#holidays are always so lonely

[holocene-sims]

a sneak peek for an upcoming (timeline tbd) update 😊

#holocene.txt #hlcn: story extras #consider this a thanks for the kind words on gratitude day :) #i wanna respond to everyone individually when i have time and also wax poetic about how much every comment means to me #it really does mean a lot #it's been a rough year and a very lonely year like i'm genuinely just so :/ #i lost both of my grandmothers this year very suddenly and the holidays feel empty now and i'm dealing with scary health issues #i finally had a brain mri after waiting for it to get scheduled since JUNE and now i have to wait on results and undergo some other testing #and i'm losing my mind a little because i planned a nice christmas gift for my mom and it feels ruined because the post office lost it #and my dad ruined the whole surprise of it by calling customer support on speaker phone with her in the room...and she ofc heard everything #i just wanted something nice for my mom :( she deserves it and although i have other gifts for her still it's not all what i planned #i don't mean to rant but i just wanted to add context when i say it means a lot that anyone even remotely likes my pixels #i may not know most of you very well *yet* (trying to fix that!!) but it's nice to feel a little support from somewhere :) beyond nice #and sorry for being absent a lot this year but i swear i have so much appreciation for y'all and i love you and your pixels dearly #i always feel bad like maybe it doesn't seem like i care in return bc i'm offline a lot now but i really do!! i care a lot!! love y'all xox

[grey-has-rusted]

^me when i am a sensitive person

#ramblings #i hate feeling lonely #it literally hurts my heart #i have such a hard time forming connections both irl and online #idk how many times ive cried just this past month bc i felt lonely #and even when i am included in things im always an after thought #its been months but im still thinking about stupid christmas #i know the whole point isn't to get gifts #but i got one present. while i spent hundreds of dollars getting my family gifts #they even asked me what i wanted too #helped my cousin decorate for her christmas party and last minute i found out it was a secret santa #i got invited but was the only one not included in that #so yeah.... #i dont have anyone to celebrate holidays with #my birthday was sad #i cried then too #not looking forward to tomorrow either #and i try to make friends and talk to people #but i feel as though i always initiate #and nobody seems interested in talking to me #which... i dont expect everyone to like me #but it really does hurt and it makes wonder what's wrong with me #also why cant my brain focus on something else #like doing something productive #its been ages since ive drawn anything #ive just been sad. that's the whole post. #bye now

[esaari]

merry crisis

#oc #gabe #tbh i am not in a festive mood in the slightest. #which is sad because this holiday is probably my favourite #mostly for the food.. decorations.. the concept really of hanging out with people #but it's not like that anymore. this just feels like a regular saturday. so. #i'm going to have a very regular saturday and stay on my pc and maybe play a video game #my fam is not big on doing things anyways so it always feels like a sad and lonely time #i wont even get to go see my grandparents because my family got sick lol. #first xmas with one family member missing. missing grandpa always #i hope anyone who does celebrate has a lovely time #merry crisis and happy holidays my dudes #also i need to stop asking people if i should draw body hair cus theyre gonna say YES and then i gotta draw it #you may imagine whatever you want in the present.

[simikae]

experimenting with brushes + stumbling on the linear burn meta

#happy holidays i have secret santas queued up soon so srry for the inevitable spams #my art #my sketches #dnd #dungeons and dragons #oh wait none of the other players are here for once OK . complicated explanation: #< you are the only person my age in this very lonely very isolated village so im wildly desperate for your attention (may still be?) and- #-friendship. we were a little close when we were young but now that we’re older im envious of the fact you have a choice to stay here/your #-greater calling to outgrow this place and i hate you for that so now i have to antagonize you and craft a narrative where i always #always hated you because it’s easier to scapegoat you more than anything else.among other things. coughs out a breath > #‘and it’s just like goob?’ Its literally just like goob. <3

[kenjakusbraincum]

rant unrelated to fics in the tags ✨✨

#im so Lonely!!! #i came home for the holidays #and none of my friends and family have time to hang out with me :/ #idk how much longer i can pretend going outside alone for a walk and buying little treats makes me happy #im also gonna be celebrating new years alone too #its really just me and sukuna in my head isnt it #i didnt bring my journal here so the world has to hear about this :) #the facade of a fulfied life really falls apart when you arent constantlybusy #i always look forward to vacations and then they happen and i wish they were shorter #how sad

[icanttakethemonmyown]

just slightly tipsy on christmas eve and thinking about the nature of love and how my extended family who have never been to america all have texas-themed items of clothing because my cousin married an american and his mother insists on sending us all presents even though she has never even met half of us

#christmas makes me sentimental alright #thinking about how loving people makes your love extend to the people that they love 😭😭 #mine is a t-shirt that just says 'TEXAS lone star state' on it #and she sent her son a dallas cowboys jersey #and he got emotional bc he has been living overseas for ages and is so disconnected from american football #people with good moms man it always gets me #mothers who just seem to have this unending well of love to give #completely selflessly #anyway #happy holidays folks! #hope you're staying safe out there #i got sunburnt :/ #boo #anje is an idiot

[naturalbornlosers]

its been a long week. pass the house of leaves

#Statement.txt #moms husband vaguely threatening me is almost my last fucking straw but i'll let it fly bc im so damn used to his shit behavior #anyway ive been trying to read House of Leaves all day but ppl keep interrupting me #the moment im not reading no one talks to me for DAYS but the MOMENT i do they all wanna talk #i hate the holidays. i WISH i could love them but im always reminded how lonely and alone i am in my own family

[coffin-flop]

i know my cat knows i love him but does he know how much?

#this question haunts me #I'm literally cryinc bc it's a 'holiday' (but also fuck thanksgiving it really is and should be a national day of mourning for indigenous #communities to honor the genocide and the continued violence they face bc of american white supremacy and colonialism) #but like i do have nostalgic ties frkm childhood and im thinking abt how weird life has been #since my mom and I REALLY started growing apart (bc i started to understand things and she started spiraling) #but how none of my holidays feel lonely even whem i mostly spend then alone bc my cat almost always snuggles with me the whole time #like okay yeah this is what its all for in the end #this is what i live for lol #anyway that holiday talk sounded sad but actually it's really happy #when i tried to do holidays w the immediate fam i used to stress a lot and usually experienced something traumatic #so like it's so nice to have quiet peaceful holidays with my angel of a cat who's been here thru it all #the first time he headbutted me was when i came home from my mom's on Thanksgiving the last year i spent it with hwr #idk i just love this lil dude. hes neen a constant for almost 7 years now like wow #also sometimes i hang out w friends or facetime friends after their fam gatherings or friends who also dont celebrate #i was interested in going to an indigenous day of mourning march however i am still feeling pretty awful after my root canal 2 days ago #so i will try to go next year

[cold-neon-ocean]

..🐳

#[ ngl that Halloween poll got me thinking about how it's actually become one of my lesser favorite holidays #for no other reason other than I'm always especially lonely on that day~ #everyone either has Halloween parties with friends #or get together in groups to play spooky games over discord #but I can't do any of those things so it's become a day I always spend alone lol #being reminded all evening of other people doing fun things #idk why I'm feeling some type of way about it right now #maybe because it's almost October #but hmm yeah I just got a bit lost in thinking about it lolol ] #;and that was the trivia for tonight #[ testing out a new text post tag to replace the old one and I like it :) ]

[russeliarat]

How do you possibly write that nostalgic feeling of times gone past, reflecting in one's bed during a starry, rainy night? It's genuinely such a hard feeling to describe in words.

#though personally #i always feel this way listening to a song i became attached to at a certain time #it always reminds me of that event but also back when my room was my own and not shared w my sister #and of starry silent wintery/autumnal evenings right after meeting with friends and it's getting dark #when you feel lonely but really happy and giddy that you got to hang out with them and mess around like children again #but if it's really old and i mean like a decade or so old #i'm reminded of school discos in year 5 or 6 and playing tag and hide-and-seek w my best friend at the time #how we'd sing those songs on a bright summer holiday afternoon as we came walking back to her house from the major park we both lived near #and how we'd feel so on top of the world #and now i wonder how she's doing after she moved away #i wonder how everyone's doing after being almost 5 years apart #or of how even during lockdown i would be sat listening to minecraft osts and taking long walks down said major park #around the time i began to write and plan ootf and being reminded how thoughtful and clear headed i used to be #i'm a bit nostalgic if you can't tell #:')

[indigodawns]

.

#my guys getting a ~new diagnosis at 25 is EXHAUSTING??? #at least as a chronic overthinker ig bc whew #every day i swing from oohhh yep im definitely autistic to noooo i don't think i fit it enough esp sensory wise and blabla #i make eyecontact (but now im thinking about it and it's like being conscious of your breathing yk?? and then it's like. is that why #it doesn't feel that natural suddenly or??? and if im a little uncomfortable i stop making eyecontact but ig that's ~normal) #and then with noise and light i don't KNOW i don't know if it's all bc im paying attention now #like you see MAYBE im just pretending my depression symptoms/self-dislike are autism but what actually happens is just that #and i wonder like is my almost compulsively picking at my nails or scabs (i know) stimming or? and what stims would i like how do you KNOW #anyways. had autism group therapy last week and it was v chill and lowkey and also relatable at times though we didn't cover that much #but the overhead lights stayed off and that was great bc i hate u massive tl lights (but im prone to migraines so who knows!) #anyways. my mum did say it makes sense to her and my sister accepted it in a heartbeat JDMDMD and she studies psych and had to #deal with me growing up and bossing her around (our strongest soldier) #and on holidays it takes me a week to get settled usually but i THOUGHT that was depression bc i feel isolated and lonely for a while #so yknow??? sighhhh i am discussing this in therapy but i wanna KNOW i want facts so i can speed through the acceptance process cmon #(i know.......) #anyways. if you're still reading 1) mwah and 2) input is always welcome #insofar any of this made sense

[musashi]

.

#feeling so very garbage about myself on this fine day #or rather not me but just. frustrated with my inability to make anyone happy even when im really really really trying #i dont THINK my socials have been dead but maybe they have and i just havent noticed #because i am feeling so incredibly lonely and drained #and honestly just. unloved and unappreciated #i think its probably autistic loneliness because ta/aam act 2 released #which means im back to infodumping in all my servers hoping someone will want to talk about it with me #but knowing its always going to be my most niche special interest and no one is ever going to want to listen to what i have to say abt it #so thats an added loneliness #and then just the heartbreak of #gaining a couple new friends and feeling like we were hitting shit off #only for things to suddenly feel. wrong and bad #plus just a lot of resentment still from the 22nd #my pain over how that whole day played out hasn't gotten any better. i still dont understand what happened. #i feel like every time i open my mouth everyone is laughing at me #i really just need special love and attention right now because i have felt for days like everyone hates me #im trying to be logical and figure out like #if there are holidays im missing or reasons for people to maybe not be around/attentive #but i cant come up with anything #so im trying to figure out what /i/ did #but i don't feel like anything about me has changed besides me being kind of a wreck on the 22nd #and i dont know what to do i just need love an attention so much #and i dont know!!!! where to get it!!!! #reaching out isnt working!!!!!!

[kingdomkome]

.

#truly im turning into such a sad. lonely adult and i see no way of changing or improving #i know part of feeling like this is cause i always get moody during the holidays #but idk. i really feel so bad lately #lowkey wish i lived alone so i could just cry all night #and at least let out some energy #anyway. happy new year i guess

[tiny-feisty-gay]

it’s 5am, i’ve been up for an hour because body decided it’s time for Awake and now i’m just sad about my lack of sleep

[sad rambling in tags, feel free to ignore]

#it doesn't help that i'm also generally sad #moving into my own place is fine but fuck i miss being around people #the holiday season from october to january always feels so incredibly lonely to me #lack of family + past issues i guess #this is also going to be the first year i'm truly alone for any of the holidays and i just #i don't like it #i don't even celebrate most of them but i wanted to celebrate samhain with loved ones and that's not looking like something i can do #october is usually my favorite month but this year it just feels deserted #i have a few friends locally but they're either too broke or too busy to do anything #which is fine and fair it just sucks #ugh #still have my dog at least :') #and i'm going to an oddities expo tomorrow so maybe that'll help a little #i hate waking up like this #november is also the month my mom died several years ago #we hadn't spoken in years because i couldn't handle that abuse anymore #but i still mourn the what-ifs every year regardless #what if she had stopped drinking and applied herself #because when she passed i was just starting to think maybe i could forgive and bond with her instead of be mindlessly angry #and then i was hit by the realization there will never be reconcilliation #so the fact her death anniversary is in november and her birthday was early december and the combo of that with the holiday season is hard #might delete later idk #just venting to the void

[upwardsonwards]

x

#okay i feel ridiculous putting this out here and honestly if i post this i'll probs delete it within like ten minutes #but. #i just. feel so isolated. #boarding school is all fun and games until you leave #now i've lost all my friends and my home all at once #and the majority of my friend group is on holiday!! together! #i'm happy for them but i wish i could be there so bad #and i feel annoying for texting #i'm always the one who texts first for basically all my friends #i thought i could talk to [redacted] bc when i saw him before i left he specifically asked me to stay in touch #but when i texted him it just felt like he didn't want to talk so i just ended the conversation #i just feel ridiculously lonely and there is nothing i can fucking do about it #i just wish i could hurry up and start uni already #argh.

[dieschwartzman]

i'm making plans to meet with my two new flatmates next week (who i haven't seen since the house viewing in march) and i'm so out of practice with this kind of thing. and it shows

#i used to always be the friend who made the plans (otherwise i got left out) #and now i have no idea if the cafes on campus are open on bank holidays #but i'm looking forward to getting to know them and them getting to know me #i'm so tired of feeling lonely all the time