#im not going anywhere alone now

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

everybody stay with me im shifting back into speculation & analyzing mode, this time about everybody's favorite pair of besties. ill put this under the cut for everyone's sakes

and please, take all of this with a Hefty grain of salt.

so ive been... thinking about a thing. a maybe-possibility. which if this has some merit, the part of me that loves characters having a good time and feeling good feels is screaming in fear. but the louder part of me that loves angst and hurting characters is rubbing its little fly hands together.

short version: i think Barnaby is going to emotionally distance from Wally, if not outright grow to resent him. maybe temporarily, maybe not.

full version: *cracks knuckles* strap in folks. so.

first of all, an entire chunk of Barnaby's bio is dedicated to his character relation to Wally. everyone else only has one-off lines dedicated to their relationships to other neighbors - even Frank & Julie just have single sentences about each other (note that they're described as "partnered with" and "depicted with" respectively. more on that soon). even Wally's bio has his Barnaby mention tacked onto the end of his first paragraph instead of being its own dedicated section

and then there's their character designs - their bios explicitly point out that they share characteristics; color schemes, hearts on their soles, similar outfits.

they were made to be best friends. literally. this quote is what made me start turning this theory over in my mind (sourced from @ /theneighborhoodwatch's collected & absolutely fascinating livestream trivia)

it appears that Barnaby literally did not have a say in whether or not he and Wally are friends. their bios even say "illustrated pages note that they were best friends multiple times." they have to be best friends.

which brings us back to Frank & Julie. they briefly reference each other in their bios, but they aren't described as best friends. it's incredibly likely that they were meant to be a romantic couple - i briefly covered that theory in this post (dont read the first one i was going insane) but they managed to avoid that. Frank and Julie defied the script and chose to be best friends instead.

and then in the trivia document a few more character relationships are briefly touched on, like how Howdy considers Barnaby a close friend, and Sally considers either Barnaby or Poppy as her closest friend, etc.

everyone else seems to be choosing who they're close with. they're forming their own opinions and dynamics and relationships. & its interesting that Barnaby is stated for both of these - as if implying that he may return the friendship feelings, or at the very least he's developed enough of a relationship with them to earn their affection

Barnaby and Wally... i doubt they ever got that. they were best friends from the start, no development, no choice. it's written into them.

and then there's how their relationship has been portrayed so far. i believe i saw an ask where Clown stated that Barnaby is very polite to Wally, which struck me as odd. have you ever had a polite relationship to your best friend? have you ever seen best friends be polite? i'd be surprised!

best friends mess with each other! they tease and rib and roast! what is a best friend for if not mutual tomfuckery?! jesting around? playfully pushing boundaries? a Polite best friendship... that's a straight up oxymoron. no such thing. that sounds boring and exhausting.

not only that, but the fact that Barnaby is often used for Wally's painting segments, and is the go-to guy for teaching Wally something new, is kind of concerning. it gives me the vibe that a big part of Barnaby's literal reason for existing is to be Wally's friend & guide.

which would make the fact of him being described as polite to Wally make sense. of course he's not going to push their relationship or try to deepen it - he's forming his own dynamics with the other neighbors. with Wally... it's already established. that is how they are with each other. that is what they are to each other.

and it's not like Wally can be the one to introduce nuances. i don't mean that as a slight or anything - he's just the way he's been described and the things stated about him that make me think that he wouldn't really... know how to? it just wouldn't occur to him. he probably thinks his and Barnaby's relationship is what a best friendship is and is how it should be.

but they have to hang out. they have to refer to each other as best friends. and while i believe that Wally does wholeheartedly think that they're best friends, close as can be... i doubt Barnaby feels the same. like - yes, he probably does care about Wally. everybody likes Wally.

but it's gotta be frustrating for Barnaby, especially as time goes on and he becomes more himself as a person over just being a character playing a part. it probably stunts his relationship growth with others, since his ~best friend spot~ is already taken and who would want to encroach on that? especially since its taken by Wally mcfuckin Darling?

their friendship might become less of a role and more of a responsibility. Barnaby might grow to feel obligated to stick with Wally as his "best friend". someone invites Barnaby to hang out and/or help with something? sorry, he has to pose for Wally's painting. Barnaby is trying to do his own thing? sorry, Wally is knocking on the door and asking for help with something.

i wonder if Barnaby ever hopes that Wally will go to someone else, or feels relief when he does. and then does he feel irritation/guilt over that denied hope or that granted relief? then does he get angry at himself for those emotions?

how would this effect how he treats Wally and acts around him? this confusing muddle of emotions and this strange growing resentment for his painfully earnest friend who only ever means well, if he means at all.

it makes me curious whether or not this theory has merit. and how this could come to a head. what would Barnaby, in this situation, do if/when he discovers that they're puppets on a set, and he's literally written to be Wally's bestie while everyone else changed their scripts and chose their own relationships.

personally, i don't think he'd be happy, and i doubt he'd handle it well.

#holy Shit this was tough to translate from my brain #i literally wrote it all out in my head while in the shower #and then i went to get it down on 'paper' and it was Tangled To Hell And Back #*taking a break from art* #brain: soooooo we're bored now. lets overthink and share these thinkings #welcome home theory #welcome home speculation #SERIOUSLY THOUGH IM SCARED FOR BARNABY AND WALLY #mainly for wally bc Ouch it would hurt him to have their relationship sour #barnaby getting resentful and wally not understanding why his best friend is acting differently towards him #and PLEASE keep in mind that im mostly talking outta my ass here #but like.... ugh #barnaby looking at wally walking over one day and feeling the urge to turn away or groan in irritation/exasperation #him posing for a painting and wishing he were anywhere else. #him wanting to be closer with other puppets but unable to bring himself to try bc of the Guilt #everywhere he turns hes called 'wallys best friend' and asked 'wheres wally? hes usually with you' when hes alone #and hearing 'if you want to find wally/barnaby go look for barnaby/wally. if you see one the other isnt far away' #that has GOT to get on his nerves over time #this constant stagnation of their relationship while everyone else is evolving and growing. hes Stuck. #even julie & frank who were written to be together find a way to circumvent that and add so much depth and uniqueness to their relationship #if you want a happy side of this. it could lead to barnaby & wally being really truly besties #barnaby could have an arc about thinking 'holy shit it was all fabricated. Fuck that and Fuck you[wally]' #and then going 'holy shit i Do actually love and care about him[wally] and i want us to develop a real meaningful friendship' #BUT WHO KNOWS who knows not me! #also it must be tiring to constantly have to explain his jokes and so many other things #bc wally Is a curious guy! he wants to learn! #but maybe barnaby just wants to have an uninterrupted conversation but he Cant bc wallys just built different #not said as a bad thing At All. #just... people are complicated. sometimes we have mean thoughts/emotions that conflict with what we really think/feel and our morals #we're only human. everyone is mean sometimes if only in our heads.& yeah theyre technically Puppets but lets not get caught up on semantics

[reel-fear]

MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!

grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.

#ramblez #little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao #this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it #hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD #hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you #batim #batdr #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival #and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions #it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting #But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent #dw Im not going anywhere <3 #also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently #old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD #also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns #he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs #and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get #and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they #dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves #to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent #mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did #so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!

[nobodywritingao3]

.

#ive already expressed what i want to express but i still feel jorrible #i havent felt this badly triggered in months #my skin is crawling' heart wont stop beating' ears are ringing' cant sit still but cant focus on anything #the mental health center isuakly go to already closed for the day #i dont trust myseld to drive anywhere #i know im safe but my body is on fire #i cant stop worrying #theres a part of me that i resent that is afraid that w.soot is gonna try to kill himself #at the same time i feel so sick at all the stuff hes done #all the women coming forward specifically #ive lost faith in someone i really admires #oddly enough im not having flashbacks? #memory loops definitely #i want to sleep but my body literally cannot stop shaking #i have been shaking for hours #i think its literally been 10 hours at this point of non stop shaking #i dont want to admit myself to a psych ward but i think im reaching a point where i might have to go #i havent been there in over a year & i hate it cuz the temperature controls are broken and they wake you up at 5am to make sure youre alive #im safe but i dont want to be alone with this #i dont want to be awake right now #my body wont stop shaking

[caffeinatedopossum]

Doctors be like "have you experienced a major life event recently", not considering the possibility that every event in my life has been major so honestly nothing feels important from my perspective

#like last time they asked me this im pretty sure i had just moved states cut off contact with most of my family #turned 18 discovered i was chronically ill and disabled AND was just going to doctors for the first time in my life #despite my crushing anxiety of being anywhere in front of anyone #im pretty sure i have/had agoraphobia but ive never been evaluated for it #i just feel absolutely terrified being in public especially any new places or being alone outside at all #like i cant go places alone but that was what i was doing anyway for doctors appointments #because oh yeah this was during covid too lmao #i kinda forgot because once again nothing seems all that important me #like global pandemic? cool cool can i get some severe isolation with this life threatening virus too? awesome #also yeah covid is still a thing but people dont care anymore #oh yeah i had also just lost my pets and my religion and all of my religious friends. this is the type of stuff i forget #what even counts as a major life event anymore #i think if i was to become homeless get hospitalized or my gf died. those are the only three things i can think of that would shake me rn #nvm there are more now because im thinking about it lol i just think those three are more likely scenarios

[the-cookie-of-doom]

i miss traveling and seeing new places and trying new things and journaling about it

#cookie speaks #i am SAD and filled with WANDERLUST #just one more year #one more year until I can travel again #i can't fkn wait #my travel journal is like plz feed me #I plain to go to thailand next spring #in celebration of finally graduating #since i can't go this year #if I can i want to spend at least a few weeks traveling around there #maybe a month #maybe even make i tup to china like i've always wanted to #i couldn't before bc my ex literally wasn't allowed to enter the country or go anywhere near it #(yay government work >_>) #but now im free to go ;_; #hopefully by then I can find someone to travel with too #i really don't want to go there alone #i mean i will #bc im done waiting for people to come with me when i want to do things #and ive gotten better about talking to strangers when i travel alone #but ahhh the language barrier intimidates me #obvs people manage to backpack all of asia w/o learning the languages all the time #but I Have Anxiety #and there's a non-0 chance I would panic and shut down and never make it out of the airport lol

[mymp3]

i would absolutely kill for a messiah megahouse figure tbh, or an orpheus one. honestly I'd kill for just persona figures in general.

#the thanatos one is the best one ever like its so peak its not even funny #i would kill so hard for a messiah one #but alas. #atlus has such a hard time doing anything let alone promoing their games i doubt theyd go anywhere with them #im being lighthearted but also id appreciate more persona figures of the actual personas. #this thought process was brought to you in part by other ppl talking about it #also that izanagi mech is so fucking cool 😭😭😭😭 #izanagi gundam 😭😭😭😭 #mikutimetalk #im gonna drink more water and take another ibuprofen now.

[bitchfitch]

For all the teething I've been doing on Pavo and Esti i haven't been able to like, actually write any thing for them recently mostly because I've been Busy.

But also because I'm snapping between like 3 ideas for them at terminal velocity and haven't been able to actually get anything written for them and it's like having pumas bouncing around my skull at mach fuck as though theyre house cats at 2 am when you're trying to sleep,

#idea one is the day after things start changing and they haven't discussed it fully yet. #Pavo is mulling over some things and Esti is too nervous to ask about it. but they're alone out hunting #its such a nice day. and Esti thinks hes going to be saying goodbye soon. and hes making himself sick with anxiety over it #and they're alone together like old times but its Not like old times because Esti remembers how sweetly Pavo had kissed him that #morning after and how good it had felt to spend the whole morning in bed cureld up against him. #and Esti doesnt think he could stomach the idea of leaving without getting another kiss or at least finding out if Pavo regretted it or not #and the story is them being sweet on each other and avoiding the big heavy topic until Esti can verbally ask about it. because like Pavo #knows him well enough to know whats eating him up. but he wants to hear Esti say the words #and then the second idea is Esti waking up from a nightmare after hes been brought home from that hell. he screams for Pavo and #like of course pavo is on his feet and at the door that separates their rooms in an instant. but its locked and Esti is too #scared to navigate to it because hes already wound up and hes still not used to life as a blind man. so the idea of getting out of bed #and crossing an open room with nothing to help him orient himself is Terrifying. #probably more than it should be but the nightmares are still fresh in his head and hes having to make himself focus and ignore them #and just reasure himself that it Actually is Pavo and not one of those monster that had used his voice. and its hard hes crying and Pavo #has to take down part of the fucking door frame to get the sliding door off its tracks without just busting it down since Esti didn't #need that particular audio experience right now and he liked that doors painting and Pavo had already sent for the craftsperson who #made his eyes to commission them to make a set for esti. and he doesn't want to destroy something pretty esti likes when itll only be a few #until esti can enjoy it again. and he gets into the room and esti scooches over in bed to welcome him into it because despite Everything #esti still will always feel safer pinned between a wall and Pavo than anywhere else. and he just needs to feel safe. #and the third thing is because of something deardest said a yesterday i think about Pavo in his old age. and im just Chewing on the image #of him and esti in his carriage. Esti's hair has gone white and hes nearing his end. and thentwo of them are together and happy #and able to reflect on the lives they've had together. and its mostly just the idea of Pavo being glad hes so much older than Esti. because #it means despite Esti only being half demon and having a much shorter life because of it. Pavo isnt going to outlive him by very long. #and All of this. Everything was because of how scared Pavo was to be alone. and hes not going to have to be in his last days. #so Yeah. thats been whats on my mind when im not devoting it to like lame shit like work #wow im bad at reading #their url is derederest #not deardest

[wizardrights]

i don't work on christmas :)))

#my schedule only just updated today for some reason #but hehehe this is the first time in 3-4 years my whole family can be together at home :) #and i'm v excited #even tho im just now realizing that now that i don't live there i dont have anywhere to go when i want to be alone. oops lol #esp like........ theres gonna be a 4 year old....... who prob will want my attention som uch...... #lol uh oh oh well shrug emoji i guess #blah blah #grace talks #still excited

[celibate-batjokes-mpreg-yaoi-911]

ive been suffering gastrointestinally

#its my new meds i think but it was better at home bc i could suffer on the toilet in peace. fsr away from people #and i also ate more #now the toilet is literally just next to our room and the toilet is right next to my roommates bed just 1 wall between them #She would hear EVERYTHING #im sorry for being tmi but i cannot even comfortably let out..gas. in the mf toilet #i habe to be very very silent all the time and its driving me crazy #im like sweating there tryjng to push the shit out and i can make no sounds!!!!!! #i cant even use my full strength like this. #ans its been bothering me so so so so much.... #and ofc this mf is a humanities major and has no damn classes and doesnt go anywhere #ANYWHERE #i HAVE NO ALONE TIME TO COPE WITH MY CONSTIPATION #im . im genuinely feeling so hopeless. i should eat more food maybe to get the stuff inside moving or get an energy drink but then i #spend money on food and i hate spending money on food #it genuinely makes me sick that i have to waste money on food. in this economy

[tchaikovskym]

the pros of self isolation is that you feel safe in your own little bubble and the cons are that you feel as if you were in mortal danger when you have to go to the grocery store

#its what happens when i have 3 free days in a row and i spend them alone in my room #which i guess is good that i recognize what it is now #but i am absolutely useless in finding a solution #(it is easy: go somewhere with someone) #but for the life of me im disinterested in everything and dont want to go anywhere #as i am typing this i realize how wrong i am #i could have gone to the sea or something #well #whats done is done im going to ikea now with mom

[readymades2002]

i am so relaxed on my day off i am enjoying my day off im so relaxed im so relaxed im so relaxed

#3 more hours of being alone before mom comeshome from work 12 and a half hours still i have to sleep to get enough sleep #before work tomorrow next day off is on tuesday which is only half a day off because of my overnight #body hurts too much to walk anywhere fun no one to hang out with nothing to look forward to just the screws tightening forever #im so stressed out i feel like my bones are going to explode through my skin i was just human a few weeks ago and now

[puppysdog]

i dont belong anywhere except dead

#.txt #i just wish i felt like i belonged somewhere #like anywhere at all #my own home doesnt feel like mine #this entire state wants me dead #any connections i make trickle down and fizz out and dont mean shit #i dont even feel like i belong in my own skin #this body is digusting and fake and i want to ruin it #anytime ive thought ive looked good was actually a lie #the real me is absolutely abhorrent and doesnt belong anywhere #i dont feel like i belong in yhe queer community #yeah im queer whatever but i dont belong #too other #too other for the cishets too other for other queers #wish i couldve just stayed a boy. or just a girl. wouldve been easier #i just cant keep doing this shit. i feel so alone and far from everything and everyone #im not saying mark was right but maybe he was onto smth when he said i was only good when being used #wow sad thought. gonna go sob my eyes out now. lol anyways

[definitelysapphic]

Between being a barista, being autistic, being disabled, and being perceived as a woman, I feel so dehumanized all the time and normally I can shrug it off but it's been wearing me down.

When I'm at work I'm not a a person, I'm an means to an end between pissy people and their coffee. When I talk to allistics I'm not a person, I'm either a quirky source of entertainment or a freak. When I can't keep up with able bodied people I'm not a person, I'm an inconvenience. When people assume I'm a straight woman and hit on me before even asking anything about me I'm not a person, I'm a sex object. When do I get to be treated like a person?

#ive lived here for five months now and i can't make any real friends bc i either physically cant do what they do for fun or I'm too autistic #and i go to work so early that drunk people are leaving the bar around that time and guys keep hitting on me and im alone and small and weak #and customers snap and yell at me all the time and act like im stupid if i didn't hear them clearly #last week a homeless guy twice my size raised his fist at me when my manager told him he had to leave as if i was the one who kicked him out #i don't feel respected or liked or even safe #and i don't have anywhere better to talk about it than tumblr which is so depressing #and maybe i sound like a baby bc lots of people experience this but i just had to get it out

[9misorai]

My nephew, with me, my sister, and my brother, went to IKEA a few days ago. Whilr we bought some home furniture needs, he played at a kid section there and he absolutely loved it. He kept asking to go there again everyday.

Today he went there again (I couldn't go ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ) I was expecting him to be ecstatic after he went home, but he's just....completely silent. I tried to prompt him to say anything like "Where did you go?" And he didn't even open his mouth.

The only time he opened his mouth was when my sister (who also couldn't go) asked "did you go to IKEA?" And what he said was "I didn't say anything!!!!" 😭

Does a toddler also have rebel phase or smth.

#Personal #I wanted to write a funny experience and now that ive written it it sounds worse than it actually is #He's okay—he's just rebeling. He does that a lot for some reasons #Delete later #I guess #And knowing my mother she wouldn't let him go in a place that big anywhere alone so im pretty sure nothing really bad happened

[ribcagewolf]

how to explain how much the theatre backstage pics hurt me

#its rare to have something in your life this large and abandon it #i started doing theatre when i was 9 or 10 #i started dancing around then or before too i think #i dont think im a genius but i would not be anywhere near where i am now without it #my entire understanding of people comes from this #its the last remnant of a life i had where i had goals and i could tell where i was going and what i needed to do #to someone on the outside it looks like i never left cuz i do film and music now but i cant explain how different it is #that used to be my entire world. i only spent time there. i literally went to an arts school because i was accepted into a theatre program #and now ive left it all #idk i think about ********** and i start crying #it killed us too #im just completely different now i get stressed thinking about it or when people mention it unrelated to me likedrop that. leave it alone. #i had to kill her and now im dying too #its easy to sell your soul to rock and shred yourself on stage its expected its relieving but the mental damage theatre and dance does is #much much harder to explain #the critics and the directors like you need to constantly question why and discipline yrself #god this is so dumb i need to never look at those images again #i just remember being twelve sitting on the black boxes knowing i had to prove myself ill probably never feel like that agian #and just the basic thing of like. how many of us died from dance. how much it ruined out bodies. ballet is truly a disease #ballet kills children #rahh ive had too much im not thinking straight rn this is all feelings #just. the pride. and safety i felt fromthe backstage view #mitski i cry at the start of every movie because i wish i were doing things too

[sweet-as-kiwis]

Desire to take an Nap vs the need to complete several trainings for school

#PLEASE I JUST WANT TO REST #I HAVE DONE THIS CONSENT TRAINING FIVE TIMES NOW #IT ISNT A DIFFICULT CONCEPT TO GRASP WHY IS IT A YEARLY THING #and why did I ever decide to do my roommate’s for them but that’s on me #AND THE FCKN HAZING TRAINING?? I MISSED A SINGLE WUESTION ON IT #BECAUSE APPARENTLY BEING TOLD YOU NEED TO CARRY A FRISBEE 24/7 COUNTS?? I GUESS??? #please I just wanna go finish my laundry and take a nap but I CANT cause I have to do these STUPID FUCKING TRAININGS IVE DONE BEFORE #AND. I CANT EVEN JUST LET THEN RUN AND GO DO ITHER THINGS #BECAUSE WERE WATCHING MY GRANDPARENTS DOG #AND HE HAS SEVERE SEPERATION ANXIETY. AMD CANT BE LEFT ALONE FOR ANY PERIOD OF TIME #AND IM THE ONLY BITCH HOME #and he can’t get up and down stairs so I can’t go do the laundry because HE CANT FOLLOW AND THEN HE PEES ON THE COUCH #and I can’t go upstairs to nap because he’s not allowed upstairs!! cause he TRIES TO KILL THE CATS!!!! #I didn’t know a geriatric dog was CAPABLE of such murderous rage but the fucker tried his goddamn BEST to break into Jiji’s catio so!!! #like bro you are a YORKIE anywhere between 12 and FIFTEEN YEARS OLD #HOW ARE YOU STILL TRYNA HUNT DOWN MY CATS #so noooooooo no nap for me cause I gotta watch Him and since I can’t Leave I gotta do my Trainings #and I am VERY UPSET ABOUT IT