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spaceskam · 4 years

Text

our fainted thrill carries on (13/13)

omg i can’t believe i’m finished. special thanks to @insidious-intent who made me think writing this was a good idea in the first place i love you

ao3

“I’m sorry.”

“Shut the fuck up, I swear to God.”

Michael grinned helplessly as Alex pressed closer, the sleeping bag pinned over their head as if that concealed the fact they were kissing in the bed of the truck while Cam went 90 mph down the interstate.

He’d tried to heal Alex and done a pretty half-assed job at it, the cut still visible, but bleeding significantly less. It would probably leave a scar, but apparently the whole fact that Michael had done anything at all and that, in a few hours, he’d have a handprint on his skin that his father couldn’t ignore was enough to make some of his anger melt away. It subsided enough for some celebratory kisses that were tiny promises that this, they, weren’t over. When they got home, they would talk more and Alex would have free reign to his emotions so he could feel how much he loved him. Then they could build that trust up again.

But the brand was still there. For that, Michael was sorry.

“We still have to go to Max. Maria called to tell me Liz was freaking out,” Michael told him, ending a series of kisses but not moving the sleeping bag even though it didn’t smell great. Alex nodded, reaching to grab his cheeks again to kiss him one, twice, three more times before ending it by rubbing their noses together. Michael really shouldn’t have been smiling so wide, all things considered, but he couldn’t help it.

“This doesn’t mean we’re back to normal, by the way,” Alex clarified, his thumb carefully rubbing over his jaw, “I’m still frustrated with you. I just am really fucking glad you came. Even if you were stupid about it.”

“I know,” Michael whispered, still smiling.

Normal. What they had before, living together and having meals together and going grocery shopping together and just co-existing in every way, that was normal. That was their normal. Michael wanted to scream that from the fucking rooftops.

“I love you,” Michael told him. Alex grinned slightly, his hand sliding over his chest.

“I can feel that you do,” he whispered, his good leg sliding between Michael’s, “You should get better at this whole handprint thing. I could get used to feeling you like this.”

Michael’s eyes scanned over his face to see that he was deadly serious. A childish grin overcame his face and Alex rolled his eyes.

“I love you,” Michael responded pathetically. Alex grinned, lips parting slightly so Michael could feel his breath on his lips. Despite the fact he hadn’t brushed his teeth since the night before, Michael couldn’t be bothered to be disgusted.

“Keep saying that.”

“I will.”

Michael was almost jealous of the fact that Alex could just tap into his feelings so easily. Were they just that loud or was he just that in tune with him or was it both? It didn’t matter. Michael wanted to feel the same thing from him. Unfortunately, it was a one-way street.

But Alex’s I-Just-Got-Kidnapped kisses were a two-way street and that was good enough.

“What the hell?”

“Couldn’t we have dropped him off first?”

Alex, with a little help from Michael, climbed off the bed of the truck and onto the sand. Cam had gone straight to the mines which was objectively bad since his father was still with them. Alex was going to have to deal with that later. Amongst other things. He’d had his prosthetic leg on for far too long and, despite being held by Michael under a sleeping back for hours, he was so cold he was almost numb. Kyle, still shirtless, seemed to be suffering a similar fate.

Michael seemed to read his mind though and reached into the cab of the truck and pulled out a shirt that was stuffed behind the seat, throwing it at Kyle. He accepted it with gracious hands.

“Well, considering Liz has been blowing up all of our phones for hours, I’m going with no,” Cam said cooly. Alex sighed, mindlessly rubbing his arm that was especially hot. He couldn’t tell if it was from the cut, the brand, or the handprint that was causing the heat. He was hoping it was the handprint.

As if on cue, Liz ran out towards them. It was almost poetic to see her running, dried tears on her face glistening under the sunset. She basically bodyslammed into Michael, desperately clinging to him. He hugged her back just as tight and Alex could feel all the care he had for her. God, he was going to struggle with keeping his mind on straight with all of those feelings Michael seemed to be constantly overwhelmed with. Alex didn’t know how he survived with all of them on the surface like that.

“Oh, thank god,” Liz breathed, sniffling as she slowly peeled off him and gave Kyle a similarly desperate hug. Then she dragged both of them inside the cave.

Alex looked over at Cam and then they both looked to his father. He was clearly confused, but it was controlled to not be too obvious. Alex wasn’t sure about what to do with him. He didn’t really want him to enter the cave. He didn’t want him to see the pod or get any more information than necessary. But, still, the part of him that had just witnessed his dad actually help almost wanted him to see all of it. He wanted his dad to see that these aliens had feelings. That they were loved and could love. But he had to know that already, right? Michael had gone out of his way to bring Jesse along just to save him. He had to know.

“Let’s wait out here,” Alex decided on. As much as he wanted to be by Michael’s side, there were somethings he could do alone. This would just have to be one of them.

“Let me see your arm,” Cam told Alex. He reluctantly complied, sparing his father a glance. Jesse upturned his nose.

“God, I can’t believe you let it do that to you,” he said, sighing and shaking his head like it wasn’t actually all that hard to believe.

“You went all that way to help him get me. Why’d you do that if you’re so disgusted? Why help me at all?” Alex wondered as Cam grabbed her bag and poured alcohol over the cut to clean it. Alex was pretty sure that Michael’s handprint had sterilized it enough, but it better safe than sorry he supposed. His dad shook his head.

“You think I went willingly?” Jesse asked. Alex furrowed his eyebrows.

“You helped willingly. You helped save me,” Alex said.

“And let them hold over me for years to come that they got the better of one of my sons? Maybe if you used any shred of common sense you wouldn’t have been a target in the first place,” Jesse said, the military voice in full force. Alex felt like a little boy again listening to it. “You’re still going to be a target, you do know that, don’t you? They run on a ton of bullshit ideology, but as long as you’re siding with those creatures, you’re still a target. You’ll die a target. I can’t be there to help you through every mistake.”

“You have never helped me through a mistake,” Alex scoffed, “You’ve never helped me at all, not unless it was for your own gain.”

“Self-preservation, Alex,” his dad said, “You could learn a thing or two if you had any.”

Jesse’s eyes focused on the cave. Alex knew that he couldn’t let him see anything that went on in there. He wasn’t all better or suddenly caring. He was still the same.

He would always be the same.

But that posed a problem. He was here. If he saw Max Evans stumble out, there would be a problem. Him being here at all was a problem. He was seeing more than Alex was comfortable with. They needed to do something.

Alex looked up and locked eyes with Cam.

Chaos was Michael’s best friend.

He was listening to everything that Liz was saying, but he wasn’t really retaining anything. Instead, he was trying to focus on that while also taking in Maria who stood in a wide-eyed daze while trying to comfort Isobel who had tear stains on her face and Kyle who was diligently laying out medical supplies. More than that, though, his mind echoed with Max’s thoughts. He was in the pod, yes, but they’d done something wrong and he was damn near boiling with power. Michael couldn’t focus. No wonder Isobel was crying.

Save me, Michael, his voice said, alluring like a siren in all the worst ways, don’t keep me locked in this cage.

“Michael!” Liz snapped. Michael managed to give her a little more of his attention despite his clouded mind. She was crying and stressed, but she forced a little smile as she placed her hands on his cheeks to help get him to focus on her a little more. “He needs you and I need you, so I need to know that we’re okay. I know we’ve been working together, but we haven’t really talked. We’re friends again, right?”

The words felt disjointed and out of place and Michael felt like he missed a few steps. Didn’t she get in a fight with Alex, not him? Or, was he an extension of that? Was that how this worked now?

Alex Manes, Max whispered in his mind, Alex Manes, Alex Manes, Alex Manes.

Michael tried to shake the voice out of his head as he said, “Yeah, Liz, we’re good.” She forced a smile and sniffled, pulling him into a hug.

“I’m gonna be a better friend once this is all over,” she insisted, “Thank you for sticking with me.”

He tried to remember what she’d told him. Apparently, he ejected himself from the pod and blew the fuse of the battery Michael had rigged up to him, but he was struggling to breathe when he came out. Liz had panicked and shoved him back in until she could get Michale and Kyle to come help, but Max wasn’t happy about it. Hence the dragging Isobel and Maria. He wondered if Max was in their minds too. And, if he was, was he saying the same things? Could they hear him taunting him about Alex or was he special?

“What do you need me to do?” Michael asked. Liz let him out of the hug.

“I need you to stabilize him when he comes out after Kyle clears his airway,” she said, “There was something… wrong.”

“Yeah, there’s something wrong,” he agreed. Liz patted his cheeks and gave him an encouraging smile.

“Let’s do this.”

It was hard to say exactly what happened next.

Michael went to pull him out of the pod, but he seemed to meet him halfway. Then Max was on the ground, gasping for air as he reached for Michael. It felt like something out of a horror movie. Then Kyle was in front of him. Then there was a blinding light that seemed to come from inside his own head while Isobel and Maria both cried out in pain behind his ears ringing.

It was all blurry, yes, but Michael was feeling a little extra powerful and he had Alex to thank for that. He had something to live for, something to fight for, and he forced his mind to clear enough to be of some use.

Max was standing like he was in some cheesy superhero movie, heavy breathing and threatening. His skin seemed to be glowing with electricity, a visible layer of static covering him. He looked angry and, in Michael’s head, he was nothing but white noise. But off to the side were two psychics, both telepaths and empaths in their own right. If Michael was hearing headache-inducing white noise, what were they hearing and feeling?

Michael put himself between Max and Isobel and Maria, hoping to create some sort of barrier. He focused on his telekinesis and tried to use it to create another layer.

“Max!” Liz called, stepping in front of Michael, “It’s okay!”

But it wasn’t okay. He was boiling with power and he seemed to be happy about it. It was a direct mirror of the bullshit he’d pulled with Noah, only there was no bad guy here. He was going to hurt someone he cared about.

Michael did a scan of the cave. Isobel was on her knees and Maria was in a ball, both of them with their arms wrapped around their heads. Kyle was catching his breath on the ground, startled and overwhelmed. Liz was trying to talk to him. And Max was… not in the right headspace.

It was a quick decision after that. Max lifted his hands towards Liz, looking like he was going to do something he couldn’t come back from. Michael pulled her out of the way and pushed his hands in Max’s direction, effectively throwing him out of the cave.

“Oh my god,” Liz breathed, but Michael barely heard her. He turned to Maria and Isobel, dropping to his knees to check over them. They were both crying and looked like they were in so much pain and there was nothing he could do.

Well, almost nothing. He pulled them both into his arms, disregarding any complicated feelings he had. He held them, a face pressed into each of his shoulders as he focused on them regaining their breath. He whispered soft words of encouragement. It’s gonna be alright, I’ll get stuff to help your head, it’s gonna be okay, we’ll figure it out, don’t worry.

The peace of that lasted all of fifteen seconds before he realized he‘d thrown his supervillain brother right to the love of his life.

“Kyle,” Michael called, already peeling himself away from them despite how much guilt it gave them, “Kyle, look over them.”

Kyle, who already looked done with the alien bullshit, agreed and made his way towards them. Michael scrambled to his feet and out of the cave. But it seemed he was already too late.

Cam was holding Alex back who was screaming insults and no at Max who had a bolt of electricity connecting from his hand to Jesse Manes’ chest. Michael didn’t know how to feel. On one hand, good riddance. On the other…

“Stop!” Alex yelled, his pretty face so fucking upset as he watched Max kill the only parent he ever knew.

Max did stop, but it was too late. Jesse Manes fell onto the ground and the night air smelled like burnt flesh. And Max still didn’t seem like he was done. He was grinning and looking for his next target, breathing heavily and looking like the monster Jesse Manes spent his life working against. Alex’s eyes were on his father though, lips parted like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

Before things could get any worse though, Liz came out of nowhere and stabbed a syringe into the back of Max’s neck. He slowly fell to the ground and Michael dove to help break his fall.

“Sedative,” Liz informed him. Michael nodded, his eyes drifting back to his brother. He wanted to hug him and have a reunion, but he could wait until he was actually Max again. Michael’s eyes drifted back up to Alex. “Go check on Isobel and Maria.”

“Okay,” Michael agreed, slowly climbing to his feet. But, instead of going back into the cave, he stumbled towards Alex. He was tired and drained from using his powers to do bigger shit than he was used to, but he needed to check on Alex.

But Alex was still stared at his father, his face frozen in a state of conflicted shock. Cam was still in front of him and Michael noticed that she was holding him up. He reached out to touch his cheek and that broke his spell, locking eyes.

“Are you okay?” Michael asked softly. Cam slowly let go of Alex and Michael pulled him into a hug. Alex pressed into him, breathing controlled as he kept himself calm. Michael breathed with him.

Time seemed to both drag and move too quickly. He wanted to hold Alex forever, but that wasn’t an option when the night wasn’t quite over.

“Switch with me,” Kyle said suddenly, tapping on his shoulder. Michael reluctantly agreed and let Kyle take over with Alex, all but carrying him to the tailgate of the truck so he could doctor his arm and also take his eyes off Jesse.

“I got the body, don’t worry,” Cam told him. He nodded and went back towards the cave, not trying to spare Liz and Max another glance.

Inside the cave, Isobel and Maria sat looking closer to hungover than in actual pain which felt like an improvement. Michael crouched in front of them before swaying a little and deciding to just sit down, criss-crossing his legs.

“Is Max okay?” Isobel asked. Michael shrugged. “Are you okay? Where were you all day? Why weren’t you here?”

Michael sighed, “Alex got taken, had to go get him.”

“Alex got taken?” Maria asked. Michael managed a smile.

“You seem more shocked by that than the whole alien thing.”

“Well, I gotta be honest, it makes things make sense.”

Michael huffed a laugh as Maria gave a small little smile.

“Right, you two keep flirting, I’m gonna go check on my brother,” Isobel said. She slowly stumbled to her feet and Michael exerted just a little extra telekinesis to get her to her feet. She gave Michael a warm smile and rustled his hair as she walked past him.

Then it was just them.

“Are you okay?” Michael asked her. Maria sighed but nodded.

“Just a headache now. It was like he fucking wired my brain to everyone else’s and I was standing in the middle of 5 concerts going on, but all thoughts. Was just an overload. I’m okay,” Maria said. Michael nodded slowly.

“Good, that’s good,” he said, running a hand through his hair as he breathed just like Alex taught him. It helped him feel a little less dizzy. “Maria, I‒”

“Look, I just want you and Alex to be happy. It’s my fault that I didn’t realize that that would only really happen if you two were together,” she said. Michael furrowed his eyebrows considering that was not at all what he was going to say. She smiled at him. “I kinda put that together around Christmas time and Liz told me you two were shacking up, but getting flooded your thoughts today echoed by Max, well… I get it. You two are too obsessed with each other.”

Michael snorted and shrugged his shoulders.

“We’re in a weird place right now, so I don’t know how true that is, but…”

“But you love him and you’re trying.”

With a smile, Michael said, “Yeah.”

“So then it’s all worth it.”

Michael took a deep breath again, letting that sink in a little more. He knew he didn’t need permission to be with Alex, but it sure as hell felt good not to feel like he needed to feel guilty for something. He wondered if she talked to Alex. And, if not, maybe he could make that happen.

“So, I don’t know what they told you,” Michael started, eying her slightly, “But Rosa’s at Alex’s cabin.”

He saw a million different emotions flush over Maria’s face before it landed on something that looked like relief. Tears slowly filled her eyes and her lips parted as she breathed in heavily.

“You… you mean she…”

“Yeah,” Michael said, “There’s a lot of space out there and with both of us trying to stay away from booze, it works out.” Maria swallowed harshly. “Do… do you wanna come see her?”

“Is that a fucking question? Yes, of course, I do,” Maria said, dropping her leg to kick him. Michael smiled easily.

“Okay,” he said, extending his leg just enough to kick her right back. She sniffled with a smile and wiped her face. They both slowly started making their way to their feet, laughing a little when it took longer than it should’ve.

“I want you to know I’m pissed that you hid Rosa from me, but I’m tired and want to see her and I’ll yell at you later,” Maria warned. Michael snorted as they found their footing.

“Somehow not the first time I’ve heard a speech like that today.”

When they made their way out of the cave, Isobel was chugging acetone beside Max’s unconscious body, Cam was already stuffing the body into the backseat of Isobel’s SUV, and Kyle was standing between Alex’s knees at the tailgate with their foreheads pressed together. Michael felt a little pinch of jealousy, but he buried it easily. Still, he went right up to them.

“Your dad was a dick, Alex,” Kyle whispered. Michael reached out to put a hand on Alex’s back in silent solidarity. Alex spared him a little look and a smile but didn’t separate from Kyle.

“It’s kinda poetic though, isn’t it? He spent his life saying they were deadly,” Alex said, sighing heavily, “Can’t help but feel like his dying act was him being proved right.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael said.

“You didn’t kill him.”

“Yeah, but I threw Max out here knowing he was dangerous,” Michael said. Alex shook his head.

“Doesn’t matter,” he said softly, “I didn’t know what to do with him anyway, he saw too much. Problem solved.”

There wasn’t much to say after that. They sat there for a moment before Alex took a deep breath and sat up straight. Kyle leaned back just a little and Alex squeezed his arm. Michael rubbed Alex’s back still.

“I need to get home. My leg is fucking killing me,” Alex said. Michael nodded.

“I’ll drive you.”

“Kyle, come with me, I called Flint,” Cam said, “Let’s take care of it.”

“Are you good, Alex?” Kyle asked, leaning to lock eyes with him. Alex nodded.

“Yeah, just come to the cabin when you guys are done if you can, so I know you two are okay,” Alex suggested and Michael smiled. It was stupid and really not the time, but there was something about Alex asking for what he wanted that made him feel good.

By the time Kyle and Cam were driving off, Liz and Isobel were putting Max into the backseat of Liz’s car.

“What’s the plan?” Michael asked, leaving Alex’s side reluctantly. Maria started helping him into the cab of the truck.

“Well, we’re gonna take him home. Maybe when he wakes up, he’ll be better,” Liz said.

“And what if he freaks out on you two and hurts one of you?” Michael asked.

“Yeah, not gonna happen. We’re gonna alien-proof his bedroom until further notice,” Isobel said, smiling a little too proud. Michael rolled his eyes, but he nodded his head.

“Do you need me to come?” Michael offered. Isobel breathed heavily and shook her head, coming closer and wrapping him up in her arms. Michael easily melted into her hug. It was a safe place after a fucking terrible day.

“Go home with your man. You’re no help with us until he wakes up,” Isobel told him. He nodded and she kissed his cheek, surely leaving a red lipstick print but he didn’t mind. “I love you, stay safe, text me when you get home.”

“I will.”

“We’ll leave you two to it.”

Alex didn’t mean to be rude, but he was hurting and tired. Besides, Maria and Rosa would be just great without his presence. The plan was they would spend the night in the bunker and Alex would take Maria home before work the following day. That gave them a ton of hours to bond.

Michael followed Alex to his bedroom.

“Do you need me to do anything? Run you a bath? Wash your clothes? Take a shower so I don’t smell bad?” Michael wondered. Alex sat on the bench at the foot of his bed and looked up at where he was hovering in the doorway. He wasn’t quite sure if he was welcome.

But Alex could still feel him unabashedly pulsing with dedication beneath his skin. The handprint was hidden by gauze, but that didn’t mean it was gone. And, tonight, he just wanted to get lost in that instead of the other bullshit. Michael loved him, he was sure of that, and they were on the same page this time. He knew that for sure. The handprint was proof.

“C’mere,” Alex said. Michael moved closer and Alex grabbed his arm whenever he was in reach, pulling him down for a kiss that didn’t last long. It was more of an excuse to have him close. “We both need showers.”

“We could take one together?”

“There’s nothing sexy about my shower chair,” Alex said. Michael grinned and shrugged a shoulder.

“So?”

They made their way to the bathroom and slowly started to strip, aching muscles catching up to them now that the adrenaline was gone pretty much completely. Alex hissed when he took the sleeve off his leg and Michael frowned at the red, irritated limb.

“I’m gonna be out of commission for a little while,” Alex admitted, slowly moving his eyes from his leg up to Michael. He was tired and his hair was flat, but Alex’s eyes were mainly on his hand. “Your bandana is gone.”

Michael looked down to it with confused eyes like he was shocked that it wasn’t where he left it. Alex watched him, waiting for him to get overwhelmed or uncomfortable like he usually did. Instead, he watched as he took a few steadying breaths and then looked back at Alex.

“Guess so.”

“Are you okay?” Alex wondered. Michael blinked once, twice, three times. Alex could feel just how discombobulated he felt, but he seemed like he was neutral. Like it wasn’t his favorite sight, but it didn’t hurt to look at as much as before. It was progress and Alex gave him a small, encouraging smile.

They took a shower in probably the least sexy way. There was no kissing, no touching outside passing soap, no nothing. It was just a shower. And Alex was more in love with him that he had words for. Wasn’t that insane?

They dried off and got dressed, still moving slow as fatigue got heavier and heavier. When they fell into bed, it was hard to even keep their eyes open. But Alex was conscious enough to look at the cameras. No one was there. He settled back to face Michael.

“Hey,” he whispered. Michael’s eyes dragged open. “Were you really gonna exchange that piece for me?”

A sleepy smile found his face and Alex’s heart thudded in his chest. He knew once the handprint faded, he would probably make Michael sleep on the couch until they got back to the proper level of non-handprint-affiliated trust, but right now he was high on this. On them.

“The first night we slept in this bed together, I promised I would kill anyone to keep you safe,” Michael said softly, “And maybe I didn’t kill anyone, but that was the same as saying I would do anything. Including giving up that piece I threw a big fit about. I’m a dick, I know, but you’re the most important thing in the world to me.”

“Thank you,” Alex whispered. Michael scooted closer and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I love you, Alex.”

“I love you too.”

Michael woke up slow and sore, but he assumed Alex was worse so he didn’t focus on it.

The other side of the bed was empty, though, and Michael dragged himself to go find him. He wasn’t in the bathroom, so Michael quickly threw on a pair of jeans and a fresh bandana and made his way towards the living room. Cam and Kyle was on the couch still dead asleep, Cam playing the role of big spoon while being the only thing keeping the doctor on the couch. Michael tip-toed past them to the kitchen.

“Hey,” Alex said, looking up from his coffee with a smile.

“What are you doing up? We could’ve slept in,” Michael said. Alex shrugged.

“Couldn’t sleep anymore,” he admitted, letting Alex pull him close for another short kiss just because he wanted it, “I’ve got shit to start on anyways. Paperwork to do about my father and I need to go through a more military pathway to figure out what the Camerons are about.”

“What? Alex, you‒”

“Hey,” Alex said, silencing him, “You didn’t see how big of an operation there was. We got out ‘cause you happened to come when the least amount of people were there. It’s not just a little family thing, it’s an organization, okay? I need to stop it to keep you safe. It’ll be okay, I know what I’m dealing with now.”

Michael eyed him and wanted to protest, but he knew he was right. This was just his duty now. His and Kyle’s and Cam’s. That was just something he would have to accept. So he nodded and grabbed his mug, taking a sip. Alex laughed slightly and took it back.

“Well, how are you feeling about everything else? Your dad?” Michael asked. Alex’s eyes dropped the counter and he shrugged.

“I’ll be okay. Flint’s coming over later to talk about things and tell me what he knows. Without dad looming over him we can kinda team up.”

“Stay safe, please.”

“I will,” Alex agreed, looking back up at him. He grabbed Michael’s hand, rubbing his thumb over the bandana. He looked up at Michael for an explanation and he sort of shrugged. He was working on it. It didn’t feel as haunting, but when his mind was more clear, he didn’t want thoughts of it to fill the space. But Alex kissed over it and that made him feel a little better. “You know what I think you should do today?”

“What’s that?” Michael asked, stepping closer.

“I think you should go talk to Sanders.” Michael’s eyebrows tugged together and Alex smiled despite everything. “I think it would be good to talk about your mother with someone who knew her. You could fill him in on what we learned about her after the fact, if he wants to know, obviously. And you need to understand that he wasn’t intentionally lying to you. He was doing what felt like the right thing.”

Michael groaned and dropped his head against his shoulder, but he knew he was right. Alex typically was.

So he went and finished getting dressed and brushed his teeth, trying to make himself somewhat presentable in the quickest way possible. He figured he could stop by Max’s after he talked with Sanders too, cover all his bases. That way he could come home without any guilt.

Alex walked him out onto the porch on his crutches and gave him a kiss goodbye. However, Michael barely made it halfway to his truck before he swiftly turned and ran back. If he was going to come back without any guilt, he needed to get something off his chest. Alex furrowed his eyebrows.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just… It’s our time, Alex. I know we’re not great yet, but we’re gonna be. I’m gonna make sure of it. No more lies for real this time,” Michael promised him. Alex’s smile that came next was bigger and more genuine that every smile he’d seen in the last week. It was beautiful and Michael already felt a weight lift off his shoulder.

“I know,” he said.

“We’re gonna have a happy ending this time,” Michael reiterated. Alex bit his bottom lip gently and nodded.

“Now go and come home to me. I’ll force Kyle to make us lunch,” Alex said. Michael grinned and leaned in for another goodbye kiss.

“Sounds good. I love you.”

“Stay safe.”

The drive to the junkyard was quicker than usual and it had everything to do with Michael feeling better than he had in awhile. Despite all the chaos and the unsure things that laid in his future, he knew a couple things for certain. He wasn’t alone and he would be okay. As long as he tried, he would be okay.

“Hey, Sanders,” Michael called as he walked up to the old man who was the only father figure he’d ever had and needed, “I was thinking we could talk?”

Sanders gave him a grumpy look that Michael knew as a smile and he was more sure than ever he was on the right path.

Life began now.

“Good idea, son.”

#Malex #malex fic #michael guerin #alex manes #roswell new mexico #my fic #our fainted thrill carries on

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justlightlysedated · 5 years

Note

14. what if the love you deserve is love you never find & Malex pls darling

14. what if the love you deserve is love you never find?

"Can we talk?" Alex asks with a serious expression that immediately puts Michael on the defensive.

Michael had been looking for some peace and quiet away from the reception in the living room, even though it had been plenty quiet in there. The silence had been so oppressing that Michael had needed some air.

But of course, he should've known better, Alex has been looking for an excuse to get him alone the whole day, and Michael just didn't feel like dealing with whatever Alex wanted to talk about, on top of dealing with the fact that all of Isobel's guests are mourning for a murderer, and not for the one who saved them all.

Michael exhales roughly, and looks at Alex, quirking an eyebrow and raising one hand in the air before letting it drop back down on his lap.

"If you're here to talk about Maria-"

Alex cuts him off.

"You're the last person that I would talk about Maria with," Alex says, voice like a machine, words precise and said with enough disdain to put Michael in his place. "This has nothing to do with that."

Michael doesn't say anything as he swallows hard and looks away.

Alex doesn't wait for him to respond.

"I came here to support you," he says, voice still maddeningly calm, but the words tear at Michael's already tattered grip on his anger. "But also, I'm going to need you to check up on the files at the Project Shepherd bunker, because I'm going to be out of town for a few days."

Michael's gaze snaps back to Alex's at that, but before he can ask him where he's going, Alex keeps talking.

"It's not a big thing, just once it goes through a file, it will send a message to your phone, if the file has any of the information I flagged in the code then it will send a call, you just have to go to the bunker and check it out to see if it's something that we can use. If you need me to walk you through it just call me."

Michael thinks that there are lots of problems with that plan, but the immediate one has to be addressed first.

"I don't even have a phone," Michael says, slowly. "I lost mine."

More like he threw it out of the window after hearing the multitude of messages that Isobel had left while he'd been in Caulfield.

Alex doesn't miss a beat as he slides his hands into his pocket and pulls out a phone that looks more expensive than the sum cost of the entirety of Michael's belongings.

The only reason that Michael knows that the phone isn't Alex's is because Alex's phone has a protective cover.

He places the phone down on the tailgate right beside Michael's leg.

Michael doesn't touch the phone as he continues to look at Alex.

"Where are you going?"

Alex inhales deeply, eyes closing, and then he looks back at Michael the mask on his face is impenetrable and Michael wishes more than anything that Alex didn't have to hide himself in order to have a conversation with him.

"Washington, I have to get through a performance review, and then an evaluation to see if I'm fit to re-enlist."

Michael feels suddenly as though the whole world, just slipped away from beneath his feet, and even though he's sitting on the tailgate of his truck, he feels like he's free falling in slow motion.

"You're going to re-enlist," he says, and hates the way his voice sounds, like he's not getting enough air, when Alex sounds like this is all just an inconvenience that he has to get through.

Alex doesn't say anything, looking at Michael like nothing is going to get through to him, but tough luck for him, Michael knows exactly what buttons to push to get a reaction out of Alex, especially when he's fighting so hard not to give him one.

Michael clears his throat and then scoffs. "Of course you are. I really don't know what else I expected. Things are getting difficult here, so of course you're going to run away. Say hi to your Daddy for me when you see him at your new post."

Alex's eyes flare, and Michael feels a stab of satisfaction in his stomach.

"I'm doing this for you," he snaps, and his voice shakes, and Michael's expression melts from the cocky look he'd painted on to piss Alex off more to a slightly shocked expression, eyes a little wide, lips parted slightly.

"If I'm not a member of the service then I don't have the clearance necessary to be able to get the information that we need. Project Shepherd goes deeper than just a vendetta that my father has. And for your information, my father is in a coma, at the hospital, and the only reason I'm not leaving Kyle with the responsibility of checking the files is because he has too much on his plate right now."

He inhales deeply, breath shuddering and Michael can't find any words to say to anything that Alex just said.

"It's only going to be a couple of days," Alex says, and he sounds tired, and the more that Michael stares and really looks, he can see how exhausted Alex is.

"You might not even get a call. I'm just trying to cover all of my bases, and at the moment you're the only one that I trust with this."

Michael swallows hard and nods his head once before he puts his hand over the phone.

"Okay," he says, "I'll keep an eye on it."

Alex exhales in relief and nods his head sharply once, and then turns like he's about to walk away without even really saying goodbye.

"You're really doing this for me?"

Alex stops in his tracks and Michael sees the way his shoulders move as he breathes deeply a few times before turning to look back at Michael.

"Yes," he says shortly.

"Why?" He asks, because he wants to know, wants to see if Alex will tell him the truth.

Alex's brow furrows, and he looks at Michael like he can't believe that Michael is actually asking him that.

Alex scoffs and shakes his head. "Isn't it bad enough that my family is trying to build a bomb to perform mass genocide on your entire species?"

Michael shakes his head, "That's not what I asked."

Alex's brow furrows in confusion this time, and Michael sees it when Alex realizes what Michael is really asking.

He licks his lips and looks away, like he's searching for the answer, before he looks back at Michael with a decisive expression.

"I love you," he says, and once again Michael feels like he's free falling. "But it doesn't matter. It's not enough when compared to the damage that my family has done to yours."

Michael looks at Alex, and Alex's eyes are wide and honest. He looks like he actually believes that.

"And when it comes to me, I've hurt you too many times, and I get it, okay?"

Michael's brow furrows, and Alex shakes his head a little, taking a deep breath, and stares at him with a determined expression.

"I still want to be a part of your life," he continues. "If you want me to. I meant what I told you. I want to get to know you. And that doesn't really work if we act like strangers. So just think about it while I'm gone, okay?"

Michael finds himself nodding before he can actually think about it, feeling a little bit like he's got whiplash.

Alex gives him a brief smile, and points towards the phone. "Don't toss that one out of the window, okay?"

Michael rolls his eyes, but he still feels a little bit like the ground is going to fall if he tries to stand up.

The whole conversation has him feeling like he's on a rollercoaster, which is normal when it comes to having a conversation with Alex.

Alex nods his head once again and starts to walk, "I'll see you in a few days."

He takes a few backward steps as though he's waiting for an answer, and Michael sends him a mock salute.

Alex rolls his eyes and turns around, walking away, and Michael just sits and watches until he rounds the corner of the house and disappears from sight.

Michael exhales long and low, and picks his new phone up. He presses a button and the lock screen pops up, and there's a picture of him and Isobel and Max, with their arms wrapped around each other, taken back when Michael had first gotten to Roswell.

Michael feels the tears stinging behind his eyelids, and he puts the phone down, and looks down at the ground sightlessly.

Michael is incredibly angry with Max for many things, but he misses him so much, and especially the boy that he was when Michael had found his way back to him and Isobel.

It would be just like Alex to know something like that.

Michael feels like screaming and tearing his hair out, and begging someone to please tell him why the person that he loves the most is the descendant of the people who have hurt him the most.

It's a sick sort of irony that Alex is nothing like his family, and yet he's hurt Michael in ways that no one ever has.

Michael doesn't notice Isobel until she sits down beside him.

"Hey," he says, and looks at her as she turns to look at him, giving him a sad small smile.

"Hey," she says back. "I'm so tired of receiving condolences for my loss, when I actually want to yell that I'm free from the rooftops, so I figured I'd come find you."

Michael nods his head once and turns back towards the front, watching the lights of the town in the distance.

"You got a new phone," she says grabbing it before Michael can stop her.

She looks at the picture on the lockscreen and Michael stares at her, holding his breath.

"I remember this day," she says voice soft. "I could feel you the moment you crossed into the town lines. Max didn't believe me until you got even closer, and then he could feel you too. It wasn't that hard to find you after that. The social worker was a bit taken aback at our reaction to each other, but she was the one who offered to take the picture."

Michael nods his head, because he remembers all of that too, and how Max had dragged them both to the Crashdown because Michael had never had a milkshake in his life, and he had to try the best.

Sometimes Michael can still feel the tight grip of Max's hand from that day, as though he was afraid to let go of Michael.

"We're going to get him back," Isobel says after a moment of silence. "We're going to train and unlock all of our potential and we're going to get him back."

Michael turns back towards her, and looks at her determined expression.

Michael just nods his head, and Isobel slides her hand into his, holding on to his hand tightly.

"We're going to get him back," he repeats, and she squeezes his fingers tighter, like she's afraid that she'll lose him if she lets go.

Michael squeezes back just as tight.

#malex fic #malexprompts #idek what this is #i wrote it at like 2am and then promptly fell asleep

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ficclique · 4 years

Photo

Fic Clique hosts choices for our top fics of the decade - as featured in our Minisode from Jan 3rd.

Brenna’s choices:

Honorable Mentions:

Worldwide Lonesome by loindexter (BTS)

2018, 39k, Yoongi/Jin

The biggest gut-punch I’ve ever felt from a character confession. The Jin of this fic has stuck with me every day since reading it. This fic examines sexuality in a way that made me feel seen & I love that.

Timeshare by Astolat (HP)

2016, 14k, Draco/Harry

This is sort of a stand-in for all of astolat’s drarry fic, which as a bundle are one of my top fics for the decade. They are fics that feel like instant-classics and the variety of characterizations, stories and tropes helped establish astolat as perhaps my all time favorite fic author. Timeshare won out above the others because it’s one of the fics that helped us decide to do this podcast! Thank you Timeshare!

Top 5 picks:

The Student Prince, by Fayjay (Merlin)

2010, 145k, Merlin/Arthur

A fic that has defined fanfiction for me. Perhaps the fic that first convinced me to love fanfiction. Something I keep coming back to and have reread numerous times. Funny, heartfelt, just different enough from the canon versions of characters. Perhaps the only University AU I will ever fully love.

The Love Song of the North American Douchebag, by Gyzym (Star Trek RPF)

2013, 25k, Chris/Zach

If you want to hear me (and my lovely co-hosts) discuss this fic in depth, then I recommend listening to Episode 6! However, one of our listeners also submitted this as a top fic of the decade, so I’m going to add what the lovely Scout said:

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I HOPE I CAN SWEAR. I'm not even in this fandom. The world building is just THAT good. It's one of my highlights *because* of its power to draw me in as a standalone. So much fucking talent in the transformative work community. The banter, characterization, sardonic-ness of this – international impact baby!”

Not Easily Conquered (series), by dropdeaddream & whatarefears (MCU)

2015, 117k, Steve/Bucky

An incredibly, precise, gut-wrenching trilogy. Each part is astounding both together and apart. A devastating exploration of love and dedication. One of those fics that created a Fandom Moment. I sobbed through the entirety of part 2 when I first read it. Womb to tomb, sweetheart.

Azoth by zeitgeistic (HP)

2013, 88k, Draco/Harry

A stunning exploration of magic beyond JKR’s universe. A timeless coming together of two characters. A frankly genius use of a plot device (and something as simple as a school project) to foster an incredibly touching and meaningful relationship, one in which they are not able to find what they need to complete their task until they find what they need in each other. ALCHEMY BABY!

Honeysuckle Arch by junkshopdisco (1d)

2015, 46k, Niall/Harry

Perhaps the most I’ve ever related to a character in fic. The Niall of this fic lives in my heart, and I feel like reading him helps me understand myself, and everytime I come back to it I understand him better too. It’s a touching portrayal of a character coming to terms with their sexuality in a way that feels completely grounded and who is surrounded by characters who love them, even if they don’t always know how to show it.

Nicole’s choices:

Honorable Mentions:

Protostellar by ninamondays

bts, 64k, pub 2019, Namjoon/Jungkook & Taehyung/Jimin

Space, cryogenics, fate, reincarnation, class struggles, revolution, climate change, character death. Having hope is punk rock. Processing grief is a slow and ugly process. [deep breath] Have I ever felt so profoundly touched by a fic while I was reading it?

the other thing by cornfields

hockey rpf, 16k, pub 2015, Jamie/Tyler

An absolutely unflinching look at personal accountability and internalized homophobia. What happens when your self-hatred has collateral damage? It’s about healing but it’ll fucking hurt first. Bleached out vibes. Makes texas feel very big, and the world feel very, very small. A story I’d only trust a fic author to tell.

Top 5 picks:

Murmuration by fringecity (indiachick)

bts, 167k, pub 2018, Yoongi/Jimin/Taehyung

Film noir/murder mystery meets gritty sci fi and superpowers. Everyone is morally gray. You Will sob about Kim Taehyung. A masterclass in plot. Felt like a trilogy all wrapped tightly into one fic. A kaleidoscope. An unfurling. This fic mesmerizes.

The River and the Deep Green Bend by liquidmeasure

1d, 70k, pub 2016, Harry/Niall

Dark tower au, but only technically. Makes me want to believe in the multiverse. An arid western, a sideways coming of age story, an elegy. The first time I’ve ever cried because an ending was perfect.

the undiscovered country by indigostohelit

hamlet, 56k, pub 2014, Hamlet/Horatio

What else can I say about this fic. What else can I Fucking say.

(note: we discuss this fic at length during episode 5)

All Things Shining by Askance and standbyme

spn, 142k, pub 2013, Dean/Castiel & Sam/ofc

A story about miracles. Literary as hell, with long luxuriant scenes that never drag. Masterful characterization. The thing I wanted from spn fic—connection, plot, and a fic that not only can handle the lore of the show, but is willing to expand upon it.

Who Painted the Moon Black by throughthedark

1d, 95k, pub 2013, Louis/Harry

Hunger games crossover. Doesn’t just use the other fandom for setting, but entirely inhabits it. I had to stop partway through my reread because I knew I’d have nightmares, but this fic never stops hoping. Trauma is not an ending. This fic is certain of that the whole way through.

Reid’s Choices:

Honorable Mentions:

songs from the ash, by explosivesky, 2017

Critical Role, Percy/Vex, Keyleth/Vax, 54k, WIP (sort of)

rockstar/movie star AU

A fantastic example of how fic can just standalone as really good original fiction. A lovingly rendered, devastating and beautifully crafted portrait of four broken people doing their best to navigate through their lives and around one another.

delta, by sharpa, 2019

BTS, rapline ot3, 60k

What happens when you’re a public figure who gets unwillingly outed, and two people you used to love reach out to offer you sanctuary? You make Reid cry, that’s what.

Top 5 picks:

Salt on the Western Wind by Saras_Girl, 2013

Harry Potter, drarry, 60k

Immediately post war, bond

It represents a lot of what I was looking for when I started really getting into Drarry fic, which was an exploration of what canon wouldn’t give me. My favorite Drarry fics have always been the ones that let them dig into their shared trauma, and while this fic isn’t the heaviest one I’ve read, I think the fact that it’s set literally hours after the Battle of Hogwarts ends lends itself well to that concept. I couldn’t have a list of the decade without a Drarry fic, tbh.

The Great Sealand Takeover, by whalehuntingboyfriends, 2015

Roosterteeth/Achievement Hunter RPF, ot6 (gavin, michael, ray, geoff, ryan, jack), 365k

FAHC

When I think about fics that set the standard for a fandom, this is one of the first ones that comes to mind. This fic means a lot to me because it was my introduction to RPF, and in addition to its intricate plot and fandom-constructed lore, also was a take on poly relationships and found families in a way I had never experienced before, with themes of belonging and a love that transcends typical convention.

The Twice-Told Tale by arysteia, 2012

Marvel, steve/tony, 15k

This fic hits a sweet spot for me where it does have some of that 2012 tower-fic nostalgia, but I also think it holds up well in terms of what I (and fandom) find so fascinating about Tony, which is all this grief and trauma that he struggles so hard to process, and the way puts himself at the center of attention to obfuscate the fact that he keeps everyone at a long arm’s length.

There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe, by Shoshanah-ben-hohim, 2015

Hockey, Sid/Geno, Canon Divergent, 77k

& the whole series, including There is a Field, I’ll Meet You There, Alex Galchenyuk/Olli Maata, 131k

When I think about this fic I want to scream from every rooftop I’ve ever been on “please read this fic”. The way it weaves together details to provide a level of grounding and realism in what sounds like the most absurd concept for a fic just floors me. The empathy and compassion and fear in this fic just gets at the most tender parts of my heart, and the fact that it’s ostensibly a ship fic, and yet Sid and Geno spend nearly the entire fic with no communication, but instead are just holding on to the innate truth that they know about one another to get them through this crazy endeavour they’re on elevates the entire fic for me.

what comes after, by poppyseedheart, 2018

Roosterteeth/Achievement Hunter RPF, mavinseg (gavin, meg, michael, lindsay), 36k

Dystopia/Spy AU

When I first read this fic, I finished it and I put it down and then I spent a few days feeling like I was just sort of wandering around in a haze because every single thought was consumed by this fic. In addition to its impeccable worldbuilding and the tone work that it does with its setting, I don’t know that I had ever resonated so deeply with fic characters before. Reading this felt like someone had pried my ribcage open one by one and revealed the softest, most tender parts of me and then went “I’m going to write something that targets this.” This fic is an ode to loss and love, to mourning something that you once had and then hesitantly and clumsily opening yourself up to building something new, and recognizing that, impossibly, that new thing you built can somehow be better than what you had before.

And I felt all of these things, I felt like my world had just been shattered by this new author I discovered… and then, somehow, I became her friend. Then through Nic I met Brenna, and now when I think about this fic I not only love it for being a work of art, but also for being representative of the thing that brought me to two of the most important people in my life, and that to me will always make it my favorite fic I’ve ever read.

#fic clique #fic recs #multifandom #minisode #fics of the decade

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mayamatiln · 7 years

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omg!! congrats on 1000

Aw thank you so much!! Okay I’m just gonna list my top 10 characters that I feel are underrated by the show and the fandom itself. This isnt exactly my list of favorite characters ever so keep that in mind…

1. Johnny DiMarco - If you know anything about me, you know that Johnny is my favorite Degrassi character of all time. I could scream from the rooftops every day about how much I love him. He has done so many shitty things but he learned and grew from all of it into a decent person who is working to do better for himself. On top of that he had all that major character growth while being a background/supporting character and only had one plot from his PoV. I could literally write a book about how beautiful Johnny’s arc was but thats a completely different discussion.

2. Chantay Black - Literally the eyes and ears of Degrassi. She was around for YEARS and had so many opportunities for a great plot but never had any. Plus her and Danny were cute af. Literally her whole character was hilarious to me and I wish she had more of a plot.

3. Mike Dallas - I know a lot of other people love him too but I feel like he still doesnt get enough recognition from the fandom. He was so good to Alli and he really developed so much over his 3 seasons on the show. And seeing him be a parent to Rock was such a great plot. Oh and the racial plot he had in season 13 was one of my all time favs.

4. Tiny Bell - MY SWEET SWEET BOY. He has been through so much and he always got overshadowed by Maya and Zig and Miles and Zoe and Tristan. I would have loved to see more from his perspective on the show.

5. Jake Martin - Literally comic gold. He was so pure. Like honestly I want to find myself a Jake because he was the sweetest. He loved Mo so much and he loved his greenhouse so much. I feel like he gets forgotten a lot and people take advantage of how sweet he is to forget about him because he never got a ton of super serious plots.

6. Alex Nuñez - SO UNDERRATED. She was so strong and fearless and confident. So unafraid to be exactly who she is and she took no crap from anyone. I feel like the show treated her as Jay’s girlfriend then Paige’s girlfriend and she rarely got enough time to develop on her own without a love interest. Sure she had the stripping plot but that was really weak in my opinion. I wish they would bring her back for a reunion because I would love to see what she is doing now.

7. Coach Armstrong - HE IS SUCH A LEGEND. He has been a part of the show since DTNG season 1!! AND HE’S STILL HERE. He is apparently a math wizard AND he is well versed in every single sport on the planet. ALSO he has yet to age a single day. Give Michael Kinney all the love he deserves

8. Hazel Aden - I wish they developed her as more than just Paige’s sidekick. Her first A plot in Don’t Believe The Hype is one of my favorite episodes to date. Also her relationship with Jimmy one the only relationship of his that I actually enjoyed. I wish they would have made her a real person and not just a prop for Paige.

9. Connor DeLaurier - Oh sweet sweet Connor who I literally hated at first. I loved how the portrayed his Aspergers. And how even when he had a makeover and became hot it wasnt because all of a sudden it was like “hey I’m hot now” it had a reason and a purpose. His relationship with Jenna was so sweet and healthy and I loved it so so much. And I always enjoyed how smart Conner always was and how he was never ashamed to show it. It was always so encouraging to me personally.

10. Mr. Perino - Remember in season 6 when he has that huge altercation with Danny and Derek and we all thought he would be fired for it and he wasnt? I adored that plot because for the first time a teacher wasn’t just a background character. I loved how it showed that teachers are people too and they aren’t always right. I’ve had so many teachers over the years who have made mistakes and done things that were wrong that I disagreed with. BUT what makes me love Mr. Perino is that he took that experience and he bounced back from it. He improved himself and he changed to become a better teacher. I love how Degrassi showed that not all teachers are perfect but they are still human and they can change and fix their mistakes. He has always been known to be a little tough on his students but to me he is the most realistic teacher on the show because my teachers in high school were tough on me and they pushed me to work harder constantly and sometimes I hated them for it but they made me a better person in the long run. It’s nice to see a character like the teachers that I had on TV because it is so realistic.

#johnny dimarco #chantay black #mike dallas #tiny bell #jake martin #alex nunez #coach armstrong #hazel aden #connor delaurier #dom perino #asks #anon #Anonymous #taylor talks

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spaceskam · 4 years

Text

bet you didn’t expect a sneak peek for the finale of my fix-it on this fine monday morning. here’s some “i got really close to never seeing you again” cuddling

“I know,” Michael whispered, still smiling.

“I love you,” Michael told him. Alex grinned slightly, his hand sliding over his chest.

“I can feel that you do,” he whispered, his good knee sliding between Michael’s thighs, “You should get better at this whole handprint thing. I could get used to feeling you like this.”

Michael’s eyes scanned over his face to see that he was deadly serious. A childish grin overcame his face and Alex rolled his eyes.

“Keep saying that.”

“I will.”

#sneak peek #malex #malex fic #our fainted thrill carries on #i'm so ready to be done with this fic lol #i love it but goddamn #also cue me googling which states say highway instead of interstate before realizing it didn't matter #no one corrected me when i used buggy without googling it

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spaceskam · 5 years

Note

31 and 70 from the prompt list for Rosabel

“Your brother won’t stop making heart eyes at my sister, it’s grossing me out.”

“I’m sure Liz says the same thing about me.”

Rosa gave Isobel that smile-that-wasn’t-a-smile, but it wasn’t a frown so Isobel took it as a win. Isobel was still trying to navigate the large walls that surrounded Rosa Ortecho. Sometimes it’d seem like she’d found a hole to weasel her way inside, but then a gate would shut and she’d still be on the outside.

Sometimes it drove her insane. Sometimes she enjoyed the challenge.

“Hey, uh, after I get off, do you wanna go to a movie?” Rosa asked while somehow avoiding eye contact. She was usually overwhelming with it. Not today. Isobel found herself smirking.

“Absolutely.”

“Oh my god, Izzy! You-you’re too much!”

Isobel took a step away from Rosa. She’d come to the roof of the Crashdown to see her, only to find her hysterically sobbing. She didn’t really know how to handle this, especially since every time she tried to comfort her, Rosa would push her away. She didn’t know what she did wrong. All she knew was that they were fine one day and then Rosa was ignoring her the next.

Isobel happily skipped over their almost-kiss goodnight in the preservation of her own ego.

“Do you want me to go get Liz?” Isobel offered. Rosa clearly didn’t want her there, but Isobel wasn’t about to leave her this all by herself. The closer she looked, the more she realized Rosa was probably strung out. She felt even more compelled to go get Liz.

“No! No, I don’t want you to get Liz!” Rosa screamed, her hands going to her hair and pulling as her voice echoed in the empty space. Isobel slowly took a step towards her once again.

“Okay, I won’t.” Rosa nearly jumped out of her skin when she realized Isobel was close again. “Do you want me to leave?”

“Izzy! Just-just stop! Stop talking to me!” she shouted.

Isobel stared for a moment, watching her pull at her hair and pace wildly. She debated if she should just listen. As worried as she was, she also wasn’t wanted. She was scared she was just going to make it worse. As much as it hurt, Isobel decided she had to back off. She wasn’t helping, she was hurting.

Isobel didn’t want to hurt her.

“Sorry. I’ll leave you alone,” Isobel said softly. However, she could barely take a step away before Rosa tightly grabbed her arm. Rosa’s eyes were frantic with emotions even she couldn’t read, her pupils blown beyond recognition.

“Don’t leave me.”

Isobel nodded slowly, “Okay, I won’t.”

“Liz is leaving, my mom left, every fucking friend I had left once I got clean, now you’re leaving to? Jesus Christ, am I that hard to be around?”

Rosa was high. She said she was clean, but Isobel had spent enough time around a clean Rosa to know this wasn’t her. Still, she stayed quiet about it as they laid close on the rooftop. Pointing it out only upset her.

“No one is leaving because of you,” Isobel said, hesitantly reaching out to touch her arm. She never knew what was okay and what wasn’t. Rosa changed her mind every time they hung out. Today, she was okay with arms touching.

“Really? Because it feels like I chase everyone away. Hell, I’m even losing you and you’re the most persistent person I’ve ever seen,” Rosa laughed. Isobel pulled her hand away and turned to face her. Was that what she was? Nothing more than a persistent person?

Isobel made a mental note to talk to Max about what to do when the person you like is completely oblivious. He had more practice in that area than she did.

Rosa looked at her when she took her hand away. They laid there, staring in silence for a while. They did that a lot. Rosa moved closer, her eyes flickering across her face. Isobel prayed her face didn’t betray how flustered that made her feel.

“It’s just college,” Isobel whispered, “You haven’t lost me.”

Isobel didn’t have much time to enjoy it when Rosa surprised her with a kiss. It lasted maybe seven seconds, half of which Isobel spent in shock. When Rosa pulled away, an involuntary part of her pushed her to try to follow for more. Only, Rosa sat up and left her feeling more pathetic than before.

“You’re a good friend, Izzy.”

“How do you know if someone is gay or bi or… open to same-sex trysts?”

Michael slowly looked up from his comically large physics textbook with furrowed eyebrows. Isobel stared at him helplessly, hoping he could play wise older brother. She was lost, confused, scared, and slightly horny over everything that was Rosa Ortecho. She was like a glitchy traffic light, one minute she was fine and the next she was freaking out. To Isobel, it seemed like a massive sexual identity crisis and she didn’t know how far to push.

“Why?” Michael asked.

“Because there’s this girl I‒”

“No, I got that part, I mean why are you asking me?” he clarified. Isobel rolled her eyes and waited for him to laugh, but it never came. She snorted.

“You’re, like, the resident queer-who-will-talk-to-me,” she explained. He somehow looked even more confused. “Oh, come on, Micahel, there is absolutely nothing heterosexual about the way you stare at Alex Manes.” Michael sunk down in his seat, but he was no longer confused about why he was the one being asked. “So how do you know?”

“I mean, there’s not really a for sure way to tell,” Michael told her. She groaned, her head hitting the table.

“Well, how did you know Alex was into guys?” she asked. If it was a slightly less serious situation, she might’ve laughed at his progressively reddening cheeks.

“Lucky guess?”

“Oh, so you are banging the MCR reject?”

Micahel’s eyes went wide, “We are not talking about me, we’re talking about your massive hard-on for Rosa Ortecho!”

“Hey, no call outs!”

“You literally just called me out!”

Silence rose between the two as they glared. However, the glares were replaced by small smiles that grew into snickering once it settled in how ridiculous they sounded. It didn’t help that they were literally sounded. It didn’t help that they were literally in the Crashdown and the probability of the people they were talking about overhearing was absurdly high.

“Okay, for real, what do I do?” Isobel asked. Michael leaned in closer.

“I know this might sound insane,” he started, “But maybe you should just ask her.”

“You’re right that does sound insane.”

“Can we talk?”

Rosa looked up, smiling when they locked eyes. That was hard to decipher. It could mean ‘let’s kiss under the stars for hours like last time’ or ‘you’re such a good friend’ or ‘touch me and I’ll scream’. She was truly a wild card.

“Of course.”

Isobel slowly sat beside her. Rosa sat up and faced her, putting their knees together. She was so confusing. The confusion didn’t stop the heat from coursing through Isobel when they touched.

“I… I don’t understand how you feel about me,” Isobel admitted. She hated how weak she sounded. There was no way to bullshit her way through this conversation. Boys were easy, they usually didn’t get confusing. They either liked you or they didn’t. None of this messy shit.

“Izzy,” Rosa said, smiling softly as she reached for her hands. Isobel relaxed when she noticed this was sober Rosa. This was her favorite version, the sweetest version. “After all my bullshit that you’ve dealt with, you still don’t think I love you?” A smile twitched onto Isobel’s lips as she involuntarily leaned forward.

“But… as a friend, or…?” Isobel said softly, hoping she’d just fill in the blank. Rosa leaned forward, resting her head forehead on Isobel’s and nudging their noses together. Isobel’s heart leaped into her chest as her eyes fluttered closed.

“You’re so naive, Izzy.”

“That’s a new one.”

“Besides, I thought you were seeing Michael Guerin,” Rosa said. Isobel’s eyes shot open in confusion. Rosa looked dead serious.

“I’m sorry, you thought what?” Isobel asked. She nearly pulled away, but Rosa grinned and put her hand on the back of her neck to hold her in place.

“Kidding. I know he’s with my baby Alex,” Rosa laughed and Isobel somehow managed to relax into her hold once more. This was the most Rosa had taken control in their entire friendship. She was rarely ever the one to make the first move. Now she was making almost all of them. It was insane and exhilarating and she wanted to explode. This was good. “I love you, Izzy. Not like a friend.” This got better.

And she leaned in for a kiss.

#today i learned i suck at writing rosa #but i hope you like it!#rosabel fic #rosabel #Rosa ortecho #rosa ortecho fic #isobel evans #isobel evans fic #michael guerin #michael guerin fic #roswell new mexico #roswell new mexico fic #rnm #rnm fic #request #1.5k #isobels pov

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