo che meriti un post a parte.
I padroni di casa dove sono in affitto sono credo le persone più gentili e discrete che io abbia mai conosciuto: persone modeste sebbene benestanti, comprensive, gentili, di una educazione impressionante; generosamente mi regalano le uova delle loro galline (ed io le mangerei ad ogni pasto perché sono credo le uova più buone che io abbia mai assaggiato), mi dicono sempre che se ho bisogno di qualcosa posso scendere e venire a bussare, fino a ieri "se hai bisogno di qualcosa, non comprare, dimmi a me ché io ho molte cose qua". E che siano delle persone generose lo ha dimostrato anche il fatto che qualche anno fa hanno ospitato una famiglia ucraina in fuga dalla guerra. Sono i primi estranei che piuttosto che mettermi davanti problemi irrisolvibili da risolvere mi danno invece delle soluzioni. Tutta la mia vita, fino ad ora, è stata costellata da problemi irrisolvibili: ogni chiacchiera pure la più innocua era formata da dei problemi, da delle polemiche inutili a problemi irrisolvibili, di qualsiasi tipo; stessa identica cosa nella mia famiglia ed io che cercavo di risolverli e alla fine riuscivo solo a piangere la notte e ad ingozzarmi di giorno e spesso di nascosto per alleviare l'angoscia. Questi signori, invece, ci parli un attimo ed è tutto semplice, facile e soprattutto già risolto: il problema non si è posto proprio. La loro discrezione poi è disarmante: mai conosciute delle persone così discrete nei miei confronti e così rispettose dei miei spazi pure se questo è un loro spazio. Da due mesi che sono qua non si sono mai sognati di venirmi a bussare, nemmeno per dirmi delle cose belle: se io scendo loro qualche fetta di dolce la signora mi ridà il piatto lasciandomelo sulle scale; mi fanno trovare il pellet sulle scale, pellet tra l'altro acquistato da loro per noi sebbene non abbiano la stufa a pellet ma quella a legna; non solo mi regalano le piantine di peperoncino, ma anche queste me le lasciano fuori dalla porta per non disturbarmi; hanno la copia del contratto da farmi firmare e non mi chiamano ma aspettano di vedermi uscire. Nella mia famiglia invece è sempre stato il contrario: mai avuto la mia privacy, le mie cose erano anche contro la mia volontà, le cose di tutti a meno che non me le nascondevo; chi mi apriva armadi e cassetti, non potevo nemmeno chiudermi in camera perché si lamentavano e non mi riferisco ai miei, ma agli altri parenti coi quali i miei avevano instaurato un rapporto morboso; non potevo scappare da loro, dovevo starci per forza e soprattutto fare finta di starci bene. Per non parlare della presunta generosità di parenti lontani e vicine di casa: ogni gesto "generoso" significava l'aver contratto un debito con degli strozzini: la volta successiva tu per loro dovevi esserci per forza pena il rinfacciarti quello che avevano fatto per te, maledirti e probabilmente pure toglierti il saluto. Poi il parlare è sempre stato denigratorio: credo che una cosa che accomuna tutti i poveracci che campano di merda perché non tengono soldi ma spendono più di quello che potrebbero permettersi, è l'essere arroganti. Ecco, in sicilia e poi in campania erano tutti arroganti e fondamentalmente gente di merda; in sicilia peggio che in campania dove invece ho conosciuto qualche essere umano ancora leggermente piacevole. Per non parlare poi della tranquillità della gente che lavora in questa zona: nei supermercati, nei negozi, oltre ad essere gentili, sono pure tranquilli (tranne qualche rara eccezione): cassiere sedute che se ne sbattono se la gente si accumula (d'altronde loro che ci possono fare), chiacchierano e non si scompongo e hanno sempre da regalarti un sorriso gentile. Un sacco di estranei, da quando sono in questa zona, mi hanno regalato un sorriso gratuito ed un saluto, entrambi fatti con una bella espressione calorosa e gentile sul volto, come se fossero veramente contenti di salutarti e di vederti.
Se continua così credo che potrebbe pure passarmi la repulsione per il genere umano, ricordarmi che almeno a grandi linee stiamo messi male, ma poi qualche rara eccezione la si incontra.
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inadeguata · 22 days
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a volte mi chiedo il senso, perché a volte nasce qualcosa tra due persone se non è destinato a fiorire, dimmi cosa posso farci con questi sentimenti?
dimmi cosa posso farci con il tuo sguardo,
a cosa mi serve?
perché ho bisogno di sperare che ci sarà qualcosa, che esisteremo?
perché è successo tutto questo, perché sto ancora pagando le conseguenze per essermi innamorata della persona sbagliata?
è davvero un crimine così tremendo da dover essere bullizzata manco fossimo alle medie?
a volte mi chiedo se sai effettivamente cosa sto sopportando e se ti rendi conto quanto male faccia stare isolata, continuare a sopportare solo per proteggerti.
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bupia · 8 months
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Bloodlust: Chapter 5 - Dracopia x Fem!Reader
Tumblr media
Summary: Benjamin's unexpected visit leaves Copia puzzled, as their conversation adds to the existing mystery surrounding Copia's life, prompting questions about Benjamin's identity.
Words: 10.764
Warnings: Light Angst (mentions of mortality) | Smut (teasing)
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4
Available on AO3
A/N: The purpose of the Italian dialogue at the start of the Chapter is for immersion. I'd recommend not to translate the dialogue, follow the smoothness of the chapter.
Your hand gripped his shirt tightly as you took a step forward, getting closer to him. Your eyes shifted to Benjamin's face, and your discomfort with his presence was evident, even if you didn't say a word. It was written all over your eyes. Benjamin locked his gaze with yours, and you quickly averted it, turning your attention back to Copia.
"What is happening, Copia?" you asked in a softly murmur.
Copia turned his face to you, looking at you over his shoulder. "Nothing, cara, everything is alright," he replied, his voice calm, but you could see the inner turmoil in his eyes.
You observed Copia and Benjamin, your eyes moving back and forth between them. Benjamin's sudden ability to speak Italian left you bewildered. Copia's gaze remained fixed on Benjamin's face, his eyes searching for something, and his expression a mix of shock and desperation. The silence that hung in the room felt heavy, and you could almost sense Copia holding his breath for those few moments. The situation had taken an unexpected turn, and you couldn't help but wonder what was going on between the two of them.
Copia's confusion deepened as he tried to make sense of Benjamin's words. "Potresti per favore ripetere ciò che hai detto?" he asked, his expression filled with bewilderment.
Benjamin continued, chuckling in a gasping manner, "Fratello, non mi riconosci più? Beh, non te ne faccio colpa, non ci siamo visti per così tanto tempo."
Copia's patience seemed to wear thin as he replied firmly, "I miei fratelli sono morti."
"Noi... non siamo morti." Benjamin started but Copia interjected.
"Cosa intendi con 'non siamo morti'? È impossibile!" Copia replied indignant.
Benjamin reached out and gently touched Copia's arm. "Lo giuro, è vero, Copia."
"Dimostralo." Copia said, shaking his head, taking a deep breath. "Dimmi qualcosa che solo noi sapremmo."
Benjamin fell silent for a moment, appearing lost in thought. He took a deep breath, glanced at you, and then shifted his gaze to Copia. He closed his eyes briefly, and when he spoke, his lips moved in a quiet murmur.
"Quando eravamo bambini e stavamo chiusi in una stanza buia per controllare i nostri istinti, spesso provavamo molta fame," Benjamin said, his voice wavering with emotions. "Una notte, un ratto è passato vicino a noi, e potevamo sentire solo il suono che faceva. Tu hai seguito il suono e hai preso il ratto tra le tue mani. Eravamo entrambi eccitati perché era la prima volta che vedevamo qualcosa dall'esterno. Ma allo stesso tempo, avevamo molta fame, così io..." Benjamin stopped talking, sighing heavily and closing his eyes tightly.
Copia reached for Benjamin's arm and broke the silence, his voice dropped to a near-whisper as he complemented Benjamin's speech, "Hai ucciso il ratto per noi da mangiare."
"E mi dispiaccio ancora per quello," Benjamin said, tears welling up in his eyes.
Copia took a step closer to him. "Ti ho perdonato molto tempo fa," he said, wrapping his arms around Benjamin.
Benjamin wrapped his arms around Copia, pulling him into a tight hug. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as if he had finally found some relief. Although you had no idea what had transpired between them, you couldn't help but smile at the sight.
"Dove sei stato, fratello?" Benjamin whispered.
"Sono stato perduto, fratello, sono stato perduto tutti questi anni," Copia replied.
"Mi dispiace che ci siamo allontanati. Non ho mai voluto che succedesse tra noi. Per favore, perdonami," Benjamin said, tightening his embrace around Copia.
"Non devo perdonarti; non hai fatto nulla di male," he replied.
Copia eventually pulled away from the hug and looked at Benjamin's face. The tension had dissipated, and Benjamin appeared more relaxed. Copia turned toward you and extended his hand, motioning for you to come closer. You took his hand and followed his lead.
"I want you to formally meet my brother," Copia said in a soft voice.
"What!?" you exclaimed in shock. "Benjamin? Benjamin is your brother?"
Benjamin laughed, shaking his head. "That's not my true name," he said, clasping his hands. "My name is actually Terzo."
"Terzo?" you repeated, furrowing your eyebrows as you tried to understand and repeat his name. "Terzo?"
"Sì, sì, that's my name."
"Ok..." you said, still furrowing your brows. "Copia, what is happening?"
"Honestly, cara mia, I'm just as confused as you," he said, sighing heavily. "What are you doing here, Terzo? I... I thought you were dead, I thought the three of you were dead."
"Copia, I honestly don't understand why you keep saying we died, we... we didn't, fratello," he replied, confusion stamped on his face.
"What do you mean?" Copia released your hand. "I saw it, the church, it was completely destroyed, the villagers, and I couldn't find you three because they saw me before I could even try to find you three among the destruction they caused!"
"Copia, we are not dead," Terzo stated firmly.
"So where have the three of you been this whole time?" Copia inquired, his confusion tinged with a hint of sadness in his tone.
"We've been to so many places, fratello," Terzo sighed. "I can't even count how many places we've visited, and all this time, we were searching for you. We never stopped wondering if we would see you again."
"Terzo, I'm overjoyed to see you again, but I... I'm truly perplexed. I had believed you guys were dead, and now you stand here in front of me, not only saying that you're alive but that Secondo and Primo are as well."
"Fratello..." Terzo took a deep breath, placing his hands on Copia's shoulders. "I think we should talk."
"Talk? About what, Terzo?" Copia asked, his curiosity piqued.
"About what truly happened that day."
Terzo walked over to your couch and settled into it. Copia followed suit, taking a seat on your coffee table facing Terzo. You joined them, sitting beside Copia, holding his hand for support. Copia turned to you, offering a reassuring smile before Terzo began to speak.
"So tell me, what do you want to talk to me about what happened that night?" Copia inquired, his hand gently moving over yours, intertwining your fingers together.
"Do you want her to listen to it?" Terzo asked, looking at Copia.
"Sì, sì, fratello," Copia nodded. "I think that, just like me, she's probably confused."
You nodded in agreement, feeling curiosity and anxiety. There were so many questions and mysteries surrounding Copia and brother's past, and you were eager to finally understand the truth.
"Va bene," Terzo nodded and took a deep breath. "What do you remember about that day?"
"I remember I left the church early," Copia began, his voice trembling slightly. "You three stayed there while I went to attend to some matters as a Cardinal. Then, when I returned at night, everything was in ruins, burnt to destruction. I couldn't find you three, and I was consumed by this overwhelming emptiness. I... I lashed out and killed everyone who had destroyed the church, and I thought they had killed you three as well, but..." Copia's voice trailed off, his hand going to his mouth, his eyes widening in shock. "I... I killed innocent people."
Terzo reached out, placing a comforting hand on Copia's shoulder. "Fratello, you didn't know. You were in a state of grief and confusion. It's not your fault."
Copia's turned his face to you, his eyes were filled with regret, and he looked at you as if seeking reassurance.
You placed your hand on Copia's other shoulder, offering your support as well. "Copia, you were in a state of deep trauma and confusion. You didn't know what had happened, and you reacted out of fear and pain."
Copia looked between you and Terzo, his emotions still in turmoil. "I just can't believe I could do something like that. Those innocent lives... gone because of me."
"Not that innocent," Terzo said, removing his hand from Copia's shoulder. "Do you remember her?"
"Her? Who is 'her'?" Copia asked, even more perplexed now.
"You forgot about her too," Terzo said, his eyes widening in surprise. "So this is going to be a long story."
"Fratello, per favore, just-" Copia started, but Terzo interrupted him.
"Eleanora," Terzo said, simply speaking the name.
Copia's confusion deepened as Terzo mentioned the name "Eleanora." He searched his memories, but it was clear that he couldn't recall who she was.
"Eleanora?" Copia repeated, his brows furrowed. "Mi dispiace, fratello, I have no recollection of her."
"Who is she?" you asked in a murmur.
"Who she was, you mean," Terzo replied. "You remember her, sì?" Terzo sighed deeply, his gaze filled with sadness and frustration. "She was the woman you loved, Copia."
Copia nodded, his gaze fixed on some point in your living room, his eyes vacant, unable to speak. His face bore the signs of inner turmoil, and you moved closer to him, placing your hand firmly on his arm in a reassuring grip. Copia's grip on your hand tightened suddenly. His lips parted, and his face froze. His eyes widened, and tears streamed down his cheeks, some landing on your hand. His breath caught in his throat, and the shock on his face was palpable.
"A long time ago, Eleanora and mio fratello, they were in love. But of course, Copia fought against it. He needed to maintain his appearance as a Cardinal for our own sake, and he couldn't expose his true nature to her. But he gave up the fight he was waging within himself, surrendered to his feelings, and made her his," Terzo began, casually leaning against the back of the couch as he spoke. "We were all aware of this, as we each had our own secret lovers at the time, carefully hidden from public view, of course."
"Alright," you replied, nodding. "But what's the issue with this woman?"
"On the day mio fratello went to the village, she arrived just before his departure. I witnessed her entering the church and conversing with our brother, Secondo. He informed her that Copia had just left, and she asked if she could wait for him on one of the church benches. However, the three of us had other plans for that day..."
Copia's gaze shifted from the empty space to Terzo's face. Tears still streamed down his cheeks, and you sensed the inner turmoil he was experiencing. You took a deep breath and regarded him with a sympathetic, sorrowful expression.
"As I mentioned, we all had our secret lovers. I... I must confess I may have had one too many," he chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. "On that particular day, I decided to meet one of my paramours, which is not directly relevant to the story, but..." he trailed off, his voice tinged with regret. "That's why I saw her and overheard her conversation with Secondo. I was on my way out of the church for a clandestine rendezvous."
Copia slowly turned his face toward you, as if searching for something or awaiting a particular moment. You gently reached for his face, cradling it in your hand, and wiped away the tears from his cheek. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as Terzo continued speaking.
"I'm not sure of all the details, but what I do know is that I heard a commotion outside as I was about to leave my lover behind. It was a loud, crashing sound, like something heavy falling. I hurriedly left the house and followed the noise. When I arrived at the scene, our church was engulfed in a massive, raging fire. I made a swift exit before anyone could spot me and set out to locate them in the places I knew they'd be. And I did find them. We found a hiding spot and waited for some time. When we finally returned to the church, that's when we saw him," Terzo recounted, and just as he said it, Copia turned his face toward Terzo. Terzo's hands reached out to clasp Copia's other hand. "We saw him and her."
Copia clenched his eyes shut, bowing his head, and his sobs echoed through the room as Terzo unveiled the painful truth. Copia's hands left yours, and he covered his face, hunching forward to conceal his anguish as he cried aloud. Your heart ached, tears welled up in your eyes; the grim reality of what had transpired became painfully clear.
"She never managed to escape the church in time," Terzo concluded the harrowing tale with a heavy sigh.
"I... I don't even know what to say..." you whispered, tears streaming down your cheeks.
Terzo's hand moved to Copia's back, offering gentle strokes in an attempt to soothe him. "It was the first time I saw Copia consumed by such rage. He took the lives of each one of them, and we had to intervene, had to do something to stop him. Secondo managed to restrain him before he could cause further harm."
"And what happened after it? Copia told me that he woke up in another place..."
"We sent him away. It was the most agonizing decision we ever had to make, but it became clear that it wasn't safe for him anymore, nor for us. We did it in an attempt to shield him from the pain, believing it might help him cope, but I never imagined he would forget everything and come to believe that it was us who died," Terzo explained with a heavy tone of sorrow in his voice. "I didn't want to part with him like that; I thought the three of us should remain together. We stayed in Italy, relocating to a different city, but Copia... we simply placed him on a boat and watched it sail away and I regret this decision."
Regret hung heavily in Terzo's words as he recounted the past. Copia slowly straightened his posture, removing his hands from his face. Terzo withdrew his hand from Copia's back. Without uttering a word, Copia rose and walked down the hallway, vanishing from sight. You felt the urge to follow him, but perhaps it was best to grant him some time alone to process his emotions.
"I also owe you an apology," Terzo said as he reached for your face, gently wiping away your tears.
"Apology?" you asked, puzzled.
"Sì, for what I've done to you," he said, pointing to the mark on your neck. "And also for lying to you."
"Oh!" You exclaimed, reaching up to touch the mark and then nodding. "It's okay, I suppose you just wanted to feed from me?"
"Sì," he replied honestly. "I had intended to do so from the moment I first saw you."
"Really?" you asked, surprised.
"Oh... sì, I could feel an... overwhelming heat emanating from your body. That's why I approached you that day."
"Heat...?" you inquired.
"We can 'sense' it... The heat of the blood pressure is enticing to us, it's what draws us toward someone as potential prey, like a calling."
"But hold on, something doesn't add up. You saw me looking at him, you even asked me about it, Benja— I mean, Terzo."
"Oh, merda! It was Copia? I didn't recognize him, but then again, it was a masked ball, and he wasn't too close..."
"Yeah, that... that would make sense," you sighed heavily, making sense of the puzzling situation. "So, you also offered to bring me home because of it?"
"Sì, sì," he nodded. "But then I heard footsteps approaching, and I didn't want to push forward to enter your house or just drink your blood right there."
"What about the other encounters we had?"
"The day I saw you near the park, I confess I didn't even want to try to drink your blood anymore. But you appeared in front of me like an easy prey, and I simply couldn't resist the temptation. Of course, I wouldn't attempt it in public or in front of your friend and her girlfriend, and definitely not at the museum. However, after that... I did try, and you managed to escape me, or perhaps I allowed you to. I must admit, there's a certain thrill in the hunt," he chuckled.
"I don't know if I should feel relieved or... apprehensive," you replied, your gaze shifting towards the hallway where Copia had disappeared.
"You should go after him," Terzo urged, withdrawing his hand from your face. "Go talk to him."
"Me? What about you? It should be you, not me."
"Oh, cara, Copia's reaction to you was different from what I've seen in the past. I've only witnessed him react like that once," Terzo explained as he rose from the couch.
"What are you trying to say?" you asked.
Terzo reached out and gently placed his hand on your head, patting it. "I mean that the last time I witnessed him react like this was a long time ago, and what he did to you closely resembled how he acted with Secondo when he first attempted to woo Eleanora. Perhaps you should consider that, piccolina."
Terzo's words left you with a sense of bewilderment. You tried to process what he was implying, and a realization slowly began to take shape in your mind.
"Wait, are you saying that Copia... ?" you asked, your voice filled with uncertainty.
Terzo gave you a knowing smile and nodded. "Sì, piccolina. Copia's reaction to you was different from what I've seen in the past. I've only witnessed him react like that once as I said."
The realization hit you like a bolt of lightning, and you couldn't help but feel a blend of emotions – surprise, confusion, and a hint of hope. Copia's behavior suddenly made more sense, and you couldn't deny that you had been feeling a connection with him as well.
Terzo withdrew his hand from your head and pivoted away from you, pacing around your coffee table and distancing himself.
"Wait! Where are you going?" you inquired.
"Leave...?" Terzo replied as he headed toward the front door. "I need to tell Primo and Secondo that Copia is alive."
You rose from the couch and followed him. "And what should I do?"
"Go talk to him," Terzo responded as if it were evident what you needed to do.
"And say what?"
"I don't know, but I have a feeling you'll figure it out," he said, reaching for the doorknob.
"Are you really leaving? I mean, you can't just leave after all of this!"
"Look, I don't want to make it sound bad," he said, turning to face you. "But you've left me quite hungry, and I need a little snack. And I don't think Copia would appreciate you being my midnight meal."
Your eyes widened, your cheeks flushing slightly, and you nodded in agreement. Terzo chuckled and opened the door. However, you couldn't let him leave, your hands reached for his arm, stopping him.
"You can't leave!" you exclaimed.
"Why not?" he arched a brow.
"You can't just leave him like this. You need to say something more," you said, gesturing with your hands. "I... I don't know, maybe comfort him? Share more details about what happened?"
"Oh, fidati di me, I know mio fratello very well, and I think I'm the last person he wants to see right now," Terzo sighed, pushing his hair back with his hand. "Especially not after I tell him what we have done to him."
"But you're still his brother! You should support him," you said firmly and seriously.
"And I will, we will," he nodded in understanding. "Could you do me a favor and ask him to meet me and my brothers tomorrow? At the place where the ball happened."
"Yes, I can but... wait, Terzo," you said, stepping closer to him. "There's one thing I want to ask you. Copia mentioned that you all had 'the eye,' and... I never saw yours?"
"È facile da spiegare," Terzo replied, bringing his hand up to his eye and removing a contact lens. "See? Contacts are a marvelous invention of this century, to be honest."
"That's incredibly... smart," you said incredulously.
"Grazie," he chuckled, stepping outside of your house. "Mi dispiace again for what I've done and for the lies I've told you."
"I... I think I can forgive you for that, it's okay," you gave him a gentle smile.
"Bene," he reached for your chin, holding it, tilting it in his direction. "Take care of him, sì? And don't forget to tell him to meet us tomorrow."
"D-Don't you want to talk to him before you leave?" you stammered.
"No, non è necessario," he took his hand off your chin and took a step back. "Don't forget what I've asked you."
Terzo turned his back to you and walked away from your house. You took a deep breath and closed the door. Gathering your courage, you took slow, heavy steps down the hallway. Fear coursed through you, but you knew you couldn't let it control you now, not when Copia needed you. You didn't have the right words, but you had to be there for him, especially after what Terzo had just revealed.
You reached the kitchen, but there was no sign of Copia there. You continued walking, your steps leading you to your friend's bedroom door. You opened it, but he wasn't inside either. Closing the door, you pressed on, moving toward your own room. As you peered inside, you found Copia sitting on your bed with his back to the door. He held one of your pillows on his lap, gently caressing it with his fingers.
"Hi," you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper as you stood in the doorway of your bedroom. "Can I come in?"
Copia turned his face in your direction. "Per favore."
You gave him a small smile and took a step inside your bedroom, walking towards your bed. You settled down beside him, and Copia observed your every move attentively before starting to speak.
"Did he leave yet?" Copia asked.
"Yes, he did," you replied.
Copia nodded, his shoulders weighed down by the burden of his emotions. He took a deep, heavy breath, and then, as if seeking solace, he closed his eyes and brought his hands to his face, covering it.
Your worry for him deepened as you observed his reaction. You couldn't imagine how difficult it must be for him to confront his past and the painful revelations of that night. If it had been challenging for you to hear about the truth, it was undoubtedly much more excruciating for him to relive those memories.
"Are you alright, Copia?" you asked, even though you knew the answer.
"I..." he began but was interrupted by his own tears. "I don't know, cara."
"What do you mean, Copia?"
"Even with Terzo telling me what happened, I can't fully remember all of it," Copia's brow furrowed with anguish as he spoke. "I feel guilty," he confessed, his voice heavy with sorrow. "Because if this is all true, then if I shouldn't have accepted to be with her, she wouldn't have come to see me at the church, and she wouldn't have died. She died because of me."
You reached out and gently placed your hand on his shoulder. "Oh, Copia," you said softly, "You didn't know this could happen. It wasn't your fault; it was a tragedy."
"But don't you understand, cara?" he inquired. "Not even when I'm not the one causing death, I can't avoid it. Death follows me, and it's always because of who I am. I thought that death had given an end to them, and then I discovered it gave an end to a person I loved."
You placed your hand on his back, offering comfort as you responded with sincerity, "Copia, death is not following you. It was an unfortunate accident. You can't blame yourself for things beyond your control."
"But she wouldn't have died if I had never agreed to let her be with me… Mi fa male la testa. I can't believe I forgot it all." he took a deep breath as he felt you caressing his back.
"It's a lot to take in, Copia," you said softly. "But it's not your fault. None of this is your fault. I know you would have tried to save her if you could. You couldn't have known what would happen. Blaming yourself won't change the past."
"But what do I do now, cara?" Copia asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Now, you allow yourself to grieve," you said gently. "You've kept these emotions locked away for so long, it's time to let them out. It's okay to feel the pain, the sadness, and the regret. It's all a part of healing."
"I don't understand why I was fighting against these feelings," he admitted in a hushed tone. "I can't comprehend why I blocked out those memories, why I was given fake ones. But at the same time, I wish I could remember her. I can recall her name, but I can't remember her face or much about our time together."
Your other hand found its way to his cheek, and you smiled at him. "I'm here for you, and I promise to stand by your side."
His voice trembled with emotion as he confessed, "I feel like I'm a monster for not remembering her and for them going to such lengths to remove me from their lives. Do I not have a heart anymore? No, I do, I know I do... But how could I forget her? How could they do this to me?"
Your heart ached for him, and you reached out to gently touch his arm. "Copia," you began softly, "you're not a monster. It's clear that you still feel deeply. Sometimes, memories are buried for protection, it's not your fault. Memories can be lost or hidden for reasons beyond our understanding. It doesn't make you a monster. You still have a heart, and the way you are feeling now, is the proof of that. And the actions your brothers took might have been driven by fear or desperation."
Copia's tears flowed freely now, and you pulled him into a warm embrace, letting him cry and release the pent-up emotions that had haunted him for so long. You held him close, offering comfort and solace. Copia hid his face on the crook of your neck, his grip on you tightening as he let himself be vulnerable, allowing the flood of emotions to wash over him. He took a deep breath, pulling away from the hug and looked at you, his eyes still heavy with the weight of his past.
"You don't think I'm a monster, cara?" Copia asked you with worry on his face.
"Why would I, Copia? All you have shown me is gentleness, kindness and happiness," you replied with a warm smile, your words filled with sincerity. "I know your past is heartbreaking, but it doesn't make you a monster. It makes you human, even if you're a vampire." Your hand found its way to his cheek, and you smiled at him.
Copia peered deeply into your eyes, and for the first time in a long while, a glimmer of hope danced in his gaze. The formidable walls he had erected around his heart were slowly crumbling, and he felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for your presence in his life. Silence hung heavy in the air between you two, your hearts aching in unison for the pain that had befallen Copia. It was painful to know that he had lost someone so dear, and it became increasingly clear that this loss had profoundly shaped him. Everything he had shared with you now made more sense than ever before. His fear of causing harm, his guarded demeanor – it all took on a deeper meaning now.
The room felt smaller, and time seemed to freeze as you continued to hold each other's gaze. While only a few seconds had passed, it felt like an eternity. The silence between you spoke volumes, yet neither of you knew what to say. However, as you empathized with his pain, a different emotion began to stir within you, triggered by Terzo's words echoing in your mind. You gently removed your hand from his face and started to stand up, thinking that giving him space might be best. But before you could take a step, Copia's hand shot out and grabbed your wrist, preventing you from moving away.
"Per favore…" Copia implored in a hushed tone.
"What is it?" Your brows furrowed in concern as you asked.
"Can I stay here another night?" Copia's eyes locked onto yours as he softly inquired.
A warm smile crossed your face as you reached out to gently cup his cheek with your free hand. "Of course you can," you replied, your voice filled with genuine warmth. "You're more than welcome to stay."
"Are you sure, cara? I don't want to be a nuisance for you."
You nodded, your face drawing closer to his as you planted a tender kiss on his cheek. "You are not a nuisance, Copia," you assured him. "You can stay here if it would make you feel better. I want you to be comfortable."
Copia took a step closer, releasing his grip on your wrist and wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace. Your hand rested on his back, tenderly caressing it. With your eyes closed, you leaned your face against his shoulder and took a deep breath, inhaling his comforting scent.
You moved your head closer to his neck, hiding your face in the crook of it, seeking solace in his warmth. In response, you sensed Copia turning his head in your direction, his breath soft and soothing. He planted a soft, affectionate kiss on your forehead, eliciting a warm, contented smile from you.
You opened your eyes slowly, meeting his gaze. His look was gentle, his eyes still showing traces of tears, and they were partly open. He offered you a small, heartfelt smile with the corner of his lips, a silent reassurance of his feelings. You closed your eyes again, savoring the comfort of his presence as you both held each other close.
"Cara?" Copia gently called for your attention.
Your eyelids fluttered as you blinked, suddenly aware of how intimately close his face was to yours. A deep blush colored your cheeks as you stammered, trying to compose yourself. "Y-Yes?" you managed to say, your heart fluttering nervously. "Is something wrong?"
Copia shook his head as he slowly pulled away from the embrace. "Eh... no," he reassured, his voice softening. "Grazie for being a kind soul to me, cara."
You smiled warmly, touched by his gratitude. "You don't have to thank me, Copia," you replied softly. "I care about you, and I'll always be here for you, no matter what you're going through."
Copia's expression softened further, and he reached out to gently cup your cheek once more, his thumb brushing affectionately against your skin. "You are a rare gem, cara," he said.
You leaned into his touch as you looked into each other's eyes, the unspoken connection between you deepened, the intensity of your connection growing stronger with each passing moment. Minutes ticked away, marked only by the subtle shifts in your breathing and the faint sounds of the night outside. The world beyond your cocoon of intimacy seemed distant and irrelevant.
"Copia," you began, your voice soft yet filled with curiosity, "what do you plan to do about your brothers? About your past?"
"Non sono del tutto sicuro," he admitted, his voice carrying a touch of uncertainty. "Facing them, my past, and these newfound memories... It's a lot to process."
"But... Don't you want to ask them why they did it? Maybe there was more reasons behind what Terzo told us today."
"Part of me wants to confront them, to understand why they made the choices they did," he admitted with a sigh. "But another part... it's afraid."
"Afraid?" you asked, your voice filled with empathy.
Copia's gaze turned inward, lost in his thoughts. "I'm feeling afraid of myself. If they truly believed they had to get rid of me like that, it makes me wonder... I know I did terrible things, I took lives, but if they were willing to go to such lengths to protect themselves from me, cara... I... I don't know what to think about myself now."
"Copia, I don't think your brothers did it to protect themselves from you; they did it to protect you," you gently insisted.
Copia's brow furrowed as he considered your words. "All I can think is that they did it to me because I represented a threat to their lives. If I had stayed with them, their lives would have been in danger. People would have recognized me and discovered what I did."
"I don't know how things worked back then," you said softly, "but perhaps it's worth giving your brothers a chance to explain themselves. There might be more to the story than you remember, and hearing their side could help you find some clarity."
"I just wish I could remember it all," Copia sighed, frustration evident in his voice. "Her name causes me pain. Somehow, I feel it in my heart. I can't see her face, but her name is buried in my mind."
"You had a long day today, Copia. Don't pressure yourself; it's okay," you reassured him. "The memories will come back, I know they will. Right now, I think you need some time to rest."
Copia nodded, leaning in to place a tender kiss on your forehead. "We do, I think that just like me you are confused."
"I... I'm not confused at all, Copia. Everything is fine, I promise you," you reassured him with sincerity. "Knowing about your past before wasn't a problem, and hearing from Terzo what happened today wasn't a problem either." Leaning in, you planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. "I'll always be by your side, don't worry."
Copia's expression softened, and he cupped your cheeks with both of his hands, caressing them lovingly. Your eyes locked together, and you both wore soft, affectionate smiles as you gazed into each other's eyes.
"Copia, can I ask you something?" You inquired, your curiosity gleaming in your eyes.
"Of course, cara, anything you want," he said turning his gaze back to you.
A hint of playfulness danced in your gaze as you ventured, "Do... vampires take baths?"
Copia's eyes widened in mock shock, and he let out an exaggerated gasp. "Eh!?" he exclaimed, feigning offense. "Why are you asking? Do I smell?"
You couldn't help but burst into laughter at his dramatic reaction. "No, Copia," you managed to say between giggles. "No, I was just curious because... If you want to stay, maybe you'd like to take a bath, and I could lend you some clothes."
Copia chuckled along with you, appreciating your light-heartedness. "That sounds tempting, cara," he replied, his eyes sparkling. "I'll gladly accept your offer."
"I'm going to see what I can lend you then," you reassured Copia with a warm smile. "I promise you I'll choose some proper clothes. You can go take your bath now and I'll leave them at the door."
"Okie dokie, cara," he responded, leaning down to press a tender kiss on your forehead.
However, before he could leave for the bathroom, you couldn't help but ask, "But, wait, Copia! I'm not asking in a bad way, but do you know how electric showers work? I... I really don't want to offend you; I'm just curious!"
Copia chuckled, playfully stealing a fast peck from your lips. "Cara! I've been around for quite a while; I do know how some things work, sì?"
His affectionate gesture left you momentarily flustered, your hand instinctively touching your tingling lips, which now wore a radiant blush. With a warm smile, he left your bedroom, and went to the bathroom. You heard the sound of the door closing and you made your way your wardrobe to select the most suitable attire for him, eager to make him feel at home.
As you stood in front of your wardrobe, you contemplated which attire would be the most suitable for Copia. Your fingers sifted through the hangers, and you opened drawers one by one, searching for the right pieces. You came across some oversized shirts, wondering if they might fit him comfortably. On the other hand, your regular clothes were an option as well. Your mind raced as you tried to imagine what would make him feel at ease, considering his distinguished style.
The minutes passed in an almost agonizing silence, the running water serving as the backdrop to your swirling thoughts. You couldn't help but replay your choice of words in your mind. The "friendship" card, while perhaps not ideal, felt like the safest choice given the whirlwind of emotions Copia was experiencing. His recent revelation about the woman from his past had added a layer of complexity to his feelings, and you didn't want to inadvertently add to his turmoil.
It was clear that Copia needed a friend more than ever in this moment, someone to provide support and understanding during this challenging time. You decided it was best not to disclose your suspicions about your own feelings for him. It wasn't the right time to introduce that aspect into his already complicated emotional landscape.
Yet, despite your rationalizations, a nervous undercurrent persisted. You couldn't help but wonder about the significance of the woman from Copia's past. If she had played such an important role in his life, what would that mean for your own place in his heart?
The silence in the air signaled that Copia's shower had come to an end, interrupting your deep contemplation. You quickly refocused on the task at hand, searching for suitable clothes for him. From the depths of your wardrobe, you retrieved a black shirt and a pair of red sweatpants. You weren't entirely sure if they would fit him, but you vaguely remembered purchasing the wrong size a while ago and never bothering to return them.
With the clothes in hand, you left the bedroom, heading towards the bathroom door. However, just as you were about to place the clothes there, the door swung open, revealing Copia standing on the other side. He held a towel that covered only his groin, his wet hair and glistening skin indicating that he had just finished his shower.
Your eyes widened as you took in the unexpected sight, and your face flushed crimson. You struggled to maintain eye contact, your gaze darting away, but you couldn't help but steal quick, discreet glances. The situation was undeniably awkward, and you tried your best to hide your embarrassment, hoping he wouldn't notice your flustered reaction.
You didn't say a word, simply extending your arms to offer Copia the clothes. He accepted them, and you turned your back, walking back to your room. Taking a deep breath, you tried to regain your composure after the unexpected and somewhat awkward encounter.
Inside your room, you made your way to the wardrobe to choose your own clothes for a bath. The anticipation of a relaxing shower was a welcome distraction from the earlier moment. As you perused your wardrobe for the perfect attire, you heard Copia's voice from behind you.
"Amore," he began, drawing your attention as he entered your bedroom. "Could you tell me what VVLGARI means?"
You turned to face him, a small smile on your lips. "To be honest, I got them as a present from my friend," you explained. "She probably knows better than I do."
With your own clothes in hand, you added, "I'm going to take my bath now, and I'll be right back."
You made your way to the bedroom door, leaving it ajar, and headed towards the bathroom, ready to unwind and cleanse away the tension of the evening.
Stepping into the soothing stream of the warm shower, you felt the cascading water wash over you like a gentle embrace. The steam enveloped you, creating a cozy, private sanctuary in the bathroom. You closed your eyes, allowing the sensation of the warm water to relax your muscles, letting it flow over your skin as if it were washing away not only the physical grime but also the revelations of the day.
After your soothing shower, you dressed in a comfortable nightgown, returning to your bedroom with the expectation of finding Copia there. However, to your surprise, he was not in the room. Your brows furrowed in mild confusion as you looked around, wondering where he might have gone during your brief absence.
As you made your way into the living area, you discovered Copia sitting on the couch. He seemed lost in thought, his gaze focused on something distant. The room was dimly lit, casting a soft glow over his features.
You made your way over to him, the soft sound of your footsteps announcing your presence. "Copia," you said softly, "are you okay?"
"Eh! Sì, sì, I-" Copia paused as he turned his face towards you, his eyes roaming from your head to toe. He shook his head, chuckling, and then continued, "I just came to my bed, sì? My... place."
You raised an amused eyebrow at his choice of words. "So now my couch is your bed?" you asked playfully.
"For now, sì, and it's quite comfortable," Copia confirmed with a satisfied smile.
You chuckled softly and decided to play along. "Well, if that's so..." With a teasing grin, you turned your back to him and walked toward your bedroom, calling out, "Goodnight, modern Count Dracula."
You reached your bedroom door and entered. With a tired yawn, you made your way to your bed and crawled in, getting comfortable under the sheets. You couldn't help but smile as you remembered the pillow Copia had been holding earlier. You reached for it and hugged it close to your face, inhaling deeply to catch his scent.
As you closed your eyes, ready to embrace the warmth of your bed and the comfort of Copia's scent on the pillow, a sudden creaking sound from the floor made your eyes snap open. To your surprise, Copia stood in front of your bedroom door. You sat up slowly, your gaze fixed on him as he entered the room.
"Is everything okay, Copia?"
"Uh... sì sì," Copia began, his expression slightly puzzled as he searched for the right words. "I just came here because..."
You watched him curiously, wondering what had brought him to your room.
"I came here to tell you I'm not Count Dracula!" he declared.
You couldn't help but chuckle at his comment, rubbing your eyes with your hands. "Oh, I know you're not, Copia. I was just kidding," you yawned, looking at him with a playful glint in your eye. "But well, I'm glad we got that cleared up," you replied, still chuckling. "So, who are you then?"
Copia grinned mischievously, his eyes dancing with humor. "I can be anything you want me to be, cara," he playfully reiterated.
Your cheeks flushed even deeper, and you nodded, feeling a mixture of surprise and embarrassment. "Sorry if it sounded like I meant it that way. I didn't want to hurt your feelings."
Copia reassured you with a smile, "I'm not hurt."
You settled back down on your pillow, yawning. "So what is happening?"
"Nothing, cara, I didn't mean to disturb you just to say that, mi dispiace," Copia said, apologizing. "I was just having a little walk. Now, let's both get some rest. Buonanotte, amore."
Copia's initial apology and attempt to leave your room left you with a lingering sense of unease. It was clear that something was on his mind, something he hadn't fully expressed. As he turned to go, you couldn't help but feel a strong urge to stop him.
"Copia, wait!" you called out, and he turned back to look at you, his eyes meeting yours. "Are you okay?"
Copia's reaction to your question was marked by silence, as if his breath had been caught in his throat. He lowered his gaze to the floor shaking his head in the negative.
"Would you like to stay here? Maybe you would like some company after everything that happened today. You can stay here if you want."
"I... I want," his response was hesitant, but there was a hint of longing in his voice as he spoke.
"Come," you invited him with a gentle smile, patting the space beside you on your bed.
Copia nodded and approached the bed, hesitating for a moment before carefully settling beside you, his gaze never leaving yours. You settled back onto your pillow, offering him a soft smile, and he followed suit. You closed your eyes, hugging your pillow. However, Copia's intense gaze continued to linger on you, even as your eyes remained shut. You could feel the weight of his attention, and it caused your breath to hitch and your heart to quicken.
"You should rest, Copia," you murmured softly.
You felt his fingers gently tracing your face, exploring every contour with a delicate touch. His fingertips moved from your cheeks to your forehead, down to your nose, and finally to your lips, where they rested gently. Without hesitation, you responded by parting your lips and pressing a gentle kiss to his fingertips. As you opened your eyes, you found yourself locked in a meaningful gaze with Copia.
"I almost forgot, but your brother asked me to tell you that he wants you to meet them tomorrow where the ball was held," you relayed, your words brushing against his fingertips pressed to your lips.
Copia withdrew his fingers from your lips, resting it on the bedsheet, briefly closing his eyes. You looked at him worried for a second before he slowly opened his eyes, locking his gaze with yours.
Copia's fingers tightened slightly on the bedsheet as he processed the information. "Did he ask you to tell me that, cara?"
"Y-Yes," you stammered in response, your eyes meeting his with worry.
He shifted his body, reclining on his back, his gaze fixed on the bedroom ceiling as he took a deep breath. Concern welled up within you as you observed him.
"Copia?" you called out to him, taking his hand on yours. "Is everything okay?"
"Sì, everything is fine, cara," he reassured you.
He turned his face to your direction and offered a tender smile, gently cupping your cheek, his thumb tracing soothing circles on your skin. Your eyes fluttered shut as his touch washed over you, its calming effect palpable. It seemed as if his gentle caress was an attempt to ease not only your own nerves but his as well. Your hand found his on your face, and you reciprocated by lightly stroking the back of his hand with your thumb.
"Are you sure?" Concern creased your brow.
"Eh... No, cara." Copia admitted, his fingers gently squeezing yours.
"Talk to me about it, Copia." Your gaze bore into his.
"Is like I said, it's a lot to process and I don't know if I'm ready to face them after all those years," he confessed with a sigh, his thumb continuing to gently caress the back of your hand. "I've missed them every day, thinking they were gone, but now to discover they're still here and essentially erased me... I'm just not sure how to feel."
"I understand that today was incredibly difficult," you said, drawing closer to offer him comfort. "You confronted some painful truths about your past, and I can see why what your brothers did might not seem like the best choice. But remember, they did it to protect you. Consider what might have happened if you'd stayed there, Copia."
"I understand, cara, I know they did it for my well-being, but... it's difficult to accept the path they chose for me. I was supposed to face the consequences of my actions, to bear the pain myself. Somehow, my mind decided to wipe it all away and craft those false memories about my brothers. Perhaps they truly died for me, at least within me, when they sent me away," Copia lamented, shaking his head in disappointment. "And now, I discover there was this woman in my life, even though I can't recall her face. But when he mentioned her name... I felt a heavy ache in my chest. I felt..." he paused, searching for the right words. "I just couldn't bear to listen to him any longer. It was a genuine pain inside me."
"You really can't remember anything about her, Copia?" you asked.
"I... I can't remember anything, but I wish I did. I wish I could, so I could have some respect for her life," Copia admitted, his voice tinged with sadness. "I just know it hurts, so if it hurts..." He paused, struggling to find the right words to express his emotions. "If it hurts, it must have meant something to me."
"So you are already respecting her life by wanting to be able to remember your past and by feeling the way you are now," you offered him a small smile, comforting smile. "Your memories will come with time, don't rush anything."
Copia sighed, leaning in to rest his forehead against yours, his breath mingling with yours. "You always make me feel better, cara mia. I'm grateful for you."
"You make me feel better too, Copia," you said softly. "But, I... I was wondering... Can I ask you something?"
"Sì? What do you want to ask me, cara?"
"You have been here for hours and to have your brother here made me remember of... what you are. So, don't you need to eat, Copia?" you asked politely.
"Eh... Cara, I..." he pulled away, avoiding your gaze. "I had a small snack before I came here, so I'm quite alright for now. I'm not feeling very hungry at the moment," he replied.
"You can feed yourself from me," you reached out to gently touch his cheek while your other hand went to your neck. "You know I-"
Before you could continue, Copia interjected you. "Cara." He gently captured your hand in his, bringing it to his lips and placing a tender kiss on your knuckles. "I won't harm you." He looked deeply into your eyes, his expression sincere. "I've said it before, and I'll say it again—I won't nourish myself with your precious blood," he reiterated firmly, pressing a tender kiss onto your forehead.
You inhaled deeply, feeling his kiss upon your forehead. A gentle smile graced your lips as you felt a subtle flutter in your stomach. "Copia, I..." you began, feeling your heart race.
"What is it, cara?" He looked concerned.
You felt like saying it, to expressing how you were feeling about him. Whatever words you were about to share, you just wanted to convey something meaningful. You yearned to express yourself, to let him know that you were experiencing emotions towards him. Moreover, you needed to understand if he felt the same way.
You retracted your hand from his and gently sat on the bed, observing him as he joined you, his expression filled with confusion.
"Cara..."
"I need some water, excuse me," you hurriedly exclaimed, swiftly rising from the bed.
You navigated your way out of the bedroom and made a beeline for the kitchen, eager to pour yourself a glass of water. Your mind teetered on the edge of revealing your feelings for him, but you hesitated, feeling that now might not be the appropriate moment. Terzo's earlier words echoed in your thoughts, but you pushed it aside for the time being. This wasn't the right moment to dwell on it.
Yet, Copia's tenderness and warmth towards you were almost overwhelming, making it difficult to suppress your emotions. You needed to convey to him that perhaps, whatever resided within you, it might align with what was inside him.
The powerful attraction and longing that surged between you were undeniable, but you recognized that the timing might not be conducive to express these sentiments. You had to factor in the intricacies, uphold boundaries, and acknowledge the uncertainty.
Upon reaching the kitchen, you swiftly retrieved a cup and began filling it with water. As you took a sip, engrossed in the simple act, a sudden grip on your hips from behind startled you. The cup slipped from your grasp, and water splashed onto your nightgown. You gasped and turned, finding Copia standing there. With the empty cup still clutched to your chest, you could feel the water from the spilled cup trickling down your chest.
Copia's eyes widened as he gazed down at you. "Amore!" he exclaimed, swiftly retracting his hand from your hips. "Allow me to assist you in drying off," Copia began scanning the room, searching for something to aid you.
You couldn't help but chuckle as you set the cup down on the sink. Then, you cupped his face, turning it toward you. Gently, you placed a tender kiss on his lips and took a step closer, pressing your body against his.
"It's alright, I can simply change my clothes," you whispered, taking a step back. "What brings you here?"
"Eh..." he averted his gaze from yours. "I thought I might have done something to upset you, so I came to check if everything was okie dokie between us."
"Oh, Copia..." you giggled. "Everything is perfectly okie dokie between us. I just needed a cup of water."
Copia's concern softened into a warm smile as he leaned in to plant another gentle kiss on your lips. "I'm relieved to hear that, cara," he murmured, his eyes locked onto yours.
The intensity of your emotions surged, an unspoken connection strengthening over time. Your hands remained on your face, gently stroking it with your thumbs. Copia rested his forehead against yours, locking eyes with you. You lowered your hands to his shoulders, taking a deep breath as you caressed them. His eyes, especially his bright white one, shone brilliantly, fixed on yours, creating a sense of amusement and closeness between you two.
Copia's fingers gently traced your arms, sending a pleasant tingle through your skin. "Cara, I... Us, especially you, I... want to say something."
Anticipation raced through your veins, and your heart skipped a beat. He gently moved his forehead from yours, taking your hands in his. You could sense the nervousness on his face, leaving you wondering what he was about to reveal. You nodded, encouraging him to continue talking.
Taking a deep breath, he averted his eye contact. "I've been rather exhausted today. Would you be up for heading to bed now and... sleeping?"
"Of course," you replied with a disappointed smile, "I think that's a good idea. Let's get some rest, Copia."
You took his hand in yours, leading the way back to your bedroom. As you arrived, you let go of his hand and walked over to your wardrobe. With a gentle motion, you lifted your nightgown and let it fall to the floor. Copia made his way back to the bed, his eyes never leaving your body as he sat on the edge of the bed. He took a deep breath, as he watched your every move while you searched for another set of clothes inside your wardrobe.
"Sono felice di essere anziano ma immortale." Copia murmured looking at you.
You hastily snatched a shirt and turned toward him, quickly putting it on. "What was that, Copia?"
He waved his hand dismissively as he observed you approaching. "Uh, nienti, cara. I was just thinking out loud."
You chuckled softly as you strolled around the bed and settled down on your side, watching as Copia followed suit. Leaning in, you planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. He turned his face toward you, shifting his body closer. You inched nearer to him, closed your eyes, and pulled the sheets over both of you, cocooning yourselves in warmth.
"Goodni-" before you could complete the word, Copia closed his eyes, enveloping your lips in a soft, lingering kiss. Your hand found its way to the back of his head, weaving your fingers into his locks, gently drawing him nearer, deepening the kiss.
Copia's hand cradled your cheek, his touch gentle yet possessive, as if he had been waiting for this moment for an eternity. Your lips moved together in perfect harmony, exploring and tasting, savoring the sweetness of each other's mouths. The intensity of the kiss deepened, and your bodies drew closer, as if magnetically pulled together. His fingers tangled in your hair, sending shivers down your spine, while your hands went down, roaming his back, tracing the contours of his body.
His tongue pressed against your lips, seeking entrance, and you parted them, welcoming his tongue into your mouth. Your tongues danced together, a passionate and intimate connection that sent shivers down your spine. You moaned softly into his mouth, feeling your body melting against his. His heart beat steadily beneath your touch, and his warm breath caressed your skin, deepening the sensations between you.
As the kiss continued, the heat between you intensified, and your bodies pressed closer together. Copia's hands roamed your back, leaving a trail of tingling sensations in their wake. Your fingers went back to his hair, and you could feel the desire building within you.
The need for air forced you to break the kiss, and you pulled away, both of you breathing heavily. Your foreheads rested against each other as you gazed into each other's eyes, a silent understanding passing between you.
"I... I'd rather not be saying it again," you uttered, breathless. "But I can't deny it, Copia. I need you."
Copia leaned back slightly, his gaze filled with unspoken thoughts. Worry crept over you as you remembered his earlier confession; you didn't want to rush into anything. Yet, your desire for him was becoming increasingly difficult to contain.
"I'm s-sorry," you stammered, feeling a twinge of desperation. "I didn't mean to say it again. I know what we discussed earlier, and I... I'm just so sorry, Copia."
"Amore, I want you too," Copia responded firmly.
"Really?"
With a nod and a deep and longing desire, he leaned down to capture your lips in another kiss. Your other hand found its way to his back, pulling him closer until his body rested atop yours without breaking the passionate kiss. He supported himself on his elbows as he deepened the kiss, his lips moving with a hunger that mirrored your own. As your bodies pressed together, you could feel the heat and intensity growing stronger with each passing second.
He shifted one of his arms, encircling you and drawing you closer, breaking the kiss. He then seated himself on the bed, positioning you atop his lap. Both of you were breathless, your eyes closed as you savored the lingering sensations of the kiss. Your arms were wrapped around his neck, and you subtly adjusted your position on his lap, eliciting a deep, husky growl from him.
Opening your eyes, you observed his lips slightly parted, his eyes still closed. A soft smile graced your lips as you observed the subtle shifts in his facial expressions. Reluctantly, you retracted from his lap and settled back onto your bed. Copia, looking a bit puzzled, leaned his body toward you, seeking your presence. Bathed in the soft glow of the room, his features appeared even more captivating, and you couldn't help but be drawn to his beauty. His lips, still bearing the warmth of your shared kiss, curved into a contented smile as he gazed down at you.
You reached out, taking hold of his shirt and pulling him closer as you gradually reclined on the bed. Inhaling deeply, your hand released its grip on his shirt to caress his chest. His own hands found their way to your hips, holding them securely. Your eyes traveled over his face, noting the slight flush that had risen on his cheeks. He situated himself between your legs, and his hands gently traced their way down your thighs, caressing them tenderly. You reached for his arms, softly stroking them.
Copia leaned in, his lips brushing gently against your neck. A soft gasp escaped your lips, and you instinctively pressed your body closer to his. His hands firmly held your thighs, their grip sending shivers down your spine. His warm breath danced over your skin as he delicately traced a path along the curve of your neck with the tip of his nose and lips. He parted his lips, teasingly sticking out his tongue to lightly caress your neck before applying a gentle, sucking pressure. A surprised squeak left your lips, and you tilted your head to give him better access.
Copia's hands moved to cradle your head, tilting it slightly backward. You could feel the sensation of his teeth grazing your neck's sensitive skin. With closed eyes and bated breath, you awaited his next move, but Copia suddenly withdrew his face from your neck.
"Mi dispiace," he whispered.
"What's wrong, Copia?" you asked with concern.
"I don't think we can go through with this," Copia admitted.
"With... What?" you inquired, puzzled.
"This, amore," he replied.
"Oh... this," you said softly. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, it's just... you, your body, and your warmth... It's too tempting," he confessed.
"But isn't it supposed to be tempting for both of us?" you questioned.
"I... I'm not referring to that, cara," he said, exhaling deeply. "I can feel your warmth, simmering within you, radiating from your skin, invading mine. It makes me want to..."
"Bite me.
"Sì, cara."
"Do it."
"Bite you?" he repeated, his voice laced with intrigue.
You blushed slightly but nodded. "Yes," you whispered, your heart pounding. "It's okay, as said before, you can feed yourself from my blood."
He hesitated for a moment, torn between his desire and the fear of hurting you. But the intensity of the moment and the undeniable chemistry between you both proved too much to resist. Slowly, he leaned in, his lips brushing against your neck as he pressed a soft, lingering kiss there. His teeth grazed your skin gently, sending shivers down your spine.
Copia sighed heavily, his lips brushing against your ear. "Are you sure, amore? Once I start, I won't be able to stop," he warned in a husky tone.
You swallowed hard, your breath hitching. "I'm sure," you replied.
You instinctively closed your eyes, holding your breath. Your hands tightly grasped the sheets beneath you as you mentally braced yourself, anticipating a sensation you feared might be painful. However, after a few moments of feeling nothing, you began to wonder about the absence of discomfort. That's when you heard Copia release a small chuckle from his lips. He leaned in further, planting a gentle kiss on the tip of your nose, shaking his head playfully. You opened your eyes and gazed at him, finding a soft smile on his lips as he looked at you with a tender expression.
"I can still maintain control, cara," he reassured with a gentle smile. "I simply feel your presence more intensely than you can imagine. I'm determined not to lose control over you and inadvertently cause you any harm, even though I have the means to restrain myself. But it's not just about that; I'm deeply concerned about not hurting your precious body." His voice carried a genuine concern, and his eyes held a profound tenderness as he spoke.
As Copia's words lingered in the air, a warm and comforting silence settled between you two. You could feel the weight of his presence, both protective and caring, as he nestled himself closer to you in the cozy cocoon of the bed. With a slow and deliberate movement, Copia reached out to trace a delicate line down your cheek with his fingertips, his touch sending a shiver of pleasure through your body. He leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a tender and lingering kiss.
As you both settled into the softness of the sheets, his arms wrapped around you, pulling you close. With the reassuring presence of Copia by your side, you allowed yourself to let go of any remaining worries or fears. Your eyes fluttered closed, and your bodies melted into the warmth of each other. As you drifted into the peaceful realm of sleep, you couldn't help but smile.
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Grammar
Potresti per favore ripetere ciò che hai detto? - Could you please repeat what you said?
Fratello, non mi riconosci più? Beh, non te ne faccio colpa, non ci siamo visti per così tanto tempo. - Brother, don't you recognize me anymore? Well, I don't blame you; we haven't seen each other for such a long time.
I miei fratelli sono morti. - My brothers have died.
Noi... non siamo morti. - We... are not dead.
Cosa intendi con 'non siamo morti'? È impossibile! - What do you mean by 'we are not dead'? It's impossible!
Lo giuro, è vero. - I swear, it's true.
Dimostralo. - Prove it.
Dimmi qualcosa che solo noi sapremmo. - Tell me something that only we would know.
Quando eravamo bambini e stavamo chiusi in una stanza buia per controllare i nostri istinti, spesso provavamo molta fame. - When we were children and were locked in a dark room to control our instincts, we often felt very hungry.
Una notte, un ratto è passato vicino a noi, e potevamo sentire solo il suono che faceva. Tu hai seguito il suono e hai preso il ratto tra le tue mani. Eravamo entrambi eccitati perché era la prima volta che vedevamo qualcosa dall'esterno. Ma allo stesso tempo, avevamo molta fame, così io... - One night, a rat passed by us, and we could only hear the sound it made. You followed the sound and caught the rat with your hands. We were both excited because it was the first time we saw something from the outside. But at the same time, we were very hungry, so I...
Hai ucciso il ratto per noi da mangiare. - You killed the rat for us to eat.
E mi dispiaccio ancora per quello. - And I'm still sorry for that.
Ti ho perdonato molto tempo fa. - I forgave you a long time ago.
Dove sei stato, fratello? - Where have you been, brother?
Sono stato perduto, fratello, sono stato perduto tutti questi anni. - I've been lost, brother, I've been lost all these years.
Mi dispiace che ci siamo allontanati. Non ho mai voluto che succedesse tra noi. Per favore, perdonami. - I'm sorry that we drifted apart. I never wanted it to happen between us. Please forgive me.
Non devo perdonarti; non hai fatto nulla di male. - I don't have to forgive you; you haven't done anything wrong.
Sì. - Yes.
Cara mia. - My dear.
Mio Fratello. - My brother.
Va bene. - It's okay.
Per favore. - Please.
Mi dispiace. - I'm sorry.
Piccolina. - Little one.
Fidati di me. - Trust me.
È facile da spiegare. - It's easy to explain.
Grazie. - Thank you.
Non è necessario. - It's not necessary.
Mi fa male la testa. - My head hurts.
Non sono del tutto sicuro. - I'm not entirely sure.
Buonanotte. - Goodnight.
Amore. - Love.
Sono felice di essere anziano ma immortale. - I'm happy to be old but immortal.
Niente. - Nothing.
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ross-nekochan · 1 month
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il lavoro è una condanna? Per carità a nessuno piace eh però cristo santissimo se è una condanna e dovete andare di psicofarmaci ragazzi datevi alla macchia.
1. Non posso dormire delle ore per me salutari e spesso mi si chiudono gli occhi davanti allo schermo
2. Devo stare in un treno pieno zeppo di persone per 3h al giorno e spesso senza nemmeno sedermi
3. Devo rinunciare a un giorno del mio weekend per prepararmi da mangiare qualcosa di sano durante la settimana e tentare di essere in salute, almeno fisica
Dimmi, come la vuoi chiamare questa? Felicità?
Io la chiamo tortura perché è quello che è. E non mi venire a dire che devo cambiare qualcosa perché sto mandando cv e facendo colloqui continuamente nella speranza di uscire fuori da questo inferno (ed entrarne in un altro, ma vabbe) e se non sta succedendo niente non è certo colpa mia.
Se a te sta bene lavorare/il tuo lavoro ben venga, a me fa schifo e preferirei spendere il mio tempo per studiare, andare ai musei, leggere libri etc etc. Peccato che queste belle cose non mi paghino l'affitto.
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altrovemanonqui · 9 months
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Che poi, il problema non è solo la violenza. Non è solo l’orrore, non è solo la prevaricazione, la mancanza di rispetto, la mancanza di amore, la mancanza di dignità, la mancanza di tenerezza, la mancanza di vergogna, la mancanza di un’educazione sentimentale di base, minimale, da definire banale se non fosse che, evidentemente, banale non è, anzi, è tutto l’opposto. Il problema è anche la cultura del “ti faccio vedere cosa so fare”. Ti faccio vedere fino a che punto arrivo, ti mostro, mi mostro, condivido, condividi, spartisco, mi aggrego, fammi contare qualcosa, guardami, guardami, guardami, guarda cosa so fare, dimmi che ti piaccio, dimmi quanto ti piaccio, e se faccio di più, ti piaccio di più? Come li supero, gli altri? Posso essere meglio, degli altri, lo giuro, ma tu guardami, giudicami se vuoi ma guardami, guardami a tutti i costi. Nella perversione dell’abuso, la perversione dello sguardo degli altri, e questa è un’altra delle tragedie a cui partecipiamo, quotidianamente, in questo turbinio visivo di automasturbazione antierotica. Non c’è sesso, non c’è desiderio, non c’è piacere, non c’è erotismo, non c’è nulla, o meglio c’è l’assenza di ogni cosa.
Mark Rothko, parlando dei futuri acquirenti dei suoi quadri, dei critici che ne avrebbero tessute le lodi, chiama in causa la volgarità del loro sguardo, è ossessionato e intristito da “quegli sguardi volgari” che si affacceranno alle sue opere, estensioni della sua anima, che pagheranno per averle e poterle ammirare, nelle proprie case, nelle proprie gallerie, ogni singolo giorno, che le faranno loro ma senza capire, senza comprenderle, senza comprenderlo, rozzamente, convinti di averle, di possederlo.
Non faccio che pensare alle sue parole in questi giorni.
Gli sguardi volgari.
Le mani volgari, le parole volgari, i messaggi volgari, la battute volgari, i cuori volgari, le anime, così dolorosamente volgari.
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relaxbeach1 · 2 months
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... per favore dimmi qualcosa!!
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armandoandrea2 · 16 days
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Se decidi di innamorarti di me, prendi i miei lati oscuri e riempili di luce.
Se decidi di innamorarti di me, tieni sopra le tue spalle le mie lacrime. Io farò altrettanto. E peserà tutto di meno.
Se decidi di innamorarti di me, ama le mie debolezze e rendile con me punti di forza.
Se decidi di innamorarti di me, non dirmi in cosa devo credere, ma dimmi di credere sempre in qualcosa.
Se decidi di innamorarti di me, tieni a mente i miei sguardi e non tutte le parole che dirò.
Se decidi di innamorarti di me, fammi ballare, anche se non c’è musica…
Alda Merini
Foto di Elliott Erwitt
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sottileincanto · 3 months
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"- Hai cambiato letto.
- Sì.
- Quando?
- Non mi ricordo. Saranno quindici anni.
- Questo ha il cassettone.
- Sì.
- E non m’hai detto niente?
- Scusa.
- È una questione di rispetto.
- Lo so, scusa.
- Mettiti nei miei panni, in quanto mostro sotto il letto, la struttura del letto ha un ruolo fondamentale per il corretto svolgimento del mio lavoro. Se tu me la cambi, ci va di mezzo la qualità del servizio.
- Mi rendo conto.
- Non vorrei dovermi rivolgere al sindacato.
- Vedo cosa posso fare.
- Grazie.
- Aspetta… io ho un mostro sotto il letto?
- Avevi. Abbiamo lavorato insieme dal ’90 al ‘98. Ti risulta?
- Forse.
- Mi chiamavi Tommyknocker, te lo ricordi?
- Ah già.
- Cos’era?
- Un brutto film tratto da un brutto libro di Stephen King.
- Ti faceva così paura?
- Non l’ho mai visto. Mi faceva paura il nome.
- Il nome. E le dita. Te le ricordi le dita? Dita lunghe, dita di morto, dita con falangi magre che graffiavano e spiavano, e poi chissà, occhi vuoti, tre file di denti, tutto quello con cui la fantasia poteva torturate un bambino. Scivolavo nel buio come un insetto, come un annegato. E mentre mamma e papà litigavano nell’altra stanza, tu chiudevi gli occhi e fissavi il muro. Perché la regola era…
- Che se ti vedo, mi prendi.
- Che se mi vedi, ti prendo. Non ci siamo più sentiti. Com’è?
- Ho avuto un sacco da fare.
- Vuoi che ti faccia paura?
- A te farebbe piacere?
- Ma sì, in ricordo dei vecchi tempi.
- Va bene.
- Allora adesso allungo una mano e ti afferro un piede.
- Okay.
- Com’è?
- Ho molta paura.
- Non sembra.
- No, no, davvero, sono pietrificato.
- Non è vero.
- Invece sì.
- Smettila di essere condiscendente. Lo capisco quando fingi.
- Scusa, è che c’ho la testa da un’altra parte. Mi sono arrivati un sacco di lavori tutti insieme, un mucchio di scadenze, e poi…
- E poi?
- Lasciamo perdere.
- No, no, dimmi.
- Non è per sminuirti, è che adesso mi fanno paura cose diverse.
- Tipo?
- Beh, così su due piedi.
- Dai, magari mi aiuta, facciamo un corso di aggiornamento.
- I parcheggi a esse.
- Cioè?
- Mi fanno paura i parcheggi a esse. Non li so fare. Vado nel panico.
- Ma come faccio a farti parcheggiare qua nella tua stanza.
- C’hai ragione.
- Qualcos’altro?
- Le raccomandate.
- Le lettere?
- Sì, le buste delle raccomandate. Di solito è una multa, ma c’ho sempre paura che sia qualcosa di peggio. Una di quelle cose che ti rovina la vita.
- Mi potrei vestire da postino…
- Ma non è il postino in sé, è più…
- La busta, ho capito. Non posso passarti buste da sotto il letto, dai.
- No, no, chiaro.
- Mi sentirei uno scemo.
- I debiti.
- Eh?
- Mi fanno molta paura i debiti. L’idea di essere in debito. Mi mette ansia.
- Sì, va bene, ma pure questo è astratto.
- Poi, fammi pensare…
- Guarda, forse è il caso che la chiudiamo qui.
- Vediamo, ho paura di non essere quello che ho detto di essere. Capisci? Un bel giorno dover andare in giro e spiegare a tutti che mi sono sbagliato, che non è vero che so fare quello che ho detto di saper fare.
- Va bene, ho capito, facciamo che ci aggiorniamo…
- Ho paura che sia troppo tardi.
- Per cosa?
- Per tutto. E che ogni giorno sia troppo tardi per una cosa nuova.
- Così no, però, così non va bene…
- Vorresti che avessi paura di qualcosa di più concreto, vero? I mostri magari. I fantasmi,gli alieni?
- Esatto! Esattamente! È proprio quello che cercavo di dirti.
- Ma magari.
- Come magari?
- Magari ci fossero i mostri, magari ci fossero gli alieni, magari ci fosse qualcosa che si muove nel buio. Io ci spero che le cose che mi facevano paura da bambino siano vere. Io ci spero che nel buio ci sia qualcosa, perché significherebbe che non sono solo in quel buio. Che non è tutto qua.
- Basta, ti prego.
- E poi ho paura di me.
- Davvero non…
- Delle mie ipocrisie, delle mie nevrosi, della mia malignità, di una sveglia sul cellulare con scritto sopra “pagare tasse”. E più di tutto…
- No…
- Ho paura perché credo di aver finalmente capito perché ho paura.
- Smettila…
- Ho paura perché credo di essere come uno di quei quadri impressionisti. Quelli che da lontano sembrano belli e sensati e più ti avvicini più ti accorgi che non c’è niente, sono solo macchie di colore. Ed è quello che penso di me.
- Cristo santo. Davvero?
- Sì.
- Io… cavolo, è… è…
- È?
- Terrificante.
- Lo so.
- Oh no.
- Cosa?
- Sei diventato il mio mostro sopra il letto."
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Testo: Nicolò Targhetta
Grafica: Amandine Delclos
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iosognatore · 2 months
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– Dimmi qualcosa di bello.
– Andiamo a mangiare insieme.
Dal web
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massimoognibene · 6 months
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Lei disse: dimmi qualcosa di bello.
Lui rispose: A + M per pi greco è uguale a zero.
Lei andò subito via senza salutare lui
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donaruz · 7 months
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Giornata Mondiale della Salute Mentale
Pensiero, io non non più” di Alda Merini:
Pensiero, io non ho più parole.
Ma cosa sei tu in sostanza?
qualcosa che lacrima a volte,
e a volte dà luce.
Pensiero, dove hai le radici?
Nella mia anima folle
o nel mio grembo distrutto?
Sei cosi ardito vorace,
consumi ogni distanza;
dimmi che io mi ritorca
come ha già fatto Orfeo
guardando la sua Euridice,
e cosi possa perderti
nell’antro della follia. 🖤
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bucodiverme · 14 days
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Se siete tranquilli nel vostro animo vi ricordo l'esistenza di questa lettera che Pavese scrisse nel 1932 ad Elena Scagliola perché non posso essere l'unica a tormentarsi da circa tutto il pomeriggio.
Sono stato male tutto il giorno a non vederti sulla strada di Crevacuore E., com’è brutta Torino. E il più triste di tutto questo è che ci dimenticheremo, senza esserci quasi nemmeno conosciuti. Non so quel che tu veda in me, ma io indovino in te un miracolo di femminilità e di tenerezza, che, come si è formato avanti agli occhi a poco a poco in tutta l’estate, così ora colla medesima lentezza andrà svanendomi nelle nostre lettere. E., ho paura che i nostri ultimi giorni di - li dimenticheremo mai? - siano stati come una crisi, un punto massimo, oltre il quale non andremo.
Questo per ora è un pensiero che mi dispera, ma il giorno in cui mi lascerà indifferente ci pensi, E.? Non è la disperazione, la sofferenza, che ci deve far paura - questo è nulla, è anzi ciò che ci può rendere più meraviglioso un altro incontro - ma il momento che non soffriremo più, che non ce ne importerà più, questo è il terribile.
E pensare che probabilmente noi tra poco dovremo perderci, senza quasi esserci conosciuti, senza sapere di noi più che uno sguardo, un bacio alle dita, qualche carezza.
Che cosa pensi tu, E.? Perché tremi quando sono con te? Cosa c’è dentro ai tuoi occhi quando mi guardi sorridendo e poi ti fai seria, quasi ostile, e poi torni a sorridere? Queste cose le perderò senza averle mai conosciute.
Io d’amore non so piangere E. - piango a sentire un’ingiustizia, una crudeltà, un dolore di bambino - e non posso nemmeno consacrarti delle lacrime per tutto il dono immenso che hai fatto a me in questi giorni. Piangerò forse quando ripenserò - e sarà tardi - al tesoro di quell’amore sprecato così, per uno che non ne vale la pena: tant’è vero che lo lascia ora morire senza nemmeno commuoversi, senza tentare di far nulla per conservarselo, meritarselo.
Ma che altro potremmo fare? È inutile mentire: in amore conta il corpo e il sangue, conta la stretta, la vita, e noi dobbiamo star staccati, dobbiamo avere giudizio, ragionare; mentre la ragione non conta dinanzi alla vita.
Tu sprechi il tuo amore, E. Io non so di volerti bene se non ti sono stretto vicino, e questo temo voglia dire che non ti voglio quel bene che tu desideri.
Ma di una cosa sarò gioioso, se non temessi che tutto fosse per finire con quello: i nostri pomeriggi a - a guardarci negli occhi e carezzarci. Quelli non li dimenticherò mai. Fa’, E., che tutto non finisca qui: dammi una probabilità di amarti meglio, di esserti più fedele nei miei pensieri, più degno di te!
Se mi scriverai, devi giurarmi che a Bra staremo sempre insieme senza stancarci.
Ma dove andremo a finire E.? C’è qualcosa di più assurdo dell’amore? Se lo godiamo fino all’ultimo, subito ce ne stanchiamo, disgustiamo; se lo teniamo alto per ricordarlo senza rimorsi, un giorno rimpiangeremo la nostra sciocchezza e viltà di non avere osato. L’amore non chiede che di diventare abitudine, vita in comune, una carne sola di due, e, appena è tale, è morto. A pensarci, si viene matti! È inutile, l’amore è vita e la vita non vuole ragionamenti. Ma possiamo noi lasciarci andare giù così alla disperata? Dove andiamo a finire? Non so trovare parole di conforto per te che valgano, se non ricordarti quel giorno che eravamo stretti insieme, in piedi, e pareva che uno dei due dovesse condurlo a fucilare e invece era tutta gioia. Ricordami quell’attimo, E., se mi scrivi, e dimmi di quando saremo a Bra.
Ti bacio così, come vuoi tu, anche se sei stata cattiva a non venire sulla strada di Crevacuore.
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aurorasword · 3 months
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Ho sempre creduto al karma, sempre. Forse era un po' la mia ancora, quando succedevano le cazzate mi dicevo "ma sì, ci penserà il karma", "ciò che semini raccogli", "1 volta a me 3 volte a te". Ma alla fine chi cazzo ha pagato per le coltellate che mi hanno inflitto? Alla fine a chi cazzo è fregato del mio dolore, della mia sensibilità, della mia vita? Non so se ce la faccio più, non so se ce la faccio ancora a credere che qualcosa possa andare meglio, non so perché continuo, non so perché vivo. Non so perché continuo a non dormire di notte, a piangere in silenzio di notte, a piangere in macchina, ad urlare a squarciagola aspettando che qualcuno mi senta. Io i miei urli di aiuto li ho fatti, innumerevoli volte, ma non sono serviti, non cambierà niente ormai, c'è qualcosa che non va in me, e a questo punto, dopo tutti questi anni, direi che non sia "solo una fase", non è "solo l'adolescenza", non devo "farmi le ossa", le ossa me le stanno solo martoriando. Non è bello vivere così, non è bello pensare ogni giorno ad uccidersi, non è bello provarci, non è bello non riuscirci, non è belli piangere, soffrire, sentire il cuore lacerarsi, le mani che tremano, il cuore che scoppia. Non è bello non sentirsi all'altezza, non è bello sapere che non sarai mai niente e nessuno, non è bello pensare che sia passato e poi essere ringhiottiti dal buio. Non è bello toccare il fondo, riuscire a risalire a fatica e poi essere ributtato giù, se prima avevo un sacco attaccato alle gambe, ora ne ho due, da due passano a tre, da tre a quattro. Sarà sempre così? E alla fine chi me lo fa fare di vivere così? Lo chiami vivere questo? È vero, tutti affrontano problemi nella loro vita, tutti portano pesi, ma ci sono alcuni che ne portano più di altri. E magari si, dimmi che non ho la forza di rialzarmi, la forza di vivere, hai ragione sai, non ce l'ho più, me l'hanno portata via, ogni singola persona nella mia vita me l'ha portata via. A volte sei talmente fragile che anche una parola di troppo ti uccide, una frase mancata, un abbraccio non dato, un rimprovero, qualsiasi cosa ti disintegra. Il dolore fortifica? È vero, ma ti anestetizza, sai che tanto niente sarà peggio, e ti capita qualcosa di peggiore. Si sono presi tutto, il mio corpo, la mia mente, la mia anima, il mio cuore, come fosse loro, come se io non valessi. Mi sento solo una flebile farfalla tenuta forzatamente per le ali, solo per dare piacere agli altri. La colpa non è di qualcuno in particolare, forse non è di nessuno, forse è solo la mia, che non riesco ad essere normale, a sopportare la vita. So solo che alcune cose che mi sono successe non sono normali, non è normale la violenza, non è normale lo stupro, non è normale essere giudicati, ma viviamo in un mondo a cui tutto ciò sembra più normale di quanto non lo sia. Non sono fiera di niente nella mia vita, non riesco più a fare qualcosa di utile per me e gli altri. Non ne vado fiera, non vado fiera di essere diversa dagli altri. Vedo così tante persone dare 10 esami in una volta, e a me ne spaventa solo uno, tutto ciò mi sta logorando, mi logora dover rispondere alle continue domande sul mio futuro, io non ho un futuro, e mai lo avrò se resterò qui. Tutti avranno meno pensieri senza di me, meno problemi di cui preoccuparsi, l'ultima cosa che dovrete pagare per me sarà il funerale. Ricordatemi come un'onda del mare, che si schianta sulla riva violentemente, riflette il sole, fa divertire, ma a volte fa anche paura.
(A)nima(P)asseggera
Aurorasword
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haiku--di--aliantis · 4 months
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Eccomi: sono venuta nel tuo ufficio a fine giornata per dirtelo e per darti me stessa... Dai, ascoltami... Ho un dannato bisogno di sentirmi violata da te. Voglio piangere di passione e dolore per te: ho preso una vera sbandata. Non stupirti e non resistermi! E poi, come ti permetti di essere così educato e corretto, con me? Sono una brava ragazza, amica di tua figlia; ma tu devi essere rude.
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Ti desidero violento, esageratamente cafone. Voglio che tu mi prenda per i capelli o i fianchi e mi strattoni. Che mi butti su quel cazzo di divano e che mi prenda a sberle, come si prende a ceffoni e si manipola l'impasto del pane. Legami. Pizzicami i capezzoli. Calati i pantaloni e mettimi al mio posto, cioè con le orecchie appoggiate al tuo interno coscia. Sii brutale, non il signore elegante di sempre.
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Ordinami di aprire la bocca e ricevere tutto il tuo cazzo di cinquantenne, bello dritto e desideroso di sborrare in questa diciottenne con le tettine di marmo. Giù, dentro la gola. Tutto, fino alla radice. Fami sentire donna di piacere. Dimmi che mi pagherai cinque euro, perché neppure come puttana valgo qualcosa. Trattami da zoccola.
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Mortificami. Dammi fortissimi schiaffi sulle chiappe. Educami a te. Dimmi pure che certe cose non si fanno, ma possiedimi. Infila le tue dita nel mio buco del culo. Una, due o quante ne vuoi. E se urlerò di dolore, tu infilaci pure il pugno. Senza badare alle mie proteste, ai miei tentativi di spingere via le tue mani. E alle mie lacrime di dolore: sarà invece una gioia, per me.
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Addomesticami. Rendimi mansueta e finalmente domata: una bestiolina giovane, tenera e cotta di te; desiderosa solo che tu ti sfoghi su di me. Voglio il tuo cazzo ovunque. Dovrò essere lo sfizio segreto di questo bell'uomo: sposato, fedele fino a stasera, maturo, affidabile e serio. Considerato un esempio nella professione e in famiglia. Ti voglio.
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Sono giovanissima e mio padre è tuo ottimo amico. Ragione di più per fottere sua figlia in modo selvaggio. Lui sogna per me un bravo ragazzo. Tu intanto rompimi la fica e sborrami sul seno e in faccia. Papà mi ha detto che stasera viene a casa una coppia di amici di famiglia con il loro figlio mio coetaneo. Lo conosco.
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È sicuramente un bravo ragazzo: studioso e sportivo. Anche molto bello, come dice mamma. Il possibile candidato al ruolo di principe, di mio dolce e futuro compagno. Secondo i loro progetti. Ma io ora sono contenta: finalmente sono riuscita a succhiarti il cazzo e ho ingoiato la tua sborra... Tu adesso però tirami due o tre schiaffi in faccia e scopami in modo selvaggio.
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Prendo le tue mani e me le metto tutte e due nel solco anale: stringimi a te e mettimi un dito in culo, mentre mi fotti. Mordimi il seno, fammi male e fammi venire come la giovane troia che sono merita. Aaaah... si... così: era ora! Baciami... Cazzo, che bello! È entrato tutto e tu ora finalmente mi scopi fortissimo. Sei un treno. Vecchio porco che altro non sei... Non ti lascerò in pace, lo sai...
Aliantis
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Thursday's child (David Bowie)
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