#i‘ll probably make more of these later but. this took fucking forever

[felixisfruity]

#hatchetfield #i dont know if i even want to tag this as hyperspecific poll. #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #richie lipschitz #i‘ll probably make more of these later but. this took fucking forever #this has probably already been made but. blehhh i havent seen specifically him so i can pretend

[iamthecomet]

And hoot again :D

Yeah, you’re very right (both with so quickly depending on it being overwhelming and with it showing how much I needed it)

The trip to therapy went quite well! The bus wasn‘t overly full on both ways, so I could sit down which was really good. I‘m still nervous for the first time that I’ll sit down on the floor if all seats are taken (it would be safer and better for me, but before I was always too scared to do that. Now that I have a cane that makes it sort of visible that I have trouble walking/standing, I want to try to do it).

I have suspected that I have hypermobile joints for a while (the problem is that I’m not in enough pain to really struggle so much that it would really be worth seeing a doctor for, but I’ll mention it when I got my next appointment). Part of the problem is my bad memory, because due to that I honestly can‘t even remember if I’m in pain (I know stuff constantly and quickly starts hurting but that’s probably normal in most cases and I also have a really high pain tolerance).

My body can do things it‘s apparently not supposed to do though

But I feel it with the cane, cause my wrist always sort of wobbles cause it’s really not stable. So I tried applying tape today, but only went to the very near grocery store that takes like a minute to walk to. So I don’t really know how much it has helped yet regarding walking with the cane. I do feel more comfortable though, and I think it‘s also helping me with writing and drawing

(On the video I watched the guy explained what the hypermobile thing in that hand he was showing it on is exactly, what it would look like if it wasn‘t hypermobile and what the tape is gonna do. And my thumb has the exact position that is a result of the joint being hypermobile (so like my suspicion doesn’t seem to be too wrong)

Since noon I had a really really bad headache that felt like my skull was split open and my brain crushed. So really not nice. I took 1,5 ibuprofen and later one paracetamol but nothing helped.

Then I tested myself cause I remembered that the only time I had such a bad headache was when I had COVID and boom! Positive

So yeah. I‘ll stay in bed tomorrow (and my head hurts so fucking much. I hate it)

I‘ll send you pics when the order gets here if you want! :D

But two pairs of Doc Martens sounds very nice!

A really sweet and funny story:

A friend of mine asked me to explain Ghost (as in, explain everything).

Three days ago I sent a video of like a few clips of Jutty, one of which being this clip in which he is like “unfollowing is bullying“ and “wHaT iF i WaS cOsMo 🧐🤨“

And since then, we‘ve constantly been sending “wHaT iF i WaS cOsMo 🧐🤨” back and forth (then we started to send the clip as a only one time viewable video so it wouldn’t be visible beforehand).

Today, I cut off the beginning of an edit and put that clip behind that to hide it and sent it to them. They have also hidden it in a poll on WhatsApp already

It turned into a game and we can‘t stop laughing about it because it‘s so fucking silly xD (it‘s practically like Rick-rolling)

wHaT iF i WaS cOsMo 🧐🤨

(You just got wHaT iF i WaS cOsMo 🧐🤨-ed. You‘re welcome xD)

~ @owlishanon

I'm glad it's still going well! It's good that it gives you so much peace of mind and that you feel confident doing what you need to do now without worrying that something awful is going to happen. But I'm so sorry that you have COVID! It's rotten. I hope you get lots of rest and your headache doesn't last too long. Sleep and drink lots of water! You can definitely send me pictures of the stuff you get when it comes in! I always love to see people's hauls! I am very excited about my docs. I paid $140 for both pairs, which is like half of one what one of them costs brand new. I feel VERY lucky about it. One pair is rusty orange suede, they're short boots. Great for every day. The other are standard black knee highs which have been my dream boots since, like, forever (I've owed many, many pairs of knee high lace-up boots, but none of them were Docs). The wHaT iF i WaS cOsMo 🧐🤨 thing has me giggling. Thank you for that. What a great joke to have with your friends, seriously. Fucking Jutty. He kills me in the best ways.

#comet comments #comet's anons #owlish #unmasked ghoul

[collecting-stories]

One - pt. 02 - Rafe Cameron

Summary: Your ex-boyfriend’s wedding day has come and you bring Rafe as your date. 

A/N: Jumping ahead four months with a flash back included cause I can lol. 

One Thing Right Masterlist | Outer Banks Masterlist

△ ▽ △ ▽

The song that was playing in the background of the dinner was slowly in-graining itself in Rafe’s mind. He was positive that he would wake up tomorrow morning with that song ruminating in the back of his brain despite the fact that he hadn’t even given it his full attention. People on either side of him, sans the empty chair that his suit jacket was draped over, were chattering in a lull hum of conversation, all acquaintances of the bride, like you were. 

You were not sitting, instead you were by the ridiculously small table set up at the top of the ballroom, at the edge of the dance floor, with enough flowers draped around it to start an arboretum. You were squatting just enough to chat while staying relatively close to standing and Rafe was watching you as you and the bride talked over something meaningless. She’d called you over and apparently you had to go, as he understood it.  

You weren’t the only thing keeping his attention though. He knew the groom. He hadn’t mentioned it on your first date, or your second, or now, four months later when he spent a ridiculous amount of time at your apartment. He hadn’t mentioned it in case you didn’t remember but he remembered you. He remembered that night at the party and back at his apartment and breakfast the next morning. Rafe could remember every detail of it but, most importantly, he had asked a friend of a friend about you afterward, after you didn’t call him. Out of curiosity he asked and found out you were back with your boyfriend and there he was now, marrying some other woman. He knew this guy, staring at you as you talked to his now bride.

When you stood up fully, shifting the end of your dress where you’d stepped back into it, Rafe sat up a little more. He watched you walk back to the table, smiling at him when you caught him watching you. Being with you now, even after the first date at Menton’s, he had to admit that he was glad you never called him back in college. He was an idiot back than, reminiscent of your ex he imagined, and he would’ve never been what you needed him to.  

“She wanted to know who you were,” you supplied, sliding into the seat that his suit jacket was saving, moving as close to him as two chairs would allow. He couldn’t stop himself from hoping that you would always want to sit that close. You leaned in so no one else at the table could hear you, “I told her I paid for you, does $100 sound like too low of a going rate?”  

The slow smile that overtook his face at your joke was infectious and you smiled back. “100 for an hour?”

“Oh no for the whole night.” You teased, “do you charge extra for after dinner?”  

“I’ll cut you a deal,” he joked, kissing you when you tilted your head back slightly.  

He wasn’t sure if it was because he just wasn’t as immature as he used to be or if it was you but he felt himself paying attention more. Learning all the little movements and expressions you had. He remembered you from college because he’d desperately wanted another chance with you. It was cliché to admit, and he doubted he ever would, but there had been something about you, about that night, that he’d wanted to freeze and live inside of. It panned out that you went back to your boyfriend and Rafe had, up until four months ago, always imagined that it lasted. That the two of you got married young, that you probably had adorable kids running around that were half you and half someone else. That you had everything you wanted in life. He had never let himself consider another possibility and then you were messaging him and you didn’t seem like you remembered and there was no way he was going to screw up a second chance by reminding you.  

-

“How can you not like Boston?” You asked, handing over his cup of coffee as you sat down beside him on the couch. He had texted you earlier in the evening to cancel what would’ve been your fifth date, telling you he was swamped with work and he had to stay in.  

Usually you would have just said that was fine and found anything else to do for the evening but it had been a week since your fourth date and as ridiculous as it sounded you really just wanted to spend time with him, in whatever capacity he had to offer. So you texted him back and asked how ‘mobile’ his office was and offered to make him dinner if he came over.  

Whatever you were feeling seemed to resonate with Rafe too because if it had been anyone else he would’ve written them off as being clingy. But he hadn’t wanted to cancel in the first place and your offer to still have him over was like a gateway. He was already packing up his laptop and files as he texted you back.  

You made spaghetti and salad and a ricotta dip that you’d found on Tasty once and mentioned that you could eat entirely on your own. Dinner was casual, just the two of you hanging out on the couch and eating, talking occasionally when he surfaced from work. He’d dressed nice for the last four dates, all dinners at higher-end restaurants that you couldn’t have afforded on a teaching salary.  

“Can’t believe the first guy you actually go out with on Tinder is fucking rich and you already know he’s great in bed.” Nina had bitched when you had told her about the first four dates. It was her constant complaint, reiterated in different ways each time you talked about Rafe.  

Tonight he looked more like the guy you hooked up with at Duke. He was just in jeans and an old college shirt, and you resisted the urge to tell him that you went there too, and his hair wasn’t styled back like he usually wore it. He just looked comfortable, even more so sitting on your couch working, Fivel having hoped up to lay beside him. Aside from Nina’s husband, who Fivel changed his mind about on a daily basis, your dog had little interaction with men but he seemed perfectly content with Rafe.  

Dinner ended and you prolonged the evening with coffee, bringing you a cup while he lamented about living in Boston. “I know it can be expensive-“

“It’s not that,” Rafe shrugged, taking the mug from your hands and leaning back against the cushions of the pink velvet couch. Was it a bit much, especially with a dog? Sure, but who didn’t want an instagramable apartment. Ian had hated the pink velvet and he told you so when you bought it and everyday until he dumped you. “I hate the weather, beach isn’t the same as down south.”

“I‘ll give you that we’re running out of beach days but, the snow is awesome!” You argued, “plus I get snow days off.”  

“Not all of us are teachers.” Rafe replied, turning his head to the side to look at you. It was probably stupid to still be in awe of you every time you were around and he had to wonder if that was ever going to change but he doubted it. “I still have to work when I’m snowed in.” He watched the way you smiled, leaning into him, careful of his coffee, to kiss him.  

“Yeah but you can get snowed in with me.” You proposed, knowing that the snow was a long way away and exactly what that suggested and maybe he didn’t think that far ahead.  

“I take it back, I think Boston is growing on me.”  

-

The open bar at the wedding was a godsend. Especially when you were busy talking to other people who worked at your school. Rafe had agreed to the weekend upstate with you because it was exactly that, a weekend upstate. You’d taken Friday and Monday off from work and extended the stay which meant extra time for the two of you, existing in this cute, small town bubble where you had no obligations except each other. Bring the dog and Rafe was sure he could live up here with you forever, a scary thought at four months.  

“Hey, do we know each other?” Ian asked, stepping up to the bar next to Rafe, undoing his bow tie and letting it hang around his neck.  

Rafe spared him a side glance as he took a long sip of his whiskey, trying to decide if he really felt like talking to this guy. You still hadn’t mentioned hooking up but you had told Rafe that the groom was your ex, someone he didn’t need any help remembering. He couldn’t blame you really, the circumstances didn’t lend to him being more than an irresponsible fuck boy back then but god was this guy a loser.  

“I don’t think so.” Rafe replied, looking back out over the reception. You were standing near the edge of the dance floor, chatting with the principal and her husband. You waved at him when you caught him looking and he nodded his head to you. He heard Ian say your name and toward him again, “what?”

“You came with-“

“Yeah.”  

“Crazy world man, I used to date her in college.”

“Yeah that’s real crazy.” He replied, pushing his empty glass back across the bar counter and asking for another. He’d need the whole bottle to get through a conversation with Ian.  

“Swear I know you from somewhere else though.” Ian said, squinting as if that would help, “did you go to Duke?”  

Yeah.”

“No fucking way, that’s crazy man!”

“It’s all crazy.” Rafe said, rolling his eyes. God he hoped this guy was drunk.  

“Did we have class together or something?”  

You caught Rafe’s eye again, waving your hand from him to come over. You’d moved on from talking and there weren’t too many other people around that you knew. Standing around awkwardly was exactly what you didn’t want. Rafe downed the rest of his second glass, leaving it on the counter as he turned to Ian, “no but I did fuck your girlfriend.” He said before walking off.  

Ian’s eyes went wide, trying to work out exactly what Rafe was saying as he watched him walk over to you. Like some kind of alcohol induced time warp Ian felt himself spiral back to the morning the two of you had gotten back together. That was it, he was the guy in the car that dropped you off. He remembered watching you kiss him in the parking lot, the same way you kissed him now.  

“Fuck.” Ian mumbled, tapping the bar, “can I get a whiskey?”  

The bartender poured him a whiskey, same as Rafe’s, and he kicked it back, coughing unexpectedly when the warm liquid hit his throat.

You wrapped your arms around Rafe’s neck as he came up to you, kissing him, “how long do you think the bridesmaids have to stay at the wedding?” You asked, leaning your whole body against him.  

“As much as I’d love to leave I think it’s pretty standard to stick around until after the cake has been cut.” He replied, hands slipping beneath the suit jacket you’d stolen from him and taken to wearing. Your dress was cut low in the back and he brushed his fingers across your bare skin. Watching the way your eyes fluttered closed for a moment at the feeling had him kissing you again. “When is the cake again?”

“Soon,” you promised, “then you and me can split…think they’d notice me lifting a bottle of champagne.”

“Not if you time it right.”  

“Okay, I’m getting a drink and then I’m making you dance cause I didn’t take my shoes off for nothing,” you announced, pulling away from him. You made your way over to the bar, eager for something that wasn’t just the wine you’d gotten with dinner. Your grad partner claimed they had signature drinks and she was apparently telling the truth as you saw the paper on display advertising an Ian and an Anya. “What’s in the Anya?” You chanced asking when you realised the writing beneath the drink name was just some bullshit about how sweet she was.  

“It’s just a pink margarita.” The bartender replied, “it’s…really sweet.”  

“Can I just get an old fashioned?”  

“Hey.”

You turned to the side, pulling Rafe’s jacket closer and looking at Ian. He had apparently not left the bar area, letting Anya get in some dancing with her friends while he hung back and drank. You had seen him enough through the wedding prep, it was unavoidable, but you hadn’t really talked to him at all.  

“Hey Ian, weddings really beautiful.” You mentioned, taking your drink and dropping a tip in the jar for the bartender.  

“Met your new boyfriend.”

“Rafe?” You asked, searching for him. He’d either snuck out of the reception room or Anya had nabbed him for the fifth time that day to talk to him. She apparently thought he was great, something she’d mentioned multiple times since she had met him last month when he dropped by the school on a half day to meet you for lunch.  

“Yeah, he went to school with us, didn’t he?”  

“I guess Ian,” you shrugged.  

“He said he did.”  

“Wait…he said that…the three of us went to school together?” You asked, all your attention on your ex. Rafe knew? If he knew you went to Duke then he had to know.

“Yeah. Said something else to.” Ian replied.  

“What?”  

“He said you and him slept together. I knew you hooked up with someone when we broke up.” Ian said, leaning closer so no one heard him.  

“I have to go.” You insisted, stopping to look back at him for a moment, “and yeah, I totally did.”

You left the reception, ignoring the DJ calling for the cake cutting to happen, leaving your heels on the seat of your table, your mind on one thing only. He knew. Rafe had seen Ian approach you at the bar and had hightailed it out of the reception, knowing that he would spill to you and knowing, even more than that, you’d think he was a creep for never saying anything.

He headed back up to the room, impeded only when he realised that the key was in his jacket which was on you. He leaned against the wall opposite door, pressing his hands to his face, trying to think of a solution. There was always asking the desk to open the door but his whole wallet was in his jacket, there was no way of proving who he was and unless this place had the worst precautions ever they weren’t gonna let a guy in a hotel room cause he said it was his.  

“Rafe!” Your voice carried down the hall and he stood up straight. There was no avoiding it now. You’d tell him how fucking weird he was for not telling you that he had slept with you in college. He sounded so fucking awful.  

“Look-“

“You knew!” You exclaimed, the one thought you’d had the entire way back to the room coming out. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Wait, wait, what’re we talking about?” Rafe asked, mildly confused. Had Ian told you? Did you know? You didn’t seem mad.  

“That…you know…we had sex,” you said, lowering your voice despite being in an empty hallway. “Right before spring break.”  

His expression changed from one of absolute paranoia to a smug grin, realizing that your shock wasn’t in him knowing and not telling you but in him knowing too. “You knew.”  

“Yeah,” you admitted, “but for real, it was Nina that found you on Tinder.”  

“Can’t believe you lied to me.” He replied, laughing when you smacked his arm.  

“I didn’t lie…and…you knew too!” You said, “wait, what did you say to Ian.”  

Rafe shrugged, “he was pissing me off, so I told him we’d fucked before.”  

You couldn’t help smiling, leaning into him and tilting your head back slightly for a kiss which he gave you willingly. “Why are we outside?”  

“You have both keys.” He replied, slipping his hand into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulling out his wallet. “Guess we missed cake.”  

“That’s okay, I didn’t care about the cake anyway,” you admitted, keeping your arms around his waist as he swiped the card, twisting the knob on the door and opening it.  

Aside from getting coffee in the mornings and just going on a general walk around the small town where the wedding was happening, you and Rafe had spent most of your time in the hotel room. He’d put work on hold for the long weekend too, meaning neither of you had responsibilities, especially now that the wedding was over.  

“We should order better cake and some kind of alcohol up to the room.” You suggested, tossing his jacket over the chair and heading into the bathroom to take off your makeup.  

Rafe sat on the end of the bed, watching your reflection in the mirror on the closet door across from the bathroom. He hadn’t even bothered taking off his shoes, his entire attention focused on you as you slipped out of your dress, disappearing behind the door for a split second to hang it off a hook, pulling Rafe’s gray t-shirt off the same hook and putting it on.  

“I can’t believe you never told me,” you repeated as you stepped into the room, “like I keep thinking about it and I’m like...we would’ve grown old and died not knowing.”

“I definitely would’ve told you before we died,” Rafe promised as you walked over to him, stepping between his legs. He rested his hands on your hips pushing the shirt up just slightly. “You want cake then?”

You scrunched your nose, thinking for a moment whether you truly cared about the cake or not. In all honesty you wanted the exact same thing now that you had since this morning when your alarm went off, which was you and Rafe, in bed, undisturbed. “Raincheck on the cake?”

“Sure.”  

“Since we’re on the subject-”  

“Of cake?” He asked, cutting you off.  

“No.”

“Oh, the other thing.” He replied, drawing it out as if he was truly just realizing what you were talking about.  

You stuck your tongue out at him, “yes the ‘other thing’. Sorry I never called you.”  

“Honestly,” he admitted, “this is better.”  

You couldn’t be sure where either of you would have been if you had never gotten back together with Ian and had called Rafe back. Maybe you would be married, maybe you’d have broken up and it would be him marrying Anya. A truly terrifying thought. One you might’ve lingered on longer if you let yourself. But instead you did exactly what you’d been doing for the last few hours, focusing all your attention on Rafe and shutting out everything else.  

-

Taglist: @maplelattes22 @poguesrforlife  @freckled-and-daydreaming  @chasefreakinstokes @millie-753 @fangirlwithme @alex12948 @katherine097 @tangledinsparkles @carbonated-beverage @mariofgreengables @damonsalvawhore27 @dopedoodes @dolanfivsosxox @belledutchess @poguelifeeee @faded-blue @parkerpetertingle @thebookwormlife @summer-clouds-and-long-days @jellyfishbeansontoast @minigranger @hoewkeye @love-someone-special @tiredfeels @strangerthanfanfiction713 @the-only-nana @tomzfrog @mozz-are-lla @vindictive-hearts @ssprayberrythings @jenahbell @beautyandthebleh @gothackedalready @teenwaywardasgardian @sarahcxmeron @haha-fuck-you-thot @stillbelieve398-5 @rewindlr @queenniccimicci @kissessforharryyy @thedarkqueenofavalon @alytavzla @bqmblebee @linniep @nerdypartytrashpsychic @xxchxrryxx @spencer-reid-is-a-cutie @danielladreaming @obx-saltlife @youngestxhearts @spnobsessedmemes @wowitswondergurl @aoba-josigh @pineappleandcherries @mysterious-adventurer @justawilddreamerchild @rhyetaylor62 @calm-rejects @oh-annaa @aiifandomsunite @x-lulu @ceruleanjj @wicked-laugh @obxwriterfan @allie-mcginn @literarycharleton @khiaraaa-in-spacee @crushe-s @teamnick @daydreamlilys @collectiveuniverses @activist-af @mdgrdians @buckys-sunflower @vindictive-hearts @copper-boom @talksoprettyjjx @5am-cigarette @smiithys @dontjinx-it @outerbanksbro @mysticsthinking @heavenlymama @rudy-pankow-needs-an-oscar @babymatilda @raekenliar @lemur46 @under-a-canyon-moon @calums-betch @dpaccione @bbeauttyybbx @teenwolfobx @iccyyyybitch @popcrone818 

#rafe imagine #rafe fanfic #rafe x reader #rafe fanfiction #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #rafe x y/n #rafe x you #outer banks imagine #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks fanfic #outer banks fic #obx fic #obx fanfic #obx fanfiction #obx imagine #collecting stories #one right thing series

[princecharmingmendes]

Valentine's Day | Peter Mendes

"Being heartbroken already sucks, but being heartbroken on Valentine's Day due to your douche ex boyfriend it's the worst thing that could happen, thankfully you have the triplets to take care of you, but specially your best friend and forever crush, Peter"

                                               Shawn | Raul (coming soon)

Hi! This is the best friends to lovers valentine's day inspired part, hope you enjoy it! 

*Word Count: 6.3k+ 

*Warnings: cursing, some angst and I gues that's it!

*Posted: February 16th, 2020

                                                        -*-

There’s always a limit of how much of a jerk you can be, but Joshua just tried his best and succeeded on being the biggest jerk on the planet and it sucked. He literally dumped you one week before valentine’s day saying that he’s not sure if you’re the kind of person he would like to date anymore after almost a whole year. Who in the world does that? For real! Normally, it wouldn’t surprise you, you’ve had a few bad experiences before and you used to think that no one could hurt you anymore. So naive of you to believe that. People always find a way to let you down.

“Hey, Y/N” says one of the few people who would never let you down, and they all shared DNA.

The triplets have been my best friends since middle school, when I met Peter and he was so happy he invited me over on the first weekend since we’ve met, and that’s how I met Raul and Shawn. Raul became my friend when he punched a guy for looking at me funny, and Shawn, well, when he found out I played the piano he was always inviting himself to my house so that I could teach him. And Peter, oh, how do I say this? He’s always been the one for me, the one I would call crying when I felt sad, the one I would rely on pretty much anything, the one I would tell anything and the one I fell for when I was thirteen.

I never really gave too much attention to it, didn’t want to ruin our friendship. And also, he never showed any signs that he felt the same way, so I pushed my feeling deep in my heart and pretended I was fine when he sounded so excited that some other girl finally decided they could go out together, even though my heart was aching. No one found that out, not even his brothers, specially them, cause they share pretty much everything that happens in their lives between them. It’s almost like there are no secrets at all. So, no way I’d tell them how I felt about their brother.

“Hey, Shawn” you replied as soon as you picked up the phone.

“So, what are you doing for lunch today?”

“Uh, I don’t know, probably eat near work or something, why?”

“Nothing really, just wanted to know if you don’t want company or something?”

“Where’s your girlfriend? It’s valentine’s day!”

“She’s at work, and I know, we’re going out tonight”

“Oh, okay, what time and where?”

“I can pick you up if you want”

“That’d be great actually”

“In an hour?”

“Perfect!” I said smiling while I organized some papers.

“Okay, great, gotta go, bye, Y/N”

“Bye, Shawn” I said hanging up and getting back at work.

At least today isn’t going to be that bad.

-*-

Well, I was wrong, today is going to be the worst.

Shawn picked me up and as soon as I got in his car he was asking what was wrong. I just dismissed the subject and he seemed to drop it, even though I knew he would spend the whole day trying to understand what happened. He parked at a restaurant we liked very much and as soon as we entered the place, I saw my ex there holding hands with a girl that he works with. That little shit! That’s when it hit me. They used to hang out a lot and he said she had a boyfriend and that I shouldn’t worry about her, even though they’re always together. And the worst? I believed him because I thought he would never cheat on me. Guess I was wrong.

“Hey, is that...?”

“Yup, that’s him”

“You guys broke up?”

“Sunday, he texted saying it was over because I’m not right for him, apparently was just and excuse to keep on fooling around with her without me on his way”

“I’m going to murder him” Shawn said clenching his jaw and before he could do or say something about it I grabbed his bicep.

“Don’t, I don’t was to cause a scene, just forget it”

“Okay...” he said taking a deep breath “Do you want to go somewhere else?”

“No, it’s okay, don’t want to ruin lunch because of him”

“It’s your call, whatever you decide I’m okay with”

“Thank you”

“Sure” he said throwing his arm around my shoulders and guiding me to our table, surely taking a bigger course so we would be as far from Joshua as possible. Little things like this make me love them even more.

“So, enough about me, what about you?”

“Na-ah, we’re still talking about you... how are you dealing with it”

“Well, it’s hard, sure, but I’ll be alright”

“If you need anything, you just have to call us”

“I know, and thank you”

“What are you doing tonight?” Shawn asked as the waiter approached holding the menu.

“Would you guys like to take a look or can I already order your usuals?” she asked smiling politely.

“The usual’s fine for me”

“Yeah, me too, thank you, Grace” Shawn said beaming at her and she just nodded leaving ya to talk.

“What am I doing? Probably just binge watch something and order pizza”

“Do you want to go out with us?”

“Dude, I’m not third wheeling in valentine’s day, thank you very much”

“I‘ll call Raul, he’s single and not going out tonight”

“I’m also not ruining your date night, you work way too much and your girlfriend deserves attention, I really like her, don’t want her to dump you for being too busy”

“You do have a point, but call Raul, or he’s probably just going to work”

“Yeah, I’ll talk to him, what about Peter? Is he okay?”

“Yeah, Peter is fine”

“I haven’t seen him lately”

“He’s busy with work, I haven’t either, well, at least until yesterday, the three of us met at a pizza place to talk and stuff, he has some really cool things going on at work and he’s trying his best to everything go down as smoothly as possible, you know him”

“I do”

“But yeah, he’s doing fine, he’s got a date tonight”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, but he didn’t sound too happy about it, but we thought it was better to leave it and talk to him after the date”

“Who’s the girl?”

“Someone he met at a friend’s party of something”

“Oh, he didn’t tell me

“He’s just really busy”

“Yeah, I know” I said sighing.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired”

“Haven’t been sleeping?”

“Yeah, too much going on”

“I figured” Shawn said with concerned laced in his voice “what about that project you had with Hannah?”

“Oh, that is going fantastic...” I said cheerfully and glad he changed subjects.

                                                      -*-

Lunch went well after all, didn’t see Joshua for the rest of the day. Went back to work and things were fine, I even decided to work a little later because I was feeling like it. Then I left and went to the gym that was pretty close to my house, but when I got in I immediately regretted it. Joshua was there talking to some random blonde girl and I felt so stupid. I mean, he lives close by and he always loved to work out at the end of the afternoon and go out after, specially now that he’s single. But before I could leave, he saw me and I simply couldn’t leave now, I just felt like I couldn’t give him the taste that I’m hurt about what he did. So I ignored him and started my workout routine.

Ignoring him was the hardest thing in the planet. Not because I didn’t want to, but because he was purposefully waking around me and flirting a little too obviously in front of me the whole time. When I decided it was enough for today, both from him and the workout, I went to grab my stuff and when I got back he was standing there, apparently waiting for me.

“Fancy seeing you here”

“Wish I could say the same” I snapped back.

“Ooh, someone’s mad, what? Someone hurt you?”

“Hurt me? I guess you’ll have to try harder than hitting on a poor girl in front of me to hurt you” I said and he just stared at me “what? You think I’m stupid?”

“No, I’m sure actually”

“Wow, now you hurt me” I said clutching my hand over my chest dramatically.

“Well, will you excuse me? I have hotter girls to talk to”

“Be my guest, I’m not stopping you from doing anything”

“Will you just stop?” he asked seeming to be actually annoyed.

“Stop what?”

“Stop acting like you don’t care... that you don’t love me”

“But I don’t, I’m not pretending”

“Oh really? Is that why you had to go to lunch with Shawn Mendes? Come to my gym and work out at the same time as me? Stop pretending! I know you’re hurt and you still love me, that’s why you didn’t go out last night and that’s why you’ll spend the whole night alone, probably crying because of me and because you’re single and pathe...”

“Shut up, Joshua! What’s wrong with you?” I interrupted him “My life doesn’t spin around you, at least not anymore, and all of this just proves that you’re obsessed with me and the need of someone wanting you, you’re just rude and a big ass narcissist, fuck you! I don’t care if you have a million dates tonight, and you should mind your own business, not what I’m doing or who I’m doing tonight, so goodbye” I said turning around to leave, but not before he said something along the lines of ‘that’s why no one likes you’ and suddenly I lost control.

I spun around and took two big and quick steps towards him, slapping right across his left cheek.

“If you have something to say, say it to my face, coward” I said finally leaving the place and him, standing there in complete shock.

I practically sprinted towards my building, deciding to take the stairs since I felt I was shivering and burning hot from anger. When I finally reached my door, it was when I felt the first tear rolling down my face. Shit. I know I shouldn’t be crying because of him, but what can I do? He was a douche and I hate him. I grabbed my keys and turned the lock, slipping inside, I went straight to my room to take a shower to try to calm my nerves and stop my pathetic sobs from coming.

“Shit” I muttered under my breath when my phone started ringing and Raul’s name lighting up the screen.

“Hey, Y/N, Shawn called me earlier and told me about lunch, are you okay? Do you want me to take you somewhere?” Raul said through the phone while I tried to calm my breathing as much as I could.

“Hey, I can’t, I’m sorry” I said trying to contain my sobs and sniffs.

“Hey, are you crying? What happened?”

“Nothing, I’m not crying, it’s allergies”

“Y/N...”

“Look, I’m fine, I just need to take a shower and that’s it, I gotta go now, and I’m sorry, but I can’t go out tonight, thank you, goodnight” I said quickly and hanging up.

Taking a deep breath, turned off my phone and got in the shower.

                                                      -*-

Once I was done crying, I got out of the shower and changed to a pair of sweatpants and a white plain gigantic t-shirt, with my hair wet and probably soaking my shirt, but now I couldn’t care less. I went to the kitchen to try to find something to eat, but giving up pretty much in the middle of it, finding nothing other then cereal and eggs, and neither of those got me hungry or excited, so I just grabbed the ice cream and a spoon, ready to curl up on a ball but apparently someone had to ruin my plans. The doorbell rang and I got up, grabbing an umbrella by the door just in case.

“Joshua, go away, I’ll cal the cops” I said 100% sure it was him wanting to humiliate me even more.

“Hm... actually... it’s Peter... please don’t call the cops”

“Peter?!” I asked opening the damn door “what the hell? Don’t you have a date or something?”

“I had... can I come in?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Shawn called this afternoon and I already wanted to cancel everything to be here with you... and then Raul called, and I think you know what happened”

“Shit, I’m sorry”

“It’s okay”

“You should go though” I said crossing my arms above my chest “you’re probably late”

“Y/N, I thought you knew me better”

“I...”

“I already cancelled it, and I ordered pizza and I’m staying the night”

“O-okay”

“Can I come in, princess?” he asked and I nodded still not knowing what to do, he gently pushed me to the side and got in, closing the door and grabbing my hand “where do you want to sit?”

“I...” I started but never finished, even though he was patiently waiting.

“Can I take the lead for now?” he asked cupping my face gently and I nodded looking straight into his eyes.

Peter guided me through my house and sat down on my bed with me, still holding my hand as we just stared at each other in silence. Looking at him and seeing concern all over his face was hard, but knowing that he did all of this for me was harder. Specially because I know he only did this because he thinks I’m an idiot. That did hit me in the face and I felt a fat hot tear slowly run down my face and he gently squeezed my hands between his enormous ones.

“I’m here for you, whatever you need” he said in a whisper and I simply could not reply, a sob bubbles off from my chest and the tears started rolling down my face like a faucet “shhh, it’s okay, let it all out” he said as he pulled me into his chest and to sit on his lap.

“He dumped me” I said after what felt like ages.

“Shawn told me” he said kissing my hair softly.

“He apparently cheated on me... and today I say him”

“At lunch, right?”

“Well, yeah, but also at the gym”

“I didn’t know about that”

“I didn’t tell anyone, at least not yet”

“Did he do something?”

“He was flirting with a girl and at the end, as I was leaving he came to talk to me about how I should be miserable and how no one can handle me or something like that”

“He said what?”

“I know, so I slapped him and left”

“Shit, honey, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know”

“How could you?”

“I don’t know, but you don’t deserve this”

“I think I kinda do... I mean, everybody told me how much of a jerk he was”

“That doesn’t make you deserve any of this, I wish I could do something about it”

“Shawn wanted to punch him, I don’t doubt Raul would if he saw him, fuck, I DID slap him”

“He deserved it, if I could, I’d murder him right now only for making you feel like this is your fault, God, I fucking hate him”

“You always did” I mumbled as I nuzzled my face on his chest.

“I had my reasons” he said combing through my hair gently “can I blow dry your hair? Your shirt is damp and I don’t want you to be sick”

“Yeah, I should probably change first”

“Why?”

“Hm... nothing”

“Okay, weirdo” He said placing me back on my bed as he went to my bathroom and got back with the blow drier “sit up for me”

As I did what he asked, he started getting my hair dry as he gently took his time to detangle my hair and massage my scalp. I was completely lost in his ministrations and his touch, so I didn’t think much when I placed my hands on the waistband of his sweatpants, I immediately regretted when I felt his breath pattern change, but since he didn’t sat anything and I’ve already done it, I just kept them there. I placed my forehead on his rock hard abs while he finished with my hair, once he was done, he just plugged it off and kept running his long fingers through my hair in a soothing motion.

“I think the pizza is here, do you want to eat it in here or on the living room?”

“Living room” I mumbled softly and he chuckled.

“Let me help you get there” he said picking me up and carrying me to the couch, where he placed me down before going to pick up our food.

He returned a few seconds later and grabbed a backpack that I didn’t noticed it was placed by the door. It meant he really thought this through when he said he was going to spend the night, but really, when does he not think about everything?

He got us the pizza and plates, two glasses of wine and blankets, all that while I picked up a movie to watch. Peter sat down beside me and took off his hoodie, making his best to make me feel comfortable, offering me the glass and the pizza, which I gladly accepted. We were pretty much an hour into the movie when he got up again to refill our glasses and put away the pizza leftover, when he came back, he simply sat down beside me again, closer this time, and placed his arm on the backrest of the couch. I started leaning in into his warmth and when I realized, I was practically on top of him and he had his arm around me.

“Hun?”

“Hm?”

“You’re shivering”

“It’s this stupid shirt”

“Take it off”

“I’m too lazy to go there and change it”

“Here, take my hoodie” he said picking it up “I can turn around if you want”

“I do, please” I said and he just stuffed a throw pillow on his face making me chuckle “done” I said as soon as I got the hoodie on.

“Better?” he asked placing the pillow back on its place and pulling me back on top of him.

“Much better”

Half an hour later he had his hand inside my (his) hoodie caressing my lower back, a few moments later he started running his hand higher and when he noticed I wasn’t really wearing a bra and I remembered it, both of our breaths were caught in our throats. He didn’t say anything and neither have I. He kept on with his sweet touches and it started to lure me to sleep, and I didn’t even noticed when I dozed off.

“Honey?” Peter called lowly what felt like two minutes later.

“Hm?”

“You fell asleep twenty minutes ago, and as much as I didn’t want to wake you, I’m afraid you’d wake up tomorrow in pain”

“Oh” I said sitting up properly and rubbing my eyes “sorry”

“It’s okay, Want me to take you to your room?” he asked and I just nodded, too weak to deny it.

He picked me up and placed me on my bed gently, pulling the cover over my body and adjusting the TV for me. I just lied there in awe that he knew my routine by heart not knowing what to do or say, so when he turned around to place a strand of hair behind my ear, I really didn’t think much when I grabbed his wrist.

“Is everything okay?”

“Hm... yeah”

“Do you need anything?” he asked and I shook my head “I’m going to be in the living...”

“Can you stay?” I barley whispered

“Sorry, what?”

“Nothing”

“What did you say?”

“Would you stay?”

“In here?” he asked and I nodded “yeah, sure, whatever you want” he said as he pulled back the covers and got in “can I hold you?”

“Please” I silently begged him and he just smiled down at me as he pulled into his chest and wrapped his arms around me.

“Go back to sleep, sweetheart, we’ll talk some more in the morning, okay?” he asked and just nodded weakly as his fingers got back at combing through my hair, quickly getting me to sleep again.

                                                      -*-

Waking up was painful. I’ve never slept better in my life, and I don’t know if it’s because of the wine of being in arms of someone I fell for and actually cares about me. I slowly started to stir awake and as noticed my surroundings, I realized that the bed was empty on the other side, slightly cold already, which meant Peter already left. I’m not gonna lie, I was quite disappointed on that, and it seems wrong. I mean, we don’t have anything for me to feel bad, he’s only a friend and he probably felt weird waking up beside me.

I got up and looked at the big mirror I had in my room, seeing that I was still wearing his hoodie and I felt awkwardly warm inside, and I don’t know if that’s a good sign. I put my hair in another messy bun and headed to the kitchen, only to find my best friend still shirtless and on his sweatpants apparently making breakfast for a whole army. I leaned against the counter silently just watching him cook and hum to some random melody lowly. Seeing him like this brought up the feeling that maybe we could have been something, waking up everyday to this would’ve been nice and going to bed with someone just as sweet would be nicer.

“Hey, sweetheart, morning” he said as he turned around to grab something “since it’s quite late, I thought maybe brunch was a great idea”

“Good morning, yeah, it’s fine” I said and he turned of the stone, cleaning his hands and coming closer to me, only to gently cup my face on his hands and get me to look straight into his arms.

“How are you feeling?” he asked softly as his thumb caressed my cheek.

“I’m much better”

“Really?” he asked and I just nodded, earning a grin “good”

“Do you need help?”

“No, it’s okay, I’m almost done, do you want to go to the living room?”

“No, I want to stay” I said going to sit on the counter beside where he was previously “I thought you’re gone when I woke up”

“No, I’d never do that”

“I know, I kind of feel bad for thinking that about you now that you’re here and have all of this done”

“No, don’t, it’s okay, but just so you know, I’d never leave you alone, only if you asked me to” he said as he got back to what he was doing.

“Yeah, it’s just that sometimes I forget that you’re not like any other guy I’ve dated... not that I think of you that way or something, it’s just that not many guys I know sleep here... not that you’re...”

“I got it, it’s okay” he said chuckling lightly and squeezing my knee gently to comfort me.

“Oh, yeah, hm, okay”

“Y/N, it’s okay, loosen up a bit, it’s just me, Peter”

“Okay, it’s just, I’m not used to this, okay?”

“Used to what?”

“Someone like you”

“Like me?”

“Yeah, like... sweet and caring, that would you al you’ve done yesterday and today for me”

“You should, though”

“It’s impossible, that’s the kind of thing only Peter would do”

“It’s not, if I can do it, anyone can, besides... that’s how you deserve to be treated, you shouldn’t expect nothing more”

“You’re too good for this world”

“No, you are” he said placing his hand just above my knee and looked at me, his beautiful almost honey colored eyes boring into mine “it’s ready”

“What’s ready?”

“The food, sweetheart”

“Oh, shit, sorry” I said hoping off the counter and starting to grab the tray, making him giggle.

“Leave that to me, go to the living room and pick a movie”

“Okay” I said and did what he suggested.

When I got to the living room the coffee table was settled as beautiful coffee table, with so much food I can’t even name it. There was a little vase with a tiny daisy arrangement on it. My heart was so tight in my chest and I had to suppress a sub from bubbling of my chest, Peter Mendes is perfect and I don’t even know if he knows that. He came in a few moments later, balancing everything in a bigger tray and placing it down alongside everything that was already there. He sat down on the floor and I did the same beside him, and with that, Peter pulled my legs over his lap gently to pull the table closer to us.

Sitting there, watching Brooklyn99 with him, stuffed with the best brunch I’ve ever had I allowed myself to think what would be like to date someone like him. Peter was so perfect and it’d be fantastic to be with someone like him. I wouldn’t have to worry about him leaving me after our first time, or hitting on someone else, or thinking I’m weird and judging me for who I am, for finding ridiculous my problems, for him putting himself first all the time, for him to just do things boyfriends aren’t supposed to. But if I’m being honest, maybe there are guys like him out there, the only thing is that I never get to have them and I’m always stuck with people like Joshua.

Maybe I am the problem of this. Maybe I’m not good enough and that’s probably why Peter never saw me that way, hell, not even Joshua saw me that way and he’s the worst. I just wish things could be different, that I could end up with someone like Peter, or even Shawn and Raul, they’re all amazing as a human being and as a significant other. Maybe I’m not supposed to have a happy ending. I didn’t even noticed I started crying again, not until Peter carefully grabbed my chin and made me look at him, and there it was, that look of concern on his face.

“I’m okay” I whispered breathlessly  and he shook his head, pulling me into his arms again and pressing his lips to my forehead.

“It’s okay, don’t hold it back, let it all out” he said softly as he rubbed my back up and down.

And that was all it took for me to start crying all over again in his arms as he rocked me back and forth delicately. After what felt like ages later, I finally stopped crying but didn’t dare to move, just stayed there, being completely inebriated by his scent.

“I’m sorry” it came out barely as a whisper.

“Stop apologizing, it’s okay, I’m here for you” he said and I couldn’t control the whimper that I let out, almost sounding like a pained puppy “what’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asked and I just shook my head “you can tell me, it’s clearly hurting you, is it something I did? Or what Joshua said?”

“It’s just... why can’t I be with someone like you? Why do I always have to pick the wrong guy? I don’t know, there’s just probably something wrong with me and now you probably you think I’m pathetic and whiny and a complete idiot, I just don’t deserve you”

“You’re not pathetic and whiny and a complete idiot, and anyone who thinks that is completely wrong” he said brushing some strands of hair that fell on my face behind my ear, then cupping my jaw, placing his thumb above my lips, swiping it gently “what Joshua said to you is simply bullshit and I wish I could take it all back, the only thing you don’t deserve here is to be treated like that by someone who doesn’t deserve you, he’s just not good enough for you. Second of all, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re perfect, Y/N, and I’m not saying this because you’re my best friend, I’m just saying that because it’s the truth. You’re the smartest, kindest, sweetest and the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met, and any guy who has the chance to have you is the luckiest bastard on earth, you deserve the whole damn world, and if I could give it to you, I would’ve already”

“Pete... I’m so...” I tried to say but he simply shook his head lightly and caressed my bottom lip with his thumb, as if to say he’s not finished yet in the cutest way I’ve ever seen.

“And last, I’ve always asked myself the same question... ‘why can’t she be with someone like me? What do I have to do for her to notice me?’ and I never really got an answer, but I also never asked you”

“What?”

“What what?”

“You wanted...?”

“If I wanted you?” he completed lowly and chuckled sadly “yes, I’ve always wanted you and still do, just never got the guts to tell you”

“You want me?” I asked and he nodded patiently, with expectation written all over his face “I... don’t lie to me”

“I’d never lie to you and you know that”

“This is not funny”

“It isn’t meant to be”

“Peter... you like me?”

“Sweetheart... I fell for you hard so many years ago and was never able to recover”

“But... you had a date... and girls before”

“I know, I had to try to forget you for the sakes of our friendship, and you had a boyfriend, if I just sat at home and imagined that motherfucker with you on valentine’s day, probably not doing what you deserve would drive me mad, I had to try and do something to keep my mind busy and try to move on”

“You like me” I said completely in shock.

“Mhmm”

“Shit” I said covering my face with my hands and he quickly grabbed my wrists, pulling them away from my face.

“Don’t do this, don’t let this change anything, please, I can’t afford to loose you”

“This changes everything, Peter, how do you expect not to?”

“I just... I don’t to loose you”

“And you’re not, it’s just... I don’t think I’m ready...”

“Ready?”

“To have something right now”

“Okay, I’m lost now”

“Oh God, you don’t know?”

“What?!”

“Peter! I fell for you ages ago”

“What?! When?! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I never thought you liked me back, and also... well, I thought it was obvious”

“Of course not! Not even the guys noticed”

“Well...”

“It’s okay if you aren’t ready to try anything, I get it, I don’t want to rush you”

“Really?”

“Of course, sweetheart” he said pressing his lips to my forehead.

“You’re too good to be true” I said and he giggled.

“Am not, just tell me whenever you’re ready, I’ll be waiting”

“Even if it takes... I don’t know... a year?”

“I hope not, but yeah, even if it takes a whole year, or two, or whatever, I’ve been waiting for years now”

“Thank you, Peter” I said hugging him tightly.

                                                      -*-

Two weeks. That’s what it took me to call Peter. He spent the whole day with me and then left to do some work stuff he needed, but not before he asked me to call him if I ever needed anything, cause he hoped he never had to find out from his brothers that I was crying ever again.

“Hey, sweetheart, you okay?”

“Yeah, I was... what are you doing?”

“I just finished a project, why?”

“I was wondering if you’re free tonight...”

“I am, what’re thinking?”

“Hm... nothing in particular, just wanted to see you”

“Oh, okay, when can I come over?”

“Whenever you can, I’m already here”

“Okay, I just gotta change and...”

“Can you stay the night?” I asked biting my lower lip interrupting him.

“Oh, hm... yeah, is it okay? I mean... you want it?”

“I do... so... are you... staying?”

“Yes, yes I will”

“Okay, thank you”

“Sure, sweetheart, see you in twenty?”

“Mhmmm”

“Bye” he said and I hung up, starting to get the house clean and everything in place.

Peter showed up nearly half and hour later and came in, just like I told him to do on the text I sent him. The house was barely illuminated by some scented candles and the TV, there were Italian food in small containers and a bottle of wine on my coffee table and a rom-com by netflix ready to start. He stood by the door with a shocked expression all over his face and I walked to him on the hoodie he left here on valentine’s day and my favorite pair of fuzzy socks. He looked down at me, realization finally hitting him as he smiled, wrapping his arms around my middle as I did the same with his torso.

“What is this all about?”

“I feel like I ruined valentine’s day for you... so I just wanted to do something nice”

“This is really nice, sweetheart, and you look sooo good”

“So do you” I said placing my hand on his chest and glancing down at his jeans and hoodie. God, why does he had to always look so comfy and like a stuffed animal, ready for cuddles “wanna get comfy and come back here?”

“Whatever you say” he said kissing the top of my head and letting go of me to change into a pair of sweatpants.

He came back few minutes later and sat down beside, with his arm on the backrest of the couch. We ate and laughed at the movies, coming closer to each other kind of naturally. After my third glass of wine and desert, I had my head on his chest and he had his lips pressed to my hair, as his fingers combed through it, my legs were over his lap and his arms around me. He just smelled so good and felt so comfortable that I didn’t even think of what I was doing, I just looked up to admire his features on the dim lit room. His cheeks were rosy and his hair a mess, he was wearing his glasses which made him look even hotter, and right now, I couldn’t separate what a completely sober me and half a bottle of wine down me thought. Okay, to be fair, I’m not drunk, just a bit more brave. I just really wanted to taste those pink lips of his.

“Whatcha thinking?” he mumbled as he looked down at me.

“Hmm... nothing, just how good you look and...”

“And...?”

“How much I... shit, sorry” I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t stop starring at his lips.

“It’s okay, tell me” He whispered pressing his forehead on mine.

That’s when I couldn’t resist anymore, that’s when I kissed him. He seemed chocked at first, but he quickly pulled me closer and kissed me back. My hands got lost in his soft curls as his wandered up my body, in a way he hadn’t before, and I’m not complaining. I quickly decided to straddled his thighs and sat on his lap, pulling his wild hair making him let out a soft moan. He’s going to kill me. His lips were like heaven against mine, making my head go dizzy, due to the way they felt and the taste of wine only making it harder to resist. One of his hands grabbed my waist while the other cupped my jaw and the back of my head, as if to keep me in place, and I couldn’t resist any sound when he squeezed me tighter against him, so he took the opportunity to lick into my mouth as if it was the best thing that ever happened in his life.

“I’m sorry, I just really needed to do that” I quickly said as I pulled back for air.

“Sorry? Sweetheart, you can do it whenever you want” He said with the cutest blush on his cheeks and a small smile on his swollen lips.

“Can I?”

“Are you ready?”

“For what?”

“To be mine and to be treated like you really deserve?”

“Yes, Peter, but I thought you knew”

“Knew what?” he asked playing dumb with a boyish grin plastered on his face.

“That I’m yours”

“Hmm, good to know” he said placing a sweet pack on my lips “can I start treating you better?”

“Did you just used one of your brother’s song on me?”

“Did it work?”

“You’re spending too much time with Raul, or even Shawn”

“Did it work?”

“It might have” I said unable to stop a smiling from forming on my lips.

“Great, can I take you to your room?” he asked as his nose brushed mine “I’m not going to do what you don’t want, I want to take you a proper date before we take this way too far”

“You really are prince charming” I said and I saw his cheeks heating up and reddening “whatever you say, Peter, I trust you”

“Good, I’m in love with you, Y/N, just for the record” he said as blowed of a few of the candles that were still lit and he picked me up.

“I’m love with you too, Peter” I said laying my head on his shoulder and finally feeling loved.

Maybe I was wrong after all. That was one of the best days of my life.

                                                       -*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

: @fivefeetapartt

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[the-drug-addicts-diary]

Long post. Need vent, maybe some answers and to get it out of myself, without being interrupted, judged, or ignored before I can finish what I want to say. It’s about…hell, I don’t even know. It has a small amount of drug use, feelings I can't explain, unexpected consequences which came after, and even more sarcasm, starring as „The thing that helped me to cope with it all in the first half of the story.“ But I hope it's worth the read. --- New me, new mistakes! 12 years of pretty severe meth addiction obviously wasn't enough to give me the lesson I needed. The lesson probably was something like: "Don't do any hard drugs you've never had before, because there is some possibility it could have some unpleasant consequences for you, like, i don't know... maybe becoming addicted on another substance than you already are for 12 YEARS??" Well. The lesson was pretty noticeable since my drug year 2 or 3, but I guess I must've ignored it, missed it, or skipped it somehow, because it was not learned. Yeah. So after months of pretty hard work on my way out of the hell hole called meth, the day after I was finally admitted to my dream college so I could help young addicts one day (lol.) I decided it's a great day to go and do something new! Like...finally learn how to ride a bike, or use heroin for the first time in my life or something like that, you know? Sadly, I didn’t have any bike around at the moment, so I went for the second best option. Just kidding. I actually wasn’t planning this, at all. It was unexpected and happened way too fast for me to notice or realize what is happening. So I smoked some of it and was surprised, because I was expecting something big, something mindblowing, point of no return everyone is talking about, but I didn’t know what I was experiencing. Like…at all. As soon as I realized I’m actually enjoying this, it was gone. It was new and to this day I have no idea what exactly it was, those first few seconds, (or maybe minutes?) not even what I felt. After that, world slowly returned back to normal. I was talking to my friends, drinking beer, got kicked out of a private property (funny story, but maybe for another time) but…I don’t know. I was expecting I might not be able to walk, or talk, or that I will throw up, but everything was…fine. I was okay. It was very hot and it crossed my mind that I might black out soon, but I didn’t really mind, so I ignored it and kept walking. Because that’s what you usually do, after you smoked some heroin for the first time, and have a feeling like you might lose consciousness. You simply ignore it. Except the unusual heat, I wasn’t aware of any „high“, I felt actually very normal, so I just spent my time with friends. Then I told my wife I was really disappointed. Till this moment I’m not sure why exactly I said that, because I wasn’t disappointed. I wasn’t even satisfied. Like I said…I was just okay. I used to do oxycodone before, never developed any (huge) tolerance or addiction (of any size). I was able to do it for a week and then stop for four. Days, weeks, or months. I didn’t care or mind, most days I didn’t even remember I have these pills in my desk. Because I’m not the opiate type! Next morning I woke up and claimed to my wife that I’m glad I have this experience, and she should not be worried because I told her like thousand times, „I’M NOT THE OPIATE TYPE!“ Same day, couple of hours later I was sitting in car, looking outside the window as usual, and suddenly something hit me. I got a feeling like I just lost someone very precious to me. Someone I used to spend time with every day for years, and now they just didn’t show up, and I’m waiting for their return, missing them. Except nothing like this happened, of course. From that moment, everything went from zero to minus twenty. I lost interest in everything, including meth (which would be positive,) but then meth somehow proved itself to be the only thing which can chase away the thoughts and feelings I simply cannot face sober, so I use it anyway. But, yeah… basically I’ve spent every sober minute (and more than just a couple of not-so-sober hours) since that moment, (which was not even 24 hours after my first dose of heroin,) thinking about nothing else, than heroin. I know what cravings are like, for me it’s usually a feeling of very strong anxiety and I can feel it in somewhere near my stomach. This wasn‘t me craving H. This was pure emptiness, apathy, sadness, longing, desire, and desperation from from realizing I won’t have any chance to experience the feeling I don’t even remember once again, or at least not anytime soon. After 4 days I realized, hypothetically, I might be a bit fucked, but definitely less than I‘ll be if I do it again. So I said to myself (and a few close people) I won’t. Because I don’t want to die, and certainly not for some feeling...even when some part of my brain tells me it’s worth dying for. I think I also might reconsider „not being the opiate type“ statement after all. Better, I might reconsider believing that any person may have a personal preference in addiction. For drugs, sure. But I got it wrong. All of it. You don’t get to choose the specific problem/s you’ll have to deal with maybe for the rest of your life. I hope the longing will fade away with time, but I’m not sure it can ever disappear. I still don’t get how something I can’t even name, can’t put a finger on it, and something that was gone the very moment I realized I want it, can make this amount of mess in my head. Friends are telling me it’s probably not a completely standard case of how it usually goes, but I don’t know. Don’t know many people around me who could tell me more to it. But let me tell you this. I missed one important lesson already, so I took the only one available behind the door I wasn’t meant to open: I don’t have answers or experience, that would be able to provide them. Sure, I could get them, which is exactly what one of my part is trying to force me to do…but on the other hand…maybe there are questions that should remain unanswered. Maybe there are doors that should remain closed forever. You’ll know which those are soon enough, don’t worry. If you never opened them, make sure they‘ll stay untouched forever. Because if you step in…you will feel like there is someone very precious to you. Someone you used to spend time with every day for years, and now they just didn’t show up, and you‘re waiting for their return, missing them, their presence... not knowing the missing someone is you, and someone is probably waiting for you to come home, even though you won’t.

Because once, you waited for something too. Something, that was gone before you could even name it. For something that made you feel things you weren’t able to recall later. Something new, but yet way too familiar to be not worth the wait... and for something, that eventually returned.

Take care.

#heroin #nodsquad #opiates #drug addiction #drug use #drugs #addiction #confession #story #long post

[someonefromabove]

A/N: Thank you very much for your request! I hope you’ll enjoy.

Pairings: Donniexfemale!Reader

Warnings: violence, angst, swearing, needles

**********

Donnie didn’t know what to think of it. For a few days you‘ve been acting really strange, like you were always pissed, you didn’t want any affection and your aura was different in general. At first he thought that maybe you were on your period or that you even could’ve been pregnant, but you declined both of it very clearly. His family also noticed your behavior and was just as worried as him. But he couldn’t do more than talking to you or asking if anything was wrong, right?

This day started like any other day in the lair, also again with your pissed attitude. The guys were training like always, but this time you wanted to show them what you were capable of. After training you asked Donnie if you could spare with him. He was confused since you didn’t train at all, but he didn’t see why not? Maybe this was a good way to bond again. So the two of you stood there facing each other and getting into position. Donnie also prepared himself on not to be to hard on you, since you couldn’t be as strong as him. The fight began and he quickly realized that you were a lot faster and stronger than he expected. After a few minutes the fight was getting out of hand, because it felt like you kept getting stronger and faster by the minute and this wasn‘t a normal fight anymore. This felt like a fight for life and death. „Okay, Y/N...I think we should stop there!“ he told you and blocked one of your attacks. „Stop right here? Okay, if you say so.“ you said and quickly kicked him in the stomach area so that he flew right against the wall. His brothers, who also witnessed the fight, immediately went to Donnie to check on him. You on the other hand just stood there, smiling proudly. „Y/N!? What the fuck were you thinking!?“ Leo exclaimed and helped Donnie up. Your boyfriends expression looked hurt and not only because of your attack, but because you didn’t worry for him at all. Did you even love him anymore?

At this moment Donnie saw something change in your eyes. They weren’t e/c anymore, but glowing red. This wasn’t normal at all! „Y/N, what‘s...what’s wrong with your eyes?“ he asked you worriedly and took a step towards you. But instead of going towards him, you turned around and ran away.

You were now missing for a few days. No one has seen you or even heard of you. Donnie began to worry very much, but he didn’t know where else to search for you. It was like you were dissolved in the air. One night he and his brothers were on patrol again, still eager to find you. You and Donnie were together for so many years, you wouldn’t just leave without a word so something must’ve been happened. „Look, Y/N. There are these freaks you’re friends with.“ Karai said to you as you and her suddenly faced the four brothers. „You mean the freaks I was friends with?“ you said with an evil smirk. Donnie looked at you with a shocked expression. Not only because you were back all of the sudden, but you were back with Karai and you said this horrible thing? His heart broke into millions of pieces and he swallowed hard. „Y/N...where were you? What do you mean we‘re not friends anymore? What happened!?“ Leo asked worriedly and ignored Karais presence completely. He also tried to understand you. „You see, Leo, we saw so much potential in her, that we had to help her a little to show her a way to our side.“ Karai smirked and held up a little test tube with some red liquid in it. So this wasn’t your choice at all and you we‘re just under Shredders control!?

A part of Donnie was relieved. Relieved because he didn’t do anything wrong and you probably didn’t want this at all. But on the other hand you were still under the controll of Shredder and he didn’t know how to change you back. „Leo, I need this test tube to get her back to normal.“ your terrapin boyfriend whispered to his older brother. Leo just nodded and looked at his brothers which understood immediately. „Oh, you want the tube? Well then, here you go!“ Karai said and threw the tube high into the air. „Raph! Catch it!“ Leo shouted to his younger brother. In the mean time Karai and you attacked the brother with all forces. Her plan was to distract all of them and then defeat them all at once. But Donnie wasn’t having it. He quickly snatched the tube away before it could fall down and break and he then looked at you. „Leo, I need you to take Y/N back to the lair! I‘ll go ahead and make an antidote for her!“ Donnie exclaimed and began to run away instantly. He had to turn you back to normal, even if it would cost his life! Karai knew that she had made a huge mistake by throwing the test tube into the air, but now it was too late anyway. She quickly backed away and disappeared with a smoke bomb. „Hey, come back you little bitch!“ you screamed and also tried to flee, but Raph quickly pulled you aside and tied you up. „Forget it, princess. Ya comin‘ with us.“

A few hours later you were still tied up, but now in Donnies lab. Leo was watching you, so you wouldn’t try to flee or distract the genius while working on the antidote. Donnie was stressing very much internally. There could go wrong so many things, he couldn’t even count them. But he was the only person, who could try to help you. „How’s it going, Donnie?“ Leo asked as he looked at you. „I think, I got it. But I‘m not sure and I don‘t have anything to test it on.“ Leo sighed. „I know, you don’t want to hurt her, but the only way to find out if it works is when you‘ll test it on her.“ „But so many things could go wrong! What if I hurt her!?“ „Then you‘ll find a way to help her again.“ Leo reassured him. He was right. This was the only way to help you getting back to normal.

Slowly, Donnie came to you and placed the needle into your arm. You let out a small yelp, but you couldn’t do much due to being tied up very tight. „I‘m sorry, Y/N. I hope, this’ll work...“ Donnie said and watched your reaction. You looked at him and your expression softened as your eyes slowly got back to normal. „Donnie, it’s working!“ Leo called out. Donnie just stood there and looked at you with wide eyes. Did he really do it? He saved you? You blinked for a few moments until you looked around and remembered what happened. Immediately your expression filled with guilt and hurt and you began to cry. „D-donnie...I...oh god, what did I do!? I‘m...I‘m so sorry! I hurt you all so much!“ Your boyfriend quickly removed the ties around you and pulled you into a tight hug. The nightmare was finally over and he‘d swear to himself that something like this won’t ever happen again. „Shhh, dove. Calm down, it’s okay. This wasn’t your fault. I should’ve protected you better.“ he said while stroking your back. You tightened your grip around him and sobbed. „No, it’s not your fault either...I‘m...I‘m just glad it’s over. I experienced everything, but I couldn’t do anything no matter how hard I tried.“ „I know, love. And I promise you, this won’t happen ever again. Never. Come on, let’s go to bed. You’re probably very tired.“

And with that you went to bed with Donnie. You‘re lucky to have a boyfriend like him, because he‘ll be forever at your side, even in situations like this. This is pure love.

#tmnt #tmnt x reader #tmnt x s/o #tmntxreader #tmntxs/o #tmnt 2014 #tmnt 2016 #donniexreader #donnie x reader #donatelloxreader #donatello x reader #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2003