#for real this has been absolute hell

[beauty-grace-outer-space]

Ok I've been dealing with a medical-ish thing and I'm fine and it's fine like it is objectively not harmful and whatever but it's absolutely tanked my mental health, like I want to fucking die. My OCD has kicked into high gear and it's been 2 months, 24/7 "is it worse? Should I be doing something? What if it's worse? What do I do?"

Which has sent my depression into overdrive with, "Yeah, like we said, life is ever increasing misery, your body fails one step at a time, and then you die! And you are such a freak show you don't even get to have any of the parts that supposedly make it worth it anyway! Congrats, fuck up!"

And I've been trying really hard to explain to the providers I've been seeing that I'm sorry, I know I'm crazy, I hate it too, but I can't turn my brain off and I'm scared all the time. I'm trying. I'm really, really trying, but I am scared and stressed and worrying all. the. time.

The problem is that everyone at that office has decided I'm crazy and to just ignore what I'm telling them instead of actually listening to me and honestly they're not wrong and I just feel trapped and defeated and like garbage all the time now.

#mental health #ocd #it speaks #for real this has been absolute hell #any time I am awake even if it's just for a few seconds in the middle of the night to like turn over in bed #immediately my brain is like “but is it worse? is it back? should I be doing something? how did I fuck up this badly?” #all. the. time. #like straight up psychological torture #I stress lost 6 pounds in 3 days because I couldn't fucking eat #I genuinely am so exhausted and so fucking scared #and I hate it so much #I hate myself #I don't want to exist

[tswwwit]

What are some ideas you have floating around that you don't have any plans on writing but like to entertain as a thought?

Many of them, in fact! Though they sort of vanish from my memory if I don't make a record of them, here's a few ones I jotted down when they came to mind.

For a domestic one: Bill thought he'd hate a lot of being married! Even though he loves Dipper, he thought he'd rebel against the chains of domesticity - and in some ways he still does - but one major benefit he's found is not having to be 'on' all the time.

No need to be perfectly performing all the time! No shoving around for social influence, no intimidation, or clever tricks. No commanding attention or taking up the room. Hell, there's surprisingly little upkeep! Bill can undo his tie and pick his nose and bitch about his day to someone who isn't bending over backwards to agree with him on everything. Someone who doesn't give him a weird look and sneer if he, god forbid, actually wants to sit down, read a book, drop the grin for an hour or two.

The concept in question is Bill's very first moment of great surprise. That when he isn't being the most charming, terrifying, and exciting guy in the universe, and just chilling out for like, five minutes, Dipper comes over and snuggles up to him on the couch, or wraps his arms around his shoulders and kisses the top of his head. And when Bill asks 'what was that for?', Dipper shrugs and goes 'eh, just felt like it'. It's both baffling and extremely compelling.

A short where Reincarnated Dip is Definitely Sure he's Not Gay!!! Especially not for this Hot Demon Man who is getting so close and touchy with him with his big smile and horrible wiles. Yep. Just keeping an eye on him to make sure he's not up to something Nefarious ™.

A discussion between Dipper and Bill where Dipper insists that Bill should understand this, or not do that, because, like. Y'know, Bill's a guy! There are guy things! Making Bill stare at Dipper like he's an idiot. He proceeds to informs Dipper how that's stupid for multiple reasons! First, that Bill's Not Human to begin with, his gender can't be put into a little box! And frankly, he never filled out the paperwork for his original one, come to think of it. Sure, he/him's fine, but c'mon, sapling, thinking of the whole shebang like a binary is dumb as hell. Now Dipper has to do some mental readjustment re: his own issues with masculinity/gender.

#answers #None of this is very coherent I just saved this ask for a while and dumped some thoughts in #Though I do have like a whole scene in my head for the gender one #Probably it's Bill cajoling Dipper into wearing a dress for something. Which Dipper obviously rebels against. #Bill's very convincing but Dipper shoots back well. He's never seen *Bill* wear a dress. Thinking he's making a point #But Bill just gets the metaphorical equivalent of a lightbulb over his head. Hey! Good point kid it's been a while #Oh ho!!! I see! Pinching Dipper's cheek - you want us to *match!* Surprised to see any fashion sense outta you #Hold on a sec. Bill will whip up something in a jiffy. A real nice one #Now Dipper's spluttering. He thought it was a good counterargument but Bill didn't even *flinch* at the idea of wearing one himself #But like. C'mon Bill Guys Don't Wear Dresses!! You're a guy you shouldn't- #Bill stares at him like he's an idiot. DIpper shuts up. Dumb move actually now that he's thinking about it #Both because telling Bill he *shouldn't* do something absolutely means he's looking into doing it. If not already in the process #And second. Uh. Oh hell. Dipper remembers. That Bill's only wearing that body. Not human. Triangular so - Wait. Is he *not* a guy?? Uh. #Bill's perfectly fine with his human body and his pronouns. Even with the presumptions that his husband has made over the years #But Dipper having this idea that those mean Bill should STOP doing certain things annoys him a lot #Bill politely - for him anyway - reminds Dipper that he's very much *not* a guy. None of that crap applies! #As Dipper has seen! And hey the ideas Dipper's working with there are outdated even among *humans* what the hell #There's probably a mini-rant that's rather scathing but frankly that's Bill on easy mode for his husband #Dipper's well-intentioned and knows how things go but he struggles with masculinity especially regarding himself #Turns out being bullied and trying so hard to be Socially Acceptable means a lot of issues to unpack #Also re: the Domestic one #Dipper is present with Bill while he chills out for those five minutes. Just watching from across the room #Bill knows he's there. But he's not puffing up trying to be impressive. Not being dismissive. Just accepting. And now Dipper's *fascinated* #It's so rare to see Bill NOT 'on' that he couldn't help it. No big show. No big grin. Almost.... not 'vulnerable' he's terrifying always #But so so relatable. God does Dipper know the feeling of just wanting to find some peace and quiet after a hectic day. But for Bill. That's #Rare and strange and so - Dipper *knows* he's the Only Person who could ever ever see this. Being in Bill's presence for a full ten minutes #Without Bill flipping some internal switch to 'Impress or Intimidate'. This is Dipper's own little secret to watch and absorb and treasure #And. In a way. When Bill's not vibrating with potential energy for parties or violence he's even MORE handsome #He just HAS to kiss him. A little bit. On the cheek or on the top of the head. Maybe curl up next to him where it's warm and touch his ches #Bill spends hours afterward wondering where the hell that came from and WHY. And it'll take him *so much* time to figure it out

[damn-the-dark]

I have to drag myself back online Markiplier just made another smash or pass pokemon video and has now proudly said smash to the furriest of fakemon ever - I will stand to answer the call uwu

#hello I am Alive ;w; #The power of markiplier smashable furry pokemon is real and apparently has enough power to pull me from the depths of Depression(tm) SDFGH #taking my time getting back to art hopefully qwq #missed being on this hellsite and holy absolute Fuck has desktop changed fghjkjhgf #volt speaks #also this is old news but i have been simmering in work hell but No More I will be free of the shackles of capitalism to draw funny imges :

[morsartis]

Listen. Listen I get the hype and thirst for Miguel O'Hara okay? I get it. BUT THE WAY I WOULD FOLD FOR HOBIE BROWN I SWEAR TO GOD. I would make lawn chairs jealous. Wet paper towels would have nothing on me. Origami would wish it could do what I would do. The unholy things I want that man to do to me would get me banned from church. I apologize in advance for the person I will become once ATSV gets released on demand. Hobie and Miguel had no reason to be that fine but if I don't see more people simping for Spiderpunk I will be DISAPPOINTED he was TOO GODDAMN PRETTY for you guys not to jump on that.

#miguel ohara #hobie brown #across the spiderverse #ONE VERY GOOD MOVIE #10/10 #I enjoyed the hell out of it #But my god the way I nearly lost it when Hobie pulled off his mask #LISTEN #HIS SPIDERVERSE LOOK IS AN UPGRADE THE BOY HAS ALWAYS BEEN FINE #BUT SPIDERVERSE FELT LIKE A PERSONAL ATTACK #please he is just #so pretty and important to me #He was so real for the entire movie the absolute BEST #If anyone needs me I will be CRYING over how good it was #THAT FUCKING PLOT TWIST THOUGH #I NEVER THOUGHT THEYD DO IT #BUT THEY DID AND I AM LIVING FOR IT

[winepresswrath]

Cannot believe at this late stage of my life I'm becoming a Gabriel fucker. Local mean jock doesn't want to be evil now, he wants to be loved. I'm slightly annoyed they didn't make Beelzebub more unhinged because the "plot" should have been at least half about them fucking up shit on an absolute rampage trying to find Gabriel, a thing everyone assumes they are doing to fry him with hellfire so they can kick off the war in a way that's advantageous to hell, BUT ACTUALLY!!! true love.

#I do love evil love! #but more than that it's like... the terrible emptiness of heaven and hell? #absolutely no one has been having a good time! #they're just middle management admin suckers doing a soulless job no one else understands #they don't even care about earth! six thousand years of #mommy promised that if you all sit down and shut up we can have another war when the humans are dead #as a form of enrichment for their underlings #and they're just going along with it because that's the grind #incidentally I enjoyed how childish the angels were this season my pet theory is that they and the demons also have free will but no one #noticed so they've all just been making themselves miserable enforcing corporate culture and plotting each other's downfall because it #didn't occur to them to do anything else #gabriel and beelzebub realizing there's more to life and they can simply say fuck it and make something good between them #implies other angels and demons can do the same! as does Muriel obviously #like they are torturing each other. in much the same ways that humans are torturing each other #sad for Aziraphale and Crowley they care about earth & humans #which is a real problem they have that Gabzebub do not #and also that Crowley is in denial about how much he wants to be good and Aziraphale is in denial about just so many things and also #committed to being an ass about it. #these are problems that Gabriel and Beelzebub do NOT have because they are goal oriented and keep their eyes on the prize #good omens spoilers

[w1tchybusiness]

i could write a 100 page essay about what a fucking masterpiece warframe is. i will write many words in the tags. please readem if you want my 'tism.

#ive been playing on and off since 2019 but its only recently when i dumped destiny 2 (probably for good) and picked it up #to fill the grind-shaped hole in my heart #that i have uncovered just how FUCKING INCREDIBLE warframe is #everything about it makes me incredibly autistic #from its masterful utilization of an incredibly styled and individual soundtrack full of absolute bangers #to its seemingly unique understanding of how and why an MMO is special to and because of its players #and its truly special story- a uniquely human take on the “post-ruin scifi” tale #it knows exactly how and when to yank on your heart to make you weep like a baby #and it knows exactly when you're going to get angry and want vengeance #and it knows when to let you let loose and unleash hell #SPOILERS FOR THE NEW WAR AHEAD #IF YOU THINK YOU COULD PLAY THE GAME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO #SPOILER WARNING #i think the narmer corruption of fortuna was genuinely one of the most gutpunchingly horrible moments ive ever experienced in a video game #i started playing when fortuna was already in the game but the story of fortuna and vox solaris was really what made warframe stand out 2 m #i would drop into the orb vallis as gauss and dash around doing bounties and fishing and mining because i really loved everything about #fortuna and wanted to spend as much time there as possible #for me vox solaris was my proudest achievement (in warframe.) to say “i helped that! i did that!” was an incredibly good feeling #the story really spoke to me on a deeper level #and vox solaris has always been my favorite faction as a result #so to do absolutely everything that i could #to lift together with my tenno brothers and sisters and yet STILL fail? #and to have it rubbed in my face by the corruption of the greatest shining pillar of hope in the warframe universe? #felt like i got kicked in the stomach #i felt sad and angry. but most of all i was DRIVEN. #which is GOOD. because RARELY does a video game present you the “you lost” scenario and have it feel not only satisfyingly painful #but MOTIVATING. #my only complaint with the new war is that i didnt get to hack ballas to pieces by myself #i had real flashbacks to running around helping people as gauss while approaching the final boss with erra #and to step onto the ballas arena as gauss prime. i nearly came from the narrative significance

[bokatan]

oc memery

Thanks for the tags @bleumanouche & @sparrowsingsstories! No pressure tags: @advictoriams @ihateclaws @wishing4nuclearwinter @bluepriestess @kharonion @khazrablood @ragedaisy @fuzzydreamin @new-eyes-extra-colors

Name: Cyril Reed Nickname/Alias: Reed, Cy(limited to Mercy only), Whisper(RR call name) Gender: Trans man Star sign: Scorpio(November 13, 2049) Height: 5'9"/175cm Orientation: Bi + poly Nationality: American Favorite fruit: Apple Favorite season: Autumn Favorite flower: Wildflowers Favorite scent: Petrichor Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: coffee Average hours of sleep: 4-6 on a good day Dog or cat person: He'd actually really enjoy having a cat, but he's definitely a dog person first and foremost Dream trip: He’d love to go back to his hometown in upstate New York at some point just to see how much things have changed, but more than likely wouldn’t go back without another reason- he’d just figure the area was hit hard and would either be hard to get to or heavily irradiated like the Glowing Sea Number of blankets they'd choose to sleep with: At least 2-3 heavy blankets, he’d commit so many crimes for a good weighted blanket Random fact: Margot’s actually his first pet- he didn’t have any pets growing up or while he was in the army prior to being assigned to her.

#tag games #thank you!💖 #reed tag #Reed just looks at a map and goes. mmyeah no new york’s been blasted off the face of the earth. no proof of it except ✨vibes✨ #he would be the one person that has a mal/dutchie mix as a first pet and it isn’t an absolute fucking disaster #if we’re being real tho she probably would’ve tried to eat a door at some point if they’d lived in sanctuary longer #im tired and just want to get this out of drafts hell but might tack mercy on later

[autism-swagger]

I think people are allowed to headcanon whatever they want, but at the same time I've never understood when people headcanon that Billy would've been a good dad to Sam had he lived.

Like I'm sorry but I don't think Mr. Misogynist is exactly girl dad material.

#au where Sam is raised by Billy but instead of being a killer she's just really fuckin misogynistic #do I think he would've raised her (or at least been in her life)? probably! #do I think he'd be a good dad? hell fuckin no!!!! #I think he would find the idea of a successor to mold and groom very appealing #and I'm talking about real Billy here btw #not Sam's version of Billy that she has in her head #I think that's where a lot of people get mixed up tbh #like they see Billy interacting with Sam #and just assume that that's how the real Billy would've interacted with her #and they're forgetting that Sam never met Billy!! she has no idea how he would've acted!!!! #hallucination Billy's actions/personality are entirely products of Sam's mind. they have absolutely no basis in real Billy whatsoever #horror tag #og fandom post tag

[villainsidestep]

north says your brothers are dead.

north says your brothers are dead, but he has to be a liar, because he has always been a liar. because he has always been a bastard. because the numbers mean you can't check his thoughts for lies. because he has to be lying. because the alternative is that your brothers left you. because the alternative is that you left them. left them lying on the sidewalk in an open grave of shattered glass and broken concrete and all those dead bodies and all that blood, there was so much blood, why can you not stop thinking of the blood?! of their hands reaching out for yours amongst the ruin, amidst the fall, along your spine when you uselessly throw yourself at north's thoughts again?

north's thoughts make you feel sick. make you feel staticky. make you clench your teeth and fists and stomach as you feel the nerves creep in, the dreading fear of something being wrong, the persistent terror of needing to stop, needing to keep going, needing to reach just a little bit deeper, needing to find purchase somewhere, anywhere, anything, anything about them, because they couldn't just leave you! they wouldn't leave you! you're supposed to stick together! you've always stuck together!

north says your brothers are dead. you wish you'd died with them.

#gideon shut the hell up challenge #this is AWFUL but. sometimes u just gotta write words down #me: hehe wouldn't it be fun to write smth abt the whole 'siblings using telepathy to figure out if the others are around' #me when typing: for some reason instead writes abt fawn trying to get into north's brain ?? #fun fact I absolutely know without a doubt that they attempted MULTIPLE times to fucking . get their little claws into his brain #but north has been on numbers ever since hb happened so <3 it was entirely useless on their part <3 #also we're 50-50 on whether or not north even knows anything abt the brothers post-hb. bc on one hand it would be V Fun #if he did in fact know they'd survived and that he just fucking lied to fawn for funsies. BUT. it would also be fun if he Didn't know #bc they were like 'literally just keep ur attention on ur own fucked up lil creature' and he doesn't ask questions so it was more of like #evil bragging. bc their only real safe connection has been severed and now that he doesn't have to have them in his brain anymore ?? 10/10 #( writing. ) #update we've put this under a read more THREE fucking times bc tumblr refuses to keep it. so if u see the full thing. sorry #keeping up with the beckers

[coollyinterferes]

//pov ur about to get mugged

#[*al//as/ka's vc: hiiiii~] #[the speeb figure is so precious in pics AND in real life i swear] #[just seeing him sitting on his gay ass right next to my laptop gives me so much serotonin <3 <3] #[if you're planning to order his figure. yes!! i 10000% recommend it!!! the re-release is coming out later this year i think!!] #[anywaysss. this week has been absolute hell but on the bright side i managed to get a bunch of replies (almost) done] #[i kinda want to make a mo/the/r's day post covering some hcs about jona's and speeb's moms but idk if i'll be able to] #[bc of the teehee emotional baggage ;v; ] #[we'll see i guess] #[hope everyone's having a nice day/night! <3] #[and happy mo/the/r's day to everyone who celebrates!] #[also. pic edit is not mine. i snatched it from twitter a long time ago i think???] #;speedwagon withdraws coolly

[gender-euphowrya]

is the new detective pikachu genuinely awful or are people saying it's bad because it's a spin-off

#real question btw i don't know anything about it other than the divorce thing #like. i liked the first game gkfjfkd it wasn't super good or anything but it was alright #sure the story is. odd i'd say and it's basically discount phoenix wright with pokmans but #nothing awful #people are acting like the new one is absolute trash garbâge though kgjfkdkd #edit Okay i watched a playthrough of it. it's BAD lmao #like the puzzles are bad the plot is full of holes the twist ending is predictable the dialogue is Oh God #it's formulaic as hell fjdjjd and just. i can't get over the twist ending because like #they try soooo so hard to make it sound like a Shocking Revelation but #a) it was already strongly hinted at in the first game b) ITS LITERALLY THE SAME AS IN THE MOVIE #you're supposed to go :O pikachu was tim's DAD??? when like. since day fucking one he has the same voice actor #and Every Single Thing points to it being the case it's just. it's never been hard to figure out #anyway yeah it's. oof. it's not good

[nyctarian]

Few features as useless as spotifys dont play this artist one bc theyll still recommend them to you no matter what like, yeah spotify you really nailed my music taste suggesting me grimes and pwr bttm. Wonder if there is a reason i havent listened to them since like undergrad

#on the flip side afaik based on the last time i checked the 'hide this somg' absolutely sends it to he depths of hell #and they seemingly got rid of the list of hidden songs that used to exist lol #personal #its the corollary to the fact that discover weekly has gotten so much worse over the years its almost a guarantee that unless ove gotten #Real Weird with my listening habits it will have one or two songs ive listened to before on spotify itself #or from artists im already super familiar with #fortunately i have been real weird w my listening habits lately #so i actually thought to check it the past like two weeks and found some neat stuff #however i missed checking it during my peak weird stuff listening earlier in the month #so i def missed on some cool strange shit #but regardless lol #anyways spotify is obvi much worse for a lot of reasons #these are just minor gripes

[jasonntodd]

.

#damn seeing zebs new quarian mod has me wanting to really dive back into modding and playing mass effect 😭😭 #i absolutely love all their mods and all their works it’s *chefs kiss* #BUT #if i do my hands are tied and i’m basically forced to not release certain things or else i’ll get in actual trouble so literally fuck that #god it still makes me so fucking MAD #i’m still pissed after all this time and tbh i hold grudges real bad it’s actually an issue 😭😭 #not to mention it made me hella depressed too #i kneo all i do is complain and complain and complain and i’m so sorry 😭 #esp about this but i have nowhere else to releas this pent up frustration #so pls forgive me #but it genuinely just makes me so fucking mad and enraged being told i can’t release something until a very specific thing happens which ??? #no. #literally fuck that #😡 #my intrusive thought about this is then thati should release everything i’ve been working on then and just disappearing for a few months but #the rational and realistic voice in me reminds me that doing that is a bitch move and is literally rudest thing someone could do 😭😭 #what the literal fuck is wrong with me #😭😭😭 #on to life updates: i’m i terviewing at sb on monday so let’s hope that goes well 😭😭 #i’m nervous as HELL i hate interviews holy shit #it’s just a pt barista position but damn i need this job #personal

[hecksupremechips]

Girl help I keep thinking about freaking persona 4

#i have banned myself from engaging with any persona 4 related content (except for memes my sister sends me) #because yeah its genuinely deeply upsetting for me and i always feel like absolute shit #but aghhh for some reason my brain has been fixated on it this week thinking about all the offensive garbage it is #and i keep thinking of all the evidence i can gather definitively proving that the writing is sooooo homophobic/transphobic #which is a very easy thing to gather up and prove since its all over the damn place lol #but like im just so fixated on how awful the game is and how the fans are even worse and i have this urge to argue forever #something im sure a lot of yall can relate to #cuz god it hurts to be screaming at people that theyre hurting you and for them to just say no to you as if its up for debate #if this sounds dramatic cuz its Juat A Game liiiike no its not Just A Game this is about #my daily life requires me to argue my existence constantly and its the same for every other damn marginalized person out there #and idk if youre still gonna either ignore or deny that persona 4 isnt batshit insanely offensive then youre stupid #i dont have the patience to argue shit like this anymore because theres no way someone with a brain can deny shit like that #and quite frankly even well intentioned queer fans who try to make headcanons that either say fuck you to the game #or hcs that do nothing at all to challenge the bigotry in p4 are kinda annoying to me #cuz it hurts too much to play along like yeah id LOVE to just slap a rainbow on kanji and a trans guy badge on naoto #and call it a day and enjoy the game outside of it all but thats kinda impossible #when these two characters entire existence revolves around the bigotry and its done in a way that hurts like hell to see #its too real for me to enjoy even if i make positive ‘fuck you atlus’ fan art #yeah ughhhh whatever its just annoying cuz I’ve been doing a good job at blocking this game away from my life #cuz it brought nothing but anger to me but its just been something thats been stuck on me lately #and im really not sure what triggered this or why its been lingering so long like please stoppp #its really embarrassing to be having bad mental illness over a shitty bibleo game 🙄

[ding-dongie-dami]

I wonder if there's a Buzzfeed Quiz that's like, "Tell Me Your Taste In Fictional Characters, and I'll Be Able To Tell You How Cruddy Your Childhood Was!"

Listen, I'm not saying that my taste in fictional characters (especially men) is bad even though it is, but I wonder if it may have any correlation, you know, with my not good childhood.

It's just a thought, you know, but if anyone comes up with this, they know where to find me. 😉

#welcome to late night thoughts with Katie #no but like if this was a real thing I would do it #mainly because I have been told by my friends that my type in partners is people who vaguely care about me #like yes you are absolutely right but you do not need to say it out loud :( #also if you were curious my taste in fictional characters can be summarized by the following: #only has a soft spot for one person #would cause hell on earth and would do anything for just that one person #okay maybe my friends were right #me: 😶

[cave-monkey]

Monkey King 2009 Episode 5

NO.

GENERALS!!!

I JUST STARTED TO BELIEVE IN YOU

a lot - and I mean a lot - happened this episode. but I'm mad about THIS.

#mhw09 personal #these absolute rat bastards #they nearly incited an actual mob against him what the hell #blaming stone monkey for literally everything from their OWN terrible preparations and lack of fortifications #to the MONKEY KING'S own tactical decisions #these GUYS #one kid is a sacrificial lamb the other is a scapegoat #NONE of you deserve EITHER of them #look I totally recognize that this episode was supposed to sort of be six ears's 'start of darkness' #highlight the frailties of his character or whatever #but look. the kids aren't getting blamed for a single thing until the adults get knocked down about twenty pegs. #six ears has been trained to 'prove himself' #but has been given poorly defined and ever-shifting expectations for a vaguely-dangled-but-never-stated 'goal' (of monkey king) #of course he leaps at any sign of approval #he's hungry to know what the hell he's supposed to be doing and that he's doing whatever that is right #he tries to set the record straight multiple times and eventually gives up #and yeah he enjoys the praise but he's also anxious he hasn't earned it so he immediately jumps at being the one to bring in the NEXT batch #make it 'real' or 'fair' so that him taking FALSE credit never happened actually it was just a little early #yes it's disingenuous and not fair to Stone Monkey #but he's being a kid #I wonder (if he hadn't FALLEN OFF A CLIFF what the hell six ears) if he might have had an attack of conscience #if he HAD found reishi mushrooms and shoved them angrily at stone monkey and made him take them back #I can see that in him #I feel that's a distinct possibility for his character - HE knows he did a bad and it's bothering him severely even if he doesn't admit it #(his angry grumbling while he tries to find the mushrooms) #so I feel like the guilt would eat him alive eventually #even if he didn't he'd probably crack and confess the whole thing to Stone Monkey within a week #also also stone monkey was SO CUTE we finally had a ton of dialogue from him and everyone else! but he was also! so sad! #seeing him happy by himself when he first set off on his own to find the reishi mushrooms was so bittersweet #stone monkey prior to the troop was lonely sure but he wasn't unhappy. no excuse for how he was treated this episode.