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all1e23 · 4 years

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Between the Stars [Prologue]

Pairings: Past!Steve x Reader, Bucky x Reader

Summary: Struggling with the death of your husband, you find comfort in someone unexpected.

Series warnings: CHARACTER DEATH. Grief. Overall sadness. Depression. It’s pretty angsty if I’m being honest. Things mellow out as the series goes on.

A/N: It’s a military AU which I forgot to mention because I’m an ass. Starting you out with some seriously sad shit right out of the gate. I am sorta sorry. Sorta not. @teamcap4bucky Read a preview and responded with “fucking, fuck you” so that should give you an idea of what you’re going into. There is a lot of angst but it’s not gratuitous. It’s purposeful and shows the ups and downs of grief and moving on. I think I grabbed everyone’s tags if not shoot me a message. If you like it write a book report, sing me a song or come scream at me.

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are my jam, though! Thanks!****

“I’m serious, Y/n.”

“Okay,” You mocked teasingly. “You’re serious.”

Steve growled, teasing smile curling up the edge of his lips despite the frustration in his eyes. He gripped your waist and pulled you away from his duffle, ignoring your yelp of protest and settling you on his lap. His pants scratched the back of your bar legs. You hated those stupid pants, they were stiff and uncomfortable. They made him look like someone you didn’t know. Or, at least someone you didn’t want to know.

Your fingers find the soft, worn fabric of the ugly tan shirt he had to wear — Army regulation or not, it was still ugly. The fabric twisted around your fingers, pulling it from his pants, ruining his pristine appearance. Maybe if his shirt was wrinkled, he would get in trouble and not have to go. It was unlikely. He had a unit to command, but a frightened wife could dream, couldn’t she?

This was the fourth deployment the two of you have gone through together. The stupid support groups were all liars. It didn’t get easier after the first, it got harder. You knew the risks before, but now you understood, really understood what they meant. Things became second nature that shouldn’t be second nature for anyone. Like turning your television on in the morning, to see if there would be a notification officer and chaplain knocking on your door within the next eight hours. Every night that passes without a call leaves you wondering if the last time you spoke would truly be the last.

It leaves you panicked. Did you say I love you enough? Did he say it to you? Will you ever be lucky enough to hear it one more time?

But then the call comes, and everything is right for the twenty minutes you get to hear his voice.

The sparks are gone just as fast as he is.

“Hey,” Steve’s voice had lost the hard, playful edge. It was soft. The softness he used when he tried to coax you awake in the morning, or when Steve spilled the secrets hidden within that generous heart of his — the same gentleness Steve used whenever he told you he loved you.

A roughened index finger tapped under your chin and tilted your head up from where it was hiding in his neck.

“I meant what I said. This is the last one. I’m done after this.”

It was that time again. Re-enlisting. You knew Fury had attempting to convince Steve to stay and true to his word Steve would shake his head and end the conversation before they ever got far. The Army could be persuasive, though.

“You really think they will let you go?”

Steve cupped your cheek and tightened his hold on your hip, tugging you securely onto his lap, so your legs hung off one side. “They won’t have much choice. I’ve given them all I can give them.”

“B-But--”

Steve leaned in and swallowed your broken protests in a gentle kiss. You didn’t have time for more, so it was nothing salacious, but his lips lingered far longer than they should if you were in public. Thankfully, you were still home and could savor the feel of his lips. The cool air hit your barely swollen lips, and you shuddered, immediately wishing he would kiss you again. You wanted to keep that warmth for just a little longer.

“No buts. Do you trust me, Y/n?”

You searched his eyes, bright, full of hope and vulnerable like they always were when he looked at you.

“With my life. You know, I do.”

Steve grinned, and if you weren’t already in love with him, you would be falling fast.

“I promise you, Y/n. This is it. My last tour and then I’m all yours. We can do everything we said we would and finally start a family.”

You could feel your eyes burning from tears; you refused to let fall. Steve brushed a kiss under your right eye, letting you know it was okay to let them fall if you wanted.

“Do you really promise? This is the last time?” You finally whispered.

“I do. There’s nothing that could keep me from coming to you. Fifteen months, baby. I just need you to hang on for fifteen months.”

You huffed a watery laugh and wiped those insolent tears away. “I can wait fifteen months for you. I’d wait forever, Steve.”

—

“—Steven Grant Rogers. A man who was devoted to his country and his lovely wife—”

You blinked several times, your eyes focused on the dark wood five feet in front of you, and the words all ran together in your ears. You didn’t need to hear the kind of man your husband is. You knew. You knew how kind and selfless and courageous he is—he was.

A cool breeze ruffled up the edges of your black dress and left you with a chill buried deep in your bones, one that would never leave you. At least the weather had behaved. There was no rain, the sun was glowing through what little clouds were nearby. It was the kind of day Steve would have called perfect. There was nothing perfect about today, no matter how brightly the damn sun insisted on shining. You had briefly thought of having the service inside some church somewhere, but neither of you attended enough while he was living to make that an option. Sarah had argued with you, they wouldn’t care about that. No one would judge you or ask you to leave, sweetheart. Deep down, you knew that. It simply didn’t feel like Steve, and you wanted his last moments with you to be him.

Finally, you settled on the park where you met all those years ago, where he proposed, and under the tree where you vowed to love him forever seemed like the only right place to say goodbye. You don’t know how but between Sam and Nat, they found a way to make it happen. You assumed some strings were pulled, favors called in that you could never repay.

At least Steve came home to you.

Even if it wasn’t the way, he promised to come home to you.

You can’t help but glance to your left, Sam was standing there in his dress uniform, shoulders squared and face blank. If you didn’t know him so well, you would think he was simply another soldier paying respects to Captain Rogers. You knew his tells. That clenched jaw, the tightened fists, and the slow, deep breaths he took every few minutes as if he has scheduled them out. Sam’s hand startled you when it reached yours, his fingers threading with your own. He wasn’t supposed to do that, and as if he could read your mind, his shoulder shrugged, and the faintest smirk appeared.

It was nice, but you couldn’t help but feel like something— someone was missing.

“Why didn’t Bucky come?”

You should be quiet, but your silence wouldn’t change who you were burying today or the fact that you were going home alone tonight and every night from here on out. Keeping quiet wouldn’t change that you will never get to kiss or hold your husband again. Everyone in attendance will go back home to their spouses tonight, they get to leave and breathe a sigh of relief because it wasn’t them. They will go home to hold their loved ones and whisper how they won’t ever leave them the way Steve left you and make promises for more because they still have a future where promises and more exist.

So, if anyone had a problem with your whispers, they could go to hell.

“He needed to stay with the rest of the unit,” Sam whispered, tightening his hold on your hand for some reason you weren’t sure of. You’ve already heard the worst. You doubt anything Sam said at this point could hurt you. “Someone had to stay behind, and he thought it would be better for guys and… for you.”

Turned out you were wrong.

You ignored the pinching in your chest and turned back to face the preacher, your concession to Sarah though it still felt a little off. Part of you had hoped Bucky would be there to help with everything, so when the plane landed a few days before, you had been surprised to see Sam had escorted Steve back home instead of Bucky. Not because they weren’t close or because Steve didn’t love Sam like a brother. He absolutely did, but it’s always been Steve and Bucky for as long as anyone could remember. You found it hard to believe Bucky wouldn’t put up a fight to be here for goodbye.

The casket flag was slowly pulled from atop the casket, and dizziness hit you. It was nearly over. You felt your eyes fall closed, and the voices around you faded away. Everything blurred. You didn’t want this. None of this was fair. You were supposed to have forever, and now you had nothing. It wasn’t supposed to go this way. He promised. Steve promised, and he didn’t break promises!

Especially ones made to you.

“Sam?” You whispered.

You took a deep breath and opened your eyes. They were on the 8th fold. Each fold took another piece of you, just another chip of whatever was left of the person you were. Whoever that girl was, the moment that flag was in your hands, you knew you would never be that girl again.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think I can do this.” You whimpered as a few tears began to fall.

“I’ll go with you—”

“No, I can’t do this… go on alone. Without him. I can’t—I just can’t.”

“You’re not alone, Y/n. We are all here for you for as long as you need.”

Everyone but Bucky.

A man you didn’t recognize, a nameless face approached you, thirteen folds between his hands, a tiny crooked hat made out of stars and stripes. Strange how something only a little bigger than your purse, could destroy the rest of your life. The man stood stoically and met your eyes as he repeated what you were sure was a well-rehearsed line he practiced many times.

“On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States Army, and a grateful Nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service.”

You wished it could do something to ease to the ache. They were hollow words that meant nothing. Through the haze that had fallen over you, taking away the sun and the clouds, you must have reached out with shaking hands because Sam stepped forward to help support the newly added weight, guiding it into your arms. You clutched the flag against your chest, holding on to all you had left of your husband. You squeezed your eyes shut and prayed to whoever would listen, Please let me wake up now. Please, please let this be a nightmare.

No savior was coming; it wasn’t a dream, and Steve was never coming home.

Masterlist // Next

#bucky barnes x reader #Bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #past!Steve Rogers x reader #alternate universe #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #tw: character death #character death #military au #tw: military death #tw: death of a spouse

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allsassnoclass · 4 years

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All I Really Want is You

Clearly showing on the screen is the beginning of an email from a jewelry store, the kind that specializes in engagement rings, with the subject line Order Confirmation. He can’t see the body of the email, but it’s enough.

Ashton bought an engagement ring. It might even be in the house right now. Michael is going to get proposed to at some point, possibly very soon.

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“I can’t find it,” Ashton says, his huff of frustration breaking the easy silence of the evening as he continues to scroll through his email. Michael glances at the phone from where he’s plastered to his side on the couch, watching letters blur together, none of which seem to spell “escape room.”

It was Luke’s idea to book one for all of them. Apparently being best friends and living in each other’s back pockets for nearly a decade is not enough “band bonding,” and the last time they all got together Luke complained that they always neglect each other when on breaks between touring and writing.

“You should third wheel the Mashton dates, like I do,” Calum had said. Luke had pulled a spectacularly sour face, then pouted when he saw that Michael had the same expression.

Michael thinks some space is healthy. He also thinks that getting all of them in the same room to fail at solving puzzles is going to be the most fun he’s had since they played their last show. As such, Ashton booked the room a few days ago and now apparently can’t find the order confirmation that they need for tomorrow.

“Let me try,” Michael says, taking the phone and navigating to the email search bar. He types in “confirm” and waits for the results to load. Once they do, he freezes. Next to him, Ashton stops breathing.

Clearly showing on the screen is the beginning of an email from a jewelry store, the kind that specializes in engagement rings, with the subject line Order Confirmation . He can’t see the body of the email, but it’s enough.

They’ve talked about marriage before, so this isn’t a new concept. They’ve been dancing around each other since they were teenagers, and it had always been part of the plan once they finally, officially got together, both of them too nervous about risking the band to take a chance on a relationship together they weren’t already 100% sure of. It’s been years since the subject was first mentioned, and Michael distantly knew this day would come. They’ve been working with management to come out separately, to mostly supportive reactions. They always said that marriage would happen when they felt like they could be open about it.

It’s very different to talk about in hypotheticals than to know that one of them has a ring somewhere.

Michael blinks himself out of his daze, steels himself, and keeps scrolling. He obviously wasn't meant to see the email, and they need to find the escape room confirmation before Michael loses himself thinking about this. Ashton breathes out next to him, arm tightening just barely around his shoulders.

“Found it,” Michael says, clicking on the proper email and flagging it so Ashton can find it again if he clicks away. He hands back the phone and picks his own up with the intent to get rid of some of his own notifications, but he can’t move beyond the homescreen before he’s staring at it blankly.

Ashton bought an engagement ring. It might even be in the house right now. Michael is going to get proposed to at some point, possibly very soon.

Ashton snorts next to him. Michael glances at him out of the corner of his eye, and then he’s giggling, growing into full-out laughter by increments. Ashton’s laugh has always been infectious, and Michael can’t help but join him. The entire situation is ridiculous enough that it’s verging on hysterical, and Michael’s laughter doesn’t die until Ashton has melted into the cushions. He can’t believe he’s in love with this man.

“Why are we laughing?” he asks.

“You know why,” Ashton says, and that almost sets them off again, because he does know. They both do.

“Is it… is it here?” Michael asks. Ashton smiles at him. If it was in his pocket and he whipped it out right now, Michael would say yes, but he knows that won’t happen. Ashton likes planning his romance.

“Yeah, it’s in the house,” he says. A shiver of anticipation zips up Michael’s spine.

“Is it hidden?” he asks.

“Obviously,” Ashton says. “Don’t go looking for it or I won’t give it to you.”

Michael pinches his thigh in retaliation, but Ashton just laughs and pulls him closer. Michael twists so he’s in his lap and tucks his nose against Ashton’s neck, even though he knows it tickles.

“Can we play hot or cold?” he asks. Ashton flinches a little at the puff of air, predictable in a way that makes Michael smile.

“Absolutely not. You’ll just have to be patient.”

Michael whines. Ashton laughs at him, because patience has never been his strong suit.

“This better be worth it,” he says.

“I hope so,” Ashton says. Michael cuddles closer, as if trying to get Ashton to absorb him through osmosis will show just how much he loves him.

“It will be. It could be made of tin foil and it’d be worth it.”

Ashton hums, carding his fingers through Michael’s hair while he checks the rest of his email and any other notifications left unopened on his phone. Michael dozes off, but when they move to the bedroom he spends too much time awake, imagining what the ring is going to feel like on his finger.

-/-

“So,” Calum says the next day, once they’ve escaped the room (surprisingly) and sent the others to order their food. “What’s got you so distracted today?”

Michael hums, squinting against the sun and watching a few cars go by. The cafe is a bit out of the way, but they have good sandwiches and good quiche and the patio is really nice. Ashton managed to find it within the first week of officially moving to LA, and they’ve been coming here ever since.

“Ashton told you, didn’t he,” Michael says, because Calum is barely containing a grin and looks far too smug for Michael’s taste.

“Have you found it yet?” he asks.

“He asked me not to look.”

“Usually that would just spur you on.”

Michael shakes his head.

“Not with this. It means too much to him.”

Michael glances through the window to the inside of the cafe, where Ashton is standing in line with Luke, locked in his own conversation and waiting for their orders to finish. As if he senses Michael’s eyes on him, he glances at him and smiles. It’s instinctual to smile back.

“I’m really happy for you,” Calum says.

“It hasn’t even happened yet,” Michael replies, going back to tracing the lines of their patio table with his finger.

“But it’s going to, and we all know you’re going to say yes. You two are made for each other. I’m glad that my best friends are happy. Besides, it’s a really nice ring.”

“You’ve seen it?” Michael asks, gaze snapping back to Calum. A lazy grin spreads across his face, and this is definitely intentional. He knows that now Michael is going to be thinking about this for the entire rest of the day. Michael is going to trip Luke on his way over here so Calum’s food goes flying.

“Luke and I went with him to pick it out.”

“What?” he squawks. “I’m the only one who hasn’t seen it? Cal, that’s not fair .”

“What’s not fair?” Ashton asks, setting down a plate in front of Michael. Calum snorts, but doesn’t say anything, so Michael sighs.

“All of you have seen the ring except me.”

“Oh, that. You’re still not allowed to have a sneak peak,” he says, then turns to Calum and Luke. “And neither of you are allowed to drop hints or encourage him to look for it.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Luke says. Calum just grins, so Michael kicks him under the table.

“Ow! Fine, I won’t, either.”

“Good,” Ashton says.

“So have you guys thought about a wedding date, or…” Luke asks.

“No wedding talk until we’re actually engaged,” Michael says. “Band rule, established right now.”

“Of course,” Luke says very seriously. “You still need to have the option to say no. I understand.”

“Hey,” Ashton says defensively. Michael puts a hand on his thigh under the table, in case he’s about to get insecure and actually think Luke isn’t joking.

“If Michael says no, I’ll marry you, Ash,” Calum says. “I’d be the better option, anyway.”

Michael really hopes Calum gets a huge bruise from the amount of times he’s kicked him under the table today.

“No one is marrying Ashton except me,” he says. “Now we’re switching conversation topics, and you guys are going to stop bringing up our impending engagement until it actually happens. Let’s talk about when Luke thought we had to pry the door open despite everyone telling us no brute force would be used.”

Luke huffs and sets off in a defense of every idiotic moment he had in the escape room, and Michael stabs his quiche and starts to eat. Ashton’s hand lands on the one still resting on his thigh, squeezing briefly before he goes back to his own meal. Michael smiles to himself and rolls around the word fiance and then the word husband in his mind a few times.

-/-

Michael manages to push thoughts of the ring to the back of his mind for about two weeks, but when Ashton steps in water because Moose knocked over her water dish and Michael goes to get him another pair of socks because he is a nice boyfriend, it comes rushing back into his mind.

Sock drawers are a very stereotypical place to hide an engagement ring. Surely, Ashton wouldn’t hide his there. Ashton is better than that. He wouldn’t put it somewhere Michael would think to look if he was actually snooping, right?

“Hey Ash?” he calls.

“Yeah?”

“The ring’s not in your sock drawer, right?”

“What?”

“I said--” he starts to shout, but then Ashton appears in the doorway. “I said, the ring’s not in your sock drawer, right?”

“No, it’s not,” Ashton says, smiling. “You’re not going to find it unless you’re deliberately looking and get lucky.”

“Good,” Michael says, and he’s surprised by how relieved he feels. He wants to get engaged, wants it even more now that he knows it’s so close to happening, but he doesn’t want to ruin whatever plan Ashton may or may not have. If that includes not seeing the ring yet, he’s going to do whatever he needs to in order to not see the ring yet.

“It’s cute that you’re worried about that,” Ashton says, stepping closer and sliding his hands around Michael’s waist. Michael’s own hands follow the lines of his arms up to the shoulders, tracing familiar muscles until he can properly play with the hairs at the back of Ashton’s neck.

“It’s cute that it’s something to worry about, in general. Cute that you bought a ring and have it somewhere,” he says.

“Not as cute as you,” Ashton says.

“Obviously. I’m the cutest,” Michael replies. Ashton smiles, then ducks forward and kisses him quickly.

“Can I have my socks now, please?”

“No,” Michael says, pressing closer. “I’m going to keep you here a little while longer.”

“Okay,” Ashton says, and meets him for another kiss easily.

-/-

Michael and Ashton try to have Date Nights every two weeks. They do a lot of things that could be considered dates all the time, but Date Nights are for special things that they plan in advance. Sometimes it’s as simple as a dinner out or going to a movie, and sometimes it’s an elaborate anniversary idea that involves a scavenger hunt around LA to places that hold significance to them, because Ashton knows Michael likes driving and they both like getting sentimental sometimes.

Ashton takes them to an arcade for this one, a reliable date that Michael always enjoys as if it’s his first time there. They go late, so the place is full of young adults hanging out, bowling, or renting karaoke rooms. Michael leads Ashton from game to game, offering advice on games they don’t know how to play and trash talk on the ones they do. They make fools of themselves on a dance game, and do spectacularly bad on a knockoff version of Guitar Hero, which Ashton wins. Michael loves every second of it, and he loves it more because Ashton is right there next to him, laughing and getting snacks and staring at Michael in that fond way that makes him feel like he’s melting from the inside out.

“This was a good one,” Michael says when they’re back in the car.

“That implies that I’ve ever taken you on a bad date,” Ashton says.

“The ridiculously long hike,” Michael reminds him.

“That wasn’t a bad date! You admitted that the view was worth it!”

“Maybe I just meant that getting to see your smile was worth it.”

“That’s too cheesy and I’m not allowing it.”

“Fine. The restaurant where we both got food poisoning.”

Ashton makes a face.

“I’ll give you that one.”

Michael tries to come up with another bad date example, but it doesn’t work. There have to have been some, because you don’t go on dates consistently with the same person for a few years and not have a few misses, but all the amazing ones and the fact that each of them is intentional time spent with Ashton tend to cloud his memory.

“Seriously, though,” Michael says after a few moments. “I had a really good time tonight.”

“The night’s not over yet,” Ashton says. Michael glances at him as much as he can while driving. He’s got a small smile on his face, looking out the window at the houses and other cars passing by.

“I thought we were going home?”

“We are,” Ashton says. “That doesn’t mean I don’t have something else planned for us.”

“Like what?”

Ashton mimes zipping his lips.

“Ashton,” he whines. Ashton laughs, but shakes his head.

“I’m not telling. You’ll find out in five minutes.”

“Is this just your way of saying you want to have sex tonight?”

“I wouldn’t be opposed, but I really do have something else planned for us first. Unless you need something to take the edge off?” Ashton asks, hand landing dangerously high on his thigh, big and warm through the fabric of Michael’s pants.

“No teasing while I’m driving,” he says, a rule they agreed upon because Michael is far too easily distracted when it comes to Ashton.

“I wasn’t going to do anything,” Ashton says, faux-innocent, but he shifts his hand to a more respectable place on Michael’s leg.

“Is it food?”

“I’m not telling.”

“Come on!”

“It’s five minutes, Mike. You can wait for five more minutes.”

Michael pouts, but Ashton is more stubborn about stuff like this and just lets his thumb rub a gentle pattern on Michael’s leg right up until they get to the driveway and exit the car.

“Hey, go in without me, okay? I need to check on something quick,” he says.

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” Ashton says. He leans forward and pecks him on the cheek, and Michael thinks his hand might be shaking slightly where it lands on his waist. “I shouldn’t be too long.”

Michael wants to press, but something in Ashton’s voice stops him. He looks at him, Ashton smiles back, jittery with something , and Michael says “okay” and enters the house alone.

The dogs greet him at the door, like they always do, and once they’re satisfied with a few ear rubs and cooed compliments he straightens up and freezes.

There’s string everywhere. A piece of red yarn stretches through the entrance, taped to one spot on the wall, hooked on the coat rack, and disappearing into the living room. Attached with a tiny clothespin is a piece of printer paper that reads MICHAEL! Start Here in Ashton’s handwriting. Michael flips it over, but there’s nothing else on it, only a few more papers and photographs clothespinned to the string beyond. Michael looks at the first one, a simple notecard.

October 2011, we met at a house party. I never told you, but I had to psych myself up to go over to you. Something about you felt important, and now I know why.

Michael swallows. He looks at the door behind him, as if Ashton might finish checking on whatever he was lying about and come join him, but it stays firmly shut. This is a journey Michael is supposed to go on alone, evidently.

The next notecard talks about their first Facebook conversation. Then there’s a picture, a printout of the one that was posted on the band social media on December 3 to announce Ashton as their new drummer. It’s got writing all over the back of it, spilling over to another notecard because Ashton never sees the need to be concise when he has something specific to say.

Ashton talks about the Annandale, the electricity on stage despite how much they sucked back then, and he talks about taking this first step together as a band and how Michael looks under stage lights, high on adrenaline and music.

Michael follows the string to a screenshot from their “Teenage Dirtbag” cover, then to other notecards and pictures and moments that are somehow significant to the story of them .

Ashton talks about the day he picked Michael up from school without the other two and they got ice cream, then stayed out late enough that they had to get dinner at a McDonalds, too. It wasn’t a date, but that night Michael couldn’t sleep, replaying every moment over and over in his mind and wondering what an actual date with Ashton would be like.

Ashton talks about recording their first EP, and he talks about their almost-kiss the first time they went to London. He talks about Michael dying his hair and about their late-night writing sessions that always turned into just the two of them talking about things they couldn’t say to anyone else. He talks about going on tour and how every fan vying for his attention could never keep it for long if Michael was there, too. He talks about meeting Alex Gaskarth together, and he talks about his jealousy at seeing Michael come back from dates with an easy smile on his face while Ashton stewed and tried to figure out how to tell him how he felt.

Michael reads every notecard and back of a photograph carefully, tracing over the inked-on words with his finger and whispering them to himself, just to get a feel of what they taste like in his mouth. The string stretches around the living room, winding through the kitchen and around to their makeshift studio in the basement, where Michael reads about their actual first date and first kiss in multiple notecards hung above the drum kit, one right after another. He smiles to himself, sitting down on the drum stool to remember all of the things Ashton doesn’t have first-hand experience in, like how Michael spent two hours freaking out to Calum and then Luke about it, and how his heart was beating so wildly he thought he would have a heart attack right until he saw Ashton waiting for him with a smile, when everything seemed to slow down and settle. In the end, the date itself felt as easy as breathing, jitters turning into excited thrills and anxiety melting into happiness.

He can recall that first goodnight kiss as if it were yesterday, despite how many they’ve shared since then. He remembers the warmth of Ashton’s breath on his cheek in the second before he closed the gap, how tenderly his hands cupped Michael’s jaw, how the moment seemed to simultaneously stretch on forever and end before it started.

More than anything, Michael remembers how the kiss felt more like a promise than any verbal agreement ever could.

Michael traces their relationship through the basement, back up the stairs and around the game room and their bedroom. Some of the notes make him giggle, a few make him blush, and one by their bedside table makes his mind turn to static for a few seconds. There has to be well over one hundred notes throughout the house, but Michael can’t even wonder when Ashton possibly had time to do this while he’s reading such an enthralling account of their journey.

He finally finds the other end of the string taped to the wall by their patio door.

The third to last note reads: A few weeks ago you were helping me find an email and found the order confirmation for your engagement ring first. I can’t begin to tell you what sorts of panicked thoughts raced through my mind, but all you did was continue your task, laugh with me, and promise not to look when I asked. It made me want to marry you even more than I already did, which I thought was impossible.

The second to last note reads: I took you to the arcade tonight because I love watching you light up when you play games and how intently you focus on me when you’re helping. I want to make you happy like that all the time.

The last note reads: In a few moments, once you come outside, I’m going to propose.

On autopilot, Michael opens the patio door and steps onto the deck.

Ashton is in the yard below, surrounded by strings of fairy lights. He scrambles to standing once he spots Michael making his way slowly down the stairs to him.

There’s a ring box clutched tightly in his hand. The ring box. Michael almost stops short at the sight of it, but his feet are on autopilot, always headed towards Ashton.

“You’re crying,” Ashton says. “I haven’t even said anything.”

Michael brings a hand to his face, and Ashton’s right. His cheeks are damp, and he hadn’t even noticed. He swipes at them, but it’s useless. He’s so overwhelmed by nostalgia and love and Ashton, and now there’s a ring box and he’s resigned himself to becoming a blubbering mess by the end of this.

“You said quite a lot already,” Michael says thickly. “Our home is covered in string and notecards.”

“And memories,” Ashton says. “And I want to make more with you. I want to keep making more until the day we die, and then maybe beyond that if there’s an afterlife. Michael you’re--”

He pauses. Swallows. Michael wonders how long it took him to look at all of the notes while Ashton was out here alone, working himself up over this.

“I can’t properly put into words how much you mean to me. I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep next to you every night. I want to be with you during the good days and hold you through the bad nights. I want to hear every bad song you write and every good one and the mediocre ones in between. I want to cook for you and argue about who’s turn it is to do the laundry. I want to take care of you, and I want to let you take care of me. Michael, I can’t love anyone else the way that I love you, and I don’t think anyone else can love me like you can, either.”

He sinks down to one knee, so sincere in what he’s saying, and Michael is already nodding before the ring box is even open.

“I haven’t asked the question yet,” Ashton says fondly. “You have to let me ask the question.”

“Okay,” he laughs, the sound foggy with tears. “Ask me, then.”

“Michael Gordon Clifford, will you marry me?”

“Yes! Yes, of--”

He can’t say anything more because he’s bending down to kiss Ashton. It’s a little gross, because he’s crying and Ashton’s tearing up too and the angle is so bad, but it’s their first kiss as fiances , and that means everything. He pulls Ashton up and wraps his arms around his waist, tucking his face into his neck because he’s crying too hard to do anything else right now and needs a moment. Ashton’s arms circle him, supporting him and keeping him safe and secure, and Michael thinks he could live in this moment for eternity if he didn’t want to have a million more moments with Ashton in the future.

When Michael has caught his breath, he pulls back enough to look at Ashton and chuckles at the tear tracks he sees.

“We’re a mess,” he says, reaching up to swipe at them with his thumbs. “I can’t believe we’re engaged.”

“You haven’t even put on the ring yet,” he says, and Michael gasps.

“The ring! I get to finally see it! Can I--will you--”

“It’s right here,” Ashton says, holding up the box between them. Michael looks at the band inside, silver metal with a golden outline.

“It’s platinum and rose gold,” Ashton says. “It’s not quite a shiny diamond ring with your name on it, but if that’s a deal breaker I can get you another one.”

“It’s okay. You showed up with the plane ticket a long time ago, so I think I can forgive the different ring. Referencing the song fully would probably be too cheesy, even for us.”

“Yeah, probably,” Ashton says, taking Michael’s left hand gently and slipping the ring on. It fits perfectly, and Michael stares at it for a moment, testing the new weight that he’s going to wear forever.

“It’s so beautiful,” he whispers.

“Worth the patience?” Ashton asks. Michael gives him an exasperated look.

“You could have tossed me a ring pop while eating microwaved leftovers and it would have been worth the patience. You didn’t have to go all out, although I loved it, obviously. How did you even get that all set up?”

“We have some pretty good friends.”

“Of course we do,” Michael smiles. He’ll have to thank them later. “Still, all those notes you wrote... You really outdid yourself this time.”

“I wanted you to experience how you make me feel all the time,” Ashton shrugs.

“Overwhelmed?”

“Loved.”

Michael looks down at the ring again, a promise that he’d known was coming for weeks but that still somehow feels poignant displayed on his finger. Nothing’s really changed with their relationship, just their titles for each other, but Michael loves it, knew he would since the moment he saw that email that let him know this was coming. They keep so much of their relationship to themselves, confined to tender moments or small glances that no one else gets to see, but this is a sign for the world. There’s a ring on Michael’s finger, and it means that he’s loved by and loves someone enough to know he’s going to spend the rest of his life with him.

“Maybe I’ll get you the shiny diamond ring,” he says, looking back to Ashton’s face. “Just so you have something as a reminder, too.”

“I’d like that,” Ashton says. He takes Michael’s hand, and Michael squeezes.

“Come on,” he says. “I’m exhausted now. This is one of the best nights of my life and I need to lay down to process it.”

“I can start taking down the string,” Ashton says, stepping around the fairy lights and flipping the off switch on the power cord they’re plugged in to, plunging the yard further into darkness.

“Don’t you dare,” Michael says. “You’re coming to bed with me, and tomorrow we’re going to go through everything again together, with my commentary. I can’t believe you thought you could send me on that emotional journey alone.”

“I should have known better.” Ashton shakes his head, but Michael can still make out his grin in the dark.

“Yeah, you should have. That’s the type of thing you know about the person you’re going to marry.”

“My fiance ,” Ashton says, and the sound of it coming from his mouth sends electricity up and down Michael’s spine. “My husband-to-be.”

Michael makes a happy noise, pulling Ashton closer as they head inside to go through their nightly routine. When teeth have been brushed and all the lights turned off, Michael curls around Ashton in the dark, legs tangled and his left arm securely around his chest. Ashton covers his hand with his own, running a finger across the ring that Michael hasn’t taken off.

“My future husband,” he says sleepily, and Michael thinks the words have a nice ring to them.

#5sos fanfic #mashton #my writing #y'all ever love mashton? I love mashton so much #you know what else I love? thinking about people getting married #maybe I should be a wedding planner I think I'd be good at it #also my streak of writing fics from Michael's pov continues.......#someday I'll write a full fic for a Michael pairing and have the other person narrate

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celestialvoid-fanfiction · 4 years

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We need to talk...

There’s a lot going on on Tumblr right not and it’s starting to have an effect--a bad effect.

I’ve seen good people leave because of what’s been happening to them on Tumblr, whether it’s bullying and toxicity, lack of interaction or blogs dying, and people guilt tripping them or demanding more when the content creator says they need to take a break,

There’s a lot of things happening: Firstly, the mass exodus after the NSFW ban left a lot of blogs unable to share content (whether it was NSFW or not) because they’d get flagged (whether it was NSFW or not) and a lot of the time they wouldn’t get notifications, so their content was hidden from public and possibly deleted if they didn’t check themselves.

On top of this, Tumblr’s new formatting messed with everyone’s blogs by automatically resetting the ‘best stuff first’ and letting smaller blogs die off, and for blogs that rely on view, notes, likes and reblogs, this is really damaging. I’ve noticed this a lot for my blogs and it has been really disheartening.

Secondly, coronavirus lockdown has had a bigger effect than people think. The first thing that happened is that people stepped away from Tumblr and other social media sites because the saturation got to be too much for their mental health--and that’s completely understandable. I support these people for making that decision and putting themselves first, but not a lot of content creators knew their followers were doing this, so the interactions with their blogs took a plummet.

The second thing that happened is that those who had more spare time on their hands decided to rewatch shows and revisit old fandoms, but - unfortunately - they brought a lot of toxicity with them. (And just to be clear, no toxicity, hate, or discrimination will ever be tolerated on my blogs.)

I understand that a lot of these are unavoidable but there is one thing that you can do to support content creators -- LIKE, REBLOG, and COMMENT. They seem like such little things, but when a content creator sees their works reblogged or reads the comments, it can make their day. But I feel I should specify, comments like “I love your art” (but don’t reblog), “Where’s the fic?”, or “I want more” do not help the content creator, it leaves them feeling upset and sometimes depressed and guilt-ridden.

I’d just like to remind you that fanartists, fanfiction writers, and editors spend their time and effort putting together content to put out for free, so please show them some respect and support.

If they have a kofi, Patreon, Paypal, etc. and you can support them with a donation (however small), that could mean a lot to a struggling creator. If you can’t support them financially, reblog their commission posts and spread the word; like, reblog and comment on their works; and keep toxicity away.

Help keep content creators visible and let them know that their efforts are appreciated.

#long post #text post #just to be clear--i'm not saying this about just myself #in the past few months i've seen a lot of my friends and mutuals delete their blogs or refuse to post anymore because of this

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verse50 · 5 years

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My Reanimation Story

This blog was "depixelated” yesterday and I am so happy! I’ve learned a few things in this whole process and, looking back, see that I might have been able to be depixelated sooner. I’m making this post just in case I might be able to help someone with their blog efforts.

Things to keep in mind:

1. My Tumblr has a Gmail

2. ALL of my blog communication was done on desktop browser. Zero in app.

3. Verse50 was started as a NSFW blog. This was NOT a situation of my blog being incorrectly categorized as explicit (i.e. a SFW blog being pixelated after Dec. 17)

4. If you have a Gmail, you will know that emails are automatically sorted into different tabs:

This is important to remember.

Looking back through my email, I see that I sent 5 status change requests to Tumblr since Dec. 17, 2018. This means I clicked on the help button underneath the person shape in the top right corner of the blog

When I clicked on Help it brought to the Support website. I scrolled to the bottom and clicked Contact Support

I then filled out the communication block as shown

I sent five of these requests to Tumblr. Each time, in my Gmail Primary folder, I received a conformation email with this

I kept doing this and nothing happened. I had heard that one could delete flagged posts but, since I couldn’t access my archive, there was no way for me to see those unless I was willing to scroll back through a year of posts. I thought that if anything was adult, they would hide it,

decide everything else was ok, then change my status. So I kept waiting.

I check the Social tab in my Gmail very rarely. This inbox has things like Twitter notifications, new follower notifications, etc. Not anything super important. Over the past month, I noticed emails with this subject line popping up in Social

When I saw these, I was like, “Yeah, no shit Sherlock, of course there is adult content. I’m an erotica blog. Just hide what you don’t like and let me move on.” I never opened the emails. Until yesterday.

Yesterday I finally opened one of the emails and saw this

I clicked on the “here” link and immediately my Tumblr opened up with ALL the flagged posts in one spot for review. Most of them had this banner

but a few had the red “Appeal” banner. All of the flagged posts were my original erotica. Some of them it was obvious would never be cleared- there were nipples visible! I deleted some and appealed about 40 others. I thought the response would take days. Nope. Someone must have been sitting right on this because immediately after appealing I got the following emails in response to each post

I came back to the timeline and deleted all the permanent flagged posts. It didn’t matter to me, all my Tumblr erotica is safe on Patreon, anyway. However, I did learn there is another way to see your flagged posts. Click on the little person in the upper right corner (I used desktop but this is also in app)

and then click on “Review flagged posts” in the dropdown

Evidently this has been there the whole time and I never saw it.

After I deleted/appealed all the posts in the flagged timeline, I immediately received another email (again in my Social tab)

I checked and my avatar was back. I had to replace my header (desktop browser) but the app was opposite. I had to reload my avatar in app but the header was already restored there.

I have a big queue and I’m sure there will be other flagged posts showing up in the Review timeline. I already had a YSA custom flagged and hidden from view. I won’t delete that. I’ll just go to flagged posts as a quick way to enjoy it privately.

Some takeaways:

Always check your email!

Check your “Review flagged posts” frequently. New flagged content will show up there.

CHECK YOUR EMAILS!

#askv

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etechwire-blog · 6 years

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25 new iOS 12 features that Apple didn’t tell us about

New Post has been published on https://www.etechwire.com/25-new-ios-12-features-that-apple-didnt-tell-us-about/

25 new iOS 12 features that Apple didn’t tell us about

Watching the the iOS 12 launch at WWDC 2018, one might have been forgiven for thinking that the new software was a little shorn of features.

Despite whipping through the keynote at breakneck speed, there didn’t seem a lot of time dedicated to the new software that’s going to be landing on millions of devices in the near future.

While there were some neat new touches to the software and a raft of improvements – which you can read about in our natty iOS 12 explainer – we’ve had a dig through the preview and found that there are loads of other enhancements to the software that will likely have a big impact on your experience.

Like Craig Federighi breathlessly crooning over the latest software launch, we’ll try and get through them as quickly as possible – but there are some hidden gems here that you’ll want to know about.

1. Answer calls and have chats over HomePod or Apple Watch

FaceTime got a big update with the addition of group video chatting at WWDC, but even the Watch and HomePod got in on the action. Obviously they’re only audio-ready (given they don’t have cameras) but you can join a FaceTime conference call from your kitchen or while out kayaking without needing to carry a phone.

2. Wink detection

There was a lot made of tongue detection on stage to announce the improvement of Animoji, and it’s something we’ve wanted for a while. The other thing that didn’t get talked about is winking – now you can make a T-rex or ghost wink at whoever you’re sending weird cartoon animations to

3. iPad gets iPhone X-like gestures

This is something that anyone with an iPad and iPhone X will love: you can now swipe up from the bottom of the screen to get home, much like on an iPhone X (although we’re not sure whether you’ll be able to jump between apps in the same way).

You’ll also be able to access the Control Center by pulling down from the same top right-hand corner, which makes much more sense.

4. Better Portrait lighting

If you’ve used the Portrait Lighting on one of the newer iPhones with dual cameras, you’ll know that the edges can be a little bit raggedy at times, especially in the black and white mode.

The new mode generates a mask of the person and separates them more effectively from the scene, meaning a more natural-looking image of your lovely face.

5. A new QR reader

This is something we get a lot of questions on – hence our explainer on how to use a QR code on an iPad or iPhone. That’s going to be a lot easier as the camera will automatically pick up a QR code in the scene, making it a lot simpler to scan.

6. Auto ‘strong’ passwords

Apple’s not gone into too much depth with this one, but it seems that the brand is going to take on the likes of 1Password and LastPass by automatically creating and storing ‘strong’ passwords within Safari and iOS.

7. Don’t get stupid with passwords

We’re not sure how this one is going to work without the iPhone explicitly knowing your passwords, but if you’re using the same one across multiple platforms then the list will flag it for you, and you can alter it to something strong and saved by the iPhone itself.

8. Critical alerts

A lot was made in the iOS 12 keynote about how you’re going to be encouraged to use your phone less, but that doesn’t mean during the quiet, undisturbed times you’ll miss critical things.

Certain apps will be able to break through the Do Not Disturb barrier, meaning healthcare or loved ones will be able to get hold of you at the right time.

9. Smaller app strip when typing in messages

Yeah, maybe this isn’t going to change your life, but the strip of apps you can use when typing in iMessages (a useful feature, and we encourage you to try the basketball game with friends) is going to get in the way a little less by being thinner.

10. Silent notifications

Instant Tuning is the ability to tailor your notifications on your phone, and Apple made a big deal about it onstage. However, you’ll be able to make it so some apps’ updates will still show in the Notifications Center, but will migrate there sliently.

11. View AR in more places

Apple made a point of telling us about the new USDZ file format it’ll be using to create AR experiences, and while most consumers will find that dull the new software will allow you to share these AR experiences across Files, Mail, Messages, and Safari, and that’s something people can get on board with.

12. Photos from events

Searching through your photos is about to get easier, with more options to find the snap you want. While we don’t know how it can identify them, Apple has said iOS 12 will let you search for a pic using an event as an umbrella term.

13. RAW photo support

You can import and manage photos in RAW format on your iPad and iPhone now, and if you’ve got a powerful iPad Pro you’ll be able to edit them too, thanks to upgrades in the new software.

14. Longer Animoji

Been getting a little over-excited about how long you can make Animoji messages for? Consumers have clearly felt like things were too short, as now you can annoy your pals as a panda for 30 seconds at a go.

15. Multiple keyword search in Photos

Now you can cross-reference what’s happening in your Photo gallery and find the right snap more easily, by being able to add in two words like ‘cat’ and ‘palm tree’ to locate the specific image.

16. Portrait Segmentation

As part of better Portrait mode in the camera, third party apps will be able to use the software to separate the foreground and background of a snap to play with new cool effects.

17. Siri gets motorsport info

‘Hey Siri, who’s winning the Formula One world championship right now?’ ‘I’m sorry, I don’t have that info, here’s a web search…’ will be something you won’t hear any more, as Siri can now chat about loud engines with you directly. Yes, motorsport updates are included.

18. New language pairs for translation

Didn’t know you can translate with Siri? Well, not only could you already do that, but Siri now supports 40 more language pairs to help you ask stupid questions in another language.

19. More celebrity facts!

Don’t care about celebrity gossip? Move on. Want to know what the latest book from Dan Brown was? Ask away… but Siri may answer sarcastically if Apple’s improved the AI module at all.

20. Food knowledge

Siri knows more about food now, including the intriguing phrase ‘How healthy is fish?’. The information is pulled from the USDA (US Department of Agriculture) website and can give info on ingredients, food content and calories when you blab about breaking a diet to Siri.

21. Find my password with Siri

Siri might know a little too much about you soon, but while that happens he or she can remember your passwords – and you’ll just have to ask like a forgetful grandpa to have the information given to you.

22. Security code autofill

This is something that Android users have enjoyed for a while – but if you’re using two-factor authentication (and you should) and have to get a text to log in, iOS 12 can now read the message you get with a code and autofill it for you. Handy.

23. Devices can share passwords

This already sort of happens, but you can throw passwords from an iPhone or iPad to a Mac or Apple TV without having to scrabble around and look at small bits of paper to remember your ‘P@$$word’ way of getting into things.

24. More battery info

Wondering why your phone is running so low on battery all the time? Well, with iOS 12 you’ll get info on your usage for the last 24 hours, or 10 days, with the same tap opening up information from each app that’s sucking your power down to help you make better decisions.

25. New dictionaries

Not only do you get new related English words with the thesaurus, we’re also going to see an Arabic and English bilingual dictionary, a Hindi and English bilingual dictionary, and a Hebrew dictionary to help you learn words in more languages.

#Apple #didnt #features #iOS

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