#i had to leave 30 mins early cause i had a ride home but i wish i could've stayed honestly

[anne-white-star]

Exchange student modern au jon pertwee x reader: Studying abroad

Notes: reader is a student from the netherlands she's 20 years old (jon is 24) and goes to england to studdy. She goes to frensham heights school and meets there jon pertwee as her asigned student for the year. It may not all be acurate but please enjoy reading jon lives in rowledge (this is an au and probably not completly acurate)

Words : 2488

Warnings : bullying, cursing

Y/n was working on her degree in (prefred feeld). Her year of studying concidered also of studying one year abroad, she was extremly exited about it

"Do you have everything dear?"

"I think i do don't worry mom everything will be alright"

"Alright just wanted to make sure, here is your ticket for the train"

"Thanks mom" She hugged her " once i arive i'll call alright

"Alright, take care my dear "

"Take care mom" y/n ran to the train while waving "bye!"

"Bye sweetheart!!"

The wissel went off and a few seconds later the train started to move she kept waving at her mom, once she was out sight y/n sat down it was going to be a long ride.

She had to get from the netherlands to belgium to France and then to London england but she had brought some stuff to sketch a bit the ride was about 7 u 47 min.

Y/n drew the landscape around her sketching with difrent kind of colors

Finaly after almost 8 hours the train had finaly arived, packing everything back up y/n grabed all her things and got out

She had to wait for an other train to frensham cause there was the school she had to go to

Once the train had arived to bring her to frensham y/n sat down again it was going to be about an other 2 hours oh wel she thought its better than biking everywhere.

Late that afternoon y/n finaly arived at frensham heights school the princable greated her " Ah you must be y/n y/l/n" he shook her hand

"Yes thats me" she smiled

"I hope the ride went wel here"

"Oh yes it did everything went alright and the trains were on time"

"Good, you will be staying at a room for one night and tomorow you wil go back home with one of the students he has already been informed of your stay"

"Alright great" she picked up her suit case "please show me the way" about 30 minuts later y/n was seteled in the room, she wasn't going to pack out everything also because of tomorow. She grabed her phone and dialed her mothers number

"Hey mom"

"Hey sweetheart have you arived?"

"Yes i got here about 30 minuts ago and im now in my room where i stay for the night"

"Oh for the night? I thought you would stay there for the whole year"

"I do but they informed me that i would stay with a student for the year"

"Do you know who it is?"

"Not yet they will tell me tomorow"

"Alright wel i don't have to worry about you your 20 years old dear"

"I know mom its fine really, Anyway i should be going i have class at 9 tomorow"

"Alright sweetheart sleep wel"

"Night mom" She hang up And placed the phone on the bedsite table "wel Its time to sleep" she grabed her pyjama out her lugage and put it on, then she went under the blankets and went to sleep

*time skip to 8 o'clock next morning*

Y/n got out of bed and started to dress her self breakfast was waiting then she left her room to eat

"Good morning sir"

"Ah good morning y/n did you sleep wel?"

"Oh yes i did "

"Good im glad to hear that, breakfast is waiting for you it might be difrent from what you normaly eat"

"Oh thats alright im not making a big hassle out of it as long as it is bread its fine"

"Alright then once school starts you will be inform who you wil stay with"

"Thank you, see you later sir"

*skip to 9 o'clock*

Everyone had sit down for class and y/n walked in with the teacher

"Good morning everyone we got a new class mate she is an Exchange student from the netherlands please introduce yourself" the teacher stept aside

"Hi im y/n y/l/n and i hope we will have a Nice year with echoter im really looking forward to it"

"Good miss y/l/n do you know yet who you are going to stay with this year?

"not yet im suposed to get the info today"

"Alright the student you wil be paired with is mr pertwee" the teacher pointed at a guy with big grayish blue eyes dark brown wavy hair and he was wearing a school uniform "you can sit right next to him "

"Alright thank you sir" y/n sat next to mr pertwee

"Hi my name is jon its Nice to meet you y/n "

"Like wise"

"Please grab your english books and turn to page 45"

The day went by fast

"Oh now i don't know who im going to stay with this whole year"

"Y/n You are staying with us"

"Oh... we i guese that we should get my stuff then "

"Good idea, please lead the way" jon grined

"Here is everything"

"Three suitcases and a bag i have seen girls who brought more"

"Oh wel that doesn't really mater i only brought things that i would need, and i got my school uniform today"

"Ah i see, we should go i bet my aunt is waiting for us"

"Alright lets go" They grabed everything and went out

Once they arived home they went up the stairs jon opend the door

"This will be your room for the upcoming year"

"Oh its absolutly wonderfull" she looked around on the otherside of the room stood a desk and a big closet

"The bathroom is down the hall first door on the left, i leave you be so that you can settle your stuff"

"Alright thanks jon i'll be down in an hour"

Finaly an hour later y/n was done with packing out and placing everything in the right place , then there was a knok at the door

"Yes?"

"Hey y/n I just came to tell you that dinner is ready "

"Oh thanks jon im coming with you" she stood up and followed him

Y/n sat next to him at the table "jon i have a question, um where are your parents? "

"They devorced and they don't want anything to do with me anymore so i moved in with my aunt"

"Im so sorry jon i din't know"

"Its fine y/n don't worry" he smiled softly

"Hello everybody!" Came a voice from the front door

"Hi bill, y/n This is bill my cousin"

"Nice to meet you" she shook his hand

"Like whise"

After dinner Everyone went to bed early to get a good night of sleep, the next day was going to be a long day

*time skip to four months later because im to lazy *

"What lessons do we have today ?"

"Um english, biolgy, art , music, history and french

" and Tomorow ?"

Mathematics, science, sport and geography

"Alright noted"

Once they arived at school they went to their class room

"You go in jon i need to check something"

"Alright"

"Well wel wel if it isnt the Exchange student" y/n turned around and looked at a girl and there where two more behind her , y/n knew her of course she had been there already for four months

"what do you want erica" (Im sorry if it is your name you can change it if you want)

"Oh don't try to be all smart and stuff you know what i want and don't think you get a chance with jon, he's one of the best looking boys in the school and he will be mine"

"Honestly i don't mind i only stay at his place, in 6 months i'll be going back home"

"Good because he wil never like a whore like you, now bye" she fliped her long blond hair over her shoulder and walked away while her friends followed while snikering

Y/n signed and looked down "he's just a Friend Anyway" she mumbled while walking back to class

Once she was back in class she sat down next to him "what took you so long" he wispered

"Sorry i could't find my book" it was a lie of course, y/n doesn't want to talk about the struggels she's having with erica, and stuppid enough she's in the same class as her so she always has to look at that dumb face

Y/n Her thought were stoped by what the teacher was saying "as we all know we have a ball at the end of the year and because its you guys last year here you get to decided the theme of the party"

Erica raised her hand "Oh what about a party with lots of alcohol" she grined

"No erica alcohol will not be tolareated" said the teacher

"Whats the fun then if there is no alcohol tsjk" she scold

"Sir what about an all decade event everybody can dress up from the 40s thill now, difrent food will be served and all kinds of music will be played"

"Thats a Nice idea miss y/l/n" People around the room agreed with her idea

"Tsk sounds boring" erica said and her friends agreed

Y/n got angry but calmed her self down "wel if you think its boring please come with a better idea im curious to hear it" she said with a smile, erica went quiet and turned away

"Alright then its setteled this will be the theme of our ball it will be held 6 months from now"

*skip to the end of the day*

*sigh* "im glad this day is over" y/n sat down on the coutch

"Me to" there was a pauze between them "you know y/n Im really proud of you how you handeld yourself in class

"Thanks jon"

"Are you ok?"

"Oh yes i am, im just tired" she stood up

"What Are you going to do? "

"I have to call my mom to sent some of my stuff over for the party"

"Alright im going to make dinner"

Y/n went upstairs and called her mom "hi mom"

"Hi sweetheart Hows everything going ?"

"Everything is fine ..... mom i was wondering if you could sent some stuff over here"

"Sure thing what do you need?"

Could you pack my hair curler some of my make up, my black evening dress with glitters, my 1930s evening coat, the silver high heels i bought with the dress a and the ear rings and necklace i got from grandma ?"

"Sure thing i will sent it in a big box anything ells?"

"Oh yes my trolley i have to take my stuff back home as wel so thats the best idea i guese"

"Alright i noted it i will look everything up And sent it to you"

"Thanks mom love you got to go now"

"Love you to sweetheart speek to you later"

"Bye" she hang up And went back downstairs to eat.

About a month later everything had arived that she would need to dress up

*time skip to 4 months and 20 days later*

The bulying got worse and worse, y/n had been atacked, spit on and called names but never had she imagined that jon would go to the dance with erica.

She had done her hair but stoped with everything els it just wasn't worth it she would rather stay here at home, jon already left a bit sad by the news y/n don't want to atend

*knok knok* the door opend "hey y/n?"

"Oh hi bill"

"Whats wrong"

"Jon has gone out with somone wich i din't expect him to go with"

"Who?"

"That stuppid bitch Erica"

"Really with her? Goodness i expected better from him"

"Me to" she sniffed

"Hey don't give up now there is still a chance come on get dressed chop chop"

"Are you sure I mean..."

"Yes 100% sure you are way more pretty than her come on "

"Alright if you say so.... but how am i going to get there?"

"I have a car"

"Alright give me 30 minuts" y/n started to get dressed put on her necklace, ear rings and shoes she then did her make up, she grabed her long coat and walked out.

She opend the door and heared a car horn

"Hey y/n over here" it was bill he sat in a old black vintage car "here is your ride my lady"

"Why thank you kind sir, lets go" she steped in and sat down

Bill started the car up And drove away

"Thank you so mutch for the help i really need that"

"Its nothig everything for a friend, now come on lets go i also have a date"

Everything was nicely decorated and music was playing, people were dressed up in all Difrent kind of dresses and suits, a table stood against the wall where there wer all Difrent kinds of food it looked all So good

"Look there is jon"

"Alright thanks bill" she hugged him and walked to jon who was dancing with erica, people looked at her as she walked acros the dance floor she tapped his shoulder "hey jon"

He turned around " hey y/n I thought you were going to stay home "

"Bill convinced me to go anyway so here i am" the was caught of guard by a cough from behind her

"Im sorry but jon is my date so shove it you whore"

"Excuse me what did you say?"

"You heared me"

"You know what fuck you its a wonder jon would even want to dance with you, do you even know how miserabel you made me feel this past year, you are also 19 years old you really should be more mature" She was caught of guard when erica shoved her " I get it now you are jelouse of me for staying with jon get a grip, come on jon lets dance" she took his hand and walked to a chair and placed her coat on it, then her beautyfull evening gown got revealed

People stared at her "y/n you look absolutly gorgeous"

"Thank you" she blushed

"May i have this dance "

"Of course jon"

Jon leaded y/n to the dance floor and they both started to do the walz

"Y/n i have to tell you something"

"Tell me jon what is it"

"Well i really enjoyed this year with you staying and i wish you could stay longer, but y/n Im really realy in love with you and i wish i had told you ealyer "

"I love you to jon i really do"

"May i give you a kiss?"

"Sure" she smiled softly at him, He leaned in and gave her a kiss

"Perhaps i can stay a little longer but i need to inform my parents first"

"Thats all fine with me"

"Lets hope they don't mind"

"So do i" he said smiling

And both danced the night away

The end

I hope you enjoyed reading 😊

#doctor who #third doctor #jon pertwee #classic who #3rd doctor #classic doctor who #jon pertwee x reader #Third doctor x reader #tw bullying #bill pertwee

[not-safe-for-bts]

Terms and Conditions of Friendship {JHS}

I wish I had it in me to apologise for this disgusting smut, but I just don’t. I just... don’t. Also I wrote so much I had to split it into two halves bc tumblr hates long posts sorry

Warnings: swearing (it’s me), fuckboy!BTS, sexual tension with like all of the members, a road trip with 7 rowdy men, slight exhibitionism, teensy bit of masturbation,smallest mention of thigh riding, intentional (but not obvious) orgasm denial, Jung Hoseok being rude aF, fratboy Bangtan shenanigans as per

Summary: 13 has always been an unlucky number. Always. It’s just... written into the laws of nature at this point. So it’s no surprise that when you hit the 13th month of your - ahem - dry spell, you do the one thing you swore you’d never do.

Part 2 || Masterlist

~^*^~

Just as you think you’ve successfully made it through the hallway, a voice calls your name and you audibly sigh and turn to the owner of said voice. Jungkook has his head peering around the door from, looking at you.

“Where ya going?” He inquires.

“To the bathroom...” you trail off, hoping that he doesn’t catch on to the very obvious need in your voice.

“Why did you sneak off?”

“Because I didn’t want to interrupt you guys. Enough interrogation I need to go.”

You ignore any more words coming from his mouth, as you’re already practically sprinting to the bathroom. Fuck Min Yoongi. God, you’d like to. Why he chose on having you sit on his lap during the movie, why he had to keep flexing his fucking thigh every time he so much as shuffled, why he had to keep a grip on your waist was beyond you and now you were all riled up. Well... technically, you’d been riled up for the last nine days and you were nearing insanity. You know that it was around the time that you are ovulating, so of course your body is craving a little more than usual but... this is a lot more than usual. This is tons more than usual. And hanging out with the Bangtan Fraternity is not helping your case.

No, it never helped your case. Because all seven members are hot. Yesterday, Namjoon had appeared in the kitchen shirtless and he’s been working out for the last five months and he’s got some real nice pecs and a faint but still obvious set of abs and- you inhaled your orange juice through your nose and Taehyung had a fit. He couldn’t stop laughing and you made Namjoon smirk because that fucker knew he’d struck a cord by coming in shirtless. Way to boost his ego.

A few days before that incident, you had slept over after a party and Seokjin had been getting it on with one of the sorority girls (you think her nae was Rose or something like that) and holy shit, hearing his grunts and moans sent you into a frenzy. You’d never really had a thing for Seokjin but it was hard to face him the next morning, that’s for sure.

Right now, though, you are close to calling a male prostitute or doing something because holy shit you hadn’t had sex in thirteen whole months. Your last rendezvous had been with Jackson Wang, your then boyfriend who had promptly dumped you just two days after. Something about needing space. Clearly he needed space to fuck that stupid Taeyeon or whatever her name is. Whatever. You’re totally over it.

Except you really miss sex. You really miss sex. To the point that you’re currently on your way to the bathroom to maybe get one orgasm out of the way so that you can focus on the rest of the movie. Of course, that doesn’t happen.

“Ey, [First], hurry up, I need to pee after.”

“Hoseok, there is a bathroom upstairs.” You grit your teeth, turning your head as you near the bathroom door.

“Yeah, exactly. This one is closer. So hurry up.”

He’s in a pair of grey material shorts and a black t-shirt and somehow he looks better than models on a runway. He’s looking at you with an accusatory gaze. Why are you being so feisty?

“Wait are you going for a shit-“

“No-“ you cut him off, “I’m not!”

“Good well hurry.”

So, you slam the bathroom door shut and stand there for a moment. You stare at yourself in the mirror and mutter to yourself in an attempt to cool your ever growing body temperature. Your eyes are blown wide and there’s a rosey hue to your cheeks. You look exactly how you feel and you know at least one of the members has caught on to what’s bothering you.

As you run a hand through your hair, the door knocks.

“Come on!”

Fucking Hoseok.

You tear the door open, giving him a glare.

“You didn’t flush.” He points out with a disgusted look.

“I didn’t do anything. You put me off.” Technically it isn’t a lie. Hoseok gives you a weird look and tugs you out of the room so that he can go in. He doesn’t even shut the door properly. Disgusting.

Why are you even friends with these disgusting frat boys? You do have to wonder. Your legs are starting to shake a little. You decide to sit down in the kitchen, opting you stay away from the room full of guys for a moment. You need to catch your breath. You hear the bathroom door shut and Hoseok whistles as he makes his way back to the living room. With him gone, you could totally just go back to the bathroom...

You’re seriously debating it. It’s so tempting and Yoongi’s actions have caused a horrible burn in the pit of your stomach. Your guts are doing summersalts and your fingers are itching to relieve yourself.

You could totally-

“Oh, there you are!” A boxy grin greets you and it takes every ounce of will power to not scream.

What the hell has gotten into you? Since when were you so horned up? You seriously need to cool it.

“Yes, here I am.” You mask over the frustration in your voice and give Taehyung as much of a smile as you can.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah...” you turn your attention to the fruit bowl, turning an apple with your index finger.

“Everything doesn’t seem alright. You jumped off of Yoongi Hyung like he was hot.”

“Yoongi is hot.” You roll your eyes.

“You know what I meant.”

“Everything’s okay, Tae, I promise.” You look back up at him and give him another smile.

He takes one proper look at your face and it takes a lot to not call you out. He knows that if you wanted help, you would definitely ask and you were obviously trying to ignore your whole situation. Your lips are bruising a little from how badly you’ve been biting them, your eyes are clouded and blown wide, your cheeks are gently flushed and so if the expanse of your chest from what he can make out of the skin peeking out of your shirt. You’re horny.

You suddenly feel as though Tae is eye-fucking you and you cross your arms over your chest, awkwardly turning away from him. Both of you have grown comfortable with one another. You usually send for Tae in your times of need (aka wanting someone to platonically cuddle with) because he has expressed no romantic interest in you. There’s no chance it could ever possible happen. So, you feel comfortable with him.

But right now, seeing only just a fraction of how you’d look being completely ruined, Tae can’t help but kind of okay really want to bend you over the counter and help you out.

He clears his throat.

“Okay well... if you say so.”

You hum in response and then turn to him again.

“The movie is kinda boring so I’m gonna chill out in here instead.” You announce, voice suddenly weak.

“Okay...” he barely manages a whisper and turns away immediately.

What the fuck was that?!

Did you just get eye-fucked by Kim Taehyung?

You slip into one of the cool bar stools and immediately there’s a burning cold running up and down your exposed legs. The plastic nips into your hot flesh and you sigh.

The clock is ticking behind you and you can barely make out the sound of people outside. There’s a good 30-40ft of distance between the frat house next door and so you don’t have to worry too much about their noise. It’s mostly quiet and the sun isn’t on this side of the house. The room is still bright, though.

Another sigh leaves your lips after a moment passes. Maybe it’s the coolness of the seat, but you’re finally feeling a little better. You definitely need to invest in finding more female friends.

~^*^~

“Psst.”

You ignore it. Just ignore it. Maybe he’ll stop.

“Pssst.”

Again, you pretend not to hear, jotting down another note.

“Pssssst!” A finger jabs into your side and you finally cave, head snapping to your right.

You come face to face with some coffee coloured orbs which are a little wide and sparkling in mischief (albeit a little regret after your angry face turns to him), he’s got mousy hair and plump-ish lips and holy shit he’s kind of cute. You don’t let your face falter, though. This is the first lecture of the year and he’s already interrupting and talking?

“Could I borrow a pen?” He whispers sheepishly, “I left my pencil case back home...”

You huff, not uttering a single word to him as you open your case and practically throw a pen at him.

“Thanks...” he whispers and now he feels bad. It was a genuine mistake, though! He got a little busy with Jimin and the PlayStation and before he knew it, he had like 20 minutes to get ready and get to class and it’s a seven minute walk from the frat house to this lecture hall so he only had 13 minutes to get ready and- he kind of left his pencil case on the kitchen counter, “...I’m Jungkook by the way.”

You don’t respond. He doesn’t say anything else until the lecture ends and he’s watching you throw things into your rucksack. It’s very cliche - and trust, he knows this - but you are the first girl who’s not melted at the look of him and he kind of likes that? He likes that you haven’t given in so easily.

“I’m sorry about all that,” he begins once people start to up and leave. You turn to him.

“It’s fine. Keep the pen.”

And you’re gone.

Jungkook spends the rest of the day thinking about you and he feels so guilty. It was the first day! How could he forget one of the two things that are going to carry him through his university. You can’t have paper without pen! Okay, that makes no sense but, he still feels really bad. So he goes out and buys this lowkey expensive pen as an apology and he’s super early the next day. He catches you outside and tugs you away from the doors.

“I hope you don’t want another pen-“ you snap at him.

“No, listen, I just wanted to apologise for yesterday. It was totally my fault and I’m sorry for making such a bad impression of myself. Here.” Jungkook has never done the whole gift-to-a-girl thing before so he just kind of thrusts you an unwrapped box. It’s a pretty pen. A muted metallic rose gold. It also comes with refills.

Oh. That was sweet. But you immediately realise how much this must’ve cost him and you decide-

“I can’t accept this, Jungkook.” You offer politely, reaching out to give it him back.

“Please, I really want you to have it. I felt awful after you looked at me like you wanted to bite my head off.” He rubs the back of his neck, unable to look at you for a moment. You ponder. This is a really sweet gesture.

“Alright,” you sigh, “but you’re not giving me a lot of choice. Thank you, Jungkook.”

“You’re welcome...” he trails off so that you can fill in your name.

“[First]. I’m [First].” You give him a smile.

Before you know where you are, you’re being pushed through the cafeteria by Jungkook and he’s screaming out “Hyung!” And then six different guys are all staring at you. Jungkook introduces you to them, sits you down next to the one called Taehyung and takes the biggest bite you’ve ever seen out of Namjoon’s sandwich. This happens for the next few days until you start to willingly accompany Jungkook.

~^*^~

Three years have passed since then and you are now sitting in their kitchen trying not to jump the bones of the next one that walks through the door.

You think about Jungkook back then. He’s always had a little bit of a baby face, but back then he was still a little lanky so it was more obvious. He had a pretty weak build. Obviously, since then, he’s been going to the gym like twice (sometimes thrice) a day because he’s earnt the nickname muscle pig. Somehow you also know that he’s gotten stronger because he can “hold an entire girl up with ease without needing any support” (it was also the worst sex he ever had, so he’d not done it since). Great. Now you’re thinking about Jungkook holding you up and-

No. No, you are not going to think about Jungkook like that. It’s bad enough you’re sitting in here avoiding the seven of them like the plague because you know that if you have to sit on Yoongi’s lap again you’ll end up riding his thigh like your life depends on it.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Jimin’s voice rips you out of your thoughts about Yoongi’s thighs and you look up at him. He’s recently dyed his hair black and holy shit he is the epitome of sex on legs. He walks across the kitchen to grab a glass and turns to you for a minute.

“Hello? Am I talking to the wall?”

“Sorry,” you find yourself finally finding words, “bored.”

“There’s a whole Fast and Furious in the living room-“

“Yeah but it’s boring.”

“Tokyo Drift is not boring.”

“Yes it is. And the main character isn’t even hot so it’s not worth it.”

Jimin blows his teeth out at your response. Of course you wouldn’t want to watch a movie because the main character isn’t hot. He fills his glass with water and takes a swig.

“Well sorry he’s not Leonardo Di-whatever his name is.”

“First of all, rude, second of all I didn’t realise you guys missed my company so.”

“It’s nice having female company.” He wiggles his eyebrows.

“You’re disgusting, Park.”

“Not as disgusting as the girl who blatantly tried to ride Yoongi hyung’s thigh like ten minutes ago.”

He throws the words over his shoulder as he leaves the room and your face explodes in red. Shit. Okay. You need to leave right now if you want to save face. You pray to god that only Jimin saw because you cannot emotionally handle the guys making fun of you right now. You need to go home, get your vib and go to town for a couple of hours. You’ll feel better.

You almost jump off of the stool in your anticipation to leave. Part of you wants to go and say goodbye to the boys, but you know you’ll end up coerced into staying if you do. They’ll text if they worry about you.

Your feet are moving towards the front door and you pause just before you walk past the living room. The door is wide open (typical Jimin) and there is no way they won’t spot you. Round the back it is.

Who would’ve thought you of all people would be sneaking out of the frat house?

It’s not under the same circumstances as the other girls but, you’re still sneaking out and you still kind of feel like James Bond so it totally counts. The back door (as expected) is unlocked and you’re pleasantly surprised to see that the pool is actually covered. The boys have finally taken heed after two and a half years of you giving them shit for not covering it over.

You’re so close to leaving when you realise your fatal misstep in this whole mission. Your phone. It’s still on the sofa next to Yoongi. Fuck.

Maybe if you found a way to distract the guys and lure them outside, you could just rush back in and-

“What are you doing?”

The sass in the voice alerts you to who it is immediately. You literally don’t know how to answer him bevause your standing at the side of the house, looking out at the street that’s so close but so far away, nervously biting at your cuticles.

“I’m, uh, getting some fresh air.”

“Yeah, right. You can’t just leave, [First]!” Seokjin scolds and he’s pulling you back towards the back door.

“But I’m bored!” You whine.

“You let Jungkook choose the movie.”

“Yeah but he gave me his puppy eyes and an extra mini-cookie.”

The movie apparently just finished because Hoseok, Yoongi and Namjoon are standing in the kitchen. You can hear Jungkook and Jimin squabbling in the kitchen and you’re kind of a little too embarrassed to see Tae right now. None of them pay much attention to Seokjin or yourself as he scolds you for trying to leave without saying goodbye. You apologise to him before excusing yourself to grab your phone. You pass Jungkook in the hall and he grins at you.

“Hi baby,” he blows a kiss.

“Suck it, Jeon.” You playfully scowl and make your way to your precious phone.

You clutch it up and look at your notifications. Just a couple of snaps from Hyuna. Nothing out of the ordinary. Jimin is lolling on the sofa watching you. He knows he was the only member that saw what you were doing, and Yoongi probably didn’t even realise what was happening until you’d leapt from his grasp.

“[First],” he calls out.

“Hm?” You’re trying to act nonchalant.

“What the hell was that? With Yoongi Hyung.” His voice is a whisper and you draw yourself close to him.

“You don’t think anyone else saw, do you?” For a moment your mind flashes to Hoseok. God you hope Hoseok didn’t see.

It may have been pointed out by Jimin that you have a phat (with a capital PH) crush on Hoseok. Whilst that is certainly not true, it’s also not not true. You definitely have a thing for Hoseok but it’s not a crush, per se. There’s the obvious, first, that the man is fucking gorgeous in every sense of the word. He must’ve been sculpted by the gods themselves because no one should have a jawline that sharp, or a nose that perfectly sloping and pointed. And definitely not lips like that. Plump to just the right size and form the shape of a heart whenever he smiles. Also, the rest of him, his arms (which you notice he’s been working on lately. He came back after dance practise wearing a vest and you almost creamed right there - Jimin didn’t shut up for like a week), his hands, his fluffy hair, his legs, that slab of chocolate-shaped abs that you want to run your damn tongue over-

Okay you have a thing for Hoseok. But it’s only physical. Anyone would be crazy to not crush on him. He’s gorgeous. He’s a an absolute beauty of a man and with being a dancer, you can only imagine how much stamina he has.

But he’s also the most good-hearted person you’ve ever met in your life. He laughs so loudly, he smiles so brightly and it’s all so genuine. He’s always been there for the other frat members and for you whenever you’ve needed him. He’s gotten up at 3am to console a sobbing Namjoon after his girlfriend broke up with him. He’s gone to the gym to help a small and fragile Jungkook work on his personal goals. He’s sat with you for hours helping you revise for exams. He goofs off a lot and doesn’t care woo looks, but he’s not afraid to cry in front of his frat members and you. He finds the dumbest things funny and he’s also the biggest scaredy-cat you’ve ever met and he’s just so... so Jung Hoseok. Everything about him is so inviting from his raspy laugh to his sparking eyes. He makes you feel secure in being yourself because he’s definitely not going to judge. Hell, if someone can go to all of their lectures for a day wearing just a mankini because they lost a bet to the maknaes, they’re definitely not going to judge you for dancing on the kitchen counter to a little bit of the Rolling Stones.

He, of course, is a fuckboy, yes. He brings home a lot of girls. You’ve been over at the house when you’ve heard “oh god-! Hoseok! Oh~!” and felt that pang of whatever the fuck that feeling is whenever he brings a girl home. But you’d never ever go that far with him yourself. Hoseok doesn’t want a full-time relationship. He doesn’t have the time for it. At least, that’s what he’s told you when you randomly asked why he doesn’t date. And you don’t want to be just a fling to him. You want to be able to hold his hand and show him off because he’s the best guy in the world. You want to sit on his lap while he studies and run your hands through his hair and reassure him that everything is going to be ok when he’s stressing over the smallest things. You want to go with him to Hope World (his personal studio for his Producing class) and sit on that little couch with the flower plushy and watch him tack tack tack away as he works hard. You want to go places with him and just him and have him all to yourself always. But you definitely don’t have a crush on him.

“[First] did you hear a word of what I just said?”

“Huh?”

“What the hell are you thinking about?” Jimin launches a pillow at you and you manage to catch it.

“Nothing, what were you saying?”

“I was answering your question. I was the only one that saw you trying to get yourself off on Yoongi and I’m fairly sure he didn’t even realise himself but - why the fuck were you trying to get off on Yoongi?”

Hoseok is laughing at something Yoongi has just said when he remembers that he was in the middle of texting that cute girl from the club a few nights ago. He reaches into his left pocket and then his right and finds... well nothing. Where’s his phone?

He looks around on the counter and sees only Namjoon’s phone and Seokjin’s keys and shit he must’ve left them in the living room. He can hear Taehyung upstairs listening to his classical music. He’s probably studying or jerking off. Jungkook is no longer making a ruckus in the living room so he’s guessing it’s empty.

He excuses himself from the conversation and slowly makes his way back to grab his phone. Hopefully there will be another lacy surprise waiting for him.

“[First] did you hear a word of what I just said?” Jimin’s voice is hushed and low. Clearly he doesn’t want to be heard. Hoseok stops in his tracks. He pressed his back against the wall, standing right next to the arch where the door is. He doesn’t want to eavesdrop but he also doesn’t want to interrupt.

“Huh?” The confusion in your voice is evidence that you didn’t.

“What the hell are you thinking about?” There’s a sound. A soft ‘puft’ kind of sound. It reminds him of a pillow.

“Nothing, what were you saying?” Hosoek knows you well enough that he catches the breath of a lie twisting your words. You were thinking about something.

“I was answering your question. I was the only one that saw you trying to get yourself off on Yoongi and I’m fairly sure he didn’t even realise himself but - why the fuck were you trying to get off on Yoongi?”

Woah - back up. You were trying to get off on Yoongi?! During the movie?! Hoseok’s breath catches in his throat. He didn’t see you- yes he did. You were perched on Yoongi’s lap.... oh.

“Okay, look,” you sigh, defeated, “you can’t tell anyone this, alright?” Your voice lowers to a hush but Hoseok can still just about make out the words.

“Alright.” Jimin whispers.

For some reason, Hoseok feels really dirty. Maybe he shouldn’t be listening to this-

“I haven’t...” your voice trails off to a mumble.

“Huh?” It seems Jimin didn’t catch your words, either.

“I... I haven’t had...” again you trail away.

“Seriously, stop mumbling.” Jimin is growing a little irked.

“I haven’t had sex in over a year!” You hiss and Hoseok’s jaw literally drops.

“WHAT?!” Jimin leaps up and you smack your hand over his mouth. His eyes are swimming with genuine shock and your about to cry now that he’s alerted the entire street.

“Jimin!” You whine, “shut up!”

“Sorry-“ his mouth is muffled against your hand and it takes a strip of his tongue over your hand for you to pull away, “hope that didn’t turn you on more. If it’s even possible.”

“Oh shut up, Jimin.” You hiss, “it’s no big deal, obviously. It’s just getting to me a little. I’ll be alright. I just need to go home and have some... you know...” you look down at your feet. Oh god, this is awkward.

“I can always help.” Jimin wiggles his eyebrows.

“Help with what?”

You freeze up and Jimin looks like the heavens have just opened for him. His eyes light up and you’ve never seen anyone try to hold back such a huge, shit-eating grin.

Hoseok steps into the room like he wasn’t just listening to you confess you’ve experiencing the longest dry-spell of your life.

“[First] has a bit of a problem. Actually it’s a huge problem,” Jimin starts and your sending him a look of warning. But Jimin knows you’re so whipped for Hoseok so maybe if he just hints a little, he can get you some dick and some Jung dick at that, “it’s a real burning blunder. It’s a hot, hot issue, let me tell ya Hyung.”

“Park Jimin.” You warm quietly through gritted teeth.

“Oh yeah?” Hoseok’s grabbed his phone now and he’s looking between you and Jimin. You’re standing really close to one another and you instinctively step away. Hoseok wants to say that he knows what your problem is and looking at your face, he doesn’t know how it wasn’t given away much earlier. Fuck, you look hot with the need swimming in your eyes.

“Yeah. It’s a real peak of an issue, wouldnt you say? I bet it’ll be a pretty orgasmic feeling when you solve it.”

Never in your life have you considered murder. But right now? Yeah, right now you could smash Jimin’s coy smirk right into the fucking wall.

Hoseok wants to burst out laughing. He knows Jimin is teasing you and he can see the anger flooding your face. He pins that Jimin is trying to get him to catch on to your problem but he already knows. He figures he’ll have a little fun.

“Oh, by the way, [First], we’re going on a spontaneous trip tomorrow. Wanna come?” He’s smiling at you.

Oh god. Hoseok’s asking you on a trip? Technically it’s wil the others but your heart just skipped a beat and Jimin is certain that you’re going to cry out of happiness.

“I, uh, I don’t know I-“

“She’d love to!” Jimin answers for you, “you don’t have any plans whatsoever do you?”

You’re giving him such an evil eye that’s screaming ‘you know I have plans you evil fucking leprechaun-ass looking motherfucker’ and he’s giving you a look back that’s screaming ‘a date with your vibrator isn’t plans’.

“Great!” Hoseok is showing some serious enthusiasm, “you might as well stay the night, then. You have clothes here, right?” You nod in response, “cool. Well, now that I’ve got this,” he waves his phone about, “I’m gonna go jerk off or something.” He stalks out. Hoseok... jerking off... in the same house as you...

You now and swolloy a dry lump. Jimin has just sealed you in for at least another 24 hours of absolute no relief whatsoever. And now Hoseok’s gone and said that! You could kill Jimin.

So now you’re lying in the middle of Hoseok’a bed with Hoseok to your right and Jungkook to your left. Back to the Future is playing on the TV but only Jungkook is really paying any attention. It’s dark and the light illuminating from Hoseok’s phone is beginning to hurt your vision. You keep looking at his hands. They wrap around his phone easily and you wonder what he did earlier. If he did... you know. There’s a burning right at the pit of your stomach and the room is hot and you’ve got two of the hottest guys you know laying on either side of you.

Jungkook’s biceps are hard and his flesh is a little clammy and hot. His pecs are pushing against the material of his shirt and his basketball shorts leave very little to the imagination.

“Yeah but I saw it on a... rerun...” you can hear Marty McFly talking in the background but the blood is pumping through your ears.

Hoseok takes a look at you. Your face is red and you’re biting your lips. You’re drawing circles on your leg with your fingertips. Oh. You’re nervous. Hoseok turns, making a point to make a small little groan as he does so and you shift next to him. He’s facing you now but his phone is still in his hands. He’s tapping away furiously and you wonder who’s on the receiving end.

It’s most certainly a girl. It has to be. The only time Hoseok types so damn much on his phone is when he’s scolding one of the frat members for something and as Jimin, Taehyung and Yoongi have gone to another frat party and Seokjin and Namjoon have already gone to bed, you know that it’s not that. You eye him, careful not to out yourself. He smirks just a little. The light from his phone illuminated his face. How are his pores so small? And his eyebrows are so neatly kept. And his lips look so soft.

His eyes snap up to you and you are fast to look away. He smirks. God, you must be going batshit crazy right now. Hoseok isn’t narcissistic. He isn’t in love with himself like other people he knows coughjincough but he knows that he’s attractive. And he knows that Jungkook is attractive, too. And he knows that you haven’t had sex in over a year. He knows how hot the room is. He knows how little you all have on. He knows how easy it would be to touch you right now bevause Jungkook is way too busy watching the move.

But then he wonders if you’d make a noise. Probably given how blown out your pupils are right now. He can practically see steam coming off of your skin. He wonders how loud you could be. Would you scream out? Would you cry? What did you like?

Great. Now he’s getting hard.

‘Way to go, asswipe.’ He thinks to himself and lies back on to his back.

The last thing he wants is to press his cock into your side. You might just combust and he likes this bed. You peer over at Hoseok as he moves and hOLY SHIT HE’S HARD. You gulp hard and Jungkook actually notices.

“I’m gonna-“

You’re quick to push up and you clamber over Jungkook. Hoseok sees a damp spot on your shorts. Fuck. He’s getting harder and now he’s alone in a bed with Jungkook. This is really fucking weird.

“Jungkook can’t you fuck off? I wanna sleep.” Hoseok rolls to face away from Jungkook, placing his phone down on the nightstand. Whatever that Sara, Stacey, Sue - whatever her fucking name is - is saying is definitely going to be nowhere near as hot as what he’s just seen between your damn legs. You’re so fucking wet - how are you staying so composed?

“Can’t I watch the rest of this?”

“No.” Hoseok grumbles, “go sleep we’re taking a long drive tomorrow.”

Jungkook huffs loduly in protest but he gets up anyway and leaves the room.

You stand in the bathroom looking at yourself in the mirror. Your chest is rising and falling and you can feel your slick between your legs. It’s like a damn pool down there. What the he’ll is wrong with you?! Hoseok and Jungkook are your friends!

A few moments pass and you don’t return. Hoseok begins to think that maybe you aren’t coming back. Maybe you don’t feel comfortable sharing a bed with him but it’s getting cooler and he doesn’t like the chill biting at his back. He pulls himself up and he is straining against his shorts. Fuck. He makes his way out into the hallway. Silence except for the whir of the fan in the bathroom. The fan automatically comes on with the light so you must be in there. He moved towards the door. Maybe you’re feeling a little sick?

Hoseok nears the door and that’s when he hears it. Even the sound of the fan can’t drown out those small whimpers. Jesus. He presses his ear against the door.

“Oh my god.” You whisper. He thanks god for not fucking with his hearing. Your breathing is growing and your whimpers are slowly growing to be whines, “fuck,” Hoseok is biting his lip as he listens. He’s sure he’s rock hard until, “Hosoek,” you gasp.

Holy mother fucking shit.

Did you just-?

His name?

wHAT?

And now he feels 10x harder and he’s sure he’s never felt this hard in his life. Not even when that hot substitute in 10th grade had her blouse pop open because her breasts were just too big to not bust it open. Fuck. Shit fuck.

But then an idea pops into his head. He likes the game. He likes the chase and he wants to see how desperate you’ll get. Even when you were with Jackson, you were still kind of reserved when it came to sex. You’ve always been that way. Maybe that’s why you haven’t fucked any of the guys yet. And Hoseok kind of doesn’t want you to now that he’s heard you. He kind of wants you all to himself.

And so he knocks.

The noises stop immediately and your heart is thundering. You were so close! Just another couple seconds and you would have easily came. You freeze. Did they hear you? The pleasure isn’t really ebbing away. It’s just sitting there in your core, waiting to snap.

“Um, [First]?” Your face flushed a deep crimson. Why Hoseok?! Did he hear you?

“Y-yeah?” You try to sound normal, like your voice isn’t cracking, like you don’t want to burst into tears because you need to come so badly.

“Everything alright?” No. Absolutely not. You want to come. You kind of want him to come in and make you come. Over his cock.

“Yeah, everything’s peachy. I’ll be out in a mo’.”

“Alright.”

He stands there. He doesn’t know what to do now. He decides he’ll go in after you and maybe try to calm himself down after that. When the door eventually cracks open, you step out. Your vest is a little twisted and he realises he’s never seen you so exposed. Your chest is bigger than he originally thought. Why do you wear such tight clothes - you’re so hot! Your legs are long and gleaming. He wonders how they’ll feel wrapped around him. Your face is deeply blushed and your lips are really swollen now. How badly have you been biting them? Your eyes are sparkling with tears - just a little but Hoseok sees them. God, how pent up are you?

You look over Hoseok and the images that were in your head aren’t subsiding. He’s rock hard against his shorts. You think that’s he thinks because it’s dark you can’t see but Jesus Chris when it’s that big it’s hard to miss. You quickly look away and Hoseok coughs before stepping into the bathroom.

Anger is one emotion flooding your veins. You just need something. Anything. You don’t know when this is going to stop because you don’t know how long the boys plan on staying wherever you’re going. You should have left your dam phone here at the house and gone a night without it. It’s not like your laptop doesn’t have a link to your phone contacts anyway. God damn.

You clamber back into Hoseok’s bed and don’t bother pulling the covers up. Hoseok is gone for a while and you don’t know what’s taking him so long. What if he heard you? What if he’s gone to sleep downstairs? Dear god. Well that’s your friendship fucked with him. Oh lord.

If only you knew. His knuckles gripping the edge of the sink, his other hand being the reason for such an intense wave of pleasure coursing his veins. Thinking of the way his name rolled off of your tongue as you gasped for breath. Did you think about his tongue, or his fingers, or his cock? God he doesn’t care. Any of them will do to make you sound like that again.

And then there’s white coating the sink and dripping down and fuck. Hoseok’s never done that to the thought of you before. Now he has to get back into bed with you and act like that didn’t just happen.

He doesn’t realise how long he’s been until he pass back into the room. You’re facing the other side of the room but fuck. Your shorts have ridden up a little, your ass is exposed - since when did you have such a nice ass? Your curves are on full display since you’re lying on your side and when Hoseok moves around the bed to get into his side, your practically spilling out of your vest. Your lips are parted, brows a little furrowed but you look peaceful. All hints of the utter torture you’ve been enduring are wiped from your face and you look kind of cute.

You? Cute? Ew, no. You’re [First]. The dorky girl Jungkook brought to lunch a few days after he first started at the uni. You’re the sweet little thing that scolded Jungkook for eating half of Namjoon’a sandwiches in one bite. You’re [First] who always brings cupcakes on a Thursday and you always give each cake icing which is the favourite colour intended for its recipient. You’re the girl who brings extra pens just in case Jungkook forgets his again, and who dances with Jimin when he’s drunk and you just want him to not fall over again, and who reads to Namjoon when he’s sleepy. You’re [First] who somehow gets along with Yoongi really well and makes him laugh all the time, who sits with Jin and is the only one who sings “yummy, yummy, yummy I’ve got food in my tummy” with him when he’s cooking.

You’re [First] who showed up one day holding hands with a senior guy and who looked so in love Hoseok thought his heart was going to burst right there. You’re [First] who always brought Hoseok water and food to his dance practice, who visited him at Hope World to remind him to take a break. You’re [First] who once broke the coffee machine and went out the same day and spent all your wages on a brand new one because you felt so bad. You’re [First] who came crying to Hoseok first when Jackson broke your heart, who called him at 2am and just asked him to speak to you because you needed to hear someone’s voice and you always liked his for some reason. You’re...

You’re extraordinary.

Hoseok doesn’t realise that his hand is caressing your cheek until you melt into his touch. He pulls away as if you’re hot to the touch. What is he doing?

The next morning, you’re not there when Hoseok wakes up and he feels a little... deflated. It’s only about 7am and he decides to get up despite a little lack of sleep. He feels groggy. He feels a little ache-y. He’s quiet as he manuvers down the stairs. He knows that Seokjin is driving today and he doesn’t feel like waking him up early and getting a lecture.

There’s a smell coming from the kitchen and Hoseok quite literally almost has a stroke when he sees you pottering around the kitchen in his hoodie and your shorts (which the hoodie is covering so it looks like you’re wearing nothing but his hoodie). You’re making pancakes and there’s all sorts of toppings already lined up on the counter. When you turn, you give Hoseok a smile.

“Morning, Hobi!”

His heart flutters in his chest. All he wants right now is to kiss you. You look so good in his clothes... You’re smiling at him and the sun is bursting through the windows. You’re glowing. He can still see that subtle hint in your eyes where you’re burning up but it seems you’re pushing it back for the time being. Maybe you relieved yourself before he woke up?

“Morning...” he has to be honest, he’s a little... taken back. You’re not usually a morning person. He knows this because one time you slept over and you had an 8:30am lecture the next morning. It took him, Jungkook and Jimin to get you out of bed and then for some reason you decided to temporarily bond with him for the morning. He had to drop you off at class and you had a toothpaste mark on the corner of your lip, your hair was just pulled into a messy ponytail and you’d thrown an outfit together. You were glaring at anyone and anything that came within a 1m radius of you except for Hoseok. So seeing you standing there smiling with a spatula in your hand at 7am is most likely the most shocking thing he’s ever seen.

“I made pancakes.” You hummed, turning back to the stove.

“I can see...” he’s still a little tired and his voice is so husky. He looks so good right now with a little bit of a bed head and his eyes not quite as bright as they usually are. You pretend the heat on your face is from the heat of the stove and you laugh it off quietly. This is fine. You’re fine. Fine.

“Would you like one?”

“Sure. Why not?”

Hoseok is sure he’s never tasted anything this good in his life. You tell him that it’s your grandmother’s recipe and he makes a mental note to meet the woman who taught you how to cook so well. Right now, you’re seeming like the full package. Until Hoseok reminds himself that he doesn’t do relationships. It’s too hard. But then again, it’s you. He’s looking at you again and you’re not looking at him. You’re currently overloading your pancake with syrup and he doesn’t know how you can intake so much sugar so early in the morning. He doesn’t understand why his heart is threatening to burst open his chest but he scoffs down his packcake so that you’ll make him another. It’s not long before the other members start to wake.

~^*^~

“-WHEN I’M WITH YOU ALL I GET IS WILD THOUGHTS!” The chanting around you has you shrinking further into your seat. Not that it did anything, you have Taehyung on your left and Namjoon on your right. Hoseok is sitting right in front of you with Jimin on his right and Jungkook on his left. Yoongi is in the passenger seat and Seokjin is driving.

Taehyung is trying to get you to dance with him in the very limited space and you’re trying to become invisible. Hoseok is laughing and you swear your heart is leaping into your throat. Why did you agree to this again? Oh, right, you didn’t. You’re burning a nice hole in the back of Jimin’s leg when your phone makes a noise.

From: Jimin ‘stop glaring at me’

To: Jimin ‘I wasn’t’

From: Jimin ‘I can literally see you in the mirror’

To: Jimin ‘in that case it’s just my face’

From: Jimin ‘no it’s not. Especially when you’re looking at Hosoek it ISNT’

To: Jimin: shut it Park

Jimin turns and gives you a flash of his smile and if you were close enough you would have hit him. Taehyung gives you a curious look and you bat him off.

“White girl wasted on brown liquor! I probably shouldn't be around you! 'Cause you get wild, wild, wild! You looking like there's nothing that you won't do!” The boys are still belting out the lyrics, but Hoseok’s head turning to lock eyes with you makes you nearly whimper. Fuck. He knows.

You don’t know how, it’s not even that logical that he would know about 1) your fat crush on him 2) your current horniness levels being through the roof 3) your want to ease your horniness with your big fat crush - so why are you panicking?! Jimin wouldn’t have told him. Jimin is an asshole, but he knows when to stop. He wouldn’t tell Hoseok. You hope.

When you pull up to this gorgeous summerhouse, you’re blown away by the scenery that surrounds it and well, the house itself. So much so that Taehyung has to pull you out of the car.

“This is technically Seokjin’s parents’ but they only use it for like two weeks in July so it’s ours for the rest of the year.” Jungkook explains and you nod at his words. You look around and Hoseok, despite being in a conversation with Seokjin and Jimin, is staring right at you. You look away.

“We could totally skinny dip.” Taehyung muses.

“You seven are more than welcome to engage in said sausage fest. I don’t feel like getting algae in my vagina.” You roll your eyes.

“Strictly speaking, you can’t really get algae in your pus-“ Namjoon is stepping over now.

“Why are you guys talking about [First]’s pussy?” Oh, there’s Hoseok, too. Great.

Please, lord, just let a small [First]-sized sink hole open up right under your feet and KILL YOU.

All seven members are now debating on if you can actually get algae in a vagina and you’ve literally never felt more uncomfortable. Hoseok is laughing at the chaos he’s had a hand in causing and your heart constricts alongside the bubbling, angry pit in your stomach. A pair of ripped denim shorts, a huge oversized white t-shirt (so large that he has to tuck it in to the front of the shorts so that it doesn’t look like a dress), an orange cap and matching vans. He looks... hot. As usual, in line with every other Jung Hoseok ™ look, he is so fucking hot.

Instead of standing around with the boys, you venture inside for a while. The house is very spacious but there’s only four bedrooms which means that everyone is going to have to bunk up. Apparently Seokjin normally gets a room to himself so he’s a little disgruntled at having to share a bed with Yoongi. Jimin is quick to pick Taehyung to bunk with and Jungkook decides he wants Namjoon because “Namjoonie Hyung sucks at switch games” which means... you’re bunking with Hoseok.

Holy shit you’re bunking with Hosoek.

You honeslty don’t know why you’re freaking out because you’ve slept (not like that) with Hoseok before. You guys like to cuddle every now and then and sometimes you’ve just straight up told Hoseok you’re sleeping in his bed because it’s really comfy (he has a memory foam mattress). Many times you’ve woken with his arms around your waist, nose pressed into the crook of your neck. But right now, something feels different. It feels like... like something has shifted monumentally between you and Hoseok. You’re starting to think that he really did hear you last night. You’re starting to think he knows you have a crush on him and you feel so stupid. There’s no way he likes you back so now you’re stuck with having to share a bed with him.

The first day is quick to pass as you get to the house at like 2pm. Seokjin whips up lunch and you guys sit out the back, looking at the large pond/small lake that sits at the back of the house. It’s a relatively warm day and it goes by pretty quickly. Before you know where you are, you’re lying in a bed next to Hoseok. It’s dark and your shoulder is touching Hoseok’s because somehow you also got stuck with the small double. Apparently it’s “too sexual” for two guys to share a bed and be that close but you know it’s bullshit because Jungkook and Taehyung literally compared dick sizes by whipping them out and holding them side-by-side. How is that- you know, you don’t even want to venture into that anymore.

You don’t know if Hoseok is asleep next to you. His chest is rising and falling but his breathing is a little too fast for someone who’s sleeping. He also keeps fumbling with his hands just a little and you’ve slept next to him enough to know that he stills when he’s officially asleep. Even so, you refuse to call out to him. But... he’s so close. And you’re beginning to burn up again. Oh god why now? Why next to Hoseok? Which reminds you, you need to smack Jimin when you see him tomorrow. Making you lie in this small-ass bed with Hoseok of all people, fully knowing how physically pent up you are. You find yourself rolling over, turning away from Hosoek and gulping in a breath. You are t h r o b b i n g. Since when had you become so hot? Before you know where you are, your fingers are over the material of your pyjama shorts and you’re biting into the pillow so that you don’t make a sound.

Fuck. This is so wrong. This is so so wrong. But you can’t help yourself. 13 months you been in this hell-like state. 13 months you’ve suffered. Your body can’t handle it any longer. You know how wrong this is. Getting yourself off with Hoseok lying beside you. Your friend Hoseok. Heavens above, you know he’s a sex god. You’ve heard more than your fair share of his sexcapades and you know girls don’t cry out like that if the sex isn’t great. You have a great mind to just roll over and beg him to fuck you. But you can’t. Because it. is. Hoseok. Because you know you’ll never live it down and you’ll definitely end up crushing on him more if he fucks you good. Your fingers are working at your bundle of nerves and oh, Lord, you’re close already. Can you come like this? Is this as needy as you’ve gotten? You’re willing to come for the first time in like four days sleeping next to one of your best friends/crush?

You don’t get the chance. Hoseok rolls over, grunting a little as he does. His arm tangled around your waist and he pulls himself close. He hums in your ear. You freeze. Your fingers are digging down into your core. Your eyes are wide open now and your heart is beating so quickly. Hoseok doesn’t make any further movement. He’s sleeping.

Except he’s not. He knows exactly what you’re up to and you are not about to come right next to him like that. Even with the pillow muffling you, you’re still a little loud and whiney. He’s smirking as he listens to your racing heart and your rugged breath. He’s pinning your arm against you and he knows you won’t move now. You’re trapped like this until he really does fall sleep. You’re trapped with your fingers on your cunt, so close to coming and nothing gives Hoseok bigger pleasure than knowing you’re shut down again. How much further will you need to be pushed before you crack?

The next day, you wake after Hoseok. He’s already up and you find him outside bending open the open bonnet of a red car. It’s a Golf R and you’re not entirely sure where it came from but Hoseok seems pretty busy so you sit down on the porch steps and wait for him to notice you. He’s gone with some ripped jeans today and a white tank top. His muscles flex every time his arms dip in and out of the metal and you’re flushing already. Get a grip, girl, it’s only 8:45! Hoseok turns after a while and flashes you a smile. Then, he’s calling you over. You don’t think that you can stand but you push yourself up and make your way towards him. {Part 2}

#bts #bts x reader #bts x you #bts smut #bangtan smut #jhope #jhope x reader #jhope x you #jhope smut #hoseok #hoseok x reader #hoseok x you #hoseok smut #hoseok x reader smut #jung hoseok #jung hoseok x reader #jung hoseok x you #jung hoseok smut

[sweetst24]

Inside - This is my first and fanfiction. I wrote it to process some emotions/grief. Any feedback is appreciated!!

Sam Winchester is a great man, though he doesn't think so. Constant reminders of the ones he's loved then lost cloud his vision, the pain gripping him as he falls asleep at night. Loving Sam simply was out of my hands, his soft tortured soul calling to me through the concrete walls of the bunker every night. Both being a friend and being in love brings me to our current predicament.

I got stuck in a Rye, Colorado, about 30 mins outside of Pueblo. A nest of vampires had set up shop, attacking people in Pueblo, bringing them back to the nest for a slow feeding. Cleaning out the nest was a job, but nothing I couldn't handle.

After dropping people at the hospital, my car broke down, so I thought I'd hop the bus in Pueblo to get back to Lebanon without bothering the boys. I figured I'd be home by morning, have a nice weekend. Wash day was Saturday and I was due for a deep condition because natural hair is plenty of upkeep, especially when you constantly shower in shitty motel bathrooms.

I usually don't spend my weekend in holding cells but using a fake ID to buy a bus ticket generally does that. We have contingency plans for situations like this, but I'm having doubts since the dark of night is slipping into the third day without my freedom.

"Psst. Y/n? Are you awake sweetheart?" Dean silently tries to get my attention while cracking open the door to the holding cell.

"Of course I am! Where have you been?" I whisper-yell trying my best not to wake Bess and Tess, my very cozy, very drunk cellmates.

"You can't rush perfection, sweetheart. Plus it's only been two days." Dean sassed, face crunched together, muttering something along the lines of 'spoiled brat'.

"Look, can you please tell me what the plan is before I chop you in the throat," Dean's face deadpanned while he puffed up his chest looking for a fight.

"You want to put that pretty hand on my neck so bad, don't you sweetheart, but I'm guessing Sammy won't appreciate that, will he?" Dean jabbing at that soft spot shut me up quickly, pain weighing heavily causing me to drop my head in defeat. Realization crosses Dean's face, knowing his joke reached too far, especially now when the relationship between Sammy and I is not ideal. Dean pulls me into a much needed hug.

"Look, y/n, I'm sorry. Let's get you out of here." Dean placed me in cuffs and starting pulling me from the cell.

"Come on D, can't I just pretend to be a deep cover spy or something??" I whined loudly.

"Look, deputy Doolittle thinks you ran off from a safe house to see your boy toy. So don't blow the witness protection cover or I'll leave you here."

As we stepped outside, the early morning chill erupted goosebumps across my body, forcing me to shiver.

"You should've thought of that before doing something so stupid," Dean gruffed while walking me over to Baby.

"Can you at least take the cuffs off?" I whined as Dean briefly stopped, then continued dragging me to Baby. "My body feels terrible and I don't feel like arguing about how I did the right thing," barely audible above the dragging of my feet.

"No, y/n, you did not do the right thing. The right thing would've been to call me or Sammy to come get you. Instead, you made a fool of yourself and now you have to own it."

As Dean tossed me into the back seat, I defiantly removed the cuffs, tossing them in the driver's seat. As soon as my criminal act was complete, I had the overwhelming urge to not turn to the passenger seat. But I noted that Dean was waiting outside of Baby as not to interrupt the conversation that was no doubt about to start in the car.

Closing my eyes, I turn to the right, peeking through my lashes in a failed attempt to pretend I don't see him but...There was Samuel. His syrupy-brown hair tucked neatly behind his ears. Looks of "explain yourself" and "I'm sorry it took so long" fighting for dominance on his face, ultimately the much needed explanation winning out.

"Y/n..." Sam lowly stated, voice as even as possible.

"That's me," I huff with a half-hearted wave.

"You know what I'm going to say. After everything we've been through lately why didn't you call me, or Dean, or Castiel, or Hell even Jody! Someone should know what's going on! Communication is everything for hunters and you know better."

Sam stared with so much emotion it almost broke me, but his questions were met with my silence.

"Fine. You aren't going to answer me now but you will before you walk into our home." Sam affirmed.

Sam startled me. Though I could see where he was coming from, everything being so MESSY. I should've called. But I was not wrong about riding the bus. Besides, a little time away from the bunker, and the boys, with my thoughts couldn't hurt, right?

Sam waves for Dean to get in the car so we could begin our long, tension-filled, 6 hour drive to the bunker. It was a relief to be headed home after spending a few days away to clear my head. Everything was so complicated because of the night that I called the best of my life. The night I fell into bed with Sam.

-flashback-

Nice and rainy. My favorite weather. Being able to be comfy cozy with a nice mug of tea and Netflix was the shit. Rewatching Princess and the Frog for the thousandth time just seemed like the best thing for a rainy day. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my time alone, but time alone with Sam was a particularly rare occurrence, especially when he wants to be in the same room with me.

Sam choose to wear his regular ass hunter's 'uniform' of a plaid shirt and jeans. Although, I made note that he decided to wear my favorite of his collection, the hunter green with blue block pattern. I thought it brought out the striking beauty in his eyes, the balance of the two colors precariously placed in his irises. He sat close enough that I wasn't nervous but I was getting distracted by the way he ate his popcorn, arm flexing in his tight sleeve.

"Why are we watching this again?" Sam inquired about the apparent Tiana streak we were on.

"Because. Why, you got a problem with representation? I just, see myself in her, and plus Prince Naveen... Do I have to say more or," I laughed, head cocked back as I finished the thought while Sam shook his head next to me.

Then, it happened. Once I stopped cackling like a weirdo Sam placed his arm around me, bringing me close to his side while he watched the movie, a slight blush on his cheeks. I didn't realize I was staring at him until Tiana's alarm clock went off, prompting me to jump out of reflex. Sam suddenly turned to me with a concerned look on his face that melted away once he realized what happened.

For a split second I thought I should stop myself. But, YOLO. Before I could react, Sam kissed me passionately, grabbing my twist-out, making me moan. I climbed up on his lap, grinding his massive imprint through my sweats. Sam tasted sweet, and I knew that that tasted sweeter. I slid down onto the floor, removing my sweater and t-shirt, unbuckling his pants. Sam let out a loud growl.

"Y/n, please get up. If you do that... right now. I need you, y/n, now."

As I slowly stood, Sam picked me up, staring into my eyes, and gently placed me on my bed. Quicker than I could blink, Sam ripped off my sweats.

I moaned, "Sam."

"I need to be inside of you," Sam growled while looking deep into my eyes.

He took his time, driving me insane, driving slowly in and out of me, not yet giving me the full length of his masterpiece. As I looked into his eyes, I saw something deeper flash through, not just sex, but love. Strong, passionate, unconditional love that you only read about. It took my breath away, gasping, Sam eyes widening, fear crossing his features as he realizes what I saw. In that intense moment, Sam thrust all the way into me, both of us shouting unintelligible phrases that sounded like animals.

"I... Please.. don't... Leave... Ahh..." Sam's affirmation of love, shocking, but looking in his eyes I knew he was telling the truth.

Faster, faster, faster. Our orgasms syncing, our eyes never wavering from one another. When suddenly stars, lights filled my eyes as the feeling of euphoria washed over me, the both of us collapsing on the bed, completely exhausted.

"Sam. We have to... We have to do that again... Again." I gasped out as Sam attempted to cover us with a light blanket behind me, failing from exhaustion.

"... Please... " Sam chuckled.

Thanks for reading part one.

***Please do not share my content on any other platform without my consent.***

#supernatural fanfiction #sam winchester x y/n #Sam Winchester x black!reader

[samsadventurelog]

February 22, 2020

9:01

It has been a terrible past few days. Trying to keep our hopes up and spirits steady over here, but Milo currently isn’t at home.

Thursday morning he threw up and it was a lot more than usual. We wouldn’t have thought much of it, but Brad noticed the Valentines bouquet out on the table - every other night I’d been putting it up high and out of reach. It had some new blooms on it that we hadn’t really paid much attention to. They were lilies. For all those who don’t know - LILIES ARE TOXIC TO CATS. I cannot stress this enough. Luckily, I did know this, so I immediately called the vets and was losing my calm.

We rushed Milo to the emergency animal clinic in Dartmouth. It’s hard to stay hopeful when every vet’s reaction to “my cat ate some lily” is super bleak. We did catch it within the first 18 hours and he had already puked up so much of it (he only ate half a petal - but that can be enough to cause kidney failure) Time was on our side but still very up in the air. They were keeping Milo at the vet for 2 days to monitor and flush it out with IV treatment.

The ride home from the clinic was a dark time. Every light in my soul went out. I couldn’t sip my coffee. I couldn’t talk. I wondered how long it would take to learn to operate in the dark.

We got home and Brad and I both took time to deal with our emotions. We eventually managed to muster up some energy to eat.

That night we went back to visit Milo. He was obviously super freaked out but generally seemed himself. The vets were saying he wasn’t eating - which didn’t surprise me, he wont eat when he’s stressed. We eventually got him to eat a bunch of kibbles and he started getting comfy with us - no where near ready to purr or slow his breathing down that much. But he cuddled on our arms and was trying to close his eyes.

Yesterday morning the vet on duty called me to update me. She said his kidneys looked beautiful and she suspects a low chance that this will be permanent. She also said its still early in the process sometimes it takes 2 days to show damage so she didn’t want to get my hopes too high up. But it sounded pretty good. I was much more at ease yesterday.

Last night we visited Milo again. He was a little less freaked out seaming. We got him to eat maybe ten kibbles...but not as much as the night before. He ate 3 treats too. It concerns me more today that he hasn’t been eating. That’s never a good sign. And at the end of the visit we were all getting comfy on the couch together and then he peed on me. Which I wrote off as him again being stressed / comfortable I don’t know. I didn’t think a ton of it at the time. But when I got home I made the mistake of googling things and over thinking and now I’m pretty much back to feeling gutted and anxious.

In an hour he gets blood work done and the vet said results would be back 30 mins after that. We’re hoping to be able to go get him by 11.

I wish I could update more on some happy Halifax things but my brain can’t get there. I don’t know what else we’ve done this week. Work and eat.

I’m really hoping today goes well. I don’t even know how to finish this post. I guess I just leave it here.

[3packsfrom21]

Gander through Greece

On October 22, we flew from Rome to Athens. Knowing that Greece was nearing the end of its warm season, we only stayed in Athens for 2 nights before heading to Thira (Santorini). Our days in Athens were spent close to the hostel. I was feeling a bit of a stomach bug, so I needed to lay low. However, we were thrilled to discover some delicious food for cheaper prices than we’d seen in months! Greece is known for its gyros – wraps comparable to kebabs with generally either chicken, pork, or lamb, along with onions, tomatoes, tzatziki sauce, lettuce, and fries (inside). We were just grateful to have meat options that we could afford that weren’t just smoked ham, prosciutto ham, fake deli meat ham, or slightly-more-expensive-but-probably-actually-has-meat-in-it-ham. We also discovered feta cheese and HOLY. I didn’t think feta cheese could get better than ours at home, but I assure you it can. [In case you’re confused, my stomach bug didn’t eliminate my appetite].

The morning of the 24th, we woke bright and early (4:30 a.m.) to catch our ferry. Our receptionist had recommended that we show up two hours early, so although our ferry didn’t leave until 7:30, we caught a cab down to the harbor at 5. We were then confused because no one knew where our boat was supposed to dock. Our taxi driver was immensely helpful (another one of the Lord’s saving gifts) and helped us until we figured it out. Apparently, it is ridiculous to show up to a ferry 2 hours early. So, although we kept showing ticket offices the name of our boat, nothing made sense until we finally showed them the time when we would be leaving. They weren’t even considering boats that were arriving that far in the future. Our taxi driver thought we were crazy. With everything sorted, we sat at our gate for 45 min, while Lynece gloated (she’s the “no need to be too early, everything will work out” type), Kiana sat, resolutely unfazed (she’s the “better to be early cause what if [insert literally any possible obstacle that could arise here]” type), and I sat between them, admiring the boats and early morning breeze (I’m the “sure, ok” type). We all had a good laugh, and did get some pretty sweet seats on the ferry (which we later learned were reserved for people who paid more, but regardless). The ride was 7 hours long. We experienced the most amazing sunrise, the kind that can only be witnessed from aboard a boat, and spent the rest of the time chatting. You’d think that we’d eventually run out of things to talk about, but, although we do have our moments of silence, we always have more to say.

Now, to talk about Santorini. In the last post, Lynece told you about Venice being her “must-see” destination. Santorini was mine. In fifth grade English class, I had to do a project, which focused on traveling to another country. I remember basically nothing about the project itself, but I know I did mine on Santorini. I priced out flights and accommodations (pretty sweet deal when you’re 11 and have all the money in the world). I recall choosing a private home in Oia, with a pool that overlooked the stunning view of pearly-white-walled and sky-blue-domed houses, as well as the surrounding islands and endless ocean. From then on, I was GOING to Santorini (“like, when I’m old enough, like probably when I’m 16, or something”). My resolve was further strengthened by the likes of Mama Mia and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I, too, put it on my list of 10 places that I wanted to see for my 13th birthday trip, and even cajoled Aasta into putting it on hers. And yet, somehow, even with turning 16 and everything, the plan had yet to materialize. Until now.

Since 5th grade, I’ve learned that apparently (and disappointingly) I’m not alone in wanting to go to Santorini. It’s chocked full of tourists who were as convinced as I by Meryl Streep and Abba. So, my expectations were sufficiently checked. Still, the 11 year old inside me couldn’t help but jump with glee as we neared the white-topped cliffs. We didn’t stay in a private home with a pool and a view (although, my fifth grade research was pretty accurate - there are plenty of these homes available). But, our hostel in Fira was clean, had plenty of people to meet, and did have a pool (minus the view). On our first morning, after picking up some groceries and Freddo Cappuccinos (iced espresso, with some kind of special sweetener, topped with just-under-whipped, whipped cream), we sat looking out over all of the magnificent view, feet dangling over the wall, and I couldn’t help but be filled with overwhelmingly joyous tears. It was all too cool.

We spent 5 lovely days in Santorini. The first was spent exploring the climbing streets of Fira. The second was spent in Oia (we went to Oia!), where we explored some more, found the classic windmills as well as an an epic bookstore (that I’d still be in now if it weren’t for Kiana and Lynece’s prompting), and discovered the unpredictable nature of the local bus system (I say local because that’s what it is called, but it is used much more by tourists than locals, from what I could tell). The bus is supposed to come every 20 minutes; however, the bus that brought us back from Oia to Fira was 45 min late. A new understanding of “island time.” The third day was a life maintenance day, where we caught up on journals, did laundry, etc. On the fourth day (I’m beginning to remind myself of Genesis, here), we went to the heavenly “Red Beach,” named after the red sand. It was a cove perfect for swimming, with the kind of water you see on people’s screen savers. We swam and soaked up the rays aaand.. I forgot to drink enough water. Which brings me to the fifth day, where I had a touch of heat stroke, so we lounged around the pool of our hostel all day before catching our ferry back to Athens in the evening. While here, we caught the famed sunsets almost every night (there aren’t enough words), and were blessed with absolutely perfect weather. Also, being at the end of the season, there were sales everywhere and we were each able to pick out a ring we liked.

There is something truly magical about Santorini. It is undeniably westernized. It’s busy. But there’s just a feeling about it that leaves you wanting more. It has an almost Arabic feel to it (I say this with admittedly zero grounding, as I’ve never been to an Arabic country). It feels island-y and luxurious but also feels like real things have happened here. It makes me curious to explore other Greek islands to see what even more spectacular gems might be waiting outside of all the vacationers’ sights. But I would be more than thrilled to spend a season just here, working at one of the shops (preferably the book store mentioned above). Many of the people that we met who were working at the shops were from elsewhere in Europe; they all go home for the down season. So I know it is frequently done! Maybe when I’m finished my degree..

Anyway. We loved Santorini. And I will be back.

As I started saying, on the evening of the 29th, we caught a ferry ride back to Athens. A 12 hour, overnight ferry this time. There were no cabins (and we wouldn’t have been able to afford them even if there had been) but, luckily, the boat was not too busy and there were plenty of open sofas to lie down on. Even better, the ride was incredibly smooth, especially compared to the rather choppy waters on the way there. It was a surprisingly incredible sleep!

We arrived in Athens at around 9:00 a.m. We stayed at the same hostel as before – it was particularly lovely because there were curtains around the bunks which gave us a little bit of privacy. You come to really appreciate these kinds of things! The heat stroke had thrown me off; I lost my appetite towards anything Greek food and was just not feeling myself. So, we spent the 30th and 31st laying low, once again. Truthfully, we were glad to have an excuse to take a break from any kind of sightseeing. Europe was tremendous, but we were exhausted, especially after Rome. Rome really took it all out of us. So those two days of rainy weather and bed/café chilling were necessary for us.

We ventured out a bit more on the 1st. We went and explored the area around the Acropolis, called the Plaka. I was feeling particularly moody and, frankly, angry with still being in Europe, still having to eat this stupid food and sleep in these stupid foreign beds. All I wanted was Mum’s chicken and dumplings, or noodle soup, or Dad’s buttermilk pancakes. It’s funny, writing this and noticing how drastically my attitude towards Greek food changed. Don’t let this deter you; the food is GOOD. This was just the post-heat stroke talking. Anyway, the good news was that our little bit of exploring helped to brighten all of our spirits. We didn’t overdo it - soon returning to the hostel to begin to prepare for our flight to Asia – but it was enough to move through some of the blues.

The next day was Acropolis day. The Acropolis did not get the astonishment it probably deserves. As I’ve mentioned, we were tired. And there comes a time when another set of ruins is kind of just another set of ruins. We put in our best effort, reading lots of the placards for more info and taking time to admire the sights. It really was cool. My favourite part of any ruins is when they still have old engravings on them, and some of these did. On the South slope, there is an ancient stadium/theatre that spans a large portion of the hill. In this stadium there are still the seats that were reserved for the priests/priestesses and on the front of many of the seats there is still the engravings dictating which priest got to sit where: “The priest of Zeus” and so on. We couldn’t actually read the letters, of course, but we overheard a nearby tour guide telling her group about it.

As for the Acropolis itself, I’ll need to return to appreciate it fully. It was remarkable to think of all the history that occurred there (in other circumstances, it would’ve likely been mind-blowing). My highlight of the day was seeing the Areopagus (Mars hill). It is quite the experience to know that you are standing in the place where Apostle Paul preached the gospel to the Greek philosophers. To think: in this spot, Christianity was introduced for one of the first times to this land. Woah. It’s really just a craggy rock on the top of a hill, but it was more impactful to us than any of the pillars in the Acropolis.

Acropolis day was also wonderful because I had my appetite back. To celebrate, we went to one of the most famous Greek restaurant chains, called O Thanasis. O Thanasis is known for its yogurtlu: souvlaki meat, covered in warm Greek yogurt and various spices, and served on a bed of pita bread. GUYS. This food is SO GOOD. Ah. We shared a yogurtlu and a Thanasis souvlaki kebab (basically the same thing, but just onions and tomato instead of yogurt), and were filled and happy, happy, happy. What’s more, it only set us back 19 euro in total. For dessert, we went to Lukumades to try Greek doughnut balls, called loukoumades. Traditionally, they are served with honey and cinnamon. So, we shared one order of traditional ones (with a side of ice cream, of course) and one order with Bueno chocolate drizzle on top. Enough said.

With the 2nd at a close, we only had two remaining days in Greece (and in Europe!) and we had plenty to do. You see, paying to check bags would’ve cost a ridiculous amount of money. So, we embarked on the task of trying to carry everything on. This meant that a) we needed to make our packs look small enough to carry on (the easy part) and b) we needed to ensure that each of us only had 10kilos of weight (the slightly harder part). This task was made easier by the fact that we knew we were entering hot country, so we left pants, sweaters, and other unnecessary layers at the hostel, for other travelers to look through. There were some things that we didn’t want to part with, so we also sent a package home. However, even after all of this, we were still over our weight. We began seeing how much we could fit into our pockets. Turns out, the inner pockets of my sweater can fit our iPad on one side and a novel on the other. I look like a walking brick, but oh well. We debated significantly about how much we could carry in our arms without looking suspicious. Finally, we caved a little for the sake of comfort and bought an extra 5 kilos of carry-on weight. This meant that with just the right number of layers, and with our pockets as full as reasonably possible, we could probably squeeze by.

And so, the morning of the 5th came. We donned our layers and took the hour-long metro ride to the airport. And what were we wearing? Well let’s see. Kiana: 1 pair of capris; 1 pair of pants; 1 t-shirt; 1 long sleeve shirt; 1 sweater; 1 rain jacket; 1 pair of socks; and sandals. Lynece: 1 pair of shorts; 1 pair of pants; 1 t-shirt; 1 long-sleeve; 1 sweater; 1 rain jacket; 1 pair of thick wool skiing socks; and sandals. And me? 1 pair of capris; 1 pair of pants; 1 t-shirt; 1 long-sleeve; 1 sweater; 1 rain jacket; 1 pair of socks; 2 bandanas (one on each wrist) and sandals. And what did we have in our pockets? Kiana: pillowcase, 2 bandanas, phone, charging cords, and glasses case. Me: charging battery, charging cords, sunglasses case, phone, a deck of cards, and my camera. Lynece: phone, charging cords, camera, and 4 adaptors. To top it all off, we each have a multi-colored sheet (Kiana, Lynece, and Dad brought them home from the Philippines) that is sewn like a sleeping bag (except open on both ends). Naturally, we wore them around our necks like face-eating, overgrown scarfs. Needless to say, the metro ride was a little warm.

Just imagine 3 huffing girls walking down the airport hallway (in Athens, a warm country, mind you), topped with massive scarfs, each wearing two backpacks, weighed down by their sagging pockets, wearing socks in their sandals. That was us. We decided that if anyone asked we’d just say we’d come from Canada. We acted as normal as we could, standing in line at the check-in counter, and comparing the size of our packs to the size of everyone else’s. Our anticipation rose as we stepped up to the counter. The man gave us one look, asked for our Passports, printed our passes, nodded, and sent us on our way. HE DIDN’T EVEN WEIGH OUR PACKS. We stood outside of line, stunned, for a minute. The email had been explicit in warning that “each person is only permitted 2 bags with a combined total weight of 10 kilos.” We thought there must be some mistake. Maybe they weigh them later. So, we refrained from removing any layers or putting anything more into our packs. We cleared security (that was a sight, as we emptied the electronics from our pockets). Still no weighing. We found our gate, thinking: “Is it possible that they’d weigh them at the gate? That makes no sense!” Still, we stayed in our layers, pockets full. And so, we boarded the plane with our 16 layers. No weighing necessary. It was all somewhat anti-climactic and highly hilarious. At least we wouldn’t be cold on the flight.

Our plane took off at 11:00 a.m. It was a 10 hour flight, followed by a 3 hour layover in Singapore, and then a 2 hour flight to Denpasar, Indonesia. We said goodbye to Europe, part 1 of our trip. Wild. We’d dreamed of our sister trip to Europe for so many years and it has now come to a close. We were sad to see the end, but also so excited for Asia. We were really too tired to continue in Europe; Indonesia couldn’t have come at a better time.

Cheers // Janae

[missvalerietanner]

Last weekend, I was jet lagged and had to rest. This past weekend... turns out I needed more rest. XD But I finally got everything organized, and it’s time to share... 

I WENT TO CANADA!

As a birthday present to myself, back in June, I filled out all the paperwork and got myself a passport ‘cause, damn it, I want to travel. Just three little months later in September, I had to help my boss check in for his flight for a work thing ( he’s not so computer savvy), and I got antsy. I wanted to be flying somewhere too. And I wanted to give my passport a trial run. SO! My aunt had mentioned wanting to see Niagara Falls, and I was cool with seeing Canada cause 1. passport test, and 2. Lewis Black’s words haunt me: “Even drunk on a bet, you make it to Canada.” (in reference to the fact that George W. had never been outside the country. 

So I started planning, told my aunt (she was thrilled by the idea), and in a matter of two weeks, we had the trip laid out, plan tickets bought, hotel room reserved, and we were good to go.

We stayed in Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. We flew into the Buffalo airport in New York, got a rental car, and drove across the Rainbow Bridge ‘cause I figured that’d be pretty cool. Our flight got into Buffalo at midnight, Friday morning (Nov. 2nd), and we reached our hotel in Canada at about 2AM. Should’ve slept, but we were both too jazzed to fall asleep ‘cause we were excited and we could see the freakin’ falls from our hotel room so we stayed up until about 4AM just planning the next day’s adventures and finally crashed. Then we woke up at about 8AM. Insane.

Friday, we shopped at Niagara on the Lake, this cute shopping district about 30 mins north from our hotel (Sheraton on the Falls, if you’re curious). 

Saturday, I had bought us tickets to the boat tours with Hornblower Cruises. We got on the first boat at 10AM and froze our butts off in that 40 degree weather while getting hosed by the mist coming off the Falls. But as I have told everyone, “It’s cool. My face caught most of it.”

That water was cold, but it was revitalizing. We got back to the hotel room, and my aunt said, “Don’t you feel refreshed?” And, you know what? I fucking did. I felt, like, not “born again,” but definitely close to that. I felt... pure and alive.

After the boat ride, which was only 20 mins, I drove us up to Toronto ‘cause, why not, right? We were RIGHT there. Well, not right there, but only two hours away. XD The drive was nice, though, and there are some beautiful bridges along the way. (Though, I never really adjusted to the speed limit signs being in kilometers per hour versus miles. But that’s my fault and America’s. We seriously need to be standard.)

Anyhoo, Toronto was large and loud and busy and kinda insane. Though with 2.2 or so (I think the sign said?) million people, it’s like the crowds of Manhattan with the insanity of L.A. (I assume?). The city’s pretty, though. The architecture of the residential areas was so homey and 1980s feeling--I loved it. So nostalgic and well-kept... like something out of a sitcom. Every yard was perfect. Every car maintained and polished. It was lovely.

On the way out of Toronto (we just drove in and pretty much back out ‘cause it was such a long drive to get back to the hotel), we drove through a primarily Jewish community and saw some of them heading to church--I assume by the way they were all gussied up. That was awesome and definitely not something you happen upon in Tennessee. 

And, look, I don’t wanna come off as creepy, but on the way into Toronto, we stopped at the ONLY SHELL GAS STATION WE EVER SAW, and bought a shit ton of candy for the ride. Then we spot this super adorable Jewish boy, and I made a few jokes about offering him candy (not where he could hear me, obviously). He stared at us as we passed. We stared at him, and I joked that’d he’d puff up his collar and tell his buddies: “These babes were checkin’ ME out.” But in reality, it’s probably more like: “These weird Americans from Pennsylvania were staring at me.”

We had Penn state license plates on our rental car, and whenever I passed people in traffic, I’d say, “Let show ‘em how we drive in Pennsylvania.”

We are NOT from Pennsylvania.

Then on Sunday, our flight was at 7:27 PM in Buffalo, the plan was to just get to the airport and wait there and be bored. But stupid Daylight Savings Time totally fucked us. Not to mention we switched from Central to Eastern time while flying, so we lost an hour then gained one then lost it again on the way home. Fucking stupid.

Anyway, we accidentally checked out of the hotel an hour early ‘cause we thought it was noon (spolier: it was only 11 AM). I realize then when we’re leaving in the car--too late. We cross the border, eat lunch at an Irish pub in... I forget what city it was--but upstate New York outside Albany and about twenty minutes from the Buffalo airport. The place was called Connor’s, and it was fuckin’ delish.

Then we returned the rental car, chilled in the airport for like five hours (that went by faster than you’d think), flew to North Carolina for a layover (which turned into a stress-filled sprint walk, as Daniel Tosh calls it, to our boarding gate which we were late arriving too ‘cause our previous pilot had to circle the damn state of NC ‘cause some jackass was blocking up the runway), and then finally back to Nashville.

All in all, the trip was a blast. It cost me roughly $1000 for the three day trip. We split the hotel room and plane tickets, but I paid for the rental car, gas, and the boat tour. And then I spent roughly $400 on souvenirs and food. Not a bad chunk of change for such a relaxing vacation. That weekend felt SO long, but every minute of it was awesome.

OH! We also ate twice at this ice cream place on the corner from the hotel (well, actually inside the hotel) called Sweet Jesus. Look it up. That place is fucking wonderful.

Canada is lovely and so so peaceful. Probably the best thing about the trip was leaving behind all the bullshit of American culture. We are seriously bogged down here with so much shit every day and so many things demanding our attention and our money and... UGH! I didn’t feel any of that in Canada. Granted, being on vacation and not at work helped, but even still, the country just seemed laid back and calm. 

We all need a little Canada in our life.

Also one place we ate at served tiny packets of peanut butter at breakfast time along with typical tiny packets of jams and jellys. Totally stole one. Totally awesome. 

And at that Shell gas station, I spotted these:

They taste more like hot sauce on a potato chip rather than ketchup, but awesome to see. Oh, and I bought us Tim Horton’s coffee one morning, ‘cause I just HAD to. And boy do Canadians love their Wendy’s and Subway’s. We saw those two eateries everywhere. And we passed a marijuana store which was pretty nifty too.

We didn’t go in, despite what the guys at work say.

Ready for some pictures? :D

This was the view from our hotel room on the 8th floor. We could open the door and just get such a perfect view of the Falls. Every night, they lit up the Falls in an array of colors, but when they colored them for the American and Canadian flags... just wow.

Beautiful homes in Toronto. (And the Mini Cooper that was behind me FOR MILES and probably getting pissed ‘cause he’s in every damn shot. XD)

More houses. I love architecture, o.k.!

Made my aunt grab this shot while I drove. 

Another shot of the Falls, but lit in blue, white, and green. 

And a shot on Sunday morning at about 9AM (we thought it was 10AM XD). Sunday was the only sunny day while we were there, but I didn’t mind. We did a lot of walking--I mean, A LOT--and I’d rather walk under clouds than the sun any day.

And this is Connor’s, the Irish pub we stopped it in New York. 

Here’s a shot of us on the Hornblower boat. The distorted look is ‘cause it was shot with my cheapo-knock off Go-Pro. The big green building in the center back is our hotel. ;p

‘Nother shot from the boat with the CamPark. Those are the American side of the Falls.

The Horseshoe Falls on the Canadian side. Probably the best angle the CamPark caught on the boat.

There were also fireworks over the Falls on Saturday night. I overheard some women in the hotel saying there was some winter festival starting that night (Nov. 3rd). Dunno, but the fireworks were beautiful.

At long last, a shot of some sweet Canadian money ‘cause I still have the $5 bill and one of the $2 coins. I love the look of their money. 

[/content sigh]

...I would absolutely go back.

The even better news is that my aunt knows this chruch group that travels around a lot (like, right now, they’re in freakin’ Sierra Leone!), and they’re planing an Italy trip next June.

YES! Be still my heart!

My aunt signed us both up, and barring an unforeseen accident or a lobotomy, I could be in Italy in June 2019. And the chosen dates line up with my birthday, so I could very well spend my 30th birthday in FREAKIN’ ITALY, MAN! How cool would that be? And yeah, I’m not much for church and religion, but I am willing to put up with anything if it gets me to Italy. XD Plus, Italy has so many beautiful churches I’d love to see, and a church group damn better get me there.

#LONG post #canada #little facts about me #vacation

[duckball]

Episode XXXVII: A Bittersweet Symphony

  Welcome to a special Wednesday Night episode of Heather's Big Brother Blog and what sadly will be it's next to last episode

  As much as I'd love to ride this season out to the bitter end and had fully planned to recap not just next Wednesday's finale but Sunday's clip show and kick off of final HOH (cause you know from seasons past I love recapping clip shows) however I'm stuck with closing shifts and when I get home close to midnight I'm just going to prop up on a pillow and tune in (especially on Finale night when as of this posting I'm working an 8.50 hour shift no break and a good 2-3 hours of that will be out in 90+ degree weather...)

moving on the episode opens as Julie calls the house guests into the living room and tells them don't sit in the nomination seats 

eviction night is coming early and by the end of the day somebody will be evicted...expect the unexpected is the shows tagline after all

YES this was a cold open BEFORE the previously on stuff....

Veto and eviction will be played out within the hour but lets flash back to Angela's nomination ceremony duh she would put Sam and JC up cause LEVEL 3 is her ride or die.

It's Sam's 4th time on the block but she knows it's not for anything malicious against her everyone just wants the half million so she needs to win this ** veto

JC thinks he's only up cause Tyler is pulling Angela's puppet strings which sucks as he's been loyal to him the whole time

Tyler thinks it sucks that his friends are up but again TEAM LEVEL 3

JC Sympathy edit.

He's on the block

everyone but Sam is messing around in the kitchen having a food fight and goofing off while Sam is wallowing away in one of the bedrooms

VETO COMP get in gear head to separate rooms and wait to be called BB Labyrinth

The guests have to go through a hedge maze and they have to tap in at the ONE Wizard, TWO Wolves and THREE Witches then pull the sword from the stone if they can't make it between tap stations in 30 seconds or less the curse is back and they must start over at the Wizard....after 30 minutes of playing 'Your Maze Are Numbered' your timed out

We see Tyler go through, Kaycee has a strategy to go through the whole maze before hitting the Wizard Button and having the 30 second clock start and it backfires, Angela who keeps finding the Witches when she's looking for the Wolf, Sam who is like a chicken with her head cut off and JC who just wants to win a competition as he finally finds the 'hot daddy wizard' for the first time

Kaycee finished in 5 mins 46 seconds

Sam was timed out with 30 minutes

Tyler finished in  6 mins 29 seconds

Angela finished in 10 mins 50 seconds

JC finished in 11 min 9 seconds

KAYCEE is POV Winner

she chooses NOT to use the Veto

JC knows he's the pawn but says if he's HOH next everyone will suffer

Tyler is feeling the guilt of having to stab a friend in the back

We're only halfway into the episode and so it looks like we'll get HOH tonight as well with just final VETO happening with tomorrows eviction....

we all know the drill Sam and JC speak their peace then Tyler and Kaycee can go place their votes for Sam's eviction

Sam is sorry she wasn't expecting company today it was a normal day...she loves each and every one of her house mates those there and not there she's not ready to leave but if she does she asks that the fish be fed so they don't die.

JC speaks a bit in Spanish then thanks CBS tells Sam he loves her and wants to give her a hug he loves Angela and calls Tyler the love of his life and it's just a hot mess of a speech

Kaycee votes to evict Sam

Tyler votes to evict Sam

Sam is evicted and again pleads to have them feed the fish and comments about how she's embarassed to meet Julie in her sweatpants

Julie loves her sweatpants and she tells Julie she looks beautiful... she's surprised that it was 2-0 cause Tyler said she had her back and JC's been annoying but they did what they had to do and there is no ill will

Julie asks why she felt alone and she says she did that to herself as she wasn't prepared for this experience. It was life changing and she was great full and thanks the fans and CBS and america and her mama and her brother.

HOH Competition is an old BB Standard 'What The Bleep' the winner is locked into the final three and is also able to play in final HOH next week... Angela can't play and so this is JC vs Tyler vs Angela

They will see a clip with a bleeped out word and Julie will say what that word could be while guests have to answer True or False... best after 7 rounds wins

Round 1: JC-1, Tyler-1, Kaycee-0

Round 2: JC-2, Tyler-1, Kaycee-0

Round 3: Nobody got it right

Round 4: JC-3, Tyler-2, Kaycee-1

Round 5: JC-4, Tyler-3, Kaycee-2

Round 6: JC-5, Tyler-4, Kaycee-2

Round 7: JC-5, Tyler-4, Kaycee-3

JC IS HOH

Well then....at least we don't have a whole week of watching Gizmo go on a power trip just a few hours in which time you'll get to join me for my final blog... at least until Celebrity Big Brother or Amazing Race whatever comes first

#big brother #big brother us #big brother 20 #bb20 #big brother recap #bbus #bb recap

[rock-hopperhazuki]

Yeh Imma post this before I sleep

You know what? I’m up late, feeling like ranting about something so Imma do it. I just feel like getting this off my chest, laying it all out, and in turn give yall a glimpse into my current situation and why I’m just not doing well lately. If you don’t wanna read it, I’ll put it below, cause it is a LOT. This is my longest post yet and I go into a bit of detail about me and my bf and our experience at our job cause that’s what started all this. READER BE PREPARED! (I also wrote this in the last hour or so and don’t know if there are many mistakes, probably gonna go over it to see, but meh):

Alright, let’s go back to the VERY beginning.

Jan. 24, 2017 was my first day at my first job. I’m a janitor at one of the courthouses in town. That was also the day I became acquainted with one of the only other young employees there: Robert. 

We quickly became friends and even tho we only get to see each other during our 45 minute lunch break and when we clock out for the night, it only took like two weeks for us to go on our first date, kiss, and start going out. (my first intimate relationship ever, mind you) And it also only took another two weeks for us to get in trouble. And that trouble was getting caught making out and heavy petting in the elevator (which we were doing for about 30-45 minutes apparently) by one of our supervisors after lunch. 

Also, up until this point only about 2 other employees that we were cool with knew we were together, it came as a shock to our superiors. So we get called down to the office and interrogated separately. Both explaining the situation the best we could. Granted this wasn’t planned or anything, it just happened and we lost track of time. We get reprimanded and told that the manager would discuss this with us the next day when he came in. So I’m freaking out thinking we’re gonna get fired, and only after I’d been there for only about a month.

But, when we speak with the manager the next day he basically said: “We don’t care that you guys are going out, so long as you don’t get married while you’re both working here and you’re not ‘stealing time’ being all affectionate”

Stealing Time is basically not working while you’re on the clock, they consider that stealing cause you’re getting paid to clean and you’re not doing that, and still collecting a check. 

I’m super relieved and glad we can be together and that we didn’t get fired. Most places don’t allow couples to work in the same place, so I’ve heard. Afterwards we become a bit more open with our relationship. Everyone now knows we’re together and we get teased a little and called cute by our, mostly older, co-workers. And everything is pretty cool...until we get into more trouble down the line.

Me and Robert get back from lunch a few minutes late once or twice (not because of elevator shenanigans tho, we went out to eat and came back late). We get a warning and afterwards our supervisors give us strange looks and come to our floors more often to check on us. Which doesn’t do wonders for my anxiety and paranoia btw.

Robert had his own run-in with trouble down the line as well. There was a new girl who worked on the floor above his, but the hose in her janitor’s closet didn’t work or something like that so she was allowed to go to his floor and use the hose in his closet to fill her bucket for mopping and other bottles. We were cool with her, so when she came to his floor everyday, they would talk a little before she left.

She also didn’t like our superiors very much, and one day one of them came to Robert’s floor while they were talking in the closet. In turn, she SLAMS the closet door shut while they’re still inside so he won’t ‘be listening on our conversation’ or whatever. But the slammed door brings him right over and he opens the door. AND FOR SOME REASON, she tries to hide behind the door so he won’t see her. Of course he does and the situation looks bad. Robert tries to play it off, but HE gets in trouble regardless because, get this: they think they were basically doing what we previously did in the elevator (stealing time, getting frisky, whatever). But also get this: they don’t call HER to the office, just him. And he gets a strike against him. He tried to explain what happened and defend himself, but they just don’t listen or even let him speak for himself.

That kinda puts a damper on our relationship with her. And tensions grow between us and the higher-ups. We start having lunch away from the other workers while in the cafeteria, and more time outside as well. 

Another incident happened during Chore Time.

Chore Time at my job is about 30-45 minutes before we clock out. During the day we do our designated areas and floors. But at Chore Time, we come down to the office and get assigned one last mundane job to do before we go. That night, I was to do the exit door glass on the first floor. So I took the paper towels and nearly empty Windex bottle they gave me and did my chore. I finished up pretty early and decided to go back to my floor to refill the bottle and wait a little bit before going back to the office to clock out.

When I got to my floor I saw Robert. He was doing the glass panes going down the hall as his chore. I decided to stop on my way to the janitor's closet on my floor to talk to him. It’s still kinda early, I thought. I have some time. And wouldn’t ya know it? One of our supervisors comes to my floor at that time. We get reprimanded for just talking and I tell him I didn’t intend on just standing around talking until it was time to go. I was gonna go fill the Windex bottle and stopped to talk for a little bit. I didn’t know if he believed me, but I went on my way, filled the bottle up, and made my way to the office to clock out with everyone else.

I thought that was the end of it, but the next day we’re called back down to the office cause the supervisor that caught us the night before called the manager. We are told once again that we aren’t to be ‘stealing time’. The supervisor interjects and says that Robert was still working while I was talking to him (technically not ‘stealing time’) and that I was the one standing there, not where I’m supposed to be (even tho that was my floor). He says that I lied about going to fill the Windex bottle cause I wasn’t anywhere near my closet. Even tho I was already on my way there when I stopped to talk to Robert. I didn’t even know he was up there. I tried to explain this to the manager, but he didn’t want to hear what I had to say (just like how they didn’t want to listen to what Robert had to say before) and sent me home early.

Now, I’m upset, but inside I’m kinda like “Whatever man” and I just peace out and call my ride. Robert is way more angry that they sent me home and I text him to calm him down, I’ll be back tomorrow. When I do, I ‘apologize’ for ‘lying’ to my supervisor and promise not to ‘steal time’ with Robert again and got right back to work.

Things are tense, but for a while there aren’t anymore incidents. My anxiety and paranoia go down while I’m working and I feel better knowing that if anything’s wrong or bugging me that I have Robert and during lunch we talk a lot. We are still affectionate with each other, but only during that 45 minute lunch we have. The only time we have to ourselves. No rendezvous in the elevator’s after lunch, no stealing time to make out. None of it. Only during lunch. 

Until our manager eventually tells us that we shouldn’t be affectionate inside the building since state workers may see us and disapprove, even when we’re in the cafeteria, on the lowest floor, during our lunch when most of the state workers are gone or on the upper floors in their offices staying late. We are upset, but decide to try to have lunch outside every day. Even when the weather gets cold, we stay out in the courtyard and eat. And for a while that’s fine.

Until later down the line, we get told that we can’t be affectionate out there either, since state workers leaving late could still see us when they leave and we need to ‘uphold the company image’. Even tho they are never that close to us and they don’t even give us a second glance. It’s not like we’re constantly lip-locked or anything. They never seemed to have a problem with any of this before.

So now, we’re both mad. They seem to be constantly tightening the reins on us. If you go back you’ll see that they said they didn’t care what we did so long as we’re not ‘stealing time’ or get married while still working here. We were told at the beginning that we could be a couple in this place and they keep trying to put a stop to what we do when we’re together.

They also pulled some other stuff. The other court building was down a person and needed a replacement for 6 weeks. Other than the handful of new people with no real defined job yet, they asked me first if I would take the position, saying I could say yes or no. At first I said yes, but once I really thought about it, I declined cause I didn’t want to be gone from Robert that long. Also the hours are shifted slightly and with the way my ride to work is set up, it wouldn’t have worked.

The next person they went to was, of course, Robert, but this time they didn’t give him the option to say no. They just gave him the position. Trying to split us up. Now, he wasn’t completely transferred over there, just filling in. And since their hours over there are different than ours, how it worked would be:

He goes into work at our courthouse at the usual time and does his usual work

When the time comes, he makes his way down the street to the other court building and does his duties there

When it comes time for them to clock out, he goes back down the street to our courthouse and finishes up his usual work and clocks out with the rest of us like he always does

Which meant I only saw him for the final 15 minutes of our usually 45 min lunch and when we clocked out at the end of the night. For 6 weeks. I was frustrated that they did this, but we made our time together count until he finally came back to work fully at the courthouse again. We were glad to be back on our regular schedule. And even more affectionate.

We just disregard their rules while they’re not around. But it turns out our good fortune ran out. We were apparently caught on camera kissing and one of the security guards told our supervisors (which is CRAZY cause we’ve been together this long and there are obviously cameras in the courthouse but they never saw fit to tell anybody about us if they saw something, UNTIL NOW APPARENTLY. JUST OUR LUCK). 

So last Wednesday, I was called into the office where our manager and the cleaning manager of the court building down the street were sitting there with our HR rep on the phone. And basically it was explained to me that after all that’s happened, in order to uphold the company image and keep both me and Robert as employees, I’d be transferred to the other building starting the next day.

I have no idea what they told Robert once he was called in, but at lunch we sat across from each other on a bench outside. Not touching, not looking at each other for a bit. When he finally spoke and asked me if I was alright, I broke down and cried. Went into full panic attack mode. My head hurt, I had trouble taking a breath, I felt sick, sad, angry, scared. So many things went thru my head. 

I wanted to quit right then and there. Just say F*CK IT. But I couldn’t. At least not right now. My family depends on me now to help pay for things around the house. And I’m trying to go on a trip with friends of mine in October. I need the money. But I didn’t want to go over there. I didn’t want to go over there when they asked me and now they were forcing me to go. I’d just gotten Robert back from that place and he didn’t have much good to say about it either.

But even during my breakdown, Robert was comforting and level-headed. He promised me that things would be ok and that this was a sure sign that we needed to move on from this place and find better jobs, make a better life for ourselves, and strive for greater things than this place. He said all the right things, but I still felt hollow. I still kinda feel that way and it’s almost been a week since it happened. 

I don’t like it very much over there. I don’t get to see Robert during the week. We talk on the phone tho. We’ve both been looking for new jobs and have applied to a few places. No luck yet and I’m feeling very discouraged about all this.

He tells me not to worry, good things come to those who wait, our breakthrough is close, all that. But rn, it doesn’t feel like that. I just feel...bummed and defeated. I’ll keep going, I’ll keep looking, I just feel like the enemy won this round. And it really SUCKS. I never really liked this place, but I never imagined it’d get to this point. 

Imma keep searching and praying that things work out for the both of us. I gotta be strong and stay positive, it’s just not easy. Annnnnnnnd that’s where we’re at right now, I guess.

#man this was a lot #my hands hurt #I just let this flow over the (now) last hour or two #welp #that's what's up peeps #://// yikes #man i'm tired #emotionally physically and mentally #and hungry #I need foods #bye for now #words of advice and encouragement would be very much appreciated #just throwin that out there #My Posts

[steamishot]

Changes

~4/21? I think my mindset shifted a lot this past week, especially after staying with Matt and his family for a few days. Admittedly, I used to be very fearful of going outside to public spaces and be extra cautious every time I did take out. For example, my family and I have “outside clothes” and “inside clothes”. I would immediately toss my “outside” clothes into my laundry basket when I arrived home from the market or picking up food, even if I was out for just 5 minutes. My parents were against me doing any uber eats or takeout. They believed home cooked food was the best during this time and refused to eat non-homemade food. My mom left the house less than 2 times this past month. My dad is less fearful - he’s gone out multiple times a week (to buy food and for work) and doesn’t really care, but my mom and I always gave him shit for doing so. I felt like a huge hypocrite going out to see Matt, and was afraid of how my family would react. 

I’m really awkward whenever talking about love or romantic partners with my family - especially after what happened with my last parter. I’m avoidant. So I ended up only telling my mom I was going to leave to see Matt 30 minutes before I actually did pack up to go, which was very bad on my part. She was heartbroken and was super fearful and asked “can you not?”. She later called me during the car ride and told me not to come home for a month. Hearing that made Matt feel guilty, and he called my mom’s idea stupid. We got into a huge argument, with me trying to defend my family. I found out later there was some underlying resentment, where he felt like my family treats him like second-rate, which is probably my fault because I choose not to talk about partners to my family. 

4/25- it’s now been over a week that Matt has been home and I’ve seen his family every single day even on the days that we were staying at the Airbnb. Things have been kinda tense between us (I think he’s being mean to me, he thinks I’m mean to him). I realize that this is due to several issues:

- Quarantine/pandemic stresses: he’s a frontline worker in the epicenter of covid and working at one of the hardest hit hospitals. Even though he doesn’t verbally acknowledge his feelings and pretends he’s ok, he’s definitely more stressed out than usual. During this time, he’s even more sensitive to any criticism I have. He used to take it all (mostly), but he’s been retaliating more often recently. On his end, he feels that his whole life is a sacrifice, and he’s working extremely hard especially during this scary time - why do I have to criticize him during his vacation? I should just let him enjoy himself. 

-Attention: We’re staying with his family during this time, so it’s his time to catch up with everyone. He’s also catching up with his friends online. Because these are the people he rarely talks to (he calls me everyday vs. calling family for like 5 min once a week, and never calling/texting his friends), I have become last on the priority list in attention during his vacation. I keep telling myself it’s fine. However, because I’m also the person he is closest to, I feel like it’s me who puts up with his shit the most. Then I question, why do I have to be so nice to someone who is not very fit as a good partner (due to residency, especially during a time like covid), and on top of that has to be rude to me? I started feeling salty about that. 

- Lack of comfort: not to be ungrateful, but I realize that staying at someone else’s home for an extended period of time is stressful, even more so under quarantine. I’m not carefree at his home, and I feel like I have to be on my best behavior/ “professional” around his parents. I lose structure in my daily life and I always have to depend on someone else. I have a few articles of clothing I’m wearing over and over lol. His dad generously gave us his room (because it’s attached to a restroom). However, we’re sleeping on an old spring mattress that creeks with every movement. We’ve had to have quiet, inhibited sex lol. 

Anyway, I’m PMSing - 6 days before my period. I hate that I tend to PMS during the times that we have to spend together. I know my concerns are legit, but PMS can make it seem worse/more dramatic than what it is. I was watching Insecure season 4 yesterday, and there was a scene that stuck out to me. Issa’s best friend Molly (who has been single for quite some time) started dating a guy that she really likes. A few weeks later, she got upset that he wasn’t opening up to her. Issa asked something along the lines of “do you actually wanna be happy? you keep looking for problems.” Hearing that kinda put things into perspective for me, as I tend to focus on the negatives than see things as a whole.

Let’s focus on positive things:

- Having a partner in healthcare feels like having the fastpass in an amusement park. Going to costco and beating the line. Free stuff/food everyday. His mom is a PT at USC and she’s received free food, free orchids, free tangerines, etc. I stopped feeling guilty about being out for non-essential things (like going out for take out multiple times a day), because my doctor partner deserves it. When I return to my life at home, I’m not going to do this anymore. Also, he had a healthcare worker discount at the north face, and bought a jacket for me, his mom, and himself.

- Running. The men in his family are all into running. His dad is almost mid-60s and runs 5 miles multiple times a week. His teenage brother runs 7-9 miles like everyday. Matt used to run a lot too, and was the top runner in high school. That’s why even though he’s fat now, it’s only his upper body that is actually fat. His lower body still has that runner’s physique. I went out to the trail with them 3 times already. It’s hard because I have allergies in this weather, and also it’s damn hot. But I was able to run 3.5 miles last time. I’ll try for 4 today. 

- Everyday, his parents always ask him what I want to eat. They’re so accommodating, especially his dad. Tea is sacred to his dad, and he never really shared before. No one else in his family was interested in tea either. But because I showed interest and love tea, he’s been asking me multiple times a day - do you want tea? Do you want wine? LOL. He buys breakfast everyday - dimsum, burger king, mcdonalds, chinese breakfast, etc. They always make sure I am fed.

4/30 - after I wrote my last blurb, everything started going uphill. We both became more understanding of each other, and more forgiving. He became more relaxed, I became more relaxed. We were able to have fun again. to highlight the fun times that i had with him and his family:

- the first or second day i was over at his parents house, his dad offered me some tea, but i declined because it was already late and i was afraid i wouldn’t be able to sleep. i asked if we could take some tea leaves to go since were staying at an airbnb at the time. matt says he’s protective of his tea. i think he was a little shocked when i first asked him, because no one in his family is interested in tea, but he gave me like 2 bags initially. his mom was like GIVE HER MORE, GIVE HER 10. SHE IS LIKE FAMILY. i felt a little awkward but i love me some tea. 

- did so. much. takeout in 13 days. the first couple days I was still kinda paranoid about going out, but by the last day it felt like NBD to me. Got to eat poke, sugarfish sushi, nabemono hot pot, pho x3, banh mi, boba everyday, ramen x2 (men oh, ramenhood), burgers x3 (in n out, bunz, the win-dow), sugar cane x2, taro cake, yin ji chang fen, thai, philz, dim sum etc. it was reminiscent of our lifestyle whenever we went on vacation. we were still fatasses during quarantine. 

- played board games with his brother and mom. played poker with the family and his dad. his younger brother and i lost early on cause we suck, but he and his dad continued playing for another hour and a half or so - matt ended up winning. but it was very nice to see them spend time together as spending time playing games like that was never a thing in their family

- i helped his family take some cute family photos (with and without masks on). his mom likes taking family photos and usually gets to do so on family trips, but said they didn’t get any this year because of the quarantine. the boys aren’t big fans of photos either so she took advantage of me being there. i was also part of a few family photos!

- made charcuterie boards for his family. they really enjoyed it. 

- i spent some quality time with his 88 year old grandma. she mostly does her own thing (which is being babysat by an ipad), but one day i made her draw with me by following youtube tutorials - we drew a flower, mickey mouse, a cat, and a monkey together. she asked me to save a video so she can continue doing it and get better. another day, i wanted to have her write/read in english and chinese. his mom found an elementary chinese workbook and she ended up teaching me. the material was very easy and she was like “uh you’re already very good” lol. i then switched the roles and asked her to write in english - she was surprisingly very good and could write quite quickly. as an assignment, i asked her to write a letter to matt. it was precious. it took me back to the days where i would teach english to chinese seniors. i took a pic of them using my instax camera, and she really loved it. 

- watched farewell with his grandma, brother, and mom. we already watched it once before so he was sitting in the back only paying half attention. his brother was immediately into it and got emotional at times. at one point, he had to stand up and go towards the back of the room because the emotions were too much to handle. matt said his brother was tearing up. his mom said that watching their family was very relatable and it reminded her of her own family. i tried watching this film with my mom and grandma, but they didn’t get it and found it boring. it was nice to watch a chinese-american film with a chinese family to get that commentary.

- ran/walked/jogged at the trail a total of 20 miles during my stay there

- did home work outs - yoga, blogilates and peloton HIIT with him, his family and friends. we did echo park steve’s yoga one day too. his mom enjoyed peloton yoga and blogilates and asked me to save the videos for her. 

- in the first few days, his mom kept repeating “life is beautiful”. the first day, we cheered to him still being alive lol. (not funny and his mom was sleepless a few nights due to worrying, but i think it’s gonna be ok)

- news so I can remember: 3 programs in cali reached out to matt during his vacation, asking if he’s still interested in interviewing for a PGY-2 program. loma linda was one of them and would have been an amazing program to be a part of. it was a very hard decision, but he declined. he had already signed a contract with brooklyn, and this would require him to speak to his program director about his interest in switching programs. not a good look if you don’t actually get into the program. 

- his parents (moreso mom) is an avid, adventurous traveler. they had plans to go to africa this year and talked about rescheduling. she included matt and i in the plans to go next year and said “the four of us”. matt brought up norway instead, since that’s more doable. so we settled on going to norway as a family. 

- went with matt’s dad to drop him off at LAX yesterday morning at like 6:30am. he then dropped me at home, and officially met my mom for the first time. they shook hands and he told my mom “connie is so nice”. LOL. 

After coming home yesterday, my mom bombarded me with questions about matt and his family. and then asked about our future and whether we are thinking of marriage. she is against me moving to nyc during this pandemic, and i hate how uncertain everything is right now. she also thinks that i should be engaged before i uproot my life to move over to be with him. i agree to an extent, but i also understand if he is not ready. it is crazy that we have now been long distance longer than being together in person, and with this pandemic, i’m not sure how long that’s gonna continue. i found out that my mom feels ashamed of me going to stay at a boy’s house for that long. a boy i am not engaged/married to. she doesn’t say it but the actions make me seem slutty to traditional people. she hid the information from my brother and SIL - i think because she would be ashamed if the info leaked out to her parents. that is why she keeps pushing the idea of marriage/engagement on me. 

I took yesterday to kinda get used to being back at home, and felt quite sad to detach from my “second family”. In a way, even though it wasn’t always comfortable or easy, I at least felt I wasn’t stagnant. It was like a “bootcamp” to fit in with someone else’s family, their routines, and their daily lives. I’m also happy that I was pushed to run. They eat pretty heavy food, and they all overeat, but they also exercise a lot. My family portions well and eats very clean, but has milder workouts. Sometimes they intentionally skip meals to lose/maintain weight, whereas my family would throw a fit if we didn’t have food at a certain time. Their family is larger (130-190lbs), whereas my family is like (110-150 lbs)? After coming back home and eating my mom’s very clean food, I felt it wasn’t as tasty and I started craving heavier food lol. I think it would be beneficial for me to eat/live like their family for a few months (to gain weight and be stronger), and for matt to eat like my family to lose weight. 

When we were eating takeout ramen one day, his mom mentioned that he never used to eat carbs. When he was at home and had a workout routine, it was just protein and veggies. I realize that without me, he probably wouldn’t be such a fatass lol. He said he would probably be too lazy to go out to eat, especially if he didn’t have a partner. I remembered that before meeting me, his diet would be soylent and protein bars. We’ve come a long way.

Anyway, I’m finally getting back into my routine at home. It’s kinda boring now, but I’ll adjust. I did only the minimum for work these past two weeks, and now UC Path is down for a week, meaning I can’t really do much work. I’m taking a half day tomorrow, using COVID admin pay. My tomato plants grew a lot. My ginger may have sprouted a little, but my strawberries seem like they’re a fail. Finally applied for PUA for my uncle, hope he will be receiving a paycheck soon. Supposed to get my period really soon so I’ve been feeling pretty lazy. I may start running outside on my own. 

I’m worrying less about covid now. I used to freak myself out by reading the news everyday and following the subreddit, but looking at statistics, I feel ok. 

[outlander-starz]

Dear Outlander fans,

I’ve seen a lot of backlash towards Starz about airing the first episode for fans at the panel. So much backlash that EW even wrote an article just about the backlash. So I wanted to explain just how much goes into attending the convention and that panel. Just for some perspective. 

Comic Con planning begins around now for next year for any diligent fan who is interested in attending next year, whether they were able to attend this year or not. Yesterday we got dinner before our flights home and were discussing buying badges and whether we should consider looking at AirBnBs for next year. More realistically, planning on going to the con begins closer to March when badges go on sale. People who attended last year have a chance at badges earlier than others in what’s called Pre-Registration. This works in the same waiting room everyone has to go through but you still are not guaranteed a badge. Open Registration is for anyone else with a registered Member ID, where you wait in a waiting room online and everything is randomized. When the sale opens, it is completely random who gets through and who doesn’t. It is a stroke of luck if you get through and are able to purchase the badges you want for yourself and/or for up to 2 friends. This year I was hiking in a valley between a glacier and a volcano and lost service right while I was in the waiting room on my phone. It wasn’t until a few hours later that I gained service and learned my friend got through and bought me a 4-day pass. A stroke of fucking luck. 

The cost of a 4-day badge: $240

If there’s something specific you want to see, you have to buy all the days you can, because you won’t know the Comic Con schedule until 2 weeks before the convention. The badges sell out so fast that it’s possible you may only get a Thursday or Sunday badge when what you wanted to see the most is on Friday. It’s a roll of the dice. You just never know. So there goes $240. $280 if you get preview night (lucky duck). Bye bye money. 

Now there’s flights and hotels. Flights from the east coast cost around $500 on average. You have to take at least Thursday and Friday off work which costs you either a chunk of your paycheck or vacation days. Even if you don’t get badges, you can still decide to go to the con and just attend things off-site, but, again, this Outlander experience is almost entirely within the convention center requiring a badge (aside from the shirtless, kilted men street team who were going around downtown SD). 

The hotel lottery is nicknamed Hotelpocalypse. It’s honestly almost worse that trying to get a badge. It is also randomized and can leave you with either nowhere to stay or with you staying out in Mission Valley which is a 30 min bus ride away. The hotel shuttles to and from the convention center are free but still very limiting if you want to do things very early in the morning/late at night. Wherever you’re staying, it’s gonna cost you around $300/night on average. Even splitting that with roommates (if you can find them and if you can get a 2 double bed room), it comes out to costing a lot of money just for a bed to sleep in. And you don’t do a lot of sleeping when you’re at Comic Con. 

Now before we get to the panel let’s start with the Starz booth. It was the printshop. It was massive and beautiful and an exact replica of the Printshop set down to the wall color. They spent lots of money to get it perfect and even shipped out the A. Malcolm sign and the bell on the door, etc so it is exact. Now this booth, even on preview night, which is a much smaller crowd than any of the other days, had an insane line. One of my roommates went to the booth multiple times over the course of the weekend and was unable to get into the line because it was either capped or because you needed a ‘ticket’. At the booth, you wait in line in order to walk through, take pictures, and draw from a bag to see what piece of swag you won (a flask, a shirt, etc.) and out of another bag to see if you won an autograph ticket. Because they didn’t scan badges when you went through the booth, people took advantage of this and went through the booth dozens of times until they got an autograph ticket. And because of people cheating the system, they eventually changed it so you needed to find a certain security guard, suck up to him and do embarrassing things, be nice to him, go up to him a couple dozen times so he recognized your face, and then he would give you a blue ticket to let you go through the booth. What that security guard did, abusing his position, is deplorable, but the fans who cheated the system causing this method to be put in place are also awful. This is why we can’t have nice things. 

The panel was at the end of the day on Friday in Ballroom 20, and the EW panel Richard was on was also in Ballroom 20 earlier in the afternoon. So, many many Outlander fans were in that room from the very start of the day. Even though they did not need to camp overnight to get in, some did. Some literally slept on the ground at the marina to get into this room. We got in line at 5am and they don’t let you inside until 6:30/7am where you basically just have to wait in a different location indoors. They don’t let you even into the room til 9am. So that’s 4+ hours of sitting or standing around, not to mention the fact that you have to now wait 8 hours until the actual Outlander panel. Every time I stood up from my seat to stretch my back, I was asked if I was leaving. Every time one of us left our seat to use the bathroom we were asked if that seat was taken. People were vultures, always looking for a better seat, going around asking anyone in a close seat how long they were staying in the room that day, asking to take people’s seats after they left from x panel, literally reserving their seats with certain people hours in advance. Just to get closer to the cast, to the front. Tbh it was gross and frustrating. People were being extremely rude and entitled from the start. Women would insert themselves into my conversations that 1. I did not ask them to be a part of and 2. was not talking about Outlander. It was a very difficult atmosphere to be around and tolerate. I was ADA this year and was in extreme discomfort and pain from the first day at the con onwards and this only made things more difficult and frustrating and uncomfortable because I felt like I wasn’t able to move from my seat.

But you know what, I was there for a reason. I wanted to see Richard, I wanted to see almost all the panels in Ballroom 20 to begin with, and I wanted to end my day with seeing this cast interact. We were all there from 6am or earlier for Outlander. We put in the time and money and effort into being here for this. We did this just for the panel. And Starz rewarded us even further with a viewing of the first episode. 

This is what Comic Con is about. 

They did this at the same time in Hall H with Defenders. Fuckin MARVEL did this on the same day at the same time. I didn’t see anyone whining about how unfair it was. They giveaway swag and they show us exclusive footage because of how much work we put into getting there. I camped out for Hall H for over 24 hours and I got to see the Infinity War trailer that wasn’t released to the public after, but a majority of things they showed us, even at the ever exclusive Hall H, were released to the public after the panel was over. But Comic Con is about exclusives, it’s about rewarding the fans, it’s about the studios giving back to us a few minutes of footage no one outside that room gets to see until a few weeks or months later. That’s what it’s about. 

So you weren’t at Comic Con. So you didn’t get to see the episode. You’ve already known you weren’t going to see the episode until September 10th. So now you’re mad that 4000 people got to before you? It’s not like you have to wait any longer than previously told. Starz still released the entire panel the day after it happened. Every Starz Outlander premiere that has happened, there have been problems - people without tickets getting in ahead of people who had them, people with tickets not getting in at all, holding all the premieres in New York instead of LA or London or Scotland. There’s always obstacles and there’s always people who are going to miss out, but this was a surprise for the SDCC fans. It was a surprise and a reward for those of us who spent so much time and money to be there.

For reference, Starz has done this previously with Ash vs. Evil Dead at NYCC. Marvel Netflix has done it with both Jessica Jones and now Defenders. I don’t ever remember hearing or seeing backlash about that. Hell, Starz didn’t even released the episode to the press yet (except very large outlets like EW, ET, etc), and I don’t see them complaining.

Nothing has changed about having to wait until September 10th for the premiere. It’s still at the same day and time. It’s still going to happen. And now you know the episode is going to be great. So you should be excited. Voyager is coming to life and so far it looks amazing. 

#outlander fandom #sdcc17 #get hype not mad #outlander #long post for ts

[keepinghidden]

Sept 4, 2019

This day has genuinely been one of the worst days Ive ever experienced in my life. Like I cannot fathom how horrible it’s been. 

1. After having weird, symptom-less periods for all of summer, I was suddenly hit with an intensive PMS, cramping and pain filled period. 

2. I woke up with period blood leaking but I decided to ignore it because I needed to get a fasting blood sugar test (among other blood tests) and figured that it would only take me 30 mins and I could shower afterwards. 

3. I went to the blood testing facility, after parking far away due to the unavailability of closer parking spots, to find out that the facility moved locations. 

4. I had to then walk down in the sun to my car and figure out the drive to the new location, thus ruining my face as direct sunlight is not recommended with the acids and medicine I use. 

5. I parked far away from the new facility in a tighter parking spot, that caused me a lot of stress, thinking that there would also be no close parking spots avaliable. 

6. When I walked to the facility’s new location, turns out that there was multiple parking spots close by. 

7. The new facility had a 20 minute wait time by the time I registered. 

8. When my time came up, the lady behind the counter couldn’t find the location of the medical clinic that ordered my blood tests. She was also confused over the fact that I had two forms. 

9. After repeating the information multiple times, she decided to call the medical clinic that ordered my test to confirm its existence and address. This call itself took several minutes. 

10. By the time my turn came up, over 40 minutes had passed since I first arrived to the facility. 

11. It also turned out that one of my tests was not covered by my insurance, so I would have to pay for it. I opted to skip it with regret. 

12. I was also asked to provide a urine sample but due to my period, I cannot do so. I will have to wait until my period finishes. 

13. This means that by the time I meet with my specialists, she will have incomplete information, thus rendering the appointment useless. 

14. Due to these delays, my sister unfortunately had to get a ride with my dad to the bus station. 

15. I had specifically chosen to do my blood test at 10:30 pm because I wanted to be back home on time for my sister to go to school. Which I was unable to do because of the multiple delays. 

16. Because of the hectic morning I had with the additional news of the expensive blood tests and probable useless doctor’s appointment, combined with my raging hormones, I had a mini breakdown on the ride home. 

17. By the time I got home, it was 11:50. I had to leave for the bus station at 12:50 to make my 2pm class. Until then, I had to shower, pack my bag, and eat lunch/breakfast.

18. I knew the shower would be a longer one due to my period’s appearance so I chose to do that first and then deal with everything else. 

19. I quickly got ready for the shower, after dealing with the shower caddy falling multiple times with me trying to fix it multiple times and eventually giving up. However, the shower did not turn on. 

20. Confused I was about to go to my mom when she told me that the water for the entire house was turned off. By this time, it was 12:05. And I was still sitting in my leaked period blood stained underwear and pad. 

21. This information and new wrench in my plans was the last straw and I had a full on breakdown in my room for almost an hour. 

22. Given the state I was in, I concluded that I would not be able to make it to school for my first class. So I had to skip my first every law school class. 

23. When I got to school, I immediately felt ugly in the way I looked and felt. In the second class I managed to make, I could barely stay awake. 

24. Due to the breakdown crying, I think my eyes dried up and staring at the computer screen in lecture started to hurt, making my eyeballs feel like they were burning. 

25. Additionally, I felt exceptionally stupid in the class as I couldn’t concentrate and everyone else had such great contributions. 

26. When that class ended, the only silver lining to the day: I met my friends and had lunch/dinner with them. 

27. My next class started at 6 and my laptop was beginning to lose battery. I wasn’t that concerned, despite the fact that my charger didn’t work sometimes at home. It always seemed to work well enough at school. 

28. During class, I plugged in my charger and it didn’t work. I sat terrified that I would lose battery. 

29. Finally we got a break and the charger started working. The class materials finished early too. But instead of letting out out early, the teacher kept us in for another hour. 

30. Although we technically did end early, it was still quite dark by the time I got home. The bus ride was also exceptionally unenjoyable because I had a raging headache. 

31. I think the stress of crying, along with general dehydration and the weight of my heavy backpack contributed to an insane headache. 

32. I had some ibuprofen when I got home along with some dinner. 

33. I was having a nice post-dinner conversation with my brother about his first days of university when my sister entered. She immediately brought up the breakdown I had earlier int he day.

34. Apparently, my mom told my sister all about it, describing it as a panic attack. 

35. Triggered and especially vulnerable due to my current hormones, I couldn’t control myself and started crying and left. I proceede to have another mini breakdown in my room. 

36. I managed to get a hold of myself and planned to watch one of my favourite shows with my sister and eat ice cream. My sister agreed to watch the show. 

37. I went to the kitchen to set up the show and my dad commented that I should watch my shows alone and leave my sister to study, thereby implying that I was fostering bad habits and ruining her chances. 

38. I proceeded to leave the kitchen and went back to the my room, where I am currently in the midst of another mini breakdown. 

39. The worst part is that I’m not even this sensitive usually. It’s the stupid period making me so emotional. I can’t stop crying even if I want to. 

40. And it sucks. It really, really sucks, I hate it and everything. I want this torture to be over and to die. 

[cyberleaf69]

TWO  OLD  STAGEHANDS  REMINISCING

I bought a new device this morning(Black Friday), disrupting my savings to the tune of $278.19; this was NOT a doorbuster bargain, but was their least expensive 'laptop.' This purchase has relieved me of the burden of Google Chrome & brought back Cortana("Hey!"); also I have the use of my WiFi, and can stay in touch with the Amell family(up in those woods). When I ventured out this AM, it was about fifty degrees out; I got a biscut-breakfast at Hardee's, before negotiating my holiday purchase; after bringing my prize back to the room, I sped off to get 4 packs of cig's and some(6 for $1) donut sticks. Hurricane Michael has managed to permanently close down my Harvey's, so it's Family Dollar, Dollar General & Dollar Tree for now; this has increased expenses significantly, while reducing overall quality & variety. I'm sure to think of something else to write about, but for now, I'm sending this along.

Outstanding! Glad to hear from you. I had another episode with another blocked artery. I'm up to three stents now. This happened right after Michael blew through, so I'd been wondering how you were doing. This news is tonic for me.

sorry; I was checking out alternative forms of identification; not sure if this is tonic(because I'm tone-deaf), but I'll dash off something for a three-stenter; keep this up and you'll be setting off metal detectors at airports and courthouses; when you say 'episode' you should elaborate, even if you have to make the shit up; making shit up has become quite presidential lately RE:Hurricane Michael - about 7 PM, my power went out; luckily, between 5 & 6 PM next afternoon, it was restored I opened my drapes for lighting, and sat facing the window until around 12:30 AM, when the worst of it had passed that bitch was loud, and at one point, while still approaching from SW, one sheet of steel roofing blew off our U-shaped building; a shower of sparks as it blew across the parking lot got my full attention did you purchase a copy of "Whose Boat Is This Boat?" it took 30 min's to get this far...  updates and such[speaks to the age of the model I was sold @STAPLES] cheese grits on the breakfast menu, but first I'll be needing a shower

Of course we didn't catch the full fury of the storm, but we got plenty of rain and wind, I have several washed out sections of driveway I need to attend to, it's a rough ride down into the valley here. In regards to my ongoing heart troubles, in 2011 I had a blockage of the left anterior descending artery, that was causing great pressure in my chest, felt like an elephant was sitting on me, no heart attack with that event, but the docs implanted my first stent. The heart attack this past April was brought on by blockage of the right coronary artery, I aggravated my heart by over-exerting myself digging my dogs grave. That event was marked by rapid heartbeat, dizziness, sweating, confusion, and pressure radiating out from the left side of my chest. That blockage was remedied by stent number two. The latest episode at the end of October was preceded by a week or so of pressure and mild discomfort in my chest that was remedied by taking a dose of nitro-glycerin.  I awoke with that pressure, took a dose, didn't get any relief, I alerted Debbie, took another dose, but by then I was having difficulty breathing and having strong chest pain, Deb called 911 and gave me a third dose of nitro, at that time I was hyperventilating uncontrollably, sweating profusely, and the pain was very intense...I was sure I was about to die. The EMTs arrived, got me in the ambulance, took my blood pressure, and an EKG, drew some blood, analyzed that with the fancy computer analyzer and came back with "Everything looks fine, you don't appear to be having a heart attack." I got to the hospital, had a quiet morning and afternoon, save for the drawing of blood and the checking of blood pressure. Later that night though, I had six more non-heart-attacks. I won't go into all the drama wrapped around that due to my vitals all showing good normal indications. Anyway, I got my third stent early that next morning, after being catheterized and they found another blockage in the right coronary artery that was downstream of the second stent. Phillip, during those six non-heart-attacks I was truly sure I was going to meet the creator. I had told Debbie all those things you tell someone when you think you're dying. But apparently I've either got unfinished business or I'm just getting some extra time here on earth due to my exceedingly good looks, wit, and charm. ;)

good looks, wit & charm aside, since you have unloaded onto DEB all those last minute appurtenances, you should think about what must be/should be said about your time together since recovering from those six downstream pain events[& consider the high dose of TNT necessary for that most recent download]

We're getting ready for our Thanksgiving tomorrow. Lots of cleaning and such. I'll be in and out all day. Got yard-work to do now that the rain has passed. I have a fire going to save electricity, and the added benefit of warm glowing light is helpful. I've got to go buy a used bass guitar in a little while. I'm snagging parts off of it to make a cigar box bass guitar for Patti (Tuck) Tuckwiler's brother's Christmas gift. I'd already had my oatmeal & blueberries along with a patty of turkey sausage and a slice of toast. I let this guy named Possum hunt on our property, he gave me a slab of backstrap as thanks for hunting privileges. I'm thinking about having a backstrap on a yeast roll for lunch.

shower complete backstrap a la antlered-buck, I'm assuming had some online interaction w/TUCK[doubt she will remember] will your son attend tomorrow's feed? you sound pretty busy, so I'll catch up w/U later

oversized notebook w/no disk player[complicating printer connection]

trak-pad offset too far to left of center[due to hard drive's location to the right of it]; I keep right-clicking when I want to left-click I'm running down my battery for the first time today[not sure whether these rechargeables benefit from 'training'] still 'customizing' my task bar/I can use my 'task view' to 'see' what's down there[and access w/a click] tomorrow will be a 'shopping day' as I'm out of grits limerick is kinda fun most forms are the kind of challenge a writer loves I once wrote a Petrarchian sonnet[back in high school]; it was a love-poem to my girlfriend; in order to fit her 2-syllable name into it, without breaking with meter requirements, I wrote it as G_____[just one syllable]; this came in handy later; I was able to recycle my metric sentiments for future girlfriends. https://www.booksie.com/sent-messages https://en.wikichip.org/w/index.php?title=User:Phillip_DeNise&action=submit

My youngest son works for a company that resolves gift/cash card issues. They're well moneyed, they pay their employees very well, and they feed them like royalty. The company had bought a Thanksgiving feast for 9 people. They spent $1700 on that meal, that was catered by Olive Garden. There was so much food left that all the employees got to take home...like...doggy bags for elephants. My son brought some of that bounty to share with us for our thanksgiving dinner. We also had plenty of food leftover, so much that we sent all the family members home with food for days, and we still have much left in the fridge. I'm having some fettucine alfredo, and yeast rolls for my late lunch. I'd been busy cleaning and straightening from the dinner. Also I'd bought a $50 bass to sacrifice for parts I need to build that cigar-box bass I'd mentioned that I'd disassembled before taking lunch. I'm trying to stay busy and keep moving. Whatever amount of life I have left, I want to use as much as I can, as wisely as I can. After I wrap up this message, I'm going to chop some wood and get a fire started for this evening. It's supposed to be in the low 30s tonight. Cheers! I hope that laptop ain't making you crazy.

fettucine alfredo is one of my all-time-favorites; 1st time I had it, my sis made it at home; she did it so well that I was forever hooked; add smoked chicken breast & sliced, fresh button mushrooms, and...  well, Italian ambrosia; plain f.a. is the perfect side for veal marsala do you have to smoke all those cigars for authenticity?  ...probably a good way to end up w/John Prine's voice check came yesterday; I'll go to Liquor Locker at 11[as it is usually sans-customers then; less chance of a robbery], to get my wad of ca$h then $625 to motel-boss, $60 + any cash from last mo. goes into savings hidey-hole, leaving about 3 Benjamins for necessities

All the cash that I have to my name is tied up in two guitars and a guitar amplifier. Got them all up on eBay, and Craig's list, hoping some aspiring young rock star has a need...soon. I'm living off the fat of thanksgiving today. Got that fire going, saving on heating bills, and trying to figure out how to get the most cash I can for the HHR. I've got about 1.75 years to go until I can take SS early retirement. I honestly don't know how I'll make it that long, barring a minor miracle or a random act of kindness, but somehow we've manged thus far, I have faith and hope for better days to come. As far as cigar box guitars go, we find the boxes online or at tobacco shops in the area. I haven't had a cigar or cigarette since April when I had the heart attack. I do find myself "wanting" quite often but have taken up gnawing a straw, gum, or a toothpick. The good news is that it's saving me between $10 - $20 a week that I don't have anyway. Yay. Anyhow, I'm going back out to work on the cigar box bass. Peace to you Phillip.

get some sax-reeds for your oral gratification-smoking abatement strategy; a cigar box will make an excellent homemade resonator for a sax-like sample to feed into your reactionary music what changes when you claim your partial & have significantly improved your survival-horizon in the interim?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8buJ2-oD02E https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDqoTDM7tio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2-XU8jm02o where do the best stories come from? editors are famous for taking out the stuff that isn't needed; old men have a similar process occurring among the aging neurons in their noggins; this is giving them a new voice; problem is:if they show their wizened faces, nobody will listen to them; time to employ a mask...  a truly vital issue that cannot be ignored Calories are units used to measure heat. Mammals maintain their body temperature by chemically converting starches and sugars back into H2O & CO2. When we burn hydrocarbon fuels, the heat production and the waste products are the same. Plants do just the opposite; they use the H2O & CO2 to store the heat energy in their starches and sugars. Down in Brunswick, there is a company called Hercules; when you pass by their manufacturing plant, you will see tree stumps piled high; they use the waste from lumbering operations to convert the cellulose into gunpowder. The lowly peanut vine, hosts on its root systems, colonies of bacteria[also plants] that 'fix' the nitrogen from the atmosphere, so that it is soluble[thus available to the vines for uptake through those roots]. Rotating to a planting of peanuts can quickly restore the depleted nutrients resulting from cotton or corn plantings. The lint caught up in the air circulating in a cotton mill can cause an explosion if rapidly oxidized. Corn silos can be dangerous concentrations of these plant-stored nitrates as well. As a child, I was the agent providing the fixed nitrogen, when I 'strowed sodie' about the roots in a plot of sweet corn. These crystals of explosive nitrates are chemically produced from nitrogen in the atmosphere. 'Scrubbing' the atmosphere of dangerous concentrations of CO2 can be done in a similar process. If the energy needed to trap the carbon can be 'captured' from sunlight, then the corn plants and explosive fertilizers can be dispensed with. If animal life forms are so much more intelligent than plants, then they should consider taking over all the terraforming functions that they mindlessly perform in their own self-interest. Terraforming distant Mars seems to depend heavily upon creating a breathable atmosphere there; what are our scientists doing about terraforming the Earth, where a kingdom of plant life forms could be better harnessed to accomplish our desired balance of CO2, O2 & N2? Climate change, probably in a warming phase, is increasing our atmospheric H2O; this will eventually reverse the warming trend. In the interim, it seems logical that there are locales on the planet which will benefit from the current trend; these are the places we should be colonizing. Diverting the hordes of humanity, that are fleeing the effects of climate change, into these mostly unsettled areas, not only solves the immigration problems of industrialized nations, but represents a tremendous business opportunity for expanding their struggling economies. These new colonies offer to the 'survivalists' among us, destinations where there is less government and enormous freedom to develop their ideas into social organizations that will promote their own desired political and economic change. No matter where they chose to go, they will still need shoes...  need clean drinking water...  shelters constructed from available materials[rammed earth domes are remarkably resilient] will immediately be needed; and what will they eat? Business solutions exist for almost every difficulty that such a growing society must soon encounter; why continue looking to charitable organizations and over-burdened governments for the answers?

Everyone now has the capability of being able to hide behind a digital mask on them damn interwebs. Here we have the vastness of mankind's accumulation of knowledge, and people choose to watch cat videos on facebook. There's really not much hope for people in my best estimation, masks or not. I understand why there needs to be a revolution of the mind, heart, and soul. I understand that I'm not the only one that sees this, and I'm glad I'm not alone. One of the problems we face today is the blessing/curse of the internet. People aren't using it so much as a learning tool, but rather as a distraction from all the folly of the times. That said, I'm going off to work on a box.

time actually flies when we are having so much fun; my cheese grits are already at stage one[awaiting the time when I shove the green plastic bowl into the nuke-o-wave, while those frags of kernal-corn soak/soften in cold water], I'm fully dressed & the bed is made; the TV is on & I'm halfway through my first cup of joe and my first cigarette[which I have stubbed out and noticed that the first half was the most generous one]; a great noise is being raised outside my place[some sort of gas-powered welding machine], so staying in bed would not have been a workable alternative; it's rainy out, which is a meteorological condition that could remain in place for three days; I saw that coming, so I visited my nearest Family Dollar yesterday, when it was seventy-two degrees and sunny GATOR used to be right here "gator takes a ride" is my visual offering for today; not sure why the hands call him gator, but getting sent up to the loading bridge is probably a status indicator; I spent a lot of load-in's & load-out's watching and listening from high above the groundlings; I was also rewarded with a department head's position on a national tour for having filed an NLRB charge; that got me to thinking IATSE Local 41 is still on display in cyberspace; do you ever go there? That is where I snatched this image for my ACER. I snuck in using a private browser & made off with my prize. "behindthemain" reminds me of something my Dad used to say; "Once you back your ass up to the teaser, you'll never be able to go back." The age of Rock 'n' Roll was the greatest AGE because they wrote songs about US! How cool is that? What is totally uncool is my mail.com, which has just refused to send this draft until I remove my stolen image; so just imagine a close-up of a stuffed gator-doll perched on an arbor loaded with counterweight which was originally posted by some dude called @behindthemain

Time, at least for me, has become compressed. Three days, maybe a week will go by in the blink of an eye, and there's really not much I can do to slow the procession. The best thing I've found that I can do is create, fabricate, manufacture, and repair. Just trying to stay, to keep from spending too much time in my head. Now there's a dark place. I wouldn't send anyone to spend any time there. One problem is that of psychic transmission on my part. Bad enough I should have to spend time there in my mind, but I was also gifted with the ability to broadcast my thoughts, so, certain lucky "receivers" get to share the "Matt experience". I generally know who's getting that broadcast because they either don't know me but they're able to complete my sentences, or I'll be thinking of or about a person that I know, and they will call me on the phone. If the case is the former, those people tend to try to stay away from me. I'm thinking they can't handle the stream. If you're in the latter group, we're connected. Probably always have been. Determining which thoughts are your own, and those that come beaming in seemingly out of nowhere is the catch to all that. Thoughts??? P.S. I don't consider myself a receiver, but maybe I just can't sort my thoughts from the thoughts of others... Herman Hill passed away a few days ago. He was a receiver of my thoughts. I bet it was confusing for him to be in proximity of me.

intelligence originating from without, as you should already realize, is sorta my thing if I have connected with your interior spaces in the past, I must assume that it did not seem so dark to me I would remember being put off in such a manner

Deb & I have been buying, selling, and trading electric guitars, and amps. Unofficially we are Pocataligo Guitar Exchange. I also do minor repairs to electric guitars & basses. We've flipped 4 Squire Bullet Strats, an ESP - LTD EXP200 Explorer copy, and a DeArmond M65C Les Paul Studio copy, as well as a Peavey Mark III Citation bass amp head, and a Peavey Citation Mark IV guitar amp head. The fun thing about this is that we get to try all kinds of gear that we wouldn't ordinarily get to play with. :)  

now you will be needing a PGE logo; some consideration should be given to the silk screening process, when you select a design; the reason for this being cheaper T-shirts and complete PGE control over their manufacture & distribution; just sayin'

1st things first - incorporate as an.LLC. Get a bi'ness license. Then we'll get around to tee shirts and what have you. This will also be the outlet for any cigar box creations.

LLC's are pure crap; there are many ways to protect your #1 asset[your residence] from liabilities you may not see coming, while operating this[any] business at your residence; you can pledge the equity in a residential property as collateral for a small business loan, while your LLC could not; of course your CFO[DEB] would need to chime in on such risky decisions[but risk is what living is all about; security a delusion] got up early[9:03] as per usual on Sunday, in order to catch Jane Pauley on CBS; NOT! there is a tornadic fear monger down in Tallahassee pre-empting the network broadcast to tell me that I need to get in my safe place; all last night there were alerts interrupting my TV-viewing; this 'storm' is indeed unusual for December, with lightning & thunder[started hearing rumbles about 8 PM while watching "Rampage"]; there have been accumulations down here between 2 & 3 inches, but no real cause for flash flood warnings[every 5 to 7 minutes]; added to that sort of aggravation, I'm now an expert in the minutiae of George Herbert Walker's 94-year-long public life[best part is watching secret service guys puking up their guts while an 85-year-old maniac races his speedboat around Kennebunkport's rocky shoals]; if TRUMP died suddenly, we'd really be consigned to TV-hell; so, those warnings expire and they start six minutes of backlogged commercials; sheesh!

Cocoa Beach secret stagehand local?

Titusville; Dad had a friend down there; entire membership of this four-digit film unit was featured on the cover of IA Bulletin

One of the reasons we ditched Atlanta and moved out here was the abundance of nature out here. Ample wildlife, some wild berries and muscadines to be had in good years, plenty of breathing space, no bumping elbows with neighbors. Deb took this picture about 10 minutes ago...

when I go hunting for muscadines, I take along a paper sack; I collect a few in my sack & leave them on that 'shelf' below the rear-window of the jalopy; now the car is infused with the most wonderful odor[perhaps for weeks to come]

It's beautiful, mild and partly cloudy today. I may get out and try to find a good sized deer to take down for our winter meat needs. Possum put up a deer stand that's fully enclosed, about 10 feet above ground that I may go sit in to see what comes by. Rick Scheuerman had a great idea - there's a hangout in Athens named Nucci's Space. It was originally a place where one could rent musical rehearsal space by the month, that also has a coffee shop. I think, as I recall the story, that Nucci had committed suicide, but someone kept Nucci's Space up and running. So one of the things they do there is have auctions of art and musical instruments to provide support for depressed/suicidal people. Rick suggested that I take some of these old beat relical guitars that I have in abundance just sitting around, make them into pieces of art, and either donate or perhaps take a small percentage of the sale of these items. What sayeth thee old friend?

I like the auction angle[not so much the 'cause' enumerated]; also, auctioning off unwanted guitar-bodies converted into 'art' would not provide the benefit I imagine; I think you should cobble together an instrument, using all your acquired skills, that is meant from its conception to be auctioned off @Nucci's Space; the bidders would be local musicians/collectors that you'd be pleased to meet[& that may commission lucrative projects going forward]; no charge for this wonderful idea

the Athens music scene has developed a somewhat muted presence online; it was in emergence-stage, when I was dating my 1st wife & made the drive frequently in my VW-van, fitted w/8-track stereo system sorry I did not mention my amazement at DEB's photo of tomorrow's lunch; I'll use that image for cover art soon, and look forward to gator's comment on it once I have the TITLE, I'll know what to write about in the contents; these images can entice many more clicks, and that is what I'm exploring @Booksie.com my 'editor' sucks, but I'm also exploring better ways to make use of its features; learning as I go keeps me busy at this keyboard not much real interaction with other readers/writers has occurred; there is a moderator calling himself Booksie Guy; BG is probably not a BOT, but I have not really gotten to him yet I tried to get a new persona at Retirement Online, but have not heard back from its Appleton, WI moderator/witch checked out 'online banks' without any success; ALLY requires govt.-issued ID to open an account if you had been able to open my home-video, you could have seen me vibrating; my tremors are pretty bad, and when my paycheck arrives, I usually sign the damn thing first thing in the morning, before I have my coffee; this seems to make the scrawl more legible my typing ability is affected, and this over-sized keyboard is a help with my target acquisition difficulties https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVlSVkzbJDA check out the antiquated studio equipment featured here

Gary Jules, Michael Andrews

All around me are familiar faces Worn out places, worn out faces Bright and early for their daily races Going nowhere, going nowhere Their tears are filling up their glasses No expression, no expression Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow No tomorrow, no tomorrow And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take When people run in circles it's a very very Mad world, mad world Children waiting for the day, they feel good Happy birthday, happy birthday Made to feel the way that every child should Sit and listen, sit and listen Went to school and I was very nervous No one knew me, no one knew me Hello teacher, tell me what's my lesson Look right through me, look right through me And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take When people run in circles it's a very very Mad world, mad world Enlarge your world Mad world

The cover art is from a photo taken in 1968. The building featured was a new one, and I graduated from Bass High School on its stage. Most of the boys were headed for college...  or Vietnam. I chose the former, and believe that it has made all the difference. When roads diverge in a yellow wood, noticing their width and worn condition is just one approach to the decision-making quandry. I was taught to choose door number three. 1968 was a good time for such choices, and many of my contemporaries made just such a definitive choice. If you possess the technology to view/listen to DVD's, might I suggest the enhanced edition of WOODSTOCK; the movie. You'll see what many of those, that chose door number three, looked like. My graduating class was small by most standards; we chose to sing a song from "Man of La Mancha." But we 'walked' in a less-prescribed manner. I drove off in a Renault Dauphine with a slow-moving-vehicle sign attached to the rear. Though I might like to be eighteen again, at the time, I was not looking back. I did return to this building many times though; I worked there on many occasions. Sometimes I worked on that stage; sometimes I worked in the exhibit hall at the other end of the complex. The construction of this facility, by the municipality, was considered to be an important urban renewal project. That is how 'buttermilk bottom' disappeared from Forest Avenue. Another blight vanished when Fulton County Stadium went up. In 1951, the city received the All-America City Award, due to its rapid growth and high standard of living in the southern U.S. Annexation was the central strategy for growth. In 1952, Atlanta annexed Buckhead, as well as vast areas of what are now northwest, southwest and south Atlanta, adding 82 square miles (210 km2) And tripling its area. By doing so, 100,000 new affluent white residents were added, preserving white political power as well as expanding the city's property tax base And enlarging the traditional leadership upper-middle-class white class. That class now had to room to expand inside the city limits. Federal court decisions in 1962-63 ended the county-unit system thus greatly reducing rural Georgia control over the state legislature, enabling Atlanta, and other cities, to gain proportional political power. The Federal courts opened the Democratic Party primary to black voters, who surged in numbers and became increasingly well organized through the Atlanta Negro Voters League. Rush week was soon upon me, and I attended two of the parties; choices! ALPHA TAU OMEGA was where one of my acquaintances at work had become a paddle-wielding brother, so I checked out their presentation. As a sort of back-up plan, I also checked out the men of ALPHA EPSILON PI; they checked me out as well; I was rejected on religious grounds. Time for door number three. I carried a full load for four consecutive quarters at my new school, before that other door presented itself. From Fall Quarter of 1969 until Fall Quarter of 1970, I was out of school, but stuck to my solemn vow to return in one year[against all the odds]. It had been too cloudy and overcast to see the eclipse of the sun that year; there was a lot going on that I did not see very clearly. When I returned to school, I changed my major from 'undecided' to ANTHROPOLOGY; a Greek professor guided my acquisition of this love for studying men; he was Greek Orthodox, and would have been rejected by those men at AY-EE-PIE as well; he took his 101 class to the Church he attended, and we followed the liturgy in Greek[and wrote a paper on the experience]. The mosaic in the dome was impressive. I never adhered to my degree 'program,' and so I never graduated from GSU; a classmate from Bass had gotten his degree in just four years[Class of '72]; I ran into Ross at SEARS, where he was selling tires; I went back to that stage, where the Class of '68 had sung about walking on through the wind.

Everyone knows that without a valid photo ID, you cannot purchase a box of breakfast cereal. The folks across the wall will need a better system, and the increasing use of bio-metrics[by connected data terminals] is a giant leap for the AI kind. UPC's can be scanned to track products as they change locations. RFID's are often laminated into photo ID's, so an employer can track his/her minions, and control their access to sensitive areas within their workplace. In the US, your SSN connects you to an exhaustive data base that 'knows' how hard you work, how much compensation you receive and where your 'assets' are currently being stored. What can be 'learned' about an individual, and how quickly this new data can be accumulated, attached to the appropriate individual files and how quickly those updated files can then be assessed is what AI exists for. Current business models[like at FaceBook & GoogleChrome] will each gradually lose its earning potential[a process being accelerated by the public sentiment in favor of government regulation of all their data collection and sharing practices], as the flow of data becomes more centralized and access to those files and data streams more restricted. The global expansion of connected Android devices is shifting the product consumption patterns in growing/struggling economies towards some ill-perceived goal, that becomes more and more achievable with each passing minute. Both of the big 'data players' in the streams of ones and zeroes now being catalogued here in the US, have made agreements to share it with our government. If we assume that there are adults in the room, where the analysis of this growing horde is being coordinated, then we can also assume that some of those individuals will be targeted to administer this collection and analysis process, once that 'responsibility' is transferred to a more 'independent' entity, resembling the Federal Reserve in its organization. At that point, the elected representatives in government will be reduced to an ordinary subset of identified individuals, to be monitored and manipulated by an increasingly automated system. If the drones can find you, you could be quickly eliminated. What will determine your value to that global system? Your consumption patterns is the obvious answer; BUY WISELY! I'm off to get an HBO fix; at eight they are replaying a missed episode of "My Intelligent Friend" just for my benefit; this series is filmed in Italian & broadcast with English subtitles; this makes it difficult to enjoy the imagery, because I'm busy reading so I'll know WTF is going on.

AI may be the thing that brings us into full globalization, perhaps the issue that preachers in my past have warned us about. Our baptist preacher out in Mableton used to hand out Watchtower pamphlets that had articles regarding the evils of globalization. Hmm ... to be overseen by the great computer in the sky (cloud networking).

I've been keeping my cloud-connection turned off

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bixby_(virtual_assistant) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jen_Taylor https://www.pcworld.com/article/2099943/microsofts-cortana-digital-assistant-guards-user-privacy-with-notebook.html https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invoke_(smart_speaker) https://www.ask.com/youtube?q=cortana&v=DxrJWSi_IWo https://www.windowscentral.com/why-splitting-cortana-and-search-windows-10-makes-sense https://www.zdnet.com/article/microsoft-moves-key-technologies-including-cortana-from-research-to-product-groups/ https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2012/06/inside-the-architecture-of-googles-knowledge-graph-and-microsofts-satori/

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=ASMR like those furries, these 'artists' are being accused of deviance; what say you? https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=furry+fandom

To be sure, I'm not understanding the nature of adult cos-play.

cable TV is definitely turning my brain to mush, but some furries have serious behavioral issues that can be mitigated by their cos-play; ASMR is the new player on the block, and their 'offerings' have been 'taken down' on multiple forums as somehow inappropriate; I find this lack of freedom[of expression] to be indicative of rapid 'political' corrosion of the medium; that button labelled REPORT would be less attractive, if your reporting history came up with your profile info; STFU would be door # 3 Gibi explains it quite well:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCE6acMV3m35znLcf0JGNn7Q

I'll start back driving for Uber or Lyft later today, after having taken some time off due to those pesky heart issues. I didn't feel confident driving people around knowing that I was possibly still at risk for another "coronary event". The cardiologist has cleared me to return to normal activities. I didn't start driving for these ride-sharing companies to impress anyone, hell there sure as shit ain't nothing glamorous about carting poor people around all day. What it does give me is nearly instant income that I can access almost immediately after giving someone a ride. Pair that with there ain't a boss riding my ass. I can drive whenever I want to, I set my own hours. And lastly it gives me something to do beside sit here and piss and moan about things over which I have no control. :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg0BNTebcbY  

there are two types of people in the world; when your 'ride' climbs into your vehicle, do you re-adjust the rear-view mirror to center onto the face of the speaker; door #3 is insisting that he/she rides up front; keep on smiling RYAN wrote: I make projects of my experiences working UBER. Last video of this nature got a lot of attention- though, I deleted it to be (slightly) more professional. So here is another few weeks worth of footage. These videos have been for nothing but fun, and I'm glad others have appreciated them. It's awesome to have an audience watch something that I've created and I want to see if this little project can go somewhere. Those in my videos consented to being in my project, blurred identity or not. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVOJ5ZfzjF8

my TV took a shit...  and now SANTANA is blaring; this album, the one with all those damn faces, was given to me by a chick that thought my DONOVAN eight-tracks were just not going to get me there; of course she was right...  and so there were drums in the house; another tape cart that was played in that house was WHO'S NEXT; I thought it was pretty good travelin' music, along with a Beatles-thing called RUBBER SOUL; gettin' high & gettin' out on the road was a pretty good way to pass the time on my gap-year; when I decided on ANTHROPOLOGY, it was mostly because it legitimized the study of sex, drugs & rock'n'roll...  so I studied...  HARD! playing this complete album seems to have slowed down the clock; that's an unusual effect; I'm shopping for a King Crimson video                 [  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=no8L51U_KlM  ]; not any WHO'S NEXT videos that do anything; guess I'll just let it play for awhile I get my TV going, and dammit...  the water goes off; they're out there digging up the street; probably gonna be off the rest of the day brewed my coffee w/ice cubes; just try and outsmart an old white guy...  go right ahead wrote a new ICU last night; about 40 peeks at it, w/no comments, so...  vanished new text has less film-script niceties...  less humor...  no dialog...

He had to admit...  he couldn't see a thing. A good bluff sometimes can win the pot. He spoke into the darkness, "I see you!" He hoped it had sounded convincing. Not a sound. Why had he come out here without his trusty flashlight? Only gonna be gone for a minute. Tell it to the wind. He turned with a confidence he wasn't actually feeling. In a slightly lowered voice, he spoke to himself as he walked away from where he thought the creature must be. "I'll be right back,...  so don't you dare move." Not a sound. He tried to imagine his 'creature' when it was not cloaked in utter blackness. The imagined lighting his mind put into those trees just beyond the clearing where his friend had parked his truck was of no use; he could see the trees right enough, but the image he needed simply would not materialize there. Not knowing what was there with him...  not knowing how far his friend needed to go in the truck to fetch water...  not knowing how fast he could make it to the imagined safety of the old cabin...  not knowing was making him sweat. And that creature could smell the fear...  smell the open containers with food in them...  smell where the truck had been parked, and the odor on that other one...  that was far away now. His thoughts were on the amaretto hidden in his sleeping bag; then his hand was on it. He poured into the tin cup...  the one he knew he'd left on the table; cup in hand, he closed and latched the rustic door. It was pitch black in the cabin too. He drank deeply. Forty proof means about twenty percent alcohol; better than a beer...  smelling better too. Now there was scratching and clawing at the corner of the door. "I'd pour you one too, but I gotta find that flashlight,...  first. Then maybe I can find another cup." He mock-toasted his little friend, and drank deeply once again. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UNMTthguCQ

confession:the only GARCIA I like has cherries & chunks of chocolate in it

I've been rummaging around in those dusty old memory-bins, trying to remember when I switched from eight-track tape-carts over to vinyl LP's; first came WQXI, and then FM-stations became a thing; we were at 481 Clifton Rd., by the time I bought a stereo system[I would have been a senior in high school at the time...  1968]; 8-trak player/amplifier w/2 speakers that weighed nearly nothing; in the next room, my sister[13 months younger] was spinning LP's of Firesign Theater, Mothers of Invention & Jimi Hendrix Experience to annoy me; I moved out of there JAN 1970, & took that same stereo system to my Briarcliff apartment; during those tape-cart-years, I was driving an old VW 'bus[w/windows all-round]' that was repainted blue & gray; I had a tape player[under-dash] professionally installed; two ceiling-mounted speakers and a six-volt to twelve-volt converter mounted on the pan beside my engine; you could hear muted spark-field-noise when your tracks played[like a subtle audio-tachometer]; this 'dustbin' is kinda like a public library filled with stories packed onto shelves that nobody ever disturbs; these stories have sacrificed chronological accuracy for other, more aesthetic consistencies; at this point in my recollection process, I believe that "Tea For The Tillerman" was a tape I had bought, and that "John Barleycorn Must Die" was purchased on vinyl; both these were released in 1970; one night, in that first apartment, I popped in a tape that I distinctly disliked, and slept all night while wearing bulky headphones, and while the tracks endlessly looped; Blood Sweat & Tears...  NYC's antidote to Chicago; I cannot remember when I bought a better home-system & a turntable, but I recall listening to Ten Years After, Grand Funk Railroad & Bloodrock; "The Survival of Saint Joan" was also an LP that I bought[released 1971 by a Tucker, GA garage band]. In 1972[Fall/Winter], I drove around the US in my '71 VWCampmobile[bought new], with nothing more than a German-built radio; the best I could do, was find a pirate station, broadcasting at major mega-wattage, from a tall tower located on Canadian soil.

over there, I'm friedlich I'm new there, having joined on Black Friday tonight, I ran across your e-mail address, in a COMMENT you had left most folks do not do that, and maybe you are different from most folks[that, at least, is my hope] I sometimes publish my e-mail address, trying to encourage a more image-friendly medium of exchange my privacy concerns are next to none, and anxiety over firewall-type protection against virus/worm/spam/whatever is negligeable the site reminds me of a multi-player game moreso than a community of writers of course, I'm still figuring out how to use the site for my own purposes I'm an older guy, living in southwest Georgia a retired stagehand; been writing since I quit working in 2005 not a boozer[or any other vice that costs money] caffeine & nicotine are my thing[like most writers...  ALLEGEDLY] my stories run the gamut, and there is a lot of it that could be described as non-fiction fiction is preferred, when stinging truths are being revealed a cloak of plausible deniability my favorite author is Neal Stephenson hands down but I read a lot of books, and admire some of the fascinating women who have chosen to write Barbara Kingsolver springs to mind  -  http://www.kingsolver.com/books/ send me something you are working on

Ready for rain. My youngest half-sister, Sandra, (who's roughly 16 years older than me) married this guy back in...66 - 67. Perry Carlton Buie, aka Buddy. I have no idea how or where they met. They had gotten a house over near Columbia Avenue, behind Belvedere Plaza. Sandra had two daughters in tow from a previous marriages, Belinda, and Johnnie. Belinda is two years my senior, Johnnie is 4 years younger. My mother and I would visit them pretty often, and they were all lots of fun to visit. Buddy was a budding song writer/producer that had been working with southern recording legend Bill Lowery. Bill at that time owned Mastersound Studio, and had a publishing company called Low-Sal. Buddy's first hit was a song called "I Take it Back" recorded by Sandy Posey'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-zoLSF_-3c

And that was the launch of a very successful career for him. I won't bury you under all the details of all the artists that he has written for. He passed away a few years ago.

When he was really starting to bring in the money he was working with members of Roy Orbison's stable-band, The Candymen. They had some nominal success, but The Candymen begat The Classics IV, which did very well and had a handful of top 10 AM radio hits. The Classics IV begat The Atlanta Rhythm Section. ARS did great in the album oriented rock (AOR) format. But as always success has a price. Sister Sandra was jealous and didn't trust Buddy, he was always around southern rock celebrities, and their hot ass girlfriends. Not a good combo, so that marriage flopped.

The real point of it all though, was to say that I had some early life exposure to the music industry and I knew back then that I wanted to be somehow in the business of working in and around music. A car radio installer. A stagehand cum audio assistant. A song writer and a casual player of guitar, bass, and synthesizers, and now a maker of fine cuban cigar box instruments. (laugh at the last one).

When Buddy would have the guys from The Classics IV come by for rehearsals, me and little Johnnie would hang out in the hallway listening intently to what they were playing. What I saw about Buddy that was so appealing to me was that he kinda just did what the fuck he wanted, when he wanted to, and had very few people to answer to.

I liked that aspect of R&R...

you told me about BUDDY once before, and now I get the CANDYMEN connection to that pineywoods thing you sent; did you visit Blue Devil-country often enough to learn your way around?  ...any Belvedere Plaza experiences that would make a story or song lyric? Those places were within cycling range of my Little Five Points-hood; my gang would even go fishing in a creek out there. Kids today ain't about shit; so much character-building movement across a sprawling urban environment; we weren't afraid, and we weren't over-supervised I'm writing about my Sunday morning, which is the only day of the week, when I make the effort to rise from my bed as early as 9 AM. I'm retired now, which carries with it the unquestionable benefit of 'sleeping in.' I make this conscious effort, because I cannot bear to miss the SUNDAY MORNING broadcast.

An interesting ARTICLE, aimed at baby boomers who read such 'posted material,' requires that I first do a bit of research. This morning's research has yielded the e-mail address directing this COMM to some unknown reader. What if this lucky recipient became known to all those that rise early on Sunday morning, like I have done? Such a story, to actually make the cut, would need to have some visual appeal...  something for the camera to 'see' that is not just another talking head. If it becomes about the many suggestions that are not considered by the show's producers, I'm imagining an over-the-shoulder shot of an INBOX displayed on a PC's monitor; boring...  right? Following the next suggestion that has some potential, through a chain of CBS News employees, into a roomful of writers and producers having the kind of discussion that ends with a proposal that will get funded, while turning the negative into a positive, still lacks the kind of imagery that will excite a camera crew. With the show's long history, many of the best ideas will have probably been done before, but a story about the technology that has changed the whole process probably has not been considered. Retired persons have an attachment to the kind of resistance to change that would permeate such a story. They also have a strong dislike for seeing a computer screen depicted as a character in a film or TV broadcast. And reading those texts that pop-up on the screen, because there is a SmartPhone in the scene, is particularly annoying. A surprising amount of the liesure time that retirement affords my boomer colleagues is devoted to online communication, by the many individuals who have made the necessary adjustments to modern technologies. These intrepid 'explorers' deserve a part in the story, but the visual appeal considerations must still be artfully applied. Some 70 million retired individuals make up a significant slice of an imagined pie-chart, that represent specific demographic segments to be considered as 'topical' by story creators up there. Please don't show us the pie chart...  boring! Show us the bewildered old guy, searching for a qualified salesperson at Best Buy, to guide his purchase of an affordable laptop. Engaging that much younger demographic, now driving story selection in those board rooms, is a key consideration, if I'm to get my story selected for production. So, lets have a look at that young salesperson, that gets to help the customer make this purchase of electronic gadgetry. Are we talking tatoo's, facial piercings and a blue tooth-device protruding from the ear canal? Do we focus on his/her need to pay off the loan that sent them to some university, that forgot to teach them about being over-qualified for that sales position they would end up in? The scene ends in two ways; the kid sells the customer more gaming capability than he'll need for Skype, his gmail account and finding his grandchildren's FaceBook pages; or,...  and this outcome is far more unlikely...  the grandfather bests the salesperson, walks out of Best Buy with the low-end device he can afford[and was surprisingly in stock] and encounters no insurmountable difficulty, when he turns the contraption on at his comfortable breakfast-table, later that day, after a frustrating 45-minute ride on a metro bus, and a 20-minute hike, from the nearest bus stop, carrying his purchase with tired old arms, and painful arthritic hands. The interaction between the two alien cultures, that needs to occur for a purchase to be transacted, holds out the best hope I have for this story to get made. There are casting considerations, of course; two actors with current shows on CBS works best, so who could we actually get? They should both maintain residences in the same city, and those probable 'locations' to be used during production should be near a cooperating Best Buy retail store. My Dad was a technician that was employed by CBS News, back in the film-days, when a 3-man crew was required to document a story. He would go out with Laurens Pierce when cities in the South were burning; a dangerous job at the time, for a man armed with a Sun Gun. I got lucky enough, just once, to get one of these call-outs from our local affiliate; the three of us lugged equipment up to a crowded office-space at CDC Headquarters; a story was breaking about syphylitic men going untreated, during a clinical study over in Alabama; the prepared statement that we recorded there, was hardly worth all the labor involved[much less the expense incurred due to union wages that were paid]. This 'story' has already been published; here is a LINK to the page:  https://www.booksie.com/577188-sunday-morning Please spare no expense with your REPLY to my e-mail. I'd like to add it to the story.

When I consider bits and pieces of the article, not viewed as a whole - "lacks the kind of imagery that will excite a camera crew."  that statement kinda stuck out. Who gives a fuck what motivates a camera crew? I'd think, and wtf do I know, that the union pay scale would in and of itself be motivational. Having put that out there, it was just the first thing that came to mind. For my edification, in this story, what is your objective? How easy or how difficult the purchase was to make? Beat the kid at the sales game? Having made the purchase, the seemingly sad and somewhat difficult trip home? Perhaps an object lesson about our aging boomer population? All of the above? I see angles. Perspectives. I see an opportunity to make Best (fucking) Buys a proletariat hero, which is just bullshit. I see an opportunity to attempt to make plain to the children of boomers how difficult life can be. I see an op to make the whiz kid at BestBuy look like a jerk. What made the bus ride so frustrating?

Q#1:crew excited by producer's idea will spend more time and produce more fascinating video; imagine being CBS's go-to guy for interviews Q#2:dual objective:sell someone @CBS to do such a story & use e-mail text as content for Booksie.com[fixing to go silver sometime today] Q#3:under 'all of the above' I was trying to imagine what a crew could do to illustrate 'the story' with video that might be doable; my first trip to STAPLES to buy[for ca$h] my new laptop left me leaving for Office Depot with 'urge to kill' etched on my wizened face; next to finding out that the model displayed, at a sales price I can afford, is no longer in stock, my 2nd greatest peeve would be that sales pitch to purchase the more expensive laptop, conveniently on display right next to the one they don't even have, pointing out all that upgraded capability, like he was trained to say to his customer, because he don't know HDMI from HTML; the portrayal of transportation difficulties experienced routinely by retirees, goes to the value to the customer of the salesperson getting everything right on his first try Q#4:at the very end where you highlight the frustration, it would be up to the crew here to depict in their visual medium, the sorts of riders one might encounter, on a ride that zig-zags through all the housing projects, picking up more annoying riders, or perhaps letting the worst of them get off, stopping too abruptly, engaging in stupid arguments over the payment of the fare that delay any forward progress, and arriving at the desired destination 45-minutes later, when a crow could fly that distance in about three minutes its been pretty quiet up that way,...  so a shout-out found a new 'place;' it's called bookrix throwin' life a spitter; got up about 7:30 when I do this, I end up snoozin' during my news broadcasts latest short story kind of a poke at LGBTQ's Y-knot try something new? might bring some of these trolls out of the woods kinda stole these paragraphs, for...  ??

The life of a writer is pretty solitary, both by design and necessity. While you may find yourself in the neighborhood coffee shop a few days a week just for a change of pace, being a writer can be lonely and quiet.

Well-meaning as they are, your friends and family don’t understand the nuance between conflict and crisis. Try as they might, they can’t relate to the complexity of creating a consistent voice.

It’s no wonder that writing and alcohol are familiar companions. But it’s not happy hour yet. Here’s the good news: you’re not alone. In fact, right this moment, writers just like you are actively participating in writing communities all over the web. It’s time that you meet.

don't care for the alcohol bit, but it might fly did the coffee shop bit; kinda cool, but I'm persona non gratis at the downtown one cain't afford that shit no more nohow; cain't even get it together for Burger King Dollar Tree had some tasty canned goods; a $1 can of red beans & rice went down smooth[& spicy] lady behind me in line says that it's $.89 @Wal-Mart the pie-filling I bought would be $2 @Harvey's trade-off looks like Mueller's plannin' a warm reception for those freshmen/women Congressfolk Macron's reception heating up across the pond[the two M's havin' a populist crisis too; Europe's toast] it all started @NAPSTER; not Putin's doin' like some think battery in this Windows lapbook is for shit still fightin' off the FANG crowd; my spam folder still empty, but saw a browser-history thing pop-up w/firefox this AM tried out my MS-internet explorer as plan-B, but BING keeps interferin' & there are other annoying features I use WordPad, so I don't activate my introductory Office suite if I shut down instead of sleep, I have to close the cloud thing that slips in firefox wants to be set as default[another bothersome keystroke] there was an MS e-mail account that can't be used without a phone for activation code figuring out workarounds is my puzzle-thing; won't even register for ACER is there some LINUX browser code? wouldn't want snoopy here to know I was looking into that friedlich is being shamed for trolling already gonna try for a haircut today; it's gettin' too long[sides & back] clipping backside tricky w/tools I got w/trimmer[blind barber w/shaky hands] then there's the mess to clean up there's always the pony-tail option I also have one of those wave-caps, if I go native looking at the side of this new LG, there are yellow[video], white[L or MONO] & red[R] inputs and an S-VIDEO thingy w/tiny pins no HDMI I should find something like the back-up drive you suggested that can 'go there' have not heard back from CBS; no surprise they found a dead body on the corner; not watching my local news broadcasts means checking online for further details maybe they were digging his grave when the water went off my rides to the store, often two trips, indicate a decline in my physical strength that is mildly disturbing after 935-days of incarceration, I had soon gained back some musculature three trips to my storage unit, bearing incredible loads, took a lot more physical prowess than I now command I reminded myself that 2013-2015, I used to hoof it to the store[about 1 mi.], and backpack/carry back my supplies cycling is a luxury I'd hate to suddenly lose this motel-living is also a luxury[said the once-homeless man] I gathered all my manuscripts into one pile[for disposal?] took out any 'identifying documents' for safekeeping also have one three-page ms in an envelope I'll send that way one day tried giving away some of this ladies' apparel, but I think I offended my neighbor-lady with the gesture she liked the costume jewelry that was swag/booty found on the floor of my plan-B hidey-hole across from BK running out of ideas here "lady on"

I can relate to having lost some of that muscle. After I had the shoulder replacement I was laid up for about 8 weeks. Couldn't use the left shoulder at all, and was in a sling/pillow assembly that kept the arm in a state of comfortable non-use. That was pretty much the beginning of the end for my muscle tone. I'm striving to maintain the strength I have. I never thought I'd be this diminished. I sometimes have trouble lifting a full gallon of liquids such as water or milk with the left arm. Pair that with nerve damage that's caused a loss of sensation in my hands...argh...it's frustrating, considering that there was once a time when I could lift a chain motor with 75' of chain with just the left arm. That day has come and gone. I'd love to go pull that shrimp net with you again. Some of the most fun I've had was down at St. Andrew's sound, especially during a mullet run, where the dolphins were snagging mullet that were jumping the nets. What a great show of nature. I'm off for my half-mile round trip hike to the mailbox & back, then back to work on this bass guitar wine-box project for Tuck's brother. I'm almost finished with that, I just have to install the neck, the volume & tone controls, solder all the connections, install the machine heads, and seal the box. Ciao4now. Seizure later agit8r.

Seizure later agit8r ain't bad; mine was Ricky's tagline my intro to chain motors resulted from the now infamous "A call is a call" policy instituted by Local 41 bakNtheDAY; I was offered the chance to say no or yes to the worst thing on offer, before being skipped until my name rotated all the way back around; there was great benefit, on occasion, to getting first crack at something nobody else wanted to fuck with; this 'strict' policy was also a great way for a crook to skip quickly over a lot of referrals, before starting to fill a film crew, with a long list of assholes that turned down anything not film related, in order to maintain their position in this 'privileged' part of the rotating list; a full-time stagehand, with no friends in office[never wanted any], had to say yes every time[endless 4-hour calls] in order to eat; my rigging days started when OMNI Coliseum was new; we routinely had a 5-man crew[one groud rigger]; most points were not directly below any steel accessible from the catwalks in the pods; this, of course, meant guaging the lengths of two cables, Y-ed together with a down-length, to hit the bullseye; this was not only years before riggers became spider-men, that could rig points from beams running between pods, but also years before roadcrews trooped enough cable to deal with arena-shit like the fukkin OMNI; the building had enough cable for their everyday rigging needs, but...  it was all 1/2" shit; add the weight of 30 to 50 feet of 1/2" cable, to about 90' of chain, and you get two men pulling against two other men in another pod, that they cannot see or hear; a good ground rigger was key, and you didn't want no sound puke up there pullin' on that heavy shit beside you; no pussies need apply! - a manly physique was the result, when most of the[by now hundreds of them] guys on the old rotating list found out what was required to say yes to a rigging call, and the list just spun right back to the last 5 guys that took a call at the OMNI; I got seriously beefed-up, before this bullshit came to an end[& before those spider-men showed up, and they started paying a premium wage to get them] I couldn't find any rigger-pics, but this attachment shows the connector tubing; access to the catwalks was from the roof; to access the steel at the apex of a pod, you had to walk up the outside of the pod, using a rope left dangling for the purpose; if brave enough, you could save a lot of time and effort, walking the very broad tube to the next apex position; one problem, however...  there was a crotch-height + 3" lightning rod half way across; not so bad far the tall cowboys

I got lucky having Reagan, Milo, Hokey, and Big Bob to show me the ropes as it were. The Fox and Civic Center were generally easy rigs with most points onstage being single-point because of the way the grids were laid out. The Classic Center grid is a different story though. with 7 main beams spanning upstage to downstage, and no beams spanning left to right, practically every point was a compound bridle. At least in The Classic Center you can see & hear the up-riggers. Also nice is that The Classic Center had installed expanded steel grates between the beams so you can stow cables and gear up there. I miss being a rigger. I miss being healthy enough to rig.

I think 'stinger' should read stringer here; a 'stinger' is a 10' grounded extension cord[I had to ask the Best Boy]; bridle, basket & chain-motor are okay; when I took my ground rigger's training in Vegas, there was only one correct way to lay out pieces and parts for baskets...  one way to engage the shackles with 'economic' motions of hands, feet & back...  one way to tie a completed bridle out on the floor so the high men could inspect the work before lifting; the up-rigger 'makes' the basket[shouldn't have to undo a shackle or untie a bowline knot, to secure the hardware properly]; at the fukkin OMNI, the poor ground rigger frequently had to hold the 1.5 ton motor overhead, long enough for his four guys to secure both baskets, because it's 110' to the apex & the chain was all paid out; at least, if held above the headbone, the dropped shackle ain't a killshot

know of wire-rope, and witnessed a splicing operation @OMNI one day; the splice was as long as the arena[cleared for the process] Kermit[Spradlin] tryed over and over to teach me to splice hemp; that turn-back on the end, that was what the old guys did[pretty quickly] when they cut a rope[often for a snub to tie off a line set], instead of all that gooey electrical tape, was about all I could ever handle; the other end of a snub[about 6'] had a short loop spliced into it[about 14" splice enough for securing the 'safety' to the pinrail] I still think that stinger is just wrong, Wrong, WRONG!

O Peaceful One, That’s what the word ‘friedlich’ means in my first language. And yes, I remember Linda Goodman and her books. The first one was very good, but by the time the second one appeared Linda had ‘caught’ spirituality and went way, way, way over the top with it. She invented a new numerology that did not make any sense at all, if I remember right and I can’t recall whether I read that second book to the end. It was a very poor affair and just cashing in on the success of the first one. God bless and have a good day, With love – Aquarius

2nd book disapointed the girls as well; they weren't half bad predicting love matches, nasty break-ups & etc. they would get your birthday in their crew-roster, and find the one for you my best match was the lighting designer, but he had too many other boyfriends[ballerino's everywhere] I'm PISCES, & the match w/wife #1  not so good[CAPRICORN]; next tour was a GEMINI that earned herself a full-length fur coat she was way too smart to become #2 my mentor was Aquarian man; smartest man I've ever known horoscopes are like fortune cookies; a dream-job if you are a writer[used to love the 'fortune' in BAZOOKA bubble gum] write the stuff correctly, and anyone will agree that his/her sign just got pegged; those coin-op dispensers don't have 12 hoppers Mary Alice Kemery a.k.a. Linda Goodman, of course, would not/could not agree but,...  who wouldn't rather have 12 good forecasts in each daily paper instead of[in my case] one fishy one the shepherd that first saw a maiden bringing water in the heavens over his thirsty head, should get more credit, than some ancient astrologer, wearing ermine, & bearing myrrh this mentor had a way about him[buckle-up,...  I'm talking about you now]; every person in his presence, big or small, credentialed or insignificant, would instantly be made to feel of prime importance; the sun shone upon you; this is bearing water, dear meanwhile, your defenses utterly destroyed, he'd be in your head...  deep in your head, figuring things out... for YOU...  for HIM...  for someone else, that he may not have even met yet...  well, that all depends on how the 'long game' plays out he could artfully manipulate anyone, make them feel good about it, and even if things turned out pretty badly 4U you loved him all the more...  hating only his enemies[that had attacked you, because he was invincible] he would take you to 'special' places, impart sacred knowledge only meant 4U, find things you thought forever lost all the things a magus commands he was quite the yenta as well[but would probably end up 'with' your perfect girl] he moved in some pretty powerful circles, and it was as easy as 'teaching' kindergarten children his favorite recording was a live one w/Neil Diamond enduring an actual Hot August Night this was, of course, him, singing his siren-song to every young girl in a 100-mile radius are you blushing yet DON'T I love you! Everything about you! I'm not, however, fixing to drink your blood.

when I ran away from home[1st & last time], I was driving my sweetie[Diane was a year older w/fiery red hair] in a red Renault 10 w/push-button transmission For 1963 (initially only in France), Renault offered an automatic transmission of unique design, developed and produced by Jaeger.[7] It was first shown at the September 1962 Paris Motor Show.[8] Although it was described as a form of automatic transmission at the time, in retrospect it was more realistically a form of automatic clutch, inspired by the German Saxomat device which appeared as an option on several mainstream German cars in the 1950s and 60s. The clutch in the system was replaced by a powder ferromagnetic coupler, developed from a Smiths design.[8] The transmission itself was a three-speed mechanical unit similar to that of the Dauphine, but from the beginning with synchromesh on all gears in this version. The system used a dash-mounted push button control panel where the driver could select forward or reverse and a governor that sensed vehicle speed and throttle position. A "relay case" containing electromagnetic switches received signals from the governor and push buttons and then controlled a coupler, a decelerator to close the throttle during gear changes, and a solenoid to select operation of the reverse-first or second-third shift rail, using a reversible electric motor to engage the gears. The system was thus entirely electro-mechanical, without hydraulics, pneumatics or electronics. Benefits included comparable fuel economy to the manual transmission version, and easy adaptability to the car. Drawbacks included performance loss (with only three available gears) and a somewhat jerky operation during gear changes. The transmission was also used in the Dauphine and the Caravelle. https://otto-models.com/en/  -  build your own Renault at 1/18 scale

This ability to do some figuring, is greatly enhanced, because of the rudimentary training I received, on how to use those FRACTIONS. Most classrooms today allow the use of calculators, even during exams. Some students, much younger than I, have trained themselves in the use of their digital assistant, through trial-and-error regimens, that work well for ONLINE GAMES. Learning long division is a thing of the past, but having learned that method greatly improves one's ability to calculate something in one's head. ESTIMATING the answer can greatly simplify these mental processes, while providing acceptable numerical results. You may not have a CALCULATOR handy, when you suddenly need the kind of guidance, that a numerical calculation could quickly provide. 'Scientific Calculators' are reasonably priced, and include many more FUNCTIONS, than their stripped-down companions on the shelf have. My favorite one of these added functions, at the touch of a button, causes a randomly generated three-digit number to be displayed. How utterly useful! Another pre-loaded data point, that makes these calculators much more useful, would be a FORMULA remembered from some geometry class, or a physics lab you endured in college. With a formula, and an understanding of the relationships between numerator and denominator of two separate fractions, you can do a lot of useful shit. This verity is the reason they sell calculators at Home Depot & Loew's. They also sell the kind of tools needed, to remove the electronic device from its bubble-packaging. A formula I like is the one for calculating the length of a circle, which uses both its diameter and pi[the Greek symbol that roughly equals 3.14]. This FORMULA is useful for calculating the speed at which our planet circles about the sun, if you remember how far away that star is. Using such a large quantity in a calculation, means that your answer will sometimes be represented in 'scientific notation.' This is to save space on the tiny read-out screen, and should not create insurmountable problems for the operator. Similar calculations, using the same formula, will tell you how many tulip bulbs will be needed, of each color that you have chosen, for several varigated, concentric circles, planted hastily in the FALL, when the bulbs are widely available, and much cheaper to purchase. Figuring out how many eggs you should boil, so you can mix up a three-day supply of fluffy egg salad, is a different kind of problem, but it also has a trial-and-error solution. Believe it or not, it was this trial-and-error process that enabled Apollo astronauts to land their LEM on the moon.

three 'wise' men, bearing gifts followed a star[which some say 'moved' in the night sky in a noticeably unusual fashion] was there any disagreement among these three about what had been observed? three's are pretty important, as you know are there psychological implications buried in this belief in the 'power of 3?'

I was in ANTHROPOLOGY, and freely admit shortcomings relating to psychology cocaine use & Red Book symbolism did fall within my purview study & research into astrology, sorcery & freemasonry have me leaning towards early roots involving healers

this said, I'm quoting the 20th century's most prominent spiritual master:

Black Magic has always one definite characteristic. It is the tendency to use people for some, even the best of aims, without their knowledge and understanding, either by producing in them faith and infatuation or by acting upon them through fear.

this scrap of text was saved, because I was anticipating your e-mail response, so prepared myself I choose to 'act'/think about YOU, instead of wonder why I'm doing it I did take a senior-level course with a new textbook:"Culture & Personality" what did a gal, with an astrologer's webpage, study in preparation? reading stories gently molds the 'story of SELF' that determines our ability to ACT any 'story' requiring these 'edits' simply cannot be accepted as FACT[two rhyming stanzas... should I go for THREE?]my story is so long, that the attention span required does not yet exist language is the real key to a greater understanding in most every FIELD useful language always ends with a tryst negotiating a willingness in the other to YIELD[4 stanzas] this 'sentiment' is purely Darwinian the truth is, since civilization was birthed by, and gave birth to an alphabetic written form of the spoken language there are far too many individuals, fully integrated into society, that can choose to be motivated by artificial drives that do not contribute to successful reproduction like writing stories about it blame it on the moon

Think that would be handy for calculating sidereal time, vs solar time?

you mock me; how tall is your obelisk?

I'm not mocking you brother, I was just having a chuckle. We're victims of our own mechanisms. The calculator made us weaker and less knowing. This is also happening with computers and smart phones. We aren't pushing our minds to be all they can be. I haven't stored anyone's phone number in years. The argument is that you can use your mind for other, more important things ...like watching cat videos on the screen...

yeah,...  those damn cat-videos; I meant your reference to sidereal time, and something I had written about shadows moving about on the floor of my two-man cell

FaceBook, Apple, Netflix & Google are the 4 FANG stocks, which are characterized by their unreasonable P/E-ratios. When I boot-up my device, the first set of keystrokes that I execute, get me disconnected from 'the cloud.' Then, I can click on several options, colorfully displayed, when my FireFox portal screen is displayed. [though this browser is pinned to my task bar, I keep on declining to set it as my default browser;2 more keystrokes] These options are 'ranked' & Google & Amazon are ahead of the Mail.com option that is convenient for me. I have never even visited the Amazon site, but a lot of their junk came already loaded on my new device. There is another one included in my top six, waiting to whisk me away to a MicroSoft APP-store. I wonder what their current P/E-ratio is? There is a YouTube link, but I do visit that Google territory frequently. Apple sold-out to Microsoft, before Microsoft sold-out to Google, and that was before FaceBook & Google sold-out to HSA. In 2011, law enforcement technicians took physical possession of my Notebook device in order to duplicate its drive. Nowadays, such nonsense is no longer necessary. LE's problem now is sorting all those automatically sorted files that keep piling up on their servers. They do not have enough agents to do the necessary sorting & opening of so many suspect files needed to keep up. Instead of a new SpaceForce, Uncle Sam should be preparing for CyberWar, like the Russians & Chinese have. Losing the CyberSpace Race ain't gonna be good, and they have already received several 'Sputnik-embarrassments.' Android OS, in combination with a successful G5-buildout, represents additional frontiers to be protected. During WWII, piles of printed propaganda, were dropped by aircraft overflying urban areas in Axis-territory. The US CyberSpace is being overflown by simiar distributors of toxic materials, and we are powerless to respond. This, as our own propaganda grows increasingly less toxic. Ill-advised trade wars further weaken our position globally, as well as incentivizing new agreements & partnerships. Recent downward pressure on both stock & bond markets simultaneously, is being characterized as a rare occurrence. What happened on those historical occasions? A declining US Dollar would have just such an effect on financial markets. Where assets are denominated in weak currencies, one can expect tandem movements of all asset classes. The global currencies headed in the opposite direction should not be invested in such assets. Large trade imbalances where those debts can be paid off with ever-cheaper Dollars, are also undesirable. So, when India seeks to export significantly less product, what happens to prices in the US? And what becomes of the bluff, that our media has labeled a trade war?

We've been being profiled with steadily increasing depth as data storage became abundant and inexpensive either locally or remotely. A terabyte of retail hard drive storage is about $50, cheaper if you choose to cloud-store your data. My first HDD was 10MB and cost around the same amount. Between AI driven flagging mechanisms, faster and more abundant storage, and our own willingness to share personal information on therm inter-webs, anyone with a smart phone, tablet, or other computing device most likely has a profile. I feel sure that since 1991, there's been enough information gathered about me to provide LE a solid psych profile. I bought my first PC to begin determining the myriad of ways that we're being surveiled. We're screwed, dude.

I'd prefer, at least, the courtesy of a reach-around; wonder if Snowden is still in Moscow?

I think it is laughable, and very French, that yellow vests only clog Parisian boulevards on weekends, as they have to work. Picket lines at the GWCC, and @warehouse where my dear old Dad was a captain, were like that. I remember when all of Poland went out on strike, and "Solidarnosc!" entered the conversation. I spent four long years in a non-union apprenticeship, suggested by an old redneck @BAT. At one point, there was a 'hearing' and I was to be booted from the program. I invited this old bureaucrat to sit in on it, as a concerned observer. Problem solved. Repercussions loomed however. After a series of job interviews 'they' referred me to[where the member-contractor had already agreed not to hire me], I went to IBEW to seek their help. The union organizers sent me to a job site, they were targeting[in order to get at union members working there], where I was quickly hired at journeyman wage. I'd give those 'slugs' a dose of vitriol, as I was going in about 7:45 AM. Then I'd pocket the sign-in sheets, when I got upstairs[40th floor], and secreet them to the organizers. When that job ended, I returned to the Fox stage, a wiser man.

1988 Democratic National Convention in Atlanta at The Omni & GWCC. Just miles & miles of cables running between those two facilities. Seemed rather weak. The bridge/turnaround between The Omni & GWCC. FBI labor racketeering agent Brian Hitt on the scene with with his team of covert cam-ops and the audio squad with their shotgun mics. It's all well documented in the FBI & GBI archives, but you can't find dick about it on the internet. It's as though only one low-rent food workers union was the only union to apply any (laughable) pressure on the DNC in 1988. I will say this, whoever came up with the idea to oil the up-ramp to the bridge/turnaround from Int'l Blvd to the Omni was a fuckin' genius.

there were live feeds from convention hall to CNN secured to the bottom of that bridge; another fuckin' genius made some air-gaps interrupt the video; some kinda stones, huh?

From what I hear, there were several instances of air-gapping the cable runs. ;) Must have been just a series of unfortunate accidents.

probably slipped on that slippery slope, with a sharp cutting-tool inhand; unfortunate indeed

RUNNING for a Congressional Office builds up a momentum; a physical movement towards certain achievements, related to specific ISSUES, that should never be interrupted, by a 2-, 4- or 6-year rest period. Learning how to draft enduring legislation, need not involve years slaving away in some accredited law school. YOU can acquire the necessary skills in a fairly brief span of study-time. You must begin, by reading as many 'representative samples' as you can obtain. You could limit the documents to be thoroughly parsed, to the kinds dealing specifically with the ISSUE you have chosen to focus your efforts on. Your problem, initially, will be expanding your vocabulary enough to be clearly understood, once you enter the writing phase that will follow. Certain traditional 'forms' should be employed during this second phase. Phase three begins, when you furnish copies of your document to qualified confidants, for their opinions regarding certain changes that should be made, forecasting prospects for successful passage of such legislation or suggestions about how courts might reinterpret aspects of any resulting LAW's. For this, you need e-mail addresses for serving Congressmen, judges currently on the appropriate bench and affected business entities that can refer your inquiry to a battery of litigators. Replies to your inquiries will almost certainly indicate certain adjustments to your output that would be advisable. Phase four involves giving credit for the introduction of your BILL, to some ranking member of Congress, that has publicly attached himself to your ISSUE, in order to get himself elected. Previously unaddressed ISSUEs are somewhat problematical in this regard, but can be advanced by celebrities, clergymen and struggling local politicians that are 1)not camera shy, & 2)looking for a powerful issue to which they might attach themselves. More e-mail addresses will most likely be required. My ISSUE was pension administration, and it was very unpopular. I did considerable research, to be sure that I had my facts straight. I collected a plethora of e-mail addresses. I wrote a speech, and practiced before a mirror while timing myself, until I could, basically, read forcefully, everything that I had written, in less than 15 minutes. The facts I was pointing out, never made opinions change very much, but did garner me a lot of attention that had not existed before. I became "Chicken Little," delivered my speech years before my time and eventually, was proved right, when the sky indeed fell. About 700 participants, in my defined benefit pan, were adversely affected.

An ACT OF CONGRESS is not always the creation of a LAW. Often, these 'acts' invite some Administrative Agency to enact new LAW's, or otherwise ENFORCE certain specified REGULATIONS. Such LEGISLATION, must be carefully & unambiguously worded. Most of our 20th century Congressmen, though many of them were indeed trained litigators, were either unable to write the legislation they 'introduced,' or indisposed in some way to do so. Sometimes large staffs of competent individuals get the job of creating a BILL, while often obliged to adhere to instructions given them, to keep in mind, always, that whatever is introduced, cannot be awfully objectionable to the majority political party, in either end of the domed Capitol building. Another source for these craftily-worded proposals is the legal staff, maintained by some powerful business or political entity, whose well-paid lobbyist will deliver the carefully prepared 'suggestion,' at a steak dinner, over an expensive bottle of wine. In the 21st century, 'diversity' among the freshmen/women arriving in Congress every two years, often means that even more of the BILL's that we hear about will have been outsourced. In fact, the ability to read/comprehend proposed legislation, is also in rapid decline, and so the advice from adequately trained staff members grows in its influence, and its importance to the constituency. When you complain that some desirable change in your current situation would require an Act of Congress, you have unconsciously ceded your own ability to be effective, to myriad third parties with agendas that are often going to prove quite toxic. STOP WHINING! First, remove the most glaring ambiguities from that internal expression of your most fervent desires. Get help if that is what you need. Then, ACT...  like Congress. Or maybe that should read, "like Congress should be capable of doing, willing to do & adequately prepared to do."

my sign-in/homepage @mail.com was the fist thing that I saw this AM, after a full boot-up[& ditching that cloud] went into that little gear-box yesterday, and while I was changing a few things, I asked a few questions & paid those Firefox folks a visit too there's even some research on MS & that sell-out to Google[fukkin Chrome-enablers] oops!  there's an APP Explorer update notification[@taskbar]; WTF did that shit come from[I don't do APP!] there's some flamin' MS news thingy keeps me apprised whenever there are 'significant developments' RE:the Mueller investigations not too annoying, and that's how I found out about the 'big' earthquake the other day[4.7 in TN/GA] have you been reading about Jesse & Fred? I also wrote/posted something about the reveered Booksie Guy[founder/moderator] this prompted the evil Dr. Acula to kick me out of his publishing 'house' of 1000 horrors[had to move 4 'books' to QWERTY QUORUM] house-cleaning a sure sign that 1)I'm hitting a nerve, & 2)there's NAZI's @Booksie.com that deserve a little more attention trying to be subtle, & really do try to suppress MY trolling tendencies I'm up pretty early this AM, & lookin' forward to a SPAM-sammy for breakfast egg salad came out great, & there's still 8 eggs in the fridge 4more eggs are relatively cheap, so gettin' out my portable kitchen worth all the trouble & upset my theater-sound in disarray[but still available in a pinch] Miss Universe was a Filipina; I thought NEPAL had the best eye candy[in the top 20]; Miss Ecuador[eliminated earlier still] was HOT! Eagles squeaked past Rams last night; lot of spoilers in the mix this season[go Chiefs] Mariota's on Saturday[?]; some screwy holiday scheduling BS I wonder how my Thunder will fare, when B-ball takes over the only sports event awareness I had while in Vegas, was brother-in-law's phone call during Masters taunting PV about Tiger in AZ, it was Churchhill Downs here, the natives get restless[& loud] during March Madness and NBA playoffs I'm the lone holdout for the fukkin World Series that's all I have on sports

There's so much movie and TV work going on that the wonder girl is frazzled and looked about shot-out. Tuck sez they work 12 - 14 hour days 5 or 6 days a week. She programs lighting systems for the industry. Naturally we didn't just talk "banjo". Mostly she just explained all the different stuff she has going on.

TUCK needs WYSIWYG; design the lighting from home

Whaaaaaaaaaat? Gay musicians...un-fucking-heard of!!! Those shoes are just screaming "what a 'mo."

in high school, I wore the world's first pair of bright orange saddle oxfords; what was that screaming?

You wore 'em, you tell me. ;)

my Grandfather was a painter[both of houses & portraits], and on one of his visits when I was a child, he had returned from a job with a bit of dark brown in a can; I'm in the backyard with Joe, watching him organize all the shit piled in the trunk of his old beater; he sees that there is enough of the viscous remnant, and begins stirring with a broad pig-bristle brush; then, with a brushfull of shiny brown possibility, he throws his foot up onto his rear bumper, and applies a generous coating to his paint-speckled brogans[sock & all]; I guess it made an impression; Mods & Rockers were changing fashions and orange saddle oxfords seemed apropos to getting with it; they were my most comfortable pair[I had five pairs of saddle oxfords; a different look for each day in the school-week], and were badly scuffed from wear; I FIXED THEM! I was already queer-bait, so flamboyant footwear only added the faintest shout to already broadcast "come hither's"

if Mexico were to fund & build a wall on their northern border, they could design & control any gates thought necessary Canada could come to this same brilliant conclusion, but have a much longer border to their south USofA would quickly become a 'backwater' & learn some diplomacy Abe[not Lincoln] has decided to add a state-of-the-art aircraft carrier to their somewhat modest self-defense force's naval arsenal I can't wait to see it sailing proudly upon the China Sea those Russians, allowed to continue their occupation of Japanese territory in the 1965 treaty, better look out Abe could pull a 'Thatcher' on their ass[still claiming self-defense] Modi will not let this important development go unobserved Aussies could use any help coming from both these Asian-Pacific naval assets all that ocean water makes a poor border-wall Philippines & Indonesia could be taking sides soon, and they represent major populations that produce surplus foods on DEC 21, Antarctica will be at the peak of their summer thaw, and we should start seeing some scary video from down that way South America is fast becoming a bigger wild card than Africa Panama will need two[very short] border-walls; they could get whatever they need from Home Depot Online I'm fixing to adjourn long enough to grate some boiled eggs & craft myself a sandwich I had Special K for breakfast[at 1:08 PM]

not so long ago, Japan had the most avid/affluent collectors of vintage guitars like the market for fresh tuna, they kinda became spoilers[unless you are a seller]

Japan was, at one time, made the best guitars you could buy outside of the US. Nowadays, with computer assisted design, and CNC milling machines almost any putz with a few thousand dollars to spare can be in the business of making precision, high quality guitars. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4bbUaqwTlk

Japan also distills the world's highest quality Scotch. whassup w/dat?

So, you pair that CNC mill  (with which one can also mill metal parts) with a computer, and a 3D printer, and I'm sure that ones ability to fabricate virtually anything becomes reality. Whoa. Hold on there, buckaroo. What about Mr. Retailer and his market-locked semi-monopoly selling copyrighted and patented products? DIGITAL RIGHTS MANAGEMENT...

NAMM was a wonderland, where competing instrument manufacturers got a very expensive opportunity for exposure. Some very well-attended guest artist performances at GWCC come to mind. Who plays your instrument is really the price-driver, and the actually-played instrument catapulted into the price-paid stratosphere! That auction you mentioned, could become a venue for one of these recognizable artists from the Athens music-scene. Have him or her[maybe them] play all your inventory, right before the bidding begins. Let the artist auction off the companion signatures, for the cause. Am I getting through here?

if Siskel & Ebert were arguing about some new film that was just out, their heated discussion might drift onto PRODUCTION VALUES(only EBERT would be likely to do that); if he argued for a THUMBS UP, based on excellent production value(making a film is like telling a story; some tell the same story better), he will say nthat the film's producers used amazing cinematography(spent lots more $$$) to express several themes/ideas, where most would not have(or would not have to), & that added P.V. made the film infinitely better, more entertaining & the extra-mile techniques became like another character in the story. YOUR TASK:when you have decided upon a particular 'song' to work-up for improving the ESSENCE ACT, do a YouTube search for videos & collect all that you may find(especially the less-professional and/or amateurish looking/sounding ones that somehow got posted); next, watch them all(probably several times each) & select the best few from the batch; discuss w/band-members WHY you thought those were the best ones; you may tend toward the better sound quality or the best of the musicians; you might find that you wanted to choose one of them, not for the music, but something they did that was captured in the video, or there were close-ups of fingering that you appreciated or just that the film featured separate performers at the right change-ups. My 1st TV-production had two cameras & a switcher; it was a softball game, sponsored by 96-ROCK & Alex Cooley, played by DJ's vs. band-members from KANSAS, when they came into town for a Concert(Cooley Promoted); it drew a large & raucous crowd of KANSAS-fans to Piedmont Park one sunny afternoon, helped promote both the Concert & the radio station(while having video-production equipment/personnel at the game helped boost all the excitement); one camera was fixed on a tri-pod behind the plate(to capture pitches & swings) & the other was just past 1st-base, and could pan to follow a hit and catch the play in-field or out-(w/close-up on 1st-base action); there was just one microphone, so I put it on a tall stand w/heavy, steady base, and placed where I got an adequate feed for both Alex's play-by-play calls on the P.A., and good coverage of the crowd-reactions(and even some overheard conversations in the bleachers); it took 3 of us, cameraman on 1st to do the panning if there was a hit/play, another guy on the switcher at my truck to change from behind-the-plate coverage, to the panning view of the field, whenever he heard that sound an aluminum bat makes clobbering a softball; then, of course, I was there directing(or perhaps repositioning the mike or just speaking a fake-part as faux-fan), and could have made the spectacle even greater, if I had carried a large megaphone around & shouted-out camera/switcher cues. Things went smoothly with 3-crew, and even though cameras weren't sync-ed & each switch rolled the image, the tape we produced gave the feeling of being there with crowd/Alex/KANSAS; my BetaMax was so amazing, that when I loaned my only copy to Alex, he never returned it(but word got around about my Channel 41 Productions, because this big promoter showed it to everyone that stopped by his office om business)!!! The Production Values of the song-videos you collect and watch depends on so many different things, that it would behoove ESSENCE to thoroughly exploit as many of them as practical in their future bookings; your SHOW can be good enough to disguise any musical- or talent-shortcomings, while growing a better- or well-organized local fan-base, that by bringing more folks to your bookings will equal higher- and better-paying gigs as you mature as a group, or change-out various artists as needed.

https://www.facebook.com/oldstagehands/photos/a.1375675492750537/1375675312750555/?type=3&theater

Following a performer around with what amounts to a big flashlight sounds easy, and probably looks easy too, if you watch while it's being done. Well, it ain't; and your lack of ability is most immediately apparent to the other operators who can make those first outings tough on you if they wish. That's when those relationships first begin to pay back dividends. The lighting director will be less aware of your foibles because the angle from which he is observing is a bad one; the audience even less able to see anything of what is going on. Your buddies can cover for your short-comings, and try to talk you through the rough spots. You'd better be able to take a ration of good-natured ribbing about it too! Watching an experienced operator while the show is going on is one of the best ways to get a heads-up on many of the subtleties that can take years to acquire. If you show the proper respect to his situation, you can ask questions and get helpful answers during the show. This exchange is doubly instructive because you observe the mysterious operations while in direct correspondence to actions occurring on the stage. Sometimes the cuing is coming through a biscuit(a small portable speaker) and you see that much more clearly how his responses co-ordinate with what is taking place. The respect part is something that you must learn about too, in order to understand; when to ask your questions so that they are not bothersome, distracting or downright disastrous; being aware that the presence of the headset sometimes means others are hearing everything or aware of your presence in the booth. Few apprentice operators ever spend that much time doing this; many experienced operators are glad they don't!

Phillip DeNise: ever change the hot carbons? 3rd paragraph from PREFACE to "Work For It, Baby!":Writers are frequently counseled to write about what they know. This writer knows spotlights better than anything else he was exposed to while in his secret world. What I know about them, if taken alone, would provide the content for an exhaustive technical manual. If we begin to consider how I learned what I know, a process then becomes the subject of the manual. Describing that process is most naturally facilitated by making constant reference to actual experiences that I had while learning to operate this specific piece of equipment.