#i dont want to disappoint my mom

[alexisnotstraight]

At some point I'll have to come out to everyone

#i dont want to tho #im scared #i know its not gonna be the same #i want to be 3 again #i dont want to disappoint my mom #idk what to do #im tired #im sick #i want to cry #i wish i was straight #im anxious #i dont want my family to see me differently #i know no one is gonna see this but if someone does i will appreciate somo advice

[areyousanta]

Now I remember why I don't draw in front of my family, I get yelled at for it!

#stfusanta #had to shut down a lecture from my grandmother this morning #she was so disappointed in me for not making art my career #'no i wont accept that its your hobby' #'hobbies aren't real! you need to make it your lifes work' #like damn i just like drawing my little silly blonde men #leave me alone #but seriously #the reason i dont is because drawing is the first thing that gave me pure joy #like i get warm and tingly when a drawing turns out the way i want #or mastering a skill ive been working on #and im not harping on people who do art for a living! i think that shits awesome! #but i just dont want that #some people read a book and get lost in it to have their me time #i draw #my moms the same way #both of them say 'i never had a hobby why do you need one!!' #its not my fault you made you life all about work #my grandmother and my moms siblings shame my sister for her hiking #like they think she is insane and irresponsible for working for a few years to save money #and then quitting for a year to hike the AT CDT etc #because she loves it so much and shes lucky that the company she works for will take her back for her job everytime #cause its kinda niche and shes really good at it #but were shamefull for having a hobby that doesnt really run a profit #shame on us i guess

[guinevereslancelot]

#my mom is fighting for this guy so bad but i think its unacceptable #she's saying that he has too many good qualities to end things over that but like to me basic manners is kind of a huge deal lol #i dont want to be with someone who makes me feel bas abt my appearance #he expressed disappointment that i had brown eyes as well and is always trying to get me not to wear my glasses #but he's really smart and we agree on big moral issues and he's working on his law degree #which is why my parents love him #anyway #i know this is the dump his ass website but i'm asking #should i just tell him it was hurtful and give him another chance? #we've been dating about three weeks btw

[bisan-is-trying]

Me joking with my mom while cooking: aren’t you super proud of my cooking skills!! There's no match for me!! Im unstoppable!!

Mom in a solemn voice: but im really disappointed in you

Me: ????

Mom: pursuing your Master's degree, it seems like you no longer care about continuing your studies, it’s like you've frozen that idea.

#way to kill the vibe mom #she is still disappointed that unlike my bachelor's education #i didn't immediately jump to a random university and study whatever random major they gave me #even though i could’ve gotten a neat scholarship and studied something i really liked at the time #at the time i had no idea what im soig and where i wanted to go so i just followed along #but im not suffering through getting a master's degree for something i dont even care about #what she doesnt know is i have a plan. i have been following the plan ever since graduation. #if plan goes perfectly im supposed to start applying either this year or the next #she has no clue sometimes i stay up really late thinking about all the decisions i made and things i can no longer change #i dont want to do the same mistakes again #also its not like i can really afford it right now without a proper scholarship #i get she wants me to be the best at everything but the way she goes about it always makes me feel like a failure #mom...

[wendybergmann]

the biggest emotional whiplash this episode was me about to celebrate jamie's dad being dead to the reveal that he's in rehab and having to sit with the dread of the show giving jamie's dad a redemption arc

#text #ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #jamie tartt #i dont want it #the locker room scene last season felt Too Real as someone with abusive parents and to see the last minute hints at his dad making amends #is honestly disappointing idc if im too biased but i dont like it and dont want it #i feel like his dad crossed a line in my mind you cannot come back from and i understand and support jamie forgiving him but only in the #sense of him letting go not actually having his dad return into his life #jamie was the character I projected daddy issues onto and im a clown for being too invested in that narrative #that and jane are my biggest complaints of the show tbh #this was supposed to be a joke rip #i honestly thought jamies mom was dead and to find out she was alive makes me need to recalibrate #mackenzie speaks

[filmcel]

trying not to throw up and shit myself hahahhaa

#my mom asked if i wanted to go out and i really do want to but if i dont figure out my school shit today its joever for me #i just feel like im wasting my time pretending to care about any of this #it is dumb to just go to school to make my parents happy (even tho im likely gonna haveanother anxiety breakdown thats gonna freak them) #but theyre so disappointed #and theres nothing else i can do #ik learning to drive would help them not wish for me to be DEAD. but thats gonna take awhile #captain's log #i wish there was another option fo rme

[beomnoullitheorem]

Just wanna ramble but don't have any guts. That hurts a lot more than anything actually :)

#noulli's mushrooms #plus Im a little sad cause my mom told me so many bitter truths about me and my body #its truth so I need to accept it but it just hurts that she didnt feel like telling it before but breaks it to me in an argument #that shit hurts more than knwing it right away #apparently im too ugly for short hair so I aint going anywhere #and apparently if I dont study #im not going to get any pizza or garlic bread which makes me happy #that ks also because im so chubby and in indian beauty standards a skinny girl is prettiest #but shes been telling me to get skinny for years and I didnt do it but idk anynore #im too ugly and im a disappointment #she was so rude and bitter #i dobt know we argue everytime but today was just different #she was cold bitter and rude #so hurting and so rude... #idk i dont even feel like crying because i just dobt wanna show anyone my tears #and she doesnt even let me do a part time cause she wants me to stidy full time #and then make me feel like im a burden #ugh... im sorry if anyone reads this #actually im a student and Im always studying so I dont have a job and little things make me hapoy thats why i sound weird #please dont mind me #i just wanna rant

[bingobongobonko]

youve got a real funny way of thinking about things

#vent #cant draw for shit rn but helps #idc #anyhow ill be chill im just overstimulated and kind of disappointed in myself for my entire self #my friend bought a house for her mom and im just kinda like. Ohmmm. blinking. thats awesome dude fuck #it IS awesome #i dont even know what to say. thats awesome #i should be doing the same shit and yet #i am cowering in my room because lights are scary and voices make me on edge #i should be more proactive not reactive #why do i act like this #i wish i was somebody else #am i a loser #might be #i certainly dont want to say im useless bc useless implies that ppl who cant meet societal goals #are of no use 2 society which i dont agree with whatsoever. why would u #but i definitely dont feel useful

[todayisafridaynight]

the only real major difference between rgg and y7 arakawa's wardrobe is how he wears his coat + bling and the scarf but it's such a difference

#snap chats #like with jo it's pretty much an entirely difference guy not just design but personality wise (borrowing from the previous still tho obvi) #but masumi just tones it down in y7....... #'snap what got you thinkin a this. and why are you tapping yuor keyboard so fuckin aggressively?????' #FIRST OFF i'm COLD. fun fact after my dad decided to confront my mom bout cheating he had to sleep in the basement for months #before he moved of course. and now im really grasping how awful that must have been #LIKE BEING BOOTED TO THE BASEMENT FOR DOING NOTHING WRONG SUCKS ANYWAY BUT god im freezing #ironic... im down here cause i dont want to see my ma.... history repeats im just like my father etc etc ANYWAYS NOT THE POINT #SORRYYYYYYY MAIN POINT TIME. SORRY. MAIN POINT. #i wanted to draw arakawa with his rgg outfit more. like i already dick around with daigo's outfit when i draw him #it wouldnt even be dicking around if i did it for arakawa... just choosin to draw the previous outfit #at the very least i might steal the barcelets and his shirt because his rgg shirt is a different style #also it's more open. PEEPAW. #i totally forgot to mention on the last time i drew his outfit #but if you saw me using the same purple and pink i use for jo no you didnt. but you did look at it right now #every time i think of rgg arakawa's outfit though i just hear mirror b's theme from pokemon gales of darkness #this is a compliment because mirror b is ALSO incredibly swaggy oh my god i have to listen to his theme brb #my disappointment when i grew up and found out mirror b wasn't a girl though. because for some reason i thought he was a girl #and just ignored every instance of referring to him as a guy. #alright im done being insane i have to sketch a thing then im gonna uhhhhhhhhhhhh watch stuff the rest of the night :) BYE

[britneyshakespeare]

i got all dressed for an afternoon day at the middle school and then i checked the sub software and saw my assignment was cancelled. so i got into some jeans and a sweatshirt

#im not wearing my nice skirt and long flowy shirt all alone in my house #this is minimally disappointing but honestly? not TOO much lol #tales from diana #i dont have any other work days this week tho hahahaha but ive kind of been in declining health again #like cant-work-two-full-days-in-a-row-anymore kinda bad #i hate this shit. my mom wants me to call my doctor again about it but ive had so much despair seeking medical help #considering this whole time it's done nothing fo rme #whatever. maybe later maybe later! #i did already take adderall though so hopefully ill at least do some reading #almost done the epic of gilgamesh girlies. wut wut

[itsjustbell]

Im 19, as of two days ago, and it feels the same but also oddly strange.

Like no time has passed, but also like the year has zipped by extraordinarily fast.

I haven't had a party since I was about eight I think. It's too much work, my friends are too busy, and takes alot of energy.

Still, I spent the day before with a friend I hold close in my heart. The day of I spent with my family with delicious food and we had cake by the empty hearth.

I got messages from all the friends who mattered. Though they were all the same, it was enough to know they remembered.

The day still felt like anyother. But I was happy so I guess what the fuck does it matter.

#idk wrote this while just thinking about how birthdays dont seem like that big of a deal anymore now that im older #same with all holidays #hell i didnt even really my birthday was so soon until my mom asked me what i wanted to do #i used to count the days before it was my birthday and now its just kinda not on my mind anymore #i look forward to the good food and the tiny gifts tho #the food has definitely gotten better as ive gotten older so thats a plus #i dont invite multiple friends over anymore cuz Im scared of anyone feeling left out and entertaining people is draining #my younger self would probably be a little disappointed that I dont go to big parties like I thought I would but fuck that lol #enjoying my friends company in small bite sized pieces is awesome cuz I get to let them each have my full attention and time #idk lol #poetry?

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

people dont talk about being trans when you have a family member with memory/cognitive issues. my mom can barely differentiate between me (a grown adult) and her 4 year old granddaughter. she keeps forgetting that everyone but me has moved out. almost every night she gets worried that we have a baby here that isnt being watched properly. how the hell am i supposed to TRANSITION and go by my new name and present the way i really want to when half the time she ALREADY doesnt seem to recognize me???

im not.. trying to make it about me. trust me i spend MOST of my time worrying about her and making sure she's ok, but i cant deny that a big part of why i haven't made the move to stary medically transitioning is because i dont want to confuse or upset my mom... even at the expense of my own happiness

#personal #dont rb #i mean tbh ive already wasted most of my life so far worrying about her comfort at the expense of my happiness #its the main reason im such a boring person. disappointing or upsetting my mom has always been my number one fear #like ive been glued to her hip for almost my entire life. our relationship is definitely a little codependent. or a lot tbh. #and it sucks bc i do want to branch out and become more independent and enjoy my life while im young but... she's sick #and she needs me #and everyone else is so fucking busy and overwhelmed all the time... #and i cant bring myself to ask anyone to take care of her for me so i can go.. goof off. no matter how much i need it i just CAN'T #its one thing to ask for time off so i can rest and get some time to myself but to ask for time off just to goof off??? idk...

[catholicjinx]

um.

#so its my brothers birthday today and he wants to go to a mfing TRAMPOLINE PARK #which is fine like ok ill go and ill watch u guys do whatever #but now my mom is making me go despite me telling her that im going tobbe in excruciating pain and #its gonna make me anxious #but then she kept telling me i was a terrible brother andnperson if i dont go and when i said i just really didnt want to for the sake o #of my anxiety she told me she was heavily disappointed in me #aaaaand now im really anxious because i keep getting ptsd flashbacks #on top of everything my. best friend wont text me after we broke up and imm really scared i did something wrong #dont rb #hdhshdhdh ive been awake for 20 MINUTES

[silenthillbunni]

why does my mom treat me like this....

#honestly... #im so angry and disappointed with her rn #im just so tired of her #i wish i could move out and didnt have to live with my family #it's so exhausting that if i want it to be good atmosphere at home i have to apologize constantly #i have to be quiet and never talk abt my feelings or say what i think #i dont wanna be like that. it's unhealthy for me #but whenever i stand my ground and have boundaries my sisters get mad and my mom get mad and boom they're all ignoring me #so i just want to move out and live on my own #if i didnt have to talk to them often i would be able to have a much better and more shallow relationship with them #anyway i fucking hate my birthday and its in two days and yet again my mom is making me feel like shit and doesnt care abt me #i genuinely feel like my mom doesnt care abt me or my feelings

[wheresmulder]

.

#having a bad time #remember when I said I was gonna put off the wedding until my birthday and that would solve all my problems #Well it actually solved none of my problems #had a full blown panic attack this time #bc I've been making plans for the holidays with my best friend #obviously these plans will be including my wonderful fiance who I'm thinking of leaving #not me having to pretend to be excited about spending Christmas together with my loved ones #Now I'm like I have to do it before the holidays bc how am I going to spend the next 2 months putting on a show of being happy #When I literally just spent the last 45 minutes bawling my eyes out at the thought of making xmas cookies with my significant other #bc a month from then ill either have to leave him or marry him #and i don't want to marry him #but I can't even tell my best friend who I've known since I was 5 this information because she loves him just as much as I do #I fucking hate it here and i genuinely wish that i was never born #Literally don't want to be here anymore #he and I've barely talked this week bc ive been avoiding him bc I can't stop thinking about how im gonna wreck our whole lives #the number of people im gonna disappoint #the way his daughters are gonna take it (badly) #our moms #i cant fjcking do this like im #am i going to just marry him anyway bc i dont have the guts to call it off #it honestly shouldn't scare me this much to think abt that #i sound so fucking ridiculous #personal

[weedplantar]

A week and a half into the school year and already I'm thinking about how much I don't want to do this

#i graduate high school and get my associates degree at the same time next year #and after that my mom wants me to go to a 4 year college and get my bachelor's and masters degree and maybe even my doctorate #so another 5-9 years of school #idk if i can do it #or if i even want to #but if i dont transfer to a 4 year after this she'll be SO disappointed and angry #and what do i even do then? i dont know what jobs i want or can handle. if i only have my hs diploma and an associate's then #my options are super limited #idk what to do #or what outcome i want #im so tired of all the pressure and expectations #im sorry for venting and being too personal but i just feel. trapped.