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ffxiv-f13ndish · 9 months

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Calm Before the Storm: Not a Hallway Conversation

Collab. write with @sorrel-haven [ also credit to sorrel-haven for gpose shot ^^]

Characters:

Kore Grimvik [featured] (sorrel-haven)

Lament Sorrel [mentioned] (sorrel-haven)

Tofu Curry [mentioned] (@ro-valerius)

Miyu Murasame

Miyu has had a little too much to drink, and their guilty conscience has brought them to talk to Kore of a conversation they overheard. A talk of shared feelings for another takes a turn after Kore notices a spot of blood on their dress.

Despite having been dragged back to the Flower House from the festival, Miyu wasn’t keen on going straight to bed, as was suggested. At least, they faked it a little before they snuck out again. And when they had returned from their brief escapade, they had begun to wind down — to regain some of their senses from their inebriated, embarrassing state.

At the very least, they were no longer nonsensical and mischievous. Instead, the thrilling buzz died down to something more reflective… forlorn. It seemed the lack of inhibition not only broke down behavioral walls, but walls within their mind that locked away a certain guilt which they have been trying very hard to avoid.

Miyu planted themself in the hall, seated on the floor right across from Kore’s door. They remained seated there in silence, up until they recognized the footsteps of their friend. Miyu didn’t look up just yet, staring at her shoes while their face remained tucked behind the knees they had folded up against their body.

“Kore… I really need to talk to you. Theres… there's something I need to tell you,” they murmur, voice slightly muffled from their mouth pressed to their knees.

Kore almost missed Miyu sitting there, if it wasn’t for them speaking. She had just come in from her late night practice. She crouched next to them and gently moved some hair out of their face.

“What’s wrong my little Rainbow? You sound troubled.” Her voice was soft, so as not to disturb anyone else in the flower house.

Miyu shrank at the softness in Kore’s voice. They took the hand which brushed away the hair from their face into a gentle hold. Slowly, they looked to meet her gaze with great trepidation. Their mouth held open, lower lip wavering a moment as they gathered themself in the storm of their thoughts to collect what they needed to say.

“I’m… so sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t know. If I did – I don’t – I think…” they stumbled as the words tumbled out, and then it all surged out of them. “You deserve so much. So much better. I’m sorry you had to sit in silence with this for so long, and just watch someone take…”

Miyu took in a breath, and swallowed the lead that built up in their throat. It dropped into their chest like an anvil.

“Miyu- what are you tal-”

“I heard what you talked about with Lament. In the garden.”

Kore’s eyes widened. “Oh…” she said, barely audible.

She stood up, still letting Miyu hold her hand. She opened her door and gestured for them to come inside with her free hand. This was not a hallway conversation. Miyu followed Kore into the room, still holding her hand when the door closed behind them. Almost like an apology, they brought the back of her hand to their lips, and followed it up with pressing their forehead to the surface.

Kore brought them further in the room, sitting on the bed, she pulled them down to sit next to her. She was quiet for a while, not knowing how to start. She did not let Miyu’s hand go, she didn't want them to think she’s angry. She was. But not at them. She sighed in an attempt to let out the tension building in her shoulders.

“So…” she began, “How much did you hear?”

“I got… enough to get an idea of who you were talking about. Who you were…” Miyu trailed off a moment, lowering their gaze and staring down at the interlocked hands as they idly brushed their thumb along the back of Kore’s hand. “... who you were trying to get close to.”

“Ha..” she laughed dryly. “Of course you did.”

Kore was hard to read, for she herself was conflicted. She didn’t want to be having this conversation. She had been resolved to let her feelings die, leave the words unspoken. But clearly that wasn’t going to happen.

“Look, I am fine. I- I fall in love easily, it’s nothing to worry about really.” She tried to sound nonchalant about it and hoped this would make Miyu drop it.

The longer they sat together in the room, the more Miyu thought of how they should’ve spent more time thinking before acting without a clear head. They began to think of how this was a knowledge they should’ve just kept hidden away. This impulse to always try and fix things only appeared to do more harm.

“I wasn’t trying to listen in. I was just… by a window and…” they began to explain, but found that excuses didn’t help here. “I’m sorry.”

Miyu chewed on their lower lip as they thought.

“You mean so much to me — to everybody, that I’m certain. You have so much courage and compassion and value… the last thing I want to do is hurt a friend like you.” They look up to her now, though their vision was partially obscured from their heavy eyelids as the post-drinking crash began to hit them.

“If you would be more comfortable with me leaving, I can do that. Or if ya need someone to yell at… can do… you’ve… a right to express your feelings… no shadows,” they continued, words slurring together slightly as their speech slowed.

Kore sighed and pressed her forehead onto Miyu’s shoulder. She didn’t want Miyu to give up their feelings for her sake… She supposed that Miyu might be feeling the same way. The problem with being friends with a, for lack of a better word, rival. It hurts to lose and it hurts to win.

“Miyu… I don’t want to yell. I want… I want Tofu to be happy. I want to protect him, and be by his side. But it’s okay if you fill that space… He likes you.” She looked back up at Miyu and smiled, though it was a bit of a sad smile.

Miyu clenched their eyes shut to try and quench the burning sensation. Come on, they couldn’t cry every time they had a serious conversation. They managed to keep their eyes dry, though a less than appealing hiccup escaped them. What followed from that was an awful onslaught of occasional hiccups, their shoulders jumping with each one as they leaned into Kore.

“I… I want the same,” they admitted, their voice barely above a whisper. Maybe the agreement came without saying, but the words left their mouth before they could properly think over what was coming out of them.

Miyu rubbed their eyes, an exhausted sigh escaping them. When they opened their eyes again, they looked down at the gifted ring on their finger. Their heart gave a little twist.

“I should probably go to bed before I pass out here. Sorry about tonight,” they say, averting their gaze to look at the door. They gave Kore’s hand a squeeze in apology.

“Why are you apologizing?” she held on to Miyu’s hand so they couldn’t easily leave just yet. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. I have been… I…” She looks away.

Was she really getting into this with Miyu? Slightly inebriated Miyu at that?

She sighed. “I… fell in love with him… Before I even met him. Officially.”

Miyu — who had just been preparing to stand — went still. Their head gave a little tilt in confusion, only for it to shift into one more downcast. Their gaze lowered once more.

“Echo, huh?” they go on to presume, knowing of Kore’s proficiency with her ability. “I… understand.”

She didn't look at them and squeezed Miyu’s hand as the tear she’d been holding back rolled down her cheek.

“I must seem pretty pathetic… Falling in love with a memory?”

Miyu was silent for a moment as they battled their own conflicting emotions. Their eyes lingered on the door.

After a minute of holding their breath, they turn their attention to Kore once more. Miyu raised their free hand, holding it to Kore’s cheek as they leaned in to catch the tear that rolled down her other cheek with a gentle peck.

“I think you are pretty great,” they murmur, bringing her in for an embrace.

Kore wrapped her arms around Miyu and buried her face in their shoulder. She wasn’t to the point of full sobs, but she sniffled. She stayed in their embrace for a moment. Miyu held on as long as Kore needed. They really were the best. She slowly pulled away, her eyes downcast, it was then she noticed the spot of blood on Miyu’s dress.

“What is that?” She asked, concern taking over her features.

Miyu tensed again.

“T-” they began, only to cut themself off as they recalled the nature of Tofu’s ordeal. Unaware that Kore had found out about Tofu’s condition, they were hesitant to say anything.

“Tofu… tripped,” Miyu answered, giving some semblance of the truth. Maybe if they were more sober, they’d realize the ridiculous nature of the excuse. They glanced over to the door again.

“Wow. Would ya look at the time! I am… exhausted,” the Miqo’te yawned and stood to leave.

Kore grabbed Miyu’s arm and sat them back down. Her concern was clearly written on her face.

“Please Miyu, tell me what happened? Did he “trip” or did he… Was it more than just tripping?” She knew, she hoped they picked up on that.

In their unsteady state, Miyu nearly fell back onto the bed, but they managed to stay upright. They clutched onto the skirt of their dress, tapping their feet anxiously.

“A bit… more than that,” they reluctantly responded.

“But he is safe – okay right now, for the most part,” Miyu added on, in a quick breath, “I just don’t know how much he… I… it might be best to ask him.”

“So it’s getting worse…” she gripped Miyu’s arm tighter. “So he told you about it before?”

Miyu sucked in a sharp breath at the tightening around their arm. By no means was it physically painful, but the action alone set off a deep-rooted panic in the Miqo’te. They shrank back, ears pinning to their head while they turned their face away. They didn’t respond.

“I-” she sighed and let go of Miyu. “I’m sorry. I’m keeping you up.” she turned away from them.

Immediately after Kore let go, they stood and took quick steps to the door. They paused, hand on the handle.

“Have a good night, Kore. I’m sorry,” Miyu said, a faint waver in their voice. They cleared their throat, then made a hasty exit.

#ffxiv ocs #ffxiv viera #ffxiv miqo'te #ffxiv rp #roleplay #ffxiv miyu

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hythlodaeus-mynewoldfriend · 3 months

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📥👖🧠✨️ for the fic asks!

Thank you Liz! More centered on my ffxiv stuff since this is the blog for that haha. Anyway! Let's get right to it starting with the last question!

FanFic ASk Game

✨ Choose three adjectives to complement your own writing.

Emotional, tongue-in-cheek, free-spirited or at least so I hope!

📥 What is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?

Is it cheating to say any of them? Because I love seeing what people have to say on what I write and put out there! Among my ffxiv stuff I always love seeing comments on things that involve Stasia and Carly (which is mostly wips i know) as they are the ones that stray from the general story and aren't always likable so I like being able to see how they come across and make sure that its the way I intend to and think I'm doing when writing. A more specific piece it would have to be this piece with Anthea and the final days. I feel its one of my best works posted in completion and I like seeing how an event like that comes across to others especially given that much of that time period is up to interpretation of an individual.

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

No planning we die like men! jk jk I am more of a plantser in that I go into a wip with a general idea in my head on what I want the main focus of a piece to be, the intention of it, and any specific lines or actions that inspired it. After that I just write it out and see what happens! A lot of times I get to where I was planning and in ways I didn't expect, other times I end up somewhere different but it felt so natural writing it that I had to leave it. There are the rare occasions I don't do any planning and just get the urge to write and so I do just that and will come back to it if I get stuck, this happened recently with a piece where I had very little in mind other than knowing Phobos is reading various letters Deimos got, but who they were from and what they said and going back home were all things that I came up with on the spot.

One thing I really let free and hardly put any thought into ahead of time is the formatting of my writing though. I like to at times be a bit of a visual writer in that I will use breaks, bolds, italics, lack of spaces, etc. to convey something that I probably would take too long to write out in any other fashion. Besides how else can I best describe racing thoughts and anxiety than putting a bunch of words together without any space between them haha.

Also will mention that much of my stuff looks like panster writing because I was writing it as I was actively playing the story so I had no idea how it was all going to end and what I wanted to do with my kids as Sib and Demos started in two different universes.

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

This would depend more on what you would call a wip. I tend to count anything that's at least a few paragraphs or dialogue long, which there's quite a bit of that. If we're talking just straight ideas then there's plenty of moments that I would love to write but I don't have a way to write them quite yet. Things like the last conversation Carly and Zenos have, the conversation Demos has with his mentor after the Vault, lighter moments like Sib trying to tackle Emet in ShB or the montages of the gang waking up at first light to get moving with a frantic Sib trying to catch up anime style getting ready. Hell the time that Deimos believed he could randomly tame a unicorn resulting in him, Emet, and Hyth being chased by a herd of them. Or the start of Etheirys' Worst Girls Trip with Sib and Stasia landing on their guide. I just have a lot of little things or big moments that I'd love to write because I can see them in my brain and how they play out but it can be so hard to translate that. I feel this is also why gposing has become a way for me to tackle these ideas as I plan as if I'm watching a show or movie so I can better get the angles and descriptions without having to actually describe anything haha.

#writer asks #Thank you again Liz! one day I will be a writer again and I won't have so many wips stashed away

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sjofn-lofnsdottr · 10 months

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I feel like posting some pictures I've taken in FFXIV. But not the good shit. OLD stuff, before I knew what the hell I was doing.

When I first started, I found gpose intimidating, so most of my early screenshots are of my boys in cutscenes. I still take a fuckton of those, a leftover habit from when I used to write Let's Plays, particularly my LPs of SWTOR. This is the first non-cutscene picture in my folder that I think is worth looking at. You can tell it's old because Tiny Estinien is in it, rather than Duck.

THIS one you can tell is old because it's an old AST animation that died when ShB arrived. I know there are people who like current AST. I know there are people who liked ShB AST. But I haven't liked the class since Stormblood. I loved the SB version of AST, and I doubt they'll ever recapture the magic for me, which is a little sad. I'm willing to be proven wrong, of course, fingers crossed for whatever 7.0 brings.

It took me forever to even notice the lighting controls, and I had basically no eye for photography, so a lot of my early gpose experiments are poorly lit and have shaky composition. But I can't bring myself to get rid of them. They're HISTORY.

I did enjoy seeing exactly how silly dragoons are while messing around with gpose, though. I wish I was better at the class (it's too clunky) because it's exactly the sort of awkwardly endearing vibe I think Dusk carries in general.

Seriously, I just did not mess with lighting at all at first. Which is funny, since lighting is one of my nominal skills. I spent years as a theatrical electrician, I whine about having to work with only three points of light I can't change the angle on constantly. But during the early times? Whatever the lighting happened to be, is what my gpose got lit with.

I think another reason why I keep these is because I can look at them and see all the ways I'd do it better now, and be pleased by my progress. I wavered on if I should show them at all, but you know what? So many people find gpose intimidating. They see people's amazing shit (and there's so much amazing shit!) and think they can't do it. I get complimented on my gpose work now, I know I'm pretty okay. So I want to show I didn't burst forth good at it. I have a lot of awkward shit in my folders!

And even with all the awkward, I have some nice stuff from my first year in FFXIV that I like the look of, even if I wouldn't do it that way now.

#ffxiv #gpose #baby gpose adventures #let me show you my garbage

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xiv-wolfram · 1 year

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I'm new to tumblr and looking to start my own visual stories. I stumbled upon yours through the suggestions and I am INVESTED. Raubae is a beautiful man and Wolfram and he are a beautiful couple!

Can you give a noob visual storyteller pointers on how to get started with their own comics?

OMG THANK YOU!!! 😭 I'm totally normal about them. I also want to apologize for Tumblr being a bit of a mess in terms of following the comics. Highly recommend the Carrd for chronological links.

As for comics - I'm far from an expert but I do see myself getting better with each one I make so hopefully some of this will help. 🤞

Read a bunch of different types of graphic novels. Pick the ones you like the most and pay attention to how they do things. I personally like lots of dialogue and character development, dramatic lighting, and focusing on facial expressions. Others focus on the action or scenery. Some a mix of both (which I'm working towards). Just find inspiration in what you love and let it help you find your style. 😁 Looking into how comics are made and what the different speech bubbles mean/text decoration/etc was helpful.

Use Clip Studio Paint or a program like it. Basically you want something that will let you cut out comic frames and add dialogue boxes easily. It really streamlines the workflow.

Write out "scripts" before GPosing. I know some folks who can freestyle but for me scripts with minor stage direction and dialogue have helped a lot. I have a different numbered line for each GPose I need to take too.

Everyone does plot/characterization differently. IDK if you were curious about that but I personally focus my plot around 3 main storylines - WolfBahn relationship arc, Wolfram's voidsent problem/past trauma, and MSQ. These plotlines overlap A LOT and come to a head in Endwalker. A lot of folks focus on their OC (I of course do.) but its also nice to develop the NPCs in some way. Most of Raubahn's development comes from MSQ which makes that easy but I do take time to touch on some of the things MSQ doesn't cover heavily like his recovery after being rescued from Halatali or the toll fighting to liberate Ala Mhigo takes on him. So I guess I just think - stories are more engaging if you flesh out the NPCs a bit. That may be personal preference though...

Really know your characters. I've found answering WoLQoTDs helps a ton. Along those lines - a timeline of their major events. Mine includes Eorzean events like The Autumn War and Garlean invasion of Ala Mhigo so I can fit my character's story in with the greater world. Before starting the comics I had a summary of his story on his Carrd (it's down now though). I also made a family tree. Replaying cutscenes helps get me in the zone to write too. Knowing them really well makes the writing flow pretty effortlessly.

Spend the time to edit each screenshot. I didn't do enough of this starting out and regret it. Even just upping the sharpness makes a big difference. Highly reccomend hitting it with the dodge/burn if you have time. The images will be smaller than most gposes so zooming in or cropping closer can help show the fine details (another place CSP shines).

Make dialogue box text large enough so that the majority of users on mobile won't need to zoom in. What I've been doing is 50 in CSP.

This one I don't do - but I should. Have someone with good grammar who also actually enjoys your story go over your comic before you post it. Ideally over the script as well. They'll point out grammatical mistakes but also since they're fans they may have some cool character insights you hadn't thought of!

Don't be discouraged if you get less "likes" than you do for GPoses. I usually get way less. On the flip side I get more actual interaction with the comics. Nice convos. It's how I've met some of my best buddies! So it's a good trade-off IMO. Most important of all - it's FUN to tell stories!

I hope this was helpful. Feel free to DM if you have more specific questions/want to have a convo too. I'm always excited to see more GPose comics! :D

#WolframAsk

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tk-layla · 1 year

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Memories from a Shard, 2022

Starting this piece and I still don't really know how to even explain to you the significance of how this year ended. I struggled to convey the words without tearing up on stream last night, and I can feel it rushing back just thinking about it...

For context: I got into FFXIV back in Stormblood; I was gifted a level and story skip so I could play with now former friends, and whilst I enjoyed it, I was still very new, didn't understand everything, and felt I could only do stuff they were telling me about. Fast forward to 2022, they are no longer in my life, I had moved to a different data center (left the EU servers for NA), and was trying to establish myself there instead; still with limited knowledge but slowly trying to learn. The interest was there, but it too fell apart owing to troubles outside of my control. I couldn't afford my subscription, and couldn't play XIV for months on end. I gave it one more shot when I had the opportunity, and plucked up the courage to try reaching out via Party Finder.

From that point on, everything began to change. People enjoyed the treasure maps, they wanted to help out with mounts, I was taught about Linkshells and watched as they each accepted the invite, they joined the discord to help share knowledge I didn't have, shared screenshots that blew me away, and patiently waited for me to finally start my journey through Endwalker. From the small gatherings for roulettes to full treasure map parties, from creating a whirlpool of cars at Idylshire to playing chicken with Susano's sword, we created memory after memory... all building to the finale of Endwalker mere days ago...

Walking up that path was hard, and incredibly emotional; especially with Close in the Distance playing. But it was the group that waited for me at the top that truly made it special. The thing I had wanted for the longest time was standing right in front of me; all ready to take me through the final fight of this beautiful game, and I cried. And I cried again when we gathered there once more last night as we counted down to the New Year. We had walked through areas that meant a lot to us, fought characters we weaved our stories through, and pushed through the hardest fight of the night as our biggest test was not wiping despite Her best intentions. And each one of them, no matter how new they were to me, had contributed something to the year: their time and support.

I go into this year now with confidence I thought I could never have. I'll talk about my goals for this year another time because this is already quite the post, but know I want to try everything this year! Ultimates, synched EX/Savage fights, keeping up with the patches and their content, Role Playing, gposing, fan fic / lore writing, and even different classes. Will I like or enjoy any of these? It's not a guarantee. But that's fine! I won't know until I try. And everyone who gathered, who sent messages, heck even those who wanted to gather AFTER the session was over... the fact you even asked is just as important! Each of you have given me the desire to keep moving forward, and for that... I am eternally grateful. The bad memories make the good times hit that much harder, and that's okay; I wouldn't change a thing. We're not alone... so stand tall my friend, for in the dark, I know... you won't stray x

#ffxiv #happy new year #memories #envtuber #lgbtq

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tallbluelady · 1 year

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between you me and those two lalafall t posing that azure dragoon in submission in the corner there what is your favorite part about screenshoting writing or otherwise producing content for your character?

Buckle up cuz I've been rotating this concept in general for a while!

Okay, back in college (I still feel weird saying that) I lent a friend my notebook cuz he missed a lecture one time. He noted that I doodled all over them, and asked why I did so. My answer was something along the lines that I was going to burst if I didn't.

And it's still true for me to this day. I have to write or draw or do gpose/screenshots cuz otherwise I'm going to explode. An idea comes to me and stares me and compels me to execute it. Hell, when I get a good shitpost idea, it feels like my third eye snaps wide open and I cannot get any rest until I make some sort of token effort to try and make it real in some fashion.

As for a favorite part? I don't know! The Defunctland tweet about film making being the worst thing other than not making films is pretty accurate on occasion. I mean, I do enjoy the fruits of my labor. I was scrolling through my own blog smiling at the stuff I've made before I started writing this answer. But depending on the creation, creating the thing is more important to me than having the created thing.

Like this essay of an answer! Not only do I feel obligated to answer you, but I have to admit that writing this is going to be more satisfying to me than coming back to it later and reading it. And that's been true for most of my life. I remember goofing off with spriting at a young age and just enjoying editing the visual of Pokemon trainers without worrying about posting them for a while. It's just been this last year and like, high school that I would get consistent feedback on my creative endeavors. College and working at my last job didn't leave me with enough energy to do creative stuff and present it in a viewable fashion. So that leaves me wrapping my head around the idea that I am having positive human interactions because of my blorbos and blorbo related content.

As for Rowan being the central character of this content? She's more or less the character I've always made creative content for. Whether it be in a Night Elf form or original Elf form or Elezen form, she's just been the vessel for any creative endeavors that need a person-shaped avatar to fill. Now I can confidently say that Rowan is probably distinct from her predecessors by virtue of being worked on so much more lately, but she's just drawn from the same primordial muse ooze that I've always been drawing from.

I think I hit all the points I've wanted to here. Well, the peer-reviewed, undiagnosed ADHD is probably a big contributing factor as to why I feel like I'll burst as a way to combat boredom (and for how this reads lmao).

But, uh, yeah. Thanks for the ask, anon. I hope it wasn't far more than you bargained for XD

#rayn speaks of herself #and of creativity i guess #rayn back at it again with the essays #yeah i am still trying to wrap my head around being somewhat popular in this little niche of mine #i am enjoying the feedback but i would still create regardless of human interaction #cuz i would probably literally explode otherwise

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miqojak · 1 month

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Can you explain more about your “do not reblog” rule? /gen

Do you not want reblogs of anything ever or just certain things? I try to check tags but tbh I’m still not really clear on the why so I do t know if I’m doing this right.

Hey, thanks for asking!

What it really boils down to is that it is incredibly hurtful when you've spent years looking to make contact in an RP community, and no one will reach out for RP, or show genuine interest in your OC... but complete strangers in the RP community will come by to take your OC aesthetic for their OC, and never interact otherwise, which is ultimately just using another person for your own gain.

If you like a character's aesthetic, and it's similar to your own OC's... why not go ahead and interact? (Send asks, or comment on posts or reblog writing or gposes with tags about how much you like the character, or whatever! ) Wouldn't that be a good first sign that your characters might get along, or have similar interests of some kind? It's a social hobby, after all, so you gotta talk to strangers eventually... so who better than someone whose OC blog intrigued you to begin with? If you like the aesthetic but not the OC... why not just follow the same resource blog they did, for more of the aesthetic you like?

An RP blog is essentially for helping to meet other RPers; it's like making a scrapbook about your character to show/advertise to others, to see if they might be interested in RP with your lil guy - "here's what they're like, are you interested?". But when people come by and only take from you, and don't engage in any other way, shape, or form? They don't reblog, or even hit the heart on your original works ( ie they literally just take aesthetic posts they could have gotten from the same resource blog that I did, so I get a notification, thinking it was someone actually interested in engaging in our shared, social hobby - but it's just someone who wants something from me) - or support you by maybe sharing your original work at all... well, it certainly makes *me* feel used, and it's both hurtful, and frustrating. It makes me feel like I'm just an object, and not a person behind a screen looking for contacts in a community that only seems to stop by when someone wants something; it makes me feel like people don't think about the person behind the screen.

That said, I explained it recently like the old "neighbor asking for a cup of sugar" thing - if I know you and we interact and I know you're not some stranger who only comes by to take from me what you will? Why wouldn't I be willing to share/ 'give you a cup of sugar'? There are definitely people I think are great on here, who support not only me, but so many others in the community, by sharing creative works and writing fun tags on them, etc. But if a complete stranger showed up at your home and didn't ask for a cup of sugar, but barged right in and started helping themselves to everything in your fridge... wouldn't you be upset in some manner? They didn't say hi, didn't introduce themselves... they didn't say anything at all, and you have no idea who this person is! You'd probably lock your door, and not open it to strangers anymore - plus, it's not like you wouldn't make them a sandwich if they were a friend in need, but it's off-putting to be used... and doubly so when you don't even know who this person is.

I've lost a lot of my desire to try and be active, myself, because no one seems to reach out for RP anymore (all my longterm RP friends from years ago have quit RP over the last few years because of this - they were always the ones putting in all the effort with reaching out to new contacts - among a handful of other reasons), and as a fellow anxious person... you just gotta bite the bullet and be social at times if you want RP, you can't hide behind social anxiety in a social hobby (don't I know it). You can't just hope it falls in your lap. But between being regularly ghosted by people (who seem to only want ERP, and disappear when it doesn't happen) - and Tumblr mostly just being a hurtful experience... I've largely gone inactive, and try to share others' stuff when I do log on.

Tl;dr If the only thing people want is aesthetic posts... why not just follow the same resource blogs - why use the blog of someone trying to make connections? If they want to RP, or establish some sort of connection by mutually sharing each other's creative works, and sending asks and doing tag games, etc. - (ie if they want to establish a rapport) then that's amazing! Full steam ahead.

But it hurts, and ultimately makes me feel pretty worthless when I love a character I've worked hard on and tried for years to establish, and then most notifications are just another name of a stranger who only comes by to take aesthetic posts they could have gotten anywhere else.

Sorry for being long-winded - the ADHD contributes to that, but I've also had some people be incredibly entitled and cruel when I was blocking them, and pointed out to them that the only notifications I had from them for many months was them simply taking aesthetic posts, and never interacting otherwise... as if they felt entitled to pump my blog for their own OC's aesthetic (or its someone who follows me and just instantly starts combing my blog for their OC's aesthetic... conveniently skipping anything that's actually original work I spent time creating) - so I tend to overexplain, these days, so it's clear that it comes from a place of hurt, and trying to protect myself and cultivate a healthier circle of people around me... its not out of malice, or grudges, etc.

#it really compounds the depression when it feels like ppl only want to use you #it feels like people love Jak's aesthetic but not her as a character... so why follow her blog?#they will reblog a specific aesthetic image of doc martens... but not the exact same image recreated in gpose #something that took hours to make is worthless... but people will go out of their way to reblog the real world aesthetic image of it #so yeah it hurts and drives home that you're seen as worthless or expendable

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scentedkittydetective · 4 months

Text

Let's see...

Last night my brain didn't want to shut down even after taking my sleeping meds, it was probably the YouTube vids I had playing on my phone. my brain was quiet, I just wasn't sleepy at least not until like 4 am. usually they knock me out but sometimes I'm just not really tired. I slept until midday or so before getting up and talking to my best friend.

we chatted about random things while I made some Thai tea, but it was instant. it's still good but not as good as fresh stuffs you can get at some restaurants. I don't remember if I had anything to eat, I was just happy to have some hot tea.

today was kinda cold, so it was perfect for staying under my favorite blanket on the couch. I rotated between playing a mobile game and crocheting while watching some internet and true crime videos from a new YouTube channel I found. he leans heavily on analog visuals which is pretty cool, brings back old memories of when I would play the recorded Disney movies.

I've decided to make a cat blanket for my friends kitty, she enjoys how yarn feels which reminds me of my kitty. I wanted a nice soft yarn and after digging in my stash, I found a very soft red yarn. imma wash it after I'm done with some softener so it's extra soft, this yarn is almost baby blackest soft so I know she will love it. the color is called autumn red, and reminds me of one of my final fantasy 14 characters, so I'm sure my friend will love this too.

I had planned on logging in to final fantasy 14 today be decided against it. no drive to do anything productive in game or even artistic. so no mod making or gposes. I adore my characters, they each have their own backgrounds and interactions. it's been a good writing experience too and pretty thought provoking. one character is mute and it's fun to think about how she interacts with the world.

I definitely would like to write down more thoughts about my beans, what I call my characters because the guild is called the Smol Beans. this will help cement my ideas for them since writing down makes it stick in my head.

#blog

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nhaneh · 2 years

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Why did you choose y shtola over other character. y shtola Is one my fav Final Fantasy characters b t w

You know, it kind of just happened?

When I first got started with the game I didn't really have much in the ways of plans or expectations, and a lot of Kea's character just came about organically as she interacted with the story and its characters.

It kind of started somewhere around Heavensward. I'd just picked up the gunbreaker class for Kea, found myself enjoying it, and it felt right for Kea who was getting a bit tired of seeing people get hurt or die for her to want to be the one who did the protecting. I was gradually watching a longplay of Final Fantasy 8 around that time too, and somehow the whole theme of the Sorceress' Knight just seemed to resonate with Kea as a character and it just made sense to me that Kea would've developed a bit of a crush on Y'shtola after seeing her get plucked out of the lifestream, basically appearing out of thin air, clad in brilliant light, and that Kea might be entertaining some silly notions of being Y'shtola's Knight.

Then Stormblood started off with Papalymo sacrificing himself and Y'shtola almost dying, again, with Kea being unable to do anything about either. I hadn't gotten into gpose stuff at the time, and ended up writing this (never posted) thing where Kea's by a still unconscious Y'shtola's sick bed, talking about how she was powerless to do anything, about how it seems like it's always people close to her who gets hurt, how the Scions - Y'shtola in particular - are becoming more and more important to her and she's afraid of losing more of them, how there never seems to be enough time to just get to know each other because there's always some crisis going on, and how she just couldn't seem to ever find the words to tell any of them any of this.

And basically it just felt clear to me that it wasn't just a crush anymore and that Kea was absolutely in love with Y'shtola.

Then, of course, Shadowbringers comes around and eventually even provides moments of in-game dialogue that's basically them outright flirting?? And it was just like look, this is an actual relationship now, there are definitely mutual feelings going on here, and it's absolutely adorable and I love it.

This might be a bit longer of an answer than you expected xD but I mean basically... it wasn't so much something I intentionally chose so much as it came out of what felt like it made sense at the time as Kea interacted with the story and the characters as I read them.

And I mean Y'shtola is far from the only character where I got the sense that either Kea might have an interest in them, or that they were expressing an interest in or even outright flirting with Kea, and there's a rare few where I could even imagine there having been short but ultimately failed attempts at making something work. But none of them has ever resonated with her the way Y'shtola has.

#kea lurvis #tbh I'm not sure how else to describe it #it's just a whole lot of what feels like it makes sense

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