#fuck what are all sauron’s goddamn names???

[paragonrobits]

My Circle of Exalted characters I am currently plotting out, one of whom is not an Exalt, badly summarized

Infernal Slayer, a gremlin lady and absolute weird little wretch. her solution to everything is punches that nuke you with hate lasers. eats everything, including the things that are not possible to eat. whenever she powers up she mutates into a variety of weird freakazoid monsters. perpetually horny, gluttonous and weird at all times. is the single nicest person you’ll ever meet and believes the best in people, including her Yozi masters, the jury is out if she is hopelessly naive or if the same experiences that got her an Infernal Exaltation gave her such low expectations of humanity that she expects way too much goodness from the slightest signs of not being a complete garbage heap. She’s what happens if you make the Hulk, Asura from Asura’s Wrath and Hellboy do a fusion dance, and filter the result through Steven Universe while desperately trying to reconcile the narratively inappropriate powers of Endless Horror with the attitude of It’s ME, EVERYONE’S FRIEND

Solar Twilight. A cat beastfolk or some kind of cat-adjacent wyld mutant constantly apologizing for her existence to the point of naming herself after the garbage you get rid off after smelting because no one wanted it. She’s actually really good at a lot of things from punching to teaching to crafting All The Things, and she still feels like she needs to be Better to be worthy of the Sun’s favor (Though the jury is out if the Sun actually had any input this time).

Lunar Full Moon. Was originally a beastman of a vaguely tyrant lizard disposition but managed to create a human form after Exaltation; he didn’t have a deep seated hatred of his body, he just felt like it. His spirit shape is a tyrant lizard, he’s just the hugest buffest guy you ever did see, and he deliberately puts on a variety of personas and fronts to mislead enemies or troll people for giggles. He’s essentially Grimlock from Transformers translated into Exalted terms (albiet not as an Alchemical, even if that would make more sense); he’s a very smart guy who weaponizes an assumption of him as a rampaging brute specifically to pull one over on enemies. Is quickly developing a reinassance man and polymath vibe.

Dragon-Blooded Air Caste from a confederation of nomadic tribes living way out in the Wyld, and consequently does not know or care what the Immaculate Order is or why people assume she should be yelling at those obviously chosen by the gods (or at least god-adjacent glowy things) as anathema or whatever. A shaman and dealer with spirits who is trying very hard to maintain an air of professionalism and suppress her desire to be extremely sassy all the time. She’s also what they technically call ‘fucking huge’ because her tribe regarded mutations as an indication of innate talents and nothing more, and she’s got the Giant merit, she’s ten feet tall and disappointed in how doorways are so closed in. Has a bone to pick with a Deathlord that is a very blatant stand-in for Sauron.

Lunar Changing Moon, spirit shape is a spider. THIS LADY. OH MAN, THIS LADY. she is just goddamn weird and gremlin, even worse than the Infernal. Her favored ATtributes are Intelligence and Dexterity, caste is Appearance and Manipulation, and this winds up creating a weird mad scientist witch who loves terrifying and seducing people at complete random, stealing forms and tricking enemies into feuding against each other, and duping foes into attacking duplicate fakes who were carrying way too much firedust. no one even knows where she gets it or why she likes explosions so much. She’s really looking forward to learning Charms to make her other forms big so she can turn into a spider the size of a tyrant lizard, hide in someone’s palace and jump out going ‘BOOGA BOOGA!’. She’s heavily inspired by Loki, specifically the older stories of him that we got.

Alchemical Jade Caste; a proof of concept prototype of the Dragon-Blooded that remained in Creation and woke up as a result of shadowland incursions and desperate refugees accidentally hitting a ‘You Got The Touch’ button. She’s a perfect Champion and arguably shaping up to be a leader of the Circle as a whole, assuming they don’t just decide things at random. She’s especially clueless as to the political realities of the Age of Sorrows as all she has to run on are the vague memories of her past lives, which are all firmly remembering the Dragon Kings running the show and she’s a bit concerned how things seem kind of... more screwed up than she might have liked. She’s otherwise an ideal heroine, though just as goofy and weird as the rest of the crew, and a highly versatile wunderkind. She’s basically a cute robot mom version of Optimus Prime, though she’s got a ways to go before she can go all giant robot. (using Transhuman Manifold Implants for the size increase Alchemicals can get isn’t quite the same.)

Dragon King sleeper of the Anklok breed, arguably the most experienced of the bunch though what remains of his conscious recollection suggests that he was something of a laid-back sage before he went to sleep. He’s honestly not sure; something went extremely wrong with the chamber holding him in stasis, and a lot of his previous skills, memory and abilities have been severely damaged. They’re still there, just... locked away, only gradually coming back. The languages he DOES speak are either lost or scholarly curiousities, leaving him having a very difficult time communicating with anyone, but he’s nonetheless managed to amass a bunch of followers and he feels obligated to look after them, and he’s managed to pick up a Solar Eclipse ally despite his gentle hints that she should go back and be a proper heroine to her city-state rather than trying to be his disciple. Leaning towards being a bit of a crafter with an atypical interest in the Solid Earth, Growing Wood and Shaping Wood paths, which are being narratively justified as him gradually remembering the Paths he DID study in his old life. (The current assumption is that he was a very serious scholar and savant, and will in turn teach the interested members of the Circle the basics of artifact creation and manse building later on.) He’s basically Spear from Primal as a dinosaur-man, to the extend of inevitably going to get a white jade/adamant spear as a gift once the circle gets powerful enough to feasibly make something like that.

(Every single one of them has at least one cat familiar, regardless of how little sense it makes. Some of them are air elementals that take on cat form, others are regular cats that have been gradually mutated, and others are perfectly ordinary cats. but this is a Circle of weirdos who have cats. And one of them that IS a cat. Possibly. Depending on how you look at it. Ironically its neither of the two Lunars.)

#exalted #OCs #queued #i've been hesitant to actually share info about the because while i've been doing this project since December of 2022 #im wary of how it will feel to actual lore and all that #STILL WHY THE HECK NOT #i love these weirdos

[scarylullabies]

fucking. every time it gets bad enough for me to start googling some variation of 'what in gods name is fucking wrong with me' the advice is always "ppl are way too hard on themselves! Be less hard on yourself!" and like, sister. No. They. Are. Fucking. Not. you stop being hard on yourself for one fucking second, apparently, and the next thing you know you think you're the fucking main character of the trader joes, and that Anna, the minimum wage single mom on her second shift of the day, being unable to take your coupon that expired back during the Carter administration is an act of personal malicious warfare against you specifically, which of course means that it's ok, nay, righteous, for you, the protagonist of the grocery store, to completely disregard her humanity and treat her as an enemy combatant.

I live in constant fear of becoming the kind of person who yells at cashiers, and I absolutely cannot relax that vigilence. I'm white i don't have a real job, not in the service industry anymore anyway, and i'm middle aged. the time is fucking ripe for me to become that which I hate the most. and every time I try to look up "why can't I meet my loved ones' needs" or "why is taking a shower so hard" or "why can't I correctly prioritize my tasks" the internet is like "would you like an internship with emperor palpatine? Have you heard the good news about our dark lord sauron? You just need to learn mustache twirling. have you tried voraciously smothering all human kindness and warmth within a 12 mile radius of you? maybe you just need to rend the human spirit of someone way less fortunate than you with your actual goddamn teeth! that's the best way to get through life's hard times."

[agirlunderarock]

How I accidentally wrote 20 page paper on Boromir for one of my Final Ever University Papers PART 2

So this took me 5ever because I had to go through my actual paper again to find the sources and the citations I had, and then throw out the academic fluffer I had to speak with. But anyway just be prepared for a long ass read because we gotta touch on nearly every source I argued with in this post before getting to the good stuff. If you haven’t read Part 1 well here it is

Okay Okay where was I?

I said that academics were wrong with how they were judging Boromir right? Is that where I left off? Well thats where I’m starting

So before I go further I need to explain that the main premise for my paper is an argument to characterize Boromir with loyalty and fear, instead of power hungry and whatever the hell used, and then throw out this good vs. evil binary that’s often used to describe the lord of the rings- because lets be real, it looks like that on the surface but everyone has their ups and downs at least once or twice, and if not within the Lord of the Rings, it comes from books that are set in previous ages. 

ANYWAY

Keep the fear and loyalty things in mind alright?

Fear sounds like an odd choice for a character I’m supposed to be defending right? I know.

We’ll get to that just bear with me. 

So in order to say that academics were wrong, I first had to look at where they were coming from and try to see what textual evidence they had. Because if you’ve done academic research, you know how important textual evidence is. 

So while finding literally nothing that focused specifically on Boromir, I found  J.R.R. Tolkien Encyclopedia : Scholarship and Critical Assessment by Michael D. C. Drout, which I still have questions about but hey it was a good starting point. You would think that a whole Encyclopedia dedicated to Tolkien would have more than a handful of entries dedicated to Boromir. I mean mentioning him in Gondorian politics or relations with Rohan or even Boromir I instead of just Boromir II but heres the thing, IN THE WHOLE IN ENCYCLOPEDIA HE WAS ONLY MENTIONED 8 TIMES.

THE NAME BOROMIR (which in this document only refers to Boromir II) ONLY APPEARS IN EIGHT ENTRIES.

You know what those entries are? 

‘double of,’ - okay what the fuck does that mean?

 I honestly don’t remember what it means I think it had to do with character foils, you know like how Neville is a foil for Harry in Harry Potter? If I remember correctly, it identified the common foils, Gandalf v. Saruman, Frodo v. Gollum and Aragorn v. Boromir. I could be totally wrong about this, its been exactly a year and I didn’t focus on this entry.

 ‘Faramir and,’- yes we know Boromir is Faramir’s older brother. What else ya got?

 ‘herosim of,’- Ah yes sounds promising

And you think it would shed some positive light on our boy right? RIGHT? Heres what the entry said per the quote in paper “It is in fact Boromir’s desire for the victory of Minas Tirith and his own glory there in that motivates his own grasp for the ring: the heroic motivations of fame, reward, and revenge (in this case on Sauron)” ( Drout 270 ).  

LIKE EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK- sorry wait, let me show you how I rephrased that for academic purposes:  This description does not actually describe Boromir as being heroic, but later explains why these descriptions of heroism are actually evil compared to characters like Aragorn, Frodo, Gimli and the rest of the Fellowship.

 ‘penance of,’- Yet another character who achieves redemption through death. Great. I hate it. Shut up. Kill this trope.

 and finally,  ‘tyranny of.’- yes because Boromir was obviously a tyrant, but I say again SHOW ME TEXTUAL EVIDENCE

AND I’M TALKING ONLY ABOUT THE BOOKS HERE REMEMBER ALL OF THIS IS INFORMATION ON THE BOOKS. like there were entries on things from the movies, and even fanfiction, but THESE ENTRIES WERE BUILT ON RESOURCES THAT BUILT ARGUMENTS ABOUT THE BOOKS

I’m getting off track here

SO 

ANYWAYS

At the end of each of those entries were list of sources that the author used to create those entries. So guess what that meant- Ya girl was hand delivered sources to search for and hopefully they had some specific pages references for me to look up within the actual book series. At least you would think thats what I found, but NOOOOOOOOO, what I actually found is that EVERY SINGLE REFERENCED SOURCE CHARACTERIZED BOROMIR ONLY BY HIS ATTEMPT TO TAKE THE RING FROM FRODO.

Thats like living your whole life and having people who say they know you intimately (not in the romantic sense in the knows you to your core sense) BUT the only thing they really know about you is that one time in pre-school you tried to draw a rocket on the wall but actually it looked like a penis thats the only thing anyone will remember you for. I didn’t do this by the way, nor know anyone who did this but some kid somewhere probably did

But you know me at this point I had to check the sources and see what they were saying. So I took up Patrick Grant’s  “Tolkien: Archetype and Word,” where he talks mostly about Frodo. I know its a stretch BUT he talks about loyalty specifically Sam’s loyalty to Frodo, and remember we want to establish that Boromir is incredibly loyal, so we have to see what he’s actually up against according to the critics

“…Sam Gamgee, whose part is least publicly acclaimed of all, but who in the sense in which we are now using the word, is especially heroic. His unfailing devotion to Frodo is exemplary, and here again Sam is a key link in bring the meaning of the book to the reader, the everyman who admires great deeds but wonders what his own part might be in important events which seem well enough wrought without him” ( 180 ).  

Okay that seems fair from how Tolkien himself has talked about Sam right. And you’re probably like okay, but what the fuck does that have to do with Boromir? Literally just further down the page  he says:

“…. The fellowship breaks only when the bond of obedience is broken, as it is by Boromir, whose pride and lust for personal power are evidence of false heroism” (180).

LUST FOR PERSONAL POWER???? PRIDE?????

SHOW ME THE PAGES SIR

GIVE THEM TO ME

I know you’re probably thinking, ‘but wait he’s actually kinda right-”

WRONG

Its anxiety, I’m telling you

I counted 

its fear and anxiety

but again I’m getting a head of myself. Basically Grant just took a shat on Boromir to make Sam look good.

EXCUSE ME SIR SAM IS A GODDAMN MASTERPIECE ON HIS OWN THANKS. DON’T TRASH BOROMIR TO COMPLIMENT SAM. Also be wary of people who do this in general, if they put someone else down instead of just out right complimenting you take it as a warning

Oh and did I mention that because Grant says Boromir is technically being selfish, another critics analysis makes Boromir Evil, because acts done out of selfish pursuits are seen as evil and a “perversion of human will.” But you know, thats just how it be sometimes when you’re putting literature in conversation with one another.

Just know I pick on Grant a lot, mostly because he says shit like this:  “…the most blinding love derives directly from such obedience,” (180). when it comes to Sam, and then takes a shit on Boromir. Like we’re going to come back to the obedience thing in a little bit, but just know that Merry, Pippin, Faramir, Eowyn, Even Sam at one point, and I mean I guess by some extension movie!Arwen take a big ‘ol shit on the idea that the only way to be heroic is to be OBEDIENT.

I get it, its another Catholic thing. I’m Catholic, I know what its getting at. But consider- no

Basically I boil this shit down to one thing

Sam Only Owes Loyalty To Frodo.

Literally his main concern throughout the book is Frodo and then the Shire and what that encompasses. So yeah its easy to be loyal and obedient to someone who shares all the same ideas and values as you and has a pretty similar lived experience right??? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY And before anyone says Sam was loyal to the fellowship, Sam would literally cut a bitch for Frodo. He woulda fought Aragorn in the Prancing Pony if he thought he had to. He gave a second thought to Merry and Pippin when they left the Fellowship, but it wasn’t a “we should go back for them all or wait for them” It was “i’m gonna support mr. Frodo, even if Idon’t much like the gollum creature he decided to drag around but fair i guess cuz none of us know the fucking way into Mordor.” 

So I made a chart to demonstrate why comparing Boromir and Sam is a big no no, and what kinda things Boromir was working with the whole time he was part of the fellowship.

Did I forget to mention that this was supposed to be a visual research paper?

So Sam and Frodo had a lot of the same Fears and values.

Our Boy Boromir over here has to deal with being a political/military figure, meet the demands of his father, he’s gotta try to be a good brother, he’s gotta learn to get along with the fellowship, and then each of those new or old loyalties has different responsibility and expectations he’s supposed to meet. And because I had to include Aristotelian ideas as part of the class, to quote myself: Despite the Aristotelian concept that it is impossible to be a virtuous friend to many, Boromir’s actions throughout The Fellowship of the Ring show him attempting to do this ( Aristotle 9 ). Like thats literally why he ends up a member of the Fellowship, he’s a little unsure of this plan, but hey its the best one he’s heard and if everyone thinks its going to work then by golly he’ll see it done. But again Aristotle (just in your head pronounce it like chipotle for me please) wants to try to establish a structure that I think is stoopid, he’s got a thing that says  “it is a more terrible thing to defraud a comrade than a fellow-citizen, more terrible not to help a brother than a stranger, and more terrible to wound a father than any one else” (15). 

So remember those loyalties in the little blue squiggles up in the picture, we already know that Denethor, and Faramir bump heads a little, and then the soldiers serving with Boromir probably have their own ideas about how Gondor should be defended, and then he goes to the Council of Elrong and they’re saying something completely different from what he’s heard- theres a lot of threads pulling the Captain in different directions. He’s got a lot hats to wear and demands to fulfill and living under the shadow of Mordor with all of those responsibilities is bound to give anyone anxiety. 

But don’t just take my word for it

The movie actually reinforces this. I know the book says Boromir was “...pierced with many black feathered arrows” But the movie specifically makes it 3

Now I’m sure Mr. Peter Jackson didn’t intend for what I’m about to say, but I think its a pretty cool notion to think about. Because you can summarize Boromir’s conflicting loyalties into “family’ ‘country’ and “Fellowship’. Like his father would have him bring the ring to Gondor, his role as a military/political figure for Gondor means he should be doing whatever he has to in order to protect his country, and the Fellowship is like nah man we destroy this thing and everything else will fall into place, and Boromir is left having to decide whih of these things to act upon. Family, Country, and the Fellowship are the competing signs that make up is character arc, and his grapple with these three things is ultimately what leads to his death.

Now if your thinking family and country should be lumped together- theres a reason for it, just trust me, bare with me please

But basically what I’m trying to get at is given all these factors, you can’t compare a character like Boromir with all these responsibilities hanging off him to be comparable to Sam whose only responsibility is Frodo. 

But you know who does share all these same demands

Faramir

Like take a look at their character arcs- if you can the text on this next pic is super teeny

If thats too small for you don’t worry about it because we’re gonna get into why Faramir is a better foil for Boromir, and how this should affect the way we as the reader come to understand his character. So fun stuff in the next part! Sorry for dragging this out, but just like my original paper, this turned out to be WAY longer than I expected. 

#The Lord of the Rings #Boromir #me talking about Boromir #the fellowship of the ring #character analysis #character development

[ammycharizard17]

I was such a dumbass when I played Pokémon as a kid

I watched a few videos and read a few posts of dumb things people did in Pokémon as kids, and it got me thinking back to when I played Pokémon when I was a kid. I was an idiot. And the fact that I didn’t know english until I was 7 probably only contributed to my stupidity (I’m not a native english speaker)

Dumb stuff I did in Pokémon and the Pokémon spin-offs as a kid (under the cut since it’s a rather long post):

- I lost to the first boss battle in Pokémon Ranger: Guardian Signs. No, seriously.

- I lost to Drowzee in Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky. No, I’m not kidding. 

- I named my character (a Phanpy) “Luke” after “Luke Skywalker” from Star Wars and I named the MALE Cyndaquil “Cyndy”, and the team was named “Sauron” for the longest time. Don’t ask me why.

- I kept losing to Primal Dialga because I didn’t know what a Reviver seed was and Roar of Time absolutely wrecked me.

- I didn’t know what Linked moves did, so I linked all 4 of my moves with disaterous results.

- I unintentionally made a Starter-only run in Pokémon Platinum and HeartGold becasue I didn’t understand what the “Switch” option was.

- I taught my Infernape only HM moves.

- I didn’t know where the PC was until I got to Hearthome City.

- I thought Eevee evolved depending on what type of Pokémon it battled and the terrain. I didn’t know what a Evolution Stone was. I wanted Vaporeon, so I fought in water, thinking it would evolve into Vaporeon that way. Got disappointed when I got Espeon instead.

- I somehow evolved Togetic into Togekiss with a Shiny Stone, and then I forgot how I did it and got frustrated when I wasn’t able to replicate it.

- I didn’t understand how the Day-Care worked, so I threw in a Female Tentacool and a Male Tentacruel at one point just for shits and giggles. Of course, they eventually had an egg, and I got super excited because I had only seen eggs in the anime. I wondered what it would hatch into and I got so disappointed when it hatched into a Tentacool. Since I realized it was the same species as the Pokémon it was generated from, I threw in a female Chingling and a Male Espeon in hopes they would breed Eevee eggs. That didn’t work, obviously.

- I filled all 30 boxes with Pokémon before the main story was over.

- I unleashed all of the Roaming Pokémon in the game (Mesprit, Cresselia, Articuno, Zapdos, and Moltres) at once, making it a pain for me to catch them.

- I tried the Tweaking Glitch in Platinum, not knowing it only fully works in Diamond & Pearl. I killed my first save file through doing that :(

- I thought it would be a good idea to copy other Let’s Players’ teams, including giving them the same nickname and moves. Even if I didn’t like the Pokémon used. Even if the Pokémon wasn’t legally obtainable without trading.

- When I wasn’t copying others, I gave my Pokémon the absolute dumbest nicknames ever (”Big Tree” for Torterra, “Noctowlo” for a female Noctowl, “Fire Pony” for Ponyta, “Weazly” for Buizel, etc.). I also misspelled the nicknames more often than not, forcing me to go to the Name Rater when I found the actual spelling.

- I thought status moves like Water Sport would do some sort of damage if I just used it enough times. Including Splash.

- I didn’t know Fossils could be revived into a Pokémon. I just thought they were selling items, so I sold them most of the time.

- I didn’t understand stats, so I could have Special Attacks on Torterra, and Physical Attacks on Kadabra and then wonder why Leaf Storm did less damage than Earthquake even though Leaf Storm had higher base power.

- I didn’t know what Trade Evolutions were, so I was always jealous when I saw other people using Machamp and Gengar, for example.

- I USED MY MASTER BALL ON A FUCKING STARAVIA.

- The way I rationalized weaknesses and resistances was probably the dumbest part of it all. I actually believed type-matchups had something to do with the Move names and not the type of the Moves. For example, I thought Rock Smash was super-effective against Normal-types because they ate a lot of rocks, and hitting them with the move broke the rocks, and I thought Metal Claw was super-effective against Rock-types because metal slices through the rock armor. I shit you not. I also did not understand dual typing, so I didn’t understand why Ground-type moves were neutral against Grass/Poison-types but not very effective against Grass-types.

- Yet despite this, I SOMEHOW didn’t run or shut my game off when I got Pokérus or found a Shiny. I thought the Shiny Pokémon was just some cool Pokémon that would get more EXP, so I caught it to train it (my first shiny was an East Sea Shellos, btw), and I saved and reset when I saw my Pokémon had Pokérus, thinking it would go away if I did. Now I’m glad I didn’t just shut the game off without saving, because Pokérus is so goddamn rare.

Yeah, I was pretty dumb. I’m so glad I started getting better after Black & White was released.

#pokemon #pokémon #long post #feel free to ignore #rambling #shut up ammy #the rare pose that is not a reblog

[hereliesbitches--me]

God, do you know what the best feeling in the world is?

When your rp partners create big worlds and story lines and don't forget you..

When they mention your muse and make an effort to involve you within a thread and you're just..

Gosh, I'm just experiencing this fluctuation if emotions and I dunno whether it's because I'm sad or happy, but to counteract that, I wanna spread positivity to those people that make this rp place feel okay for me. And I'll tag it by verse with the people involved. Sorry for any of ya’ll who were repeated but yall just so important.

■ Skellig Family ■

•@ex-mercenary @bladeofthehawk @burmecias-protector @fcllenstcr @white-hawk @celestialspitfire

So, Berserk was my very first Fandom when I got here. I was like..16 years old and just discovered Tumblr, and here the little person I was went looking for friends and tried to impress just to belong. And you all let me in. Its been almost 4 years and we’ve stuck it through hell together, even when it had its ups and downs. People like you guys made it feel homely, and we created one hell of a story with all sorts of dynamics, even if Miurah is falling behind.

It feels good belonging somewhere, and I have all you guys to thank for my growth as both a writer and a person. Rosie has come a long way thanks to many of you, and ya’ll saw her in her ugly duckling stage as a character too. Thanks for not throwing me to the wolves <3

■ Modern Verse Family ■

• @draconicmatriarch @earthlyspirxts

April, you were my first friend here on Tumblr. We started in Berserk, but man have we gone a long way. Kia and Rosie have gone a long way.. and you have so much life and potential in Kia, im grateful to even be a part of it and bask in her glory as a character and a world.  And Zed, while we have only just met, you’re a damn cool person. 

This verse has been an emotional roller coaster and fucking murders me but still, even as a new verse, Its coming along so damn well. And I wanna thank you both for letting me join the nightmare story of a ship between Kia and Souther so I can fucking die by the end.

■ Rosieverse ■

▪@faircstcfall @mordorslord

Mits, my boy, the real mvp that always makes the effort to bring me in no matter the muse. You’re the real mvp, and Honestly I appreciate that so much. You put such a bug effort to involve and write with me, even if im slow as fuck, and just..I said it before, but thank you. It means the goddamn world to me and you have no idea. You even coined the name of this verse after Rosie and used concepts of mine to write Sauron, and that felt so damn good.

Ophelia, my angel, we’ve only just met through this verse and its gonna be one hell of a ride, but you’re such a sweet and talented writer. Breathing a breath of life I didn’t give a second glance to up until you came along. This is gonna be so fun, and thank you for taking interest in Rosie.

■ Pokeverse ■

▪@skulldxddy @maxskulline

To Tris and Mary, never in my life did I ever actually think my ass would get into pokemon until you shmucks came along. From Guts and Casca, to Guzma and Max. Im so damn grateful for the two of you willing to take me along for a fresh new adventure in a world I never even knew past Diamond and Pearl gen. You two are two people i’ve always loved and admired, and helped support me in hard times. 

Damn do I look forward to our future endeavors in a new fandom.  Thanks for taking me with you 

■ Original Verse ■

▪@thewhitepoison

This motherfucker and your bigass cuban nose, what can I even say about you? Been friends for too damn, you steal my fuckin birthday and we share a world and shit.  Biggest pain in the ass in the world, but it don’t change that you’re one of my good friends 

and We’ve created a whole world together that everyone is gonna know one day. Thank you, bitch, for putting up with my ice queen ass and sticking it through to make something iconic. Your royal pains are an extension of the world and this too is gonna be a journey.

Thank you very much, Monkey face.

- @doctor-2-insane-andfriends

Lucas, I could never forget you. Its thanks to you that I could even evolve the Moon concept and put it to use.  You’re a gifted writer with incredible concepts for eldritch horrors that needs to be appreciated more. Those sick fucks called deacons are now Rosie’s monster children and you can’t tell mem otherwise.

You’re incredible, and I hope you never let anyone, or life, let you think otherwise. Keep up all the great work, man, you’ll go far.

  Most importantly of all, in the list of all these people, is

@osteum

My best of Friends, my ray of sunshine , my other half, just what would I do without you? Avert thine eyes if you’re not prepared for some sappy love shit cuz im about to go to town.

You and I have been friends for almost going on 2 years now.. You were my Guts, my Ruvik, and now you’re my Eddie. You and I have had a real rough patch lately but im glad where we are. Came back stronger, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.  It’s thanks to you that I've really expanded with Rosie and an assortment of verses.. We’ve made a lot of stories no one knows about, and we don’t do much writing here, but I got you on other places and it still means the world to me <3

I hate being without you, man. I can’t do that anymore at this point, so this is my public appreciation of the best boy in the world whom I love so very much.

Thanks for staying with me and not getting bored or thinking im bland. Thanks for giving a shit about Rosie and her world.. It means more than you can imagine. Eddie and all your muses mean so much to Rosie, and I still hope they can be as iconic together as Guts and Rosie were <3

As for everyone else.. 

         Thank you 

Thank you for reading my shit, Thanks for showing any interest in me at all, and I hope to have the chance to write with as many people as possible. Thank you all for making me feel worth while!!

#:ooc: #im sorry to everyone im posting so much ooc but i feel emotional and im trying to act before its Gone #Thank you everyone who takes the time of day to read this #I look forward to making more friends amongst people #Who else is up for more bug group stuff?? #Plz lemme know. I wanna be all over the place... #*Big #i really only realized all the typos when I finished #I am emotional..

[narnian-neverlander]

So with the second season out, I decided it was about time to binge-read the Trollhunters book. I just finished and HOLY SHIT. It's very different from the show (not in a bad way, both are freaking amazing, much like the HttyD series), but my god, I've seen horror movies that were less terrifying to watch than this was to read. It's del Toro, I guess I shoud've expected it, but if you think the series is a "kid's show" not suited for kids, this thing is on another level. Let's take a look at some things out of the book compared to the show:

[SPOILER WARNING if you haven't read the book yet!]

(I'm sure I missed a few things, so feel free to add)

- Jim doesn't grow up with his mother, but his father, who's a paranoid wreck, desperately trying to protect his son after he watched his older brother being abducted by a troll when he himself was just 8 fucking years old

- Jim's first time in Trollmarket isn't filled with wonder and amazement and shit. OH HELL NO. Try the beginning of Spirited Away instead: A kid running for his life in an unfamiliar place filled with monsters beyond his imagination chasing after him

- The beautiful Trollmarket you know, all pretty with crytals and shit? Forget about it. Instead imagine an entire underground city out of mud, electrical wires, pipes, with sewage rivers and the garbage of the human world

- Trolls, in general, are fucking HORRIFYING. ALL of them. Even ARRRGH!!! and Blinky - especially them, actually, but I'll get to that in a second. Every troll looks like it's straight out of a goddamn horror movie, most of them walk around naked, gambling, alcohol and drug addiction are BIG with them and they're not afraid to... 'modify' themselves (like, I dunno, replace their teeth with sewing needles) and some of them vomit up their entire inner structure to walk around as floating skin pillow cases (it does make using yourself as a bag to kidnap babies much easier though, gotta hand it to them), all the while spraying satanic symbols onto the houses of their victims to fuck with the humans

- Blinky is still a scholar who likes to hear himself talk A LOT. But that's as far as the similarities go: He's a tentacle monster wearing some sort of skirt made out of medals and has 8 eyes, all mounted on different stems, all of them blind

- ARRRGH!!! is still a behemoth, always fighting for what's right. Just not as cute and fluffy. More like, most of the depictions of demons/devils: claws, fur, giant horns, rotten teeth, etc. Also, she was the one who took Gunmar's eye here, taking a boulder to the head in return, impairing her speech. And no, that's not a spelling error: ARRRGH!!! is a GIRL, her full name being Johannah Mmmm ARRRGH!!!

- She still dies, tough. Like, REALLY dies (as a hero on a bloody battlefield) with no chance of coming back

- Speaking of Gunmar's missing eye (The Eye of Malevolence): it's not just a tiny crystal, ready to be put into the amulet. It's a living, breathing thing as big as a basketball. It's used to spy on him by ARRRGH!!! but it really hurts her and works vice versa as well - you know, like fucking Sauron

- The amulet itself doesn't have any powers, besides being able to grant it's wearer the ability to understand the troll language, since humans aren't able to understand it otherwise, unless they learn it (for example, by spending 45 years underground with them, because you were kidnapped to be their champion when you were 13 and didn't have any other choice)

- Keeping that in mind, forget about the badass 'For the Glory of Merlin, Daylight is mine to command!' and don't even think about 'For the Doom of Gunmar, Eclipse is mine to command!'. Instead, get used to this loser actually naming his two swords 'Claireblade' and 'Cat #6'

- All these theories about Jim being a descendant of Merlin and shit? Not that far off: He's part of a long lineage of warriors. There are several of these families, who have been fighting trolls since the beginning of time basically and their warriors are called paladins. Yet, trolls and those humans fighting alongside each other is still rare, it hadn't even happened yet until the first defeat of Gunmar in 1969. Jim is only the second human to fight with the trolls. Also, because of his bloodline, he's naturally skilled at fighting, even enjoys it - that's some Ackerman family shit right there, folks. Did I mention Claire (who's a junk-food loving, punk-y Scotswoman (still invested in theatre though) instead of the cute Spaniard from the show) turns out to be part of such a family as well?

- He still starts crying on his first mission - but that's probably because he had to slash apart a changeling in the middle of transformation (no fancy, flashing lights here, the body is built from the ground up, bones, muscles, flesh and everything, right before your eyes) and the goddamn thing sounded and looked like a HUMAN BABY

- Oh yeah: Steve's a motHERFUCKING CHANGELING

- By the end of it, the entire fucking town knows about trolls and trollhunters

And my personal favorite is this little gem, which, I shit you not, is a literal sentence out of the book:

"You put a troll fetus into my dad's mouth?"

#trollhunters #trollhunters book #tales of arcadia #guillermo del toro #daniel kraus #arcadia #san bernardino #jim lake jr #jim sturges jr #claire nuñez #claire fontaine #toby domzalski #tub dershowitz #blinky #arrrgh!!! #gunmar #barbara lake #jim lake sr #jim sturges sr #jack sturges #steve palchuk #steve jorgensen-warner #walter strickler #professor lempke #admin rants

[tearlessrain]

so this turned into Scorpion King: Book of Souls Liveblog Part 1, because I got started late. witness a bunch of people trying to make one man’s considerable hotness singlehandedly carry an entire hour and a half long movie with very limited success under the cut.

I do want to state right up front that there’s only one reason I’m watching this and that reason is that for some reason zach mcgowan is the protagonist, so I’m not really up to date on the whole mummy/scorpion king franchise, the last one I saw was the one with all the jackal dudes and that was a while ago. so I have no idea what’s going on.

oh good they’re just going to town with the exposition, very thoughtful

so if the sword was forged in the fires of hell by anubis then who the heck did they fight when they were taking on the jackal headed dudes because I kinda assumed

are these two series actually related or

holy shit this is so Extra already look at this shit

y’all this is my jam I am living right now

also as people following my art blog may note, I am a huge fan of black and gold aesthetics. this movie is really just ticking off all my boxes right off the bat, it’s terrible, but five stars.

they’re REALLY going to town with the exposition

sword forged in the fires of hell that condemns souls to “the neverending darkness” and must be somehow destroyed... are we talking about anubis or sauron here.

this is just lord of the rings, but bad and with a sword. lord of the sword.

okay prologue is over and some dudes have smashed their way into a tomb. if the last however many mummy movies have taught me anything it’s that this might potentially be a bad idea

I love how they’re just not even setting up any of the characters we’re just diving right in I’m getting strong “yeah you all know the drill by now” vibes here

#squadgoals

really though the gal on the left is pretty badass, she hasn’t done or said a single thing but I respect her and her bootleg Xena vibe

and like shoutout for putting at least one actual black guy in egypt I guess

so I guess the one in the middle is... psychic or something? not that “hey if you plunder this blatantly cursed tomb it might be bad” requires psychic powers to know but

I mean that giant black sarcophagus they found recently in real life turned out fine I’m sure this will be great go nuts dude

uh oh it’s the fang of sauron anubis

oh that doesn’t seem good, but it’s actually the better option since for a second there I thought there were pulling a “black guy dies first” in ancient goddamn egypt

wait we’re still doing exposition okay the narrator is back. hi narrator I missed you.

look  I know it’s campy and all but can we take a sec to unironically appreciate how wicked COOL this guy looks with his glowing eyes and crap. this movie is just so satisfying to look at, every single shot has been peak aesthetic

“SEND THE BIRD” and then it’s actually just a regular bird that was anticlimactic

HOLY GREENSCREEN BATMAN

holy FUCK WE’RE ONLY JUST NOW AT THE TITLE SEQUENCE WHAT

okay I guess now we’re going to ACTUALLY start the movie, third time’s a charm

and we’re off to a fantastic start my friends

and judging by the choices of the cameraman in this scene I can tell they’re trying desperately to distract me from the fact that the dialogue sounds like it was generated by a neural network that was fed several dozen mediocre fantasy novels.

it’s working.

I am being personally attacked. god.

oh no some people on horses are coming I assume from the background music that this is a bad thing

OH it’s bootleg Xena and her merry band of deeply mediocre extras okay

I understand the adorable small child’s father must die but must it be at the hands of the worst mediocre extra. seriously he’s been on screen for five seconds and I already hate him.

I guess the protagonist’s name is Matthias, other writers might have let us know that when he was introduced, but these guys know damn well that it literally does not matter what his name is. they could have had her ride up and be like “we’re looking for a man named Jebediah Switchboard McDougal” and anyone who’s voluntarily watching this movie in the first place would just be like “that’s fair”

yeah just in case you weren’t sold after the blacksmithing or the hunting scenes, let’s have him just singlehandedly take down half a dozen ninjas in less than a minute. just fuck me up

oh shit they shot him

oh shit they shot him again

they’re just boromir-ing the hell out of this dude

and yet he’s still going to town on those ninjas

NO NOT THE ADORABLE CHILD WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

I’ve decided I don’t like bootleg Xena after all

it’s a good thing he’s got three arrows embedded in his torso because that is the worst cage ever. it’s made of like. bamboo and string. have you seen this man’s arms how did they expect that to effectively contain him.

whoa it’s... BOOTLEG XENA 2.0: GOOD GUY EDITION

or not. she didn’t free him or anything she just killed his original captors and then took off with the cage with him in it

no I think she is good she’s... healing him? by... getting scorpions to sting the hell out of him? has the FDA approved this.

I’m sorry I can’t take this scene seriously the background music is way too close to the “ooga chakas” from hooked on a feeling. also the sheer degree to which they’re pulling a reverse male gaze here is kinda overshooting sexy straight into unintentionally funny. I mean I know this is the entire reason I’m watching this insanity but like even I think this is excessive.

“the scorpion king escaped” that is giving him way too much credit he was stolen by the superior bootleg Xena.

and in case NONE of the previous things drew your attention away from the lack of a plot, here’s just straight up nudity because why not.

I thought I had a thing for zach mcgowan but I’ve got nothing on this cameraman.

also there’s some kind of “reluctant chosen one king” thing going on I guess but like they literally couldn’t have put less effort into it

I haven’t heard people this concerned about what the moon is doing since I left evergreen state college

aaand apparently he can see and speak to... ghosts now? ghosts that spit thousands of arrows from the sky? know what why not I’ll accept literally anything at this point.

oh they aren’t ghosts they’re just really sneaky dudes

it’s a shame jebediah switchboard’s one and only weakness is extremely shitty cages because he sure ends up in them a lot

hmmmm we’re getting some uncomfortable racist undertones and misogyny in one go okay. not worse than I would expect from a movie of this.... caliber, but I’m not thrilled, especially since this whole situation has yet to have a single actual point to it.

actually okay it’s veered quickly away from “rudyard kipling-esque Vague Native Tribe Encounter” and into... some kind of weird mad max thing mixed with a D&D campaign that’s gone wildly off the rails. but they’re on thin fucking ice.

I really appreciate that matthias is approaching this situation with exactly the same strategy with which I play skyrim, which is “sneak up on everybody one at a time even though there are a ton of them and that shouldn’t be possible, shoot them all with a bow you looted off one of them”

and now they’re just... suddenly free and back on their horses, then matthias had a vague fake deep exchange with the leader and they rode away. there literally was no reason for that entire interlude. nothing happened, there wasn’t character development or anything. this godforsaken movie could have been ten minutes shorter.

“the plot is down there, just past that greenscreen” is what I heard there.

I’m sorry I’m dying for some reason all I’m getting from this visual is “wait are you saying the panel is all the way on the other side of the convention center” like the costumes are just mediocre enough that in bright light they don’t look like they’re actually actors in a movie.

the moon’s rising. but I can’t for the life of me remember why that’s important. she’s got some kinda egyptian steampunk millennium rod though.

okay the lenses must align with the cipher. did anyone mention a cipher before who knows.

good job matthias you solved the moon puzzle and your prize is a metric ton of blue jello.

all right through the jello portal they go. to find the book of souls, probably.

in this case I actually do need more exposition. are we just not gonna explain ancient egyptian jello narnia. no. okay.

stop forcing zach mcgowan to be quippy I know all the cool movies are doing it but this is neither the time nor the place nor the actor for it.

oh my god they’re being attacked by a rock golem thing and I don’t think a screenshot can fully capture how bad the cgi is. not of the rock monster itself, but trying to integrate it with the real actors and set pieces was... oof.

okay a mostly naked woman has risen out of some nearby water and called off the rock golem with no explanation. why not.

neither of them looks into this so much as confused as hell

honestly, same.

oh god no they’re trying to make the rock golem be the comic relief this movie never needed. please don’t. you can barely handle writing the plot relevant dialogue now’s not the time to get fancy. I take it back, trying to make zach mcgowan be quippy was actually somehow not the worst option.

she IS the book of souls!

okay that’s a pretty cool visual I’ll give them that. digging the iridescent moon tattoo.

and that seems like a reasonable stopping point because I started this kind of late and have to get up for class in the morning. tune in tomorrow for, I assume, more of zach mcgowan running around in various states of undress while absolutely nothing coherent happens around him.

#tearless liveblogs #to be completely honest I'm not even sure what it is about this guy #like as you are all painfully aware I tend to lean way more toward androgyny but like #apparently I'll also take 'the concept of a panther but applied to a human being' #seriously though he cannot do the quippy marvel thing just accept that and don't try to force it

[seenashwrite]

Conversations With The Commissioner: Crappy Monsters In Barber Shops, a.k.a. Nash's First Headcanon + Wine = The Image I’ll Never Be Able To Top

@lipstickandwhiskey kindly thought to tag me when she saw a jovial post that reminded her of my disappointment in the lack of dinosaurs in the *alternate world and hoped to cheer me, but little did she know [mainly because I completely brain farted on posting this way-back-when] this had been addressed. In an objectively bizarre way. Admittedly.

FYI: Spit-take warning in effect, also cursing, should you choose to carry on

Preamble

* Dear SPN Writers' Room*: I'm not calling it The Bad Place, because I'm done with y'all ripping from other stuff, in this case, a beyond phenomenal show - hey! you do recognize carefully crafted season arcs when you see it! - even if y'all thought it was a homage, it's not since viewers of the show "The Good Place" already know about The Bad Place and it's not a physical nightmare, it's a psychological nightmare.

Pay. Attention. Stop ripping from well-known pop culture shit without (1) making sure the “homage” is used correctly, (2) double-checking that something similar hasn't been done before and, if so, (3) adding your own cheeky-sneaky spin. Not doing so makes you look, at best, like hacks, at worst, like doofy dipshits, particularly when it is from shows in your same genre - like a renowned show from the same fucking network that hadn't even ended their run but a year and a half prior to when yours started - and wrapping up *your* season with a title that was an iconic element from an iconic show [it was iconic, for several reasons, that's an essay for another time] which was the basis for everything from a/possibly *the* pivotal moment in the series and which was tied to many of the composer's pieces for the soundtrack, as it was a central thread. TV Tropes is your friend.

Tangentially related, while we're here:

[Shep as Romo Lampkin]

I digress.  

The Background

The Commissioner and I pop a cork, start talking about the Wayward pilot. We don't say a word about the scripting or the acting [because if we do, I go down a Dolly Deadeyes road, and nobody wants that]. Rather, we do a deep dive on the things that resemble other things and postulate how this came to be. Not in the minds of the peeps behind it, no, the dive comes via what the youths call a "headcanon". I've never had one before, I don't think, and I'm proud this is the first.

Oh, and a housekeeping side note: While my observations/the conversing began that night, the main convo/legit start on the image at the bottom happened later on. This has been run through the Nash snark filter for funsies, which is why the tone is the same for the whole conversation as, in truth, I have little clear memory of a lot of this, and the time taken for the assemblage of the image took longer than a conversation's worth, since the beginnings were sponsored by wine but it had to be done, it's how I combat insomnia and after seeing the monsters, I needed to purge my feelings of.... well....

The Beginning

After a verbal review (an accosting-of, really) of both Well-Coiffed Predator in a Bane Mask and Dollar Store Doomsday from the Wayward pilot, we begin discussing theories on how exactly this came to be in the alt world. Everything below is based on (a) the fact that New!Kaia's outfit denotes the presence of some sort of killa shopping and/or a hella talented Matrix-obsessed seamstress in the alt-world, therefore why not additional styling like a salon, and (b) the fact that we were lit on wine.

And the Predator rip - who, in the concept art, does not appear rippy-offy, it should be noted - got that mask somehow. He's either homaging Bane all over his face [his own face, not the other-way-'round] or he's gotten hold of one of the real things, modded it a touch to account for the spread of his general mouth region. Seems their temp name is the generic supernatural/folklore catch-all that I was vaguely aware of - "Canid" - and that some dude who's apparently of import on the show hates it, and I concur because all I can think of when I see the name is Candida. The Commissioner asked for a reminder, and I explained what that infection was and that now upon learning the creature’s name, I looked upon it as a yeast infection made sentient. The copious amounts of viscous discharge helps that along.

This then got a general science light bulb to pop, and we again consulted the googles, and boo-yah:

It's a dog. That. That up there, that I linked to. A daaaawwwwg.

No, not a if-this-is-a-dog-then-what-does-the-owner-look-like, maybe-they're-just-disgruntled-puppy-mill-alums type of WTF. The WTF is because I, once again, am wondering if at any point people over yonder are bothering to check shit out with this cool new thing called google. I know. It's a novel suggestion.

Somebody sure as shit used said googlins for squid beak - it's a touch birdy beak, but nah, slimy squid goes better with the aesthetic - and I guess they had to, as they already gave the far superior on the creepy scale pacu teeth to the Dollar Store Doomsday.

Because we were sneery and feeling gross at this point, we needed something fun, so we refilled on wine, and decided to make a mash-up image of the “inspirations” [to be clear: The Commissioner decided I should make a mash-up]. We were also feeling gross after looking at all that above, so for an eye sorbet, we needed some pretty, and STAT. We both instantly knew what would do the trick.

We start the conversation with Bane.

The Conversation

[looking at still from that Batman movie Bane was in; neither of us have cared to clarify which of the Nolan B-mans it was, because we don't care]

The Commissioner: He is so smooth, like, everything, even the fit of the clothes.

Nash: I'll never forget his turn as young Picard in that shit 'Trek movie, what was it called?

[we do not look it up; digression discussion of the awesomeness that is Sir Patrick Stewart]

TC: What's in his hand? Is that a riding crop? Or a shuffleboard thing?

N: Yes, exactly, Bane took a break from beating up Batman to shuffle. Nooooo. He got drug away from riding his horsey----

TC: YOU MUST MEAN HIS STALLION - if he rides horses, they are buff

N: ---to bring the mask, and is he pissed about it?

TC: No. No, because he is a dollbaby - he loves dogs.

N: You're mixing Tom Hardy with Bane.

TC: NO.

N: [realizing] BECAUSE THAT IS A DOG THING, THAT CREATURE IS DOG

[digression googles to look at pics/vids of Tom Hardy with pups]

N: Oh, no, wait - can we make it a putter? Like he was on his way to golf?

TC: But he still doesn't mind, because he's good guy Bane? And golf sucks? Oh hell yes.

[putter image sought; we go back to staring at Hardy, sip wine for untold moments]

N: And Preddie's all - Oh Bane, no! I couldn't possibly! Aren't these custom made? But he's gripping the shit out of it, like, pry it from my hands, bitches.

TC: And he takes a sniff when nobody's looking and swoons. *SWOONS*

N: Freaked-out stylist saw, though, and a touch of pee slips out, because it was weird before, but now shit's kicked off.

TC: Oh, she's already wet her pants at least once, absolutely. Do we need to add her?

N: No, she's in the bathroom.

TC: But you know who we should add.

[Image of 1990s Leonardo Di Caprio is immediately sought; we love the R+J still too much for words and select it with zero pause]

N: But why?

TC: You know he's gonna end up bopping  around to other worlds anyhow, and for Bane to be here, there must be other rifts----

N: Low-Sugar Low-Fat Low-Calorie Eye of Saurons?

TC: ----so they're babysitting.

N: THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE [gulp of wine]  Hey, you know who should be his foster parents if he’s bopping around to all points?

TC: Is it some side-character who's off-show at the moment? So we can get the show back to, um, Sam and Dean?

N: Chuck and Amara.

TC: You remember they're brother and sister, right?

N: [side-eye] Okay.

TC: They are. It's canon.

N: OKAAAY.  [stares at Leo] Alright, what are we having him do? Satan's crotch goblin?

TC: [possibly disgusted with me] Pencils.

N: YES I KNOW WHAT TO DO they need to keep him busy so they just keep giving him piles of pencils to sharpen, and he's distressed because there's no more and the sharpener’s motor burnt out.

TC: [touch of a spit take]

[we stare at the collection of images; it is a bitch to find a clear shot of a Pred sitting, but we need him in a barber chair; I will ultimately cobble it from three separate images; it was worth every goddamn minute]

TC: Okay, now what about that thing? The thing? Deadpool?

N: No he was something else, that's Reynolds. Deadshot? Wait, hang on.

[we watch the Bob Ross Deadpool thing, maybe twice, I have no idea]

TC: What'd you say?

N: I dunno.

TC: Me neither I just remember thinking you were wrong.

N: [looks it up, or we'll be here all week] DOOMSDAY

TC: Stop, stop, stop - didn't we also say Lord of the Rings cave troll?

N: I can't remember if it was me or somebody else.

TC: Do cave troll.

[we search]

N: Holy shit. He's in the club.

[image chosen; best one is of him pointing; I later add the touch of a framed photo of King Kong that's inexplicably hanging in the barber shop, also next to it a photo of Captain Shitty Render]

N: But Doomsday.

TC: Do it.

[image chosen; this was also a bitch, I had to blur and cobble and blend and hide part of his bottom half because ZACK SNYDER LOVES SHOOTING EVERYTHING LIKE WE'RE IN A DANK CAVE]

N: They're so glad Bane pulls through, because Preddy won't shut the fuck up about him.

TC: It's because his last boyfriend was garbage, keeps hanging out with humans, and Bane's loyal, like he was to that chick from Inception, like----

N: LIKE DOG

[the bottle is empty; we are sleepy]

The Results

I regret not adding an aquarium with a squid.

The Aftermath

Both TC and my Tumblr wife @butiaintgonnaloveem had reactions that can nicely tuck under the umbrella of [in concerned tone] Nash are you okay, like, is life beating you down somehow, this is crazypants which I appreciate from the latter, but as for the former I pointed out that they are my enabler/dealer/peer-pressurer in every bit of this.

There is no end to this post. 

#Nash Shares #Conversations with The Commissioner #dollar store Doomsday #discount 90s Leo DiCaprio #well-coiffed Predator in a Bane mask #poorly rendered #rip-offs #do better #pseudo-art #Wayward Sisters pilot #wine-induced head canons #Queueby Dooby Doo #Dad's on a blog post and #he hasn't been queued in a few days

[the-one-blog-to-rule-them-all]

kristian liveblogs rogue one

i liveblogged it for jamie and i literally want to fucking die

so i totally forgot to start livebloging until like ten minutes in oops but literally bodhi and that other guy are so cute starts with a c i think whom is this big tall droid boy i love droids spoiler alert CASSIAN that's his name he is too damn cute k2 is my new son i love him holy fuck i love k2 why do i love all the droids so goddamn much and his cgi looks crazy good bodhi's puppy dog eyes are everything to me, god he's so lovely why does this old man, tarkin apparently, look like he's cgi??? it's so uncanny valley i'm gagging k2 is me as a droid KRISTIAN2 i love it BODHI STOP BEING SO IRRESISTABLE OMG i've seen enough hentai to know where this is going lol at the stormtroopers being so loud and unneccessary with force at these randos THIS ASIAN GUY IS EVERYTHING TO ME WHAT'S HIS NAME HIS SMILE OMG PLEASE THIS POOR LITTLE CRYING GIRL KILL ME SHE'S SO CUTE "did you know that wasn't me" BYEEE LMFAO god i love this droid "there's a fresh one if you mouth off again" i'm literally in love with this droid he's my favorite omg my cool guy is ack holy fuck there's no reason to be this cool ever holy FUCK "is your foot alright?" BAD ASS "no hostiles..... ONE HOSTILE" "are you kidding me i'm blind" FUCK i wish i knew what his name is but i didn't understand him the first time he said ITTTT this guy has a fucking spaceballs helmet i swear to god BODHIII BABYYYY oh nooooooo baby what did they do to u bodhi is out his fuckin mind NO IT'S NOT BEAUTIFUL YOU FREAK UR KILLING THEM ALL god damn this thing really is a planet killer i'm sorry but this cgi guy is fucking me up bodhi you are my moon and my fucking stars, i love You i hate that this is becoming my letter to bodhi, but i really truly love him, and he is so cute and precious and sweet looking like a little angel cassian literally never touch bodhi again if i ever see u shove him  i swear to god i literally refuse to watch thems shoot these old men for being traitors i literally refuse noOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MADS YOU'RE SO BEAUITFUL why is chirrut so fucking badass holy god god this music is so powerful wtf is this eye of sauron lookin ass building what kind of lord of the rings ass vader u a fuckin mess "be careful not to choke on your aspirations, director" BAD AND BOUGIE THAT'S MY ANAKIN "i'll be there for you... cassian said i had to...." k2 you're my fucking bae yo cassian is tryna fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhk they got palm trees on this little island, my kind of place there is such a highly militaristic vibe this movie is giving me more than any other star wars movie ugh chirrut your such a beautiful force of nature 3P0 OMG AND R2 ALRKGJALKRGJLARJGLAKGLKARJGKL ALL MY BABY BOYS IN ONE MOVIE OMALRKGJALK Chirrut are u okay bodhi you are everything to me did ODHI JUST GET HIT k2 is taking a lot of hits and it's making me raelly nervous K2 NO STOPPPPPPPP I DON'T WANT THIS THE FIRST SET OF TEARS God i'm so nervous this music is amazing oh chirrut no see this is why i didn't want to watch this fucking movie because i alreayd know how this ends for everyone fuck me bodhi that smile my god you really are my fucking angel NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I HATE THIS MOVIE FUCK THE EMPIRE FUCK TE EMPIR yes YES KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER I'M SICK OF HIM THISS SCORE IS SO BEAUITFUL I'M LITERALLY SOBBING BUT THIS SCENE WIT VADER IS REALLY FUCKING COOLL HEY REAL QUICK THIS MOVIE RUINED MY LIFE AND I KNEW THIS FUCKING THING WAS GONNA HAPPEN WHICH IS WHY I DIDN'T WATCH IT AND NOW I DID AND I FUCKING HATE THIS MOVIE IT WAS REALLY REALLY GOOD BUT I SINCERELY FEEL SO DEEPLY AFFECTED BY THIS I'M DEAD OMG

#it's a really short one bc i was super engrossed in the movie #but there's my general thougts #today in kristory

[heyhowyadoingpally]

it’s been so fuckin long since our first installment of this series. at the rate we’re going i’ll get through the first ten pokemon by the time another game comes out. and that means more pokemon to cover. ew, i know.

since i went over the first starter evolution previously, time to go ahead and plow through the next starter like a combine harvester on the fields during a calm and early sunday morning.

#004 - Mega: Charmander Evolution

#004 - Charmander

the starters are supposed to all be, like, the basic elements, right? bulbasaur is supposed to be grass/earth, squirtle is water, and charmander here is fire. i gotta admit, i like the name. charmander’s name is obviously a combo of “char” and “salamander”. it just works. i mean, i think it does? i might be fuckin wrong but salamanders were once associated with fire in some culture’s mythology? greek? roman? native american? i don’t remember. but it’s somewhere.

according to the pokedex entry on this lil guy, if the burning flame on his tail gets snuffed, he’s dead. like, straight-up dead. and yet you see people pit their wimpy charmanders up against hulkin water-type monsters whose abilities cause tsunamis capable of wiping out an entire nation. charmander is a goddamn resilient little fucker.

i like his overall design - simplistic, yet iconic. he doesn’t have too much going on, which makes sense since he’s the first stage of a starter evolution. he’s like a lil baby. except this baby knows how to fucking suplex you into mount doom, all the while pissing all over the eye of sauron because he can.

i might have exaggerated on that one. maybe he could spit on sauron, but his piss stream wouldn’t reach that far.

#005 - Charmeleon

alright, alright. i’ll just go out and say it: charmeleon looks like that older brother who says he’ll do the dishes and then immediately goes out with his buddies.

like, i appreciate that they’re still going for subtlety with his design, but it doesn’t quite reflect the name. don’t get me wrong - the parasolophoid crest-thing going on is prett similar to some real-world chameleons, but maybe just make his tail slightly curl up like a chameleon’s? idk. if you’re gonna name it after a reptile who lives in the trees and eats bugs, at least show it in the design.

and, another thing i just want to get out there: we all know what he turns into, and how that fucker has wings. but the you’d thinkt hat maybe charmeleon here would have maybe like lil bumps on his back where wings are forming, or perhaps just small weak lil flippyflaps? it just seems weird that the final stage of this evolution has wings yet the middle and first stages lack such appendages.

i don’t want to say i hate it, tho; the fact that his skin is a lot darker and his “cute” features aren’t as prevalent are a nice touch. i think i said this enough, but i love subtlety and realism. when it shines, it shines good, especially here. the previously-stated features i like make charmeleon seem like an adolescent of his species. i don’t know how many times i can say i love when that happens without becoming a redundant recluse.

i just wanted to throw alliteration at the end. so sue me.

#006 - Charizard

the final stage in the charmander evolutionary line (much like in bulbasaur’s) is badass.

even the name (which doesn’t seem to really fit his appearance, either) reeks of badassery. charizard. just saying it out loud makes you feel the adrenaline enter your bloodstream and cause the greatest orgasm known to mankind. HNNNNNNGH. YEEAHH. THAT’S RIGHT FUCKERS. I JUST CREAMED IN MY FUCKING PANTS.

this motherfucker is your standard dragon, but it’s a fuckin great dragon. i mean, it’s kind of a given that the first fire starter in the games would be a dragon, but it looks so fucking good. it’s a shame that it doesn’t reflect much of the “lizard” qualities in its name. idk. give him a big ol long licky tongue or smth. it’s a shame it has such a badass name yet the badass design doesn’t reflect it.

badass. blah blah blah. i’m very tired.

and, just so nobody blabbers to me about it, yes, i’m aware that charizard isn’t a dragon-type. i can understand why this didn’t happen, honestly. they probably didn’t know if the first two games would even sell as much so they didn’t want want to make a dragon type just for one pokemon. or something.

charizard’s mega evolutions differ from ivysaur’s in that instead of having just one evolution for both games that get released, charizard has fuckin two, one for each game.

Mega Charizard (Pokemon X)

ugh. i mean, it looks like a mega evolution, but it just seems a little bit on the “”””edgy”””” side for my dumb baby tastes. just a little.

however, i will say that giving him a darker color scheme does a better job at keeping the “char” part in his name. since, y’know, when things char, they typically turn black.

the fire being blue is a nice touch, too. it implies that he’s one hot momma older, and therefore has hotter flames. maybe if a charizard turns into this at its last years of life and it blows up bc of too much heat? think of when godzilla went through a meltdown, but not as large and not as cool-looking.

i just hope that the mega from pokemon y looks almost as interesting as this fella. maybe even better. but i doubt it since pokemon likes to pander towards the edgy fanbase it h-

Mega Charizard (Pokemon Y)

I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID THIS IS NOT EDGY, THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF EDGY. WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED.

sorry. had a stroke for a second.

this is just-.....he’s....

he’s fuckin fantastic.

if there was an evolutionary line after charizard, i’d sure as hell want this fucker to be next. he looks like an elder charizard. like, the leader of some sort of charizard group. the three crests make so much sense to me. like, charmander had no crest, charmeleon had one, and then charizard has two.

the wings???? they look slightly damaged, as if years of fights and flights have wore down the edges. this fucker has seen shit, and he annihilated the PISS out of that shit,

the tail??? a bigger flame, naturally. the older it gets, the bigger the flame? i don’t know. i’m a little peeved that they didn’t make his flame blue as well for the sake of making him seem also powerful, but i can understand the aesthetic choice.

what i would have personally liked to see is the two megas switch color schemes. i personally think it would have worked a lot better in their favors.

in fact, hold on. i’m gonna see what this would have looked like.

(source)

this looks a lot better than i thought it would have. fuck. @nintendo reboot ur games just for the sole purpose of this factor. i don’t care if i have to wait 10 years for garbodor to pop up in another game. this is a fuckin masterpiece.

RATING:

4.5/5 venonats. where they shine, they shine like a goddamn gold nugget. and that’s pretty much everywhere. mostly.

my only gripes are that they could have done a somewhat better job making the pokemon reflect their names.

be sure to tune in....whenever....when i review the squirtle evolution line.

PREVIOUS POKEFART: Bulbasaur Line

NEXT POKEFART: Squirtle Line

#pokefart reviews #charmander #charmeleon #charizard #mega charizard x #mega charizard y

[violinclad]

can i ask who're your fave silm characters and why?

Of course you can! I love questions like this. And sorry I didn’t answer you yesterday when you asked, but being the procrastinator that I am, I had left many homework assignments to be done and didn’t want to half-ass my response. Anyway, here they are, roughly in order, but it’s a fluid structure and I might favour one over the other at different times. 

So, it’s probably very obvious, but Sauron is my absolute favourite character (his position on this list is the only one that never changes). He’s just such a compelling villain. Although Tolkien didn’t go terribly into detail about him, you can track his life throughout the ages of Arda and he’s always right in the middle of things (usually making them much worse). It’s notable that he was seduced by Melkor pretty much after the sides had all been decided, and it makes that conscious choice to fall into evil ways that much less redeemable, in my opinion. But then he does repent for a while, you know, before rising up like a shadow of Morgoth’s malice. I just never get tired of reading the various interpretations of him.

Then comes Fëanor. He was brilliant and talented and struck out his own path. Once he committed himself to an action, as ruinous as they may have ended, he never backed down. “Let those that cursed my name, curse me still, and whine their way back to the cages of the Valar. Let the ships burn!” That passage in the Silm where his father, Finwë, sat beside the body of his wife by the silver willows and called her by her names and he alone of the blessed realm was unhappy (this is all heavily paraphrased, so I hope the readers can forgive any inaccuracies) is one of my favourite quotes in the whole thing, it’s so beautiful and melancholy. The loss of his mother had such a lasting effect on how he viewed his family, and I certainly believe he loved them all (not so much on the half-siblings and step-mom) and the fact that his actions tore them apart makes it so much worse. And that oath, I mean, goddamn.

Next, I would choose Celebrimbor, the poor bastard. He tried so hard to overcome the doom of his family. He was one of the few Noldor, and of elves in general, to befriend the Dwarves, I still tear up when they come to the doors of Durin in The Fellowship. And yet, even with all of his efforts to avoid making the mistakes of his family, it just wasn’t enough. He was too trusting, and so he fell along with his city and everything else he loved. Eheu. Emotionally, I just can’t take it.

Though I love all the sons of Fëanor, the only one I’m going to talk about in full is Maedhros (but, collectively, they all sort of occupy this spot). He literally went to hell and back. And it didn’t break him, he reforged himself and became an even better swordsman, and positioned his fortress directly in the path of Melkor’s forces to hold them back from the rest of Beleriand. Then, as if this weren’t enough, he and Maglor are the only ones who survive long enough to fulfill their oath and after everything he’s been though, the silmarils reject him and burn his hand. And just the crushing disappointment and realization of this is what drove him to suicide, not anything that happened in the, I don’t know the exact length of time from leaving Valinor, roughly 600 shitty years of constant war. Not even the death of Fingon and the Nirnaeth did that. 

Túrin Neithan Gorthol Agarwaen son of Úmarth Adanedhel Thurin Mormegil Turamabar the Wildman of the Woods and the Bane of Glaurung comes next (yes, I had to look up all those names, you can’t reasonably expect someone to remember all of his nicknames when he gives himself a new one every other page). I called Celebrimbor a poor bastard, but this guy clearly beats out anyone in the silm I can think of for ill-fated. And he was the cause of the deaths of so many of his loved ones, cf. BELEG, and he had to live with that sorrow. All of his actions turned against him and he fell into outlawry. He’s another emotional rollercoaster.

Finally, I will name Maeglin to my list of faves. I can’t believe his dad didn’t give him a name for like ten years, who does that? Even if you hate him for the betrayal of Gondolin, he lived a really sad life. Perhaps his time in Nan Elmoth wasn’t too bad, but the moment he sets out on a new life, where he might be happier and meet more elves and know his mother’s kin, he loses both his parents and his father curses him with his dying breath and he’s suddenly alone in a large city with no support system. And this evil beginning begets an evil end, he dies on the very rocks where his father did, after betraying the city and being tortured by Morgoth himself. It fucking sucks. The scene during the fall where he is with Earendil and Idril, and Tuor confronts him has always played out in my mind very vividly, since I first read the passage. I wish Tolkien had written dialogue for that part, because I would dearly love to have a detailed account of the scene.

Anyway, these characters are my favourites, but here is a short list without explanations of other characters that I really liked, but just didn’t quite make the cut: Beleg, Fingon, Finrod,  Eonwe, Thingol, Aldarion, Morwen, Haleth, Orome, and Namo.

(Sorry it was so long)

#my responses