#ill say it once and ill say it again i will cry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yourheart-inmyhands · 1 day

Note

hellllllllloooo your writing is great. Might I request the scared reader that you did but with Scara?

ah this was such an interesting request! i went a little more along the route of Wanderer instead of Scara but if you'd like Scaramouche, when he was in his fatui phase, i can always write that as well :D

Warning: this post contains yandere-themes, including implied being held against ones will, implied kidnapping, implied forced Stockholm syndrome, restrictions around food and meals, and other potential topics. Please read at your own risk!

If this was pre-erasure then Scaramouche would understand, he’s got a reputation, he’s known for things, regardless of how much he’s come to regret them. If this were post-erasure though, it would be a whole different story. He understands that while he has lost the intimidating, scary reputation he once had, he’s in turn taken on a mysterious, unknown one.

He doesn’t like that you’re scared of him, especially when there’s nothing to be afraid of. Wanderer finds himself angry and confused, he doesn’t know how to make you stop being afraid of him, he can only remember how to be feared, desperate to avoid getting hurt again. And it’s not like he can just go around asking how to make you get over your silly fears. He spends a lot of time pacing around the room he keeps you in, muttering to himself and making exaggerated hand gestures. It takes him a while to come up with a plan, one that he really thinks will work, but when he does finally have his plan together, it’s impossible to change his mind on it.

It’s not his greatest plan, hell it wasn’t even a good plan, but it was the only thing he could see actually working. It’s slow at first, barely noticeable when he starts cutting back on your meals, serving slightly smaller and smaller sections each time until it becomes too obvious to ignore. He restricts you to the single room even more so than before. No more free range of the home, no more looking out the windows or even going to the nice bathroom, now if you have to go, you use the bucket. Wanderer plans to slowly break you down until you cave, begging and crying and pleading, saying you’ll do anything for some more food, for a proper bathroom, for some sunlight.

He stands in the corner, watching as you stare at the plated meal in front of you. It could hardly be considered a proper meal, barely enough to feed a young child, it would certainly not be enough to satiate you, and he knows that. Wanderer gives you just enough to keep you from falling ill, but so little that your stomach crawls in hunger, hands clutching at your sides as you lay awake, praying for it to settle just long enough to get some sleep. He may not be a human, but he certainly understands how they work, he knows what they crave most and what depriving them of basic needs will do.

“I could get you more if you’d like.” He sees the way you stare at him, like he’d grown three more heads, and it makes a small part of his chest tingle in excitement. Wanderer can see you hesitate, wanting more but knowing the price it comes at, the tears that well in your eyes as your head hangs low, a small nod leaving you.

He’s practically vibrating in excitement when you finally give in, letting him hold you close without fighting in exchange for more food. From there it continues to escalate, no longer does he wait for you to give in, instead he slowly starts returning things to normal and being as close and affectionate with you as he desires. If you should go back to fighting and screaming again then you can expect him to remove all your ‘privileges’ again. Wanderer will repeat the process over and over again until you give in for a final time, even if it breaks you.

55 notes · View notes

daisey14 · 21 hours

Text

now mega. before i chop you up into my carry on luggage, im going to torture the living shite outta you<3 i've been waiting for this moment for such a long time! and wouldn't you know it you're finally mine if you're hurting please show it don't be fraid to cry, and just for my enjoyment you will suffer! suffer!! suffer!!! until you die. so sit back relax and enjoy the show! ive quite the evening plaannnedd ive cleared up your schedule nowhere else to go, trust me you're in good haaaaaaaands!! why don't you just kill me already? can't you see⠀⠀how much i enjoy this, id never avoid this, cause buddy im a different breed! this is my calling and though its appalling i love making people bleeeeeeeeeed! im a master of torture it gets me igh to show you the horror of staying alive ! ill prod ya and poke ya and bleed you dry! and just for my enjoyment you will suffer! suffer!! suffer!!! until you die. i once was a spyyy but i won't be a spy agaainnn!!!! at least i tried tried to fight till the end!!! but i cant deny that im gonna diiiieeeee (SUFFER SUFFER UNTIL YOU DIE) ABANDONED BETRAYED ME THAT BASTARD LIED THAT NAZI HE PLAYED ME I TRUSTED HIM WHYYYYY IS MEGA MY ENEMY DO I LET HIM DIIIIEEEE IVE GOT TO THINK ABOUT MY FAMILY CAUSE NO ONES LOOKING OUT FOR ME NO MATTER WHAT I GUESS WE'LL SEE IF ONCE A SPY ALWAYS A SPY FOREVER!!! FOREVER!!!!! (SUFFER! SUFFER!) THE WARMEST HELLO TO THE COLDEST GOODBYE REMEMBER (SURRENDER!) REMEMBER (NEVER!) SPIES NEVER DIE............ (ITS TIME TO DIE) (I ONCE WAS A SPY!!!) SPIES ARE FOREVEVEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ive been waiting for this moment for such a long time / a spy is a spy and i once was a spy, FOREVEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR and wouldn't you know it you're finally mine / im gonna be a spy again OOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOH if you're hurting please show it don't be fraid to cry / thought i could say goodbye but i won't lie and just for my enjoyment you will suffer, suffer / i wanna be a spy again im a master of torture it gets me high / spy again its who i am!! to show you the horror of staying alive / doesn't even matter if i killed my best friend!! try again try NOT TO DIE (TIME TO DIE!!!) ive been waiting so damn long for this!! it's not supposed to go like this!! so this is how the story ENNNDDDSSSS take THIS what are you doing! saving you! i don't need your help! i don't need anyone's help! WHATS YOUR DAMAGE MAN????? come on curt let's get goiingg ...owen? SPIES ARE FOREVER FOREVEVRR SPIES ARE FOREVER!! FOREEEVVEERRRRR !!!

#i found this in my notes app today i decided it needed to be shared with the world #=^_^=#the torture tango #spies are forever

45 notes · View notes

wolfridds · 11 months

Text

2 days until HPATCC leaves Melbourne and I am NOT ready for this 😭😭😭

#im gonna bawl #ill say it once and ill say it again i will cry #melbourne hpcc #hpcc #hpatcc #hpatcc melbourne #harry potter and the cursed child

2 notes · View notes

accidental-spice · 2 months

Text

In the words of Jessica Day, "Work sucked today, my friends"

#at least im 90% sure she said that once #anyways it sucked. a LOT #i i paid for something i shouldnt have causing my boss to have to reimburse me and they were. less than pleased #and like i get that i should have communicated better but maybe so should you guys?#i dont know. i think im not completely in the wrong about this but its hard to tell right now #i just want to cry and not think about it ever again #at the moment only one of those is happening #i just. it cant have been ENTIRELY my fault #and i honestly dont know why its such a big deal #but my boss and i have VERY different minds #uuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhh #i feel like everything turned out fine but i also feel like its all my fault and everything sucks #and maybe i should stand up for myself but. i do. not. want. to #i KNOW im gonna say my thoughts on it and theyre gonna say something else and ill be like uuuuhhhhh #sure yes whatever im clearly wrong #sigh

21 notes · View notes

worldsquietestjojosfan · 2 months

Text

Mingjue's gaze softens.

"Didi. You are confused. You are misinterpreting brotherly love for romantic interest."

Huaisang clenches his firsts and stares down at the floorboards. His expression morphs into one of pain. He draws in a deep breath.

"Da-ge, please sleep with me." Mingjue's body jerks back at his little brother's words. "If I sleep with you, then I'll know for sure what I'm feeling."

#bro doing anything but organizing her code #my brother says i write like i wasnt allowed to go to school #recently my brother had to do a project for school where he had to pick up a new hobby #he didnt do the assignment and at the last day he was like brother im so fucked help me #so i let him use one of my fanfics for the before and told him to use his own fanfic as an after and present that #his professor told him his improvement was incredible #thats all i have to say #theres something so cringe about when i write #ill write it and be like yeah. and then i read over it and die #unironically i actually run away from my fics. i have never once read them again after finishing #like when i draw. i look at it. im like yeah that part is good that part is bad. pretty mid but its ok.#writing? i turn red and hide from the monster i have created #i think my writing could be lethal. like if i read all my fics one after the other id die from cringe poisoning #i regularly look at my old drawings and cry how much ive regressed. but i can look at them.#one time my friend wanted to torture me so he called me to read my fics out loud. i endorse this as an execution method #shit gets me sweating. i have to get normal about this #some words #wip #the second wip actually #the first one is the saber spirit takes over nmj and he fucks nhs on the training grounds infront of everyone.#second one is nmj is like brother you have to stop being a freak this is getting out of hand and nhs is like nuh-uh. but also how'd you kno #on a side note remember my former student that confessed? yeah well #he proposed marriage

13 notes · View notes

good-beanswrites · 9 months

Text

So. It turns out I can't read. Have a random drabble of Mikoto + Tears because I misread one of the requests asdfds (featuring the smoking group :)) I thought of some juicy drama, but I'll admit his situation may not be as dramatic as this lol, just a thought about his emotions I was toying around with.

It had taken a bit of time, persuading, and bribery, but Mikoto reluctantly showed up to the smoking group’s next session. He looked like shit compared to them, but neither seemed to care.

Though he tried to refuse, they’d given him refills for his e-cigarette so he could participate. Shidou claimed he was quitting, but he didn’t strike Mikoto as the type to stop cold turkey. He stayed quiet most of the time, listening to the usual stories of days gone by.

Shidou asked about Kazui’s recent interrogation. Mikoto would have rather spoken about literally anything besides their situation as prisoners and murderers, but Kazui’s unlikely honesty caught his attention. The man admitted to getting rather worked up in front of Es, nearly to the point of tears.

Rather than offer any sort of comfort, Shidou chose to list off the benefits of crying in response.

“It actually releases stress hormones,” he was saying, “and has been linked to better sleep, improved immune systems, and balance within your nervous system.”

Mikoto shared a smirk with Kazui, the cigarette angling between his lips. He wasn’t as quick as he thought.

“And what is that face for?” Shidou turned to him. “I do hope you’re not one of those types who think men shouldn’t cry. I’m sure you have plenty of times. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Mikoto was going to drop it; he wasn’t one of those people, after all. Unexpected thoughts struck him before he could dismiss the accusations. The rapid emotions that flashed over his face had the others waiting for his reply.

“Actually… uh…” He let out a nervous laugh. “I just realized, I haven’t. You know, h-” Mikoto’s voice faltered. It felt strange, speaking about the situation so casually. But he could trust these men. They’d never turned against him, or flinched away from him, even when the others had. Regardless, he was going to have to acknowledge it eventually.

“...He’s the one that gets to cry.”

The others stayed silent. Kazui took another drag. It wasn’t like it was a secret anymore, but he was sure that neither had come prepared for a conversation like this. Wisps of smoke slowly circled them.

"Whenever I got upset, he was there. If anything brought me to tears, then he… took care of it.” Not that Mikoto ever knew it was happening. In hindsight, it was maddeningly obvious how his blackouts corresponded to rough times.

His breath shook the next time he inhaled. He took a pause. He had to stay calm. The line had been thin, these days, for when emotions would prove intense enough to send him over the edge. With all the underlying stress, even the most minor inconveniences could cause him to lose control.

The vapor he blew out left a trembly trail in front of him. He tried to sound lighthearted, but knew he wasn’t fooling anyone.

“I guess I always thought I was one of those guys who didn’t cry as much, or got less worked up about things. My coworkers always talked about breakdowns. I never had a single one. I didn’t really dwell on it. Why would I?” His smile was as wobbly as the laugh that bubbled out of him. “So, uh… I guess you were wrong, Shidou. I can’t remember the last time I shed a single tear.”

It didn’t take a doctor to know the kind of toll that takes on someone.

Mikoto dropped his head, suddenly ashamed of his honesty. He must have sounded completely insane. He ran a hand through his hair. They were probably looking on with horror at what a mess he’d revealed himself to be.

“I should go,” he muttered. He was already pretty upset and couldn’t risk hurting anyone else.

Shidou placed his hand gently on his arm. He didn’t look horrified in the slightest. Neither did Kazui. “Wait...”

He shrugged his arm away. “Leave me alone.”

“Mikoto.”

He paused only a moment in the entryway, as Kazui called to him.

“Thanks. I know it's not easy to talk about your true self.”

He wanted to accept it. He wanted to stay and keep talking and laughing as if nothing were wrong. He wanted to thank them for their kindness. But he couldn’t allow himself the luxury, now. “Whatever. It’s not like it matters.”

“It does.” Shidou told him. “Mikoto, I know things have been difficult. We just want to help you.”

“Yeah,” he said bitterly. The smoke shifted in his wake. “That’s what he said, too.”

#milgram #mikoto kayano #and the smoking group :)#ill do the actual mikoto request soon RIP 😂#'cold turkey' is joining 'ass crack of dawn' as a phrase ive included in my drabbles that i doubt the characters would say in japanese #i wonder if there are equivalents...#once again i dont think shidou is completely heartless but i love leaning into his logic-focused style of low empathy #he thinks hes being very helpful but hes just being very Doctor #i wanted a fun bitter ending but i think that these two would actually help him a lot #theyll request some emotional books and things that could get him to cry without feeling any real distress #i wonder when/if he starts accepting his identity and speaking to the others about it #he hasnt mentioned it in any of the timelines but kotoko kinda said it to him?#so maybe he talks about it now 🤷‍♀️#drabbles

37 notes · View notes

widevibratobitch · 1 month

Text

omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee

#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time #and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again #have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind #ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her #that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right #to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel #that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week #and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes #'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like #i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying #a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again #because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it #i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao #oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour #pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA

6 notes · View notes

dizzybevvie · 2 years

Text

No bc i firmly believe that the HTTYD soundtrack is the best piece of music produced in the last 200 years

#Name one song bwtter than Test drive. Ill wait #Name a better done-up character theme than romantic flight. you CANT #literally its so good. the motifs the instruments the layers you dont notice the first time around its so. AH #the fact that the only theme not introduced in the first 5 minutes is toothless' to encourage unfamiliarity #The soundtrack of httyd1 is probsbly actuslly my favourite album there is not 1 skip #there is no better feeling than hearing the pick up in Test Drive on full blast #ITS SOOOOO GOOD #I am once again reccomending ppl watch that one video abt how the first 5 mins of httyd is musical genius #also. for the dancing and the dreaming makes me cry everytime without fail #apollo says stuff #httyd #how to train your dragon #apollo rambles about httyd

34 notes · View notes

jvzebel-x · 5 months

Text

🦋

#just binged through buddy daddies (i love that name. literally could not have picked a better name.)#&it made me cry lmao sometimes it hits me that ill never have kids&its like.#i told my mom once that i shouldnt have kids bc the world didnt need another me in it #&she screamed at me for an hour then didnt talk to me for a day bc it was insulting to her as my mother to say that.#&i look back on that basically every time i think about never having kids&its like.#the universe agreed w me mom lmao i guess you did a shit job raising me after all.#im being so dramatic.#im v sad that ill never have a child-- adopted or not. lmao.#i hate the dark. i hate the fucking cold lmao. im so ready for the world to be sunny again.#... buddy daddies was a dope show tho lmao highly recommended for sappy found family vibes. protect rei at all costs.#... this ultra sporadic thought process shit is why i cant hold a fuckin convo lmao.

2 notes · View notes

gibbearish · 5 months

Text

the thing with autism right. is i know if i was having a full mental health crisis what i would end up doing is going to the emergency room and being like "hello, my name is (x) birthday (y), um i was hoping to talk to you about potential mental health inpatient care? i'm currently having a mental health crisis and don't think i can be trusted on my own" like if there's one thing i can be sure will live on in me no matter how hard the brainworms try. is my fucking customer service voice

#like itll be busted as fuck because ill be freaking out but you bet ill be sobbing my way through verbally drafting an email #ive done it before‚ like im a frustrated crier and once i start crying i cant turn it off so ive had a couple times where i had a breakdown #at work‚ cried about it a lot‚ and my lead pulled me into a meeting room after i calmed down to check in #and as soon as i started talking it just started again so i had to be like 'sorry th-this is just something m-m-my bod-dy does‚ i-i'm calm #m-mentally but i just c-cant turn this-is off‚ just try to i-ignore HIC it and f-f-focus-s on the w-wwwords‚#(tired of crytyping so just mentally fill it in yourself in everything else i say)#n they offered me more time to chill but im like no really i genuinely am calm‚ i calm down wayyy before my body does its gonna #keep doing this on and off all day‚ it takes hours for it to fully calm down and is on a hair trigger the entire time #so thinking about this will make it kick back up again no matter what unless we talk tomorrow‚ so if youre ok with bearing with me then cool #and theyre like. dang ok and just focused on what i said #or much more recently i was talking to my roommate‚ stopped‚ held up a finger + stood there silently for ten seconds‚#then was like 'sorry about that‚ i think i have to throw up. excuse me for a moment. what was that? oh gotcha yeah i'll message you if i #need anything‚ thank you'#and just typing it out like that it sounds like i was fine and just saw it coming a ways away. however that is not the case #i had had my covid booster and some other vaccine earlier that day‚ lost 5 vials of blood‚ eaten Nothing‚ drank only #acidic-ass apple juice‚ and had just hit my vape too hard #keeping it in once it made its presence known was a feat of will the likes of which have never been seen before #and still my sentences prevail

5 notes · View notes

dirtfacedgospel · 8 months

Text

aesthetics.

cold blooded. a flash of fangs. perfect stillness shattered by a burst of movement. cool skin. black eyes. the contrast of pure white against pitch black. flowing venom. being unable to deny one's nature. indifference. danger hidden in the tall grass. savage death-roll. unmistakably powerful movement. hard earned trust. going days without eating.

drowning. deep, dark water, so black you can't see the bottom. the kind of cold that sinks into your bones. aching lungs. blurry vision. burning chest. stinging eyes. terror giving way to emptiness. trying to hard to catch your breath that you end up throwing up. screaming until you taste blood. being so exhausted your vision starts to blur. a body begging for rest. numbness as a counterpoint to agony.

identity. the knowledge that everything you are to become you must become out of spite. being so consumed with who you are not that you don't know who you are. 'i have to make up for it' 'for what?' 'for the fact that it's me'. the consumption of information as a substitute for the consumption of affection. a well loved copy of the velveteen rabbit.

feline. flashing eyes. defying the laws of gravity. headbutts to show affection. eye contact as a sign of trust. bursts of energy after midnight. light feet. claws flexing. razor sharp intelligence. sleek fur. sharp senses. light sleep. fierce pride. muscle and sinew.

#𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞 ━━ [ bastien theriot. ]#[ he is Mentally Ill™ ]#[ and i'm crying about him thanks ]#[ not 100% satisfied with it but i don't want to keep fucking with it ]#[ can you tell he's catholic? it's there. in the Subtext ]#[ i've said it once about bastien i'll say it again: something something baptism gone wrong ]#drowning cw #...#panic attack cw

2 notes · View notes

nt3000s · 11 months

Text

im so lucky to know so many people in my life to have met so many people in my life that are just life saving ill never not feel lucky people are so beautiful and kind and talented and funny and have so much worth everyone ive ever met anyone in my life i have ever touched i just cant believe it ill never be able to understand it how important everyone is how much i love people the degree to whihc i love people and everyone i have ever met ill just never ever be able to express the depth of how important it is to me it might be the most important part of my entire life. i just need people to know how much i love them im desperate for it to be known how important everyone ive ever met is to me. all of my friends everyone whos ever been kind to me and whoever ive been kind to it will never be lost on me how important it is. and i feel so lucky to be graced i guess by my friends. i cant imagine the life i would live without every event every person who ive ever crossed. i would never sacrifice anything to not be where i am now because of the people i know and have known. the people i know and talk to everyday or the people i see in a notification or pass by. i cant overstate your importance to me. i cant overstate how important i want people to feel. i want people to see themselves how i see them. i can not overstate your importance to me and i love you. im so lucky ill never be able to take it

#i just want ti go to sleep but i cant my sleep schedule has been so miserably depressing me #not that badly. i cherish every moment i have with the people around me and i cherish how lucky i am to be surrounded by such unbe #lievable people. i am happy everyday because people love me.#this will never be lost on me. the importance of it. the importance you all have will never ever be lost on me. your worth as a human being #you are so kind. you are so talented. you are loved by people because you are seen by people that way. i will never lose this #im miserably desperate for everyone i know to feel loved or to know that i love them. nothing will ever ever ever in my whole fucking life #ever be more important to me #nothing in my fucking life will ever be more important than that. please know how much you mean to this. to everything #i dont know what changed but i cry so often now and every single time my thoughts wander to how deeply i feel about this #im just sobbing and sobbing and im like. i love the people that care for me. i love the people i care for #i know when i stop crying or when the day rolls over i get to talk to everyone again. and i feel so lucky. i feel so desperate to explain it #how. much. it. means. to me. How badly i mean this and everything I say.#i dont fucking care if yoire my mutual from fandom or someone who random followed because my blog was funny #someone i talked to once or twice. you mean so much. i swear to god. ill never be mpre genuine or more serious. i guess #thats very kind of you to do that. or like my posts or anything. youre very kind for that. you mean alot to me.#i just dont want to fall asleep when the sun rises and wake up with a few hours to talk to people before im alone #i really hate it right now. and my neutral state has genuinely just been on the brink of crying. like if i sit still too long i just sob #thats genuinely how i have been for the past few days #and thats not the fault of anyone its just how my brain has been treating me #but whdn i get like this i just remember how lucky i feel about everything. like the depth of my feelings #you really just have to trust me when i say like how forever sincere and deep snd monumental it is to me. like please understand the depth #of when i say i love you. dear god i love everyone ive ever met i love you. please please please please understand how desperate i am #i will never ever feel more strongly about anything. i cant imagine it #i have to make this exact same fucking post over and over again #i need to keep saying it man #i need people to love themselves like i love them #the degree to which i say the word need #anyway. i love you. i hope you have fun or are happy about something. or draw write something nice. talk to your best friend. something

5 notes · View notes

shxtodxroki · 1 year

Text

God I'm gonna miss this place

#{🔇} - bee vents #like. im not saying that im gonna peak in high school or anything #but these past 4 years #especially my senior year #have been so fun #I met so many amazing people and Ive had so much fun #Im sitting in math rn cracking up and realizing that after monday ill never have this experience again #and an old friend contacted me today and gave me 2 really meaningful things even though we havent talked much in years #and another old friend and I have been in contact recently with graduation coming up #its just #all hitting me suddenly that all this amazing stuff is gonna end #idk how many of these people ill be able to keep in contact with even though I really want to #life just doesnt always work out and i know that but it doesnt make me any less sad #i still have one day left after today so im gonna try and enjoy it #i just got hit with all of this all of a sudden and i cried over it earlier even thiugh ive been trying not to cry about all of this yet #idk i feel like my thoughts are really jumbled #everythings just changing all at once and its really scary and hard to come to terms with #after monday ill never be a kid again. ill have college and real adult responsibilities #:/

3 notes · View notes

charlesemersonwinchesteriii · 1 year

Note

Had a MASSIVE crush on you for years, still think of you fondly. Love the MASHposting

This is such a nice and sweet ask and I'm so incredibly grateful that you generously took time out of your day to be so kind. It means a lot and just from this small interaction I know you must be a very warm, caring person. Truly, humbly, thank you so much. <3

but also real quick no jokes if u have a moment if its not too much trouble or too intrusive a question could u tell me real quick why did u stop having a crush on me please tell me what happened did you find someone else did I do something wrong why didn't you tELL ME PLEASE WAIT COME BACK PLEASE WHAT DID I DO I CAN FIX IT I PROMISE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPSLEALSEPLEAESSEEEEEE

#THIS IS NOT A BIT #ON OR OFF ANON PLEASE IM ON MY KNEES RN CAN I HAVE ANY FURTHER INFO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WON'T POST IT OR ANYTHING PROMMY PLEASE #WHEN DID U STOP AT LEAST???? WHAT HAPPEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH #please i can change........... i can become that man again for u......... or that woman or catkin or whatever u want............#please i have a full time job and a life insurance policy now ive got new dlc come back and try me again pleaseeeeeeeee #pspspspsss im so good at chores come here ill do ur chores for u pspspsspsss anon come back cmere pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplea #please ill be good i PROMISE #this is so embarrassing i know my followers are like crossing the street to avoid this post coming down the dash #but shhhh they dont matter anon its ok its just u and me ur everything to me tell me how i messed up please i beg of you.......#tell me where i went wrong where i lost my way tell me the fateful day i forfeited my undeserved claim to your heart #tell me how to win you once more......... please.......................#pls thisis not a bit pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee..................................................................................................#PLEASE GOD ITS ALMOST VALENTINES DAY IM CRYING FOR RELA IRL #unless saying that was bad and maniuplative or sth in which case im not crying im being normal and respectful #pspspsspssss im beign normal and respectful anon come back pleaspleasepleaspeleaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #even if u dont talk to me again thanks for still thinking fondly of me. even if u no longer think fondly of me after this post.#thats ok. thats on me.

6 notes · View notes

girl-bateman · 2 years

Text

I have been informed that House md “isn’t good for me” after being caught ugly crying to a House/Wilson mitski edit and my official recommendation is that I should watch family guy instead in order to preserve my mental health.

#i wont watch family guy but i cant tell if its beacuse i hate or love myself too much #i simply know it is not in my character #but once i finish house it will definitely be because i hate myself and think i deserve watching wilson (redacted)#so yeah anyways :)#its so funny u can really tell when my meds arent in my system anymore #bc i was crying at something house related this morning (before i took my pills)#and now i was crying again when its midnight and my poorly regulated emotions decide to make an appearance #(bc the meds are out of my system again)#but to be fair the mitski edit was really fucking sad #'i bet on loosing dogs' oh really? oh really now? wilson is a loosing dog bc he dies?? and house cant help but bet on him #bc if not wilson who?#?????#what sadistic little gay prick (actually so close to saying a slur right here but i wont bc its not in my character)#would think of something so cruel???#house and wilson??? tragedy?? death? mitski??? me dying in a fucking ditch???#who would have the guts... the sadistic streak... the fucking audacity... to sit and edit that together #youd have to force yourself to listen to that fucking song over and over again while perfecting the cuts between different scenes #of miserable middle aged repressed dying gay people #and they say im mentally ill.. buddy whoever made that edit needs therapy more than i do #(but like yeah it was a good edit thanks for your service or whatever)#house md

13 notes · View notes

katrinawritesthings · 1 year

Text

jonghyun / taemin; hot on the trail; PG

Hot on the trail of a real fine life This could be what it means to be alive Can't be too sure but it feels the right way Love is infinite like sun rays

"Jonghyun?" Taemin touches Jonghyun's shoulder gently with his small hand. He's not looking at Jonghyun when Jonghyun glances at him. He points ahead at where the road curves and there's a bigger clearing before the railing, a photography spot. "Can we stop for a minute?" he asks. "Watch the sunrise?"

Jonghyun sighs through his nose, biting his lip. He doesn't really want to. Driving gives him something to focus on, something to take his mind off of his anger. But at the same time, it does sound nice. Mornings are the only time he can really appreciate the sun before it starts turning into a big ball of heat that he can't stand. And it does make him feel a little better that Taemin still wants to do this with him, even if he's angry.

A glance in Jonghyun's right side mirror shows him that the road is still clear. It also shows him that Taemin is still grumpy. Arms crossed, leg crossed over the other, frown on his lips, glaring out of his window.

Well, fine. Jonghyun is still angry too. He doesn't want to be; the last thing he ever wants is for them to be arguing, let alone for an argument to start 10 minutes before they had to leave before dawn to drive 5 hours to get to where they're going on time. But they did, and Jonghyun was right, and Taemin was wrong, so the longer Taemin stays mad, Jonghyun the longer Jonghyun is, too.

He's doing his best to tune it out, though, because they're on a windy road up through the mountains, a sheer rock wall to his side and a sharp drop to Taemin's, tall trees blocking most of the pre morning light, and he's trying to be careful. Of course, that even in itself makes it harder to stay calm, because he shouldn't be the one that has to suppress his emotions. But it's whatever. They'll talk about it later.

Another 20 minutes pass until they reach a clear spot in the trees and a long, straight stretch of road on the side of the mountain. It still drops down sharply at Taemin's right, but the railing is there, and several feet of empty dirt parking space doubles the distance between them and it. Passed it, the forest sprawls, treetops reaching just under their feet, the gray sky tinted pink as the sunrise begins.

"Sure," he says, and pulls off to the side of the road when they reach the curve, easing to a stop in the dirt facing the sun. Taemin is out of his seat belt and opening his door before Jonghyun even has the car off. Rolling his eyes, Jonghyun follows, offering a hand to steady Taemin when he gets to the front of the car and Taemin is still struggling to get onto the hood.

Taemin takes it, and then keeps holding on, helping Jonghyun clamber on top and settle next to him. Hesitantly, Jonghyun settles his arm around Taemin's shoulders. Taemin stiffens, but only for a second, and then sighs and nestles in, leaning their heads together. His hands ball up and hide in his hoodie pocket. Jonghyun ignores that with another roll of his eyes.

Technically, they're not really watching the sunrise; it's already up over the horizon, pinking and oranging the sky heavily. They're just waiting for it to rise up above the cover of trees. It creeps up slowly, and every so often a bright flash of sun will come in through gaps in the leaves.

Jonghyun breathes deeply, the mountain air so cool and crisp that it almost stings his nose. The wind blows over them, making both of them tuck their jackets tighter around themselves. He finds a bird's nest in one of the trees and focuses on it, tiny sparrows fluttering around, dipping in and out, shaking all of the branches every time they land. An early butterfly flits passed and Taemin tenses up more than he has been all morning, grumbling when Jonghyun hides a grin behind his hand and squeezes his shoulder for comfort. A car rolls by behind them.

"I'm sorry," Taemin says quietly.

Jonghyun stops breathing, just for a second. Glancing to his side, Taemin still isn't looking at him. He's staring out at the horizon, but his eyes are unfocused. Jonghyun watches him open his mouth, take a breath, hesitate, open his mouth again.

"I was trying to, like, be gently pushy, but. I was just being a dick.” Finally he turns away from the sunrise, but just to push his face into Jonghyun's shoulder. "And then I got mad that you got mad, and I'm sorry."

"Thank you," Jonghyun says just as quietly. It means a lot. It really really does. He wasn't expecting this until after they got home from the thing tomorrow, at least. He doesn't apologize back because he has nothing to apologize for, but he does say, "It's hard to be me."

Taemin nods; he knows. That was the whole reason their argument started. A self deprecating comment, said honestly. Because Jonghyun truly believed it. Jonghyun continues, "And I know that. It's hard for you to." He doesn't want to say put up with, and he searches for the right way to put it. "You didn't sign up for this, when we first got together," he says eventually. Not at all. Jonghyun didn't even know he was like this himself back when they first started dating. He was too busy bottling everything up to notice that it was there. "But–"

"Neither did you," Taemin mumbles. It surprises a laugh out of Jonghyun, partly amused, partly bitter.

"I sure fucking didn't," he grins. When he popped out of the womb he sure didn't sign up for having a brain that hated him 30 something years later. But here he is. Dealing with it. Getting into arguments about it. Sitting up on the side of a mountain, watching the sunrise, holding his babe under his arm, existing with it. "I appreciate that you've always stuck with me," he tells Taemin, "even when it's frustrating and I’m being like that and you can't understand." Taemin shifts under his arm, getting comfortable, turning his face back out to the sky. "And I'm grateful that you always try to help.”

"But I need you to remember that I’m the one that knows what it's like to be me best," he says. "And when I say what you're doing isn't helping, then I know better than you whether that's true or not."

"I know," Taemin says quietly. He sighs, rubbing a hand over his cheek, his fingers into his eyes. "I was just." He sighs again, shaking his head. His mouth works as he tries to come up with excuses, as he decides not to say each one. Jonghyun knows what they are, even if he doesn't say them–it was early, he was sleepy, it scares him when Jonghyun talks like that, his instinctive need to help was louder than the voice telling him to back down for a minute and think. Jonghyun understands each one, and he appreciates that Taemin isn't trying to push them on him. He appreciates that after a minute, all Taemin says is just ‘I'm sorry,’ again.

"When we get home again," Taemin says, hesitantly, reaching over and playing with Jonghyun's jacket zipper. "Can we talk more about things that I can do to help? That won't make it worse?"

"Yeah," Jonghyun says. They can do that. He would like that a lot. They've had that conversation before, but it's one of those ever-changing conversations. Another new one wouldn't hurt. Taemin nods, cheek rubbing against his shoulder.

Conversation over, Jonghyun adjusts himself to get more comfortable on the hood of the car. He moves his hand from Taemin's shoulder to his hair, petting him, playing with it.

On the horizon, the sun finally breaks out from behind the trees. It rises slowly, brilliantly bright, sending sunrays streaming out through the leaves that warm them where they sit.

#jongtae #jonghyun #taemin #pg #oneshot #fluff #Sometimes it just be like that #it took Jonghyun a long fucking time to get to where he is about knowing that he doesn't have to apologize for the mental illness ™#but he still has a long way to go and he’s still figuring out how to be him and how to exist and Taemin wants to help but Taemin knows #even less #they're just figuring it out together as they go along and it's messy but they like each other too much to stop now #ydw #Steam Powered Giraffe hitting in once again with the bangers #everyday I think about the growth from wired wrong #to hot on the trail. You go you funky little robot #Maybe someday we'll be in a place where we can see that we are not wired wrong...#The distance hasn't always been clear but finally with our love it could appear...#Black lady crying and saying wow.gif #anyway hey it's me happy egg I have returned : )#ignore that time last week when I accidentally reblogged Gandalf big naturals here for a minute

2 notes · View notes