#except i am so very much not fine

[sneez]

lord general fluffy now in high definition

[id: a digital portrait of a man in profile, from the shoulders up, facing left. he has long dark hair, a small moustache and beard, and a scar across his cheek. he is wearing armour, a white falling band, and a pale blue sash. on the right is a photograph of a gold medal showing the same man in the same position which was the inspiration for the drawing. end id.]

#fairfax #artwork #new fax :D i love how this one turned out it's so neat to be able to see him properly in profile there are so few profile faxes #in fact i think the medal might be the only contemporary one but i am not 100% sure #especially neat that i referenced so heavily from the medal because it lets me think that this might be a decent likeness :D most of the #time i just work from my head so im guessing what he looked like but this is a genuine portrait so feels much more plausible #i got very lazy with everything except his face so sorry about that. just dont look too hard at the armour it's fine #i hope you are all well my friends! i am back at uni doing uni things (and reading about the fax. he he) #apologies as always for the asks and messages i have failed to answer thus far i am a busy beaft but will get to them posthaste i promise #kissing you all on head. mwah

[skitskatdacat63]

Hiii CATIE!!!!! HIII

Im pretty pretty sure people have already asked BUT HOW WAS ATTENDING THE US GP LIVE!!!! WAS???? TELL ME!! DO YOU HAVE PICS??? I know I know im late.

I ALSO HOPE YOU GOT HOME SAFE AND SOUND AND THAT YOU ARE RESTING NOW+!!!(I saw the chaos you went through im deeply sorry for you :( )

ANYWAYS HOW WAS THE RACE? HOW WAS EXPERIENCING STROLLONSO LIVE?????? AND omg did you get pics of drivers??? :00

You must must share pleaseeeeee.wax.poet

OH MY GOD ELLE SORRY THIS IS SO LATE!!! IT WAS VERY COOL!!!!! VERY SURREAL!!!!!! I've taken a week to answer this but uhhhh yes I am in fact home now 🥰 I got home at like 1 am which was cool....

First of all I have to mention this! I was fighting for my life walking thru the Austin airport(from sleep deprivation), and I had my Fernando hat on my backpack, right? Some girl comes up to me and asks if I'm going to the GP, I say yes. SHE GAVE ME A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET, I COULD'VE SOBBED 🥹 It says on it "wtf is a km", I'm still so happy

COTA was the first race I ever watched, so to be actually at that track and watch a race live there was extremely surreal! Very hot though my god 😵‍💫 I think last year it was pretty hot, right? And my brother kept sending me the temp and it was pretty okay, and then of fucking course the temp leaps up to 89-97°(31-36° Celsius btw) right in time for the gp....so that was nice(I say as I burn in the sun like a vampire. But don't worry I didn't even really tan at all 😭 I always wore a hat and a lot of sunscreen. And meanwhile my brother was literally a lobster)

(This is a long post):

So unfortunately I missed the drivers parade because my brother and I were dying on Saturday night and his friends wanted to go first thing in the morning, and we're like "we will go later actually 😊" and missed it entirely 😭😭😭 but his friends took pics of Mclaren and Aston for me!!!!! But unfortunately I havent gotten them still, so I'll have to reblog this later with those! I took a lot of pictures of the cars I took from behind the fence, which I think I've posted some of? Lmk if anyone wants those!! They're very random, I just thought it was very surreal to see the cars flying past, so I took a million.

The coolest part was definitely running on track after the race was over!!! Soooooo surreal, and so I'm only gonna post pics rn from Sunday(bcs pic limit on phone) and also I think everything else kinda pales in comparison(but of course lmk if there's anything you're interested in seeing 🤭)

Okay and did I see any drivers...? ONLY ONE BUT AAAAHHHH I DID SEE LANDO!!! Not even one of my favs but it was soooooo surreal to see him, even from afar. As you can see above, everyone standing on the fences was blocking the view 🙄, but during the podium, I was focusing my camera btwn their legs and got literally one second of Lando 😭 I think its a pretty aesthetic clip, so I gifed it!!

It was so funny, I went to the gp with my brother and friends, so all these older guys yeah. And I was showing this off to them on the ride home, and his one friend was praising me so much for it 😭😭 like: "oh my god!!!! You could put this in an edit !!! This is so sick!!!!"

Oh one other thing!!! I think I've mentioned it before but my god, my favorite f1 podiums are always the ones with confetti, right?? AND THERE WAS CONFETTI AT THIS RACE!!!

LOOK AT HOW PRETTYYYYY!!!! And so anyways, I picked up so much confetti off the ground and now it lives forever in my phone case 🥰🥰🥰 I have no other room for pics on this post(for now) but oh my godddddddddd most of the confetti were just rectangles BUT THERE WAS ALSO ONES SHAPED LIKE TEXAS!!! SO COOL!!!!! And I also picked up a bunch of tire marbles off the ground!!! And a piece of plastic that probably came off some car. It was so funny when all of us were just scrounging off the ground. My bro's one friend somehow found a piece of carbon fiber, and we're all like "how can I kill him in his sleep and steal this from him..." But no the highlight actually of that process was watching my brother sprint to the podium, but stopping and grabbing a bunch of gravel first to shove in his pocket 😭😭😭

The other two days were fun as well, but also a lot of just dying in the heat and drinking a fuckton of red bull, so there's not too much specifically to say! I really liked hearing the cars. I think if you wanna know what's actually going on in a race, watching from home is better, but hearing the cars go by and seeing them is just so fucking sick. It was so funny to see grown men be like "I think I'm going to cry hearing these cars." I was really flexing on them with "uhhh yeah I've already been to a gp already 🙄🙄"

Anyways I ended the day by breaking bank by buying my dad and myself Fernando shirts because he is of course Fernando's biggest fan 🥰🥰 and I bought the most delicious overpriced lemonade, which I only drank half of bcs my brother proceeded to accidentally elbow it out of my hand....

OH WAIT ONE MORE DETAIL LOL. On Friday, my brother and his friend were waiting in line for smth and I was talking to them outside of the barrier. I look down, hmm theres a red cap abandoned on the ground, I pick it up, it is in fact a Ferrari hat. And that is how my brother acquired a $40+ dollar hat for free. Lucky bastard....I was the who found it!

#there is my experience kinda summed up???? i #i wanted to wait to answer this until i got all the random misc photos but alas i sitll havent #but its still very sweet to me that theu took pics of the drivers parade for me 🥺🥺 #he was like “here is mclaren!!! and here is aston!!!!” THANK YOU STILL 🥹🥹 #oh fuck wait i forgot to mention a crucial detail #on the wah home from the gp my brother's tire popped 😭😭😭😭 #and im ofc chilling in the car while these three car men(horse girls tbf) change the tire #and theyre all covered in grease and i say “what a great way to end the day!' and his friend turns around anf gives me this face: 😐 #various misfortunes but it was fine!!! it was great!!!!! just tiring #OH YEAH THE KILLERS WAS PRETTY COOL AS WELL!!!!! #basically: everything was sick 😎 #except every time oscar and nando did badly and i would fall dramatically onto the ground bcs that's the type of persom i am #thank you so much for asking elle 🥺🥺🥺 #if you hadnt prompted i prob wouldve never ended up recapping it #all i can say is im incredibly lucky to have all the experiences i did this year #catie.rambling.txt #catie.asks. #*OH MY GOD YEAH ONE THIGN #*i bought a new phone beforew this gp. for this gp tbh. bcs of the camers. i think it paid off pretty well no? 🤭

[white-weasel]

I am staring DIRECTLY at Film Reroll Luke Skywalker watching and anticipating his next move

#film reroll #the film reroll #Tim Nolan you played him so well!!!! #I don’t think this will happen but this version of Luke is one I can kinda see turning to the dark side?? #like think about it. your aunt and uncle are killed. Ben Kenobi tells you it’ll be alright though and that you have the force in you #you can come with him and train to be a Jedi just like your father was #you leave planet and on the way have to put up with this asshole smuggler and even free a serial killer just to get to the rebels #but it’s fine! because once you’re with the rebels you’ll then be able to train with Ben like he’s promised #except you get there and there are two other Jedi candidates. each seemingly better options than you #one is a child who already has pretty good control of the force without anyone telling her how to wield it. #she’s also young and thus full of so much more potential than you #and the other is a woman older than you. but she has so much more life experience. she’s proven herself worthy both to the rebels #and to the force itself. she is strong and basically everything you’re not #but that’s alright too because Ben knows you. of course he’s going to pick to train you!! but then they say your name Skywalker with horror #and you are told about who your father is and how if you are trained and given everything you want you will become just like him #you are evil and violent by nature even though you feel as if you are anything but… except maybe they’re right #because when confronted with this fact your first instinct was to attack an injured man on death’s door #and if Kenobi has his time taken up by training either kahki or Jyn/planning the destruction of the Death Star #Luke is potentially left in a very vulnerable state to stew #I just am foaming at the mouth thinking about it!!!! #(I do feel like Andy will ultimately take Luke in a more redemption/I am not my father by ‘righteous’ sacrifice’ route though #which also has a lot of potential to be delicious)

[pepprs]

ngl it’s genuinely kinda crazy how much of my life i have lost to mental illness :3 lol

#purrs #not time wise necessarily but like… aspect wise. like talking to my friends and pursuing hobbies and doing things that give my life meaning #and the very nature of the mental illness reinforces the detachment and fills me with so so so much shame for having lost these things that #it deters me from fighting to get it back. i feel like my life has gotten so gaunt since covid hit and sometimes it occurs to me how many #terrible things ahve happened and how im still pushing forward and everything is fine except for when i Remember. im feeling it now mr krab #delete later #like i used to be someone who hung out with my friends at least once a week and texted back and wrote poetry and played piano and kept my #room clean and took great care to stay organized and connected. and now at my own hands i am spiralling through space. im fighting my way #out of the quicksand i really think i am trying to but im still very much in the quicksand 😻 #side note idk if anyone else is having this problem but lately tumblr has been adding two hashtags to tags which keeps knocking off an #extra character to the end of my tags and it’s fucking annoying. i meant *krabs not krab lol

[watching-constellations]

I think people need to accept that there's more than one way to be human. That may sound really obvious, but I'm not talking about identities, or opinions, or looks. What I'm saying is that not everybody wants to do a silly little dance. At all. Ever. It doesn't have anything to do with embarrassment or shyness or ability. Some people just don't want to.

I've been going to this dog training school with my new puppy recently, and one of the things they're having us do is train our dogs to stay put in a sit while we do a silly little dance next to them. I know this exercise is meant to be approachable to standard beginner trainers, but I can't even begin to describe how anxious I was when the trainer told us to do this. I remembered years of getting in trouble at summer camps for not participating in icebreakers and name games, being called a spoilsport in school, being called cold and distant as a teenager, and even been made fun of in a mean-spirited way and getting trouble in college for opting out of "group bonding activities". I refused to do the silly little dance. Instead, I've distracted my dog by shaking and dropping objects, stepping over her, sitting down, doing pushups, whatever. To my surprise, the trainer complimented me on my choice, and I could finally breathe.

It's not that I can't dance— I've trained as a dancer for years. It's not that I don't like being silly, or that I don't want to look stupid. I make myself look stupid on purpose on a regular basis because it's fun, and I love a good joke. It's just that there has to be consent for this to be fun. I don't need to loosen up and enjoy myself. I won't enjoy myself, because I don't want to do the silly little dance. I never want to do the silly little dance (not alone, not in a group). I don't want to be loud and yell, I don't want to do a call and response game, I don't want to mirror your body movements, I don't want to play zip zap zop, and I don't want to introduce myself with an animal that shares the same letter as my first name. It's not that I'm shy or quiet or even introverted— I just don't want to do it. I don't connect that way. It's not fun for me, it's miserable.

There is nothing wrong with any of this. I do not deserve to face any kind of repercussions for not wanting to do the dance. I'm not less fun because of it. I want to play tug of war with you— hand me the end of the rope. Sit down and let's tell a story. Let's make dumb jokes about street names and let the energy bounce off of each other and crackle. If our group plays mafia, no one will ever know I'm the killer. Come walk with me through the woods, and let's look for bugs under rocks and logs. We can eat lunch on the ground and poke at the moss.

I've spent so long thinking something was wrong or broken with me because I didn't want to do the silly little dance. I like dignity. I like elegance. It's not that I'm pretentious, it's that I like being ridiculous on and within my terms only.

Honestly, I was worried that, when I decided to get a dog, I wouldn't be the right kind of person to train one. I mean, have you seen how people act around dogs? I was worried that my lack of external bouncy enthusiasm, and profound disdain of doing squeaky voices, would make my training and my relationship with my dog fail. I thought I wasn't the right person for a dog, because I'm not even really the right person for a person. Turns out, I don't need any of that. Every now and then, because she's a puppy, people come up to Evie in their standard "dog-mode". Whenever they start doing... whatever it is people think they're doing with dogs... Evie pauses and looks up at me. I swear she's asking me what the hell is wrong with them. And, well, all I can do is sigh and shrug. She waits patiently for them to stop with their bouncing and squealing, and then cheerfully greets them when they're done. It doesn't seem like my dog wants to do the silly little dance either.

#dog training #self discovery #humans #this has genuinely been a lifelong and very difficult thing for me to deal with #because people just don't cut me any slack so much of the time #but apparently one offhand remark from a dog trainer and a very judgmental poodle puppy later... #and I at least get to rethink it #because it is actually fine #and I should be allowed to have my stupid little boundary #it's a big deal to me and I should get to keep it #and so I will #one notable exception to the no silly little dances rule: #if I am holding an object that's actively on fire and it would be objectively funny to do a small jig #and no one is asking me to or expecting me to do it #yeah okay #but y'see how that's also very much on my terms and related to my own sense of humor and fun? #that's the difference

[bobzora]

yeah femc has some really solid romance routes but i just cannot be assed to care too much because there are some crazy level yuri goings on in this game

#bobtalk #yeah i’ll max shinji and ryoji of course. ryoji especially he’s my bestfriend. akihiko…sorry lmao. #maxed saori and put my head in my hands. PEAK. i wonder what she’ll say in march. letter like temperance? #i feel like she’d really benefit from watching r/gu. by the way. she started talking about princes and princesses #p3pposting #anyway every girl you spoke more than 2 sentences to in male route was inexplicably madly in love with you. but femc has Charisma. #(still very funny how people line up outside your classroom to speak to you btw. lmao) #i want to do more junpei link cuz it’s been Very good but he’s occupied by the plot rn. sad! started shinji though (september) #anyway. every time i play portable i’m reminded how much girls rule. i love you girls. i finally got megido on my mothman. #i’m also reminded how sad i am about reload. WE DONT GET VOICED OR MODELLED SAORI……..THEY HATE WOMEN!!! #by the way yukari peak as fuck. shes so good. i’m trying 2 like mitsuru more because the student council type personality #never really appeals to me that much. <- im also trying to hack my brain to like makoto more. for feminism. i’m sorry women i’m working oni #she’s really pretty in arena btw. <3<3<3 #i also don’t especially care for akihiko i KNOW i’m SORRY. he’s fine. i like his dynamic with shinji and ken. sorry. lol #but yeah. i need aigis SL NOW!!!! #(theodore sucks btw. maybe that’s just because i don’t like men but i miss liz so bad. sigh.) #when my laptop works again maybe i’ll post some screenshots. <- playing on vita btw #good game. #(oh yeah i’ve maxed all social stats except i’m two from max on knowledge. whoops! at least it’s enough for Dying Young Man.)

[moe-broey]

Him.................

#fire emblem #aughh..... i gotta finish the last book. 🙃 #it's like really good. think i stopped after the iconic 'i killed him and now i'm gonna kill you' alfonse moment #and that really tender and sweet moment right after w sharena. #i feel like sometimes i get so deeply attached to something that i just have to freeze it in time. #preserve it in amber. ect ect #also i'm still refusing to accept bruno's death. yeah my man has been surrounded by death flags since day one. #but like bro i feel like this counts as cruel and unusual punishment for a gacha character. like. #was introduced as like a Main Character but has never been a playable unit base form has been absent from the story for years #has One (1) playable appearance in an alt and now he's fucking kilt. after what was it again??? five fukcing years??????? my man. #i'm really bummed askr dies so shortly after being introduced too like. bro.... you are the god of askr....... #there was. so much. that could have been explored. maybe. idk. all this is second hand. he's also just warm and friendly and hot. huge L. #but yeah i fucking get it this is War The Game people Will Die. could bruno at very least have survived tho. escape the narrative a bit. #i was also just really scared of any. developments. but i heard from my sister it's fine and vero has really nice character growth #(i am so against alf/vero as a romantic pair it's UNREAL and i think i'd have to kill if they were endgame. sorry. except not really.) #but yeah new book!!!!! yippee!!!!!!!! i do miss him........... i wonder if summoner will be present for this one. #fe alfonse

[melonpond]

I very much understand now all of those posts about self care not always being a gentle aesthetic thing and sometimes you have to pick yourself up by the scruff of your neck and be like "this'll be good for you!! you gotta do it!!" because I am currently dragging my brain kicking and screaming into planning a conversation where I have to be *cough cough* *wretches* vulnerable *cough* with someone, and dear lord I hate it.

#melon rambles #it won't even be that bad #it'll be very awkward but not an absolutely terrible experience #the sun won't explode #the sky won't fall #functionally not much will change about my life except I might get more support for my anxiety #...which I am now realizing the irony of being anxious about something that will probably have the end result of helping my anxiety #it's going to be so awkward I hate this so much #or worse it'll be *emotional* #and ain't nobody want that #it's fine it's fine I've just to get it over with and then I can.... do literally anything else other than think about it #I've just got to gaslight myself into thinking that this is a thing I normally do and it's totally nonchalant and I'm definitely used to it

[maddy-ferguson]

in october i read my brilliant friend by elena ferrante and then the story of a new name by elena ferrante and then those who leave and those who stay by elena ferrante and then the story of the lost child by elena ferrante and i was like i hadn't loved a book like this since i was like 16 will i ever find anything i like this much ever again. and i still haven't i don't even really enjoy her other books

#the english titles are so awkward like i kind of get it because the og doesn't have the story in the title for the first book either and i #understand not doing the story of those who leave and those who stay very long. but in french there's no the story of for any of them and #it's much better! #and like i say: brf slt #by december 1st i had read all 4 books twice like i was so obsessed #i haven't watched the show yet i want to i just haven't but i want to i think i will like after i finish watching what i'm watching rn i #hope i like it #and i've read other books i really enjoyed i've read other books i loved. but none that i connected with like that💔 #but anyway. i've read basically all her other novels i read troubling love first since that was her first novel i was like hm. then i read #the lying life of adults and i actually really enjoyed it for maybe the first half or for like two thirds of the book like it had potential #and then? i don't know what happened. the last 50 pages especially made me so mad i was like literally what is this. why do we care about #this why are you ending the novel on this??/!?. #then i read the days of abandonment because i wanted to see if i liked it! i did not. i liked it more than troubling love but less than the #lying life of adults. i just started reading the lost daughter today because i'm a completionist and i'm actually liking it fine maybe #because i've seen the movie so i knew what to expect? idk. but it's so frustrating like the neapolitan novels were literary perfection to #me and her other novels are like very average i don't even enjoy them and they're all short like less than 200 pages (except for the lying #life of adults) that's why i finished them and kept reading them. i was also just curious like why am i not liking it!!!! #but i actually know why it's maybe two different things? the neapolitan novels are about two women it's about their relationship and theres #a lot of things about men in the books but still it's all about the two girls while the others are all about one main woman? #except the lying life of adults which is about a girl and her aunt and i think that's why i liked it more at the beginning. #there's that and there's maybe also the fact that we start in my brilliant friend when they're kids and then we see them grow up whereas #in her other books it's like adult women going through...something. again except for the lying life of adults. i didn't #like that one for different reasons it's different because it's from after the neapolitan novels the others are from before. but anyway #it's not like i'm incapable of reading books about adults but yeah i think the coming of age aspect is what made me me like my brilliant #friend and sequels so much like especially in relation to boys and men like just the way it goes is so good. like lila marrying redacted. #very bad but yk it's just all very good #and i also just don't like the style as much? like there's some things i liked or thought were okay+ in the neapolitan novels that are much #more prominent in her other works and when it's not in lila and elena's story it's just not good to me like it's actually bad #anyway. i'm halfway through the lost daughter because it's only 176 pages long and i'm actually having an okay time. but yeah #and it's been less than six months it's not like it's a lost cause or anything and i HAVE read other books i REALLY liked but...

[ronanlynchbf]

do u all maybe perhaps possibly have game recommendations 🤨🧐

#^^^^ said in the tone of 'u got any games on ur phone' #i am not very good at games tbh but i've got the spirit if that gives u any clues to the level of difficulty i can handle. #also i am already playing a couple of games but i'd like to play more but don't know which games are worth the money or not so.. recs pls 🤲 #OH the games that i'm playing rn are life is strange and stray <33 and then i'm also playing uncharted with all of my siblings except the #youngest & playing detroit: become human with just the three older siblings & playing it takes two with all six of my siblings + i've played #and finished disco elysium and the quarry if that gives u anything to go off of regarding what games i like/have liked. #i also have life is strange 2 downloaded for when i've finished pt 1 and zelda is available if i want to play on my oldest sibling's #nintendo he also has hollow knight on his account (which i use also) and my younger sister has the sims so if i want to play that i could #also but i don't rlly think i'd enjoy it very much i'm more into mystery and action and puzzles and those story focused games with dialogue #options and choices that matter. so. anyway.. any gamers out there who have recommendations pls do give me those recommendations #i don't mind horror games also! as long as it's not like. evil spirits/ghosts bc for some reason those do kind of get me. i literally #stopped watching yellowjackets in the evening bc i kept getting nightmares abt 1) all the creepyness and the spirit/man with no eyes stuff & #2) just that whole situation in general; plane crash into the wilderness wolves roaming around at night running out of food etc etc. #but mostly i don't mind horror nor blood and guts and gore so if the game u would rec is horror that'd be fine <3

[mejomonster]

Im doing the fun part of writing: just wrote my cast, the locations, now jotting down the key scenes <3

Thw hard part: knowing once im fleshing this put eaxh key scene is going to blossom into 4-8 somehow and turn into 2k minimum each but possibly 10k words and then. And THEN. Hardest of all my adhd kick my ass and ill get 20,000 words in and lose my ability to focus for several weeks and be so sad i cant fucking focus and write and like 200 words will come out after 4 hours of effort and damn it

#rant #mejo writing #i looked up over the counter options for adhd and im crushed tbh #it said caffeine was pretty much the only option that worked. i already drink 1 pot a day #i dont think more coffee will have any additional help for me. i already drink primarily coffee from 8 am to 6 pm #the other suggestion was nicotine and nope not doing that #the last was Alternate caffeine options like 5 hour energy or mountain dew. and again #im already having a pot of coffee i dont think more caffeine will do anything to help #im lucky coffee doesnt make me anxious doesnt upset my tummy doesnt really do anything to me except taste good #so if its helping focus its a win win since id drink it anyway #but it clearly aint helping enough ;-; #im very scared to even try asking my new therapist for help #cause 1 im succeeding at my job! i do ALL the fucking adhd coping strategies so yeah. im doing fine at work #exhaustsd but managing. so i doubt shed give me medicine since im managjng even if it runs me down #and then 2 i got gastroparesis that acts bad with all mental health meds ive tried #(as in my gi tract just stops moving more. even oj ones meant to speed the gi tract up like setraline and prozac #so i dont kjow if an adhd med would also freeze up my gi tract more. which. i just cannot do that #i cant deal with Worse gastroparesis again im not vomiting daily again straving for weeks again im #not willing to suffer that again. so if i had that reaction id try like 3 days) #i am so jealous of ppl with meds. id do neurofeedback for adhd again but it was exoensive and im tired 1 session a week was a lot #and it kicked up my panic attacks which. is why i stopped)

[deepspaceclawstation]

I have to visit the great uncle (grand uncle technically but english kinship terms are weird that way) who doesn't like me (and once tried to convince me (a 25 year old) that a high-pitched sound has a low frequency) today so wish me luck I guess

#Like. it's fine to be annoyed by me I'm very annoying I admit #I even understand dislike when it's based on characters or behaviours I actually have or exhibit #But like. I don't really get why he doesn't like me when he likes my parents so much #I try to match his energy and sense of humour #and not to toot my own horn but I am good to him and his family I think or at least I try #Like. he has worse...nieflings? great nieflings? #My family is the only one from our branch who visits and doesn't make a nuisance of ourselves #And like. It's still cool to like hate me or whatever based on vibes alone but keep that shit to yourself #At least pretend to be civil #Not that he's hostile or anything but he keeps asking me like. 10th grade physics questions (and being wrong about the answers) #Or ignoring my contributions to the conversation #Like. dude we have so many common interests. we are both engineers. we both learned to play keyboard (very badly). we both sew. #we are both interested in diy #At least pretend to get along like my grandma who hates me does (other side of the family) #Personal #Sorry I keep using this site like a diary but I also think it is kind of funny that people hate me #Like if you met me irl you'd not even notice me I'm really a blend into the background kind of guy #I don't understand how I could even inspire such a strong reaction as hate like a mild dislike is fine but hate?? #Except my grandma though. she hates me because she hates my mom and thinks she is an evil mastermind. I hope I was kidding #Also she thinks I am not as good as her other grandson who is much more successful. okay that's true but not grounds for hate lol #I kind of know why they hate me. but I kind of want to still give them the benefit of the doubt because I'm an idiot at heart

[synthetic-sonata]

it is a good day to not know anything about smps

#aria talkz #yea i know not everyone in dsmp sucks. i still hate dsmp and smps and how it fucked the minecraft rp community forever with its structure #alas. #anyways i just see block people in trans character polls and im like... yea sure if the character and the creator of them r trans ig but #Are they really gunna win against frisk undertale anyways #Or the knight from hollowknight #Or canonical / heavily headcanoned trans characters #idk i dislike when theres clear character bias due to ppls followerbase like #to have a bunch of characters from a specific series shoved into a poll that theyre going to have bias for bc the blogger who made the poll #likes it a lot to the point where they themselves get weirdly upset when ppl dont vote for the mcyters #i dont know these ppl nor give a fuck! #and even if they do win its like that shit is Noooot deserved. they are not as much as a cultural icon as canon trans characters #Like yes they can make ppl figure out their identity. Thats cool! But u rlly have to factor in that shit #I am not voting for a random white mcyters OC insert over Birdo or Frisk or The Knight or anything. Sorry not sorry #ESPECIALLY IF THE CHARACTER AND CONTENT CREATOR *ARENT EVEN TRANS*... #like yes cis people can play trans characters. but it is very subjective if they can do it well. Or should. As opposed to like actual trans #people who can do it much better and need those roles more... #i also am p sure most of the options there are just widely regarded as fandom headcanons for oc self insert white mcyter no. 50 #except the actual trans ccs in mcyt like ranboo or w/e. thats fine. #and yes i know theyre characters. but its so odd to have what is essentially a self insert with a few layers removed. theres obviously like #a level of personal-ness there. i know how it is!! i used to fucking rp a semi-self insert minecraft character it is HARD to NOT project!! #blablabla my experiences arent universal but idk itsj ust always struck me as odd. #it sucks bc the whole idea around minecraft rps is fun but minecraft rp is tainted for me eternally by smps and past friendgroups. #( both of which did not really account for my needs since i cant rlly play minecraft survival well bc of triggers but then like #only played minecraft and excluded me from a lot ) #so w/e

[dykeseinfeld]

just heard about hank green and um. legitimately a little not okay right now i don't know who to talk to

#like. it's Fine i know that logically in all likelihood he will be fine actually #i'm literally going to a party later w a friend who survived brain cancer with much worse odds so. but i am processing this. ok. #or like our idiot aunt who has breast cancer that is almost as treatable except she refuses treatment and instead is taking snake oil like. #he's treating it it's fine the odds are very good #also i don’t know him. like it’s not like that i just. #he has just shaped me in deeply fundamental ways that go to the very core of who i am and i am coming out of a bit of shock i think

[astrxealis]

it has been a while since i have advertised any of my favorite games and so hello ... !! i implore you to play final fantasy xiv (fourteen) it is my favorite game and it is so good for so many reasons i love it so much (unlimited free trial btw)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #i could go on forever about this game and idk if that's even an exaggeration at this point bcs i've talked for hours about it #tbh i think any kind of gamer could play it (though ofc there's people who won't like it and that's fine bcs we're all different!) #but yeah it IS an mmorpg but there are really a lot of people who have this as their first mmorpg or the ONLY mmo they like #the story is incredibly good and ofc that too is. up to You but in general i do believe and a lot of others do as well that yeah #idk man :') this game has brought me an extreme amount of joy and is honestly . man. i owe so much to it #and i'm really not afraid to say that! either out of embarrassment or shame or whatever bcs i am affirmed by the many others who feel the #same that i'm not alone in feeling this way >_< idk. i think those around me and esp my loved ones and friends #deserve the experience the same joy ffxiv has given me ... even if not to the same extent ofc WHEEZE ffxiv just personally means #so much to me it consumes my mind and i love it so very much ehbgsbjhg BUT YEAH. yeah #i've felt a bit guilty or embarrassed to like ... express how much things mean to me bcs hmmhmmhm maybe i'm Too Much #but i think xiv has really helped me affirm myself and the fact that yeah! i'm just really passionate and enthusiastic about what i love #and uh. ehbghabgbhb i still don't share my thoughts except for to myself and to my twin and online just a bit but #man idk what i'm talking anymore about but i'm really grateful to ffxiv and i'm glad a lot of others are too ... >< #which is interesting bcs a lot of the playerbase is older than me :O hells yoshi-p is around the age of my dad and a streamer i watch is too #GBSHJBG ... and i have played with people much older than me as well! but it's. strangely nice? #i don't necessarily have to be wary about my safety bcs in general you wouldn't find that with the playerbase unless you do #specific things/go to specific places :O a lot are just people looking to have fun and/or relax after a long day. which is nice #hmm i'm just rambling a lot now again but yeah ... i think its really beautiful how we each have something that we love a lot #and for me one of those stuff is def ffxiv. and i . think it's understandable/valid for me to wish for those i care for to experience what #i have too :O hmm w all this ngl i see that i still need to better accept my feelings and all GHSBHG i'll try my best >< #okay rambles over GAH I SHOULD EAT DINNER. maybe finish 1 hw as well b4 the day ends ehe #tbh most of my rambles ^^ are for ffxiv w the RPG part bcs tbh it is true when people say it is like an rpg + mmo aspects lol #but i really appreciate the mmo aspect >< it's strangely helped me w my social anxiety rather than worsen it! #it's helped me make new friends and great experiences and considering w/o the mmo aspect i'd probably be still #drowning in my misery from back then :O if it were not for ffxiv i sincerely doubt i would have talked again to my irl best friends so <3 #okay i will stop rambling now. tbh i don't think ... hm ... nvm. but anyway! no pressure ofc but yes i suggest u play ffxiv teehee #but if you really can't due to Reasons that is ofc fine as well! i don't want to seem like i'm forcin people wah ... #it is just a thing for ffxiv players to like advertising for ffxiv and i so happen to really like doing that lol ehbsjgh >< #uh i forgot what else i wanted to say but my throat is gabgjebgjhs so bye bye

[crushofdoves]

everyone else in my house is asleep but i am listening to mitski and my dog is pacing the floor and like i get it, dude, i really do

#this dog has more anxiety than any human i’ve ever met #we have so much in common #except i am all bite #my teeth are sunk in before i know my mouth is open #the muscle memory of fear #i’m FINE just very high and having A Moment #i barely slept last night why am i awake now at 1am