#i have a hundred different feelings

[shakingparadigm]

The kiss is very controversial but if there's one thing about it that I'm most grateful for, it's that I can send that shit over and over again to my friend who insisted that Ivan and Till had a brotherly relationship

#THAT SHIT WAS NEVER BROTHERLY WHAT ARE YOU ON 🔥🔥🔥 #i know ivan wasn't happy during the kiss. it didnt elate him or anything of the sort but it at least sent a message #he confirmed that his feelings were explicitly romantic. he was in love. it wasn't just a best friend thing or a “brother” thing. #and honestly amidst the confusion and several hundred different interpretations #i admire the fact that they went out of their way to make that one thing clear #as if it wasnt clear enough already #at least i have solid evidence for the non believers #alnst #alien stage #alien stage round 6 #ivantill

[sciderman]

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before #and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.” #and that made sense to me i think. #but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing. #and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much. #and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed #and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology. #i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now. #and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be?? #i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe. #will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore?? #maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know. #i don't know what it'll mean for me. #but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way #i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think #i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed. #because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people. #peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing. #there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing. #it's a product of all of his things. #just like me! just like everyone. #so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways. #a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be. #i don't think it's something that can be simplified. #sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags. #i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual. #sci speaks

[szappan]

it wouldn't make a difference

#sir gawain and the green knight #the green knight #dev patel #my art #my post #my god i have no idea how to do any of this anymore! #but i had fun #i also drew one mr mistoffelees tonight and with these ive filled my yearly quota i think #maybe later ill put a darker background on this i feel like it would look better #it's nice to see the difference between the gawain i drew last year and this gawain. i Did improve even though i barely drew anything #one year or a hundred does make a difference!!

[figofswords]

the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something

#WHAT AM I DOING!!!! #i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch #too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun #no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point #trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this #WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!! #there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time #my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me #my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job #i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time #i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again #and WHAT DO I WANT! #THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY! #I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!! #anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed #delete later #i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious) #versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected) #i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want #ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you #i miss that i want that back #whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go

[da-proti-toku-grem]

how do you know the difference between a huge anxiety attack and a panic attack?

#i think i had a panic attack yesterday but idk...... #god it felt so awful and it went on for like 3 hours #but i also had like a hundred things going on so idk if it was like the accumulation of everything or if it was really a panic attack yk #i was at the fair with my family waiting for my best friend to arrive bc i was going to hang out with her #and yk it's a place full of people and we were standing right next to a huge speaker hearing a man talk #and also each place in the fair has different music playing super loud and you can hear all of them at the same time (+ the flashing lights #all that causes me anxiety every since i was little (even if i didn't know it was anxiety back then) #so i *knew* i was going to have the greatest time and i didn't really want to go there in the first place #but even with that i wasn't really haven't a bad time (yet) #we were just stading there and i was waiting for my friend to call me so we could go somewhere else #she called me to tell me she was coming and right when i hung up the phone i felt a really strong pang on my belly #and idk at first i thought it was period cramps but it was weird bc my period had actually stopped that same morning #also i had taken a painkiller right before going there bc all that i mentioned earlier also gives me migraines so there's that too #so yeah the pangs kept getting stronger and it hurt so fucking bad to the point my legs started trembeling #my vision blured and every sound around me seemed to almost fade away #there wasn't any place i could sit down so i gad to cling to my dad and he had to hold me so i didn't fall to the ground #i think i almost (?) fainted in his arms too #after a while the dizzines went away and my dad went to get me smth to drink and i mostly got my hearing and vision back to normal #all that was like 10 minutes max but then the pangs kept hitting every minute or so for the next 3 hours #we found a place to sit and find smth to eat but i couldn't eat anything without wanting to throw up #my legs wouldn't stop shaking like fucking crazy and i kept going from feeling like i was freezing to sweating from how hot i felt #idk i've had smth like this (w/o the pangs) happen to me before a bunch of times but never That strong and it usually lasted 5-10min max #we ended up having to go home and i had to take some more painkillers and my sleeping pills to be able to calm down a little #i'm pretty sure i fell asleep from exhaustion after everything and i'm still feeling a bit weird after almost 24 hours since it happened #anyways. the thing is idk if all that was caused bc of my anxiety #or if it was smth completely unrelated and i just had such a bad tummy ache that it made me feel bad enough to cause All That yknow #i think it felt pretty much like how i've heard people describe a panic attack but again i'm not sure #yeah......... #maca speaks

[yutadori]

after being unemployed for so long it's so depressing to go back onto indeed and read reviews where people say their boss / manager is shit and only cares about the profit over the well-being of their employees like can we just end it all alreadyyyyyy

#stupid baka world -__- #like yeah ill find a job and apply to a job where my boss / manager probablhy wont give a shid about me and im super replaceable #and the pay is ass but i have to do it anyway because it feels impossible to find anythnig better #i love applying to jobs i love not receiving an answer after submitting my resume to eight hundred million different places yippee yayyyy #-_____- #ss

[igneouswyvern]

the zestiria timeline baffles me to no end because i know all the camlaan stuff takes place 17 years before the events of the game and i know it has to be that way because that's the only way for sorey and mikleo to have originated in camlaan. and yet. what do you mean heldalf has only been living with his curse for 17 years. what do you mean the celestial record is 21 years old. what do you mean camlaan has only been around for less than 30 years. in my head all this stuff takes place on a waaaaaay larger scale like heldalf should have been wandering the earth in solitude for at least a century right? you're telling me it only took him 17 years to give into the malevolence? what a loser. and the celestial record felt like an ancient book from a time long past when they were nerding about it in the beginning of the game. you're telling me it's barely older than sorey and mikleo themselves? and you can't just go around calling a village that existed 22 years ago and was lived in for only 5 "the origin village." like nah that thing has to have been around for at least 50 before you go calling it something as dramatic as that. idk. in the two-and-a-half-years in between playing zestiria i forgot all the lore and i had it in my head that shepherds were like a once-every-one-hundred-years deal and michael was from like ages ago and all this stuff was ancient as hell. and it feels so silly to me that it was all so recent

#again i get that it has to be a really crunched together timeline to get the sorey and mikleo origins to work but #i simply think it should have worked differently. whether or not it works as well narratively. stuff that feels ancient should be ancient #at least. AT LEAST. maybe they could have made michael and heldalf and the celestial record and camlaan be 100+ years ago. #and sorey and mikleo were in the era of a different shepherd. or something. again it objectively doesn't work as well but #listen i just want my ancient celestial record. i want my camlaan is super old. i want heldalf to be even more tragic #i don't care that mikleo has to be the sacrifice for heldalf's curse. you can bin that it isn't important to me #just give me heldalf wandering the earth all alone for hundreds of years please that's all i want #tales of #tales of zestiria #wyvern rambles #wyvern's zestyposting #rants

[daydadahlias]

you can't reclaim a word that's never been used against you

#if you've never been called fat before please dont use that word #as someone who has been called fat a lot in my life in very painful ways... y'all dont get it #and i dont want people within a hundred feet of a word they dont understand the connotation/power of #im really just sad and tired of seeing non-fat people call ashton fat. because it just Keeps happening a *lot* and i just like #cannot stomach it at this point. i mean i literally see it FREQUENTLY and now ive just seen some stuff about it on my dash tonight and like #it brings me to tears literally every single time i see it. and i *never* see fat people call ashton fat ever. it is *only* non-fat people #and it's because they just simply do not understand how that word feels. and i shouldn't necessarily fault people for it BC they dont get i #but people writing feeder fics about him?? and going out of their way to describe his body in a way they never would a thin person's... #and more than that. like. he's not *fat*???? that's just not the right word. sure he HAS fat. everyone does #but calling him fat pointblank is just like... i do not see the benefit in it. he's Big. he's Muscular. but he's not *fat* #and it makes me think that you dont know any fat people. when that word has only ever been used in a derogatory manner by the majority #i mean that is NOT a neutral word. at this point in history. and if you have never experienced the harm that it can bring i just #i mean i dont know why you *want* to be using it #so yeah uh saying my bit on that bc y'all know me #im a little blabber box chatter mouth #and it's just something that i see a lot of especially on ao3 and one of the primary reasons actually that #i dont really read new fics by authors i dont know #because the way people treat ashton's body is very different than how they treat others' #and it's usually not fat people creating that content SO! #please uh consider maybe the words you're using... and how they could affect others! #ok i have a lot of homework to do tonight so im gonna. hunker down and do that #and feel Not Good about my body because if you think *ashton irwin* is *fat* then #i dont really want to know what you think about an actual fat person

[kurashikeys]

literally nothing beats when a character who's superficially obsessed with sex turns out to be super ace coded when you look just a little bit deeper

#this post is brought to you by daniel fucks and astarion #daniel 'we can live off the oxytocin of a hug for years' fucks #daniel 'you'll help me achieve all my deepest fantasies? i honestly just want cold pillows' fucks #and the way astarion just build a whole castle around him with sexuality #but only because that was the only tool left to him #and even then the one hurt most by it was himself #and now he doesn't need those protections #but cant let go of hundreds of years of habits and trauma #two wildly different characters #but the same feeling of being seen? i guess? #idk im having an asexual moment #im not gonna fandom tag this #the mutuals already know

[icewindandboringhorror]

Hrmm... Revising my game and I feel like there's still sooo much writing left to do, for something that probably won't even amount to much, so.. I do want to narrow my focus more (especially given my health problems seeming to get worse/less energy the past few years), but I'm not sure how would be best to...

I currently have 5 characters as the Main ones with full planned questlines and such, with each character having 6 quests you can do for them. But I haven't really started the writing for the 5th main character. So then I was thinking, if I were going to write 6 full quests worth of content anyway... is it better to allocate that time on just doing a Complete 6 Quests for ONE single character, OR would it be better to do something like.. choose THREE side characters and do 2 quests for each of them? So that people have a wider variety to interact with and sort of sample around (of course with the idea that, once the first version of the game is released, IF people actually care about it enough to make it worth the effort, I would then add additional content to complete those 3 characters stories as well)

-

SO... If you were playing an interactive fiction sort of game centered around talking to & doing quests for a cast of characters (like there's no larger plot, more it's just about interacting with people, every character kind of has a self contained story, the focus is just learning about them and the world and exploring the area) --- Which would you rather have?

(and of course it would be stated up front which characters have only partial questlines, so people don't expect them to have full quests like the others and then get disappointed, or etc. etc.)

Basically, is it better to just focus in specifically on having one fully complete questline? Or for there to be a few stories that are not complete yet, but have more initial options available?

#I guess I just feel weird about investing too much into characters if possibly nobody will like them. so the idea of being able to sample #around a wider variety opens up the option of like 'hey even if neither of these 4 are your favorite - you have 3 other options soon too!' #or whatever. BUT I also am very anti-the trend of releasing half finished games or shit like that where people preorder and then #the game sucks on actual release and isn't fully playable or good until 5 updates later #HOWEVER.. those are giant companies with hundreds of employees and millions in funding. I feel like it's different for someone #if they're just like ''hey I am getting zero money for this and doing it entirely on my own in my free time and before I do like 50+ hours #of work on top of the 100+ hours of work that I already did - I would like maybe to at least see some proof #people are interested in this - so I'm releasing the game with like a small amount of the originally intended content removed #that I still have planned out and hope to add later and the game is still entirely done and completely functional #except for just a few quests I might add later.. sorry'' etc. etc. ??? like I think that's different. but maybe some people dont see #it that way and would still be like 'grrr.. how dare there be unfinished options..>:V" idk #And the nature of the quests is such that it's not weird to have it be partial like.. again.there's no major plot. it's not like the quests #are leading up to some dramatic thing and having them half done would make it feel like a cliffhanger. It's meant to be very casual just #chilling and doing little tasks and such. And last thing to clarify I guess - by 'side character' I don't mean taking some unimportant bac #ground character and forcing them to have quests. I mean like.. originally the game had 8 full characters and I thought that was #too much so I cut it down to 5. So I still had everything planned for all the side characters too. Id' just be like.. re-giving them #quests and focuses that were already planned from the beginning but that I got rid of.. former main characters banished to the side lol.. #ANYWAY... hrmm... hard to decide... It's just so niche I think. I feel more and more like I should just get it to a 'proof #of concept' state and get it out there to interest check rather than invest in it soooo much for nothing. Because I really do not have the #tastes other people do or interact with games or have interest in things in the same way. A lot of the stuff that I love (slow. character #focused things with basicaly no action or plot where its' just about getting to explore a world and learn about #people in a casual low stakes setting but ALSO not romance) I think people find very boring so... lol... #This year as I try to pick the project back up again after abandoning it for like 3 years I keep looking at stuff and going.. ough... #yeah... cut this maybe.. I should cut that too.. I should make them a side character.. remove this.. blah blah.. #Though I did ADD a journal and inventory system and other things that like People Expect Games To Have so.. maybe #that will count for something.. hey..you can collect items.. it's not just 'talking to elves for 600 hours simulator'.. are you #entertained yet? lol.... When I was making my other tiny game for that pet website and I gave it to the play testers and someone was like #''it should have achievements so I feel I'm working towards something concrete'' I was literally so blindsided like..??... people WANT that #in games..? is the goal not simply to wander aimlessly &fixate on world/character lore& make your own silly pointless personal goals? I did #do them though because it IS fun to make up little achievement names and such but.. i fear i am out of touch so bad lol..

[sportsthoughts]

.

#oh i am a bit tired tonight folks. had a nice time yesterday trawling through old pens forums and linking back some posts to here #(all with links because like - it's nice to share where you've found fun stuff right?) no point gatekeeping at all - we don't own content #and then the same old people once again somehow by chance post the exact same five or six photos 5 minutes after #and yeah. great minds think alike right? you were probably trawling a not touched since 2015 forum too at the same time. it's possible #and out of the hundreds of photos on there you decided to make the exact selection i did. it's possible right? #and truthfully i don't really care because i'm posting this stuff because my blog is MY personal archive and it's stuff I want to catalogue #but when you have blocked as many blogs and sideblogs as you can and people are still finding you and send you shitty anons for just... #daring to use the player tags? cataloging stuff by literally tagging the player's name? ughhhhh it's exhausting how can i block you when yo #are the tumblr equivalent of hydra regrowing a new fake sideblog pretending to be a different person every week. #sorry i know this ranting into the abyss is pointless but i have a few more posts scheduled for tonight and i know i'll wake up tomorrow #and miraculously the same ones will be posted on the same people's blogs 5 minutes after me and it's just so childish #but yeah. we all know who they are and i'm just a little tired of it and hearing the stories of people being harassed in their inboxes/dms #anyway anyway anyway. i think i shall just take a break from posting stuff because feeling a little disheartened! and uncomfortable #because i feel watched. please stop using other blogs to find me. please stop talking about me in your tags. touch some grass my friends

[unopenablebox]

doing evil behaviors (looking up different methods of engagement ring sourcing to try to identify the most ethical one)

#as far as i can tell it's 'a vintage ring' followed closely by 'a vintage ring you have melted down into a different ring' #but that means i have to find a vintage ring and vintage [anything] hunting rapidly becomes a task of fractal complexity #that exhausts me until i give up #lab gems ... seem ... fine but i'm not sure how the labor conditions are for workers in them and not making a lot of research progress #'ethically sourced' gold seems nice but is hard to verify effectively and 'ethically sourced' silver might... not exist? unclear #now of course my girlfriend is a biosafety level 3 infectious diseases researcher who handwashes and adds and removes #gloves hundreds of times a day #and so this is going to be a not-actually-very-frequently-worn item #which only makes me feel more evil about it all. #we're‚ like‚ engaged in the sense that we have agreed we want to get married and my whole family knows we're planning on it #we're not engaged in the sense that their family doesn't know we're planning on it and we're not making it public or actually #planning a wedding. so. #acquiring a ring is like the least relevant part of this whole exercise and as mentioned will almost never even be used. so im fixating

[anghraine]

I talked about it last year, but it's Christmas Eve and I'm going to talk about it again!

We know that Elizabeth and Darcy invite all the Gardiners to Pemberley for the Christmas following their marriage. I suspect Darcy would insist on paying to smooth out the various complications of getting from London to Pemberley with children, and thus the invitation would not impose extra expenses on the Gardiners. (Darcy might have to apply epistolary peer pressure to do this, but he's honestly pretty good at that.)

This may be the first time since Georgiana's early childhood that there were any young children in the family at Pemberley. If so, it hasn't really happened since Darcy and Georgiana's father was alive, so even with Austen's relative unsentimentality about children, it's still probably a big deal on their side.

But also, I occasionally entertain myself by imagining what it would be like for the children, especially the oldest, a girl of eight. The other children are six or younger, and I suspect they're not going to have clear memories of life before their cousins' marriages (especially the boys, but perhaps even the six-year-old girl). An eight-year-old, though?

Miss Gardiner, I think, would have a very clear sense of life at home vs holidays at her aunt Bennet's much bigger house at Longbourn. The Gardiners seem to be quite well-off, but I doubt they're extravagant in the way of Mrs Bennet or living at the edge of their income—there's a reason they continue to live within sight of Mr Gardiner's warehouses. So a middling kind of genteel estate like Longbourn would probably seem quite grand vs her house in Gracechurch Street.

And then she goes to Pemberley.

Note: I've occasionally seen it suggested that Pemberley is a more or less ordinary gentleman's estate that is just really pretty and has a bunch of land attached, which I think is manifestly false. Apart from the architectural and landscaping details which suggest otherwise on their own, Elizabeth does note that the interior is suitable to Darcy's wealth and markedly elegant, yet understated by contrast to the OTT splendor of Rosings; this is a mark of aesthetic taste, not humility.

So I think Pemberley's elegance is about what you would expect from the combination of what they would consider good taste (furnishings along finer lines than the heavier and more ornate furniture of the past, restraint in decoration and semi-naturalistic landscape, that sort of thing) and an income greater than the average lord's. It looks like what it is.

The point is that for this young girl who does not always (perhaps often) accompany her parents' travels, Longbourn is probably a lot. Pemberley is a lot more. She was probably warned that it was much grander than most (or all) of what she'd seen before, but even so, I think that she's just the right age to be really powerfully struck by a place like that, and a place like that being Elizabeth's home. That's the moment, I imagine, when she realizes that things are going to be different now.

Jumping even more into headcanon, I also imagine that later, when Miss Gardiner is going to come into society, the Darcys very much want to do whatever they can for her. Ten years after that Christmas at Pemberley, their own children (assuming they have them) would still be young. Miss Gardiner would be eighteen, though—just the right age to come out. And I kind of love the idea of the Darcys hosting a big winter coming-out ball for the daughter of their beloved relations in trade.

Of course, she'd have gone to Pemberley more than those two times. But I imagine that first, powerful impression in that first Christmas at Pemberley is very much with her as she dances at her first ball.

#anghraine babbles #anghraine's headcanons #austen blogging #lucy gardiner #is the name i usually go with for her #(no connection to the lucyfic; i wanted a period typical name and had used it for a relative of mrs g's in a different fic) #elizabeth bennet #fitzwilliam darcy #otp of otps #edward gardiner #m gardiner #austen fanwank #christmas blogging #long post #i have a lot of feelings about a ball that i one hundred percent made up

[brookheimer]

……starting to think a lot of you do not know what the word empathetic means

#i have a lot to say about this but it is going to have to wait a few days until i’m no longer up to my ears in work #but here’s a little thing to tide you over: empathy does not a good person make #a capacity for empathy is in no way a capacity let alone willingness for good #empathy and intense horrendous cruelty are not mutually exclusive #if you think that evil comes in a single form if you think evil is just pure callousness coldness spot-it-a-mile-away inability to love #then no fucking wonder people keep doing evil terrible things like in real life and your response is always ?! W hat ?! #shocking: terrible evil people are still people. they are not robots of pure malice. they were once babies with coloring books #that’s not saying we should feel bad for them or anything at all!!! just that you guys seem allergic to acknowledging that it doesn’t take a #category 5 sociopath to commit an atrocity #everyone go read arendt’s banality of evil and go watch act of killing by joshua oppenheimer #no wonder trump keeps winning. y’all don’t view his supporters as people with any qualities other than Racism #like i know this is a fictional character but the response here is so indicative of this much broader issue that makes me want to scream #i get it. you’ve lived in a bubble your whole life and never interacted with people vastly different from yourself and had to acknowledge #their personhood as much as their viewpoints disgusted you. talk to a conservative once in your life it might be mind blowing #not bc you’ll be like WOAH :o THEYRE NOT SO BAD AFTER ALL! no!!!!! because they ARE that bad and they are also regular normal people!!!!! #you are all so incapable of viewing anyone you dislike as having internal lives! christ! #this is how trump won! how do you not see this! #seriously go watch act of killing go watch anwar who murdered hundreds of people in cold blood warmly scold his grandchild for poking a duck #too hard. like the most horrifying part of horrible ppl who commit atrocities is that they aren’t caricatures of evil #we wish they were it would make it easier to understand #agh i’m rambling i’ll shut up #god watch ppl be like Uh why are you defending trump/genocide/fascists etc #dumb fucks i’m telling you the most terrifying part about those people is that they are actually people that’s what makes it so hard to #comprehend bc atrocities are so much easier to swallow when you can pretend a force of pure evil is behind it #okokokok good night lol

[skibasyndrome]

I'm about to throw all my academic values overboard to get this fucking article done

#linguistics are my enemy #not because I don't like the subject #I'm just........ so much less at ease with this than with literary sciene oh my god #I'm so glad I can mostly focus on lit in the future but let me tell you these few linguistics articles I have/had to do have really brought #me to my limit #and I thought I was already fed up and not giving a shit when I did that one article in summer... oh I had NO IDEA how much less of a shit #was capable of giving!!! #the thing is.... I think objectively I'm still? idk not the worst I could technically be doing #like there ARE people who straight up... idk don't even try to have a research question or who don't read more than a handful or articles b #t ugh #I like academic writing so much and I love putting in the work and I love actually getting into the reseach and finding the most important #texts and writing a balanced and well researched article but ugh..... I just feel like I keep reaching my limits with linguistics #and this time is worse than the others because this topic is SO FAR from being standardized and all I can do is ???? mention that there's #like a hundred different models and then just??? choose one and go with it? which is so fucking unsatisfying #but I swear... everybody in this field is just making up a new model that's just different words for the same thing (and not in the /normal #way that science /always/ is about making up a new model. no. this time they are very unnecessarily making up new models) #ugh. everything about this sucks #I should've chosen a different seminar I should've chose a different topic and I especially should've written more of this in summer when I #technically still had a little more time #sorry for blowing up your dash with complaints this festive season lol. I am just having a time (TM) with the different writing tasks on my #hands and I need a place to vent I guess #simon.out. #sounds so drastic btw I'm not about to cheat or plagiarize or anything but I'm about to do so much less of a proper work than I ever wanted #to allow myself to do. cherrypicking and all.

[gamemakerm]

the book i have been proofing for work might be the first proofing project i give up on before the end of the book

#its not the worst thing i've ever read but also it's not very good #and the longer it goes on the worse it gets #unoriginal premise. quippy characters. too many characters introduced for no reason. characters retelling shit we just read over and over #there's at least three instances where a plot twist is revealed in an aside with the BBEG the chapter before it twists so it has no teeth #every woman is sex crazed (but don't worry its their religion/training/method of seduction/etc etc) #there have just been chapters where the protagonist and his love interest end up naked for basically no reason #also the most overt “the main character is autistic actually wait he has a demon in him eating his emotions” bullshit #not to mention the most ham-fisted attempts at representation that just feel disingenuous #they just introduced another set of characters doing a completely different thing from the main party and I DON'T CARE. SHUT UP #me gnashing my fucking teeth: if i was the editor i would have cut everything in this section and this one and this line sucks and #i only have a hundred pages left and if it dicked me around for 400 pages just to set up a sequel i will do a violence #AND THEY KILLED THE ANIMAL COMPANION. BEFORE HE EVEN GOT TO DO ANYTHING #DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING? YOU NEVER KILL THE ANIMAL COMPANION. FUCK YOU