#i havent even had coffee yet

[katyobsesses]

BUCK IS CANONICALLY QUEER AND I AM DEAD

#i cant with this #it is NOON #i need to get on with my day!!!!! #i havent even had coffee yet #i feel like im dreaming #i just????? #911 #911 spoilers #911 abc

[booksbrokeme]

It has come to my attention the i am being perceived. This is truly disturbing for i was not aware i chose to exist today

#somone asked me to do something #i was not prepared #i havent even had coffee yet #living is hard

[nightmarecountry-a]

GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE THE SKY SAYS HELLO. :)

A knife embeds itself in the wall by your head. ❤️🔪

#( ooc. ) #zloslwy #I HAVENT EVEN HAD COFFEE YET

[gyunikum]

Käärijä is ready to let cha cha cha go, I hope he can soon. Let Häärijä wear the yellow or green bolero, so that Käärijä can put more focus on his usual music, while also having the opportunity, time, and creative freedom to experiment to his heart's content. That way he can compartmentalize cha away into its folder, still perform it because it is the song that rocketed him into fame, and not grow to hate it.

(P.S. My liege, pls feed me I crave your bangers)

#ngl im getting bored of it too #i need NEED more music from Käärijä i need the bangers that slap me around #and i will return to cha cha cha sometimes and welcome it like an old friend #i mean he did say that they listened to it a million times and still found it fun and thats (also) why they chose it #but he's allowed to get tired of it #just hope he can have a say in it -- he's at his best when he does what he wants but this type of freedom is not common in the mainstream #there are a few paths ahead of him #i want him to choose the path that will make gim the happiest #he found his audience who will fiercely support him through all because they all want the best for him #käärijä #it is morning i have a migraine im hot and i havent had my coffee yet #i like Käärijä is all #seeing all the videos from last night made me mushy even though some made me kinda uncomfortable lmao #im a back row bitch

[guinevereslancelot]

most fucked up thing about the body's response to not eating is when you're so hungry you feel like you're gonna throw up. this does not make it easier to eat food actually

#literally thanks it did not help #my body sucks so bad at eating #i literally am not hungry until im so hungry i feel sick?? #also #even when i remember to eat on a schedule all food makes me queasy i literally cannot win #maybe the so hungry im about to puke thing is just a me problem idk but it is NOT helpful #im also starting a medication that i cant eat anything for two hours before or after that's going to mess up my digestion today 😊 #and make me feel awful #but its an alternative to eye surgery so hopefully it will be worth it #but i havent even started it yet and im so queasy just bc i didnt really eat breakfast #its not like i had Nothing i had three bites of cheerios and a coffee.... #i would have eaten the cheerios but i was late for an appointment lol #anyway #my digestion sucks and i already cut out gluten and almost all dairy 😤 #wtf else is thereee #also somehow magically even tho all food makes me sick and i barely eat regular meals i am putting on weight??? #lowkey wondering if im diabetic or something bc this is not normallll

[lemonadeandlanguages]

Speaking French at 8 in the morning? Inhumane

#we should outlaw it #like pls i can barely english at this hour #also lmao i wonder if im supposed to use tu or vous with ppl at the office #i havent even had coffee yet and you want a conversation? 😭 #lnl

[eric-the-bmo]

Ghost of You by Rosegarden Funeral Party is making me cry rn

#i havent even had coffee yet PLS- #eric finally speaks #rosegarden funeral party #:-(

[smuttybun]

It's too early to be this horny (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠)

#texty post #i havent even had coffee yet and my pussy is shouting

[immamapletreekid]

person who thought going through 3hopes support dialogue on a work night would be a good idea

#HUBERT VON VESTRA THE CHARAVTER EVER IM #GOING TO DJFJEWGRJSKSFJFHAJAKÀAÄ #I NEED TO DIG UP THAT ONE POST I SAW WHERE OP PERFECTLY SUMS UP HIS CHARAVYER AS #SOMEONE WHO IS FIRST AND FOREMOST MOTIVSTED BY LOVE #BC THAT IS THE TRUEST THING EVER THEY ARE THE ONLY ONE EVER TO GET HIS CHARACTER #i will die on the hubert lysithea siblings hill I WILL STAND AND FALL HERE #BC SHE REMIDNS HIM OF HIS LITTLE SISTER ;OoOO;;O #SO HES SOFTRR KINDER PROTECTIVR OF HER #HIDIJG THE VEGETABLES IN MEALS SO THEYRE UNDETECTABLE SO THAT SHE WILL HAVE A BALSNCED DIET AND STAY HESLTHY #ADDIGN GOAT MILK AND SUGAR TO HER COFFEE SINCE SHE INSISTED ON DRINKING TO MSKR IT SWEETER FOR HER EVEN THO YKNOW HIM SND COFFEE #pls theres so much i want to say about huberts relationship with all the beagles #edel aside im still obsessed w his supports w ferdinand and beradetta #lins as well bc i laughed so hard #but also his b support w edel in 3houses... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAÆ #havent even gotten to byleth yet my hands are alresdy shsking #huleth is one of my favourite byleth relationships ever idk if its platonic or romantic theyre so #hubies somethign something if i had two lives i might devote one to you FUKCING WHAT ARE U KIDDING ME #casually drops the mkst jaw dropping soul shattering rawest realest line ever #HULETH THE WORLD HHHHHHHHH #theyre so silly. the sillies bc yknow what i think theyd enable each other to be. worse #but also they would be like them two againsy thr eorld theyd be so soft #i have the most specific huleth dynsimic in mind there are NO FICS SO IM DYING OF STARVATION #im verh grateful for all the incredible fics of byleth w the 3 lords #i reread the same claudeleth oneshot every month its healthy attachment #fe3h my beloved <333 have over 150 hours logged onto the game so fsr i havent even started azure moon run yet #still on crimson flower im taking my time bc its almost vattle at gronder field again and im still #recovering emotionslly from going through it in verdsnt wind #I DONT WANNS RUN INTO CLAUDE I DOTN WANNA DVORIWJSFKDNKW FLAHF DIMI #thinking about heo there are ppl in thr world who play through fe3h think yea what a cool gsme and #dont proceeed to obsess over it continuously for over a year

[trentskis]

having the monday morning of all monday mornings send help

#on my heaviest day of my period #the opener at work just.. SHOWED UP AN HOUR LATE so i came in w 10 minutes before we opened to NOTHING DONE #a man got knocked off his bike right outside my work and it was v stressful and upsetting and i hope hes ok #havent even had a chance to make MYSELF a coffee yet. im so happy im on my hols tomorrow gkfkg

[katyobsesses]

.

#i am so fucking bad at taking care of myself #i need to go shower like so bad #but ive just been lying in bed for 2 hours instead #i havent even had coffee yet #uhhhhhggggggg #katy liveblogs life #someone shout at me to take a show omg

[criminal-sen]

Kind of a wild ride just now, someone liked a post of mine from 2020 so I clicked on it just to have a look around at what I was doing back then.. and as I was scrolling thru, I was slapped with the realization that I wasn't out as nb/trans masc yet and was still calling myself a woman

And then I remembered the winter of 20/21 where I would take my dog on these long walks and just be Screaming in my head like 'just come out with it!!!! U know yr not a fucking woman omfg' and it was this weird boiling point where I was so done with it. And I think around spring was when I cautiously started throwing they/them pronouns around my online spaces, then VERY slowly throughout that year using them irl

Two years later I'm still not out to my family but I got just about everyone else calling me a Them and idk, it was just a weird thing to wake up this morning and go on a random journey of self-reflection

#trans masc #nonbinary #dvdhsvsh i havent even had my coffee yet

[espytalks]

They say a broken clock is right twice a day, but I say a working clock thats out of sync will never be right.

#espy talks #i havent even had coffee yet i just woke up and this was the second thing i rhought today #cant remember the first cause clearly this is more important

[slippery-minghus]

had a bit of an epiphany this morning. i've spent so much of my life striking a line through my own wants for various reasons. when i was young, because it wasn't safe to have wants—and through gaslighting i believed that the things *i* wanted were things that would hurt me. when i was in my early 20s, as i began to heal, i was able to slowly process that i had external safety, and on that surface level shed my fears and express wants. but i could still never truly accept the deep wants i had, or even allow myself to identify them, because deep wants like that were clearly a danger to me. (like, being 5 and wanting to be comforted. that was dangerous. and through fear and shame i began to believe that i would only even want those things if i wanted to hurt myself)

so this led to, as i became healed enough for it to surface, beginning to see my true wants and flinching back from them out of fear. and covering them up with the things i'm supposed to want. only, this got so warped as i began to heal. the way my brain processed a lot of the healing was to take the words of it, and map it onto damaged pathways. the loudest one, that i realized something about this morning, was "i am not supposed to want to be alone. to be healthy, i have to want close interpersonal connection."

this was not me acknowledging a deep inner want for a neurotypical-esque level of intimacy with another person(s). this was me seeing my want for solitude and saying That's Bad, You Only Want That So You Can Hurt Yourself, and pulling over a rug to try to override my true desire. because that true desire isn't safe. that true desire is going to get me hurt. and by wanting solitude i clearly can't possibly be trusted yet (or ever) to know what is actually good for me.

and it occurred to me, when thinking about other disabilities and health issues i have, that cannot be cured, only managed... maybe there isn't a prognosis for my psyche to be able to have those well-adjusted-since-birth social wants and needs. i've always struggled with the idea that the starting point my trauma left me with was not as catastrophically damaging as it felt. that maybe i wasn't in the highest percentile bracket of "fucked up by trauma", so not only was i overreacting, but that the expectations for how much healing i could do were higher than the progress i had shown. no therapist has ever given me a straight answer on that which... intellectually i understand.

but after ten hard years of therapy—and finally starting to be able to sit with the idea that what i want NOW does not have to be invalidated by what i may want later—i'm realizing that maybe. and not in a bad way. i can't be cured. partly because there is not enough time to do the work, but largely... because i don't want to do it. not because i want to hurt myself or deliberately stunt my growth but. because—even though it was my trauma that trained me to like solitude—i want and like to be alone.

which gives way to the framework of How Do I Make Myself Happy Here? Now? i've read a thing that suggests rather than a personality metric like meyers-briggs, we acknowledge that everyone has a minimum and maximum limit for social interaction before they get weird. (the op of the post talks about sticking googly eyes on everything when they're lonely... which i have certainly done. Mr TV, my beloved friend) so i think the way i need to be framing it all instead is - knowing a need for solitude is my baseline, are my social needs being met? in this moment?

it's not pushing myself to interact with people more and more, to build up more energy, to have more corrective experiences, with the endgame of being able to withstand a high amount of social interaction so i can someday want to have this allegedly healthy want for attachment. a want i don't even have! right now! because if i wanted all that interaction now, i would be looking for ways to get it. i would want it now, not anticipate that i may want it because i think a certain amount of depositing Good Interactions will spit out the Want For More Interactions.

i've always wanted to be alone. my reasons for it have changed, yes, but not the core drive. which i think is the point. if i wanted to have all those attachments like i'm "supposed to", that would have been the underlying core this whole time, and the reasons why i couldn't have it would be the things that were changing. it would be "i'm not healthy enough to have safe relationships with people yet even though i want to" NOT "i don't want relationships with people, which means i must not be healthy enough to have them yet". which entirely invalidates the stated want of not wanting relationships!!

i SEE that i want a very minimal level of human interaction and intimacy. i SEE that that want has not changed throughout the course of my memory. how much interaction i can handle has changed, but that it is a baseline much lower than most people has not. and i can't move forward in my actual healing, with the brain that i have, if i think it will someday magically change into something else.

my trauma shaped me. built me the brain that i have. i can mend a lot of it and make it a pleasant place to be, but i don't have the means or the desire to entirely bulldoze and rebuild the infrastructure. and that doesn't mean i should abandon the central highways and try to build new ones right next door, either. it means i'll take care of those highways, put up greenspaces around them so the noise doesn't travel, add new exits and side streets and houses. i'll make it a nice place to live with the plot of land i have, and i'll take down the signs saying "New Superhighway Coming Soon!"

#it's okay that i want to be alone at the core. and it's safe that i want that #i can trust that the things i want in my core are safe for me #i can trust myself to have my best interests at heart #i'm not going to endanger myself by existing as myself #personal #whew that was long and i havent even had coffee yet

[effervescentdragon]

i was gonna send an anon ask to a person to ask them to tag their f1 driver x y/n smut properly, but then i was like, wait, no. thats not on them, thats on me. so i just blocked them. its really that easy sometimes.

#i am generally not thinking straight atm #i havent yet had coffee even #but like. curating your own online experience is rly easy when it comes down to it espesh on tumblr

[kenpachisbrat]

🍑

Good morning 😂

🍓

#idk if youre giving me a peach lol #but i give you strawberry back #its to early for my brain to figure this out #i havent even had coffee yet😂 #anon