#he gives me pirates of the caribbean villain vibes

[thefakerachelray]

The guy playing Garp is taking it 100% seriously despite the fact that his character has a snail phone and you know what? I respect that.

#he gives me pirates of the caribbean villain vibes #one piece #one piece live action

[teruthecreator]

poorly summarize everything that’s happened in grad so far for me, the clown who has only listened to 2 episodes (totally for goofs please don’t stress kbdjdjssk)

nah nah nah okay dont even sweat it i GOT YOU. okay so, the basics: 

we got three whores to focus on. ignore all other npcs only two of them are mentioned regularly. the whores being: 

sniveling little bitch who’s imposter syndrome is almost as fat as his ass 

pirates of the caribbean in scotland 

mossy rock w funny accent 

now you think the main setting would be the school theyre at, right? wrong. this is also barely mentioned, save for the scattered Actual Class Scenes 

currently (as of ep 16) they’re on spring semester freshman year. yknow, the semester of college where u suddenly decide to change ur major and start trying to join a sorority. 

now we got that all covered, we talk Plot (as much plot as i remember): 

think of Sky High. remember the dynamics there? that’s here too. in the beginning eps, all three whores are lame little lackeys just getting through gen eds. imposter syndrome bitch also got a superiority complex over his gifted-kid-related trauma about this

(once again, important to note the classes have No Meaning to the plot.) 

pirates of the caribbean also learns from Mysterious Bird Man that his mother belonged to The Masons: But Make It Fantasy. 

sentient mossy rock also sometimes does things without knowing why. is he dissociating?? no. you’ll find out why in a second.  

-------------------------

FIRST MISSION: they issue a subpoena to a rock monster. mossy rock man pick up cool crystal. the whores learn there are some lil holy-holes torn into spacetime that weren’t there before! neat! 

OH YEAH ALSO IMPORTANT. IMPOSTER SYNDROME GETS A SON HIS NAME IS SNIPPERS HE IS ACTUALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER IN THE SHOW CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE 

anyway, scottish jack sparrow joins the masons and is assigned his first solid snake mission: find out all the hot goss on imposter syndrome.  

---------------------------

THEN ITS WINTER BREAK. they fight some imps. travis was way too proud of this bit. imposter syndrome and scot sparrow are a little homoerotic. 

and also a random npc is written out of the story which makes imposter syndrome paranoid. 

somewhere around winter break imposter syndrome gets promoted to Disney Villain by the Main Headmaster. this will be important Kind Of. 

imposter syndrome and sentient moss have a convo and decide they cant trust Disney’s Pirates Of the Caribbean Ride In Scotland bc he sneaks out too much to get schwasty w the masons. 

mossman admits he doesn’t know what he’s doing sometimes (me too buddy) and imposter syndrome clocks his vibe and finds out he’s been brainwashed! swag 

because of the removed npc, the government sends Random Woman With A Nice Name to watch over class proceedings. remember when sometimes the principal would sit in on classes for teacher’s performance reviews?? like that but more Law & Order. 

moss admits to nice woman that he’s afraid bc his brain got yoinked. she gives him a listening device to help. this literally becomes useless within the next episode.  

imposter syndrome talks abt his paranoia w nice woman bc he thinks he’s gonna die. pirate boy talks abt his insecurity complex bc he thinks the hot himbo he lives w doesnt like him. 

these conversations happen in succession. 

also pirates of the caribbean finds out imposter syndrome is....an imposter! sends a nicely written, lightly homoerotic letter home to his imposter’s mom to get the facts. 

those facts being he’s actually a country bumpkin himbo. 

mossy cobblestone gets mindwiped to run to the Other Headmaster, and imposter and pirate follow. they learn that green top actually gave the headmaster permission to wipe his mind clean bc he has a rlly low deception roll, and also the real Main Headmaster is a dog bc travis runs this game. which makes Main Headmaster That Promoted Imposter Syndrome...An Imposter!!! 

Other Headmaster explains in order to un-dog this man (and un-bird the npc who got removed from the plot but is suddenly back) he needs the apple from Snow White. currently two herds of centaurs are fighting over it, so they gotta Nab It.  

----------------------------------------

SECOND MISSION. i can summarize this real quick: 

they talk to the horsepeople and find out the leaders are stubborn exes 

they talk to a forest god who basically gives them the Wonderland Treatment 

they talk to a shitty wizard 

said shitty wizard curses imposter syndrome 

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: The Scotland Story is homoerotic at imposter syndrome’s comatosed body while Minecraft Steve finds out the apple was a lie (haha get it portal joke hahaha--) 

imposter syndrome finds out his magic was given to him by Sexy Deity Person Who My Girlfriend Really Likes Talking About 

a single dirt block learns shitty wizard basically framed them for stealing and trying to incite a war between the herds

imposter syndrome wakes up next to pirate man and its gay, but then theyre both arrested for treason 

Imposter Syndrome Rips A Man’s Hand Off 

they get the apple 

---------------------------------------

THE END :) <3 

#taz graduation #taz fitzroy #taz argo #taz firbolg #taz grad spoilers #(sort of) #ignorance cloud on #this actually took time and is probably incoherent but u said u wanted a shitty explanation so #thanks josh!!

[the-arcana-but-saucier]

OK But hear me out... Pirates of the Caribbean Arcana AU

WARNING: This post contains spoilers for both the Arcana and for the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, so read ahead at your own risk!

I've been thinking about this AU for a while, and although it's been difficult to wrangle some characters into roles that would work for them, I think I largely have it down. I have most of the characters put in the roles I feel fit them best, either as similar characters or due to their relationship with the other characters. I'm having a tough time trying to figure out who Muriel would be, as his personality and build don't really match up with any of the main or even supporting cast in PotC. I'm also missing someone to be Davy Jones, as considering his personality, occupation, and also his past with Tia Dalma, he's a tricky character to place. If anyone has any suggestions or amendments, let me know! I've done my best :)

MC as Will (or Billy as a female version) Turner. Thought about this a lot - Will seems to be the character who ends up getting dragged along for the ride in the first movie (not knowing about his past, incidentally), whilst also being sought after by the main villain of that film (in this case, Lucio), which fits MC's role in the game. He also forms relationships with most of the main cast in various ways, which makes sense versus MC's 'fit all' role in the game. Obviously, any character wouldn't be perfect for MC as they can be pretty much any character, but I felt that Will was both main character-y enough and also diverse enough to work.

Julian as Captain Jack Sparrow. How could I not? An often charming, quick-thinking, drink-loving guy with a penchant for adventure and dodging the law. These two fit pretty damn well!

Asra as Tia Dalma/Calypso. Asra and Tia Dalma both give off these great mysterious vibes, plus Tia Dalma dabbles in magic of a sort, making a darker version of Asra a perfect fit for her. I believe she owns a pet snake in the films as well (among an assortment of other animals, mind you), so bonus points! The PotC wiki states that 'it is implied that Tia Dalma and Jack Sparrow became lovers at some point in the latter's adult life', which fits Asra and Jules perfectly, especially as in the movie, Tia Dalma seems to have fallen out of love somewhat with Jack - she's a little flirty with him, but shuts down any actual moves made towards her by him.

Lucio as Captain Barbossa. Lucio made me think for a bit, as he could also fit the role of Norrington or Beckett with his soldierly feel - he'd make a great navyman. I went with Barbossa in the end due to his relationship with the other characters, namely kidnapping Elizabeth (played by Nadia in this case, mistaking her for MC) and making sexual advances towards her. He would also be actively hunting MC, which mirrors his plot in the Arcana largely, as in PotC Barbossa needs Will's blood to reverse his curse caused by his own greed, which sounds a lot like what happens with MC and Lucio in the Arcana. It's also nice as it gives him a chance to become a good character (Barbossa throughout the films remains largely neutral, and switches sides a couple of times depending on his mood and what he's getting out of the situation). He also fucks over Julian a couple of times in the game, which fits with Barbossa fucking over Jack in PotC. Finally, Jack (Julian) shoots him as Will (MC) breaks the curse, essentially killing him (although he is brought back later on) mirroring Julian's alleged murder of Lucio.

Portia as Anamaria. You may not remember Anamria from PotC, but I feel she was a more instrumental character than her screen time suggested. Jack stole her ship in the past and subsequently sank it, and after finding him and giving him a good slap (classic Portia/Julian interaction lmao), Will (MC) suggests she can have Jack's currently 'borrowed' ship, the Interceptor, in exchange for her help, as she's an excellent sailor. She may be a side character, but I think her relationship with Jack fits Portia and Julian's relationship pretty well, plus bonus points for strong female pirates! :D

Nadia as Elizabeth Swann - How could she not be? A noblewoman with a taste for sword-fighting, who eventually ends up as the pirate queen. Obviously her relationship with Will (MC) would likely be a little more nuanced in this AU if MC announced interest in another character, so this would require some thought, as within PotC Will and Elizabeth are essentially star-crossed lovers, so I'd have to figure out a way to steer them away from that a little perhaps, unless MC falls for Nadia, in which case, all good :)

James Norrington (Elizabeth's former fiance) - Honestly not a clue here, I'm coming up empty. I would have put Lucio into this role as it fits the relationship between himself and Nadia (Elizabeth) pretty well, but Lucio largely fits better as Barbossa and I've more or less run out of characters that could conceivably have been Nadia's ex-fiance. Taking suggestions for this one!

Valerius as Cutler Beckett. I am aware that Valerius isn't exactly a villain in his entirety, but I was struggling for characters with this one. His cold and egocentric demeanor works for Beckett's similar personality, and I can just picture him sipping a glass of wine aboard a navy ship, looking out to sea and plotting Julian's downfall... his disdain for Jack Sparrow works well with Valerius's disdain for Julian. This role could also be fit by Vulgora, possibly.

Davy Jones - MAYBE Muriel due to his relationship with Asra versus Davy's relationship with Tia Dalma, but that feels like doing him dirty. It would work as a tragic love story, but I just can't see Muriel as a villainous character in any way, really. could be Valdemar, although I don't believe Valdemar has... FEELINGS, let alone feelings for Asra (Tia Dalma). In an ideal world, though...

Muriel as Cotton. Muriel is the one character I basically couldn't place in the PotC universe. He could be Gibbs (Jack Sparrow's first mate), but their relationship in the Arcana doesn't fit with Jack/Gibbs' relationship at all. Eventually, I went with Cotton - a mute pirate belonging to Jack's crew who has trained his pet parrot to speak for him. What with Cotton's fondness for animals (or at least, for his parrot...) and his uh... quiet demeanor, it COULD work, although I'd feel sort of bad making Muriel entirely mute, even if he doesn't speak much regardless. Taking suggestions for Muriel as well!

Vlastomil and Volta as Pintel and Ragetti. This is that pair of comedy relief pirates, one of which has a wooden eye, which works well for Volta. Vlastomil perhaps doesn't quite fit Pintel's general personality and build, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances, and imagining these two getting up to mischief is pretty amusing.

Overall, I feel that some of these characters fit their counterparts almost perfectly, and others require a little imagination, but it could definitely be a fun AU to write within! Hope you liked this little dip into my procrastinating-uni-work brain ;)

#the arcana #arcana game #arcana the game #arcana au #potc #pirates of the caribbean

[davidmann95]

Your power is mine: thoughts on Kingdom Hearts’ newest, oddest character

Finished Final Fantasy XV over the weekend. Mixed feelings to say the least, but it does give me an excuse to talk about Kingdom Hearts again, specifically this weirdo:

And how it feels like most of the people discussing Yozora and trying to figure out what his deal is are missing half the point. Yes, there’s the apparent connections to Sora and Riku, and there’s his meta association with Noctis and the entire real-life corporate backstory there intertwining with the in-game narrative to an unknown extent. But when he’s discussed as some kind of fusion of Sora and Riku, or a literal reincarnation of Noctis, or that Verum Rex might end up a real game, or something similarly straightforward in terms of “he’s going to be a very important central character going forward”, the ideas or at least the tone of how they’re presented seem to miss an absolutely critical component of how he was introduced to us, in a way that shapes not only him but by extension the entire future of the franchise and its thematic concerns:

We aren’t just supposed to be surprised he’s important because he’s real where we thought he wasn’t. We’re supposed to be surprised because he’s introduced to us as a self-evident gag character.

Not that we’re not supposed to take him seriously where it counts: it’s clear he has an important role going forward and is a force to be reckoned with. But no matter what deep, foreboding connections to the Keyblade and Master of Masters may lie within his backstory that may determine the fate of more universes than one, he will never not have had the hilariously inauspicious beginning of being a toy played by Rex the Dinosaur. He doesn’t even have the dignity of being introduced as a game on one of the plot-heavy original worlds! He’s a throwaway gimmick to spice up one of the filler Disney segments, literally a child’s plaything.

Even before we learn the context he’s being presented in...well, look at him. He’s like Riku, who’s cooler than Sora, and Noctis, a Final Fantasy character and therefore cooler than all this Disney stuff, but also he has a LASER SWORD and a CROSSBOW - that are clearly functioning as cool future tech instead of dopey magical powers - and his eyes are MYSTERIOUS MISMATCHING UNNATURAL COLORS and he fights GIANT ROBOTS with a dude in a fedora in a city straight out of the REAL WORLD to save a helpless lady/prize: truly, let no mistake be made, he is VERY, VERY SERIOUS INDEED, AND ALSO, RAD. TO THE MAX. He’s every attempt at reframing contemporary Final Fantasy as slick and modern and cool dialed up and up and up until the tone breaks, without the barest hint of self-awareness even as it advertises its action figure tie-ins. I don’t think that his little Keyblade pattern on his jacket being near-impossible to spot unless you’re looking for it is just to preserve the surprise, but also because the sight of the big keys with the Mickey Mouse logo on them would be anathema to his entire vibe, so important as it may be it must be squirreled away where it can’t make him look dumb. Heck, when Dylan Spouse announced on Twitter he was playing this major character in a childhood favorite franchise of his, surely knowing more than we do about Yozora, his description of the part was “I have lived out my edgy JRPG character fantasies...I even got to say ‘Sorry, but I don’t lose.’” We’re supposed to receive him off the bat as Square Enix, and more specifically Tetsuya Nomura, poking fun at themselves, going ‘yes, we suppose this is all getting to be a bit much, isn’t it?’

And then he enters the story for real.

Obviously he’s much more than a joke now, but the idea of him as something off, something that doesn’t fit in these games, endures. His episode isn’t just in a modern cityscape but skinned in the graphics of the grittier, more detailed style of the Pirates of the Caribbean world meant to evoke photorealism rather than the look of the rest of the game. He interferes with the gameplay in ways no other enemy does, stealing your items and weapons (we’ll get back to that). When he casts you into a void to be attacked by the mechs, it’s not a pure empty white but a mass of abstract polygonal space, evocative of the visuals of early game development. What details we do get of his backstory frame him as a counterpart to Sora on a parallel journey all his own, but the associations with his other source material in Noctis are considerably more...cutting. Credit to @kitsoa, whose own extensive musings on Kingdom Hearts’ increasingly overt metafictional concerns brought to my attention the obvious parallel: that Yozora being changed ‘beyond recognition’ with his heart replaced by another’s is a reasonable, albeit scathing description of Noctis’s revised character in the shift from the Nomura-helmed Final Fantasy Versus XIII to the largely overhauled Final Fantasy XV (and by the same token, the Nameless Star’s identity being stolen comes across as a shot at Versus XIII’s Stella Nox Fleuret being entirely replaced by Lady Lunafreya. Who, by sheer coincidence, would have been corrupted in planned but cancelled DLC into a monster of darkness).

While the comparisons to his source material are not only intentional but textually overt - his introduction as a real boy is literally scored to the FFXV theme music - so is the distancing from that material, given that if Nomura simply wanted to use Noctis the very premise of Kingdom Hearts as a series could have allowed him to use Noctis, and even change him to fit his original vision however he wished given the design and backstory changes to the other Final Fantasy characters involved. Yozora has a distinct role in which he’s still meant to represent that tone and aesthetic, and all signs point to that being because as that representation, he hardly seems an endorsement. He’s a parody, offered up in a demeaning context and tangled up narratively in real-life creative bitterness before being placed as an antagonist, however well-meaning (though keep in mind every secret boss of his kind before - other than Julius, I suppose - went on to become an endgame boss later on), in the player’s path. He may not be a villain, but all signs seem to indicate he’s a figure to be regarded as a contrast to the heroes.

And it’s in that role as a contrast that I have my own theories about what his deal ultimately is, thematically if not plotwise.

For those who saw this in the Kingdom Hearts tag and aren’t superhero fans, that’s Superdoomsday, introduced in Grant Morrison’s run on Action Comics about 8 years ago. One among many takes on an ‘evil Superman’ from a parallel universe, the twist with his world is that rather than a survivor of Krypton, he is literally the materialized concept of Superman - imagined by his reality’s Clark Kent, Lois Lane, and Jimmy Olsen, who created a machine which could bring ideas to life - that when sold to a corporation was reimagined in service of wide public appeal into an all-powerful, uncompromisingly brutal monstrosity clad in armor somewhere between an iPhone, 90s Rob Liefeld battle gear, and Nazi regalia, who ultimately journeyed into the multiverse to stalk and kill other incarnations of Superman, seeing them as competition to his domination of the ‘market’. “The curse...of Superman...” murmurs the dying Kent of that world, “...he becomes anything you want...him...to be...our world...wanted that...”

Yozora is...probably not exactly a 1:1 to that. But as a counterpart to Sora, it absolutely seems as if the main factor by which he contrasts him is that he’s ostensibly the sleeker, edgier model, new-and-improved. He reworks Sora’s story arc and aesthetic into something theoretically cooler and more palatable, steals his power, ‘saves’ him by sealing him away to presumably fight in his stead and thereby take his place as the lead. He is the protagonist so many feel Kingdom Hearts has needed for years, the somber AMV-ready Secret Movie tone and aesthetic stepping into center stage at last rather than maintaining a sunshiney Disney-esque child hero lead to anchor the assorted conspiracies and horrors of much of the rest of the tale. The manner in which he is presented as to make metatextuality an in-universe concern (to call back to Grant Morrison again, his next work after Action Comics was Multiversity, where a major plot point was that the events of parallel universes were unwittingly documented in each others’ pop culture; in that case comic books, in here video games) for Kingdom Hearts to explore in the next main entry is I believe so as to ask what, in fact, Kingdom Hearts as a series should be; is it a Disney series with some incidental Final Fantasy stuff in it? A Final Fantasy spinoff with some Disney elements cluttering it up that should maybe be discarded as it grows up? Something all its own? Is it time for Kingdom Hearts to get Serious? Even if the Kingdom Hearts as imagined by a marketing executive vision of Verum Rex isn’t what’s next, what is, as things get darker and that vision is now part of the narrative whether for good or ill?

So yeah it looks like Kingdom Hearts IV is Kingdom Hearts vs. its own Gritty Realworld! Urban Fantasy AU fanfiction for the soul of the series, and I am extremely here for it.

#Yozora #Kingdom Hearts #Sora #Final Fantasy XV #Final Fantasy Versus XIII #Final Fantasy #Kingdom Hearts IV #Grant Morrison #Analysis #Opinion

[ultraclops]

Semi-Live Blogging: Finale Time!

With reaction images this time!

Adoradad

TRAINING EXERCIIISE

Adorabat's practicing her screaming! Bet that's gonna come in handy later.

"Fneh!" Wow what an introduction Eugene

His design is like? Really cool?? He looks practically nothing like Adorabat tho. And why does he have a spade on his stomach instead of a heart??

Badgerclops drew him with a giant ass mustache lol.

Adorabat takes banjo lessons? More importantly, Eugene thought she was at a banjo lesson FOR 8 MONTHS?!

"She scares me" lol

Adorabat ran away from home? Why?

"I thought you were a ward of the state!" Remember when everyone thought Adorabat was an orphan? Yea.

"I thought you were my conscience!" Badgerclops...you've lived with Adorabat for a year...went to her school...AND YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS A PIECE OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS?!

...why did Badgerclops use Adorabat as monster bait...

I expected to hate Eugene but he's actually really cute and interesting?? Aside from the fact he thinks Mao Mao & Badgerclops are criminals. Love to see him again sometime!

Wow her dad has a whole badass mansion!! Why doesn't she just stay there...

Oh...her mom died...that's why he's so protective of her and was so upset when she left. Also her mom looks amazing & I wanna see a flashback episode with her. For some reason I can imagine her sounding like a deeper version of Scoops?

Aww Adorabat's room is super cool! Also Eugene cracking the door for her asfgjkl

"Do you think that monsters attacking the city are gonna - wait, does that have peanut butter in it? " (Cuts to MM & BC eating ice cream while crying) That's a perfectly rational reaction to losing your adoptive daughter

"I can keep it together!" (Cut to Mao Mao trying and failing to shovel ice cream in his mouth with his helmet on) NSADGEDHAMADH

Wait a second. Mao's eating mint chocolate chip ice cream. ISN'T CHOCOLATE TOXIC TO CATS?!

"But you said I was part of the team!!" "Then you're...off the team."

Adorabat crying while showing Eugene the picture OUCH MY HEART...

"I used to go exploring in those caves with Mom all the time..." I'm guessing those are the caves from the promo?

"She wasn't afraid of anything!" " Well Adorabat definitely takes after her mother...

"And then one day, Sonara didn't come back with you." Ooh her name's Sonara!! Pretty!! I can't tell if they chose it cuz it sounds like Sonar or because it means "pleasant sounding"

Glad to see Adorabat's still a die-hard metal fan, even with Eugene

Oof Mao isn't taking this well at ALL if he's pretending Adorabat's molt is her...

OOH SHIT ADORABAT RAN OFF TO THE CAVES - wait a minute no she didn't. OH NO EUGENE WENT TO THE CAVES

Ooh there's Sonara's looking glass, bet that's gonna be important

Yay Adorabat saved her dad!

Damn Adorabat must be super traumatized after basically watching her mother die. No wonder she tried to murder Boba-Chan!

Oh the only way to stop the monster is by screaming!

(Mao Mao hears Adorabat scream) "ADORABAT?!" ADOPTIVE DAD POWERS ACTIVATE

Ooh her mother's figure appears over her when she says she's not afraid of anyone...maybe her spirit's inside of her or something?

REVENGE TIME BAYBEY

HOLY SHIT ADORABAT FUCKING MURDERED THAT THING

Eugene & Adorabat both apologized to each other I...

"You can't just leave without the most fearless member of the group!" YAAY ADORABAT'S BACK (Also how are we gonna explain to Eugene Adorabat's scared of the dark?)

"I'll mess 'em up real good! So good, their mommies and daddies won't be able to recognize them when I'm done..." Daaammmnnn...

"She scares me :)"

I wonder...is Sonara really dead? Or are they gonna pull a Kipo & have her still be alive but in a different form?

Badge-A-Fire explosion

Uhh...where is Badgerclops? And why is Mao Mao on the top bunk?!

Of course Badgerclops is petty enough to install a fake monster alarm on his laptop to wake Mao Mao and Adorabat up.

"This is a super-serious work meeting, as you can see by the fact that I haven't provided any snacks!" No snacks?! This must be a serious issue!! /s

"As you know, I am a creative genius. Sometimes there's so much natural creative genius that my brain overloads, and I enter a heightened state that I call 'Ultra Focus'..." Oh so basically like hyperfixation?

"...where I break into a creative sprint, inventing super-advanced technology at supernatural speeds, unparalleled by anyone in the entire field of science." Okay maybe only a LITTLE bit like hyperfixation...wait a second, IS THAT WHY BADGERCLOPS IS SO TIRED ALL THE TIME?!

Uhh did he get his arm stuck in the front door? HE TOOK THE AEROCYCLE?!

"...I forget everything the next morning." Remember my headcanon that Badgerclops represses his memories? Yea...

"Which is why it's not my fault and I don't think I should be criticized :D" TBH I screamed with laughter at this scene solely because of the expression he made

...HE GAVE THE SKY PIRATES THE GEM CELL?! I mean he clearly wasn't thinking right when he did it BUT STILL?!

"Oh hey, I told you I'd use that weird elevator thing!" Dude you LITERALLY used it in Ultraclops. What are you talking about.

"If the Sky Pirates had the Gem Cell, they would've used it already!" That is a fair point ngl.

Umm...did Badgerclops give Adorabat a BOMB?!

Tbh if my friend woke me up in the middle of the night with weird-looking eyes and handed me a timer while saying something about an explosion I would DEFINITELY not go back to sleep afterwards...

I'm sorry, IS THE WHOLE VALLEY GONNA BLOW UP?! WHAT THE HELL DID HE MAKE?!

Mao wiping Badgerclops' tears I'm

A paper towel dispenser? Well that's not that bad - IS THAT A GIANT PAIR OF PANTS?!

Ooh it's not a shock collar it's a translator!! That makes a bit more sense... "I HAVE NO REMORSE OR CONCEPT OF EMPATHY!" ...if the monster doesn't have remorse or empathy how does it know what those words mean...

Badgerclops keeps telling Mao Mao & Adorabat not to criticize him...hmm...I wonder who criticized his inventions that made him that way...*cough* HIS MOM *cough*

"Are all your inventions this weird?!" "YOU'RE WEIRD!!"

IM SORRY DID BADGERCLOPS BUILD A DANCING MACHINE INTO MAO MAO'S BONES?! HIS BONES?! AND HE MADE ADORABAT A SECOND MEGAPEG?!

What in the absolute hell is going on dgaadhdagdadga

Okay but when Badgerclops clutched his head and started shaking when Mao Mao asked why he made those things...I FELT THAT IN MY HEART I FELT THAT IN MY SOUL

Ngl this scene really hit home for me cuz that's how I act when I have a breakdown...

The timer went off but nothing blew up - WAIT, IS THAT A REPLICA OF MECHA HOSSORAFFASNAKEARANG?!

"Initializing Totally Humane Knockout Procedure." (Proceeds to slam the Sheriff's Dept. into the ground) ajdajdgdad

Ooh...ohh they're on some sort of water park...ride...thing??

"And if I didn't want us to get out, then I made sure we couldn't...with super-strong shoe things." But there isn't any on Adorabat, can't she just squeeze herself out?

Ooh I'm getting Pirates of the Caribbean vibes

There's the Gem Cell, it must be powering the ride! Also the robotic arm slaps Mao's hand the same way Mao slaps Badgerclops' hand in Flyaway skkkk

"My amazing creativity is finally gonna destroy us all..." "Hey, at least we'll be destroyed together!" Fair point, fair point

The shoosh returneth

"I always loved inventing." So he was an inventor ever since he was little? Daww.

YOUNG BC IS SO ADORABLE!! He has a lil medical patch instead of an eyepatch which is def more accurate to real life...but what's the vest for? Protection in case he falls? A pressure stim?

That figure's def his mom since they rejected his ideas & he mentions she was mean to him. Also the theory that his mom's a villain seems a bit stronger since they straight-up hand him a tool kid + a set of blueprints with no regard to his safety...

"Also there was a bunch of other kids at school and some other people throughout my life who mocked me relentlessly." THEN WHY'D YOU TELL ADORABAT YOU COULDN'T RELATE TO HER WHEN SHE SAID NO ONE WANTED TO BE HER FRIEND?! (Also I noticed literally all the kids are other badgers, so I'm assuming Badgerclops grew up sheltered like Mao Mao did.)

So the Ultra Focus is basically a really weird coping mechanism to deal with all the abuse and bullying he went through? Holy fuckkk

"They only made fun of you because they were jealous. Happened to me my whole life!" Umm...

"Even the dance chip I surgically implanted in your brain?" Excuse me the dance chip that you WHAT

"I love you-" HE SAID IT 💗💓💗💓

"I'm finally around people who love and understand me..."

Wait did the cannon misfire? DID IT BLOW A HOLE IN THE GROUND?!

OH HE ACTUALLY DID CREATE AN ANIMATRONIC BAND?! I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE!!

"Take it away, Boss Hosstritch!" (Distorted garbling)

Oof Mao caught all the water

"We hope you all enjoyed being Badgerclops' friend." 💞💕💞💕

Not that anyone cares but I noticed there's a picture of some of the Sweetypies on the monitors, meaning 1. Badgerclops tested it out using them first, or 2. Badgerclops just likes those Sweetypies for whatever reason. Tho that makes me wonder why he'd choose Pinky of all people...

THE SKY PIRATES WERE INSIDE THE ANIMATRONICS THE WHOLE TIME?! THE MAN BEHIND THE SLAUGHTE

Zing Your Heart Out

Why are they giving out rotten sushi??

"HOW DARE YOU LAUGH AT ME EATING SOMETHING GROSSLY?!"

Ooh god Chester's gonna be super freaking annoying in this episode, I can feel it.

"What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint!" BAYBEY

Jesus what a prick. GET HIM MAO MAO

Ngl that background's really pretty...

Oooh no the Ruby Pure Heart's being weird again. Ooh no.

FUCK YEA ROAST HIM BABY - Did Adorabat's eyes turn purple because the Ruby Pure Heart gave her powers?

Oh so the siren in Badgerclops' robo-arm is a backup monster alarm?

More Sky Pirates - and the Pure Heart's being weird again...

"I'd tell you but despite your height it'd go right over your HEAD!" Asdfgghjjk

"For someone with two brains, you're not very BRIGHT!" EVEN BETTER

Kevin said he was raising money for a school trip, then for a trip to the hospital...which one is he raising money for?!

"SILENCE PANCAKE, LEST YE BE BUTTERED"

OOH NO SHE ATTACKED MAO AND BC

"IT FEELS LIKE THE WEIGHT OF ONE THOUSAND PLANETS!!"

"One second, I'm getting mad, and the next thing you know-" Is she freaking possessed??

Wait, is the Pure Heart TALKING to Adorabat?! How?!

Cluckins you don't ask people what's wrong with their eyeballs...even if there is something wrong with their eyeballs

"I CAN'T FEEL MY SELF-RESPECT!!"

The pure 'oh shit' on Marion's face when Adorabat turns to her

Half of the people she insulted showed up to her party! Didn't that mean she loved them?!

Oh god not this bitch again - nvm, thanks Adorabat

"Taking over the castle and ruling Pure Heart Valley forever does sound nice..." This is starting to remind me of that one AU where Adorabat turns evil, becomes the ruler of the Sky Pirates, then convinces them to kill Snugglemagne and becomes the queen of Pure Heart...she isn't gonna kill Snugglemagne, is she?

What did Adorabat tell Snugglemagne?! I WANNA KNO

Why is Pinky stealing teeth...reminds me of this

NO BC DON'T EAT THE TEETH

"I...hate myself! Therefore, I'm invincible!" So the trick to not getting your ego destroyed...is to not have an ego. Sounds reasonable.

"Your bug platter, my king?" Genderfluid Adorabat rights

"Mao Mao, your head looks like a CROW!" (Mao Mao caws) IT WAS A LIE HE ISN'T A CAT HE WAS A CROW THIS WHOLE TIME-

"It looks like a half-melted ice cream cone!!" That is...a strange way to describe your own neck...

"Well, I'm...bad (◡‿◡)" Kinda weird that the canonically depressed character can't even cleverly insult himself

...why does Adorabat's skin smell like old cantaloupe

OH SHE IS POSSESSED!!

HOLY SHIT MAO WAS GONNA FUCKING MURDER ADORABAT TO SAVE THE KINGDOM?! THANK GOD HE SAW HER JOKE BOOK, HOLY SHIT

Positivity outweighs negativity!

"WHERE DOES A 800 POUND GORILLA SIT?!" "Where ever it wants!◝(⁰▿⁰)◜" Curse you for making me laugh...

OOH NO THE JOKEBOOK! - Wait nvm Mao remembers Adorabat's jokes!

I think the reason they used that joke is because it represents Mao Mao and Adorabat - Adorabat is blue, and she wants to be like Mao Mao, who wears red. What is BLUE, and smells like (is similar to) RED paint?

YAAAY HE BROKE HER FREE FROM MIND CONTROL!! And did BC get Thanos snapped in the background?

"Thank goodness you're alright! We almost..." Fucking murdered you? Yea

"Might we have our crown and kingdom back, yes?"

"Sorry for being such a monster today." "You're a monster everyday." Is that a joke because she was today's villain, a reference to Sleeper Sofa or foreshadowing?

I hope Mao Mao and Badgerclops decide to investigate what's up with the Heart in Season Two, cause I highly doubt they'll let Adorabat getting fucking possessed go under the radar.

The visual gag of Mao trying to stomp out his ice cream cone like a cigarette is perfect. This is peak comedy everyone else go home

WHOOP CHESTER'S ASS GUYS

Strange Bedfellows

"So, your name is Boss Hosstrich, but you're not actually the boss?" How long did it take him to realize that

JFC Mao & Orangusnake are REALLY hellbent on killing each other huh...at least the deputies and the other Sky Pirates have common sense.

Hahaha nice Dragon Ball Z reference - and they both got crushed by the monster! Lovely.

...did Mao seriously think he died and went to heaven?

So does Orangusnake breathe through Tanner or do they both breathe independently & Coby can feel when Tanner can't?

Dang those skeletons remind me of the Steven Universe Future episode Growing Pains. And why is Lucky inside of Orangusnake? "THAT WAS MY LUNCH, JERK!" Ooh that's why.

"They're full of these tiny, little cracks or, as they're known in the medical field, 'whoopsie-boo-boos'." AGSADGASGADGDASG

Damn their skeletons are just gonna freaking evaporate huh...

"The doctor said I was very brave :D"

Ooh shit the Deputies and the other Sky Pirates met at the same elevator, are they gonna fight - nevermind, they're still calling time.

JESUS CHRIST ARE MAO & ORANGUSNAKE EVER GONNA STOP?!

"You don't have the guts!" "I have a million guts." That is...mildly concerning

"Yeah, I wanted to be a baker, before I realized I liked hurting people so much." Then why doesn't she just like, help Muffins or something?

Tbh I thought Ratarang was holding a gun and I'm glad it was just a weirdly wrapped banana

CONE OF SHAME. CONE OF SHAME. CONE OF SHAME.

"Aww, y'all shouldn't have - this is empty." "Just like my heart when you injure yourself!!" He loves him sm...💓💓

"Why didn't you bring me weapons?!" "Because this is a hospital, and I'm a good boy (◡‿◡ )"

"I really feel like this could be a turning point in their relationship." (Mao and Orangusnake proceed to try and kill each other again) *sigh*

Ngl Mao & Orangusnake constantly repeating themselves is getting super annoying.

That hospital bed beeping is giving me flashbacks to all the times I went to the hospital for seizures...

"You know y'all could live like this, like, all the time if you didn't go around hurting people, right?" "Pssh! Tsk-tsk, boy. You know I gots to hurt people." Uhh you guys should really listen to Badgerclops he knows what tf he's talking about

UUhh, whose egg is that? "MAMA" ASGagddahDh

Of course they had to land in freaking CEMENT to realize that maybe they shouldn't kill each other

Did Mao just deflate like a ballo- oh nvm there he go.

Boneless Mao. Boneless Mao.

And Mao saved Orangusnake!! By...breaking every bone in his body somehow.

"I'm the kind of hero who wants to save you so I can fight you later...at the right time and place." Just gonna file this along with the credit score scene from Perfect Couple in the 'Orangumao' folder.

Is Badgerclops duct taping Mao to the stretcher? I mean, at least he won't move & hurt himself again but geez

Tbh Zing would’ve made a better finale than this ep. At least it had a sequel hook

#semi live blogging #semi-live blogging #//long post #// long post

[annaswrites]

Tag Game | Meet the Writer

I was tagged by the super @silverscreenwriter . Sorry it took me ages! I’m catching up on tags today. (And hopefully soon I’ll actually work on my book...I’m in a slump in all things.)  Rules: answer the ten questions, ask ten questions, tag ten people.

1. Why did you start writing?

I’ve always written, actually. My mom is a published author (kind of a niche market, she’s LDS (aka Mormon). She writes LDS fiction, but also historical fiction that’s christian generally. In case anyone’s interested her name is Anita Stansfield. She’s also got some books published under the pseudonym, Elizabeth D. Micheals. <-- I did the cover art for the books under the pseudonym. Go to the Amazon if you’re interested. Anyway!) My mom was always (still is) writing, and I think I inherited the need to do so from her, though our styles and subject matter vary drastically. (I’m not a Mormon, for example! My books have made up gods etc.) I always had stories in my head and I remember writing even when I was VERY young. I took creative writing classes in school and have just kept on all through my whole life! 

2. What do you use as inspiration for your stories (websites, music, photos, videos, places, etc)?

All of the above. I have two playlists on spotify for my overall series, and then playlists for individual characters or pairs.  I use photos for face claims, and I do my own art of my characters. I have pinterest mood boards for them and for my worlds. And there are certain TV shows that inspire me even though they’re not the same thing? (I kind of feel like my set up is slightly unique.) But Firefly totally has a vibe to it that inspires me, so does Game of Thrones. (Yeah, I know... what? Those two shows are PRETTY DIFFERENT.) I’ve also gotten inspiration though from random places like Legend of Zelda, Pirates of the Caribbean, Doctor Who . . . they all get my creativity flowing!  Also other fantasy novels. I love reading. Especially Branderson’s Work. 

3. If your protagonist and antagonist each had a song, what would those songs be?

Well, I have 5 main protagonists... so you get them and my antagonist. 

Protags:  Roary:     Arise by Flyleaf Jolene:    Glory and Gore by Lorde Avalette:  Suddenly by Superchick AND Castle by Halsey Ja’ek:       Iron by Woodkid and Dragonborn (Skyrim Theme) by Jeremy Soule Selnam:   Soldier by Fluerie  Antags:  Nazlanga: Castle by Halsey AND Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Lorde Cover)

4. Where is your favorite place to write?

In my room at my computer. All my stuff is together here and my room is kind of my safe haven. <3 

5. What books and/or authors have influenced your writing style?

Brandon Sanderson (Stormlight Archive, Elantris), Mercedes Lackey, (lots of them), JK Rowling and a REALLY LONG LIST. I read a lot of different things by different people. 

6. Is there any specific way you deal with self doubt or writer’s block?

I normally just shove through it. I learned to just keep typing as it were as I’ve gone through NaNoWriMo a few times. Lately though I’m in a bad slump in all things as I’m putting my horse to sleep next month and I don’t know when I’ll get back to writing.  However, really, just keep typing. It might be garbage but I can work with garbage! Putting words on the page is hard, but I’ve gotten good at just doing it. I can fix it later!  As for self doubt, I haven’t dealt with a lot of that over my writing. More with my artwork. And that’s a work in progress. I’m learning to turn my thinking around and counteract negative thoughts.  THERAPY IS COOL! (seriously 10/10 would recommend.) 

7. Out of everything you have written, what work is your favorite and why?

Well, that would be Solar Kingdoms, the main original thing I’m working on. Really the only original thing I’m working on.  I wrote a lot of pirates fanfic before that and I liked them. I still RP Jack when writing with friends. But that’s different. Haha! 

8. In your current WIP, is there a character you identify with more than the others?

Avalette, which actually makes her the most difficult to write. I feel her though, if you know what I mean? 

9. What is the best writing advice you have ever been given? The worst?

Best: Write what you would want to write, write what makes you happy. 

Worst: FOLLOW ALL THE RULES TO A T. (No. Some of them are shit, let’s face it. Rules are made to be broken. If you break them properly, then you’ll have gold.) 

10. If your WIP became a movie, what actors do you see playing your main characters?

HAHAHAHA, oh man. Okay. This is hard. Because I have face claims for them but that doesn’t mean that they’d actually work as the proper person to act them. But I’ll try.  Roary - I see Simon from Firefly, only blonde. It’s the way he talks in that show and the shape of his nose. It’s so Roary. (Can you say sassy sarcasm anyone. “My sister is incorporeal possessing a spaceship. We had a rough childhood.” and “Right, I’m sorry if she tipped anyone off to your carefully concealed herd of cattle...” Omg. So Roary.) He’s probably too old now though. But someone similar to him.  Avalette - I have no idea. She’s vaguely Kate Winslet looking in my head but that’s not quite right. And Kate is too old by now. I need Kate Winslet and Kate Blanchet to have a baby that’s short and tiny. She’d have to be short and bloody brilliant. I need someone who has incredible control of their micro expressions and can exude power AND anxiousness like a pro. Possibly Emilia Clarke?  Ja’ek - I need Charles Messure, Jason Momoa and Johnny Depp to have a baby. Realistically, Jason Momoa has the look I need. But Ja’ek is shorter and Jason would need some prosthetic on his nose to give it the weird shape Jack’s has. It’s important okay, his nose. I don’t know why. But it is. 

Jolene - Jessica Chastain maybe? Although I’d like someone English to do it. She probably could pull it off though. <nods>  Selnam - Someone similar to Omar Sharif. Only I’d like his skin a bit darker. Even though he’d be covered in burn scars. An actor of color for sure, Selnam’s world is kind of based on middle eastern stuff.  Nazlanga - Probably Stephanie Beatriz. The character is from the same world Selnam is from and I think Stephanie would be PERFECT for her. She’s the villain, yeah, but she’s got serious depth and a pretty great story arch that’s all her own.  I hope I can write her to do her justice. I think Stephanie could act her and do her justice! 

And the 10 people I’m going to tag are: @teacups-and-tealeaves @stephrawlingwrites @karsawriter @dreamswithadashofspice @leapwriter @writebruh @ruinedambitions @incipientwrites @biblio-fiend @bethanywritesbooks 

MY QUESTIONS:  1. What’s your favorite genre to write?  2. What are your top five favorite songs to write to?  3. Which if your characters is the most difficult for you to write and why? 4. What do you do when you have writers block?  5. Who is your most supportive ‘fan’? (Friend, teacher, parent etc?) and why? 6. What are your favorite types of scenes to write?  7. What Author(s) have most influenced you?  8. How do you plot your work? Or do you not?  9. If you have face claims for your main characters who are they? If not, describe them physically for me!  10. Which of your characters is most like you personality wise? 

#tag game #writeblr #get to know the writer #have fun!

[skarletterambles]

Pirates of the Caribbean 5

I just got back from seeing Dead Men Tell No Tales.  I have thoughts.  Quite a few of them, actually.

I should preface this review by giving a bit of background on my involvement with this franchise.  I saw the first PotC movie in the theater seven times.  I saw Dead Man’s Chest three or four times and loved it.  I saw At World’s End exactly once, hated it with the passion of a thousand burning suns, and never saw it again.

I was--and am--a hardcore Sparrabeth shipper.  The canon status of Willabeth only explains part of my disillusionment with the franchise, however.  My biggest problem was how Elizabeth had an amazing character arc over three films, going from a prim-and-proper governor’s daughter to the ass-kicking Pirate King, pursuing her dreams in defiance of society’s expectations, outwitting both the EITC and legendary pirates, leading an armada in battle...and then had it all stripped away at the end of the third movie, where she is left literally barefoot and pregnant to wait for her man to come back.  I was--and am--livid.  I felt betrayed, both as a fan and a feminist, to see one of my favorite characters do a 180 like that.

So I have very strong feelings about these movies.  I’ve tried to get over it in the years since AWE, with limited success.  Against my better judgment I did see On Stranger Tides in the theater, and thought it was mediocre.  Since Elizabeth wasn’t involved I could just ignore its existence, for the most part.

Then the fifth movie was announced, and Will was going to be in it.  I had hoped that maybe, just maybe they could try to rectify some of the mistakes (read: character assassination) of the past.

They didn’t.  But they still came up with a pretty good movie.  Honestly, I’d even give Dead Men Tell No Tales four stars out of five.  I was riveted to the screen for most of it, and it was thrilling to hear the theme music and see the familiar faces.  It was exciting and entertaining, the special effects were impressive, and there were some good laughs.  Plus, zombie sharks!

Do I have issues with parts of it?  Yeah.  And I’m going to ramble at length.

**** MAJOR POTC: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES SPOILERS BELOW ****

Sequel creep is definitely at work, where each installment has to be bigger and zanier than the last.  The gags are broader, the willing suspension of disbelief gets even more strained, the stakes are higher, and it becomes almost like a Saturday morning cartoon version of itself.  

Thinking back to CotBP, we had to buy into the curse turning Barbossa and his crew into undead, but other than that the world operated on fairly realistic terms.  Yes, there was movie logic involved as far as coincidences, travel times, fast wound recovery, and all that, but it still felt more or less like the real world.  Stakes got higher with each sequel, until we have whatever the hell that “bank robbery” was in DMTNT.  

Don’t get me wrong; it was an enjoyable action sequence, but it felt more like a cartoon than anything that could happen under the laws of physics as they exist in our world.  That’s not inherently a bad thing, but the tone was noticeably different compared to the earlier films.

Moving on, I was glad Captain Salazar didn’t have that slurpy, blood-drooling voice through the entire film.  When I first heard that in the early trailer I was both grossed out, and concerned that he would be hard to understand.  Instead it was just that one scene, and he spoke normally the rest of the time.  He was a great villain, from his badass and scary entrance through to his delightfully ironic death.  He was genuinely threatening, which was kind of surprising considering the cartoony feel of some of the action scenes.  Javier Bardem killed it.  Thumbs up to him!

The legend surrounding the trident, and the map to find it, seemed cool until you thought about it for more than two seconds, and then it didn’t really make any sense.  Calypso is the Sea Goddess in this universe, so where did Poseidon come in?  How can his trident override curses that she put in place?  If it could be broken by a single sword blow, how did it stay intact under the sea for (presumably) thousands of years?  I mean, sure, maaaaaagic, but...eh.

And why did Will get all barnacley anyway?  Elizabeth waited for him, so that part of the curse shouldn’t have kicked in.

And what will happen to the souls of the dead without the Dutchman to ferry them to the afterlife?  

And what happened to Bootstrap Bill?  Did Will figure out how to free him and let him move on to the afterlife?

And if breaking the trident cancelled all the curses related to the sea, how did Davy Jones appear in the after-credits scene?  (Assuming it was him.  The gait, crab claw, barnacles, tentacley silhouette and the music box theme all pointed to it being him, anyway.)  I could almost buy him coming back to life when the curse was broken, but as a normal human again, not ol’ squidface.  The mythology makes no damn sense at all!

This review is coming across pretty negative so far, but I really did enjoy the movie.  I thought it was much better than OST, and felt like a return to the original vibe of the series.  I thoroughly enjoyed watching (almost) every minute of it, and I left the theater grinning and humming the theme music.  As a summer popcorn movie, it’s pretty great.  It’s just when the adrenaline wears off and I start thinking and analyzing that I see the issues.  And, like I said, I have a long history with this franchise, so overthinking it is what I do.

There were definitely some surprises, although I saw a couple of the twists coming.  The instant I realized Carina was Hector’s daughter, I was like, “Well, he’s going to die saving her somehow.”  And I was right.  It was sad (and that damn monkey gave me more feels than any creepy little primate has a right to), but at the same time I’m delighted at how his character grew into so, so much more than he was originally planned to be.  He was supposed to be a one-shot villain in CotBP, but Geoffrey Rush is so damn awesome, and he and Johnny Depp brainstormed a history between their characters, decided his first name was Hector, and one thing led to another and here we are, genuinely mourning him in the fifth movie.  It was a worthy sendoff for a memorable character.

One of the themes that got raised over and over in the earlier movies was the idea that it’s possible to be a pirate and a good man.  Bootstrap Bill Turner was.  Jack is.  Was Hector Barbossa a good man?  I don’t know if I’d go that far, but he wasn’t 100% evil, either.  And he was a lot of fun to watch.

Henry definitely reminded me of Will.  He had the same wide-eyed earnestness about him, as well as the tendency to charge into danger because it’s the Right Thing To Do without thinking through the full plan first.  Elizabeth’s legacy is a bit harder to see, except in the first two scenes.  Keeping a secret stash of pirate memorabilia and legends?  Totally Lizzie.  Back-talking authority figures?  Yep, Lizzie’s genes are in there.  And later, in the jail, taking Jack’s ego down a peg by scoffing at his legendary reputation in comparison to the reality of a scruffy, rum-soaked pirate?  Also from the Swann side of the family.  So I think they did a pretty good job of making Henry his parents’ son. 

I just wish we had more information on how he was raised, and where.  I always imagined him scampering around Shipwreck Cove and up the rigging of Elizabeth’s ship(s), the mischievous pirate prince.  Based on the house Elizabeth is living in at the end, and the fact that he was enlisted in the royal navy, I don’t see that happening in canon now.

When Carina was introduced I had a couple thoughts:

1.  “I wonder if she’s related to any existing characters...  No, don’t be silly.  This isn’t a fanfic.  They’re trying to move the franchise forward into the next generation.”  (Or not.) 2.  I don’t want to like her because no one can ever replace Elizabeth Freaking Swann the Pirate King as the best female character in these movies.  And that’s still true, but she definitely grew on me.  She had a fairly good balance of “smart woman who can take care of herself and doesn’t need a man to complete her story” and “too perfect to be likable or believable.”  I could have done with a costume that didn’t draw quite so much attention to her heaving bosom, but I suppose there’s some vaguely historical style going on.

Honestly, there’s a reason her backstory could have been lifted from a story on Fanfiction.net circa 2004:  those kinds of long-lost relative reveals can be a hell of a lot of fun.  Especially when you have Jack there to tease “daddy” Hector mercilessly.

I’m glad they didn’t have her be Jack’s daughter, though.  That thought crossed my mind, too, and that would have been...not good.

Pity Hector never got to introduce himself to Elizabeth and Will as the father of their potential daughter-in-law.  Awwwwwkward!  Bwahahaha!

Speaking of the dreaded Willabeth...  Jack saw them smooching in his spyglass, made a face, and announced that it was a revolting sight.  Same, Jack.  Same.

Therein lies my biggest complaint about the movie, and, as I mentioned above, it’s just the latest sprout on a tree of dislike that I’ve been nursing since the ending of At World’s End was leaked.  How in the seven hells they thought it was an appropriate, satisfying, logical plot development for Elizabeth Freaking Swann the Pirate King to end up standing around passively on a beach in a frilly dress and a fucking corset, waiting for the menfolk to do the important stuff, I will never, ever understand.  It’s a slap in the face of everything her character arc was over the first three movies.

“Sure, little girls, you can have adventures and play pirate for awhile if you want to, but in the end you still have to get married, grow up, conform to society’s beauty standards, put aside those dreams, and take care of your husband and children.”  Fuck that with a rusty garden trowel.

And here, when they had the chance to redeem that travesty, when they could have showed a glimpse of her at the helm of her own flagship, or holding court with the other Pirate Lords, or just simply wearing pirate-type clothes and carrying a sword, for the love of all things holy, did they do any of those things?  Oh, no.  No, they doubled down and had her be so passive that she didn’t even get to speak.  (Doesn’t that mean they don’t have to pay Knightley as much?)  Literally all she’s there for is to be a reward for Will upon his homecoming, and then sleep with him--on land in a fancy house that could have been in Port Royal, for all we know.  Any journey her character had is moot.  She’s back to square one, and it makes me want to throw things.

Oops, I was going to keep that rant short, and failed.  Oh well, it’s a sore spot, obviously.  I have never felt so betrayed by a franchise as I did when they did that to Elizabeth in AWE, and it still stings after all these years.

My ire didn’t even stem from my shipping preferences, although that certainly was salt in the wound.  If they couldn’t give us a series of movies with Jack and Lizzie, the best pirates in the world, having amazing adventures while flirting like they did in DMC, at least they could have given us a sort of open ending, where she, Will and Jack all sail in their separate directions, knowing that their paths would cross in the future in any number of entertaining ways.  I’m never sure if I should blame the writers, the studio, or the actors, or all of the above, but I would have bought, like, ALL THE TICKETS to see those movies.

But, alas, that’s not what we got.  We got OST and DMTNT instead.  OST was quite forgettable, but DMTNT packed a pretty good punch and I wouldn’t mind seeing it again.  I won’t say it totally redeemed the franchise for me, but it’s got its head above water for the first time since DMC, so that’s progress.

Should you see it?  Yeah, I think so.  If you enjoyed the precious PotC movies, or just like pirate movies in general, it’s a fun couple hours.  Just don’t think too hard about it afterward (like I did.)

#Pirates of the Caribbean #dead men tell no tales #movie review #sparrabeth #anti willabeth

[worldbuilding-in-my-head]

[developing my setting]

In the majority of my daydreams, this universe takes place in a fantasy/medieval world, with no electricity, no industries, no fast international travel, etc. At first I thought that was it, just a plain and simple medieval adventure story. Then I got kind of bored of that, thinking that there was no way I could imagine my characters going on a huge, nearly impossible quest that takes them years to complete. Of course that isn’t true, I’ve read dozens of books, short stories, fan fictions (medieval AU, anyone?), plus an infinite amount of tv shows taking place in a vanilla medieval setting. But for the purposes of my daydreams, I wanted to go big or go home. Fair warning: I am indecisive and terrible at coming up with settings so there are lots of plot twists that even I had a hard time writing down. I’ll include a TL;DR at the end, for everyone's sake.

At that point I probably would have added some basic dragons, bear-wolf hybrids, unicorns, crazy warmongering kings with an irresponsible amount of power over their citizens, pirates, etc. But then inspiration struck! It was 2nd period. A boring chemistry lesson where my teacher went off on a tangent about global warming, corrupt government officials- you know, everything wrong with today's society, basically. Anyway, while he was ranting about said global issues, I was deep into my nth daydream of the day, so I jokingly decided to turn my fake universe into our world, seeing as it’s basically falling apart already. You heard me right, I scratched the medieval idea and went with a modern take. Obviously, like the impressively charitable person I was, my next move was to throw in some apocalyptic global pandemics (maybe I’m a psychic..?), devastating worldwide wars, and some made up animals that could end my protagonists in a heartbeat. I know I may have jumped the shark inside these made up scenarios, but they’re literally what I imagine during the most brain-numbing lectures I have ever experienced, so I gave myself a free pass in this situation.

As for the plot of my story, I decided early on that I didn't want my characters to save the world from a big evil villain, but instead focus on giving my characters a bad situation to try to get out of. Then I realized I had another decision to make: let the protagonists be the heroes that save everyone from several global catastrophes (which kind of went against my plan), or let those catastrophes persist, evolve, and eventually settle into a wholly different setting than I originally planned on having (again, I know, I'm sorry). 

So, I went with the latter. After a few long seconds of consideration, I made my game plan. I was determined to make the best universe my bored little mind could conjure. 

I came up with the idea to have all of those global catastrophes happen and remain mostly unresolved, until everyone in the world collectively decides to tear down their civilization and build it back up again, essentially turning it into a medieval, low-key feudalistic, society. (How, exactly, do they achieve this? I don’t have a single clue, but I’m sure I’ll figure out a way to be vague and confusing enough to the point where I don’t need to provide elaboration.) And so the official, most-likely-final, setting of this story, is several years afterward, where the memory of corrupt officials still haunts the world through their descendants and admirers, a handful of elites rule the working class through personally-funded militias, and a system of quests are available for purchase for a chance at having a luxurious life, fully paid for by the elites who desire more pawns to control and take advantage of. Oh, and there's pirates!

TL;DR: My story went from a medieval setting, to a modern setting, to a post-modern medieval setting with a Pirates of the Caribbean vibe to it.

July 30, 2020 | 4:23 am

#setting #worldbuilding #plot twist #this is confusing #idk why im posting this #it's 4 in the morning #and i'm tired