#enarchive: au

[petitesmafia]

just thinking about the whole "what if Chuuya joined the detective agency along with Dazai?" and imagine him getting roped into Dazai's game of making everyone guess what their former jobs were (especially Kunikida)

Kunikida, watching skk bicker: btw did you guys know each other before this? Chuuya: unfortunately yes Dazai (at the same time): thankfully no Kunikida: ??? skk: Chuuya: ...sorry i meant no? Dazai (at the same time): just kidding! yes we did skk: Kunikida: ?????

Kunikida: were you guys students? Dazai: no Kunikida: factory workers? Dazai: no Kunikida: you guys weren't like. criminals of some sort right? Dazai: nope Chuuya, whipping his head to look at Dazai: ???????

Kunikida, praising them after a mission: good work today! btw how did you know PM's routes so well? Chuuya: tbh that's bc we used to w— Dazai: —ander around that area :) Chuuya: ??? Dazai: well Chuuya did. bc he was a bad bad boy who liked to hang out after dark in shady places and wouldn't listen to me when i told him the mafia is a very scaryyy place with very scaryyy people~ Chuuya: ?????

Kunikida: so you guys used to work together? what'd you guys do? any notable projects? Chuuya, thinking about him and Dazai destroying an entire enemy organization overnight at age 16: Chuuya, thinking about various other crimes they've committed: Chuuya, nervously sweating: um. well,,

#ena.hc #enarchive: au #ada!chuuya #bungou stray dogs #skk #ranpo was the first to find out obv and kept quiet #yosano and chuuya are drinking buddies so she found out second #and joined in on it #eventually it was just kunikida in the dark #it's just Chuuya kinda confused but trying his best to play along with Dazai

[petitesmafia]

can you imagine ADA!Chuuya. it's a quiet day in the ADA office bc Dazai's been out handling tasks and Chuuya's getting some paperwork done when he suddenly feels a Bad Vibe™ and he and Kunikida IMMEDIATELY make eye contact across the room. 

(—two seconds later Dazai strolls in.)

Chuuya and Kunikida don't say a single word. they just communicate with their eyes like

Chuuya: 👀 i thought u said he'd be gone the WHOLE DAY Kunikida: 👀 HE WAS Chuuya: 👀 WHY IS HE BACK ALREADY Kunikida: 👀 IDK?? Dazai: are u guys having a staring contest

Dazai: wowww so i was out doing work while u guys were busy gazing into each other's eyes...tsk Kunikida: 👀 do something about this we still have 4 reports that need to be done by end of day we can't have him distracting us from the deadline Chuuya: 👀 wdym YOU do something i just got hired

notes: art by Nikki based on this!

#ena.hc #enarchive: au #bungou stray dogs #nakahara chuuya #dazai osamu #kunikida doppo #i love ADA!Chuuya as a concept #he's get along so well with everyone #he'd have the funniest dynamic with them too #Chuuya and Kunikida would be bffs btw #both of them knowing Dazai so well that they just get that Vibe #kunichuu bff agenda #ada!chuuya

[petitesmafia]

can you imagine Chuuya joining ADA and being sent out for a mission for the first time ever...Kunikida messaging him like "sorry i have the car today. could you take the bike?" and Chuuya's like "yeah no prob" bc he thinks they're talking about a motorcycle but no it's actually a literal bicycle

#ena.hc #enarchive: au #ada!chuuya #bungou stray dogs #just picturing Chuuya pedalling uphill to get to the destination like damn they were fr surviving like this... #ADA's budget compared to port mafia be like $3 solely in change and a bag of peanuts

[petitesmafia]

ADA!Chuuya and Yosano would get shitfaced together and then call their coworkers at 2AM like “Kunikidaaa how are youuuu??”

(—Kunikida tells them to get it together and they’re like “sorry” but then they call him back 2 minutes after he hangs up again)

Kunikida, picking up the phone: wha— Yosano, drunk (to Chuuya): noooo you pressed the wrong button it’s Kunikida again Chuuya, also drunk: fuckkkk he’s gonna be so mad Kunikida: … Chuuya: wait I think he can hear us Kunikida: ENOUGH

#ena.hc #enarchive: au #ada!chuuya #bungou stray dogs #yosano akiko #i love thinking about ada!Chuuya's shenanigans #he'd get along really well with yosano #drinking buddies for SURE #and they both give kunikida the biggest headache ever

[petitesmafia]

hc Chuuya joining ADA and Atsushi’s still a little intimidated by him so Dazai gives him advice (read: lies) on what Chuuya likes to get closer to him—meanwhile Chuuya’s confused as hell but he doesn’t want to scare the kid off so he just accepts all the weird shit with an open mind (for as long as he can)

Dazai: Chuuya loves his coffee with a dash of salt Atsushi: salt?? Dazai: yeah. trust me we’ve been partners for years. don’t tell him I told u tho it’s a secret Atsushi: okay… 

Chuuya, drinking the coffee: …?! Atsushi, looking hopeful: is it good? Chuuya: Chuuya: yeah…thanks

Dazai: Chuuya LOVES spicy food. the spicier, the better ^-^ Atsushi: noted! Atsushi, bringing food for Chuuya: I made sure to get u the spiciest one Chuuya (can’t handle spice): u made sure u what… Atsushi: if u need more hot sauce I got extra!! Chuuya, eyes already watering from the fumes: thanks…

Chuuya lets it go on for a week but after that it gets to him (stomaching salty coffee for a whole week made him ill) and bc he's a straight shooter he confronts Atsushi like "do you have a problem with me? if you do just say so," and Atsushi's truly baffled like “wdym...” (—for revenge, Chuuya tells Atsushi that Dazai loooves dog-themed things and they decorate Dazai’s desk extravagantly. Dazai is appalled.)

#ena.hc #enarchive: au #bungou stray dogs #chuuya #atsushi #dazai #ADA Chuuya shenanigans on the brain once again #he and Atsushi would get along really well #once they got past the awkwardness #they'd be so funny together #ada!chuuya

[petitesmafia]

hc gakuen AU Albatross would make the mistake of insisting on helping Chuuya with his homework and then sit there wondering why tf does Chuuya’s math homework have so many letters in it???

(Albatross is even MORE confused which forces Chuuya to try to break it down and explain it to him and that’s how Chuuya ends up solving it a good chunk of the time though...so technically Albatross does help. in a different way?)

Albatross (confident): nah I got this Albatross: Albatross: ...is this math? Chuuya: ??? yeah Albatross: the fuck is f(y) = y2 and g(y) = ey there’s only one number in here?????

#ena.hc #enarchive: AU #bsd gakuen AU #bsd albatross #nakahara chuuya #Albatross's like why do these equations got the whole alphabet in here....scratches head

[petitesmafia]

“What if Chuuya joined the Detective Agency along with Dazai?” Fukuzawa would be bald from stress 

Fukuzawa, in his office, trying to find his inner peace: calm. blue skies— skk, bickering outside: hAHHHH?!?! Fukuzawa: —calm. a gentle breeze

#ena.hc #enarchive: au #bungou stray dogs #bsd #nakahara chuuya #chuuya #ada chuuya is such a dear concept to me #fukuzawa would adore chuuya imo #ada!chuuya