#i fucking hate hot sauce but spicy salsa is okay

[frenziedslashers]

for the weird asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

why did you do that?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

what kind of day is it?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

how do you like your shower water?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

do you have a favorite towel?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

Gonna try and answer these since I have been SLACKING with my inbox. I hit a total creative block for a bit there and couldn't even look at my inbox for a second there lmao. Sorry homies.

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

Ooh, I have a lot haha

Scooter (Borderlands)

Tiny Tina(Borderlands)

Mordecai(Borderlands)

Krieg(Borderlands)

Lester Sinclair(House of Wax)

Thomas Hewitt(Texas Chainsaw)

Tony Stark(Marvel)

Anakin Skywalker(Star Wars)

ARC Trooper Echo(Star Wars)

Commander Cody(Star Wars)

Din Djarin(Star Wars)

Commander Wolffe(Star Wars)

Commander Rex(Star Wars)

Bender Rodriguez(Futurama)

Courage(Courage The Cowardly Dog)

2. Which cryptid being do you believe in?

Ah this is hard to say tbh! I believe in a lot, but the main one would probably be aliens if you would consider them cryptids, if not then probably Big Foot and La Chupacabra. My tio in Texas claims that he saw La Chupacabra one night and tbh I believe him. His sheep and cattle were dying and he's not really one to believe that sort of stuff. So the fact that he thinks that he saw it is pretty freaky in my personal belief.

Then for big foot and aliens, they just make sense to me. I have believed that they are real so much that they don't even freak me out and sometimes I forget that they aren't 'proven' real.

3. Why did you do that?

Lester Sinclair would have approved, that's why.

4. Imagine you're at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

Yes, yes, and yes! They might look a little rough because I do have tremors in my arms really bad, so I shake a lot, but I will definitely paint your nails :)

5. Do you say soda or pop?

I say soda. I used to say pop, but my grandpa is the king of dad jokes and used to jokingly hit my arm or back when I would ask for a pop. (Nothing hard, it was all playful.) Then he would be all "What, you asked for a pop?" So I make myself say soda to avoid his jokes LMAO

6. What kind of day is it?

Relieving. My uncle's funeral was today and now I feel like I can properly grieve. I always dread funerals.

7. if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

Probably watching the stars and drinking tea or something calming. Talking about our days or something that we enjoy :)

8. How do you like your shower water?

Hot. I like it steamy okay? I don't get it too hot, but enough that it helps with the kinks in my neck because my vertebrae are fucked up and heat feels really nice on my neck muscles lmao

9. How do you feel about chilly weather?

I love it! Fall is one of my favorite months because of the chilly weather. Hot chocolate is one of my favorite beverages, so it gives me an excuse to drink it!

10. Do you have a favorite towel?

Yes and no. All of my towels are my favorite. They're old and not too thick and fluffy. They're practically rags, but I hate buying new towels because they're always too fluffy and never absorb the water.

11. What's your take on spicy foods?

I love them! One of my favorite things to put on pizza is sriracha. Then one of my favorite salsas to put on about ANYTHING is my abuelitos homemade Chile. Which is basically just a bunch of jalapeños mashed up with like one tomato. Then he adds whatever else sounds good. Some spices, some other stuff out of his garden. Sometimes he adds Bell Peppers or Habenaros with it. It's always super good and super spicy. One of my best friends is actually my "Funny white-boy friend" because when my one tio passed all of my family came up from Texas. We all got together and I invited my friend over for supper. Well, my friend thought he would be able to eat this hot sauce because my abuelito and other tios were all "It isn't spicy." My friend DRENCHED his pork nuggets in it and nearly passed away that day 😭 the poor guy. My abuela got a photo of him all 😟 after he realized how hot it was LMAO. So now my family will call and ask how my "funny white-boy friend" is 💀

#orian rambles #orians asks #ask game #ajarofpickledtears <3

[salaciousslut]

Ive never had espolon! Maybe i should try it with you sometime 🤭 same as long as im drunk then im happy☺️ and thats more than okay princess<3 i wouldnt mind if you took you clothes off for me, i know you could use a few marks all over your pretty tits<3

I hate to say the masochism falls in line with the cnc for me because if you fight back and hurt me I'll just like it<3 And fuck the dudebros, (literally if you'd like hehe🤭) they dont really matter anyway, theyre also focused on themselves, if they dont want to be around you i swear they'll just move, esp if you have me around sweet thing<3 our preferred exercising methods are very different but i'd be more than willing to take your lead and protect you wherever you go princess<3 and i havent done yoga in a while!! Its been years 🫣 but i'd follow you anywhere<3

You absolutely deserve to be loved and cherished sweetheart, youre literally so precious<33 i wanna put you in a cute collar so bad princess<3 but also i get it, being a kitten has such a cute appeal to it, but being a puppy is cuter, it also shows how good you are at following orders as long as someone treats you right<3

Tbh🫣 i dont like ceviche with fully cooked shrimp the texture is off, but its ok!! I sill get to eat all sorts of yummy seafood! My family's from coastal regions so i grew up with lots of fish and a ton of shrimp, and at least fully cooked shrimp is good in other stuff!

No i get that! I hope no one's been weird about race in your dms lately, race fetishists are weird as fuck.

Wait you really think we'd look good together, princess? 🥺

You are too cute<3333 chips and salsa are good! Whats your favorite kind of chips? I wanna know 🥺 Also wtf i love wings, im partial to mango habanero at most places! But i love spicy food a lot. And im also one of those weirdos that doesnt mind pineapple on pizza 🤭

I understand princess, its much more fun if someone else does it for you<3 i wish i was able to add to your orgasm log by eating you out sweetheart<33 I really love eating pussy if im being honest<3333

hehe yes!! i just got a mew bottle so ill open it with you!! plus u can feed me shots!! maybe make me a heavy handed drink. u really like my tits huh?? hehe if i were in my dms i would send u pics all the time (this is me gently convincing u to come off anon hehehe)

hottttttt i like struggling a lil because its more fun that way but knowing that youll like it too is really hot!!!

and we will take turns working out! bc lets be real, if ur lifting, i dont think i could pay attention to anything else!! nor do i really want to!! so we take turns <3

i get that! but yay for shrimp!! im also coastal so fresh shrimp and fish are my bread and butter!! yummy hehe

duh i think we would look good together babe!!! i mean look at us??? hot as fuck

i love anything that hot limon flavored!! thats always my go to but cool ranch doritos or sour cream and onion chips are yummy too!! or anything with dip, im a big sauce girl so dips and sauces are my jam. mango habanero is so yummy!! you have excellent taste 😇 see for me, i totally understand the flavor profile of pineapple on pizza, but i have a big aversion to warm fruit. i hate the texture and flavor of warm fruit so much. like fruit pies and cobblers and stuff? i eat it cold because the fruit taste more like fruit to me that way. idk its a lil weird but warm fruit gives me the heebie jeebies

hehehehehe eat me out then!!! im very vocal when im with someone its kinda embarrassing but i know people like that 🫣

#ci answers #butch my beloved

[silverwarewolf]

okay the thought of plain ketchup chips is disturbing me. like just plain ketchup???? why must you subject yourselves to this pain. at least put some fucking spices on them

#said as a ketchup disliking person #tomato puree is on thin fucking ice #its like the thing i said the other day #i fucking hate hot sauce but spicy salsa is okay #do you get it? do. you. get. it? #/nm #no hate if you like them i just #WHY

[normal-thoughts-official]

UWU I'm in the mood for some Raphael talk, I love the headcanon you've talked about in the chat about Raphael tolerating Alec only because he makes his dad happy (which is so damn valid of him), and it's one of my most fave things do you have more slightly silly headcanons about it?

you really want me to be beaten up huh may. you want them to come for me again. you want to ruin my life

okay disclaimer Alec stans pwease dont hate me uwu I'm not saying i hate Alec I'm saying that i dont think Raphael would vibe with him. especially after the whole punch which I'll never get over cuz like i KNOW rationally that alec didnt have the full story and if izzy was hurt and sitting beside a white shadowhunter he would go there and beat them up all the same cuz alec's like this, but I'm still upset eidndidjdid my boy doesnt deserve this okay

anyway with that being said

i dont think its Raphael like, genuinely hating him as much as them having nothing in common besides their mutual love for Magnus and desire to see him happy. so Raphael can tolerate him fine, but he's not exactly dying to be best friends. besides, alec's like, all of the most annoying things about shadowhunters (all serious, never fucking relaxes, must have a weapon close at all times, doesn't understand food, doesn't listen to music, doesnt-) that arent like straight up nazist bigotry. so hes just like. ugh. whatever. I'm here for Magnus. leave pls

i can absolutely see that tbh Raphael just goes to their house and is all like "Alec leave i want to talk to Magnus" and alec's like "this is my house?" and raphael's like "and?" and alec's like "Fine, ill take a walk. Magnus, Raphael is here." but he also kisses Magnus goodbye in front of Raphael because he can, in fact, be an ass

also i know i told u about that already but Raphael lowkey challenges him every time like. he'll come by Magnus' and bring food, and of course theres food for 3 because Raphael is not gonna be that rude and he doesn't want to make Magnus feel like Raphael wants him to choose between Raphael and Alec. Alec makes Magnus happy and Raphael would never want to make Magnus feel like his love or presence in his life is conditional. Plus, he doesn't actually hate him. Just a little.

anyway so he brings the food and he's like (clearly judgemental tone) "i brought hot sauce because i figured Alec doesn't usually eat spicy food" and he's obviously correct, Alec had never eaten anything with season in his life before he met Magnus, much less pepper. he's the kind of ultimate, boss-level gringo who puts salt on his food when he's feeling adventurous

so Raphael sits down and puts the food on his plate and he pours hot sauce into his plate while making unwavering eye contact with Alec (yeah raphael can eat in this because he deserves it and i said so) and it's an obvious challenge and it evidently works because Alec 1- is competitive, and 2- actually wants Raphael's respect because he knows how important he is to Magnus. so he takes the salsa from Raphael and starts pouring it too while maintaining eye contact right back, jaw clenched in challenge, looking all serious and Magnus is like "children, please" and raphael's all like "oh no no no, let him" but Alec considers that a win because Raphael is clearly trying to contain a smile and thats the first step to winning him over

so anyway Alec sweats and grimaces through the whole meal, cuz like, look yes he may have pain tolerance because he's a shadowhunter but he's also the bitch who reacted to taking a sip of beer like someone had farted on his face. he can't hide his reactions for shit, but fuck if he doesn't lick the plate clean (not literally like gross) and doesn't shed a single tear, even as he clearly can't keep his eyes open with the effort

Magnus is like "Alexander, you dont have to do this" and alec's like "(eyes squeezed shut, grimacing, drenched in sweat) do what? this is very good" and Raphael is smiling into his plate even as Magnus shoots him dirty looks

then Alec is like "i won. i ate it all" and Raphael is like "(looking at his red sweaty face and puffy eyes) really?"

also look ill always love the hc that Raphael resents Alec for his height and Alec doesnt even notice. Raphael is not short, god damn it, hes 175! thats TEN whole centimeters above the mexican average! he was the tallest boy in Guadalajara! RAPHAEL IS TALL, OKAY

EXCEPT everyone in the goddamn shadow world is apparently a god damn giant. Its humiliating enough that Magnus is 180. but Magnus is his dad, so whatever. but Alec is FUCKING 190. no one needs that much tall. no one! Raphael went from being the tallest boy in the neighborhood to the shortest, and boy he is so not pleased about it

but Alec has no idea because who cares? (Raphael. Raphael cares. deeply. he cares so much) it's not even good to be that tall, he keeps banging his head on things. so there will be moments like. Raphael is standing in front of the bookshelf, seeming very focused. Alec shrugs, figures he's looking for something, and puts the book he was going to put there up. Raphael shoots him a dirty look that might as well be a stab, and Alec's like ???????? did i disrupt you? sorry? and Raphael just crosses his arms like "you didnt do anything, i dont know what you're talking about"

in reality the shelf was too high up because Magnus adjusted his shelves to his and Alec's height, and Raphael refused to stand on his tiptoes or god forbid, a stool, to grab his book, so he was just glaring at the shelf until the book came to him or something. and when Alec put the book up he was mad cuz Alec could reach it fjdndid

later Alec tells Magnus about it like "i dont get what i did. is he just that private?" and Magnus is like "hmm. i have no idea, darling" but next time Raphael comes, the shelves have been spelled to adjust to the book picker's height

also this always makes me think of that scene in hsm where zeke tries to talk to sharpay and she goes "evaporate, tall person!" and leaves and i love that mental image tbh

also like. eventually Alec apologizes for the punching thing (look. look. Im still salty and Raphael deserves it okay) and Raphael is like. moved because something deep inside of him still believed it was his fault and he was a monster, and it's. nice. and Alec kind of extends his arms and Raphael is like "dont think so" and crosses his arms and Alec kind of very very slowly lifts his arm and pats Raphael's head once and Raphael wants to scream and Alec looks very awkward and sheepish and Magnus bursts out laughing

(Raphael doesnt mind, though, because Magnus is genuinely so happy all day that they had a good interaction. so happy. and Raphael thinks, okay, this is okay. it's good if it makes Magnus happy.)

(Magnus also pats his head and plays with his hair, but its okay because Magnus has always done that and Raphael doesnt mind. only from him though. and raphael's partners. but anyway)

plus whenever Magnus is like, upset, or sick or something, theyre like. an unit. because for all they have no common interests they do think very alike (autistic solidarity i guess) and are very practical when it comes to taking care of others, and they both just. adore Magnus, okay. so Raphael will arrive, make Magnus soup. while he makes soup, Alec stays with him and takes his temperature. once Raphael is back with the soup, Alec goes out to buy medicine, and Raphael stays with him to make him company. and so on. at some point Alec is almost falling asleep by Magnus' side and Raphael taps his shoulder and points to the chair nearby, and Alec nods and dozes off for a while. then its the other way around. Magnus isnt seriously sick, of course, but he doesn't usually get sick so it's an event, plus they're both Like This. and for all the grief they give each other, they trust each other to take care of Magnus. theres no argument about that

(Magnus was resting, but he did see some of these moments, and smiled a bit to himself before dozing off again)

also Raphael and Ragnor gave Alec the ultimate shovel talk (Ragnor doesn't trust anyone after Camille, and while neither do cat and dot, they were more chill), but it lowkey backfired because they were like "if you ever hurt him, we'll remove your kneecaps" and Alec was like "(nodding seriously) thats fair"

also i know we've talked about this already but i also love the idea that Raphael goes to their house and is all absentmindedly like "hm can i have some coffee" and alec's like "sure, ill make it :) you stay here and talk to Magnus" and when Alec comes back he hands Raphael his coffee in a "best. bonus son. ever" mug and then he leans back against the wall, sipping his own coffee from his "world's #1 stepdad" mug that he bought himself, trying to hide his shit eating grin, and Raphael scowls and deliberately holds it so his hand covers the words, and Magnus laughs and his eyes shine as he sips his tea.

(later, Raphael is like. guess me and lightwood have a dynamic now. gross. but he still rolls with it)

in short Raphael and Alec being little shits to each other but still building something of a relationship for Magnus and always taking care of him..... ultimate trope

#ask #cosmicnovia #luxxmagnus #sh #shadowhunters #raphael santiago #magnus bane #alec lightwood #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #long post #autistic alec lightwood #autistic raphael santiago #brief but still there #crack #sh crack #malec

[silly-nonny-fics-are-for-fandoms]

Burning

Bakukami Week Day three (Part Two): Spicy @officialbakukamiweek Summary: Cooking, he can do. Baking too, with some help. Only, his boyfriend enjoyed spicy food and Kaminari had the constitution of a small child against spicy foods and he desperately wanted to please him on his birthday. Read on Ao3

Everyone who assumed Kaminari couldn't cook, they were wrong. He could cook very well, in fact, he just had a hard time doing it from memory. Along with his usual inability to focus in class, he wasn't able to do much without something else.

This is only half of the reason he stood in the dorm kitchen, having volunteered to cook dinner for the class that night. He wore a simple pink tee shirt, some black jeans, and a cute pink apron he snatched from Mina, his headphones on as he danced around the room to the beat of the music, black rubber gloves protecting him from the dangerous ingredients.

Well, he was cooking as well. A rather large glass of milk sat on the counter, half drunk and a box of tissues.

Why tissues, one may ask?

Simple. He was trying to cook something for his boyfriend's birthday, and his boyfriend's favorite food was anything spicy. Kirishima had mentioned how it might be so spicy that Bakugo would cry. Kaminari thought it would be an exciting sight, possibly getting Bakugo to admit it was too hot for him.

Kaminari had settled on making three things, two super spicy and one less so. It smelled great, but the burning sensation he got wasn't quite so welcome. He'd instructed his classmates to do everything in their power, mostly the power of the Bakusquad, to keep Bakugo as far away from the kitchen as they could.

The first thing he'd decided to cook was some spicy steak soup, kicked up to eleven with Carolina Reaper extract and hot sauce.

The second, less spicy, was ghost peppers stuffed with hot sausage and cheese.

Finally, the last and least spicy of all, Mussaman Curry. Not particularly hot or spicy, but flavorful and more than enough to satisfy those who didn't like spicy food.

The oven beeped, and Kaminari checked on the peppers, tearing up at the force of their aroma but putting them back in for another three minutes. Grabbing a tissue, he made sure to stir the soups, keeping them from boiling over and getting ruined. The curry smelled good, and--

Oh, his phone was buzzing.

Slipping off one of his gloves he reached into his pocket, pulling his phone out to hit the answer button, thankful for his headphones' microphone. "Hello?" Kaminari hummed, checking on the peppers again.

"Hey, Kami! It's Kiri. Uh. We lost sight of Bakubro."

Kaminari's thoughts halted. They'd lost sight of Bakugo? This couldn't be good.

"Where are you guys?"

"We reserved Ground Beta for," there was a pause, "Another hour. He just vanished! We've been looking, but we can't find him! Is he with you?"

"Gimme a second, okay?" Kaminari leaned over to the wall, letting out a small bit of electricity. A technique he'd been working on, to hack security cameras with his quirk, finally had a use. He looked at his phone, where he relayed the signals from the cameras too and yelped. Bakugo was on his way back, looking pissed.

"Uh, he's almost here. Can you send Iida to distract him? I know its super late," only about five fifty, "But everything's almost done. Please?"

He heard Kirishima relaying the message to everyone else, and he glanced at the fridge, which had the cake he'd baked that morning. It wasn't great, just a giant devil's food cake with chocolate chips recipe he'd grown up eating, but the ganache and icing made it look better than it was on its own. He knew Katsuki preferred dark chocolate if he had to have something sweet, but he still worried that he wouldn't enjoy it. Especially if it was topped with something like fresh fruit.

Kaminari had spent his entire day in the kitchen, wanting to impress his boyfriend on such a special day.

"Iida's on his way. Cake ready?" Kirishima asked, Kaminari humming and going back to his cooking. His hair was frizzed, fluffy and a bit crazy. Every time he got even a small burn, his quirk came up, and the static made him fluffy.

"Yeah, I hope he likes it."

"Dude, you spent all day in that kitchen, cooking just for him! He's gonna love it!"

"But what if he doesn't? What if dinner isn't spicy enough or the cake is too sweet?" Kaminari bit his lip, looking out the window to see his boyfriend angrily walking towards the building, Iida catching up quickly.

The singing sound brought his attention away from the scene, taking the curry off of the burner to let it rest.

"Bro, it'd be super unmanly for him to be mad after all you've done for him! You’re a great boyfriend!" He heard Kirishima laugh, and Kaminari relaxed slightly. Kirishima was right, Bakugo would at least appreciate the effort it took to do this.

"Thanks, man, I owe ya." He chuckled, "Bye!"

"Bye dude!"

Hanging up, he took the peppers out of the oven and let them rest to the side, turning the heat on the soup down so as not to burn it. He could hear an explosion from outside, and glancing out the window again he gulped. It seemed Bakugo had said something which caused Iida to stop, still standing on the sidewalk.

Kaminari began to panic. The soup still needed to simmer for twenty minutes, and Bakugo would recognize the scent of spicy things cooking.

"Nononononono-!" He started fritzing, then he realized. He could lock the front door! But Bakugo could fly using his quirk, he reminded himself, and he knew the balcony doors were rarely locked. What would be the point?

He turned the burner onto a lower setting, slipping off the apron and gloves, accepting his fate. Knocking his headphones down around his neck, he walked over to the entryway to the kitchen and smiled, trying to get his hair in order.

The door opened, and Bakugo didn't look happy.

"Hey babe," Denki waved, smiling, "You're back early, happy birthday." He hadn't gotten to say it that morning, and he walked over to the grumpy teen and kissed him lightly.

"Fucking. I fucking hate our class." Katsuki grumbled, roughly grabbing Denki's waist.

"Hm? And why's that?" Denki purred, despite being able to feel the static elevating his hair.

"All I fucking wanted for my shitty birthday," Katsuki leaned down to kiss the blonde's neck, "Was to spend the day with my damn boyfriend. But no- They had to drag me to the fucking training grounds." He grumbled, biting the juncture between Denki's neck and shoulder, causing him to spark even more. As he did, the most wonderful smell wafted over, which made him hum in enjoyment, "You cooking something?"

"I- Uhn- Yeah. Wanted. Wanted to surprise you." Denki mumbled, face red.

"Did you set them up to what happened?" Katsuki's grip on his waist tightened, and Denki was sure there'd be at least imprints later. Denki shook his head,

"I just told them to keep you busy and out of the kitchen,"

"So you put them up to it."

"Kinda?" He chuckled, "But you know I didn't mean any harm by it."

"Yeah, I know." Katsuki glanced at the kitchen, raising an eyebrow. "Do I wanna know if everything is in one piece?"

"It is, I promise! Everything is in one piece!" Denki chuckled, slipping out of his boyfriend's arms, dragging him to the kitchen.

"Alright, let's try some of this, then." Katsuki grabbed one of the spoons, Denki biting his lip. If Katsuki didn't like it, he might be heartbroken.

He watched Katsuki take a small sip from the spoon of the stake soup, pause for a second, and turn to him. "it's a bit bland, but not half bad." He shrugged, and Denki lit up. Katsuki rarely gave out compliments, so hearing him praise his cooking had been excellent. A real confidence booster.

"I'm glad you like it! But, bland? There a teaspoon of Carolina Reaper extracts in there..." He glanced at the used tissues in the trash can, remembering how much he had cried in the process of making the meals.

"Yeah, I can barely fucking taste it."

To Denki's horror, he watched as Katsuki reached over for the extract bottle, read the instructions, and poured half of the bottle into the soup. The electric user teared up at the scene, quickly grabbing a tissue to wipe away the tears before they could fall.

"What the heck is your tolerance?! People have gone to the hospital because of that!" He exclaimed, Katsuki shrugging.

"It's fucking bland. Spicy food is supposed to taste like something. If someone eats it and sees Recovery girl, it's their damn fault."

Denki gawked at him as he stirred the pot, going to wash his hands after to make sure the extract hadn't gotten on his hands. The difference in heat tolerance was noticeable; nothing was ever hot enough for Katsuki, and Denki could barely handle hot salsa.

"So, you got a cake or something?" Katsuki asked, looking over at his boyfriend, "Or are you my dessert?"

His face went bright red, small sparks coming off of his hair as he grabbed the other's sleeve.

"There's cake, but if you want me, then I wouldn't mind being your dessert."

He could nearly hear Katsuki smirk, hiding his face against his back.

"Well, if someone that hot says they won't mind being my dessert, who the fuck am I to refuse?"

Denki was sure Kirishima hadn't meant this kind of spice when he said Katsuki might cry, but he'd take what he'd get.

#Bakukamiweek2018 #Bakukami #Kaminari Denki #bakugo katsuki #Cooking #Cooking mishaps #Birthdays #Mild implications of smut at the end #Anxiety #Ask to tag I'm shit at it #Spicy food

[sky-on-blog]

1. What’s the last thing you ate? Ice cream, I think, last night.

2. What’s your favourite cheese? Pepper jack.

3. What’s your favourite fish? Salmon.

4. What’s your favourite fruit? Pineapple, even though it hurts my mouth to eat it raw.

5. When, if ever, did you start liking olives? I’m pretty sure I’ve always liked olives -- at least, the black ones. I used to take them from salad bars and eat them by themselves when I was little. Green olives are okay. I dislike Kalamata olives, though.

6. When, if ever, did you start liking beer? Probably like, after I turned 21. I disliked it for a long time until I tried things other than my mother’s Coors Light.

7. When, if ever, did you start liking shellfish? I’m pretty sure I’ve always liked shellfish, too. I don’t understand how people can not like crabs?

8. What was the best thing your mom/dad/guardian used to make? Uh. Nothing, really. My parents are pretty terrible cooks. Do cookies count? Because I can make those, too.

9. What’s the native specialty of your hometown? I don’t know. Scrapple? Delaware doesn’t have a lot of “native specialties.” Apparently muskrat is a thing that people eat there, even though I lived there until I was 24 and never once encountered it (thankfully).

10. What’s your comfort food? Goldfish, or peanut butter Captain Crunch. Also peanut butter M&Ms. And Reese’s.

11. What’s your favourite type of chocolate? Milk. 12. How do you like your steak? Medium rare. I thought I didn’t like steak for basically my entire life because I only ever had it more well done.

13. How do you like your burger? Medium, I guess? I’ve never really compared.

14. How do you like your eggs? Over easy, and preferably atop hash browns.

15. How do you like your potatoes? Fried and crispy. Mashed potatoes are good, too, though.

16. How do you take your coffee? With flavored creamer, or cream and sugar if it’s just regular cream.

17. How do you take your tea? Depends on the kind of tea. I like iced green tea, but only if it isn’t bitter -- so like, not from a teabag. And hot tea is okay, but I mostly just drink that to help with my throat or to relax; I don’t really love the taste, or anything. When I do drink it, though, I just drink it plain -- with the exception of some honey if I feel really bad, but again, that’s less for the taste and more for the effects. 

18. What’s your favourite mug? A fox-shaped one that I got as a gift.

19. What’s your biscuit or cookie of choice? Peanut butter chocolate chip.

20. What’s your ideal breakfast? Uhh. Depends on my mood, I guess. But there’s a place in Haines City that has these apple cinnamon waffles that are pretty amazing. 

21. What’s your ideal sandwich? Those Italian, oven-baked sandwiches from Domino’s. They are amazing. Turkey clubs are great, too.

22. What’s your ideal pizza: Light sauce with pineapple and jalapeno. Red Baron’s frozen Mexican pizza is awesome, as well.

23. What’s your ideal pie (sweet or savoury)? Pumpkin -- sweet. I wholly prefer sweet pie to savory.

24. What’s your ideal salad? The one you get at Olive Garden. That’s the only salad I can actually get excited about. Oh, or black bean and corn salad, oh my god. 

25. What food do you always like to have in the fridge? Something easily accessible. It’s not a “food,” but I always like to have soda. And onions, preferably red.

26. What food do you always like to have in the freezer? Again, something easy to make. Oh, and burgers.

27. What food do you always like to have in the cupboard? Goldfish, cereal, candy, coffee.

28. What spices can you not live without? Salt is the only one I could probably actually not go without, but cilantro and cayenne are pretty excellent, too.

29. What sauces can you not live without? Eh. I can live without most sauce -- I prefer things to be more dry. Does salsa count as sauce? I tend to miss that when I don’t have it. 

30. Where do you buy most of your food? Walmart. It’s right across the street, and it’s cheap. But we also go to Publix pretty often, too. 

31. How often do you go food shopping? Usually about once a week, but it depends on when Jeremy’s and my schedules line up and when we start to run out of food.

33. What’s the most expensive piece of kitchen equipment you own? ...I’m drawing a blank. Jeremy’s dad got us a frappuccino maker that we’ve never used in the pantry. Oh, there’s a Keurig in the closet, but it doesn’t work. Does that count? I mean, we have a microwave and an oven, but we don’t own those. Maybe the toaster oven?

34. What’s the last piece of equipment you bought for your kitchen? A coffee maker, when the Keurig stopped working.

35. What piece of kitchen equipment could you not live without? The microwave, without a doubt.

36. How many times a week/month do you cook from raw ingredients? Me personally, never. Jeremy, for both of us to eat...probably a few times a month.

37. What’s the last thing you cooked from raw ingredients? Chicken enchilada casserole. It wasn’t very good, which is why I don’t cook.

38. What meats have you eaten besides cow, pig and poultry? Lamb and deer are the only two I can think of. They have a lot of alligator down here in Florida, though, and I’ve been meaning to try that. Oh, I tried frog once, and it was awful -- but granted, it was at a pretty awful restaurant.

39. What’s the last time you ate something that had fallen on the floor? Yesterday, a walnut fell onto the kitchen counter and I still put it in my ice cream. I probably ate something off the floor yesterday, too. It happens.

40. What’s the last time you ate something you’d picked in the wild? Years and years ago, when my friends and I went cherry-picking.

41. Arrange the following in order of preference: Italian, Mexican, Chinese, Indian, Thai, Sushi – Sushi, Mexican, Thai, Chinese, Italian, Indian. Although, I’ve only ever had Indian food once, and nothing there was very good except the naan. So maybe that place just wasn’t very good.

42. Arrange the following in order of preference: Vodka, Whiskey, Brandy, Rum – I haven’t had brandy in a while and I don’t really remember what it tastes like, so I’m going to leave that out of the equation. But probably rum, whiskey, vodka, although I like all three pretty well.

43. Arrange the following in order of preference: Garlic, Basil, Caramel, Lime, Mint, Ginger, Aniseed – I’ve never had aniseed. But otherwise -- lime, garlic, ginger, mint (as long as it’s in dessert), basil, caramel. If the mint is in something savory, then it goes at the very bottom; I really hate mint in savory things.

44. Arrange the following in order of preference: Pineapple, Orange, Apple, Strawberry, Cherry, Watermelon, Banana. – Pineapple, orange, strawberry, apple, banana, cherry, watermelon.

45. Bread and spread: What? Like, my favorites? I like pumpernickel bread, and...I don’t know. Mayonnaise? That chili spread -- the famous one with the rooster -- is pretty good, too.

46. What’s your fast food restaurant of choice, and what do you usually order? Probably Popeye’s -- spicy chicken, usually tenders, with red beans and rice. 

47. Pick a city. What are the best dining experiences you’ve had in that city? Uh. Newark, in Delaware, has this pretty great Japanese buffet.

48. What’s your choice of tipple at the end of a long day? What’s a tipple?

49. What’s the next thing you’ll eat? I’m not sure. I might eat some cereal or Goldfish or something before work.

50. Are you hungry now? Sort of, but I don’t know what I want.

51. Do you eat your breakfast everyday? No. I’m never hungry when I wake up; I have to force myself to eat, like, a granola bar when I go to work. 

52. At what time do you have breakfast? Whenever I get up and feel like it. 

53. At what time do you have lunch? Whenever they give it to me at work, or just...whenever Jeremy and I get hungry.

54. What do you have for lunch? Different stuff. Usually burgers, hot dogs, fries -- something easy.

55. At what time do you have dinner? When I get home from work, so usually around 9:30-10.

56. What do you have for dinner? Again, different stuff.

57. Do you light candles during dinner? No.

58. How many chairs are there in your dining room and who sits in the main chair? There isn’t a dining room in our apartment, but there’s a table in the corner with four chairs. There isn’t a “main” chair; they’re all the same.

59. Do you eat and drink using your right hand or the left one? Right, usually.

61. Mention the veggies that you like most: Pickles, onions, jalapenos, tomatoes. 

62. What fruit and vegetable do you like the least? Cantaloupe is my absolute least favorite fruit -- I can’t stand the taste. And my least favorite vegetable...probably Brussels sprouts.

63. You like your fruit salad to have more: Uhh. I haven’t had fruit salad in a long time. I guess strawberries?

64. You prefer your vegetable salad to contain more: Tomatoes.

65. What’s your favourite sandwich spread? Oh, I answered this earlier -- mayo or that chili spread. Admittedly, though, I haven’t had very many sandwich spreads.

66. What’s your favourite chocolate bar? Crunch. 

67. What’s your favourite dessert? Peanut butter brownie sundaes.

68. What’s your favourite drink? I don’t know. I’ve been in a weird drink place lately where I don’t know what I want. Margaritas are pretty great, though.

69. What’s your favourite snack? Goldfish.

70. What’s your favourite bubble gum flavour? Just like, wintergreen, probably, or spearmint. I like lemony ones, too. They used to have a strawberry lemonade one that was really good -- I don’t know if it still exists. But I’m not a big fan of gum, and my teeth have like, no enamel, so I never chew it. Oh, I used to like Juicy Fruit a lot when I was little.

71. What’s your favourite ice cream flavour? Green tea. I can only ever find it from Haagen-Dazs at some Publix. Oh, and brown sugar. Baskin Robbins has one that has brown sugar in it and it’s fucking incredible, but I’m pretty sure it’s seasonal. 

72. What’s your favourite potato chip flavour? Sour cream and onion, or just regular.

73. What’s your favourite soup? Chicken tortilla.

74. What’s your favourite pizza? Jalapeno and pineapple. 

75. What’s your favourite type of dish? Sushi, or Mexican.

76. What food do you hate? Cantaloupe. Peas. Brussels sprouts. Oatmeal. Applesauce. Anything mushy like that. Oh, and oysters/clams. And frog.

77. What’s your favourite restaurant? Hibachi.

78. Do you eat homemade food, food delivered from outside? I eat both, but I prefer food that’s not homemade, usually.

80. Who cooks at home? Jeremy.

81. What kind of diet (e.g. low-fat, high-fiber, high-carbohydrate, balanced diet etc.) do you have? Uh. A really unhealthy, salty, fattening one.

82. How do you keep yourself fit? I don’t.

#survey

[lazyphiladelphiareviews]

I got spice poisoned at Pura Vida

I GOT SPICE POISONED.

OK so you all know i love spicy foods. I put tabasco or cholula on everything and i dont eat anything without it. I love spicy. Indian, wings, whatever. Spice it up. I even watch the Spice channel through the blurred lines.

So Friday night i went to dinner with a friend we went to Pura Vida which is a mexican place near my house that i love. USED TO love.

Okay so it was busy and the owner was kinda flustered on all his tables. This guy is a questionable waiter anyways even on his good days but that's not the point. I know being a server is very hard, I did it for awhile and was very bad at it when I was a teenager. I have the utmost compassion and understanding for that profession and everyone at my work and all my friends know that I am super polite and nice to all my servers, always. I get it.

So I don't eat any dairy really except for pizza, because everyone eats pizza. So I was like can you tell me what's in the burrito, bc i dont want cheese, or sour cream, okay? I don't hate mexican cheese it'll just make me uncomfortabel. I HATE sour cream though. Okay so I was like whats in the burrito he was like meat, rice, beans, and cheese. I was like okay can i get it without cheese. And he was like no dairy? And I was like yeah, no dairy.

Ok so it comes out, and i start eating it, and this burrito has meat, beans, rice, guacamole that i didn't order in it because i dont like it inside of a burrito but thats besides the point, and it's like FULL of sour cream. So right away I start like.. getting repulsed, because like I said, that is a food that makes me physically revolted.

So i said to my friend "did i say no dairy" my friend said "you said no dairy." So i was like okay im not gonna eat this lemme just get the check.

So i had to wave the dude down, who i said, was flustered, and i get it, but like, i didnt order that food and also i hate it.

So i was like i said no dairy. He got pissed. He goes "YOU SAID NO CHEESE" my friend and me are like...speechless. He is so pissed off. So I was like "ill just get the check its fine" and he is like NO. I WILL MAKE YOU A NEW ONE. TO GO.

So he came back with my food wrapped up and i was like okay if you insist and i still tipped like 7 dollars on a 30 dollar tab because if you don't tip 20%+ always no matter what then fuck you.

Ok so fast forward to yesterday. I slept in, feeling good, doing freelance work, writing a website, I decide im hungry, and i remember i have a fresh burrito in the fridge, and i get a food boner and im all excited.

So i microwave it, put some tabasco on it, (hot sauce always, like i mentioned) and i dig in. Took a bite. Took 2 bites. (it's got guacamole in it again but that's not the point that's not dairy)

Instantly I know something is wrong. My mouth is in pain. Like severe pain. I had swallowed 2 bites and i run over to the sink and i have my mouth under the faucet, just letting the water run into and spill out of my mouth. I don't have any milk to fight the spicy (i dont eat dairy). So I am just spitting and trying to get that ghost pepper poison or whatever just out of my mouth.

So then my body is like hey by the way you swallowed some of that poison, not sure if you know that, but we are gonna just go ahead and help you out with that and get that out so then I like run to my toilet and I'm getting SICK!!!

Like that is how you know I am not kidding here. If something is too spicy, that is a matter of taste and whether or not you are a punk bitch and I ain't no punk bitch. My body identified this substance that I was served, as a food, and paid for, as poison, and ejected it out of my body.

It didnt get it all out though and still, a day later, I can feel it burning inside me. Devvy Ding Dongs from across the street popped outside with some pedialyte to save my life yesterday.

Okay so I don't want to post this on his page, on the Northern Liberties Page, or Yelp, or whatever, because I don't want to hurt this guy's business because that's his life and I get it.

But like, I haven't been that sick in years and it was one of two explanations.

1- he was pissed off because im a shitty customer (im not) 2 - his spicy salsa is inedible and poisonous.

Either way, you should consider that before choosing to eat at Pura Vida at 6th and Fairmount.

That's the story of the time a Mexican assassin tried to poison me to death. More like Pura Muerte, am i right?