#i said what I said dazai fell first but Chuuya had mother hen instincts of worrying first | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mahkaria · 5 years

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Of novelists and strays dogs - Chapter one

The angel at the top of the bridge :

In Yokohama’s dark streets walked a man. None of his physical traits particularly caught attention. Curly chocolate hair and a symmetrical face. Some could have called him handsome if not for the almost sadistic grin he carried.

No one could have guessed this young was actually one of the most feared executive of the Port Mafia coming back from a mission.

His day had been exhausting and as it was often the case after this kind of day, a thick oppressive mist had invaded his mind. Without thinking, his steps led him to a bridge.

Under the moonlight, the streaming water had the appearance of melted silver. It shifted and slidded as if under the influence of a snake charmer.

“How beautiful.” He whispered, mesmerised by this spectacle.

Without thinking anymore, he let his feets leave the ground. The last thing he saw before hitting the liquid were two golden eyes.

Nakajima Atsushi had been spending a perfectly nice evening. After finishing his work for today, he had decided to go out in order to refresh his mind and seek inspiration for the next day.

It would be days before the moon show the entirety of its pale beauty. No reason to worry about any furry problems…

A few months before, he could have barely imagined life could be so pleasant. No physical or verbal abuse and the possibility to do what he liked most.

As he strolled in the streets, he often wondered if he truly deserved what had happened to him. Sometimes, during the night, he barely managed to keep the cruel voice out.

Those nights, Kunikida-senpai always answered his phone and talked to him until sleep claimed him.

He sighed softly and focused once again on what was around him.

Students were coming back from the university and employees were going out from bars. They emitted happiness like the sun emits light. Sometimes, Atsushi liked imagining how their life went.

However, this time, he needed a calm place in order to progress on his work. He still remembered the bridge, the first place of Yokohama he had seen. That’s where he decided to go.

His apartment wasn’t so far from his goal and a few minutes were sufficient to reach it.

He sat on the border, took out his notebook and started writing.

Or at least he tried.

Footsteps caught his attention. He lifted his head.

A man stood there, a bit older than Atsushi himself.

He then proceeded to jump into the river…

Wait what?

Atsushi stood up like a spring as a splashing sound made itself heard.

What’s just happened?

Then :

This man needs help.

He jumped.

Water cradled him like a loving mother. He felt himself drown slowly.

Goodbye, oxygen, you’ll no longer burn my lungs.

Gravity pushed him toward the river’s bed which would soon also be his if things went his way. How ironic for gravity to be one of the cause of his death. Chuuya would be proud.

I don’t want to think about the hatrack during my lovely suicide, Dazai decided quickly.

Breathing became more difficult. His body froze and burnt at the same time.

It would soon be over.

Soon.

Until it no longer was.

Slim yet strong arms caught him and took him away from Death’s soft lips, carrying him back to the riverbank and life.

A kid ? was his first thought.

Then : Damn, I was so close this time.

He allowed himself to fall asleep.

Atsushi didn’t know anything about medicine and first aid techniques, yet he could say with almost total certainty that the man was alive. His chest rose slowly as if he was only taking a nap. In his relief, he barely cared about all the bandages which covered the man.

What am I supposed to do ? Maybe I should call Kunikida-senpai ? He might know what to do…

Just as those thoughts formed, the man (teenager? Did teenagers wear obviously very expensive suits?) opened his eyes. He blinked slowly and rose.

“Are you alright, sir?”

“I am… still alive? Why?”

“What- What do you mean “why”?”

Cinnamon coloured eyes turned their attention to him.

“Are you the one who saved me boy?”

Atsushi’s whole body hurt. Holding someone bigger than him had stolen a good part of his stamina. His clothes stuck to him in quite an unpleasant manner. He nodded softly.

“Aren’t you quite a little annoying stray?”

His tone was soft and calm but Atsushi felt ice bite his skin. This man, he…

Just as frost appeared, it melted away. Instead of the cold cruelty his eyes had carried, they now held a genuine curiosity.

“What were you doing here ? Were you also trying to commit suicide?”

“What, no ! Wait - suicide?”

“Quite eloquent, I see… Anyway, boy, shouldn’t you be home at this hour? Something unpleasant could happen to you.”

He barely bit back his comment “Are you going to hurt me?” and didn’t say anything. Shivers ran through his body. If he hadn’t been afraid of the consequences, he would have run away. For a moment, they both stared at each other like two statues.

After a while, the man smiled.

“It was quite rude of myself, wasn’t it? Insulting you after you bothered rescuing me. Can I pay you back in any way?”

Being polite had always been an obligation to Atsushi. A consequence of his often timid nature and of the orphanage.

The other part of himself still yelled at him to escape. All his predatory instincts deserting in front of someone who hadn’t even reached adulthood.

“There is no need, sir.”

A bright grin settled on the other’s face. Like a cat who just caught a bird, Atsushi couldn’t help but think.

“Are you sure?”

As he was about to agree, his stomach betrayed him and growled. They both were silent.

“May I buy something to eat?”

“You don’t need to.”

“Don’t be like that, boy, I’m going to think you’re scared of me. You’re not, aren’t you?” He smirked.

Now, he looked at him like a scientist curious to see how his experiment would turn out. In front of his hesitation, his smile (if it was possible) grew wider.

“Of course not, sir, I just need to go get my bag at the top of the bridge.”

“I’ll wait. Don’t run away, okay?”

“O-of course !”

The kid was funny, Dazai decided. A jumpy little thing who tried to appear brave. He liked it. A good person who didn’t want to hurt anyone, be it physically or emotionally.

This kind of person was rare to come upon, even in the world of light. He hadn’t exactly planned to torture him (the word was a tad too strong to describe his behaviour) but come on - he had failed his suicide and had nothing else to do to purge his mind of everything.

What should he have done ?

Behave ?

Boring ~

He led the kid toward Lupin’s and used this time to watch him. Silver - almost white - hair which fell on his shoulders and golden eyes. Puberty still hadn’t hit him. How young was he exactly? Dazai had never been good at determining someone’s age. He only dubbed people in two categories “useful” and “useless”.

He still wasn’t sure in which category he was going to put the kid.

Shivers and sneezes shook Atsushi. That’s not how he had expected to spend his evening. Following a stranger in an area of the city he had never explored wasn’t exactly a part of his plan.

“Excuse me, s-sir -”

“Name is Dazai.”

“Dazai-san, where are we going ?”

“Somewhere I like spending times to. Don’t worry I’m not going to kidnap you.”

Saying it aloud wasn’t really reassuring but it was too late to go back. He had the intuition running away from Dazai wouldn’t be possible as long as the teen focused on him.

They arrived to a dark alley and went into it. Things didn’t seem to improve.

In front of him, a sign where Lupin’s was written. It had been washed away by time and rain and thus had adopted a upsetting yellowish colour.

“Let’s go inside, then !” Dazai announced cheerfully.

They started walking downstairs. Muffled voices could be heard but some in particular seemed to increase Dazai’s already excited mood.

“So they are here tonight ! This night is getting more and more interesting.”

They arrived to a poorly lit room where few people were chatting. However, only those at the counter seemed to interest the strange man he had just met. Next to them stood a calico cat, busy cleaning itself.

“Odasaku ! Ango ! I brought us a new drinking buddy.”

This is not going to happen, Atsushi quickly decided. Maybe if he slipped away now that Dazai no longer looked at him… However, the cat didn’t want to stop playing with his prey. A bandaged arm encircled his shoulders and brought him in front of the two men.

The first one, a severe almost austere man with round glasses stared at him.

“Dazai-kun, he is a child. He can’t drink alcohol.”

“Nonsense ! I had already started drinking at his age !”

This time a mischievous smile had settled. He didn’t really believe what he was saying, he only wanted to provoc the other. A new mask had appeared. Atsushi wondered how many of those he had.

Ravenous, mirthful and playful. How many facets did his personality have?

Maybe thinking about it would only end up in an headache. Some people were like water, no matter how long you spent you’d never be able to totally get them.

As lost as he was in his thoughts, he took quite a while to really see the other man. Wine coloured hair and an almost aloof expression.

“Good evening, sir.” He stuttered.

“Call me, Odasaku.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Atsushi bowed.

“Not fair, Odasaku has already activated his overprotective mother hen mode.” Dazai winced.

“What’s your name?” Oda continued, obviously used to Dazai’s antics.

“So that’s what I forgot to ask him !”

“You brought him here without asking his name, Dazai-kun !”

“Ango is scary when he wants to be. ~”

“I’m Nakajima Atsushi.”

Odasaku smiled softly. His blue eyes shone gently.

“Do you want to eat something? This bar doesn’t have a wide variety of food, maybe we should go to a restaurant... “

He often forgot to eat, still not quite used to have access to food. The fact his deadline was approaching didn’t help.

“Odasaku ! Don’t steal him away, I’m the one who said I’d buy him something to eat.”

He had for Dazai the kind of strong affection and tolerance a person would have for a younger sibling.

“Nakajima-kun, won’t your parents worry if you don’t get home soon?”

He didn’t know how much he should tell them but in reaction to Oda’s encouraging expression he found himself saying :

“There are no risks. I don’t have parents.”

Moment of silence.

“Well, Odasaku sure is going to adopt him now.”

“Are you living with relatives, then?”

“No, I- I have no idea who my family is. I’m living in a small apartment.”

“Really, how are you paying for it?”

His answers had revived Dazai’s curiosity or maybe it had just been put on hold for a moment.

“I have a job.”

“Aren’t you a bit too young?”

“I-”

“No, don’t say anything, I’m sure I can guess what you do, Atsushi-kun.”

Why had such a joyful person tried to take his own life?

Don’t be an idiot. Do you really think depressed people wear a distinctive sign?

Depressed? Could he be ?

“You probably can.” Oda agreed. Then to Atsushi : “You should sit, no point in staying up.”

“I definitely can’t fail if Odasaku has faith in me. Well then, let’s get started, you’re quite a scrawny kid so probably not a physical job. Not a governmental job, no matter how hypocritical they are, they wouldn’t appoint someone underage. So, something linked to entertainment, isn’t it ?”

“You’re right.”

Him, being smart was hardly surprising. Someone who had played him as if he was a mere musical instrument couldn’t be totally stupid.

“It’s legal, I presume ?”

“Dazai-kun…” Ango warned him.

The fact he even had to ask told him more than he wanted to know about Dazai’s line of work.

“Can you sing, Atsushi-kun?”

“I’m a writer, or at least that’s the closest word to describe what I do.”

He wrote books, they seemed to be successful but he didn’t know why, so yes, it was a pretty good way to describe it.

“Really?”

This time, it was Odasaku, not Dazai who had spoken.

“Do you like reading, Oda-san?”

“Yes, I’d also like to write if I can, one day.”

“I’m sorry if it comes out as rude, but, why don’t you do it now?”

“I don’t deserve to write about life, not for the moment.”

“Writing isn’t about deserving something. I would never have been able to if it had been the case.”

A new staring contest was his answer. Maybe, he should have kept quiet.

“I’m sorry, I should take my leave.”

He stood up but as he was going to walk away, his feet came into contact with soft fur.

The ground met his face far too quickly for him to react.

Hurg.

Could this situation even worsen?

“Are you alright, Nakajima?”

“Yes, Ango-san. Thank you.”

“Should we go outside ? A bit of fresh air will help.”

“Please, don’t bother. I’m perfectly fine.”

The cat softly purred against his legs, unaware of the stir he had just caused. Or maybe he just didn’t care.

“Let’s get you something to eat.”

“I’m the one who invited him. Don’t steal him away.” Dazai pouted once again.

“Then, we should go somewhere where you can buy him something.”

“There is a good restaurant two streets away.” Ango said.

As he was busy listening to them, he didn’t notice the cat playing with his bag. Only when what it contained fell loudly on the ground did he realize it.

“Is that Tsukishiro Ren’s novel? Did you take inspiration from his work?” Oda asked.

“O ! Odasaku went into his fanboy mode.”

“His stories are good.” The older explained.

“I read a few of his short stories. It can be a bit hard to read per moment but it’s really interesting.”

Atsushi felt his cheeks burn. Getting praises hadn’t become any easier.

He inhaled deeply but it helped as much as pouring oil on a wildfire. A part of him hoped they hadn’t noticed his reaction. Yet, even after such a short amount of time, he had the strong impression nothing could escape Dazai.

“Interesting.” Dazai merely said.

“What do you mean?”

“It seems you finally got to meet one of your favorite authors, Odasaku.”

Fa- favorite author? I’ve only published two short stories collections !

“You’re Tsukishiro-sensei, Atsushi-kun?”

“Please don’t call me “sensei”.” He blushed.

If Ango still seemed doubtful, it wasn’t Oda’s case. He had merely accepted the fact that a well known author happened to be a twelve years old child.

It must be nearly impossible to shock him, Atsushi concluded.

“If Dazai says he is, it’s probably true.” Oda added.

“Still, he is far too young, how old are you exactly?”

“I’m twelve.”

“That’s what I mean, how could he- Are you some kind of genius?”

“I’m really not.”

He’d always remember. Those lonely days he’d spend, doing nothing but chores and how imagining stories had been the only way to live. To go further away than survival.

How it had helped him to keep his already severely wounded humanity. To remain sane.

You couldn’t spend your days doing one activity and not at least get a little good at it.

Oda-san nodded softly and led them outside.

“So what do you want to eat?”

“Anything is fine.”

“Come on ! You must have a favorite kind of food.” Dazai pushed him, putting back his arm around his shoulders. “Don’t worry about money.”

“I-I wou- wouldn’t mind ochazuke.”

A soft chuckle escaped Dazai.

“Ochazuke it is ! I hope you both don’t mind.”

“Not really.” Ango answered.

“I don’t really care.”

“Let’s go then, it would be a shame if such an interesting kid died of hunger after all.”

Interesting?

Why did this word seem to foreshadow awful things?

Before this moment, Dazai had barely paid attention to Tsukishiro Ren. He had heard about him from the slug and Ane-san but hadn’t cared. Why would a novice novelist interest him? He would probably disappear in a few months as it was often the case. The entertainment world could sometimes be as merciless as the mafia’s.

Yet, he had to admit his surprise. For such a young and bland person to be an emerging celebrity. It definitely deserved a place in the “useful” category.

He looked at him, at Nakajima Atsushi and how he tried to convince Odasaku he didn’t need a fifth bowl of ochazuke. A useless battle really, his slimness had condemned him to be taken care of by the assassin.

Ane-san liked describing his short stories as “bittersweet”, how they captured the darkness of the world without removing hope. Despite her so-called hatred for this feeling, the woman would always have a romantic heart and be sensible to the subject.

The dwarf liked them for how dynamic and epic they could be. He couldn’t hide his enthusiasm when a new story was published.

Maybe he could advantage of it.

“Atsushi-kun, would you mind signing me one of your book?”

“Of course not, Dazai-san.”

Ango sneaked a suspicious glance. He must have guessed what he wanted.

“I only have this exemplar, though, and it isn’t in its best shape.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not a problem !”

The boy took out his fountain pen and quickly wrote in it before giving it to Dazai.

“I hope you’ll like it.”

“I’m sure I will !”

After this, the meal quickly came to an end.

As Atsushi was about to walk home, Oda interrupted him. In his hand stood a paper with number on it.

“If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate, I’ll help you.”

“Thank you, Oda-san.”

“And I’d like to thank you for what you said sooner.”

“It’s nothing. I look forward to the day I’ll be able to read one of your story, Oda-san.”

An almost shy smile bloomed on the man’s face.

“Maybe I’ll send you one of my draft. If they can be given this name.”

“Thank you. I’ll make sure of reading it.”

“Have a good night, Nakajima. Please be careful on your way home.”

“I will. Good night.”

Dazai stood on his bed, wide awake. Once again, sleep had deserted him. How pleasant it would be to fall asleep forever. To finally get away from this overwhelming exhaustion…

He closed his eyes but still nothing. How he loved insomnia... Well, better not waste time on this endeavor.

He stared for a moment at the book he had brought back. Why not after all? He was bored and at least, he’d learn more about the kid.

He opened it and started reading

#bungou stray dogs #atsushi nakajima #dazai osamu #dazatsu #but not now #They are still far too young #trying to create diversity on this blog #you can find it on AO3

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