#dude do I look like I even know anymore?

[toasteaa]

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS LEARN ABOUT SEKIRO AND IT HAPPENED AGAIN

RAY FUCKING CHASE. LEAVE ME ALONE, STOP PULLING ME INTO THE BRAINROT!!!!

#toast talks #I HEARD A TWO SECOND CLIP OF THIS DUDE'S VOICE AND MY WHOLE BRAIN WENT #You know that voice. You know it. You know that tone. #DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO LOOK IT UP. MY FIANCÉ LOOKED IT UP AND IMMEDIATELY SAID 'Yeah you already know who it is' #I'M SORRY I'M SORRY HIS VOICE LIVES IN MY BRAIN RENT FREE #I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!!! HE'S EVERYWHERE I CAN'T ESCAPE!!!! #I CANNOT BLUSH EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE LIKE THIS!!!! #On the bright side this just gives me more voice lines that I can be like 'hey imagine Neuvillette saying this -' #NO SHUT UP I SHOULD NOT BE ENJOYING THIS!!! I'M BEING CURSED! HAUNTED!

[rlyc00l]

i miss the pre-bl3 days when most of the fandom on tumblr was on the same page about they/them Zer0 and most of the people who insisted otherwise just were always actively transphobic shitheads I could block. Like nowadays people using he/him are reasonably just going with what the game says, completely unaware that Anthony Burch ever suggested he was going to do otherwise

#like i can't rightfully block people for the he/him mandude zer0 posts anymore. they're not wrong it's gearbox that fucked it up #like only long time tumblr fans know about the ~they/them nb zer0 that was promised~ #i love zer0 but as soon as they're a dude they're just so much less interesting to me. m/m zerhys loses its appeal for me #(i've been doing a lot of digistruct peak runs recently and i keep looking up gear guides for zer0 and lmao i get #so dorky about this fictional character that it feels like aggressive misgendering even tho it's so innocent)

[niallandtommo]

.

#i'm gonna sound like an asshole (also jana look away fkskf) but like #this dude keeps talking about his cat and he sent me 3 pics of his cat today #i'm trying to be nice but pls i am begging i do not want to talk about your cat 24/7 #i know you're all going to block me but listen #i've been nice i asked him a bunch of questions about his cat i even told him she's cute but i am DONE #sir i do not want to talk about her anymore i have nothing else to say about her #we've been talking for like 5 weeks and i swear i have 20 pics of his cat on my phone #yes i'm a cat hater there's nothing i can do about it i'm sorRY #(cats also do not like me so we're even)

[ronanlynchbf]

hell day today and i'm only two hours into my EIGHT HOUR SHIFT

#9 to 5 by dolly parton starts playing in the background.. #literally had to open up shop alone 2day and also was entirely alone for the first 45 min. of my shift so that was already a negative start #to the day + i heard that i can't have my break later than two thirty which is very bad for me bc 1) there'll be a lot of ppl all around me #when i'm eating which i already dislike and 2) like 85% of ppl taking their break around that time are VERY noisy eaters so even worse and #then 3) it'll be really loud in the room as well bc everyone's talking loudly and eating and the cutlery's clanging against plates and such #and also some ppl have actual full-blown arguments with each other in the break room bc half the ppl here hate each other's guts so more #negatives to the day and then on top of that we've had sooooo many annoying customers already today who r just. intent on making u stressed #out and upset and literally will tell u to your face to 'do your job better' like bro...i can easily tell you haven't worked in retail.... #also someone hung their clothes on the rack outside the fitting rooms which is where u hang ur clothes when you're DONE fitting them & don' #want them bc they don't fit or don't sit right or u just don't rlly like them after all so if clothes are hanging there we the ppl working #there WILL take them and hang them back in their original places what did u expect to happen?? anyway someone hung the clothes they had #tried on already and did want there and i reached out to take them bc like. that's what we do here..we hang the clothes on the 'discard #rack' back in the store bc else the rack gets stuffed and the woman literally grabbed my arm and said 'those are mine what do u think you'r #doing' LIKE?????? GIRL THE RACK'S THERE FOR A REASONNNN ofc i'm going to assume u don't want them anymore if they're hanging there that's #why it's called the DISCARD rack....also how am i to know those specific clothes are yours HONESTLYYYYYY STFU AND GET OFF ME #ALSO some dude was like (to his child but like. looking at me while he said it.) 'this guy needs a haircut doesn't he' bc my hair is kinda #long and apparently i passed today. LIKE 1st of all kind of a rude thing to say to a stranger innit 2nd of all setting a great example to #your child there just casually commenting on other ppl's looks like that👍 3rd of all jokes on you you wouldn't consider me a guy if #you Knew most likely. thanks for that little zing of glee much obliged <3 but also man just piss off will you. 4th of all my hair isn't eve #that long....like the ends of it are just shy of my shoulders wdym LONG if u knew the long-haired guys i know you'd faint. #anyway. great start of the day. i still have six more hours to go 🥴 #ALSO no surprise this always happens but my legs already hurt SOOOOOOOO BADDDDDD :((((((((((( #r.txt

[weskinz]

maybe if i go back on antidepressants ill ask for wellbutrin

#p #like yes i am pretty depressed rn but i dont feel like killing myself like i did when i was on viibryd #no genetic altercations my ass i was on that shit for years and just now looking back at my messages and notes no wonder i was scaring ppl #i was so anxious one time i had to sit in my brothers room so i knew he wasnt going to die suddenly #and i was so so so scared but it was like there was a mental block where it couldnt become a panic attack jst paranoia #but i was one degree from it. just imagining what i did to him happening to me scared me to death and i had to reassure myself #my mom asked me abt it the other day like 'hmmm. wouldve been nice to let me know you werent on it anymore. seems like a thing your mother- #'-should know.' and like yes since im still completely dependent on her in all aspects but man #i didnt want to explain i had no interest in seeing lisa anymore and i was just done. i was so tired of my lows being so fucking low #and not even noticing they were so bad yknow #do i even know how to be honest anymore. no i dont think of killing myself but i dont see a future for myself either #i have no goals no motivation no nothing #its selfish to want to die but its like that mytoecold dude video where hes like 'if i spilled milk and then killed myself technically- #'-the problem would be gone' like yeah. that is true. how do i get that out of my belief system #he was a raging addict btw i just saw that video. crazy and sad but i guess when you are dealt a bad hand you see eye to eye

[shadyhouse]

i have to go off of hrt for the first time in three years because i ran out of syringes and i dont have insurance anymore so im going to have to order bulk online but its going to cost $100+ for everything i need. which i dont have because i live paycheck to paycheck. i literally got paid TODAY and it was one of the biggest paychecks ive seen since ive started this job and it immediately had to go to bills.

i cant switch jobs either because i dont have transportation and it's my best option for keeping myself afloat. i cant ask for a raise because it's a retail big box store. like they might give me 10 extra cents to pity me if i don't start a fight about it but it'll never get better than that. every time i look on indeed or whatever it's all stuff thats a 20+ minute drive completely off the bus route like ????

im extremely unmedicated too (not including the hrt lol) so that just makes everything harder to the extreme. im ready to give up. like what else is there for me. there's nothing left. im at the point where i keep thinking i mind as well just move back in with my dad and rot in my old bedroom because im losing faith in myself that i'll be able to get out of this hole. the absolute last thing i ever want to do btw. but if things keep getting worse i dont know if i'll have a choice. and im really really really dreading that outcome. i need to fix my life asap but the system is making it INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT to even plan it out.

if anyone knows how to build a budget id really appreciate some help because i have dyscalculia and it sucks to be talked down to about my inability to comprehend numbers, but im really not THAT bad with my finances its just that i made some bad decisions when i had a higher paying job and i'm having trouble pulling myself out of the hole. i can follow a budget if i have one set but i've been really struggling with making it myself. idk. im mad at myself okay im just really upset and i want to fix my life.

this turned into a rambling rant but im in a really bad mood rn and i needed to just. unload. its either this or ugly cry for an hour

#its just venting im like one bad day away from having a full breakdown and even then its not like thatll help or fix anything #i just dont know what to do anymore dude there's nothing left. what do i even do now. nothing matters #im also looking for someone to help me build a budget because i have dyscalculia and its a struggle for me to actually MAKE the budget #but im more than capable of following it once i have it set up. if i think of my finances like im in a video game its a lot easier for me

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

Ok life update. I’m fully in college again! I like some of my classes (all stem classes) I kinda hate some other classes (theatre classes ironically). I am so deeply not moved in at all. Unpacking who? Could not be me. I do not have enough storage. I like my third roommate a lot and living with my ex is not as scary as I thought it would be. I finally get an adhd and depression test in two weeks and i start therapy in a week.

#me? going to therapy bc my last relationship hurt me that badly? it’s more likely than you think! #it wasn’t just that. but that in conjunction with my depression did not do good things #went from clingy to very anxious attachment style #also. i keep saying I’m completely over her. I’m not. I’m just hoping if I say it enough it’ll be true #so it just really really hurts that she’s so over me and already talking to people and looking for dates #and I’m over here like. please can it all just stop hurting for 5 seconds🫠🫠🫠🫠 #i really do not know what to do. hoping therapy fixes my very much still broken heart #i can’t even tell her like hey dude this is killing me bc then she’d think I’m trying to make it her problem #when in reality I just don’t want her to talk about the girls she’s talking to as much #also I’m pretty sure she’d end up being like fine I just won’t talk to you anymore. which completely missed the point as well #so. that’s cool #gaming club is starting to meet up again which is nice. unfortunately it’s on a day I have color guard every week #i think antidepressants would be very good for me bc I am struggling to find a single positive point in my life rn #the waitlist for therapy is miles long and u gotta submit why you want it. they called me in within a week. it’s not looking hot for me lol #I’d like to start streaming now that I’m single again. and by that I mean I have more free time #but my ex and I share a wall and she hates when she can hear me talking thru the wall. we have really really thin walls #y’all I am not winning. at all #idea: we’re doing a poll on things that should improve my life and y’all can decide #soup talks

[dbphantom]

fuck it im watching the (other) mermaid magical girl show

<- obsessed with magical boys and girls and merpeople

#no the OTHER other mermaid magical girl show #wait ok i just looked it up on crunchyroll holy shit there's SO MANY i didn't realize this was like fi/nal fan/tasy there's so many... #not all of them have mermaids tho. wadda hell #cruddy rambles #i know this is because as a trans dude i intentionally removed myself from feminine stuff out of fear of being perceived as a girl as a kid #you know ye olde 'i HATE pink stop FORCING pink on me' -> 'actually pink is such a nice color now that im not being forced into it' #so now that i know myself im exploring it like ''hey this stuff actually slaps AND i get to be a dude 'despite' liking it'' #i can have my cake and eat it too and if you're mad about it then die mad about it bc im not changing for anyone anymore #rahhhhh rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #and im gonna watch it while beating the fuck outta people in skyrim. very much looking forward to it actually. #update: #so i didn't realize this entire show is gonna be about putting on make-up ;-; #episode 1 was uhhhhhhhh. well... they REALLY like lipstick. im happy for them don't get me wrong but this is not for me LOL #makeup gave me serious self image issues sooo i do not feel good watching this even if the message is just 'wear it and be confident' #which like. i probably could've guessed from the name? but tbh i thought it was like... magical girl 'make-up' not LITERAL makeup #happy for everyone who likes it tho! mermaids are awesome and the characters seem great i am just getting ick-ed by the focus makeup has

[keeps-ache]

shoutout to my brother who is being annoying about my finishing these refsheets in a timely manner. really appreciated👍

#just me hi #not sarcastic thanks dude #he follows me here so Hello you suck i hope the next soda you get is Extra Carbonated (Now With Extra Carbon (HARDCORE [MOUTH DESTROYER])) #//and now that i am going to pretend he's not here anymore; #i have managed to get 2 and a half refsheets done! literally a funkin miracle i don't even know how that happened #wait. yea i do. i didn't sleep hhvbfbhdvfs (he didn't put me up to this i'm just bad at doing things in the right order) #two and a half refsheets done in the past... 2 days :D very cool #they're not like‚ amazing and really clean-looking and the first one is kinda weird cuz i wasn't using my Brain while i was drawing #they Are in fact doodle refs BUT i got them done and THAT is an achievement for the ages !!! :DD #[does a dance] i did a thing i actually planned to do woohoo yea yay !!! #but also i AM a very tired blob hfbdhff #and this blob? is going to go and find some youtube to watch while it continues to draw loll :> #i will see you-! on the other si[manhole]

[astrxealis]

okay i'll seriously stop now (just a maybe) anyways please get into milgram listen the songs watch the mvs and all! <3

but just to ramble a bit: fuuta really is. so similar to the viewers/es

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚ #he's a twt user and kinda chronically online LMAOOO okay but to be serious. he doesn't really realize the #real world consequences of his actions until it's too late. and in the mv he so obviously shows regret and all #there's a scene where he's looking at his self from before doing the spraypaint again and tbh yeah dudes sadistic w that kinda thing #sadistic but in sort of a good way in a sense that he wants to deliver justice. but then things escalate too far as well #<- probably starts calling out people for the smallest things. not anymore about justice #or it still is about justice but even in the littlest of things... anyways yeah he likely starts it but then the others r the ones #who put more flame to the fire. i think he has problems w attention too so this kinda yk. makes him feel seen... or idk how to phrase it #bcs dude spends most of his time online right? the whole gaming thing might be an escape from reality in that he #likely doesn't have much friends if any at all (he also doesn't really get along w anyone in the prison. but i think he is a good person bc #he cares for haruka bcs hes younger). hmm. fuuta knows what's the deal with milgram #anyways yeah i think it is all just so interesting. he's definitely regretful and feels guilty and also... he's hinted at stuff #uhm. worrying. stuff. if yeah? idk how to phrase it but i think it is safest to really vote him innocent (also he deserves it imo) #he still needs to improve w some stuff but then again i dont think we should be Extremely Harsh #yk scruntinizing everything. voting him guilty again for a 'small' yk. not that what hes doing is negligible but i mean that he's #starting to improve (even if his... mental state is getting worse it seems) and it feels wrong and is exactly what he calls out #es/the viewers for if we vote him guilty for the smallest of mistakes/injustices even when he's yk. getting 'better' #sorry for terrible explanations here i hope it makes sense oml #i dont think fuuta meant anything bad fr. and then the drama audio w es like... agh wait im putting that aside for now bcs goddamn #i think there's smth to do w. Pressure. ofc. duh. LMFAO. maybe peer pressure to join in the cyberbullying #he likely didnt mean for it to escalate but maybe he started losing himself in it all w a sort of hero complex #ahhh trying to tie together stuff from the 1st trial and 2nd trial is complicated bcs the two have similar but different themes

[chaos-and-cookies]

Seeing all the artists come back to us after fleeing us for twitter/insta years ago

#well welll well how the turn tables #who would have guessed the 1 fandom/community run app would have been the best one to keep some eggs in and NOT the ones run by corporate #greed lol #it would have been so much smarter to just maintained all of them here and there while having ur main platform #like having an art dump everywhere else then ur main big one right? but so few ppl did that and now we gotta deal with this shit #its like funny in an ironic way i guess #kinda sad too cuz so many artists that i loved fled w.o looking back and now they're fiddling their thumbs on twitter :/ #some even considering deviantart aparently cuz thats somehow better????????? #like Jesus christ dude how do u not know ur going from 1 layer of hell to one 5 layers worse #ironically tumblr isnt even hell anymore its more like a purgatory

[majorxmaggiexboy]

had a dream last night about AMC’s The Terror where it was mostly the same except it was a smaller crew and it kept swerving between somber horror and deep emotion to a Big Brother style reality show where the different crew members would have to win challenges. idk to what end bc Tuunbaq was p much doing just like in the show and occasionally showing up to do some murder. 

there was something about how they didn’t see some guy called Hodgeson or Jopson and then Crozier was creeping around this real dark part of the ship with broken glass and stuff on the floor and inspecting a little pair of glasses. He was grumbling that it better not be Jopson and then it cut to various crew members having to put in votes between Hodgeson and Jopson but idk what for specifically

I woke up around the time a guy who was apparently Jopson showed up looking kind of ruffled and Done With Everything. Dude was walking into the ship and with no eye contact or change of expression high fived first Crozier and then Goodsir

#i woke up in an anxious depressive haze and have not quite managed to shake it :( #but im glad this jopson fellow was okay #idk where hodge was #it was weird bc one of the challenges they had to do was cooking mixed with hide and seek #they got interrupted by the tuunbaq and it killed some people #then they had to resume #crozier was swearing the entire time #sir john kept asking him to stop #i haven't listened to anymore of the book for a while and still don't even know these cold boys #i only know crozier fitzjames goodsir hickey eat hotchip blankey silna and lie #....do i know any of the other charac- oh right sir john #i think there's a dude who looks like nemo from bleak house but idk what his name is

[todayisafridaynight]

look listen OK hey listen to me, look at these words. I've never seen anyone down bad for Shimano but now that I have I gotta say I respect your hustle. respect your energy. your VIBES, even

I NEVER SAID I WAS DOWN BAD FOR SHIMANO HEEELP i looked at him OBEJECTIVELY with my TWO SCIENTIFIC AND ANALYTICAL EYEBALLS an said' yo know what ??? all things considered ??? KINDA bad.'

BUT thank you for respecting me ..... BIG LOVE bro. im honored even if i think its not apppropiate.

#snap chats #DONT LEABEL MEA SHIMANO FUCKER NOT LIKE THIS #I AINT LIKE THAATT IM BEING SCIETNIFIC AND OBJECTIVE #AND MY RESEARCH TELLS ME SHIMANO KINDA NASTY WITH IT #JUST A BIT #I WOLD NOT DO I WILL MAKE IT CLEAR BUT I CAN SEE THE APPEAL #i think the worst thing about this tier list is im not even into dudes #actually i think lesbians are a point in separating irl dudes from ficiontal dudes #irl dudes NEVER but some fictional dudes like i'll look at them TWICE at least #thts how you know my list was done with great research and is only coprised of accurate opinoins #wtf am i even saying anymore jesus christ

[the-deadlock-south]

every time i wanna mix up my zarya skins i have to be faced with the reality that zarya just Does Not Have Good Skins so i am very limited

#overwatch #overwatch 2 #like her best skins are workout / polyanitsa / totally 80's and even THAT'S stretching it #I DONT EVEN HAVE WORKOUT AND POLYANITSA AND I CANT GET EM ANYMORE #those are my fave skins for her anyway the others just.. do not work imo #like the siberian front one's nice too but it's like. Ok. #it's MORE Ok than the three i mentioned those are like Above Average Ok #here's to hoping she gets better skins some day #this an ish with me for cass too but i been talkin bout that #dude just.. does not have skins i particularly love aside from the helsing one #like the riverboat one's cute but i wanna feel like i'm still playin as cass yk #the riverboat one just looks too diff from cass. i love my cowboy i wanna pick a skin that tells me it's him he's just wearin a silly outfit #you know what skin perfectly fulfills that but costs $40 :))))))))))) im in misery