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#i’d be a horrible doctor
thesungod · 1 year
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the problem is that at the end of the day i wanted to be a doctor but i don’t have the self discipline confidence academic capability courage and memory to go through medicine and residency and i’ll do physical therapy which is cool and i like it a lot but i wanted to be a doctor and i’m scared i’ll always be partially unsatisfied. maybe i should have changed field all together to numb the pain rather than choosing a career where i literally work with and see doctors all day. but i wanted to not starve lmao
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sl1ghtly0dd · 3 months
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My knee made the tiniest lil popping sound and now it’s in pain, I’m limping, and the pain I’m having is one I haven’t felt in years and it’s like… haha… plz go back to normal plz plz plz plz….
We had a freeze come in and it’s just gone back to warmer temps today so I’m really hoping it’s just the usual cold related joint pains and not something that’s gonna last years again 🙃🙃🙃
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boneless-mika · 6 months
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On one hand I want to know what’s going on with Nickisnotgreen and SuperMega but on the other hand I cannot handle anybody being accused of falsely accusing someone of SA which a lot of titles and thumbnails imply they’re doing
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321sluggie · 7 months
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mentions of weight loss in tags
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deathxproof-archive · 11 months
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Accidentally made two new pseudo-OCs for a roleplay (Theta & Koschei from a mirror universe where they never actually fell apart and Gallifrey never actually fell) and. I’m frothing at the mouth actually. I love writing these gay little alien freaks. What strange and off putting codependent losers.
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numum · 2 years
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dude your comment on that post abt ignoring medical issues sounds like a brain tumor
yeah <3
#okay so I’m going to ramble abt medical issues + fatphobia in the tags#so pls be warned and ignore this post if that could be upsetting to you#I don’t remember the specific post this is referring to#but i’m assuming i replied to some post abt how fatphobia leads to ppl ignoring their health issues to avoid the#condescending humiliating and flat out abusive manner we are treated#and i assume i mentioned the fact that i was diagnosed w/ something called a pseudotumor when i was ~13#and as I got older and gained weight the doctors that i’d had when i was Not Fat started treating me increasingly horribly#n after a particularly horrible experience i just stopped going to the doctor entirely.#like i suffer from chronic headaches and may very well lose my eyesight bc of this condition#but it is no longer worth going to the doctor for me. like i’ve decided i’d rather just deal with it than deal with#being perscribed weight loss over and over for a condition i was diagnosed with when i was not fat#and being treated like i was stupid or being accused of uncooperativeness or lying bc i struggled to lose weight#it was surreal to literally witness how differently fat ppl are treated by medical professionals as someone who has not always been fat#like literally the same doctors i had throughout my childhood! and the difference was night and day. truly an enlightening experience#like when i was first diagnosed the cause was declared ‘ideopathic’ aka ‘we don’t know why this is happening to you it just is’#and i was given medication#i had multiple lumbar punctures to decrease the swelling in my brain#and my doctors were all very kind and concerned and i felt safe#when i gained weight years after the initial diagnosis they stopped saying that the cause was ‘ideopathic’ and said i had the condition—#because i was fat#i was perscribed weight loss and spent months in the gym + dieting and i actually gained weight. likely due to stress + putting on muscle#so my childhood doctor who was once so kind and understanding accused me of lying about trying to lose weight#i was treated like i must have been too stupid to understand how serious my condition was so i just ‘didn’t put in the effort’#they spoke to me like i was 5 yrs old and didn’t understand that brain swelling is bad and that i could lose my eyesight#bc they couldn’t comprehend me struggling to lose weight as being anything but stupidity + laziness#anyway my dr pointed to the door and said ‘if you arent going to cooperate then get out’#so i did! and i never went back! teehee :)#and i will probably lose my eyesight eventually which is soooo cool but like. I’m not going through that again thanks#bc I’m a lazy fatty i guess lmao <333#but anyway it’s technically not a tumor it just behaves like one. like i don’t have cancer
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http-byler · 2 years
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and if I said Waiting Room by Phoebe Bridgers is the most Will Byers song I’ve ever heard? what then?
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biblionerd07 · 2 years
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Yesterday I found out it’s very much NOT standard for doctors to perform pelvic exams on young girls and I was like “…oh…” and then someone said it could create phobias and anxiety around the vagina and medical exams and other penetration and I was like “OH”
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hagravenholm · 8 months
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You know what that last post just made me realize? I fucking hate Sundays
#especially now. waking up to a whole day of free time and I’m broke and alone. yippee!#also no w**d. which is horrible.#:/ i want my medicine at least damn lol.#I’m probably just gonna go get ahead of some school work since that’s all my life consists of now is school and a job I can’t fucking stand#which I actually suspect is damaging my health.#since I clock in and work 7+ hours straight w no fucking breaks on this manual labor job#I take my coffee and a breakfast bar for work in the mornings and half the time I don’t even get time to finish eating or drinking my#fucking breakfast until after my shit is over 8 hours later#I want to cry. I’m sorry I know how it sounds. I just fucking hate this life I’m living sm now and a huge part of my can’t wait for it to#be absolutely over in any way. whether it be permanently or miraculous… I kinda don’t care at this point tbh#and one other thing it’s absolutely fucking hilarious to me and by that I mean it makes my blood fucking boil#hearing privileged assholes say just go to therapy hurr durr! jus go to da doctor!#motherfucking I am the working class I do no have health insurance.#not only that but I can’t afford it! lmfao like this is the way the system was set up#for people like me to work and work and work themselves to death but no one fucking gets this bc this country & older people are braindead#and lick the corpo boot clean and say the party line just work harder just go buy therapy forehead.#thanks! I’d actually love to. I’ve actually been wanting a therapist for years now.#people love to talk over me when I try to explain my material reality. it’s just a nightmare trying to get help in a system that so clearly#just wants to suck you dry to the bone for profit use up all your labor and destroy your body and leave YOU w nothing to show for it#but of course I’m just another crazy commie kid even tho I’m 27.#but no please continue everybody to shame me for not having access to therapy.#and isn’t it funny how the onus is just always on me. Like I’m so sorry that you all have to put up w my bad behavior lmao#as if I fucking knifed someone or something. as if I don’t try to apologize when I mess up. but no one EVER ever ever ever ever gives me#any fucking credit for that. for trying my best to fix mistakes I made. whatever.#I’m just complaining what else do I even have left
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mypoisonedvine · 11 months
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𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝓁𝒶𝓉𝑒 || eddie munson x reader
𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎 || sometimes, the best things happen when you're a little late.
𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓃𝓉 || 2.7k
𝓌𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 || implied smut/established relationship (18+), unplanned pregnancy, reader's parents are controlling, no descriptions of pregnancy/childbirth, dad!eddie, implied preppy/rich reader but it's not discussed much
this is just a short and sweet little fic based on a random idea I had, totally different from what I normally do but I hope y'all like it!!
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“Hey pumpkin,” he purred as you sat on his desk, resting one of those beautiful ringed hands on your thigh.  You had been practicing how you were going to say this all weekend and now you felt like you’d forgotten it somehow; he had that effect on you.
Taking a deep breath, you saw his eyes narrow for a second and his head tilt— he knew something was up, but he didn’t have to ask what before you blurted it out: “I’m late.”
He frowned and looked at the clock on the classroom wall; “It’s still three minutes until class?” he observed.
“Eddie…” you whispered, feeling so— something.  This crazy feeling you’d had for days now; this weird, nervous, insecure kind of feeling.  This oh my god is this happening to me feeling.  
He looked at you, waiting for more context, and you chewed your lip as you looked away.  Then he seemed to get it, and his chest sunk.  “O-oh, fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“I— okay,” he breathed, leaning in closer to you.  “Like… how late?”
“Four days?”
“Shit,” he hissed, glancing out the window and back at you— like there was gonna be someone standing outside holding up a sign for him that would tell him what to say.  But there wasn’t, and he obviously had no fucking idea what to say.  “Shit,” he said again.
“Yeah,” you also said again.
He stood up from his desk, lowering his voice and standing closer to you so (hopefully) only you could hear; thankfully nobody else seemed to be paying either of you much attention, just trying to get ready for class.  You wished you could think about class right now.  “What do we— I mean, how do we— I— when will you know?  Like, for sure?”
Even with all this fear (and nausea) swirling inside you, you still almost swooned at those big brown eyes, looking at you like this.  You could tell he was terrified, just as much as you, but he couldn’t hide the small edge of excitement— as much as this is supposed to be every young guy’s worst nightmare, you knew a part of him was thrilled at the chance of it.
You were too, though you were too embarrassed to admit that even to yourself.  It was horribly misguided; your parents didn’t even know you’d been seeing Eddie, because you’d figured they would have a heart attack if they knew.  This was going to be armageddon— if it was really going to happen.  You were still hoping it was just an unpredictable period and a whole lot of wasted emotion.
“I won’t know for sure until I go to a doctor,” you answered, “but I can’t really do that without tipping off my parents…”
“I’ll drive you,” he decided.
“And… if it’s…?” you dared to mumble, nervously glancing down, preparing for him to answer that he would drive you to a different doctor…
Instead, he opened his mouth and the bell rang.  “We’ll talk about that later,” he decided.  
“Okay,” you breathed.  “I— yeah, we’ll talk about it.  We’ll… figure something out.”
He pulled you in for a kiss suddenly, and it soothed you a bit as you melted into his arms.  The teacher cleared her throat; “I’d oblige you to return to your own classroom, Miss?” she instructed.
Eddie didn’t let you go quite yet, though, holding your face and looking at you closely.  “It’s gonna be okay,” he promised.  “No matter what happens, it’s gonna be okay.  Okay?”
“Okay.”
He kissed your forehead one more time as he hugged you, and then you took your leave, back to your class, where you had no hope of focusing.
~
“If you do— I mean, if it is—” he kept stopping and starting over— “and if it’s mine—”
“Eddie!” you frowned, smacking him on the arm.
“Sorry, sorry— I know you’re not— sorry,” he mumbled, “I just mean… that’s my baby.  Our baby.”
You bit your lip.
“I-if it is, you know, there, I mean,” he mitigated.
“Okay, so if it is— if I am… what do you want me to do?” you asked.
“Whatever you need to do,” he nodded.  “Whatever’s right for you.  I mean, I know your parents…”
He trailed off, and you raised your brows as you nodded.  “Yeah…”
“So if you have to… I understand,” he insisted.
“But what do you want me to do?” you asked again.
He chewed his lip.  “It’s your choice.”
“I know,” you groaned, “but if you could choose what I was going to do for me—”
“Which I would never do,” he announced proudly.
“What would you hypothetically want me to do if it was up to you?” you pressed.  “And don’t say I should do what’s best for me,” you warned, causing him to shut his mouth which he’d just opened.
“I… uh, well, I guess…” he stalled, looking down; but you could tell he already knew what he wanted, he was just trying to find the courage to say it.  Getting a serious look on his face, he finally admitted it: “I’d want you to keep it.  I’d want us to… have it, raise it.”
You sighed, smiling with relief— you felt the same way, but didn’t want to say it first, in case it pressured him into feeling like he had to be involved.  And the last thing you wanted was to raise a baby with someone only there out of obligation.
“I know we’re young, and it’s sooner than either one of us wanted this to happen,” he continued, “but I don’t… I don’t want you to think of our baby as a mistake.  Not planned, sure, a little unexpected… but if we do this, it’s not a mistake.  It’s two people who love each other starting a family together.”
He stepped closer to you, holding your hands tightly as you smiled.
“But that’s just if I was in charge of everything, which I’m not,” he laughed.  
“No, that’s what I want, too,” you admitted.  “But, if that’s gonna happen, I have to tell my parents first.”
Eddie blew out a long breath that inflated his cheeks.  “Yeah.  Good luck with that.”
You raised an eyebrow, and he coughed.
“Uh, I mean— I’ll come with you, if you want, obviously.  Your dad doesn’t own any guns, right?”
You laughed a little, leaning forward to rest your head on his chest with a sigh.  “He won’t literally kill you, Ed— but I think I should do it myself, just so they have a chance to meet you when things are less… emotional, I guess.”
“Yeah,” he breathed, kissing the top of your head and petting your hair as you leaned on him.  “S’gonna be okay, pumpking, even if they get mad at first.”
You nodded, replying “I know,” but you didn’t really know.  You had this sick feeling in your stomach, terrified of how they would react— especially considering you’d already been formally banned from seeing Eddie anymore.
You waited, of course, to tell them until you were late enough that something had to be said— actually, they nearly figured it out once the sudden bouts of nausea began.  If either of you had known what would happen after they found out, you would’ve cherished that time before more carefully.
one year later…
It took about half a second for Wayne to figure it out, seeing you on his doorstep with a baby on your hip.
His nephew had been listless ever since you left, and it took him a while to even say what was going on— but after a few times of innocently asking if that girl’s ever gonna come around again, Wayne finally assumed that you’d dumped him.  But apparently, it was far worse than that; when he had a few beers in him, Eddie told the whole story about how a broken condom led to a missed period and about a dozen positive at-home tests.  And that, apparently, wasn’t the issue— he admitted he’d wanted to go through with it, offered to marry you, got excited about having a child even if he felt totally overwhelmed at the idea of becoming a father.
I figured I could do it better than mine, Eddie told his uncle, a little somber smile on his face, and that made me feel better.  Kind of a low bar, but still.  I’d’ve done anything for that baby… for our baby…
But that was when he got choked up and struggled to say much more, until Wayne eventually pulled it out of him.  Her parents, man, they hate me— guess I can understand why, ‘cept they never even met me.  She told ‘em and they just went ballistic.  And they… she’s gone.
‘Gone’ as in, shipped off to live with extended family in another state and, presumably, have the pregnancy quietly ‘taken care of’.  You’d told him from the start that’s probably what they’d do, or at least make you give it up for adoption.  They told their country club and cotillion friends you were studying abroad, to save the shame of admitting their daughter was knocked up by a trailer park freak.
Well, apparently Eddie had been slightly wrong about what happened to the baby after you disappeared, and now, here you were.  And Wayne was staring at you, with that sweet-but-slightly-terrified look in your eyes.
“Is Eddie here?” you asked meekly; because what else would you ask?
Wayne sighed.  “No, he’s at work— he’ll be back in an hour.”
Your eyes lit up a little, even through all that fear you had on your face.  “He has a job?”
“Yeah, at the oil change place on Main,” Wayne nodded.  “You can wait for him here, if you don’t mind.”
You smiled a little; “F’course I don’t,” you assured, “and… well, I figured you might wanna meet her, too.”
Wayne smiled back, feeling like he was finally allowed to address the adorable, chubby-cheeked elephant in the room.  
“Say hi to Uncle Wayne,” you instructed the baby sweetly, and she smiled but tucked her face into your shoulder.
“Hi, beautiful,” he smiled at her, waving with just the tips of his fingers.  “Wow, got your daddy’s eyes, don’tcha?”
You felt your face warm as he noticed it— of course, it wasn’t like there was much chance this was anybody else’s baby, but knowing that Wayne knew made you slightly nervous he would judge you somehow (since everyone else had).  Instead, he brought you both inside and started making tea.
~
When Eddie’s van pulled up outside the trailer, you glanced at Wayne nervously.  He nodded towards the door, adding, “I’ll watch her— just go.”
Your legs were a little shaky as you stood up off the couch, but you did your best to breathe normally as you opened the door and stepped out onto the lawn.
Eddie was getting groceries out of the back of his van, and your heart rate picked up even more as you waited for him to see you; you worried he wouldn’t want to, after you disappeared on him.  You’d never had a chance to say goodbye, to explain what was going on or why you were leaving… he could hate you, if he wanted, for abandoning him.
But when he did see you, and you shyly shrugged a little as you waited for a reaction, he dropped the grocery bags on the ground and ran to you.
“Oh my god!” he laughed excitedly, pulling you into a tight bear hug.  “Pumpkin, I thought I might never see you again…”
You hugged him back, wanting to think of something to say but getting too caught up in holding him again, in burying your face in his soft shirt and smelling his cologne; this was all you’d been thinking about for most of the last year.
“I missed you so much,” Eddie began as he let you go for a moment, looking at you like he wanted to be sure you were really here, “and I wanted to call, or write or something, but I couldn’t— I guess you couldn’t either— and I barely got out of bed for a week after you left, just ask Wayne— how long have you been waiting?  Are your boobs bigger?”
You started to laugh, covering your face with your hands and Eddie’s laughed thinly as his face tinted pink.
“Sorry, I didn’t wanna say anything,” he mumbled, “but like, they’re bigger, right?”
You nodded.  “Yeah— it’s ‘cause I’m breastfeeding…”
He blinked quickly, and you bit your lip as you waited for a reaction.  “I thought— I figured your parents had made you— I— pumpkin,” he breathed, and your heart twisted.  “Is this really…?  I mean, I’m not dreaming, am I?”
You shook your head.  “I’m sorry I couldn’t visit before— I wanted you to meet her so bad, I just—”
“Her?” he repeated, and you only started to choke up when you saw the tears in his eyes; you nodded.  “I— oh my god, I love you,” he said simply, wiping a tear off his cheek before hugging you again— not as tight as before but somehow warmer and sweeter.
“I love you too,” you whispered, “I’m sorry I left, I’m sorry I couldn’t call, I swear I wanted to but—”
“Don’t be sorry for anything, okay?” he interrupted you, kissing the top of your head as he began to rock you side to side in the hug.  “I’m just so happy you’re here…”
“Sh-she’s here too,” you blurted out, making him freeze and look down at you.  “She’s inside, with Wayne, if you wanna…?”
He sniffled as he wiped another tear away; “Y-yeah, of course… of course I do, wow, yeah.  Okay.”
“I-it’s okay if you’re not ready yet,” you assured, but he laughed.
“Are you kidding?  I’ve been waiting for this since… I don’t even know how long— since you sat on my desk in Science class…”
You beamed and hugged him again before you walked together into the trailer.
When you and Eddie stepped inside, Wayne was bouncing her on his knee— she was reaching up to grab his face, a new favorite hobby of hers, and he scrunched up his nose and closed one eye as her little hands explored his rough, stubbly features.  Eddie already looked overcome with emotion just watching the scene before him, staring forward at her with a slack mouth and shiny eyes, and he hadn’t even seen her face yet; when you shut the door, the sound made her turn her head to look back at you.  He was still speechless, walking forward slowly and kneeling down in front of Wayne’s feet.  Wayne turned her to face him better, and Eddie wordlessly reached up towards her; she grabbed hold of one of his fingers, and he smiled and sniffled as he looked at her tiny fist and back up to her face.  “Hi there,” he greeted quietly.
“Eddie… this is Emily,” you introduced them quietly, and Eddie beamed as he glanced at you for a second before looking at her again.
“Hello, Emily,” he said, “I’m Eddie— I mean, dad.  I’m Daddy.  Nice to meet you.”
You snorted at how formal it was, but still had to wipe a tear from your eye.
“Can I hold her?” he asked quietly, nervously.
“Of course,” you breathed, almost heartbroken that he could ever imagine not being allowed to hold her— but then again, he never got to see her, or even know she existed, until now.
Wayne handed her off to Eddie, who put his hands under her arms— she was still so small, his grasp almost covered her whole body.  Standing up and taking her with him, Eddie stared at her for a moment with the most amazed smile on his face; she reached for that very face, and he laughed as she held on tight to his nose.
You were wondering if you’d have to guide him in how to hold her, but as he pulled her into a hug, he impressed you with how experienced he already looked— he looked like a dad, and he’d only been doing it for less than a minute.  It made your heart so full, finally seeing them together, finally seeing your baby in her father’s arms, finally feeling like your family was complete.
He bounced her in his arms, kissing her head and face, tears still striping his cheeks.  Hi baby, hi beautiful, hi gorgeous, hi Emily, he kept whispering to her.  Daddy loves you so much.  Daddy missed you.  
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Had to split the last chapter into 2 separate ones bc i got a bit overzealous with this one... so here’s chapter 3! may be a longer bit before 4′s ready, but  Enjoy! [tw: blood, mentions of suicidal thoughts/ death/ survivors guilt]
Ch1 Ch2
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Tsunade: Enter. Kks: Mornin’. Tsunade: Kakashi. I got your message. So, Gai made it out of the coma, huh. I’ll go see how his condition is when I’m done here. Kks: I’m sure he’ll love that, but that’s not why I’m here. Tsunade: Are you looking for work? I can assign you-. Kks: More of a discussion. About the hokage thing.
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Tsunade: Are you finallt giving me an answer? Kks: Yup. I’m saying no. I’m not interested. However, if there is truly no one else, I have a compromise if you’re interested.
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Tsunade:It’d better be a good deal, brat. The council won’t be happy with this. You were about to accept months ago. Why say no now? Kks: Alot’s changed since then.
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Gai: Papa
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[gai sighs] [window sliding]
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Kks: Yo. Gai: Rival!! Happy to see you! Kks: I see you’ve had visitors
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Gai: Yes! I am so lucky and moved! Especially from our students! Kks: How are you feeling? Gai: Sore. Stiff. But much better than this morning. [kks hums] Kks: Sorry I took so long. Got caught up. Gai: Nonsense! I was honored to wake up to see both of your beautiful eyes first thing. You look so youthful! You left in such a hurry, you left your shoes. Kks: Yeah, had a soggy walk to my apartment. Can’t return those slippers now. Gai: How are /you/ feeling?
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Gai: You seemed so overwhelmed and I couldn’t move. I feel like i’ve missed so much. Kks: I’m ok now. Just needed some air. Plus, sorted some things I’d been neglecting. I knew you’d be flooded with visitors. So, I stayed out of the way. Gai: Pretty cool response per usual. Kks: I think you’re pretty cool
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Kks: How long are you stuck here? Did they say? Gai: A few weeks. Most of it depends on the physical therapy progress. My chakra network is fried. It’ll be slow to heal if at all. They’ve never treated my condition before, so the doctors are not sure what’ll happen
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Kks: Did Tenten tell you about her plans? Kankuro even offered his experience building a prosthetic. Gai: Yes. She was very excited. Kks: /You/ don’t seem as enthused. What’s bugging you? you’re usually delighted by your team’s passion or whatever. Gai: I am truly touched because I know she’ll give it her all, but...
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Gai: It won’t make a difference. Kks: What did the doctor say? Gai: Even if I can stand or walk, I’ll have lasting damage and pain. I’ll need a wheelchair the rest of my life. My time as an active duty shinobi is done.
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Kks: You’ll get through this. Gai: What am I going to do, ‘Kashi? Kks: You’re stubborn enough. I’m sure you’ll find a way to prove them wrong. Like walking on your hands or something. You’ll be a menace in a wheelchair in no- Gai: I do not want you or my students burdened by my injury
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Kks: That’s what you’re worried about? You think mourning you would have been any easier on anyone? You’re more to them than just a teacher. If you could have Dai back right now, wouldn’t you want that? Gai: Of course I would. Kks: Then see it from their perspectives. Don’t just lie down and accept this is how your life ends. That’s not how Dai raised you.
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Kks: This is terrifying to deal with, Gai, It’s ok to feel overwhelmed. But please don’t give up. I won’t let you. Gai: I was prepared to die Kks: ...I’ve understood wanting to be dead for a long time. I get it. Gai: I do not regretn my decision at all. Regardless, I’ve hurt you the most. I know you’re angry.
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Kks: I won’t lie to you. I am angry. Extremely. But I’ve wasted so much time pushing you away already. I don’t want to waste anymore time we have left. The only consistent thing in my life has always been you. I’ve said horrible things to you, and you never abandoned me. I think all the time about how I would have turned out if you didn’t keep me human. Self sacrifice seems to be something we have in common. Neither of us were meant to be without the other apparently... We’ve both been brought back from death. So maybe it’s...
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Baby gai: You’re my eternal rival... My man of- Kks: Destiny
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Kks: Strongesttaijutsu master who ever lived. My eternal rival. My man of destiny. I’m so happy you’re alive
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[gai crying]
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[Gai sobbing/crying]
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look-at-the-soul · 1 month
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Every little thing you do- Part 2
Tommy Shelby x reader
Series Master list
Thank you so much for giving this little idea so much love 💕 it means a lot! Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts
Word count: 2,695
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The house was quiet, it was probably pretty late by now, but at least the initial commotion was calmer now. Tommy’s eyes focused on the flame flickering on the bedside table, the room was quiet. Then his eyes darted to Y/N… his best friend seemed so vulnerable, so small. He had seen the marks her father left on her back it was a horrible sight and now it looked worse. As if her life wasn’t complicated enough by the unplanned pregnancy, Y/N would have to deal with the physical pain as well.
He studied Y/N’s face for a minute, taking in the swollen eyes from crying too much, his heart aches for her, she didn’t deserve to be treated like this. She held a special place close to his heart since they were kids.
“Do you’ve a minute?” Polly asked.
As she realized the doubt in her nephew’s eyes, she assured him that Y/N would sleep for a while. After cleaning her injuries and adding a strong ointment to the wounds on her back, Polly checked the baby and gave Y/N a tea to help her sleep.
Tommy gave Y/N one more look and covered her arm with the thin sheet, but was careful enough to not hurt her before he walked out of what was once Ada’s room in Watery Lane.
“What happened?” He found Polly downstairs stomping her cigarette on the ashtray. Earlier, she didn’t ask questions, she just rushed to take care of Y/N’s wounds just she had done so many times when they were kids, and eventually teenagers on the brick of trouble every time.
“Y/N is pregnant, the son of a bitch told her he wasn’t sure the baby is his.”
“And that’s why her father hit her like that?!” She asked scandalized. “He’s an animal.”
“How’s the baby, really?” He asked with genuine concern.
Polly sighed. “She was smart to offer her back, so the belt wouldn’t hit in any compromising area, but I’d keep her in bed just in case.” She suggested.
“Tommy,” Scudboat apologized for the interruption, “we found the vehicle, Scott has been hiding in the house, do you want the men to enter and get him?”
Leaning on the counter, Tommy considered his options for a few seconds. “No, keep someone watching his house at all times, he might try to escape.”
As the blinder left him again alone with his aunt, Tommy expressed out loud a decision he had already made.
“We can’t leave her alone Pol.” He clenched his jaw. “She’s on her own, that bastard just used her and her family won’t help her with the baby yo-you saw how they hurt her.”
“I know.” She added breathlessly stopping for a second as she got the kettle. “They turned their backs on her when she needed them the most.”
“Sort a doctor tomorrow morning to make sure they’ll be fine.”
“And then what?” Pol stared at him.
“I just got a house, still needs a few things… I can take Y/N there, because if she stays here, she’ll see her parents all damn day.”
“In the meantime if she needs another place, there’s my house as well.”
Tommy folded his arms against his chest and nodded profusely.
“Poor Y/N… she’ll have a hard time with people pointing fingers at her all the time.” Polly shook her head.
Tommy remembered the long stares and whispers over Ada, when she suddenly got married and started showing no long after. He had been forced to walk around with the gun in his hand for several weeks. They even kicked her out of a boutique once she tried buying a dress and Tommy had to stop by with a few men until his sister got the dress that she wanted.
“I’ll blind anyone who dares to do something against Y/N.” He stated firmly pouring some whiskey finally.
“What happened?” Finn asked looking from his brother to his aunt.
“If anyone asks,” Tommy pointed a finger at him, “you haven’t seen Y/N here alright?”
Finn frowned. “But I haven’t seen her.”
“Exactly.” Tommy agreed walking towards the fireplace, he added a few pieces of wood and then took a seat in front of it. Pondering on the previous events, worry installed on his shoulders of what might happen. Anger spreading on his body at the thought of his best friend being humiliated by her useless boyfriend, after all she had done for the prick and he had the audacity to doubt the baby was his. Thanks to her, Scott got the chance to be a blinder, and with that endless benefits.
One of his men knocked desperately and as Tommy went to see what was happening he heard the best news of the day.
“We followed Scott, he was at the train station.”
He took the remaining of his drink in a swing. “Was?”
“The boys took him to the warehouse, he had a ticket to escape.”
Tommy gave his aunt a look. “If Y/N wakes up, send someone to let me know.”
As Polly saw them disappear, her eyes darted upwards, in a silent prayer. She knew Scott wouldn’t live a day without regretting his decision. Taking her cup of tea with her, she decided to look for some clothes and clean sheets to provide to Y/N while they sorted everything out.
Y/N was considered part of the family, she and Tommy had always been close, in a way Y/N was the only person who could understand her nephew. The one who he trusted the most.
She decided to go to the church the following morning to light a candle and pray for Y/N and the baby.
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Taking a deep breath and one of her eyes cracked a bit open. As everything started to hurt so bad, her chest felt heavy as memories from what had happened hit Y/N hard. Word by word her parents had said replayed in her mind.
A single tear rolled down from her eye to her nose. With trembling fingers, Y/N moved one of her hands to the yet non-existent bump. It was still early to start showing but she couldn’t help but think her baby was starting to grow inside her.
Despite the circumstances, Y/N felt like giving her own life for this baby. It didn’t matter that Scott or her family decided to leave her.
Tommy opened the door carefully to not wake Y/N up, but to his surprise she was already awake.
“Go on… say it.” She was waiting for Tommy’s lecture.
Scott had turned his back just like her parents. All the people she thought she could rely on showed her to not take them for granted.
But Tommy shook his head.
“How are you feeling?” He asked taking the chair in the corner to place it next to the bed.
“Like a total failure.” She admitted with tears in her eyes.
“Y/N.” Tommy didn’t know what to say to make her feel better, to help her. “Hey, look at me.” He spoke softly and covered one of her hands with his own.
Y/N started biting the inside of her cheek to prevent more tears to come out. But looked at her best friend anyways.
“You’re not alone, I know you’ve a lot to take in at the moment… but you can count on me for everything.” He offered sincerely.
She didn’t feel worth any of this, she felt dirty, stupid for believing in Scott’s love words. How could she have been so naïve?
“Why?” Her voice broke. “Why do you want to help me when I’ve done everything wrong?”
“Don’t do this to yourself.” Tommy swallowed hard. “Don’t let them get in your head, I know how it is, but this isn’t your fault.”
“Of course it is! I gave myself away to Scott, I’m just another whore.”
Tommy lost his control, he didn’t want her to feel this way.
“You’re not a whore. You did it out of love and that’s not something to regret.”
“I deserve this, my father is right.” Y/N shook her head, she angrily wiped a tear away.
“No, you don’t deserve this shit happening. Y/N you’re a good woman an-”
Y/N’s grandmother asked if she could walk into the room. Tommy felt grateful for the interruption because he didn’t know how to deal this situation. He didn’t want to say that he had warned Y/N about her now ex boyfriend and make her feel worse than she already did.
“I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.”
At least he got a chance last night at the warehouse to make the bastard pay for playing with Y/N’s heart. Tommy made it very clear he better disappear from her life for good because if he ever saw him again, he wouldn’t let him walk twice alive.
He had been a few punches away from killing Scott. But the image of Y/N holding a baby in her arms stopped him… he wouldn’t be responsible for killing that baby’s father, even though Scott definitely deserved it. So he limited himself to leave a little warning, a message.
“This is a mess, Y/N feels so guilty for getting into this.” Tommy announced walking into the kitchen. He found his sister and aunt making breakfast.
Tommy’s eyes fixed on Karl and he was taken back in time to when Ada thought he had betrayed Freddie. He was a lot of things, but he’d never cause a pain like that to a child. At least not one of his own people.
From the beginning, he knew Scott was a piece of shit, but Y/N seemed so happy and thrilled, how would he step in to destroy her happiness? He never imagined he’d have to help her pick up the broken pieces of her heart. The sudden presence of Polly close to him made him snap back into reality, she stepped closer to help him light the cigarette that was hanging from his mouth.
Tommy moved his eyes towards his nephew, he was playing with a truck on the floor. Perhaps he was overthinking but he didn’t know what would he answer when Y/N’s child asked about his or her father.
“Ada would you talk to Y/N?”
“About what?”
“When you got pregnant…” he began with embarrassment in his eyes to talk about that. “It’s something similar.”
They’ve come a long way ever since, but Tommy still regretted the time they spent apart. Family was everything to him.
“And what do you want me to say Tommy? Her boyfriend dumped her, it’s not the same I got married.”
He sighed in frustration. “I just want Y/N to feel our support.”
“You’re going to make her feel overwhelmed! I know how noisy you can be.” Ada protested.
Tommy scoffed, he felt offended by his sister’s words. He just wanted to help Y/N.
“I’ll talk to her.” Polly intervened placing some food on a tray to give Y/N.
“Thank you.”
Ada clicked her tongue and crossed her arms. Her eyes boring into her brother.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
But Ada turned the corner of her mouth down and shuddered. “Nothing it’s just strange to see you go above and beyond for someone.”
As she walked out of the kitchen, Tommy found himself thinking of her words. She was telling the truth but… but how could he stand there and do nothing for Y/N?
He knew her like the palm of his hand, she had been by his side since forever, encouraging him to follow his dreams, telling him the truth right in his face when he messed up. Even he didn’t want to hear it.
There was no other way to do this, she’d have his entire support through the pregnancy and whatever she might need afterwards.
“Mr. Shelby!” Y/N’s grandmother shouted from upstairs.
Tommy skipped a few steps and when he reached Ada’s old room, he found Polly holding Y/N’s hair back, she had been sick and her grandmother was trying to hold her trembling body.
“I’m sorry Pol. Sorry.”
“Why are you sorry for? With everything you’ve been through it’s not a surprise your stomach can’t handle food. Tommy help me here.” His aunt asked him to take her place so Y/N could use his strength as support. “Take her to that chair, while I sort this out.”
Following Polly’s instructions, Tommy lead Y/N carefully to the chair in the corner while his aunt and Y/N’s grandma changed the bedsheets. Ada joined them a moment later with a glass of water. “Try some crackers, it helped me with sickness during my pregnancy.” She offered taking the sheets downstairs.
Y/N groaned feeling embarrassed and mortified for everything. As soon as she smelled the food her stomach protested, but she felt bad for telling Polly something so she decided to just eat the food. But the moment she got the first bite, she couldn’t help it and it ended in her throwing up and making a mess.
“I want to thank you for taking care of her.” Y/N’s grandmother admitted taking her hand.
“I was just thinking…” Tommy started to say, “You could come with me to the new place I got.” Then he turned to face her grandmother. “It’s outside the city, away from curious eyes and it’s surrounded by trees.”
“No.” Y/N stated.
“I think it’s a wonderful idea dear.” Her grandma smiled at Tommy. “Fresh air could help her.”
Y/N sighed frustrated with herself, with the situation.
“Think about it, yeah?” Tommy suggested. “That way you won’t run into your parents everyday, and you can walk to the lake to relax.”
“He’s right.” Her grandma approved. “You’ll feel grateful to be away from the drama.”
“Perfect! Looks like you got it all figured out Tommy.” She snapped. “Just like my mother who wanted to send me to her aunt’s farm.”
She knew this wasn’t fair, he was the only one offering support, but she couldn’t help it, she felt on the brick, like everything was falling apart. And she was angry with herself.
Polly pushed Tommy away and gently grabbed Y/N’s arm. “Sweetheart all of this worry isn’t right for the baby. For the first time, I think going to that house is the best idea.”
“Unfortunately your choices are limited my darling.” Y/N’s grandma spoke softly. “But you should know that these wonderful people are trying to help you.”
She was trying to be strong, to pretend this didn’t hurt her, but truth is he world was crashing down. And this was only the beginning.
That seemed to click on Y/N’s mind because she gave a small nod, he lower lip gave in and it started quivering, then the tears started to fall down her cheeks.
“Thank you so much.” Y/N sobbed. “I’m so sorry.” Emotions took over her.
Her grandma pulled her in for a hug, wrapping her arms protectively around her just like she did when she was a child. “The Lord removed some people from your life but look at the angels he placed right away.”
Tommy saw Polly dabbing the corner of her eyes with her sleeve.
“This baby will grow surrounded by people who really love him or her.” He assured her.
“Now how about I help you take a bath? The doctor should arrive shortly.” Polly offered rubbing her back.
Her grandma squeezed between them. “I better go, said I was going to church.”
“Thank you for coming gran.” Y/N gave her a tight hug.
As they moved to get things done, Polly stopped her nephew before he could walk downstairs. “You’re brave for helping her like this.”
“I can’t leave her on her own.” He tried to explain, but Polly interrupted him.
“Your mother raised you right.” She then, in an unexpected move touched his shoulder. “She’d be proud of you.”
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Part 3
Master list
Tag list: @lyarr24 @runnning-outof-time @cillmequick @datewithgianni @cloudofdisney @gretelshelby @garrison-girl-08 @lespendy @onlydeadcells @fastfan @stevie75 @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @esposadomd @forbidden-forest-witch @ange-thoughts @moral-terpitude @elenavampire21 @forgottenpeakywriter @thenattitude @winchestergirl22 @zablife @elk96 @blondie-22 @imichelle-l-rigby @allie131313 @already-broken144 @peakyscillian @babaohhhriley @shelbydelrey @shaddixlife @sloanexx @sydneyyyya @lau219 @adaydreamaway08 @pono-pura-vida @thomashelbyswife @darleneslane @lauren-raines-x @everythingelseisextra @kmc1989 @red-riding-wood @lovemissyhoneybee @theendlessvoidofdarkest @wannabeperfectionists-blog @yeppaweshallsee (can’t tag) @skydysneylover (can’t tag) @holacia3 @galactic3a (can’t tag) @mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @ietss @abaker74 @natalie--rushman @elliaze @justrainandcoffee
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princesachicana · 1 year
Text
𝐞𝐥𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐚 (drew starkey x reader)
description: you and drew with newborn babies.
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“Aren’t they soo cute” You gushed snuggling further into Drew’s arms. He held the baby monitor in one hand,as his other lightly massaged your back. Your twins Eli and Eliana were born just 3 weeks ago. Although it was very hectic at first dealing with two needy newborn babies, you both got the hang of it pretty quickly.
The dirty diapers, feedings, crying was a new normal for the both of you. Seeing each other step into their respective parent roles warmed your hearts. This is what you both have wanted for so long. The domestic bliss that consumed the house was perfect. "Just like their mama." Drew peppered kisses onto your cheek. "And their daddy!" you teased back with a smile. The love you felt everyday made you feel whole, Drew worshiped everything about you. His love for you only grew now that you were the mother of his children.
"Did you get a chance to respond to that email?" you questioned your fiancé as he placed the baby monitor back onto its charger. Early this morning as you were pumping and Drew was putting the twins back into their cribs he received a email from his management. They wanted to know when he planned on going back to work. You knew that the last thing Drew was worried about was working. He'd been telling everyone on his team he’d get back to it soon. “Yeah, want me to read this script.”
You felt your muscles tense at his words. It wasn’t that you didn’t want him to go back to work. You were terrified of being alone again. You knew that it was a low possibility that whatever role he’d take next would allow him to stay home. All the best job offer’s required him to travel sometimes across the country. And with you being a new mom to a set of twins only made you more anxious. You needed him here. But you didn’t want to be the one holding him back from any opportunities.
“Did you read it?” You questioned fiddling with the strings on his sweats. “Didn’t want to” His response came immediately as if he wanted to be done with this conversation. Drew had only read the character description before he was interrupted by the screams of Eli and Eliana. And without second thought he went and comforted his little family. “It’s when the babies were going crazy, they both wanted your boobs.” Drew cracked a smile when you grimaced. Not even three hours ago it was as if your newborn babies were having a screaming match. Alls they wanted was to be fed and both wanted to be the first at it. “Don’t remind me i felt like a horrible mom choosing between them.”
Drew shook his head “Don’t ever say that.” Hooking a finger under your chin he looked into your eyes. “They got the best mom ever you hear me?” He leaned in pressing a long kiss against your lips. You smiled against his lips. “It was Eli’s turn to breast feed! but Eliana hates bottle feeding she won’t eat and it’s the same milk!” You laughed at your very picky baby. “And even though Eli doesn’t mind bottle feedings, the doctor said it’s important for him to get that one on one time with me too you know?”
Drew pulled you closer draping your legs over his lap. “Didn’t she suggest the bottle nipples that are similar to these.” Drew smirked as he slyly grabbed onto one of your breasts. It wasn’t a secret your postpartum body turned him on to no end. “Yea, she did. They should be delivered in like two days.” You pulled his hand away. You couldn’t afford being aroused after the doctors strict rules of “no sex for six weeks.” Drew threw his head back with a groan.
“Baby now i can’t even cop a feel?” Your laugh only made him whimper. “No! because I’d get turned on and we wouldn’t be able to do anything about that!” You defended. “Only three more weeks we got this!” Drew made prayer hands with his eyes closed. Your favorite thing was to tease your man so when you started leaving kisses down his neck he actually groaned. “You’re fucking evil.” Drew’s hands gripped your hips before dragging them down onto your ass. The action only made it worse for him as you moved over his lap. “I think feel something hard, left something in your pocket hmm?” You joked when he hissed. “I can’t help it my fiancé is sexy.” Drew pulled you back in for a kiss.
Crackling from the baby monitor halted your movements. A cry was heard, making you move off Drew quickly . You grabbed the monitor immediately drew looking at it over your shoulder at the same speed. “It’s Eliana she’s awake.” You blew out a breath, she was fine. “I’ll grab her so she doesn’t wake up Eli.” You nodded as he pressed a kiss onto your forehead leaving the room.
“She’s wide awake.” Drew smiled as he held baby Eliana to his chest, her eyes searching all around the room. You walked up to them with a fond smile. “She’s such a night owl.” You brought your finger to Eliana’s little fist, heart warming when she wrapped a tiny hand around it. “Then we got our boy over there who could sleep through a hurricane.” Drew adjusted her on his chest.
You laughed at that, where eliana stayed up all night and always fought nap time. Eli was the first to wake up and take the longest naps. “Our next one gonna be another girl mark my words!” Drew stated matter of factly.
“Already thinking of having another one?” You gasped. “What can i say I like seeing you pregnant knowing it’s my baby I put in there.” He smirked.
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transmascissues · 2 years
Text
every day i think about how my old psychiatrist (who was notoriously horrible on many levels, to be clear) tried to convince me to stay on the antidepressants i was coming off of when i told her i was starting testosterone because she was convinced that i’d be incapable of handling the “intense mood swings” that she said it would cause if i was unmedicated
mind you, i was coming off of these meds because they were doing absolutely fucking nothing for me and she had fought me on stopping them every step of the way — in her mind, me starting t was the perfect chance to make one final (transphobic) push against my desire to stop putting completely pointless drugs in my body
she consistently referred to hrt as me “going on steroids” and told me with every ounce of condescending concern she could muster that she had never had a patient start t without being on antidepressants (as if i was supposed to see that fact as anything other than further proof that her main goal as a psychiatrist was just to make as much money as possible by pushing meds on people)
i tried to explain to her that countless trans people i’d talked to had said that being on t made them feel more emotionally stable, not less, and that i had already chosen a method of hrt that would minimize hormonal fluctuations as much as possible, but she wouldn’t believe me — there’s no question in my mind that she just saw me as a ~naive little girl who didn’t understand how testosterone could make my life hell~
and of course, my mom jumped on that idea and started telling me about how it’s not that she doesn’t like that i’m trans, it’s just that she’s ~so worried~ about what the ~big bad testosterone~ might to to my ~poor fragile mental health~
and when i started t, i was terrified that they would be proven right
now i’m 5 months on t (and a few months post-ending that doctor-patient relationship as well) and what do you know? my mood is better than ever! my therapist (who has known me far longer and actually cares about my well-being) says she’s never seen me this happy, and that she feels like i’m actually living for the first time! it’s been incredible!
in fact, i’ve come to the realization that i most likely had premenstrual dysphoric disorder before t, and that it was contributing to a huge percentage of my mental breakdowns and suicidal thoughts, so it seems there were hormones causing mood swings that i couldn’t handle without proper treatment after all, but testosterone isn’t the cause of those issues — turns out it’s the treatment i desperately needed to manage them!
and after some research and hearing from other people, i’ve learned that it wasn’t all anecdotal after all, because some studies have actually found evidence to support the idea that testosterone has antidepressant effects — i told my therapist that testosterone felt the way the antidepressants i had been on were supposed to feel, but i had no clue there was science to back that up
so now i’m just left being endlessly furious with the way testosterone is demonized as some horrible poisonous drug that will destroy your mental health along with everything else in your life, because being on it has improved my quality of life exponentially and that alone makes being on it SO worthwhile, but no one ever gets to see that side of being on t because they’re so busy drumming up fear about how it’ll wreck your moods instead
of course, that’s not to say some people don’t experience serious mood swings on t, because i would never deny someone else’s experience with their own body and mind, and i think it’s important that people know those effects are possible when they start t
what i AM saying is that i would guess that if you looked at pure numbers, more people have probably had a really positive experience like mine than a seriously negative one, and it’s very telling that the negative ones are portrayed as a universal part of being on t despite seemingly being a smaller percentage when you actually talk to lots of trans people, while the positive ones are portrayed as a fluke at best and impossible or even deceptive at worst despite being a really common theme in trans people’s accounts of being on t
testosterone is medicine. testosterone is healing.
it doesn’t solve all our problems — i’m certainly far from cured of all my mental health issues — but it sure as hell lightens the load, and i’m sick and tired of people acting like it’s a horrible thing and not the fucking miracle worker that it is for some of us
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avoxrising · 5 months
Text
The Feral One • Ch 11
Finnick x Y/N
Series Masterlist Link
I had such a hectic day but decided I wanted to stay up late and upload anyways. Prepare yourselves for a plot twist!!!
Content Warnings - Mentions of suicide/torture
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How long had you been here? Weeks? Months? None of that mattered to you. You were happy here.
The capital doctors had fixed you. No more meltdowns over people touching you; no more urges to kill. You were finally healed.
You don’t know why they took the route of healing you while they tortured the others, but who were you to complain? They had made you whole again. Maybe they thought that making you realize the stability you had lived without for the past five years would be a form of torture. Maybe they thought it would make you sad. It didn’t. It made you the happiest you had been in a long time.
The only thing that would make you happier would be seeing Finnick. You know he’s not in the capital. Peeta said he saw him on the screen the other day while he was doing an interview, so you know he’s alive. You just hope you’ll be reunited soon.
Hopefully he will come here and they can fix him too. He may not show it, but his games and the years after have left him with a lot of scars. If he comes, you’ll make sure he gets the same treatment you received.
The power here keeps flickering out. Peeta says it’s cause the dam in District 5 was destroyed. Apparently Finnick and Katniss are in District 13 and the capital sent bombs. Peeta warned them and got extra torture because of it.
Johanna is silent outside of her screams. Whatever they’re doing to her sounds horrible. You don’t want to find out.
“Y/N!” Peeta whispers loudly to you. His room is across from yours and you can hear each other under the door.
“What?” you respond.
“I overheard them talking about you,” he states. “The peacekeepers were talking about your treatment.”
“What about it?” you ask.
“I didn’t hear all of it,” he explains, “and it’s hard for me to know what’s real nowadays, but they said something about a timer going off and how they would make you crazy again. We have to get out before they hurt us.”
“What are you talking about?” you ask him annoyed. “They won’t hurt me. Snow promised.”
Just as Peeta goes to respond, the lights cut out again and peacekeepers enter the hall. They usually set up extra guards when the power goes out in case anyone tries to escape. Why would you escape? You like it here.
It must be an hour later when panic sets in. You hear a hiss coming from the hall and what sounds like people falling over. You don’t have time to think, however, before your door is opened and a canister of smoke is thrown into your room. Peeta was right. They are going to hurt you.
“Did you always love her?” Katniss asks Finnick as they wait for the rescue team to return. All communication had been cut off but the two were still holding onto hope that they would return safely.
“No,” he chuckles. “I guess she snuck up on me.”
“How?” Katniss asks.
“After her incident in the capital Snow killed her family,” he explains. “I moved in with her because she wasn’t stable enough to live on her own. We were scared she was going to kill herself and selfishly I couldn’t let the one victor I had brought home at that point die.”
Katniss nods her head in understanding and Finnick continues.
“I don’t know if I’d even call us friends when I first lived with her. She wasn’t thrilled I moved in and found me annoying, yet I was the only one she would talk to. She wouldn’t even speak to Mags,” he states. “Before Annie’s games my nightmares got worse. I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night completely disoriented. Instead of running or turning violent she would stay. Whenever I woke her up she would come to my room and sit near me till I fell asleep again. Something just clicked at that point and I knew I couldn’t live without her. I still can’t.”
“I never even told her I loved her,” he sadly says to Katniss.
“She knows,” Katniss responds. “And I know she loves you too.”
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