#how am i supposed to be never wrong!!!

[phantommarigold]

me when I want to say something and type out a whole long thing and then decide actually I'm not good enough to talk about this or no they don't want to hear it and ah but what if I'm wrong of course I'm talking from a place of privilege and ignorance and my worldviews are too black and white and

#is thia what anxiety is i honestly dont know Lmao #but i have a crippling crippling fear of being wrong because my brain tells me that if im wrong everyone will abandon me because in this da #y and age you cant have bad takes!!! and i can't even rationalise with myself because i dont actually know if that's the case! #theres such a fucking priority on not being wrong about ANYTHING and its just overwhelming ynnow like i barely can barely survive school #how am i supposed to be never wrong!!! #and theres also such opposing ideas about some things like we say if it doesn't hurt other people its okay #but like extreme example so #tw self harm #we say self harm is bad? how so. if youre bruising yourself youre not harming anyone that isnt you #and that is not to say thay i promote harming yourself or anything its just that its very ostrichized and i dont. understand why #its hard to explain things like this i dont self harm dont know anyone who admits to it if they do but whats the logical explanation behind #self harming is bad besides saying because it's just bad #you dont bat an eye when someone picks at their lip untill it bleeds and isnt that a form of self harm? #i don't really know where i was going im just tired of how complicated everything is haha

[lokioftheloch]

RULES OF BEING OTHERKIN #1

Being authentic and true to yourself is the only way you are 'supposed to be/act like' (insert entity). If anyone else disagrees it only tells you about them.

#going to start a small 'series' where I document stuff I learn that is otherkin specific. This is for myself as well as anyone who might #be struggling with things I used to/am working on(otherkin specific). hopefully this will reduce any mental pitfalls other otherkin may #fall into as they explore their identity and help out someone. #this 'rule' took a LONG time to fully understand and grasp. for the longest time I would consciously or subconsciously #think I was less Loki if I did or was something 'Loki would never do. until i realized I do exactly and experience exactly what Loki does #and experiences because...Im literally Loki. (talking about incarnations here). I felt pressured to be a certain way because 'Loki would #never (insert). being aroace is on of them. i tried to convince myself I wasn't aroace #and when I finally ran out of reasons i felt i was 'less Loki' because mythologically hes like the opposite. but Loki IS aroace. because #Im Loki. and Im aroace. so loki is SUPPOSED to be aroace because Im loki and im being exactly how loki is being. because im loki. being #myself. therefore being exactly like Loki. again - incarnation. #anyway....if anyone else struggles with this I hope this helps someone. its a really sucky place to be in honestly. #godkin #deitykin #alterhuman #otherkin #divinekin #nonhuman #alterbeing #therian #I think I will be learning a LOT more as I keep exploring and I will note down any 'rules' I learn - more like lessons but rules personally #sound more right for me. rules i will live by (yknow unless i find out im wrong but...im going to trust myself more and right now i feel #like this rule is true. so im using it as such unless i find out im wrong in future.

[lunarharp]

more phoenix wright situations

#ace attorney tag #maybe i should tag this narumitsu or something. but i dont really care. #gearing up to rereading/illustrating bits of my fic i suppose...i think nick really is too dense to realise he's in love with edgeworth #without some scheming fop trying to intrude. i love villains like kristoph..villains can be fun..witnessing their pathetic folly.. #or more like edgeworth would never have mentioned his feelings ever in his life if he wasn't sure phoenix reciprocates. #i want to see it this way because Falling in love during childhood with the person you're going to end up with. is not relatable #there have to be Situations that make you Realise. #as with orufrey i adore the idea of people not working out their romance with that person until their 30s+ #but... i mean. even with orufrey i often think how alaira could be qifrey's ex. and oru having been pursued by noble fops through his work #there is that delicate sliver of time before orufrey start living together that such believable situations could have happened. #Then the relief of politely and amicably extricating themselves from those untenable situations #the idea of falling in love age 7 and saving your first kiss for age 35 or something is all very well but more relatable is #people realising how they really feel whilst trying something that ends up feeling wrong. #The comfort and joy of living with your dearest one as if it's platonic - much preferable to trying anything more with anyone else. #But i doubt i will ever portray that or mention it further. it is indeed very delicate to me. #and i really am an OTP FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kind of person who can barely bear to consider this anyway...NOT a polyshipper i'm afraid ! #so i wouldn't mind either if they do have their first kiss in their lives age 35 with each other either. I would not mind that at all. #i love bi/gay couples apparently... bi father figures & their grumpy gay men waiting for them to work it all out... #not used to using colour in comic-style drawings..or at all..so this is messy and awkward looking..but colour is refreshing #i imagine i will go back to witch hat art soon btw. my destiny in life. #i still remember writing my nrmt fic expecting to write their first kiss & then partway through twas like Umm No. They have kissed prior. #does that really line up with this comic though... i think i had their early dinner dates/first kiss BEFORE disbarment. #so i guess this comic doesn't line up with my ficverse.... No..... U___U Oh well. sorry kris! <3

[itsdefinitely]

do girl jeri and boy jerry exist explicitly to torment me

#boy jerry #girl jeri #abstinence camp #just reread my favorite jeri/ry fic im not okay #what the fuck is wrong with them why are they like that. never change 👍 #i need to stop provoking jeri/ry thoughts after i'm supposed to be alseep how am i meant to go to bed #when there are fictional characters who are doomed to be apart no matter how much they want to be together. no matter #how inseperable they are #no matter how much they love each other unconditionally. even after they each broke their number one rule #no matter how much theyve forgiven each other (but not really. theres some deep seeded part of them that cant be forgiven) #no matter how close they are to each other. they can only be friends. very close friends #hi have you ever thought about 'the little death' in reference to 'til death do us part'? because i do. i do. #definite's ted talks

[hadrianblackwaters]

.

#i hate my job so fucking much i hate it i hate it i hate it and i have to go back tomorrow and do it all wrong again #fucking kafkaesque job i have no idea what the fuck im supposed to do but i do it wrong and then i have to try to do it again and everyone #else knows how to do it but i dont and i apparently never will #and the lab is like a dank crypt i dont want to go down there again and spend the whole summer there after fucking 6 months of snow #the only thing i manage in the lab is developing debilitating carpal tunnel+temdonitis and sinusitis and i can barely sleep because #im so stressed and i dread going to work every morning i hate my job so much this CANNOT be it right????????? #i will deleate this later but i am going crazy right now and ive wasted the three hours i have after work before bed and now i have to #go to bed and try and sleep before i have to go to work again

[graceful-not]

No actually all of you need to sit your asses down bc I just watched the legacy shorts and. HOW HAVE I NEVER HEARD ANYONE SAY ANYTHING ABT THEM OTHER THAN GOLDEN HOUR AND SWEATING TO THE GOLDIES???? HOW HAS NO INE SAID A SINGLE THING ABOUT THE GOLDEN LEGEND SHORT?? OR THE ANIMATION STYLE OF GOLD RUSH???? I could have gone my whole life without watching those do you understand that. Why are we, as a fandom, not taking about these more, or like, AT ALL. we should be insane about this. We should be insane about this, right??? RIGHT??????

#ninjago #ninjago shorts #ninjago legacy shorts #ninjago golden legend #golden legend #legacy shorts #ninjago gold rush #*heartbroken gf voice* ninjago fandom... i feel like i dont even know u anymore.... u never tell me anything.... whats wrong babe... #i know it aired durinh seabound (i think?) but come ON guys its been so long why is no one capitalizing on this #windows into everything Ninjago could have been but wasnt. im literally a changed man now do u get it im never gonna be normal again #how am i supposed to just sleep after this #seriously though why did they go so hard. genuinely. why would they do this to me #why would they create something so good that im devastated by its impossibility of ever coming to fruition

[grapesodatozier]

“#true love won't desert you truly a mileven thesis statement of a lyric damn” EXACTLY!!!’ Exactly.

the way mike refuses to let her ever isolate or sacrifice herself. the way he is always there for her when she needs him and vice versa. i am going to cry i love them so much

#i could go on forever about this #about them being there for each other constantly #and when el is upset mike never stops until he knows whats wrong and how to help #the way he just wants to be there for her supporting her in every way he can #from setting the tunnels on fire to protect her to crossing the country just so she doesn't have to go through something so hard alone #HOW am i supposed to be normal about them?? #el seeing mike in trouble and getting on a bus to him as soon as possible in s2 #there are a million other examples but im going to go into cardiac arrest lmao #mileven #my favorites in the whole world <3

[vesuvian-meme]

I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the vampire elf. I am so normal about the v

#astarion #fuck not again #bg3 #literally how was i supposed to find out about this man and not fall in love?? #to me he gives off opposite asra vibes #thats....probably part of it.... #also if they existed together theyd either despise each other on sight or be gosip buddies. tell me im wrong. #astarion brainrot #astarion bg3 #the audacity of larian studios targeting me directly by making him smh #yall have no idea how hard im fighting the temptation to start posting on ao3 again just to write about him #i have a problem. and it has white hair and fangs #i did not!! need!! a new!! hyperfixation!!!! #gdi i have to write abt him now or my mind will never know peace #......i am not normal about the vampire elf... #*comes onto my semi abandoned blog to scream about astarion and then leaves*

[clairenatural]

so sorry but it does throw me off when i see cas calling dean "baby"

#or babe. other pet names are eh but #i think he calls dean babe ONCE and dean is like excuse me what the fuck did you just say to me #it sounds wrong #and i think cas just does it bc he thinks that's how you're supposed to refer to the love of your life #i think he calls dean ''my love'' i think he says it in the same tone as ''you can't save everyone my friend'' #i also think he says it in multiple languages #BUT also. just ''dean'' #it's in the way he says it like nothing else could better express his love #DEAN calls cas babe though #not baby because that is the car and that's a hard boundary that cas set #dean you will not refer to me the same way you do your car #also at the beginning he was disgruntled. dean i am not an infant #but then it clicked that it wasn't another baby in a trenchcoat incident #dean also calls him lots of pet names that start off as jokes and stick :) #''good morning sunshine'' -> just sunshine as a pet name #angel as a joke that turns into something reverent and serious #honey when he's joking about being old men but maybe he WANTS to be an old man with cas #SWEETHEART. sweetheart is cute and cheesy and one of cas' favorites #also buddy (you are the love of my life) pal (please never leave me again) and man (you mean everything to me)

[dazzlerazz]

I should play CF again with a fresh clear head just to see if I actually like it without fandom bullshit clouding my mind

#razz plays fe3h #I thought I'd forever not be an edelgard lover yet here I am #it is so weird #I'll admit when I'm wrong cuz I was wrong for things I said in the past #I allowed fandom bias against women to cloud my judgement while playing the game #I was never one of those 'booo edelgard was a terrible character she should die' people but I was like tolerable of her #I didn't believe in harping on others for a character being their favorite and I still don't #as I take a step back and realize just how toxic fandom culture is I start to realize that I was actually really wrong #adjacent to this topic I think is that this is sorta half involved with how I felt about her feelings towards byleth during cf #seeing everybody ship their byleth with edelgard made me feel like it was canon #and me playing as m!byleth trying to romance jeritza put me WAYYYY off when she expressed her feelings towards byleth #her feelings that could also be platonic #that still stands I think because I felt very very very awkward and I thought I was mlm at the time #but it's been almost exactly 2 years now and I'm bi and nonbinary #I wonder what my experience will be like this time #idk why I'm rambling about this #I suppose I just want my besties to know that my mind is changing without wanting to make a big diddly darn deal about it

[sheepgirlmaidtummy]

i think i have this fear of being seen as a liar i think. like. everyone does it. and as a kid i stole stuff all the time and the way that was dealt with kinda just fucked with my head. do people see my kindness and my compassion as manipulation? am i read as someone trying to tear down the walls so i can get something while ur guard is down?. idk why someone thinking that of me makes me feel so miserable like. what if they were right? ive made mistakes before.. whos to say they arent right about this time? i dont want to stop being kind but it scares me to think about that.

#im so different to all the people ive met. i know afew kindred spirits. 2 is in my cule and im dating the other #but idk. some part of me Long ago decided that i wanted to bring comfort to people. when i see how rough the world gets.. #i know thats something i can do to make people feel better. even if its just 1 person. #what else has there been in my life worth living for. aside from the company it brings and the growth i get to be part of. #i never got to be this kind. i never got to be treated this kindly before i transitioned. #idk. i guess this stuff just makes me think im doing something wrong. am i not supposed to try and make other happy if i seem like a trick? #to me this is what being a woman means for me. in so many ways... maybe thats why it being doubted hurts so much. #anyway.. my blood sugar is low. and its 2am. ily reader. i hope its not too much.

[bunnihearted]

🌧️🫧💭

#i shouldnt have fav mutuals bc i get sooo sad when they soft block me #which *always* happens like im not joking the day will come when they're just like nahhh bye #🥲🥲 nd i cant help but get sad #nd i dont even agree w that anon who said that 'no wonder everyone blocks u' bc im never mean to anyone #i think it's just bc im fundamentally unlikable and unlovable and the time will come when smth abt me #ticks them off nd nothing abt me is ever tolerated i always have to be perfect for everyone so then i just get cut off like dead weight lmao #also it shows that i get attached so easily but in reality ... ppl are not at all as attached to me 💀💀 #like i care abt them but they dont care abt me nd it makes me feel so stupid #why do i so easily care for ppl?????? why do i have to care nd like ppl when it's always gonna end the same way #me being me is bad nd wrong and nobody could ever truly know me nd still like me #i have to live my life constantly hiding parts of myself and making sure im not too authentic or too open bc then i will make ppl dislike me #it rlly is that. im never mean. i never fight. ppl just see smth abt me nd go 'oh ewwwwww' nd then leave #nd if it hasnt already happened it will at some point nd im constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop #whenever i realize i say or did smth wrong im tense waiting for the moment where they'll leave me will arrive #ok this might sound silly bc i was like 'triggered' by smth small but like #all my life thats just how it's been. im not even mean or cruel. i just exist and ppl dont like me or who i am or what i think #i can never be truly myself anywhere. that is sure to result in being all alone 4ever. but i dont like hiding parts of myself #but i have to. but its hard when im trying to hide nd be lowkey but i still manage to make ppl dislike me T-T #idek what im supposed to do bc i just exist nd im not likable. i try to be that but im still not. idk what to do #anyway.. who cares.. j'appartiens seul #but yeah it is bc it's like this for me all the time nd ig that triggered me lmao #i mean just w my sisters.. their issue is just who i am. my personality. i havent been cruel to them. or bullied them. or put them down #they just get irritated from my personality nd who i am. thats what makes them mad. nd they kinda want me to just stop being me nd idk how #to do that and therefore we arent even talking. havent talked for a year #i wanna cry like????? what am i supposed to do??????? im so extremely fucking horrible that just by exisiting nd not being mean or cruel mak #es me unworthy of everything. idk idk like. omg i feel so stupid for being triggered by that #maybe if i had irl friends and a job and a life i wouldnt care but im a fucking loser failure worthless good for nothing idiot. ofc im this

[shardsof-stars]

I can't believe R. F. Kuang gave me a character like Altan Trengsin and expected me to be normal about it.

#i will never get over altan. EVER. #altan trengsin #the poppy war #the world wronged him so badly it broke him but he went out in a blaze of glory on his own terms #how am i supposed to feel normal about this #turning altan over and over in my head like rotisserie chicken #except it's not chicken it's a phoenix and it's not rotisserie it's a furnace

[siriuslynephilim]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[goldkirk]

.

#I am struggling so hard to pinpoint where the lines are in discussions of situations like the franke and hildebrandt behaviors #because like ok #people keep being so outraged and angry and baffled that they viewed the kids as #deliberately willful and disobedient #and then transitioned into believing them to be infected with evil and or influenced or possessed by demons or under satanic influence #and that’s where everyone is like HOW COULD THEY THINK THIS HOW COULD THEY TELL THEM THAT HOW COULD THEY ETC ETC #and that’s where everyone loses me #like yeah. of course it’s wrong. of course it’s damaging and shitty. but like. what in the world is everyone so shocked and upset by #about that concept (not the physical abuse it caused obviously) #how are you shocked. how are you shocked? it’s just the logical conclusion of believing children have disobedient evil wills #like if you assume evil you’re only going to escalate from there. OBVIOUSLY #I don’t understand how it’s different #where do things cross these lines? no one explains that to me #normal life as usual while tons of kids including me spend years or decades believing we’re evil and under stubborn satanic influence #but in one of the rare situations where it rises to public awareness suddenly everyone is shitting bricks over it #I want those kids drowned in love forever and I wish it never happened to them and their situation #was definitely so so so extreme and severe and I am so glad R was so brave and desperate and got them out #but like. how is everyone so shocked #this is standard. this is common. there’s a huge subculture of people doing and believing this shit #like why is it different just because this case is so visible #so like how is it so hard for people to grasp that this is a widespread issue #I don’t understand #of COURSE it’s wrong to do to someone but like #so many parents and adults do so many of the things these two did just less #fewer hours. less intensely. not in a desert. not with handcuffs and shit. etc. #where’s the line legally? where’s the line culturally? #like how am I supposed to grasp that it’s not a problem until it’s at some level that #I know it’s all Bad but I mean in terms of when the populace starts to mass-care

[runawaymun]

amazing when the social worker at the DHS office says 'yeah I don't really understand it myself either'

#WHY is it so hard to figure out how to get psychiatric treatment salkdghsdghkl #anyway I've been playing phone tag for like a week #this is instilling soooo much confidence in the system /s #like don't get me wrong i am grateful that i have a chance at accessing treatment again but holy shit #can you guys get it together also explain your own system more clearly #i feel so bad for anyone who has worse symptoms than i do and/or was never taught how to navigate and advocate for themselves #how is any disabled person supposed to get treatment like this?