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simplepotatofarmer · 11 months

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Blog Update:

Hi, it's me, Loyal.

I just want to say first and foremost, I really do love (parts of) the fandom and I'm not going anywhere.

I will, however, not be around as much. One, I'm about to enter an all day intensive treatment plan so I'll literally just be on in the evening. Two, as much as I'm going to keep writing and creating, I have no intention of interacting publicly with fandom as much as I have.

I can't. It's actually fucking insane that it's gotten to this point. I made tribute post and because I used lyrics from Dream's song, I got harassed. The people doing this, acting like this, thinking this way are insane.

So in case it's not clear: Based on my personal lived experience and some information that's come to light, I still enjoy Dream's content. You can approach me personally, off anon, if you want to know my reasoning. If you dislike me for this, that's fine. But I'm done trying to walk this fine line just so I don't get people threatening me, my kids, and my pets. Just so people stop sending me the city I live in, so they stop digging up twelve year old tweets, so they stop calling me slurs and suicide baiting me.

That's absolutely insane. It's horrible. It's disgusting and I was honestly just sitting here, taking it, because I'm terrified of upsetting people and losing friends if I say 'yeah, I'm excited for a new manhunt and I also this song helped me and my kids process my grief'. And the worst part is, it's not an unfounded fear. People have done the most vile shit to me. People I thought were friends jumped on me instead of those harassing me.

I just want to post about Techno and c!Rivals duo and not worry about whether or not this post is going to get me hate. I don't want to worry about how random discord servers are talking about me.

Because that's fucking batshit. Not the worrying, but what these people are doing and I'm tired of letting this effect me. I have enough going on in my personal life. My partner of 15 years almost died. We almost lost our house. I should be able to come online and post about the silly minecraft guys I like and their RP and lore without censoring myself out of fear of literally being doxxed and cyber stalked. I should be able to talk about the racism that effects me without being afraid people will make it about cc drama or calling me slurs or erasing my identity as an Ojibwe person.

The people doing this are the problem. It hurts that so many people are part of this, it really does. But I can't keep letting it get to me. I've always done my best to be kind. I haven't been perfect, especially not lately, because all this hate and stress has gotten to me. I've lashed out. I shouldn't have.

And I shouldn't have had to deal with all that shit in the first place. I hope no one else does. It's terrifying and draining and I'm done.

So I intend to post the things I enjoy, I intend to reblog my friends' art, write the Emerald duo and Rivals duo fics I want to. I want to post about the Syndicate and the new manhunt when it comes out. That's what I'm going to do.

Asks are staying off for the moment because people are too happy to make burner blogs but I'll probably turn them back on at some point as I love answering lore and headcanon questions and, again, it's fucked up I can't enjoy an aspect of the site and fandom because people can't just leave me alone.

To those people: Get help. You're harassing someone because you think they deserve it and that's the most fucked up thing.

To everyone else: So so many of you have been amazing. You've been supportive, you've been kind. That kindness and support speaks volumes and I love you all. I genuinely love you. Dreblr, you've been here for me for over a year at this point and I cannot thank you enough. You are the best part of fandom as far as I'm concerned. And to Dtblr, y'all have come to support me countless times and that means the world to me, it really does. As for all my fellow Rivals duo fans, you people are worth your weight in gold for the joy you bring. A special shout-out to @vpofcookies because you've been here since the beginning, practically, and I love you. There's more but you know who you are.

Anyway, I've been carrying this for awhile and I'm tired. I'm no longer going to give any amount of thought to the people determined to drag me down and harass me constantly.

My best advice is stop focusing on the things and people you hate and instead focus on what you love. That's what I plan to do, from here on out.

#I had someone help me write this because it's been a lot but hopefully this makes sense and explains things.#I'm leaving tomorrow. I just had a break because of everything that happened lately. With the car and then missing Techno so much.#Then the sudden onslaught it was like. Wow. This isn't good! I need change.#So I'm changing things. And I do know this is going to get me hate of course.#But I mean. I'm done with caring about that. I have people and things that I love and that's what I care about.#loyal talks about stuff and things #I'm not tagging this as discourse because like this is my literal fandom experience.

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paris-geller-was-straightwashed · 12 days

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okay so, having now seen furiosa: a mad max saga opening night and having Ruminated on my thoughts, I am going to give my two-pence on the movie even though nobody asked or wanted it - you're getting it anyway!

but before going into the full thing, I actually re-watched fury road today, bc I just wanted to contrast it now that we know furiosa's full story that lead her to her trek in fury road, and I just had mad max on the brain (and also I love that movie).

spoilers under the cut below!!

first, I already knew before seeing the prequel, that that scene in fury road where furiosa breaks down after learning about what happened to 'the green place,' was going to now hit 2x as hard once we learn what really happened the moment she was ripped away, and...yeah, it's super painful to watch. it was already a very emotional scene, but now having known how much pain and struggle it costed her, how many times furiosa desperately made her bet to get back home and fell short - you can really feel her grief

funnily enough though, I was shocked to find myself tearing up not during that scene, but when furiosa was reunited with the last of the many mothers. having just watched her ripped away so unfairly as a defenseless child, her whole world destroyed and clinging onto this dream of one day, getting to embrace her family - you can't help it!! I started tearing up when the other woman rushed to furiosa, embracing her with the gentle touch of their foreheads, 'this is our furiosa' 😭 like..she did it!! she made it home!!! - also, I learned in the credits - that woman was actually the same little girl, valkyrie, in furiosa who was her friend!!! that girl saw her friend get snatched and pulled away from their home, and then finally, both grown, they reuinite! I just thought that was sweet

what max says to her about hope in the scene after they find the mothers, 'if you can't fix what's broken..you'll go insane.' - my mind immediately jumped to dementus. we get this glimpse that he once had a wife and child(ren) he loved, that were either taken from him or killed, and he tells furiosa in their stand-off more or less how that destroyed him mentally, further plunging him into this hateful madman who acts so cruelly to others. he couldn't 'fix' it by getting them back ('I want them back!!' 'I can't!!'), the one thing he loved that kept him sane, and so he lost his humanity.

I saw a post of someone saying how ricktus's death (immortan joe's son) is 10x more satisfying after having seen what he (nearly) did to child furiosa...abso-fucking-lutely (though, I think with that in mind, furiosa should've gotten a part in it..)

also, max & and furiosa's dynamic after knowing about her & jack...the parallels! the parallels!! their gradual bond of trust, how fluidly they work together to kill/fight the enemies of the citadel akin to her and jack vs. dementus and gang, etc.

this saga, of course, is about hope and redemption, alluded to in both fury road and the prequel. in fury road, max says (I think in his opening monologue) how he was once strived to be a 'righteous warrior', who could do good and help others. later, when one of the wives finds the warboy nux, he's distraught bc he thinks his chances for greatness are gone, but then she tells him that maybe, he's destined for something greater - and that would be, of course, later sacrificing himself to save her and the rest by crashing the rig into the war party. in furiosa, jack says how his parents were valiant warriors, and how he hopes one day, he could be the same - also, later, fulfilling that by sacrificing himself so that furiosa might escape dementus and the destroyed gastown. it's just such an amazing string of parallels - all three men, looking to do something great, and then, through furiosa, they're given that chance and achieve something good even amongst the destruction!! but it's only bc of furiosa, this harbinger of hope, that they do so - she's the tie between them all, the embodiment of that goodness!!! it's! just! so! good!!!

honestly there's probably way more parallels out there I'm sure ppl will bring up, but those were the things that struck me. now, onto my actual thoughts on the prequel.

--I'll start by saying I was unbelievably excited to see this movie. I'm annoyed though, bc despite knowing about it and wanting to see it once it was released, I literally only learned it was coming out a week before the release date. straight up, the press for it was so poor, not once did I hear about it before the trailer randomly crossed my feed one day - and considering how popular fury road is, I find that bizarre (but, I'll bet you a good couple bucks, that the press/hype was deliberately poor bc of the movie company execs, due to this being a female lead film 😠) - but it did mean I didn't have to wait too long, and that I did watch the trailer about 13 times on my own accord until then..

--having read the reviews, I do agree, it is a bit slower then fury road - but, that's really only bc it's a character story instead. fury road takes places in the current time of the film and the actions that follow, whereas the prequel is specifically about furiosa, so it's honed less to the action and more about a certain character, in my opinion. but it's just as good for a character story! it does an excellent job of unfolding furiosa's journey, and really, if you're gunna compare everything in the franchise to fury road, it's never gunna live up. that said, there's still excellent action and real nail-biting moments.

--I will say though, that I found it almost...darker, then fury road? fury road is definitely intense and there's of course violence, but it never openly tips into anything past pg-13; the darkness that is there, is more or less touched upon by the narrative (like, we can get a sense of what must've happened to the wives (ie assault) and why they escaped once we see how immortan joe regards them as property, the suffering furiosa must've went through by the pure vitriol look she gives him when their cars are side-by-side and later, 'remember me?' before killing him (my favourite scene)). but it's never explicit - furiosa is. from the torture of her mother, to that scene right after the max cameo when he drops furiosa off at the citedel's underground where I literally had to cover my eyes and ask my friend to say when it was done..there's an overtone of darkness that gives to the tragedy of furiosa, this child molded from pain (not to mention, again, that scene of ricktus and her as a child which to me, was the most nerve-wracking moment). fury road gives you a glimpse, but furiosa doesn't hold back.

--chris hemsworth, meanwhile, made an excellent villain. not just as an actor, but dementus as a character was fantastic. he's got lots of great lines and brings in a lot of humor - he's both deranged and erratic, while also clever and simultaneously childish, and mostly, cruel. he's wonderfully dynamic. bringing in a backstory of losing his wife/child was a great added piece to his story (I love a good backstory), and the way he takes the loss of his kid and tried to mold it around furiosa, tries to fill that empty piece inside, was a great choice in terms of their dynamic. it made him more then just a mad-man who stole a child for yuks - he had a deeper desire to tote furiosa around, almost as a security blanket in the same way the teddy bear also acts as one. his final monologue was great - the ramblings of a hateful man, but it was, in the end, what got furiosa to see past vengeance, and become better - to choose hope, and not destruction.

--anya taylor-joy did a great job I thought - while I wish furiosa had more lines, she made up for it in just the facial expressions and how full they were, really giving us a glimpse of what furiosa was feeling. even still, it would've been nice to have known what was going on in her head, or even hear her talk about her past - the green place, and then dementus, are the pure driving force of her character, yet she doesn't ever mention or grapple with her grief around these things, simply stays silent (except for the final confrontation with dementus). I would've loved maybe, if she had confided in jack, or maybe even one of the wives, to give more depth to her feelings.

--I also wish furiosa could've bonded with someone else besides jack, or at least before him. it would've been nice for to have had at least one ally, or, I dunno, a friend? like that war boy who had dwarfism - she seemed almost sad, when realizing after the battle that he was dead. instead, she's alone, but a fellow misfit friend could've been nice.

--speaking of jack, loved him! thought he was great! it's unfortunate his part was so short, would've loved delve into his background (also, I'm as gay as they come, but he's like..an objectively Good Looking Man, so well done all around).

--I was really nervous, for how they were gunna do the romance. I was against it initially, bc the great thing about fury road, was that romance was not at all forced into the narrative - you can read that between max & furiosa if you want, but for one of the very, very few times when a woman and man team up, romance wasn't forcefully wedged in, and instead they could be respected allies. so I was skeptical - and then I totally fell for them. they were so sweet! the two actors had great chemistry - their bond was just so soft. the way, after they crash and are caught by dementus, furiosa, who can barely stand, gently leans herself into jack's shoulder, sweetly muttering to each other as he leans his forehead back against hers, like 😩😩 it was so lovely, and so tragic. you could really feel the respect and care they had for each other; it was so organic, bc jack genuinely wanted to help furiosa. he respected her and asked nothing of her - he was a purely good man, and through that, furiosa was able to open up to him and trust him. it's the great curse of the mad max universe though - no romance can escape it's claws, same with how nux and one of the wives were torn apart. in my heart of hearts though, there lives a little AU fic where dementus doesn't catch them, and they make their way back to the green place and live happily ever after with a kid perhaps, and maybe, furiosa and him go back to later rescue the wives (they say, like they're not thinking of already writing that very fic...).

--one more thing about furiosa I wanted to mention, if I can call back to earlier saying how she becomes a beacon of hope for the various men that enter her life (and the women too, when you think of the wives..) - that, despite all this horror handed to her, at the very end of the rope, she gives into her hero's heart. time over, we see, even as the destruction of the wasteland chips away at her, furiosa can never quite betray her heart. she runs back to her mother even after being pushed to leave, she goes back for jack despite having the perfect escape to finally make it back home, and in the end, takes all her hurt and anger wrapped up in dementus, and turns it and him into something that can bring good into the world. it's about choosing good, above all!! a hero's heart, even in the darkest of worlds!!!

--the trailer really emphases the green place, but we only see it for like...a couple minutes? I was looking forward to more lore about it, maybe seeing some of it's inhabitants like the mothers. but furiosa is taken immediately and then her mother starts her hunt after her, and that's it. kinda a bummer.

--there's a couple inconsistencies here and there - like, when furiosa is first brought to where the wives are kept, there's gotta be about 20 women in there, roughly. but then, as she becomes a young adult, we see at the very end her approach the 5 wives from fury road (I was expecting a call-back, so loved that) and it looks like there's only them there - what happened to the rest of the women??? did they all die in childbirth?? also, when furiosa runs away and hides herself as a warboy/mechanic, how did no one know she was gone?? it seems odd, since immortan joe specifically picked her out and probably has a mental line-up of all his 'treasures', you'd think he'd notice. or how, later on, the new 'imperior' with jack looks oddly similar to that young girl ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

--also, I wanna know how furiosa got away with being the only female imperior - you'd think immortan joe might snag her away instead to be a wife bc she's young and viable, or that she'd be either dismissed or preyed upon by his sons/the other men. maybe because she was partnered with jack it was easier, but that was kinda confusing.

--final thing, bc this post is already too long - my last gripe is mainly about furiosa's dynamic with immortan joe. in furiosa, her revenge is purely motivated towards dementus, but then, switching to fury road, she now holds contempt and anger towards the warlord. part of what I wanted to see in the film, was her past with immortan joe; we didn't know initially how furiosa got to the citadel, but my interpretation, was always that possibly (because she was branded with the logo on her neck) she was brought on as a wife, inevitably abused by him, and then something happened where she was no longer useful as a wife (maybe an accident that cost her her arm) but was still useful as a tool. but, immortan joe isn't really looked at in the prequel; he's here and there, but doesn't show any particular cruelty or act towards furiosa that I was expecting. that vitriol she shows in fury road, and of course, 'remember me?', makes you think there was something there to fuel furiosa's revenge. instead, nothing really occurs between them - of course, furiosa is brought on to breed him children and then is expected to do his every bidding in getting supplies, so, I think we're supposte to assume that she has seen how cruel he is up close, and so acts against him. still, I was expecting something deeper there.

all in all, I loved it and had a great time. fury road will always be one of my favourites, but this is a great addition. fury road is great on all fronts; a fascinating world, great characters, amazing action, a well-made and clearly cared for story, but the thing I love most - is that it's about hope. it's about choosing, every day, despite the horrors around you, to get up and hope for something better. to do something better, even at your own cost. it's about hope and what we mean to each other when we extend it. and I just love that so much

go see furiosa! support it! it's a great time!

#mad max #mad max fury road #mad max furiosa #furiosa a mad max saga #furiosa spoilers #furiosa a mad max saga spoilers #anyways thank you for coming to my ted talk #sorry the second part isn't properly bulleted tumblr was giving me grief about word count #no thoughts head empty only furiosa #if anyone has thoughts PLEASE add on I'd love to talk more about it #I'm already stalking the tag for ppls thoughts #apparently some people didn't like it....?#don't know what that's like get better soon I guess #not so much to the actual fans who have gripes about the story and lore and whatnot #but ppl bitching about the cgi or performances or whatever #even people shitting on the movie focusing on the principals of hope and goodness bc it's supposte to be an 'action apocalypse' movie like?#literally what is that like #that's the WHOLE FUCKING POINT BRO #THAT'S WHAT MAKES THIS SERIES SO GOOD #that and clearly a director/creator who deeply cares about the story and characters #when you care about that stuff then it usually ends up good #anyway enough blubbering #I've been yammering forever and it's late I must away to bed

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moresrush · 3 months

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Also. I wanna just take a moment and look at all of ya'll and tell you ... go ahead and write those fics, draw that art, hold those headcanons you have about your favorite characters being whatever. Make the characters you write about trans. Drabble about autism and how it relates to how characters function. Give them your favorite foods. Sneak in little quirks about yourself. You're allowed to draw characters with traits you have. Scars, blemishes, that stubble on your chin that you hope will grow more into a beard someday (it will I promise) or with nails painted the colors you like. When we do this ... and we share these parts of ourselves and we watch people react kindly, it helps us see that these characters are still loved, even when we shape them to be a little more like ourselves. That's powerful. Do you know why? Because when people see that others love characters that are trans ... they feel like they, too, can be loved as a trans person. Having representation in media means so much not just because we want to connect with something but because we, as humans, crave love and validation and sometimes it's so hard to find it for ourselves when we really need it. If you have friends who write or draw or even just speculate/daydream about this sort of stuff --- by golly, you gotta support them, you gotta boost them up. You gotta say "I love this" because that person will hear you and feel a little bit of that love for themselves ... and that's important. Right now, especially ... it's so goddamn important to do what makes you happy, what helps you love yourself and this little blue dot we are on. Put top scars on your favorite character. That's someone else's favorite, too --- and seeing it might give them the courage to accept themselves for who they are more, it might be the boost they need to say "hey, this is okay actually." We owe that to each other. And you owe it to yourself, too.

#hux noise #look i have a lot of feelings about things lately #i know i haven't been reblogging stuff #like i'm tired i am so tired of it all every day it just hurts #but there's GOOD here too #and you can be part of it and i am HONORED when people say #that me doing what i do gives them courage or makes them happy #it means so much i know it does because i was the same way #ilu guys please stay safe and happy and be kind to yourselves

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bloodbathfortwo · 1 month

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” It was a necessary means to an end. ”

[ Alex Forbes | Moodboard ]

#murderous intent #like minds 2006 #alex forbes #like minds #I LOVE HIM SO MUCH #I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN MAKING THEM MOODBOARDS #i haven't really been making anything lately which sucks.#it's been draining these past few weeks and my mind isn't the nicest and it has affected my productivity and creativity.#i just want to keep on making my little silly #freaky stuff but instances like these will always appear out of nowhere whether you like it or not!#So knowing I've done something this small to at least contribute to our fandom will always warm my heart!!!#i love this fandom so much and I will always dread the thought of ever having this certain fixation of mine of ever going doormat.#I'M SORRY FOR RANTING #ANYWAS #I LOVE ALEX #I WANNA SQUISH HIS CHEEKS #AND RUFFLE HIS ABOMINATION OF A HAIR.

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kyouka-supremacy · 1 year

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WHY ARE YOU SO NORMAL GO WATCH THE TRAILER AND BE INSANE LIKE THE REST OF US

So sorry sir. Back on duty 🫡

#Funniest ask I've ever gotten I'm rolling on the floor alsbdbksbdhekabejakbsis.#So true sorry for signing up late at stanning sskk it won't happen again!!!!#To be fair I was. very much. sleeping. But this ask is priceless I'm going to use it as a reaction for every time anything sskk drops–#and my sister ignores my screaming messages #(Like now. Sister you have to participate in the screaming. No I don't care you have never read a page of the sskk manga that's irrelevant)#people asks me stuff #And I wanted to answer all the other asks this morning but now I don't know if I'll make it in time before the new chapter drops #I'm so so sorry everyone 😭😭😭#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd s5 #bsd season 5

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pinkyjulien · 29 days

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#NOT TO BE NSFT ON MAIN #But I'm going through it... and by it I mean well... the horn knee #but like. lots of Thoughs about- HFH how Valentin is probably the first trans guy for Mitch #not that its rare by 2077 but because I HC him as demisexual #his first time was late-ish compared to his friends - he didnt had a lot of lovers - then there was Scorpion #who was more of a brother than a boyfriend but I DO HC THAT THEY ROLLED IN THE HAY Alright #But back to the thingy-- He's probably not experienced when it comes to Well Tdicks right #Mitch start to develop feelings for Val too the whole vets group start to notice it hardcore #cause these two gonkasses arent exactly subtle - they're just blind #and so one night while the vets are chillin drinkin the usual #subject comes up like eyy hows it going with V you gonna rizz him up or what #Mitch going PFFF idk what yall talkin about but he's red and suddenly don't know what to do with his hands #conversation goes and he's all like awkward cause Well Duh #Boys take showers together so everyone knows Val isnt Cis- there's others trans folks in the camp too its nothing unusual just an info #and get this... what if. its Butch Grease Queen Carol who gives him tips on how to get his boy all rilled up #while drunk ofc - Mitch wishin he could disapear from the discussion cause it's just too much but lowkey taking notes HKGJDKZKG #while some other vet goes on about how good it feels in there tm and all-- YNOW WARM N WET AND ALL #Mitch just nervously laugh and thanks them for the advices tm even if nothing will ever happen and just change the subject #he def jerk off in his tent tho cause he can't keep the vision out mH. hhhHHFHHF 👁👁#and he'd be like damn here I go doin it over a friend again and feels guilty next time he sees Val #(val def does it too in his northern appartment #idk where im going with this don't mind me JHGJ #sex is such an insignificant part of their love - its present and they explore all type of stuff together #but its not something that would ever be source of problem or doubts if that makes any sense #while simultaneously being important - cause Mitch was Val first time - and in a way Val was Mitchs first too #and his boy sure does feel nice /)UwU(\ weeeee #tbd

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icewindandboringhorror · 9 months

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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent

#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little #bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the #very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the #house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks #Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a #gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a #treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of #color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration #like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a #auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies #so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk #and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver #but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and #sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an #active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have #been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start #to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've #done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks #with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm #secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool #stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers #me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or #it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for #too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been #investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely #enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed #google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj #LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!

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ninja-knox-ur-sox-off · 1 year

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Sometimes I feel very sad that I didn’t just focus on one creative skill. I look at my art some days and go I wish I’d spent all my time making only that, because that way it would look better and I’d do more and it wouldn’t matter if I couldn’t write very well because my art would be amazing and I’d be able to make the stuff I really want to and maybe even get a job related to it and I wouldn’t feel like so much time was wasted. And often times it really does feel like you’re wasting time and everything is telling you to just pick something to focus on so it can mean something and you can never seem to pick one of anything.

And then other days I feel like an absolute GOD. Anyone else able to write your own fic and then draw art for it just because you can? Can you make an edit/amv after writing a silly little analysis post on the show/character that is so perfectly on beat and fits the lyrics and with transitions so slapping you get chills while watching? Can you write a short silly ditty on the guitar about how you’re feeling using the eight chords know and belt it out only a little bit off key then do a choppy little animation of your sona singing it?

I may not be the most skilled at all of the above, and it can be a little lonely to be a one man band who doesn’t play half as well as a lot of people out there, but when your power goes out or your wifi dies or you have a day off, everyone else is busy and you’re alone...

you play the best gosh dang music in existence

#knox rambles #feeling some kinda way lately o7 #these kinda vibes come back every once in a while #just gotta remind myself that ten year old me would go insane over the fact I can do what i can do #even if I'm not the best out there I am sure the best me out there #and that's pretty cool #i may only know one strum pattern on guitar and half a dozen chords at best #i may not be very good with punctuation and grammar while writing and I reuse words too much #I may do my art all leaning a little to the left too much and proportioned weirdly #I may export my amv's wrong so they're not on beat or forget good audio that would have made it REALLY great #I may write analysis's that are a little biased and look back on them and cringe a bit #I may only be able to animate the simpliest and shortest things and then go months even years at a time without animating #I may struggle to do animatics for what feels like no reason even if i want to so badly #but I can do all that stuff #I can write i can read and I can draw I can play guitar a bit i can sing I can make animatics animations amv's #and wow that's pretty incredible if you ask me #rambling rambling zero thoughts head empty YEET HGSDFLKJSDF #creative insecurities #they always sneak up on you a bit hglksjdfsdf #pretty safe to say I wouldn't be a creative if I didn't feel inadequate every person to ever create usually feels some kinda way ghsdflk;jsd #lays down #woo #hoping I can get back into the swing of being creative #things been pretty rough at home but I miss making stuff #ANYWAY HOPE Y'ALLS HAVING A FIRE DAY

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