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#im so frustrated that everytime i try to draw this little shit in my head is just repeatedly telling me how terrible it looks when babygirl
ozymoron · 4 months
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i suck at art so im drinking about it
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bear-cubs-art-things · 8 months
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tw vent
Istg everytime I post something new there's always one anon always like "so you're posting this now???" And I always feel like I'm being scolded for it
Im sick and tired of having to meet everyone's content expectations. One day I post msm, and the next day I post trolls. Oh, now I'm posting ocs, then NOOO I post something else like fucking newsies or some shit.
Im sick and tired of having every post tailored to my followers expectations. I'm ripping myself apart doing so and it's mentally exhausting.
so what if I don't post g&b au right this minute? Or this week? What if I want to post about my ocs for a bit? No, keep your head down and post what the followers want.
But how about trolls and wall-e? How about newsies and tnbc? No. Just shut up and stick to what's popular. What the majority wants.
Keep drawing your Amphibia and Gravity Falls content you're not even that into anymore. Keep drawing and writing your MSM AU everyone cares sooooo much about that you just want to take a slight break of and not worry about it all the time
But no.
Nobody cares about your ocs.
Nobody cares about the two other fandoms you're fixated on.
All they care about is this one single fucking au that isn't even that great.
I mean, that's where you got majority of your followers, right? From drawing MSM and your AU? You should draw for them and not for you, right?
Im so sick of it.
Sick. Of. It.
Constantly trying to meet others expectations when they're all expecting something different is quite literally tearing my little brain to shreds.
I can't do this anymore.
My life is exhausting as it is, and my followers expectations do NOT need to be another thing on my plate. My brain quite literally can not function anymore. Can NOT.
Can yall do me the BIGGEST favor and just roll along with what I post?? Is that so hard?? Do you really need to ask me EVERY SINGLE TIME I POST SOMETHING DIFFERENT if I'm going to be posting said something different? I DONT KNOW, IM NOT A FUCKING FORTUNE TELLER, STOP BOTHERING ME.
im frustrated. im tired. its been a long day. im sorry. in case youre wondering, im not mad at anyone but myself.
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weasleypogues · 3 years
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fight club (p.h.)
request: hii can i request smth angsty with pope ? maybe it could end well for both the reader and him but overall it’s just filled with angst and slow burn and tension ? ty xx
ofc lovieee!!! loving this pope recognition finally!! :)
this will be a two part becuause this was longer than i expected!!! part 2 here!!!
masterlist.
you literally felt like you could not sit still. anger was pulsating through your veins as you paced back and forth on the porch of the chateau. you also felt the piercing eyes of pope follow you back and forth as you struggled to form a cohesive sentence.
“it’s just- ugh! she can’t get away with this! she thinks because she’s a kook that i’ll be begging for her forigveness and shit like i’m a starving peasant just to save my reputation! i’m a fucking pogue, i don’t have a reputation to uphold!” you spat as your hands clenched together so hard you swear you were going to accidentally draw blood from your palms.
vanessa was a kook that you never had problems with when you were kids because you two had a friendship that was secretive and playful because of opposing groups. it wasn’t until middle school was when she ditched you, similar to kie and sarah’s relationship. thankfully for them, they sorted it out. however, vanessa was bitter and bitchy every chance she could get. 
“yes (y/n)! keep it fiesty! i wanna see you win a good cat fight.” jj egged you on.
“you’re gonna make yourself go crazy if you don’t just sit down.” pope spoke in a sterner tone than you would have expected. but as the rage filled you from vanessa, pope’s tone was not helping. you felt a tinge of hurt in your chest as he expressed his clear stress and annoyance with you. but you weren’t going to let it go that easily; not in this state.
“i’m fine just the way i am, thanks.” you responded just as passive-aggressively as he did. you literally had to restrain yourself from rolling your eyes so you wouldn’t egg this on, because the last thing you needed was for pope of all people to be on your bad side. 
you heard him scoff from behind you and his footsteps faded away. you spun around so quickly, maybe even too quickly to play it cool, to just see a flash of him as he turned the corner. your eyes flashed to john b, kie, and jj who had expressions that were just as shocked as your own.
“what’s his problem?” you asked, expecting an answer real quick before you had to go investigate it yourself. your teeth grinded against each other and you felt your face and ears go hot. 
“he probably just doesn’t think this is worth it (y/n/n).” kiara stated, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and giving you a look that said don’t let it get to you. kiara shared a quick glance with john b and jj, which definitely did not go unnoticed by you.
“w-what was that? that little look you three shared?” you asked pointing your finger at them interchangeably and confused but angrily eager to find out. you raised your eyebrows, expecting another speedy answer as you finally turned towards jj who held his hands up in defense and bit his tongue. 
“cut pope some slack. you’ve been looking for trouble lately (y/n), it’s been keeping him on edge each time.” john b responded and slapped his hands on this thighs before getting up off the couch. you felt your cheeks get a little hot and your jaw drop slightly.
pope was trying to be protective of you. this was not a secret that you and pope were always flirty with each other but neither of you ever acted on it. both keeping the same sad mindset, if they wanted to, they would. everytime you talked about this with kiara and sarah at a girls’ night, they playfully judged you for thinking like that and tried to encourage you to just go for it. 
you took a deep inhale and relaxed your shoulders and face, feeling the tension ease up on your body. “she’s asking for it...look i don’t want to make pope upset or anything but vanessa can’t keep pulling this shit. she’s asking for her teeth to get knocked in.” you huffed out as you grabbed your backpack and phone to hop on your bike and head home. 
--
your grabbed your phone and backpack as you headed back outside to your bike. you didn’t even bother to text the rest of the group about catching a ride to tonights kegger because you were just a little fired up from earlier. they were your friends and if this were any other case, they would be backing you up. why is this time any different?
you’re recalling yourself getting ready. stud earrings because she can grab hold of hoops. your hair in two braids because there was less surface area for her to snatch onto. sneakers to make a run for it in case shit gets bad. 
what the rest of them don’t understand is that not only was vanessa mean, spoiled, and made your existence on the obx difficult, was that you had a bumpy past with her. more than just losing a friend. she made up a rumor based on fake ideas that she overheard her parents talking about. when she would run into you on the street with her other kook friends at the ripe age of 13, she would be a bystander as they spat insults your way. that always caused a strain in your friendship. 
until one day, she started the picking on first. she judged you on your family’s financial situation and said quote-by-quote “i heard her mom cheats on her dad with all of her little pogue friend’s dads. who knows, they could actually be related and we wouldn’t know. she’s a whore and i’m sure she’ll end up just like her.” tears still brim your eyes at that memory. you wouldn’t dare tell the rest of the pogues, whether it was out of embarassment or fear. it was best for them and their own minds that it was never brought up again. since then, it seems like constant torture from her. 
you pulled up on the beach and hopped off your bike as your tires were definitely not made for the sand. you laid it on a tree and made a b-line to the keg that john b was basically guarding. “thought we’d hear from you.” you heard kiara state as she sat on the sand and glanced up at you, squinting her eyes to keep the remaining sun from basically burning them.
“yeah well, just got a lot on my mind.” you responded. you didn’t want to be so abrupt with them but your blood was basically boiling with the idea of vanessa. john b stared between you and kiara and handed you a full red solo cup which you gladly took, taking a gulp.
“soooo...” jj started, throwing an arm around your shoulder, “cat fight tonight?” you felt a chuckle rise out of you as you playfully rolled your eyes.
“if you’re lucky enough, maybe you’ll get front row.” you joked, sending a smirk jj’s way and taking another gulp. you felt a presence behind you and turned to be faced with pope. his facial expression had clearly changed from what you saw from him last time. he looked almost guilty and concerned rather than aggravated. 
“come to snap at me again?” you said, turning towards the horizon on the water. looking into his eyes right now was difficult. maybe because it was the idea that you knew some part of you wanted to snap at him for him snapping at you earlier but you couldn’t make another enemy. not tonight. 
“about that...can i actually talk to you for a minute?” pope muttered, instincitvely cracking his knuckles, clearly scared to tread on water. you felt your shoulders relax and your facial muscles follow suit. placing your drink and backpack on the ground you followed a few paces behind him, closer to the sand where the tide was rolling in. although he didn’t stop, he wanted this to be a walk and talk situation. 
you strolled beside him, both of your hands slightly brushing against each other every now and then. while neither of you took initiative to grab the others’ hand, neither of you pulled your hands out of that pathway either. that connection and touch felt nice. it was reassuring that his snappiness, along with your own, was out of love and protection of each other. 
“you won’t be happy with what i’m about to say...” pope started, basically holding his breath.
“so why say it, pope? i know it sounds bad to say outloud but, why not just let me fight her? she has made my existence so unbearably difficult on this island and has slandered my name and countless others of those i love too much and for too long. i’m sick of being a pushover and letting her get away with it because of mommy and daddy’s money. im done!” you blurted out, letting more info out than you expected. “why does it bother you so much? if this was topper and john b going at it, or rafe and jj? which keep in mind, both have actually happened, i’m sure you would be more hesitant to stop them.”
your strolling came to a sudden halt as pope took a step directly in front of you, face to face. he looked longingly into your eyes, somewhat darting back and forth between your own eyes to search for an answer to his questions or even an answer to yours. 
“(y/n)! i can’t see you get hurt. i know how badly you want to do this and how much it means to you but in the end, what is it going to get you? an even worse reputation among kooks, bloody nose, and a black eye? is it worth it?” pope rambled drasticaly. 
“it is worth it! and i’m so thankful that you care about me and my well being and everything in between but this is something that i have to do. once and for all. i’m not putting myself and everyone i love through this torture anymore. and if that means beating the shit out of her and getting a bloody lip and battered up on the way, than so be it!” you responded, using your hands quite animatedly throughout the performance. the waves seemed like the loudest thing on earth as you awaited an answer from pope. he looked defeated and anxious, knowing that there was no getting through to you for this. 
“i-” pope started before cutting himself off, looking deafeated yet again. he ran his hands over his face in frustration and as he let his eyes shine over the tips of his fingers, they locked with yours. you felt stuck in place and in a trance for a split second before you felt a pair of hands on your waist and soon enough, you were lip locked with pope. 
instantly you pulled away, your heart feeling full and your legs feeling limp. your hands made their way to his jawline, slightly caressing his cheeks and neck as you pulled him back into the kiss, elongating it. 
he pulled away, shocked yet proud with himself. you could not help the small smile that made it’s way onto your face as your cheeks felt hot immediately. “i can’t believe i’m saying this but...fuck it. beat the shit out of vanessa.” 
the small smile grew as a laugh escaped your lips. you were quick to grab his hand as you both made your way back towards the kegger that was becoming a little more dense as the minutes passed. sarah, kiara, jj, and john b’s eyes were quick to fall on your interlocked hands with pope. both of you kept quiet, playing it nonchalantly. but you couldn’t help but notice pope’s look to john b and jj, all with smirks lined up on their faces.
part two out later!! :) 
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iconsumeheadcanons · 3 years
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this is just off the top of my head, but i wanted to classify diegos stutters (like the 3 times in the show?). im studying speech lang pathology and i got a lot of speech/lang difficulties so this is a mix of my own and others experiences, but also take this with a grain of salt
this is mostly an infodump, but also a way to let fans know that there are many forms of stuttering, not just repetitions
tldr: his main stutters are frontal repetitions, blocks, and elongations
1. so ill start with the flashback before a mission where he kinda jumps from shouting ‘normally’ then stands in front of that green mirror to practice his battle catchphrase 🥺 
i cant remember what he was saying AAAAAA i just, remember the sounds in the back of my brain. in this scene he is doing a mix of repetitions (likely bc hes practicing) and elongation.
im sure yall picked up on the situational set off for diego’s stutters, so i’ll point out here that he wasnt struggling with speech until he was alone and faced himself in the mirror. i’m sure in his head he heard reginald berating him, or villains and even his siblings making fun of him. every kid in that house def experiences some form of self-loathing, and until grace came to remind him and care for him, his stutters/anxieties were strong.
diego probably had more of these stutters regularly when he little, but grace likely worked with him often until his stuttering became a sign of stress. more awareness means more frustration :(
this can be written like “I-eyeeeeeeeuh-I wuh-want that knife.” just sorta sound the words out on your own and try to write that sound until the word is complete/dropped out.
2. shutting off grace/(patch dying??) :’(((
here, he has some of his usual fronting repetitions, but here, perhaps because the pure emotional reckoning hes experiencing, he is strongly producing blocks. he has large gaps in his words and he seems to struggle to move his body regularly in these scenes(i think? oh gosh). his breath kinda dies out after each word--which is emotional distress, but can also be caused from struggling to get a fucking word out and your air just keeps going off to superhell :/
when he was younger, im sure these blocks manifested when he was trying not to cry or when hes pissed. he mightve developed blocks after repetitions and elongations had been solidified parts of his speech
writers usually get this kinda thing down with splicing the quotation marks, but i guess to empathize the speech difference you can do, “It’s gon--ing to buh-be--o-o-okuh--kay.” which is kinda excessive, but bro this is how i hear myself every single time :( find a way to mark the end of a sound block basically
3. season 2 at the dinner table
reginald performs oscar-worthy rant of a despicable pre-dad-dad and diego actually cries here so >:(((((
“yor-ye-you’re--wr-wronggggguh
obviously upset, so we can expect blocks and his usual frontal reps, so this isnt much different from number 2 (ha). i think he elongates he as well bc hes trying to talk back to reg. but i wanted to highlight the way you could see his mouth struggle and contort around the sounds he couldn’t make. this manifestation of his distress can be compared to stimming or even moving around to distract from pain, both of which are actions that can be done to metaphorically whatever bad vibes are going on.
so basically help this dude. yo KNOW reg was ableist as shit, so you can bet reggie being an ass to diego can bring out multiple stutters (and maybe even tics)  whether or not either of them want that.
to add more than just speech difficulties in writing/medium, add descriptive words and repetitive/recognizable habits associated w the stutter. maybe someone taps their fingers or waves their hands for the syllables, maybe they frown or get disappointed or try to force their mouth into a more speech productive shape. personally, i have to draw graphs in the air to sound out words with multiple consonants in a row(which is not a stutter diego seems to have). i draw a ‘v’ in the air to say “si-ix-th”, otherwise i get stuck with “si-si-suh-si-susth place”
Bonus!!: you can even add other speech difficulties like switching syllables (caterpillar->callapiter), mispronunciations (harold jenkins->gerald genkins), volume regulation (diego always gets whispery when he stutters), dropoff sounds and interjections (too many ‘uh’s and running-guh.), and many other things. this is definitely SLP heavy bc everyone does some of this when they speak, but i think at the right moments that empathsis on these traits can reveal the emotional state of the character. prolly dont do this everytime (@myself lol)
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byallmeans1 · 4 years
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I need help 😩 what do you do when you have so many ideas but can’t seem to translate them as a drawing? I haven’t been able to draw anything for months- Im LoOsIng mY mInD
Oh my god. I'm literally the worst person to give art advices (and advices in general). But basing on my experience, I rarely have any problems with drawing my own ideas, because most of them get me very excited, and somehow, they work. But! I had some ideas that ended up in my wips, because in the end I wasn't that hyped while drawing them, therefore they didn't look good, and the whole idea wasn't worth the effort. So! For me, it is the excitement, the pleasure of drawing, that makes the drawing bearable. Drawing is surprisingly easy for me when I'm excited about the idea. But when I'm pressuring myself and when I don't have a clear vision of what I want to achieve, then everything looks like shit. Maybe you're pressuring yourself? Maybe you're thinking: "Oh my god, I haven't been drawing in ages, and it's going to get worse and worse!!". Maybe deep down you don't feel like drawing? Then you should give yourself some time, you should let your ideas sit in your head for a little bit longer. Nothing good comes out of forcing yourself.
And! You just mentioned that you haven't been able to draw for months??? Dude, then maybe you should try to warm up a bit? Maybe practice some anatomy? Maybe try to redraw some of your favorite drawings? MAYBE you should browse Pinterest? (Pinterest has A LOT of useful tips and advices for artists, and references as well. Sometimes just observing & analysing the pictures helps!) If you didn't draw for that long, then I'm not even surprised it doesn't work now! Everytime I take a break from drawing, I need like A LOT of practice to draw like I used to when I was drawing regularly.
Like I said, I suck at giving advices and I'm sorry for wasting your time! BUT! Don't get too frustrated if nothing seems to work. Its okay. Even if you haven't been able to draw for months, it's still okay. Some day you'll be drawing like crazy, I can tell you that. So take a deep breath and take your time. And when you're ready, start with a little practice, and, little by little, you'll get to where you used to be, or maybe you'll get way further than that!!
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