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starberry-cupcake · 23 days

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I didn't even give you time to rest and we're back for another round of this. Let's give it up for our sponsor @lady-harrowhark who has helped me get here ♥

previously, on the 1st entry of tlt, aka gideon the ninth:

this happened

also, I was made aware of the fact that there's a 4th book happening?????

??????

I thought they were three, I thought I was coming into this with all the answers out and available

emily has already explained to me the situation and I am taking it very well

I'm very at peace with the fact that I'm gonna have to wait

this is how you all feel, huh?

now, get ready for harrowbean the ninth:

we start out strong with 25 new names

we got a list of lyctors and slurped cavaliers

I'm assuming the crossed out people means dead or slurped

we got another ortus, good for him, I'm gonna remember him

we got another two living new ones, it's likely I will remember an augustine, not likely I'll remember the other one

absolutely no way in hell I'm remembering their cavaliers

absolutely no way in hell I'm remembering the dead

I'm gonna have to think of new nicknames

not!dulcinea is listed and crossed out, as she should be

(the emperor's new groove, indeed)

we've got yandere simulator twin w/inner chad

BUT we'll talk about that in a sec

and then there's harrow

and where gideon should be we got g̵̙͉͚̼̾̽̓̏̾̒̒̂̎͆̕͝ͅi̸̱͍͕̎̆̾̐̇̍̀̎d̷̨̪̙̭̮̜̼͆͆e̴̡̻̰̞̓̈́̋͂̇̐̇̀̓̈́̿̅̚ǫ̷͇̟̳̯͇̤̪̻̩̤̒̅͐͛̒̃͑̂͌́͝ͅn̵̢̙͔̩̗͇͎̻͕̲̮͙̞̓͆̋̈́̿͑͋̈̒͌̀͐̕̚͜͜ ̷͍̫̝̖̮̺̩͖͕̞̾̀͂s̶̖͓̗̩̹̹̥͉̘̄͑͒̾̔͋̑͝h̷̯̲̞͗ơ̵̢͕͙̤̳͎̟̳̖͕͓͋̃̀̉̔̎̈́͆̏̄ͅṷ̴̧̨̢̦̭͈̰͓̪̱̠͓̈̿͆̇̀͑͜ľ̴̨͍͖̘̠̖͎̤̮̱̻͚̑̄͑d̸̢̛̛̻̙̪͙̖̋̃̄͛̅̀̃̐̈̿̏̏͘ ̷̢͚̦̱̩̬̟̺̀̄̈́͂͋̂̄̊̾́́̾̆̄b̷̡͕̲̗͇̠̗͓̈́̍̽͊̇͜ę̴̢̡̱͓̱͉̩̖͇̠͇͎̪̟͗ ̵̪̭͔̊̿͜h̸̢̛̙͍͎͖̻̟̗̫̄̐̀̄̃̽͑̚̕͠ͅe̵̘̳͆̉̿̔͘͘r̸̦̰͌̒̐̓̽́̾͋̏͝ȩ̶̢̖̩͙̗͚̲̈́͠ͅ ̶̡͌̃̏̐̑̀̄̉̀̈́͐̀͊̀͠

👀

I don't know

I think maybe la gideon del 9 isn't totally gone

maybe it's true, maybe it's wishful thinking

maybe her soul got back into her body like when you dream you're falling

her body slurped it back like a noodle

and her demigod powers regenerated her like wolverine

and camilla removed her from the location

and they're both alive and well

don't correct me, let me have this

me, waiting for camilla to come back

after all of this info and the poem/hymn/whatnot we got a prologue which starts with "the night before the emperor's murder"

WELL

OK THEN

WHAT HAPPENED WITH BEING GOD????

the emperor's new clothes and all, he was naked all along

this man is a joke, this man is the wizard of oz, what's going on here

anyway

the prologue is in second person with harrow's pv

I think I have experienced harrow's pv before while reading gideon

hoping for her to focus on one important issue and getting frustrated was very much harrow's pv

harrow is in some sort of battle situation getting directed by the emperor and, as I understand, acting in coordination with the other living lyctors

but also harrow is doing something she shouldn't be doing and they're telling her not to do it

which is like, the harrowest thing to do

so yandere twin comes in to talk to her into moving because she'll be targeted if she stays

and there's a moment when I was like...wait a sec

they say she has blue eyes with specks of brown

didn't she have lavender eyes?????

then harrow says "you should have killed your sister, your eyes don't match your face"

?????????????

yandere twin is very insistent on the helping but also cryptic

I am starting to stan her less

she's starting to get on my nerves and it's the prologue

she also says "choke me, daddy" which

THIS IS NOT THE TIME

gideon gets to do those jokes at terrible times, not you

gideon is allowed

so harrow gets in the fight soul-first and is spitted out of the fight and has a sword through her body

we're doing great over here guys

we're just— this is fine

we're fine

it's f i n e

IT'S FINE

I'm gonna leave the next bit for the next one because this is long enough with the reaction images that I think are crucial to understanding the feelings I'm trying to convey. I'm gonna go to sleep and possibly dream of these characters again. I'll try less pictures and more stuff in the next entry. Hopefully. And maybe read the short story that comes before book 1 because Camilla is in it.

#luly reacts to tlt #tlt #harrow the ninth #the locked tomb #harrow the ninth spoilers #tlt spoilers #long post #gif cw

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howlingday · 5 months

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DADDY ISSUES

"The psychological effects of a strained or absence of a father figure in a relationship on a person's mental health and personal relationships."

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Multi-Faceted Arena of Relationships

Ruby: So, what are you planning to do today, Weiss?

Weiss: Let's see... I have a date with Yatsuhashi later.

Ruby: Wait, I thought you were dating Sun?

Blake: I thought she was dating Neptune.

Yang: Last week, she was hanging out with that Mercury guy.

Weiss: Those didn't work out, but I'm sure that once I find some common ground with him, I'll be able to find the right one in him.

Blake: Will that be before or after you sleep with him?

Weiss: Well, who's to say it doesn't happen during?

===============================

Marrying Daddy

Weiss: So, um... Are you seeing anyone?

Ozpin: Ms. Schnee, as flattered as I am by your advances, you fail to understand the reason for your being here.

Weiss: And that is?

Ozpin: That you've been asking the faculty at Beacon, as well as those visiting our highly regarded academy that same question.

Weiss: I'm keeping ky options open!

Ozpin: And risking your career as a huntress, as well as the careers of others! I'm willing to let you off with a warning so long as you give me your word that you'll put an end to these inappropriate actions.

Weiss: ...Do you know if Ruby's uncle is single?

Ozpin: For fuck's sakes...

===============================

Avoiding Engaging Emotions

Jaune: Hey, Weiss, I was wondering if you wanted to study together later?

Weiss: And drag myself down to your level? Absolutely not.

Jaune: Oh, well, uh... Okay... (Walks away)

Ruby: Geez, Weiss! You didn't have to be so mean!

Weiss: Ruby, I am trying to focus on my career! After Professor Ozpin's "curfew," nobody's willing to get near me for any "outside academic activities" that could "jeopardize my future".

Blake: In other words, you can't sleep with half the school and have another pregnancy scare.

Yang: Yeah, and he's got a point. Besides, it doesn't mean you can't study with the rest of us.

Weiss: Actually, yes. It does. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to the library. (Walks away)

Ruby: But... But movie night...

Blake: Don't worry about her, Ruby. We can still watch movies together.

===============================

Jaune: Oh! H-Hey, Weiss!

Weiss: Ugh!

Jaune: W-Wait! Hear me out! Listen, if... If you don't want me here, just say the word and I'm gone- BUT... If you let me study next to you, I'll keep quiet the entire time.

Weiss: ...Fine.

Some time later...

Jaune: ...Pfft!

Weiss: Mrrgh!

Jaune: Sorry! Sorry, it's just... I was reading about Nicholas Schnee.

Weiss: ...What's so funny about him?

Jaune: Well, it's... It's kind of stupid, but my dad's name is Nicholas, and your last name is Schnee, and... Like I said, it's pretty stupid.

Weiss: Uh-huh...

Jaune: ...

Weiss: ...What's your dad like?

Jaune: Huh? Oh, uh, y'know, like everybody else's dad.

Weiss: Somehow, I doubt that. My father was a negligent workaholic who constantly did whatever he could to belittle my successes.

Jaune: Oh, uh... Yeah, just like that.

Weiss: Huh?

Jaune: Dad was always busy, so it was just me, my mom, and my sisters. Grew up with lots of girly stuff in my childhood, and, well, Dad was never really happy about that. He'd get mad at Mom for letting me get into it and then he'd start yelling at me when I was doing that girly stuff.

Weiss: What kind of girly stuff?

Jaune: Well, when I was a lot younger, I used to sit with my legs crossed over like this. (Knee-over-knee)

Weiss: Huh. That's...

Jaune: Weird, right? But Dad set me straight, even if it was the only way he'd ever talk to me.

Weiss: My... My Dad would do the same thing, too. I had to be perfect at everything, even on my first try. And when I would do it perfect, he'd never be there to see it. In fact, I remember one day being really sick, and my father never bothered to visit me. My sister would tell me-

Jaune: "He's too busy"?

Weiss: Yes... Exactly.

Jaune: Dads, am I right?

Weiss: For once, I can actually agree with you on that.

Jaune: (Chuckles)

Weiss: (Smiles) Say... Jaune? How old are you, again?

Jaune: I'm seventeen. Why?

Weiss: What a coincidence. So am I.

#rwby #weiss schnee #ruby rose #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #ozpin #jaune arc

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chirpsythismorning · 2 years

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It would appear I am indeed one of the very few optimistic (delusional?) Bylers left.

Not saying that if you feel hopeless and need to move on, that you can't. A lot of you have been through this before with other shows. Again and again. You’re tired and fed-up and you have every right to be.

Technically, Season 5 won't be out for another 2+ years anyways, which means the best thing for everyone regardless is to get whatever we need off our chests now and then to just go on a hiatus for the foreseeable future.

When it comes to how I feel about Vol. 2, there were definitely at least a few good moments. If this season has anything going for it, it’s the emotional value. This is without a doubt the most I’ve cried ever while watching the show. One scene in particular that had me on the floor was the scene with Will and El reuniting and hugging. And of course the scene with Will and Mike in the van (DAMN YOU NOAH SCHNAPP FOR MAKING ME SOB SO HARD ALL DAY THAT I GOT A MIGRAINE!)

But yes, I am a Byler. So you could say I was a bit disappointed in that department.

And yet still, I think my take on the later part of season 4 is much different from the majority.

Because personally, I don’t think that what played out in Vol. 2 means that Byler is dead. If anything, I believe it to be more endgame than I did before (well, at least in comparison to pre-s4. There’s no denying pre-Vol. 2 confidence levels remain unmatched. Truly the best era for the Byler fandom to date).

I think my main issue is, like so many of us on here, I thought it was guaranteed we would get to see Mike become aware of Will’s feelings.

Alas, we did not.

And to be totally clear, without this revelation, Byler can’t go anywhere.

Neither forwards, nor technically backwards.

This means the baiting game is not over. Which as bad as it sounds, is why I’m still so optimistic…

Now, if they had made Will’s feelings obvious to Mike, or even the fact that Will is gay as being obvious to Mike, but STILL had Mike behave the way he did in Vol. 2, now THAT would have sucked. It would have been canon rejection on Mike’s end.

But we didn’t even get rejection from Mike.

Instead, we got Will coming off as a hardcore M*leven shipper in Mike's eyes, all while the audience was getting the exact opposite interpretation of this situation; that Will is helplessly in love with Mike.

Will is able to voice the extent of his love, albeit through advice to Mike about his own situation with El, in a way that no one else on the show has been able to. Most of the other characters need a bunch of bystanders to make them realize their feelings and push them in that direction. But Will, he doesn’t need someone holding his hand along the way, telling him what the right thing to do or say is. His love isn’t something he needs to really think about in order to understand it. It just is.

(Which is SO fucking ironic when you think about how Mike always needs help with figuring out his feelings for El and even sounds like he’s reading off a script when he’s trying to explain himself to her. Whereas with Will, s2 monologue teas, it’s the most natural thing Mike’s ever done. Unscripted, straight from the heart… And both Vol. 1-2 continued to drive home this concept, so maybe jot that down..)

It’s just that, unfortunately, in Will’s eyes, Mike will never return this love, which means his only option is to let Mike go. If supporting Mike and El’s relationship means putting himself dead last in every respect, so that his best friend and his sister can be happy, Will is going to do just that.

But as far as Mike knows, Will holds no romantic feelings for him. I mean after all, Will is guiding Mike literally every step of the way to confessing his love to El, and that doesn't sound like the behavior of someone who’s in love with you, now does it?

So why would Mike, throw everything on the line, including the survival of their family and friends in Hawkins by not simply just telling his gf he loves her? All while El is right there loving him and needing his love to fight (presumably), with Will beside him literally rooting for him to do just that? This is very obviously the only option in Mike’s eyes.

Which is ironic, because in a way, I think that Mike has truly never seen him and Will as an option, just like Will, but for an entirely different reason.

Mike views his feelings for Will as childish, something he will grow out of, or at least should have by now.

“We’re not kids anymore. What did you think, really? That we were never going to get girlfriends? That we were just going to sit in my basement and play games for the rest of our lives?”

If Mike can’t love El, then how can he possibly love any women? She’s special. She’s a superhero. He HAS to love her, right? It’s the best option he could ever possibly have. Well, at least considering…

But what happens when suddenly, he comes to the realization that him and Will ARE an option? And that the only thing ever stopping them was himself and his inability to just be honest with everyone and himself?

I think the truth is, there’s a reason that they’re holding off on this revelation for Mike.

It will be a catalyst. It will change everything.

Now, how exactly do you think Mike is going to react to this? The fact that Will was in love with him this whole time and he had no idea?

Honestly, I think he’s going to react horribly, but not for the reason everyone assumes.

Because I would argue that, if Mike was going to react badly with disgust or even just let Will down nicely to confirm it’s indeed unrequited, then the Duffer’s would have just given this revelation up by now. But they haven’t.

Once Mike finds out that Will is (probably always will be) in love with him, and that instead of telling him, Will used his love to help Mike get closer to El, even when Mike himself was having doubts over and over? That Will went as far as to lie about the painting he worked so hard on for Mike in order to rekindle their dying friendship, to instead insinuate it was commission from El, to give Mike that final push he needed to even have the courage to tell El he loved her? That all the moments like this that they shared as of late, was really just Will talking about himself? That the only reason he was able to tell El he loved her in the first place, was because he was so moved by Will’s love for him??

This is going to break Mike.

And let’s be real here, two episodes would not have done this revelation justice.

So now, just knowing the direction they went for Vol. 2, as well as coming to terms with it, I have reached the conclusion that, despite how bleak things seem now, ‘maybe all of this is happening for a reason’ (s2 Mike Wheeler, we miss u).

Which brings me to the other most important piece of the puzzle, which is that, arguably, El needs to be the one who ends things once and for all.

The general audience has been given the impression El is head over heels in love with Mike, and so of course they were rooting for Mike to get on with it and just tell her he loved her.

But that’s the interesting part. He finally did tell her, but her reaction in the aftermath was not something a lot of fans expected.

It seems that she’s distancing herself from Mike, a fact that Will acknowledges to Mike later at Hopper’s cabin, with Mike genuinely confused because he thought he did the one thing he had to do.

He told her he loved her. Which makes everything alright now, right?

But maybe it doesn’t.

Maybe the reminder we got, of that speech from Max to El, about how she didn’t need Mike or Hopper or ANY man to know her worth, was foreshadowing for what honestly needs to happen in order for El to really process and realize her own true feelings about Mike.

Because, although I do believe El genuinely thought she loved Mike, is it possible that Mike was not only having doubts about saying it because of the reasons he argued, or even because of some repressed feelings for Will, but also because El hadn’t given him what he needed to truly believe she loved him.

Mike, like a lot of people, doesn’t need to hear “I love you” to believe that someone loves him.

“I didn’t say it.”

“You didn’t have to.”

He wants something more meaningful, or more specifically, something along the lines of the speech Will gave to him in the van.

Will’s confession disguised as El’s, was what Mike needed to finally say I love you to El...

Something I think we also got caught up in, is this idea that the Duffer’s were just going to drop M*leven and throw in Byler, with everything else going on, while they still have a whole ass season to promote for another 3+ years, and to their mostly 80’s loving homophobic audience. If Byler is going to happen, it’s going to be the definition of slow-burn and endgame. That’s literally the only way.

This puzzle is complex, which sucks if you want all the answers now, because we’re just not going to get them. If they give up all their moves, then what is the point of telling the story at all?

Other pieces of the puzzle include things that arguably still need to happen before Byler can, even regardless of the constraints they have as show-runners who run the biggest show on Netflix’s dying platform.

Things like Will and El’s love for each other as brother and sister. Considering all the fans that said Will hates El because he didn’t stand up to her bullies or that he’s a home-wrecker who just wants to get with her boyfriend, is why I do think they needed to debunk these insinuations within the narrative. And boy oh boy did they deliver on that front. Will is the most selfless son of a bitch on the planet, who loves his best friend and his sister so much. They made that very clear. And you can see that despite a few homophobes here and there, the general audience's reaction to Will in Vol 2 is sympathy and to Mike it's confusion and betrayal...

Hmm, making El realize she doesn't even love Mike, after making Will's unrequited feelings for Mike more clear, after making Mike behave like an IDIOT this entire time juggling these two relationships, only for him to become aware of whats going on, and to clearly be in love with Will?

Sounds like a good way to set up Byler to an audience that might not have humored it before...

And like I said, with how important I do think it was for this to happen in order for them to go the Byler route, is why I don’t necessarily see this approach as a bad thing. We even got the Will and El hug in 4x08, which maybe it’s just because Noah and Millie are so close, but I would easily rank that on my top most well-earned moments in the whole show.

We NEEDED that. Especially in terms of what is likely to come in season 5 with Byler endgame...

Also, yes the Will angst sucked and it's just trauma porn at this point. I’m not going to deny that fully. I agree with pretty much all of the criticism in regards to how they chose to do certain things when they didn't necessarily have to, but I also simultaneously am able to understand that it again, maybe this is all happening for a reason. If they are indeed going to have Will play a big role in the final season, than them forgetting his birthday, Mike being oblivious and all this other shit he's been through combined, sets up a really arc for him next season, not even necessarily a villain one, but all of this pain has the potential to lead to a happy ending. And I'm being full serious.

Like we have Finn Wolfhard saying the ending of Stranger Things will be like the ending of Schitt’s Creek??? That it will end at it's highest point. The last episode of Schitt’s Creek is literally a happily ever after gay wedding, there's no other way to interpret that…

We also know that a lot of ideas for the last seasons were planned from the beginning, with David Harbour saying that he knew the ending way back in s2 and that it's beautiful and has been the intended plan all along. That there's easter eggs that will have us going 'WOW this is what we've been watching the whole time'? That it's wonderful?

If you’re the level of Byler truther that believes they were somewhat planned all along from the beginning, then you would also know that if they plan a happy ending for Mike and Will, then they would have no problem killing us this painfully in the beginning of the end, because they know we’ll be the ones cheering on by the actual end, and it'll be the homophobes who are pissed and stuck with this result forever as endgame.

I’m just saying, don’t be surprised when s5 gets closer and we actually see them promoting Byler… like a lot. And we actually start getting in canon hints at scenes with El herself even trying to get them together.

Groveling Mike Wheeler era?

Will finding a potential new love interest and Mike pining/jealous?

Come ONNN! You guys are way more delusional than you’re giving yourselves credit for and I urge you to join me!!!

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xstarlightxstarbrightx · 2 months

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Lumi headcanons

i have dragged myself outta the hell that's been my weekend and have FINALLY cobbled together all of my thoughts abt Lumine,,, it's a lot so bear w/ me bc i love her so so so much. the big list of h/c's: - extroverted lumi,,, - tired older sister / mom of Paimon. Paimon may know more about Teyvat than Lumine does, but Lumine's the one who takes care of Paimon and guides her through the harder things in life; definitely gives the vibes of Paimon being a kid sister and Lumine being very protective of her. somewhat mother but also not??? definitely the adult between the two smh - incredibly smart. very perceptive with a lotta intuition. i mean, you need to be able to be quick on the draw if you're going to be traveling nonstop, y'know?? - paragon Lumi is my roman empire. - frugal as SHIT, penny pincher extraordinaire. Paimon has yet to find all the emergency funds, and Lumine is adamant on KEEPING it that way. - abandonment issues. listen,,, listen she's got em, we all know she does, and i feel like she gets very attached to people but doesn't really let them know. - stemming from abandonment issues, I feel like she's got this issue of putting the weight of the world on her shoulders? like she cannot let herself feel negative emotions and bottles up a lot of the bad shit she deals with. her belief is that if she's not being a positive force, she's failing everyone around her and they'll one day leave her behind. - adding onto that bit, it definitely shows through the fact that she's not quick to actually anger. like her anger is VERY VERY rare, and usually she's very relaxed and tries to work through things as calmly as possible. - despite lumi being slow to anger, she's def violent in a mischievous gremlin way. definitely gives the vibe of 'u called me short, i am consuming ur knee caps'. But this is more of a bit and something to do as an intimidation tactic for ppl who don't know her, and it feels very accurate tbh - Lumi is bilingual, nothing more needs to be said. - she has scars. like a few of em, too. Mostly from her adventures in Teyvat, since she's less durable than she's used to being??? She has some scars from her fight against Dvalin, a scar or two from fighting Childe, a LOT of scars from Inazuma, as well as scars from using the elements!! - on the topic of scars, i DO believe she has scars from losing her wings in the fight with the Unknown God. and like, this hurts her. she feels such intense guilt over what happened and how she failed to protect her brother. she would gladly boast to you about any of her scars, but if you mention the ones on her back, she gets,,, quiet,,,, - i have done a deep dive dissection of the differences between the twin's elemental animations, and one day i will post that i swear; but for now all imma say is that Lumi struggles w/ Geo element the most. - fear of failure! i mentioned it before, but I personally feel like this has such a huge affect on her? - speaking of fears; CLAUSTROPHOBIA! listen, lumi definitely feels like she'd be claustrophobic, can't handle tight spaces. she also is terrified of the Abyss specifically, but tight spaces? unable to move? feeling trapped???? yeah, she's got that besties. - she feels like such a mom sometimes i s2g. like some of these characters feels like characters she would call her kids teasingly. personally believe Bennett called her "mom" once and he hasn't been able to live it down since b/c she refuses to answer to anything else from him now. - protective Lumi is my favorite, nothing more to add. - Lumine is very dancer-like in a lot of her animations, so me personally i think she would be a good dancer ong. - GOD tiered Cook, she's so fuckin good at that shit, like girl can crack just about any damn recipe she gets.

OKAY,,, I THINK,,,,,,,,,,,, I THINK I GOT THEM ALL DOWN,,,,,,,,,,

this went way longer than i meant, the brain worms ate through my skull and i got very carried away. but also it feels good to have the general gist of it all down,,, my beloved lumine i adore u so so much,,,,

anyway these were my h/c's for Lumi, i'll work on Kaeya next i think b/c i have Many Thoughts (tm) on him. :)c

#genshin impact #lumine #genshin headcanons #female traveler #genshin traveler #headcanon #brain worms #the brainrot is real #i have a problem #send help #i cannot stop thinking about her #she is my everything i think i would die for her #if u have questions i dont know if i have answers #a lot of these come from the voice lines u can find in her profile #like genuinely #i love the travelers as characters #obsessed with it #lumine my beloved

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muffinsin · 3 months

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Hi pookie! I’m sick rn and it’s setting off my sensory issues so much- so I was wondering how the dimi sisters would comfort an s/o who has autism and is overstimulated from being sick? I personally like wrapping myself in like… 5000 blankets for the compression and heat- but it gets too hot 3: i always have a specific super soft blanket at the bottom lol. And I get killer sore throats every time I get sick 💀Anywho- I feel icky and I don’t like it :/ - 🪶

Hiii! Pookie?👀 Awh hon, you just aren’t lucky with the sicknesses- I hope you’ll feel better soon! :) as always, my dms are open should I be of any help :)

And absolutely! As always with these kind of asks- I’m not autistic myself and only go based on experiences I am told about :)

Let’s get into it!🙌🫶

Masterlists

Bela

She notices the signs of your sickness immediately, and is ready to coddle you and care for you the second they make an appearance

She ensures you’re comfy and insists you stay in bed

Of course, Bela supplies you with plenty of soup and tea, as well, only the kind(s) you like, or can stand

She insists, tea is good for humans

While normally making the staff prepare meals, Bela takes this on herself

She’s naturally protective of you, yes

But when you’re sick?

She is incredibly protective

She dislikes leaving your side, but even more so- she doesn’t allow others to prepare your food

While it’s unluckily someone dares poison you, downright stupid, she does not care for this

She wants to ensure your safety

She needs to

And such, she takes upmost precision in her task

Studying instructions and even tugging a few maids to the side to prepare the tea right in front of her, under her watchful eye

Once done and satisfied, she brings you the pot and cups up to her room

Even if you have your own room, she insists you stay with her while you’re sick, and on the mend

Wrapped under your favourite blankets, she giggles when you poke your head out to watch her enter the room

The room is dimly lit, no bright lights or so

It’s comfortably warm, even more so under your blankets

Books and papers, pencils, stuffed animals and toys are littered on the bed in hopes of keeping you company and entertained when she must work- you know, she is never too far

She coos as she rests her hand on your forehead and feels its warmth. You’re burning up, she thinks

Truthfully, you always feel warm to her, but now especially so. She figures a fever is a relatively safe bet

Eagerly, you press into her touch

Her skin is cool, soothingly so. It feels amazing in contrast to your warm skin

Bela smiles sadly at this. If only she could open the window a little bit for you…

Still, both of you know the windows can’t be opened while she prevails in the room

She can’t help but giggle again, though, when you shake suddenly

She doesn’t mean to, really

She wishes she could help you, too. It just looked too cute and funny

However, the sound makes you laugh a little as well, despite the ache in your throat

Immediately, the action draws a wince from you, and Bela sits down on the bed to you

She wonders- how can she help you?

You whine again, unsure how to communicate what you want. You aren’t even all that sure what you need yourself

Upon noticing the warmth that radiates from you, she lightly tugs on one of the many blankets covering you

Immediately, you protest

“But aren’t you by far too warm, little one?”, she can’t help but wonder

Bela never has qualms about being too warm, but you? You don’t quite share her biology, after all

She would’ve thought the warmth- this much of it- must be uncomfortable

She feels you sweat, and immediately frowns in concern- she knows, you’ll likely want a bath, yet feels you aren’t quite strong enough for one just yet

You can’t help but wince again- it’s as though everything is too much

Your pyjama, clinging onto you due to the sweat. It feels like a second skin that traps you in place

The blankets, though soft and warm, are simply too warm

Yet, the second you move them or even stick a leg out, you’re shivering

Your throat, burning, aching, hurting so bad

Bela notices your hand flap for a moment, betraying your discomfort as tears begin to roll down your eyes

Immediately, she swarms under the blanket with you to pull you close

At this, surprisingly though, you already calm down

Bela yelps in surprise when you pull her flush against you, your arms wrapping around her entirely and your head resting on her breasts

She’s so cool, her skin so perfectly cold

Just right

Not too cold to make you shiver,

Just cold enough to harmonise with the warmth of the blankets

You sigh, finally feeling a little bit more content

She seems to understand though, and just smiles down at you

Gladly, she becomes your teddy bear if it makes you feel better

With one of her hands at the back of your neck and head, she gently runs her fingertips along your skin to soothe

With the other, she reaches for the tea to hand it to you

If only she had something for your throat!

She will talk with the duke soon regarding this, bring you cough drops and syrup, even if she cringes at the smell

All for her human. You’re her everything

Cassandra

Cassandra is immediately with you when she hears your fast, distressed heartbeat

You shriek when she appears in front of you, sickle raised and eyes darting around the room to scan it for a threat. When her eyes land on you, she immediately sees what’s wrong- you’re sick

She sinks to her knees when she finds you sit on the ground, her hands hovering above yours. With a nod of your head, she pulls you against her

She giggles when you worry about how sweaty you are, and about infecting her. Nonsense! She loves your scent, and she isn’t fussed about catching some of the bacteria

Her touch feels- amazing

Everything was too much. Your sore throat that tickles when you swallow. Your ears, your hands, the warmth you feel, the cold, all of it too much

It’s as though you feel everything- your skin, your bones, your clothing, the floor under you

Cassandra’s touch is grounding. She helps you focus on her, and only her

She’s strong and hard, but her skin is soft. It’s cool, and soothes your skin when you think it’s about to burn off you from the heat you feel

She hums for a moment, and you relax fully. She’s perfect for you

She smells strongly of blood, which has you sniffle. This makes her giggle a little- you’re so cute to her

Her precious little human. Her little lamb

It pains her to see you sick. Is there something she can do? Yes, but one thing after the other

Cuddling until you have enough or are no longer in need of it, she unwraps her arms from you

The first thing she offers is a bath

She knows, both of you are in need of one, and she doesn’t want to overwhelm you with the scents, even if you can’t smell them as intensely as her

Gently, she eases you off the floor and into the bathroom

She isn’t all that sure how to function the tub, really, and is thankful when you croak out some instructions

Still, at last she manages, and eases you into the tub

You wince at the light, and she immediately goes to turn it off. It’s quite nice, really, and her eyes nearly glow a little in the dim light

She is careful, yet loving, touching only when you allow her to with a nod of your head. She doesn’t want to end up overwhelming you more when she’s finally getting closer to calming you, after all

Cassandra hums lowly, her fingertips playing with the water surface as you get used to the warm water around you

Once set, she gently helps you rinse yourself off

She promises, she will get a bath after. She doesn’t want to turn your water red and dark from the filth and blood that clings to parts of her

And she sticks to her promise. As you finish up in the bath, she gently guides you to the bed

Placing your favourite blanket on the sheets and below you, she covers you with two more. Just to be sure

If it didn’t hurt your throat this much, surely you’d giggle at her coddling

Who would have thought- sadistic, “evil” Cassandra Dimitrescu, tucking you in and blushing a little when you shoot her a thankful smile

She’s always been good at knowing what you’re trying to tell her without the use of words

Abandoning her sickle for you to- play with?- she runs off to find you some medicine

You smile at this. While you don’t share her interest in weapons, it’s sweet of her to leave hers for you. You know she likes it a great deal

As she returns, she easily carries medicine and cough drops, stuffed animals scattered around the room, and even a platter containing snacks she’s found in the kitchens

You eat as she washes up, and smile when she returns and smells of the soap you picked out, as well as the subtle aroma of the woods she seems to always carry with her

It’s rare for her not to smell of blood, and you know it won’t last long. Still, you want nothing but to cuddle her now

To feel her cold skin against yours, by far too warm in comparison, to feel grounded by her arms around you

When she finds you squirming under the warm blankets already and looking up at her with big eyes, she already knows your silent question

Groaning and scoffing playfully, she gets in bed and allows you to cuddle her

You smile to yourself when she plays with her sickle and the sheets, as though to let you know;

She won’t leave. She wants you to rest, but she will still be there by the time you awaken

Daniela

She’s immediately by your side when you tell her you’re sick, and she won’t want to leave

Daniela doesn’t understand how you got sick, or even what sickness you have

She doesn’t understand humans all that much, at least as it comes to these things

But really? She doesn’t need to, either. She cares about you, for you, and that’s all that matters

You feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed. That’s all that is important to your lover

Putting you in her bed and covering you with the kind of blankets you like, she can’t help but press a small kiss to your nose

“It’ll be okay, my love. I’m here, my sweet”, she reassures

She asks, gently, if you can tell her what’s bothering you or how to help you

Daniela’s go to are cuddles

She doesn’t know many other means to help you

She dims the bright light of the room when it gets too much, and cuddles closer to you, insisting you must get some rest

Still, the ache in your throat hurts and your head throbs

As such, rest is nearly impossible to get, as you let the snoring woman know

Upon being woken up, Daniela tiredly offers to get you some blood. She insists, only the best for her little hu-

Oh, yes

You’re human

Humans don’t like blood, she recollects!

Giggling at this, she promises to bring you whatever you ask of her. She doesn’t want you to get out of bed, but will bring you all your heart desires

She brings you all kinds of things, unsure what a human wants or needs

Water, tea, soup, chicken, salad, bread, vegetables, candy, syrup, medicine for all kinds of things, juice, even some cookies she stole from her sister’s room

She offers you to change, or stay undressed entirely

It helps her, sometimes, to feel skin to skin contact without clothing

She also knows, sometimes you just dislike the fabric of your clothing

Daniela is perfect to snuggle, and she is convinced: cuddling can solve all

And lucky for you, Daniela happens to be the best snuggler around

With her arms around you and her chest pressing against your back, she talks quietly about her day as you eat

Her touch is grounding, and comforting

Her cool skin allows you to absorb the heat of the blankets without getting too warm

Occasionally, she steals some of the food she’s brought you, bearing only a small, innocent grin when you turn your head to look at her with a knowing smile

While blood is her favourite, the candy she’s brought is just too tempting!

“I didn’t do anything…!”, she insists, giggling, even as her breath smells sweet of the candy she just plopped in her mouth

She surrounds the two of you with many stuffed animals and reads to you in a gentle voice

Any of her stuffed animals are yours too, to hold and snuggle. They’re soft, and it makes you smile

She too believes sleep is the best medicine. It’s what’s been taught to her, after all

As such, she grants you a lot of rest, nearly all day

She encouraged you to sleep a lot, and eagerly dozes off as well when she is sure you’re asleep

And, of course, she is always still there when you awaken, often snoring lightly or snuggled up against you or a stuffed animal

Blankets cover both of you, her cool thigh against yours relaxing you when it gets too warm under the blanket

Surprisingly, the medicine she’s brought actually helps quite a bit, so that your throat aches less and you don’t feel the irritation with every breath

Your head feels clearer, and your skin less tingly. It feels nice again

#cassandra dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #🪶 anon

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stuckinapril · 1 year

Note

I have kind of a question or need for advice? I don’t mind if followers want to respond either. This is a bit convoluted and like word vomit, but anyway:

So one of my main points of insecurity is that I’ve never had anyone ask me out or take an interest in me before. I’m 24 and never kissed anyone either. All of my sisters are much better looking (my sister was literally accepted into a modeling agency) and have boyfriends, or have had experiences. All are younger. All are on their own or living separate. I still live with my mother. She had a surprise baby when I was 21 and has been a single mom for most of my life. I get paid to watch him and love him a lot. That being said I am also in therapy for a PTSD diagnosis, related to difficult childhood issues, and had a difficult experience last year that put a stop to trying to seek independence. I’ve started another online program, but have routinely failed exams and can’t seem to get through assignments without cheating, and am going to likely fail out of one of these programs. I feel incompetent, like I’m wasting my life and completely directionless and a bit of a loser. I live in my head a lot, and probably have some maladaptive tendencies, it just feels like I can’t function, that I’m not as good as other people, then I also feeling like I’m narcissistic and can’t see things as clear as others.

I don’t know what question I have for you, but if you have any advice or thoughts even if it’s difficult I’d be happy to hear it. I just feel very lost and am alarmed at almost the nonchalance acknowledgement of these feelings.

first of all: take a deep breath & acknowledge you’re human. it sounds to me like you’ve been through some shit in the past, & that has taken your story in a direction you didn’t expect/don’t seem to be satisfied with. that is entirely ok. it also sucks to have younger sisters society would deem as more successful. i could preach how comparison is the thief of joy, but i understand why that’s really fucking hard in your position. i completely & totally get it.

ik women are led to believe they’re like. ancient by 30. but you’re only 24. just let that sink in. 24 is seriously not that long at all. it’s not a big deal you didn’t have a romantic experience by this age; more women than you would probably guess are in the same position. hell, some women literally strive for celibacy. this is not unheard of. & if you truly wanted to, an experience wouldn’t be hard to come by. dating apps have made it, now more than ever, extremely accessible to get male attention.

i’m not telling you this from an angle of “yeah it’s not as hard as u think, go make an account lol” but more so just pointing out that it’s not out of reach, to alleviate your urgency about that (if you feel any). bc you seriously could get that experience whenever you want. but it doesn’t mean you should. & while that decision will always be yours to make, my take (at the threat of sounding presumptuous) is that you shouldn’t right now. not if you want a relationship less for the companionship & more for the external validation. not if you’d use a relationship as a means to run away from yourself. a relationship should add to your happiness, but it should never be the source of your happiness. i would never tell anyone to be perfect before entering a relationship; but they should at least be in a stable-enough mental state not to fall prey to codependency. codependency will fuck you up even more. it’s better to just sort your shit out now & go from there.

it also doesn’t say anything that no man has approached you. like literally nothing about your worth at all. some women know how to present themselves as approachable, while others are more closed off & that wards off interest. it’s usually really tied less to who you as a person & more to whether you present yourself as on the market haha.

i personally don’t think living w a parent is indicative of anything tbh… like someone could live w their parent & still be entirely independent. it’s totally contextual. it seems to me like you & your mom established a symbiotic relationship, which is good. this doesn’t mean total independence isn’t off the table for you. it just seems like what you have rn is working, and that’s no crime.

you’re not a loser. at all. whatsoever. you’ve just been dealt different cards—from your sisters, from your friends, from anyone you could possibly be comparing yourself to right now. if you truly didn’t care, you wouldn’t be thinking about it with the meticulousness i can clearly sense in this ask. acknowledge that. thank yourself for seeming self aware of any potential issues you have, & your willingness to work on them. you’re literally going to therapy. that is so big. many people don’t have it in them to take that step. with time & patience for yourself, you will build the life you want for you. just keep your wants in sight, keep facing issues in therapy, keep trying to do better bit by bit. stop w the self flagellation. replace comparison w gratitude for what you currently have, and acknowledgement of what you’re capable of/what you could be falling short of. don’t settle, but don’t beat yourself up for not being where you’d like to be yet. change can’t happen in a day. as long as you keep trying, that’s literally all that matters, cliche as that may sound.

self-compassion is not laziness—it’s simply acknowledging you’re human, while also striving to improve.

nothing is out of reach. you just need to be more compassionate to yourself, & keep in mind that healing is a process that cannot be rushed. but it’s so worth it. you’re so young. it’s never too late to live the life you truly want

#ask

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highlifeboat · 1 year

Text

Bela wrung her hands together, pacing the floor just outside her mother’s personal quarters. She could hear the woman talking on the phone on the other side, most likely to Mother Miranda. Which most likely meant it was not a pleasant conversation. The eldest inhaled, silently debating if she was better off trying to do this later. She’d hate to catch her mother in a bad mood, and the fear of how she would react to the blonde’s news had Bela’s mind swimming with all sorts of anxieties.

Perhaps she could get away with saying nothing at all and just… hoping things worked out. She didn’t want to cause trouble, even if her sisters had been doing their best to reassure her there was nothing to worry over.

“Mama loves us no matter what. She says so all the time!” Daniela told her.

“In fact, she might love you more when you tell her.” Cassandra agreed.

Bela sighed. She wasn’t sure she fully believed either of them. Of course mother loved them dearly, but this was not the same as when they’d broken her favourite vase.

Her ear twitched when she heard the subtle click of the phone being hung up, her pacing coming to a halt. A large part of her wanted to turn around and leave, lie to herself that she would try again later.

The other part just wanted it over with so it wouldn’t burden her mind anymore.

Straightening herself, she took a breath and knocked on the door.

“Yes?” Came her mother’s voice.

“It’s me, Mama.” Bela answered. “I… want to speak with you.”

“Of course, little one, come in.”

She wasted no time in entering the room, gently shutting the door behind her. Her mother didn’t look away from the vanity mirror, applying a layer of lipstick as Bela moved quietly across the room, taking a seat on the sofa.

Her mother glanced at her through the mirror, catching the way she was fidgeting. “What’s the matter, fiul meu?”

Bela’s ears twitched down for a split second, and she cleared her throat. “Mama, do you… Are you… happy that I was born a boy?”

Her mother paused. “...What an odd question…” She mused. “I can’t say I’m upset over it. Why?”

“W-Well, what I mean is… Would you prefer it if I… wasn’t?”

Her mother turned to fully face her, and Bela swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. “I love you regardless, darling.” She moved to gently cup Bela’s face. “You are more than a manthing, you’re my son. I love you just as much as your sisters–”

“No!” Bela stood, flies starting to buzz with her growing nerves.

“Bela–”

“I–I’m not a boy!” She yelled, claws digging into the palm of her hand.

Her mother blinked. “...I’m sorry?” She asked after a moment.

Bela could hear her nonexistent heart pounding in her ears. “I am not a boy. I don’t want to be a boy anymore. I try, Mama, but it’s not… right.” She shifted on her feet. “A–And I know Mother Miranda doesn’t approve of these things, but I–I am a girl. I am a girl, and I want to dress like one, and look like one, and I… I’m sorry…” She crossed her arms over her stomach. “I’m sorry if you don’t approve of it, either, but I needed to tell you, e–even if you hate me for it.”

There was silence between the two for a moment. Bela stared at the floor as she awaited some kind of response. Eventually, her mother lifted her up, setting the blonde on her lap and giving her a kiss on her head.

“I could never hate you, little one….” She mused, rubbing gentle circles on the girl’s back. “I love you too much.” She gave her another kiss on the forehead, getting a content sigh from the blonde. “Your sisters–”

“They know…” Bela hummed. “They, uhm… They’ve known for a little while….”

Her mother nodded. “Well then, we should have you fitted for some proper dresses soon, shouldn’t we?” She smiled. “And perhaps notify the staff not to refer to you as ‘master’ anymore.”

“And… what about the family? Mother Miranda? Should I tell them?”

“Only if you wish to. Though I imagine Mother Miranda may be the only one who sees any… issue.” She huffed a little. “But we can deal with her when the time comes. For now, just know you have your sisters, and myself, to support you.”

Bela sighed, finally relaxing into the warmth. “Thank you, Mama.”

“Of course, fetita mea.”

#idk bela coming out drabble before bed ig #because i c a n #bela dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #drabbles

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rollercoasterwords · 1 year

Note

omg hi, hello, it’s me again (anon from the non fandom rec ask)

I’d absolutely love to hear the nonfiction recs you alluded to as well.

Already added all the last books to my reading list, thank you so so much 😖🙏

omg hi hello yay this is so exciting for me okay here are some nonfiction recommendations!!! most of these are pretty accessible even if u aren't super familiar with reading theory + i've noted the ones that are a little more dense or might require some more background knowledge before jumping in:

The Invention of Heterosexuality by Jonathan Ned Katz. Literally what the title says - Katz traces the historical invention of the word "heterosexuality" along with how its meaning has changed over time, bringing into focus just how recent our modern social constructions of sexuality are. You can also find a condensed article version if you don't want to read an entire book--same title and everything.

Screw Consent: A Better Politics of Sexual Justice by Joseph Fischel. I just finished this book recently and loved it, but it's not something I would recommend engaging with if you don't already have some like...groundwork for engaging with feminist and queer theory. Like it is very much not a beginner text but the work it's doing is so so important in addressing a lot of the issues with our post #MeToo cultural rhetoric and politics when it comes to discussing rape culture and sexual violence.

Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde. Personally I simply think everyone should read some Lorde at some point in their lives.

Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza by Gloria Anzaldúa. Because I also think everyone should read some Anzaldúa at some point in their lives.

Women, Race & Class by Angela Davis. Another essential feminist text.

Are Prisons Obsolete? by Angela Davis. Highly highly highly recommend for anyone wanting to learn more about prison abolition (specifically within a U.S. context).

The End of Policing by Alex S. Vitale. This goes hand in hand with the Angela Davis listed above and is a pretty straightforward breakdown of why police are unnecessary and some possibilities of what a society without them (or defunding them) could look like (again, within a U.S. context).

+ some bonus recs that are a little more niche:

Regarding the Pain of Others by Susan Sontag. This book dives into the ethics of like...trauma + photography but honestly a lot of the points Sontag makes feel very relevant beyond that context considering the world we live in where pretty much everything gets uploaded online.

No Future: Queer Theory and the Death Drive by Lee Edelman. This is perhaps the single most influential work of theory i've come across in my life on just like...a personal level. Like Edelman's theory of reproductive futurity is burned forever in my brain and fundamentally altered my worldview. That being said this book is NOT FUN to read and it is incredibly dense. I had to return to it many times and discuss it at length with the professor who was teaching it to me before I finally started to grasp it, and then it was literally like my eyes had been opened and could never be shut again. so! i feel compelled to include it in any nonfiction recommendation list, but i definitely recommend going in with some groundwork already laid when it comes to ur engagement with queer theory.

Men, Women, and Chainsaws by Carol J. Clover. Simply a quintessential text for anyone interested in feminism + horror, which i very much am.

Zombies and Sexuality: Essays on Desire and the Living Dead ed. by Shaka McGlotten and Steve Jones. This book is soooo fucking fun i absolutely love zombie theory. some of the essays are denser than others so it's probably best to go in once you already have some background engaging w queer + feminist theory. my favorite chapters were "Take, Eat, These Are My Brains: Queer Zombie Jesus"; "A Love Worth Un-Undying For: Neoliberalism and Queered Sexuality in Warm Bodies"; and "Re-Animating the Social Order: Zombies and Queer Failure".

+ my current nonfiction read:

Texts after Terror: Rape, Sexual Violence, and the Hebrew Bible by Rhiannon Graybill. Look even if you've never touched the bible in your life my favorite thing about this book is the way Graybill questions our frameworks for discussing sexual violence and proposes new ones that better account for the gray area that is so often (and so problematically) scrubbed out by the cultural emphasis on consent. This text engages with the Fischel book I mentioned above, it's just that Graybill's trying to add more nuance into our discussions of rape culture specifically in her area of expertise, which happens to be the Hebrew bible. This is another one where I'd recommend some groundwork in feminist and queer theory before jumping in though :)

#i simply love reading and learning and thinking about topics!!!!#book recs

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oh-captain-my-captain-greyhorn · 1 year

Text

intros-carnival thoughts

wow. okay. what a way to start

so like. okay - first of all, wow. these blorbos are a mess. the mess ever. <3 love them

some collected thoughts in mostly chronological order

the cracking. why is it always cracking? so the cracks connect all of the characters. are they holes between the different realities? it seems like the realities are at least tangentially connected to one another. does that cause the cracks?

teeth's "Exalted" (blue motif character?) looks a lot like maris. is that relevant?

maris seemed uncomfortable going towards her blue motif (krackens?) in her intro. why? it seems like she fights most of the monsters, including the giant red motif person -- she avoided that one, though.

also maris "she shouldn't be here. not now" who is she hjashkdjh ??? sister? friend? ex??? something about the fog and the area she was headed to. maris <3

okay i had trouble seeing the place that they all headed to (the brown motif one took them there -- "telos"?) but i caught some glimpses

maris tried to snoop around. trust issues perhaps? who hurt u queen

maris in a hammock <3 that is all

okay that is not all bc maris in a hammock w stringray <3 sobbing screaming crying

next up - the circus of the gods!

maris stances up with the "ringmaster" (blue motif character again, connections?) almost immediately. it's the captain in her probably, she probably has always had to take control and when someone else steps in she doesn't know if she can trust them i just -- ah <3

there's some abrasion between maris and 42 haha kind of iconic tho

maris and the acrobat (pink motif character) i -- oml. the vibes. wow. the tension. what is going on there? she also does not look happy with the pink motif character. at this point, it's clear that the different places they go all have the same motifs, so there's probably some negative history there. dear god(s?) i am obsessed already

*what was up with the maris in the hall of mirrors ajhsjdkhsajadh* she looked so young. why was there blood everywhere? what happened to her? did she kill someone important to her? was she hurt by someone she loves? she looked so young ajkshdksa <3

also how old is maris asking for a friend

"the tortured. hurt what hurts the most, over and over. how far are you driven by pain? this far, it would seem. tortured where it hurts the most. difficult to hurt there, most of the time. i wonder who could do that to someone like you" h e l p akjshdkja what is this maris?? hello? i knew it she was so heartbroken core gods i <3 <3 <3

my guesses right now are the red motif character, the blue motif character, the pink motif character, or the sort of light teal motif character for maris trauma core. could be this grey/green motif character? but she didn't seem too bothered by them in particular

the fight with the cultivator is so. wow. tucker was really slaying oml what's going on w them? she's giving me like. caretaker vibes. like he's always had to take care of others or something. older sibling maybe? tucker also seems very bothered by the concept of control. poor experiences with being controlled/limited? very interesting stuff

okay back to maris -- maris has this whole monster-slaying thing going on and seems very standoffish with the characters here. this seems to be the "pantheon" people keep mentioning. is she. a. god slayer?? is that what this is? because. wow. <3

also worth mentioning even though she's all hardened and strong she still wants the animals to be happy and free i.. wow. i bet she's such a good parent to stingray i <3

okay last thoughts re: when they go back to wherever telos lives (it was a bit easier to see this time, but my coverage must have been patchy ig)

what's in telos' basement?

what's in telos' upstairs, for that matter?

what does it mean that telos has pulled the hourglasses from the other hourglasses? does that disrupt destiny or something? are they dead? undead? can they die now?

how does telos handle every single person who "dies" (etc) while also being here with the group? are there multiple of them? do they exist outside of time?

where is telos' house and why isn't it like the other realities?

what is in the space surrounding telos' house? why can't the crew see it?

we need to name the group. the crew? telos' crew? maris' crew?

why aren't there the different motif characters (pantheon) in telos' house? how do they exist outside that? do they, or can we just not see them? is that what's in this empty space?

how does telos have the ability to move from reality to reality?

why is telos covered up all the time?

maris and 42 really do not get along. once again iconic -- but what's the deal with him being a traitor? and why is that so frightening to maris? she has definitely been betrayed.. protect maris <3 that is all

okayokayokay i'll stop. lots of questions and like zero answers hjkashd i'll work on that. next time i update hopefully we'll have some more info!!

#trialsoftelos #tot #privatedndnarg

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mlobsters · 6 months

Text

supernatural s10e18 book of the damned (w. robbie thompson)

charlie roleplaying hiro protagonist from snow crash? hacker with a sword. and the nola vampire mob or whatever this group is. surely there's a connection with benny and they didn't just pick yet another character with a very specific regional accent

i like charlie, i like felicia day as charlie, but i am lukewarm on her playing a more action oriented version of charlie. i am on board with her kicking ass, but not sure felicia is the best person to take charlie there. and really straining my suspension of disbelief that charlie just stabbed a guy in a throat, got distracted by a tattoo and shot in the leg but still gets away. wait, not even leg, in the abdomen???? come on, y'all. that's not manageable without medical intervention

started this ep late and flu+covid boosters are startin to kick my ass a little bit, reconvene tomorrow. ass still being kicked by this spikevax - still Stressed. but it's earlier and i've taken some ibuprofen that's still working. let's see

dean in sweats, well i'll be

sam, if you don't come clean after dean is telling you everything that went down with crowley and rowena... 🔪

wiki says charlie was born in 85, so she's two years younger than sam. anyway, 🎵kid sister, kid sister. kid sister and me!🎵

DEAN We’re due for a win, okay? Overdue. I’ll tell you another thing, if this actually does work, we’re gonna take some time off. SAM What, like a vacation? DEAN Mm-hmm. And I’m not talking just like a weekend in Vegas or sitting in some crap motel watching pay-per-porn. No, I’m talking about a beach. Drinking cervezas, go for a swim, mingle with the local wildlife. When was the last time either one of us was on a beach? SAM Never. DEAN Sand between our toes, Sammy. Sand between our toes.

asking for the apocalypse right there. how many seasons until they get a successful vacation together? (15x20?)

also sign me up for the inner-workings-free meatsuit

METATRON What? I thought we were having a moment. Can’t we be besties? CASTIEL No. Because you killed my friend. METATRON Oh pfhht. Dean is fine, mostly. Can’t you get past that? CASTIEL Never.

thinking about the boys perpetually stowing their baggage, but we can respect someone who holds tight to a grudge

often bitch about the musical score but i like this sound design and filming. more atmospheric and creative than they usually go

oh, dean. sammy, tell him about cas and metatron rawrgh

every tom, dick, and harry has an angel blade. so goofy. is that a standard issue cupid weapon?

DEAN And you call yourselves nerds. Come on. You got this. CHARLIE He’s right. Let’s get our Alan Turing on. Decypt this bitch.

neal stephenson (who wrote the aforementioned snow crash) also wrote cryptonomicon which contains a fictionalized version of alan turing. and

According to Stephenson, the title is a play on Necronomicon, the title of a book mentioned in the stories of horror writer H. P. Lovecraft

necronomicon aka the book of the dead (not damned but close). also mentioned evil dead/army of darkness recently and this heartbeat drum beat thing for when dean's gettin the whammy from the book reminds me of ... that. (evil dead movie contains the necronomicon)

KEEP YOUR EYES TO YOURSELF, BUCKO

SAM Look, just let us translate the book, okay? If there’s a cure, we’ll do it and deal with the consequences later. I can’t lose you. DEAN Really? SAM Yeah, really. DEAN You change your mind on that, cause that’s not what you said last time. SAM Oh, come on, man. You know I didn’t mean that.

many thoughts. sad and tired thoughts. realizing now, would dean even remember how sam said he lied about that right before dean died? and this is one rough conversation to be having in front of charlie. really part of the family, esp if she's on board with the fuck the consequences we gotta fix dean. hurts to think dean really is still doubting sam's commitment to him. hurts and is exhausting that sam still hasn't told him about what he got up to.

this cabin sure is swanky for one-of-many bobby-managed hunter safehouses

CHARLIE What did Dean mean? When he said you changed your mind? SAM So, awhile back, we had a chance to, um…close the gates of Hell. And in order to do that, I would’ve had to die. And, I was okay with that, and I am okay with that, but Dean was not. And so, he uh… CHARLIE He saved you. SAM Yeah, he saved me. CHARLIE And let me guess, in doing so, he did something you didn’t want, and that pissed you off. And you said something that hurt him? SAM Yeah, that sounds about right.

round and round we go on the patented winchester merry-go-round

either they're mending my emotional connection to the show or padalecki is just that good but got me crying. felt very genuine

SAM You know, when Dean came to get me at school, I-I told myself… one last job, you know? One more job. And then when – when I, um…. When I lost Jess, I, again, told myself one more job. There’s always one more job, you know? And one more job, and one more job, and then I was gonna go back to law and – and to my life. CHARLIE You were the Dread Pirate Roberts of hunting. SAM Yeah. I guess I really understand now that….this is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t…. CHARLIE I got it. I-I do.

that was nice, having her give him the out to stop and collect himself

samateur hour, hated that it made me laugh

so does cas get like, extra powerup now that he had someone else's grace and his own back? like super mario bros flower power, shooting fireballs. based on those raggedy ass wings, guessing not

dean slippin into southern accent talking to this bad nola witch man

DEAN It’s calling to me, Sam, okay? I can hear it. It’s calling to the Mark. It wants me to take the book and run away with it. Burn it now.

reminds me of naomi and the rocket with the protomolecule sample in the expanse. why yes, i will destroy this, of course.

SAM Well, you know what, Cas? You got your Grace back. You’re back. You did the right thing. CASTIEL You did the right thing. That book needed to be destroyed. We will find another way, Sam.

you did destroy it, right, sam?? very convincing reaction here

that was cuter than i expected

i continue to not understand why sam doesn't just tell dean about the cas and metatron thing! jesus christ. do we have to do this?? making cas lie about it too. sigh. so tiresome

these lyrics and the slomo pizza party as sam has a minor internal breakdown over lying about, SHOCKER, not destroying the book. made me laugh, not gonna lie. hammering the point down way too hard. this is how you lose me, show

having sam's voiceover as he talks to (as yet unseen rowena) while still on the shot of sam looking increasingly Stressed at their little party is unusual for this show too. i like to see them trying different things, like with the clip i had at the beginning

hopefully this will be interesting, at least?

spn s5e10

(god, remember the party before jo and ellen died? that had vibes and atmosphere. cas getting drunk with the girls, and first ep with crowley)

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 10x18 #spn clip #spn musical score #robbie thompson

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willcamposleftnut · 8 months

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hi vik!

i just wanted to scoot in here and ask smth rq!! this is not an admonishment i’m just curious /gen

is there a reason skinny people have to be put down to lift fat people? like! idk personally i think body positivity should include All bodies big middle and small. if we’re skinny shaming people for their bodies we’re still commenting on how they look which can. really. have negative effects (as a person w eating issues)

plus like!! skinny is not always a choice just as fat is not always a choice. pre-diagnosis type 1 diabetics or people with overactive metabolisms or people who were in bad environments and developed an eating disorder just. idk it feels a little weird that body positivity (esp on tumblr) is Only about fat people it feels counterintuitive

this is all /nm /gen i am just!!! curious okay have a good day :D

Hi anon! I'm not quite sure what post you might be talking about, so I've scrolled through all my reblogs from the pst 24 hours to find all the posts about fat/skinny people to try and find the problem. If its not one of these post you were talking about feel free to send me the link of the one you were talking about, or that made you want to ask me this.

I don't think this is making fun of skinny people, just pointing out art often over exaggerates skinniness to an extreme, making people think any drawing where a woman isn't incredibly tiny is a "plus sized" drawing even though irl they would be considered skinny.

This one doesn't mention skinny people at all, just saying how some people from cultures out side of the us often like to dog pile on the idea "all Americans are fat and that makes them gross haha" which is a complete dog shit take for many reasons. I also say in the tags that we should not make fun of anyone for what they eat or how much they eat, that includes skinny people and people who only eat "healthy" foods, and people who don't eat a lot.

I mean both fat bitches and skinny bitches alike can not cast fireball. Sadly. There should be more fat bitches casting fireball in video games tho

I'm pretty sure this might be the one that made you upset, it has a much meaner tone then the rest. But it's also not making fun of skinny people. It's saying "if you reblog fat positive posts, just to say something along the lines of "i agree but im sooo small and skinny and tiny! But i agree!" You are scared of being seen as fat. And yes, I do understand that ED's play a real role in this, I have two teen sisters who both have ED's and last summer I only let myself eat anything other them sugar free mints and black coffee once every three days I have both expected and seen first hand what ED's do. But that doesn't excuse the fact going on a fat positive post and showing everyone you are scared of being confused for a fat person can make fat people also scared about being seen as fat. It can also make anyone thats still pretty skinny or small thats even a bit bigger then you scared that maybe they are "too big"

I am really genuinely sorry if any I have personally said or reblogged has made you mad or hurt you anon. I don't think anything I've recently said was anti skinny or trying to make skinny people feel bad for there weight. Again if it wasn't one of these posts you were concerned about please send it to me so I can try and understand more of where you are coming from

/gen hope you have a good day too anon!!:3

#goblin mode #tw ed #tw eds #tw weight #ed descussion #ed #eds #weight #ed discussion #tw ed discussion

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pheita · 8 months

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Author Ask Game

I was tagged by @sam-glade I am tagging @writernopal @eternalwritingstudent @radley-writes @tabswrites @elshells

1. What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?

Phew, I never choose the lessons or moral of a story before I write. I am somewhere between a planer and a pantser which means it crystallizes while I write. Blood Night: I think the main lesson is overcoming the past, facing your fears to do so, and be able to have a peaceful future. Sojan, his sister Arritit, and Lyran all somehow have to face the actions of their fathers and come to terms with their past to be able to move on, and in case of Sojan and Lyran, to be able to have a relationship. Ironically, all of this is tied to saving the world. Always Prepared The main lesson is trust, friendship, and allowing yourself to be happy. Nesryn, the MC, never allowed herself to be happy because of her trust issues, and after she ends up in a different dimension, she somehow makes friends with some of the inhabitants there without realizing it, leading to the ultimate question of : Where is her home? Sea of Memories, Sea of Chances: Simple and easy this time: It is never too late to follow your dream.

2. What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)? Blood Night: Witcher, Monster Hunter, Dragon Age and mixed and shook it up to give it my own twist. Various places on the continent have either some aesthetic or a culture as base, for example Lyran's home country of Wealmore is based a lot on 18th -19th century Italy, the city of the elves is based on the idea of living in/with the forest you see in multiple native tribes that live in dense forests/forests with thick trees. Always Prepared: I think there is any media even if you could argue it being some sort of Isekai, it draws a lot of solarpunk ideas and green architecture/cities Sea of Memories, Sea of Chance: Mostly Pirate of the Caribbean, but there is a bit of One Piece in there maybe. 3. What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

I don't want to achieve anything besides telling a hopefully interesting story. If any of them inspire someone, or help someone through something they go through: Wonderful, that is what art of any kind is meant to do, but I don't consciously aim for any of it.

Where my MCs always just try to live a good live, I mostly tell the story first to myself and the few people who are willing to listen. Sure, sometimes I can be philosophical and with me my characters, but it is more a spur of the moment thing. 4. How many chapters is your story going to have? Blood Night: I don't know, I didn't count in the finished draft but must be roughly somewhere between 30 and 40. Always Prepared: It's 12 plus and an epilogue Sea of Memories, Sea of Chances: The old draft had 10, but since I am going to add a sideplot in the re-write, it might end up around 12 or 14. 5. Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it? All of it are original stories. I had Wattpad like forever ago but deleted it. So far I only have posted some stuff from Blood Night on my sideblog for the WIP because it became massive and a whole series with side branches over @lagawood-guildhouse So far, I only post on Tumblr even if I am thinking sporadically of other ways but never actually do it. I don't want to publish anything traditional, and I don't know if I will do self pub. 6. When and why did you start writing? I was around 12 and started with fanfiction without knowing it was fanfiction lol The first original stories came when I was around 15 or 16 because I had ideas and wanted to do my own thing. Somehow, I always told stories, way before I started writing. 7. Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow?

I just can say, don't be shy. The majority of writers are happy to talk to new folks. Find your folks, even if they are just two or three people, who will enable every stupid idea of yours and hype you up when you feel down. Try to be excited for others and not jealous. We are all in this together.

And I always recommend @eternalwritingstudent because my dear friend who I suffered with through multiple re-writers of her WIP now is an awesome storyteller with a loveable bunch of characters and an engaging style. If you don't follow @ashen-crest already, do it now, because she is awesome, she is lovely, and if you love stupid masochistic bards, over-excited spirits and potion shenanigans she is your woman.

I am sorry, I can list more, I am completely out of the loop still due to my hiatus.

#writblr #pheita talks #tag game

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broodpeas · 1 year

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A short post on Champion.

Random Thought Before I Begin:

I'm currently watching a judiciary audience of a Very Bad Man. You don't need to know his name, unless you're from Colombia, and if you are, well then you know whom I'm referring to.

I haven't watched this audiences in a very long time. I used to, when it was my job, when I knew knowing this was necessary and I endure it. When it wasn't, I realized I felt too much and I just couldn't anymore. Maybe because I took so much distance (and dissasociation) that I can now watch this audience, and I actually told my sister I thought this man, who had done so much harm and pain, knowingly so, seems...very nice. It's kinda like what Hannah Arendt wrote about the Eichmann trial many years ago- she felt sorry for him because he was just a sad, little, scared man standing trial. This man however doesn't look sad or scared, he just looks like someone who's doing something bureacratic. But what he's saying is not bureacratic, it's relevant to hundreds of people who know this man is a monster- my sister said "above all, he's human", and I want to point out here how dissonant it is when we acknowledge the humanity of someone who took it away from so many people. Whose legacy is cruelty, violence, pain, evil.

Something to think about.

On "Champion. An opera in jazz". Champion is an opera by terence blanchard and michael griffith. It is the second balck opera ever presented in the MET history and blanchard's second work with the Met. I saw it a few weeks after its premiere in NYC, because one big movie company in Colombia has this streaming rights for the entire Met opera season and I finally have the money to afford to go to almost all the season. I didn't know this opera would happen because I'm not an expert in Opera, I just go because this is the best way to learn about classical music and performers and so on. This is why I was so blown away when I went to the first operas of the season and I saw a latina woman performing a leading role, with 30% of the cast that was black and asian. Black and asian people! On a stage! Performing the whitest of the arts! And like I have pointed out many times, I am almost always the only POC person in the audience, and even though I know I'm not the only one who understands the importance of seeing POC performing opera, it will never get old to sit down and see a damn opera where POC are actually performing.

And Champion is actually more than just a representation checklist opera. It's not just that the cast is 99% black, with drag queens and gay issues as part of the plot; or that the conductor is a queer person who not only loves classical music, but has fun and makes fun of it. It's also that behind the scenes POC had active roles and that the day of the premiere and the shows after this, POC have shown up, again and again, to support this opera, not because it's a black opera, but because it's really damn good.

I went that saturday knowing that the movie theater was going to be a bit empty, and it was. I had the entire row for me. I was the only brown person in that room- something that, I think, it doesn't mean much, unless something happens that reminds me that I am a brown person who has the means to afford tickets to opera and no one in that movie room questions why I'm there because they know I have the means to be there. It is not mind boggling. It's the reality of the privilege of being brown in this country and not fitting the racist notions people have about brown and black people in Colombia.

And so I sat, alone in a row, and the opera started and from scene 1 my heart did jumps and hoops and I thought well this was to be expected because I'm a sensible blob and I always feel everything too much. But when the final scene came, and the entire black cast came out, and the clapping began and everyone was kinda leaving the room, I just sat there and sobbed. Because in all my years watching opera, and going to white spaces knowing I wasn't white, I had never experience why representation matters, not at this level anyway. And even if this representation may fall short or be perceived as performative, to me it isn't. Champion made me cry because when I was growing up, in the 90's, I didn't had this. My dad used to play classical music where all composers and performers where white and european, and he only listened to this when he needed to focus or wanted to work. I never knew black and brown people could make, play and/or perform classical music. My only reference that wasn't white was....Bugs Bunny. So seeing this opera meant so much to me. And I left that theater crying my heart out because I am also wrapping up the document where I write about black representation in colombian art, knowing that this is jus the beginning for I am going to do in terms of not bringing a seat at the table, but to flip the table and see what happens.

black people really are stars.

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purplesurveys · 8 months

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1737

Was the last person you hung out with single? One of them is, one of them isn’t.

Have you ever attended a private school? Yup, I attended one from kinder to high school. I only got to switch schools once – for college – because 1) my first school doesn’t offer university-level classes and 2) I actually had a dream university in mind.

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? I’d say it was abusive in a few aspects, but as a whole I wouldn’t call it such.

Do you like drinking diet sodas? I just don’t like drinking sodas, period.

Can you make mashed potatoes from scratch? I probably could if I followed a recipe, but it’d just turn out like shit.

Have you ever cooked for anyone other than yourself? I used to bake cookies for my family, but now that I’m older I now know they were just being nice about the compliments because they tasted absolutely bland.

If your phone has a hole for phone charms, is it on the left or right side? I don’t think it comes with a hole precisely for that haha, but in any case I’ve never placed a charm on my phone. Just seems too Gen Z-coded for my taste. I like inserting a photocard within my phone case instead – like that’s the furthest I’d go as far as trinkets and such.

Would you rather live in the city, the suburbs, or the rural area? I would love to live in the city. I think I’d need the noise to keep my sanity. I’ve lived in the suburbs all my life and it’s mostly fine and peaceful, but I’m going with city also just for the change in scenery.

Do you know someone who is really ambidextrous? Not in real life.

Did you use a pencil today? Nah.

Are you adopted? I’m not adopted.

Have you ever had your car break down on you? Yes, and omg what a chaotic time that had been. I was on my way to a shoot that was meant to start at 9 AM, and it was like 8:30 and I stopped by a gas station to refuel but my car refused to start up again by that point. The gas station crew were really nice and all of them kind of checked up on my car at the same time til it was learned that the culprit was my car’s dead battery. My mom, who had been on her way to work, panicked for me and went all the way back to me (despite my hardcore begging for her to not be so dramatic lmao)… in any case we called up Motolite for a battery replacement and everything got resolved within an hour, or an hour and a half I think. Fortunately the shoot ran late because the TV crew themselves were late, and I was able to catch up with no issue. Who was the last person that cried in your presence? Gabie and Celeste, moments after Bea announced her resignation.

Does your last name end in a vowel or consonant? I’m not sharing that.

When was the last time you ate at your favorite restaurant? The last time I ate in there would’ve been around 6-7 months ago. I got takeout from them just a month ago though.

What was the last thing someone gave you? Trina got me coffee this morning.

Can you write your name in a foreign language? I can write my name in Hangul.

Who is the person you often go to for venting? Depends on what I have to rant about. Sometimes it’ll be my sister, sometimes Bea and Trina, sometimes Angela…

Do you keep an actual journal or diary? No, this does the job.

Have you ever been prescribed Vicodin? I have no clue what that is.

Have you ever cheated on someone without them finding out about it? Never.

Was the last person you kissed male or female? Female.

Who were you with the last time you went swimming? Oof, I can’t even remember haha. When was I last at the beach…? Maybe last December?

Does your dining table currently have place mats on it? They’re not there permanently, if that’s what you mean. We just take them out if we have lunch/dinner together.

What was the last thing you cooked in an oven? I’ve never cooked anything in an oven. Baking, sure – that would’ve been cookies.

Do you say “I love you” even when you don’t mean it? I don’t think I’ve ever done that – I always want to make sure I mean it when I say it. Those three words hold such a heavy commitment lol.

Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? No?

Do you prefer wheat or white bread? White.

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sapphiretaehyung · 1 year

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♡Immortal♡Hwang Hyunjin♡1♡

Summary: Coming from a village of witches, these four siblings grew up with a knowledge of both the good and bad sides of magic. After the death of their oldest sister Seondeok, their brother Kyungho suddenly left his two other siblings, and in an attempt to get him back, Dohyun and Seonhwa are in Seoul. Seonhwa is stuck living the life of a high school teenager while her brother Dohyun tracks down their older brother. Will Seonhwa find a new life in Seoul and a reason to continue on her immortal life?

Genre: Historical au, highschool au

Pairing: Hyunjin x OC

Warnings: none

Word count: 2.5K

a/n: this story was originally written like 2018 on wattpad (link) so I thought why not bring it over. It being from 2018 there may be a few things such as age gaps that don’t quite make sense but I’ve tried to edit through. I will be updating every few days so stay tuned for more!

Being immortal may sound amazing, you don't need to worry about time, you don't age, and death well it's not much of an issue. Although there are always downsides to the positives, you always end up alone in the end, the only constant is my family. We aren't what you usually link with immortality, vampires, we are more like what people think witches are. We have powers and can do spells, but we aren't as physically weak as the myths of witches. There is only one known way to completely kill us, for us to die after ingesting ghost orchids, which thanks to my brothers, is one of the rarest plants in the world. My older brothers, Kyungho, who is 5 years older than me, and Dohyun, who is 3 years older than me, made it their goal around a hundred years ago to make the ghost orchid close to extinct and make sure we were the only ones to own the plant after it was used against our oldest sister Seondeok by a witch trying to remove our existence from Earth.

We became this way in the year 520, meaning we have been this way for over 1500 years, by our parents who were practising witches. Our parents were the head of the community, so they had access to all the power of the rest of the witches, so they used it to protect their four children against the illness and poverty of our village. The spell itself took a sacrifice, our father, to complete, but after the village found out what happened, they killed our mother as well, leaving the four of us alone. The villagers completely destroyed our home trying to find my mother's spell book, to destroy this spell as they believed it would only cause evil, but I took it before my siblings, and I left and have never shown it to another person.

The death of our sister sent Kyungho into a spiral, and he left Dohyun and I alone after they got rid of the ghost orchid, so since then we have been looking for him. Kyungho and Seondeok were only a year apart in age, so they always grew up like twins, and Seondeok had taken over the role as all of our guardians after the passing of our parents. We traced Kyungho down to Seoul, which conveniently is very close to the village we originally called home.

"Remind me why I am the one being sent to school?" I asked Dohyun as he handed my backpack to me with massive grin on his face, I swear I'm always the one being put into these situations.

"Because I clearly look like the older one out of the two of us, plus you are technically still 17 Seonhwa" He explained grabbing my shoulders and turning me around to push me out of the front door and towards his car.

"Yeah, but why school? How am I meant to help find Kyungho in a confined space with a bunch of teenagers for half my day?" I questioned him as we both sat down in the car.

"Because we need to keep as low a profile as possible, and I'm sure a 17 year old girl running around in the middle of the day isn't low profile. Now I'll keep eye on the area with working in the police station and I'll let you know when I find anything" He explained, I just took that as the end of the conversation, unwilling to continue in circles. We quietly sat in the car for the rest of the drive to the school, which was only around 5 minutes away.

"So just try your hardest to keep a low profile and make some friends," Dohyun said as I got out of the car "See you later" He quickly shouted as I closed the door. This must be around the tenth time I had become a high school student over the years, but the first time back in Seoul. My siblings and I tried to live a life in as many countries as possible, but almost every time was found out and chased out of the cities. We were unwanted by witches but were feared by humans, mainly thought of as a myth.

I walked into the main office of the school after receiving many looks off of students, obviously wondering who I was. As much as my brother wanted me to, I did not care for making friends, I was purely there to get Kyungho back.

Now you may wonder why we continue living on after all these years, well we all have our own reasons. Kyungho has dedicated himself to revenge, which I never fully agreed with, he spent many years tracking down and killing the ancestors of those who killed our mother. Dohyun on the other hand lives for us all, he always wanted the rest of us to find happiness and love, which links to Seondeok, she kept going to try to find her true love, he died from illness back when we were all still mortal, so she was looking for him reincarnated. Then that leaves me, I was always unsure on why I kept going, maybe it was the guilt of leaving my siblings, being the youngest they were always so protective of me, and after Seondeok's death, I never wanted either of my brothers to go through that again. For now, the reason is finding Kyungho, then after that, I just need to look for another reason.

"Hi I'm the new student Sohee," I said to the woman at the front office. I used a fake name as my name is rather old sounding, Dohyun thought it was best for me to use a more modern name to fit in more.

The woman just looked at me before looking back at her screen to find me, she quickly wrote something onto a sticky note and handed it over to me, it had my classroom on it. She never looked back at me so I assumed that just meant for me to go find the room myself.

I quickly turned away from the desk and accidentally bumped into a boy who was taller than me.

"Oh I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have been standing so close" He apologised after holding me, stopping me from falling over.

"It's okay," I said stepping back, giving myself some distance from the boy.

"I'm Kim Seungmin, are you new?" He asked, obviously noticing he had never seen me around before, this was a rather small school, only having one class per year group.

"Oh yeah, I'm Sohee," I told him as he looked down at the note in my hand.

"Ah we are in the same year, do you need help getting to the class" I responded with a quick nod. "Well I'm just grabbing some books from the teacher's office so if you want to come with me I'll show you to the class," He said, as we quickly walked to the office.

I stood a bit behind him as we walked down the hallway, not really wanting to start a whole conversation. We arrived at the office and I stayed outside as Seungmin walked over to one of the desks, I looked around the room to see a few teachers sitting at their desks with some students doing what I presume is the same as Seungmin.

"Okay, let's head to the class," Seungmin said with a smile as he walked over to me. I just quietly followed again while looking around the hallways, they were as you see almost every school, the walls an off-white colour with many windows looking out across the front of the school. We soon stopped outside one of the classrooms as Seungmin opened the door.

He walked over to whom I presumed was the teacher and handed over the books he had been carrying.

"Here you go, and this is Sohee, she's the new student" Seungmin explained to the teacher.

"Thank you Seungmin," The teacher said as Seungmin went to go sit down leaving us. "Hi Sohee, I am Mr Lee and I will be your homeroom teacher" He started as he opened a drawer in his desk, pulling out a padlock.

"Take this and choose any of the empty lockers at the back of the room, you can use them to put any belongs in that you do not wish to take home or to leave your PE clothes in," he said making me look back, you could tell which ones were used and which were empty as most the student had decorated the outside. "All we ask is nothing permanent decorating them, apart from that it's up to you" He explained to me as I nodded. "Now there is a few spare seats up the back and all the other students are here so feel free to take any" He explained, and I began walking to the back of the classroom, a few students looked over at me, but most were too engrossed in their own conversations.

I took an empty seat at the back next to the window and pulled out the few supplies from my bag.

"You're new," A boy said from in front of make making me look up from my bag.

"Um yeah" I responded going back to what I was doing, placing my bag onto the ground.

"I'm Jisung" He smiled and held out his hand to shake mine.

"Sohee" I said looking at his hand, obviously not willing to take it.

"Not a hand shaker, noted" he said taking his hand back. "Well if you need anything let me know" He added before quickly turning away, he must have noticed my lack of interest in the conversation.

I arranged my notepads and pens onto desk before starting to doodle on the front of one of them. School was really the last place I wanted to be and despite being 1520 years old, my brother still saw me as his 17-year-old sister, therefore making me come here. I understood that if people saw me at home or out around school hours they may question my brother and I so I guess this was the easiest way around it.

"Alright class, we have no new announcements apart from our new student Sohee, so everyone please be nice and make her feel welcome" Mr Lee said making everyone turn to look at me, including those who ignored my presence before. "Now since we have nothing else to discuss use the next ten minutes till your first class wisely" He said as everyone began going back to their previous conversations.

Once Mr Lee left the classroom I saw Seungmin walking over towards me before taking the empty seat next to me.

"So you picked a locker yet?" He asked me and I responded with a quick "nope".

"Well come on and choose one" He said standing up, there was no point in arguing as I could tell Seungmin was the enthusiastic and motivating type. I quickly stood up after him and walked over next to him.

"The one next to me is free if you want it" He suggested smiling to me again.

"Yeah sure" I said as he opened the locker door.

"Now I suggest gift wrapping paper to cover it as its easy to wrap around it if you're wanting to decorate it, also most people have pictures of their family or friends inside" He explained as I took a closer look at the lockers. Most were, as he explained, covered in gift wrapping paper and had sticker letters on them spelling out their names. Seungmin quickly opened his locker and pointed in it.

"Here is a picture of my little sister and I" He showed me as I saw the picture of him with a small girl who looked no older than ten. "She is really annoying, but I guess that is how siblings are" He laughed.

"Tell me about it" I quickly said without really thinking first.

"You got siblings?" He asked.

"Yeah two older brothers and I used to have an older sister" I told him quickly, hoping the 'used to' would get him to stop talking to me, which lucky for me it did.

"Well I'll let you sort out your locker" He awkwardly said before walking back to his seat. I closed the locker and put on the lock the teacher had gave me, before heading back over to my seat.

"Damn how'd you do that?" Jisung said to me once I had sat down.

"Done what?" I asked him.

"Got rid of Seungmin, he always glues himself to the new students to try show them around, he really nice but can be overbearing" He explained to me taking a sip of his water.

"I mentioned my dead sister" I bluntly said making him almost choke.

"Well that's one way to do it" He said before turning back around to face the front of the classroom. Well I guess if I need out a conversation that is the easy out.

A teacher soon walked into the classroom and every one of the student quickly went quiet. This school was known for being one of the top in the country and I was starting to notice that. All the students seems very serious about their studies, and from what I could tell so far was they were all very smart, although I did not have much to go off of so far.

"Right so today we will be getting into our project groups" The teacher explained, I could tell from the books that everyone pulled out, she was the history teacher. History, as much as I am good at it, I dislike the subjects. Who wants to constantly write about their own past and the time periods they lived through. I understand teaching the youth about the countries past to not repeat Wars and such, but been there, done that.

"So please look at the board at the front and get into the groups you see" She explained as she put up the groups onto the board. I quickly looked through the list and found my name, which I half expected to not even be there, in a group with both the boys I had met this morning, Seungmin and Jisung along with another name I did not recognise.

"Look like you're stuck with me" Jisung said turning around to me as I saw Seungmin walking over with another boy who I assumed was the other one in our group. Seungmin sat in the seat next to me as the other boy took the seat next to Jisung.

"This is Sohee" Seungmin said to the other boy as he nodded.

"Hi I'm Hyunjin" He said smiling to me. It appeared he was a mix between Jisung and Seungmin, he had the approachable smile that Seungmin showed and seemed as outgoing as Jisung. I gave him a quick nod as response.

"So you will all choose a ruler or Royalty of Korea, or any historical Kingdom of Korea, and make a presentation on them" the teacher told us all, as the boys began discussing choices.

"I think we should do Queen Seondeok, there is plenty on her life and many dramas have been made" Seungmin suddenly making me slightly shocked, his first thought really had to be my dead sister? I hoped they wouldn't chose anything to do with my past but I guess that's just my luck.

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