#im not gonna tag this bc i dont wanna annoy people

[dishsaop]

does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic #im just like. tired of gnawing #and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get #content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky #young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me #im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing & #digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances #m text #i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story #not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a #lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out #bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples #and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified #(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right) #and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here #(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh) #I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost. #anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein #out as lesbian #like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has #to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic) #meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just #and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so #yknow. personal viewer bias here #but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian #and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out #but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough. #im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes #I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY. #like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'

[hestiadayraise]

pinned <3 (follows & likes from @navysealt4t)

hai there ^_^ my name is hestia (or blue, or any nickname from my url!!) and i use she/he <3 im a minor btw

i wanna get more into the fandom, bc ive always loved percy jackson but i never got involved in the fandom. my ao3 is navysealt4t if u wanna check out my fics !!

books read: pjo, hoo, toa, mcgoa, demigod diaries, oh and those tiny crossover stories with like kane & percy and sadie & annabeth planning to read: cotg, tsats (no spoilers pls!)

other interests: musical theatre (yes including tlt <3), choir, jrwi: riptide, the quarry, i saw the tv glow, dnd, minecraft, unpacking, tloz, splatoon, chappell roan

ermmm some extra info. uh. grover will always hold a special place in my heart. i miss him always. im a multishipper in like every single fandom so please throw random ass ships at me. transfem percy jackson for the win . i regurlay think about how young all the kids are and i throw up and cry and sob and fall to the floor and pass out <3 please share ur headcanons and random ass thoughts and shit with me . pwetty please. annabeth bashers this is not a safe space for u <- joke but. i will probably not follow u <3

#pinned #im not gonna main tag this . bc. i dont wanna be annoying lmao <3 #i trust i shall find my people #i dont have a dni i block freely and without care lmao

[youredreamingofroo]

Ya'll... I think I might start a new story, I have a... basic concept of what I want it to be like, and I already have a name (under the impression that I don't suddenly do a 180), I just need to do like... all the writing and make the characters LMFAO It's gonna be a little on the dreary side and dark (which is the kind of writing/genre i aspire to write about, also means I'm gonna have to redo my personal reshade that ive been cooking for like... 3 or 4 months... 😭)-

in the meantime, I might start working on gussying up my navi post (and by gussy up, i mean completely redo) because as nice as it is, it's, idk, a little outdated (i guess), I have an idea for a new theme except i'm either going to a) put it in the drafts and wait til I start the new story to post it so the info is all there or b) make it and then post it and when i start the new story, edit it and put the tags and stuff in for the story.

ALSO might do a name change cuz... this name came from WAYYY before i joined simblr, and its got a charm to it, but i dont rlly like it anymore,, it just dont sit with me the same way that it used to lmao

*(writing this after i posted cuz i forgot to say this - its under the cut and in regards to NSB with the new story - it also kinda turned into a rant lmfao) TL:DR for ppl who don't wanna read my stupid fucking rant: NSB is prob gonna go on a hiatus regardless of if i start a new story, cuz as much as I love it, it's started to feel like a chore and less of smth i enjoy (even tho, like I said, I rlly enjoy/love it) Sorry to my NSB enjoyers out there.

regarding NSB, yes it will probably go on hiatus when making this story bec writing is already kinda exhausting for me as well as editing and NSB has progressively became more and more story-driven than gameplay-driven, and especially after these three days, im kinda burnt out from NSB, i know i just left it off on a cliffhanger with the new baby, but to be honest, I don't wanna deal with another child, i barely get by dealing with the four, and dealing with toddlers> are so fucking annoying cuz of the Sim AI, which in and of itself is just demotivating, i do REALLY love not so berry, i love the story ive created with it, but i guess im just tired of playing the same generation for so long, not to mention the fact that i made it a rags to riches challenge, i know i didnt have to but i prefer to, and bc of that, i havent been able to properly decorate, and i dont really wanna go back on myself, if i decide to continue NSB, i will probably take the RTR rules away since its so annoying to deal with having like, 1000 simoleans all the damn time. Also, i've been planning what to do for generation 3 since catty gave birth, but i had to put NSB on a hiatus bc of a stupid glitch and was only recently able to start it up again, and I still havent moved onto the next gen. I kinda lost the plot with that rant, but basically, NSB will probably go on hiatus, regardless of the new story, I've been wanting to dwell more on Roo and his whole story and the people in his universe and after a bit, NSB has started to, as much as I love it and the storytelling and whatever, feel like a chore, which kinda hurts to say, but its true. Sorry to any of my not so berry enjoyers out there

#anyways my brain is ROTTING thinking about this story #obsessed and it has barely formed an existence LMFAO #as for the navi post ive also had a bit of a brain worm for it i just havent been able to start cuz of vday posts lmao #only prob with writing and staging a story is that i have tend to have very expansive ideas that are gna require so much time and energy #and im the typa person who wants to get it done in one sitting so ig doing this would mean being a lot more patient and slowing down #which go figure i probably wont be able to finish writing the story in one sitting lmao but considering me ill *want* to finish it in one #sitting #yapping

[kurjakani]

hey I'm too shy to ask off anon but do you have tips on finding illustrator work in finland. I have zero marketable skills besides drawing but I have NO idea how to find people who want to hire me

(Im gonna answer in eng since you msgd in eng but im gonna tag this w fintags in case someone has extra tips- im a super beginner in my work area so im sure there's other more compitent ppl out here who might wanna add answers etc? :0)

OK SO IM SUPER W U im like ass at anything that isnt art, like, i tried a lot of other stuff before i succumbed to doing graphic design/art as a job bc i just did so bad at everything. Which, im sure ill be doing a bunch of other stuff on the side throughout my life because IT. IS NOT EASY!!! ITS A SUPER HARD JOB TO GET WORK IN!!! I mean im on the medicore side as an artist so it might just be me but LMFAO. I dont wanna scare you off but it is tough HOWEVER. yes there are things you can do ill readmore this tho

I think the easiest to get into IS like. private commission work. The usual "drawing ocs or fandom stuff" for people. It requires a lot of self marketing- building a platform, making your art a desirable object. Im planning personally 2 open comms again after my current gig is done, and ive been hearing good stuff about the small business options osuuspankki offers- re: being able to do the billing via paypal &helping w the taxing which makes overseas work a LOT easier to figure out. I cant swear on them personally tho since i have not used their services before, but i can give more info in abt a month when Im planning on looking into them more! So. Online market yourself. (you can ask further on this but this post would be too long if i get into that, also im not like a master of this), commission work. PRICE YOUR STUFF RIGHT, Look into how long it takes you to make your pieces and create an approx. price based on your hours spent working. And then price higher.

As for a lot of the stuff i do&post about here. I personally DID start w education, which, i am incredibly lucky I could. I studied graphic design/illustration in Ikaalinen, its a really great school which i can recommend if that is an option for you. I could talk abt it more but I think the main things i got from that education was a) making connections b) learning how printing works which is INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT. If you want to work in book illustrations which i have done, I recommend looking into the technical aspects of printing on your own. You can learn it online definetly. As for connections, thats a little tougher, but really anything beyond for me has been. Just making a portfolio & CV and emailing and asking for work. Its tedious and annoying but yeah.. Other options im aware of for illustration work is like. in advertizing (though its kinda rare to do ILLUSTRATION), game companies (theres a lot of other stuff you need 2 learn there tho)... Ik some ppl sell their illustrated products eg. stickers, prints etc, but idk anything abt that section. In finland its rly tough bc you rly dont. I like got curious and just googled "kuvitus töitä" and yeah theres just Nothing. It is abt looking for where illustrations could be (looking for small book publishers, looking for childrens books writers specifically and reaching out to them, etc etc) and reaching out and being a pushy bitch its AWFUL its my least favourite part of this job but it is. Yeah..

#suomitumppu #suomitumblr #jos joku tietää enemmän koska mäki haluisin kyl kuulla mieluusti :D #jos tiedätte paremmin ku mä nii älkää pliiis kutsuko mua ääliöks tiedän et oon tyhmä mut oon just päässy aluilleen elämäs enkä tiedä mitää #mistää vittu #kanitalk #ask #anon

[afaramir]

6, 13 and 22 for the ask game?

hi friend!!! thank u for sending these<3 i was gonna ask you if you wanted to send different questions bc there’s a couple repeats from the last ask but then i came up with new answers. if you still wanna send diff ones though i will answer them as well

6. which ship fans are the most annoying

ACTUALLY LMFAO I LIED IN THE LAST ONE. i think (hope?) you’ll find this one funny lol well the 0.5 people in the denethorongil ao3 tag who are just there for crack. girl the psychic situationship. that is so fucking interesting. this is like the reverse answer. which ship NON fans are the most annoying. Anyway. i think it just pisses me off whenever a dynamic that could be so thematically (and dramatically) intriguing gets dismissed or made into a joke bc like. come on is that the best we can do? perhaps i just frequently lack a sense of humour about this kind of thing. or maybe people mostly are not funny…who can say.

13. worst blorbofication…TWO!

now is my time to SHINE baby….little pathetic baby faramir is SUCH a textbook fucking case of blorbofication. that shit is ridiculous. yeah the idea of a punching bag dad to take shit out on and/or guy bending over backwards just for his dad's approval appeals to you. unrelatedly how is your relationship with your dad. but i swear to god i KNOW that there are other characters out there that fit this archetype better. there are PLENTY of sad little people pleasers out there. dont take one of the greatest bitchest craziest men in the whole wide green world and make him your little crybaby. if you read the denethor faramir relationship as abusive you gotta also understand that he is right there punching back at it all. goddamn. he had gone on the orders of the lord of the city indeed. peter jackson im gonna fucking get you. this is a guy that first blamed his brothers death on their father and THEN promptly forced said father to order him to his probable death for the sake of his own moral code he has never once laid down and taken it in his LIFE. he’s been arguing back since he was like seven years old or something. in MANY THINGS he displeased his father! he is not a doormat he is a motherfucking doorstop and he WILL make it your problem! also i don’t have anywhere else to put this opinion so it’s gonna go here. it hit me sometime yesterday that the desperate-to-please faramir narrative almost works better with canon denethor. i mean film faramir is a totally different guy so like im not even sure if he would have the same history with his father but like just bear with me here. if he knows that his father trusts him as a commander and yet cannot (seem to express, although failing to express for long enough is basically equivalent) love him as a son…that he has memories of… actually just kidding this doesn’t fucking work at all. because the POINT of it all is that denethor and faramir are the same until they’re not. sly and tactical and cunning and so so so numenorean that elros tar-minyatur would WEEP. while i think film faramir and book denethor are - if not diametric opposites, at least not. so similar. i mean peter jackson literally blorbified him himself. here is my new guy with maybe one of his key traits preserved. man when i reblog a film faramir gif im just imagining book faramir’s personality. i hope you all understand this. i just. i DO love david wenham’s faramir face. he put so so so much 100% home grown bitch energy into the capturing frodo and sam scene faramir and i am simply imagining him translating all that onto "on one occasion at least your counsel has prevailed, not long ago. it was the lord of the city that gave the errand to him." now THAT…oh captain my captain. do you get it

22. your favourite part of canon that everyone else ignores

on one occasion at least your counsel has prevailed not long ago/stir not the bitterness in the cup i poured for myself. people LOOOVE you wish now that our places had been exchanged but read two more lines girlypop IT GETS BETTER. i mean people smarter than me have figured it out already but "restraint"…the idea of faramir having been holding this back for a long time. perhaps even since he first realized boromir was dead and thinking oh. oh, father sent him, or agreed to let him go, or however it went down, and now he is dead and it is father's fault. jesus christ that makes me crazy. and denethor basically saying what else do you think i have been thinking about for weeks. do you dare to think this is new news to me im not the heartless bitch you think i am. of course i blame myself. ARE YOU KIDDING? this is like the entire dynamic contained in two lines of dialogue. i had a runner-up answer but im too sleepy to write it all out but ill tell you what it is and its how WEIRD denethor and faramir are. theyre so weird you guys. i am psychic and prophetic and i WILL make it your problem.

#from the inbox #bretwalda-lamnguin #LOL thank you again i hope these were entertaining. i could tell they were kind of selected carefully #i wrote all this on my commute home like five hours ago. weaponizing me being hungry and annoyed at my train being delayed #long post #i wont actually put it under a cut bc i dont wanna. but at least i'll tag it lol

[4x01]

I posted 11,581 times in 2022

2,100 posts created (18%)

9,481 posts reblogged (82%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@4x01

@thenightwemetnatural

@jackgirl

@destielgaysex

@castielcommunism

I tagged 9,181 of my posts in 2022

Only 21% of my posts had no tags

#art - 706 posts

#txt - 624 posts

#jack - 596 posts

#deancas - 550 posts

#replies - 492 posts

#cas - 474 posts

#vids - 444 posts

#anon - 351 posts

#untied gonna get a little wild! - 323 posts

#brba - 197 posts

Longest Tag: 126 characters

#i lovecyouuuuu i love you thank you lennie 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i just think the day he comes back from the empty cas would come into dean’s room at night and gently wake him up by tapping his shoulder and quietly going “dean..” and dean grumbles awake but not in an annoyed way and he’s like “wssup cas” and cas is like i apologize i really hope this isn’t too much to ask… but i was wondering if i could stay in here with you. i just dont.. i don’t wanna be alone. in the dark. after the empty.👉👈 and dean grumbles again but it’s just to communicate he actually means “i gotcha buddy” and he sits up and turns on the lamp so they’re not in pitch darkness and half-asleep he throws down the sheets on the other side of the bed to make room for him. and cas is like oh- you really don’t have to- i can just sit in a chair and you can forget im even here and dean’s like buddy no that’s weirder just get in cmon. so cas gets in with him and lays there stiff as a board bc he can’t believe he is IN DEAN’S BED until dean who’s on his stomach facing the other way reaches his hand out behind him and slaps it around for a second looking for cas’, and when he finds it he just holds on and does a little satisfactory grumble and immediately falls back asleep. and cas just lays there for six hours like Oh My Fucking God He’s Holding My Hand What Have I Done To Deserve Such Gentleness And Honor and dean’s just honk shoo honk shoo😴😌 they haven’t talked abt their feelings yet btw

3,532 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

#4

i feel like this one clip fully sums up this specific group of people

7,193 notes - Posted October 17, 2022

#3

what’s the mcr song that’s like you shouldve raised a baby girl etc

7,532 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

#2

really big fan of men in shows who have one extra special little guy and as soon as their buddy isn’t around they cry so hard they throw up

50,690 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

54,931 notes - Posted February 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#MY ONION PAINTING TURNED DESTIEL MANIP IS NUMBER FUCKING ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[aroacemarie]

peeked in the 'asocial' tag and it seems theres like. 10 million different definitions of it being used in various communities? so i feel like having used the term just now i wanna clarify what *I* mean by it

im gonna pop this under a read more bc its a long one.

im NOT using it as an ace/aro microlabel (not judging those who do tho). i dont consider it a part of my sexuality/orientation/lgbtq identity. its more of just a personality thing?

im also not schizoid, to my knowledge. im sure i have traits of it? or maybe my understanding of it is wrong? i just know i went through a brief stretch where my being asocial meant i was schizoid, but upon more thoroughly researching the symptoms of schizoid personality disorder i determined it did not apply to me.

its also unrelated to social anxiety. i DO have social anxiety disorder, but my being asocial isnt a fear-related trait. basically while social interaction/the anticipation of social interaction can trigger an anxious response in me, i dont have a strong Drive to be social in the first place.

its also why i consider my asocial trait as being different from being an introvert. its kinda like introversion on steroids. introverts still seem to have a need to interact, whereas loneliness is genuinely a foreign concept to me.

i also dont consider it a symptom of my depression... mostly. yes, withdrawing from social interaction is a bigtime depression, its more of a withdrawal in that context than an general inclination. when im withdrawn bc of a major-depressive episode, it is characterized by hurt and an overwhelming sense of dread/hopelessness. when its just my day to day default state, however, it has a peaceful, content quality.

so to describe it by what it IS instead of what it ISNT:

-i describe my being asocial as an extreme lack of a drive to be social. i dont really feel the need to seek out interaction, and while i still absolutely DO interact with the people i like, i tend to be abnormally unlikely to reach out.

-being alone makes me feel content, not lonely. it feels like sitting by the window on a cold day, wrapped in a warm blanket and sipping a warm drink, peacefully watching the leaves float by delicately on a gentle breeze, the with soothing voice of the wind whispering to you a comforting hush.

-i love my friends deeply. even when i dont interact with a friend for an extended period of time, i still think of them with a deep fondness. i picture their smiles, the way they make me laugh, the way their eyes sparkle with excitement when they talk about their interests. i feel a deep warmth in my heart, and reflect on how much i cherish them, even though i dont feel inclined to reach out and chat with them at that moment. i can still miss them too, even if im not necessarily doing anytying to fix it! (for the record, hazel if youre reading this i was thinking about you as i typed this section, ahaha 💚)

-i get exhausted and overstimulated by conversation easily, even when im speaking to someone i love about one of my favorite topics. its pretty common of me to tap out of conversations or "leave you on read" for hours simply because i exhausted myself. that being said, i DO love to have deep, meaningful conversations!

-i dont find talkative friends to be "annoying" or a burden. quite the contrary; im flattered they like me enough to invest their time and energy into speaking with me! i just have low stamina.

-its kind of like when youre doing your favorite hobby or playing your favorite game but youve been at it too long and youre too wiped to continue. thats how i feel about talking to the people i like, but my stamina might only last a minute or two before im metaphorically "out of breath"

-i dont hate people. in fact? i LOVE people. i look upon all the humans out there, living unique lives and unique experiences, and i feel a sense of childlike wonder. i think of how fascinating their perspective of the world is; their core beliefs and how they developed, the things that bring them joy that would seem strange to me, the things they know that i simply do not. but i dont really want to necessarily have a conversation with them. i prefer being an observer, reading the thoughts they share in public forums (like tumblr and twitter). humans are so fascinating. i just wanna watch you for hours like youre in a little terrarium!

-im told im great with people, and honestly i make friends very easily! not to say im never awkward or am immune to social fuckups! but im empathetic and am told have a high emotional intelligence and tend to make people feel at ease. im really tactful and great at defusing conflict (my favorite quote was in college when a friend told me "you could literally tell somebody to go fuck themselves without offending them." love it, ahaha). the thing is... i dont WANT to make friends. ive got everyone i need already, yknow? my Friendship Inventory is full.

im also gonna acknowledge that my asocial nature is very likely linked to trauma. i do have CPSTD from abuse that spanned the entirety of my childhood, from my earliest memories all the way into my mid-late teens. alone felt Safe, and it still does. but its not a Disorder; it does not cause me distress or impede my ability to "function." god knows ive got plenty of disorders/symptoms that DO. but being asocial is not one of them.

anyway, i hope this helps people understand me a bit better. im always worried that im a Bad Friend (being in a 6 year abusive friendship w someone who constantly called me that didnt help) for not reaching out to people/checking on my friends more. its just... a Thing. ive accepted that its not something i can change about myself, and i acknowledge that means im just not compatible with certain people, to no fault of their own. and thats fine! im not gonna be insulted or like you any less just because we arent the kind of people who could have a closer relationship in a healthy way. some folks just dont vibe w each other!

to any of my friends (and acquaintances! we dont need to be close!) reading this, i love you! i mean that, and i hope reading this helps you understand that i truly do, even if im bad at showing it.

stay frosty ✌

#monster talks #asocial

[crossovereddie]

/gen no hate you're ofc allowed to be annoyed by whatever annoys you and yeah yeah 'im built different' Tumblr jokes etc etc but would you mind explaining why you have a problem with people who 'didnt get their hopes up'? As someone on the edges of the fandom who has loved the ship and loved engaging with ship content but hasn't dared hope it'd ever actually happen I don't understand why apparently I'm an annoyance to the point where I need to stfu :( if it goes canon I just want to be able to breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy the fact that for once it wasn't bait and celebrate it and I don't get why that's a bad thing - you guys have more faith than I do and good on you for that but why am I not welcome just because I don't have that trust level :(

If youre constantly making posts saying you dont wanna get your hopes up and tagging them with the main tags aka forcing people see your posts bc you want people to interact or reassure you then yes I’m annoyed and think you should stop (if you post those on your blog and dont tag or have a specific neg. tag people can filter then you do you I have no annoyance toward you)

My biggest thing is when yall say buddie/911 is queerbaiting because THEY ARE NOT. Never once have they used buddie to lure queer viewers in. Plus if you dont care about the other queer and poc rep on the show then yeah im annoyed with you.

911 as a show is so much more than just if these two men are gonna kiss or not. (And I understand loving their relationship bc I do to but most of us would love it whether or not they go canon)

Also most of the people who say they’ve been burned before are talking about one specific show/ship and….im not gonna go into why that’s extra annoying rn

[estradifanatic]

why do i

need to follow five tags and three blogs to make an account. now tumblr thinks i love nature. i guess i do love nature yeah but the normal amount. not enough to look at pictures of trees on the internet

thats the worst part of living in the city. im kinda close to a bird sanctuary but its like normal birds and 55 trees max. otherwise i have to take a train to a bus to another bus and walk 15 minutes to hang out at a mid ass forest preserve and you cant even smoke weed there bc the skokie cops are poindexters. realistically all cops are poindexters. its one of the more "umm actually" type jobs. its a 9.5 on the neil degrasse tyson scale. actually the ndt scale would be out of pi or something. i have to see the guy every day against my will because fucking youtube shorts keeps feeding me clips from his talks plus clustertruck gameplay for some reason. grammarly needs to stop underlining my shit. but lowkey hes kind of a goated orator. his talks are like precise yet easy to understand explanations of scientific concepts and then his twitter is like "Despite what its marketing may have you believe, a cup of Greek yogurt is no healthier than a SNICKERS candy bar!" or some shit. i wouldve put a trademark thing after SNICKERS but thats an alt command and i have a life

...

do i have a life? i have a total of one friend and thats just bc we dated for so long. i think my personality is polarizing. ok my personality is UNLIKEABLE but i wanna just be like "some folks get me and some folks dont and thats ok" or whatever. i just dont rly believe it. if like 9 out of 10 people think im annoying im just annoying. its like with toothpaste. im too autistic for anyone who isnt autistic to like me but when someones as autistic as me i usually dont like them. like poles repelling and shit. thats something i love about my ex partner friend etc person. theyre autistic enough to put up with my shit but not so autistic that i get annoyed with them. in the magnet analogy theyre like a paper clip i think. im definitely describing internalized ableism and i understand that. there was a scuffed fucking sentence in this slot which im gonna remove for my own sake. if i keep writing here (BIG IF) im not gonna wanna see it in my first ever entry.

listening to: circuit circuit - body talks. no frills metalcore and punk. trims the electronic fat and dizzying form changes from their self titled ep for a much smoother listening experience. 8/10

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

ill eventually make a proper, pretty intro-post

but hello, hi, i am Kaiden-Shenandoah Knapp

also, yes, Kaiden-Shenandoah is my first name. the hyphen is optional, but you still have to type/say the whole thing. no, you may not call me "Kaiden". yes, i am aware it is a mouthful lol

(probably gonna change my surname is "Knapping" in a few years. i wanna distance myself from some shitty family while making the Indigeneity in my surname more apparent. dont be surprised when that happens. im just putting it off bc i got a lot on my plate rn lol)

(also if you knew me as "Kayleen", hi, hello, i no longer go by that childhood nickname. it is retired, wave goodbye, better to have loved and lost and all that)

this is my messily mindless "welcome to my head" blog, we do things very casually here. im making it my new Main (as of 24 March 2024). my professional/art blog is @kaidenshenandoahknapp

but the real point of this post is: i am not a bot lol

and also, stuff is on a queue (until i do a mass-reblog binge but, typically, i am on queue)

everything in my queue is now 2 post per 24 hours (as of: 20 April 2024)

ive been on tumblr before, but since this is a new Main, im just going through my favorite content-creation blogs i know and mass-queueing loads of the op's projects. (if you are one of those said blogs and find this nth new notes a day from me annoying, please let me know; and i will just spam them all to Post Now so i can get out of your hair asap) i'm also just not good at regularly keeping up with creators' new stuff week-by-week, so instead i generally mass-queue because i assume mass-reblogging is a bit more overwhelming, idk, maybe im just overthinking lol

tags guide: (mostly for me, ngl lol i need reminders of what i tag what when i do my mass-queues)

#me - me posting something

#relatable - "omg that is so me" at someone else's post

#aesthetic - me just really liking the vibes, which sometimes just also happens to be pretty to look at lmao

#canines wolves and werewolves i love - i know what i am about. ill probably have more "niche My Special Interest tags" as i find posts that fit them

#nutty nutcrackers / #the nutcracker - another Special Interest tag. pretty self-explanatory, i like The Nutcracker a lot lmao

#betty boop - you would think this belongs with fandom tags, but no. part of why i am obsessed with her (and have been since i was, like, 14) is because she was the popularization of the very next tag's trend

#infantalization in animation - it's when you apply baby facial proportions to an adult bodied character, it's most often done in female characters. i'll be using this tag outside of animated stuff btw. but yeah, anything that examines that visual design choice i am all 👀 over lmao

#other people's art - any individual person, not counting final version of studio work (like ill tag "Lilo and Stitch"'s exploratory concept art with this, sure, but i wont tag stills of the "Lilo and Stitch" film)

↳ #animal art

↳ #background art

↳ #oc art - is all "my original character in a canon piece" kind of ocs, not the "my original character in my original story" type

↳ there are also specifically listed artists here and there if they have influenced me/my style in the past or recently (such as but not limited to: #rvsa). almost all of them are indies with social media (aka: no Van Gogh, no Hayao Miyazaki. if they have their own fandom, i tag said fandom and not the specific artist, usually. it depends. there are some gray areas)

#brushes - the (digital) brushes people i like use

#art tips

#writing tips - is about actually doing the practice

#on writing - is the philsophy about the practice

#[insert fandom here]

#[insert fandom here] analysis

(here are the tags i chose for some fandoms that had multiple possible tags. this is not all of my fandom tags)

● #studio ghibli, #[insert studio ghibli title here] (i tag both the movie itself and studio. because sometimes i want something from the original movie, so i go into those tags; and i also go to the studio to look at overarching things since the studio has such a strong overall aesthetic/visual brand)

● #[insert disney title] (here, i do tag the specific movies and i dont just use the studio. because im usually looking for specific things this one disney movie has)

● #moomin (as opposed to "moominvalley", "tales of moominvalley", or the like)

● #my hero academia (so many different options for one work)

● #trigun (so many different branching creations from one source lmao im just gonna lump them together)

● #into the spiderverse (i dont use "across the spiderverse" for simplicity's sake, and i don't use the hyphen/space between "spider(-)verse" also for simplicity. its easier for me to be consistent if i just go "nah, its all one word")

● #marvel comics (i do not tag the mcu specifically)

● #dc comics, #batman (i tag both. but i dont tag any other dc comics property. i just know im esp obsessed with the batfam enough that, sure, they should get their own tag)

#me

[botheredbuck]

hey sweetheart, can u pls make a post for me that is pure infodumping ant this ship that you like so i can learn more about it? thankyou please 💖💖

ayes yes i can very much do that hhhhh

so!! ballum!! an outsider’s rundown. first their individual characters + backstory

ben 

- is a mitchell which is one of like the major families in eastenders, one that has been in the show since it started 

- son of phil mitchell who used to be like a major gangsta but now he’s just kinda old and wrinkly and tries to be scary 

- phil is also an alcoholic and he abused ben when he was a kid, and treated him like shit because he wasn’t overly masculine, is also a bit of a homophobe and was really shitty to ben when he came out 

- ben’s hard of hearing, so like he had maningitis when he was a kid and lost some of his hearing and so he’s had a hearing aid all his life (another thing that phil picked on him for cause he’s an ass) and recently lost more of his hearing in an accident 

- has been in prison for manslaughter oops

- has a daughter from when he was trying to prove that he was straight but it’s okay because lexi is a little badass and we love her. 

- was with this guy paul a while ago who got killed and it was hella sad 

callum

- was also abused by an alcoholic homophobic dad for most of his childhood, but his family aren’t very important on the square. he has a brother stuart who used to be kinda creepy but like i like him now so like yeah

- was a cook in the army for a while (because he was trying to prove that he was straight, although that’s not confirmed canon it might as well be, just like his ptsd) but ended up coming home after getting injured, also he was in love with this guy in the army but he’s dead now as well 

- was with this nice girl whitney for ages but then he cheated on her with ben (they did it in a park oop) and told her that he cheated on the night before their wedding, so the wedding got called off and unrelated but ben ended up getting shot at the wedding which ended up in a lot of angsty pining (he was fine eventually)

- came out to his dad in front of a whole pub worth of people and it was really badass bc his dad’s an ass 

- is now a police offer (EW)

okay so!! general basic storyline stuff (im going to try and restrain myself because ive tried typing this out before and it was 1000 words before i even got to like the start of this year)

ben and callum meet while callum is still pretending to be straight and with whitney, but ben sells him a dodgy car (oh yeah ben’s a criminal kinda) and callum confronts him and ben figures out that he’s gay (that is a really iconic scene if you’re looking for one to watch it’s generally just known as the i smell queer scene). then they’re sort of running around pining for ages until callum cracks, goes to confront ben, and they end up doing it in a park. 

yay.

the next day callum then proposes to whitney (sensible move), cue another good few months of pining until callum and whitney’s wedding, where whitney leaves him at the altar, and ben gets shot at the wedding reception. he’s fine tho (those scenes are also really good, if you just look up ben gets shot on yt) and they agree to go on a date. 

it then takes them a while to actually go on the date bc idk eastenders is weird, and then a little further along the line comes the scene where callum comes out to his dad and like half the square in the middle of a pub, then gives ben a big ol’ smooch in front of everyone (another amazing scene). 

then they’re together!! it’s kinda happy for a while!! callum encourages ben to not be so criminal, he kinda does it for like a couple of weeks 

and then christmas comes and oooh boy 

essentially, in simple terms- ben breaks up with callum to protect him, because ben’s being forced to kill someone for his dad, and that’s really sad. ben gets someone else to kill said guy (except they dont and THAT’S a whole drama) and callum comes back and they do it on a desk and get back together eventually. 

THEN 

the guy that ben was supposed to kill comes back and kidnaps callum, and this whole set of episodes is generally considered as some of ee’s best (at least by me) so i won’t say too much about these, because if youre gonna watch any i’d reccomed these episodes, it was the eastenders 35th anniversary, and it was actually so amazing in so many ways (i could write a whole other post about that but like yeah). 

essentially, something happens and ben ends up losing a lot more of his hearing, which he really struggles with. callum helps him through it, because he loves him (its so SOFT) and then eventually comes the scene where ben tells callum that he loves him for the first time and my fuck that is probably one of my favourite scenes so thats definitely worth a watch. basically, ben struggles with his hearing and the subsequent treatments for a long time, and ends up doing a robbery with his dad to try and prove that he still can, and this is about when ee went on a break over lockdown. 

AND THEN COMES EE SEASON 2

(thats a funny because ee have never been on a break in 35years before the break during lockdown so we’ve termed everything post that ee season 2)

oh and its a whole fucking load of drama. fuckin lot of angst. callum becomes part of the police (ew) and ends up getting blackmailed by his boss over ben, and it’s been really hard on him which is why we’re all anticipating him having a breakdown and it’s gonna be REALLY SAD. 

now there’s a lot of debate over the current sl that callum has, and honestly there have been bits of it that i liked?? my favourite episode has been the one in which callums brother gets married (stuart and rainie are fucking amazing), and callum also beat up a guy to defend ben’s honour. which could possibly get him in even more trouble because now he’s being super blackmailed by his boss :(((

fuck i just realised how long this is oops 

anyways thats about the jist of where we’re up to now?? ee season 2 for ballum has pretty much just been back and forth on callum’s storyline, im kinda liking it tbh?? but there’s a lot of questionable choices unfortunately. 

anyways i hope you enjoyed this lmao because i certainly did but im sorry it’s so long (if you want any specific scenes or bits to wacth feel free to let me know hehe)

anywasy sorry again oops hehe enjoy this <3

#im not gonna tag this bc i dont wanna annoy people #answered asks

[neon--nightmare]

you are legit the most correct person in the world with everything u said about fresh in those tags. thank you so much for the fresh content, there is not NEARLY enough and seeing stuff like that tag rant is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CORRECT!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUDE IM SO GLAD LIKE. OK ONE MISCONCEPTION I SEE ALL THE TIME IS THAT IF FRESH HAD EMOTIONS HED BE LIKE. HAPPY. AMAZED. OR BREAK DOWN CRYIN OR REALIZE HOW MUCH HE CARED ABT THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM OR SMTH it wouldnt be like liftin a veil from his mind dude hed be CATATONIC. HE WOULDNT BE ABLE TO PROCESS ANYTHIN AT ALL,, MUCH LESS THINK ABT ANYTHIN BUT HIMSELF itd be like someone pushin u off a plane into a HURRICANE w no time to prepare, ur bein torn apart in the wind and the last thing u can think abt is ANYTHING other than 'im going to die im going to die im going to die.'

and if it was a temporary thing and suddenly wore off/snapped him back to normal hed just like. get up and brush himself off rlly shakily and pretend it didnt happen at all like Wow brah wasnt that weird. Hahahaha anyways. and act like he was fine bc hes good at that. and itd just hammer deeper in his mind that emotions are BAD and painful and horrible and a miserable experience how do people exist like this all the time how can they stay alive. itd both reinforce his superiority complex SO much bc he doesnt have to deal with any of that because hes MADE better and stronger and he wont ever 'fall' to their level again. but itd also make it such more FRAGILE. bc he knows its a possibility. hed repress his emotions even harder. he wouldnt want to ever experience ANYTHING like that again. itd just make that divide so much WORSE. and i think thats really really interestin to go into too!!!!

#freshposting #I WANNA TALK ABT HIM MORE SO BAD IM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #long post #IDK IF THIS SHOWS UP RLLY LONG ON MOBILE IM ON DESKTOP #fresh sans #FRESH GETTIN EMOTIONS VERY VERY GRADUALLY AND SLOWLY COMIN TO TERMS W THEM IS THE *ONLY* WAY IT WOULDNT SHATTER HIM PERMANANTLY LIKE GLASS #fresh doesnt WANT emotions and also if he had them hed still (canonically) have severe chronic anxiety CONSTANTLY #NOT EVEN GETTING INTO. THE FACT THAT HE NEEDS TO POSSESS OTHERS TO SURVIVE AND THAT PUTS THEM IN INCREDIBLE AGONY #AND HE HEARS THEM SCREAMING IN HIS HEAD *CONSTANTLY* and he thinks thats funny when the only hollow smidge of joy hes able to feel is from #causin pain to others. sadism. but when he can actually feel like #i think itd both rlly rlly annoy him and hed lash out at the host until they shut up over and over again. and itd rlly unsettle him on a #deep level at the same time and he wouldnt know why. why it isnt funny or makes him happy like it once did. #ALSO FRESH WOULD STILL HAVE MASSIVE EMPATHY PROBLEMS EVEN W EMOTIONS OK BRO. MY MANS GOT LOW NO EMPATHY EMOTIONS DONT AFFECT THST #fresh w emotions (who hasnt accepted/learned to cope) can be so MEAN. HES WAY MEANER THAN REGULAR FRESH. #hed need to learn so much that comes naturally to 'normal' people and thats if hed even WANT to. he needs to make an EFFORT to change havin #emotions dont automatically make u a 'good' or kind person hed have to WANT to. hed need a VERY strong support system and hed make progress #and backslide just as much bc thats just... how it is. better days and worse days. the best version of urself and the worst #IM GONNA RUN OUT OF TAG SPACE SOON BUT THIS IS SMTH SO IMPORTANT TO ME MAN... ALSO if u wanna make an au like this dont take me as sayin u #cant!!!! u absolutely can!!!! have fun w it!!! its just... idk. itd be so messy in reality. (also hed have so much trauma to deal w WOW) #THATS A WHOLE OTHER THING TOO fresh has ptsd and just cant process it the way his mind works rn send tweet. my probably controversial take #IM JS. aus are SO fun and i enjoy happy emotion fresh aus very much ofc!!! but canon fresh w emotions is SO so so underappreciated too!!! #asks #chat #HOPEFULLY THIS DOESNT COME OFF THE WRONG WAY BRO I PROMISE B:') #THANK U SO SO MUCH FOR THE ASK+CHANCE TO RANT BOOKWORM ILY!!!!! (PLATONC) #starstruckbookworm

[pipsqueakparker]

it’s the most fun when you’re slowly unraveling your feelings about something, but the entire time you can’t tell if you have any validity in holding those feelings 😂

#pip squeaks #personal #engaging & creating mlm content has let me engage more with my sexuality than anything else #and i dont think i realized that until it was suggested that i didnt have a right to it #and whats real fucked is i only fell into that category bc of assumptions other people make about me 😂 #like ‘then it doesnt apply’ is just a band aid statement #bc i still have people use the wrong pronouns all the time and assume im a ciswoman #so maybe it doesnt apply in my head but i know it does to others #its just ignorant to ignore that fact that people are assumed cishet until proven otherwise #and unless i label myself a trans man — which i dont bc at this point im not — the default is a woman or femme #yes i still have feelings and im gonna mostly puke them out in tags cause i need them out of my head but dont wanna actually annoy everyone

[isa-ghost]

:u

#this might be kinda dickish idk #but seeing a bunch of people just use doll makers like rinmaru and whatever to make ego art for the week is..... so annoying #its arguably art theft #like thats not your art #youre just using it bc you dont wanna learn/try to draw yourself #like i get not being confident or not having the skill you think is acceptable #i really do #but not even trying and just opting right for doll makers is so..... lazy :/ #clicking a couple hair/clothing and color options on a pre-drawn thing and then taking a screenshot or saving the image isnt.. art #if you cant draw then make edits or something or TRY to learn how! saying ''i cant'' isnt ever gonna magically make you good at it!! #you have to start somewhere #every artist you think youll never compare to did #the only person stopping you is you dude #plus using the dollmakers can lowkey come off like you dont want to actually draw smth and just want to try and get noticed #and ik that sounds REALLY dickish of me tbh but its the truth #this week is for ARTISTS not ''i made on this on a game!" :/ #i really dont wanna seem like an asshole here #but seeing people just plop dollmaker screenshots in the tag is irking me idk if its irking anyone else #btw just to clarify this is NOT calling anyone specifically out #im talking about people who are throwing dollmaker stuff in the tag in general

[14brooms]

my mom: *telling me to make sure to take breaks from working so I don't get too stressed or too involved in school work that I forget to eat like I sometimes do*

me: *completely zoned out*

#im doing (hopefully) 2-4 weeks of apush homework thos weekend while mt parents are gone so i dont have to worry about it #and so i can focus on working out and playong viola #bc ive been neglecting the two and i feel badly #i also feel like shit bc a large portion of my friends are dating people and im just like #and all of my friends i hang out with the most are leaving for college #I'm so tired #i want a break but i just cant take one #not to mention miwp being shut down (by me) because i dont have time for it #it makes me so happy #not the #hi dont look at the tags pls its just me rambling and venting bc i don't wanna bother my friend bc im afraid he thinks im annoying #*clapping in rhythm* im so stressed that sunlight hurts! i am gods mistake!well howdy doody their neighbor!like validation" or whatever just #i wanna scream and cry and repeatedly hit something #im gonna punch a tree or something in my back yard #im not having a good week

[rubiatinctorum]

realising you’ll never be the person that gets tagged in tag games, even by your irl friends lmao

#rubia speaks #and some people add the 'if you wanna do it say i tagged you' but like #No you proved you dont want me to do this because you never tagged me and i am explicity in the demographic that would do these #like writer friends irl that i have on here not tagging me in writing tag games? you know i have books published though? #i cant even ask because then if they add me next time ill feel like i annoyed them into including me #and then theyll think im a bad person for it #and enough people i know hate me and probably pretend to like me so yknow #not gonna try to make that problem worse #the only reason i even mention it here is bc i know they dont look at my original posts #everyone probably has my original posts tag blocked lmao #except for like one person they're the best tbh #edit: i should mention id do writing ones on my writing blog but!!!!!! i think my friends should know my writing blog? idk #they dont tag me on this one either im just #like wow i get it they either dont want me to participate bc they dont like me or #they dont want me to participate bc??? do they resent my books? idk!!!! #i know a couple say theyve really wanted to get published so just? write the book and publish it i guess #idk what else to say i hope they dont despise that im speedy at writing books #idk though it feels conceited to think they resent it because that would mean they give a shit