#i just want to get a big chunk done before i post yknow?

[willboland]

if anyone cares i hit 30k on my chestappen slowburn. i swear ill post it someday fjgdfgdfg

#i just want to get a big chunk done before i post yknow? #because when i write chapter by chapter to post quick it never ends up turning out good #and i lose interest #so im hoping this way itll be different #bc ill be miles ahead #did that make any sense #idk

[jichanxo]

ok, i’ll bite: how pathetic is kitakata in sensei au fic in a scale from 1 to 10, and will he have some kind of kuwanafication-level fuckup (or at least a chance to fuck up that much)?

omg hi… thank you for asking… (twirls hair around my finger)

this got long (of course it did) so it's under the cut for those who would prefer to scroll past.

okay pathetic level… uhhh ummmm hm… how to quantify… I want to say either a 7 or an 8? he does embarrass himself quite a bit. he has no idea how to act around yagami FOR SURE. so while some of that is just him being annoying, a good chunk of that is. flirting. and he’s SO confident about it even though he keeps failing over and over again… buddy you gotta take a hint… and eventually something comes of it! but yeah he’s super embarrassing about it. and he’s down so bad for yagami. and his bedroom talk… yeah he’s lame. he’s very lame I think. trust me. (using my best judgment here)

kuwanafication-level fuckup… so far? no. current plan for this fic is essentially a mishmash of lj school story and kuwagami-romance-drama bullshit, so just by having that as the basis, there isn’t really that much opportunity for something that life-changing to happen, really. I have most of the kuwagami-romance-drama bullshit side of the story sorted, but I still need to figure out more of the school story side of this fic (I gotta go over em and take some detailed notes to make sure I write it correctly…), so there’s still a chance that something else will pop up as I write it, especially depending on how things with Itokura shake out, but so far there aren’t any plans for anything like that.

it’s definitely kind of this idealised universe where everything Just Goes Well, yknow… a contrast from canon… but this kind of mundane kuwana is nice too… he’s done his best to try and learn from his near-fuck-up. he’s not perfect but he tries.

in regards to Kusumoto Mitsuru, since it’s important and I don’t remember clarifying this in any post/tags – the deal here is that kitakata still fucked up but he managed to fix everything at the last second before mitsuru died. so kitakata’s kind of had the lesson but without the, yknow. the transformation. I wrote about it as a kind of prequel here if you haven't already seen (obligatory reminder to heed tags etc since it's heavy stuff). I assume that’s kind of sort of relevant to what you’re asking? it’s not that this kitakata never had it happen to him, he messed up and he was forced to stare that in the face, but he managed to avoid the worst outcome, took responsibility, tried to change and continued on with a renewed perspective on his job.

but let’s go back to kitakata actually fucking up during senseific, because I definitely have that! rn the most obvious example is yagami and kitakata getting into a fight and sawa having to intervene and tell them both off for it. it sounds silly when I put it like that, but in context it’s a big moment and a big deal for them both. it’s not just kitakata’s fuck up and it’s there’s more to it obviously (kitakata wouldn’t get all worked up without reason, right?) but yeah, having your kouhai/ex-student have to intervene because you’re trying to punch a grown man in the face? it’s a fuck up. lmao

#lost judgment spoilers #jitxt #jichanmakes #<- sorta #i wasn't expecting to write as much as i have been lately #or to talk about my writing #so i guess it'll go in my generic “everything else i make” tag. it's about me making stuff so it counts #kitakata sensei #<- and this is the defacto sensei fic tag to me since i've already put writing in there #what sorting system LMAO #jokes aside thank you for biting. i do appreciate it #talking about senseific is fun #but i also enjoy YOUR writing and input on kuwagami so it really is quite nice to have your eyes on my silly little posts

[wander-wren]

THE POINT ABOUT SHIVER BEING A CASHGRAB THAT GOT DERAILED

i’m actually semi-qualified this time! i’ve done a lot of research into publishing, bc i want to Get Published, and i happen to have recently written a small essay on maggie stiefvater so i have info about how shiver came to be.

i also have a lot of anger. i will try to contain it. ahem. also i apologize to the person/people who made the cashgrab allegations originally, i am not mad at you so much as at the general world/attitude. patpat. we’re all good buddy

basically, i don’t think shiver was a cashgrab. i try not to have parasocial relationships with authors, but i do think maggie stiefvater is dedicated enough to authenticity to not, like, do that. specifically i remember reading this blog post about author-reader and reader-author responsibility.

everything i’m about to say, unless stated otherwise, comes from maggie’s interview on the First Draft podcast. i’m too lazy to track down links, but i’ll try to at least say where i got things from.

so, shiver is maggie’s third book. the first, she sold to a small publishing house for an advance that was around $2000 that’s small as fuck. the average advance is $25,000, the median is $50,000, and those numbers if memory serves come from a 2021 survey of debut authors.

(average and median, for people who are curious, are so far apart because most advances are on the smaller side, but big six and seven figure outliers affect the median. i think. i gave a speech on this but that was six months ago. i may be getting them backwards, the principle stands.)

so anyway, maggie sells her first book, ballad, buys a mattress, and keeps writing. she sells its sequel, lament, and also happens to have shiver ready at the same time. the house also wants shiver, so the two go together. ballad and lament both come out very quietly. shiver comes out about a year and a half later (i don’t know why, publishing is fickle), and immediately lands on the nyt bestseller list. this was august 2009. mstief couldve very well written it bc of the twilight paranormal romance boom, was probably writing it around 2005, 2006. lament was published january 2008, meaning both books had probably been bought in 2006 or 2007. but we don’t know what her thinking was.

small house, quiet releases, and none of the Peak twilight tropes. somehow i don’t think maggie was aiming for, or expecting, a cash grab.

and i hate this! i hate this assumption. not bc i think a very famous very successful author needs to be defended on tumblr, but because it’s such a common assumption that authors (especially ya, especially fantasy romance) are just out for money. it sucks.

first of all, publishing is almost impossible to make a living in. see those advances up there? they’re split into chunks. right now, usually quarters, each to be paid on a specific milestone of the publishing process. often, when the book comes out an author has not received all or even most of their advance payments. yes, that is stupid. we hate it too. and you can’t receive royalties until after the advance is paid, so that 25k or 50k or what-have-you may take two or three years to get to you. and then there’s taxes and a 15% cut for your agent. @xiranjayzhao (ohgod i’m so scared to tag you if you see this hii) has spoken before about how they could not live off the money from iron widow, despite it being a huge bestseller.

it’s very difficult to make a living off of books. it’s even more difficult to make a living off of books while being honest. people with ghostwriters or ai help or just a lot of determination can churn out dozens of crap romance novels and perhaps make that work. and that’s valid. yknow, i respect the hustle.

but quality and authenticity take time and this industry moves SO goddamn slow that even if you can write a sellable book in a month it’ll be two years before it comes out so what’s the point in writing to the current market?

i don’t care what you think privately about maggie stiefvater or shiver but i DO care that there’s this strange culture that if something is a little bit tropey or a little too much like something popular it has to be a cash grab. that authors are doing this for the money. some are. most aren’t.

maybe i’m just a bit sensitive bc i’m working towards hopefully the final round of edits on a book heavily inspired by six of crows and i agree wholeheartedly with the blog post i linked above. i’ve ranted before about how important authenticity in writing is to me and how much i hate the implication that i value quantity over quality or whatever the fuck.

so here’s a post that is probably too long with a whole lot of numbers to tell you that sometimes people are actually honest. and sometimes people do care about art for art’s sake. and if you don’t like a book, that’s okay, but at least dislike it for accurate reasons, thank you

#wren wrambles #idek how to tag anymore #shiver #sure why not #paranoid that i’m getting something wrong in here but like four people will see this it’s fine #i’m taking this too personally! that is fine

[lesbianrobin]

hi em!! do you have any advice for making really elaborate gif posts with dozens of gifs? (this is what i'm thinking of) thanks <3

hii millie <3 honestly that set was So much trial and error!!! i'm going to assume you know how to actually like put multiple gifs on one canvas since you just asked for tips so i'll tell you some of the things i figured out in the process:

plan before you start and break the work into chunks!! big posts like the one you linked can be daunting, and having a plan can make the process more manageable. when i made the linked gifset, i completed one color at a time and finished that color before moving on to the next rather than jumping around, so i was able to clearly see my progress as i giffed. it was really exciting whenever i finished a gif and added it to my drafts post and i knew that i was Exactly 40% done or whatever yknow?

err on the side of shorter rather than longer. when you put a lot of gifs together, not only will it make a pretty big file, it can also be a little bit busy!! if you keep your gifs short, you'll do yourself a favor in terms of file size And it'll make the overall gifset easier to appreciate because like. people don't wanna sit around watching dozens of gifs that take a long time to loop. if you keep the length fairly short the gifs will load more easily and people can see Everything fairly quickly.

assemble your gifs before you do your coloring/brightening/etc! idk if this is just a problem with my laptop or photoshop or what but when i move a gif from one file to another, my adjustment layers and layer masks often get screwed up, so there's no reason to screw around with adjustments before getting my gifs arranged how i like them.

don't limit yourself to familiar layouts!! combining multiple gifs on one canvas can let you mix gif sizes or use unconventional shapes!

i would encourage you to figure out at least a general color palette and layout before you start to guide you, but to not hold yourself to it if something else happens along the way. if you're going to put a lot of work into a set, you ought to like the final product!! if you planned to do one thing and end up doing another, don't force yourself to follow the original plan. this is a hobby and it's supposed to be fun <3

the last big tip i have is to ummmmm make sure you like. check over everything before you post it. i made SO many mistakes in that rainbow post skncdkms especially in the white and pink gifs you can see like my color adjustments sometimes will just disappear from a certain gif for a frame or two. i was so excited to post and tired of photoshop when i finally finished that i didn't double-check things and now i just have these embarrassing mistakes out there with five thousand notes.

anyway i guess that's it??? ty for asking!! if you want more specific advice about like actual photoshop functions i am probably not the best person to ask but let me know and i'll help however i can <3

#asks #em talks #lesbianrobin.ps

[luckycheesefoodie321]

Y’all. YALL. KIPO SEASON 2 is FIREEEEEEEE

Heroes on Fire...

Anyway!

Binge watched Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts Season 2 today and y’all it was sooooo good!!

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

I was gonna do a cut off but... I can’t be bothered getting my laptop sooo...

LONG POST TOO!!! Plus I have enough spoiler tags I think...

———

First of all... Scarlemagne = Mojo-jojo but with actual redemption arc potential???

They really set homie up as the biggest bad and then the twist mystery that Lio and Scarlemagne are connected at the end of S1... but then every much like The Storm from ATLA, we just DEEP-DIVED into Scarlemagne aka HUGO’s backstory and you’re like “well shit, no fucking wonder he got so damn twisted and hating on humans”

And yknow what even with his convoluted thinking and the terrible things he’s done, I’m really really glad they didn’t go down the whole “I blame Kipo bc I’m jealous she took Lio and Song’s attention away from me and that’s why they left me behind” story line... it’s absolutely fascinating that at no point does Scarlemagne blame Kipo, and even looks at her as a sister... like his line “you’re not the one who rejected me” was so powerful, bc he recognises she was just an innocent baby and sees the same confused child in her that he was when he was left alone on the surface... and twisted though his attempts of making her happy were, he was really reaching out for someone who genuinely cares about him again, and it helps that she’s also the daughter of the two people he once viewed as parental figures... and also Kipo’s just naturally empathetic and sees the good in people...

Then she was willing to sacrifice her humanity for a stadium full of mutes and Lio pulled him out of danger... so I’m reaaaallly hoping they keep this potential redemption going... bc really Hugo and Kipo are perfect mirrors of each other... very Zuko/Aang reminiscent... Hugo the animal experiment that was given human hopes and dreams and abilities, only to be thrust into a confusing and scary place with strange powers, and seemingly betrayed by the people he loves most... Kipo, the human experiment, with typical hopes and dreams but is forced into a confusing and scary place with strange powers, and finds out her whole birth and life has been a lie...

One of them just came out of it better...

Secondly... Kipo’s inner Mega-Jaguar scene = Naruto and the Nine-Tails Fox???

Like slowly learning to control the little bits of power that sneak through... being able to change between forms at will provided there is something anchoring her human half... that whole water/mirror/internal Jaguar sequence?!?!... USING THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP TO GET A GRIP ON HER HUMANITY?!?!

ACCESSING AN EVOLVED FORM OF HERSELF WHISLT THINKING OF THE PEOPLE SHE WANTED TO SAVE?!?!

Yo if that ain’t Naruto idk what is...

Next we have Mom the Monkey...

Wasn’t too hard of a leap to figure out... I probably clocked into it maybe mid ep 1?? Idk what triggered it but yeah don’t think that was meant to be a difficult leap to make... that aside, I like that they didn’t have Song immediately change back or have her wits about her when Mulholland helped free her from the pheromones... she’s been a monkey for 13 years, under the control of Dr Emilia, she hasn’t spoken and she didn’t have little moments to control her powers like Kipo... so figuring out how to change her back is a good ongoing mission to have I think... it also makes the fact that Kipo was the one to get through to her in the first place even more powerful and that’s SO dope...

Lio... yknow what when grown ups in these types of stories have regrets and the children are dealing with their consequences it can be very frustrating... but I like that Lio is more than willing to reflect on his past mistakes (valid tho it was that he had no choice but to grab Kipo and run before Emilia could get to her) and is also willing to ACT ON IT...he gives Kipo’s ideas a chance and its even shown for real when Scarlemagne forced him to tell the truth... Hugo was a child he raised and he doesn’t want to leave him behind anymore... even if he’s done so much bad... I’m also glad they showed Kipo expressing disappointment in her fathers actions, empathy for Hugo’s pain, but that didn’t mean she was suddenly disillusioned to her father and what kind of person he is... that can also be a very frustrating aspect of these types of plot lines...

Benson and his darling potentially mutual crush, Troy? What else can i say but beautiful first awkward teen crush PERFECTION! Both of them blushing when Benson ended up on top of Troy after tackling Troy out of the way of a rampaging Pierre? Troy kissing him on the cheek? Troy helping Benson out of the pit and the same falling in love music playing while Benson gazed up at Troy?? TROY AND BENSON HOLDING HANDS WHILE SCARED AND CLINGING TO EACH OTHER?!?!?

TROY BEING AT LEAST PARTIALLY (Latino? Hispanic?) MEANING EVEN MORE POC CHARACTERS AS MAINS LIKE HECK YEAH!!!

Sidenote: a good chunk of the music is like... “rap” music and they always hit during fight scenes and it’s great...

Also: the Kipo title sequence? A bop we must never forget...

SPEAKING OF BOPS WE MUST NEVER FORGET: Heroes on Fire... a karaoke classic I must learn... used with the Power of Friendship can turn a mega mute back to human...

Also also my love and life Jamack??? Continuing to help Kipo out even if he’s a total tsundere about it?!?! LITERALLY CANNOT STOP HIMSELF FROM HELPING HER?!?! I love him... and I want him to join the gang... so bad...

ALSO. The whole second episode was basically about cheese.

Feta. Gouda. Chevre. Fromage.

Idk about that whole... Soothsayer meets the Grey Sisters (Greek mythology? Three sisters, one eye, one tooth? Is that what they’re called?) business with the cheese but whatever it was fun... they were just straight up tossing knives at Kipo to get her latent powers to activate and that was hilarious... also Mr Miyagi moment I guess XD but it means Kipo’s created a whole brain pathway between Herbs in/Herbs out and how she controls her powers and she even mentions that...

Also mega bummed about Ratland burning down...

I also wanna know what was up with the sentient Fun Gus and why it had the mind of a child...

FINALLY: our new big bad - Dr Emilia...

WHAT COMPLETELY TOOK ME BY SURPRISE WAS IT WASNT SCARLEMAGNE WHO PUT HER UNDER HIS CONTROL BUT FRIGGEN THESE CLOAKED HUMANS...Monkey Mom wasn’t a surprise but THAT sure was

We’re really leaning into the one race supremacy theme here huh? But also the reckless and callous treatment of animals and the earth by humans... without regard for how they feel... and after mutating and having and being able to communicate their thoughts and feelings and dreams, Emilia still thinks it would be better to remove that and return them to just animals...

Fascinated to see where they go from here...anyway... go watch Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts so we can get a season 3 babeyyyyy

#spoilers #kipo #kipo and the age of wonderbeasts #kipo and the age of wonderbeasts spoilers #kipo spoilers #season 2 #kipo season 2 #kipo seasons 2 spoilers #kipo and the age of wonderbeasts season 2 spoilers #wolf #benson #dave #wolfatha christie the fourth #dreamworks kipo #mandu #long post

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on The Royal Heir (Finally!), Book 1 Chapter 12

• Sorry for the delay, guys! I had my first spoken word performance in years this week, and since I was pretty rusty from lack of practice I was spending most of my time preparing for that. Which kind of meant I couldn't concentrate much on getting this QT done the way I usually do.

(BUT IT WENT VERY WELL!! :D :D)

• If you don't want these posts clogging your dash, here are the tags to blacklist: #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs, #long post.

• Honestly the highlight of this chapter for me is finding out that Kiara calls Madeleine an angry poodle behind her back. I bet it was supposed to mean something else and Penelope simply edited it out lol.

• And also Hana's look this chapter, coz Hana always looks so pretty XD

• Soooo like we have one more chapter in Texas left? That's...quite the gap away from the country - from Chapter 5 to Chapter 13, with us returning to Cordonia (by the looks of the summary) by Chapter 14. That's 8 chapters in the States + 1 in Auvernal (9 total): that's roughly 42-47% of our total book. That's how long the narrative took to wrap things up in Walker Ranch, a huge chunk of which added nothing much of value whatsoever to the story.

• In terms of timeline, we've spent over a week preparing for Bertrand and Savannah's wedding, following a possible month-long honeymoon plus barely two days in Valtoria. That's one looooong holiday. And...newsflash...it's not only "King Liam" who's being "irresponsible" (esp if you consider that in a playthrough where you're honeymooning with another LI, he isn't the one spending a whole month frolicking on the beach then running off to Texas shortly after), it's all your favourite LIs as well.

• Screenshots:

Hana: The Universal 77 YouTube channel

Maxwell: @itsbrindleybinch and rash.rec YouTube channel.

Drake: The HIMEME YouTube channel and BizzysChoices YouTube channel

• Sooo the chapter begins where we left off, with Savannah worried about where Bertrand has gone, and the group doing some sort of team huddle like they're discussing strategy for a football game or something.

• Maxwell for some reason thinks the chickens may have taken him hostage. This is not Angry Birds, Maxwell 🤭

Savannah mentions that his tux and wallet are still at home, and therein lies the clue that he isn't abandoning her. He's not taken any money with him.

• Leona gives in her crusty, unwanted input, which Bianca to her credit shuts down. I mean, if Bertrand really needed to turn tail and run, he would have done it ages ago. Like as soon as Drake the Freeloader insisted Bertrand cluck like a chicken last book, just to win the hand of his equally freeloading sister. He could have just muttered "this entire clan is bonkers, me outie" right then. And he'd be right.

• I need Bertrand to ask THE ENTIRE WALKER FAMILY to cluck like chickens or something similar in public once this whole ordeal is over coz istg they deserve just as much humiliation for what they've put them through. That includes Savannah and Drake. Bertrand would be appalled by the idea but yknow, a girl can dream.

• The MC offers to go to the store to find him, and sees Bertrand arguing with the clerk (and threatening curses on him and his progeny). She gets to sock him over the head if she wants...or just scare him. After a couple seconds of arguing coz Bertrand went on this impossible mission just before his wedding, he admits to wanting to get Savannah the Walker saddle.

• The owner of the store doesn't want to give the saddle away because he wants to use it to hold hats. If there is one thing Esther DuPont can appreciate, it's a man who values his hats.

• You have three options to convince Cassidy, the owner: you either plead with him and remind him of the power of friendship, or you tell him the truth about the saddle being Bertrand's fiancée's family heirloom (and because Cassidy is a big softie really, he is moved by both these options).

• The third option is the messiest and the best because you grab the saddle and run while poor Cassidy is just standing there like "what the fuck just happened here":

• Just before the MC and Bertrand got to their respective rooms to change, she gets to ask him why it was so important now for him to get the saddle - and his reasoning involves not only Savannah but Bianca, who Bertrand reveals "has never had a favourable opinion" of him. Which for me technically means buildup for a flashback scene for her before we leave, so the story can highlight why she secretly shares Leona's mistrust of the Crown. There have already been a couple instances where Bianca has hinted at her disappointment, and I'd be kiiinda surprised if it doesn't come up next chapter.

• Bertrand suddenly starts "realizing the importance of parents" with Bartie Sr's return? Really?? How and why? Wasn't he extremely conflicted about Bartie Sr earlier? You'd think they'd expand on that but no.

• Since the MC and Hana are from the bride's side (for no reason) they wear these lovely pink outfits (of course, if the MC decides against that, she can always choose Pepto Bismol!). The men wear blue and white with pink flowers at the lapel, and interestingly Maxwell wears a bowtie rather than the tie Liam and Drake wear (I'm guessing so he could match with Bertrand).

• As with most things on Hana's playthrough, Maxwell takes her place for scenes where an LI is to assist the MC (either in picking an outfit or in choosing for something like the nursery). Here, we meet Maxwell first, then see Hana's outfit afterwards.

• ...Madeleine believing she's "an actual professional", and in fact better than Jess, and Blake Yasuda.

If I had to make a list of how poor a professional you are, it would be - oh wait. I already have a comprehensive list of that. It's the entirety of Book 3.

• Madeleine is not our press secretary anymore (thank goodness) but she still hasn't lost her need to control and criticize and screech at people. Unfortunately, by virtue of being last in the room just when the MC is hit by a wave of nausea, Madeleine ends up sharing the secret of our possible pregnancy with us (eww).

• Because the MC is impatient as hell, Madeleine shoves the test into a desk drawer and waits for the timer to go off, after which we find...two tests (how did she not see this when she was opening the desk). Which one is ours? (the positive one, but for plot purposes the MC is kept not knowing about this).

• I'm not appreciating Madeleine carrying around pregnancy tests. That'll always be a weird thing to do.

• Why the heck was Savannah keeping her negative test in a desk in someone else's room? Why not just throw it away? Like I understand not wanting Bertrand to know but this is just next-level bizarre. What's it supposed to be: "a keepsake of that time when I was not pregnant"?

• So now the plan is to figure out who took the other test and confirm any results from them. The rest of the bridal party (Penelope, Olivia and Kiara) are downstairs making small talk and discussing wedding fashion/traditions. You get references to Lythikos weddings ("all knives and crossbows", which is actually Kiara's disbelieving statement that Olivia confirms).

• Time for the wedding! And the MC needs to ask a woman from the court about this test, and quick.

• You'd think she'd zero in first on a girl who was already in a relationship but nope. Kiara it is. Even after she's told us enough times that she isn't dating nor does she want to. Asking KIARA this question first is a clear sign of lack of common sense.

@ Option 2: The writers seem to forget that this was a woman who didn't mind juggling both work and finding a suitor. Like...sure, she has a position in the palace now and her priorities may have changed but let's not forget that it's just as easy to give a girl like Kiki a phenomenal love interest in the time they took to lovingly plan a "reward" for Penelope 🙄 Just say you're too lazy to even try giving Kiara nice things that she more than deserves and go, PB.

• Savannah finally enters the venue, riding her horse Thunder and wearing a version of the RoE MC's free wedding dress that has wider straps. Bianca notices the saddle, surprised, and Savannah (in the only sequence where she makes 1/4th of an effort to support her partner in front of her shitty family) informs her that it was Bertrand who got it from the store for her. Bianca's way of repaying him for doing this is tears in the eyes and a whispered "thank you".

• You know that isn't enough, Bianca. You and your daughter stood by while your sister treated this guy like shit. You allowed him to suffer when he was the bridegroom in this entire wedding shindig, and let's not forget his money was what was supporting her in Paris when she didn't even keep in touch with anyone - including you. Yet you and your sister let your bias - fueled by other assholes - make it okay to treat him like this?

• Also, Cassidy's shop seems to be nearby and I'm pretty sure Bianca and Leona know him at least a little better than Bertrand or the MC do, if they sold a precious family heirloom to him. Why weren't they going and asking him, even after realizing how important the saddle was to Savannah? Surely they'd understand that he was a softie at heart, or at least they could have made an effort. Sure, pride could be a factor but this was a matter of Bianca's daughter's happiness...I guess actually doing something about it other than mope and brood isn't much of a Walker trait.

• Bartie Sr is yapping loudly without caring how he's disrupting the ceremony by doing so, and the MC needs to make a decision to keep him quiet. She can choose between Madeleine and Penelope:

- Madeleine: is clearly the option PB wants you to pick because they wrote her bit with Bartie quite well. Bartie Sr recognizes Madeleine as "Godfrey's little girl" and it's nice to see her distance herself from her father and reaffirm her authority beyond him. She also shuts the man down so fast he must have gotten whiplash.

- Penelope: is there. And thinks we're playing dumb charades in the middle of a wedding. Her poodles are smarter and eventually get the job done, because if you want something done, Penelope is the last person you should be asking.

• I've also learned from this sequence (and chapter) that the Choices fandom only needs the slightest, flimsiest excuse to like Madeleine. Like that's it. Kiara will be hated by some until the end of all time and have to go through hell to get even a tiny smidgen of respect, even. Forget about getting memes about how great Kiara is and how narrow-minded the people who dislike her are. Nah only the white woman gets that.

• Anyway, Bartie Sr shuts up, and the wedding is underway. Except Chuck decides now is a good time to object.

• It's cliché, it's stupid, it's totally what you'd expect at Savannah's wedding, but at least you get the option to say "fight! fight! fight!" with Olivia gleefully joining you and Liam going all "ffs ladies I'm trying to officiate here" 😂 For that alone this sequence is worth it.

• The option for Bertrand to "rise above Chuck with your eloquence" is nice, because Bertrand then makes it clear that the decision to be with him or not rests with Savannah, and Chuck disrespecting Savannah's wishes and choices is the real issue here. You get a minimal version of the same message with the more aggressive option, but the message is essentially "what Savannah wants is more important". I only wish that message went both ways coz for the most part I just never see the same amount of effort or consideration from her side.

• 🤦🏽‍♀ Jesus Pop-Tarts Eating Christ, Bertrand. YOU'RE NOT PAYING ME WELL ENOUGH FOR ME TO BE YOUR HUMAN-SIZED BACKUP THESAURUS.

• You have one eloquent choice, one cute one. But my favourite one is the one that focuses on Esther rather than the actual couple 🤣

- I miss hearing my duchy by name, okay? It's been said a couple of times in this book but still.

- "Daniel Henney" 😁😁😁😁😁

- This is revenge for that time when Savannah and Bertrand would have taken over the hype of my reception party for themselves except that I didn't pay the diamonds.

- I still don't understand why Esther is the reason this pair works when she hasn't done shit but okay, we'll roll with that. As long as this is the last time I hear about this version of events from either of them.

- Also pls now that they're married, just...let them stew in their awkward silences together for the rest of their lives. I don't want to be involved anymore. It's exhausting.

• Savannah's vows are really more about how she felt Bertrand was out of her league and how he welcomed her anyway etc etc. Hana and Maxwell pass the rings for Savannah and Bertrand respectively. Cue cute Bro-mont moment between Bertrand and Maxwell.

• Marriage solemized (😬). Now it's time to - as Maxwell puts it - PARTAAAY.

• This is not the first time we're seeing someone use Penelope's nickname (in the "she's not my bestie" option in Portavira, Emmeline calls her "Pen"). But it is the first time someone has used it by default in the books. Guess it's kind of a mark of the progress of the relationship, that Zeke has already begun calling her that.

• It's time for the bouquet toss, and as per Madeleine's suggestions also time to find out if this test belongs to either Penelope or Olivia. You have four options altogether:

- Penelope: grabs the bouquet, is happy, everyone believes this means she's next in line, and Madeleine is not very subtle about hinting that she may be pregnant so Penelope laughs at her and says no wonder Kiara calls her "an angry poodle" (somehow I think "poodle" wasn't the term Kiara wanted to be using there 😅...)

- Olivia: Doesn't catch, doesn't care, calls "Maddy" out on being nosy.

- MC: Really likes flowers.

- If the timer runs out before you choose someone, Kiara catches it. She also really likes flowers.

• I'm pretty sure a lot of this sequence is geared towards highlighting where in her relationship with Zeke Penelope is right now, since she is the only one who actually doesn't mind these "you're next" hints all that much. Next wedding for Book 2 must be hers (😑)

• I'm meh about the possibility, but at least maybe (if they're hosting anything in Castelserraillian) I'll get to see more of Kiara's estate and Kiara's parents - with some actual attention given to Kiara this time.

• You get to take your spouse aside and briefly talk to them, either telling them that you've "got it covered", tell them a little of what you're doing without disclosing the possibility of your pregnancy, or tell them it's complicated and can't really be said that quickly. I think the last two options have variations but idk about the first one.

I missed Maxwell's screenshot of the response to "invasive personal questions" thing coz I'm finishing this QT in a rush and wound up not asking anyone (sorry!), but if any of my wonderful Maxwell stan readers are still reading this I'd love to know!!

• I like that the MC can point out how invasive she's being, going around and quizzing people about the status of their uterus after complaining about everyone else doing the same thing. It's nice that you can see her understand that, otherwise it's always been "one rule for me and another for the rest of the world".

• Bartie Sr makes a toast that's all about him and his house and how proud he is of his son, and hardly about the couple. Istg he's worse than the toddler named after him.

• Speaking of Bartie Jr, he gets so excited about the cake he drives straight in, like that dude from Cold November Rain:

(I'm calling it, this is what Bartie Jr might possibly do as an adult, in the series that revolves around our kids all grown up, if there is one. "Kayyyyke!" He is a Beaumont, after all)

• Poor Blake is panicking, Bertrand is sad coz he wanted the perfect wedding cake for Savannah, Savannah is happy coz the writers are desperate to show us she isn't as whiny a person as she actually is.

• LMAO @ the LIs' responses to the MC wanting to scrape cake off a toddler.

• So Madeleine pulls the MC aside to tell her she's not pregnant because she has overheard that Savannah was taking one this morning. How...did she make that leap in logic?

• Overhearing Savannah say she took a pregnancy test only proves that one of the tests belonged to her. NOT that it would be automatically the positive one. Madeleine may be an established courtier but she lacks decent deduction skills and basic common sense. I should have called Olivia for this job gah. It's already canon that her deduction skills are better than Bastien and Drake's combined!

• We go back to our LI, and Bertrand and Savannah check in on us. Jess and Blake step in to alert us to another problem: the DJ's speakers has gone bust, and that means a Beaumont Bash with no dancing.

• Okay so...who are the ones actually staying on this semi-broke ranch, have been around longer, and would know the local bands in the area? Leona and Bianca. Who is the one finally making the effort of calling them to the party? US.

Who was the person who was holding Bartie and didn't manage to distract him before he destroyed an entire wedding cake? Bianca. Sure one cannot always tell with a toddler, but the least you do when that happens is apologize since you were the one in charge, rather than simply standing there and saying "oh dear".

Who sold the saddle to Cassidy? Leona and Bianca. Who probably has had more experience talking to people in that shop? Leona and Bianca. Who made the effort to actually get back that saddle? Bertrand.

Even the wedding planners that they got were because Liam recommended them!

Like I see them putting such little genuine effort into all this, and the nobles they judged so much are ironically the ones who don't shirk away from helping them out even though they're not as well-equipped...yet Leona still thinks she has the right to whine about everything and Bianca is doing nothing much besides letting her sister treat everyone else like trash.

• Anyway, the MC makes the calls that Leona and Bianca should have been making if you choose the options, and you wind up with a band, some fun dancing from everyone else, and a private moment with your LI.

- Begins with everyone dancing and rejoicing, Bertrand and Savannah thanking the MC and if we choose Bertrand and Maxwell can carry us on their shoulders.

- The tune changes, everyone shows a signature step, and the MC can choose to make either Olivia, Bartie Jr, or the poodles dance:

* Poodles: Everyone is doubtful at first, but Penelope has given her poodles dance classes. Merlin and Morgana stand on their hind legs, bob to the music and then do flips in the air. More of Zeke and Pen acting like a couple who have taught these dogs together.

* Bartie Jr: is a Beaumont through and through, you can tell by the way he says "dance! dance! dance!" perfectly.

* Olivia: is skeptical about this and most of her dance moves are marital arts moves, so Hana steps in and dances with her so she can have fun with it. Meh. I know everyone else loved this scene (part of me thought it was cute too, no lie) but I'd rather not see Hana yet again be nice to someone who has held such shitty opinions of her (I'm sure people will jump in and say that Olivia was just "helping" to rile Lorelai up...but no. There were other ways she could have chosen to distract Lorelai, and she chose instead to talk of Hana with disrespect). Especially in Hana's case, Olivia isn't worth the effort.

- You get to choose the music (regal, fun, yeehaw) and get music from either TRR, TF or BSC. Hana also asks you to do a dance move (a high flip, a Dirty Dancing type lift with the LI, or good old faceplanting).

- "Now that's what I call a party!" Leona says. Yeah, Auntie Bitch, no thanks to you.

- Bianca and Drake speak about how much Jackson would have loved a party like this, which means IMO that he's definitely going to be a topic for discussion next chapter!

• Partners are coupling up, and it's time for a little dance with the LI:

- Liam: You start with a cute callback to Coronation Night ("I'm ready to do a lot more than dance"), whiiiich I think the writers show a little selective amnesia for, considering that after Liam says he remembers the last time she said that Esther replies that she wasn't able to act on it back then 😳 (PB I did buy that scene. She did act upon it. An hour after she said that. WTF are your writers smoking). They also joke lightly about how nice it is to see a wedding minus assassins.

- Hana: Very simple. Hana asks for a dance, you choose who leads, and you both dance gracefully as everyone watches appreciatively. The couple notice this, and the MC talks about how when Hana dances everyone talks notice, and Hana sweetly places her head against the MC's shoulder, telling her that the rest of the world falls away in front of her. I honestly wouldn't have minded even a vague reference to the Cordonian Waltz since if you chose that scene that would have been your first dancing experience with her. If you're giving Liam a dance reference, might as well give Hana one too, right.

- Drake: There's one bit I'll address here and another that I'll address a little later. Drake and the MC dance together and are the picture of elegance according to the narrative. This leads the MC to joke about the change in him, but Drake maintains he is still the same simple, rustic whiny asshole guy. The rest is about Bertrand and Savannah (mostly Savannah) which I will get to in a minute.

- Maxwell: The couple dance a little, Maxwell compliments her moves, after which he thanks her for saving this Beaumont party with the music. He then lightly kisses the MC because she makes him so happy. I'll talk about the Betrand Savannah part now.

- Drake and Maxwell: Okay, I'm clubbing these two together because in extension to talking about their relationship with the MC, they also get to talk about their siblings. Which is fair, because they're after all the brothers of the bride and groom:

(First five screenshots are from The HIMEME Channel Drake playthrough, and the next four are from the rash rec Maxwell playthrough)

I don't mind that they get to talk about the couple. They're the family of the couple. They're bound to be personally invested in a way Liam and Hana may not be.

But read these screenshots and tell me you don't see a huge difference in the way these two talk about their own siblings. Tell me you don't see more attention being given to one while the other one essentially gets barely two lines to talk about literally the same thing. Tell me how it makes sense for Drake's wife to make a reference to family, and not for Maxwell's wife who has also seen and learned similar lessons about family in a shorter span of time (esp with Bartie Sr's return).

Drake - for the umpteenth time - has dialogues that are more personal and specific to him, that emphasize more on the importance of family. He's the one who talks about Bertrand never allowing himself to love Savannah, he's the one who envisions (for some reason that I can't fathom because this doesn't sound like the Savannah I've seen in the books) Savannah as this self-sacrificing figure, and he's the one talking about how the couple would have been "heartbroken without music". Maxwell's is pretty much "oh look now they're happy" - when he could have easily gotten a couple of lines about Beaumont Bashes and how parties like these are the only times Bertrand allows himself to let loose for example (it's true).

Someone once asked me how I knew the attention given to Bertrand was really about enriching Drake's storyline...this, among other things, is proof. This family story could have involved Maxwell instead of pushing him so far out of the narrative. This ordeal involved his family too. PB seems to constantly - and conveniently - "forget" that.

• Once this sequence is over, Savannah comes over to thank the MC for the things she's been helping with behind the scenes, and the MC can either congratulate her, or straightout ask her if she's pregnant. Either way, Savannah lets the MC know that she isn't pregnant, and she didn't want to stress Bertrand out unnecessarily with the news.

• Which means only one thing. WE ARE FINALLY PREGNANT!!

• So the next chapter is going to be about disclosing the news to the LIs and the other guests, and possibly to have Bianca's remaining issues aired out in the open, which may possibly lead to another flashback? Whatever it is, it's clear now that we'll be spending our final chapter in Texas this week.

General Thoughts:

• Sigh they just HAD to make Madeleine and Savannah the first to know, right?

• I don't have a lot of thoughts really that I haven't already shared. The next chapter seems promising because it's the big one, and it should be customized so each LI has a different reaction and/or a different story to tell related to how they view babies/family.

• Hana doesn't get a lot of space in this one - besides alerting the MC to stuff that could disrupt the wedding or dancing with people who verbally shit on her or minimal LI stuff (which for once...is okay, like her family isn't here and nor is Liam's which is why their dance scenes don't mention family that much), so she'd better get next-level amazing writing next chapter! So should Maxwell after they've done him dirty especially in the last 2-3 chapters.

• I was very happy to see some of our MCs get their well-deserved revenge by upstaging Savannah's dress with their Ana de Luca special. You guys are heroes and I love you 💜

• Ngl this chapter is one of those that reads better with the messier and more chaotic LI xD

• Sure Leona and Bianca have their own axe to grind with the Cordonian monarchy - and are justified in feeling that - but staying in their house has been painful. Painful. Worse then pulling out teeth. It's like the moment they provided housing and board for the guests they washed their hands off them and hardly put much effort into much else - instead had us do a significant amount of work for them.

• And let's not forget, Bianca/Savannah especially stood by and did nothing (though Bianca would make a few weak counterpoints when Leona insulted him) as Bertrand was being regularly humiliated and reminded of his inadequacies. Whatever problems Bianca had with the Crown, allowing her now son-in-law to be treated that way in her own home - with the barest minimum support - is unforgivable. If she didn't like the idea of him as a son-in-law she should have just refused to entertain the idea of Savannah marrying him, or told the couple to host it elsewhere. Bertrand shouldn't have had to make all that effort to do what Bianca or her sister didn't bother to do for Savannah, just to gain her approval.

• Yet somehow the Walkers are supposed to highlight to us the importance of family. How? All I see are a bunch of people who don't make much effort to look out for each other, and who depend on other people to take any initiative for the same.

• Nonetheless, I hope to see a difference in tone once we return to Cordonia in Chapter 14. (that's 9 chapters, people. Nine). There's other stuff left. More mysteries to unravel, more messy history, understanding what Olivia is upto and perhaps a visit to Monterisso at some point. There's always at least two-three main people we're expected to impress in a certain book (remember how we got our report card of performance from Justin, Francesco and Adelaide in TRR Book 2?). We've already had a chance to do this with the Auvernese, so Monterisso should be up next at some point. There's also some nursery stuff to purchase which I'm guessing will be done either slowly or in one go.

• Because there's so little time left with this book, and we already spent a huge chunk of it on the BertVannah wedding, there are going to be time jumps. Imagine the kind of time we would have had to explore this pregnancy plot properly instead of rushing it, if the writers weren't so busy drooling over all things Walker.

• Well. I can't deny I'm sorta kinda looking forward to this chapter. And the reactions from the LIs and other characters. I'm low-key excited.

• Until next chapter, folks!

#long post #trh quick thoughts #trh qts #the royal heir #king liam #hana lee #maxwell beaumont #drake walker #trr kiara #trr penelope #trr madeleine

[superdoodleoakley]

so today’s been a day... (and by a day i mean literally the last like. hr 1/2) long post coming up...

so to start, my moms a baker. she works from home, which means cakes are around a lot of the time. oakley is still learning to stop stealing food off counters (i started training it one way but that wasn’t working so i recently changed it, so he sort of knows but it’s not perfect) and, of course, i missed the chocolate cake sitting right there where he could grab it.

and, of course, he grabbed it.

my mom wasn’t home and i don’t have the vet’s number, so im freaking out and she finally picks up the phone (my sister called). my sister is also freaking out now, bc for some reason it’s taking my mom way too long to just. hang up and call the vet??and she hangs up without saying anything. we assume she’s calling the vet, but i’m still panicking and rationality? no clue who she is so to make sure i text my mom. she doesn’t answer, so i keep texting her and finally she said she’s calling the vet. calls me back a little bit later and tells me to induce vomiting (exactly what i thought i had to do, i just wanted to be safe)

but, no! of course that’s not all!

(its gonna get a little bit gross here)

i don’t know how much i expected, but it definitely wasn’t as much vomit as there was... not only did he just eat that cake, but he had lunch 40 or so minutes before so he was full. it took him like 7 minutes just to get it all out, and of course i was freaking out still and he was getting stressed because there were certain times where he should’ve been tasking but ofc couldn’t bc, yknow, he was busy spilling his guts. finally he’s done, and i try to calm him down (gave him an ice cube, then a big bowl of water) and all seemed good but!!! how was i gonna fucking clean up the giant puddle? i tried asking my mom, but by now she’s being a pissy bitch and was apparently too busy to talk on the phone ///: she told me to “use my brain” and “figure it out” then stopped picking up/answering texts. it was too solid to go down the drain, but too liquidy to pick up in a plastic bag (like you do with poop). i pick the former, hoping maybe if i blast it with the high-power from the shower head it’ll break up some chunks??

this works a bit, but not much. i leave it for a bit to drain, and then she comes home and hoo boy i’ll save you the details of that shit :)))) (in case you don’t know which you probably don’t my mom is. kinda verbally/emotionally abusive so there’s your set up for what happened when she got home) she was bitching about the fact that it smells, so i try telling her i need to be laying down because the anxiety and heat were getting to me and some presyncope shit was happening. i didn’t feel like i was gonna pass out if i was laying down, but i knew if i stood up i’d be totally fucked. she, of course, starts whining about how “you’re tired??? think about me! i’ve been out all day and this is what i come home to! i’m tired!”

anyway, its over now. i’m stressed, my pain is flaring, and i’m getting a migraine.

that’s all. i’m sorry for this, i just needed somewhere to vent lmao

#diary #long post / #vomit /

[coloursofaparadox]

Okay I gotta talk about shit for a second because it’s been driving me insane to not be discussing this with anyone purely in the way of the whole ‘validation of existence only because we exist to others’ bullshit but w/e here we go

It’s been a couple weeks now and I’m a lot more clearheaded. A lot of things suck and a fairly decent amount of things are much better, which coincidentally happens to be one of the things that sucks. Realizing how shitty it was for a long time came fairly quickly, because that was literally all I could think about at the time? If it was terrible and it was over then that meant a terrible thing was over and that was a good thing. That got me through until the day they packed up and took their shit and moved out back to another fucking province. Few days after that too. But being in self-perpetuated denial does not help me whatsoever in the long run and eventually I had to slowly try to come to terms with what the past 3 and a half years actually was, good and bad altogether.

So I’ve been doing that. For about 2 and a half weeks now. Trying to think about it clearly while finally being in a position where it’s too late for that to have any repercussions. There’s a lot of stuff I knew, and I knew I knew, but didn’t want to think about too hard. I took shit like that into account when I did things like ‘temporarily’ break up weeks before the breaking down a door like a fuckin horror movie thing went down, but what I’m trying to figure out is how much of what I thought I knew has been me tricking myself into not seeing something for the sake of the three of us. It’s fucking sucked. Forcing myself to acknowledge times that were actually legitimately good has been fucking hard when all I do is make myself sad, and realizing I was right about putting in years of onesided effort and emotional energy that I’m never getting back has felt like I’m waking up after sleeping through some very valuable years of my life haggard and grey and I’m never getting them back.

The conclusion I’ve come to so far is. not much honestly. But what I have realized is how fucking stupid I’ve been!! The easiest bit to sort through has never been the abstract. It’s always the comparison, in this case the direct comparison between two very different people, and I am a fucking fool. I cannot believe I never let myself see it when we were all together, but I do not know for the life of me why I was so scared to see how fucking incredible she was. And this isn’t a case of post-mortem romanticization. We fit, SO much better. Looking back there was no comparison. Literally just shit like basic communication, or conversation and clicking. If we actually put the fucking effort in and at some point along the way decided to stop being scared of each other and playing it safe with the easy option (him), then I don’t know what would’ve happened. I wish I could say I knew for sure but I don’t, and there is a WORLD of incredible potential that I’ll now never fucking know. She is far too good for him. It’s been a force of will not to demonize the past 3 odd years I’ve been with him, and I will never say there wasn’t good about him, but it’s good on top of a foundation of insecurity and denial and someone who never grew up and refuses to see how it harms the people around him. He’s going to keep hurting people and dragging his way through life at an infants pace until he wakes up. And she does not deserve to be one of those people.

Realizing I’ve been devoting myself to someone I thought I had finally, after years found a kindred spirit in and being slapped in the face with the reality that I’d deluded myself has been. Not great. To say the least. It feels a lot like betrayal with a stab of burning shame and existential despair lmfao but yknow. I am not someone who makes real friends easily. I’m not praising that about myself though. Sometimes I wish I could not think about all the things that get in the way of liking people uninhibited because p much everyone else fucking doesn’t and they’re doing just fine apparently. But for me to find someone I really enjoy talking to and trust and actually prefer their companionship to loneliness does not happen often, and I am absolute shit at being lonely. I can still count on one hand the number of people I’ve found in my entire 22 years of life, and while obviously they’re not all romantic connections it still fucking hurts to lose even one of those. The very shitty Venn diagram of the general populace, people I like, people I love and trust, and people I love, trust, and somehow am also in love with is comically disproportionate and transphobia and social anxiety are not on my side for adding to the latter more than once in a blue moon. My plans for the future involve a lot of blank nothingness and stubborn refusal not to date anyone until I’m financially stable and CAN comfortably be completely single without a looming sense of dread and desperation to not be achingly lonely, which are probably not in any danger of being called into question by the appearance of a wildcard I swoon over given my fucking chances.

It would’ve been so easy to sink into a spiral of cynicism and turn on the whole world over him and I definitely did for a while, but I’m not as young as I was 5 years ago. As much as it hurts my pride and my limited (now crumbling) experience of romantic love to admit, I fucked up and I picked wrong. It’s by no means my only goal in life but. it would just. be kinda nice to know if it’s actually possible for me to find someone(s) that. are. good? and. are the kind of love that you see sometimes. not the stupid movie shit but just. people that work with each other, in multiple senses of the word. I got a fucking taste of it and now I can’t even tell if it was real or not and it’s killing me thinking about it. I want it so bad. I don’t want it for free, I want to work for it and towards it and find someone I want to work towards it with. This is not me freeloading and romanticizing some perfect ideal relationship, this is me just. wanting. people. I love doing little things for people to make them happy I love helping and giving and seeing people smile because of it and I love. just. being happy. and other people being happy. I love being genuine and I fucking would do anything for the heady experience of knowing someone else and someone else knowing you thoroughly and completely. and just existing, like that, and making eachother happy while you live your lives. There’s probably some fancy obscure word out there to describe all that but I don’t fucking know I just want. To love someone. It’s not a compulsion I won’t make shit choices just to find the wrong person to throw affection at but despite all my bullshit I genuinely. love. people. more abstractly as a whole but intensely as individuals. and i already miss it. 

i have no fucking idea where this is going any more I just have a lot of thoughts that don’t have very much ‘a good addition to a conversation’ vibe going on and like mentioned at great fucking length im generally starved for human connection okay i feed on it like a black hole lmfao. im. more myself lately though. I’ve been missing the bit of me that connects to people as a mass i think. I’m not going to say i’m happier but part of something that has always defined me as an entity of fuckin brainwaves is just doing stuff for people. not really for any reason but barring social anxiety getting in the way ive always done stuff like offered to help or go out on a limb and ask if someone’s okay or little shit like get someone the drink they always get bc they weren’t around to ask and i haven’t been more or more in the last 3 years. I’m doing it now though. I’ve missed it. A big unhealthy chunk of that relationship was we were all so immersed in cynicism and sarcasm and ‘ironic’ morbidity that just being genuinely happy and optimistic was not encouraged nearly enough. and now that im free of that i feel a lot more like me and i’m very glad to know that hasn’t gone anywhere n ill be very sure to foster that part of myself a lot more in the future

i need to go to fucking bed. tldr im happier but lonely and i loved the wrong person and im quietly losing faith that real romantic love actually exists for me at all but yknow whatever. gnight.

#im not tagging this so it can get lost in the massive archives of my blog #i dont really care who reads this it's not emotional any more its just going through the facts as best i can so w/e. probably gonna change #my mind on some of this shit at some point but not because of any input from either of them lmao #fucking end me #i miss having real conversations like this. #thats not to say im not acquainted with people who could but its not something ive. done. with many people. #and its hard to tell who's down. anyways. if you ever have fucking weirdass existential dread gimme a shout i miss the feeling.

[paradox-oflife]

tagged by @lememecollector

Get to know me uncomfortably well tag: long post warning

1. What is your middle name? It’s Chinese lmao but if you can read it -> 語寧

2. When is your birthday? December 5th

3. What is your zodiac sign? Sagittarius :3

4. What is your favorite color? Red

5. What’s your lucky number? 12 or 7. These numbers just seem to pop up in my life a lot.

6. Do you have any pets? A very old, old golden retriever. I mean, he’s still healthy, he’s just reaaaal old.

7. Where are you from? Born in Northern California, lived in New Zealand for a chunk of my childhood, but I moved back in like elementary school

8. How tall are you?  153 cm, 5′0 feet tall that's right im a midget square up

9. What shoe size are you? 8.5 or maybe 9 depending on shoe brand

10. How many pairs of shoes do you own? like 4. sneakers, flip flops, semi-formal, and formal shoes

11. What was your last dream about? I have the most vivid and bizarre dreams. Last night, I had a dream about me eating at a restaurant with me friends. And I looked up to the night sky and I could see like, the universe in all its colors and glory. It was beautiful. Also there was something about cocaine??

12. What talents do you have? uuuuh I can play a couple of instruments. piano/cello/ukulele/bass

13. Are you psychic in anyway? define psychic. otherwise not really.

14. Favorite song? Read My Mind by the Killers. Or All These Things That I’ve Done by the Killers.

15. Favorite album? It’s so hard to choose. Top 3 in no particular order: Continuum by John Mayer, Sawdust by the Killers, Bury Me at Makeout Creek by Mitski

16. Favorite movie? Spirited Away. Or maybe Kiki’s Delivery Service. Or Akira.

17. Who would be your ideal partner? Someone who just vibes with me yknow. I can just talk for hours with them.

18. Do you want children? Mm. Not in the near future I guess. If I do, I’d have 2. Because it’s always great to have a sibling.

19. Do you want a church wedding? Yeah. But I don’t like having a really big wedding. I like being low-key.

20. Are you religious? Yeah. I was born and raised Christian. Non denominational, but I guess the closest would be Oneness Pentecostalism? Anyways religion is one of the few things I actually take pretty seriously.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? One time, and it was for stitches. Dumb story.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? No, I will literally get an anxiety attack if I hear police sirens when I'm in the car. I pray that I don't.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? Nah. Would be cool but idk how i’d react.

24. Baths or showers? Showers, but if I’m feeling it, a bath would never hurt.

25. What color socks are you wearing? Not wearing socks rn B). (also why do Americans not go barefoot more often lol. Its considered normal in NZ)

26. Have you ever been famous? No. I guess it’d be cool to be semi-famous. Like those small youtubers with a thousand subscribers. But I could never handle the pressure.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? Noooo hell no

28. What type of music do you like? Alternative/indie rock

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? LMAO no, and never will. It looks so uncomfortable when you get out. Like... what if there’s bacteria in the water or something.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two to three

31. What position do you usually sleep in? Honestly I have a hard time falling asleep so im always too tired to really remember

32. How big is your house? My parents house. Pretty decent sized. Average two story American house. Well, im only here until the pandemic is over bc college lol

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Cereal or bread.

34. Have you ever fired a gun? The only gun I've ever fired was a nerf gun

35. Have you ever tried archery? No. Never really had a chance.

36. Favorite clean word? Mm... I use chur a lot irl. Then I found out its nz slang and no one actually knows what it means in the states lmao.

37. Favorite curse word? Ah... I don't actually swear that much. Maybe like shit? idk

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? like 18 hours. sorry but I am one hell of a sleeper

39. Do you have any scars? one. very small, hardly noticeable on my cheek.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Well it wouldn’t really be secret if I knew about it right?? lol. I’ve had three. Two were boys in elementary school, and one was a girl in 10th grade. It was awkward bc im straight but. yeah.

41. Are you a good liar? Im a pretty down to earth person. So I don't lie a lot. But id say im alright.

42. Are you a good judge of character? For the most part, yeah.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? I can do the southern USA accent, like the cowboy movies lol. The surfer accent, “duuuude”, like the turtle from Nemo. Im pretty bad at the Scottish accent. I can do a received pronunciation British accent, which is the standard accent you hear on tv. I can do Australian pretty well. And of course, my original accent, the kiwi accent. The standard one and the Maori one.

44. Do you have a strong accent? Eh. Not really. Sounds pretty American if I’m speaking slowly. But when I’m relaxed or talking fast, people tell me I sound kind of British. So I guess I have some weird combo of nz/american

45. What is your favorite accent? Australian is my favorite in general. But I love listening to thick Scottish accents. They’re so funny idk why

46. What is your personality type? INFP-T

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? A dress for wedding

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yup.

49. Favorite book? Aw man there’s so many. Fahrenheit 451 is always fun to reread

50. Left or right handed? Right handed

51. Are you scared of spiders? um YES

52. Favorite food? my dad’s fried rice hits the spot like no other. I also like green onion pancakes

53. Favorite foreign food? The three colored egg thing idk what its called in English?

54. Are you a clean or messy person? Probably more on the messy side, but I try!

55. Most used phrased? thick kiwi accent: “Oh, chur bro!” or “chur cuzzy!”

56. Most used word? Honestly it’s probably something like dude or bro

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Maybe 20-30 min on an average day

58. Do you have much of an ego? I try not to, id like to say im pretty humble when it comes to things. maybe too much.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck, but when im bored I CRONCH

60. Do you talk to yourself? Sometimes, usually if its im trying to remind myself of something

61. Do you sing to yourself? In the car usually, but its soft humming most of the time.

62. Are you a good singer? I mean, the most I can do is be on pitch. Nothing ordinary. I whistle like 24/7 in public tho

63. Biggest fear? Externally, probably needles. Internally? My friends are only pretending to like me

64. Are you a gossip? I don’t spread gossip but I listen to it sometimes. Actually, when it comes to the whole beauty community on youtube, I listen to a lot of it.

66. Can you dance? NOPE

67. Can you name all 50 states? Yup

68. Favorite school subject? For me it was orchestra and literature

69. Extrovert or introvert? according to the Myers briggs test im 78% introverted

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No and it makes me nervous

71. What makes you nervous? Everything. Anxiety :)

72. Are you scared of the dark? Nah. I live in a suburban area so nothing really happens, but if I’m out in a major city no thanks

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Depends how big. If it’s like a typo or something, I don't really care. If it’s something major then I’ll try to correct them

74. Are you ticklish? I used to be. But if you taser tickle me I will scream, or if you squeeze my thigh.

75. Have you ever started a rumor? No

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Eh ive been the leader of a club before. That’s it.

77. Have you ever drank underage? No!! Dont drink too much when you’re a minor it hurts ur brain :(

78. Have you ever done drugs? No

79. Who was your first real crush? lmao I had one in like 3rd grade but that was a long time ago.

80. How many piercings do you have? I got ear piercings when I was like 8 but I didn't do anything with them and the hole closed lol

81. Can you roll your R’s? Yes

82. How fast can you type? Accurately? around 88 bpm. As fast as I can? more like 120.

83. How fast can you run? I was always more of a explosive runner. But I pretty much sucked at long distance runs. I think my best mile time was like 8:38??

84. What color is your hair? I believe its black/dark brown. can't be sure. im colorblind

85. What color are your eyes? Dark brown.