#i wish everything were easier

[asordidbarwere]

first valentine's day in a long time that I have someone worth doting on and I'm wasting it feeling like shit about myself and my identity and everything else

#literally can't think about anything other than not feeling like i deserve to call myself trans #and how being called a lesbian makes me uncomfortable but being considered a lesbian brings my gf such joy #so if we're together wtf does that mean #i wish everything were easier #i feel like nothing compared to the transfem struggle #hatred isnt constantly weaponized against me #what right do i have to claim the trans identity at all #i hate being considered a woman but i do nothing to suggest I'm anything else #like i think i can just declare ''I'm a boy'' and have that mean shit #is there even a kind of masculinity that exists in this world that isn't just oppressive and violent #how can i say i admire those things and strive for them in front of someone who hates how it was expected of them their whole life #why am i so not okay with transitioning #why can't i do anything but live in fear #I'm going to fuck this up. i finally get to know what real love feels like and I'm going to sabotage all of it #I'm going to make them hate me and there's nothing i can do #it's just a matter of time #I'm scared that they'll go in hrt and it will make them unrecognizable to me as the person i fell in love with #and isn't that horrible of me? doesn't that make me as much of a transphobic monster as my ex #i feel like absolute shit. i wish I'd died in that car accident. i wish I'd never met someone who makes me so happy #so that i wouldn't have anything to fear losing or changing #i wish i didn't exist. i hate this whole fucking world #and also what disgusting level of privilege we all have to be giving a fuck about our genders while a genocide rages on #i wish i could wish for death but i don't wish for my gf to go through that loss #i wish i truly had nothing to lose. i don't deserve a damn thing

[bobosbillionsknives]

this kids got issues

#I wish the body horror weird plant shit was played up more especially when vash and knives were kids #I always interpreted the wings representing strong powerful uncontrollable emotion and the wings being a biological “defense” response #with any strong emotion positive or negative #and knives has a horrible time controlling his emotions and everything he feels is explosive (bpd lol) #while vash can control and hide his emotions much better and rarely ever gets wings unless hes really fucked up #and knives would grow to wear his wings (his unstability) with pride as an attempt to take back the power always feeling like the #broken version of vash who was easier for rem to love #RANDOM ass rant but those were my thoughts abt this #trigun #rem saverem #my art #millions knives #millions knives fanart #also rem being dissmisive AS USUAL ! #love herrr #knives is not the favorite child

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk

#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard* #I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details #of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point #but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag #of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there #are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance #but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly #doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. ) #the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead #of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like #you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image #or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i #wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol) #hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe #I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing #that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc #eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that #this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently #wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj #Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU #CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN #MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie* #Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol #I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it #with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits #and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit #out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the #unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh #re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI #art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA

[bodega-catto]

Worst part of having a fall-out with someone is wanting to show them something but you don’t talk anymore 😔

#personal #I never stay angry for long and that is a problem because I immediately start missing people #but I also don’t enjoy others overstepping my boundaries and being mean to me… #I think though everything can be solved with communication #but I just wish sometimes friendships were easier to manage because everything in my life is hard #I just want something easy #but yeah anyway #it be like that sometimes #life goes on people come and go #we remain the same

[urostakako]

im a little sad today

#i wish i was a little more functional. that i could understand integrals. that i could finish my projects on time and not get distracted or #bored or upset five minutes in. that i could write everything i want to write without getting exhausted. that i could draw everything #i wanted to without feeling dread and like. idk. maintain something? that i could keep a routine without getting tired of it immediately #that there was enough time in the day to do everything i have and want to do and also sleep and eat and drink and keep clean on time #and be like. healthy. i wish applying for school and aid didnt actively fill me with dread. i wish it didnt feel like so much effort to make #a future for myself. i wish i could be like the others i know who seem to have such a clear and light weight mind unimpeded by roadblocks #i wish i could see my family more often. i wish they would respond when i ask after them. i wish i wasnt filled with panic everytime they #dont because i know that things arent the way they were but i cant seem to let that go even though its been years. i hate that the panic #doesnt go away. i wish i was fine living without them. i wish i was fine on my own. i wish i wasnt so detached to others and that i wasnt so #attached to the ones i love. i wish things were easier and so many things feel out of sight and i KNOW thats not true. i KNOW there is #something there waiting for me and i will be taken care of. i know everything will be fine and nothing is hopeless #but still it feels that way and i hate complaining about my feelings but its not wrong to feel and i know this. #somehow the repetitiveness of my feeling makes me just as tired as if someone else was talking to me about their problems all the time #which is so stupid. idk. #delete later #hanancouldyounot

[fooltofancy]

have frankly had more hilarious experiences in aurum vale than almost any other dungeon, but i am burdened with a truly masochistic sense of humor so i guess that tracks.

#me @ the baby tank who ran directly out into the middle of the initial mobs like hey! easier if you just pull the few to the left!!!! #he made eye contact with me yes'd then ran STRAIGHT out into the middle of the room again #our healer openly sobbing in baby heals #like. that's just objectively comedy idk what to tell u #right up there with last month's triple black mage athena run that took us i wish i were kidding 45 minutes #like i KNOW those mechanics and i was dying in them cause i was so distracted watching this one man just stand in. everything. #'please dps that's a mechanic' bb i know i just literally can't look away #chinhands in wonder as we all die for the third time post-ads cause none of them were using aoes #anyway that's why i don't mind aurum vale lmao

[ahaura]

ok. ive watched a lot of horror n some tragedy im watching a romcom or something tomorrow

#hvaña #tesis was gruesome. not so much the acted scenes but the subject matter. it did its job #as a horror film but i have my limits. they dont show u Everything that happens but that doesnt mean its any easier to watch. #the chase scene and dream sequence were good tho i wish they'd done more of those.

[kellystar321]

.

#aw man isat is getting complicated (by which i mean i reached two dead ends in act 3 and feel frustrated hfhgfh) #maybe i should just watch a playthrough. jace r. statlight is not a cool gamer and never will be </3 #i want to backtrack and get all the secrets and everything but im such a tired little guy with no time on his hands (<- siff voice lmao) #my sweet baby boy i worry for them extensively u-u #anyway i have finals and sht due soon. im really tired all the time. gotta wash the dishes tonight. #gotta do laundry tomorrow. finish my asl assignments. my papers are all due. #MY SHITASS UNCLE IS COMING OVER TOMORROW AGAIN I HOPE SOMETHING INEVITABLY DEVASTATING HAPPENS TO THAT MAN #urghhghh im so tired. wish life were a little easier. wish managing executive dysfunction was easier. #boygirl so tired all da time </3 #falls to da ground and languishes. #periodical life updates

[malglories]

anyone have book recs for space operas with like. planets with strange vegetation and seasons and shit. ever since i played i was a teenage exocolonist i can’t stop thinking about glow season

#just wish that game were EASIER #i rage quit the other day upon finding out everything i have to do to unlock the shield codes #and i still have never established a lasting relationship in it #also if anyone has recs for games like exocolonist !!! skillbuilding visual novel types

[michi-chelle]

“but i fear that they already got all the best parts of me” goes so hard

#if only this song came out like 6 years ago lol #i’m also nearing the end of season 2 of my free! rewatch and gosh haru’s conflict hits closer to home than ever #and idk if i’m just getting more emotional lately but makoto and haru’s fight in ep 11 deadass made me tear up #when will i stop relating to teenagers real or fictional lmao #part of me wishes i was still a teenager just because being a teenager would explain my sense of purposelessness in everything i do #like taking things one day at a time with a blurry future on a road leading to nowhere #but others having high expectations from you and being sad seeing you so lost #but you just don’t want to let go of what you have now #you don’t want to box your passions in what other people want from you #and going back to the lyrics of the song #you feel like there’s not much you can offer anymore ‘cause you were a ‘gifted’ kid and now you’re just an ordinary person #whose gone complacent to the disappointment of everyone who wants to see you succeed but you feel you don’t have it in you #so again you’re just floating through life trying to enjoy the blessings each day brings again with no clear goal #anyway idk what i’m writing #at the same time i’m glad i’m not a teenager anymore ‘cause that shit sucked #but being a grown adult sucks ass too #i know there doesn’t need to be any purpose in life but #i feel like things’ll be easier if i did have a dream #guess i need a best friend to take me to another country or something to inspire me or something #in other words i’m about to watch one of my fave free eps where rin and haru go to australia #anyway i’m rambling #michi yaps

[kabutone]

like not to sound like some edgy piece of shit but that is also why horror is like such a breath of fresh air to me lmao like in almost all the horror media i've seen

#like horror media is the most accurate representation of real life for me cause . life is suffering!!! life is pain!!! #everything fucking hurts !!!! #like i really liked that there were multiple suicidal characters in made in abyss #or at least a common theme was that death is sometimes the one and only way to relieve your suffering #bc thats true! the best day of my life will be the day i die bc i will not be in pain anymore !!! <3 SO TRUE MIA !!! #even the characters that werent horribly deformed like mitty and irumyuui. vueko wanted to kill herself bc of trauma #and saw my beloved i LOVE SAW !!!!! and i FIRMLY BELIEVE that saw is just like real life <3 #bc a lot of the victims arguably did not deserve to die. they did not deserve to be “tested” #a lot of good people suffer irl and a lot of bad people get away with what they've done #and sometimes you wake up in a situation that is not your fault but theres nothing you can do to get out of it #sometimes you are forced to endure something that will maim or kill you #and if ONE PERSON decided it was not worth it to hurt you you could have been spared. #and sometimes you panic bc the easier option may be letting yourself die but you wish it wasnt #you wish there was a key or that someone would come and free you painlessly but there isnt a third option #sometimes its immense pain and then death or just death. and you can only pick between those two #sometimes all the fucking tables are turned against you and you can do nothing to fight back! ultimately you just have to take it #and nobody is coming to save you either. someone picked YOU to be the one to suffer and die and now you just have to endure it

[darknessontheedgeoftowndyke]

Having boring parents is fine until Christmas rolls around

#Bruce put an album out stat or what the fuck else do I buy for this man #my mum likes movies but she buys herself everything she wants (queen) so that’s out #I love them but god I wish they were easier to buy for #em.txt

[salsflore]

i had such a tiring day ... can’t wait to go to bed, kill time for like 3 hours and then relive it all again tomorrow ...

#nearly fell down while getting out of my transport vehicle bc i was struggling with everything i was carrying T_T #friend wasn’t there to help me carry my stuff like she said she would be !! she just waited for me to reach her !! my locker is in an awful #position i have to kneel on the floor and my knees hurt so much from it ( doing that weird trembly/shaky thing ) #i was struggling with math and really embarrassed and my friend wasn’t helping me and. she was just making me feel really stupid #i wish mental math were easier for me too but ueueue be nicer to me about it at least #i made a new friend in the last 20-30 mins of school at least #💭

[unown]

that anxiety I had from the start of the pandemic is back and I feel like the only reason I got over it was bc i had a lot more time to just….not think about it and now im getting closer and closer to having to make life changing decisions for myself and its so scary its so scary that I tear up just thinking about it and its not healthy but I feel so hopeless most of the time some of the ppl in my life are looking forward to having fun and doing things and I just feel like I don’t deserve to

#like I’ll come up with a plan that I know i wont have to follow through with in a while and now that its that time #I chicken out and avoid everything as much as possible and its pathetic like why am I alive Im always in my head and always having a hard #getting out I feel stuck and all I can do is wallow about it #like everything for me is so much easier said than done and I wish things were different I wish I was different

[quintsmachete]

#made the mistake of looking thru the pictures we keep on the free use digital camera in the house cuz i wanted to save the ones i liked #and i made myself sad . #just going thru the memories and moments that i shared with my friend group before some things fell apart and knowing that ill never go bac #and things will never be the same as they were. and i dont know if things will ever get fixed #everything changed so drastically in less than a year and i dont think ive even fully processed and gotten over everything #when i first moved out i never thought id feel like i did in my moms house again. and now here i am feeling the same way #it's easier with my medication helping me but it's still been so hard ever since february #i wish i could cry my eyes out and just get some kind of catharsis but i cant #beep beep ritchie #vent

[doubletrucks]

fighting demons rn (the demons are being homesick)

#like objectively i am doing better in my life ALREADY. then i was at home. but i miss my fambily :( #i just keep wishing i could be like ummm... never mind :) and go back to how things were. which i can't and further i SHOULDNT #but like. goddddd #everything is so different and weird and i want to be going to the library with my aunt and my cousin not crying at my desk 3 states away #and i know it will get easier but i'm having a hashtag sunday night moment #teddyposting #anyway if you see me streaming boss dj by sublime don't even worry about it.