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donotpercieveme123 · 2 years

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Founders and their attachment style

1. Hashirama

He's the only one with a remotely secure attachment style. (Regardless of the whole I will kill my best friend, brother and even my own child for the village lol). He's secure in knowing he cares for people and that they care for him back. He's the normal amount of clingy and knows when he and others need space, and he doesn't spiral at perceived abandonment lol. (Makes his interactions with Madara so much funnier in my opinion).

I will say he's slightly avoidant though, and duty comes first. (The senju being the clan of duty and all that.)

2. Madara

This man embodies the anxious avoidant attachment style to a T. He craves human connection, and is really intense about it, but in a very hot cold way (unless it's izuna who he knows loves and won't leave him). He scrambles for love and affection, then pulls away and becomes avoidant the second he remotely feels like they're not reciprocating. Only to then become anxious again, and the cycle continues. In the end though he leans more towards avoidant and will distance himself or just completely disappear without word or explanation. This was likely how his relationship with Hashirama went after peace.

3. Tobirama

Mostly avoidant, but he becomes more secure in adulthood. In adolescence and into his twenties he was especially avoidant, very duty oriented, approaching everything with cold logic and thinking that approaching love in the emotional, uncontrolled way the uchiha do is irresponsible and bound to breed disaster. And this view doesn't particularly change, he eventually becomes more sympathetic about it but that's about it. He sees love as the carrying out of duty, very much actions speak louder than words.

He cares for his clan, his family, his students, but there is always some sort of emotional distance there, even if he is very self sacrificial towards the people he cares about. He has relationships with people, but they all lack true emotional connections. Whenever anyone tries to get emotional with him it freaks him out and he pulls away faster than u can blink lol. (Even if deep down he kind of craves it, it's still deeply uncomfortable and alien to him). He's also probably really lonely if he's being honest with himself.

4. Izuna

Anxious avoidant, mostly avoidant tho. But also secure when it comes to the people closest to him (e.i. madara, and in my personal aus where hikaku is like another brother to him and naori is his best friend, them too). He's hot and cold and very intense in a similar way to madara, but most of the anxious obsessive side of it is internalised, and he doubles down on pulling away at perceived abandonment. Having said that, he is more likely than madara to try to get close to people (even if he's quick to pull away the second he finds something wrong with them, or he perceives that they've found something wrong with him). He's big on casual flings (not romantic), and the illusion of closeness you get from meeting new people and acting like you've known them all ur life, when really it's all just projection. He needs to already have a strong bond with someone (either love or hate) for him to care or stick around.

The process of him and tobirama becoming friends is this funny little dance of hating each other (mostly on Izuna's side lol), while mutually respecting each other, and valuing their skills and what they can offer. While slowly getting to know the other, and feeling like they understand each other in ways nobody else can. But they'd rather die than acknowledge it. So they work and train together, they discuss science and argue about politics and philosophy (even if they mostly agree on everything lol), and almost constantly share the same space because of it. And they constantly neg each other (tobirama mostly doing it in retaliation). And Izuna somehow manages to get under his skin lol.

They become kind of obsessed with each other, while being like 'this is completely normal. Look at all the ways we're normal and completely rational' :) They could invent a jutsu to tie their souls and chakra together, and they'd be like this is practical, what if the other is in a situation where they need chakra that they don't have, huh? What if we need to communicate instantly across country, huh? What if we were at war, huh? Oh did I let Tobirama tattoo his teleportation seal on me? Of course, what if he needs to find and instantly get to me, huh? It's completely practical.

#love how this post became about tobirama and izuna's unhinged dynamic towatlrds the end there #was rereading WASS and i firmly believe that if izuna had lived and they'd actually become friends #they would have created the soulbond anyway #gods obsessed with their friendship #hashirama #madara #tobirama #izuna #naruto #naruto founders #founders attachment styles

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allisoooon · 2 years

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Allison, Claire, and Attachment

I’ve generally put Allison barely mentioning Claire in s2 down to Law of Conservation of Detail—we know she loves her daughter and it doesn’t need to be peppered in so we don’t forget that. However, it is almost midnight and weird ideas come to you sometimes when it’s late, so here goes.

Allison apparently left the Academy and pretended she had completely moved on and become a successful, functioning adult. Luther felt abandoned by her (and everyone else), but she doesn’t deny that she pretended none of her family existed when she went about creating her new family. She shut off those connections and didn’t look back until it came time for the funeral.

Fast forward to s2, and she is, once again, completely alone and stranded. Lost in time. So she does it again. She refuses to look backward at the people in her past and moves forward with making new bonds.

There’s a theory in developmental psychology about attachment. In the first few years of your life, you learn how relationships work, with your caregiver as the model. This part of your development dictates how you form attachments later in life as well, which is a factor in your ability to develop healthy relationships. If your caregiver was attentive to your emotional needs, the impression you have of interpersonal relationships is that they are meant to be steady and satisfying, a known person’s responses can be predicted, and someone you are close with can be trusted not to hurt you. This is called a “secure” attachment style. If your caregiver was inconsistent or distant, you probably reacted one of two ways: either you learned you couldn’t rely on someone to leave you if you didn’t cling to them (anxious), or you learned there was no point in pursuing attachment or expressing your emotions because it wouldn’t be rewarded or couldn’t be relied upon (avoidant). If your relationship with your primary caregiver was straight-up frightening, or if they were frightened of you, you very likely learned that there was no way to predict what effect your behavior would have at all. The same behavior got completely different reactions from your caregiver at different times and there was no way to know which reaction you would get. Ultimately, it gave you a “disorganized” attachment style.

The way this gets observed in infants is by placing them in an unfamiliar situation: in a playroom with both their caregiver and a stranger. The caregiver then leaves the room and the infant’s response is noted before the stranger attempts to comfort the infant. The caregiver returns and the infant’s response is noted. This happens two or three times. Securely attached infants are able to let their caregiver leave and can be comforted by the stranger, but prefer their caregiver and are happy when they come back. Later in life, they are able to have self-confidence and strong relationships. Insecure-avoidant infants ignore the stranger and don’t express happiness or relief at the caregiver’s return. Later in life, they tend to be aloof and yet lonely. Insecure-anxious infants have strong reactions to the departure of their caregiver, like hitting or crying, and are unable to be consoled by the stranger. They tend to have tempestuous, unreliable relationships and be clingy later in life. Fearful-avoidant (disorganized attachment) infants show great uncertainty when the caregiver leaves, and may be confused, erratic, angry, or afraid. As adults, they tend to be emotionally dysregulated and prone to severe mental illness. They can demonstrate a worrisome push-pull in their relationships, drawing people close before pushing them away again—an attachment style famously common in Borderline Personality Disorder, but not exclusive to that diagnosis.

We see a lot of evidence of a disorganized attachment style in all of the Hargreeves siblings. They don’t seem to form new attachments easily, but when they do, they form fast. Vanya says she loves Leonard within a few days of meeting him, but goes from loving to murderous within a matter of minutes. This illustrates that even though she formed this bond quickly, she is practiced at letting bonds go just as quickly as they form. Diego falling for Lila so soon and so quickly after Patch’s death can be seen as evidence of this as well. Klaus’ story of how his longest relationship lasted three weeks happens just a few days before he meets the love of his life. Luther hasn’t made a friend in his entire life who wasn’t a family member at the start of the series. Five is practically a macro version of the push-pull dynamic of disorganized attachment. He’ll do anything to get back to his family when they’re separated, but when they’re together, he holds them at arm’s length.

I don’t want this to sound like there is no pain when letting these attachments go. There absolutely is pain, especially if those attachments were close. Nevertheless, the pattern of behavior is that the person is ready to treat anyone as an abuser. That was how they survived. Anyone you are friendly with is someone with whom the other shoe could drop at any moment. So it’s not that Allison stopped caring about the people she let go, it’s that letting go of people, for her, doesn’t mean the same thing as it does to someone with a secure attachment style. When she and Ray fight, she is already talking like the marriage is on its last legs. Someone who grew up differently might think it obvious that the solution to her problem is clear—that she should tell Ray the truth and trust that he will be reasonable. Allison, however, has seldom had a relationship of any sort that did not end in estrangement, whether that was because they genuinely sucked or because she pushed them away. She is already thinking, “I know how this goes.”

Allison is not reacting consistently to Claire’s absence because her reactions to attachments are not consistent to begin with. That’s the hallmark of disorganized attachment—unpredictability. In the first season, she wouldn’t stop talking about Claire. In s2, with Claire no longer even in existence except in her memory, she may just find her too painful to talk about. She still has this internal model of relationships as things that switch on and off almost at random, waiting for the other shoe to drop with each person she is close to. Parent-child relationships are not immune to this, not even from the parent’s perspective, and she was already talking as if it was hopeless for her to fix things with her daughter, as if Patrick would never allow her to see her again. As if she was too broken herself to ever be a reliable parent.

We also just don’t know what she says offscreen. Let’s be real: if she’d kept talking about Claire in s2 as much as she did in s1, no matter how understandable or realistic, there would have been people whining about how she won’t shut up about her daughter. There also just needed to be an arc she could have that wasn’t about her as a mother, which she got to have. We saw her become a leader. We saw her fix a relationship instead of accepting it was inevitably going to fall apart. We saw her address how her first instinct is to lie and not trust even the people closest to her.

Even people who don’t dislike Allison often call her boring. She’s not boring. She’s just as textured and complex as the others—she’s just not as loud as Klaus, Diego, or Five, not as mousy as Vanya, makes (marginally) smaller mistakes than Luther, and Ben…people usually have the same criticism for Ben. Which, once again, I disagree. Just because a character isn’t larger than life doesn’t mean they’re smaller than life. Just because they’re not explosive doesn’t mean they’re boring.

#tua #the umbrella academy #allison hargreeves #luther hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #diego hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #ben hargreeves #five hargreeves #tua meta #viktor hargreeves

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simplyotometrash · 3 years

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Some Obey Me Headcanons!

Part One!!

Lucifer

Lucifer has always been the dad sibling. After each of his brothers were “born” while they were angels, he was the one to raise and teach them everything.

It’s common knowledge that Mammon is his favorite. Even if he hates to admit it. He’s hardest on Mammon because it’s the only thing he knows how to do anymore.

Despite the fact that they don’t seem to get along because of Mammon’s antics, Lucifer only ever confides some of his most pent up feelings to the second born.

The only other person he confides in this deeply is MC.

Before the fall, Belphie was his second favorite brother. Even after things have settled after Belphie was free again, he can never look at the youngest the same.

All he wants is for his brothers to be happy and live on. Even if it means working himself into the ground for their sakes.

He doesn’t ask for help. Help has to be forced upon him.

With how much he works, even at home, it’s not uncommon to find him napping with a pen in hand at his desk and his head on his paperwork.

He wishes he had done better raising Satan. He blames himself for their strained relationship, but he feels as if it is too late to truly fix it.

Sometimes he also wishes he had raised Satan as his son and not his brother, considering Satan was born from his wrath.

Children, for some reason or another, flock to him.

His control issues and needing to know everything that happens under his roof stems from the trauma of the war, the fall, and what happened with Lilith.

It’s his deepest fear that he will lose his brothers and be completely and utterly alone.

A bisexual mess of a demon. No one can convince me he doesn’t have at least a small crush on Diavolo.

Mammon

Oh the second born brother. He just wants to see everybody happy. But he always messes up and ends up making people angry instead.

He has severe impulse control issues, hence why he’s broke all the time. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to save his Grimm, I headcanon that his sin of Greed compels him to spend. It controls him and so he struggles to keep money.

But by gods does he have great luck with gambling. Get him going and he will win big every single time.

But keep that money where he can’t just grab it or else he will be compelled by his sin to buy things.

He doesn’t even want most of the things he buys. His sin took root in that empty space left from the fall and being cast out by the one he called his father.

His sin pushes him to try and fill that void with objects and money when really he just wants someone’s love.

After centuries of being called scum and a degenerate because of something he has little control over, he gave up trying and gave into just being his sin.

He cries easy but only to MC or Lucifer. He won’t show his tears to any of his other brothers. Maybe Beel sometimes. But only sometimes.

He knows Lucifer’s most precious and deepest secrets. He’s his brother’s confidant. But he doesn’t even breathe a word of these secrets to anyone else.

He tries so hard to get attention, so he does stupid shit. After falling to Devildom, his family was changed forever. So any attention is good attention even when it’s him being punished.

MC is the one who showed him positive love and attention again. It is one of many reasons he sticks to their side like fucking super glue to skin.

He’s actually a total mom-friend, though you wouldn’t guess it. You’d think he is the type to get drunk and pass out at a party? His alcohol tolerance is actually much higher than he lets on. He cleans up and takes care of people after they’ve all passed out.

Leviathan

He wasn’t nearly as anxious and against socializing before falling to Devildom. He retreated into himself out of fear of the unknown world they had all fallen into after the war.

He has an anxious attachment style. He knows it isn’t healthy. It’s rooted in the trauma that losing Lilith created.

The longer he stayed closed in on himself, the worse his anxiety got. To the point he became a recluse.

He fears getting close to someone. He feels insecure in relationships, not just in himself. He doesn’t feel like he’s good enough.

He’s had relationships in Devildom before, but the first one ended poorly and it only made things worse for how he saw himself. The demon only dated him because of who he was, and preferred his status as the Grand Admiral of Hell’s Navy. Not as who he really is.

The few relationships that came after all ended before they really could begin because his anxiety monster was screaming that he wasn’t really good enough. That they only ever pursued him for who he was in status and power.

MC’s persistence to become his friend is what made him begin to do some self-reflection.

They tried so hard to become friends with him, they put so much effort into him, and they encourage him to just be himself. If they do all of that, maybe he really is enough as he is.

He does try to step outside of his comfort zone more because MC opened his eyes to the truth of himself.

But baby steps are needed.

He taught himself how to code just so he could make games. He got bored after making one and preferred playing to creating.

He doesn’t actually hate Mammon. Their little rivalry traces back to when they were angels and still growing up, competing for Lucifer’s attention. He actually loves his brother very much, despite how irritate he gets.

His envy is its own thing. It took root within his insecurities and has a voice all its own. It used to be so loud that he couldn’t think. But the growth he’s had since MC came into his life helped quiet that voice down a lot.

He’s closest with Satan and Asmo, feeling like he doesn’t fit with his older two or youngest two brothers anymore.

Satan

He knew from day one that he wasn’t like the rest of his brothers. He was always different. Born a demon, never once an angel. He knew that they weren’t truly his brothers.

All he ever wanted was for Lucifer to be his father. Not his brother.

Lucifer once was his hero, the person he admired and respected with all his might.

As he got older, his wrath only grew with him. And his anger at Lucifer grew as well.

He wanted to find himself as separate from Lucifer. He knew where he’d come from. But everyone treated him as if he were just some offshoot of Lucifer. He wanted to be his own person. For everyone to see that. It fueled his anger and built the wall that came between them.

He’s an excellent shoulder for comfort. He often comforts Levi when he breaks down or provides reassurance to Asmo.

These three are the middle children, they stick together.

He was alive when the Library of Alexandria was burned. Even though he wasn’t supposed to go to the human realm, he saved some texts from the library and keeps them safe.

The real reason he wears his jackets the way he does is just like when you’re in bed. If it’s full on with both sleeves, he’s too hot. If he doesn’t have it on at all he’s too cold. So one arm in a sleeve and one arm not in a sleeve.

Asmo has tried and failed to give this boy fashion help. He refuses to take it. He thinks he looked like an intellectual (for the love of god please lose the black undershirt at least, Satan).

He carries cat treats and cat food in his bag at all times in case he comes across a kitty in need.

He has sneaked many cats into the House of Lamentation. Lucifer knew the entire time but let Satan have a few days before he “found out” about the cats.

His wrath has burned strong for so long, even when he was passive, that he didn’t know what it was like to feel calm. But MC’s very presence sends a wave of peace right to his very core.

Asmo

If you’re insecure and you know it clap your hands.

Levi might seem like the king of insecurity, but Asmo takes the cake.

He masks his insecurities with what people think is narcissism and over confidence. He puts on a show so nobody knows how he really sees himself.

Lust was always shoved down his throat as sexual only. So he went with it. He was supposed to be the Avatar of Lust. To be what was expected of him and to make sure he was liked, he did what he thought everyone wanted.

And it turned him into someone he never wanted to be. He didn’t know how to find himself again.

He isn’t nearly as sexual and lewd as everyone thinks. He’s touchy and clingy, yes, but touch is his love language.

When he’s hurt or doesn’t feel well, if he’s had a bad day, if he’s sad- all he wants is to be held by the person he loves and who loves him. He wants to hold hands or link arms. He wants to wrap his arms around them all the time.

But because everyone in Devildom only saw him as a sex symbol, he had to bury his truest desires. He had a persona to keep up.

While he does love to take care of himself, he used to break mirrors because he was so sick of who he had become. It took a lot of time for him to get through it.

His MC is the only one who wasn’t tainted by his power. A power that seemed to just be active all the time whether he wanted it or not.

Everyone was all over him but it wasn’t as if he could control it. His sin was always active, it attracted people.

But MC wasn’t interested or affected.

And that was what was most attractive to him.

They saw him for who he was and encouraged him to just be the true Asmo. Not the Asmo everyone wanted to see.

He is excellent at sewing. He loves making his own accessories and clothing from his own designs.

He’s ambidextrous. You think that the king of fashion only uses one hand? Darling, if he only used one hand then his homework would never get done. He write with one hands and be painting his toes with the other.

One of the few people that can get Levi out of his room to hang out. They’ve always been close. Sometimes he does that just so the others can get Levi’s laundry and dirty dishes.

He’s the most emotionally open and stable of the brothers. He’s made peace with his inner monsters and can coexist with them. He’s also surprisingly good at advice.

Can and will break into Lucifer’s study to make the eldest relax because he’s working too har.

He has bobby pins on him at all times. Not just for fashion but for lockpicking! He can be clever and beautiful!

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo

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alfredosauce50 · 3 years

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Hey, it's my first time requesting something and I'm not sure how this work so sorry if I've done something wrong >< Could you do something with Lithunia please ? Yandere, headcannons, fluff, anything you'd like ! Thank you ^^ Love your writing by the way

Aww, don’t be sorry! You did nothing wrong, dear. There are no strict rules here, just guidelines.

I haven’t written Lithuania before, but I’ll give it a shot! I went ahead and did some research so I hope you’ll like this. This covers headcanons and fluff, so there you go :)

Lithuania boyfriend headcanons

He’s very sweet and considerate, but a little reserved. So while he’ll show you affection, like kissing, hugging, and hand holding, he isn’t the kind to go overboard like most significant others. He makes up for it by preparing little gifts for you from time to time, or doing you favors without you asking him to. Anything that would make your life more convenient, he’ll try his best to make it happen. Helping you do adult things is his love language.

The dates you go on with him are nothing out of the ordinary. He’ll take you to the movies, cinemas, the park, an aquarium, or the zoo. Pretty typical, but enjoyable nonetheless. It’s all about the company. And while you’re out in public with him, he won’t do PDA. Instead, he’ll just hold your hand or hug you. He’s very wholesome and easily flustered! If you kiss him in front of other people, he’ll blush like hell, even if it’s on the cheek. Better snap a picture to savor that moment, reader.

He’s very protective, but it’s never suffocating. Before you go anywhere or do anything, he’ll put himself in your shoes and wonder about any problems you might come up with, and will give you advice to deal with it. If he can, he’ll accompany you to wherever you need to go. You always say he’s too kind, or even a little clingy for it, but you always put it on an affectionate note.

Tolys is more of a giver than a taker. Despite being a workaholic and a pretty bad stresser, he will go out of his way to help you with your problems. It’s how he shows he loves you. So on top of all of his own responsibilities, he will do all the cooking and cleaning. Run errands. Book appointments. You always insist he doesn’t have to, but he never seems to listen. Even if it’s exhausting, he’ll feel bad if he stops doing it—ironically, he will feel at loss if he doesn’t do these things. He really wants to be relied upon so you can share your burdens with him.

He is an introverted soul and closed off. Especially when the relationship is new, he won’t tell you his problems until he knows you well enough to trust you. Even in the present, he’ll have trouble opening up because he avoids conflict like the plague. So it’s up to you to be observant to coax him to have “the talk” with you. He’ll be quite nervous when it happens considering it glosses over every aspect of the relationship, but he’ll be glad you made him do it. When it comes to choosing whether to speak or die, he would choose die immediately.

He needs de-stress sessions. Eventually, juggling work and home-life will get to him, especially when he keeps insisting on doing most of the domestic chores. He’ll want you to calm him down, and it’s no easy task. If you don’t put a cap to his worrying, he will get a stomachache! So before that happens, you get him to laze around in bed with you. Even then, he might linger on any unfinished tasks, but you adamantly shush him, and tell him you’ll help him through it. If you keep combing your fingers through his hair, whisper at him softly, and kiss him, he will be soothed. If he’s tired enough, he will fall asleep.

Tolys loves innocent physical contact. While he’s reading or watching something, you’ll braid his hair. And he’ll keep it up until he has to go to sleep. When you kiss him, he’ll press his forehead to yours for a few moments to savor the moment. If you’re standing around him at the end of the day, he’ll give you a massage and will cutely ask you to give him one too.

He’s a huge geek for martial arts but never actually... Learns it. You’ll find him watching Jackie Chan movies, IP man or videos of people fucking shit up. If he thinks he’s alone, he’ll practise some moves in his room. Since that’s all he ever does with this interest, he’ll get a little embarrassed when he realizes you happened to see! Oops. But that’s okay! He can be cool by showing off his sick basketball skills. (He ties his hair up for it too.) You’ll play with him every so often, and he gets really into it—his playful side jumps out and he’ll toy with you by keeping the ball to himself. It’s quite endearing to see him enjoying something he’s good at.

He is on the cusp of having an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. He sometimes worries a lot over the little things he does that you might not like. Being the introverted giver, he will avoid his own problems and focus on you. If he fixates on himself, he will start overthinking that he’s selfish, and will assume you think he’s being selfish. He’s the type to gaslight himself and invalidate his own concerns, but you always keep him grounded and remind him every feeling he has is perfectly valid, and worth mentioning.

Advancing the relationship is also something he worries about. Is he going too slow? Or what if he’s going to quick? He doesn’t mind taking things to the next level, but he’ll let you do more of the initiating. He reciprocates every time, so you don’t have trouble starting things. Even though he isn’t what people would call bold, with you, he’s willing to do anything.

This was super fun to write. So thanks for the ask! I think I’ve developed a soft spot for him 🥴 Lithuania with tied hair supremacy 🛐🛐🛐

#Hetalia #axis powers hetalia #axis powers ヘタリア #aph #hetalia fanfiction #hetalia x reader #lithuania #aph lithuania #lithuania headcanons #headcanons #boyfriend headcanons #ask answered #fluff #lithuania x reader #toris laurinaitis #alfredosauce50

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kuuderepunkin · 4 years

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May I please have a match up for Death note and Assassination classroom?

I’m an INTJ, Scorpio,I like to draw/paint and write. When I get the chance to Im very out going but I’m normally very shy and cold at first. I love true crime and psychology sometimes I just watch people to see why they act a certain way I have a very low self esteem and I have problems eating and sleeping, I know how to use people to get want I want and I can change my personality to make the people around me like me a lot better

When I’m in a bad mood I normally just want to be alone and way from everyone except for the person I love or am closest with. I deal with a lot at home so I don’t like being yelled at at all and tend to flinch a lot. When I get comfortable with someone I am very cuddly and clingy.

I have dark blue hair right now and blue eyes, I normally have to wear glasses but don’t if I can help it. My style is punk mixed with grunge. I love dark things but secretly like cute things.

Of course! Honestly I love true crime/psychology too o0o and I feel you on the home life, so I hope these help out at least a little bit <3 I hope you enjoy these!

Death Note matchup: L Lawliet

I would match you up with L for a couple reasons, you’re both analytical and observant of people, your interest in true crime and psychology obviously interests him as well. And your initial shy or cold personality does not bother him one bit, he’s a patient man and highly observant himself. He is very interested in your appearance as well, it’s quite unique and draws his attention immediately. When he first sees and approaches you, it’s a bit awkward, because he kind of just stares at you which may be a bit uncomfortable.

Your first meeting was probably a public police press conference, it was discussing the current growth in unexpected and unexplainable strings of deaths attached to criminals.

As always L was there just in the background despite being the one who wrote most the police reports, when he spotted you in the crowd.

You had probably heard about the case on the radio or news and became curious about the details, being a fan of true crime you wanted to see what the police investigation had turned up.

As the press conference went on you began to feel uneasy, when you caught someone staring at you. It was unsettling at first but the moment the dark haired male caught you making eye contact with him, he approached you. His piercing eyes just bore into you as he remained quiet, the two of you just standing there in false silence as the detectives began to talk about their leads in the case.

After that long awkward exchange L finally speaks and bluntly tells you he likes your hair and the “manner in which you dress.”

He curiously asks you about your opinion on the case, if you tried to cater your personality to fit a discussion with him I think he would catch on to the flexibility in your disposition.

L is very interested in what you have to say about the case, any outside perspectives are always riveting to him. If given the chance he is very excited to tell you about his personal theories on the case.

Before the two of you go your separate ways he asks for your phone number or other means of contacting you. And to ease your suspicion of his strange mannerisms he tells you who he actually is, because the time he spent talking with you he decided there was no chance you would be involved with the case, so revealing his true identity wouldn’t jeopardize anything.

It doesn’t take long for him to become attached to you, and he invites you over often to talk about different true crimes and analyze different people in deep intellectual conversations. He really enjoys having someone to discuss these topics with, let alone someone he finds himself becoming attracted to.

Even before the two of you become an official couple he will point out that you haven’t “eaten the proper amount of food necessary to sustain the human body.” And he does not hesitate to get you some food, insisting that it’s important for your mind and body.

Sadly, he is also not the best when it comes to getting rest, so sometimes he will make a compromise, he will join you in trying to get some much needed sleep. If it’s not just because you fail to get sleep, but have trouble falling asleep he will do his best to find solutions for you.

He’ll make you tea, rub your back, play with your hair to lull you to sleep, and if you’re up for it he will cuddle with you to make you feel warm and secure.

L never yells so you don’t have to worry about that at all, besides he’s so patient I feel that it would take a lot for him to become remotely upset. And if someone else is raising their voice he is quick to deescalate the situation. He’s also not a fan of people being loud, and if you’ve told him about your rocky home life he does not tolerate people making you upset.

And while L may not seem to be the type to be into affection, he truly adores it, but he never rushes into it. Especially understanding you are more introverted. Once you become comfortable with physical touch he will always crave to be near you. Not always in extremely obvious forms of affection, but he enjoys sitting next to you with his legs touching your own as your arms press into each other.

He will intertwine his fingers with yours as the two of you sit beside one another. He loves when you lean your head on his shoulder and sometimes he will put his head on your own.

When watching television on his couch he loves being the big spoon, or just sitting up and having you sit between his legs with your back against his chest. I feel he may be a bit touch starved but he only craves being near people he trusts.

I can see him watching you from the side as you draw or paint only to sneak up and gently take your glasses off and put them on, curious as to how it feels to look out of them. He gives them back after checking himself out in a nearby mirror.

Contrary to belief he is not critical about everything, by this I mean he is never critical of your art. He is curious and observant and will ask questions but he will never give his own opinion unless told explicitly to do so.

He appreciates your creativity and believes putting any kind of critical analysis on something you care deeply about, that has to do with self expression, is counter productive.

He also loves getting you gifts, it’s a mix of both your grunge/dark aesthetic and your love for cute things, somehow he finds the perfect things to get for you. Anytime he has to leave you for a job he sends gifts to you to remind you he’s constantly thinking about you.

Assassination Classroom matchup: Karma Akabane

As for Assasination Classroom there are a lot of good candidates, so choosing a single character to match you with was a close call. Nagisa is a great match for intellect and psychological discussion but his well mannered behavior may prove difficult in breaking through your initial cold exterior. Karma on the other hand is quite smart despite not initially putting his full effort in the series, and his edgy aesthetic and personality would be a great match for your own grunge/punk style. Talk about power couple, he will bring out the best (or worst) in you. He’s slightly teasing but he knows where to draw the line because his intention is not to make you upset just to see your reactions.

If you have even an ounce of sass in you, he’s going to help draw it out, making remarks about others and having you join in makes his heart grow 10 sizes. He’s so proud he can have the effect of making you more confident, even if it’s just because he’s around you.

While he hates to admit it, he’s pretty smart if he would just put the effort in. So while you discuss your interests in criminal cases and psychology he will do his best to entertain you without revealing too much of the intellect he is in public.

Luckily in private he doesn’t care how much he shows off his intelligence, he will hold long discussions with you about different people you’ve seen and the two of you will pick apart their personality and analyze every aspect of their possible psychology behind why they act the way they do.

When the two of you watch a movie you often discuss the characters and maybe how ridiculous the plot is. He’s a savage and will tear down the villains in the media because of how ridiculous they can be. It can get to the point where he’s analyzing the writers at some point because “who would write such a two dimensional character? They’re not even likeable.”

He will not let you neglect your health and will constantly remind you to eat and keep hydrated. Sometimes it sounds like he’s nagging but it’s because he doesn’t want to seem like too much of a softie.

And as for your sleeping trouble’s he’s not going to let those slide either, he’s going to be giving you massages, running you soothing baths, preparing you some tea and bed time activities to help you unwind.

If you’re down to let him cuddle he’s going to do everything in his power to lull you to sleep, tactical hair brushing, rubbing small circles to your arm.

If people yell around you he’s going to go into dark Karma mode and just be little them to the point they have crippling anxiety and just leave the two of you alone. He tries not to be too confrontational around you because he doesn’t want to make you anxious.

But he’s your body guard and won’t let anyone say or do anything that makes you nervous.

In public he’ll let you cling to him, but he insists he’s just being a good supportive boyfriend, and not that he loves to have you attached to his side.

He slightly teases you about your love of the more cute things, but he bought it for you so he obviously cares enough to make you happy. It just really gets him going to have you be expressive, whether you’re telling him off or blushing from the teasing he’s happy either way.

#Punkin look #Match-ups #submission #matchmaker #gif #I hope you like these!!! ;0;#Punkinwrites

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theroadtriptonowhere · 5 years

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Why you should learn your attachment style

Ever wonder why you seem to be in the same kinds of relationships all the time? By which I mean, they all kind of have the same or similar problems. Or have you ever struggled to make connections with people for fear of seeming too needy? Maybe you struggle to make connections because people think you’re too closed off. Maybe you don’t trust easily.

But, okay, what’s something that doesn’t seem generic, but can really make you believe in attachment styles if you’re a little harder to convince?

Have you ever used this phrase and meant it? Nobody ever cares as much as I (you) do. Or, no one gives as much as they get.

In either one, that could be true, but before you condemn someone for a lack of caring, ask yourself this: have you ever actually let someone else take care of you? Have you ever let someone see your emotional pain and take care of you, or do you tend to brush it aside and prefer to just keep helping others?

Okay so if you still don’t believe me, I’d say keep reading anyway, because it could help with people you are in a relationship with, but it’s not like I’ll know so, you do you.

Anyway, an attachment style is basically something we learn as babies (from 0-2 years, I believe, but I’m not 100% sure without looking it up) depending on how our needs were met by our caregivers we could end up with one of four different attachment styles. The two main ones being a secure attachment style and an insecure attachment style.

A secure attachment style is fostered by parents/caregivers that are able to consistently meet the child’s needs, and so the child learns that they can trust their caregiver, and use them as a base for which they explore the world.

Don’t understand what that means? It’s cool, I didn’t either.

My mom actually works in a children’s shelter, and actually showed me some studies on this as she knew I developed an interest in it. In one study that they specifically did at her job, they had a group of moms and their children playing in a room. After a while, they asked the moms to leave for one minute, and then to come back, but to stay behind the line they put near the door. What they found were a few different responses by the babies. One was crying nonstop and could not be comforted and immediately went to their mother when they saw she came back. Another had mixed signals they were giving as if they weren’t sure whether to go back to their mother or to stay where they were, but they were also showing distress at their mother not being present when she was gone. The last baby response they got was one child who did not cry at all when their mother left, just kept playing, and when she came back, they only acknowledged that she was there by turning around to see them and then turning back around to continue playing.

This by no means meant that they each already had a specific attachment style. The experiment was only meant to demonstrate the different ways they can react, not to diagnose, and so the experiment was only conducted by a few people for a short period of time.

However each baby did demonstrate a possible attachment style, so from there well go into the three insecure attachment styles, and what it means for the baby to consider the caregiver as a base from which to explore the world.

Insecure attachment styles:

Anxious attachment: also know as the love addict. Can be considered clingy by most people. Craves attachment, and does not have the ability to self-sooth very often. Self-sacrificing. Has difficulty listening to boundaries. Uses activating strategies when they feel someone pulling away from them to maintain the connection. Is better in the honeymoon phase of relationships normally, but has difficulty settling in a relationship.

Fearful-avoidant: come here, go away is a common phrase used to describe them. (May or may not be called disorganized attachment style, but the people I’ve learned from had different thoughts about what it meant, so I’m using this one. Still, if anyone wants more than a condensed version send an ask and I’ll send the link to who I watch when I’m learning about it) A combination of the anxious and dismissive attachment styles. Wants connection, but doesn’t trust it. Tends to be the more caregiver kind of friend. Does not do well talking about feelings, but is better at talking about them than the dismissive avoidant. Has difficulty setting boundaries for themselves. Will display more of the opposite attachment style of the person they’re dating. If anxious and fearful avoidant, they will show more dismissive avoidant characteristics. Can self-sooth relatively easily. Self-sacrificing, people pleasers. Is better at the beginning of a relationship, during the honeymoon phase, and has difficulty in setting into a relationship past that. Can sometimes do ‘tests’ on people to determine whether or not to trust them. Uses strategies to avoid or activate connections with people, depending on what attachment style they’re with.

Dismissive-avoidant: does not actively want or pursue connections. Does not trust other people to meet their needs. Does not normally display self-sacrificing habits. Tends to avoid talking about feelings(for example, if you asked how are you feeling right now, instead of answering, they might go into how their day went, or talk about their thoughts.) is good at setting boundaries, though not always by actually verbalizing them. Settles into relationships easier than the other two insecure attachment styles, preferring the consistency of a relationship that’s well past its honeymoon phase, to the actual honeymoon phase itself.

The funny thing about the entire experiment was the idea that the baby who didn’t respond at all to the mother leaving was actually the most well behaved. Not to say they weren’t, a lot of babies are incredibly smart, and depending on the age, could have learned object permanence already. (which, for those of you like me that didn’t know, just means they learned that just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean it’s stopped existing) but the fact that we don’t know for sure doesn’t mean anything. The idea that the well-behaved baby didn’t get stressed at the mother's absence because they were good, seems a little damaging to me. Babies should feel at least a little stressed (if they haven’t learned object permanence already) when their primary caregiver leaves. It means the baby trusts them, has bonded with them, and is afraid that the person who they know will meet their needs is gone. It shouldn’t be something we take so much pride in, unless we know it’s not caused by some kind of neglect on the caregivers part.

To be clear, an attachment style can also form in different circumstances as well, but typically the dismissive learns more self-soothing techniques at an early age from neglect on the caregiver's side. This could be as simple as letting the child cry themselves to sleep and not meeting their needs emotionally. Or it could be as severe as not meeting their physical needs. Regardless, even with the best intentions, when we are teaching the child self-soothing techniques by denying the emotional need they have, it creates an environment for a dismissive attachment style to form.

So what does using your caregiver as a base to explore the world mean? I’m glad you asked, cause, dear lord, I had no idea until it was explained better. Basically, a baby watches their caregivers, develops a sense of trust for them, and depending on the level of trust developed, will look to their caregiver as a guide for how they should go about exploring the unknown. In the early stages, this presents itself in needing to see how a caregiver interacts with another person before letting them close. If they see the parent trusts them, they will either feel comfortable letting the stranger close or possibly start crying the second they get near depending on if the parent is trusted to not cause pain. If they crawl away, you might see a baby glance back at their caregiver every once in a while, making sure it’s still okay. If the parent and baby share a certain level of trust, the baby will determine if it’s safe to explore on whether the caregiver looks worried or encouraging. If the trust is built in a way that they know the parent would never hurt them, they will base the decision on only their reaction, and even sometimes will stop exploring altogether just to go back and kind of touch base, before starting another exploration again.

In conclusion, learn about your damn attachment style, I swear your life, friends life, partners life, whoever the fuck you show, will be so much better afterward, I promise you. You can help yourself heal from past trauma and neglect, or help someone else, and remove negative thoughts you may have developed about yourself and other people. It’s wild how much your attachment style can affect your life.

#attachment style #secure attachment #insecure attachment #anxious attachment #fearful-avoidant attachment #disorganized attachment #dismissive avoidant #relationships #past trauma #ways to heal #learning to love yourself #idk just read it #im tired and just want to help people #self love #self care #self help #local aquarius ready to annoy people with knowledge

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casually-inlove · 5 years

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Hi! I love your analysis and i want to know your opinion about he tian and jian yi jealous How did you think they gonna react if they see xixi and Mo with others o maybe if xixi and Mo have a good friendship, did you imagine he tian and jian yi watching them jealous?

UPDATED: added the Jian Yi bit I missed.

Gosh, you guys make me embarrassed lol. I honestly never expected these kinds of posts to get positive feedback. But I’m very excited that you enjoy reading it so thank you so much!

Back to your question. Firstly, as preamble, I’d like to state that I do not consider jealousy an entirely healthy sort of reaction nor do I endorse it in any way. A little jealousy is natural, but extreme jealous outbursts are truly unbecoming, nor do I want to romanticize them in any way.

(This is gonna be long, so better grab a chair).

Now when it comes to He Tian, I truly believe that feeling jealous will be a new and entirely unnerving experience to him. Looking back at his past experiences and childhood traumas, it’s quite obvious that he’s somewhat disconnected and detached from his own feelings. This is most evident in the emptiness that fills his life: he has no real passion (save for basketball maybe), no close relationships (until he meets MGS and co, and still he’s not open about himself yet), no deep ties to his family, and he practically stripped himself bare of any personal possessions. Hell, with all the money he has, his apartment is empty and all his stuff fits nicely in just a couple of cardboard boxes. So bottom line, He Tian isn’t used to getting attached to things or people, consciously or subconsciously he ends up avoiding it. That, of course, can be traced back to the puppy incident which basically splits itself into three points: 1) the puppy he came to love and care was gruesomely taken away from him 2) his brother, the person who He Tian trusted the most, betrayed him 3) He Tian was weak, so he had to entrust something he loved into another person’s care, and thus it ended up in a disaster, because he couldn’t protect the puppy himself.

Now that he is becoming more and more attached to MGS, I’m pretty sure that some of his deep-rooted fears will intensify, particularly the ones that relate to his past inability to protect something he cherished. On the other hand, He Tian clearly wishes Mo well. It’s evident from the way he went out of his way to find him a well-paying job at the photography studio, and even tried to compliment Mo on being industrious and finally looking like somebody. I do believe that He Tian is somewhat familiar with Mo’s reputation, at very least he probably heard the rumours and we know for sure that he had been checking the detention board. So he probably knows that in fact, MGS doesn’t have that many friendships outside his henchmen. With that said, I believe a part of He Tian would want to be supportive of Mo building healthy connections with other people.

And that’s where He Tian’s inner conflict will come into the light because he’ll be faced with his deep-running internalized fears that he may not rationally understand battling his desire to be supportive and selfless. Considering that He Tian’s upbringing probably caused him to shut off his own emotions, this is going to be very hard for him. The novelty of it, the inner turmoil of conflicting feelings, his inability to adequately process and express his emotions – all of it will likely put a strain on He Tian. While I don’t see him throwing a jealousy fit (he just doesn’t seem like the type, besides as I mentioned, he ultimately wants to be good for MGS even if he doesn’t always know how), I could see him getting crabby to the point Mo notices and wonders wtf is going on. Or, more likely, I could see him becoming extra-clingy, invading Mo’s personal space or y’know, going all “excuse me, let me borrow Little Mo for a sec”. What I do not see is He Tian being downright nasty about it and fending off anyone who comes into close vicinity of Mo. Absolutely not.

As for ZZX, I believe that as of right now he’s taking Jian Yi a little bit for granted, however, once Jian Yi gets kidnapped, his attitude will change. We know that ZZX is somewhat annoyed by Jian Yi’s antics. It just happens that our lovely airhead fits the bill of a boy who cried wolves. OX scattered these moments throughout the narrative, like when Jian Yi does that careless hide-and-seek thing making ZZX worry for nothing. So I expect that as the story goes on, ZZX will be taking him with a grain of salt.

Obviously, ZZX worries for him. And I think we’ve noticed something like distrust mixed with maybe some airs of disapproval when Brother Qiu gave Jian Yi a lift on his bike. The face that ZZX makes doesn’t look like one that endorsed Jian Yi being so careless around a stranger.

There’s also a strip from the earlier short comic series (it takes place after Jian Yi reappears), where a drunk older Jian Yi apparently ends up leaning against a very imposing stranger, to ZZX dismay at that. ZZX, who had previously pushed Jian Yi off, now quickly rectifies himself and tugs Jian Yi away from another dude. He��s silent but yeah, you can see it written all over his face: ZZX does not approve Jian Yi hanging around older men, haha.

Anyway, back to my original point. I think that post Jian Yi’s return, ZZX gonna treat him with greater care, precisely because he had lost him once. Those feelings of loss and inability to prevent it will probably cause ZZX to act low-key possessive like he did in that strip. Sure, he’s worried about his safety, but I cannot help but feel that ZZX feels a bit inadequate when he sees Jian Yi get close to someone older… and bigger? If we go waaaay back to the first kidnapping attempt, we see that in the aftermath ZZX feels down allegedly because he wants to grow up and become strong in order to protect Jian Yi. Perhaps that is why he appears slightly pissed when Jian Yi ends up close with someone ZZX can’t take on?

As for ZZX and Momo… well, I just don’t see them giving off couple vibes. They are probably gonna spend their time in rather comfortable silence. For Momo ZZX is someone who doesn’t annoy him with endless chitchat, and for ZZX Momo is someone who doesn’t indulge in silly ideas. So no, I don’t imagine them spending time next to each other would somehow bother Jian Yi or He Tian. It’s just not that type of bond.

EDIT

Apologies to the anon who asked the question. I seem to have misread it a bit. I usually answer these things when I’m back from work and by the end of the day, I’m thoroughly braindead and confusing 3’s for 8’s, lol. Again, my apologies.

So the question was actually about how would Jian Yi react to seeing ZZX with other people, not the other way around.

I do see Jian Yi as someone prone to jealousy. In fact, I think we can safely assume that Jian Yi displays some signs of anxious attachment style. Attachment styles are, by and large, the behavioural patterns that define our habits of building and maintaining long-term and short-term relationships. Anxious attachment forms in children when the parental figure vacillates between being there for them (caring, feeding, being emotionally supportive, etc) and being either distant/absent, or insensitive and otherwise not providing them with attention and care. The child thus undergoes greater levels of distress, because the parent is unpredictable, and the child doesn’t understand what to expect and whether they will be cared for or left on their own. As they grow up, they start displaying such behaviours as being clingy or smothering, since they subconsciously believe that the only way for them to survive is to cling close to their attachment figure, often both in the emotional and physical sense of it.

Now from what we know of Jian Yi, his father was absent from his life, while his mother seems to be frequently missing. We have seen tell ZZX that some auntie is picking him after kindergarten. Some flashbacks also show him being lonely and apparently alone at home. There’s also a scene where a young Jian Yi is weeping and coming up with an idea that “mother doesn’t want him anymore”, which are also quite telling.

From the narrative, we learn that it is ZZX who becomes a significant attachment figure to Jian Yi. Hell, during the kidnapping, Jian Yi isn’t thinking about seeing his mom again, he’s thinking about ZZX. Apart from clinginess, people with an anxious attachment style may indulge themselves in constantly testing whether their partner worries about them. Now I’m not saying that Jian Yi is manipulative in any way or that he plays games with ZZX, however, he does often want his attention/approval, like when he does that pounce thing or when he half-heartedly tries to play hide-and-seek in an inopportune moment. Also, quite clearly Jian Yi doesn’t like being separated from his boyfriend, lol.

Typically, jealousy in people with anxious attachment manifests itself from their own deep-running insecurities. Insecurity makes people become very critical about themselves, so they may often have these lines of thinking: “you are so desperate/needy/selfish, of course, he/she will be annoyed by you” and thus they may often feel unfulfilled because they tend to suppress their need for affection. These suppressed feelings, in turn, may result in short anger outbursts and some distrustful or controlling behaviour. We have seen bits of both when Jian Yi had to deal with a love-letter from a girl who had a crush on ZZX (what’s her name again?).

How Jian Yi would behave if he became jealous: likely he’ll become emotionally withdrawn due to deep-seated insecurities, might fluctuate between emotional outbursts and clinginess. Will he be nasty to the other person? No, not very likely. However, he did display the so-called behavioural jealousy (the set of defensive measures against the perceived threat of a romantic rival): he agreed to help the girl deliver the love-letter on condition that she’ll never approach ZZX again.

So yes, I do see him being inclined to some jealous behaviours, but again not towards Momo x ZZX. As I said, there isn’t anything remotely romantic about them spending time together.

#19 days #tianshan #zhanyi #ask #it was a truly wonderful ask and I had fun writing it <3 so thank you #q&a time

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thisselflovecamebacktome · 3 years

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My personal connection with Taylor’s discography, part nine: Coney Island

Basically this is just a series I’m doing where I write down my feelings on what each of the Taylor songs means to me personally on a line to line basis both for my own sake to have it somewhere and for anyone who wants to know anything further about me.

So with that in mind, let’s get started.

Coney Island

2018 was an incredibly rough year for me. Amongst the fall out of accepting my family wasn’t going to be a part of my life, dealing with my mother’s suicidality and my day-to-day life, my own mental health went down the drain. As a result, I cut off a lot of people that I either felt were toxic to me or my attachment to them was toxic. And while I don’t regret taking that step back, the angry and accusatory manner in which I did it, particularly the friendship this song reminds me off, still eats away at me. So yeah, as a whole, this song is a mix between the regrets that I have about our final few months, but also a bit of a pipe dream of how this ex friend feels about the fallout.

Break my soul in two looking for you but you're right here

As a whole, I am a very insecure and needy person. And though that rings true to this day, I was definitely a lot worse in 2018, and particularly with this friendship. And a lot of that came down to different communication styles; they only talk a lot if they felt off about the friendship whereas I feel the more I get to know someone the more I want to talk to them, they were more of a closed book whereas I was very much a heart on my chest person etc. But admittedly, just as much or more came down to me being insecure. Like because I was very open with my feelings, it made me anxious that they were not which led to a place where I felt like they knew me better than I knew them and wondering if I had put out too much. And because I expected more, it felt very personal and isolating when they’d continuously not answer messages or not see me when one of us would visit the other’s city.

If I can't relate to you anymore then who am I related to?

This friendship lasted almost a decade and shared not only a lot of memories, but mutual friends too. And while neither of us (from what I know) gave up any of those friends, ending this friendship really felt like the encapsulation of “How evergreen our group of friends, don’t think we’ll say that word again”. Like in the long run, that situation is opening a door for you, but in the moment, it just feels like the shutting of a window. You don’t know where you’re going or what to do or even who to be without that person and the connections that come along with them and again, in the moment it is extremely tough.

And if this is the long haul how'd we get here so soon?

Despite the signs being clear that things weren’t going well, no one really expects or wants a positive relationship of any form to end or feel so cold so soon.

Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?

Like I said, I was very forward and perhaps even suffocating both in our friendship and the fallout. And that mixed with certain events in our past where they let things build up to where they lashed out rather than communicated that I was being too much makes me wonder just how much of a role that played.

And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island wondering where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go

Along the same vein as the long haul lyric, I’m still just sitting here wondering how a relationship that was so exciting and fun and positive in my life crumble down so fast to the point where the other person didn’t want to even give a response when I apologised. And because I know there will be that one person, yes I know I am not owed a response when I acted out like that, but after a decade of being in this person’s life and knowing we had had similar fights before not just caused by me, it would have been nice to not have had to leave this shit up in the air. Like I think as a whole, that’s the part that sticks with me most, it’s not the parting of ways, it’s the lack of a conclusion.

Sorry for not making you my centerfold over and over

This is pretty much where the pipe dream comes in. While I obviously do not wish this person pain, I hope when they look back, they feel the same tinge of regret and sadness that I do that things turned out like they did for us. Like I hope that it’s not just the case they think ‘oh thank god she’s finally gone. She was far too clingy/needy’ and leave it at that and instead wish that they had spent more time with me or answered more of my messages or whatever.

Lost again with no surprises, disappointments, close your eyes

One of the things I’ve realised since 2018 is that the destruction of friendships I’ve had which were caused by me feeling unloved/insecure and taking that out on the other person was a habit. And it just felt devastating knowing that I never grew up and was still making the same mistakes I made in my childhood over and over.

And it gets colder and colder when the sun goes down

As I’ve implied, had this been the only fall out of the time, I think I would have come out of it relatively unscathed. But like having it happen at a time where I had just lost my family and was losing other long term connections just added more impact and made me feel more isolated, cut off and hurt when it happened because it’s like ‘god, there goes yet another person I love that I screwed things up with’.

The question pounds my head "What's a lifetime of achievement?" if I pushed you to the edge but you were too polite to leave me

In line with the delicate line, I am well aware of my flaws and consistently question just how much of a role that played. But it also flips around to well how long did they feel like we were beyond saving and just didn’t tell me. Were they there for years out of obligation for the friendship or knowing I wasn’t mentally well and feeling they couldn’t leave? To be honest, that’s a large part of the reason I hate that we never had that one final conversation when I sent my apology because selfishly I wish I knew exactly what the breaking point was for them.

And do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?

Again, this is more of the pipe dream of what I hope he feels. Like I wonder if they regret thinking that doing a lot at the beginning of a friendship and then seemingly randomly not feeling like they had to put that effort in is the way to go or if they still see it as me worrying too much.

Will you forgive my soul when you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

Like I said, we both made mistakes in this process, and while this fallout lives in my mind rent free right now, it’s not going to forever. And while there’s a large part of me that wishes that they would come back, at least to have that final conversation, I’ve felt that about other past relationships that I no longer need that closure to anymore. And in some ways, even the possibility that they could come back once I reach that point with them in the future makes me sad because at that point it will be like “this could have been so easy if you just did it beforehand”. But it also makes me think of what they think now. Did they accept my apology but choose a ‘forgive and forget’ approach? Are they still bitter? Do they think it’s too late to come back? I just do not know, and again, that’s potentially the saddest part of it all.

'Cause we were like the mall before the Internet, it was the one place to be. The mischief, the gift wrapped suburban dreams

There wasn’t anything especially or uniquely extravagant or fancy about our friendship. It’s not like either of us benefited materially from having the other as a friend or any of that. It was just two people hanging out because they enjoyed each other’s company. But even then, it was just that special and comforting and fun that it didn’t need to be; it was everything I needed and more. And because it was that special, it’s still incredibly bittersweet and painful to think/look back on all of those memories that were mundane in the moment.

Sorry for not winning you an arcade ring

Basically along the same lines as the centrefold lyric in that things that seemed insignificant and small in the moment really added up to end this friendship. And pipe dream wise, I do kinda hope they think back and see that while the fallout itself was my fault, there were little, objectively reasonable things they could have done to prevent it that they didn’t.

Were you waiting at our old spot in the tree line by the gold clock? Did I leave you hanging every single day?

As I mentioned, this friend was not a bad person, but wasn’t great at communicating, at least with me, I can’t speak for others. And as a result, our final year as friends pretty much was me trying to contact them and them not answering or one of us going to the other one’s city and them being too busy to see me.

Were you standing in the hallway with a big cake? Happy birthday.

This friendship was also abnormal in hindsight because while they remembered and made an effort things that were super important to me like my mental health or favourite artists and my younger sister or whatever, my friends also had this ongoing joke about how this friend didn’t know the basics and consistently forgot that I’m not straight or that my birthday is not in early June or July.

Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray?

I wasn’t mentally well for most of the time we were friends. And while I’m not saying that I didn’t deserve love or whatever, I know that being my friend isn’t easy at the best of times because of the emptiness and negativity that I always feel like I bring to things with my constant issues. This thought particularly haunts me when thinking about our final months because I know they also weren’t feeling the best and I know in my heart that I probably didn’t help matters at all both with my own issues and the lash out that ended the friendship.

A universe away

After high school, this friend moved across the country for university. And while I’m not going to act like things were perfect beforehand, the distance really was felt, at least on my end. Like as someone who feels more comfortable with face to face communication so I can sense how people are feeling in a way text doesn’t allow for, not having that type of contact really did play on my mind.

And when I got into the accident the sight that flashed before me was your face

In the bad or just generally contemplative moments of my life since the fallout, it’s really not the mistakes they made or the fights we had that stick with me. It’s all the times they were there for me and the good times we had.

But when I walked up to the podium, I think that I forgot to say your name

Connecting with the skies line, despite having so many good times, I also do think a lot about how a lot of the conversations we had was me having a depressive moment and thinking negatively or telling them that they can vent to me any time but I didn’t rush to tell them about the good in my life in the same way. I also find this line a little ironic because despite knowing that Fearless is the Taylor album they knew most and so on, I’m going to be spending April 9th having the time of my life without them. The kicker of it all? That’s a day of celebration; it’s their birthday.

#taylor swift #coney island #evermore album #about me

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petrichorsouled · 4 years

Text

;female ocs

Name: True Name is too difficult to pronounce, she goes by ‘Glenda’ Age: Unknown, immortal Date of Birth: Unknown Place of Birth: Athens, Greece Gender: Agender (she/her & they/them pronouns) Race/Species: Unicorn (usually takes a more humanesque form) Language(s): English, Latin, Gaelic, French, Greek

Occupation: Fortune Teller

Physical Description Height: 5′2″ (human form), 3′0″ (normal form, she’s tiny) Weight: Unknown

Body Type: Pudgy, hourglass Eyes: Incredibly light blue, almost see-through Skin: Light brown, when in her normal form she has light brown fur Hair: Pastel pink, falls in long waves to the back of her knees

Personality/Attributes Personality/Attitude: Glenda is a bit of a diva, and hates when things don’t go her way. Bratty and childish, stubborn and a bit hot headed as well. Sensitive, outspoken. Won’t hesitate to put someone on blast. Friendly upon first interactions, might become clingy around someone she likes/grows attached to. Highly intelligent but will often put on an airheaded facade. Fears: Unknown Mental illness(es)/disorders: borderline personality disorder, rejection sensitive dysphoria, depression Sexual Preferences: Demisexual Demiromantic Place/Type of Residence: Lives in a cottage on the outskirts of town Family: Celus & Ioa (parents), Eine (older sister), Roan (older brother)

Trivia:

-uses her magic to help with her occupation; her fortunes (almost) always turn out to be true.

-loves nature but hates bugs.

-thinks other species are below her.

-has impaled others with her horn before (and will most likely do it again).

-has a baby blue star shaped birthmark on her hip.

-hooves are pastel pink.

Name: Vivien Rosaro Nickname(s): Age: 42 Date of Birth: Unknown Place of Birth: Unknown Gender: Female Race/Species: Werewolf (bitten, not born) Language(s): English, Italian

Occupation: Werewolf Hunter

Physical Description Height: 5′0″ Weight: 154 lbs

Body Type: Hourglass, curvy Eyes: Pink Hair: Dark, dark gray, almost black in color. Long, falls past the middle of her back. Skin: Olive tone

Personality/Attributes Personality/Attitude: Vivien has a strong prejudice against werewolves. Around strangers she can be a little on edge but will interact and be polite unless they give her a reason not to be polite. A bit of a pessimist. Fears: being vulnerable, small enclosed spaces, not being good enough, failure Mental illness(es)/disorders: PTSD, borderline personality disorder, depression Sexual Preferences: Demisexual biromantic Place/Type of Residence: Small cottage near the edge of the forest Family: Unknown

Other:

-during a trip to her grandmother’s house when she was just seventeen, she was led astray by a handsome stranger. He was able to seduce Vivien and during their lovemaking, bit her and turned her into a werewolf. The reason he did this? Wanting to expand the werewolf bloodline. He made love to her and bit her in hopes that she’d get pregnant and bear a fullblooded werewolf child.

-when Vivien found out his plan, she was deeply hurt and upset. She didn’t get pregnant, and the stranger fled.

-from then on, Vivien vowed to hunt down any/all werewolves. She didn’t care she was one of them now, she would get her revenge.

FC is Mari Kurihara.

Name: Eunice Rothburn

Age: Actual age is unknown, physically is stuck at nineteen.

Gender: Female.

Middle/low/high class: Low class.

Occupation: None.

Status: Dead. Is a ghost.

Family: Jared and Ruth Rothburn (parents, dead), Enid Rothburn (older sister, dead)

Height: 4 ft, 10 inches.

Weight: Unknown.

Body type: Petite and slender; doesn’t have many noticeable curves. Is a 32 B cup.

Hair color/length/style: Sandy blond, to her mid back, usually always in a ponytail.

Skin: Light, light peach with freckles across her cheeks. Though has an odd faint green aura.

Eyes: Ash gray.

Personality:

-Eunice is a timid person, not one for much social interaction. Around others, she gets rather flustered and panicked. This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want friends, however. She’ll try to converse in conversation, but her stuttering does grow worse when this happens, and she gets rather light headed and dizzy.

-Whenever going out into public, she always thinks someone is murmuring something about her or staring at her. She’s terrified of being the center of attention.

-She’s very anxious and is a worrywart, always worrying about something.

-She rarely gets angry. Eunice does get upset easily, though. She’s extremely sensitive.

-She has a bleeding heart. Meaning, she can empathize with others…perhaps a bit too well. If she hears a sob story, she’ll most likely burst out into tears.

Eunice is terrified of falling in love, because she’s afraid she’ll end up letting her guard down.

Sexual Orientation: Pansexual.

Powers/abilities: She has the ability to see the future. Of course, these events are not always set in stone. Eunice cannot control her ability. When she was alive, she could also see and communicate with the dead.

Other:

-Eunice has burn marks on the back of her neck and along her wrists.

-She speaks with a stutter.

-She was born during the Middle Ages.

-When she was alive, she’d wanted to be a lady. Sadly, coming from a poor family and being a castle servant, it never happened.

-She was sentenced to hang, due to being thought of as a witch. This is how she died.

-due to being a ghost, she can phase through walls and such, as well as levitate above ground and float.

Name: Eleanore “Ellie” Ainsley Alias’: ??? Age: 15 Gender: Female Birthdate/Zodiac: Unknown Occupation: Works in a small book store

Species: Human / Dragon Hybrid

Language(s): English, Gaelic, Japanese Native tongue: English Religion: Unknown Education: Was taught by private tutors until she turned ten, taught herself from then on. Blood type: Unknown Height: 5′0″ Weight: 129 lbs Eye Color: Punch pink

Eye Shape: If one were to look close enough, they’d be able to tell her eyes were shaped like a dragon’s. Her eyes do have slits, just like they do, though she… has heart shaped pupils…

Hair: Honey blonde/strawberry blonde, usually either down or up in a loose ponytail. Falls to the backs of her knees if not put up. Figure/build: Pear, also has (some) muscle mass but not much. — Distinguishing marks: -Tattoo(s): None -Scars: Some along her arms. -Piercings: None. Currently lives: Hobbies: reading, cooking, singing & dancing (though her dancing isn’t so good), painting, drawing, Archery Talents/Skills: cooking, singing, drawing, Archery Sexual Orientation: Pansexual panromantic Dominant Hand: Ambidextrous Diet: No Virgin?: Yes Drinker?: Never Smoker?: Never Drug user?: No Other addictions?: No Basic description: Personality: Kind, emotional, spunky, sassy, determined, bold Likes: her hobbies, her stuffed animals, snow, meeting new people Dislikes: being trapped, her parents Fears/Phobias: being alone Favourite quote: Doesn’t have one Family: -Parents: Charles Ainsley & Aithne Ainsley -Siblings: None -Other close relatives: Dominick Ainsley (uncle) Pet(s): None Other:

-her parents locked her away in a tower when she was only seven years old, afraid she wouldn’t be able to control her dragon DNA. She was rescued by her uncle years later.

-currently lives with her uncle in a medium sized house.

-can shift into a dragon form.

-Ellie adores fairytales.

-she’s a huge romantic.

-she has clawed hands, sharper teeth, small wings, and can breathe fire.

-because of this, tends to wear clothing that covers her hands and wings.

-has freckles!!!

FC is Alice Heart from Alice and the Nightmare. Icons were done by @cupcakeicons!!!

Name: Lucia Xylouris Alias’: ??? Age: 11 Gender: Female Birthdate/Zodiac: Unknown Occupation: Student?

Species: Human

Language(s): English, Greek Native tongue: English Religion: Unknown Blood type: Unknown Height: 4′8″ Weight: Unknown Eye Color: Green

Hair: Blonde Figure/build: Small, petite — Distinguishing marks: -Tattoo(s): None -Scars: None -Piercings: None. Currently lives: With her uncle, Mila Xylouris, and his dog Odella. Basic description: Personality: Sweet, bubbly, stubborn, determined Family: -Parents: Unknown father, Noa Xylouris (mother, deceased) -Siblings: None -Other close relatives: Hugo & Marta Xylouris (deceased), Mila Xylouris (uncle) Pet(s): None Other:

FC is Inuzuka Tsumugi.

Name: Purrsephone Clawsbury Nickname(s): Sephie, Sephone, ‘Phone, Kitty, Fangs, Pinkie

Alias: Meowlody

Age: Twenty-five Gender: Demigirl (she/her/hers pronouns) Species: Cat

Orientation: pansexual panromantic

Occupation: Assassin Unemployed

Personality: Purrsephone is a sassy feline, though she has a certain charm about her. Equipped with sarcasm, she doesn’t hesitate to put someone on blast if she feels the need to. Blunt at times and adventurous, never afraid to do something she’s never done before. Her temper needs to be put in check.

Family: [REDACTED] Likes: meeting others like her, the color pink, food (especially junk food), flowers, the night, alcohol, music Dislikes: climbing (ironically has a fear of heights), violence, getting catcalled (HA…)

Other:

-was orphaned at the age of six, and was taken in by another cat.

-was trained by him to be an assassin, and when she was fourteen, her training was complete.

-went on her first mission at age fifteen and was blinded in her left eye.

-She’s no longer an assassin, and is trying to find a job that isn’t violent.

Name: Kokoa Oshiro

Age: Unknown, physically in early twenties or so Date of Birth: Unknown Gender: Female Race/Species: Dhampir (vampire/human hybrid) Language(s): English, Japanese, French

Physical Description Height: 4′11″ Weight: Unknown

Body Type: Curvy, hourglass, thick thighs Eyes: Indigo Skin: Bronze Hair: Blue-black, shaggy, falls in waves past her shoulders

Occupation: Lingerie Model (is on the verge of quitting though to find something she actually is passionate about…)

Personality/Attributes Personality/Attitude: Kokoa is a bit temperamental and spiteful, introverted. Takes a while for her to warm up to someone but is fiercely loyal when she finally does warm up to them. Sensitive, scathing. Fears: being touched, being alone, fire Mental illness(es)/disorders: PTSD, borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, depression Sexual Preferences: Demisexual Aromantic Place/Type of Residence: Lives in a manor Family: Tadashi Oshiro (father, vampire), Elodie Hardouin (mother, human)

Trivia:

-she was the result of a one-time affair between business man Tadashi Oshiro, a wealthy aristocratic vampire, and Elodie Hardouin, a French college student who traveled to Japan to study.

-once Kokoa was born, Tadashi gained custody of her and raised her.

-from a young age, Tadashi introduced Kokoa to his clients. He let them do unspeakable things to her as long as he got paid. And she never said anything to anyone in fear of what Tadashi would do.

-as she grew older, he managed to get her a job as a lingerie model. She despises the job and wants to quit, her co-workers are spiteful and her boss is a pervert.

-she does drink blood, but not all the time.

-she does have a heart beat but it is much slower than the average human’s. She can also blush.

-lives in a decent sized manor with human help; butlers, maids, gardeners, everything. Paid pretty well, and she also drinks from them when needed.

-isn’t searching for romance at all, doesn’t really care for the idea.

-hates her father and moved away from him when she got the chance to.

-wants to find her mother someday.

Name: Hanako Maeda Age: 23 Gender: (dmab) female Species: Vampire (born)

Ethnicity: Japanese Hair color: Incredibly dark purple, almost black Eye color: Lavender pink

Orientation: Pansexual panromantic

Occupation: Former singer, currently works at a floral shop

Personality: Hanako is introverted, oddly enough, but is willing to talk to people if spoken to first. She enjoys pleasing people and it’s difficult for her to say ‘no’ to someone, even if she ends up getting hurt in the process. Her naive nature tends to get her into trouble often, and she trusts others too easily. Parents: Atsuko and Chiyo Maeda

Siblings: Hideki Maeda (younger brother) Likes: Singing, dogs and cats, meeting new people, talking to her brother, sweets, swimming, snow, cold weather Dislikes: being teased, being a pushover, hot weather, insects, dancing (she’s convinced she has two left feet), having to drink blood

Other:

-her and her family were singers, though Hanako didn’t enter the business until she turned fourteen.

-she had gender reassignment surgery when she was just thirteen years old.

-she wants to live a semi-normal lifestyle now.

-she and her brother live together in a three bedroom place, and are trying to work to pay the bills.

#;femaleocs #;rowan rambles (ooc)#ask to tag//

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mental-health-advice · 7 years

Text

Submission about insecurity in a relationship

Hi, I need help. I am extremely insecure with myself and my relationship. We dated for two years then he wanted to take a break because we were both going through stuff and my mental illnesses were really starting to reflect on him in a negative way where I would be clingy, overly attached and very often upset amd angry at him if something didn’t go my way. I used that time to work through my mental illnesses and he used that time to see if he could live without me. He ended up going >

> going on a date with a girl from work to see if he could get over me. When he realised he couldn’t, he talked to me and we got back together. For a while I was kicking mental illness’s ass but recently I have felt extremely insecure. I hacked into his instagram and saw that he has sent insta profiles to the girl he went on a date with. Leads me to believe that they have been talking recently and that makes me incredibly jealous. I’m jealous of her altogether. I’m jealous of her style, looks >

> likes, and the fact that she is getting a tattoo (what he sent her were tattoo profiles). I find myself raging with jealousy to the point where I can’t talk to him for a bit, even though I know they don’t message each other often or ever hang out together. I just need to be told I’m being a crazy psycho girlfriend because of my insecurity. I know that he is allowed to have female friends and he is allowed to message whoever he wants and that he is faithful and he loves me especially after >

> the break. I’m jealous that she seems cooler than me and he will leave me for her. It makes me really anxious and adds to my depression which I am trying to work on. Everyday I have to read signs that I’m a crazy girlfriend to calm myself down. I’m stuck in this cycle. She’s a lovely person and I so wish we could be friends because she has messaged me on tumblr before and we do seem to be very alike. Sorry for so many messages and thank you so much xx

Hi darling,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling so insecure lovely! Often when feeling insecure about ourselves this also effects our relationships. I’m really proud of you for working through your mental illnesses in the time that you two were on a break! That’s an incredible achievement, and it mustn’t have been easy for you, especially since a big source of support wasn’t available at that time.

First of all, I think it’s important that your partner is aware of that you haven’t been doing too well lately and that you’ve been feeling more insecure. It’s completely up to you how many details you share, but in order for the relationship to work he does need to know if you’re feeling alright or not. I’m sure that if he knows you’re feeling not so great about yourself, he will be there to support you.

I also think it’s important for you to keep in mind that he chose you. He went on a date with this girl, but he still loved you and couldn’t get over you, therefore he chose you. No matter what this girl is like, she won’t mean more to your partner than you do. Sometimes when we’re struggling, we can think of more rational thoughts, but that doesn’t always change how we feel. However, continuing to remind ourselves of those rational thoughts, during struggling and better times, will eventually make those thoughts more believable and we can feel their truth more too. So even if reminding yourself of these rational thoughts might not help at first, eventually it will start to pay off and will help more.

Lovely, this isn’t something that you have to deal with all by yourself. I think you could benefit a lot from seeing a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counsellor. Is it possible for you to visit your GP / local doctor and ask for a referral to one? They can help you work through this, as well as help you deal with your additional mental health issues. You can read more about getting help here. Breaking through such a cycle can be hard and it’s more than okay to need some extra help with that!

When it comes to your insecurity, it might also be helpful to do something called a ‘whitebook’. This is a literal translation of what we call it in Dutch and so far I haven’t been able to find a good English word to describe it, so I’ll just stick to whitebook instead. In a whitebook you write down positive things about each day. They can be really general, really small, they can be anything! The goal is to eventually increase the number of positive things you can write down, as well as to write down more positive things about yourself or what you’ve done rather than really general. But starting general and starting small is really good already and then you can work your way up from there. You do this in a notebook, from front to back. From back to front, you write down characteristics you have that fit with the positive things you write down. For example, if you write down that you enjoyed watching a Disney movies, you can write down in the back that you’re a Disney fan. This is something that takes time as well, but over time it can really help with your self confidence.

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.

Keep fighting beautiful ❤

Love Pauline

#mental health #advice #advice blog #relationship #insecurity #jealousy #depression #anxiety #mhapauline

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datingadviceonreddit · 5 years

Link

For context, I'm a 26F. Never dated, never fucked, so I tried to be open to dating recently, but that didn't end well. I met a coworker who I texted and flirted with for a short period of time and just when he starts getting closer to me, he pulls away and I'm left feeling confused, thirsty, and obsessive. The truth is, I became less attracted to him when I thought we might actually become a thing, but I tried to give it a shot anyway. When that didn't happen, I got really in my feelings about it so I sent him a long text about my thoughts and went no contact for the past month in hopes that I could get over him.Trying to be honest with him seemed like a mistake in retrospect, but it did help to reveal his true colors. He was dismissive and became cold and seemed to harbor resentment which confused the fuck out of me because I thought giving him space would make him happy, but that had the opposite effect. If I could do anything different, I would not listen to people and try to hash things out early one instead of letting it fester. Though I might not have been equipped to make things better knowing what I know now.While I still haven't engaged with him outside of work related things, I'm clearly not over him. So now I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me and why this dude is still on my mind when we never got to the relationship stage. It doesn't help that I see him more than I see my own family, but still, it's not healthy for me to think about him so much.With no support system, I turned to Reddit and that didn't really help. One person did help me to ease the tension that developed between me and my coworker (I acted neutral and didn't take his behavior personally), so now we're on better terms, but nothing to help me move forward with my life. Talking about my strange attractions usually results in being shamed and dismissed as being crazy. I tried to talk to my mother about it and she thinks I'm nuts. The way I'm acting is certainly dysfunctional, but just telling someone with deep seeded psychological traumas from childhood to just "get over it" or "move on" doesn't help. So if you're like me, don't let people's dismissive attitudes get to you. You can get healthier, so just focus on helpful resources and people who are genuinely willing to help you get sorted out.As for why I'm attracted to emotional unavailability, my father was absent for most of my childhood due to a messy divorce and my mother was emotionally unavailable to the point where even when I was getting bullied and threatened with violence by other students, I didn't trust my mother enough to tell her about it or ask her for help. Different men came in and out of our home and I was very resistant to them because I had a lot of stress about being abandoned by my mother after she married and divorced multiple times. I became more dysfunctional as I grew up which of course made things worse. Under the weight of academics and physically draining competitive sports training, bad diet and poor sleeping habits, dehydration, negative self-talk, and being isolated, I finally self-destructed and battled depression for years. I became a recluse with crippling social anxiety, but after a few years of seclusion, slowly reintegrated into society as I entered the work force.I haven't had many crushes, but the few I've had were all emotionally unavailable men. There was some parental rescue fantasy (attraction to older men in their 30-50s) and some hybristophilia ( I had fantasies of being selected and protected by violent men) sprinkled in, but mostly dudes who didn't want me. I remember this has gone as far back as middle school and probably elementary school. Some eventually reciprocated my feelings, but at that point, I had already moved on or lost interest. To this day, whenever I'm interested in someone and they like me back, I have an issue of losing attraction to them. It even happened with the current guy I'm stuck on. I knew it had something to do with my father, but I haven't quite put the pieces together until now.After describing my former crush to someone on a different forum, they said he was emotionally unavailable so I looked up articles and videos about that. I soon realized I have what is called an "anxious preoccupied attachment style" from inconsistent nurturing from my parents. My parents both grew up in warzones and had dysfunctional families, so I don't blame them for their attachment styles. They never got secure love so I get why they couldn't give it to me. I guess this would explain why we could never show affection or even touch each other (things like hugs are very uncomfortable). My mom in particular had a toxic mother and sister, on top of that, my personality is a lot like her ex husband (my father) so I get why we never ended up being close. Short tempered, aggressive, quick to judge, and lacking in empathy, how could she love me even if she was capable of giving the nurturing I needed growing up.Anxious preoccupied attachment style tends to be attracted to what is called "dismissive avoidant attachment style". This describes exactly the guy I'm stuck on right now, and the last few guys I used to be stuck on. It also kind of describes myself. The first step to healing is self-awareness so I'm trying to understand my situation better. Here are some videos that really helped me learn more about what was going on from the perspective of both attachment styles mentioned:1) Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style (In Depth)2) From Clingy to Confident *Healing Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style3) The Emotionally Unavailable Partner | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style (In Depth + Childhood)4) How To Open Up ❤ Healing Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style5) Choose Love Over Fear ❤ Healing Fearful Avoidant Attachment StyleIn one of the videos, she mentions that she's known people like me who eventually moved on to healthier relationships and developed a healthy attachment style. I know a girl personally who was similar. She fell for an asshole that she almost killed herself over, but her step father intervened and supported her and she met a nice guy afterward who she thought she would never get with, but he showed her that he was mature and that he cared for her, so they've been together for 3 years, going on 4.I hope anyone who is struggling with romance like me can heal and eventually find someone to share their life with. Loneliness is nothing to dismiss or scoff at. There are studies from China that prove people without support systems and care or affection die sooner than those with family and partners. TL;DR mentioned this in an important video about social isolation.Most of us aren't capable of single-handedly changing the world, but it's possible to take steps towards a healthier society if we took matters of mental health more seriously when it comes to ourselves and those around us. Though the crushing reality is that even if we try, we could still end up alone or punished for trying to do the right things if we take responsibility for our actions, but I wanna the stress the importance of trying to heal and move forward with your life anyway. Life is suffering, but we don't have to live the rest of our lives in pain. At the very least, we can ease our suffering and live a little better.As for what steps I'm taking to improve my situation, I'm currently reading literature from important leaders of generations past and starting with cleaning and reorganizing my home and priorities. Also trying to take more pride in my appearance and hygiene and figuring out what I want to genuinely do with my down time. When you need to organize your life and don't have a father figure to guide you, just look towards the many leaders of the world who had a positive impact on many people's lives. I hope that helps anyone who kind of fucked up like me lol. via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

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