#don't feel like you have to help pls

[funpuddle]

((pasted from my twitter))

(NIGHTMARISHLY VULNIRABLE PARAGRAPHS AHEAD) Hi feel free to ignore literally all of this if you want I'm not going to die or get kicked out but i can't live here anymore  (by my own will but also i'm not wanted) and need help getting my shit together  

https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=BD6UD4ARCUER8

(EDIT: the images are pasted out of order on some reblogs, before i could edit them into the right order, sorry if that’s confusing)

#don't feel like you have to help pls #don't even feel like you have to reblog this #just sort of flipping out #do not donate if you yourself are struggling or if youre a minor please #i feel CRINGE AS FUCK #Thank you to whoever may donate and to everyone who has ever #ever given me any money at all #pls don't see me as helpless tho i just need some help

[babsaros]

hey. when cis society is oppressing a trans man, what he is experiencing is. In Fact. misogyny. i'm sorry i know none of us like to be reminded of our agab, and it hurts whenever people perceive you as the wrong gender. but a cis person hate-criming, assaulting, verbally abusing, etc, a trans man is not doing "transandrophobia" because they do not perceive him as a man.

they perceive him as a woman failing at her gender, as a woman who has been seduced and lied to and manipulated because women are so easily led astray, just like it says in the bible. they perceive him as a woman who has been mutilated. they perceive him as a dyke that needs to be fixed. if they are hate-criming him because they *do* perceive him as a man, because he passes well enough they aren't thinking he could be trans, then they're doing so out of homophobia, perceiving him as a gay man, a pervert, a sissy, a danger to children. OR, they are being transphobic but specifically because they think he might be transfeminine instead. when cis society oppresses a trans woman, they are able to do it on multiple levels at once. She's a woman failing at her gender, a dyke that needs to be fixed. Or she's an evil and grotesque crossdressing pervert, a rude caricature, a danger to polite society. she will never be doing enough to escape oppression entirely, no matter if she gets every surgery she can and wears makeup every day and passes perfectly, because she lives under a patriarchy, and she's a woman, so she lives in a panopticon, and HAVING to get surgery and wear make-up to be respected IS oppression, especially if the alternative is being hate-crimed.

trans women (and trans men who pass) are not experiencing "transandrophobia" when a 'queer women and nbs" event turns them away at the door for being too masculine. they are. IN FACT!! experiencing the byproducts of misogyny in a patriarchy!!! where the terfs and coward cis women running those events and occupying those spaces have been taught (sometimes through experience, sometimes by men, sometimes by women) throughout life that men = stronger and more dangerous than women ALWAYS. That they need to protect themselves at all times and always be vigilant. That men and women can't be friends without sexual tension (and so as queer women the mere existence of what they perceive as a "man" is a threat). That women need a separate sports league because they can't possibly compete with someone who has even a little bit "extra" (an unquantifiable amount actually because there isn't a standard range) testosterone. That women should cook and men should fix cars. i promise you, i promise i promise i promise. it's misogyny. like!!! you don't say cis gay men experiences "androphobia", bc that's not a thing!! you sound like fucking mens rights activists guys please! you don't say a black man experiences "misandrynoir"!! because living in a patriarchy fundamentally means men do not experience oppression based on their gender. its not happening. shut the fuck up. stop walking us back to 2014 can we please take a step forward and stop bitching about this. there are genuine issues in the world and i'm frankly sick of people who should be smarter than that needing to be gently hand-held through this fucking explanation for the millionth time and still stomping their feet.

#cw transmisogyny #cw discourse #cw transphobia #longterm tme mutual pissed me the fuck off bye #everybody else gets to read this now #if you still don't get it idk maybe go stick your head down a toilet and flush #that might help #its so fucking simple stop drinking terf koolaid #if u are transmasc and have experienced transphobia i'm really sorry that happened to you. #and if calling it 'transandrophobia' makes u feel less dysphoric then whatever fine #but its not like. a systemic issue. #pls understand that #transmisogyny is a systemic issue we should be talking about. because misogyny is a systemic problem we have not yet solved. #i hope i never have to talk about this again #lmk if i should tag it as anything else #or if i've worded anything in a way that should be corrected

[zerodaryls]

it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.

i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.

there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.

'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.

to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.

and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.

but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.

#i try to reclaim 'feminine' words for myself in private #calling myself 'babygirl' when i need to chill out. or saying i feel pretty. or going 'she needs help' when i'm struggling lmao. #but there's still so much fucking trauma in those words from the people who've forced them on me #who've snarled in my face that GOD made me ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY and that's a WOMAN (stepdad) #who've guilted me for taking their precious perfect daughter away as if i'm fucking dead (mother) #who've mocked me and everyone like me as if we're not the experts on our own sense of self (general transphobic public) #like. i'm not a fucking man. i'm not a fucking woman. i'm nonbinary. gender is absurdity as a concept. i'm done with it. #but being called a man or a son or a guy or 'he' or WHATEVER in that vein is fine and dandy because i've never had anyone say #'that is all you can EVER be'. or worse: 'that is what GOD made you to be and you have a ROLE to fill' #(christianity pls die approximately yesterday thanku 💖) #so yeah. idk. ranting yet again about Cis Audacity. #the complete lack of empathy. the lack of curiosity even. #the condescending bullshit. the 'i understand you better than you do'. the fucking AUDACITY. #i am the expert on myself. i am the ONLY expert on myself. period. no contest. not a debate. #i understand myself better than anyone else is CAPABLE of understanding me. #i could call myself 'she' and understand that i meant it in a nonbinary way. #in fact i could even see myself letting other trans people call me feminine terms at some point in the future. when i've healed more. #but cis people? probably not. they can call me 'he' or 'they' or they can fuck off & never get to know me because they don't wanna know ME #/end rant #any terfs/bigots that try to touch this post will be swiftly blocked and quite possibly cursed. have the day you deserve <3

[bastetwastaken]

Okay, I NEED to share this with you all. It's taken me like, 5 hours to work out how to speak normally about this and not just scream incoherently into the void.

@artofnovagenesis made a wonderful cover art for Double Exposure and it's just so perfect and wonderful and lovely, I am beyond happy to have friends who do such amazing things.

My love, you did so wonderfully with this, you captured Atems smugness and Yugis softness and their shadows smooching is just the cutest fucking thing in the world okay. It's adorable. It's everything. Everyone please thank Nova for blessing us with this.

Oh, and I guess if you lovely people want to read the fic, just click here. but ART.

#puzzleshipping #i can't cope with how lovely people are pls send help #atem #fanfic #fanfiction #yugi mutou #I'm just someone who writes stupid things but you all make me feel so loved and so special #and I don't quite know how to cope with that because I'm not very good with accepting people being nice because I have issues #But I'm really trying and thank you to everyone who is nice to me #I would like to offer hugs to everyone who wants them

[that-was-anticlimactic]

friends!!! what is a writing skill you wish you learned in school? like... it could be something specific in grammar/grammar-related, maybe about how to revise, maybe you wish you learned about different/specific genres, maybe how to write setting... whatever it may be!!! i'm doing a thing on tuesdays and would LOVE y'all's opinions on what kind of stuff to find to add for them to choose!

#i worded that so weirdly but i didn't know how else to iuyftdghu #essentially it is a mini assignment where they have to look through a doc i have with links to mini articles about whatever skill they chos #and they have to read it and then answer four questions #it's mostly an assignment bc tuesdays are shorter days but also so they can experience and learn new things #and there's teh choice option #i wrote some of the ones they did or added onto some stuff like added a miss h note at the beginning #and i think it went well when i did it one time last semester! #anyways i want like really helpful things so pls send help #if you know of any short articles pls feel free to send the link or you can write one yourself if you really wanna teach students something #like... if there's something you're just like GOD WHY DON'T PEOPLE KNOW THIS!!! pls write a rant and i can edit it lol #anyways help pls #i have a decent chunk but i also want other opinions

[not-so-superheroine]

deseret book is more persistent than duolingo.

i ordered 2 books for a church research project on Black saints in the early Church and also in the Reorganization, on which the one book had a small section us and all had info from the our shared early church history, and it was an ebook too!

and i get physical mail from them once a month. i have no idea how to cancel.

herald house, the community of christ publishing house, contacts me much less, and i buy books from them all the time.

and oh their church book app reminds me to read my scriptures and the words of their prophets regularly if it's not in sleep mode.

i have to admire the effort behind it, ngl.

#tumblrstake #the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints #Community of Christ #latter day saint #deseret book #i highly recommend both books #black saints in a white church #and “My Lord He Calls Me” edited by Alice Faulkner Burch #she's really awesome so pls support her #i hang out with the genesis group bc i am playing with a similar group for community of christ #because the Black saints expressed interest #actually Black Saints in a White Church may have been elsewhere by Signature Books #you can read it for free on archive.org #and if you're at BYU you can access it too and papers on it #i'll promo them in another post eventually #white saints in my church don't get my vision bc their like “we never had a priesthood ban” #but i literally had to do the project bc they were speaking over us regarding anti-Black racism in our D&C #and people individually reached out. like Black church leaders. bc they be doing this. #we made so much noise and the first presidency reached out to ME bc i wrote a paper that spread through the church about it #wild moment. but yeah we need something like the Genesis Group and they were willing to help me out a bit #its too much for me to handle on my own tho. esp with the revitalizing our intepretation and use of the Book of Mormon projects #i always put too much in the tags. i should write a post about that and share my article #it was on our D&C 116 which is like our L-dS OD 2 on Race in the priesthood and specifically ordination of Black men #which they (some of the white saints) wanted removed 🙄 bc of the “ministers to their own race” part which led to segregation being allowed #but also explicitly affirms God calls people of all races to priesthood and also that Black congregations didn’t need white pastor oversight #so just leave it. and ig you feel guilty...cope #i personally believe it to be inspired but flawed #it was literally a mostly white church in 1865. not excusing tho bc some sects were always fully integrated like the Bickertonites #they had a Black apostle in 1915. representation at high levels of leadership #oh and women in the priesthood from the jump. if limited

[thelivingsin]

try not to do any activity on discord other than staying invisible and focus on your own mental health in 3, 2, 1, go! (has started since morning)

seriously though.

i miss those two, i wish i was able to say hi in the server but mentally and emotionally i'm not doing well. sorry guys :(

#guys pls remember i love you all. i love these THREE (other one isn't on discord sad) #i'm not used to being unavailable to literally anyone i know so like. hi i hope you understand why i'm more active on tumblr/fb than dc rn #especially with the stuff i said yesterday???? i'm really SORRY YOU HAD TO CARRY MY EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE AND SHIT #i know i said we have to separate personal stuff from work because it makes me uncomfortable myself but here we are oh shit oh fuck #i guess i am baby 😓😓😓 #i don't wanna be babied anymore 😓 i dont feel like im even growing #please help #tldr something happened at school today. that's why i'm here venting #fr something made me so uncomfortable it dropped my mood. i'm so sorry. i hope i get better tomorrow :(((( #missing entry #the institute

[nyehhh-hh]

Cleriffs saying that if we don't understand CA we don't understand ff7 and i'm just like ?????

Girl are we talking about the same game??

#.bullshttery #ship who you want to ship but pls don't be this delulu 💀💀 #since when this game is about them #also.... aerith you're a creep 💀 #like i get it you're like that because you're very much looking forward for your date with zack #but then he's gone #but pushing your narrative to cloud is just fckng no no #also knowing that cloud and tifa have feelings for each other and you still pushing it?? girl you need help #girl u just want to mess his head which already fckd up and made him into zack #get a grip... get some help #okay why am i angry about video game character that i know how the ending goes 💀 #n e way gonna enjoy all those gifs

[imwritesometimes]

y'all. I really do need positive thoughts/vibes/input on the tattoo situation cause like summer is coming up and I'm sick to death of trying to wear long pants all the time to hide the tattoo but I also don't want to offend my artist by asking him to cover it but I also don't want to go to a different artist and I'm very 🥴😖😟😵‍💫☹️🤢😔

#I love my artist! he's such a GENUINELY good dude and like I've had BAD shit head artists before #like not in terms of quality but just like. like not a good dude. like homophobic sexist asshole dude #and when I found the shop I go to now I was like 😃😃😃 cause it's the exact opposite and my artist now is SO kind #he is like the bob ross of tattoos he's great I love going to him! #but I really do just want the tattoo covered #but idk like how exactly to approach that topic like #hey it's not you! it's the quality! the quality is really amazing! it's me! and I just have had a change of heart! #omg y'all pls prayer circle for me PLS I have been agonizing over this for months and I just #I want to look at my leg and feel 🥰 not 😖 #HELP. PLS. I NEED THE COURAGE. PLS. HELP. #erin explains it all #*it's NOT the quality. the quality is solid. just like omg I don't want it THERE anymore

[kienium]

i have such a hard time with tone indicators still because i don't know what the fuck i mean either. how am i supposed to fake it until i make it in these conditions

#kie rambles #brought to you by the two mega autism trucks having sex where my brain should be #rant in tags #also even tho ik what the tone indicators are supposed to mean??? i have no clue how to apply those to a social context #it's like taking a test but the study guide is written entirely in emojis and i dont know what the subject is #“you said the thing you should know how you intended it” well. #when you spend your whole life trying to make your interactions palatable through masking #and suddenly this new tool that's supposed to help you get intentions across appears #i dont know how to use it without unmasking fully and i dont know how to do that yet #TONE INDICATORS ARE GOOD BTW. they help so many ppl and help people feel more free to joke around with each other w/o hurting one another #just saying it's. still hard to change the wiring of “indicate tone for neurotypical people to understand” -- #-- to “don't indicate it at all until the end” #basically i still wanna use them bc theyre helpful to lots of ppl but like when i fuck up constantly pls be patient #feels like masking 2 electric boogaloo #masking as a nt person thats masking as a nd person. maskception. let me out of here oh my god #also im in class rn making this post instead of paying attention so if i repeat myself like 8 times im sowwy

[iniziare]

Shady’s back, tell a friend— god, it feels good to type on a regular keyboard again, behind, guess what, behind the third-biggest babe in my life, my desktop computer. I don’t know what it says about me that I put so much value in a stationary computer, does it make me more of a boomer? I sure hope so. Anyway, she is installed and while we’re still waiting on internet, my phone is being used as the common hotspot in the apartment and the signal is pretty strong, so apart from work preparations, maybe it’ll also allow me to set up some things because I’ve started a Game of Thrones rewatch; I miss my books. But also, this boomer misses dodging bullets here (and writing too, I guess).

Aka, hi, we’re in our apartment— I have almost forgotten to cook/eat every day for 4 days now, because I’ve been single-handedly at war with one really greasy kitchen. Two more cabinets to go, folks, then I will know some kind of peace (translation: save me, my back is absolutely killing me, and I’ve been, mostly, suffering in silence).

#[ out of character. ] whatever. i don't really care. i'm just gonna sit this one out. #[ aka; this apartment was inhabited by i believe two guys. ] #[ you can tell. ] #[ that's all i'll say. ] #[ ... no i actually have a lot to say. the toilet smells like one you'd find in a gas station. ] #[ and we're unsure what happened there-- so we're gonna nuke it with products. we haven't yet decided what products. ] #[ the entire apartment feels like one that has been decently heavily smoked in but doesn't smell like it. ] #[ or not anymore any way. ] #[ it's that residue-- it's similar to caked on dust feeling greasy? except it's on places where caked on dust just... doesn't stay. ] #[ also the kitchen was gross. it looked fine on the surface but holy shit i've had to do a lot of cleaning. ] #[ when i say almost non-stop-- i mean i don't eat until like late afternoon and i call it dinner. ] #[ i just can't focus on anything other than this damn kitchen with all of its wonderful storage that i'll happily use once it's all cLEAN. ] #[ guys pls send help. i need help-- i can't do this alone even though i've been doing it alone. ] #[ /breathes. ] #[ i will sleep and finish it tomorrow. then i gotta get a steam cleaner for these floors and tackle those with it and a vacuum. ] #[ i love the apartment a lot but /holy shit. ] #[ my back. :( ] #[ and i'm waiting on my bedding so i can properly sleep-- in a bed... i will sleep for 24 hours. ] #[ hi; welcome to me returning but also-- welcome to my burnout and also my cleaning woes. ]

[fma03envy]

Hm having thoughts about Reze

#only through the 5th csm volume so I'm mainly just speculating here but like #idk how to feel about her #i mean they're making no secret of the fact that she's way more involved in this/knows more than she lets on #but that doesn't by definition mean she's a bad person or doesn't mean what she says? #like that guy going after Denji's heart was her adversary (though admittedly he had no idea who she was) #and while Typhoon obeys her she clearly didn't know about/disagrees with its plans #so I'd like to believe she's being genuine because this is the most concern about Denji's wellbeing we've ever seen from anyone #how I'm scared this will play out is like #Denji leaves with Reze -> its a trap and she's after his chainsaw heart -> Makima rescues him -> #the conclusion Denji comes to out of all this is #''oooh so its selfish to want someone who acts like my human rights should be a given not a privilege. I'm sorry 4 doubting u Miss Makima'' #-> and Makima would go like ''well I'm glad you learned your lesson. You weren't a v good dog 2day but all that matters is ur safe now'' #I wonder how much Makima knows of Reze. I wonder if she made her own date with Denji boring to help create this scenario in the first place #again this is all just my my speculation; I really HOPE Reze is a good person. let Denji have a nice day for a change #adrien says stuff #CSM #csm spoilers #csm manga spoilers #<- again I'm only through the 5th volume so pls don't spoil me about stuff beyond that

[javaaddiction]

Dming for the first time when I go back to school after holidays, drew some of my player's characters and one of the major NPC's for refs :)

#dnd #dnd art #art #java draws stuff #digital art #dms out there pls send help #I am so nervous if you have ANY tips pls feel free to hmu #I've got TWO players who are both DM's #ik im still fairly new #and I'm not planning to start it until after finals week (midterm exams) #but I don't have a plot entirely worked out yet n I feel like I'm totally messing it up #there be dragons deep below #first time dm

[theinfinitedivides]

i'm sorry but. ykw the next time i hear someone tell me that i have ADHD and (suspected) autism bc i have low emotional intelligence + all i need to do to get rid of my additional (possibly) EDS-induced joint pain is to think happy thoughts and take zinc supplements. istfg i will smash their kneecaps with a spike-ended baseball bat and put them outside in the rain. naked, and without painkillers. how's that for happy thoughts

#rant coming in the tags pls do be warned — #can you tell i'm pretty pissed off rn. is it that obvious #i'm sorry i had to sit through this sh*t for at least three hours OK #'have you tried empathy :) i don't think you understand what people are feeling :) go to bed at nine see if that helps' #bitch. mf*cker. (derogatory in the highest sense) #i remember being five years old having to drag myself out of bed at 5:30 to go to school and almost walking into the road #on the campus bc i couldn't f*cking see. #sunshine??? in my eyes??? with my photosensitivity??? carnage and bloodshed. 56 killed 784 wounded #i have tried going to bed at nine o'f*cking clock for years now. every single f*cking time i only fall asleep after 3 in the morning #i tried sleep therapy to make me become a morning person #and it f*cked me up so bad that year we're not even going to talk about that #so uh. if i want to f*ck you up rn i feel like i have every right to do so #did i mention this person said in the same breath that i probably don't have autism bc i'm 'too normal' most of the time #*inhales* #*exhales* #Jessica. it's called masking JESSICA

[trans-leek-cookie]

Do you think that the little mermaid would be jealous of Gerard? She gave up her tail and her voice (we can assume) to live on land and it's likely she, because of the original myth, is in pain A Lot because of her transformation. And Gerard may hate being a frog (which like Yeah. It does suck and there a lot of trauma and powerlessness he associates with his current transformation I'd bet) but he gets to go on land and walk around while she can't go home and even if she can live on land it's Hard. Y'know?

#I think there's a lot of interesting potential bc she Chose to do this (which tbh I don't hold against her bc she's probably a kid and didn #Realize or didn't have the proper understanding of what she signed up for with the transformation) vs Gerard and Ylfa because like their #Transformations are horrible and out of their control but also seem to make them stronger and better at surviving and it's just so... #“Neverafter” #Which again this isn't ''which character has it worse'' just the idea of choosing to change in a way that hurts you so badly but you #Thought you wanted vs again something out of your control that makes you feel inhuman and worse and scared but that makes you stronger #Like I think shes like... On a scale Gerard and Ylfa are on one end Little Mermaid is on the other and Pinocchio is kinda in the middle #Like - okay order is Ylfa -> Gerard -> Pinnochio -> Little Mermaid #Ylfa: had no choice and transformation was a result of random chance but is VERY STRONG thanks to the change #Gerard: transformed as a result of his actions (unfairly) and his transformation at This Point gives him more abilities #Pinocchio: also transformed as a result of his actions (in this case transforming back to his original state (also unfair)) and it doesn't #Seems to really give him an edge (the magic powers are separate from the transformation) and likes the initial transformation (where he is #A ''real boy'' and not a puppet) #Little Mermaid: (presumably) chose to transform and didn't like her original form as much but the transformation likely Cost Her and she is #Now at a disadvantage in the Neverafter #In general it's not a hard and fast pattern but it seems transforming into a non human can be helpful for surviving in the neverafter #“Anyway I don't think this is spoilers bc this is a mostly stuff that was covered before or stuff from the original Little Mermaid” #Snow white pls pls ask our intrepid heros to go meet the little mermaid I want to see the her #Y'know what I'll add it. I was also thinking gender envy. Make of that what u will