#hadvar/ralof | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

miraakulous-cloud-district · 9 months

Text

TESFEST DAY 3: STARLIT

So very excited to participate in @tes-summer-fest again this year <3! To me, the "Starlit" prompt just screamed Ralof/Hadvar and I wrote this little something at 3 am, it will be a part of my main fic WYGTYA at some point. If you like my writing, you can check it out! It's a Miraak x ldb fic.

Word count: 2,829, you can also find this fic on AO3 right here!

Characters: Hadvar, Ralof, my ldb Ravonna, Miraak (his real name is Fenrik in WYGTYA)

Warnings: inappropriate language, implied smut, mentions of alcohol

Rating: Teen and up

Summary: Both Ralof and Hadvar find themselves in Riverwood at the same time since Helgen. They fight, they seek solace in a very special place and all the memories start flooding. They used to stargaze here, and Hadvar can only think of how much better those stars look in the reflection of Ralof's eyes. What on Nirn are they doing and when the hell are they going to kiss? Also, there is a Hozier reference in there somewhere :D

Sneak peek: "Hadvar sighs in response, looking at the starlit sky and trying his best to focus on finding the constellations. He used to do this when he was younger. He was so good at finding the constellations and Ralof was so good at inventing new ones. ‘Look at that one over there. Looks like a skeever. I believe it’s my birthsign. It calls to me.’ He would say, making Hadvar holler and snigger so loud that would wake the dogs up and make them start barking for minutes on end. He remembers how one night when they were teenagers, they were stargazing and Ralof suggested one constellation looks like a heart. They were lying on their backs and their shoulders were touching. Ralof was showing him the star alignment, but when he lowered his arm back on the floor, his fingers brushed against his and suddenly, every constellation was heart-shaped. Of course his thoughts run back to Ralof. They always do. It’s always him."

The trees were slowly swaying in the wind. The lanterns around Riverwood and the moons were illuminating enough for Hadvar to enjoy the view. This little watchtower still has no guard, even with the Dragons about. Still, the guards seem to be patrolling the village enough to make the people living in it less dreadful. He sighs, leaning his head on the railing, looking at the stars as a plea, and asking for guidance and forgiveness all at the same time. He didn’t think coming back to Riverwood would hurt this much, and he did not expect to find him here, screaming and almost launching towards him to fight. Gods… what has the war done to them? He feels absolutely terrible. In his mind, Ralof has every right to be angry, and to be honest, he kind of hoped that Ravonna did not intervene between them. He deserves every single bit of his wrath. He almost sent him to his execution. Him. Ralof. His dearest friend and the one that he’s been aching for ever since… he doesn’t even remember, since forever, perhaps. He doesn’t even hear someone climbing up the ladder to join him, he is drowning in guilt.

“Thought I’d find you here.” Ralof’s voice snaps him out of his trance.

“How so?”

“If I wanted to brood after our fight, this is the place I’d come to as well. The irony is too strong here. You can almost taste it.” Ralof tries to lighten the mood with his tone. He always hated situations that were too serious. Hadvar smiles, remembering that time when they tried to sneak into Bleak Falls Barrow after hearing rumors of a treasure. They were children. Ralof was terrified. His eyebrows were furrowed and his voice was trembling, but he still found the strength to make jokes to make Hadvar feel better. Life in the legion has been hard without him by his side.

“I can leave.” Hadvar huffs. It came off a lot colder than he intended. He shifts to get up, but a firm hand on his shoulder stops him.

“Wait. Just… wait a damn minute for once in your life and don’t run.” Ralof sounds tired of fighting.

Hadvar swallows hard. He remembers how he ran away with no warning after Ralof told him that he will join the Stormcloaks. He ran because he was afraid of the heartbreak of seeing Ralof leave.

“I’m sorry for losing my temper, Hadvar. I don’t want to… I can’t… Ugh!” he runs a frustrated hand through his hair, finding it hard to voice his troubles. He huffs a laugh.

“What?” Hadvar raises a sad eyebrow at him.

“It’s just that… you were always the better one at talking feelings. Should’ve taken a leaf out of your book.”

“You were always braver and better at facing everything. I suppose I should have taken a leaf out of your book, too.”

“Why didn’t we?” Ralof turns his head to face Hadvar again, making him look at his fidgety hands and further proving his point that the blond is braver.

Hadvar doesn’t respond right away. He seems deep in his thoughts. Why didn’t they ever learn from each other? To him, it was always with Ralof that he could be himself. Ralof was such a constant in his life, he was there for as long as he remembers, and whenever they were together, it felt like stepping into a fairytale: the colors were brighter, the sun was warmer, the flowers smelled nicer, and the dangers of Skyrim felt more like adventures than perils. No one made him laugh like Ralof. He was just a sad, lost boy who was recently orphaned and had to come here and live with his uncle, and Ralof somehow understood that, and befriended him right away, and he guarded that wounded heart as best he could, always trying to get a smile out of Hadvar.

After what felt like an eternity of a mix of comfortable silence and excruciating anticipation, Hadvar finds his voice.

“I suppose we thought we had more time. Ralof, I -” he finally gathers the courage to look at him, “I never thought we would end up like this. I never even imagined a life without -”

“- Hey. Don’t talk like there is no hope left. Maybe we can…”

“Can we? Can we ever be the same as before if we have opposite views? For Gods’ sake, Ralof, we’re on opposing sides of the war." His voice is weak and sad, and every word feels like a punch to the chest to Ralof, but he fights on, against his own stubbornness and ego. He remembers what Ravonna said. She shook his shoulders and looked straight into his soul, almost shouting ‘You love this man! That much is evident, and I think everyone knows except for him. You have to tell him, you have to let him know because as much as I hate how this sounds, you may never see him again in these troubling times. He’s about to go with us to the border with Cyrodiil. Folks say they keep hearing dragon wings flapping above. But he’s here tonight, and so are you. What were the chances? Maybe fate itself willed it. Ralof, for fuck’s sake do not let this opportunity pass. It took near death experience after near death experience for me to realize that I needed to not take things for granted and tell Fenrik just how much he means to me. And if something were to happen and he never found out, I would have never forgiven myself.’

“Are the opposing sides that different? Hadvar, my time in Windhelm, with Ulfric and Ravonna… it made me think from a different perspective. Everything is insignificant in the grand scheme of things right now. So let’s just… be insignificant together.”

“What happens after, then? After the grand scheme of things gets solved?”

“What if it never gets solved, Hadvar? What if we perish?”

Hadvar sighs in response, looking at the starlit sky and trying his best to focus on finding the constellations. He used to do this when he was younger. He was so good at finding the constellations and Ralof was so good at inventing new ones. ‘Look at that one over there. Looks like a skeever. I believe it’s my birthsign. It calls to me.’ He would say, making Hadvar holler and snigger so loud that would wake the dogs up and make them start barking for minutes on end. He remembers how one night when they were teenagers, they were stargazing and Ralof suggested one constellation looks like a heart. They were lying on their backs and their shoulders were touching. Ralof was showing him the star alignment, but when he lowered his arm back on the floor, his fingers brushed against his and suddenly, every constellation was heart-shaped. Of course his thoughts run back to Ralof. They always do. It’s always him.

“Do you remember that one time we were here during New Life celebrations?” Ralof speaks again, making Hadvar come back to reality.

“What are you -”

“Yes or no?” Ralof senses his fear, but Hadvar can’t run away anymore. He needs to be brave tonight, because it may be his last chance to be brave.

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

“We were drunk and happy and we thought we had our whole life ahead of us.” Ralof begins, trying to be brave himself and just let his thoughts flow into words like a river turning into a waterfall. “I remember drinking so much mead that my heart started driving me like a man possessed. I came up to you and asked you if you wanted to see the stars in our spot. And you agreed. And in that moment I knew that I was going to kiss you.” he stops to laugh, his chuckles calming Hadvar down a bit after all of that. “I never climbed this damned ladder faster. And I was drunk, and you were drunk, but the moment I kissed you, I was the most sober I’d ever been. Even sob… sober-er?” he tilts his head for a second.

“More sober.”

“Right. More sober. I was more sober than when I was actually sober. Did that make sense? It all sounded better in my head…”

“It makes sense.” Hadvar says after a moment. “I felt the same.” and that sentence makes Ralof’s eyebrows rise comically high.

“You felt the same.” he says, and it sounds both like a question and a revelation at the same time.

“Of course I did. I kissed back, you know.”

“Of course I know! I remember it as if it happened mere seconds ago.”

Time seems to stop. The wind isn’t blowing anymore, and the birds stopped singing, as if to let them talk their truths uninterrupted. The stars seem to shine brighter, but not as bright as their reflection in Ralof’s blue eyes. Hadvar was always weak for those eyes. And now those eyes are big and filled with hope that is contagious. What if they both still feel the same. What if this could actually work out for them?

“Ralof… why are you telling me this?”

“Because I never said anything after that night. Because I thought you were drunk and you wouldn’t remember. Because you never said anything either. Because you left to join the legion and I never got to tell you… Because I didn’t want to ruin what we had. But what we had is already ruined, isn’t it?” he says, his voice is hoarse and sorrowful, and his eyes almost lost all hope, as if he sent it all to Hadvar. He lost his bravery, but Hadvar is willing to be brave enough for both of them now.

“I left because I could never bear to tell you that I’m leaving and see your face. I left because I was afraid of my feelings. I… I never wanted to ruin what we had, and that’s why I acted as if that kiss never happened. Friends to lovers… That stuff only works in books, but this is real life. The truth is that I’ve pined and ached for you for as long as I remember.” Hadvar chuckles at how easy it is to just say it. “I don’t even remember a time when I didn’t love you. It’s always been you. I think I loved you even before I met you, and I know that I couldn’t utter it when you needed it shouted, and for that I am sorry, but I am willing to sing like a bird about it now.” He takes Ralof’s face in both of his hands and holds it so gingerly it hurts.

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to start singing.” Ralof tries to conceal the emotional baggage in his voice as best he can.

“I’m sure you’d find some ways to shut me up-” but he barely gets to finish his sentence because Ralof’s lips crashed into his. His lips were chapped, but the kiss was so soft.

“I love you, you beautiful, kind, loud, obnoxious man. I will always love you.” Hadvar barely breaks the kiss to utter, bumping their noses together.

“Well, my plan was to say it first, and how can I even compete with that?” He smiles into the kiss. He could get lost in him forever. His arms wrap around his back, pulling him closer, closer, but even the closest isn’t close enough.

“You’ve shown me that you love me enough, Ralof. I was just too blind to see it.”

“Well I’m glad you finally came to your senses.” He says between kisses. He should probably stop and look at Hadvar properly and try to articulate just how much he adores him, but he is unable to stop kissing him. So much time was lost pining when they could have done this instead. Damn the war, damn the village, damn all the Gods, he only cares for him in this moment. “But really, I love you, too, Hadvar. More than anything. More than words.” he should be more poetic. He wants to be more poetic. He’d hoped that in the time spent with Ravonna, maybe some of her bard-ness got to him, but Hadvar’s hands are in his hair, and he is practically climbing on him, and all those constellations that they were looking at long ago seem to be in Ralof’s stomach, dancing around to the tune of their heartbeats.

“Ralof.” Hadvar whispers, grinding his hips and pulling at Ralof’s tunic. He eagerly throws his hands in the air, trying to get it off as soon as possible. But it proves to be a more challenging move than anticipated. The watchtower used to be bigger, he thinks. After some struggling, they manage to take his tunic off, but he hits his head on the railing in the process, making them both laugh against each other. He sits up, not letting Hadvar get a good look at the scars on his chest. He is quick to return to kissing him. He slides his hands under Hadvar’s tunic, sending shivers up his spine, but the tunic refuses to cooperate due to their crammed together position.

“You’re gonna have to sit up for a bit.'' Ralof says against Hadvar’s neck, making him groan in frustration because he stopped kissing him. But he complies, trying to get up so that Ralof can take his tunic off, but he hits his head even harder, falling on Ralof in the most embarrassing way. His face is now on the floor, and he is pretty sure that his right leg is not moving without additional help because it somehow got stuck between the railing and the wall.

Despite everything, they both can’t help but laugh out loud. Ralof helps him get out of that position and now they’re facing each other again, wiping away their laugh-tears.

“You know, these might help us out, if you wish to get out of here.”

“We can't go back to your place! I will never be able to look at Gerdur in the eyes again! And my place has no private rooms-”

“- Ravonna gave me the keys to her room at the Inn.” Ralof grins.

“Why didn’t you say that in the first place?” Hadvar protests.

“I didn’t know we’d get to this!”

“You still took the key!”

“A man can hope!” he carefully throws his arms in the air in defense. As careful as he was, he still hits his elbow on the railing. “Gods, when did this place shrink…”

“Place didn’t shrink. You just got bigger.” Hadvar raises a mischievous eyebrow, his voice full of innuendo, making Ralof’s face grow as red as Bjorn’s tomatoes on a summer’s day. The sudden rush to the room is imminent, and as fast as Ralof climbed this ladder on that night on New Life, he climbs out of it even faster this time, giggling and not giving a care in the world for the fact that he left his tunic in the watchtower or what people may say when they see them rushing into the Sleeping Giant Inn and shutting the room door behind them. Hell, most of the locals probably made bets on this. They all know. They must’ve figured it out by now.

The doors to the inn open and the Nords are rushing in with red faces, swollen lips and smiling faces. Ravonna and Fenrik are sitting at the front of the inn, chatting with the innkeeper and drinking mead. They both jerk their heads towards the door in unison. She raises her eyebrows in surprise at a shirtless Ralof, rushing towards her with the speed of wind.

“Everything’s worked in your favor, I see.” she is smug and happy with herself, making Fenrik chuckle. “You’re welco-” but she is interrupted by Ralof grabbing her face and smushing his face against hers. The kiss is brief and raw, and when Ralof pulls away, Ravonna is stunned beyond words.

“Thank you. You’re an absolute saint, Dragonborn. I am forever in your debt.” He bows, and drags Hadvar to their room, shutting the door behind them with what seemed like their bodies slammed against it.

Fenrik is too busy laughing.

“What the fuck just happened?” She asks, still stunned, yet chucking.

“I believe you just witnessed some authentic Nord affection first-hand.” He laughs. “Ah, I’ve not seen this since Atmora, when me and my sailor friends used to throw parties on the ship.”

“You mean to tell me that you did this all the time?”

“Of course. I loved my friends! And sometimes that love was much beyond words.”

“Nords…” She shakes her head.

“You’re a Nord, too!”

“Shut up.”

“Is he a better kisser than me though?” he playfully leans closer to her.

“By the Gods! This conversation is over!” she gasps, playfully punching his shoulder and ordering another round of meads.

#tesfest23 #skyrim #prompt: starlit #writing #ralof #hadvar #miraak #oc: ravonna #miraak x ldb #hadvar/ralof

6 notes · View notes