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kamenriderlogik27 · 3 years

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Saber headcanons part 4: Kento past + pre-caliber

-Like Sora, even though his dad was a swordsman, he went to a regular public school up until the day his dad betrayed the SOL.

- The public school might be where he first met Touma (not sure about this yet since we don’t know who Touma’s parents are nor know his relation to the SOL)

- If he did end up meeting Touma at school, then their first meeting would have to be on the playground. With Touma preferring to read a book instead of play with the other kids.

- some of the other boys get annoyed at his lack of interest in joining their game, and they start picking on him. Kento, being his father’s son, detests the site of bullying and comes to Touma’s aid. After chasing away the bullies, Touma invites Kento to read with him to which Kento accepts; the start of a strong bond that transcends time.

- Even though his dad wanted Kento to follow in his footsteps, Kento’s parents (suggesting that he has a mother) encouraged him to look into other careers such as a policeman, firefighter, soccer player, etc.

- Because his dad was always away on missions, there would be times where Kento wouldn’t see his dad for moths on end. But his dad always made sure to write him letters of his adventures.

- Even though Kento was there the day his father betrayed the SOL and witnessed his father attack kamijou Daichi, he ended up fainting before he could see anything else and woke up two days later in the Northern Base’s clinic due to Ogami finding him and bringing him there.

- Kento searched everywhere, high and low, for Touma and Luna, and waited at their promised place everyday just in case they came by.

- After almost a year of waiting and not finding them, he started to believe that they were both dead and instantly blamed himself for his father’s actions.

- Wanting to at least try and make things right, he started asking Sofia and anyone he could come across in the SOL about anything regarding his father, the betrayal, and what happened that day.

- After finding out that no one really knew anything, he decided that he had to become a swordsman himself in order to investigate more.

- He became the current Espada, Shinsen’s, student after begging Sofia to help him become a swordsmen. However, in order for Shinsen to fully accept him, Kento had to prove himself worthy and complete difficult tasks such as running for a specific amount of time, cleaning a very large ballroom, etc. which Kento did without complaint.

- (according to RiderWiki, Shinsen took Rintaro under his wing after Nagamine died. I found this out a day after writing Rintaro’s headcanons. After reading it, I first thought that oh, maybe Rintaro and Kento really did grow up together then. But that still doesn’t answer why Rintaro seemed to be surprised at his presence in ep 2 and 3 and why he used formal speech when talking about and to Kento as if they didn’t grow up together. After thinking for a good long while, here’s what I came up with.)

- As Shinsen had already taken Rintaro under his wing after Nagamine died, He had trouble figuring out ways of teaching his two students in similar or different fighting styles (as Rintaro was still the successor of Nagare and Blades’s title and thus had to be taught a fighting style fit for the swordsmen of water.). Rintaro, not wanting to burden Shinsen as well as wanting to take more after his master’s fighting style, suggested that he learn Blades’s fighting style through books by himself so that Shinsen could focus on training Kento.

- Even though Shinsen felt guilty at not being able to properly teach Rintaro what he needed to know, it still worked out perfectly since Shinsen could properly train Kento while Rintaro studied, and then both boys would be able to practice what they learned by sparring.

- Kento was always super focused on training and bettering his technique, but he was still a kid at heart and wanted friends. however, at the same time, didn’t really believe that he deserved friends. This didn’t stop him from attempting to have friendly conversations with Rintaro during breaks while sparring though.

- However, due to Rintaro’s personality and habit of taking things too literally, Kento was never able to start up a fun conversation with the water swordsman apprentice that proved to be even slightly similar to the conversations he would have with Touma and Luna.

- Being as young as he is and having gone through so much pain, I can actually see Kento almost seeing Rintaro as a possible, unintentional replacement for Touma. But because Rintaro has gone through some shit himself and want’s to focus on his own path, he kinda goes against the image of Touma that Kento unintentionally put on him. The frustration Kento gets from this fact builds up so much that it explodes one day.

- That one day happened to be one of the rare days where Shinsen would be teaching the boys a new technique at the same time, since it was a pretty basic swordsman technique that didn’t require any particular style. Unlike most times where Kento would usually wait until a break or after sparring to strike up a conversation, Kento instead started speaking as the boys sparred. At first he talked about things like the weather and what they both had eaten that day (of course with Rintaro not saying much other than “can we please focus?”) then his words slowly got more aggressive to the point where Kento started mocking Rintaro’s lack of character.

-Rintaro of course, tried his best to ignore Kento and focus on sparring, but when Kento asked “who do you take after, your mom or dad?” he finally felt as if he had to respond.

- R: “I don’t know...”

K: “How can you not know? Don’t you have a family?”

R: “The SOL is my family.”

K: “Are you dumb? The SOL is an organization! They can’t be your family! A family AT LEAST has to have a mother and father!”

- The last sentence Kento said brought Rintaro to tears, so he quickly yells “You don’t know anything!” and runs off back to the base.

- For the next year, Rintaro refused to participate in anymore lessons and spars with Kento, and would always run the other direction if he so much as saw Kento appear anywhere. Kento did feel really guilty about what he said, especially after Shinsen scolded him and explained Rintaro’s situation and past. That being said, he tried his best to find Rintaro to apologize, only to always watch the boy’s back as he ran away.

- Somewhat fed up with having to chase the water swordsman apprentice, Kento came up with a plan to have Ren capture Rintaro and tie him up so that he couldn’t escape. He honestly wasn’t expecting his plan to work so well, but because it did, he was finally able to talk to Rintaro and ask for forgiveness. To which, Rintaro gave under the condition that they both work hard to become swordsmen. After this incident, Kento saw Rintaro in a new light. He wasn’t a boy that could possibly fill up the whole Touma and Luna left, instead, he was Rintaro; a fellow apprentice who was really talented and smart. And Kento really admired him for that.

- The only reason why Kento flew in on his magic carpet in ep 2+3 is because he was on a mission somewhat far away and wanted to see Touma as soon as possible once he was done.

- Despite being overjoyed that Touma was actually alive AND had been introduced to the SOL/become a Kamen Rider as well, Kento was actually super nervous about meeting him again. He thought about what he would do and what he would say. He wondered how he would ask Touma about Luna, and how he should explain about what happened that day 15 years ago. When Rintaro told him about walking into Touma’s bookstore while riding his blue lion, Kento thought that maybe riding in on his magic carpet might be a good conversation starter if anything got too awkward.

-He’s literally imagined his and Touma’s reunion hundreds of times after he heard that Touma was alive. He also wanted to ask him questions like “where did you go to school?” “What college degree do you have?” “Did you go on any adventures?(bookwise or real life)” ect. Kento just really wants to know how his friend has been all these years.

- Kento is actually a neat freak and low-key OCD. He can’t stand being messy and has his own, somewhat professional way of organizing. Though he’d rather let others clean if there’s a way for him to opt out.

- Kento is very fond of fictional novels, especially if they’re books that he read with Touma and Luna back in the day. However, he has no patience for non-fication, and secretly finds them very boring. His favorite genre of fictional novels would have to be adventure, fantasy and anything with super heroes. However, he does have a secret soft spot for romance (to the point where he has his own ships), and would rather die than admit to this fact.

- Is on the book side of the “Book vs. Movie” argument because he has never actually watched a movie to the end. Whenever he finds time to watch a movie, he ends up being so tired that he falls asleep before the climax. Reading a book at least gives his eyes something to focus on, plus books are like ‘a movie in your head’.

-Kento kind of gives off a ‘spring’ feel to me, so I think that his favorite scents could be fresh laundry, calm lavender, and a warm spring breeze.

- Doesn’t dog-ear books, thankfully. But he does end up using weird objects as book marks. (i.e. an old receipt, a library card, post-it note, basically anything small, flat and within hands reach.)

#kamen rider #kamen rider saber #kamen rider espada #kamen rider blades #fukamiya kento #shindo rintaro #kamiyama touma #akamichi ren #saber headcanons #this got super dark #honestly though this boy has been through a lot so it HAS to be somewhat dark #took me a while to write this 'cause thinking up kento's past was a bit difficult

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spilledkauffie · 5 years

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Sammy Support System

Pairing: Sam Winchester x college!reader Word Count: 2.1k T/W: anxiety? fluff! A/N: This was actually stupid hard to write, but it’s solely, and slightly embarrassingly, a therapy fic !

Vigorously the keys of your laptop clicked and ticked with every tap and push your fingertips gave them. It had become such a common sound over your college career that you had hardly noticed how long the continuous clicking had been going on for, let alone that the sun had gone down without you noticing either. There were papers and extra credit reports to write, group projects you knew no one else was going to actually do, emails to send and so on.

With the numerous things calling your attention, you hardly noticed your boyfriend lean in through the doorway to check on you. He found you just as he expected, and just as he had left you three hours ago, sitting criss cross on a chair in one of his hoodies, some plaid pyjama pants and white fuzzy socks, huddled at your computer, devoutly working on your homework. A clutter of papers and notebooks swarming you at every angle. Pens and highlighters of all different shades were clustering under loose leaf pages. Leaving you wildly upturning every piece of paper until you found the correct colour for further highlighting.

“Where did I put-“ you mumbled to yourself, scanning the table for your favourite highlighter.

Checking the clock on the wall, which was ticking in between the clicking rhythm you were making yourself, Sam decided to give you another thirty minutes before intervening. Aware of how stressed you had been acting and feeling lately, whether you’d admit it or not, Sam wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself regardless of the taxing demands you put on yourself for a degree. He always tried his best to back off when it came to things you felt you needed to handle on your own, but one thing he would never give up on is taking care of you when you refused to do so yourself. And finding you in the same position after four hours, nearing one a.m., was not up to his standards of a healthy self care routine.

Returning after thirty minutes, which seemed so much longer to him and so much shorter to you, he decided to take action. Clearing his throat and entered the room, he walked over to the desk where you were preoccupied. Head switching between a book you had a strict finger holding open and the laptop screen your free hand was making words appear on.

“Wow,” Sam said, staring you down, an amused smile playing across his lips when you didn’t even acknowledge him.

You truly hadn’t heard him, and were far too focused on your work to have seen or heard him come in.

“Wow!” Sam said a little louder, simply trying to gain your attention.

Jumping a little in your seat, you lifted your head to find Sam sitting opposite of you across the small table you had so easily filled. He reclined back in the chair, waiting for you to say...something.

“Hey,” you quietly said, it had to have been hours since you actually talked to another person, not just mumbling to yourself.

“Hi,” Sam leaned forward, elbows resting on the table, gentle smile as he heard how small your voice sounded, “do you have any idea what time it is, Honey?”

Looking to the corner clock on your laptop you winced, knowing he wouldn’t be very approving of how long you had been at it, but more so how much longer you intended to stay working as you were.

“It’s late...ish,” you tried to be cute and ignore the bigger problem he was alluding to.

Over the past few weeks, you had been pushing yourself and pushing yourself to the point of exhaustion, both physically and mentally. You didn’t sleep reasonable, human hours, you ate maybe a meal a day and hardly left the bunker for anything other than classes. As much as he loved your enthusiasm for college, he hated seeing you self-destruct over it. Mentally blocking every natural resting plea your body gave, you pressed on nonetheless.

Ducking his head, Sam didn’t want to come across too parental, “it’s, yeah, it’s... late.”

“I’m fine Sam,” you assured him sweetly and proceeded on with typing.

“But you’re not-” he countered only out of concern, frustrating you slightly as you glanced up to glare at him, “I’m just saying,” he retreated his hands in defense, “I haven’t seen you get up to refill your water, you haven’t said a word to anyone and you-“

“Sam!” You interrupted, fanning your hands across your keyboard, as he tested your nonexistent patience, you took a deep breath, “don’t worry.”

“It’s kinda my job to worry about you,” he lifted his shoulders, “I mean, is something going on that you’re not telling me?”

“No, nothing,” you tried, to utter failure.

“Y/n, what’s going on that you’re not telling me?” He repeated, in such a soft, caring tone you swore he could draw every emotion you’ve ever had out from you. His puppy dog eyes didn’t help your resistance either, Sam genuinely was concerned and lying to him would only further his anxiety over you.

“I just,” you avoided eye contact, “need to do this, okay? I need to finish this, start the next project, schedule my next classes: Spring, Summer, Fall. I need to prove that I can do it.”

“Prove what?” Sam asked, “to who?”

“That I can do it!” You repeated, the beginnings of tears from seemingly a million different emotions filling your eyes, “I have to prove I’m worth something...even if that’s just a degree.”

Sam furrowed his eyebrows, seeing you upset always hurt the worst. Wanting to help or to fix whatever was wrong always seemed easier on the other topics. He knew he couldn’t stop this, it was something you’d been relentless about since day one.

“I’m so tired of getting told to slow down...and you don’t need to,” your building anxiety caused a hiccup, “you don’t need to,” you blinked, letting a heavy tear slip passed your eyelash, on the brink of a breakdown you could feel yourself shaking, “but I want to, why doesn’t anybody care about that?”

It was like a knife to the heart when your eyes met Sam’s, now knowing you felt no one cared on the matter. And the moment you allowed yourself to fall apart and cry, Sam came to your side. Crouching down so you could hug him, you tightly wrapped your arms around his neck.. Feeling his strong arms around your waist made you feel like a child, but you didn’t care at this point. It was days, weeks, months of continuous tension, stress, lack of sleep and nutrition all coming undone.

“Sam,” you breathed, eventually pulling back from his tear stained shirt, “if I can’t do this, I don’t even know who I am anymore. This is all I’ve ever done.”

Nodding, understandingly, his lean fingers pushed back some hair that had fallen down from your twice dried shampooed bun and into your face. He listened to you, knowing you just needed someone to truly listen, not to scold you for your aspirations, but to hear you out.

“I’m nothing if I can’t prove this,” you wiped your eyes, reverting to a more reclusive position of anxiety, isolating yourself away from him, “I’m just a failure.”

Sam’s arms still held you, despite your retreat, “hey, hey,” he caressed your cheek lovingly, and you embarrassingly leaned into it, a touch you had truly missed in your absence of his presence, “look at me.”

You hardly wanted to be seen at all right now, but you did as he said, slowly meeting his gaze. His ever sparkling eyes made you feel a bit better, especially accompanied by his smile of reassurance.

“You are not a failure,” he told you with a convincing stare, “you never have been, and you never will be, okay?”

You rolled your eyes, looking away, with a few stray tears falling down your cheek.

“You can do this, you are doing this,” he explained, “I fully support your goals and dreams, but I cannot support how you’re treating yourself.”

“I’m fine,” you turned back to him, wearily shaking your head.

“You’re really not; you’re just saying that so I’ll leave you alone,” he corrected you carefully, “but that’s just not happening. I care way too much about you to stop.”

“Yeah, I know,” you nodded, pushing at your hair and looking down.

It was a brief silence between the two of you.

“C’mon,” Sam stood, holding your hand, “time for a break.”

“Sam,” you sighed as he gently coerced you into following his loving pull, “I can’t, I have to finish this group project.”

“If it’s a group project someone else can work on it right now, come on, Babe,” his tone a little more stern and his point valid.

Knowing that if you said no again he’d just pick you up out of the chair, so you stood to follow him over to the couch. Lazily you walked behind him, hand still holding his. He sat at the end and you followed suit, sitting at an angle into his side, your feet slightly tucked under you, but still spread out toward the length on the couch. For a moment you breathed. It was quiet, no tap of your keys, no rustling of paper-

“Well, good break,” you said and quickly made an attempt to return to your desk.

“Uh, yeah, no ma’am,” Sam leaned forward and grabbed your hips. To your frustration he brought you back down, this time seating you across his lap, “that was not an adequate break.”

Groaning reluctantly, you felt him secure his hold on you. One arm reaching across your thighs, the other settled around your waist. You gave up and gave in, slouching into him, resting your head against his shoulder. Fiddling with your hands in your lap, you looked down. The scent of his cologne made you feel safe, as you nuzzled the bridge of your nose against his neck. His hair tickled where strands of it brushed against your forehead. You hummed when you felt him sweetly rub your back.

“Sam?” You started, closing your eyes.

“Yeah, Baby?” He answered bringing his hand up to tuck your hair behind your ear as he looked you over.

“I’m so tired,” you finally admitted in a sigh of defeat, which told him that you were officially calling it a night.

Trying not to laugh at the very obvious statement, Sam smiled, “yeah, I bet you are,” slight amusement slipping out.

“Don’t laugh at me,” you pouted, looking up.

“Promise I’m not,” Sam raised his eyebrows, watching you struggle to keep your eyes open in his arms, “you’re just really adorable when you’re tired.”

Finally breaking into a smile, you closed your eyes, realising how much you’d been missing out on even the littlest of things. Caressing the side of his neck with your hand, you brought yourself up a bit, met with his gentle eyes, that were almost asking sweetly, “what do you need?” You just stared for a while, until your eyes dropped and you brought your lips to meet his. It was soft and sweet, but when you pulled back, you still wanted more. Knowing your body language, Sam slid his hand up to the back of your neck, carefully bringing you back in for a deeper kiss. Practically melting into his kiss, you wrapped your arms around his neck. When you decided you needed air, you pulled back, resting each other’s foreheads together.

“I love you so much,” Sam said, still stroking your neck.

“I love you more,” you smiled, showing you were really getting sleepy, “thanks for putting up with me, Sam.”

“For that I love you most,” he hugged you closer.

You bit your bottom lip, about to ask him to carry you to bed, when you were interrupted by a familiar voice, making you turn your heads immediately.

“What the hell?” Dean almost yelled out of shock as he picked up a random piece of paper off the table you had been working at, “what is this?”

The genuine confusion and disgust of Dean’s tone made you laugh, burying your head against Sam.

“That is her homework,” Sam answered with a smirk, not shocked at his brother’s behaviours.

“No, no, even Einstein couldn’t figure this out,” Dean stated.

“Dean...that’s not even math,” Sam corrected with a witty smile, as if saying ‘this is why you didn’t go to college.’

“Well...whatever,” Dean shrugged, taking a hand out of his pocket, “get off my couch anyway!”

#spilledkauffie #sam winchester #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester imagine #sam winchester fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural #supernatural x you #supernatural x reader #spn #spn x reader #spn x you #spn x y/n #spn fluff #sam winchester fluff

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laylabahiti · 4 years

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HSHQTASK005: A REFLECTION

i originally posted this task in march 2017, so almost 3 years ago (wow). i already regret looking at this old one lmao

001. name / age / pronouns

2017: xee / twenty / she, her 2020: xee / twenty-three / she, her — fun fact, mine and evy’s bdays are 2 days apart #taurussquad

002. which character(s) do you play?

2017: my complicated af beaN layla. idek what’s going on with her at this point. 2020: i’m screaming i can’t believe i thought 2017 layla was complicated. i had no idea what was to come. i picked up biel not long after that. also had katalina aka brucey’s wifey n i miss her. juliana is a fairly recent addition and, i’m about to spill the beans, a glücksburg is coming.

003. nationality / ethnicity / timezone

2017: american / lots of white european and the other half o’ me is ashkenazi jewish / right now i’m back and forth between pst and mst. homeland is mst though. 2020: obvs nothing has changed except no more back and forth with timezones. strictly mst now.

004. tell us a bit about your home state.

2017: it’s the first day of spring and we almost reached 100 degrees F :’) we don’t really have autumn or spring here tho. it’s either hot as balls summer or frozen. no in between. like, as soon as temps get below 70 F people break out their jackets. 2020: welcome to the desert, “it’s a dry heat”

005. favourite color / fruit / season

2017: green / honeydew melon / spring 2020: still green and all its shades / tbh idk how i chose a fave fruit bc i raaarely eat it but bananas and watermelon too / “spring”

006. favourite books + writer whose writing style you admire the most

2017: this isn’t a fair question smh. i have too many titles and names going through my head at once to answer this. 2020: still no fave so i’m just gonna answer this with what i’m currently reading. it’s called suffer strong and it popped up on my insta feed last week (big brother is listening and they know i’m a stressed mf) cheese moment: i admire all ur writing styles :~)

007. what kinda music do you listen to + any fave bands / musicians

2017: listen to a lil bit of everything. these ‘favorite’ questions are difficult for me to answer 2020: same answer tho i grew up listening to the eagles so they hold a special place in my heart n soul. i get to go see them in a couple months (hopefully w my dad) and i’m v excited

008. what are you doing for a living / what are you studying?

2017: lmAO well rn i work in the kitchen of a gas station (sah classy). 2020: went from working in the store to working in corporate *finger guns* apparently i never said what i was studying but i was still in school then. justice studies with a minor in military leadership and certifications in human rights and socio-legal studies. then i studied astrophysics with minors in cyber intel + security and math for a semester, but i didn’t want any more debt ajskdf

009. what’s your dream occupation?

2017: IDK but it has to involve happiness and a nice salary. i have to feed my zoo somehow. 2020: what r dreams lmao

010. relationship status

2017: single then. single now. single forever. 2020: every time i think about putting myself out there, something happens. i don’t have time to date atm

011. coffee, tea or hot chocolate?

2017: it depends on the weather. if it’s cold i’ll have hot chocolate. i usually drink tea at meals whenever though. 2020: i blame my work for all the coffee i drink now, but still all of the above.

012. dream holiday destination?

2017: santorini 2020: honestmeme....where the hell did i pull santorini from. idk i was supposed to go to iceland for study abroad last year but yknow i withdrew from the university. i still wanna go tho

013. the thing you’re most proud about yourself

2017: not afraid to stand up for myself + others 2020: young me made it sound noble but honestly i’ll put ppl in their place, i don’t have patience anymore jakdas. but tbh right now i guess it’s my perseverance? life has been shitty for a few months but u gotta keep on truckin’

014. tell us a bit about your family!

2017: goD they’re nuts. i’m the middle child out of all my siblings but the youngest on my dad’s side. large age gaps are common, like half my sisters are old enough to be my mom. lots of grand babies and great grand babies. when we’re all together (like this past weekend) it’s ….wild. communication is v poor too. i only have one brother out of my eight siblings, and all those siblings are only half-related to me. at 5′5 i’m one of the tallest in the fam which says a lot. 2020: they’re still nuts n i don’t speak to my mother anymore. i should probs add that my parents have been divorced since i was a few months old so she hasn’t been in the pic for a while. even when she had custody of me jaksldf find me ron howard i’ll give him the rights to my life story

015. how long have you known your closest friend?

2017: three years. 2020: we’re going on 6 years jaksdf i’ll be maid of honor in her wedding this year. i also have another friend that i failed to mention last time but we’ve been close for 9 years (jfc)

016. superpower you’d like to have?

2017: invisibility 2020: mind reading so i know who’s Fake jaklsdjf

017. celebrity you’d like to meet?

2017: john stamos ?? idk i never really thought about it. i’ve met michael phelps though!! 2020: ig i’ll stick with stamos?? ooh or steve carrell or jennifer aniston.

018. guilty pleasures

2017: chocolate and french fries. i love love love french fries. 2020: now my guilty pleasure is dr. pepper bc i cut it out of my diet.

019. pet peeves

2017: mouth noises (misophonia). people talking over each other and not listeninG. lowkey people leaving the toilet seat up or leaving toilet paper in the toilet like…just flush again. 2020: i really went off on tp huh?? another pet peeve is people committing to something then backing out/flaking without a heads up

020. do you have any hobbies?

2017: sports !!! i’m a grade a heaux for sports. tennis, archery, golf. anything that doesn’t require lots of muscle ya feel. one of my ~hobbies~ i guess is organizing things. i have multiple planners and use them all daily. 2020: i miss how sporty n active i was jkasdf this is my hobby.

021. where would you like to live in the future?

2017: i would looooooove to live in san diego but i’ll probs be stuck in the desert drylands. 2020: tbh i was looking into memphis homes bc it’s cheap compared to here but i don’t really care where i end up. just want a place of my own yknow

022. tell us a story about a thing that recently happened to you! it can be a funny, scary, sad story, your pick!

2017: redacted bc it was college angst lmao and not pretty 2020: i found out this morning that my cell phone # is somehow linked to some random guy a few miles away and idk how to fix it online. got some texts today and yesterday this one guy called me 6 times back to back while i was on the phone with someone else. i guess that’s another pet peeve of mine, pls leave a message if it’s important jaklsdf

#hshqtask005 #really had to go back n look at 20 year old me #who tf was i #how did u tolerate me

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keenregine · 3 years

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My correct posture still won't fix my goddamn backache, try as I might “I only write when I’m in the mood,” is an overrated statement. Fuck it, I’m gonna write whatever mood I’m into. This laptop is too cold considering the scorching weather outside of searing 45 degrees C. Who cares, you’re in an air conditioned room. To start off, since I got my Kindle, I’ve been reading a great deal amount of books per week, I’m not even on a holiday. I was in great disbelief at first but heck it’s true. In the beginning I’m one of those pretentious-like people who says ‘Oh, I prefer physical books over e-readers, I like the smell, feel and the traditional transcendence it gives.’ I had a whole week to think about if I really should get one. My turning point? The portability and convenience. I was in the middle of reading For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway, I had an errand that day and I was expecting a long queue to where I was going. I decided to bring my book along which I recklessly put on my tote bag. Mind you, I’m highly particular with handling books, I believe I said this a million times. I don’t want any scratches, corner folds or traces of writing in the covers, saying all of this right now already gives me the cringe. After surpassing that errand, straight I went to a bookstore and to a coffee shop just nearby. The moment I took out my book and saw the corners, I had to take a deep breath and been wanting to scold myself for being such a big lummox. But I couldn’t do it for I was in public. Glad I had a valid excuse. So I had to think, little by little, each and everyday I was slowly convincing myself to get an e-reader. The most accessible I could purchase is of course a Kindle. But not yet. . Maybe there’s plenty of other options for me to choose from. Or perhaps, other ways I could make my life more conducive to reading regardless of the situation, affordability and patience. Lots of it. Never would I sleep alone in a room with all the lights off, I always keep a single lamp on, so that my imagination would stop playing tricks on me. Since we’re talking about lights, let me enlighten you further with the set-up of my room. My vanity mirror bears four sepia tone bulb lights, too bright and disturbing, but perfect for getting ready kind of mood, located on the lower right foot of my bed. On my top left corner is a dim light lamp, which is I keep on forever while sleeping. I tried reading with it, my eyes were strained. I thought, maybe I should buy a new lamp then, I searched online and they’re all too expensive. No way. I told myself, ‘If only I had a kindle, this would be easier.’ Uh oh. I was kidding when I said I gave myself a whole week to think about it. Took me about three days tops, but the universe was conspiring against me, I got the kindle after 2-3 weeks, no kidding. Here’s another turn of events. It was my first purchase in Amazon, as I heard from others' story, any orders come after 3 days maximum, and this is not even the prime ones, prime orders arrives the next day. Great. I need to wait three days, But. It. Didn’t. There I was clicking proceed to check out. As claimed, the infamous kindle will be in my hands after the next 5 days. Holy crap, can’t wait that long. During those dreadful waiting days, I dived myself into tutorial videos, websites to download free books because I’m such a cheapskate, I even downloaded books for total readiness. As if I was expecting a child, painting the nursery and all. Fifth day came, I was ecstatic. I was two days off, earlier that day, my friend asked me if I could accompany her to the hospital for a major surgery, I was sincerely touched because I was the first person she considered. Immediately I prepared my things. I was expecting the delivery to come that same day, but until later that night not even a single call I received. Bollocks. I keep stealing glances on my phone for updates, any messages notifying why it didn’t arrive on the promised date. Nothing. The next morning came, I was beginning to be upset. Thinking about countless reasons why it was delayed, maybe it disappeared out in the open, mistakenly brought to a wrong person, many of my anxious doubts keep pouring. You might say I don’t have patience for such a small matter, until three days later. . .jinx! Of course, still nothing. I couldn’t contain myself and write a formal complain to Amazon, side by side with the local courier. I feel sorry for whoever received that complain, probably he’s used to reading these things. It was dramatic all over, I began. . .I can’t fight this feeling any longer, I wish I have the strength to let it show. Lol. Seriously. I can’t remember the exact words I wrote, and I don’t think there’s any way I can access it again. To summarize, ‘my order was ridiculously late, I followed up many times, no updates blah blah blah’, my take away line was, ‘This is my first purchase and it’s already a bad experience, Unacceptable, and not a satisfying experience.’ I could have add ‘I will not recommend this to my friends’ or ‘I will not order from Amazon ever again’, but that’s too savage, they might put me on their blacklist, Karen-ish. The customer services responded promptly with an apology, saying they’ll be happy to give me a full refund, and if the order comes, consider it as a gift. That kinda made my day, along with another great news I receive the following day, which I will share in the nearest future. I would also want to add the solid proof that I have zero tolerance in waiting. During those ridiculous times I have to endure, I asked one of my work mates who consistently buy things in Amazon to place an order for me of the same Kindle, she’s a prime customer. The next day, it arrived. I was happy and very much satisfied, contrary to what I initially experienced. I think that concludes my entire super not entertaining Kindle story. Any questions? Oh, the other one came for at least another week, now I have two Kindles. The most practical but douchey thing for me to do is to sell it. Now to who? I’m having another dilemma, why you do this to me Amazon, no actually it’s the couriers mishap. I tried to ask few people I know who also reads. I’m not quite skilled when it comes to convincing people, but I think that part of me forcibly came out of my system. (Maybe some people reading this might be convinced too, if there is really someone out there. lol) I was astonished with what many things a Kindle could do, therefore I would sell to them the same features I was impressed about. If not the terms of affordability, the other two reasoned out the same one I had before, the likeliness of feeling a physical book and smelling it. Hmm, quite challenging since I was in that same situation as before and I understood that. It’s not about being a hefty tech savvy to get around kindle, basic knowledge is enough. There are tons of resources for free ebooks, that later on I figured out myself. It’s very far from being a usual tablet, the only thing you can do is to read in a black and white screen (exact same interface of a physical book), although the glitch is quite disturbing but fairly tolerable, especially with turning one page to another, no apps can be applied nor any games, hence less distractions. My favorite feature is the instant pop-up definition of a word if you press it for few seconds, no need to pause your reading and search for that certain word in a dictionary of your phone. It’s already there! Awesome. The battery life is also incredible, it could last for a whole week even if you read many times a day. In my case, it lasted about 3-4 days maximum. My main reason above all is the portability, I’m still purchasing books once in a while, heck if that’s really once in a while. But I won’t have to worry about corner pages being folded, or carrying too many books in one single occasion, saves me a good damn space. Physical books I can read in the comfort of my own home or bed, but of course I still prefer Kindle especially when I’m in bed. I could toss and turn, shroud myself in a blanket and still be reading because the freaking backlight is adjustable to your needs. I wouldn’t read in a moving vehicle because it gives me instant dizziness, but if somehow someday, I needed a larger font, I could do that too. Oh Kindle, what did I do to deserve you, why won’t people see how good you are. That’s when I came with a conclusion, reading IS reading. In whatever form or genre you prefer, as long as it entertains you, gives you a whole other sense of dimension or universe. Most important of all, if it makes you happy then go ahead pursue it. Hope I didn’t bore you with all my non sense. Although my next journey will be for sure an exciting one, crossed-fingers, I can’t elaborate as much yet unless I’m in that exact place already or maybe right after that.

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randomthoughtsgonewild · 7 years

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I'm back...

Hello.

I don’t really know how to start this if I’m honest.

It’s been a long while (yeah no shit dumb dumb *facepalms*) and well, things have happened. Some of big degree and some of little importance.

Current status?

I’m feeling shit.

Yes, you may leave. This will not be clean. But when I made this blog and when I titled the description, I meant what I said.

If you no like; bye bye stranger.

If you do but you ain’t into this type of honesty. See you later, mater.

…

So, where to begin…uh, I don’t have the best memory so I believe I shall start around Christmas time 2016.

Life was going semi-okay; school and personal problems were hassling but durable. But during that time I lost two of my mates; one of which I’m closer than the other. It was a whole group thing – we all decided to cast them away because of something they did (I would say what but due to its authenticity and specificity; I can’t take the risk of someone I know recognising it because frankly I’d rather have no-one I know in real life, knowing I am the owner of this blog— not because I’m ashamed; more so of the fact I am a very private person. Which is quite ironic considering I am quite open about everything and everyone— other than myself. But I digress.)

— and so my group casted them away and they were gone throughout the last term before Christmas break; it was hard because I lost my closest mate and my really good friend. But that was resolved quickly after the term and we’re all okay.

See? That wasn’t too bad aha.

Well, we haven’t got to 2017 yet and that’s when things start to go downhill…

So it’s the beginning of the new year and I guess you could say I was hoping for a much better year than 2K16. But when has Lady Luck EVER been on my side? Never. So, like the cow Lady Luck is; it brought me a ton of obstacles and hoops to jump through. To which I failed tremendously.

(I also forgot to add; Been alive for half a century, divided by 2 and subtracted by 10. Yay.)

In January; school had picked up and like the Army Officer it is, really started to tire me out. I was struggling with the work and the homework. It was a mess. It sounds fairly simple and in fact; I imagine many of you to be quite unimpressed by me because “kid, you don’t even know what tiredness is *rolls eyes*” — and you’re probably right, I do not. But you probably don’t know what it feels like to have to be up to the brim in GCSE coursework as well as revision because students love tests! (Wait–wait, maybe you do actually, okay well I had some mental stuff going on too so that counts?)

But again, I am straying off de topic. So anyways, Jan. Tiring. Made me very stressed. Stress is not good. Lotta spots for me, brother. I hate acne. Especially stressed-related ones. But. I. Digress. Again.

Which brings me to February; aww Feb. Poor, sweet, juvenile Feb. Always been a month that tends to fly by so quickly and probs the most boring – seriously though, what actually happens in Feb that is interesting? Nothing. That’s it. But, for me Feb; well Feb was an eye opener for sure. I’m not the type of person to beat around the bush for one thing so I’ll be out with it – quick'n'easy like a bandage.

I discovered two things; My mental state was way beyond fucked. Two? I’m not as strong as I thought I was.

And for me to have discovered this, well it was certainly big. You see my family is not the type of family to ask if ones okay and find the solution; we are more of the ‘ask if you’re okay but if you say anything out of the norm then forget it’ — we always have been. Well, at least I think we have. I’m not really close with my family, but I blame that on the stuff going up in my cranium.

So anyways, my head = not in a good state then (or now). Explanation? I don’t know.

In fact, I think it hasn’t been in a 'good state’ for a while. Possibly ever since the summer of '16 (and maybe before…?) which would mean whatever I’ve been manifesting is suddenly making itself known and to be honest the manifestation is quite large. I don’t know what I have to be frank; I don’t know if it’s depression or if it’s something else, in all honesty I feel kind of stupid for just assuming it’s 'depression’. I feel like that nowadays that word is tossed around so much it just feels stupid to say “I’m depressed” with anyone actually taking you seriously. Plus, I never thought I could be depressed or even in such a state of mind.

Which lead me to my epiphanic of uncovering the truth of my mental strength.

It isn’t that strong.

You see, I always thought for a long time in my life that I’m the type of person who doesn’t breakdown, who knows how to build themselves back up again if the going gets tough; the type of human who will never let themselves fall so far down the well of “depression” because I’m just not like that. Full stop.

But I realised in the second month of the year, that I’m none of that; I’m just extremely good at ACTING like I am. Like I am strong, like I can’t breakdown, like I can’t be “depressed”. I realised that I’m so used to being in this mind state that my head has adapted to feeling like this and since I have a slight fear of being mentally unwell; it simply taught me how to ACT like everything’s okay. When in fact…

Everything really isn’t fucking okay.

Now I could type here for ages and ages about my stresses, my worries, my problems etc etc but that would make this so long that it would be the equivalent of 3 Harry Potter books…aaaand since I’m not JKR and I don’t have that type of time; I’ll just summarise, summarise, summarise!

Here we go; so after my big discovery in Feb, it lead to all sorts of things — I started to become more aggressive and more sad; which led to more acting because even if I knew I had a mental health problem it still didn’t mean I wanted to get help or – god forbid ACTUALLY talk about it! So I started to distract myself; distractions, distractions, distractions = my best friend. The more I distracted myself, the more I (believed) had less time to dwell on my (rapidly becoming real) mental health illness. So I took up having some cigarettes from time to time because it made me feel calm and yes I know of the dangers but pocketing a couple of my dads cigarettes wasn’t going to kill me okay? Plus, I always told myself (still do now) to never buy my own pack because that for me would lead to an addiction. Amongst that; I did other things like lash out, do drugs (I DID THIS ONCE BTW) and just things that really weren’t good for me.

So with me doing all this and believing it would prolong my mental health illness awakening; I didn’t realise that instead of PROLONGING my MHI, I just kept feeding it. With all the things I did, they lead to consequences; every time I would smoke, I would feel bad– horrid even, the fear of becoming addicted lead to me feeling shameful (more for the MHI monster to eat), every time I would steal my dad’s wine bottle and drink it for myself, I would feel disappointed that I would stoop so low and thus gave the monster an even bigger meal and every time I tested my parents patience or acted kinda rude to my mates; it fed my monster STRESS because I would stress about what their reactions would be and ugh it was not good.

But here I am typing as if I overcame it all and everything is well again; for your information mi amiga; it ain’t. In fact I still am going through all this and frankly I’m tired. Exhausted. Fatigued. But knowing me and my coping methods; my brilliant acting skills will be back at it again for the next couple of months until I guess I break or something.

This whole text post sounds weird tbh; I don’t like how I’ve written it but it’s honest. And I have more to talk about as well but there just isn’t enough time in the day (or so I say) and besides; it gives me a good reason to post sooner.

However, regardless of all the bad; I have dipped a finger back into my pool of story writing and it’s been a good thing for me to say the least. Another distraction tbh but better than wallowing in my head and assuming the worst.

So yeah, that’s it. That’s all I’ve got. I would say more but the effort is too unreal. So this shall be a goodbye and goodnight.

- A

#been a while #big post #long reads #depression #actually I don't even know if it is #life #deep #young adult #oh dear #literally just using the wrong hashtags rn but oh well #christmas 2016 #2017

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aboysbestfriendishismum · 7 years

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CHARACTER PROFILE: ANGIE

Hi readers! The winner of one of my silly competitions asked for an “all Angie” thing as a prize and of course I must oblige now. Well, she asked me like almost two months ago, but if you regularly read my blog you know what my usual timing is by now so you won’t be surprised.

I hope you like it! Let me know what you think about this ;)

WARNING: don’t read this if you’re not at Chapter 42 yet, there are a few spoilers!

Have a good read!

***

Name: Angie W. Pacifico, but something about her name will be revealed in chapter 43

Role in the story: she’s the main original female character of the story

Scene where she first appears: Chapter 1, at the mini mart, when young customers make fun of her and she makes fun of them

Age: she’s just turned 18 in Chapter One, at the end of the fic she’ll be either 28... or 42... it depends on which ending you’ll choose, because yeah, big revelation here: there’s gonna be TWO endings to this story

Nationality: American with both Italian and British descent

Hometown: may be Boise, Idaho (or not)

Current residence: Seattle, Washington at this point in the fic

Occupation: film student, waitress at Roxy’s diner, clerk at Westlake Minimart at the beginning, her career will have good and bad moments during the fic

Income: she’s not rich (or is she), but she makes ends meet and manages to pay half of her school tuition (the other half is paid by her parents)

Family: she’s the only child of Ray (basically Frank Zappa’s twin brother separated at birth) and Janis Pacifico, grandchild of Angelina Agnello and Salvatore Pacifico, her dad’s parents, originally from Sicily, who moved back to Italy when they retired. Currently living in Bologna, where Angie often visits them during the summer holidays. Her mom’s parents passed away but she has some relatives in Brighton.

Significant others: none at the beginning of the story. Although Jerry Cantrell has a crush on her, she ignores him, or pretends to. She later gets with him, whom she breaks up with after finding out about him cheating repeatedly. One year before the beginning of the story, she had a summer fling with David Grohl, who’ll later move to Seattle to play with Nirvana and meet her again, but nothing happens between them except for some kissing. Her first boyfriend, Sean Livingstone, who’s also one of her best friends from Boise, will appear in the story at some point. Angie’s gonna have other relationships during the story (but I’m not gonna tell you who :P)

Angie in a relationship: when she’s in a relationship, Angie’s focused on her significant other, but not too clingy, although she’s sweet and caring. Tends to treat boyfriends like she’s their mom sometimes. She totally trusts her boyfriend, but still she tends to keep secrets from him, mostly about her personal and family life. She’s patient and forgiving, she pretends not to see the flaws and the bad actions of the person she loves. She enjoys sex, she’s kinda shy though, especially about showing her naked body.

Angie with friends: she’s sarcastic, funny and loyal, she’ll never spontaneously talk about her problems to friends if they don’t ask her and she keeps secrets from friends too. She initially thinks the new people she meets in Seattle are only friends with her because of Meg, and later Jeff, she’ll later change her mind. She’s always there for friends and would do anything for them, for example she lets Eddie call her at any time when he can’t sleep.

Height: 5 feet and 0.24 inches

Weight: 145 lbs at the beginning of the story, alternatively gains and loses weight as times goes by

Race: white

Eye color: black/dark brown

Hair color: black/dark brown, will do something to her color at some point though

Skin color: very pale

Shape of face: round

Distinguishing features: thin lips, big eyes, slightly crooked tooth

Style: almost always dressed in black or dark, with maybe one or two colorful items. Prefers comfortable clothes, can look nicer when needed if she puts some effort (or when Meg orders). Likes eye make up but thinks she’s not good at that, her daily make up routine is thick line of black eye pencil around her eyes and sometimes lipgloss (stolen from Meg). She likes painting her nails and keeps them long and tidy. She loves fruit, candy and spice scented soaps and shampoo, doesn’t like perfume. Drives an old Mini Cooper.

Habits: she smokes, a lot when she’s nervous or sad or lonely, same thing for food. She drinks and sometimes smokes pot in company, she’s scared of other drugs.

Health: she gets chlamydia from Jerry, other than that the rest is ok. She should lose weight or practice sport though, and that’s why she starts going to the gym

Hobbies: cooking and baking, cleaning the house and generally doing the chores to relax, singing very badly in her car (always waiting for a song to end before getting out of the car), making mix tapes for herself and friends, writing, photography, playing basketball with Eddie

Talking patterns: she uses big words when she’s drunk, other than that she articulates and argumentates very well, even though she’s shy. Always sarcastic.

Best quality: smartness and patience, sees the good in every one

Greatest flaw: can’t sing for shit, total lack of self confidence and self esteem, sees the worst in herself

Various talents/skills: good at writing, plays the drums, plays basketball, good dancer

Educational background: she was kind of “in the middle” in high school, not a geek but good. She has difficulties at college because it’s harder than she expected, but she does well in the end

Short term goals in life: get a degree in film studies, staying in Seattle

Long term goals in life: become a screen writer

What she wants the most out of life: become someone completely different from a certain person...

How does she see herself: fat and ugly

How does she believe she’s perceived by others: as unimportant by strangers, as a little kid who cant’ defend herself by friends

Relationship with other main characters:

1. Megan McDonald: Angie doesn't like her when she first arrives in Seattle, thinks she's a bimbo and talks too much, later becomes her roommate and best friend. 2. Eddie Vedder: Weird encounter at the diner, they later become very close... then stuff happens 3. Jeff Ament, Stone Gossard: Stone initially couldn't stand her, Jeff liked her as soon as he first met her, they become like big brothers to her 4. Jerry Cantrell: is not interested in her initially, also because she's underage, then gets romantically involved with Angie, then fucks it up badly. But they won't lose touch during the story, their relationship will turn into something else

Is she ruled by emotion or logic or a combination of both? Apparently all of Angie’s decisions are made following logic, she’s the type of person who keeps control over her emotions and consequent actions. She’s human though, so she fails sometimes.

What would most embarrass this character? Generally be the center of people’s attention, at least when sober, and having secrets revealed about her. At the beginning of the story, be seen naked by someone else, talking about boyfriends with her parents and introducing a guy to them as her boyfriend.

How does she deal with conflicts and problems? She avoids conflict at all costs, she deals with problems and sadness simply trying to ignore them and pretend they never happened, often she goes into full binge eating.

Things she would change in her life: at the beginning her body, later her bad choices

What motivates her: The love for art and the idea she owes something to her parents, she has to be good, to succeed for them

What frightens her: being abandoned, being lonely, becoming a bad person, spiders and creepers in general.

What makes her happy: Movies, art, music, tv series, cartoons and animes, her friends, books, Eddie

Attitude towards money: generous but she doesn’t throw it away

Attitude towards religion and spiritualism: she’s an atheist and religion is just a cultural reference for her as part of her background since her grandparents are catholics

How she’s different at the end of the story compared to when the story began: in both two endings she’s older, wiser and more confident, but in two completely different contexts

How I came up with this character: I got inspiration part from myself, I admit it, part from girls I met in my life, part from girls I wish I was. I love this character, although the starting point might not be that original: an apparently average kinda shy but funny young woman with confidence issues, who's not exactly what she claims to be and has more than one secret... I came up with some basic elements first, then the character basically “came to life” for me, started telling me her story, and in the end she just took over and began driving the fic on her own.

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kroncreative-blog · 7 years

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Top 10 Saviours of 2016

I’d like to start off 2017 by taking a brief trip down the 2016 section of memory lane.

2016 was a mind trip of a year. From the stacks of shocking political moves, across the globe, to the sheer number of legends taken from us, this year has been a lot. On a personal level, the trials and tribulations of the year were made a little easier because I started dabbling in a little self care. It wasn’t a conscious decision: it just kinda happened. Some of my fav artists dropped gems, lost a little weight, started sleeping a little more. These all helped pull me through. They were so helpful in fact that I am bringing some into 2017. So here is a list of my top 10 saviours of 2016. 1. Lemonade by Beyoncé Unless, it has not yet been made clear, I am a HUGE Beyoncé fan. This album and accompanying film was easily one of the highlights of my life never mind year. The album itself is a stunning showcase of Beyoncé’s range and ability - not that we needed any more reminding. ‘Freedom’ and ‘Sorry’ are two of my personal favourites from the album. The visual element of this album is simply beautiful. The way Warsan Shire’s words and the imagery were weaved together was just out of this world. One of my absolute favourite things about this Bey project though? Was seeing the joy and elevation it brought to the Black women in my life and those I follow online. It was genuinely a heart warming thing to see. 2. ANTI by Rihanna The release of Rihanna’s eighth album at the top of the year was an absolute delight. One of the highlights of this album was actually the way the album was promoted. The launch of ANTIdiaRy in November and all of the rooms really helped build up hype which this album DEFINITELY followed up on. “Higher”, “Love on the Brain” and “Kiss it Better” are my jams. A particular shout out to the opening track “Consideration” with SZA. The way their vocals merge together is like honey. This album really made me feel like Rihanna is an artist who even with eight studio albums behind her has not yet peaked. 3. Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin Embarrassingly, despite having a degree in English Lit, 2016 was the first time I had picked up this book by Baldwin. And flipping heck! Why this book is not taught as part of the school curriculum is a down right mystery to me. The way Baldwin writes is simply astounding. In Giovanni’s Room he deals with the complexities of David’s relationship with Giovanni and others around him in such a palpable way. His articulation of David’s immersion in French culture, his love for Giovanni and in particular Giovanni’s love for David are highly emotive. I felt as if I was going through these experiences with David. Such is the capability of Baldwin. “I thought of the people before me who had looked down at the river and gone to sleep beneath it. I wondered about them. I wondered how they had done it--it, the physical act. I simply wondered about the dead because their days had ended and I did not know how I would get through mine.” 4. 6,741, S05E04, Person of Interest I could, and perhaps at some point will write an entire in depth blog post on this exhilarating episode, but it was too important to miss out of this list. This was one of the most highly anticipated episodes of this season as it marked the return of Sameen Shaw (played by Sarah Shahi).

6741 is a mind bender and mirrors the episode If-Then-Else which marked Shahi’s temporary departure from the show. The way this episode was directed by Chris Fisher and written by Lucas O’Connor and Denise Thé and the concept of it is just phenomenal. Also shout out to Shahi’s fantastic acting skills which heightened the impact of this highly emotive hour of tv. One of the most beautiful aspects of it was the exploration of the depth of Shaw’s feelings for Root. The use of simulation to expose the audience to this was not only creative AF but inline with Shaw’s type II personality disorder. “Do you know where we are? What they did to me? The torture? I told you I couldn’t escape it. But when things got to be too bad there was one place I would go to in my mind. Here. With you. You were my safe place.” 5. Grayish Black by Devyn Springer I received this poetry collection as a present from a good friend. And my days! What a present it turned out to be. Everything about this poetry collection is stunning. The cover is black which is intentional. “Your fingerprints are all over this book now. It is all you can see across all the cover.” There is something about this notion that personalises the collection straight away and immediately makes it feel more intimate. Something which builds upon this intimacy, is the photographs. When I first flicked through, the photographs took me surprise. I don’t think I’ve ever seen photographs in a poetry collection before. There’s also photocopies of some of Springer’s poetry/stream of consciousness/drawings which again add to the intimacy of this collection. The actual poetry though? I found it to be very raw and extremely evocative. There were a few instances where I had to close the book and set it down and come back to it later because the feelings brought to the surface were just too much (in a good way). But such is the power of Springer’s writing. Just so damn beautiful and breathtakingly honest. Again this is probably another piece where I will have to do an in depth blog post just to encourage people to go out and buy this piece and read it.

“It seems all of the things I hate about myself have latched their claws into my skin, planted seeds in my bone marrow, built hones in between my ribs, and decided to stay for a while.” 6. Dreamland by Mic Righteous This is one of my many musical highlights of 2016. Not only because I have been waiting for this album for the longest time but because it was entirely worth the wait. Straight out of Margate, Mic Righteous has an undeniable talent. His flow is effortless and his wordplay is genius. And his storytelling ability is insane. Every track on this album tells a story, just a tiny segment of different aspects of his journey. Highlighting his difficult childhood in Margate to his outsider status in the UK Scene.

This album also has a strong set of accompanying videos. Not every track has a video but some of my personal favourites are the passion filled ‘Gone’, party vid, ‘I Turn Up’ and the highly personal ‘Kids’. Stand out tracks are ‘All Dressed Up’ and anthem ‘Tempo of the Dance’. This is an album that you’ll just have to check it out for yourself.

“My family don't get why I'm dead broke I'm deffo on my arse I guess that's the tempo of the dance I'm certain of my future like a psychic read a palm Maybe it's the patience that's ringin' red alarms I don't wanna see a sceptic have the last laugh Nearly spent seven years to perfect my every part Thinkin' of my examples and I don't get very far Because not many of them last or achieve What they set out from the start Selling out, dwellin' on what could be I live to prove people wrong because they overlook me I live to see my son smile, father livin' cushty”

7. The Friendzone Podcast Hosted by Dustin, Assanté and Fran, this is one of my favourite podcasts and it’s one that just keeps getting better and better. As is no secret to anyone, 2016 was hard. But this endearing yet hilarious podcast was something that helped keep me grounded and not get too consumed by the nonsense of this year. This podcast is primarily concerned with “mental health, mental wellness and mental hygiene because who in the hell wants a musty brain?” Every weekend brings a wellness segment brought to you by Fran of Hey Fran Hey fame which aims to help you increase your wellness. One of the coolest things about this wellness segment is that everything that is recommended is trusted and used personally by Fran. Not only that the segment is well informed providing scientific research where necessary. Some of the things I have incorporated from the show are Palo Santo, weighted blankets, journal work and the Forest Productivity app. Assanté is the musical maestro bringing us musical recommendations and has put me onto some flames music including Isaiah Rashad and Xavier Omär. His vulnerability adds an extra layer of familiarity to the show.

Dustin. Sir Dustin is a law unto himself and keeps the show real and hilarious. His speciality segment is reality tv. Every week he gives the lowdown on shows such as Married to Medicine Atlanta and the Real Housewives franchise. His knowledge is encyclopaedic. Also the intro freestyle every week has a special place in my heart. Its literally lit every week and I haven’t heard a dud one yet. 8. Coloring Book by Chance The Rapper Listen. I was BEYOND hype about ‘Chance 3′ since I first heard ‘Ultralight Beam’. Which was also a freaking bop! It was so much of a bop in fact that I am yet to listen to the rest of TLOP. And my favourite part about it was Chance’s verse. Anyway, back to Coloring Book.

Coloring Book is beyond amazing. I am in love with the mixtape, the cover, Chance’s voice, the beats, the production, EVERYTHING. Chance even had me singing along with Bieber in ‘Juke Jam’.

Even though I’m not a Christian I really love the Gospel influence and features on the mixtape. Although the presence of Gospel in Hip-Hop/Rap is not new, I feel like Chance really elevated it. And his level of faith is inspiring. Every single track is astounding. And to be honest, I know that I’m going to be listening to this for a very long time. I also know that there are not enough words for me to do this mixtape justice. 9. The Good Immigrant edited by Nikesh Shukla With Brexit and the election of Donald Trump largely played to the tune of ‘fear the foreigner’ 2016 has taken a toll on this particular second generation immigrant. Just when the rhetoric of British Values began to feel like almost like a vaguely defined threat, this little gem came along. This collection of 21 essays hit me right in the heart. These essays represent and validate the breadth of the experience of immigrants in this here United Kingdom. The blurb boldly asks “What’s it like to live in a country that doesn’t trust you and doesn’t want you unless you won an Olympic gold medal or a national baking competition?” Although it is worth noting that even these people have been exempt from racism. Anyway, pretty much every essay in this book was relatable and made me feel some form of validation and acceptance. One essay which resonated with me deeply in particular is ‘Going Home’ by Kieran Yates. Yates details her perspective of the British Asian experience and learning how to navigate society, family and personal spaces and all the spaces within these spaces. The difficulties which sometimes arise like the ability to make a round roti. Yates highlights how she doesn’t feel a split between her Indian culture and British culture when she can take the best bits of both. “But for me, there is no neat duality; no neatly sliced elements of my identity that are in opposition. There is no hollow insecurity about rootlessness because these additional details and stories I’ve learned are additions to our identity, not losses.” This is something that took mea long time to realise and I’m still learning to be entirely honest.

10. The Get Down, Netflix Oh My Goodness.

This series yeah? This series is already one of my fav tv shows ever. Anyone, who knows me, knows I love Hip-Hop. This musical series loosely explores the origins of this spectacular and beautiful art form including, DJing, Graffiti, B-Boying and of course rap. It stars Justice Smith, Shameik Moore and Jaden Smith. The show was created by Baz Luhrmann and Stephen Adly Guirgis. I can’t lie, as soon as I heard Luhrmann’s name I was sceptical. I mean I love Moulin Rouge and his adaptation of Romeo and Juliet but I wasn’t sure how this would translate to 70s South Bronx. I was wrong, this series is visually gorgeous. The raps in this series are largely written by Nas. Not only does this make the series feel more genuine but it made me fall in love with Nas’s own discography again. It also reminded me of the poetic nature and roots of Hip-Hop. There is a scene of Zeke’s teacher reciting one of his pieces to him in the opening episode and it is just breath taking. One of my favourite things about this series though, even though it deals with some really heavy social issues, it is infectiously hopeful. It can’t help but inspiring hope and looking forward. I feel like, in the coming months, this is something we will all need more of.

#lemonade #ANTI #root x shaw #6741 #year in review #the get down #grayish black #beyonce #chance the rapper #good immigrant #friendzone pod #heyfranhey #dreamland #mic righteous

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