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shadowhuntertrash · 4 years

Text

High Notes

Relationships:

Thomas x Alastair

Matthew x James

Background Lucie x Jesse

Obviously Cassandra Clare owns characters and everything.

Chapter Five

Thomas thought he might die if he had to sing the same songs one more time today. Cordelia and Lucie had gone to practice in a studio a floor above them and Alastair had gone to rehearse for about an hour before he was whisked away for his first pop up concert at a bar about ten minutes away.

The boys were currently taking a break. Christopher was drinking from his half empty water bottle and Matthew was sitting on a wooden stool talking animatedly about the tour to James who was listening with a wide smile.

Thomas looked down at his guitar and opened his song book. He flipped to the page where he had written the song about Alastair. He hadn’t given it a name yet but he started messing with some chords until he had a short song. He started strumming softly and singing under his breath.

And baby when you sleep, do you dream of me?

And when you're awake, do you think of me?

I need to know, how do you feel?

Cause baby when I sleep, I dream of you

And when I'm awake, that's all I do

Think about every detail you have

Do you notice when I get mad, I clench my jaw?

Do you notice when I get sad, I tend to fall?

Look at my words I say to you

Cause I notice when you get mad

You close your eyes

And I notice when you are sad

You let out sighs

I need to know are those sighs ever over me?

Do you know how in love with you

I am

Do you see how in love with you

I am

Everything that you do, it makes my heart stop

Oh, it stops

And baby when you sleep, do you dream of me?

Thomas stops strumming and leans over to write some notes in his notebook. He always teaked chords about twenty times before he was happy with it. He had managed to capture his feelings about Alastair through the lyrics. How he noticed all the small things that Alastair did and how he hoped Alastair did the same things.

How Alastair had the innate ability to make his heart stop when he came near him, or how ninety percent of his dreams revolved around him. Thomas didn’t realize he was smiling brightly until James spoke up. “Thomas, did you write that about Alastair?”

Thomas looked up and blushed. “Um, yeah. It’s not very good and it’s kinda short so we don’t have to play it or anything obviously I was just messing around.” Matthew rolled his eyes before saying, more exasperated than anything Thomas had heard him say before, “Tommy, we love all of your songs you know this. Stop being self conscious about them, they're amazing.” Tomas blushed again and laughed nervously.

“Thomas,” Christopher said and everyone looked over at him. He was looking at Thomas with a calculating expression. “What if you sang that at one of our concerts? It doesn’t have to be the first one or anything, but one it would change things up, and two, our fans have never heard you sing. They would lose their minds.” James and Matthew’s faces light up. “Oh my god yes! That’s perfect Thomas you have to!” James said excitedly.

“I could play the piano for it! Thomas it would be perfect!” Thomas was a blushing stuttering mess at this point. “Are you guys kidding? No! I would freeze in front of everyone! Not to mention Alastair would be there and I wrote it for him and I do not by any means want him to hear it!” The other boys groan and Christopher gives him a pointed look.

“Just think about it.” Thomas sighed. “Kit-” Christopher shook his head. “No, I’m serious. Promise us you’ll think about it.” Thomas looked at all of them. Each of them wearing a desperate expression. Thomas threw his head back and groaned loudly. “Fine. I’ll think about it, but no promises guys.” They all smile at him.

“Yes!” Kit said excitedly. Matthew and James high five and Thomas rolls his eyes. Matthew turns to him expectantly. “Do you have any other new songs Thomas?” Thomas nods his head and picks up his notebook again, this time tossing it to Matthew. He was protective of his songwriting journal but he didn’t mind it those three looked at it.

“What if we learned some songs and performed a new one every concert?” James asked and Matthew tapped the side of his noise. Thomas laughed, those two and their same thought process could be damned.

Thomas shrugged. “I don’t care, we can do that if you want.” The boys all nod and Matthew smiles. “I’m gonna go make some copies of this so James and Christopher can read it.” Matthew says standing up. Thomas nods. “Knock yourself out.” He said plucking the song again.

Matthew came back five minutes later. “Ya know Thomas, I have a really good feeling about these songs. The lyrics are all so good.” Thomas laughed. “Thanks, let’s get started.” And with that, they go back to rehearsing.

They met up with the girls for lunch after about around two more hours of practicing. Lucie was beaming speaking quickly, the way she always did when she was excited. Matthew and Cordelia were listening with rapt attention. James, Christopher, and Thomas were talking about songs. Christopher and James were pestering Thomas about singing again.

“What are you talking about?” Lucie said, abruptly turning her, Matthew, and Cordelia’s attention to the other three. “Thomas has a few songs that are really good that we want him to sing on tour with us but he’s ‘considering’ it.” Christopher said, using air quotations to emphasize that Thomas was not, in fact, considering it.

“Oh I think you should.” A deep voice said from behind him. Thomas turned to look at Alastair as he slumped into the chair next to him. He had a huge smile on and was practically radiating energy. Thomas bumped his shoulder with his own, “How was the show?”

Alastair’s smile was blinding. “It was so amazing. I’d almost forgotten how it felt. Everyone was screaming, singing, jumping. Surprisingly a lot of people knew about me and the word spread fast.” Alastair laughed and Thomas smiled at him. He loved when Alastair was excited. He so rarely saw it.

“But really Thomas, you should sing at the concerts. The fans would go nuts.” Thomas groaned at the return of the conversation he didn’t want to have. “Maybe they would but they all love Matthew and I don’t want them to be disappointed that he isn’t singing.” Matthew rolled his eyes and reached over the table to flick Thomas’ forehead from the spot across from him. Thomas huffed and rubbed his forehead.

“They aren’t going to be disappointed Tom. Your new songs are really good, and you have an amazing voice. If anything they’ll ask you to sing more.” Matthew said glaring at Thomas, daring him with a look to contradict him again. Alastair turned to Thomas, “New songs?” He asked quietly. Thomas just nodded glaring down at his salad.

“What are they about.” Alastair asked innocently, blissfully unaware of how strongly that affected Thomas. Thomas’ face caught fire and he made a sheepish sound. “Umm, I mean, a bunch of different things I guess. One’s about my sister, a few about a guy. I don’t know different things I guess.”

Thomas looks up to wide eyes and is momentarily confused until he realizes what he just said. He was about to stutter out an excuse when Alastair tilts his head and looks at him contemplatively. “You’re gay?” Thomas groans and puts his head in his hands, sliding down in his seat as far as he could. It didn’t help hide his face though, not with his too tall frame.

“That slipped out, kindly ignore that.” Alastair laughed and shook his head. “No way am I ignoring that but I won’t bring it up.” He said emphasizing it with a wink that made Thomas want the floor to swallow him whole. Thomas felt like his whole body was hot. “You’re not telling anyone.” Matthew said with a hint of threatening finality in his voice. Alastair looked at Matthew annoyed, “Obviously Fairchild. I’m not going to out him.” Matthew just rolled his eyes and slumped against James who was currently looking at something on his phone.

Alastair turned back to Thomas about to say something when James made an alarmed sound before proceeding to choke on his sandwich. Matthew turned around looking at him concerned before hitting his back roughly. James stopped choking and grabbed the water Lucie was offering him. “Jesus Jamie are you okay?” Matthew asked concern in his voice. James ignored him and glared at Thomas.

“Thomas Lightwood how dare you not tell us!” Everyone looked at Thomas confused and he stared at James in equal confusion. “Excuse me?” Thomas asked uncomfortably. What had he not told them? James’ eyes narrowed further. “You’re sister! Barbara? Anything you wish to share?” Thomas barked a laugh rolling his eyes. “James, she wanted to tell people.” James stuck his tongue out. “That doesn’t mean you can just not tell us! We’re family!”

Lucie cut in, “I’m sorry we seem to be missing a large portion of this conversation.” She said gesturing to the rest of them. Thomas smiled at her. “Oliver proposed to Barbara.” Matthew, Christopher, Lucie, and Cordelia all burst into excited chatter and Thomas laughs pulling out his phone.

He called Barbara who answered on the second ring. “Hey Tommy!” She said in his ear. He laughed, “They just found out Ollie proposed.” He said referring to her fiance by his nickname Barbara had given him when she was pining over him before they started dating. He heard her laugh and then moved his phone to the middle of the table so she could hear.

He took it back after about twenty seconds. Alastair leaned over to him and Thomas felt his breath catch. Alastair was so close his lips were only centimeters away from Thomas’ cheek. Alastair stared Thomas in the eyes as he did so before whispering quietly, “Hello Barbara.” And moving back. Thomas let out a quick and shaky huff. “Who was that?” Barbara questioned over the phone. “Alastair.” Thomas said in a weak voice. Barbara squealed slightly, “Oh! Tell him I said hi and put my on speaker phone. I want to talk to Lucie.” Thomas did so.

Lucie took the phone excitedly all but screaming into it when she got it. Thomas laughed and turned to Alastair who had an unreadable expression on. “Barabara said hello to you too.” Thomas said, leaning away from Christopher who was talking excitedly with his whole body. Thomas had learned it was safest to get out of arm's reach when Christopher got like this.

It just so happened that he was leaning halfway on top of Alastair who was smirking at him. Thomas huffed and went to move back right as Christopher brought his hand, now in a fist, back. Christopher punched him in the face and Thomas let out a startled yelp falling back on Alastair.

Christopher looked at him guiltily. “Sorry Tommy.” He said frowning at Thomas’ cheek, which was now red. Thomas shook his head moving his jaw. “Christopher you are the only person I know who could accidentally punch someone in the face.” Lucie said looking at Thomas concerned.

Thomas felt something squirm beneath him and moved to get off, now acutely aware that he had fallen in Alastair’s lap. Alastair’s arms wrapped around Thomas’ waist, pulling his back down. He kept one arm around Thomas in an iron grip, the other going up to Thomas’ jaw to look at it. Thomas kept squirming, growing increasingly more uncomfortable.

Alastair let out an aggravated groan. “Lightwood stop moving. I’m just trying to see your jaw so would you please stop squirming.” Thomas sighed and stopped moving, his entire body was tensed. Alastiar relaxed his grip and let his hand rest on Thomas’ hip. Thomas felt as if he hadn’t had anything to drink in a week, his throat was so dry.

After what felt like ages, Alastair dropped his hand from where it had been cupping Thomas’ jaw. “It’ll bruise but you’ll be okay.” Thomas rolled his eyes and got up, only slightly disappointed that Alastair hadn’t stopped him again.

“I’m going to get a coffee. Anyone want anything?” Thomas asks looking around the table, there was a chorus of no’s. Thomas nods and turns around, instead of going to the counter though he goes outside. It had been much too claustrophobic in there and the cool air from outside had made Thomas feel as if he could finally breathe.

He had dealt with anxiety for as long as he could remember. That tended to happen when you grew up listening to bullies and always waiting to be messed with. Thomas shuddered at the thought and turned his head slightly as two who were staring in the window of the shop started squealing. “It is them! I told you Jesslyn! It’s all three bands! Oh my god it’s Alastair!” A girl with hair so blonde it looked white said.

Thomas rolled his eyes, Alastair’s fans tended to find him wherever he went. The other girl, who had bubblegum pink hair laughed. “You and your love for Alastair! I’m much more excited to see Matthew. I swear we’re soulmates.” Thomas smirked at that. It was common knowledge for anyone that had ever met him that Matthew was one hundred percent head over heels for James. If they didn’t end up together (which Thomas knew for a fact they would) Matthew would end up alone.

“Where’s Thomas?” The blonde one said, Thomas was about to say something when the pink haired girl laughed. “Maybe they finally got rid of him. God knows no one likes him, maybe they finally came to their senses.” Thomas felt a chill settle in his bones. He was well aware of the fact that he was probably the least loved by their fans (there were hundreds of posts and comments that proved that correct) but to hear it said aloud hurt him more than he would admit.

The blonde girl shovered her friend playfully but laughed. They walked into the cafe, probably hoping to talk to his friends inside but Thomas just huffed and walked away. He wasn’t in the mood for company right now. He pulled his phone out to let Matthew know he wasn’t coming back right now and was only vaguely surprised that he already had a few texts from him.

Matthew Unfairchild:

You okay?

Matthew Unfairchild:

You don’t look so good.

Matthew Unfairchild:

Where are you going?

Matthew Unfairchild:

Tommy?

Thomas sighs and sends Matthew a text before turning his phone off completely walking quickly, trying to shake off my thoughts.

Tommy:

I’m fine, I just need a minute. I’ll be back in 20 minutes.

Thomas keeps walking, playing the girl’s words in his head over and over. Maybe they finally got rid of them, god knows no one likes him, maybe they finally came to their senses. Thomas can feel himself shaking. Is that what everyone thought of him? Do his band mates think of him like that? He knew logically that they didn’t and they wouldn’t be a band without him but he couldn’t help the thoughts slipping through.

Thomas was brought back to his senses when he felt a hand grab his arm. Thomas let out a pathetic whimper that only made his anxiety shoot up even more. “Let go!” He gasped pulling his hand away and stumbling when the person let him go abruptly. “Lightwood it’s just me! Calm down!” Thomas looked at him and was aware that he knew the person standing in front of him but his brain was still short circuiting and he couldn’t quite place them.

“Thomas are you alright?” Thomas stumbles back again shaking his head. He turns abruptly and walks down a small alley that sits between two buildings. He turns at the end and slides down the back wall of the building. He was aware the person was still with him but he was too focused on trying to calm himself down to care.

The person sits next to him and puts their hand on Thomas’ knee. “You’re okay Thomas. Is this a panic attack?” Thomas felt himself nodding before he processed the words. The person rubbed his knee comfortingly. “Okay, that’s okay. It’s just me, Alastair. We’re behind a fishing shop. Dreadfully awful place if I do say so myself. Smells too much like fish.” Thomas felt himself give a breathless laugh despite himself.

Of course it was Alastair who found him. He had no idea why the world hated him so much but he couldn’t bring himself to be too mad because at least someone was here. Thomas was still shaking uncontrollably, he was starting to get light headed and cursed himself for not realizing sooner that he wasn’t breathing right. Alastair’s hand stopped rubbing gently and instead grasped Thomas’ knee tightly.

“Thomas, you need to breathe. What do you want me to do.” Thomas shook his head and gasped loudly. Come on Thomas breathe, he told himself. He hated this part, being aware of what was happening but being far too gone to really control it. “A-Alastair.” Thomas stuttered attempting to undo the top buttons of his shirt with shaky hands. Stupid button ups.

Alastair was kneeling in front of him within seconds, gently tugging Thomas’ hands down. “Thomas breathe. Please breathe.” He said urgently undoing the top buttons of Thomas’ shirt with minimal difficulty. Thomas gasped as if unbuttoning the shirt had really helped him breathe. Thomas was too aware of the fact that his heart was beating too hard and the ground was disgusting.

He groaned and reached out to Alastair who took his hands easily, his thumbs drawing soothing circles over Thomas’ hands. Thomas let his head fall on Alastiar’s chest, feeling the rise and fall of his chest as his head went with it. He focused on the rising and falling trying to match his breaths, which were still coming much too fast, with Alastairs.

His breathing was almost matched with Alastair’s when he realized that one of Alastiar’s hands had come up to his head and his thumb was now rubbing circles behind Thomas’ ear. Thomas found that that was all it took to calm him down the rest of the way.

He was still shaking, something he had gotten used to after having so many panic attacks. He let his head rest on Alastair’s chest a moment longer, trying to gather his thoughts and debating if he wanted to apologize or just pretend it hadn’t happened at all.

He pulled his head back, deciding to just apologize, and let the building hold him up. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for you to see that.” Thomas said softly looking at the ground, playing with a pebble. Alastair shook his head quickly. “Thomas don’t apologize for that. Please don’t apologize for that. Are you okay?”

Thomlas let out a shaky breath. ”I’m fine. Thank you.” Alastair smiles softly at him. “Anytime. Does that happen often?” Thomas bit his lip and looked away. He didn’t really want to tell Alastair that it did indeed happen quite often, but he couldn’t lie. Not to Alastair.

“Yeah but it's fine.” Alastair shook his head sadly. “That’s not fine Thomas. If you don’t mind me asking, what set it off.” It occurred to Thomas then, that Alastair had been referring to him as Thomas and not as Lightwood. “Um, just some people outside. Have you been calling me Thomas?” Alastair let out a nervous laugh and Thomas could have sworn that he was blushing.

“Yes? You weren’t reacting well to Lightwood and Thomas was calming you down a little.” Thomas nodded. That made sense, he hadn’t been very aware when Alastair had called him Lightwood so it had confused him. “Yeah, I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking straight.” Alastair rolled his eyes an amused smile gracing his lips, something Thomas was desperately trying not to stare at.

“After what you said earlier I can see how thinking straight would be a problem.” Thomas stared at him for a minute and Alastair’s face fell a little before Thomas surprised him by bursting into laughter. “Did- did you just make a joke about me beng gay?” Thomas said through his laughter. Alastair looked proud, “Yes I did.” Thomas just laughed harder, Alastair joined in.

After a few minutes Alastair stood up and reached his hand out to Thomas who took it gratefully. Alastair helped him up and Thomas swayed slightly on his still shaky legs. Alastair reached out to steady him but Thomas batted his hands away. “I’m fine.” He said proudly.

Alastair rolled his eyes, “Of course, don’t know why I tried.” He said moving closer so he could catch Thomas if the need arose. Thomas rolled his eyes and took a couple shaky steps forward. “What time is it?” He asked Alastair who pulled out his phone with a raised eyebrow. “It’s 5:15.” Thomas cursed, he had told Matthew twenty minutes but it had already been almost forty. He walked faster, Alastair jogging to keep up.

“Lightwood would you please slow down? You may have freakishly long legs, but those of us with normal legs cannot walk as fast as you, you plasted giant.” Thomas laughed and slowed down so Alastair wasn’t running anymore. “If you call your legs normal I would hate to see what short looks like. Alastair grinned and shook his head.

He stared at Thomas for a while, his face switching back and forth between slight expressions and expressionless. Thomas took that time to stare at Alastair in response.

He looked at Alastair’s eyes, those pretty dark eyes that Thomas swore he could get lost in at any point. His hair, which Thomas almost found himself angry with. Why would he want to hide something so beautiful. Why would he want to dye it something so common, when his dark hair was anything but? Thomas felt his eyes go to Alastiar’s lips unconsciously. Thomas spent so many years wondering what it would be like to kiss Alastair. He wondered how soft Alastair’s full lips would be. He wondered what it would feel like to feel Alastair smile against his mouth.

He hadn’t realized they were leaning in until he heard someone laughing and turned to see Lucie turning the corner. Matthew was ahead of the group and was standing there with his mouth open staring at the two of them.

Thomas felt his face heat up and he pulled away hastily. Was he really about to kiss Alastair? Had Alastair really been about to kiss him? He turned away and cleared his throat, glancing at Alastair out of the corner of his eye. Alastair had his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. Thomas shook his head and walked towards Matthew.

He couldn’t comprehend anything that was going on, his head too caught up in the fact that he was about ninety percent sure that he had almost kissed Alastair. What just happened?

#thomastair #thomas and alastair #thomas x alastair #thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #matthew fairchild #james and matthew #james herondale #christopher lightwood #anna lightwood #lucie herondale #cordelia carstairs #high notes

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marcythewerewolf · 7 years

Note

Hi M! I was wondering if you've written anything Emma + Julian as of lately. I love all of your writings, even the headcanons (AND THOSE LONG ASS POSTS. I LIVE FOR THEM.) and I really wanted to read something about those two. Anything, really. Just mess me up and hit me with your worst (best)

You’ve just written me a blank check, friend. I’ll try to fill it as best I can. Warning for some prime, post-LOS Disaster Babies, and also some light making out and heavily charged touching. And when I say heavily charged I mean in the electrical hazard sort of way.

Emma’s touch burns his skin now, leaving faint red trails that fade after a few seconds. No matter how lightly she brushes his skin, it’s like touching the sun in miniature. No matter how hard he tries, Julian can’t bring himself to care.

She swirls spirals on his forearm under the table as the Council drones, and he tries not to flinch because Dru is leaning into his other side and keeps giving him odd looks when he does.

Jia Penhallow looks tall and gaunt as a statue, hair as dark as Annabel’s. Her face is locked in a permanent expression of deep discomfort, the best sign that things aren’t going well. Try as he might, Julian can’t quite listen to anything but Emma’s soft breathing beside him.

“-eeting adjourned,” Jia says finally. “We’ll call a vote on the proposed sanctions against Faerie tomorrow.”

No one has directly called out the Blackthorns yet. Julian can’t decide if it’s concerning or for the best. After the initial outcry over the Mortal Sword, most of the backlash had promptly been directed at the usual scapegoats. Good Shadowhunter children couldn’t be blamed if the wicked Downworlders took advantage of them, and no one could be bothered to do anything with the good Shadowhunter children because stopping disasters just isn’t the Clave’s way.

Even through two layers of leather, Emma’s hand is a hot iron on his upper arm as they walk out of the hall, ignoring the stares and whispers. Rumours, they can handle, what Julian cannot countenance the idea that they might be separated, in any way.

In his fugue, he thinks if he lost Emma’s warmth he might just collapse, stop working like Ty has.

Absolute zero is a state where nothing can move at all, the lowest temperature possible in the universe, and right now that feels like the default state of Julian’s heart.

They wait for Jia to come out so they can walk back with her to the Penhallows’ house. Diana, though much kinder and much more trustworthy, doesn’t have the space to let all of them stay with her.

The attic where they’d been shoved as children is even more cramped now, and so Jia and Patrick had politely extended a few more guest bedrooms. Julian had turned her down. He knows lots of people have to be looking for place to stay in Idris at the moment, and the instinct to Not Be A Burden is strong.

They’ve made do. Ty, Kit, and Tavvy are on the bed, Dru has allocated herself a chair, and Julian and Emma are camping on the floor with spare pillows and blankets. More often than not, Tavvy comes to join them. Ty needs his space now more than ever.

He’s up and eating when the get back, which is a good sign. Dru fills in Kit on the meeting, and Julian listens closely. Now that Emma isn’t touching him and he’s back with his family, he can almost start to think clearly again.

The facts as they stand aren’t good. Helen and Aline only haven’t been sent away because Jia had made the argument they were vital witnesses to what is now being called the Massacre in the Hall of the Accords.That gambit could backfire quickly, if the Dearborns have their way. Mark and Cristina have left to try to find Kieran, and hopefully protect Mark from repercussions. He is safe, and that is a comfort, but he’s also not here.

“What about Livvy’s body?” Ty asks, still looking at his bowl of soup. Julian’s not sure he’s made direct eye contact with anyone since his twin sister died. “Did they say anything about what they did with her?”

He shakes his head. “No, buddy, sorry. We’re working on it, but the Silent Brothers are being very close lipped, apparently.”

In truth, he’s not even sure they’ll be able to have a funeral. The Mortal Sword is sacred, it’s got to mess up the usual rites and rituals. He can’t tell Ty that though, not yet. The situation is fragile enough as it is.

Julian’s brother crumples softly in on himself, and the overall mood of the room takes a despondent turn. Emma leans across on the bed and lays a searing hand on the back of Julian’s neck, making him stiffen with pain. The shock is what he needs to pull together though. As every hair on his body tingles, he tries to look like he’s in control.

“It’s only been a day and a half. You know how the Clave moves, and Jia is intentionally trying to slow things down. It’ll get better, I promise.”

The words ring hollow, even to him, but Emma smiles and that makes it okay.

In the dark at night, it’s the worst. They’re so close, but so far away. The room is full of the susurration of a half a dozen children breathing, and doing all the things he wants to do is impossible.

What he can do is touch her. Tavvy’s on the bed tonight, they have the floor to themselves, and Julian traces flowers on her bare stomach in the dim moonlight. Her skin is covered in goosebumps, and every time he touches her again her breath hitches in her throat. He does spinning roses and symmetrical camellias and dandelions which are really just an excuse to stroke lines in every direction away from her belly button. She is so hot, like a bonfire in a blizzard, and he wants to throw himself inside her and burn to death. Instead he draws ivy up her collarbone until the pads of his fingers feel so unbearably warm he puts them in his mouth despite himself. (There they are cool to the the tongue.)

Emma grins, puts one branding iron hand on the small of his back and pulls him in closer to her.

“You know it doesn’t work like that,” she whispers, as softly as a butterfly landing. It’s clearly a struggle for her to be so quiet. Even the way she moves, unrestrained as a storm, makes him hesitate, but he still can’t stop himself from holding her.

“It’s magic,” Julian whispers, wrapping an arm around her so she shudders. “It can work however it wants.”

When she presses him down into her thin pillow on the worn wood floor, she feels heavier than she should, like a car crushing his chest. He can barely breath as she kisses his eyelids, and when he opens his eyes again the world is gold and red.

Once Julian catches his breath and lets the stars behind his eyes fade, he writes, RUNE? on her upper arm. She shakes her head and gives him a questioning look. Runes don’t work like that, they both know, but maybe whatever horrible power they have now does. They shouldn’t experiment. He desperately wants to.

It’s a dark sort of curiosity that drives him to pull her nearest hand to his lips. With some consideration, he kisses each knuckle and callous and watches as she shivers. Still, even that small reaction isn’t enough. He goes for the vein at her wrist and works his way up her arm, brushing away the tangle on blonde hair when he reaches her shoulder. Emma leans into him, her breath like steam on his neck.

Ty turns on the bedside lamp. “What are you doing?” he demands.

Next to him, Kit and Tavvy, both wearing pairs of Aline’s old pajamas, start to stir as well. A disgruntled noise from Dru is followed by some bleary stares and then her falling out of the chair.

“That’s illegal!” Ty and Dru say at almost the same, scandalized time. Julian doesn’t even have time to offer up a defense, although not many platonic explanations for their activities come to mind.

Kit frowns. “Wait, really?”

Dru is scared for all of them, Ty is offended on multiple accounts, Tavvy is elated, Kit is mostly confused.

They all promise not to tell, though Julian knows their faith in him has taken another hard hit. The family comes first, no matter what. He raised them well.

He and Emma retreat to the bathroom to come up with a plan of attack. A plan of recovery was equally acceptable.

“They’ll understand,” Emma assures him as they sit together on the tile. “It might take a while, but I know they will.”

“I-” Julian begins, and finds the lie chokes in his throat. “Maybe you’re right. We don’t have time though. What if the Cohort moves, what if charges start to be brought against us, what if they threaten Helen, or Mark?”

She squeezes his hand, bringing some warmth back in the frozen fear of his mind. “Then we’ll destroy them.”

When they return, Ty has also held his own meeting, and drafted a few ultimatums.

“We need to tell Helen and Aline,” he says. He’s still not looking at anyone straight on, but his voice is strong and steady.

“We can’t keep lying to each other,” Dru says, chin wobbling but eyes stubborn. “You can’t keep lying to us, Jules.”

“Please-”

Ty cuts him off before he can offer any soothing words. “We know you meant well, but we’re not kids anymore. We can handle this.”

They can. They are shaking and shaken, but unbroken yet. He’s so, so proud of them, and he loves them all so much. He can’t imagine ever hurting them, even for the endless enveloping fire Emma now embodies, and he desperately hopes it stays that way.

“And I want to find Livvy,” Ty says, in a voice that breaks before Kit wraps his arms tightly around him from the back. “I- we can’t leave without her.”

It’s settled just like that, quickly in the night by children not quite sure what they’re doing and certainly not old enough to be making the choices they are. Story of Julian’s life.

Breaking into the Silent City is easily said then done. Emma and Julian go alone. It’s better than endangering the children.

In dark corridors, tombs of fallen warriors, and hallowed libraries, they find nothing, not even the answers about their predicament Julian was half looking for. Deeper still, in the cells and vaults, there is still no sign of Livia. Her corpse, bloodless and tiny and horribly awkward in death, limp and hanging from the ornate hilt of the Mortal Sword like he remembers, is nowhere to be found. The shards of the Sword itself are all laid out on a bier, but the girl who died for them gets none of the same decency.

All the Brothers except a few are out, searching the world for answers to the crisis of the day. Emma choked out a few on the way in, but the City had been mostly unguarded.

Under the circumstances, Julian thinks lighting the whole place on fire is entirely reasonable.

Emma’s face shines as the stone melts and catches with the help of their burning, glowing, wicked rune. She’s flush and fierce and delighted as they drag the unconscious Brothers into a safe building and run, and Julian delights with her, feels hot and bright and alive. Love is a sort of mourning, just as vengeful arson is a sort of funeral pyre. He had given Uncle Arthur a church, Livvy deserves at least a small city.

The entrance to the Silent City soon swarms with more Brothers, with Shadowhunters rushing to help. By the time they meet back up with their party in the Penhallows’ back garden, the plume of smoke is visible to most of Idris.

Helen looks appalled, Aline looks impressed, Ty mostly just looks upset. “Where is she?” he asks.

“What did you do?” Helen asks, hands on her hips like an older sister in full.

“She wasn’t there,” Julian gasps, “So we, ah, made do. It’s not a proper Shadowhunter funeral, but it’s close enough, isn’t it?” Still high on skin contact with Emma and powerful magic, he feels like he could wrestle a bear. He wants to find a bed and kiss her senseless, and the bed is really optional.

Helen has the gall to disapprove, as if she was there for them at all, as if she has any room to judge them for being unacceptable by Shadowhunter norms. “Julian…” she sighs, looking worriedly at Taavy and Dru. They’re hiding behind her. It’s possible, Julian realizes, that he might look a little mad right now.

“We’re fine,” he insists, and when Helen moves to touch his cheek, he bats her away.

She shrieks, and yanks her hand back quickly. The garden of Blackthorns and Blackthorn-adjacents freezes. Aline is hovering over her in an instant, inspecting her blistered hand and murmuring questions.

Helen looks a little frightened, and that’s enough to frighten Julian. “I’m fine,” she says, “I just… it burned. Even the air around you is hot. Jules?”

He and Emma exchange a glance. “Nothing like that’s ever happened before,” Emma tells her quickly, “I mean, sometimes things kind of like that, but not really like that. No one’s ever gotten hurt.”

Before, remains unspoken.

The grass around Julian and Emma’s feet starts to wither and smoke. Above the little walled garden, the plume of smoke reaches higher and higher, up into the heavens, no longer a triumphal column and now just a marker of a disaster somewhere not too far away.

#julian blackthorn #emma carstairs #lord of shadows spoilers #the dark artifices #blackstairs #my terrible parabatai children #fanfic #m writes

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