#i need to get me some wealthy theater nerd friends
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If this production doesn’t get a pro-shot I’m going to sue
#broadway#into the woods#musical theater#musicals#sara bareilles#phillipa soo#brain d’arcy James#i would kill to see this live#alas i am not rich enough to afford a trip to New York in this economy#i need to get me some wealthy theater nerd friends#im still crying over Hadestown not getting a proshot before andre de shields leaves#even though i did get to see that one way back in 2019#he is so perfect as hermes#the tour hermes did a great job#but no one can be andre#it deserves to be memorialized in proshot for all time#also i want to watch it on loop everday for the rest of my existence
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Flicker Eduardo headcanons!!
I know almost no one cares except maybe that one flicker fan scrolling through the flicker tag, but idc
(some of these are weird and stupid)
(also when I say "into ___" I don't mean it in a romantic or s##ual context btw)
pansexual demiboy, he/they, name means "Wealthy Guardian" (only thing canon in this post)
Into rock and heavy metal
Introverted
Into cryptozoology
Into 80's horror movies
Teenager, bout 16-18 y/o
Into werewolves
obsessed with stranger things
Deadname is Valentina (based on the fact that he was initially supposed to be called Valentina and have a different design)
Engages with risky (??) and rebellious behaviour
Divorced parents, father had abandoned both them and their mom and his infant sister
Hispanic
Used to be best friends with Alex, drifted apart and now Ed feels bitter Abt him
Not satanic but they are into studying satanism and people devoted to it
Atheist
Into murder mysteries
Quiet in groups at first until he gets to know others in the group better
Plays the guitar (both acoustic and electric)
Horrible at singing, still likes singing
Used to be in a band with Alex, Amethyst and Prasiddhi
Gets absolutely horrible grades in school besides in literature and Spanish
Theater kid
Dumb#ss nerd
Has sooo many earrings and necklaces
Obsessed with many bands (I can't specify which ones bc i don't know sh#t about music,)(actually screw it I'll name a few that my mom likes
Into Metallica, Radiohead, Queen The Door, and other crap like that (I only listen to Radiohead out of these)
Has one of his eyebrows pierced
Has wolf as their fave animal
Kinda insane (don't ask)
Into paranormal stuff
Brave
Determined and stubborn
Street smart
Skateboards
All about self expression
Known as the quiet kid or the weirdo in school
Likes to go outside at night
Halloween is their fave holiday
Quiet in relation to his negative opinions regarding others
Secretly a MLP + STH fan
Can get bored and distracted easily
Into parkour and tree + rock climbing
Spiritually in the 80's
A really good older sib figure
Attachment issues, fears being abandoned so sometimes they push other people away first, other times he is a bit clingy and desperate
Uses the peace ✌️ and rock 🤘sign quite often
Embraces weirdness
Will always protect and defend people he cares about
Can be kinda rude but also really kind?
Often does the chores in the house, kinda tired from that + schoolwork
Now that Alex isn't their friend anymore, they're just kind of the loner in their class (before he gets sent to the Flicker game)
When the flicker game first starts, he like most people just think it's a run, fake murder mystery game, but one night (a bitttt early on) when they were supposed to get killed they managed to flee and escape into the woods, everyone thinking he's dead
Always puts up a fight when needed
Used to crush on alex and still cares about him as much as he refuses to admit it
Swears a moderate amount
Winks often (ok these HCs sre getting very mundane... um)
Ends up getting along well with most of the flicker players
He constantly feels like HE has to work for everyone (like their mom, having to do chores and upkeep his grades), and although they're very loyal they're also reasonably tired
The start of the flicker game has actually been one of the happiest periods in his life in some time
Can be impulsive
Fidgets often
In classes they barely do anything
Master at solving Rubik's cube
Pretty chill most of the time actually
Into video games too, primarily indie horror and visual novel
Him and Rosalie bicker often
Really wants to be independent, competent and responsible to prove they don't need anyone
They give me Lucas Sinclair and Drew from TMF vibes for sum reason??
Is neurodivergent (bpd, adhd, maybe sumth else idk)
...
Wtf even is this... I'm literally the worst flicker fan to ever exist I'm so sorry
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100 Asks
I was tagged for this by @basementmermaid quite some time ago… 😬 Here are my answers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Real name : something other than Sugarplum. 😉
2. Nickname: Sugarplum
3. Zodiac sign : Aries gang! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
4. Male or female? Female
5. Nursery: I was out during the day as a youngun.
6. Primary: nerd time!
7. Secondary: awkward nerd time! 😞
8. Hair color : brown
9. Long or short: medium
10. Loud or quiet: me? It depends on the day and who I'm around.
11. Sweats or jeans : jeans and yoga pants / lycra leggings
12. Phone or camera : phone
13. Health freak? Kind of. I'm on that almond milk / stevia wave, but I still love my chicken fingers and fries… I would love to exercise more, too…
14. Drink or smoke: drink
15. Do you have a crush on someone : yeah…
16. Political orientation: liberal
17. Piercings: just one set of ear piercings
18. Tattoos: one, on my shoulder blade
19. Airplane? I would love to have a ticket to somewhere right now! I do get nervous during takeoff, but I'll deal with it to go on an awesome trip.
20. Car accident? A few. Thankfully no major injuries, no totalled cars. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
21. Fist fight? I fought over a book before I was like 11, but it was more like slapping. That's it.
22. First piercings: ears
23. First best friend: in kindergarten
24. First instrument: I dabbled on a keyboard that my parents bought
25. First award : won a drawing contest with a fire prevention theme in like 2nd grade
26. First crush: celeb was Prince; IRL, 2 boys in middle school
27. First language : English
28. First big vacation: Miami
29. Last person I talked to: a coworker
30. Last person I texted : my SO
31. Last person I watched : didn't really need watching… 🤷🏽♀️
32. Last movie I watched : probably Guardians of the Galaxy 2, on TV. Theater was Secret Life of Pets 2.
34. Last song I listened to: Finer Things, J*Davey
35. Last thing I bought : a bunch of snacks from Trader Joe's, including dried chile mango and jerk-flavored plantain chips
36. Last person I hugged: my SO
38. Favorite drinks: water, iced tea, diet cola, rum & Coke, dark rum and ginger ale
39. Favorite clothing: skinny jeans, maxi skirts/dresses, cute athlesiure clothes and shoes
40. Favorite book: just Finished American Gods and really enjoyed it
41. Favorite color: blue, red, pink, purple
42. Favorite flower: Tea roses, tulips, orchids
43. Favorite music: classic rock, R&B, reggae, Afrobeats, electronica
44. Favorite movie : Love Jones, Guardians of the Galaxy 1&2
46. Favorite subjects: English/Creative Writing, Spanish, French, Biology
In the last year, have I…
47: Kissed in the rain? No
48. Celebrated Halloween? Yes
49. Had your heart broken? No 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
50. Went over cell phone minutes? No (but yes on data)
51. Someone questioned your sexual orientation? No
52. Used a weapon? Probably hit someone with something in a joking manner, but not a legit serious injury weapon
53. Breathed fire? If I ate something really spicy… 🤷🏽♀️ My mouth was on fire today from Singapore mei fun
54. Had an abortion? No
55. Done something I regretted? Probably, but nothing large scale.
56. Broke a promise? Yes
57. Kept a secret? Yes
58. Pretended to be happy? A little
59. Meet someone who changed my life? Through books, yes
60. Pretended to be sick? Yes 🤷🏽♀️
61. Left the country? No.
62. Tried something I normal wouldn't, and liked it? Yes.
63. Cried over the silliest thing? Yes.
64. Ran a mile? Nah.
65. Went to the beach? I think around this time last year? I'm overdue this year.
66. Stayed single? Nah, taken.
Currently:
67. Eating? Nothing.
68. Drinking? Water.
69. Getting ready to: mentally prepare for a trip to the gym today.
70. Listening to: a podcast called The Friend Zone.
71. Plans for tomorrow: work on my fics ; today: gym.
72. Waiting for: the end of the work day. I have nothing left to do!
The future
73. Want kids? Yes.
74. Want to get married? Yes.
75. Careers in mind? Author, independently wealthy 😩😩😩😂😂😂
What's better on a guy or girl:
76. Lips or eyes? Can't decide! Love both.
77. Shorter or taller? Taller
78. Romantic or spontaneous? Both is a dream…
79. Uve stomach or nice arms? Arms
80. Sensitive or loud? Both are useful at different times.
81. Hook-up or relationship? Relationship.
82. Troublemaker or hesitant? Both have their uses.
Have I ever…
83: lost contacts or glasses? Glasses at an amusement park; hate when contacts creep up high on your eye and you have to work them back down.
84. Ran away from home? No.
85. Held a weapon for self defense? No.
86. Killed somebody? No.
87. Broken someone's heart: Yes. 😔
88. Been arrested? No.
Do you believe in…
90. Yourself? More than I used to.
91. Miracles? Yes.
92. Love at first sight? Yes.
93. Heaven? I do believe there's more after this life.
94. Santa Claus? Not for years.
95. Easter bunny? Same, it since I was a kid.
96. Magic? It's is.
97. Is there someone I want to be with right now? Yes.
98. Am I seriously happy with where I am in life? Yes, I think so. There are ways in which I want to improve, but I feel like I'm on the right track and have some general ideas on how to get there.
99. Am I happy with the person I'm with? Yes.
Please consider yourself tagged if you want to do this!
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W H O A R E Y O U?
ASTRID REYES
AGE: 28 APPEARANCE: Astrid rarely wears makeup and, when she does, she wears a bare face kind of "no makeup" makeup look. She likes fashion and likes experimenting with clothes, but often is seen in more plain jane clothes in an attempt to blend in (ex. t-shirt, jeans , sweaters, white sneakers). GLASSES/CONTACTS? She has glasses that she occasionally wears, but only to help her blend in as a "human" who needs reading glasses. TATTOOS? She has a matching tattoo with her friend Liv (who she accidentally turned into a harpy) that says "to infinity" across her rib cage (here); A couple of watercolored little birds on her right collar bone (here); stay gold tattooed across her left wrist (here); a tattoo that says 'but without the dark, we'd never see the stars' on her left upper thigh (here); a little anchor on the back of her neck (here); and a little elephant on the back of her ankle (here). SCARS OR BIRTHMARKS? Astrid has a couple different scars on her body. She has some scars on her hips and her wrists from TW: self harm; Her left wing doesn't tilt exactly right and a has a scar across from it; she has a tiny little scar that can barely be seen across her right temple. RICH OR POOR? Astrid grew up in poverty and although her adopted family is very wealthy, she lives a lower middle class lifestyle not wanting to borrow money from them. SPECIFIC TICK OR MANNERISM? She fidgets with her hair when she's nervous, often switching up her part from one side to the other or fidgeting with the hem of her skirt or shirt as she talks to people; she also has a tendency to rock back and forth slightly on the balls of her heels and nibble on her bottom lip.
P E R S O N A L I T Y ?
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
“I don’t really know if I believe in perfect happiness anymore, but I guess if I had to pick I’d say that moment when I just forget where I am. When the world around me fades away and I just can exist without the past or... fear of the future.” If she had to pick a specific moment, she knew it would have been when she was flying, high above the trees, far away from any source of people whom she could hurt, where she could just sing to her hearts content, letting the wind kiss her cheeks.
What is your greatest fear?
Being found out, being sent to prison or even worse, transferred. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t scare the shit out of me, excuse my language, to be sent somewhere- anywhere- away. But, I think the part of me that scares me more is what would happen to my family- the Reyes who took me in when they didn’t have to- and my friends like Liv. I did this to her, I scratched her. I turned her. I ruined her life and, because of me, she might end up spending the rest of it behind bars. And Damien- he already lost so much. I wonder if he’d even look at me again if I ruined what was left of his family, Astrid couldn’t help but think. But, she wouldn’t ever dare mutter it out loud.
What is your biggest pet peeve or trait you deplore in yourself?
“There’s kind of too many to list. But, I guess if I had to pick I’d say just not feeling able to be myself? Or even really knowing who I am? I sometimes see other people around my ages, fooling around laughing and letting loose. You know, those people who are the focus of every group they’re apart of, who make you laugh out loud and are just magnetic? Those people who everyone can’t help but be drawn to? I see them and I get jealous, so freaking jealous, because I can never be like that. And it’s not just because-” Because she was undeclared. “I just- sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in my own body. In my own skin. Like no matter who I’m around or what I do, I’m on edge and petrified of being myself, of letting people in, of getting hurt again, of having someone take something of mine that wasn’t theirs to take. I hate that I don’t feel safe, that I haven’t felt safe since I was like 10 years old and will probably never feel safe again and- and I hate when I look at these bright amazing people, I know deep down that I’m not one of them and I probably never will be, I guess...”
What is your biggest pet peeve or trait you deplore in others?
“I don’t know? I don’t really know if there is one. But, maybe being entitled? Those people who feel like the world belongs to them and everything is for their taking even if it’s not?”
Which living person do you most admire?
“I have two. My mom and dad. My adopted mom and dad. They took me in and gave me everything. Not just a home, but a family even if it was far from easy. They’re kind of the coolest people in the world and I don’t know what I’d do without them.”
Which living person do you most despise?
“I don’t know if he’s alive anymore, but...” Charlie...
What is your greatest extravagance?
“College? I only went for a year and a half before it was just too much to keep paying for on my own, but it’s definitely the most I’ve probably ever spent on anything.”
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
“Maybe faith? I don’t just mean in the ‘higher power’ sense. I mean just hope. Believing that everything is going to be okay, even if the world is falling apart at the seams?”
On what occasion do you lie?
“I kind of lie everyday, now-a-days. About who I am? Where I came from? But, I guess I lie the most when I tell people ‘I’m fine’.”
“What is the quality you like most in a significant other?
“Optimism? Or maybe humor? If someone can make me smile or let my walls down, they’re a-okay in my book.”
Do you have a catchphrase? Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
“Maybe ‘Gosh Darn it?’”
Who or what is the greatest love in your life?
“Fiyero Tigelaar. And if you know who that is, then you probably know why.” She’s a little theater nerd and fell in love with singing and the stage.
When and where were you happiest?
“The first time I flew across the lake. I kind of had a whole Harry Potter riding a hippogriff, moment. It’s was pretty awesome.”
Which talent would you most like to have?
“Shapeshifting would be pretty cool, but I’d settle on getting over my stage fright?” Or singing without the possibility of accidentally paralyzing someone or knocking them out... Kind of puts a damper on being a broadway star and all.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Being Declared without having to go to jail, would be pretty cool? She couldn’t help, but think.
If you could pick up and go anywhere, where would you most like to live?
“Just get me anywhere in Europe with a backpack and I’ll be happy.”
What is your most treasured possession?
“My Hello Kitty backpack. It’s silly and cheesy, but it’s all I’ve got from before I ran away, so...”
What do you value most in your friends?
“Faith, trust, and I have yet to find someone with pixie dust, but that would be cool too.”
Who is your hero of fiction?
“Elle Woods. She got into Harvard. You know, not like it’s hard or anything.”
What historical figure do you most identify with?
“Amelia Earheart. She was the first female aviator to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean and she just never let anything hold her back. I don’t know if I’m anything like her, but I want to be.”
What is your greatest regret?
“Not getting out fast enough when Charlie... when I was turned.”
What is your life’s motto?
“If you’ve seen Warm bodies-”
Would you describe yourself as being an optimist or a pessimist?
“Optimist. I’d say I’m a glass half full type of person, but I drink water too fast to have half of anything left.”
Introvert or Extrovert?
“Introvert aka a not so closeted loner... I really should get that on a t-shirt.”
How do you hope others will see you?
“Hooman?”
How are you seen by others currently?
“Nice? Which I kind of hate by the way. I mean being nice is great and all. At least, I’m not the devil or anything, even if our pastor might disagree if he-” learned the truth. “But, in my experience, nice is kind of the go-to-word to describe someone you know nothing about.”
How do you see yourself?
“Like Tracey Turnblad shoved inside a scrappy filipina body.”
How do you react to praise?
“Last time someone complimented me, I’m pretty sure I flailed my arms and made a sound that could best be described as an awkward dinosaur noise? So not great.”
How do you react to criticism?
“I thrive in it. My self-esteem loves being taken down a notch. But, in all seriousness, I try to prove them wrong and often end up doing something I’ll probably regret like doing a weird rollerblade dance routine to Stayin’ Alive. Clearly, one of my finer moments.”
Do you often make snap judgements or take time to consider?
“I’d like to think I’m a rational thinker, but... did I mention the Staying’ Alive boogy dance? On Roller blades?”
Do you think you lead more with your head or your heart?
“Bu-dum, bu-dum, bu-dum... I was trying to make a heart sound and the second I did, I instantly regretted it.”
When was the last time you cried?
“When half of the ice cream in my cone fell on the ground. What? It was a very traumatic experience.” Even, though she knew it was actually when her parents asked her if they could adopt her. Happy tears.
What is your guilty pleasure?
“The Bachelor franchise. It’s like watching a car crash. It’s horrifying, but you can’t look away. That or singing to show tunes in my car at the top of my lungs when no one’s watching or sitting in the taco ball parking lot eating a quesarito while... also listening to showtunes. And then I end up ordering dominos and make the deliver guy knock on my window like I’m doing some shady drug deal when in actually it’s just for cookie brownies and those parmesan bread knots... I have a lot of guilty pleasures.”
When was the last time you showered?
“This morning and every morning like a hygienic person?”
Are you the type of person who talks in the movie theater?
“No. Unless it’s a horror movie. Then, you’ll find me curled up in my chair, peaking through the cracks in my fingers covering my eyes, screaming at the characters not to go in the room and asking them why in the world they’d be asking if anyone’s home when they hear a creepy noise upstairs, as if the killer is just going to respond with ‘oh hi love! I’m just making myself a sandwich. But, don’t worry. I’ll be down in a giffy to kill ya.’”
Are you more of an indoor cat or an outdoor bird?
“I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane-” (Cue Five for Fighting - Superman) She’s an outdoor person.
Are you a fan of Harry Potter and, if so, what would be your Hogwarts house?
“Honey badgers don’t care.” She’s a huge Harry Potter fan and a Hufflepuff all the way.
Do you like superheroes and, if so, which character is your favorite? DC or Marvel?
“Yes! And Kitty Pryde aka Shadowcat.”
Did you used to play Pokemon? And if so, what be your starter Pokemon?
“Yes! And in the versions I’ve played, Squirtle and Piplup.”
Star Wars or Star Trek? Or neither?
“Both?”
If you were in the Hunger Games, what would be your game plan?
“Hide?” Hide until I get caught and then fly up real high or sing until anyone who tried to attack me gets stunned so that I can escape?
If the zombie apocalypse happened today, how would you defend yourself?
“I’m a goner anyways, so...” ZOMBIE HARPY HERE I COME!
What’s the first thing you do when you’re home alone?
“Slide across the floor like I’m Tom Cruise in Risky Business while singing ‘What Dreams are Made Of’ into a hairbrush like Hillary Duff.”
What is the most overplayed song you listen to?
“Defying Gravity or Satisfied. Can you tell I used to be a theater kid in High School?”
Do you believe in a thing called love? (cue the Darkness song…)
“I believe in a thing called love
Just listen to the rhythm of my heart
There's a chance we could make it now
We'll be rocking 'til the sun goes down
I believe in a thing called love
Ooh!...
too much?”
Do you believe in love at first sight?
“No. I believe in lust at first sight, but when you think about the cliche disney fall in love moments- Prince Charming couldn’t even recognize Cinderella when she didn’t have a big ball gown on and, in Snow White, which also was Prince Charming funny enough... he was kind of a stalker and necrophiliac? And yeah... I don’t know if I want that personally.”
If you could travel to any period in time, future or past, where would it be?
“I’m kind of happy now, to be honest. Even though I wouldn’t mind reliving the early 2000′s again?”
Have you committed a crime?
“Who? Me? Nooooo.... Never....” I’m literally undeclared so... you do the math?
If you could commit a crime and get away with it, what would it be?
I’d like to continue being undeclared without being caught, thank you very much.
If you found yourself trapped in an elevator with a group of strangers, what would be the first thing you’d do?
“Panic? I’ve seen Tower of Terror and I have no want to be the little girl in that movie.”
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Upon request, here is a rec list of fics where Louis is a virgin at the start of the fic. We hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!
Note: This rec list has been updated as of November 2019. Newly added fics have been marked with a 🍑.
1) Woke Up Feeling Knotty | Explicit | 7903 words | 🍑
Beta Louis has a kink for knotting and the secret aesthetic porn blog he runs about it is more than proof. When he accidentally finds out his alpha best friend Harry is one of his biggest fans, he knows he has to come clean after everything that has already happened between them. Harry just might be willing to help him out anyway.
2) Infinitely All For Me | Explicit | 10630 words
The Alpha Louis' been betrothed to since he was 14 has finally come of age and Louis' been delivered to his home.
3) Where Do We Go Now | Explicit | 10617 words | 🍑
Louis goes off to college ready to start a fresh life away from the oppressive alphas of his pack. The odds aren't in his favour when his new dorm mate turns out to be an alpha. Louis hates alphas.
4) Two Different Versions Of The Universe | Not Rated | 11582 words | 🍑
Harry is a demon, captured by hunters. but not just any hunters. Angels. Louis is his angel.
5) No One Else Will Do | Mature | 13237 words
Harry visibly takes a deep breath. “I’ll do it. I’ll...help you through your heat.” He looks more determined now as he stands up straighter and his eyes look at Louis more intensely.
“Yeah?” Louis doesn’t mean to sound so surprised but he’s sort of in a state of shock. He’s never been with an alpha before, and the fact that his first time is going to be with Harry— his best friend— well, he couldn’t really ask for anyone better if he’s honest.
6) We’re The New Romantics | Explicit | 16054 words
Note: This fic has been deleted, so this link leads to a PDF.
“But listen why is his dick so big?” This is definitely the sixth time Louis has asked this.
“Louis, nerds can have big dicks. Being studious doesn't make your dick small,” Zayn states, taking a sip of his fruit juice.
“Now is not the time for big words Zayn, I am having a crisis.”
He rolls his eyes, “When aren't you panicking over dick?”
7) One More For The Stars | Mature | 16099 words | 🍑
Note: In this rec list, Louis is a virgin when it comes to gay sex. This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.
Harry's the star quarterback and Louis is about to graduate. It's a heartbreak waiting to happen.
8) Something Deep Inside | Mature | 17254 words | 🍑
The five times Louis had to hold back his feelings, and the one time he didn't.
9) Swept Me Off My Feet (Took My Heart And Took Me Down) | Explicit | 19343 words | 🍑
When Louis had decided to reopen his mother's bakery, he never thought a charming alpha would walk in through the door, let alone fall in love with him over tea, dessert and music.
10) Deflower Me | Explicit | 20154 words | 🍑
Louis is a proud virgin, and no matter how much society tries to make him feel like a freak for not acting on his natural urges, he doesn't suffer from his lack of experience. He has never felt drawn to someone in a way that made him want to get involved sexually with them, and he isn't planning on rushing himself so he can get some because people think it's what he should do.
In walks Fratboy, the Serial Haunter of His (wet) Dreams, who thankfully has a little business going on that might be just what Louis needs.
11) Fumbling in the Dark | Explicit | 21599 words
Louis is straight, Harry is not. They still shag a lot.
12) Out Of The Wild | Explicit | 21502 words | 🍑
Louis has spent most of his life as a wolf in the wild, Harry has spent most of his life as a human in the city. Their worlds collide during the audition process for the hottest new singing competition. What happens next should have expected.
13) Monsters At Home | Explicit | 21566 words | 🍑
Note: In this rec list, Louis is a virgin when it comes to gay sex.
High School!AU. Everyone's eyes are on Harry, the beautiful, charming new student. Harry's only got eyes for the school golden boy: football captain Louis Tomlinson, whose homophobic father complicates matters a bit.
14) Middle Ground | Explicit | 23561 words | 🍑
Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.
Harry moves to a new town for work where he meets the enigma that is Louis Tomlinson.
15) Magical Soup | Explicit | 28580 words | 🍑
Slytherin prefect Louis Tomlinson's seventh year at Hogwarts takes an immediate turn for the worse when he's made to be potions partners with Harry Styles, Hufflepuff's resident heartthrob and class clown. Louis has always considered Styles to be a terrible show-off who coasts by on his charm and good looks, but the more they work together, the more he questions that idea. As term goes on, will Louis be able to admit to himself that he might actually like Harry Styles after all... and maybe, just maybe, as more than a friend?
16) Nicotine | Explicit | 32345 words
"We're two different types of people, Liam. He likes sex and drugs, I like theater and tea. Trust me, we'd never date." Except they would, they do, and neither of them plans on letting go anytime soon.
17) Cupid’s Chokehold | Explicit | 35326 words
But - naively, stupidly, blindly - Harry holds out hope for a love that’s written across the stars. He can’t give up the feeling that there’s someone out there, waiting for him.
He’s just going to have to wait for them, too.
18) Mark My Word (We Gon’ Be Alright) | Explicit | 35524 words
"He’s always known that there would come a time when Harry would bond with some beautiful, quiet omega, and they would have lots of curly-haired pups and live happily ever after.
Knowing it and living it are two very different things, though. Watching the object of your affection desperately search for a mate and completely disregard you as an option is all sorts of painful, but it is what it is, and Louis is just going to have to learn to live with that."
19) If I Loved You Less | Explicit | 36139 words | 🍑
Beautiful omega Louis Tomlinson is set to make his come out in London society and determined to find a mate in his first Season. With the help and protection of his oldest friend, Lord Niall Mendes, he takes Society by storm.
Being a wealthy and titled alpha means Lord Harry Styles has grown used to avoiding unmated omegas...until now. This Season he finds himself at every Society event just for a chance to speak with the omega with the flashing blue eyes.
Louis has the aristocracy at his feet and all the suitors he could hope for, but his secrets may ruin his chance at a love match.
20) Kiss Me On The Mouth And Set Me Free (But Please Don’t Bite) | Mature | 42071 words | 🍑
Harry is the CEO of Flora Corp, Louis is his new secretary.
21) My Sweetest Downfall | Mature | 42048 words | 🍑
Louis is a retired guardian angel. After the death of his last charge, he became jaded. Humans die—what use is prolonging the inevitable?
He's more than happy to forget about humanity altogether until one day, when Louis is pulled from his desk job for a new assignment: protect One Direction's Harry Styles. It doesn't help that there's something about Harry that Louis can't resist, and it's making him question everything he's ever known. Humans are strictly off limits, and breaking that rule means risking everything, but Harry just might be worth it.
22) We’re What’s Right In This World | Explicit | 48809 words | 🍑
The World War II AU where Harry goes off to fight and all Louis wants to do is be the boy who brings him home.
23) For the Sake of Propriety | Mature | 52360 words
Louis Tomlinson is the caretaker of an estate that is not truly his, and when his Uncle calls upon him to take it back, Louis knows he will soon be out on the streets with four overly zealous sisters to care for. His only solution: wed the eldest two off and pray for the best. When an even better solution unexpectedly presents itself in the form of the charming Mr. Styles, Louis is faced with a difficult choice. But as with all things in the regency era, reputation very well may threaten to outweigh the fleeting matters of his heart.
24) Sweet Creature | Mature | 66753 words | 🍑
It’s not that Harry expected high school to be easy. He heard all the stories from his sister and he knew that he was in for four years of hell. However, he didn’t exactly expect that hell to also be populated by Angels.
25) Through Struggles, To The Stars | Explicit | 80582 words
Louis is a Starfleet captain trying to find his place in the universe. Harry is a prince just trying to do what's right.
A Star Trek-inspired AU.
26) Elysian | Mature | 81886 words
Harry is running out of time to fall in love, but with Louis, it seems as if there’s all the time in the world.
27) I Want You So Much (But I Hate Your Guts) | Mature | 83648 words | 🍑
AU in which Louis gets accepted to play for the Manchester University Alpha-Beta Football Team. The only problem: Louis is actually an Omega. He is determined to make it big in the football world, though, and he can't do that bound to an Omega team. With the help of a faked doctor's certificate and some pretty strong suppressants he is ready to fight for his dream.
That Harry Styles (Alpha, second year and youngest football captain of the A-B team in ages) doesn't seem to like him complicates matters, though.
28) Swim In The Smoke | Explicit | 101778 words
“What about this, Captain?” Liam asks, nudging the boy kneeling between their feet with the toe of his boot. The boy hisses and swipes at him, slurring out something unintelligible around the makeshift gag Niall had to stuff in his mouth. He misses by a mile and tries again, just as ineffectively.
Harry looks down at him, at the way the sun streams over his face and shoulders, at the way the gag stretches his mouth, lips pink and chapped. He’s lithe and pretty, smudged all over with dirt. They had found him tied up below deck, mostly unconscious, next to a barrel full of gold. He’s clearly a prisoner, but there’s something familiar about him, something that niggles at Harry’s brain. Something he can’t quite put his finger on.
“Put him in my cabin,” Harry decides, turning back to deal with the rest of the loot. The boys screams out jumbled curse words at Harry’s back, muffled by the gag, and Harry can’t understand any of it.
29) Baby Heaven’s In Your Eyes | Mature | 120925 words
They couldn’t be more different if they tried. Louis Tomlinson is 17 years old and in his last year of the most prestigious private school in Doncaster. Everyone who attends his school knows him thanks to his incredibly rich family, sassy attitude and gorgeous girlfriend, Eleanor Calder. If there’s one thing that completely annoys him, it’s that there is a poor community college right across the street.
Harry Styles is 19 years old, and (once again) in his last year of college. He goes to community college in Doncaster. He never shows up to classes and if he actually bothers to, he’s either high or drunk; sometimes both. His skin is littered with tattoos and if there’s one thing he absolutely hates, it’s the snobby students attending the private school right across from his.
30) Collision | Not Rated | 209340 words | 🍑
Mythology/Fairytale!AU in which Louis is a dainty fairy with a temper who wants to be intimidating and Harry hurts people. Naturally, they hate each other.
Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.
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Wuthering Heights and Reylo
(I freaking love this gif)
I have been a reylo shipper from the minute I left the movie theater for the second time in 2015. This may be due mostly to my penchant for moody boys and my love for feisty female heroines but hey. I’ve been a long time lurker, but I’ve felt reluctant to get involved even though I think Reylo is honestly one of the least toxic fandoms I’ve been in. Still, I remember those early wild days, we were 100% an ~evil trash ship~ I am avoidant by nature and my real blog is popular for the aesthetic not fandoms so I mostly just silently stalked the tags. I was honestly planning on repeating that for this movie too, but then I was talking to a friend after the trailer came out and I realized that this ship is so thematically similar to another one of my all time favorite ships, Catherine and Heathcliff. I’m basing this theory off the novel as well as off the 2009 BBC miniseries with Tom Hardy and Charlotte Riley. Settle in, I have a feeling this is going to be long.
First things first, a little backstory for those unfamiliar with the basic plot of Wuthering Heights, and the saga of drama that is Catherine and Heathcliff’s relationship. Basically, Catherine comes from a well off family in a desolate part of England. Her dad comes back from a trip to London when she’s like seven and brings with him a ragamuffin street kid he found. Catherine doesn’t have a mom, it’s just her, her pain of a brother, her dad, and a couple servants. They basically adopt the street kid (Heathcliff) but the dad soon dies and Catherine’s brother gets put in charge. He’s a jerk and treats Heathcliff like scum, casting him out of the house to be a servant, which makes the sensitive Heathcliff really bitter. Catherine is the spot of brightness in his life though, and they keep each other going in these bleak circumstances. Eventually however, circumstances rip them apart, they both make bad choices and SPOILERS eventually they both end up dead. (Here’s to hoping they end the triology on a happier note.)
So. Why do I think that this is significant? One, it means that we would see Kylo and Rey being inextricably linked to one another, Kylo’s “let me teach you” to the girl who’s trying to murder him reminds me of Heathcliff’s I-can’t-live-without-you speech:
“Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living. You said I killed you--haunt me then. The murdered do haunt their murderers. I believe--I know that ghosts have wandered the earth. Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I can not live without my life! I can not live without my soul!”
(TL;DR: please don’t leave me, I think I need you)
LOOK AT THAT BRIDAL CARRY
On the flip side of Kylo’s (I think to some *high* degree conscious) desire for Rey we have Rey’s feelings, which remind me of Catherine. I think she won’t want to give in to her feelings for Kylo, but will not be able to get over them either.
In Wuthering Heights Catherine is pulled in two directions, on one hand, there’s Heathcliff, someone like her, the dangerous yin to her yang. On the other hand there’s the option of marriage to this nice wealthy guy, Linton, who represents the saner, “kinder” choice. In the book she picks Linton initially, and I think Rey has chosen “Linton” in a way by turning down Kylo’s offer to train her at the end of TFA and rejecting him and staying with the resistance and her friends. Still, Catherine is pulled by fate and longing back into the arms of Heathcliff, and I think this will happen with Rey as well. See this monologue by Catherine regarding Heathcliff:
“I cannot express it; but surely you and everybody have a notion that there is or should be an existence of yours beyond you. What were the use of my creation, if I were entirely contained here? My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.”
Translated to SW: Sounds like a force bond to me.
I am literally waiting on baited breath for the international trailer, hopefully with more proof this is going to be Wuthering Heights iN sPaCe because I’m an English literature nerd and I feed off fictional drama.
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ALSO 14 BC APPARENTLY I CAN"T READ?? Like that's one of the most interesting ones on the list anD I SKIPPED IT BY ACCIDENT
You are the kindest to me, thank you xD
14. Your OC finds themselves in your universe and you are their only contact. How well do they handle the adjustment and how would you try to help/hinder/contain them?
We go through the main 6 first, as always. And this reply can be extra long now that it’s a separate thing~
Skye would be so confused, but also pretty eager and easy to handle. Like she’d wanna get back home for sure, cuz heck, she has a family that needs her, but along the way of trying to figure out how to return, she’d be learning as much as possible. She’d be a regular wikipedia dweller as soon as I showed it to her. I’m assuming she’d magically be able to speak English, too. She’d think computers were like the most awesome thing ever, and nothing would really top it. I would help by googling solutions to getting her home and also teaching her how to navigate this world. I bet she would enjoy memes, actually. I’d introduce her to microwavable meals and I think this would be another highlight for her. She would love documentaries and probably cry a bit while watching them because they’d remind her a little of home
Gill would be probably 3x as anxious about things as Skye. He needs to get home like yesterday, and he’s already decided it’s impossible, but that won’t stop him. Despite this, he’s well mannered, and restrains showing any of this. He’d take some pains to learn cultural differences so he could operate better in this world. When he got more comfortable with the assurance that ‘time isn’t passing there, I promise’ he might chill enough to try and learn all the languages at once. Just for funsies. It’s relaxing. He’d probably act more like a grandma on a computer than Skye. Like not being able to nail down which bar is a search bar and which isn’t so well. Won’t stop writing like it’s a personal letter even when I explain it’s more polite not to. He likes googling things, but shies way far away from it when I explain that there’s bad sources, and he ends up being more of a library gremlin. It’s familiar, yet he can also get books shipped there, and heck, how nice. He probably thinks the lack of magic is total bs, but he keeps watching surgical shows. Probably watches the news 3 days straight when he discovers it, and then is quickly done with it and actually bothers with the computer again whenever there’s something current he’s interested in. Takes notes on everything. Thinks all the paper I have lying around is super cool. Eagerly has a special notebook for stuff he wants to tell people when he gets back. I help in the same way I help Skye, just with more reassurance. Oh, I also tell him that white hair is popular and people dye their hair that way (ON PURPOSE EVEN) so everyone will think he looks cool. He’d appreciate that.
Marth is the actual worst about wanting to get back home, and stays focused on it for much longer, even when I keep saying it’s something only I’ll be able to do for him -once I figure out how-
My poor son is very anxious for most of his stay as he can’t stop worrying about the others, even when told time won’t move there until he gets back. -I would tell none of them that I wrote them, so I can never quite convince him- I would probably sign him up for the nearest horse therapy thing I could get access to, or just horse riding in general, and that would help actually. He could hold my dog the other times, or visit my niece or cousins. This would help. He’s not a nerd like Skye and Gill, so he wouldn’t get too into the computer, though he’d be really blown away by some technology, I think a lot of it would just seem too similar to magic to him. Though he’d lowkey be really excited that he could use it too. He’d probably force me to do responsible things a lot, though. Like ‘Clean your room or I will remove everything from it and put it outside’ and like
‘we’ve been sitting inside all day while you stare at that thing’
‘I’m researching how to get you back’
‘no, this sounds too familiar, no. We’re getting food and also going outside’
‘but don’t you want–’ and then I am forcibly removed from my room.
I would probably help him by lowkey trying to teach him about mental health things, but he’d sabotage this by only being interested in what people he knows could have. I’d also never be able to leave him alone because he would absolutely go out and continue trying to interact with people as if he was back in his universe despite KNOWING BETTER because I TOLD HIM how to interact with them, but he’s a little troll that way and realizes there’s not many consequences. This is also his tactic to get me outside more. He’s troublesome, but also amaze, I have acquired another dad
Kydin would be really lowkey about how panicked he would be, because he always hides this type of crap, but internally, he’d be freaking out hardcore. Out of everyone, he believes me the fastest when I tell him that time won’t matter. And as soon as I explain things to him, he’s immediately turned all the panic into excitement. He’d drag me out and try to make friends despite me being like ‘uhm, you won’t be able to see them again once you go home so making friends is gonna be heartbreaking’ Nah, he doesn’t care. When someone mentions facebook in his friendship questing, I have to show him computers and facebook, and sign him up. He has like 100 friends the next day. He knows gossip about everyone in my neighborhood, and about people I’ve never heard of. He gets into TV hardcore. He particularly likes dramas, soap operas, comedies, and musicals. The comedy one is odd because he doesn’t get half of what’s supposed to be funny, he just likes the atmosphere of them. He stops me from researching a lot to try and get me to watch a movie with him. When I refuse too much he’d go out to a theater. Eventually he’s applying for jobs so he can go places with his friends. He’s basically started a new life within like 3 months. I ask him if he even wants to go home anymore, and he very genuinely and sentimentally tells me that he can’t wait to return home. He knows more celebrity gossip than I’ve known in my whole life. He knows more gossip about me than I know. When he finally does return home, everything in my community is disrupted. Who will they hire as a babysitter? Who will they get advice from for their woes? Who will help with the charity bake sale? Who will be the friend who you can ask to watch your dog while you’re away no matter how short of notice? WHO WILL CLIMB A TREE TO SAVE THE CAT AND ALSO MIRACULOUSLY SURVIVE THE FALL FROM SAID TREE?
Nobody knows, we only know that we will never be able to live life the same way again
Ariella is… an interesting one. She sees that she understands nothing of this world, and she’s angry about it. Why do we hug people when we see them after some time apart? What are we? Barbarians? And how can we speak in such a lax manner? Despicable. She will not hear of things like ‘different culture’ and ‘please calm down’ or even ‘it’s probably not super legal to carry around a real sword, oh gosh please stop’ NO, we are the ones who are wrong here. When I tell her that I’ll find a way to get her back, she feels satisfied with this, and somehow this is my actual job now. If I leave for work, it is cause for all kinds of scolding. How dare I.
Eventually, Ariella has decided that I’m one of the good ones, and there’s not so much scolding, though the sarcasm is more than I can handle anyways. She can never quite figure out how to interact with me in a way that makes me consistently happy, but she tries in her own way. She likes to go out on her own, and inevitably I follow from a distance. The world isn’t ready for her. I wasn’t ready for her. She discovers things like the news, and I show her how to use google, and soon she’s complaining to me about politics and certain laws that I had no idea existed. She does not notice when I have lost interest.
One day I catch her humming something from Disney, and refuses to answer how she knows it. Another day I hear her singing something from a screamo band. I never tell her that even though she’s singing it like a normal song, I’m well aware it’s from a screamo band.
She thinks running water is the most amazing thing in this world. She watches a lot of makeup tutorials once she discovers youtube. She likes to correct them in the comments. In the end I make her her own account so I don’t lose face. I avoid her a little bit, and she’s okay with this.
James is probably the least concerned about his new surroundings of anyone. He’s used to crap not making sense. He’s more surprised when he figures out it’s real, but still the most chill about this. He gets a job almost immediately, because he’s not okay with me supporting him. He decides his own rent after I keep refusing, and leaves money in my drawer. He’s fairly drawn to TV, but ends up doing a lot of research into his areas of interest. He rarely asks me direct questions and tries and figures things out on his own. After I’d taught him enough to use google, he actually used that for everything, and was the only one who grasped the concept quickly and stuck with it. This doesn’t mean he was at all good at understanding everything, as even google used a lot of terms he wasn’t familiar with, and inevitably I would find him struggling with something and just explain it in simple terms to him. He would always apologize for bothering me.
After some time he’d figure out that I’m not incredibly wealthy, and act a little more relaxed in some ways, realizing we’re essentially equals. He talks to me a lot more then, and lets me help him more. He starts doing all the yard work, and is really shocked when without prompting I give him permission to have a small garden. Tools like the lawn mower and such kind of frighten him, and at first he tries to avoid using them. With time he ends up really liking them.
He’s absolutely shocked when he learns that humans and animals are basically all there is. He keeps listing things like ‘centaurs’ and asking if they exist, and has no idea how to handle the fact that they don’t and never have. He finds it sad, and feels like they went extinct instead.
I would absolutely tell him that his feelings towards Ariella were mutual, and because he’d avoided mentioning a thing about his home to that point, he’d be very defensive and concerned for awhile, but eventually start asking questions. He’d start asking about if magic really didn’t exist here as he tried to figure out how I could know. I’d let him talk to me about everything he had to keep secret and complain as much as he wanted. He would resist at first, but he’d eventually do this quite often.
He ends up liking cars quite a bit, and is the only one who would be allowed to try and drive them, and aside from Kydin the only one who was very interested in them at all. Y’know, past the normal ‘oh gosh what is that’ stuff.
He’d be the only one to even suspect that I wrote his world and such, but honestly it’s only because I would only need to be open with him about it. He’s the only one who needs that kind of assurance that someone knows all the stuff he’s seen so he can speak freely about it. Ultimately he decides it’s something else though, because even though he’s the most open about being fiction, he ultimately can’t accept it. Particularly since he’s gone through such crap, and he can’t believe someone chilling on a couch with him showing him how to work netflix would be the one who did that.
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Frankie Ennui Suburban Lawns
When I first discovered your band I heard Talking Heads and Devo in your sound instantly. Is that the sort of thing you were listening to at the time?
Absolutely. I think several band members went and saw one of Devo’s earliest, if not their earliest, L.A. performance and came back raving about it. I am still the proud possessor of Devo’s first single, in the very cool cover it came in, Mongoloid backed with Jocko Homo. All of us were fans of the Talking Heads too, of course. Eno, Iggy Pop, Television, Richard Hell, and lots of other new wavers or punk rockers were also on my personal play list at the time
Which clubs did you play, and with which bands?
Well, we played all over the place here in the L.A. area. The Masque, The Whiskey a Go Go, The Hong Kong Cafe, Madame Wong’s (both of them), The Roxy, The Country Club, Club 88, the Cuckoo’s Nest, etc. A lot of our early shows were thrown at our own studio in Long Beach. We’d charge $1 for each band that was playing and usually had two guests bands. The ones I remember off hand were The Plugz, The Minutemen, The Brainiacs, The Alley Cats and The Suburbs (friends of Su’s from Minneapolis)
I think we played the Masque couple of times, with groups like The Bags. The first such gig might have been under the band name Art Attack or Fabulons (which we later changed to Suburban Lawns). On one of those occasions, The Ramones were in attendance and later that night we went and saw The Ramones at the Whiskey
We played with nearly all of the local groups in those early days. Beyond the groups already mentioned, we played with The Dickies, X, The Germs, Black Flag, Geza X, Human Hands, The Reactionaries, Fear, The Vandals and a ton of other local great bands
We played quite a few opening gigs for Oingo Boingo (including a show at the Whiskey when they were still the Mystic Knights Of The Oingo Boingo). Danny Elfman was a big fan of Su Tissue. We also opened for Oingo Boingo at the John Anson Ford Theater and the Universal Studios Amphitheater and did at least a couple Halloween gigs with them at Cal Arts
Later, when we were with IRS Records, we opened for U2 at the Santa Monica Civic, opened for the Clash at the Sacramento Auditorium and played with other fairly big names like Siouxsie and the Banshees, 999 and Bow Wow Wow
What a unique vibe. All the bands were great. I think Vex (Billy) had some connection with Tex and her Horseheads for a while there. The OC scene was happening too, but the details, these many years later, escape me
And you played Magic Mountain..
Magic Mountain was probably our biggest (and best paying) headline gig. Great facility, loads of enthusiastic fans and we got to go to the front of any ride line that we liked
KROQ was a supporter of the band, and Rodney particularly, and you were on SNL. Did you think at that point you were going to have a career with SL?
Rodney and all the folks there at KROQ were great. Rodney loved Su too
Doing a video with director Jonathan Demme for Saturday Night Live was a real highlight. What a down to earth and nice guy Jonathan is. He later put one of my songs (with a band called Electric Sheep) in one of his movies, Something Wild (in which Su appeared)
Yeah, we had a recording contract on a label that had lots of top flight bands (the Go Gos, REM, etc.) and we were on T.V., we were making a little money and we were optimistic about the future but…
How did the band write?
Initially, I weaseled my way into the group that eventually (after Su came on board) became the Suburban Lawns by jamming with the other guys and offering up some lyrics for some of their music. At first, most of the music was written by Billy (Vex Billingsgate) Ranson, our bass player (and also a singer) and John McBurney, our lead guitar player, and I would contribute lyrics. So, at least initially, John and or Billy would come up with a riff or two and I would then try to write lyrics to match. That was how Gidget Goes To Hell was written: Billy wrote those great riffs and I added the words. Su added her unique vocal styling. Other songs, like Janitor, were created when John and Billy came up with the music, I wrote most of the lyrics and then Su added the infamous “Oh my genitals, I’m a janitor” tagline. Eventually, even Chuck “Roast” Rodriguez, our drummer, started contributing music, as in Mom and Dad and God, where he wrote the music and I added the words. By the time we did the Baby EP, however, we were collaborating less. The best stuff, in my opinion, was created by way of our collaboration
Do you have any favourites? I really like Protection. And Not Allowed and Mom and Dad and God..
My favorites are probably Green Eyes and My Boyfriend, but I love them all. Protection is a favorite of mine too
You wrote the lyrics to Janitor after some conversation you overheard between Su and a friend, is that right?
No. Although on Wikipedia (and elsewhere) it has been written that I overheard a conversation between Su Tissue and Brian Smith where the “Oh my genitals! I’m a janitor!” originated and that such conversation inspired me to write the lyrics, that story is somewhat backwards. The music and all of the lyrics except “Oh, my genitals! I’m a janitor!” were already written when Su Tissue added those lyrics (which lyrics really made the song, in my opinion). For good or bad, I’m generally pretty literal in my lyric writing (as opposed to poetical) and I’m not shy about using bad puns
Su was definitely more of a poet than I have ever dreamed of being. The lyrics, except for Su’s contribution, are pretty straightforward science-nerd stuff about all things explosive. Su’s addition, whatever the source (and I have no reason to doubt what Brian Smith has apparently written about how Su came up with that addition), gave the song a poetical spin that added the dimension it needed to make it interesting. That’s exactly why, in my opinion, our best songs were those that were written collaboratively
Was the Baby EP the last thing you recorded together?
Sadly, yes
After SL split, you formed the Lawns. Was that going to be a direct continuation of SL, with new band members, or was there a change in musical direction?
Actually, I think (despite what you may have read on the Internet) that Vex (Billy) was not part of that effort. I think it was Chuck, John, a great (now deceased) friend named Tom Corey (of The Fibonaccis) and yours truly that tried to keep things going. Su and Vex went their own way. But it wasn’t anywhere close to the same thing without them. That band, The Lawns, eventually fell apart and/or morphed into the Electric Sheep, where we had David Kendrick (from Sparks and later, Devo) drumming and a friend of mine named Gloria Dawson, singing. We were trying to get into more of a hybrid thing, mixing R&B with punk, but it didn’t catch on for us
Do you think perhaps you were a couple years too early, and with MTV a household name you might have been bigger?
Probably. MTV was around (barely) and we made at least one video (Janitor) other than the video that was on SNL (Gidget), but it was tough to get airplay in those days. We began a video for Mom and Dad and God but it was never completed.
The Tea Party. A fascinatingly ill-informed, emotionally-stunted and easily-led group of middle American folk. All supporting the very people who are destroying them. Talk about “asleep at the wheel.” Is America more divided now than you can ever remember?
Yes, unfortunately I think it is, although ironically it seems nearly certain that we are going to end up with two relatively moderate politicians running for the presidency in November, Obama and Romney. No thanks to the Tea Party, however. The “I’m willing to drive the country off a cliff unless I get my way on spending cuts, but don’t tax the rich” attitude of the Tea Party People is disturbing and especially so where the economy is already a mess. Not that the U.S. Government doesn’t waste a lot of money, however, because it does. Not sure how the U.S. became the world’s policeman and why war seems to be the answer to every international dispute, but I’m pretty sure it has a lot to do with money. We need, at least to some extent, to get the money out of our politics, but our Supreme Court apparently differs with me on that one
What you said about supporting the people who are destroying them is, in my opinion, accurate. Why so many in the middle class support low taxes on the wealthy is difficult to understand. Maybe its an aspirational thing. Its puzzling and frustrating
What did you do after music?
I worked in computers for a while and then went to grad school to become a teacher. I taught history and social studies at a high school in Santa Ana for about a week and half before quitting and going to work for an attorney friend as a receptionist. Eventually, I went to law school and have been an attorney here in Newport Beach for about the past 20 years
But I have never stopped playing music and writing songs. After Electric Sheep broke up, I started playing with some old friends from junior high school and am still playing with those guys (John Bitterly, Mark Handley and, later, Rick McDermott) to this day. Our band is called Johnny Mark and the Ricks (for obvious reasons). We play all originals. Our theory is that if we keep writing songs, eventually we’ll come up with something good. One of our most recent songs is called “”T Party People” in which I attempt to channel James Brown and Sarah Palin at the same time. It’s not easy. We can be checked out atjohnnymarkandthericks.com or on facebook, etc. Our next gig is on Cinco de Mayo, Saturday, May 5, 2012, at DiPiazza’s in Long Beach at 8:00 p.m. Any encouragement received will be appreciated, but not necessarily good for us
My good friend, Billy (Vex), has, in recent years, been playing with former Suburban Lawns, John and Chuck. More about Billy and the others can be learned at www.myspace.com/pulsatormusic. Enjoy!
You channel James Brown and Sarah Palin at the same time? Maybe something like: “You can see Russia, hit me nah!… From my hou..hou…house-ah! Good god, ain’t it funky nah! YAAAAAAY!!”
I can’t recommend the Suburban Lawns album highly enough; if you’re into art rock, and 80s New Wave, or if you like the B52s, Nina Hagen, Lene Lovich and/or the Flying Lizards, you’ll probably love Suburban Lawns too
Thanks Frankie
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Identity economics: Who are you? And how does it affect your spending?
“Who are you?” my cousin Duane asked me on Saturday afternoon. We'd spent the day playing nerd games together and were taking a break for pizza.
“What?” I said. I wasn't expecting a philosophical question over supper.
“I don't think you know who you are,” Duane said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I don't think you know who you are,” he repeated. “You write about money and frugality, yet you spend $200 on dinner.” Duane was referring to the fancy meal we'd had in May at a Michelin-star restaurant in France. I knew it had been bugging him, but he hadn't said anything about it until now. (And that meal cost $267.41 for the two of us, not $200.)
“You paid $1900 for your used pickup, but you don't wash it. It's filthy. You buy new clothes that you don't need, but you leave your old clothes on the floor so that your cats pee on them.” It's true. Kim and I have a cat that will, from time to time, pee on my clothes.
“You say you don't like attention, that you don't want to be a celebrity, yet you're always taking on new work that puts you in the spotlight. You're thinking of doing a course for Audible, for instance, and you're talking about doing more speaking gigs — even though you hate speaking gigs,” Duane said.
All of these things were true. I couldn't argue.
“Who are you?” Duane asked. Well, that's a mighty fine question, Duane. That's a mighty fine question.
A Digression
In 1862, French novelist Victor Hugo published Les Miserables, one of the greatest novels of the nineteenth century. Long and sprawling and full of digressions (just like Get Rich Slowly!), the book explores the many facets of human nature: the good and bad, the humorous and poignant, the ordinary and sublime.
Les Miserables wasn't popular with critics when it was released, but everybody else loved it. It sold well when it was published and continues to sell well more than 150 years later. The book has inspired several several film and television adaptations. And, of course, it's the source of one of the most successful stage musicals of all time.
Turns out PBS recently aired a new six-part Les Miserables miniseries written by the always-awesome Andrew Davies. It's on my watch list.
Although Les Miserables contains a ginormous cast of characters, two stand at the heart of the story:
Jean Valjean is the novel's protagonist. Arrested for stealing a loaf of bread to feed his sister's seven starving children, he spends nineteen years in prison (five for the original crime, fourteen more for various misdeeds). Upon parole, he assumes the identity of Monsieur Madeleine. As Madeleine, he builds two factories, becomes rich, and is appointed mayor of a small seaside town. Valjean is a good man who occasionally finds himself on the wrong side of the law.
Javert is the novel's antagonist. (It's not right to call him a villain. Nothing about him is villanous.) Born in prison to deplorable parents, he grows up to become a prison guard — then police inspector. Javert is obsessed with upholding the law, which includes pursuing and punishing Valjean for his past misdeeds. His worldview is shattered when he realizes that not all laws are moral, that sometimes the moral course is not the lawful one.
What's fascinating — mind-blowing, actually — is that Victor Hugo based both Valjean and Javert on the exact same real-life person. They're both loosely modelled on Eugène François Vidocq, a French criminal turned criminalist. (You should open that link in a separate tab for later reading. Vidocq's life is fascinating. Among other things, he's regarded as the first-ever private detective and the “father” of modern criminology.)
That's right: Both the protagonist and the antagonist of Les Miserables were inspired by the same man. And, even more mind-blowing? Vidocq was also the inspiration for Sherlock Holmes. (Go read that article!)
Who Am I?
The amazing thing (to me) is that Jean Valjean himself is two people! He is Jean Valjean, yes, but he spends years posing as Monsieur Madeleine. As the latter, he's a wealthy factory owner, he's mayor of Montreuil-sur-Mer. He is a force for good in his small world. He is, at once, both Valjean and Madeleine, just as Vidocq is at once both Valjean and Javert.
In a 2012 New Yorker piece praising “the persistent greatness” of Les Miserables, Adam Gopnik wrote, “Hugo believed in, relished, luxuriated in, contradiction — he thought that we show ourselves most truly when we are seemingly most opposed to our double natures.”
When I posted about this on Facebook in April, John from ESI Money observed that this adds a whole new meaning to the song “Who Am I?” from the musical.
“Who am I?” Valjean sings as he's forced to reveal his identity in order to save an innocent man. “Who am I? I'm Jean Valjean!”
Yes, that's true — but Jean Valjean is also police inspector Javert.
youtube
True story: I'm a devoted fan of musical theater, and “Who Am I?” is one of my favorite songs from any show. It induces frisson — it gives me goosebumps — every time I hear it. Every time.
What I like about this clever bit of character creation from Victor Hugo is how it highlights our inherent dual natures. We, as humans, are inconsistent. We are complex creatures. At the same time, we can be both good and bad. I truly believe that most of us do what is right most of the time — but each of us also sometimes makes poor choices. We do things that seem to go against who we say we are and what we believe.
In Valjean and Javert, we get to see human nature dramatized in two men forever at odds, just as we are each forever at odds with ourselves.
Me, Myself, and I
As I was walking the dog this morning, I found myself meditating on my own personal duality. I am at once the hardest working person I know…and the laziest. I am the smartest person I know…and the stupidest. I am the kindest person I know…and the meanest.
Recently, I've grown increasingly frustrated with my seeming inability to “do the right thing”. I know that there are certain actions I could take (and should take) to improve my health, to build this website, to maintain relationships with my friends. Yet I do not do these things. I actively avoid them.
Why is this?
Here's an example. I could solve a whole host of problems if I were to get regular aerobic exercise. Over the past year, I've done a fine job of strength training, but for some reason I've become allergic to sweat. I do whatever I can to avoid running or biking or otherwise increasing my heart rate.
It's not that I can't do these things. I know I can. And I like them. I've run half marathons (and walked a full marathon). I've completed a century ride — one-hundred miserable miles on a hot and windy summer day. I did Crossfit for five years. I'm capable of strenuous exercise, and I know it.
But I'm not doing that exercise right now. I'm avoiding it.
Three months ago, as the sun started to show its face here in Portland, I wheeled my bicycle from the bottom of the hill to the back office. I wanted to make it easy to hop in the saddle and go. But you know what? I've ridden the thing exactly once this year. The bike is just sitting there, pleading with me to ride it.
The same goes with the website. You all know that I can crank out an article a day. I did it for three years between 2006 and 2009. I did it for the first three months of 2018. When I put my mind to it, I can write well without sacrificing quality.
Yet, for some reason, it's tough for me to publish even once a week lately. My mind is elsewhere. I have no inspiration. This wouldn't be so bad if I were at least handling other site maintenance chores, but I'm not. The site redesign is nearly finished, but it isn't live because there are still things I need to do. I'm not processing guest articles. I'm not posting to social media.
I've no doubt that some of this malaise stems from my chronic depression. But I also know the best way to shake the self-loathing is to actually do something, you know?
Which leads me to fundamental question I find myself facing: If I know what is right, why don't I do it?
I have no answer.
Impossible Expectations
This year, as every year, my depression and anxiety became especially strong during the spring. What's different about this year is that I sought out a therapist.
A few weeks ago, she asked me about my writing. We hadn't talked about it before. “What does success look like for you when it comes to your work?” she asked.
“Success means publishing three articles per week,” I said.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because then I'm giving my readers lots of material. I'm helping them. When I give them a lot of material, they want to come back more often. When I publish more material, more people find the site by search. When I publish more material, I make more money.”
“So, you want to publish three times per week?”
“I guess so,” I said. I thought about it a little. “But I hate the pressure that pace puts on me.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because I don't enjoy it. I don't do great work under time pressure like that. I want to take my time. If I decide to write an article on, say, the history of retirement, then I want to read a book on the subject. Maybe two or three. I want to think deeply about it. Then, I want to take the time to write the best article out there about the history of retirement.”
“You realize you've just told me two very different things, right?” my therapist said. “You've set up contradictory goals for yourself. Plus, you're asking yourself to be the best. That's a tall order. No wonder you're stressed. You have impossible expectations for yourself.”
When I think about it, my therapist is right. I do have impossible expectations for myself — on a lot of things. I have contradictory goals. It's as if there's a Jean Valjean inside of me and an Inspector Javert. And they want different things. Neither is wrong — but they can't both have their way.
But to which do I yield? Am I Valjean or Javert?
At the end of the session, I lamented my dual nature. “I tell other people to be proactive,” I said, “to take charge of their own lives, but I have a hard time doing that myself.”
“Do you think that makes you a hypocrite?” my therapist asked.
“No,” I said without hesitation.
“Good,” she said.
“I think it makes me human,” I said. “I write about the things I struggle with personally. When I started writing about money and getting out of debt, that's because I needed to get out of debt. Now, when I write about tracking spending or having a sense of purpose, that's because I need these things.”
Mindful Spending
So, this is all very interesting on a philosophical level, but what does it have to do with personal finance? Lots, actually.
We make our purchasing decisions based on who we are and who we want to be. If we're not clear on who we are and who we want to be, our choices tend to be arbitrary. They're spontaneous and not based on anything other than immediate desire.
When you're clear on who you are and what you want, it's much easier to practice mindful spending, to be deliberate about the things you buy and own. If you identify as fitness-conscious, for instance, you'll be much less likely to be tempted by cookies and snacks in the grocery store. If, like me at the moment, you identify as a “lapsed” fitness junkie, well then it's much easier to succumb to temptation.
Who we want to be also affects how we spend. In fact, I suspect that much wasted spending — not just for me, but for everybody — is what I'd call “aspirational”. It's not based on our actual habits and actions but on what we wish we did.
Take my bike, for example. I bought it last year but have ridden it only three times in fifteen months. Like I mentioned earlier, it simply sits there, pleading with me to ride it.
I have a good friend who once decided he'd like to learn woodworking. His father had always built and repaired things around the house, and my friend aspired to do the same — even though he had never done so in 35 years of life. He bought a stack of woodworking books, then acquired several expensive tools. He never used them. These were aspirational purchases, based on somebody he wanted to be, not the person he was.
From what I've seen, a lot of folks do this sort of thing with cookbooks. They want to try new recipes and new cuisines, so they gradually fill a shelf with cooking manuals — cooking manuals that they seldom use.
It's because of this relationship between money and identity that I'm so insistent that GRS readers write a personal mission statement. When you're clear on your purpose, it's much easier to make sure your spending is aligned with your values, that your financial decisions are based on who you are instead of some idealized version of who you want to be.
Identity Economics
In their fascinating (if dry and academic) book Identity Economics, George Akerlof and Rachel Kranton explore how our identities shape our work, wages, and well-being.
“In every social context,” the authors write, “people have a notion of who they are, which is associated with beliefs about how they and others are supposed to behave. These notions…play important roles in how economies work.” Our identities determine how we earn a living and how we spend our money.
Akerloff and Kranton say that large portions of our identities are shaped by the environment:
Identity, norms, and social categories may appear to be abstract concepts, but their reality is both powerful and easy to see. Norms are particularly clear when people hold an ideal of who they should be and how they should act.
Here's an example: Many folks who discover the early retirement movement do so through the awesome work of Mr. Money Mustache. He has a strong voice and a popular website. Over the past few years, he's accumulated a passionate army of followers who call themselves Mustachians.
When a person identifies himself as Mustachian, he subscribes to a certain set of values, to particular ways of working with money. Driving is frowned upon. A high saving rate is encouraged. Thrift is a prized virtue. This is identity economics in action.
Akerloff and Kranton are careful to note that our personal identities are not static. They change. Our larger identities change slowly over time, but we can also shift roles rapidly in daily life.
The latter is easiest to see. “Over the course of a day,” they write, “a woman may see herself as a mother at home and a professional at work.” I'd add that she might see herself as an athlete in her running group, a civic leader as a member of the city council, and a Mustachian when she's hanging with her financial friends online.
Each of these is a different identity — or perhaps a different facet of her overall identity. And each affects how she works, saves, and spends.
People change over their lifetimes too. From the book:
People often make decisions that come back to haunt them. We overeat, we smoke, we spend too much, and we regret it. [This is due to] time inconsistency. People have different selves at different points in their lives. The new self could regret the decisions made by the old self…
Sometimes these transitions are anticipated, and people plan accordingly. But often, people only imperfectly anticipate who they will later become.
Look at my own life over the past decade. Who I am today is drastically different than who I was ten years ago. And twenty years ago. Sure, the core J.D. remains the same — once a nerd, always a nerd! — but my values, which are constantly evolving, have morphed and my day-to-day life is sometimes unrecognizable.
During the past ten years, much about my personal identity (and my resulting financial choices) has changed:
I deliberately chose to purchase a small home in “the country”.
I drink beer. I drink coffee. I ride a motorcycle. All of these actions are new.
I lost fifty pounds through years of exercise and healthy eating. Then I gained back forty of those pounds through years of neglect.
I sold Get Rich Slowly — then I bought it back.
These changes, large and small, all affect how I manage my money and how I spend my time. As my identity changes, so do my financial habits.
Related reading: In a strange coincidence, The Guardian published an article on a similar subject last Saturday: “Are you really the ‘real' you?” This piece, which is terrific and well worth reading, looks at how some people change their lives entirely — and why.
Order and Light
At the end of the Les Miserables, after Jean Valjean frees Javert instead of killing him, the police inspector faces an existential crisis. Victor Hugo writes:
He saw before him two roads, both equally straight; but he saw two; and that terrified him — him, who who had never in his life known but one straight line. And, bitter anguish, these two roads were contradictory. One of these two straight lines excluded the other. Which of the two was the true one? His condition was inexpressible.
Inspector Javert's moral certitude proves to be his undoing. Like many folks who are certain they know what is real and what is right, Javert spends years ignoring evidence that controverts his beliefs. He thinks he knows the truth but in reality is blind to it.
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When, at last, Javert recognizes that he's been in error all this time, that things are not as black and white as he believed them to be, it's too much for him to bear. Rather than face a world filled with ambiguity and uncertainty, he takes his own life. He jumps in the river and drowns.
Before he kills himself, though, Javert has a sort of revelation. He realizes that Jean Valjean and his alter-ego, Monsieur Madeleine, may have seemed like two different people, but they were one all along. They were two sides of the same person. Valjean was both criminal and hero.
It's all well and good to want to be a fixed, constant person, to have an identity that never changes. But that's not how healthy people work. Healthy people learn and adapt and grow. Who you are today is not the same as who you'll be tomorrow — or who you were yesterday.
As you change, your values will change too. Your goals will change. Your spending will change. What you want to do for work will change. And, yes, there will be many times when you are internally conflicted, when like Javert you are faced with two parallel roads, both of which are “true”.
Summing Up
Who am I? That's a great question.
I'm a guy who writes about money and frugality, but I'm also a man who is willing to — once in a lifetime — spend $267.41 to experience a Michelin-star restaurant in rural France. That's a clear example of mindful spending: I planned the meal weeks in advance and looked forward to it with great anticipation.
I'm a guy who can't bring himself to purchase a new car, so I buy a 25-year-old pickup for $1900. And I don't wash it. I value the vehicle but see no sense in spending the time, money, and energy to clean something that will never look pretty.
I'm a guy who buys new clothes from time to time — don't we all? — but who, yes, is careless enough to leave them on the bedroom floor even though I know my cat likes to pee on them. (Stupid cat!)
I'm a guy who hates public speaking and who doesn't want to be the center of attention, yet who has a deep desire to teach people about personal finance. (Especially the personal side of it all.) This leads me to do things that seem incongruent with what I say I want. I take on months-long projects that stress me out. I agree to fly across the world to talk to people. (Just yesterday, Paula Pant and I had a conversation about how the hassle of attending events is worth it for the friends we make.)
Who am I? I'm J.D. Roth.
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Identity economics: Who are you? And how does it affect your spending?
“Who are you?” my cousin Duane asked me on Saturday afternoon. We'd spent the day playing nerd games together and were taking a break for pizza.
“What?” I said. I wasn't expecting a philosophical question over supper.
“I don't think you know who you are,” Duane said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I don't think you know who you are,” he repeated. “You write about money and frugality, yet you spend $200 on dinner.” Duane was referring to the fancy meal we'd had in May at a Michelin-star restaurant in France. I knew it had been bugging him, but he hadn't said anything about it until now. (And that meal cost $267.41 for the two of us, not $200.)
“You paid $1900 for your used pickup, but you don't wash it. It's filthy. You buy new clothes that you don't need, but you leave your old clothes on the floor so that your cats pee on them.” It's true. Kim and I have a cat that will, from time to time, pee on my clothes.
“You say you don't like attention, that you don't want to be a celebrity, yet you're always taking on new work that puts you in the spotlight. You're thinking of doing a course for Audible, for instance, and you're talking about doing more speaking gigs — even though you hate speaking gigs,” Duane said.
All of these things were true. I couldn't argue.
“Who are you?” Duane asked. Well, that's a mighty fine question, Duane. That's a mighty fine question.
A Digression
In 1862, French novelist Victor Hugo published Les Miserables, one of the greatest novels of the nineteenth century. Long and sprawling and full of digressions (just like Get Rich Slowly!), the book explores the many facets of human nature: the good and bad, the humorous and poignant, the ordinary and sublime.
Les Miserables wasn't popular with critics when it was released, but everybody else loved it. It sold well when it was published and continues to sell well more than 150 years later. The book has inspired several several film and television adaptations. And, of course, it's the source of one of the most successful stage musicals of all time.
Turns out PBS recently aired a new six-part Les Miserables miniseries written by the always-awesome Andrew Davies. It's on my watch list.
Although Les Miserables contains a ginormous cast of characters, two stand at the heart of the story:
Jean Valjean is the novel's protagonist. Arrested for stealing a loaf of bread to feed his sister's seven starving children, he spends nineteen years in prison (five for the original crime, fourteen more for various misdeeds). Upon parole, he assumes the identity of Monsieur Madeleine. As Madeleine, he builds two factories, becomes rich, and is appointed mayor of a small seaside town. Valjean is a good man who occasionally finds himself on the wrong side of the law.
Javert is the novel's antagonist. (It's not right to call him a villain. Nothing about him is villanous.) Born in prison to deplorable parents, he grows up to become a prison guard — then police inspector. Javert is obsessed with upholding the law, which includes pursuing and punishing Valjean for his past misdeeds. His worldview is shattered when he realizes that not all laws are moral, that sometimes the moral course is not the lawful one.
What's fascinating — mind-blowing, actually — is that Victor Hugo based both Valjean and Javert on the exact same real-life person. They're both loosely modelled on Eugène François Vidocq, a French criminal turned criminalist. (You should open that link in a separate tab for later reading. Vidocq's life is fascinating. Among other things, he's regarded as the first-ever private detective and the “father” of modern criminology.)
That's right: Both the protagonist and the antagonist of Les Miserables were inspired by the same man. And, even more mind-blowing? Vidocq was also the inspiration for Sherlock Holmes. (Go read that article!)
Who Am I?
The amazing thing (to me) is that Jean Valjean himself is two people! He is Jean Valjean, yes, but he spends years posing as Monsieur Madeleine. As the latter, he's a wealthy factory owner, he's mayor of Montreuil-sur-Mer. He is a force for good in his small world. He is, at once, both Valjean and Madeleine, just as Vidocq is at once both Valjean and Javert.
In a 2012 New Yorker piece praising “the persistent greatness” of Les Miserables, Adam Gopnik wrote, “Hugo believed in, relished, luxuriated in, contradiction — he thought that we show ourselves most truly when we are seemingly most opposed to our double natures.”
When I posted about this on Facebook in April, John from ESI Money observed that this adds a whole new meaning to the song “Who Am I?” from the musical.
“Who am I?” Valjean sings as he's forced to reveal his identity in order to save an innocent man. “Who am I? I'm Jean Valjean!”
Yes, that's true — but Jean Valjean is also police inspector Javert.
youtube
True story: I'm a devoted fan of musical theater, and “Who Am I?” is one of my favorite songs from any show. It induces frisson — it gives me goosebumps — every time I hear it. Every time.
What I like about this clever bit of character creation from Victor Hugo is how it highlights our inherent dual natures. We, as humans, are inconsistent. We are complex creatures. At the same time, we can be both good and bad. I truly believe that most of us do what is right most of the time — but each of us also sometimes makes poor choices. We do things that seem to go against who we say we are and what we believe.
In Valjean and Javert, we get to see human nature dramatized in two men forever at odds, just as we are each forever at odds with ourselves.
Me, Myself, and I
As I was walking the dog this morning, I found myself meditating on my own personal duality. I am at once the hardest working person I know…and the laziest. I am the smartest person I know…and the stupidest. I am the kindest person I know…and the meanest.
Recently, I've grown increasingly frustrated with my seeming inability to “do the right thing”. I know that there are certain actions I could take (and should take) to improve my health, to build this website, to maintain relationships with my friends. Yet I do not do these things. I actively avoid them.
Why is this?
Here's an example. I could solve a whole host of problems if I were to get regular aerobic exercise. Over the past year, I've done a fine job of strength training, but for some reason I've become allergic to sweat. I do whatever I can to avoid running or biking or otherwise increasing my heart rate.
It's not that I can't do these things. I know I can. And I like them. I've run half marathons (and walked a full marathon). I've completed a century ride — one-hundred miserable miles on a hot and windy summer day. I did Crossfit for five years. I'm capable of strenuous exercise, and I know it.
But I'm not doing that exercise right now. I'm avoiding it.
Three months ago, as the sun started to show its face here in Portland, I wheeled my bicycle from the bottom of the hill to the back office. I wanted to make it easy to hop in the saddle and go. But you know what? I've ridden the thing exactly once this year. The bike is just sitting there, pleading with me to ride it.
The same goes with the website. You all know that I can crank out an article a day. I did it for three years between 2006 and 2009. I did it for the first three months of 2018. When I put my mind to it, I can write well without sacrificing quality.
Yet, for some reason, it's tough for me to publish even once a week lately. My mind is elsewhere. I have no inspiration. This wouldn't be so bad if I were at least handling other site maintenance chores, but I'm not. The site redesign is nearly finished, but it isn't live because there are still things I need to do. I'm not processing guest articles. I'm not posting to social media.
I've no doubt that some of this malaise stems from my chronic depression. But I also know the best way to shake the self-loathing is to actually do something, you know?
Which leads me to fundamental question I find myself facing: If I know what is right, why don't I do it?
I have no answer.
Impossible Expectations
This year, as every year, my depression and anxiety became especially strong during the spring. What's different about this year is that I sought out a therapist.
A few weeks ago, she asked me about my writing. We hadn't talked about it before. “What does success look like for you when it comes to your work?” she asked.
“Success means publishing three articles per week,” I said.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because then I'm giving my readers lots of material. I'm helping them. When I give them a lot of material, they want to come back more often. When I publish more material, more people find the site by search. When I publish more material, I make more money.”
“So, you want to publish three times per week?”
“I guess so,” I said. I thought about it a little. “But I hate the pressure that pace puts on me.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because I don't enjoy it. I don't do great work under time pressure like that. I want to take my time. If I decide to write an article on, say, the history of retirement, then I want to read a book on the subject. Maybe two or three. I want to think deeply about it. Then, I want to take the time to write the best article out there about the history of retirement.”
“You realize you've just told me two very different things, right?” my therapist said. “You've set up contradictory goals for yourself. Plus, you're asking yourself to be the best. That's a tall order. No wonder you're stressed. You have impossible expectations for yourself.”
When I think about it, my therapist is right. I do have impossible expectations for myself — on a lot of things. I have contradictory goals. It's as if there's a Jean Valjean inside of me and an Inspector Javert. And they want different things. Neither is wrong — but they can't both have their way.
But to which do I yield? Am I Valjean or Javert?
At the end of the session, I lamented my dual nature. “I tell other people to be proactive,” I said, “to take charge of their own lives, but I have a hard time doing that myself.”
“Do you think that makes you a hypocrite?” my therapist asked.
“No,” I said without hesitation.
“Good,” she said.
“I think it makes me human,” I said. “I write about the things I struggle with personally. When I started writing about money and getting out of debt, that's because I needed to get out of debt. Now, when I write about tracking spending or having a sense of purpose, that's because I need these things.”
Mindful Spending
So, this is all very interesting on a philosophical level, but what does it have to do with personal finance? Lots, actually.
We make our purchasing decisions based on who we are and who we want to be. If we're not clear on who we are and who we want to be, our choices tend to be arbitrary. They're spontaneous and not based on anything other than immediate desire.
When you're clear on who you are and what you want, it's much easier to practice mindful spending, to be deliberate about the things you buy and own. If you identify as fitness-conscious, for instance, you'll be much less likely to be tempted by cookies and snacks in the grocery store. If, like me at the moment, you identify as a “lapsed” fitness junkie, well then it's much easier to succumb to temptation.
Who we want to be also affects how we spend. In fact, I suspect that much wasted spending — not just for me, but for everybody — is what I'd call “aspirational”. It's not based on our actual habits and actions but on what we wish we did.
Take my bike, for example. I bought it last year but have ridden it only three times in fifteen months. Like I mentioned earlier, it simply sits there, pleading with me to ride it.
I have a good friend who once decided he'd like to learn woodworking. His father had always built and repaired things around the house, and my friend aspired to do the same — even though he had never done so in 35 years of life. He bought a stack of woodworking books, then acquired several expensive tools. He never used them. These were aspirational purchases, based on somebody he wanted to be, not the person he was.
From what I've seen, a lot of folks do this sort of thing with cookbooks. They want to try new recipes and new cuisines, so they gradually fill a shelf with cooking manuals — cooking manuals that they seldom use.
It's because of this relationship between money and identity that I'm so insistent that GRS readers write a personal mission statement. When you're clear on your purpose, it's much easier to make sure your spending is aligned with your values, that your financial decisions are based on who you are instead of some idealized version of who you want to be.
Identity Economics
In their fascinating (if dry and academic) book Identity Economics, George Akerlof and Rachel Kranton explore how our identities shape our work, wages, and well-being.
“In every social context,” the authors write, “people have a notion of who they are, which is associated with beliefs about how they and others are supposed to behave. These notions…play important roles in how economies work.” Our identities determine how we earn a living and how we spend our money.
Akerloff and Kranton say that large portions of our identities are shaped by the environment:
Identity, norms, and social categories may appear to be abstract concepts, but their reality is both powerful and easy to see. Norms are particularly clear when people hold an ideal of who they should be and how they should act.
Here's an example: Many folks who discover the early retirement movement do so through the awesome work of Mr. Money Mustache. He has a strong voice and a popular website. Over the past few years, he's accumulated a passionate army of followers who call themselves Mustachians.
When a person identifies himself as Mustachian, he subscribes to a certain set of values, to particular ways of working with money. Driving is frowned upon. A high saving rate is encouraged. Thrift is a prized virtue. This is identity economics in action.
Akerloff and Kranton are careful to note that our personal identities are not static. They change. Our larger identities change slowly over time, but we can also shift roles rapidly in daily life.
The latter is easiest to see. “Over the course of a day,” they write, “a woman may see herself as a mother at home and a professional at work.” I'd add that she might see herself as an athlete in her running group, a civic leader as a member of the city council, and a Mustachian when she's hanging with her financial friends online.
Each of these is a different identity — or perhaps a different facet of her overall identity. And each affects how she works, saves, and spends.
People change over their lifetimes too. From the book:
People often make decisions that come back to haunt them. We overeat, we smoke, we spend too much, and we regret it. [This is due to] time inconsistency. People have different selves at different points in their lives. The new self could regret the decisions made by the old self…
Sometimes these transitions are anticipated, and people plan accordingly. But often, people only imperfectly anticipate who they will later become.
Look at my own life over the past decade. Who I am today is drastically different than who I was ten years ago. And twenty years ago. Sure, the core J.D. remains the same — once a nerd, always a nerd! — but my values, which are constantly evolving, have morphed and my day-to-day life is sometimes unrecognizable.
During the past ten years, much about my personal identity (and my resulting financial choices) has changed:
I deliberately chose to purchase a small home in “the country”.
I drink beer. I drink coffee. I ride a motorcycle. All of these actions are new.
I lost fifty pounds through years of exercise and healthy eating. Then I gained back forty of those pounds through years of neglect.
I sold Get Rich Slowly — then I bought it back.
These changes, large and small, all affect how I manage my money and how I spend my time. As my identity changes, so do my financial habits.
Related reading: In a strange coincidence, The Guardian published an article on a similar subject last Saturday: “Are you really the ‘real' you?” This piece, which is terrific and well worth reading, looks at how some people change their lives entirely — and why.
Order and Light
At the end of the Les Miserables, after Jean Valjean frees Javert instead of killing him, the police inspector faces an existential crisis. Victor Hugo writes:
He saw before him two roads, both equally straight; but he saw two; and that terrified him — him, who who had never in his life known but one straight line. And, bitter anguish, these two roads were contradictory. One of these two straight lines excluded the other. Which of the two was the true one? His condition was inexpressible.
Inspector Javert's moral certitude proves to be his undoing. Like many folks who are certain they know what is real and what is right, Javert spends years ignoring evidence that controverts his beliefs. He thinks he knows the truth but in reality is blind to it.
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When, at last, Javert recognizes that he's been in error all this time, that things are not as black and white as he believed them to be, it's too much for him to bear. Rather than face a world filled with ambiguity and uncertainty, he takes his own life. He jumps in the river and drowns.
Before he kills himself, though, Javert has a sort of revelation. He realizes that Jean Valjean and his alter-ego, Monsieur Madeleine, may have seemed like two different people, but they were one all along. They were two sides of the same person. Valjean was both criminal and hero.
It's all well and good to want to be a fixed, constant person, to have an identity that never changes. But that's not how healthy people work. Healthy people learn and adapt and grow. Who you are today is not the same as who you'll be tomorrow — or who you were yesterday.
As you change, your values will change too. Your goals will change. Your spending will change. What you want to do for work will change. And, yes, there will be many times when you are internally conflicted, when like Javert you are faced with two parallel roads, both of which are “true”.
Summing Up
Who am I? That's a great question.
I'm a guy who writes about money and frugality, but I'm also a man who is willing to — once in a lifetime — spend $267.41 to experience a Michelin-star restaurant in rural France. That's a clear example of mindful spending: I planned the meal weeks in advance and looked forward to it with great anticipation.
I'm a guy who can't bring himself to purchase a new car, so I buy a 25-year-old pickup for $1900. And I don't wash it. I value the vehicle but see no sense in spending the time, money, and energy to clean something that will never look pretty.
I'm a guy who buys new clothes from time to time — don't we all? — but who, yes, is careless enough to leave them on the bedroom floor even though I know my cat likes to pee on them. (Stupid cat!)
I'm a guy who hates public speaking and who doesn't want to be the center of attention, yet who has a deep desire to teach people about personal finance. (Especially the personal side of it all.) This leads me to do things that seem incongruent with what I say I want. I take on months-long projects that stress me out. I agree to fly across the world to talk to people. (Just yesterday, Paula Pant and I had a conversation about how the hassle of attending events is worth it for the friends we make.)
Who am I? I'm J.D. Roth.
The post Identity economics: Who are you? And how does it affect your spending? appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.
from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/identity-economics/
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