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aevallare · 3 months

Text

oneiric

pairing: astarion/f!tav/shadowheart

word count: 7,854

AO3 link if preferred!

warnings: threesome, double penetration, vaginal sex, anal sex, anal fingering, strap on, MFF, dom!tav, sub!astarion, sub!shadowheart, oral sex, strap blowjob, orgasm denial, voyeurism, post-epilogue, humiliation, breath play, dirty talk, blood drinking, ear rubbing, multiple orgasms, rough sex, praise kink, teasing, hair pulling, face sitting

preview:

Astarion tilts his head to the side, considering her. “Surely your needs can't be so difficult to meet. It sounds like you've had bad lovers.”

Shadowheart snorts. Auri can't stop thinking about what Astarion said in bed the other night. She says, “The problem is that I have trouble letting go of control with people that I don't trust. And people that I trust are few and far between.”

Astarion smirks. “Yes, I can see how that would be difficult. I tend to be the one doing the controlling, if we can call it that, but letting it go can be just as…” Astarion trails off as if searching for the perfect word. “Fulfilling.”

Auri blinks. “W– what?”

enjoy!!

-----

Auri’s no fool. She has no right to the intricacies and full truths of what Astarion went through in the centuries before the tadpole, when he was a spawn rather than an adventurer and when Auri was a jester rather than the Hero of Baldur’s Gate. People recognize them, now, in the street. “The hero and her lover!” they call out when Auri and Astarion walk by, though his vampirism is luckily still a secret.

Auri chafes whenever she hears it. He spent so long being nothing but a possession, and he’s her equal in every way and then some. Most days, Auri thinks she’s the one who should be treated as lesser.

Neither of them should, really. They’ve both done a lot of healing in the years since the Elder Brain.

“Does it bother you? That people only think of you as an extension of me?” Auri had asked once.

He’d raised an eyebrow at her. “What use is there in being bothered by people who I could kill before they blinked?”

It’s a marvelously succinct way to put her fear to rest and a testament to how much he’s healed since the day that they met on the beach so long ago, but Auri’s never been very good at letting things go.

So she gives him power in every way that she knows how, even in things that don’t really matter. He chooses what tasks they take on and where they bed down for the evening. He decides if they walk or if they hitch a ride with a carriage passing through.

And in bed, he takes control. And Auri’s never wanted for anything. And gods if they aren’t happy. She loves him and he loves her and that’s everything she could ever want and then some.

They don’t have a home, really, but that’s just fine. There’s always a room for them at the Elfsong in between travels, and in one such interim period, as Auri dozes, Astarion comes through the door and says, “Shadowheart sent us a letter.”

“Mm?” Auri’s voice is groggy. “What’s it say?”

Astarion sighs. “Among all kinds of nonsense about the menagerie of beasts that she’s acquired, she misses you desperately and me a little and we should come spend a tenday with her if her friendship ever meant anything to us.”

Auri blinks. When was the last time she saw Shadowheart? She can scarcely remember.

“Naturally,” Astarion continues, “I will write back to tell her that her friendship has not in fact ever meant anything to us–”

Auri purses her lips and rips the letter from his hands.

------------------

It’s almost dawn when they arrive, but Shadowheart’s expecting them. She sits at a small table in front of the door with a drink in hand, and when she finally sees them, she stands and waves. Auri’s vision in the dark is terrible, but when Shadowheart wraps her in an embrace, it’s like coming home. She welcomes them both in though she stops short of hugging Astarion, and when they step into her cottage, she’s easy to see in the candlelight.

The years have been kind to her. Her body’s turned soft in a beautiful way and there are wrinkles at the corners of her eyes and lips that only come from smiling a bit too much.

And she looks happier than Auri ever remembers her being before.

“You must be exhausted,” she says. “We can talk tomorrow. Get some rest.”

So they rest. And the next day, they talk. And things are exactly as they used to be in the way they always are with good friends who’ve gone through the hells together.

Auri helps in Shadowheart’s garden. Astarion hunts. And they relax.

There’s only one problem.

Shadowheart’s cottage isn’t small, exactly, but there’s little space for privacy. Any intimate moment she and Astarion might try to share carries the risk of Shadowheart’s intrusion.

“I can think of worse people to happen upon us in the act,” Astarion says on the third night of their stay. Auri’s face warms and if anyone’s attuned to the flow of blood in her body, it’s Astarion.

“Stop it,” Auri whispers, his lips brushing against the spot where he always feeds, and Astarion smiles.

She can almost hear how sharp his smirk is, even in the dark.

“Would you like her to find us?” he asks, notably making no move to touch her. “Would you like to fuck her? To watch me fuck her?”

It’s all Auri can do not to rub herself against his thigh between her legs, to seek whatever mediocre release that might bring. Astarion kisses her neck. He’s not even going to drink from her.

“Sleep well, lover,” he says, smug, self-satisfied, and says nothing else at all though he can smell the slickness between her legs and the racing of her heart.

------------------

It’s the wine that starts things, though maybe that’s reductive. Auri hasn’t stopped thinking about what Astarion said for the last two days (and she hasn’t had any kind of sex in six days).

And none of them are shy. Maybe that's the problem.

“The last person I brought home was fun enough,” Shadowheart says, swirling the drink in her glass. “The problem is that I'm finding I have less and less patience these days for partners to pick up what I like, and I'm not really interested in a long-term relationship either.”

Astarion tilts his head to the side, considering her. “Surely your needs can't be so difficult to meet. It sounds like you've had bad lovers.”

Auri blinks. “W– what?”

“Don't get me wrong, darling; I'm more than satisfied to tie you up and take very good care of you, but–”

Auri's cheeks flush red. Shadowheart stares at both of them intently.

“I'll get you both more wine,” she says, and she takes their glasses from them, and Auri and Astarion are alone.

“Is that something that you–” Auri swallows hard. “Is that something that you want?”

“Is that such a surprise?” Astarion cocks an eyebrow. “My body's mine, but I like to use it to please yours. I'd venture you like the same.”

Heat creeps up Auri's neck. Astarion's grin is wicked.

“Have you wanted to take charge all this time?” His voice is low, conspiratorial. Auri crosses her legs self-consciously, though it doesn't really matter. He can no doubt smell her all the same. “Then how about a bet?”

Auri's mouth goes dry. She can hear Shadowheart in the next room over.

“A bet?” she repeats.

“A bet,” he confirms. “I could tell how entertained you were by the idea of her joining us. If that's something that you want, get her into our bed. If you succeed, I'll let you do whatever you want with me.”

Every muscle in Auri's body is wound unfathomably tight. Astarion drank before they slept yesterday, but Auri remains unsated. And she makes a decision.

She’s no great seductor, but she’s no blushing virgin either.

“Well?” Astarion starts, voice smug. “No time like the present, is there?”

Auri eyes him in her peripheral vision. “A bit rich of the immortal to say to his mortal partner.”

“If it helps, I want you to succeed just as much as you’d like to watch her squirm on your fingers.”

The blush that rises to her cheeks is violent. “Astarion–”

He chuckles. “You’re welcome to tell me I’m wrong.”

But he isn’t wrong and he knows that he isn’t, so Auri scowls. Shadowheart returns with the wine. Auri has trouble finding her voice for the rest of the night.

------------------

Auri’s not scared to proposition Shadowheart, exactly. Given everything they’ve all been through together, sex isn’t actually intimidating at all. But Auri fears making her uncomfortable.

She’s saved the pain, though. The next day when she steps into Shadowheart’s flower patch with the intention of broaching the subject, Shadowheart beats her to the punch.

“You two aren’t nearly as quiet as you think you are, by the way.”

Auri’s jaw drops. “Pardon?”

“I heard you talking last night. You two aren’t half as quiet as you think you are.”

When Auri flushes, Shadowheart laughs. “I’m flattered, really, though I have to admit that I can’t imagine you…” She trails off before picking up the sentence again. “I can’t imagine you taking control that way.”

Auri’s embarrassment at being overheard gives way to irritation. “Seriously?”

Shadowheart shrugs. “It’s not personal. You’re just quick to let others take the lead if they want it.”

Silence falls between them and Auri lets it hang in the air for a moment before shrugging because that’s the kind of stupid thing that Astarion would do. “Alright,” she says. “Your loss.”

And it works. Of course it does.

“I didn’t say no, did I?”

------------------

Shadowheart’s always enjoyed sex, though partners have grown more subpar as she’s gotten older. It’s not their fault, probably; she’s just gotten more particular.

And this is risky, probably, letting Astarion and Auri invite her to bed. Auri’s as sensitive as they come, and Astarion’s relationship with sex is complicated, though Shadowheart doesn’t know the details.

“Come to the room you put us up in,” Auri had said. “And don’t bother having clothes on. I’m not interested in wasting time.”

So here Shadowheart is in the room that Astarion and Auri have been sharing. She grins; Auri acting like this is altogether foreign, but she’s apparently taken Shadowheart’s earlier words as a challenge. When Auri registers the smile on Shadowheart’s face, her eyes narrow.

"Here's what's going to happen," Auri says. Astarion sits in a chair in the corner, unbound but bidden sit still, bare from the waist up. When Auri steps up to her, Shadowheart doesn’t flinch, but Auri guides her downward until she’s kneeling next to him. Auri takes their faces in either hand, stroking Astarion's cheek as she stares down at Shadowheart.

To her, Auri says, "You are going to make me come. And then I'm going to fuck you."

Astarion’s lips part but he doesn't speak. Auri smiles at him. "And if you behave, maybe you'll be allowed to come after."

On her knees, Shadowheart’s at the perfect height to watch as his cock strains against his trousers. Auri dips down and takes Shadowheart's mouth with her own.

"Are you ready, then?" Auri asks when she pulls away, and in unison, Astarion and Shadowheart nod.

Auri takes Shadowheart's face between her thumb and forefinger, gripping tightly. "Today, we share. But his fangs and his cum are mine alone. Understand?"

Again, Shadowheart nods. Auri's eyes cut to Astarion. His cock and his face are both enraptured by the sight.

He nods a second time as if agreeing to something that Shadowheart isn’t quite privy to.

Auri's attention snaps back to Shadowheart. "You're going to make me come," Auri repeats. Shadowheart licks her lips. "Yes. We'll put that mouth to work, and then if you satisfy me well enough, you'll get your own.”

Shadowheart’s not grinning anymore. She’d forgotten, somehow, in these years sequestered from Baldur’s Gate, just how commanding a presence Auri can have when she tries.

She just doesn’t usually try. She’s almost always content to let Astarion take the lead.

Not today.

“Show me what you can do, then,” Auri says, an invitation if Shadowheart’s ever heard one. When she rises from her knees, she can feel Astarion’s eyes on her, roving over every curve of her body even as Auri starts to undress in front of her.

Auri raises an eyebrow, looking at Shadowheart with such distaste that it stops her in her tracks. “Did I say you could stand?”

When Auri’s intent becomes clear, the slickness between Shadowheart’s legs grows. Auri sits on the edge of the bed and tilts her head to the side, staring at Shadowheart, unimpressed.

“You can crawl to me or you can stay standing where you are. It’s your choice.”

For a brief moment, Shadowheart wonders what kind of punishment she’d incur if she didn’t comply, but Auri considers her hardly at all. Only her lower half is bare, and she stares straight through Shadowheart to find Astarion.

“How’s the view?” Auri asks, an undercurrent of nervousness in her voice that wasn’t there when she was talking to Shadowheart.

Astarion breaks the character of a perfect submissive for only a moment to say, “I don’t think you’re supposed to care, darling.”

And that’s enough for Auri’s mask to slip firmly back into place. She locks back onto Shadowheart and says, “I’m not a patient woman. Make your choice before I give your chance to him.”

Shadowheart falls to her hands and knees once more, and when she’s near enough, Auri spreads her legs. She crawls between them, as was certainly Auri’s intention all along, and she lays a hand on either of Auri’s hips as Auri fists a hand in her hair.

And very quickly, Shadowheart sees what Auri’s intentions are. When her tongue makes an experimental pass over Auri’s clit, Auri laughs. “Oh, I know you can do better than that.”

When Shadowheart chances a glance upward, Auri isn’t even looking down at her. She’s staring right over Shadowheart’s head at the place where she knows Astarion is sitting. She’s going to make Shadowheart work for it.

Well. She’d been honest about that, Shadowheart supposes. And if that’s the game, Shadowheart will play. She feels exposed entirely, back to Astarion and face buried between Auri’s legs, but it doesn’t matter. Letting control go–

There’s no person better to do that with than Auri.

When Shadowheart slides her tongue up the length of Auri’s slit, she finally gets a reaction. Auri exhales contentedly, and she says, “That’s more like it.”

Shadowheart wonders if Astarion can see how wet she is. The angle certainly allows for it as her lips pull at Auri’s clit, and it seems that she’s finally gotten Auri’s attention. When Auri’s head tilts back, it exposes long-scarred spots on her neck courtesy of Astarion’s fangs. For all the control she’s exerting, Auri’s wet, too. Desperately so.

Two of Shadowheart’s fingers slide in with ease. The hand in her hair tightens, and Shadowheart’s gripped by the desire to please. The soft noise that Auri makes as Shadowheart’s fingers seek the perfect spot inside her spurs her on, and this time when Shadowheart looks up, Auri’s staring right at her. “Another,” she says, her voice ragged and her neck blotchy.

When Shadowheart complies, a grin breaks out across Auri’s face. Shadowheart’s tongue flicks across her clit and her fingers don’t stop. Auri’s hips roll into her face and hand until Shadowheart’s not even doing much but teasing her clit. Auri fucks herself on Shadowheart’s hand until she’s satisfied, and when she cries out, just a bit less controlled than she has been so far, Shadowheart drags the flat of her tongue along Auri’s clit. “Fuck,” Auri hisses, her nails scraping against Shadowheart’s scalp as her hips grind against her face.

And for this brief moment, Shadowheart’s in control. Her lips find Auri’s clit once more, and the orgasm that tears through her body pushes Shadowheart’s face even further into her cunt. Her fingers fuck Auri through the orgasm, and when Shadowheart pulls her lips away for fear of the pleasure becoming pain, Auri tugs her face upward. Shadowheart’s fingers leave her, and Auri pushes her lips to Shadowheart’s. When her tongue bids Shadowheart’s mouth open, she gives no resistance, but the kiss doesn’t last long.

“That’s my good girl,” Auri says, voice still quivering, and a chill runs up Shadowheart’s spine. Auri hasn’t stood from the bed and Shadowheart’s still on her knees. She runs a finger down Shadowheart’s jawline delicately. “Astarion’s looking lonely. Could you go give him a taste of me, please? You did so well that I’ll even let you walk.”

Astarion's knuckles are white on the armrests of the chair when Shadowheart stands and turns. Shadowheart wouldn't be surprised if his nails have carved trails into the wood. When Shadowheart pauses, Auri says, “Go ahead. Have a seat in his lap. Kiss him, even, if you’d like. But your hands stay above the neck until I say.”

When Shadowheart does as Auri says and straddles his hips, Astarion doesn’t hesitate. One of his hands snakes behind her head to drag her in closer, and Shadowheart’s hips roll against the erection that she can feel press against her entrance even through the layers of fabric he’s still wearing. She moans as Astarion’s lips find her greedily; she’s no doubt soaked the front of his trousers thoroughly even in the little time that she’s been on top of him.

“How’s she taste, my love?” Auri asks. She sounds a bit further away than she had before, but Shadowheart can’t make herself care.

Labored, with Shadowheart’s mouth still half on his, Astarion says, “Divine.”

There’s something about his reverence that makes Shadowheart blush, his eyes half-lidded and meeting her gaze with undisguised want.

Auri hadn’t said anything about not moving her hips against Astarion’s cock through his clothes even though Shadowheart would rather have him inside her. Shadowheart puts a hand on either side of Astarion’s face and kisses him again, hard. Astarion stutters out a strangled noise like he might spend himself without ever undressing at all, and when his head jerks back, no doubt trying to wrest control of his own body back, one of his fangs catches against Shadowheart’s lip.

The soft skin there tears and Astarion’s eyes dilate instantly, fully alert. Shadowheart doesn’t know how it’s possible, but his cock hardens even more beneath her. He can drink from her. Shadowheart doesn’t care–

Astarion’s fingers are torn from her hair and a smaller, rougher hand takes their place, yanking Shadowheart’s head backward.

“Misbehaving when we’ve barely started?” Auri asks. This position exposes Shadowheart’s neck to Astarion entirely, and his fangs are bared as he stares at the spot where Shadowheart can feel her pulse pounding. “I told you his fangs were mine.”

“It was an accident–” Shadowheart stammers out, but her train of thought stops dead when something hard presses against her cunt.

Auri’s mouth is at her ear and the hand not pulling at Shadowheart’s hair tugs at her hip. “Oh, it was an accident. I understand.” Auri’s voice is low and dangerous, and when Shadowheart’s eyes dart to the side to glimpse what seeks to bury itself inside her, she almost shudders. Auri’s strapped a cock to herself that has Shadowheart’s mouth watering. It’s a fraction from filling her, and–

“Accidents happen,” Auri continues. Her breath is warm and wet against Shadowheart’s cheek and her teeth nip at her earlobe. “So I’ll forgive you just this once as long as you make sure he knows how good it feels to have me fuck you.”

When Shadowheart looks back down at Astarion as she asks, his lips are parted, and Shadowheart’s too caught up. When Auri pushes into her with a single, decisive thrust, her body jerks forward and she cries out.

Shadowheart only notices the drop of blood that drips from her lip at the motion because Astarion’s eyes lock on it instantly. When it falls into his mouth, Astarion’s eyes flash and his hips instinctively buck upward, seeking any kind of pleasure for himself, but Auri’s having none of it. Her grip on Shadowheart’s hair releases so both of her hands can fall to her thighs, nudging her upward so her knees are on the chair.

Her body’s out of reach of Astarion’s for any kind of meaningful contact, and that’s exactly what Auri wanted. Astarion exhales a laugh, a smile of disbelief on his face, and Shadowheart can see him come to the conclusion that she had roughly two positions ago.

Auri had taken their slights against her ability to be dominant very personally.

But Shadowheart doesn’t get time to ruminate on it. She’d complained about not being able to surrender control with any partner meaningfully, but she’s falling apart at Auri’s touch. Her breasts are in Astarion’s face and they ache to be played with, but he’s not going to disobey Auri’s command not to touch below the neck. Auri’s hips meet the curve of Shadowheart’s ass time and time again; Shadowheart wouldn’t be surprised if she’s dripping onto Astarion’s lap.

As if Auri’s in her head, one of her hands drops between Shadowheart’s legs. Her thrusts have grown shallower, seeking the spot that will make Shadowheart’s vision go black and her mind go blank. Auri finds it with ease; the slightest pressure on her clit will send Shadowheart over the edge.

But it never comes.

Auri drags her hand through the slickness that’s pooled between Shadowheart’s thighs but she avoids the place that Shadowheart wants her to touch the most. Her fingers leave a wet trail along Shadowheart’s ass until Auri finds what she’s looking for.

Shadowheart gasps as she’s penetrated twice, Auri’s cock in her cunt and finger in her ass. She buries her face in the crook of Astarion’s neck, but Auri doesn’t stop.

“Come for me, then. You’ve earned it.”

And Shadowheart shatters. She’s never been loud, but this climax pulls profanity from her mouth. She doesn’t scream, but it’s close. Her mouth is wide against the flesh of Astarion’s neck; she could bite him if she wanted. Her breasts are flush with his chest and his entire body’s rigid as she heaves against him, Auri’s cock still inside her. As the orgasm passes and she regains control of her body, she pushes herself back up, and as she does, Auri pulls her cock and finger out from inside her.

Shadowheart shudders at the loss and Astarion breathes in deeply through his nose. Auri kisses her tenderly on the cheek, a light brush of lips against skin that’s entirely at odds with the role she’s played thus far but very much like the Auri that Shadowheart’s known for years.

“Why don’t you take a moment on the bed for me?” Auri asks. “You look like you need to catch your breath.”

Astarion looks at her with unbridled hunger, but Shadowheart does as Auri bids. Somehow, desire still thrums in her stomach, but she has no doubt that she won’t be left wanting. She lies down on the bed, turned to face Auri and Astarion, and Auri asks him, “Is this what you wanted when you said that you wanted me to succeed in getting her into bed with us?”

The lust in his eyes wars with the smirk he wears. “You know that it is. You never disappoint, darling.”

Auri chuckles. “You’re only saying that because you want to get off.”

“I can mean it and have ulterior motives at the same time.” His words are stilted, his veneer of restraint slipping by the moment as he stares at the length between Auri’s legs. “Can I?” he asks, pupils blown wide without even being touched. Auri’s cock is still slick with Shadowheart, and Astarion stares at it intensely.

“Eyes on me, my love. You've been so good so far. Don't ruin it.” When Auri tilts his chin upward until their gazes meet, her nails scrape along his jawline. “Can you what?”

When Astarion runs his tongue over his fangs, Shadowheart shudders even from her place on the bed.

Astarion’s voice is always composed, a weapon just as much as his daggers are. Here, though, half-naked and staring up at Auri in submission, he sounds different. There’s desperation that makes the muscles in Shadowheart’s stomach clench when he asks, “Can I suck your cock?”

“I suppose you have been good, accident notwithstanding,” Auri says, and that’s invitation enough for Astarion to leave the chair where he sits to kneel in front of her. Shadowheart inhales sharply. When Astarion’s lips part, Shadowheart sees just the briefest glimpse of his fangs.

She feels every bit a voyeur as he takes Auri’s cock in his mouth and his hands reach around to grip the curve of her ass. Auri runs her fingers through Astarion’s hair, tilting his head back even as he takes her. “Yes, you are just wonderful,” she says. Shadowheart is more than satisfied to watch, but Auri turns to her, apparently uninterested in her remaining a bystander. “He’s doing so well, isn’t he? Doesn’t he look pretty with my cock in his mouth?”

Shadowheart nods. Words feel impossible. Auri looks down again at Astarion and he stares right back up at her. Her cock slides down his throat with ease.

Gods.

Shadowheart’s rarely seen Astarion surrender in anything, but when he yields to Auri, he does so wholly. Auri’s cock slides in and out of his throat so obscenely that just watching makes Shadowheart’s insides burn. When Auri motions to her, Shadowheart nearly misses it. She only pulls her attention from Astarion’s mouth when Auri snaps her fingers.

When Shadowheart approaches, Auri says, “Answer my question properly, please,” and one of her hands falls between Shadowheart's legs. She came only minutes before, but when Auri’s fingers seek entrance, Shadowheart sighs like she hasn’t been touched properly in an eternity. “He deserves to hear it, I think, for putting on such a good show.” Auri doesn’t look at her but her fingers are expert. “Tell him how pretty he looks with your cum in his mouth.”

Astarion's nostrils flare. Auri thrusts her hips forward, and when she does, she buries her cock in his throat.

“You're marvelous,” Shadowheart says as reverently as she ever spoke about Shar. Auri smiles.

Saliva runs down Astarion’s chin and he makes no move to wipe it away. Auri says, “Marvelous really is the only word that even remotely describes him.”

The heel of Auri's hand presses against Shadowheart's clit and she moans as Auri's cock slips from Astarion's mouth. A thread of cum and saliva hangs from his lips, and Auri says, “He’s so marvelous, in fact, that he's going to fuck your ass while I'm sunk to the hilt in your cunt.”

The image that pushes into Shadowheart’s mind makes her every thought go blank, and finally, Astarion’s decorum breaks, if only for the briefest moment. When unwieldy lust flickers across his face, Auri smirks.

“You said yourself that I should watch you fuck her. What better view than when you’re both on top of me?”

They’d discussed this, of course. Shadowheart knew that. To hear Auri vocalize it so plainly still sends lightning down her spine. Astarion swallows hard. Auri jerks her head upward and nods toward a jar on the small table beside the bed. “Off your knees. You know what to do.”

When he does as she says, Auri kisses him before he steps away, and her fingers leave Shadowheart’s cunt. She pulls her back toward the bed with one hand and teases her nipple with the other, every brush of her fingers electric against Shadowheart’s skin. From the corner of her eye, Shadowheart can see Astarion. The hand he has wrapped around himself glistens with lube.

“You're going to look lovely riding my cock,” Auri whispers in Shadowheart’s ear. Speaking quietly is unnecessary; Astarion can no doubt hear her, but it has its intended effect still. Goosebumps rise on Shadowheart’s arm. Auri continues as she lies back on the bed, pulling Shadowheart on top of her. “You're going to be so full, but we all have to remember the rules.”

Shadowheart nods again as she had before, a leg on either side of Auri’s hips, but Auri's eyes narrow. She grips Shadowheart's face roughly; Astarion's cock is so hard that it looks painful. “Tell me the rules, and I'll fuck you within an inch of your life.”

Auri’s a performer to her core. Shadowheart’s known that for a long time, but she plays this role particularly well. The head of her cock rests at Shadowheart's entrance. Breathlessly, she says, “His fangs and his cum belong to you.”

Auri smirks. “Good girl.”

And finally, Shadowheart sinks down onto Auri’s cock, exhaling as she does. There’s no resistance. Auri slots inside her with ease, and her hands slide up Shadowheart’s stomach until she reaches her breasts, squeezing almost cruelly.

When Shadowheart cries out, Auri’s smirk widens, a wicked expression that only serves to make her wetter, though she isn’t sure how that’s possible. Auri’s hips grind upward, and Shadowheart regrets ever saying that she couldn’t imagine Auri in control. She’s well on her way to a second orgasm when she feels movement behind her.

Her mouth goes dry. Shadowheart doesn’t know how she managed to forget that Astarion was there, but the spell that Auri’s cock has cast between her legs apparently drove out all awareness. Auri’s hands leave her chest; one finds purchase on Shadowheart’s thigh and the other tugs at her braid firmly, pulling her downward.

Auri nips at her earlobe. Her cock pushes into Shadowheart, slow and deliberate. Auri knows that she was close before. Her breath is warm against Shadowheart’s ear.

“You have to be patient, beautiful. You’re not allowed to come again until he can feel it, too.”

Auri’s hand on her thigh ignites the heat in Shadowheart’s core as it trails toward her clit, and she whimpers, “Please.”

“Please what?” Auri asks, canting her hips upward again. Her fingers have stopped just short of the place Shadowheart wants them to be. “Ask for it. I want to hear you say that you want me to touch you.” Her tongue runs along the curve of Shadowheart’s ear. “I want you to look at me when you say that you want my lover in your ass.”

Shadowheart's had tens of lovers, and this is far from the first time she’s taken someone this way, but the weight Auri puts in her words lends even more taboo to the act.

And she’s never been full in both places at once.

The length inside her pushes against the spot that makes Shadowheart’s vision go white. She clenches her eyes shut. “I want–”

Auri’s movements stop entirely and her voice goes cold. “I told you to look at me when you beg.”

When Shadowheart's eyes open, it doesn't even seem like it's of her own volition. Auri's words force her to look on their gravitas alone.

Auri’s eyes are a piercing green. Shadowheart steels her jaw.

“I want you both to fuck me until I can't walk,” she challenges, and Auri’s grin is all teeth.

Auri jerks her head at Astarion behind her and Auri's fingers finally brush against her clit at the same moment that Shadowheart feels Astarion's hands on her ass.

His hands are cool but Astarion's always cold; it isn't unexpected and Shadowheart’s attention is more consumed by the deliberate way that one of his fingers works its way inside her. When she gasps, Auri calls her back, and her feather-light touch on Shadowheart's clit is maddening.

“You're doing so well,” Auri soothes, and Shadowheart's body reacts to the praise accordingly. The wetness between her thighs distracts her from the mild discomfort of Astarion's intrusion until Auri says, “Go on. She can take another.”

A second finger stretches her, and this time when Shadowheart moans, Auri cocks an eyebrow. “His cock is bigger than that, and you want to take it, don't you? You want to come on my cock and his?”

The lube that runs down the curve of her ass is debauched, and Shadowheart nods. “More. Please.”

“You heard her. One more finger, and after that, you'll be allowed to fuck her.”

Shadowheart’s so close, but Auri’s pace with both her hand and cock have slowed. When a third finger enters her, Auri stops moving entirely. “You can't come yet. You have to take him to earn it.”

When was the last time a lover made her feel this undone? Shadowheart whimpers this time as Auri's words roll over her, trying desperately to grind her hips downward. When she does, Auri's hand reaches up and finds her throat, stopping the movement before Shadowheart can find any relief.

“Do you want to fuck her, my love?” Auri asks, looking over Shadowheart's shoulder at Astarion.

Astarion is normally the perfect picture of control, but his voice is strangled when he says, “Yes.”

The hand on Shadowheart's neck tightens and she gasps. She feels Astarion's lips against her shoulder and she draws in a ragged breath. Auri's smirk is wide and wicked.

“Have your way with her, then. You've earned it.”

When his fingers leave her ass, Shadowheart would fall forward if not for Auri's hand around her throat. She misses his touch instantly but there's no time to mourn the loss because the head of his cock pushes against her entrance immediately.

“Alright?” Astarion asks, voice strained, as if restraint is causing him pain.

When Shadowheart opens her mouth to answer, Auri's grip on her neck tightens.

“She's fine,” Auri says, and she's right, of course. “She was made to take us.”

Astarion waits for a signal that this has become too much, but Shadowheart’s not interested in anything other than more. He eases into her slowly and the fullness is so much and Shadowheart thinks that she might split in half.

It’s like a dream.

Despite her words, Auri’s touch has turned gentle. She’s giving Shadowheart time to adjust, but their consideration is just another kind of torture. When she tries to lean backward, forcing Astarion’s cock in deeper, Auri holds her steady. “Patience, beautiful,” Auri says, a repetition of what she’d said earlier. Shadowheart whines audibly and Auri pulls her forward, far enough down that her nipples brush against the fabric of Auri’s shirt. Auri gives her a kiss so gentle that Shadowheart wants to scream.

“Please.” Shadowheart doesn’t recognize her own voice. She’s never been the type to beg. “I need–”

Auri kisses her again, stealing away the vocalization of her desire, and when they part, she says, “I know what you need, but you have to be patient. The only one allowed to hurt you here is me, and I don’t want to hurt you like that. Understand?”

Shadowheart would let her do anything, but finally, blessedly, Auri rolls her hips. The movement is minimal but it sends pleasure to her every extremity, and Auri says, “You like that?”

Shadowheart nods; words are impossible. Astarion’s finally fully inside her. There are stars behind her eyes. The likelihood of her coming apart increases by the moment. Again, Auri fucks upward, and this time, Astarion meets her rhythm. When they thrust into her at the same time, Shadowheart thinks that this might just be the end of her. Auri kisses her a third time and Shadowheart pants into her mouth before Auri says, “Sit up for me. I want to watch him touch you.”

“I don’t know if I can–”

Auri cuts her off again. “You can hold out. I know you can. You can’t come for me yet.”

Shadowheart chews her lip so hard that the spot Astarion’s fang had cut open starts to bleed again as she forces herself back up onto her knees. He inhales sharply as blood again runs into her mouth, and if there was any control left in him, it disappears. One of his hands falls between her legs and the other grabs for her breast as his nose pushes into the flesh of her throat.

He can smell the blood. He doesn’t need to see it.

“You wanted me to watch you fuck her, Astarion,” Auri says, her own hands gripping Shadowheart’s thigh and hip respectively. “So make her come.”

She’s a toy, really, now, which is only fair considering how Auri had fucked her while more or less using Astarion as furniture. Astarion twists her nipple hard, and she’s so close. She strains for the orgasm desperately and Astarion’s teeth are on her neck–

And Auri says, “Stop.”

The sweat on Shadowheart’s brow grows cold as the one-word command ices her oncoming climax. Auri’s voice is stony. “You were going to bite her.”

This isn’t fair. Just one more moment would have been enough–

Astarion doesn’t deny what Auri accuses him of, and Shadowheart is caught in the middle both literally and figuratively.

When she says, “On your back,” to Astarion, he doesn’t hesitate. In fact, if Shadowheart didn’t know better, she might say that it was a ploy on his part. Shadowheart wants to whimper when Auri’s cock leaves her cunt, but when Astarion moves, he pulls her with him.

With minimal awkward adjusting, and agility that doesn’t quite make sense to Shadowheart, Astarion pulls her with him so that they’re both lying on the bed, her back flush with his chest.

And he’s fucking her, still. Shadowheart doesn’t know how much more her body can take. The sound of his hips meeting her ass grows louder, and that alone is sinful enough, but then Auri says, “Stop moving.”

Astarion’s hands squeeze the soft flesh of Shadowheart’s ass, moving her up and down the minutest fraction, but otherwise, he listens. It’s torture.

She needs to come. She has to. But her words are gone. Noises come out of her mouth that she doesn’t even recognize.

Auri’s on top of her, then, her cock brushing against Shadowheart’s clit. She strokes Shadowheart’s cheek with a single finger.

“It’s alright. I’ve got you. And I know what you need.”

Auri sheathes herself in Shadowheart’s cunt in a single swift, nearly cruel motion, but Shadowheart would take it over and over again. She’d do anything for this feeling of fullness; any pain registers only as pleasure. With her every movement forward, Shadowheart moves not only on Auri’s cock but Astarion’s also. It doesn’t matter that he himself isn’t moving. Shadowheart isn’t the toy anymore. Each thrust fucks Shadowheart on Astarion and Auri’s cocks both.

Auri’s hips push against Shadowheart’s clit each time she moves forward, and she’s been so close for so long. It takes no time at all to fall off the cliff of her pleasure. Shadowheart reaches behind her, seeking purchase on anything to ground her. What she finds is Astarion’s hair, and as she rides out her orgasm, she feels him breathe in against the heat of her neck once more.

She can’t talk. All she can do is bask in the afterglow of the second orgasm Auri’s given her until Auri caresses her cheek once more. She tilts Shadowheart’s face side-to-side. Shadowheart can’t catch her breath. She draws in an insufficient gasp of air, and Auri says, “You can give me another.”

Shadowheart’s sure she misheard. “What?”

Auri grins. Shadowheart’s always thought her somewhat plain, but here, she shines, her cock sliding out from Shadowheart’s cunt. The sudden emptiness makes Shadowheart shiver, and when Auri’s on her knees, she holds out a hand to help Shadowheart rise to her own until Astarion’s cock leaves her as well. To Astarion, Auri says, “You can stay there.”

When Auri steps off the bed and turns her back, Astarion grins.

And Auri had thought he might be uncomfortable playing this game.

Auri unfastens the cock from her hips and lets it fall to the floor without fanfare. Shadowheart can’t tear her eyes away as Auri snaps, and she knows a prestidigitation spell when she sees one. The tendrils of Auri’s magic wrap around Astarion’s cock, and Auri flippantly says, “No offense, but I prefer him clean.”

“None taken,” Shadowheart manages.

“You can touch yourself while you ride his face if you want,” Auri says. “He does a good job, though. Trust me. You shouldn’t need to.” She speaks casually, as if the previous orgasm hadn’t fractured Shadowheart’s reality on a fundamental level. Auri continues, “I’ve called you beautiful a few times now, but you are especially beautiful when you come. You come apart like you were born for it.”

The fire inside her re-ignites. It’s simple for Auri to pull heat back between Shadowheart’s thighs as if it had never gone. She’s never had hesitation about Astarion’s fangs anyway, but even if she did, Shadowheart doubts that it would have mattered. Auri could say anything right now and Shadowheart would do it.

Astarion’s eager from the moment Shadowheart’s cunt meets his mouth. She sighs (even squeals a little; her clit’s still hypersensitive from everything that’s come before) and watches as Auri wraps a hand around Astarion’s cock. She strokes him only briefly before straddling his hips and sinking down onto him.

Auri sighs through her nose contentedly as she takes him. “There’s nothing in the Realms that feels as good as you do.”

There’s a rumble in Astarion’s throat that Shadowheart can feel as his tongue swipes against her dripping entrance. He licks her clean before his mouth turns its attention to her clit. There’s no foreplay needed; Shadowheart’s a mess. Three fingers slide into her with no warning and no resistance.

“Come here,” Auri says, and Shadowheart wants to watch, wants to see Astarion’s cock slide in and out of Auri’s cunt, but she can’t focus on anything except for the fact that Astarion has hurtling much too quickly toward a third climax. She leans forward because Auri asks her to, and the consequence is the angle of Astarion’s ministrations changing. When Auri takes Shadowheart’s bottom lip between her teeth, Astarion’s fingers curl against the perfect spot. His lips draw at her clit harder than they had before, and Shadowheart doesn’t know how it’s possible for her body to crave climax again.

“That’s it,” Auri croons. “Let me see you all fucked out one last time.”

What’s she supposed to do but come in Astarion’s mouth? If Shadowheart had neighbors they would hear it as the pleasure crashes down around her. Shadowheart grinds her cunt into Astarion’s mouth and he takes what she gives, fucking her until she’s satisfied, and when the convulsions stop, Auri’s holding Shadowheart’s face in her hands.

“Beautiful.”

And after everything, it’s this that makes Shadowheart blush most. Astarion’s tongue drags along her slit one last time as if her cum is something it’d be a shame to waste. She slides to the side much less gracefully than she’d intended, but neither Auri nor Astarion seem to mind.

“Do you want to know a secret?” Auri asks her even though she’s looking at Astarion.

Shadowheart doesn’t know how she finds the words, but she does. “What’s that?”

“He loves having his ears rubbed.”

Astarion exhales in anticipation, and Auri rolls her hips, tilting her head back as she does. Shadowheart repositions behind Astarion, crossing her legs and pulling his head into her lap. Her fingers barely even brush the tips of his ears before he shivers, and Auri’s voice is softer than it has been yet. “What did I say was mine?”

“My fangs and my cum,” he says, words strained. Shadowheart knows that tone. He’s close, and that’s more than fair; they’ve been teasing him this entire time.

And Auri’s not done. “You’re not even going to fight me on this? You’re not even going to argue and pretend to not remember what I said belonged to me?”

“Oh, darling, I’ve been good, haven’t I? And you’ve more than made your point, as I’m sure we’d all agree.”

Auri’s smile is wide and affectionate, no less in control but entirely the ray of sunshine that Shadowheart’s used to. When Shadowheart’s thumb and forefinger rub small circles into his ears, Astarion says, “Shit.”

Auri leans forward until her chest is flush with his. Shadowheart would feel like she was intruding if not for Astarion’s hand gripping her forearm so tight that she feels like it must be the only thing binding him to this planet. “Are you hungry?” Auri asks, voice low.

“Starving,” he hisses, and Auri pulls her hair over her shoulder to expose his claim. He stares at it with pupils dilated.

“Then feed while I fuck you,” she says, her hips rising and falling as punctuation. “And fill me with cum when you’re done.”

They’re lost in each other as Auri rides him with her own hand between them, but Shadowheart’s never forgotten. When Astarion’s fangs tear into Auri’s skin like he’s never fed before, his nails dig into Shadowheart’s arm, and her fingers tease his ears still. He thrusts into her, any of his remaining discipline lost, and Auri’s fingers lose rhythm on her clit at the same time. She comes with a gasp even as her blood drips down her neck onto his shoulder, and he follows barely a moment after. Astarion grips her to his chest with his other arm as she collapses on top of him.

Elf ears are more sensitive than even half-elf ears; Shadowheart’s quick to let them go in the aftermath, but to her surprise, Astarion doesn’t release her arm.

And, to be frank, Shadowheart’s not entirely sure what comes next.

Auri tilts her head up to look at Shadowheart from her place on Astarion’s chest.

“Why are you still up there?” Auri asks her. The performance has completely fallen away.

Shadowheart blinks at her and Astarion scoffs. “If you don’t come down here and cuddle, it’s not unlikely that Auri will start crying.”

Auri blushes. “That’s not– I would not–”

But Shadowheart acquiesces without a thought, her naked body slotting in next to Auri and Astarion like that’s where she was always meant to be. When she does, Auri glows, putting a hand to her cheek with earnest tenderness.

Shadowheart asks, “What happens now?”

Auri slides off of Astarion’s chest and faces her; Astarion presses himself tight to Auri’s back. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I obviously–” Shadowheart swallows hard and sighs, rolling her eyes. “This is stupid. This just isn’t going to be weird when I wake up tomorrow, is it? What happens now?”

“Who cares?” Astarion pushes a curl that’s fallen into his eyes back up into his hairline.

Auri snorts, punching his upper arm lightly. “I care, but I don’t disagree with the sentiment that ‘who cares?’ is supposed to convey. If there’s anything to figure out, we can figure it out tomorrow. Tonight was its own reward.”

Auri kisses Shadowheart’s forehead. Astarion buries his nose in Auri’s hair and brushes hair that’s fallen into Shadowheart’s eyes behind her ear as he'd done for himself only moments before then closing his eyes.

Shadowheart settles in under the comforting heat of Auri’s arm and resolves that they will just have to come visit more often.

But, yes. They can figure it out tomorrow. And whether this ever happens again or not, tonight was more than enough.

Shadowheart sleeps. No dream could ever compare.

#shadowheart #astarion #astarion ancunin #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #shadowheart x tav x astarion #smut #bg3 smut

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all-hallows-street · 1 month

Text

All Saints Street Extra Comics Translations 1-3

Apologies for the delay! We are finally publishing translations for the All Saints Street manhua.

We will be uploading them on this drive for now and later upload to mangadex. I will have to ask you to NOT SHARE this drive PUBLICALLY, feel free to share it privately.

Example of what to do: sending the drive link to friends on discord.

Example of what not to do: posting the drive link to twitter. We are going to start with some older extras that were never translated to get a good idea for a workflow and fix problems as they rise. After that we are going to prioritize translating chapters 486-500 (why? well, if you know you know) so we can also start working on simultaneous text translations for new chapter releases. What I mean by this is that as soon as a new chapter comes out, we can upload an english text translation alongside it, like the japanese translation team does now.

Here is an example with the bonus comics:

I am also hoping this will be a good accessibility feature. Likewise, I am releasing to the public the table I translated from the japanese group. It is a rough Work-In-Progress table, but for me it has been an invaluable whenever I have to look up a certain chapter. I even made a search engine to look up chapters by character appearance.

Meanwhile we will be going back and re-lettering chapters that have been translated by independent efforts and uploading them to Mangadex. We have obtained permission from both @saints-street-translated and @wan-sheng-jie for this! After that the translation will continue in two fronts: the comic translations from 501 onwards and releasing text translations for new comics.

Translating the whole manhua will be a looooong process. Right now, we have text translations for all extra comics, but the lettering has been going slow. That's why we are still open to more volunteers to join us for the role of cleaner/typesetter! You don't need qualifications or even software (we will get it for you cough), just time and a disposition to learn.

TL;DR

ASS manhua translation is resuming.

Older Extra comics will be translated first.

We will translate 486-500 ASAP.

We will release text translations for newer comics.

We will remake the translations for 405-485 to upload to MangaDex.

We need YOU to typeset the ASS comics into English!

#all saints street #1031 万圣街 #wan sheng jie #manhua #translation #translated manhua

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ao3commentoftheday · 6 months

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Uhh, maybe this is more of a situation than a question but to summarize: I just told my Cultural Studies Professor what AO3 is, because I posted a story on there that connected to something we talked about in class, and he said "I'll go check it out tonight". Addfgn fhjbgjnm!!!???? Like, yes, the place is filled with millions of stories, which would all be considered cultural texts in their own rights, and it's a wonderful place, especially to find queer stories and the like....

BUT ALSO, I ONLY INTRODUCED HIM TO THE CONCEPT OF WHAT AN AU IS EARLIER THIS SEMESTER AND I DON'T WHAT FANDOMS HE'D BE LOOKING AT OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT AND JUST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The entire conversation lasted like 5 minutes after class and I mentioned using the tag system to filter results and searches but also I have no idea what idea I put in his head about the site and I don't see him again until Thursday.

Any advice I could pass on to him? Any advice on what to do in this situation? What do I do now???

lol it's going to be fine, I promise!

First of all, he's a cultural studies professor. That probably means he's fairly open-minded. Second of all, he's a fully grown adult, so even if he runs headlong into kink fic, I doubt he'll see anything he hasn't seen on the internet before. If he does run into something that makes him clutch his metaphorical pearls, it's not something he's likely to mention to one of his students. I speak as a former teacher-of-adults here when I say that.

Second of all, he doesn't have an AO3 account. If you're not logged into AO3, then the homepage tells you about the OTW and the fact that it's a fan-run, nonprofit, non-commercial archive. It explains what you can do when you have an account. It shows the lists of media types where stories can be found. It links out to the Organization for Transformative Works site.

He'll probably check out the About section. Maybe Browse recent works. Depending on how curious he is, he might even click into a fic and give it a read. Unless he's actually interested in fandom, he won't go much beyond that. More likely, he'd just google AO3 to see what articles there might be out there about it.

If he (or you!) wants to continue the conversation, you can discuss the concept of Fan Studies and reference the OTW's peer-reviewed academic journal, Transformative Works and Cultures. You could reference academics such as Henry Jenkins, Joanna Russ, Louisa E. Stein etc. There's been a lot of study of fans and fandom over the past several decades, and it's a rich source of research. There are also university programs in Fan Studies.

Like you said, fanworks are cultural works in their own right and fan culture is a culture worth studying. Don't worry that he's going to judge you, personally, based on some random user's smut fic. There's way more to AO3 and fandom than that. ❤️

#asks and answers

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genericpuff · 9 months

Text

Turns out it's been a while since I've talked about Rachel's medical fetish art so it came as a shock to people when I mentioned it in the last post (I've got quite a few asks about it lmao) So I'm gonna enlighten y'all real quick on what I'm referring to, and yes, it's probably exactly what you're thinking of when you hear the word 'medical fetish'.

CONTENT WARNING: DISCUSSION OF MEDICAL FETISH ART AND DEPICTIONS OF NEEDLES!!!!

So the name "used_bandaid" is one Rachel started using back in the early to mid 2000's. She went by a LOT of different pennames back then, including but probably not limited to:

Pepper_maid

madame_issue

Usedbandaid/used_bandaid

Rach Alex

Rachel Royale

Raquel

Medical Tophat/Medical_Tophat

Frill_house

Gingerbreadcoffin (? this one's kinda weird because the link itself with this username just goes back to her used bandaid MySpace account , so idk if she ever actually used it or if it was even affiliated with her lol)

Now you're probably about to ask, "Puff, how do you know these are all her?" and that's because Rachel still had all of these accounts interlinked through her projects, primarily The Doctor Pepper Show. She seemed to change up usernames often just for the hell of it.

Anyways. I'm not gonna show much of it here because I do think it's better to leave certain things in the past, but there's a LOT of her old work that implies the stuff that's questionable/problematic in LO has always been a part of her identity as an artist (DDLG, hot pink self-insert MC, etc.)

One such example is "madame issue":

This is such a 3-in-1 smoking gun for everything we see in LO. The reference to bandaids (see: used bandaid, which was part of her URL slug for her old flickr where this drawing comes from), the hot pink color palette, and of course, the fact that this character is almost DEFINITELY a self-insert of Rachel, thanks to that shared name.

She's also stated in old commission/print posts that Madame Issue was the one print she wouldn't sell.

She doesn't explicitly say why but I think it's pretty safe to assume it's because Madame Issue is her.

We also have Eva, "the queen of medical fetish". And the tags are... pretty self-explanatory.

That said, that's as much as I'm gonna go into with her old art, because a lot of it does get quite personal with her and I don't really think it accomplishes much more to continue digging up old skeletons, at least not unless they can be seen as parallel to LO (which some of them are and I'll likely be sharing more of those ones in a later post).

That said, there ARE still pages that are accessible without the use of the Wayback Machine that advertise her as a medical fetish artist without the need for extensive digging. If you search up The Doctor Pepper Show on Google, you'll actually find a reddit thread asking what happened to Rachel's old work, and there are comments with loads of resources to access her pre-LO content. You'll also find the listing for The Doctor Pepper Show on The Webcomic List, which literally describes it as a medical fetish comic: "This is a comic set in a world where evil doctors rule, girls wear frilly underpants and people use their manners. *May I please blow your f**king head off?* This comic features Gothic dandys, EGL (Gothic lolitas) and medical fetish fashion. (Neo victorian setting)"

I'll let y'all do your own digging from here, there's a LOT to unpack honestly and while I can't keep you from doing your own research, practice due diligence with what you choose to share. Again, I don't think it's a crime in and of itself for Rachel to want to distance herself from her past as a medical fetish artist, so I think it's only really relevant to show the things that are clearly still influencing LO (like her love for the movie Lolita or the very clear sexualization of youthfulness). While we can try to leave the past where it is, she does still write LO with a lot of the most problematic features of her former identity, and it makes it all the more bizarre that if she is trying to distance herself from it all, then why would she stick with one of the pennames that's the most easily tied back to medical fetishism?

TL ; DR: Rachel started off online with medical fetish and gothic lolita art (at least as far back as we can trace it) and elements of that past are still present in LO today. Use that info responsibly lol

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #antiloreolympus #anti lore olympus #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything

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olderthannetfic · 1 year

Note

Long post coming in which I look at the alleged examples of racism the EndOTWRacism campaign cites.

I'm sympathetic to EndOTWRacism, I really am, and I think some of the things they're asking for are broadly reasonable (diversity consultant, more admin tools --though not in the time frame being asked for).

But reading through their examples of supposedly "obviously" racist works is...something.

They love to cite that transformers fic about George Floyd, but that fic had zero hits when it was found and was posted anonymously. I understand it's offensive, but frankly, there is nothing in that summary that suggests the author was being deliberately offensive, and because it's gone now, we cannot see the fic to decide for ourselves. Stitch calls the author a "known racist troll" but offers no source for this beyond a link to a completely innocuous unrelated fic.

Stitch also cites one instance of readers finding a racist fic, leaving critical comments on that fic, and then being assailed with racial slurs by the author as evidence of harassment. That's... a nonsense accusation. If you go into a space you know will upset you, post things that will upset others, and then get upset by how those others respond, you are not being harassed. I don't know what you expected to happen. You are overall correct in what you are saying, but arguing with people in the comments of a fic is not activism.

Stitch also references a Holocaust a/b/o fic and Dr. Pande's response. I don't know how you read what Pande said and come out thinking they were the good guy here. Pande was absolutely harassing that author. They posted repeated comments on that fic after they were deleted, after the author explained their reasoning. Pande didn't like this reasoning and so continued to comment. Also, the author did not want to get Pande fired. That's just a lie. The screenshot to the tweet accusing the author of this makes it extremely clear the author did not want to get Pande fired.

Stitch cites one incident without actually citing it in which someone was told by AO3 not to harass an allegedly racist author. Source needed, but based on the other examples they cite I can make an educated guess here.

Perhaps most telling of these examples is the one in which someone impersonates Stitch in the comments of a fic. Other users proceed to criticize fake Stitch. Despite no mention of race in their responses, Stitch accuses the responders of being racist. This example makes it very clear that Stitch views anyone who disagrees with them about fanfiction to be racist, regardless of whether race is brought up or not. The only way to examine race in fandom without being racist is by agreeing with Stitch.

The hockey fic example offers no evidence that things happened as stated. No screenshots, no links. If other people cannot verify what you claim, you should not be citing it in your campaign.

It is very hard to take this campaign seriously when Stitch, who I was only vaguely familiar with before this, is the primary source. They repeatedly misrepresent situations in order to fit their narrative of victimhood, lie outright when the source is right fucking there, and seek out harmful content then get upset when they are harmed.

The campaign also appears to be using Stitch's questionable methods outright. See how they discuss AO3's admittedly sloppy June 2020 post about addressing racism. This campaign argues that AO3 has not implemented any of the promised features except for blocking, which is an absurd argument if you actually read the post from AO3. Of the six stated changes, two have been implemented (comment controls and blocking), two are too nebulous to say whether they've been done (reassessing warnings and reviewing ToS), one I'm not sure about (has collection searching improved?), and one (improving admin tools) is an actionable thing that has apparently not been implemented.

Maybe they did review their ToS and archive warnings and just came to the conclusion that they were fine as they are. I have no idea, and apparently neither does this campaign.

Anyway. I find this all frustrating. There are real issues to address here, somewhere, but this campaign buries them beneath layers of bullshit. Reading through their Call to Action and FAQ multiple times feels like reading any other bullshit fandom call-out post. They cite misrepresented or non-existent sources, outright lie, and frame those they disagree with in the worst light they can.

I implore anyone reading this to examine the campaign's posts and look closely at their sources. Decide for yourself what is going on here, don't just take the campaign's word for it.

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hpowellsmith · 8 months

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Hello there! I've been wanting to replay the older Baldur's Gate games, and was searching around for mlm NPC romance mods. I saw yours mentioned and found your site with some googling, but it seems the place they were hosted at is gone now (Spellhold Studios). I was wondering if you still have the mods available somewhere? Either way, I hope you have a great day!

OK, this has made go down a modding-community rabbit hole! I hadn't done anything with our Baldur's Gate 2 mods, or looked at them really, since 2015 and I really appreciate it because they're something that brought my wife and I a ton of joy, and they were the first interactive narratives I made.

Links, descriptions, and comments below because it is Long:

I got in touch with folks on the Gibberlings3 forum which is, wonderfully, still going strong, and have given permission for Faren and Nathaniel to be uploaded to the Spellhold Studios GitHub (which has a bunch of other mods too - do check out Adrian, Isra, and Ninde in particular!) to the team maintaining it. That may be a little while as some of the team are ill right now, but once I hear that it's done, I'll post about it here; I've also been pointed to some links where the mods were mirrored. Note that I haven't tested these myself on a current BG2 install, but it is easy to uninstall WeiDU mods if there's a problem.

Faren is a bisexual True Neutral fighter/thief (I can't remember if he's dual-classed or multi-classed) who's easygoing, down-to-earth, and up for partying, with a bit of a checkered past - his adventuring party died in one of the dungeons you can visit in BG2, and since then he's been picking up dodgy jobs, feeling a bit adrift, and trying to get his life back on track. That's where the PC comes in! You can befriend him or romance him (starting with either a casual or more committed tone, then committing further if you want to), and he has a personal quest in which a shady figure from his past wants him to do one last job. He was our third mod, and we'd developed our skills with writing and scope a lot by then. When I play BG2, I play with Faren! You can currently download Faren here. It's the version updated in 2015 with more banters with modded NPCs and the Enhanced Edition characters; there may be compatibility issues installing it with other newer mods but do give it a try.

I found The Luxley Family, which was our second mod, on the GitHub here. From a cursory (rusty) glance it looks like it should be compatible with Enhanced Edition, but the storyline is only for Shadows of Amn and doesn't continue into Throne of Bhaal. Sebastian and Andrei (Chaotic Neutral bard with a custom kit and Lawful Neutral monk respectively) are members of a mysterious, reclusive family who are under a curse. Sebastian's a worldly playwright who's showing his polite but moody teenage cousin Andrei the sights when they bump into the PC. They aren't romanceable, but you can have a fling with Sebastian, who's bisexual, if you let/help him mess up his life sufficiently.

Nathaniel is a Lawful Good gay fighter with a lot of feelings. He was our first mod and I am really proud of the impact he had on a lot of people and even other games back in the day, but if you play, go in expecting a LOT of feelings good and bad, relationship drama, and angst! (There's something very sad about the fact that as teens we could not imagine a D&D setting without homophobia back then; the idea of a knightly order thinking well of gay people just didn't cross our minds. it's extraordinary how much better a lot of things are now, including the queerness in D&D streams, books, and of course Baldur's Gate 3. Interestingly, we didn't include homophobia in the Luxley Family or Faren and I don't remember how conscious that was; maybe we'd become more hopeful by then.) You can download an outdated version of Nathaniel here but I don't think it will be compatible with Enhanced Edition.

Thank you so much for messaging! I didn't realise they weren't able to be downloaded anymore and I am really keen for digital art to be preserved (as well as players getting to smooch hot guys, of course).

(Digression - my wife and I have a couple of almost-finished mods on our computer: a lesbian cleric of Talos which she wrote, and a bi Valygar romance that I wrote. And, if it's among two computers' ago worth of external hard drive storage, the ending for the Luxley Family story. Who knows, maybe one day...)

#baldur's gate 2 #bg2 #I used to be very selfconscious and cringe about Nathaniel even though I knew people enjoyed him #but now I feel rather more chill about the whole thing #strangers have told me they enjoyed Nathaniel or he meant something to them and that just makes me melt #and we are all a bit cringe some of the time #(most of the time in my case)

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saltygilmores · 10 months

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Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls- Season 2, Episode 16, "There's The Rub", aka A Sheer Masterpiece of GilmoreDom, AKA Jess, Rory, And Paris Eat Together And All Is Right With The World-Part 3

Who's ready for more TTR? (PS: There is a link to all previous recaps including parts 1 and 2 of TTR in my pinned post, while I work on puting together a better master index. You can also search my Tumblr by specific episode name or season).

Anyone ever look at unofficial GG merchandise on places like Redbubble and Etsy? There are a bunch of phrases that always end up on crap. Oy with the poodles already. I smell snow. Etc etc. "Vicious trollop" is a very common one as well. But nobody was putting "Why Did You Drop Out of Yale" on anything, so I had to create my own custom merch.

The banter between Emily and Lorelai is so sharp and witty and wonderful in this episode, it reminds me why am I still watching this show in the first place and subjecting myself to the additional torture of analyzing every episode minute by minute (for the second time in 3 years), even though it so often greatly disappoints me or angers me. There are just some episodes where AmyShermanPalladino's light shines through and touches everything in her kingdom. None of these moments involve Dean Forrester.

Never have I ever been so excited to see these two little words. "Doorbell Rings." JESS JESS JESS JESS JESS JESS JESS JESS JESS JESS

When I tell you I literally squealed when she opened the door. If Gilly Girls was taking place in the 2020's, Jess would be a DoorDasher. I would have him deliver to the Forresters and spit in Dean's food. This is all too pure. My heart's a flutter. I can't snark on it. SaltyGilmores™ has been disabled. Look, I can't just regurgiate every single line and frame from this scene so I'll just post a select few things. Enjoy and #AdmireTheDeliveryBaby

Can we talk about the way she's looking at him? 😍 R: How come Cesar didn't deliver this? J: I volunteered. R: Why? J: I wanted to get out of the construction zone. Mmm, sure. I love when he does this shit:

He doesn't exactly sound surprised that one of the Gilmores didn't tip him. I will never cease, desist or yield in making "Rory and Lorelai don't pay for their food" jokes.

Should I instead make jokes about how this is the second time in a row that the Gilmores actually did try to pay him and he refused?

The last time we saw this shirt, he had a name patch over his titty. I really like this shirt and how we can see his scandalous bare forearms for once. Dear Baby Jesus, Milo is adorable. And the light on him is just perfect in this shot.

R: You're staying? J: Didn't you just invite me? R: No... J: You told me I could have all the food I wanted. That sounded Invitation-Like. R: You want to stay here and eat? J: Beats being at Luke's.

You will not be going anywhere, young lady. You sit right down at that table and have a literary debate with Jess and Rory, eat some fries, and don't get up until Dean Forrester barges in and ruins everything.

Jess Mariano's social anxiety is so palpable you could eat it. It is radiating from his pores with the intensity of a hundred suns. This anxious little nugget, who did not make even a second of eye contact upon meeting a new person, has the entire town of Schitt's Hollow quaking in fear of what atrocities he may be capable of. Oooh what have we here? A MINOR INCONSEQUENTIAL PLOT HOLE!

To be continued.

#milo ventimiglia #gilmore girls #jess mariano #rory gilmore #lorelai gilmore #denise rewatches gilmore girls #gilmore girls season 2 #theres the rub #emily gilmore #paris geller #I love this episode I just want to gently place it in my nest #and incubate it #Anti Dean Forrester

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yaderyngoch · 9 months

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Alright so this entire situation is absolutely insane, but someone apparently accused me of being an anti for some reason, so I wanted to make a post with the full explanation of what's going on so that hopefully if anyone else sees this account, they know what's happening and I hopefully won't continue to get blacklisted from the Batman fandom for absolutely no reason.

Basically, I'm new to the Batman fandom as a whole, and a few months ago I decided to make a Twitter account that was specific to JayTim in hopes of meeting new friends who were also fans of the ship. The fandom friend group I'd been part of previously wasn't great for my mental health for a few reasons, so I was really really excited to join a fandom entirely disconnected from that group and hopefully make new friends. I know how antis can be, so I also made a new account disconnected from my main to protect my anonymity.

I forget where exactly I saw it, but I think it was in the replies of a tweet one of my mutuals replied to? I'm really not sure, but someone mentioned having a proship RP partner search blog on Tumblr. Immediately, I was ecstatic. I've been struggling finding people to rp with in general, and even moreso for JayTim, so I was really excited to meet new people and find new people to write with on this blog. It had been years since I'd been on Tumblr, but I made this account as a new sideblog specifically for the purpose of posting an ad to that account (I later learned you can't send in asks as a sideblog, but oh well)

I DMed the mod of the blog on Twitter to make sure my ad followed the rules and also let them know that my blog was new because it had been made new for the sake of posting an rp ad. I submitted the ad, they posted it on the blog, everything was great. While I waited for replies, I scrolled through old posts on that Tumblr account to see if anyone else was looking for a JayTim rp, and I found in the comments of one post the link to a Discord server specifically for BatFam rps. Immediately again, I was super excited. I'd been looking for a Discord server to become an active member of, and this seemed absolutely perfect, I was really incredibly excited about the idea of being part of a community. I know I'm beating the dead horse about how excited I was but I really want to emphasize that all of this was happening to someone who was utterly ecstatic about the idea of making new friends in a new fandom.

I joined that server, posted an rp ad there as well, and I got a message from the mod of that server about the ad suggesting we start a JayTim rp together. The conversation goes like any other with a potential new rp partner. Discussions of writing styles and preferences, I shared a sample from another JayTim rp I was doing at the time, things were looking great.

So then I decided to check Tumblr again to see if there were any updates about the post. To my surprise, I see that my post has been taken down, I have been blocked by the RP blog, and I have been blocked by the blog mod that I messaged on Twitter initially. There was no message about what I might've done wrong, no warning, nothing. No context, no conversation, just Blocked with no explanation. So of course I'm incredibly stressed out and confused because I have absolutely no idea what I did. It's been a while since I'd been on Tumblr so maybe there was an etiquette rule I broke? I know I'll block people who post a lot of a ship I don't like just because I don't want to see it on my TL, but my ad was specifically for JayTim in the first place and the mod approved it, and this wasn't a personal Tumblr this was a place to find RP partners.

While this is happening, the Discord mod is still chatting with me about ideas for our rp, and I apologized for seeming a little off suddenly and explained what happened and that I was really stressed and confused about it. The discord mod said they understood, and that it did seem odd. A few minutes later, they mentioned having to go to bed.

A while after that, I check Discord again to see that I've also been banned from that Discord server and blocked by that mod. Again, no explanation, no context, nothing. At this point I wanted to cry because I didn't understand what I was doing wrong or what was happening. I thought since I'd been talking to that mod about how confused I was about the initial situation, maybe they'd contact me to give me context, but no there was nothing. No way to contact anyone, no closure, just getting blacklisted from the new fandom I was so excited to join with no explanation.

At least a month went by. Finally I want to try and find more JayTim rp partners on Tumblr again so I look for a tag, and to my surprise I see that initial Tumblr rp partner search blog has unblocked me. So, I send them a message explaining what had happened and expressing my confusion. I'm just going to copy paste exactly what was said:

Me: Hi there, I'm admittedly a little confused. I posted an rp ad ages ago on this account, the mod proofread it on Twitter and I sent it in and it was posted. A few hours later, the post was taken down and I was blocked on this account, and the mod who I was in contact with also blocked me on Twitter. There was no explanation and I'm really not sure what I did or why I was blocked? But I was just looking for an rp and noticed I'm now unblocked on this account. The mod on Twitter still has me blocked and I'm still very confused. I'm not sure what I did wrong or why I was blocked in the first place, or why I'm no longer blocked now. Is there maybe a different mod in charge of this account?

Blog: Oh heck i guess it mustve gotten lost in the mix

(Maybe they didn't read my initial message? I thought maybe they were going to add more information, but no they just left the message at that for 2 hours)

Me: The ad? No it was posted. It was up for hours, and then I was blocked by this account and the mod's twitter account with no explanation or context to why

Blog: Ohh yeah no it was reported that you are an anti and this acct is not for you so we took your stuff down

I was then, again, blocked, and at this point I'm even more confused and baffled than before. I'm not, nor have I ever been, an anti. I have literally no idea why they might've thought I was one, and I couldn't ask because they blocked me. At this point this is driving me nuts and I've been stressed out and frustrated about this for months. No one is listening or talking to me, I'm just being ignored and I don't understand why, so at this point I'm not going to let it go.

I logged onto my old Tumblr account from years ago and messaged the blog again saying that I'm not an anti and don't understand what happened or why they think I was, I'm trying to be understanding and non-abrasive but I don't understand how this even happens and why the mods would handle a situation like this. I also went onto an alt and contacted the mod on Twitter. At this point Elon Musk has removed the ability to DM someone you are not mutuals with, so this entire Twitter conversation is happening in the public replies of one of her tweets. (The Tumblr account never responded to my message)

Me: Hi, I know this may be inappropriate to message you on an alt, but you didn't give me a chance to explain before you blocked me again. I'm not an anti. I don't understand why you think I am or who told you I was, or what I possibly did to indicate to you that I was an anti.

Mod (responding immediately. This mod has consistently been replying basically immediately): Hi i have been told you have been blackmailing people and telling them that youre going to post callouts about them writing incest and underage if they dont write these things with you and that you evaded server bans on discord for the same reasons

Me: Okay, I have never done any of those things, so could you please expand on who said I did these things and what evidence they provided of that claim?

(A day goes by, no answer)

Me: I'm not sure if you're busy, if so understandable, or just not responding to me, but I'd really like to talk to someone and try and figure this out because I don't understand what was happening. Did someone say it was my account? Or was there an assumption that I'm associated with another account that did these things? I'm sorry for being so persistent about this I just was really excited about joining this fandom and really don't want to get blacklisted from it for something I didn't do and no one is talking to me about it

Mod, Immediately : I messaged the person that reported you to see if they have anything to chime in about this maybe being a case of mistaken identity. please be patient.

Me: Okay, no worries. Thank you

Me: No rush to respond to this but I forgot to mention that if it would be helpful to provide my main account and ao3 and anything else, let me know, I would just prefer to do it in DMs

Mod: I'm waiting for the other person to get back to me right now i will let you know if i need anything further from you <3

(4 days go by, nothing. So they're not asking for my word on the situation, they're not looking at the active JayTim Twitter account I've been running for months, there's absolutely nothing I can do and no one seems willing to have a conversation with me about what happens, it's all just waiting on this mystery person to add context.)

Me: Hi there! It's been 4 days so I was just wondering if there were any updates on the situation?

Mod: I've gotten into contact with the person who reported you and they said they would look for the screenshots when they had a chance

(So, they didn't already have screenshots? From what I can tell, someone told them I was an anti, and the mods felt no need to actually verify that? And just blocked me and blacklisted me from everything, no questions asked, even though I have nothing to do with whatever I'm being accused of and no idea what's happening.

A week goes by. Nothing)

Me: Hi there, it's been a week, has that person managed to send you the screenshots yet?

The mod hasn't responded to that message, it's been two days. I'm trying to be patient and understanding but I'm so sick and tired of being ostracized, blocked, banned, and ignored for something I had nothing to do with. The information I've copy pasted in this message is all I've been told, I don't know anything else about whats going on or how this happened. I'm just so frustrated because I was so happy about the idea of joining a new fandom and making new friends, and now suddenly I'm seemingly blacklisted from the entire BatFam rp community for reasons no one is even actually telling me.

The most I can tell so far is just that someone said "hey that person is an anti" and despite having no evidence to back that up, the mods just decided to kick me out of everything and tell everyone I'm an anti?

I'm not sure that anyone is actually going to read this, both because I have one follower and also because this is a long post, I guess I partly just wanted to type it all out, and also just wanted to tell my side of the story because it stresses me out so much every time I think about it. And I was talking to that Discord mod about how stressed and confused I was when I got blocked the first time but still, no one thought to take a second look? No one thought to give any amount of context or even talk to me?

If anyone knows anyone who could help me with this situation, that would be greatly appreciated. Also if anyone knows a good place to find more JayTim fans or people to RP with, I could really use some new friends right about now. This is a side blog so I can't follow back or comment, but feel free to send me a DM or an ask!

Edit: there is an update to this post. It is.... a lot. Here's the link

#proship #jaytim #proship rp #jaytim rp

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redrydersrequiem · 1 year

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Reunited ch 5

*had to sit in a room all morning and just twiddle my thumbs so got some writing down. So here we are chapter 5 again im a baby writer none of this is profed i just write and post. Everyone be kind. In my fic neytiri and jake actually took care of spider, like reader asked them to and the colored text is them speaking in Navi.

Previous chapter. Next chapter

Y/n pov

My mind is slightly eased after speaking with Norm. While he didn’t promise anything he also didn’t flat out refuse us, even so miles has continued to fine tune his own escape plan for us just in case Jake refuses to help. Right now however the biggest hurdle in his plan is Spider. Making sure we can fully take care of him, which evolves a mask that couldn't be tracked and a reliable source of oxygen for him. But after looking into some of the tech the new rda developers have been messing with I found a new type of mask for spider. It was more portable and no longer required to be charged; it would create its own oxygen so I keep my eye out and wait to swipe one when the time comes.While we all continue to follow any leads on finding Jake none of us are truly hunting him just doing the bare minimum to look as though we are all still loyal. It's not till a week later that something big happens. Ardmore has one of her goons call on us to meet Ardmore on the bridge.

Miles pov

I walk into the bride wainfleet and z-dog behind me. Y/n wanted to come but i wanted to keep her as far away from the general as i possibly could.

You called for us general”

“Ah yes colonel follow me, she leads us over to the hollow map now showing a large area of water instead of its usual mountain and tree landscapes.

We believe we’ve found a lead on sully's wearabouts

Really

Yes Mathewson pull up the data

Yes general

The map moves going back to the tree line just outside the rdas search circle. A red dot now displayed

We’ve been sweeping for old equipment from the war making sure everything was together and accounted for. In doing so we came across and active signal from an old fighter helios, it entered the edge of the tree line here and went west, until disappearing somewhere in this small grouping of islands

Thank you Mathewson. Colonel your team will leave at the end of the week, to start searching every one of these islands until Jake sully is found.

Of course General we'd be more than happy to.

Good answer: you'll be meeting up with a vessel we have out there already and they will assist you in your mission. Now go get me some results colonel

Yes ma’am”

Y/n pov

“So what did the wicked witch want?” I ask miles as he Lyle and z come back from their meeting with Ardmore

“There's been a signal from some old pre war equipment, its flown out towards the ocean region, ardmore wants us to follow up on it. She has reason to believe it sully or at least some of his followers.

“Well if it is Jake what are we going to do?

“I dont know darlin, try and contact norm again see whats taking them so damn long and if they dont answer well have to go with plan b.

“Ok ill go out today, and try again. “

“Good take Mansks and prager with you, but yall be quick about you hear i don't need this woman trying to find something to bitch at us about. Espesiclly when she holds your life in her hands ok love.”

“I will love take care of spider for me tonight.”

“I will darlin”

“Yeah no need to worry y/n hell be with his favorite uncle.

“Who says you're the favorite I hear Lopez call out as he approaches us.

“I say i'm the favorite and since i have seniority you can suck it lopez”

The two start going at it like toddlers me, miles and Z all just watching them.

“Don’t worry y/n me and Quartich will actually take care of shit.”

“Thanks z, ok boys let's go. “

We successfully made it to the clearing, ringing the com link non stop, when it was finally answered i could hear an odd sound in the background. It almost sounded like water or something, just reconfirming that whoever it is that answered was probably near the ocean

“Hello?”

“Jake?”

“Y/N?”

“Wow Jake, is it really you?

“Yeah dove it's me.”

“Ha dove I haven’t heard that call sign in years… oh jake i can’t even tell you how happy i am to hear your voice.”

“And I you y/n, now let me ask what's going on.”

“Have you spoken to Norm?”

“Yes I have, I was actually trying to get back to you but some stuff has happened with my family and I got side tracked.”

“Oh Jake, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything but I have to ask for my family and for yours.”

“What is it y/n”

“Jake shits is about to hit the fan here, Ardmore is determined to bring you in and make an example out of you. In her eyes, if she gets rid of you and your family then the RDA no longer has any issues with taking over Pandora like they plan.”

“And”

“And I'm guessing by the sounds of the ocean behind you that she's found where you’ve gone.”

“How”

“They got a signal from some old equipment that disappeared in a grouping of islands. They don't know which island so she wants to send us out to search, and if we don't do what they say they will get rid of us jake.”

I hear jake get further away from the com probably pacing, As i hear muffled cuss words

“Jake she wants to send us after you, but we're stuck if we don't do what they want they will get rid of us. We need to work together and come up with some way to delay Ardmore and get us out, so we can help you.

“Y/n its not going to be that easy.

“Well then tell me what we need to do to make it easy jake cause the rda isn't going to go away again without fully crippling what they’ve got going here. And no offenses but we’ve all been gone for 15 years the rda has stepped its game up. You’ll need our help”

Jake is silent again before letting out a long sigh. “I'll have to talk to some people, Dove. They’ll be the ones that will have to decide if we can do anything”

“Ok jake, we’ll continue to lay our part here but we're running out of time

“I understand here in the meantime is spider still with you. “

“Of course he is jake you should see him interact with everyone and”

“I can only imagine y/n but since he's still with you i'll send out a message to the clan to keep an eye out for him. Ok if they see a human kid with a bunch of Navi in army garb they’ll know who you all are. I'll tell them not to put up a fight that you aren't there to hurt them but you have to act until we are ready to strike. You just can’t hurt anyone

“We wont jake i'll personally make sure of it.

“Good till then keep in touch with me and ill try and come up with a plan to get yall off the radar. If your her only hunting party then getting rid of you will delay them till we can strike”

“Good point.” Mansks says next to me “if we somehow all died or got lost the rda wouldn’t be able to send someone after us right away without occurring more losses.”

“Yeah that would definitely upset the people over the general but it would also piss her off.” Prager chimes in

‘But y/n.”

“Yeah.”

“Be honest with me, I know you will.”

“Ok i promise.”

“Is he the same?”

“No Jake, none of us are the same. They’ve all changed and as the days move they grow more and more used to pandora and want to be a part of it. We’re different Jake, they could be different just like you where they’re on that cusp of not being human anymore but not fully being Navi. We just need help, so I ask you again as your friend. Please help me protect my family.”

“You always saw the best in me y/n, so I'll try and do the same with them. We'll have to meet somewhere neutral though, I'm not going to go through all this for quartich to betray me and hurt my family.”

“I completely understand Jake.”

“Ill be in touch dove, ill get and answer to you by tomrrow at the latest ok i have to talk to some people first so we can start making preparations. Keep this. Link open and let me or norm know if anything happens ok

“Ok jake i will

“Goodbye y/n and may eywa be with you.

“You as well jake. “

The call ends and i stare at the ground thoughts running through my head

I know in my heart that everyone’s changed and I know Jake would also help us, it's everyone else I worry about. While I don't want my family torn apart and used, I also don't want the people and the clans of Pandora to be hurt in the process either.

Jakes pov

“You did what now

“Im sorry tonowari but we have to help them”

“And why should we help these demons?”

“Ronal please”

“They’re are agitated and i can understand”

“Im sorry ok, i'm sorry that i brought this battle here when i told you i was done with war but its not going to go away. Look what's happening the rda hut tulkun, just as you’ve told me, they will not stop until they strip this planet of everything they want and then leave it in the dust to rot.

“If we help y/n and her team they can help us permanently alter the rda, possibly crippling them. We could cut this off at the source once again they have insisted that I don't have any longer.”

“What is it you expect from us jake sully”

“I expect nothing. I ask desperately for help to integrate and teach the sky people new ways, show them that our way of life is fully worth fighting for and then let them help us protect it.” Ronal and tonowari are silent. Exchanging looks with one another. Until Tonowari straightens up once more

“We will help you toruk makto, but know this will all fall on you and your family if it goes wrong.”

“I understand that and I will not endanger these people I refuse. We will set them up somewhere outside of the village until they are accepted and then we can go from there. Does that sound alright?

“Yes, on the grounds that I and my mate meet them as well since it is our clan they must conform to.”

“Of course.”

“Good then see to it Jake sully and keep us updated.”

“I will thank you tonowari, thank you.”

It takes until the end of the week to set up a meeting, being in constant interaction with jake we learn that we need to first meet with the clans leader tonowari since they are the ones that must teach, home and aid us

We take the ikran out and stop in our clearing to dump everything with a semblance of a tracker and leave it there. Spider rides with me today instead of miles. I like holding him close, it makes me breathe easier and Miles wants to make sure we're protected. We told the general we would take a quick trip to gather some more supplies for us since we found the food of pandora worked better for our growing Navi bodies than human food did. It takes a couple hours to get away from the base and towards the designated meeting spot it's an area just breaking into the ocean filled with overgrown roots of trees and moss. We land in a forested jungle esc area. A small stream and pond stints on a cliff face if you follow the stream and go further out into the trees you’ll come across the ocean. It’s truly beautiful though. Spider and I were so excited honestly to see the ocean and its beautiful turquoise blue water. I wish there was a beach to plan on and not just tree roots but hopefully spider will have the opportunity to have an actual beach day sometime in the future, all the ikrans are chirping with glee as we let them rest and drink some water. Everyone else though, were very rigged, ears pinned back and twitching at every sound. Hands twitching towards their weapons but making an effort not to grab them, tails swishing steadily back and forth. All on high alert, because even though we're here to make allies, training can not be easily forgotten.

“Ok darlin you ready” miles asks coming over to me and spider. I try and put a brave face on but my insides are twisted. Im affraid. If this doesn’t go well then well be essentially on the run from the rda and well be all by ourselves. I mean i have faith in my team but we can’t do it all alone and… i brought out of my thoughts by miles pulling me into his chest whispering to breath in my ear.

A few deep breaths and i shake my head he loosens his hold and looks at me

“Are you ready my love”

“It’s just sully i can handle him “

“Miles you I both know it's bigger than that. “ Hes silent

“Miles just promise be to try ok, we all need to reconcile and move forward before none of us can”

“Your right darlin your right”

“COLONEL”. Lyle yells out getting all of our attention. He's looking at the sky. Seeing a group of other ikran flying towards us. Everyone gets in formation, grouping into a somewhat defensive stance but still trying to look open since they all know what's at stake here.

Six people land and depart. Three of them are darker blue like us but there are two others. They look different from the Navi I'm used to, they're a lighter more turquoise blue, they have bigger arms and tails. They also wear shells and netting rather than the braided garments of the forest people.

As they get closer the dark blue male leads, his dreaded hair hangs behind him as he walks with purpose towards us.

Jake?” I ask the male as he comes to a stop a quarter of the way from us.

“Jake, neytiri i hear spider shout out as he goes bounding over to the group.

“Spider!” i hear miles call out to the teen who stops before completely running over to them

“It’s ok,” Jake calls out. Gesturing a hello to Spider. The atmosphere is definetly tense on all sides so i decide to try and break it

“It’s good to see you again jake and you neytiri

Jake smiles and neytiri finally comes out from behind him, no longer able to contain her happiness at seeing the person she used to know in a body gifted by eywa. I meet her half way between the two groups as she holds me at arm's length, looking me up and down. Before gently smiling.

“I see you my friend”

“I see you neytiri” She smiles and hugs me, I feel miles and the other scoot up slightly, miles in spider coming up behind me as Jake and Norm follow behind neytiri

“Tiri, can I cut in” Jake asks coming to stand beside her before also, quickly, hugging me and looking me over as well

“Wow dove, it's actually you, I honestly say I never thought I’d see you again, any of you” Jake says stepping back towards me as he eyes the man behind me

“Quartich”

“Sully, mrs. Sully”.

Tiri softly hisses at miles anger evident on her face, but she says nothing, she's not the only one though, i can tell miles is nervous even though he's trying real hard not to show it.

“Care to get this thing started sully we can’t be here all day.

“Right grab Wainfleet and come meet your new allies.” Miles Lyle and i walk with jake and neytiri over to the unknown Navi

“Ill translate for you jake tells us quickly

“We know how to talk sully miles replies snippaly to jake with wainfleet smirking next to him

“Miles please just relax, go ahead jake.

All right, then Tonowari, Ronal. This is y/n l/n, miles Quaritch and Lyle Wainfleet. They are the heads of their clan with Quartich being their olo’eyktan

“Guys this is the metkayina clans olo’eyktan tonowari and his mate and tsahik of his clan Ronal. They’ve been helping my family and i and have agreed to help you all as well”

Tonowari and Ronal i see you: doing the gesture much to their surprise “And i thank you for helping in our time of need”

Tonowari and Ronal look at each other having a silent conversation before returning my greeting, Miles does a simple nod/bow to show respect which Tonowari reciprocates.

“Jake sully has told us of your life’s, and i refuse to bring trouble to my clan without just cause. In fact we were prepared to refuse jake sully until eywa sent us a sign.”

“She sent me a vision”, Ronal starts “she told me to help you, and i will not refuse Eywas word not matter how much i disagree with so you sky demons will be helped”

“Um thank you”. I say nudging miles beside me to say something

“Yes thank you chief we just ask for somewhere to lay low. Miles spits out

“We just got our family back and we would like to protect it sir. Lyle adds to miles speech

Understandable, as ive said once we get you away from the sky people we will start teaching you the ways of water till you become a part of the clan.

Thank you thank you we will work hard i promise we are all very capable and will earn our place i swear.

“Very well, jake sully?”

“Oh yeah ok well first things first before all of that we have to figure out how to get you away from the rda

I've actually had an idea about that, Lyle states quickly.

Y/n pov

For the next hour we dish out a plan, our team would follow our orders and start searching the islands and the villages, once we get to the preordained village, the ocean clans would unite and apprehend the sky people that have been scouring the ocean nearby. They would capture all of us and fake kill/capture us in their attempts to rescue the toruk makto adopted human son. Hopefully there would be no casualties but the human soldiers that Ardmore sends to monitor us will probably put up a fight. Hopefully we can talk them into staying on the boat. Either way it was surprising how well all the boys got along. Working well to hash out this plan to where everyone was taken care off. It brought a smile to my face till i saw neytiri side eyeing miles, she was till stiff as a board so i decided to try and talk to her.

“Hey tiri can i speak with you for a moment?”.. she agrees and walks over with me to sit on some tree roots near by

“How are you Tiri?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean your stiff as a board and i know your not exactly thrilled with Miles”

“That de… Quartich has done much to me and my family, and i hold much anger toward him, but eywa has spoken and i am trying to listen to her.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t be angry with him, neytiri. You know i don't think I ever got to apologize to you.

“For what?”

“For everything for not doing more to stop the attack on hometree, even though I didn’t know they were doing that. Or for stopping miles and the other from joining the war for everything the humans have done to you I apologize.”

Tiri hugs me, both us having tears in our eyes

“I do not blame you y/n for i must also apologize, for taking your mate away from you”

“No tiri neither of us blame you in fact we don't even really remember it. What matters now is that we're here together in these bodies and are able to do better this time”

“Yes.”

“I must also thank you and Jake for what you’ve done with Spider. You out of everyone had every right to never even acknowledge Spider but he tells me he's close with all your kids and that you helped him so much growing up.

“Yes i must admit at first i was apprehensive but as he learned more about pandora the more i saw you in him, i knew you would want him to live a life not in a lab”

“You are correct. I wanted him to be able to experience the things around him so again from mother to mother I thank you neytiri.”

“Of course y/n of course”

Miles pov

“Ok that should be good for now, it’s getting late and your team will need to start heading back Quartich.” Jake says quickly motioning to how dark the sky has started to get the sun beginning to set in the sky

“Agreed, ok y’all pack it up.” I yell to my team all swiftly moving into action

“Sully i would like a word, privately” i say looking over at spellman as he quickly lifted his head from talking to Tonowari as soon as he heard me speak

“Fine, I have something to say to you as well”

Jakes pov

Quartich and i walk over away from everyone else

“Ok sully get this out of the way yeah”. Quartich says bracing himself like i'm going to slug him in the face. Part of me wants to but the more mature part has realized I had wronged this man as much as he had me.

“Im sorry colonel”

“Wait What!”

“Yeah, I'm sorry……. I've had a lot to think about colonel, and ive realized, you guys took me in when i got to pandora, despite my disability you all treated me like a normal soldier. Made me part of your team despite me being assigned to grace, didn’t let me feel like I was just some experiment, and what did i do, I betrayed you all. I immediately made you the enemy when in reality it was the rda that where the enemy we were all just caught in their net, just like now. Which is why I apologize for that but you have to see now why I did what I did don't you?

“I do sully i do, he turns to look at spider and y/n quickly.

“I forgot when i was human that i made a promise to myself that they would come before everything else. I wanted a good home for my family and thought the only way to get it was to follow orders.

“I understand that, which is why i propose a new start”

“What do you have in mind?”

“I say we let the past stay in the past. No longer opposite sides of the board but comrades in arms once again. That we help one another to realize our dreams for our families. What do you say?” I ask holding my hand out to shake and sign the pact.Quartich looks at my hand for a moment for grasping my arm and shaking it a nod in my direction

“Agreed sully, let's take these bastards out, but first lets get us away from them deal

“Yes sir.”’ I say a slight grin in my tone.

“Dad, we're ready!” I hear spider yell out, quickly turning Quaritch's head. We both look over to the boy with a goofy smile pressed on his face.

Hey thanks for taking care of my boy, jake

“Of course, colonel, I promised y/n I would..

“Yeah now let's get the job done.”

Tag list

@dyingofcookies @ratchetprime211 @myh3artttt @ducks118 @navs-bhat

#avatar fanfiction #avatar oc #avatar way of water #jake sully x reader #miles quaritch x reader #spider x reader #deja blue team x reader

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hello-nichya-here · 5 months

Note

hey you expressed support for Palestine before, i was wondering what ur thoughts were on a volunteer for AO3 being warned and canned for supporting palestine? i don't see a lot of big fanfiction writers on ao3 talking abt this, and you aren't obligated to, but i feel like you would have a unique perspective (in a good way)

Okay, I've tried looking into it but everytime I just get linked back to the same post that talks about what alledgedly happened, but no links or screenshots to the actual thing, so if anyone can help me out with that so I can check how true it is, I'd appreciate it a lot.

Now, if it turns to be true... man, what a fucking disappointment. Not just because, obviously, supporting literal genocide is attrocious, but also because for years ao3 has been the anti-censorship website, so it suddenly deciding "Actually, we ARE going to ban you if you say stuff we don't like/agree with" is a terrible sign.

Again, if this is true, hit them (and especially OTW, who own them) where it hurts: no donations, and make sure to send emails contacting them to demand explanation/make it clear that the reason for lack of donations is them supporting genocide going back on their word and censoring people despite their main thing being "We're a goddamn archieve". It's an organisation that functions through volunteer work after all. After all the years of always surpassing their goal and getting extra donations all the time, that should scare them enough to bitchslap some sense into them.

As for the possibility of changing to a different site, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you guys that, but nobody who got used to ao3 is changing to fucking Wattpad and the likes because these sites are unusable, and Fanfic.Net is basically dead and glitching all the time AND a large portion of ao3's userbase jumped ship from Fanfic.Net and they're not coming back. There's a reason ao3 grew so fast it's because it was literally the only site that wasn't broken, unusable or heavily censored - and again, even if this fuckery is true and that last part seems to be at risk of going out the window, that still makes it the only fic site that is in any way functional.

Even if a perfect alternative were to magically appear today, it'd still take time for people to try it out, get used to it, like it, post stuff both there AND ao3 on the regular to build a community, and then finally move to the new alternative exclusively. It won't be an overnight thing.

As for the inevitable "but how can you continue using ao3 knowing what it supports" I'm gonna get even if this turns out to be a lie or misunderstanding: there's a big difference between a major company or super relevant government supporting something attrocious and a fanfic site supporting something attrocious.

Ao3/OTW doesn't have the money to buy Israel more guns and bombs. It isn't funding illegal mining in Congo that is killing toddlers like Tesla is, or making a bunch of chinese children work as slaves like Apple, and it is OBVIOUSLY not the same as Biden not only continuing to fund Israel's war effort but also randomly attacking Iraq and Iran just because americans always look for any excuse to bomb the middle east.

Ao3/OTW supporting Israel would be the popular kid in school or the neighbour everyone likes supporting Israel - disappointing, and at worst makes you worry about them influencing some morons to go "Well, BOTH sides have done bad things" or "It's just different opinions", but it won't actually kill anyone.

For now, I'm still on ao3, and on Belletristica despite their search function sucking, and I'm one of the five people that is still on Fanfic.net and will likely stay there until the site implodes for good. Worst comes to worst, you guys just have to google "Zucest" over and over until you inevitably find me somewhere.

#asks #free palestine #ao3 #ao3 fuckery

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sparkanonymous · 9 months

Text

Stolen Art

Found someone here on Tumblr who was reposting art. I believe they were reposting art from Hunter X Hunter and perhaps other pieces of media, but I will be focusing on the Total Drama pieces they reposted.

I do not support harassment, and while I also do not support reposting art- without credit or permission- I do not want any harm to come to the reposter's way. I'm only here to give credit to the stolen art. Instead of spreading negativity, we will be spreading love by going to the original pieces in question.

Continue below to see the stolen art and the pieces I have managed to find with the help of Google. If I get anything wrong, please let me know!

The Artist: MarcellSalek-26 on DeviantArt | The Piece Originally Posted: September 24, 2016

The Artist: 3dg3lord3lary on Reddit | The Piece Originally Posted: February 27, 2021

The Artist: paltrypal on Tumblr | The Piece Originally Posted: September 25, 2020

The Artist: Kika-ila on DeviantArt | The Piece Originally Posted: July 2, 2019 Yes, this is the artist that created the infamous Total Drama Kids comic. They also occasionally post here on Tumblr under the same name.

The Artist: Galactic-Red-Beauty on DeviantArt Not able to find this piece. The artist thankfully left their watermark, so we know who made it, but I cannot find this piece on their gallery. They must have deleted it.

The Artist: Sheezia_art on Twitter | The Piece Originally Posted: July 28, 2021

The Artist: homkamiro on Tumblr | The Comic Originally Posted: April 16, 2023

The Artist: doodlingleluke on Tumblr | The Piece Originally Posted: May 2, 2023

The Artist: ordartz on DeviantArt | The Piece Originally Posted: October 7, 2022

The Artist: BridgetteBabe12 on Fanpop | The Piece Minors, don't click that link. There's some suggestive drawings on that page. This one I'm not so sure about. Reverse image searching lead to this link, plus Pinterest posts that lead to this site. But the site just seems like a place to repost others' art, as I saw Kila-ila's Total Drama Kids comic pages on there, and it doesn't help that the person's profile doesn't even have this piece on their gallery. I don't trust this site.

The Artist: eatingsomegreenegos on Tumblr | The Piece Originally Posted: April 12, 2023

The Artist: Miguel-Amshelo-Comms on DeviantArt | The Animation Originally Posted: August 1, 2015 The animation is Aleheather. The problem with searching for anything animated is that I can't save it in order to reverse image search. Thankfully, the artist put their watermark on it.

The Artist: sallychan on DeviantArt | The Animation Originally Posted: September 28, 2013

And that's it! Minus a couple of memes, that's all of the art I found on the Total Drama tag of this person's account. They have posted, saying they will be deleting their account soon, so I'm not very worried about their account being leaked. However, I have cropped their name just in case.

Others have commented on their account- mostly on their more recent total drama posts- telling them to stop stealing art, which has gone ignored by this person. Some pieces, however, have been mistaken to be the art reposter's work, such as the sallychan Aleheather rain animation. I only made this post to give credit to those with their art stolen.

Again, do not go and harass this person. Don't even comment on their posts if you somehow find them. The only reason I found this person in the first place was because I had liked their post with @/homkamiro's work. Please go follow the original artists and like the original pieces. Thank you!

If you're worried about your work being stolen, please put watermarks on your stuff. I know it can be annoying, and I have avoided doing so myself, but it does help if someone happens to take your work without permission and doesn't credit you.

#total drama #total drama island #total drama world tour #total drama revenge of the island #total drama pahkitew island #total drama ridonculous race #total drama reboot #art theft #credit the artists #love your artists #spark speaks

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wangxianficfinder · 1 year

Note

I'm pretty new to this area (my profile lies; I did create this account about 10 years ago when LiveJournal was dying but totally forgot about it until I accidentally logged in to create an account to ask for wangxian fic LOL) so how can I go back and check out older ITMF posts on my phone? The endless scroll and lack of bookmarks are making it hard to keep track.

Or are they ultimately collecting in the comp posts and I don't need to trawl for all the recs? (Because when I read an ITMF I suddenly am also ITMFing for that ask as well, and a plethora of recs lurk out of my reach...)

I'm actually unsure? I know we have a link in the directory for itmf posts but I don't know how you can check out older itmf without endlessly scrolling?

Hmm. Sorry, I have no idea.

- Mod C

---

gentil-minou said: I've been able to use the search function on the blog with some success, but because of tumblr's iffy search system it's not very good. My advice if you have an itmf, send an ask for it! A lot of the requests get repeated and there's always new fics added to fill them up!

the-marathon-continues-nip said: the blog does not tag each iitmf post with a unique identifier (I don't think) but if you search on this blog for iitmf and have the date options turned on to see when they were posted, you can get more posts. I think that may be better on desktop than mobile

also FWIW don't feel like you will miss out because eventually we all get around go reccing fandom fave fics and then you can see people's bookmarks and authors bookmarks and go from there, I promise you will get to the ones you want and find new ones along the way!

theladypeartree said: Bottom line is, you can't on mobile, unless it's in the browser :/ that's just how it is with Tumblr sometimes 😕🤷🏽‍♀️

#mod c #answers

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yukidragon · 11 months

Text

Sunny Day Jack Headcanons - Alice and Ian's Breakup

I wound up going on a bit of a ramble in a thread over on twitter yesterday about the breakup between Ian and Alice. My friend @sai-of-the-7-stars suggested that I put it in a tumblr too, so here we go, with some extra thoughts and commentary. After all, once you get me going on a ramble it's hard to stop me, hahahaha.

Before I begin, I'll quickly link to some previous theories that relate to this discussion, such as why Ian cheated, a few spicy details about Alice and Ian's sex life, reasons why Alice can't bring herself to hurt Ian, her family's reactions to his cheating, and other assorted headcanons relating to the two of them and their breakup here, here, here, and here. I'm probably missing some links to relevant prior discussions, but there are so many headcanons at this point that even a search engine isn't enough to sort through them all, haha.

Disclaimer: these headcanons apply to my personal fan made continuity known as Sunshine in Hell and don't necessarily reflect the game. No doubt the actual relationship between MC and Ian is going to have a different set of nuances to it than I'm exploring in my writing. Not to mention each MC is unique and the branching paths of the game will lead to different outcomes between these two.

Also, content warning: this post will discuss a relationship turned toxic, unhealthy levels of emotional dependency, codependency, emotional manipulation, self-loathing, past traumas, religious guilt, and just unhealthy relationship dynamics in general. This is an Adults Only game and touches on mature topics after all.

With that out of the way, let's discuss how Alice tried to end her relationship with Ian before the start of Sunshine in Hell... which, as we can see in chapter 6, was less than successful.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, Ian really needs therapy. Thanks to a lifetime of abuse at the hands of his toxic mother, not to mention the bullying and isolation he received from his peers while growing up, he has a lot of issues. Really, I'd argue he probably needs therapy more than he needs a relationship right now.

Alice isn't ignorant of that fact. Her coming to the realization that a lot of their relationship revolved around her trying to help fix his issues for him was pretty much the key that led her to choosing to end things for good. As much as she wants to help Ian, as much as she loves him... she can't fix him. No one should be expected to fix anyone else's issues... especially if they've given up on the idea that they can get better.

Ian's self-confidence is... pretty miserable, to be frank. We've seen plenty of examples of it in the demo and in teasers. He depends on his partner to be the strong one. He doesn't see himself being able to handle going on without them... He sees MC as the strong one, and he pretty much is so used to being torn down that he tears himself down preemptively, constantly feeling the need to apologize.

Alice did try to help Ian with his confidence. Since the first day they met, she has been there for him, supported him, cared for him deeply... and eventually loved him more than anyone else. She defended him from bullies, held him whenever he cried, reassured him that he's better than what everyone else has said, listened to him vent, and accepted every apology he's given her regardless if he actually made a mistake or not.

She accepted his apologies even if he didn't actually understand what he did wrong.

There were good moments between them, but Ian kept needing Alice's support. He couldn't handle standing on his own. He depended on her to the point that it was crushing. Things would have been more balanced between them if he shouldered some of the weight of her problems as well, but he couldn't handle them. He was convinced he couldn't. He wasn't strong like her.

Ian was supportive, but it was a far more fragile support, one that crumbled so very easily as the pressure overwhelmed him.

Alice is the oldest child in a large and loving family. She's been the responsible child, helping with all the younger siblings. She coped with being sick with something incurable, and never let the bullies see her cry. She stood up to Ian's mother directly for his sake, something that he could never bring himself to do. She always seemed so much larger than life to him even though they were the same age. She always seemed better than him, at least in his eyes.

Ian couldn't understand why Alice struggled with self-confidence issues. Maybe it was his fault? If it was, he's sorry. He thinks she's beautiful and other people are weird. He doesn't like them like he likes her. If she's feeling bad, then it must be his fault, and he's so sorry...

Essentially, Ian was so ready to take the blame for everything... including his partner's own problems. This left Alice needing to reassure him on top of handle her own issues.

So it was just easier for Alice not to talk about issues with Ian. She just dismissed her problems as something she could handle. She can deal with it. She's oldest in her house. She's mature. She's smart. Heck, she was gifted in school. Gifted kid burnout what's that?

Ian doesn't have support like Alice does. His family doesn't love him. His only family abuses him. He needs her. He needs her understanding. He doesn't mean to hurt her. Heck, he's feeling bad because she's feeling bad. How can that be toxic behavior?

That's why it took Alice so long to accept that what she and Ian had wasn't a healthy relationship. She was supporting the emotional weight for both of them, and Ian thought that supporting her financially would balance that scale... though he didn't think he could make it on his own.

The signs were there even before Ian left for his prestigious school. The long distance relationship made their problems worse, since Ian didn't have Alice to support him in the way he was used to. There were scheduling problems and suddenly he had all these friends that were demanding his time. He had connections he needed to forge, a chance at actually making it in the future... and he got a taste of popularity for the first time. He got to see that other people weren't as weird or off-putting as he convinced himself they were...

Supporting Ian over phone calls and messaging aps was harder for Alice to do than in person. She couldn't hold him while he cried. She struggled for words sometimes, as verbal conversations are her weak point. Texting was easier in that regard, but that was so impersonal to Ian. He needed to hear her voice and see her face.

Whenever Ian had a problem, he brought it to Alice, asking her what he should do. Over time he leaned on her advice more as they grew. He depended on her when they were living together and even after moving he needed her help... though there were things he would keep secret from her for fear that she wouldn't understand. After all, he felt so much shame towards himself and his desires...

The cheating was the breaking point for the two of them, but even then that wasn't the end right away. Despite Alice being hospitalized for alcohol poisoning and accidentally injuring herself after finding out... she wanted to forgive Ian. He was sorry. She knew that was sorry. She knew him better than anyone. She believed his story that it just happened... that he just got swept up by the other person's charms and lost control of himself.

After all, Ian had a history of losing control of himself when it came to sex.

There were couples that did come back from cheating. It wasn't impossible, and Alice didn't want the relationship to be over. She wanted so badly to believe that it was just another mistake made by Ian. Poor, clumsy, apologetic Ian... the only one who could ever love or desire her...

But this wasn't healthy. Their relationship after this while trying to repair things was so much worse. Alice couldn't even handle kissing Ian, and the guilt struck him each time she asked for more time before she could handle physical intimacy with him again. Before, she could power through even being choked or rough sex despite hating it, but now...

It felt wrong. His "I love you" and all those promises that she was the only one for him felt like lies. Ian still spent time with those friends of his who crossed boundaries, not even completely cutting off the person he cheated with. He couldn't due to the connections he was forming to further his career. He was just starting out, and those connections would make or break everything. He had to smile for the camera and socialize. He had to become successful.

It was the only way to make his cheating worth it at that point. It was the only way Ian could see repairing what he had broken.

It was hellish for both of them. Alice eventually was forced to realize that this wasn't what a relationship was supposed to look like - romantic or otherwise. With the help of her friends like Shaun and some of her family, she was able to accept that there really was no coming back from this.

Their relationship had been sick for a long time, and the cheating was the final blow that killed it. Nothing good would come from trying to force its corpse to keep moving even as it continued to rot.

Really, what helped Alice manage the strength to end things was knowing that this was damaging Ian as well. She was so used to just accepting her own pain for his sake that it really was what was needed to make her see that this self-sacrifice wasn't good for either of them.

Alice realized that she wasn't Ian's support like she always thought she was - she was his enabler. She let him use her in order to feel better, more like a bandage over his issues than a person. She had become more like a narcotic he depended on to hobble through the day rather than taking real steps to get better.

So, when Alice decided that it had to end, she wrote down everything she wanted to say. It was the only way she would be able to force him to see the truth like she did. She wanted Ian to get help, go to therapy, explore what he really wanted out of life... without her. Without considering her at all in the future. He had to be independent of her... and she needed to be independent of him.

The relationship was too toxic. The trust was gone. It was best for both of them if they went their separate ways.

Love isn't supposed to hurt this badly.

Ian, of course, couldn't accept this. Alice couldn't even read out the entire speech she wrote down before he was on his knees in tears, begging her not to give up on him, on them... to not throw him away like everyone else. He made mistakes, but he'll do better. He's so sorry! He loves her!

Ian always had a way of knowing how to make Alice want to protect him.

It's hard ending things with someone you love, even if you know it's what's best for the both of you.

Try as she might, Alice couldn't be harsh on Ian. She couldn't yell and scream or smash things... she felt so bad for him. She still loved him so, so much... wanted the world for him... and that love was stifling his growth... and slowly killing her.

The best Alice could do was a compromise. A break. They would be broken up "for now." They needed to give each other space if there was any hope of them reconciling in the future.

It was the biggest lie Alice ever told Ian, and he was desperate enough to believe it.

To Alice there is no chance. It hurts too much. That's why she left their shared apartment, left behind anything she could afford to that had too many memories attached to Ian. Anything she couldn't, she has to try and work through her own issues with in her new place.

She didn't tell him where she moved.

To Ian, this is just a break. That's all it is. This is just like if one of them went off to camp for a week before they got cell phones and couldn't make contact. They'll get back together. He just has to fix things. He has to make what he did worth it. He has to get them the house they always dreamed off in the place they always wanted to raise kids in... plenty of money to take care of them both where Alice never has to worry about anything ever again, not even him cheating...

But Ian knows they're on the brink. Alice doesn't call him or send him messages, and that's terrifying. He did give her some time at first. Maybe a week or two... but she wasn't posting on her social medias. He didn't know what she was up to. Was she eating or taking care of herself? She skipped meals sometimes. She overworked herself so much. She hurt herself badly before without him. What if she was in the hospital again? Who would tell him?

So Ian stalks Alice on her socials. He contacts anyone who knows her and is still willing to try and mediate things between them, like Coraline and a couple mutual friends. He sends her voice mails and messages so she won't forget him, making sure she knows he's sorry and that he'll fix things.

Ian is willing to apologize every day for the rest of his life if it'll fix things.

Alice never answers him, and that only makes him more desperate to hear from her. It's what leads him to leaving so many voice mails. He's not blocked, and he knows she didn't change her number since he still hears her sweet voice asking callers to leave a message... but she never gets back to him.

Ian makes posts about stuff she would like on his socials, hoping to spark conversations, trying to provoke a response, but they don't. Sometimes he tags her with things he knows she likes. He knows he's not blocked so she must see them. He tagged them properly!

They know each other better than anyone, right? Ian knows more about Alice than even her family knows. Even when things ended, he knew she loves him, even if he couldn't understand why she would insist on taking a break despite them loving each other...

They'll get over this. They have to. They've come back from other rough patches. They still love each other. It's just a break. Alice said so herself. Eventually... as long as Ian just tries harder to fix things... things will be okay between them in the end... right?

Every message from Ian is hell to Alice. Every tear he sheds because of her is like acid on her skin. She wants to scream at him to just stop since it hurts so much... but she can't because she knows he's hurting too.

Alice ended things. She had to be strong for both of them. She always had to be the strong one. The only way things would get better is if she stays strong and never says a word to Ian again. Eventually... he'll figure out that he doesn't need her... that he shouldn't need her like he convinced himself does.

The sad thing is that Ian is aware that Alice still cares. If she didn't, she would have blocked him. She wouldn't let his messages get through. He doesn't know if she's listening to his messages, but he still sends them with the hope that she is, that something he says somehow makes things right.

Ian, unfortunately, isn't self-aware of how manipulative he's being. It hasn't really clicked that this is far beyond Alice being hurt by him cheating or upset by him "not measuring up as a partner" as he believes it to be. He's not seeing his toxic traits and wasn't really listening when Alice tried to tell him what the real problems were in that final speech when they broke up.

Ian knows he's a crappy partner. He knows he's all these awful things people said he was that Alice used to reassure him that he wasn't. This just proves it. He just has to make everything worth it in the end, give her things she needs that can make her feel proud of having a successful partner like him, someone actually worthy of being partners with someone so kind and giving...

This is why Ian needs therapy so badly. He's focusing on the wrong issues without really understanding what he's really doing to Alice that's so damaging. He is the pitiful victim, substandard and pathetic, needing someone stronger than him to love him despite his flaws.

Ian was focusing so much on what's wrong with him and what he thinks he needs to improve that he doesn't realize how much he's taking from Alice... and he doesn't really listen to what he needed to give in return in order for them to be equal as partners.

All relationships are about give and take from both sides. Unfortunately, Alice kept giving and Ian kept taking.

Apologies aren't enough when a person keeps making the same mistakes over and over again. Eventually even, "I'm sorry," can be repeated until the words become utterly meaningless.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #Headcanon Ramblings #Ask

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