#im in school which ive failed two of my classes this semester.

[ouroboobos]

trying to make it to the college IT department today for help with my application wish me so much luck

#im so scared lmaoo i want to go to school so bad and it feels like itll just never work out #ive been trying to apply for months but the site is really buggy and i cant update my info #and because of my work schedule theres only ONE DAY of the week i can go to get help for it #which is a day when my mother works. and i dont have a car so i cant drive myself #weve literally been trying for like 2 months to get out there #and i really want it to happen today because im running out of time 2 apply for fall #AND i need them to help me access my old emails before i can appeal to get my financial aid back #because last time i tried school i had a breakdown and failed all my classes 😐 #and because of living with my mother and working full time i technically COULD pay for a semester or two of community college classes #but long term i will absolutely need the financial aid #especially if i have to cut down my hours at my job that already pays lile shit #which i will def have to do if i start going to school full time because my priority will be keeping my grades up #also im trying to learn to drive so i can eventually start going in person and get a better job #which means i need to buy a car #so like theres only so much i can spend out of pocket #anyeay im freaking out so thoughts prayers etc or feel free to send me a million dollars

[mooifyourecows]

HI MOO IM DONE WITH FINALS AND THE FALL SEMESTER AND I FEEL LIKE I CAN FINALLY FUCKING BR E A T H E FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS.

this was the first semester i was balancing work with school (long story, but ive been in college for three semesters total and i’ve never had a job before) PLUS i gained a social life for the first time in like. literal years and obv i wanted to maintain that too so ya boy was struggling. then towards the end of the semester i had two people really dear to me in the hospital for surgery (they’re both okay now and recovering, no worries there but it was Very Stressful), went through a really bad almost breakup w my Person (known em for 7+ years so it was Rough. still working on that front but it’s a bit better now). the stress nightmares and sleep paralysis i’ve had??? bare minimum sleep for over a month.

BUT GUESS FUCKING WHAT. I PASSED ALL OF MY CLASSES. EXCEPT FOR ONE CLASS WHICH I FAILED SO FUCKING BADLY BUT I DID EVERYTHING EXCEPT TWO ASSIGNMENTS AND THE TEACHER IS JUST GENERALLY AN ABSOLUTE BITCH. BUT I CHECKED W MY FINANCIAL AID AND IM NOT LOSING MY SCHOLARSHIP OVER IT SO WHO FUCKING CARES. A+, B+, B, C-. DAMN IM GOOD. (and also so very emotionally burnt out but goddamn i just need someone to tell me they’re proud of me at this point i’m so tired 😭)

in celebration i’m gonna go drink some sparkling grape juice and play animal crossing. maybe take a sleep paralysis free nap but we shall see <3

Wooo!! Congrats on passing your classes! (except that one but psh we don't talk about that one) I'm super proud of you!!! 🎉🎉🌈🖤

Sounds like you've had a rough year but you made it through! Huzzah!! I hope that you have a very relaxing final few weeks of 2022 and that 2023 is so much kinder and easier 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

For now, celebrate with some good food and rejuvenation time and have sweet peaceful dreams 🌈

[asbestieos]

we used to be friends, way before, and like, wow, youve gone so far, proud of you

🥹🥹🥹 oh my goodness!! anon if youre who i think you are (i am somewhat confident in my silly hunch), im so happy to know youre still out there even if we dont talk anymore!!! admittedly i have the most terrible memory ever so i barely remember much of our time together (i wish i remembered more!! but as is, i cant even remember the last time i showered lmfao) but since its been such a long time, i hope its ok if i give you a Riley Life Update of the past.. two, three years? <- it feels like it has been longer than that 😭😭

2020!! i graduated!! i enrolled in school! i girlslayed hard! however due to World Events, i cant go to school in person and am relegated to online classes in my room </3 unfortunately im also in the deepest depths of my genshin phase and ran both my own And denver’s acc. sometimes i paid for her acc’s battlepass too it was bad DBDKBFJ

2021! girlslaying starting to fail from burnout and severe depression from being shut in! i passed my first semester exams with flying colors! i failed all but one of my second semester exams. also come january im both afflicted with covid and experiencing a bad bed bug infestation. #girlsuffering. i dropped out in the summer ^_^ this is when the terrible moodswings hit (i thought they were moodswings but as it turns out, i was incredibly emotionally unstable!! more on this later)

2022!! last year oh my gosh! denver and jasper/moth and i started talking about moving in together, which requires me to have money of course. so aprilish i get a job! i work at starbucks! i girlslay REALLY hard. i also start playing ensemble stars (the beginning of my curse……..). come july i had a massive breakdown and almost broke up with denver and our mutual friend group 👍 it was Bad bad.. but things worked out? <- this experience has led me to believe im probably a bpd haver becos of how wildly unstable i am. fun! crasy asf!

moving plans fall through as summer goes by, im still employed at my job, still havent gotten my license yet but it is ok i will get it soon, and come 2023, moving plans are back on!! hopefully will be seen-through ny the time summer comes…

tldr i have bpd, i dropped out and got a job, im gay a shit over idol bot gacha game, and by summer, ill hopefully be moved in with denver!! yeha those are the important updates! for me at least. randys in college now btw!!! in her sophomore year!! shes incredible truly! she lives on campus so i usually only see her once a month or so but shes literally awesome ^_^

very long update post and i made it all about me 💔 theres history between us that ive unfortunately forgotten and im sad that ive forgotten (then again i could always read back, but every time ive tried, ive only cringed at myself like OOGH is that me?? sickening) but im really glad to have gotten this anon!! if youre not the person i think you are thats okay and also i am sorry i assumed UEGEJVFDJF i needed this i think to try and reflect back on. the crazy ass time my newrly three years of adult life has been.. im 21 in july!!! crazy as hell!

i also hope the formatting is ok, i try to break up big paragraphs w/o starting a brand new one for the sake of readability <:] i think i mightbe learned that from you? i dont remember though guwbddjjd.. but i think about you on the occasion as i do with everyone ive ever met ever and im glad to know youre still kicking it like i am.. life is rough a hell 💔

theres not enough words i can say that can make up for not remembering us too well and also for saying and doing hurtful things to you if theres one thing ive not forgotten, its that i was not a very nice person way back when. but i hope now youre in a better place and you have friends who love you just as much as i did and still do!!

i have to go to work but uuwheuehehhehehrhfht thank you for reaching out anon i hope this post was nice to read and feel free to live in my inbox for forever, even if you wanna stay anonymous forever i dont mind! if youre not the person i was thinking of, rest well with the joy that youve given me a moment to reflect on myself euwhhwrh but if you ARE the person i was thinking of. im sorry i hurt you. and thank you!! i love you!! im glad you were a part of my life. i hope your day is good and your tomorrow is better!! live in my inbox if it pleases you!!

EDIT: FROGOR TO SAY IM PROUD OF YOU TOO 👍

#long post #anon #ILL ADD A READMORE LATER AFTER WORK SORRYRYEHJFG

[xi-off]

did i ttell yyall bout that time i accidentally took a quantum physics class . u should hear it. it says more abt me than my mbti ever will

my first deadly yet obvious mistake was letting my cousin* help me put my schedule together. in my defense it was my first semester ever at uni and i was taking any and all help i could get. "ur doin premed u might as well take this chem class in case u need it for ur major later" he says. "ok" i say.

*this is the one notorious for building bombs in his kitchen sink. yes he was 2 semesters from getting his bachelors in chemical engineering b4 deciding it was boring and then swapping to computer science for funsies. why do you ask

so yeah the class is named some benign thing like "intro to chemistry principles" with a large footnote that its only required for a handful of STEM degrees, but it therefore covers any and every intro chem credit u will ever need. so im like awesomesauce. might as well since this uni is notorious for idiot credit transfer policies 👍

first week or two is also fairly benign. prof mentions the class is gonna b pretty intense due to the material itself being pretty intense, this isnt really an intro course so hopefully u took ap chem, and im like sure its a 4 credit class. i didnt take ap chem in high school bc our chem teacher Sucked (2/15 ap chem kids my year got a 3 and everyone else failed) so im a little nervous but prepared to hate myself the rest of the semester. pretty cool. chugging along. i dont actually have to teach myself as much basic chem as i thought bc most of its pretty intuitive but im waiting for the other shoe to drop

add/drop deadline passes. my schedule is now set in stone

everything was still fine for a bit. but as per The Rules, somewhere around the 2nd of 4 midterms stuff starts going off the rails and im like. bestie WHAT is happening.u want me modeling WHAT in this janky software from the 90s that responds if and only if it feels like it? wtf is a pi orbital? wtf is hilbert space??? (pause) ARE WE DOING QUANTUM MECHANICS in my INTRO TO CHEM CLASS

(also side note im taking 17 credit hours this semester. the other classes included calc 2 which sucks fat nuts despite the fact im taking it for the second time…its been like 2 years bc i took it in high school… and japanese 101 which ended up being worse than the ACCIDENTAL QUANTUM PHYSICS class in many ways)

so yeah i cried a lot. i got like a 60 on my final and scraped out with a B-. somehow even with Also A B- in my calc class my gpa didnt drop below my scholarship minimum of 3.5 until i failed illustration 101 later. and then i got really disabled. and then covid happened. and now ive been on academic probation for like . hang on doing math. 3 years. and also havent been able to get that resolved to take classes that entire time. and i need to go get that figured out so i can apply to another school UUUUUUGGGHHHHHHH f my gay baka life

tldr: stay in school to draw yuri on ur notes or jesus from bible will put u on academic probation for 3 years

#if ur curious abt jp101 the east asian language programs SUCK bc all the business majors keep overcrowding #so the depts make them stupid hard to keep casuals from minoring or whatever. its annoying af and class sizes are TINY #meaning i tried to get into mandarin 101 every semester and got denied. so jp101 instead cuz my grandparents r old n speak jp #if ur curious about illustration 101 . well friend . me too. #storytime with agong #im sick thats why im chatty😏back to queenie bday art whic h is like 2+ weeks late now

[m0tel6mxzzy]

epiphany!!! i’ve accepted i have a huge change of failing statistics atm. im optimistic though. <3333

i’m being told to finish strong on my homework even if i don’t do well on the quizzes. if i do well on my last two homework and quizzes i’ll most likely have a 75-80 aka passing and this won’t apply. but i have accepted that if i do fail, im ok with retaking the class bc i need it for psychology which is very important to me.

im currently passing everything else in the mean time next semester can focus on my ads minor while bringing my stats grade back up so i can take the high psychology classes as planned later on. im going to do my best but it would not hurt to retake the class even if i do pass with a c.

i’m actually very happy ive been able to succeed much as i have anyway. not just grade wise, but just the extent to which ive enjoyed math for once. derealization is currently kicking my ass but before this period of stress i was very much enjoying learning statistics and feeling capable in my math abilities despite it being challenging for me.

i’ve been thru a bit of traumatic shit this past semester and the fact i was able to maintain my stats grades for so long in the first half is a miracle, but if i do fail (at my college anything under a c- is “incomplete”) its ok bc i can retake it next semester. im fully aware i can pass however a lot of shit was going on the moment school started and i kinda just crumbled after midterms but im picking myself back up. im also speaking to my psych professor soon. literally there would’ve been nothing cute or fun if i maintained straight a’s while being thru literal hell. academic validation is cute while it lasts but not at the expense of my health. i’m very glad i spent a lot of time taking care of myself when i needed to.

i also have to mention to my psych prof if im retaking the stats class (for my psych major) and i can also focus on my ads minor before i go back to taking my more advanced psychology classes if needed. i’ve been speaking to my professors since the car crash i was in and they were very understanding of my situation. im currently passing everything except for statistics luckily meaning im in the right track elsewhere

[justkeepdancing-nemo]

Failing Nemo || Romo Texts

Summary: On the last week of the term, the stress from uni becomes too much for Nemo.

Part One of Finding Nemo: Uni Arc

tw: anxiety, depression

DECEMBER 13

Nemo Bae

hey heeeeeey hi what r u doing rn are u studying? [deleted] pay attention to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee [deleted] im losing my mind haha

Robbie

Hey Yeah, I'm studying for my anatomy final which is kind of boring but I swear they added more parts to the human body since I last learned this Nemo Bae

ahahh there are like a tonne of bones thats so weird tho ur a vet student shouldnt u learn about animal parts

Robbie

I think that comes next when I get into more specialized stuff ugh so many bones though you're right how are you though

Nemo Bae

missing youuuu come hang out with me

Robbie

How is studying for finals going? Last time I came to see you we didn't study at all. I failed you

Nemo Bae

thats bc i dont wanna study lol its pointless but hanging out with uuuu isnt

Robbie

Studying isn't pointless Why do you think it's pointless

Nemo Bae

i just cant do it lol i try and i cant pay attention and my back always hurts too much to like sit in one place but if i lay down i fall asleep bc its so boring my grades suck anyway

Robbie

aw that's probably not true I'm sure your grades don't suck I could come over and help you for real this time I can quiz you and stuff

Nemo Bae

they do robbie im not smart like you. i cant write like you. my grades are really bad and ive gotten incompletes in my fellows class because i havent even turned in stuff

Robbie

Hey you're smart don't say that

Nemo Bae

but its true im not smart okay im not cut out for this i dunno i feel like it was just a mistake and im gonna fail anyway so

Robbie

like going to school was a mistake? Nemo you're smart and you can do it. I know you can. You just have to keep trying. it sounds like you're giving up

Nemo Bae

yeah i am ahah ive TRIED ok i keep trying to study for my finals and i cant do it  i tried all semester but all i did was hurt myself so i couldnt even dance i have to write final papers in my ballet and contemporary classes now thats two more papers im just gonna go back to the hollow

Robbie

Nemo I can help okay it's not the end of the world and it's going to be fine

Nemo Bae

no its not you dont get it because tis easy for you

Robbie

it's not easy I still have to study like everyone else That's just how school is And if it looks easy it's because I had a lot of years to learn a lot of things But those were years where I had to try and study hard and put in the effort it doesn't just happen for me

Nemo Bae

well i shouldnt distract you from studying then

Robbie

Nemo

Nemo Bae

what? thats what you're saying you say you gotta study and all im doing is getting in your way you dont have time to help me anyway esp when it doesnt matter and its too late Robbie

We can talk about it more don't just pull away. That's not what I'm saying it's not too late we can work on it together

Nemo Bae

and then when i fail anyway????

Robbie

then you pick yourself up and try again You can replace those grades if you really think you're going to fail You can retake the class

Nemo Bae

i dont want to. i DONT. its too much and too stressful theres a reason not a lot of fairies go to uni esp not from a hollow im so tired of sucking this much

Robbie

You don't suck

Nemo Bae

how would u even know how much i suck robbie youre not in my classes do u want me to send u pics of all my shitty papers lol then youll realize im a lost cause

Robbie

I will never think you are a lost cause

Nemo Bae

i dont even see why we're arguing about this its not even your business

Robbie

Oh its not? im not supposed to care?

Nemo Bae

i just dont see why you do this much

Robbie

You don't see why I care about you and your life this much

Nemo Bae

i dont see why you care about whether or not i go to school if you cared about me then youd say ok nemo i love you but apparently i have to be a freaking genius for you too

Robbie

Because you wanted to go to school? Because you want to take all those dance classes?

Nemo Bae

but i was wrong okay? and it sucks and i spent my appa's money and he's gonna be disappointed in me and clearly you're disappointed in me

Robbie

im not disappointed I just think you're being too hard on yourself

Nemo Bae

i feel like quitting is actually finally letting myself chill but ok

Robbie

im just afraid you'd regret it and I really don't think it's as much of a lost cause as you think it is But I can butt out I guess im sorry

Nemo Bae

its my fault its fine i'll let you get back to studying [deleted] this conversation felt really bad, im sorry i was.. i didnt mean to make it sound [deleted] maybe we can try it, you helping me deleted] im sorry, robbie

Robbie

Yeah, if you wanna talk later just text me

Nemo Bae

okay

DECEMBER 13, SEVERAL HOURS LATER 

Robbie

hey i just wanted to check and see how you are doing and say i'm sorry for upsetting you

Nemo Bae

 you really dont have to apologize. im the one. i know i lashed out at you and took a lot of my frustration and stress out on you and im really sorry about that. i shouldnt have said a lot of the things i said. i know youre just caring about me. im feeling a little better now though

Robbie

That's good! If you want me to come over I can. I want to see you

Nemo Bae

oh im actually uh i kinda left lol i'll be back in a couple of days though! i wanna see you then

Robbie

You left?

Nemo Bae

yeah i think i needed to get out and clear my head and i already feel a lot better

Robbie

Oh okay that makes sense. Did you go to the hollow

Nemo Bae

no im going camping with tae

Robbie

camping?

Nemo Bae

yeah there's this campsite we went to in the summer its got little cabins too tho we might just sleep in the car

Robbie

aren't your finals and stuff...are you gonna miss them?

Nemo Bae

probably? i told you though, im gonna fail anyway and seriously as soon as i decided to go it was like a huge weight off my shoulders i'll work on my papers maybe a little while im gone idk

Robbie

okay I love you be safe please

Nemo Bae

we will! i love you too robbie i really do wanna talk when i get back

Robbie

ill be here

#romo #text #eek

[hueningshaped]

omg my ult ults me back????🥹🥹 i'm a successful fan😎 nope i will always find a way >:D you are so ☹️☹️ i have the first update already !! i have one (1) uni friend and me and her have pretty much developed separation anxiety so we always try to get into all the same courses but this semester it didn't work in one of our courses so both of us are very much like AND i am very unlucky with my schedule because i have uni every day now and it's so tiring because 4/5 days i only have class for 1.5 hours and i live a little further away so i have to commute for twice as long as i'm actually there😐 i hate it here. HAVE YOU SEEN THE SEULO TEASER!!!! i almost lost my mind i need it her to drop it ASAP (whoo woo 눈앞에 눈앞에 나타나 줘) !! not you researching apple types??😭😭😭 it's literally you as #1 cutest person in the world and then 10 spaces empty😔 AHHHH i'm so happy you like the new theme i am also very much 💗💘💕💓in love💓💕💘💗 with yours!! no bc ur right beomgyu really is just SO beomgyu😣 and AHHHH 2.0 i'm happy you liked the song too :(( i really liked ioi and i only stumbled upon the news of her solo by accident but i'm so happy she finally got it, her and chungha were my biases🥹🫶🏻 omg NOOO i really hope you managed to pass ur exam (pls update me i won't be able to rest otherwise :/) and i hope the closing shift was alright too!! AND !!!!!! i forgot to ask last time (literally so vile and evil) but how is your eye i hope that stye is gone by now because it's literally been like three decades since you mentioned it😟 oooohhh i hope you get to read more literature soon!! (plus get the sleep and rest you deserve😾) i also wanted to read a book over the summer but i procrastinated so much that i only started like two weeks ago but i had to stop again because my exams are coming up and i have to study for them which is another thing i'm procrastinating on😁👍🏻 omg the person i was during my 1d days ..... my actual dark past ..... i stanned them from early 2013 to early 2014 and then i kind of lost interest UNTIL the literal earth-shattering day that march 25, 2015 was and i started stanning them again but only until the start of 2016 because right after i started my kpop phase 🫥🫥 i haven't really been keeping up with them that much i've only listened to a few of their singles and i enjoyed the memes that followed the liam drama this year way too much😭😭 omg that first video literally one of my favorites ever i love seeing them just chilling off camera plus him incorporating head and shoulders knees and toes into his freestyle⁉️🤨 NOOOO the cheering he is so 😣😣😞😿 and omg the song!!!!! this message is already so long ur probably gonna be like bffr once you see this😭 so here is your first your second and your third link I LOVE U ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!!!

pleaseee ur my angel but yes hehe we’re mutual ults 🥹💗 how lucky is that 🤯 awww omg an update already yay but aw im sorry also that video is so funny but in the context it’s so 💔💔💔 how disheartening 🥺 omg i hate that !!!! why can’t uni just understand and be more flexible with schedules <///3 commuting being longer than actual class time is so 0/100 would NOT recommend >:(( i hope u find time to rest throughout all this even though ik already that’s it’s difficult to make time btw actual in school and commuting and life 😮‍💨 and omg the seulo mv 😳 “i kiss your brother” SEULGI?!1!1!!3!:!: i really really love songs with a bass line as powerful as that one ~ ive yet to listen to the rest of the album / have you ?? also this is such a random question but do u buy albums or photocards ? :0 hehe anyway (pls ur the absolute cutest to ever exist and to bring meaning to the word ‘cute’) haha….. apparently i failed so terribly…. which is bad bc initially i thought i’d done better… it’s a lot to explain but haha… (you are the furthest thing from evil ARE U KIDDINGNNEME u are the kind of good that gives people hope to keep living to keep dreaming and loving and anyway) my stye went away eventually so yay! there isn’t enough time in the world is there hm 🥺 i hope we both can read books at our own leisure/whenever we want to soon 🤹 best of luck on ur exams !!!! let me know how those go (also plz get ur sleep and eat and be hydrated) omg a directioner too? 🥹 they were dark times…. almost forgot about freaking liam drama ahhh we were so happy then (well sorta hehehe) OH GOODNESS UR LINKS *hand over heart* im… 💔 yeonjun being a lookalike to the short bangs kitty im so in luv ahh and their protocol team :”) it makes me happy to know they’re taken care of and besides that they have fun with each other it warms my heart 😿😿 worlds colliding abby huening is definitely meant to be part of ive idk 😮‍💨 slayyyyy hehe sorry i feel like i didn’t say anything of substance in this reply which is absurd especially after such a pathetically long delay ☹️ during the final week of september my sister came to visit (she lives 1000 miles / 1609 km away) and i had lots of fun and when she left everything went downhill and i haven’t been well and with the little time i have to myself im just exhausted 🥺 im sorry i didn’t mean to mar this response to you not bring u anything but positivity bc u deserve the best 🥺 i withdrew from one of my classes due to how overwhelmed i was and im just trying to take each day at a time at the moment 👍👍 so i hope to be better 💌 HEY WAIT AHH DID YOU SEE UMM UMM TXT NEW HAIR COLOR?2!!2!2!;!/ APPLE, WE GOT BLOND SOOBIN!!!!! PINK TYUN!!!! BROWN 🧸 BEOMGYU!!!!! BLACK HAIRED YJ!!!!! PRINCELIKE BLACK HAIR HYUKA!!!!! at a loss of words……. please update me with ur life and with school and everything! i TRULYYYY hope things are going better and that u at least enjoy the classes u share with ur friend and that ur commutes are safe 🥺 here are ur links 📃~ this impeccable cover of beomgyu, another cover of his hahaha, this tweet, and a song (this song is so sad ive only been listening to sad music lately whoopsies) also sorry my links are lacking :( i’ll do better next time 🫶 i know i only ever give you 2% when u give me 10000% and i apologize i love u and i don’t ever wish to take u for granted 🥺 please take care always ~!! 💗❤️💗❤️💗 (tyssssssm for the pics they’re so cute and beautiful i love them)

#[❤️⭐️]—aquí te amo #ask >3< #apple my love #dream suite

[ikyw-t]

i know that plenty of ppl move out when they're 18, 19, 20 but as someone who is 21 and depressed i rly don't know how on earth to even go about it. other ppl progressing forward in their lives absolutely flabbergasts me. idk how they do it. idk how ppl manage to move forward in any way when so many little things are exhausting for me and i can't stand the idea of living in this house for another 5 or even 2 years but. i have no idea how to leave. i don't know how people do it i rly don't.

#objectively im very lucky to live in a decent house and not absolutely detest my family #but god..... i cannot keep living here for another two years they make me so anxious sometimes #and i have such a deep sense of shame for everything i do and that surely comes from my family. #between that and being depressed i feel like .......so much of my life has been wasted. #i just............ the person i am now #i just KNOW. is so deeply vastly different from the person i could be #if i didnt live with people who are negative and question and criticize my every move. #i just.....i truly dont know how to do it #im in school which ive failed two of my classes this semester. #i have maybe three? 2.75? thousand dollars to my name. which. is nothing #im being a little dramatic maybe bc the majority of the time it's fine but #......like long term i just dont know how the fuck im gonna move out #and i just feel ive already wasted so much of my life just... #being depressed & anxious & feeling ashamed & holding myself back #now that is the fucking question #p

[c1nnamonn]

ive spent 2 days in my new classes and no bad vibes from anyone yet but a few questionable ones. the kids at the table next to mine in my art history class feel like the “uwu smol bean” kind of gay people and im a little scared

#i don't like talking to people at school i have control over the internet #but there's this really pretty girl in two of my classes and like. ive never talked to her yet but she's really pretty and im really gay #but aside from that. my precalc class is pretty much exactly the stereotypical math class #sterile looking classroom with rows of desks taught by a middle aged white dude and a textbook i actually have to carry around #my apush teacher is cool though and the class isn't hard which is good bc last time i took apush b4 we moved and i was failing the class #BUT GUESS WHO GETS A SECOND TRY BABY #the only reason i have good grades i think is bc i can read well and am very lucky for some reason #but not that great grades bc i would literally rather die than pick up a pencil outside of school #but not this semester. i am going to make all As out of my own initiative #cinnamon talks

[taylor-on-fire]

Cigarettes and Alcohol (one)

She was told to never get involved with three things; Cigarettes, Alcohol and Rock Stars.

Obviously, something fate never intended for her to live by.

Pairing: ? x Reader

Series Rating: Mature

Chapter Rating: Teen

Chapter Warnings: Swearing

~/-*•|•*-\~

The remainder of the summer had disappeared within the blink of an eye. If unpacking the rest of my belongings and furnishing the flat hadn't consumed the vast majority of my free time, my newly accumulated job had.

I had walked into Regency Cafe on my third day in London, resume in hand and extraordinarily low expectations. It was stationed five streets away from my flat, and a hub that I had scoped out soon after arriving. Because of this, I assumed that it was too good to be true, and being as popular as it was, would have copious amounts of workers and applicants alike. But, I had seemingly hit the jackpot that day. As soon as I walked into the cafe and spotted the only waitress behind the counter - a gray-haired, flustered woman in her late fifties - and mentioned the ‘Help Wanted’ sign stuck on the glass window.

‘You here for the job, Honey?’ I nodded, and she immediately thew an apron my way and hustled back to the till.

“Rose.” The woman nodded to me and slid over a tray. “That’s for table 7.”

“Y/N. Great to meet you, Rose.” I threw a tea towel over my shoulder, smiled, and picked up the tray to serve.

-

Ever since then, I had been working ten hour shifts at the Cafe. The crowds only  ever thinned out at around the three ‘o’clock mark, when it was too late to be considered lunch, and too early to be considered tea. But, even then, there was never a moment to take a breather, let alone have a smoke. I wouldn't complain though - It kept my days occupied and helped me save extra money for when the next semester started. And Rose was lovely. 

After we had locked up the cafe that first night - a pretty successful day as per usual - We had gotten talking about everything and anything over a cup of Coffee. Rose’s other two waitresses had called in sick, and with no available family to help, she was forced to fight the rush head on. Obviously that's where I came in. 

Coffee after lock-up had become some sort of ritual after I was hired, and after the hour or so chatting with the grandmother I never had over pastries, I would walk to my flat and go straight to bed. I rarely went back out once I got home, and thus hadn't scoped the area as much as I usually would. I mean, I knew of a few pubs and student clubs nearer to the university campus, and a few clothing stores, but London was huge. It would take longer than a night to discover all there was to see.

Undoubtedly, now I’d have less time to dedicate to finding the hot-spots of the city. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was awake again - Pulling on jeans and a plaid jacket haphazardly. Apparently snoozing an alarm clock six or so times eventually added up to an hour. So, now I was 65 minutes behind schedule, and would be inevitably late to the first lecture of my first semester at Uni. 

Way to make an impression, Y/N.

I checked the clock again, simultaneously buckling my sandals, and true to the time, I had 40 minutes to complete a half an hour bus ride and trek to the other side of the campus. 

Luckily, Imperial was by far the closest Uni in the area. God forbid i had applied to another college instead - I would hands down, never make it to the campus on time. Being rejected fro the course for numerous lates wouldn't come as a shock to say the least.

I made my way outside and lit up a smoke, securing my bag on my shoulder and making my way towards the near-empty bus stop. It was fairly cold outside, despite it not being too early. It was the middle of September although, and despite the summer feeling very recent, it was slowly fading out into a chilly autumn.

However, I wasn't exposed to the British temperatures for too long, as in a few minutes, I was seated at the back of the bus, willing it to go quicker to ensure that I wouldn't be late to class.

-

I had constructed a whole plan on how my mornings would go from now on, and sorted a precise routine to avoid this one situation. I didn't imagine it being disregarded so early into the school year. Yet, I was notorious for being late back home, despite my best efforts. It was evidently not a good trait.

As I hurried across the campus, barely navigating the way from memory and already five minutes late, I hoped that this wasn't an omen for what my life would be like here. 

The corridors were quiet, a few groups of people scattered around - obviously early and awaiting their first lecture - and all of their faces blending into one. I paid no heed due to the sheer rush I was attempting to downplay in the presence of other students.

The lecture hall seemed abnormally distant. But, as this thought flashed through my brain, a large notice on the wall displayed the word I was desperately searching for in black, block letters. I heaved a sigh of relief and searched for the class number. 

EB1.1...EB1.3...EB1.7...EB1.15

Seeing that I had arrived at my designated room, I paused momentarily, glancing down to check my wrist watch. Fifteen minutes late. Fifteen used to be my lucky number, but after this, I'm not too sure. I turned to walk towards the door, not looking up, and immediately came into contact with something solid.

Before I could comprehend what was happening and steady myself, I was falling backwards, the notes in my hand and bag falling everywhere. 

“Im sorry! Im so, sorry. I completely missed you there! I was just late and...” A boys flustered voice cut me from my internal monologue of how great the day was turning out to be. He immediately dropped to his knees to collect up the newly created mess, whilst simultaneously glancing back towards me. Presumably to see if I was fatally injured.

“Its fine. Im sorry. It was probably my fault.” I laughed, moving to my knees and picking up a pile of notes scattered to the left of me. “I have a terrible habit of being late to everything.”

“I should have seen you though. Are you okay? Not hurt are you?”

“I’m completely fine. despite my pride, obviously. Are you okay? I completely barrelled into you.”

We both continued to pick up the notes scattered around the corridor together, and finished rearranging ourselves in seconds flat. The man quickly stood up, holding out his free hand to me, which I grasped firmly. I let go, and he clutched his notes, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, a red blush overtaking his features.

“I’m completely okay. I must apologise again.” he spoke, still anxiously rubbing his neck. A small smile was playing on his red features.

I paused for a second and adjusted the strap on my bag.

“You said you were late to class. Whats your major?” I questioned, not much left to lose considering over a third of the first lecture was over. I looked towards the class door, knowing that I was obviously more than a quarter hour late now. This couldn't be good.

“Engineering. Electrical, more specifically. But Engineering is apparently just one big degree here.”

“Im majoring in that too. But, I prefer the Aerospace branch.”

The man smiled at that, before adjusting his shirt collar and swinging the strap of his bag over his shoulder..

“I have a friend that would love that. An Astrophysics Major.” He turned and pointed to the room EB1.15. “I guess we're headed to the same place, then?”

I nodded, smiling back.

“Y/N Y/L/N.” I raised my right hand out to the boy.

“John Deacon. Lovely to meet you.” He grasped my hand, and we shook, before splitting and turning to enter the classroom. John took the lead, entering the class before me, and holding the door open for me to enter too.

I guess chivalry isn't dead.

We both stood there momentarily, well aware of thirty or so sets of eyes turning in our direction. Under any other positive circumstances, I wouldn't be fazed, but knowing that I was in the wrong and destined to be given fails for the next academic year - and in front of so many strangers - I was uncharacteristically nervous.

From the looks of it, John also wasn't one for being thrusted under the limelight. He shot me a short, wide-eyed look, before hesitantly making his way to the lecturers desk at the front centre of the hall. I trailed behind him, probably appearing like a lost puppy, but in reality, unsure what the protocol was for such a situation.

Do i just sit down and ignore the fact that I missed half of the lecture? Or apologise profusely? At this point I’m ready to just leave campus, drop the course and move back home. Although, nothing worse than moving home immediately comes to mind.

However, John quickly spoke, explaining the issues he faced with his travel this morning etcetera, etcetera, and luckily, he included me within this tale. Apparently, we had gotten scheduled 8:15 AM bus, and due to a road-traffic accident, we were diverted for over three quarters of an hour. Credit to him for elaborating so. I was almost convinced myself that I hadn't overslept this morning.

As he concluded his tale, John took a step backwards, next to me, and awaited a response. The lecturer nodded, a blank expression on his face. He waited a second before responding.

“Ive already assigned the Initial Assignment. I want a 2,000 word essay on your reasons behind choosing Engineering as your major, the branch you major in, and the gateways this degree opens for you. Any other details are on the board.” The man held his stoic expression, and we nodded back at him, awaiting a sign to take our seats. “Michael Ford.”

I muttered my name in response, as did John, as we turned to take the only two free seats at the back of the lecture hall. We were stopped abruptly.

“Next time, don't let your romantic life come in the way of your studies.”

I froze, unsure of what to reply, other than a quick nod. I went to hurry off once again, but glanced at John who was beet red -  even redder than before in the corridor -  a wide-eyed expression on his face. It took all I had in me to not burst out laughing. 

#queen fanfiction #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor fanfic #john deacon fanfic #john deacon x reader #roger taylor fanfiction #john deacon fanfiction #queen fanfic

[lenjaminmacbuttons]

Hope you’re doing okay, I know there’s been a lot going on the past couple weeks. 🌈🌈💛💛

FOOF YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN

thank you for the good vibes anon, i love you and it means a lot to me. however unfortunately now im gonna use this to vent dump exactly how much has been going on the past couple weeks off the top of my head. this is actually pretty far from Everything thats happen but im so tired and dont want to think about any of it anymore

my grandma passed away last week. we were prepared for it and we know she’s at peace in a better place et cetera et cetera, her body was all full of restraints & impediments that she doesnt have to deal with anymore and the next time she’s in a body it’ll be all New And Improved and awesome. i missed so much work in anticipation of this that now i can’t get work off on the day of the funeral, so i can still go to it but i’ll have to go immediately to work right from it and have to pretend everythings fine and dandy and nothings going on.

everyone at work Does know there’s something going on however and the two coworkers i have who are actually like i consider them friends mostly they’re all like Hey Im Here For You Talk About Your Feelings Honestly with me and i. dont. want. to talk about my feelings at work. thats not what work is for and i dont like talking about my feelings anyway and i dont want them to ask anymore

the changes to the handbook and the honor code have completely sunk my heart. i had so much hope up until those hideous ridiculous unfathomably transphobic things they wrote and now i don’t feel like i can trust or have hope in ANYTHING the institution does anymore. ive been up all night going back and forth over whether i want to go to church today. or ever again. it’s not bringing me joy. it’s making me feel anxious and depressed and frustrated and alone. i keep seeing people just on the street or on facebook who are so happy and content with the church and whatever it does and i just…i get struck every single time with this thought of “they don’t care about me. they don’t care about any of these problems. they’re not affected personally by it and so they don’t care.”

and then that makes me feel like such a hypocrite because!!! ive been them too for so long!! what makes this moment so different!!!!! why is this the straw that breaks the camel’s back when the camel should have thrown off the whole burden and run to join its friends at the first strike of the owner’s whip!!!!!!

plus it’s making me feel gross about my mormon memes blogs. idk if i can keep running those anymore.

im failing this semester anyway and i keep getting emails about it. i was planning to take a break from school After this semester but ive missed so much class that i just really can’t go back to any of them so i guess im just dropping out right now. as much as i’d love to participate in all the incredible amazing protests going on right now i really really cant be on campus at all without feeling literally physically ill. and my Hope was to do really well this last semester and then submit mission papers and that way i’d know exactly what next to do with my life until i decide what After, and id be able to Get Out somewhere and travel someplace while still feeling like my life has some semblance of structure and direction. however! HOWEVER!!!!!!!!

i’ve been feeling so, so horrible and so worn down and i dont even know where or what my testimony is anymore. but that’s probably a lot lower on the list of Why I Can’t Serve A Mission, because a. i still don’t trust my Local Bishop enough to talk to him about things The Handbook says to b. i am finding it harder and harder and harder to be perceived as female. i never really have dysphoria about my body or my presentation or anything but like, when people say Sister and Ma’am and Miss and Daughter and Hey Pretty Lady It’s Me Your Relief Society President it’s like…that’s not me. that feels gross. and i wear suits and ties to church, have done so for a while and never get any flak for it, and im gradually working up the nerve to maybe start introducing myself as lev or levi instead of lillie buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. socially transitioning apparently is not allowed.

not to mention my temple recommend expired ages ago anyway. anxiety about bishops prevented me from ever going in for an interview to renew it. i haven’t visited the temple once since before graduating high school. but every time i see it or think about it i long for it so badly and it hurts so much.

and also like, i get that same kinda horrible regretful longing feeling whenever i hear violin music? because i played violin for a few years and then stopped but i still have the instrument because it was given to me by my grandmother. who played it herself until sickness wouldn’t let her anymore and she entrusted it to me and i Stopped Playing but then i hoped to pick it up enough to at least learn how to play her favorite song and aw wouldn’t that be so nice to play that for her on her violin except i never actually got around to printing out the sheet music or practicing At All. and now she’s gone.

and one of the last things she said to me was that she would love to hear my book since her eyesight was too gone to read it so i said i’d record it as soon as i got the right software/hardware to do that and then i never did that either. also i promised alla yalls that book would be Published Published coming up on four months ago now and i still haven’t done that

i took a pair of safety scissors to my forearms as mentioned in a previous post and surprise surprise, the lines have not healed still, it’s getting warmer outside and thus harder to wear long sleeves, and guess what! a while ago on a separate occasion i complained that i kinda wished my self harm scars looked more like the classic cutter lines and Now They Do!! And I Hate It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a couple nights ago my little sister saw them and so i told her i got attacked by a spider-pawed bear and fortunately my brother Understands and backed me up like “dang what do they teach in schools these days i cant believe youve never heard of the spider-pawed bears that live in the mountains and are totally normal and real”

and steven universe is ending. that’s a thing.

and like….okay. not everything in my emotions right now is bad. some of it is just complicated. one coworker friend i have recently confessed that she’s had a crush on me for several months now. fortunately when she said this i was able to be honest and say that im not super eager for a relationship right now, im not ready in the slightest to settle down or anything, im still hung up on my high school crush and also dealing with issues from my last relationship, and she replied that’s all perfectly fine and she doesn’t have any expectations and she’s great being friends and we can take things at whatever pace is good

except i also now have a date with said high school crush loosely planned for tomorrow and i told this coworker friend about it and she admitted it’s making her a little jealous and then she said jealous is an ugly word and amended it to Insecure and i feel bad about that

but i also like. am really excited for this date. like it’s not really a for sure romantic capital-d Date and that’s fine, but i haven’t seen this friend irl for so long and ive been missing her so much over this past little while that we’ve been internet chatting and that ive been i guess officially falling back in love with her but i also like, i dont know what her deal is romantically right now i don’t want to presume anything but i really really really am itching to see her

work is stressful. it’s only gonna get more so as weather gets warmer. but we’re getting two new managers with loads of experience and glowing reviews next week. i have hope that they’ll makes things a little lighter.

and there’s also. good things. peridot took off her visor for the first time ever in canon and i saved like 50 different gifs of it to my computer cus it rocked my world. sonic has she-ra toys for the kids meals and i managed to snag a tiny inflatable version of the sword. i’m making cosplays of the tres horny boys from the adventure zone and they’re all very exciting and making things makes me very very happy. i’m finding joy in all the fanfictions i’m writing right now and in talking about dungeons & dragons with my brothers and friends. ducknerva is a very beautiful Good Ending version of marahope which makes me happy and taako is a super effective projection outlet. i bought cupcakes today and they were delicious. and when i think about those good things, when i think about any good thing no matter how small, everything else disappears.

whatever happens happens i guess.

she who lives will see.

#talkyllama #hey if anyone needs tags on posts like these please please let me know asap #i always forget that actual people see the things i post #i dont usually trigger tag cus i dont usually think i need to but if i do i will

[blue-hi]

i’ve been awake since 4:30 am and it’s 9:00 now so i need to get this out because it’s been months and i havent been able to spit the whole thing out and i need to SAY something so i think i’ll jst yell into the void so

thanks

ive had insomnia since at least mid october. cant really remember now when it started. i’d keep waking up in th emiddle of the night, always around 2 or 3 am and it would take ages to get back to sleep.

ive never been one for all nighters and i like getting a full night’s sleep and all of a sudden i wasn;t getting it and for no reason too. this scared me. it still scares me. i reached out to my mom for idk emotional support??? i didn’t want to be alone

“this happens to other people too” started out as a way to help but the way she said it sounded like she was dismissing me and what was happening. like it would all clear up soon so i had no reason to bother her

then the week before halloween almost all my classes assigned projects or had a test and they were all assigned at the same time at the end of the week and were all due at the same time on halloween. the saturday before halloween and after i got all the assignments i slept particularly awfully and i just broke down in th emiddle of the library. like all day and i couldn’t stop. that scared me even more bc if it happened once it can happen again

im terrified. that’s the core of the issue

that day my mom and aunt got me a plane ticket to fly home for the next weekend to see if being home would fix things. we even had a doctor’s appointment it didn’t fix anything. the doctor told me things i already knew but also decided i had generalized anxiety disorder and that was why i couldn;t sleep even though i wasn;t scared until after it started and i slept terribly that night again. i was hysterical. i still had no idea why i couldn’t sleep i shouldn’t have paced that loud in the hallway but yeah i wanted attention i felt alone. maybe it was selfish but i just wanted a hug and i knew then i was in for the long haul and i didn’t want to be afraid AND be alone but my mom just yelled at me (which she had the right to i was being not-great) and i felt i was burdening her. that’s when i realized she either can’t or won’t be there with me or both

i went to the counselor at my school and i just vented. not all of this but some of it and i had other problems at the time like my major and some classes but those had all worked themselves out by the end of november i also went to the health center and got a little bottle of this drug called hydroxyzine and that started helping a little bit. i was taking tylenol pm every night before that and apparently this was something stronger

then thanksgiving rolled around and i was still having some issues. one thing i remember most vividly is twin and i were going to drive to our dad’s house for the day. normally i drive but i handed the keys to twin because i hadn’t slept well and didn’t feel like driving. my mom noticed and asked why i didn’t want to drive and i SHOULD have lied and said that i wanted twin to practice but i told he truth and said i felt too tired to drive and she rolled her eyes at me later in the break one morning she asked me how i slept again and i said poorly and i was still half asleep but i swear she scoffed

then i knew i REALLY couldn;t expect her to help me. not even with the sleeping but just with support.

i went back to the school counselor (different person though) and! my mom still doesn’t know about that visit. she doesn;t know that counselor said that insomnia sometimes predates depression symptoms. should i tell her that? that’s also terrifying. i managed to get out of high school without really any mental illness issues so i;m a lucky one but that’s what i’m scared about going forward

i feel like it’s not as serious as it feels and that no i don’t have anxiety and no i don’t have depression (yet) and that i should just suck it up until i do but also i can have emotions because i;m a fucking person and ‘m allowed to tell people about them without feeling like a burden or a fake bc god forbid i have a single negative emotion in front of someone. i’ve always been a “good girl low maintenance child” and FUCK that

weirdly i started to sleep well during finals week and these past 2 weeks on break too but i think that’s because the hydroxyzine started to kick in. except oops now my supply is low and i have about a week or two left until i completely run out and the little bottle says NO REFILLS LEFT so i have to figure out how to get more for the semester last night i tried to go to bed without taking one to see if i’ve gotten any better. news flash nothing’s changed without it and now everything that had gone away in the last 3 weeks all the anxiety and hopelessness and tiredness and terror all came back last night and right now i feel like i;m back in the library again bc i can’t stop crying

what if i can’t get more before the semester starts?? if i’m like this during break what’ll happen when i have to stress again?

i came downstairs at 8 to do organic chemistry on khan academy because if i can’t sleep then i might as well do something productive. mom came down to get ready for work and she saw me and asked me if i was upset about not sleeping again

i was an idiot and said yeah - that’s what i hate too. i want to be honest about mental health with people and how i’m doing but to stop this i need to lie to her. now i’ll always be fine! and she never has to know if i;m in a bad way just as she likes it and i feel a w f u l about it. it makes be feel petty and petulant but i’m non confrontational. i want to tell her everything i;ve written here and just be so honest she has to listen to me instead of dismissing me every time but every time she asks i clam up and i failed again this morning she accused me of wanting to feel scared because “i hadn’t tried everything yet”. she and family members for christmas sent me some things that are supposed to help like a light developed by insomniacs or a winter light and i really do appreciate all of it, but they all came when the medicine was working so i didn’t NEED it. last night was different because i am a scientist and am my own guinea pig and i wanted to see what would happen if i didn’t take the drugs. i’ll use all of that tonight in Phase 2 of the Worst Experiment Ever but she wouldn’t LISTEN to me when i said that either.

now i’ll just say nothing. why should she know it’s only caused both of us stress. i wish she would take this (insomnia! depression!! mental health woo!) as seriously as she took my acne when i was 12. still now if i have a zit she feels entitled to touch my face. do you wanna know how you can help??? stay away from me and don’t wonder why i kind of want to tell her. she’s coming back home in a couple of hours bc it’s new year’s eve and i might still be in a state who knows but i’ll choke again and she’ll yell at me again and nothing will have changed

people have asked me how my semester went and “it’s been a shitty one,” i wanna say but normally i just say that i’m glad it’s over only for my parents to swoop in and say “it can’t have been all that bad i mean you did well with your grades in the end” like !! i pulled that B in physics out of my ass! just because i did ok academically because i’m lucky and good at school doesn’t mean my health was great! my dad can’t help me either because i’ll say that my mental health recently isn’t as good as it could be and he just goes “aww sweetie.” and that’s it. nothing else. thanks dad. i know you don’t know what to do with that information and i don’t fault you for that because emotions have never taken precedence in either household (except for all the curse words i learned from my mom when she’s inconvenienced)

all of this and i still don’t know why i can’t sleep normally

thanks for reading this fkn novel all of this has been on my chest for a LONG time and i haven’t had the chance to say any of it and if i get the chance i’m afraid i’ll forget something (i probably did here, too). i truly mean thank you. this has been cathartic to write, even though i still need to go to a counselor or something. i hope your new year (and decade!) is bright

#i don't know what else to say or do

[robinskalechip]

ultimately - chapter one

masterlist

robin buckley fan fic

a/n: so hii guys here is the new fic ive been working on. i know some people wanted sofia to be the character again but sadly it is not but there are some similarities and plenty of little nods to her and that fic. i hope y’all enjoy :)

warnings: smoking, language

not my gif!

chapter one - you’re new

robin was finally able to take a breath after the events of the summer when she entered her beloved band hall that always made her feel at peace. it was only the first day but she had already claimed her uniform and locker thanks to the director adoring her to pieces.

the high school senior looked over her schedule for one last time

band

advanced chemistry

advanced physics

advanced english literature

advanced calculus

advanced european history

robin had a full schedule this year with her studies and band and work and the kids she gets to play the cool lesbian aunt to

throughout the class period, she focused on making sure her section was in line as she was made a section leader last year because like previously mentioned, the director adored her

in advanced chemistry she was met with a safety demonstration and an overview of the course

advanced physics had the same safety demonstration as chemistry and then came lunch

robin always liked sitting outside during lunch, even when it was cold out. she found her favorite tree to sit under and took out the book she was currently reading, the price of salt

her friends always offered her a seat during lunch but after a while they gave up and let her be

this was her favorite parts of the day

she felt so at ease and calm

like everyone and everything around her was suddenly put on pause for the time being

after her thirty minutes of peace, she headed to english where she found a spot in the back of the class. near her there were a group of guys talking about some new girl.

robin could hear them extremely clearly as she gathered her things from her bag, “her dad is lorenzo moretti”

every other boy in that group seemed so confused yet intrigued “who’s that?”

“he’s that super big business dude that everyone thinks killed his business partner god don’t any of you watch the news or read a book”

robin laughed to herself at his distaste towards his friends

“she’s also like” he leaned closer towards them “mega hot im telling you i couldn’t breathe in calculus for like twenty minutes”

one of the boys laughed at him “like you’d even get the balls to go for it”

he protested as he hit his friend on the shoulder “i would go for it” he adjusted his varsity jacket “i’m just waiting for the right time”

his other friend who was facing the door suddenly became brighter as he motioned towards the door “now is your chance chase..twelve o clock”

robin directed her attention to the door where she saw a girl walk in

she had on a pair of light blue and white striped pants that seemed a bit snug which robin definitely took notice to, a white tee shirt and the perfect amount of jewelry that went well with her short hair style that ended just before her shoulders

the girl briefly examined the room before being approached by the teacher to which she offered her a warm smile and shook her hand

that smile quickly fell when she was approached by chase who was rather enthusiastic but also painfully nervous

the girl’s eyes quickly fell to her left to meet robin’s piercing blue eyes to which she gave a gentle smile before forcing her eyes back to the boy in front of her

“sO i was wondering if maybe..uh..you wanted to go out this weekend? i heard they’re playing this really good movie at the drive in and i-“

he was cut off when the girl started to speak “chase”

“what”

“you’re not my type”

he started to laugh to himself “then what is your type?”

she redirected her eyes back to robin briefly before answering the question

“uhh good taste in books, freckles, and a lot less preppy” she patted his chest in ironic reassurance as she took the seat next to robin “are all the guys like that here?”

“there isn’t a single dude in hawkins that isn’t a total dingus” she smiled at the girl before offering her hand “im robin, you’re new right?”

“yeah, i’m emily” she took her hand and held eye contact as she shook it, making robin nervous but in a good way

once the bell rung the teacher went through the basics of the course and everything they would be reading that semester, robin taking notice when emily could smile at a certain book name

once the class ended, robin began packing up her things as emily started to make her way to the door. robin eyed her carefully as she made her way, nearly having a heart attack when she turned around briefly and made eye contact with robin, producing a soft smile

robin spent her entire calculus class thinking about the girl she had just met, analyzing the body language she had picked up and thinking of every possibility as to why she moved to hawkins

her last class of the day was european history and then she would be with steve at the video store, laughing at his antics of the day

as robin entered the class she could see the face she had been thinking about in the corner of the room, looking through the textbook that robin was now accepting from the teacher

she looked around the classroom for an open spot and the only available spots were one by derek sanders which was immediately ruled out, one in the front of the class by the teacher’s desk, and one by emily. robin felt a bit nervous because the desks were the long ones that had two people a table and she wasn’t sure if she would even be able to breathe while being that close to her

as robin began to walk towards the seat and place her things down, emily looked up before looking back down at her textbook with a smile “hey freckles”

robin tried to surpress her smile, failing to do so “hey”

before robin could spark up a conversation the teacher closed the door and asked everyone to get seated

the entirety of the class consisted of her talking about everything they would cover and got off topic at least twenty times, which kind of bugged robin but she was only focused on the girl sitting next to her. she was focused on the way she leaned her head on her hand and the way she fiddled around with her rings with one hand and how she would laugh whenever the teacher would talk about some odd thing her husband or cat did

she mentioned a class trip to a museum in indianapolis which robin, at first thought, dreaded until she thought about going with emily. she didn’t know why the girl intreged her so much but she wanted to know who the girl everyone was talking about was.

the class went by quickly as robin was drowning in her thoughts

the bell rang and everyone rushed out the door as it was finally the end of the day. robin and emily collected their things and made their way to the door, emily allowing robin to go first

once they went down the hall and exited the two main doors of the school, emily reached into her pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, taking one out with her teeth and lighting it a second after retrieving her lighter

“so what do you think of hawkins?”

robin was curious but also trying to make conversation as she walked towards the bike rack

“its a lot different than from where i’m from”

“how”

“the entirety of the atmosphere is different in every aspect. like the vibe is just so different and i can’t tell if i like it or not..”

robin laughed “and where exactly did you come from?”

emily laughed as she took her cigarette from her mouth and started to walk backwards away from robin who was now unlocking her bike “can’t give too much away so soon, later freckles”

robin and the girl laughed while they kept eye contact and the girl flinged her cigarette to the ground and turned around to then enter her car and quickly starting it

robin watched as she began to drive off with her windows down and a song could be heard that robin identified as the cure

before the girl sped off the stopped in front of robin and told her to get closer

robin leaned into the car as the girl spoke “don’t you like me being the mystery girl?”

she smiled as she put her car in drive and robin backed away to avoid getting run over as the girl sped out of the school parking lot

robin could only think of that name for the rest of the day, emily

next chapter

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

#vent #rant #i sincerely doubt anyone will read to the end of this but whomst knows #besides it feels nice to just scream

[dr-gloom]

im so fucking pissed off right now

im in the second week of my current clinical placement, and my supervisor sent me an email essentially outlining how im failing to meet her expectations, and acting like its 100% my fault

1) she said what i wore to clinic (a plain t-shirt and dark-wash jeans) wasn’t appropriate, because the clinic’s policy says i have to wear like, business casual. but when we first met, she told me to wear clothes i can move around in because we’d be working some early intervention, so that’s my whole intent with my dresscode. she said she now expects me to adhere to the dress code i JUST HEARD ABOUT from here on out, giving me only a few hours to buy an entirely new wardrobe since ive gained weight and dont own “professional” clothes ((im extra pissed off because half of her coworkers walk around in leggings and graphic tees but yknow wtfv))

2) she said she was “surprised” (code for angry/disappointed) when i told her i hadn’t had the time to plan for the two measely activities i said i would handle today. and yeah, i get that, my bad. but then, she goes “and when i gave you an hour to plan for wednesday and you instead went home, i was further surprised”. when i TOLD her, point-blank, “sorry, i have to run home and take care of something before class” (by which i meant i was bleeding all over my boxers, but she didnt need to know that)

3) the straw that broke my goddamn back. for some reason, the charter school she works at on fridays was closed last week, so i lost out on like 3 hours of clinic time. my prof. says we have to get 10 hrs/week to meet our fieldwork goal by the end of the semester, but since i have an excess of hours from my last site i was gonna ask her if its okay if i dont always meet the 10/week. i didnt have the chance to ask last tuesday, so i have to ask tomorrow. due to me leaving a little early today, i will only get 9.5 hours this week. so my supervisor says “due to the schedule change last week and you leaving early this week, you havent been meeting your 10 hour requirements. since i have not heard back about what your professor thinks, im going to assume you need 10/week to pass the class, and i expect you to do so”. 

and okay

i fucking lost it

because this is the bitch who is responsible for me only getting 6.5 last week, and who is responsible for me only scraping by at 10/week because she needs her clients’ permission to let me participate. 

this is also the bitch who said “oh you have the next two mondays off because next monday is a holiday and the one after that is my birthday, and im not working on my birthday lmao”

so yeah, im fucking mad

#personal #vent #im so fucking mad #but i also wanna kill myself #wtf is wrong with me

[northernstories]

Meet Brooke Baneck, a public relations student from Winneconne, Wisconsin. We asked Brooke about her NMU experience so far:

Why did you decide to come to NMU? 

Brooke: I decided to come to NMU because of the opportunities I saw for myself here both financially and educationally. The scholarship program here is unlike any I have come across at other schools and has made my school thus far extremely affordable. Another attractive aspect of NMU was that I could continue to participate in music and theater during my time here, despite not majoring in either. It was so easy for me to find my place on campus and in all of the organizations I chose to be a part of.

What do you like about your major at NMU? 

Brooke: My favorite part of being a public relations major at NMU is the intimacy of the program. Because the program is so sequential, the same group of students will often progress through together which allows us to get to know each other pretty well. Also, the majority of the PR classes are taught by one of the two primary PR professors which makes it easy to develop relationships and feel comfortable with them.

What's an example of a cool, interesting or helpful thing that you have done as a part of your major?

Brooke: I recently met with my adviser in the PR program, Dr. Jes Thompson, for the first time to plan out my schedule for next semester. Little did I know that I would walk out of our meeting with my next three semesters completely planned out for me and the opportunity to graduate a year early. Professor Thompson was unbelievably helpful, as the thought of graduating even a semester early had hardly crossed my mind. I’m so impressed that Northern has faculty like this that genuinely care about students and will go to bat for us.

What are you involved with on campus?

Brooke: On campus, I am involved in Arts Chorale, Forest Roberts Theatre (FRT) productions, Phi Sigma Sigma, and am an Admissions Student Ambassador. 

Of your activities on- or off-campus, what has been the most rewarding and why? 

Brooke: The most rewarding activity I’ve participated in during my time at Northern has been my involvement with the FRT. I’ve grown up performing and never thought I would have the opportunity to continue pursuing my love for theater past high school, but Northern has allowed me to do just that. Through the program, I’ve met some of my best friends that I most likely wouldn’t have met otherwise. I also get to share stories with hundreds of audience members each year and even got to be a part of the FRT’s first ATI (Autism Theatre Initiative) performance during Tarzan last year.

Further comments about your NMU experience? 

Brooke: I just love that I’m constantly finding new things that remind me of why I chose to come here in the first place. Whether it’s a new coffee shop opening or a trail leading me to a new place I didn’t know existed, Marquette never fails to surprise me.

#sharenmu #public relations #phi sigma sigma