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dpr-stay · 10 months

Text

Through the years | D.K

Doh Kyungsoo x f1driver!Reader

Warnings: Swears, a lot of crack

WC: 9.1k (ik, kill me now)

Howdy Cowpeople! This one is... hefty. This wasn’t supposed to be as long as it was but when I get in a groove... I think I made it obvious but I just wanted it to be over L O L. This one is pretty niche, but hopefully it can be enjoyed by both sides as it is a driver!reader.

(I didn't edit this, whoops)

2015

“Can you explain this picture?” The reporter asks, hovering in front of you with a phone in hand. The crappy quality is amplified as they have zoomed into the point where the picture is unrecognizable. You squint your eyes to see it and can’t make out quite what they’re trying to show.

“Sorry, w-what is that?” You ask, drawing back and squinting your eyes, resisting the urge to close them from exhaustion. Whoever decided it would be a good idea to do interviews after nearly 100 continuous laps in some barely held together race car with no break was a sadist. No other explanation.

“Oh! It’s a picture of you in a car with a guy.” The reporter said eagerly and shoved the phone your way. You briefly looked at the camera, an unimpressed look on your face, before turning back to the phone and squinting again.

You paused for a minute and drew back, your face still scrunched up, and exhaled.

“Nahhhhhh.” The drew out word left your mouth.

The reporter’s head tilted and they frowned.

“But it is! It’s you in Seoul after the Japanese Grand Prix!” He continued, looking very determined. You plastered a confused expression on your face.

“I’ve never been to Seoul before.” His face dropped and he turned back to his phone, as though trying to rationalize what he was hearing.

“Have you just taken a picture of… two random people in a car? To me it honestly doesn’t even look like anything cause it’s so zoomed in but to each their own.” You finished your words with a shrug.

“No, my source told me that that was 100% you! They said they saw you get in the car at the airport.” He continued on, undeterred by your flat disregard.

“I hate to say it, your contact’s wrong. I’ve never even set foot in the country.” You shrugged before turning to your PR manager who was gesturing for you to leave, with rather forceful movements. That was to clue you in that you were in trouble. With her personally or with the boss man, you didn’t know.

“Lovely to see you again, though.” You smiled and held your hand over. The interviewer tentatively took it and you exchanged good-byes before you turned around and left to go onto more interviews. The glance you exchanged with your PR manager told you that you were lucky you had not been caught out on your multiple lies and you heaved a sigh of relief to yourself.

Being the only female driver in a heavily male dominated sport was incredibly stressful. Add to that the eyes of reporters trying to find you doing anything remotely weird to spin it into a scandal and you had a lot of things to worry about. Especially since you had just started a relationship with a highly coveted Kpop singer which you were determined to keep under wraps.

You both had a bet running with each other. The first person to reveal the relationship would lose. There was no consequence but your pride, something which both of you had a bit too much of.

And so, a game was born. It simultaneously made you more careful of revealing your relationship while also making it a fun game.

This also meant that you had to start constantly lying to reporters to get out of tricky situations. Surely nothing bad could ever come from this.

2016:

“How does it feel to be a key contender for the championship?” Asked a reporter, directing it to, of course, Lewis Hamilton, who was sat beside Daniel in a panel of drivers. You were sat on the other side of Daniel, the small desk in front of you reaching for miles on either side.

As Lewis gave the carbon copy response that he had given to every interviewer so far, Daniel leaned over to whisper in your ear.

“I’m surprised they haven’t called him out on that yet.” He then reached for his plastic water bottle and took a sip. You considered this for a second before leaning to his side and answered, not turning your face from the crowd of reporters.

“I’m surprised they haven’t called you out on your disgusting trim.” He jolted forward at this unprompted attack on his hair and the choking sound he emanated drew attention from all in the room, all watching him with curious eyes as he tried to regain his breath.

“You alright mate?” Lewis asked, one of his eyebrows arching.

“Y-yeah I’m fine.” Daniel replied, waving his hand, eager to have attention off of his spluttering. It took a while but eventually all the cameras were aimed back at Lewis, so Daniel took the opportunity to elbow you hard in the side, your reaction being to topple off your chair dramatically. Usually one for the dramatics, you’re not sure you’ve ever seen Daniel want the cameras off him so much.

Hidden behind a small desk, you could only hear the questioning tones calling out your name and see Daniel’s slightly panicked face urging you to get up and back on your chair. With one single hand, you reached for the desk and slowly pulled yourself up.

You released a deep breath as you hauled yourself into your seat and turned to face the crowd of reporters who were looking at you. With a grand hand gesture, you motioned for them to continue with their interviews and turned slightly to Daniel with a smile. He shot you back an exasperated glance before your name was called from the crowd of reporters. You looked towards the reporter and he began speaking.

“So, as you’re the only female on the grid I feel the need to ask, if you could date any of the drivers, who would it be?” The eager face he had contrasted with your entirely unimpressed face. You could hear Daniel begin to start speaking and you could feel the defensive energy emanating from the rest of the drivers on the panel, but before any of them could interrupt with scathing criticism about the misogyny that permeated the question, you replied to the reporter.

“Literally none of them, I’d rather die.” Your response was met with general silence before Daniel started laughing as usual.

“Really? You wouldn’t fancy any of them?” The reporter asked, almost in disbelief.

“No!” You said almost equally in disbelief.

“I’m fine with what I have at home!” You added on after a second.

“Are you saying you’re in a relationship???” The reporter was on the edge of his seat, others shoving their microphones and cameras trying to get a good shot. You dramatically pondered that for a second before replying.

“I wouldn’t say that, I just have other things at home.” You said that and then leaned back, shrugged, and didn’t say anything else into the mic even at the reporters continual uproar as they took in the implications of that statement.

You, luckily, were able to avoid the increasingly weird questions by just not answering and smiling. You weren’t as lucky to miss the smirks thrown your way by the other drivers.

2017:

“It doesn’t count!” You said in disbelief, aiming it at the microphone of your phone.

“Mmm I’d say it counts.” Kyungsoo replied back teasingly, his voice echoing into your AirPods.

“You can’t go back on your word!! You said it was fine last year!” You were sitting at a table in your company's hospitality, having a conversation with Kyungsoo on the phone, blissfully unaware of the interviews going on outside the building which had a clear view into the small area.

“Yeah but it’s been two years, one of us has to call it quits soon.” Your face contorted before Kyungsoo quickly amended his statement.

“The bet! The bet! Sorry, that came out the wrong way.”

You just shook your head, a small smile growing on your lips.

“You bastard, you had me a little worried.” He scoffed in response. He had been speaking quietly into the phone as he was hiding in a closet in the SM building, taking a break from practice to talk to you. A true charmer.

“As if.” He replied shortly, a loud scuffling heard on his side.

“One second.” He said, as a banging sound came through into your headphones.

“Come on Hyung! Get off the phone and come back before someone else finds you!” Kai’s voice could be heard through the door. A pause before the banging started again.

“Also tell her I said hello!” You giggled at the younger man’s words and Kyungsoo’s sigh in response.

“I’ll call you after the race, do your best, I love you.” Kyungsoo muttered into his phone before shouting back to Kai something about respect and to shut up. It just made you laugh more.

“I love you too, practice well and I’ll call you soon.” You finally said in response after the yelling died down.

“Bye.” He said before quickly tacking on another “love you” and then he hung up.

After he hung up you just stared at your screen for a second with a smile you would 100% not call radiant on your face. It was quickly wiped off when your PR manager popped up out of nowhere and started talking about interviews, causing you to switch to English as you stood up and followed him.

However, the interview still captured your little moment and the conversation preluding it. You knew this because, when you went back to your phone after the race, Baekhyun had sent you a picture of your smile through the tinted glass with a smirking emoji as well as a picture of Kyungsoo on the floor in the closet in the dark talking to you on the phone, not to mention the hounding you got at the next press conference.

2018:

You knew it was risky to do a live in your own apartment, especially since you were in a completely different country than where you were claiming you were.

But your PR team wanted you to do it, and you couldn’t exactly tell them no, even if you were currently lying to them about your circumstances. You were a bit worried that something unexplainable might happen like the South Korean national anthem suddenly blaring but what you weren’t worried about was the person who you were living with coming back and interrupting your live.

Kyungsoo was at practice and, while you were ok with him skipping it to talk to you on the phone, you didn’t want him to skip it now, as you had been promised a few days without any interruption if he went to every practice. So he was at practice and you were fulfilling all your expected PR duties for the next couple of days, which included the live.

Regardless of your hesitations, you set up your phone on your coffee table facing the entrance to your home and sat on the couch before turning on the live. Immediately people joined, flooding the chat and making your phone vibrate.

“Uhhh hello everyone.” You awkwardly greeted as you tried to think of things to say. Kyungsoo would be fantastic at this, you couldn’t help but think, always having to do live’s with his members.

“How’s everyone’s days been?” You settled on and watched the responses roll into the chat. You noticed a few drivers had joined your live and even a few of the boys from F2 and F3 were watching, which you thought was pretty nice of them considering it was mainly you rambling for around 30 minutes.

Your manager wanted you to do an hour minimum for the live and the time seemed to stretch for years, you continuously making small talk and occasionally replying to comments. You even snuck in a few jokes for the other drivers before, around the 55 minute mark, a sound came from your end.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you wondered where the noise was coming from, looking around the apartment. Quickly standing up, you looked around the apartment, making a lighthearted joke about ghosts as you nervously tried to find the origin of the sound.

You realised that sound was the wrong key being put in the lock as soon as you registered the sound of the correct key being put in.

As Kyungsoo opened the door, you made the biggest leap you think you have ever made. It would’ve had to have been around 4 meters surely. Somehow you had leapt onto the coffee table, knocking your phone down. Kyungsoo was staring at you weirdly as you violently gestured at him to shush. He raised an eyebrow.

“Are you ok?” He asked, his deep voice sounding as lovely as ever. You took a second, contemplating your options in this circumstance before coming to a logical conclusion.

You started to scream.

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!” Kyungsoo’s face shifted to one of confusion as yours was full of desperation.

“YOU CRAZY PSYCHO! GET OUT!!” You continued to yell in perfect English, a contrast from his peaceful question, and gestured for Kyungsoo to close the door, which he did, albeit very confused.

As soon as he closed the door, you maneuvered yourself so that you weren’t facing him and quickly picked up your phone from underneath you.

“Oh my god, what just happened.” You said, showing the camera your roof. You picked up the phone and started fidgeting with it.

“‘Are you ok?’ Yeah I’m fine, I just gotta figure out how to change the locks. I’ll uh.. I’ll get back to you guys. See you later.” You said absentmindedly, as you ended the live.

You paused for a second, sat back on your heels, and sighed, staring up at the roof. The sound of footfalls reached your ears and you didn’t react when Kyungsoo placed a hand on your shoulder.

“I’m not losing this bet.” You mumbled, staring at the ground. An incredulous laugh left him at that as he reached his hand further and brought your face to look at him. A smile that there was no other way to describe but goofy was spread across his face.

“You’re still thinking of that?” He asked and you nodded.

“I take our bet very seriously.” You said before he slightly shook his head, gave you a kiss on the forehead, and moved towards the kitchen.

You picked yourself up and moved to the dining table as he started work in the kitchen. And, as he made a delicious dinner that you both enjoyed, you started to field off your PR team asking who was in your house and ignoring the comments wondering why the guy was speaking Korean in the middle of England.

2019:

It was approximately ten minutes before you had to be in the car and ready to go, and you were half-way there. You had your fireproofs and race suit on and you were being herded towards your car by a crowd of engineers. Strategies and specifics were being directed at you and you could only nod and act as though you were absorbing what they were saying.

Even after four years on the job some people felt they just couldn’t rely on you. Honestly, they should just let you do your thing, you knew what you were doing.

No! God, ever since Kyungsoo had joined the military you’d been irritable and quick to anger on the track. Your poor engineers were trying their best to get through to you, likely because they wanted to keep their jobs, but you’d been incredibly closed off since after you got back from the honeymoon.

Oh yeah, you got married. During a break and right before Kyungsoo was scheduled to start his enlistment, you got married down in a small courthouse with only a few people from either side. You had your family, a few close friends, and a few drivers while Kyungsoo had his family, a few close friends, and the whole of EXO.

It was very emotional and intimate, but that was how you’d describe your relationship so you were very happy with it. You were also extremely happy with the week get-away in the middle of nowhere in New Zealand that followed after, a week of people not recognising both you, farmers markets, and sheep. Lot’s of sheep.

But ever since he’d flown off to do his duty to his country (and shaved his head, no one should look that good with a shaved head) and you’d flown to your next race, you’d been incredibly… angry.

You didn’t know if it had to do with not seeing Kyungsoo for the better part of two years or having that split immediately after the wedding, but what you did know was that it was affecting your racing so you had to snap out of it.

Being dragged back to the present you quickly hopped in the car and performed all of your checks on the steering wheel and adjusted things while people flitted around outside the car, adjusting things and making sure the car was in proper state.

After a quick radio check, the call to start up for the formation lap (you were in P11 after a pretty dodgy qualifying) was relayed and all around you could hear car’s engines coming to life. You glanced at your engineers and snapped down your visor at their nod, starting the car.

Before you pressed the throttle something quickly came to mind. You rapidly gestured for one of your engineers to come close to you, incredibly conscious of all the cars revving around you. The poor engineer almost sprinted to you as you started to fiddle with the zip of your racesuit, the gloves you were wearing prohibiting you from unzipping it.

The engineer's face was comically concerned and he slowly reached forwards before you looked up and grabbed his outreached hand. His face immediately went to one of shock as you made his hand grab the zip and unzip the front part of the suit.

Choosing to ignore the cameras capturing this interaction you continued unzipping it till it lay around your collarbones, hoping the cameras don’t catch any of your naked shoulders. The engineer's face then relaxed as he saw the necklace around your neck and he quickly reached in, almost leaning over the car, to move your necklace around your neck till the latch was in front of him.

He cautiously unlatched the necklace before zipping up your race suit. You immediately relaxed as the pressure around your neck was relieved. Before he could retreat back to the crowd of engineers, you grabbed the hand that wasn’t holding your necklace and slapped it appreciatively with your other hand.

He retreated as you powered up the car and started to move it forwards, letting all the cars that needed to go before go before you started to move.

Your team radio started up as you were leaving the pit lane.

“You all had us very confused there.” Your race engineer said as you started your cruise around the track.

“Yeah, sorry I completely forgot about it. But I thought it was better to take it off.” You said, pressing down on the throttle.

“He better not lose that though. I want that back at the end of the race.” You subtly threatened, suddenly thinking of the rings that were attached to the necklace. You hoped that maybe the cameras hadn’t seen your wedding and engagement rings but you knew there was no chance they hadn’t not captured it. Oh well.

“I don’t know if you’ll get it back by the end of the race.” Your engineer said, her tone almost sarcastic.

“What’s that mean?” You asked, letting the car cruise.

“You’ll probably be killed by your PR team first.” She said bluntly. So bluntly it made you laugh.

“I’ve got a race to focus on.” You reminded her, leaving out the part that you had a race to think of an excuse as to why you have two rings attached to a necklace around your neck.

And you did think of an excuse, wearing the necklace proudly during post-race interviews and saying it was a family heirloom that had been passed on to you by your grandma whenever you were questioned about it.

The moment still went viral though, people questioning the relationship between you and the engineer. It went viral enough to that you had to suffer through teasing by Daniel and his accomplice Max Verstappen (you didn’t know how the kid knew you were married but you suspected it had something to do with an annoying Australian) not to mention the shit being talked in the EXO group chat you were in.

I mean seriously, all of those guys are millionaires, does Chen have nothing else to do with his time than bully the wife of his bandmate?

2020: (sorry Alex)

Somehow you got signed to RedBull on a year contract. Not to say you weren’t grateful for the opportunity but you were definitely a bit confused. But anyway, you let bygones be bygones and now you had a 22 year-old dutch nuisance under your wing.

He was a great kid but god, was he traumatized. You were convinced he’d never seen a healthy family dynamic, so you were more than happy to let him see how you and Kyungsoo functioned. Or at least how you functioned when he was not in the military.

You kind of felt like a life coach for the kid, telling him when he was being taken advantage of or when he should continue with something. You’d been woken up plenty of times in the middle of the night by him drunkenly whining into the phone about wanting to go “home”, something neither of you commented on when he woke up on your couch the next day.

So, safe to say, you’d practically adopted a child without the permission of your husband.

This extended to on the track as well, you’d gotten into a few mild disagreements with Jos Verstappen after his cruel comments which often involved you looking at him angrily and him shit-talking you in interviews about you being a woman. You’d often have to refrain from saying that you’d always be more of a man than him, but alas, you didn’t want to get kicked from your seat.

You knew that Max was extremely appreciative of your dynamic, even commenting on it a few times during interviews, saying that he was very happy to have you as a teammate. After that interview you almost felt like you and his lover, Daniel, were able to give him some sort of an idea of what a normal family relationship should look like.

This sentiment was definitely reinforced when a loud knocking on your Monaco apartment door happened in the early afternoon. It was a weekend with no race, so you were soaking in relaxation. You were having a nice bubble bath after having read for the whole morning, so you were hesitant to hop out of the bath.

The knocking persisted however, and with a sigh, you got out of the bath and wrapped a bathrobe around you before loudly yelling you’d be a minute. You tugged on some sweats which weren’t yours and put your hair in a towel before eventually making your way to the door.

You might’ve taken more than a minute, but it didn’t matter when you opened the door and were greeted with the image of Max Verstappen on his knees, face pressed into the expensive hallway carpet. What a sight to see, the prodigy and most highly anticipated driver of his time, lying face-first on the floor.

“What the fuck?” You asked, immediately crouching down to his level after a quick glance to see that none of your neighbors had left their apartments to check on the banging (pretentious, self-concerned people).

You rolled him over, your confusion doubling as you took in the remorseful look etched across the young man's face, almost tripling as you took in the barely concealed tears in his eyes. Your heart ached though and you pulled him up so that he was sitting on his knees.

“I’m so sorry.” He muttered as your face contorted in confusion. What had happened? “Come inside Max.” You said quietly, helping him up from his spot on the floor and leading him inside, locking the door after you both. Leading him to the couch, you left him after putting the throw blanket over his shoulders, and went to make both of you a tea.

You noticed your phone constantly vibrating on your kitchen counter and quickly chucked it on do not disturb, not checking the notifications because you were more concerned with your teary teammate.

After grabbing the teas you made your way to the couch, setting them down on coasters on the coffee table, before sitting on the edge of the ‘L’ piece of the couch, so you were facing Max. You grabbed his hand from his lap where he had been nervously picking at his nail beds.

“What’s wrong Max?” You asked calmly, bringing his hand to your lap to stop him from hurting himself. He looked up at you, a few tears having rolled down his cheeks.

Whatever had happened had fucked him up. You didn’t think it was a fight with his dad, he’d sadly become pretty unresponsive to those. You briefly considered him losing his seat but shook that off, he was doing exceptionally well.

Maybe you’d lost your seat and he was sent to deliver the news. That would make more sense, especially as your phone was blowing up. You hadn’t been performing very well, but you didn’t think they’d drop you from your seat midway through the season, especially during a season as turbulent as this one.

It was the only reason that made sense though, so you prepared yourself for the news that you would be unemployed. Maybe you’d go back to F2 or maybe IndyCar? Or you could just move to South Korea and live there permanently, letting Kyungsoo fulfill his passion for acting and singing while you did a few kart races to occasionally quench your thirst for adrenaline.

That actually didn’t sound too bad, though you’d definitely have to discuss it with Kyungsoo when he got back from enlistment, which meant around 5 months of unemployment. But hey, you had the money and so did Kyungsoo.

Max snapped you from your thoughts of the future by clearing his throat.

“You don’t know?” He asked, curiously glancing up at you. You furrowed your eyebrows.

“No…” You said, conveying your confusion. “Should I?”

“Have you checked your phone recently?” Yep, you were definitely getting fired. You should probably start packing now. Maybe Daniel could get his seat back? You shook your head in response to his quiet question.

“I’ve just been reading all morning.” Max nodded, a small ‘ah’ leaving his mouth as he stared at the floor. He reached for his tea, his hand leaving your lap. You narrowed your eyes at that, following his movements as he sipped, a gasp immediately leaving his throat as he burnt it.

You immediately cussed and sprung up from your couch to grab a glass of cold water, running back to the couch and giving it to Max, watching as he gulped down the glass. When he finished he turned back to you and thanked you, before pausing for a second and bursting into another round of tears. You placed a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re really freaking me out Max. Can you please tell me what’s wrong?” You asked gently, trying to make him catch your eye.

“Promise you won't hate me?” His small voice asked and you internally crumpled at his vulnerable question. Honestly you never thought you’d end up gentle-parenting a teammate like he was a child of yours, especially since you were only like 5 years older than him, but here you were, caring for him like family.

“Yes, I won’t hate you Max.” You repeated as he finally caught your eye. He took a deep breath before starting to speak.

“I was doing an interview for the press and they started asking questions about other drivers and my relationship to them. They then asked about you and I said that I’m really close to you and etcetera.” Ok, seems pretty normal so far. At least you weren’t getting fired, hopefully.

“And they asked if I see you more as a mother figure or a romantic interest.” He said before quickly turning his eyes away. This confused you before you clued in.

“Oh Max.” You said quietly and he turned back to you. “I’m flattered you feel that way but I am married and I am loyal-”

“No, no, no!” He said, louder than he’d ever spoken in the time since he was on the floor. His cheeks had turned bright red as he looked in your eyes.

“No, I didn’t say that I saw you romantically!” He quickly amended and you breathed a sigh of relief, smiling.

“Ok, that’s good! I didn’t want our friendship to be awkward.” You said, looking at him for a response. He just grimaced and averted his gaze. You gestured for him to go on confusedly and he began speaking again.

“And I said more like a mother-figure.” A statement which made you feel positive things you don’t want to address. “Then I may have accidentally said that, even though I haven’t met him, I see your husband as more of a father-figure as well.” He quickly rushed the last part out and you sat, stunned.

The room went silent while you processed what he told you. Fuuuuckkk. How much trouble were you going to be in? I mean the team knew, but this wasn’t something you could pass off as your grandmother's rings. This was undeniable proof that you had a husband. God press days were going to suck after this unless you could somehow make an excuse.

As time went on he seemed to collapse in on himself, the energy quickly switching to something you didn’t like.

“To be honest I thought you were going to tell me I’d lost my seat.” You said and Max’s head snapped up. “What?” He asked, disbelieving.

“Yeah I know, crazy.” You laughed, dragging out the last word, trying to establish a more relaxed aura in the room.

“No, why haven’t you kicked me out yet?” It was at times like this you really wanted to punch Jos Verstappen in the face. You made an over exaggerated confused face, hoping the fact that that had never gone through your mind was on display in your face.

“Max, why would I do that?” You asked, your voice very quickly becoming soothing.

“Why aren’t you mad at me? You’ve spent years hiding this! You should be yelling at me!” He said, standing up. You tried, in vain, to get him to sit down by gently calling him, but he started pacing.

“I’ve just ruined your chances at revealing this yourself, at ever having another peaceful day in your marriage, and all you can do is make a joke?!” He almost started yelling, clenching his fists. You got fed-up and yelled his name, calling his attention to you.

“You’re in my house as my guest. You will not tell me what to do or how to handle situations. Sit your ass down.” You yelled, your voice incredibly commanding. He followed your instructions and sat smally in front of you.

“Max. It was eventually going to come out. I don’t mind. I’d much rather it come off handedly from you than maliciously leaked by a random instagram page.” You said and he looked up, almost looking close to tears. You frowned before bringing the boy up into a hug. You stayed like that for a few minutes before you had to ask a question.

“You didn’t reveal who he was though, no?” You asked, still in the hug. You felt Max shake his head and you silently fistpumped behind his back. It wasn’t your fault, so it technically didn’t count and you hadn’t lost the bet.

You were right, by the way, press days were soon filled with questions about your mystery husband instead of your racing. But it was fine, you were somehow able to twist it as though you’d made a joke about having a husband and Max took it seriously.

Phew.

2021: (sorry latifi)

“And so today you will be reacting to fan edits of yourselves!” The lady behind the camera finished, prompting you and George to look at eachother. It was early in the season and, even though you’d raced together for a few years, you weren’t exactly close, being that before pre-season meetings, you hadn’t ever talked. At all.

This meant he didn’t know much about your personal life or the whole ‘husband’ thing. Which was fine, you’d tell him in your own time, when you felt your friendship was strong enough. He seemed to be a great kid, though you were determined to not adopt another grown child, especially after the look you got from Kyungsoo when you mentioned the fact you may have ‘accidentally’ had Christmas with Max Verstappen.

But hey, they had finally met during February and it was almost like a Dad saying that his daughter can’t adopt a cat while simultaneously cuddling with the cat. Kyungsoo, against his better judgment, had instantly attached to Max and now you were battling for the position of being his favourite driver. Which you were totally not bitter about (you said your favourite EXO member was Sehun in retaliation and he changed your mind very quickly).

Back to the present, the people behind the camera placed a tablet on the table in front of you. It was open on the photo gallery and you could already see some very flattering videos saved to the device.

“You wanna go first?” You asked, and George nodded before picking up the tablet and scrolling through the photo library. He closed his eyes and landed on one. Loud music immediately began playing from the device, you think ‘London Boy’ by Taylor Swift, and you both watched in varying states of horror as photos and clips of him flashed on the screen.

As the video ended you both accidentally made eye-contact. Now, as an almost 28 year old woman, the simple gesture of looking into your teammate's stricken eyes should not have made burst out laughing as hard as you did. But, god, George’s eyes were expressive. In fairness he also did laugh, though he probably was confused as to why you were laughing so much.

After you caught your breath you could only utter out,

“Your face...” Before peeling back into giggles again. He started laughing again as well before putting the tablet down. In doing so, he accidentally swiped the tablet and the Backstreet Boys started playing, an edit of the 2019 rookies playing as the video.

This chain event caused you to start gasping, the sheer ridiculousness of the videos catching up to you. George only took one look at the tears forming in your eyes before he was also wheezing out harsh breaths from laughing.

It took around 2 minutes for you to look at each other without laughing and, for you both to be able to pick up the tablet without giggling, it took another minute or so. You eventually began scrolling through the tablet, laughing at some and ‘aww’-ing at some of the sad ones.

Eventually a video came up with the background music to ‘Give it to me’ by Sistar, an edit of you that was hot but had you gasping at the lyrics.

“What?” George looked over to you, curious as to why there was another noise that came out of your mouth than laughing or a strained ‘why?’.

“The audacity!” You said, as the music continued playing.

“What..?” George asked, more confused than previously.

“Do you want to know the lyrics they’ve just edited me to?” You asked, looking over at him, your voice pretending to be offended.

“What?” He said, his tone changing again to have a sort of goading lilt.

“Will I even get married before I turn thirty.” You said with an air of finality, turning to glare at the camera, your jaw dramatically hung open. George gasped mockingly.

“How dare they!” He said sarcastically and you nodded eagerly.

“I know right!” You responded beginning a stereotypical mean girl impression. “How dare they!” After that little fiasco, you both kept scrolling and laughing (a notable example of this being when an edit of George crying came up, him pushing your shoulders as you continued to laugh).

Eventually the video was being wrapped up and George was preparing to do a sort of sign off when he paused and turned to you.

“I know we aren’t incredibly close…” He started and you prepared for a multitude of questions. You didn’t know him well enough to predict what he might say, so you went over your predisposed answers to questions in your head.

You knew he wouldn’t ask anything uncomfortable, like about your relationship status, or anything really weird, like how many socks do you wash at once. But that left a gaping probability for mildly-weird or mildly-uncomfortable questions. You hoped he wouldn’t ask that, but you were still prepared to be asked if you threw out your receipts or kept them.

“But I didn’t know you knew Korean. How did you learn?”

Oh. Fuck.

You did not have an answer for that. How the fuck did you not have an answer for that? You definitely should have had an answer for that. Oh wait, you didn’t have an answer because you promised yourself not to tell anyone that you could speak Korean so that you didn’t get that question!

The real, close-friends answer was that Kyungsoo had taught you over a range of years and that you’d taken courses so that you’d be able to talk to his friends and family. However you didn’t have a PR approved answer because you’d never thought that you’d need one. Time to put your problem solving skills to the test.

“Uhhhhh…” You said, staring confusedly at George, aware of the seconds that had passed while you were internally monologuing. You hoped your expression didn’t convey the level of gob-smacked that you felt but you think it did because George’s face contorted to be one of worry.

“If that’s a sensitive topic or something you don’t have to answer!” He quickly said as though he was trying to fix the situation. You’d later learn the George thought before your video that you were kind of ‘fucking terrifying’ (his words) and that he was scared he’d screwed up by asking you this and one of his ‘hero’s’ (his words) wouldn’t ever want to talk to him again.

“Nah, nah. It’s ok.” You waved him off, desperately trying to think of something. Oh! You knew exactly what to say.

“Basically I just have this really good friend who is Korean and I asked him to teach me for fun.” You said simply, before realising that wasn’t good enough considering your reaction.

“I was trying to hide how good I’ve gotten to try and surprise him but I guess it’s ok.” You said, a small smile on your face. George relaxed from his tense state and nodded, a small smile playing onto his lips as well.

“Ah that’s cool. Sorry to spoil the surprise.” You waved him off again and he continued the video’s outro.

Another good save, you really oughta be hired to problem-solve. And by problem-solving you mean lying to the media. And George. Poor George.

2022: (yeah the timelines don’t match, don’t call me out pls)

A loud banging sounded against your hotel door. You groaned, dropping the book onto your chest from where you held it up. Glancing angrily at the door, you rolled out of bed and stomped over to the entrance. You ripped open the door and prepared to start reaming the person on the other side before letting out a high-pitched scream.

You were in Japan for the Suzuka GP. You always didn’t like the Japanese GP because, even though you were incredibly close to Kyungsoo, your schedules never lined up so you could never see him.

That fact really grinded your gears, but it’s what you get when you try to schedule something with SM Entertainment. A decisive ‘No.’ What a great company. To be honest, was Willaims really any better?

No. No they weren’t. That mere fact infuriated you enough to make you scream. However, it wasn’t the reason you were currently screaming. That was because, standing in your doorway in the middle of the team hotel, was Kai.

You hadn’t seen him in a few months, you both had busy schedules, so the man appearing on your doorstep was miraculous. You didn’t think of why he was there, or how he got there. You just threw your arms around him and gave him a hug.

“Oh my god!” You screamed, before immediately regretting it and quickly pulling him into your hotel room before someone came out of their rooms and wondered why he was in front of yours.

“Hi!” He said, laughing as he let himself be pushed into your room despite the fact he could pick you up and throw you.

“What are you doing here?” You asked changing your pulling into a hug, squeezing the younger man as though he was your child. You had a serious problem with that, treating men almost your age as children. But Kai was more of a brother than a child, to be quite frank. That distinction just meant that he really really bugged you.

“I have a concert tomorrow and I thought I might just stop in.” He said, a smile on his face. “Though it is only me, sorry.”

“That’s ok!” You said, still in disbelief one of your closest friends was on your doorstep.

“Does Kyungsoo know?” Kai smirked in response to your question. That was answer enough in itself and you slapped Kai on the shoulder.

“You should’ve told him! He might’ve come.” Kai gasped in mock offense.

“What am I not good enough? Would you really prefer your husband that much?” He continued in mock offense and you dead-panned him. He just laughed in response.

“I did have to tell the company I was coming though, and they asked me to film a TikTok with you.” He quickly rushed out and you groaned, staring at the sky. What was up with all of these people wanting you to do TikTok’s?! You had all of your team's PR people constantly chasing you with a camera and now you had Kai asking for a video.

“Fine.” You ground out and Kai grinned, purposely ignoring your annoyance.

“Fantastic!” He said and quickly whipped out his phone, launching into his plans of what to film. Your only artistic input was that he had to cool it on the filters or else you wouldn’t film.

The video started with the familiar sound of Peaches by Kai and a hand knocking on your hotel door, you opening the door curiously. As the chorus sounded, you recorded Kai dancing in your doorway, incredibly aware of the chance of any of your colleagues walking into the hallway and wondering what the fuck was going on.

The video continued after the chorus, Kai recording you slamming the door in his face with a confused expression. The video then ended with a still image of the both of you doing a heart together with your hands and you let Kai go rampant on the filters, hearts and sparkles flying around on the screen.

When you watched it back, Kai waiting at your side eagerly to see your reaction, you did your best to hide the laughing fit you had in reaction to the monstrosity. You couldn’t quite hide the gasps that were leaving you though and Kai frowned.

“It’s perfect. I love it.” You said, through your giggles and he smiled.

“I know. It’s fantastic.” You only nodded because you couldn’t trust yourself to talk, a small whine escaping through your lips at the struggle of not laughing.

“Do you want to see the caption?” He asked and you violently nodded your head.

“Please.”

“P15 but still P1 EXO-L.” He read out and you just hung your jaw open. “You bastard!” You laughed out.

“I put it in Korean as well.” Your only response was to hit him, hard, while still laughing and shaking your head.

“Should we run it by your PR team before posting?” Kai asked, taking a serious note. You looked to him and sucked in air through your teeth.

“Nahhhh.” You replied and he shrugged, and clicked post.

“I should probably tell Kyungsoo you were here before he finds out through the internet.” You said, reaching for your phone. Kai nodded vehemently.

One phone call later, an angry Kyungsoo and an apologetic Kai later, the TikTok was making its rounds and your phone was blowing up, your poor PR agent about to have a heart attack.

On that delightful note Kai left your hotel room, farewelled with a minute long hug and a well-wish for his concert, and you were left to phone your PR agent who just screamed into the phone for 10 seconds before actually speaking.

Of course, during the press releases for the rest of the season, you talked about how much of an EXO-L you were and how close of a friend you were to Kai. This didn’t come without dating rumours but, due to one poorly angled camera shot of your disgusted face when a reporter suggested dating to your face, that was shut down pretty quickly.

Still no one had shipped you with the other EXO members though, so you weren’t even close to losing the bet. (Though you had been asked which EXO member was your favourite, which you responded to with a smirk.)

2023:

It was a good race, you finishing P4 which was a huge improvement since last season. Your team was on top of the moon as were you, smiling from ear to ear. You were currently in the press area, getting asked questions left and right about the car and your performance.

You were adequately responding to each question, sometimes looking questioningly your PR agent when you weren’t sure how to respond. A loud crash sounded through the area that drew the attention of most in the area as a reporters chair fell to the ground. They had jumped up at something on their phone and, like everyone else in the pen, you were wondering what had them so fired up.

Then their eyes darted up and made eye-contact with you. Your internal monologue quickly changed from questioning to a repeated loop of ‘Oh no. Oh no.’ as they advanced your way, moving like a predator stalks their prey. They thrusted their phone under your nose, the shitty little mic attached to it capturing every breath you took and the many cameras in the area capturing your wide eyes.

The reporter addressed you by name before starting to speak.

“Do you know of a man by the name Doh Kyungsoo?” They asked and your world cracked. What on earth had happened? How did they know? All you knew was that it was time for the one acting class your mum had made you take to try and sway you from racing to come to full effect.

“I think he’s from that band Kai’s in, yeah?” You responded after a second of fake pondering. The reporter's eyes narrowed like a hawk.

“You wouldn’t say you were close? Not close enough to get married perhaps?” The reporter asked, clearly trying to stir the pot. Oh my god, was this a prank? How the fuck did they know? How were you supposed to play this off? Would this jeopardize your career?

“Uhhm no…?” You said, incredulously, fixing them a scandalized stare. They sarcastically nodded.

“Oh really? Then what’s this?” They said and shoved their phone closer to your face till you saw a picture of you and Kyungsoo on your wedding day. How did they get this? Had one of your small circle leaked something?

You tried not to let the bewilderment you felt show on your face.

“I’m sorry? Are you trying to pass this off as real? It’s obviously photoshopped! I’m so tired of people trying to fabricate a story of me dating every person I’ve interacted with!” You finally snapped, letting a few years of pent up tension out in this moment. The reporter only continued to smirk.

“Oh really!” They said and you wanted to punch them and their snooty little face. To try and display this, your face fell into one of contempt.

“Is that why this image was posted to Doh Kyungsoo’s official instagram account with the caption ‘Sorry for making you lie to the press for eight years!’?”

They got you there, dam.

Your jaw dropped open, the corners of your mouth rising at the pure hilarity of this situation.

“Excuse me?” You asked, grabbing the phone off the reporter and tapping back onto the post. They were right, Kyungsoo had posted to his official instagram that exact post. It was a carousel post with pictures taken of when you’d lied to the press about him, from the initial lying about being in Seoul to a picture of your ringed necklace to a picture of you smirking after being asked which EXO member was your favourite.

You couldn’t help but release a laugh, your hand traveling to cover your open mouth. Why did he post this?

Wait.

This meant you won the bet. Your head shot up to stare at a camera.

“I won the bet.” You said quietly. The reporter snatched their phone back and stared at you confused.

“What?” They asked and you whipped your head to them, a large smile spreading across your face.

“I won the bet!” You said eagerly, reaching out to grab their shoulders and rock them back and forth.

“I won the bet!!” You ignored how they shook you off, turning to your PR Agent instead and grabbing them and lifting them up. They hurriedly tapped your back as you lifted them, as though signaling you to drop them, but you ignored that and started spinning them around.

“I actually can’t believe it, oh my god!” You snapped out of it and dropped your PR Agent, immediately running out of the media pen and back to your driver room, pulling your necklace out of your racesuit and pulling your rings off, placing them back on their correct fingers.

You quickly packed everything up, ignoring the ringing of your phone as your team tried to get you to go to more press conferences and briefings, and you got out of there, on the first plane to Seoul you could book.

When you arrived, after a long plane trip filled with excitement and pictures being taken of you, decked out in your team's merchandise as you sat buzzing in your seat, your phone was completely blowing up, messages from everyone in your contact list and more. You turned it off (you’d deal with it later) after calling an uber to your apartment.

You were jittery the whole ride, hoping that, despite the time of night, Kyungsoo was still awake. When you arrived outside your apartment building, you felt all the tension in your body ease, and you looked up to see the light on in your window. You smiled and took your suitcase handle in hand and ventured into the building, greeting the old lady at the desk.

Riding the lift up to your apartment nearly had you pacing and you almost ran down the hallway towards your door, quickly knocking. You felt the reverberations in the floorboards as Kyungsoo walked over to the door and a sense of euphoria filled you at the familiarity.

The door was barely open before you launched yourself at Kyungsoo, his heavenly laughter filled your ears as he caught you. You quickly found yourself in a kiss before pulling back and peppering kisses all over his face, finding his giggles more lovely than his singing.

You both pulled back just to look in eachothers eyes and you smiled simultaneously.

“I love you.” You muttered, the happiness from the day finally catching up to you.

“I love you too.” He whispered, tilting his head before going in for another kiss.

“You know.” He began later that night, when you were just lying in bed cuddling together. You turned your head from its position on his chest to look at him, his eyes remaining on the roof.

“I think I won in the end.” You immediately reared your head back, prepared to object at the sheer wrongness of his answer. He anticipated this though and dropped his hand from where it was combing through your hair to your mouth. He also dropped his head as to make eye contact.

“You stuck by me through everything. Even though you had to lie almost every day and had to listen to millions of rumours about me with other people, you still stayed with me. You learned a whole other language just to know people who knew me. Nothing I will ever say will ever put into perspective how much I appreciate what you’ve done for me. The way you’ve loved me will be comparable to nothing other than how much I’ve loved you.” His heartfelt speech made your head vibrate and a few tears left your eyes at his words, him kissing each one away.

You whined deep in the back of your throat and he released a laugh at your response.

“You could’ve just said ‘I love you’.” You said quietly.

“That’s true too.” He said, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

ahh it's over! dividers from this post btw, it's 11:59 pm let me sleep.

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starrynightzie · 8 months

Text

I mostly wanted this acc to be specifically for art, not rly for anything else but i need to get this off my chest. Obviously if you’ve been on twitter, you’ve probably seen a lot (and i mean a LOT) of hate towards gay ships/shippers recently, (first w togachako, then w stsg) i wanna address all the weird shit thats been happening w jjk dudebros lately. Idk what it is but they’re rly upsetti spaghetti abt even the mere thought of stsg being more than platonic besties, going so far as to shoot down any hint of them being romantically inclined in the slightest - so i thought that i’d take it upon myself to provide poof that stsg has queer, romantic subtext since ppl are being extremely obtuse abt them, all for the sake of protecting their friendship from us evil gays. (other shippers do this too but im mostly focusing on dudebros bc they’re the ones primarily acting like assholes to us for no reason, like yeah, sure, some stsgs are extremely cringey & weird but that can be said for ANY shipper in ANY fandom. When you’re in a fandom as big as this, of course there’s gonna be some bad eggs, it’s inevitable.

ok so. !!DISCLAIMER!! i do not speak japanese, so if i say something incorrect then please correct me. i’ve done enough research to be sure that what im saying is right, but im only human, and sometimes, i might be wrong. so, take what im abt to say with a grain of salt. (just in case).

first off, it should be stated that gege akutami, the creator himself, is an avid bl fan (and ik what ur thinking, ‘oh, that doesn’t mean anything! just bc u read bl, it doesn’t mean you’re likely to write gay relationships into ur own manga!’ which is true, gege HAS said that he doesn’t want to write romance in jjk. HOWEVER, as much as i love stsg & see them in a romantic light, i do definitely think that the reason why their relationship feels so ambiguous is bc gege intentionally made it that way. i think he made their relationship up to the individual’s interpretation. And for ppl who’re thinking ‘why would he do that?’ well, he doesn’t like writing romance, right? so this is the next best thing he could do. and also i have to point out (in case ppl get defensive), gege literally does not and will never care if ppl ship stsg or not, again, he’s a bl fan and if anything - all of the evidence that im going to talk abt proves that he most likely ships stsg himself, so… 🤷‍♂️

2. i’d like to talk about s2’s op & ed which are HEAVILY romantically coded. If you don’t know, the op was written to be from gojo’s pov & vice versa with geto for the ed, the op in particular is a very special case. The song is explicitly abt reminiscing the past , wishing gojo had noticed geto’s sorrow sooner and it also mentions a ‘silent love’. the word ‘love’ being used here is ‘koi’ which EXCLUSIVELY means romantic love… now, since this song was specifically written with gojos pov in mind, doesnt it seem kind of weird to have the word for ‘romantic love’ in there?? (koi can be referred to as ‘young love’ or having a ‘crush’ on someone…. hm… ThAts WeIrD.) instead of using ‘ai’??? which would make more sense if stsg were just besties bc ai is more general and can be used towards friends & family.

and then ofc there’s the whole theme of ‘blue spring’. director park (who directed s1 & jjk 0) has stated in an interview that geto was gojo’s last warm spring of youth. now if you dont know, spring of youth/blue spring means a time in a young person’s life where they have hope and happiness… in animanga, it often means falling in love too… so judging by this, it seems very likely that gojo perhaps developed feelings for geto during their teen years together. Director park has also mentioned in an interview that gojo & geto’s relationship goes beyond ‘friendship’ & being ‘familial’. 👀

3. another clear indicator of gojo being in love w geto is the whole ‘love is the most twisted curse of all’ spiel he said to yuta. ‘but he could mean platonic love!!’ idk, considering yuta had romantic feelings for rika and hes discussing them with gojo & gojo knows this, dont u think it’d be a bit weird for him to mention geto here too? if they were just best friends?? (that’s not even mentioning the fact that gojo & geto’s relationship is supposed to parallel yuta & rika’s in jjk 0…)

4. and then ofc we have gojo saying his last words to geto, which were censored. now, correct me if im wrong but the ONLY times ive ever seen inaudible dialogue being mouthed to another character is when its a love confession mostly seen in romance anime. and like, there’s also no need at all for gojo’s last words to be censored in the first place. (although, i do suspect that his last words may play a major role in the future when he faces kenjaku.) what solidifies it for me being a love confession is that, 1. geto blushed after gojo said whatever it is that he said to him, (only in the manga tho, idk why they didnt make him blush in the movie but its whatever.) and geto replies with, depending on the translation, ‘at least curse me a little at the very end’ or ‘you should at least curse me at the end’. which heavily implies that gojo said something extremely sweet & heartfelt to him as his final words. and if thats not enough to convince u that gojo’s last words were indeed a love confession.. gojo’s eng VA HIMSELF, said that his last words when translated into english means three words… im not saying that gojo’s last words were specifically ‘i love you’ or anything like that, but i am definitely sure that whatever he said was a love confession/something very romantic in nature. bc why else would gege choose to draw geto blushing?? that wouldnt make any sense.

gojo also killed geto on the 24th of december, which in japan, is the most romantic day of the year & couples in japan treat christmas eve as kinda like a separate valentines day. even in the jjk manga recently, gojo offered to fight on dec 24th & kenjaku mocks him by saying how romantic it is… even gege himself acknowledges how romantic christmas eve is in japan, this enforces the idea that gege must’ve chosen dec 24th for a reason, bc why else would he have picked an extremely romantic date as not only the day where he fights kenjaku who is inhabiting geto’s body, but also making it the day geto died?? yall have to remember that all of this has been planned out by gege, none of it is a coincidence… he didn’t just come up with all of this on the spot, he’s been planning this stuff & thinking about it for literal years.

5. and finally, probably the BIGGEST piece of evidence there is, geto & gojo’s character songs. gege chose romantic break up songs for BOTH of them.. like im sorry but if stsg were rly truly only best friends, he would not have chosen those songs for them, it just doesnt make any sense.

conclusion: obviously, this probably isn’t every subtextually romantic thing about stsg’s relationship but these are all the things that i’ve noticed. again, if you see their relationship as purely platonic then that’s fine but don’t be assholes to people for seeing romantic subtext that’s quite clearly there. if i have missed anything out then please let me know and i’ll edit them into the post.

#jujutsu kaisen #sorcery fight #jujutsu gojo #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #geto suguru #suguru geto #stsg #satosugu #sugusato #jjk analysis

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buried-stars · 14 days

Note

5, 10, 17, 18, 22, 24 & 25 for your guy goro :3

yippee!

5) Out of all your fanworks that include [character], which is your favourite?

it literally has to be in the ashes of everything; i wrote it (checks calendar) four years ago because i was annoyed that all the recovery fics had a shu//ake basis, and because i was pissed at atlus (but who isn't). anyways multiple ppl told me it was the best goro they'd ever read and im still riding that high. i genuinely want to go back to that AU at some point because it makes me feel like im in a salad spinner but in a good way

10) What’s your favourite piece of fanart for [character]?

oh that's so hard to choose. this one is hilarious and this one makes me feel like im trapped in the happy monkey circle (compliment)

17) What’s a book, movie, or show you think [character] would like?

i think goro would get really into dimension 20, assuming it had japanese subtitles. also i think alongside featherman he was rly into warrior cats as a kid and it never quite left him.

18) Type [charater]’s name and tell us what the autocomplete suggests as the next word

nothing funny comes up immediately but if i keep pressing the middle option, i get: "goro akechi is going to arrive soon" which is the thought i have every april that makes me pick up the game again

22) Give us a headcanon for [character]

he used some of his first paycheque he got from shido on a hellofresh subscription thinking it would help him figure out how to cook for himself and it went so poorly (fire) that he decided it was better to stick to instant foods/convenience store bento

24) What’s your favourite thing about [character]?

this is so hard to put into words. idk it makes me a little insane that he tried to ask the pt for help ("it is even possible that he is being controlled by someone") despite claiming to hate them he finds genuine camaraderie with them. bro really thinks he has a perfect facade but also randomly trauma dumps. i love him. he goes out of his way to protect the rest of the pt on 11/20 by telling shido he can arrange something "after the election" (since he was fully planning on betraying shido by that point) because he doesn't want to hurt them. he didn't even want to hurt akira. the siu director literally says the medjed/okumura plan was "much too brutal to be [goro's] own idea". head in my hands. also he quite literally saves sumire's life. it's one of the very last things he does before he disappears ;-;

25) What’s your least favourite thing [character] said or did?

idk when he fucking DIED? ik the "death=redemption" thing is bigger in jpn but i don't like it :( i need him to face the consequences of his actions. also that weird scene circa third palace where he's weirdly mean to makoto and not his like. regular grumpy mean but just being a dick for no reason ("you're just the good girl kind of pushover") like literally what was that about dude. you're supposed to still be the detective prince at this point

#tysm sil i love you #asks

0 notes

mingi-bubu · 3 years

Text

Watch "Love O2O" With Me... Again !

Episode 1

i'm baaack :D

(on my bullshit al;djkf;slkjd)

i've been feeling nostalgic as of late and was thinking about re-watching a drama i already watched

it was between love o2o and rookie historian

and i guess we know who won ;alkdsj

so, just like before,

i have my water, my laptop's plugged in, i have some m&m's

as mark lee my beloved would say, lezgeddit

oh the intro T.T

i missed this song al;ksdfsj

actually i have been listening to it a lot recently so like. tea i guess

oh to be hugged and kissed on the forehead by yang yang

i missed them

i know theyre so awkwrd but like its so endearing

i still think hao mei and k.o were in love to some degree

ugh the title card is sooo pretty

also i checked with the first time i did this and literally its almost been a year exactly aldkfjas im just a few days late to the anniversary

shan't lie to you, i still think zhenshui is kinda hot esp in his mf legolas outfit

oooh weiwei with theat big ffucking sword on fire leggoooo

rip to that bridge

i wonder what the insurance salespeople make in this game

ik it doesnt exist but still like

major property damage has occurred

al;dkfjaslfd anyways

the battle scene is over and the rest of the team has been #Revived

i love how done weiwei looks constantly in this universe

jinling city..

ooOOOHHH HERE OCMES THE TEA

al;kdsfjas broooo its not that deep

;LKDJASOW WUXIANG IM SICK

love the timing of those two walking past akldsjf

ooh japanese sounds soooo good

i got indian tonight tho

l m a o

love the propaganda here for chinese university dorms

apparently they do not actually look like this

who calculates flow of electricity

i still really really want erxi's little rice cooker pot thing

oh wow from the jump shes in plaid i didnt realize ohw early this occurred

me *handshake emoji* erxi

dont get bogged down by details

erxi im sick

why would you not tell about the laptop girl what the fuck

for someone who clLOCK TH E DOOR OH MY GOD

they stress me out

xiaoling and sisi my beloveds

the Squade was so fun i liked it when the four of them were together on screen

god all computer majors are the same klajd;fksa

girl i am moving into my senior year of uni and am still single its really not that deep

consider your happiness... let me not speak on this topic anymore

oh yeah the basketball championship;LKAJ;SLDJF;LAKWEJ FUKCIGN XIAO NAI

love how they do exposition in this show

me *handshake emoji* weiwei

xiao nai simps

girl you need some time alone to uh... 'reflect'

that's what we'll call it

OH I HAVE SO MANY CONFLICITNG FEELINGS ABOUT YIRAN AND NANA

BC YIRAN IS GENUINELY A NICE GIRL BUT IS VERY NAIVE AND INNOCENT

i think that yiran and weiwei couldve been such good friends if nana wasnt involved

her tiny fucking bag im sick

as;ldkjfakd weiwei having 0 clue about what happens on her campus

girl same

aldksjflk erxi it definitely was you

erxi is .. a fruit

a huge fruit

but is she wrong ??? BUT IS SHE WRONG, ERXI

xiao nai xiao nai xiao nai xiao nai a;kdsfj;aslkdjf

he <333

im so whipped for this fukcing guy

still dont understand what's going on with the chess game but thats okay

this guy is so confident aldkj

babe sorry to break it to you but youre gonna fail my love

you cannot beat ms weiwei

you would think with the amount of times i see that chess game in cdramas i would look up the rules and how to play and yet

oh the parallels i <333

jalsdkfkjshe really said im on the clock here bud

a WHOLE ass building

hes so weird

i understand why hes doing things like this but also dude

laksdjfal the way nai is like please never compare us again

HELL YEAH LETS GO OST LETS GO

HE WITH THE SMALL ALMOST SMILE

ME WITH THE SCREAMIGN INTERNALLY

WE LOVE SEEING HIM FALL IN LOVE LIKE A DORK

i want a light up keyboard tbh

wow he just stnads there bro

idocnic

hes so handsome his fuckign side profile hlep

ITS MY WIFE

XIAOLING MY BELVOED

girl youre just snackign thats not busy

do they have assigned things to put their sheets on? so that no one steals? that doesnt mean no one will steall but still

ask;jd;lk the lil emoji boys so cuuteee

a;ldksja i love them spilling the tea

YES YOU MUST SPEAK UP

akdsjf;laskdj

al;dkfja petty and philistine

thats what they call me in the club

capacitor

;aldksj me when i hear people in my major talkking about something bc their ocncentration is diferent

sisi is also a fruit

thanks for comign to my tedtalk

i just wanna see my boy september

lmao i lvoe when the Squade is all together their chemistry is soooo fun

oh sick a discotheque on fridays

see !! yiran was so ready to be like she's nice i like her

nana were it not for the laws of this land and the fact that youre fictional i would have slaughtered you by now

speak of the devil... you and me both nana

yes i still dont like cao guang

no its not gonna change

yes sometimes i find the actor attractive in guardian

yes i am annoyed

still i do think its very cool how he played the same character in both the show and movie

wowwww

LOOKS CAN BE DECIEVING

THATS WHO NANA IS

SEPTEMBER???

IS IT MY BOY

aalkd no its just weiwei

fuck i am vicoiusly rmeinded i need to get a new job -_-'

gaming is like her life

majd;lsadj

i like how confidant she is its v cool lmao

she's right!!!

do what you want esp if youre good at it!!!

jesus christ i forgot how skinny this actress is

i know she had some sort of thing about food i think aroudn the time this was being filmed

love that its ancient times in the game and yet theres holo coms

shes like... its not that deep

mr zhenshui, really my love, it is not that deep ever in this game

akldfjls i forgot about the statue crying

iconic

MITOSIS

peace out mf <3

aksd;jf she really was like ehhh im okay with things

it's all good bro

i do like how zhenshui was sort of before all of this occurred

wedding time wedding time

not nice enough if he seems to hop out like that

oooh theyve been ~leveling~ together

alskj i love how annoyed weiwei is with superficiality as if she hasnt been alive in the world for about 20 years

girl... what did erxi give you??

love the red wedding materials

very pretty

aldksjfsl im the two guys talking about ba ba ba

oooooohhh she just standing there

bro she is *literally* just vibing

aalksdjf can they not see the "zzz" next to her name?

wow seriously what did erxi give herself and weiwei

she is LITERALLY just vibing

nobody is storming anytihgn

jesus christ e.e

backscrolling to read the chat

ah... i know the struggle..

i mean you were in there for like a while love

lets play a round of

sell

those

herbs ~!!!

dude, a;dfk;skd

gaming during work hours. incredible

ald;kfja;sldkj looooovvveee

i just noticed the guys behind the palinqin playing instruments

XIAO NAI

XIAO XNNAI

ITS MY HUSBAND

LOOK AT HIMMMM

YIXIAO NAIHE

;LFKAJSD

YOU WANT TO HAVE A BETTER WEDDING BABE???

HE CAN DO THAT FOR YOUUU

love the end crdits

lets go yang yang vocals lets goooo

we are ~~jamming~~

so sad i didnt get to see september tho :(((

as always, we have reached the end

thank you for reading!!!

stay safe and stay healthy <333

#love o2o #cdrama #e1 #watch with me again #jae.txt

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kuroopaisen · 3 years

Text

@kacchand (i couldn't tag your main but i wanted to make sure you saw this fdlkjfdlkj)

hello dear! i’m sorry it took me so long to respond to this dflskjfdlkfdj i decided to answer your ask in a text post so i can link my thoughts to yours more easily! also, i know i'm going to Ramble, so i wanted to be able to keep it under a cut sdlkfjd

Hi rowan!! I've just finished the final chapter of aot and I just wanted to ask your opinion on it!

(SPOILERS THAT DEPICT MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE STORY'S MEANING AHEAD. READ ONLY IF YOU'VE FINISHED THE CHAPTER)

(FR )

(THERE'S STILL TIME TO BACK OUT)

(DO IT NOW. SPOILER ALERT)

I'd also like to ask a follow up question about it, because it seems that I've come to a different concl. from many of my friends and I'm feeling dumb abt how i feel w it.

first of all (and i say this as sincerely as possible, and if i'm coming off as condesending please let me know hh), please don't feel dumb because you've come to a different conclusion :(

we all read media at different levels (i’ve been told it’s ‘not that deep’ before fdljkfsdlkj) and identify different aspects in it, so the fact that you've had a different experience to some of your friends is absolutely not a reflection on your intelligence. and if anyone's making you feel that way, drop their @. i just want to talk :) furthermore, you’re not wrong for responding to something emotionally, especially if it really... makes you uncomfortable, you know?

i'm from the PH & I've put off determining whether i'm comfy w the manga til the last chap,,,, but is it wrong that I can't shake the feeling that it's a justification of japanese expansionism and genocide? ik this manga has always been in the grey area, and that's what I love abt it! It often shows that no choice they make is absolutely good or bad, and does such a good job at showing you how each complex character came to that understanding (role of environment, etc...) but this last chapter felt too positive abt the rumbling? Like it was justified because paradis was able to advance and there wasn't much choice? idk.

that's totally valid! some of the best think pieces on the show i read mentioned that the concern with the narrative is less "is isayama a nazi sympathiser?" (he most likely isn't), but if he's a imperial japan apologist. and...

well, let's just say that my father is british, and when i was trying to say that colonisation was bad, using british india as an example, he said "well, we gave them railroads." it's... it's uncomfortable and gross and i think it encapsulates how countries with imperial pasts tend to talk about them; even if they don't officially endorse it, there's often a lot of talk about how "well colonialism was good for this country, actually--"

and if the manga felt like it was justifying japanese expansionism, then chances are it had elements that very much did point towards that. i've had a lot of trouble grappling with reiner, annie and bertolt, because they've existed in this grey area of 'victim of oppression' and 'war criminal'; and their existence raises the question of "do people who commit war crimes simply do what needs to be done?" and by victimising them it... it plays into the whole nuremberg defense of "i was just following orders". it's making you feel bad for the people committing said war crimes (and similarly with eren, and all the awful things he's done). but i'll get more into this point later dsfkjfd

i haven't read the last chapter yet (and don't worry about spoilers! i've been approaching aot from a very... specific perspective anyway, so i actually don't mind spoilers -- i read a bunch of analyses of the series before i'd even watched it hh), but... i think if it came off as too positive about, you know... an awful thing that happened, then it absolutely makes sense that you'd feel uncomfortable?

the modernisation narrative in general is one that always skeeves me out. it's one japanese imperialists use to justify the invasion of korea (and even those infamous tweets from the one account purported to be isayama talk about how the population of korea boomed under japanese imperial occupation, which... stop.)

it's also commonly invoked in cases of development. certain members of society (usually the poor), just 'had' to die for the good of the future. who gives a damn if they consent to that? they have to.

similarly, the 'we had no choice' narrative. that's... a concerning one that crops up time and again with history apologists, the argument that "oh if x country hadn't done y, then someone else would've!" or that acts of aggression were done as pre-emptive self-defence, which is so... ugh. i just. i just hate it.

It also feels really weird w the ymir and the whole loving fritz thing. i wish we got to see more of her thought process and what conclusion she came to that led her to destroying the power of the titans.

i... hate this so much. i get that abuse is complicated and victims often have multifaceted feelings towards their abusers, but... most people would focus on that in their story? the story would be about that? but instead, it's just... a thing in the history of the world and that's... icky.

also having the genesis of the titans come from a slave girl in love with her captor... there's many levels of ick to it and i highly doubt it was handled with the appropriate level of grace and sensitivity.

honestly, this might be one of the things that pissed me off the most because of how... contradictory her backstory was with That One Chapter (you know, instead of ymir crying because she wants to be free or because she’s been trapped she........ wants to see mikasa kiss eren’s decapitated head? i guess? what the fuck?)

idk...I just think that context is sometimes everything. and i understand that media can portray incorrect things,,,, and that isayama likely didn't intend for it to become a global sensation, but i guess i'm just uncomfortable w the right wing nazis getting a comfort book ahaha.

i totally get that! even if attack on titan is meant to be anti-fascists, the fact of the matter is... a lot of fascists love it. and relate to it. which is... alarming. especially given just how popular aot is worldwide.

it’s hard because before the ending, attack on titan did feel like it was more grey; i remember saying that i wouldn’t know how to feel about it until the ending because the story was either saying “the military is corrupt and war is hell”, or it was saying “the military is corrupt and war is hell, but it is necessary.”

still sorting out my thoughts, but yeah. I think i'm having a hard time understanding what they really accomplished with the rumbling and how they gave eren a sudden lelouch role and a lot of how they made it out to be a happy thing? perhaps I'm too biased to see it fully but to me it gives a "woah. eren was a hero. he saved us from destruction. those people needed to die for us to achieve this temporary peace and new start". i suppose the rumbling gave them a levelled playing ground?

OH MY GOOOOOD okay. i haven't finished code geass. but i really don't like lelouch. i mean... i think i just don't like characters that sacrifice other people for a purported 'greater good' (i could write an Essay about how much i hate erwin smith looking at him is enough to send me into an unhinged rage), but where i'm up to in the anime, i don't like the direction they're going with eren? i mean, i've never liked eren, but... that whole "martyr for the eldians" is just. ew. especially when you see several eldian characters disagree and resist him.

why does this one guy get to make choices for everyone else? because he’s sPeCiAL? fuck off

sorry for not being coherent. maybe i'm basing this too much on feelings ahaha. trust aot to finish it's scandalous run with a scandalous end.

no omg you're being perfectly coherent :( also, if anyone's making you feel bad or stupid for how you experience media, they’re... definitely not as smart as they think they are fdslskjfdlk.

i'm of that mind that, while media consumption is in part an intellectual exercise, it is inherently very emotional; narrative media tries to make us feel as much as it makes us think. that’s what stories are for, you know? intellectual analysis is well and good but what’s the point of a story if it doesn’t make you feel anything?

that's to say, i don't believe there's such thing as basing your opinion too much on feelings :') especially since it's your personal experience with a piece of media; you don't owe anyone 'objectivity' (which is always a farce when it comes to this sort of thing) or 'logical analysis', because nobody's got any right to criticise you for engaging with media the 'wrong way'.

tl;dr I feel like the mood was too celebratory abt the rumbling, and didn't entail enough on the tragedy so much that it felt like a justification for genocide and expansionism. how do you feel abt it's ending and the message it leaves? is isayama responsible to give a morally correct answer to the cycle of hatred? you're not obligated to answer! and sorry for the rambling.

hhh yeah i guess that’s the thing at the end of the day... is isayama responsible for giving a “morally correct” answer? no, but the way the ending plays out is very telling.

like armin thanking eren? mikasa’s e n t i r e character boiling down to being in love with a mass murderer no matter how poorly he’s treated her? and one could argue that kind of ending is supposed to be unsettling, supposed to hint that the cycle will just continue, but...

framing is everything. and it’s framed like a Good, Emotional Thing, Aren’t We So Grateful Eren Did All Those Awful Things

YI think I would've been fine if we got to see more of Eren's or Yif you have a different perspective on how eren is being portrayed please do share! I just felt really yucky watching armin say "thanks for murdering all those people for us" with love,,, I suppose he was trying to make eren feel better. ach maybe I'm just overreacting. idk. im dumb ahaha . i'll send this in anyway cuz I'd love to hear your take!

HHHHHHH i just hate eren and i never got him. i felt bad for him in the beginning, but he's always been too... violent for me. there was a very short period of time in season 2 where i felt bad for him, but otherwise it’s just been... ugh. the main three have always been the weakest part of the series imo, so it’s really not surprising they’re part of the reason the ending was so. bad.

and... well, that one infamous quote pretty much sums up my issue with armin. he's supposed to be the 'intelligent' one, but he's hopelessly devoted to a homicidal maniac with whom he has a very artificial, unbelievable bond with.

at the end of the day, the "thank you for becoming our monster" thing just makes it seem like attack on titan's core message is "war is horrible, but it is necessary." it feels like it's justifying massacre. and while fiction is fiction, and sometimes it's as simple as that, i think something as politically loaded as attack on titan needs to be looked at with a critical lens when discussing what it’s trying to say or what it means.

do i think it makes someone a Bad Person for liking aot or being attached to it in some way? no, because that’s dumb, and what media someone likes =/= their Moral Goodness TM. ofc trends are a thing and certain pieces of media appeal to certain types of people, but it’s a false equivalency that misses the point.

but by that same breath, nobody is wrong or stupid or has Less Valid Opinions just because what they took away from it makes them uncomfortable.

i’m sorry this is So Long i have so many thoughts about this dskljfslkj

but at the end of the day,

levi sexy

#kacchan 💕#rowan rambles #rowan watches attack on titan #attack on titan spoilers #attack on titan tw

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nadziejastar · 5 years

Note

I think a big obstacle that I don't see acknowledged to Lea and Isa becoming romantically involved is that Japanese culture is even more conservative regarding LGBT issues than Western culture is. SE has only had a few LGBT characters in their entire history, and they're all relatively minor. I hope that Isa and Lea can break the mold and I think that them being both supporting characters and adults makes it more likely, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

I definitely don’t have my hopes up either. I think KH3 did everything it could to intentionally eliminate all the intimacy between Lea and Isa. Skuld seemed to be thrown into the mix for that purpose. Even if they hadn’t sabotaged it in KH3, I still think the relationship would have been more implied that outright stated. Because like you said, Japan is even more conservative than the West regarding such depictions. I can compare the situation with Lea and Isa to a few other pairings and how they were handled.

There’s Yosuke and the main character (Yu) from Persona 4. Yosuke was going to be a romance option. Voiced dialogue still exists in the files (including dubbed!), but the option was completely removed by the time of release. The fact that even a more niche series (well, at the time) like Persona felt too afraid to put an optional romance between two guys in, shows how taboo this topic is, especially in Japan. And KH3 was much higher profile and had a much bigger budget than P4. So, it was not that surprising to me to see how Lea and Isa got treated. It was like déjà vu. Doesn’t make me less annoyed by it, though.

I also think they heavily altered Yosuke’s personality in the final game to cover up any suggestion of same-sex attraction. In the final game he mostly acts like a frat boy stereotype. Constantly hitting on any girl, and making sexist and homophobic remarks. They were really overcompensating. It was very annoying actually. And it only made him seem more closeted. In his Social Link, the dialogue was incredibly well-written and I loved his personality. This pairing was handled so similarly to Lea and Isa. Here’s why I think so:

Yosuke: Oh yeah, I’m Yosuke Hanamura! I’m his friend. His partner, y'know.

Marie: …Partner? You mean like a close friend?

Yosuke: Heheh, that about sums it up. Er, what’s your name?

They’re very close. Yosuke constantly refers to himself as Yu’s “partner”.

Yosuke: I haven’t changed addresses since before we moved to Inaba. I mean, I might get a text from someone. …It’s hard to call, y'know? If I called people just to tell them my number changed, they’d get annoyed. And some of them never planned to text me anyway…Oh but hey, don’t look at me like I don’t have any friends! ……Though to tell you the truth, I don’t remember what we all used to talk about. Can’t really call ‘em friends…

He did not feel close to any of his old friends.

Yosuke: It’s only with you guys that I talk seriously like this. I dunno why, but I feel like I don’t have to lie…Especially with you. You’ve already seen the worst of me and all. But well… thinking about it now, if someone had to see that, I’m glad it was you.

He opens up to you in a way he doesn’t with anyone else.

Yosuke: So, you ever invited a girl in here?

“I haven’t.”

Yosuke: Haha, maybe you’re more of a man’s man than I thought.

> Yosuke seems happy…

He’s happy that you are a “man’s man”.

“I will soon.”

Yosuke: Seriously!? That mean you’re working on someone!?

> Yosuke is keyed up…

He gets anxious if you say you’re bringing a girl over.

Yosuke: M-Man, kids sure are mature these days…Well, my first love was in first grade, too! I’ve always been ahead of my time. But, well… I don’t really need that in my life right now. It’s just not the time…I have something I need to do before that can happen…

He said that he was not interested in dating right now. He’s working on sorting out his feelings, since the girl he liked before was murdered. Yet in the rest of the game, they have him constantly hit on every girl and act desperate to get a girlfriend. It was so weird. It felt like deflection, in the same way Skuld was with Lea and Isa.

Yosuke: When the murders started, I got excited…I thought there was finally a point to me being in Inaba…I thought I could forget Senpai was gone… and the fact that I was such a loser…I jumped at the murders and never once thought about what I was doing…I… didn’t even take the first step…I’m sorry…Saki-senpai. I’m sorry… Yu.

He starts crying after opening up to you. There’s an option to hug him. Around the waist too. He says it’s for girls, but still accepts it. That was what he needed. You are the one who helps him sort out his feelings.

Yosuke: This town I hated so much? Now, I love it. There’s still nothing here, but I have family and friends… and you. The important things are never far off… They’re all around you.

He mentions family and friends, hesitates, then mentions you separately. Does that mean you’re more special to him than a friend?

I just did what I thought was the best thing at the time. For Roxas, for Xion, for the Organization—and for Isa. But most of all for me.

It reminded me of this. Axel mentions everyone else, hesitates, then mentions Isa separately. Not Saïx, Isa. Was Isa special to him?

Yosuke: I always wanted to be “special.” I thought my life’d finally have meaning if I was “special” to someone. That’s why I was really excited when got my Persona. But I really didn’t need it… It’s not what you have or what you can do…Just being born, living your life… Before you know it, you’re already special to someone.

“You’re right.”

Yosuke: Yeah… Like you… You’re special to me, you know?

Yep. Yosuke wants to be special to someone, and he says you’re special to him.

“That’s not true.”

Yosuke: You just don’t realize it yet. You’re already special… to Chie, Yukiko… and me.

When Yosuke said “special” it stood out to me. This was before I found out that the romance option was taken out. I don’t pick up romantic vibes between male characters that often. I don’t wear shipping goggles. Their relationship simply seemed romantic to me. “Special” is not a word guys will use with each other very often.

Because it is very intimate. If the writers have a character say that another character is “special” to them, it almost always will seem romantic. Especially between two guys. And I did get those vibes. When I found out he was supposed to be a romance option, I wasn’t surprised. So, after all this intimate bonding, how does their arc end?

Yosuke: I didn’t realize it…When I called you “special,” I thought some more about it. I think of everyone, I wanted to be acknowledged by you the most…So…I want you to hit me! Give me a good one. Knock out all this crap inside of me. I want to be equal with you. I want us to stand shoulder-to-shoulder. So c'mon…

By…getting in a fist fight? Two guys were getting just a bit too close and intimate with each other. Yosuke used a taboo word. “Special”. Now he has to be beaten up for it. Otherwise it’s just too GAY, ya know? And that’s NOT okay. The message is if a guy is too intimate with another guy, he needs to “man up” and get some sense knocked into him. Sad, really. In the deleted dialogue, there was a romantic confession. Yosuke says he likes you. The Japanese word for “like” is the one specifically used romantically. To me this is the ultimate display of the writers chickening out.

And that’s how Lea and Isa’s arc felt to me, too. There was all of this dialogue suggesting there was something very intimate and special between them. Then in KH3, we get a girl shoehorned in out of nowhere. Apparently Saïx was doing “everything for” her, despite having zero emotional capacity. And Lea also wants to “clobber” Isa now, not free his heart. It felt so contrived in order to create emotional distance between them, so any hints of romance would be gone, gone, gone. It felt like the writers were panicking and going “No Homo!” They were so desperate that they wouldn’t even let the real Isa get saved from being a vessel. That’s how afraid they were of Lea and Isa’s natural chemistry and special intimacy together. Pathetic.

Then there’s Ike and Soren from the Fire Emblem series. Lea and Isa reminded me of them. You have the more confident, “masculine” one in Ike and Lea. And then you have the calm, quiet, “feminine” one in Soren and Isa. They have a hard time opening up to anyone else. I think Isa even kinda looks like Soren. They both have that penetrating stare, indicating high intelligence. And they have soft, delicate features, indicating vulnerability underneath the surface.

They both act cold outwardly, but Soren is described as a very empathetic young man. And I think Isa was, too. I love this ship. I think this is the direction they were originally trying to take Lea and Isa’s relationship. This pairing is HEAVILY implied by the story. But it’s never made explicit. Why do I think it’s romantic?

Soren: Curse you! Why won’t you let it go?! I have no one to rely on but you! If I tell you and you turn on me… I… I… I could no longer live.

Ike: That’s why you have to tell me, Soren. You wouldn’t open your heart to anyone else. So if I didn’t so something about it, you’d probably be in pain forever.

Soren is totally emotionally dependent on Ike. And Ike is tender and soft with him in a way he isn’t with anybody else. There’s just a level of trust and intimacy that is unique to them.

Soren: When the sage died, no one would help me. I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t find food. I was dying. You were the only one who helped. You and your father. That’s why you’re my friend. My…only friend.

This is the localized text. Even in the first game, the they tried to remove any romantic intimations. They added a reference to Ike’s dad for no reason. And plenty of people still choose to see Soren and Ike as just friends. I think it’s more than obvious the writers intended for them to be more than that. But many people don’t want to see it. And it was kept ambiguous for that very reason.

Soren: When the sage died, no one would help me. I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t find food. I was dying. Only you held your hand out to me. That’s why…only you are special to me…

This is a translation of the original Japanese dialogue. There’s that word again. “Special”. This word cannot be overstated. It conveys a VERY different message than “friend”. That’s why they thought it needed to be changed.

Soren: “There’s only one place for me to be, Ike… and it’s by your side.”

Soren is described as “the boy always at Ike’s side” by other characters. The story demonstrates again and again that they are inseparable. If Ike and Soren achieve A-level support, there is a paired ending. Ike has this with no female character, and Soren has this with no other character.

Axel: I think you can be inseparable even if you’re apart. It’s like, if you feel really close to each other. Like best friends.

Lea and Isa were inseparable, too.

Ike: Listen, lady. This is a shop, and I’m a customer. What’s so sweet about that?

Aimee: Oh, such cold words… My hero plays hard to get! You’re only making me more interested.

Ike: Will you let go of my hand? Please?

There’s a running joke about Ike avoiding a persistent female admirer that Soren has to save him from.

Gatrie: Not those flowers… THOSE flowers!

Ike: …Gatrie, we’re inside. There’s nothing here but the temple handmaidens.

Gatrie: Exactly! It’s like a whole new species of girl lives in Begnion! Everyone in this palace is drop-dead gorgeous!

Ike: …

Gatrie: You know what I mean, Ike? Tee hee! Say, which one strikes your fancy? That buxom lass with the chestnut hair is… Hey, Ike? Ike?

He has no interest in admiring pretty women.

“Hey, Redhead over there!” Axel turned at the sound of the voice, scratching his head.

“What, Larxene. I’m Axel. Got it memorised?”

“I can’t just remember over ten names all of a sudden, can I?”

“Yeah, I guess not.” Axel watched as Larxene ran up to him.

“How is it? Does the coat suit me?” Larxene did a twirl in front of him. The coat always changed to fit the wearer. It was a perfect tight fit, as expected.

“It’s fine, I guess.”

This feels like it was put in for the same reason Ike’s scenes were. Sure, Aimee is clingy and obsessive. And Larxene is a bitch. It doesn’t prove they’re disinterested in women or that they’re in love with their best friend. But in addition to everything else, it presents a strong argument. Axel isn’t interested in admiring pretty women.

Soren—An officer in the Greil Mercenaries. A cool-headed realist who has deep trust in Ike, but will rarely open up to any other beorc or laguz.

Isa—A quiet and cool-headed youth. Though he does come out of his shell when talking to his best friend Lea, toward others he is distant and untalkative.

Like Soren, Isa is described in terms of his relationship to Lea. He only comes out of his shell for him. There’s a level of intensity to their friendship that is unique. I am sure Isa was dependent on Lea emotionally, like Soren was with Ike.

Soren: Ike? Ike! This can’t… It can’t… What am I… If you’re not here, what am I to do?

If Ike dies in the first game, Soren has a special reaction.

Soren: “Ike… Please live… Even if all the cities burn, and the seas swallow Tellius… You mustn’t die… Not you…”

And another in the second game. He cannot bear to lose Ike. Sounds like some Shakespearean sonnet, too. That just doesn’t sound like something you’d say about someone unless you were in love with them.

Micaiah: Your heart is frozen, but I feel a warm core trying to melt through that ice. I see… You have someone you cherish very much. Someone you rely on.

Soren: Do not presume to understand me, you ridiculous girl. You have no idea who I am and what I can do. None at all.

His heart was frozen, but Ike was able to melt through the ice. Soren cherishes him and relies on him. He doesn’t appreciate hearing it from others, because Ike is his weakness. Soren’s entire character arc revolved around Ike.

Saïx:Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose? Inevitably, they destroy themselves.

Much like how Saïx says he lost his true purpose as soon as Axel left Organization XIII.

Ike: Soren, don’t cry.

Soren: Cry…? I’m … crying?

Ike: You’re so smart, and yet you’re completely hopeless at normal stuff. Look, come here.

Soren: P-please don’t treat me like a child. I’m not that…

Ike: Come on.

Soren: …

Ike: Sheesh, you’re such a pain. I’ll come over there.

Soren: [breaks out crying]

Another scene that involves hugging a crying person. A very intimate act. Soren opens up about his dark past. He pushes Ike away when he tries to hug him, saying not to treat him like a child. But he accepts it, too. It’s exactly what he needed and wanted. This scene is referred to in the official fan book as “the moment where their two hearts become one”. I think a scene like this is what they were absolutely terrified of happening in KH3.

Axel: Hey, I’m not about to tell you ALL my dark secrets. Got it memorized?

It all comes down to the degree of intimacy. Axel doesn’t express his deepest feelings to Roxas, Xion, or anyone else. And he doesn’t want to. He’s more than happy to avoid heavy issues like his past. He’d prefer to keep things light and fun, just enjoying their company.

Axel: As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart.

Roxas: Ha ha, wow, Axel. That sounded ridiculous.

Axel: What? I thought it was pretty deep.

When Axel made his comment, the other two thought it was awkward. Roxas laughs and says he sounded he sounded ridiculous.

Xion: Don’t worry, Axel–we got your hokey speech memorized.

Axel: Just checking.

And Xion said his remark was hokey. And I don’t think either of them were out of line with their comments. I completely understand why they teased him. It was because his statement contained a lot of intimacy. It sounded like something you’d say to, well…a lover. To them Axel’s remark came out of nowhere. And it kind of did. Because for the most part, his comment wasn’t really directed at them. Sure, he never wants to forget them. But he had someone else on his mind before he said it. He only spoke his thoughts out loud to cheer them up. But even they could recognize that the comment didn’t feel appropriate for them.

Day 118: You Changed, Not Me

Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It’s a weird sensation. I ought to be able to share all this with Saïx, but I just don’t feel like it anymore. It’s strange, but I’m content with just missing what’s gone. I’m not the one who changed. You did.

Roxas and Xion remind him of his past. But unlike with them, Axel DOES want to share his memories with Saïx. Badly. He wants to connect emotionally with him. But Saïx has no interest in having an emotional relationship. Because of this, interacting with him is incredibly painful for Axel. So painful that he’s more content with just missing what’s gone rather than subjecting himself to continual rejection. Saïx is the only character Axel acts like this towards.

Axel: So you don’t need a heart to have something that you can’t bear to lose then. If that’s true, then I guess the closest thing that we Nobodies have would be memories of our past. It’s the memories that create the things that we don’t want to lose.

Even though Saïx rejects him, Axel is always careful not to open up to anyone else about his past. He never does, even in KH3. And yet, memories of his past were the one thing he felt like he couldn’t bear to lose. The same memories that he longed to share with Saïx. Axel desires intimacy with Saïx and nobody else. He can’t bear to lose his memories of the past—of Isa.

Axel: Love is what happens if there’s something really special between two people.

Roxas: You mean, like, if they’re best friends? Inseparable?

Axel: Well, you can care about your friends, I guess, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

There’s that word again. “Special”. And again, it conveys a VERY different message than “friend”. It’s a very taboo word when used by men towards other men. If men can’t be special to each other in a video game about hearts, light, friendship, magic, love, and Disney Princesses, then they’re pretty much out of luck I guess.

#anti-kh3 #kh axel #kh lea #kh saïx #kh isalea #leaisa #akusai #kingdom hearts meta

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