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ericspinkhair · 3 years

Text

make your own stereotype

pairing: soft dom!Choi Chanhee x reader

word count: 1.3k

synopsis: Chanhee changes his appearance and demeanor on his birthday and you have mind-blowing sex

a/n: happy birthday to the prettiest person in the entire world! this is inspired by the be your own king video

please send in requests!!!!

masterlist + requests

You were lucky to have found the most amazing boyfriend in the world. The way you met had been an accident as you had texted the wrong Instagram account. Both your friend's and his were private with almost identical usernames. So you had been spamming his account with memes and all of your worries, wondering why your friend hadn’t been texting you back.

He eventually answered, matching your energy as well but he told you you must have confused him for a different Chanhee. You had felt so embarrassed and apologized profusely. He had just thought it was funny and told you it was okay. He kept on messaging you and you got along really well.All of this had happened during summer break so you had been talking a long time before school had started again.

By then you were already developing a slight crush on this sassy but also smart and kind human being and were kind of scared to see him. Apparently he was in your grade but you've just never had any classes together. But when he finally accepted your follow request and you saw his posts, you had immediately remembered him. You'd only ever seen him in the halls but his beautiful face hadn't gone unnoticed by you.

After summer, you actually had had a few classes together and had started hanging out in real life. Your chemistry was A+ and soon you were sure you liked him more than a friend. To your surprise he had actually confessed to you after four months and now it has been one and a half years since you'd been together.

Today was his birthday and you were so excited to give him your self-made cake and presents. Unfortunately you had school today so that had to wait until the afternoon.

Right now you were waiting in your first period classroom for Chanhee.

"Y/n!!" you heard someone call your name excitedly. You immediately knew it was Chanhee and stood up to run to him. When your eyes found him you stopped dead in your tracks.

Instead of his usual pink curls and bright, preppy outfits you were greeted with a straight, black haired, dark clothed Chanhee. You hadn't been aware that he had planned to dye his hair so this came as a surprise to you. He looked very different but just as beautiful nonetheless.

Ignoring the butterflies that were forming in your stomach you ran to him and gave him a very tight hug. He laughed at how excited you were and pressed a kiss on your forehead.

"You look absolutely stunning," you whispered in his ear and noticed him blush.

You had a hard time concentrating in any of your classes. Your boyfriend's new appearance had taken your breath away and you couldn't stop thinking about how good he looked with his black hair.

After school you went home together and you finally gave him the cake.

He was really happy and gave you a kiss as a thank you. You almost started making out and he was extremely amused by the fact that he seemed to affect you in this way.

"What did you wish for?" You were quite noisy and wanted to know.

"Blow out the candles and make a wish," you told him and he closed his eyes before blowing.

"You.," he simply answered with a smirk. You put your arms around his neck and told him: "But you already have me, baby."

"I want all of you," he whispered against your lips before pulling you closer and kissing you hard. This time he let it escalate and soon your tongues were fighting with each other and his hands were roaming your body.

You let out a squeak as he picked you up and carried you to your bed. While making out he was grinding on you from the top and you could clearly feel his hard on.

In a matter of a few seconds, most of your clothes had been discarded to the side and you were mostly naked. Chanhee went in between your legs and started licking and sucking your clit. When he inserted his long slender fingers your hands went to his hair and started pulling at it. The sensation had felt so good.

Usually there was no real power play between you two, just soft and loving sex but this time you could tell it was different.

Right before your orgasm he pulled out his fingers and laughed at your reaction.

"It's okay. I have something better for you," he told you and pumped his cock a few times. You wanted to help and maybe suck him off but he pinned your wrists to the bed. "No need for that."

He slid inside with ease as you were, one, very wet and, two, already used to his length after frequently having had sex for more than a year now. The beautiful moan that came out of his mouth as he entered made you clench around him and that made him go wild.

He wasn't particularly rough but his thrusts were still quite hard and sharp. At some point you had your head buried in the sheets while he was grabbing your ass and fucking you from behind. This allowed him to go even deeper and find your g-spot.

He had a particular talent in making you come from penetration which was very rare. You had always thought that it was normal for girls not to come during sex so you had been really surprised when you had had an orgasm during your first time.

When he felt like you were close he turned you around again. With your legs over his shoulders, you were making out while he was pounding into you. Both of you preferred to see each other's face when you were coming.

"Can I come inside you?" Chanhee asked which surprised you. You had suggested this to him before but he had always declined. He had been too scared to get you pregnant despite you being on the pill.

You eagerly nodded and felt the all too familiar knot forming in your stomach. Your boyfriend increased his tempo which drove you over the edge.

You came around his cock which made him explode as well. His cum was filling you from the inside and he was fucking it back in while riding out both of your orgasms.

He stayed still like this with your foreheads connected waiting to calm down. When he pulled his dick out, all the cum started dripping out of you.

You both started laughing as this whole entire experience was pretty unfamiliar.

You felt more exhausted than usual so Chanhee made sure to clean you up so you didn't have to walk. You were sure you were going to be super sore tomorrow.

When you were both clean, you stayed cuddling in your bed.

"Is there any particular reason you changed your appearance for your birthday?" you asked him, slightly curious.

He tucked a strand of hair behind your ears and laughed.

"You know how everyone always says that I am so feminine and fragile? Well, while that might be true that is not all I am. I just wanted to show I can be different. I wanted to make my own stereotype."

You admired him for this. He was right. He was more than what one would assume at first sight and this side was also just a part of who he was.

"I wouldn't mind seeing this side of you more often," you admitted sheepishly.

"Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't," he sneered. "Just ask and you shall receive." His words made you wet again and it became clear that today's fun would continue on for much longer.

#the boyz smut #the boyz scenario #choi chanhee #the boyz #the boyz new #the boyz new smut #the boyz new scenario #the boyz chanhee smut #the boyz chanhee scenario #choi chanhee smut #choi chanhee scenario #the boyz choi chanhee smut #the boyz choi chanhee scenario #kpop #kpop scenario #kpop smut

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sebastianshaw · 4 years

Conversation

RP meme from "Clerks"

Man goes into cage. Cage goes into salsa. Shark's in the salsa. Our shark.

Bunch of savages in this town

There's a million fine looking girls in the world. But they don't all bring you lasagna to work. Most of them just cheat on you.

What do you mean there's no ice? You mean I gotta drink this coffee hot?

Ooh! Navy seals!

Do you have that one with that guy who was in that movie that came out last year?

That's beautiful, man

There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?

This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.

Yeah. [NAME], your a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys, make like a circus seal.

That's what life is, a series of down endings.

All 'Jedi' had was a bunch of Muppets.

My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.

They say so much, but they never tell you if it's any good.

I don't watch movies

Well, have you heard anything about either one of them?

I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.

I don't appreciate your ruse

Hey! You're not allowed to [THING] here anymore!

My love for you is like a truck, BERZERKER! Would you like some making fuck, BERZERKER!

Are there any balls down there?

I'm gonna fuck this bitch, I'll fuck this bitch, I'll fuck ANYTHING THAT MOVES!

Yo, what the fuck you lookin' at? I'll kick your fuckin' ass! Shit yeah.

Doesn't that mother fucker owe me 10 bucks?

You know, fuckin' tonight, we're gonna rip off this fucker's head, and tear out his fuckin' soul.

I'm gonna shit in the motherfucker's bag

What's up sluts?

Noinch, Noinch, Noinch, Schmokin Weed, Schmokin' Weed, Doin' Coke, Drinkin' Beers...

I had some girlfriends too, but all they wanted from me is weed and shit.

What's a good plate with nothing on it?

I don't care if she's my cousin or not, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight.

Hey what you want, Grizzly Adams?

Someone jammed gum in the locks.

A woman makes a guy cum, it's standard. A guy makes a woman cum, it's talent.

You'll sleep with anything that says 'yes.'

My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!

Shocking abuse of authority.

I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.

People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl "mom."

She broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles.

That's what high school was about. Algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity.

He said he has to find the perfect dozen.

Why doesn't he mix and match?

He said it was important to have standards, and he says nobody has any pride anymore.

It's not like you laid the eggs yourself.

That seems to be the late motif in your life, ever backing down.

You always back down. You assume blame that's not yours. You come in on your day off. You buckle like a belt.

Insubordination rules.

How did you get here so fast?

Do you always talk this weird after you violate a woman?

He just sat there and let me do all the work.

We didn't just have sex in the bathroom?

Well I didn't just fuck myself!

Who the fuck's in our bathroom?

You sucked that guy's dick?

How many?! How many dicks have you sucked?!

Why couldn't you sleep with them like any other decent person?

Don't look at me like I'm the town whore, because you were plenty busy yourself before you met me!

I only had sex with the guys I loved

Try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!

That article's accurate

Something just never sat right with me the second time around.

I'll bet they brought independent contractors in on that thing

They'd hire anybody who could do the job

Casualties of a war they had nothing to do with

Along come these left-wing militants that blast everything with their lasers

I'm a contractor myself

A [PROFESSION]'s personal politics come into play heavily when choosing jobs

I'm alive because I knew the risks involved in that particular client

Could never put my finger on it but something just wasn't right.

You knocked the casket over!

Her fucking body fell out!

He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick

Come on, haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick?

You're as curious as the rest of us

I guess everyone gets curious and tries it sometime

You haven't said anything for like twenty minutes.

My life is in the shitter right about now, so if you don't mind, I'd like to stew a bit.

You should shit or get off the pot.

You'll sit there and blame life for dealing a cruddy

hand, never once accepting the responsibility for the way your situation is.

If you hate this job and the people, and the fact that you

have to come in on your day off, then quit.

There are other jobs, and they pay better money. You're bound to be qualified for at least one of them.

This is a life of convenience for you, and any attempt to change it would shatter the pathetic microcosm you've fashioned for yourself.

I'm satisfied with my situation for now.

Melodrama coming from you seems about as natural as an oral bowel movement.

I can't make changes like that in my life.

I'm not the kind of person that disrupts things in order to

shit comfortably.

Women as lovers are basically the same, they just have to be there

Making a male climax isn't at all challenging. Insert somewhere close, preferably moist. Thrust. Repeat.

What an embarrassing way to die.

Title does not dictate behavior

I think the idea or the conception of us dating is a lot more idyllic then what actually happens when we date.

You want to blame somebody? Blame yourself.

I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages. Working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward ass fuck on the planet. I smell like shoe polish. My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy. And my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks.

Oh, hey [NAME], break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya

Such a sordid state of affairs.

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

#rp meme #roleplay meme #clerks meme #rp starters #my meme #my memes #rp memes #roleplay starters #clerks #okay to reblog

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nozomijoestar · 4 years

Text

Transcribed and formatted for readability the master thesis between me and @wlwclem on the nuances to NaraTrish together and as individuals being why we love it and respect it not being CompHet- we spent way too much Big Brain Energy on it to not share

tw: brief mention of F-Slur when giving an example on toxic masculinity being bullshit, sexuality is briefly discussed in a non sexualizing way and in no graphic detail

*insert IM TRISH KIN BUCCIARATI joke here*

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:45 PM

JDDBSJDBD YES bc ofc she gotta be Reassuring but at the same time his Himboism Knows No Bounds One of the lines in EoH u can give her is “Go get me an Italian Vogue magazine too while you’re at it” and I’m like. Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:46 PM

JDHDHDF BDE Narancia whipped Narancia stands no chance

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:46 PM

OH FOR REAL one of HIS victory lines is something about getting all the stuff for her lmao And this is like even if she isn’t in the battle, Always Thinking Of His Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:50 PM

Trish decides to test the limits of this and his ability to recognize them by asking for impossible or nonexistent items/feats and when he continues to try for her without question she realizes she has too much power and must restrain it fjdjjdjfjf Can't turn into Dad

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:51 PM

JDBDBSJS The color palette changes while she has an inner monologue while she watches him try to make her happy

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:53 PM

"Oh my god Bucciarati was right...he's too loyal for his own good I need to stop even if it's a little fun" Meanwhile Narancia: growing more and more frustrated with himself for perceived failure to someone he loves

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:55 PM

She stops for the most part but does it every so often bc it’s cute

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:56 PM

Lucky to have a freak like dat I feel like the only thing that can counter this self defeatism Narancia can get (bc his younger childhood...ofc he's fucked up and anxious and paranoid abt not being enough or abandoned) is Trish having to open her own repressed self up and love the shit out of himLike those reassuring lines she has in EoH and her moments in the anime/manga Bruno fucking does it as his father figure and Narancia admits it gives him strength

December 19, 2019

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:04 AM

Yes, he feels like he has to prove his worth and like he’s worth having around otherwise he’s useless, i def feel like he would not like talking about the stuff that happened in the past with everyone bc he would feel ashamed and stupid or st, he needs to be told You Are Enough and her to open up too so they can lean on each other

nozomijoestarToday at 12:12 AM

Honestly no jokes for a second I feel like this is also abt breaking toxic masculinity bc it's fucking Italy in the early 00s just out of the 90s...it was RIFE rifer than even now with that shit like in much of the world then too, the idea that a boy becoming a man and men in general need to strictly follow dumbass self harming rules

especially abt not opening up and only having real priorities for earning money, honoring family, and procreating as much as possible whether it's marriage making a family or "having sexual conquests" in promiscuity, anything outside of this bullshit image can't be tolerated and you might as well be a woman or "a fag" if you don't assert some fictional narrative of trying extremely hard to have power in everything bc that's all that matters is the ridiculous idea of Alpha Males applied to humans

Narancia being a 80s- 90s kid with the childhood he had did not give him much fighting chance at all in this context and time period esp just bc he happened to be born with a dick and thus saddled with these harmful expectations society made that could've only further repressed his recognition of not beating himself up and his own emotional needs on top of EVERYONE ever betraying him Where was he supposed to go? He can't go anywhere unless he meets Bruno

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:18 AM

yes i agree..... like, males being looked down upon for opening up, being societally forced to shoulder the burdens and “man up” and just deal with it and fix everything. And then already having a toxic support system with his “friend” betraying him and his dad Sucking Major Ass, all he’s been taught is deal with it but hasn’t been given the tools to know how, and if Bruno didn’t meet him he honestly would be so stuck, what person (esp in that time period) is going to go out of their way to help an uneducated young male?

nozomijoestarToday at 12:20 AM

Even if it tragically ends with his death in canon I feel like the time he spent with Bruno's bois, Giorno, and Trish was huge in making some of that crack little by littleBc he has moments where you see how sweet he actually is, his "real" personality if you will underneath all the unresolved anger when he's with ppl he sees love him and give him hope When Giorno said No One Is Going To Hurt You Anymore that just made me cry harder

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:23 AM

Yes! Like, ofc he gets angry, has unrepressed rage and reactions to things, he hasn’t had any type of emotional support in SO long and it’s not like it’s 100% fantastic in that regard with buccigang (which don’t get me wrong they are family but they are still in an aggressive gang and go off and give each other lots of shit)-YEAH AND THE FUCKIGN PLANT GROWING TOO IM

nozomijoestarToday at 12:25 AM

Trish is legit I think the one person aside from Giorno who would treat him without even the gang's aggressiveness Narancia is my fav in VA even if Bruno is the best written VA character bc he's me, this kind of shit in my life is why I developed PTSD undiagnosed since my childhood that only kept getting worse until only this year have I gotten any true help I know exactly how he feels

Esp when you think your whole life exists to serve others never yourself NaraGio shippers I see y'all argument even if I don't follow it tbh, Gio was again the only one besides Trish to consistently care for Nara in day to day and when he was in danger and esp during the Clash and Talking Heads fight Gio was the one dude present like No Narancia It's Ok Please Tell Me What's Wrong You're Clearly Stressed

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:31 AM

yeah although i haven’t experienced it i can still empathize and try to understand, i think there’s so many layers of protection and walls that most people never truly look past it to see the root cause or true self YES that fight was so frustrating bc they were all like Narancia stop being an idiot when something was clearly wrong and he was obviously in distress!!

nozomijoestarToday at 12:32 AM

Also Gio was the only one who first asserted that No, Narancia did the right thing in fighting Formaggio

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:33 AM

Yes and with that whole interaction the gang often uses Narancia as the scapegoat essentially and just give him shit for every little thing without trying to understand his POV

nozomijoestarToday at 12:33 AM

The Clash fight tbh I feel was an ass pull set up to give Narancia his big bad ass loyalty proving moment even if it's a great fight that beginning part is...only the Trish and Gio interactions rly make sense fjdjdjI wish him and Giorno hung out more or I guess more like talked more bc you can't rly hang out when you're getting assassinated every day hfgdg

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:36 AM

Yeah hdkdb, even with Fugo, even tho he found him and brought him to Bruno, he still calls him a dumbass, stabs him with a fork and shit, and then with Mista even tho I feel like they are Like Bros, he destroys Narancia’s radio for no fucking reason and also has a pattern of taking shit Narancia paid for without paying him backI def agree with that, I feel like Giorno interactions were lacking in that there really weren’t many one on one meaningful things so it’s hard for me to grasp his personal headspace and relationships a lot of the time

nozomijoestarToday at 12:37 AM

However to be a little more fair to the Bucci gang the manga version has Narancia trying a lot lot more to get their attention in logical ways that unfortunately Talking Heads completely ruins, he tried writing to let them know what was happening and TH warped the text into him saying vulgar things bragging abt his dick being a powerful Stand

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:38 AM

Yeah I was gonna add I wasn’t sure if the manga had other stuff, tbf

nozomijoestarToday at 12:38 AM

I think this is also Shounen Tropes of the 90s at play too the "child" character was often written as the comic relief dumbass Narancia suffers it so it does add a layer of Not Good to his relationships The trope still exists tbh Anime cut out him writing I assume bc it's too sexual It's already pushing it having him whip it out and piss in front of everyone jfhdhd

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:41 AM

Yeah you right, it’s like the i want it to be that deep meme, like Araki obvi doesn’t have him only as comic relief but if he delved into his character more there would’ve been so much more that could’ve been done and shown YEAH DJDBDJDJF I WAS SURPRISED THT WAS ANIMATED

------------------------[ CUT INTERMISSION ]-----------------------------

nozomijoestarToday at 12:51 AM

Ok but to get back on track with where I was trying to go even opening this all up is how it's critical to NaraTrish in a mutually beneficial way

nozomijoestarToday at 1:01 AM

Nara is no incel he's a King obvs but he is also at heart a confused scared kid uncertain of anything in the world beyond what's closest in his grasp and without someone actively believing in and validating him he can't fully achieve awareness of healthy dynamics and even the problems within the ones he already has with his gang and Bruno- Trish doesn't have to babysit him and be the stereotypical The Woman Only Supports And Gives Up Her Body bc thats never her and couldn't be her and Narancia wouldn't make her that way bc even when he kinda touches on that (giving in a bit to the idea that men are the main protectors of women) when he gets too fixated on wanting what he thinks is for her wellbeing he does snap out and acknowledge he's wrong bc

Trish by her independent nature and tremendous Will proves those stereotypes are bullshit, not even factoring in their first meeting as already making a huge impression on his beliefs of what girls can do- Trish knowing how to challenge him by staying true to herself yet having the compassion to help someone suffering and with fewer chances from birth than she had would not only win him over but give him something even Bruno can't, self sustaining confidence, bc Trish isn't part of a chain of command, she's just a girl in love with a boy who wants him to be happy and that concept while foreign to him for so long once it kicks in he could actually learn to build himself For himself and For someone who wouldn't use him for some greater schemes or dirty work,

I love Bruno ok he's one of the best characters in anything ever but his flaw in his ability to help motivate ppl is tied to that fact that he's bringing them into a dangerous strict order of command to Serve not entirely in a place/way that lets them just be themselves and realize organic loving relationships with anyone and themselves SO

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:05 AM

they’re healing...... being shown love without a position of authority or any obligations is so powerful for his growth

nozomijoestarToday at 1:25 AM

That all being said, Everything Trish does he's paying attention to, she keeps him alive during the Grateful Dead fight not because she needs him to serve for a cause ( a cause might I add even Bruno the near saint he is was ready to let Nara go right then and there for bc death is in the job description) but because she doesn't know him well yet and shit he even swung a knife at her when they first met over who was in the bathroom, but he's a person suffering and in pain and to let him die even if it's Expected Of The Mission is garbage to her even if she respects Bruno down the line as a father compared to fucking evil Diavolo,

Trish constantly goes out her way to do these things for Nara bc Trish instinctively knows he's the most vulnerable mentally and her sense of compassion and justice (likely something Donatella made sure to instill in her before her death by cherishing Trish and spoiling her even as a single mother) will not stand to not help someone when she could've- and he reciprocates it even if in disbelief bc he can tell This Person Is Safety, This Person Is Like Me Yet Not, A Better Me I Want To Be, by the time he's about to die someone with his fragile mind was actually gaining conviction about taking control for himself on his own terms and he would risk even those chances to defend the person who actually helped him arrive there (along with Gio) in the first place,

I think by the end of his life he rly did love her or start to, it being romantic or not is up to individual interpretation to which you know I'm in the romance camp, point is he found someone who truly taught him strength without him fully realizing it and did so without belittling him, if anything instead treating him only with love and kindness and patience (not being a door mat for him, but like, not treating him like ass like everyone else has their moments of either), I think anything Trish asks of him, this is all why he's so willing to do it on top of feeling deep empathy, I've written in my character notes as well that like this goes even further to sex being one of the most intimate things there is, like I kno we jest and jape abt Teens Doing Dumb Shit bc we're clowns

but the sheer vulnerability you have to have esp in a first love situation to be willing to go through with that for the first time ever takes a lot of trust and courage, aspects I think Trish was able to give him and would solidify in asking something seen as so important for many people from him, the headstrong Trish wants to be vulnerable for him and the slowly confidence boosted Narancia wants to accept that faith and trust and love and exchange it with his own of the same for her, it's not horny teens 100% it's two hurt but hopeful kids on the verge of having to be adults wanting to find another piece of identity in how they are with someone else, obvs it will forever be offscreen bc pedos deserve to be skinned alive

I just feel that the components that would fuel them to do something teens try to do to feel more adult and bc hormones are a lot more based in growing maturity than pure lust, I think this is what I fully mean by Writing About Teens Exploring Love And Sexuality; Not Fetishizing And Reveling In Showing The Act Itself Especially For Disgusting Titillation, I think this and not explicitly writing the sex are the difference between child porn and creating realistic characters

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:36 AM

Yeah, it is going to sound like a dumb take but the topic of sex and sexuality itself is not inherently sexual, by which I meant it isn’t the focus — there’s SO much more to it and in this case especially it can be like the ultimate sign of love, trust, intimacy, compassion, trying to make your way as a teen through a harsh world, like I can go on. Nasties Dont Interact but the shying away from the mere mention of it in a non-sexualized context is unrealistic.

Yes The Grateful Dead fight i 1000% agree is so important in both his personal growth and the development of their relationship, I think it’s an important parallel that he is dumbfounded about her going to such lengths to keep him alive without the sense of duty/obligation versus Trish’s feelings and outbursts of confusion on why Bucciarati and his gang even cared about her, protecting her to the point of death being on the line.(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:44 AM

all these elements of complication and similarities between their characters is why ive gotten so passionate about both them and their relationship (whether romantic or platonic it’s really fucking strong and good), the story of two kids making it through adversity, learning to unshoulder their burdens and lean on others, the Found Family™️, and learning and growing together is just so much more fucking deep and complex than the mainstream bs that exists.

now im not any type of elitist hipster but esp in male and female relationships portrayed in what feels like basically fucking everything are just like CompHet Bullshit and they’re together bc They Are Just Supposed To Be (not to mention the toxic masculinity culture within that where the women barely have character arcs and are just seen as objects anyways) But what I’m trying to say is that in this the relationship is real and it feels earned in a way that just isn’t there in so much other media out there(edited)

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

Honestly if we tweak this just a lil more this is basically Guts and Casca One of the greatest and saddest romances ever written

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:48 AM

i still have berserk bookmarked just haven’t gotten around to reading yet

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

If VA was a Seinen it's p much Berserk In Italy Also big brain...galaxy brain...everything you said was a fact signed sealed and delivered(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:51 AM

Wow we’re actually in sync and using the brain cell to its fullest extent tonight

nozomijoestarToday at 1:51 AM

When I say she's his world and he's hers this is what I mean, not comphet hdhdhfhYEAH HFHDG

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:52 AM

(also my phone autocorrected “and” to “ANF” bc of twdg..... it also sometimes changes it to “AMD” bc I work in technology. My Phone Knows My Interests Are More Important To Me Than One Of The Main Parts Of Speech. Iconic)YESSSS they’re just SO GOOD there’s so much to articulate!

nozomijoestarToday at 1:55 AM

She was his Queen, and god help anyone who disrespected his Queen

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:55 AM

JDBDHE SHIT THE FUCK IP DKDBEBDJFBBD

nozomijoestarToday at 1:56 AM

Buy my silence $8000 a month

#jojo's bizarre adventure #naratrish #narancia ghirga #trish una #we support them at everything they do ty

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valhallansim · 7 years

Note

Hey! So I'm on my way to becoming a hanzo main. I love him to death. But it's so disheartening because whenever I join a game and choose him my team are like... no >:[ and I get so much abuse it's even worse because I'm a girl and when I start trying to defend myself they either just stop talking altogether (like why tho I'm not scary?) or the insults just get worse. It's really turning me away from ranked :/ is it just a hanzo thing or a girl thing or both argh I'm so stressed. I just wana play

I’m so sorry to hear you are having to deal with these kinds of toxic arseholes. Sadly, I know exactly what it’s like to be called out for the characters I play or because of the fact that I’m a girl. So, because this is an issue that is very dear to my heart, I will respond to this with a wall of text. Beware!

Let me start off by saying this.

Never, ever, ever, ever let sexist behaviour stop you from enjoying the games you play.

Under no circumstances let them stop you from using the features of the game you want to use, just because you are of a certain gender or you sound a certain way. Keep playing. Keep your head high. It will get better eventually - if they keep hearing women, if they keep seeing women in their games - we will have a future in gaming where women are an unquestioned part of. Please, never stop doing what you love in gaming because of sexist behaviour. Sometimes, it will be hard when you encounter vile people that are determined to ruin your day - you are allowed to be upset, but do not let it stop you from enjoying the game.

You are allowed to play your game. There’s girls out there playing the game you are playing now. In a lot of cases, you paid good money to play the game you want to play. You are allowed to play it the way you want to, just like they do. Your gender does not make you worse.

About encountering sexismEven if it might feel like your reports do not make a difference: please, please report EVERY. SINGLE. ARSEHOLE. you come across and clearly state in the report that they are showcasing sexist behaviour if this is the case. I contacted Blizzard support a while ago because of a very vile player that threatened to find my IP address (which is impossible - Blizzard support ensured me), find my house and come there to rape, beat and ddos me. If people, be it in Overwatch or any other Blizzard game, are threatening you about harming you in real life, you are allowed to make a seperate report via the Support section on the Blizzard website. This will bring you in contact with a Game Master that you can correspond with and that will manually ban a player for you if necessary. The person from Blizzard Support that I had contact with was very adamant in letting me know that reports do help, and they do try their hardest to punish players for their behaviours.

So, with that out of the way: a lot of people will tell you to just mute and block the person that is being toxic towards you, but I do not think that solves the problem, at all - nor does it make you feel better. I will be honest and say that I have always gone against the person that insulted me for being a girl and turned it into a toxic back-and-forth of insults, often to the point of the person in question resulting to throwing the game because I was too quick to shot their toxic behaviour down with remarks. When people start insulting you for whatever reason, especially just because of sexist behaviour, I advise you to do one of 2 things:

1. If it makes you feel better, make a snide remark back, but do not make my mistakes and continue the conversation if it escalates. Because I know it can be very hard to come up with something witty the second something is happening, here is a tiny list of some of the things I have said to arseholes:

Sometimes they will mistake you for a so-called ‘squaker’, also known as a young boy that hasn’t grown into his adult voice yet (NOTE: there is absolutely nothing wrong with being young and playing games, however some people will be very hostile towards any young-sounding people). “Wow, shut the hell up, stupid kid.” to which I always respond, “Oh, you don’t know what an actual real life woman talking sounds like? Figures.”

“LOL you sound like one of those triggered feminists” > “I don’t know, the only one that seems pretty ‘triggered’ about there being a girl in-game is you” or “I thought that Reddit meme was declared unfunny months ago” or “Nice joke, did you find that one on the internet yourself?”

“Why do all girls play Mercy/Support/D.Va?” > “Why do all arseholes play [insert their character here]?”

“Girls can’t play” / “Oh, it’s a girl, we’re going to lose” / “No wonder we’re losing, we have a chick on the team” > “Oh, is that why we are losing? I mistook you for some guy that can’t play all along”

And the famous ones “Get back into the kitchen” / “Suck my dick” / “Make me a sandwich” > “Please let me know when you find some original insults” or “Nice. I think 2005 called and it wants it insult back”

What also often helps when all else fails is to just burst into obnoxious loud laughter, even if you don’t think it’s funny. It will make them feel ridiculed and have them shut up, even if it’s for a few seconds

However, never let the situation escalate to the point where you lose your focus on the game. After making a remark, drop the issue and report them. If they continue insulting, mute them - and tell your team you did so. “Alright, this guy is muted, let me know if he says something useful (like callouts, warnings, ult charge, et cetera)”. I know it’s very hard, and if you are anything like me, you will get very upset and angry (especially if you have been through this many times before), because it is not fair. It’s not fair that you have to justify being a girl, or choosing a type of hero just because some arsehole decided to comment on it. However, your wellbeing is a priority. If you need to turn off voice chat, if you need to leave the chat or disable it - do it.

2. Completely ignore them, but stay active in chat and voice. Act like they do not even exist. The second they start talking to you, making insults, trying to provoke you - either mute them, or just completely ignore them. Instead, try to still be active in voice chat and make helpful callouts, let people know there’s a flanking Genji, tell them about your ult progress, et cetera. Nothing is more infuriating to someone like that to be ignored and then still having their ‘victim’ enjoy the game.

Never hesitate to leave voice chat, team chat or match chat if you need to. Do not be scared to use this feature if you are bothered by what is happening. It can be a breath of fresh air to just play the game without having to worry about people commenting on you or on your performance.

About encountering hate for playing a certain characterIn the case of Quick Play and Arcade: simply said, fuck ‘em. QP and Arcade are there for you to have fun in and try out new heroes and strategies, to just relax with your favourite hero, and to have fun. If people start complaining about your choice of hero - mute, immediately. It doesn’t matter if you win or lose in QP or Arcade. You don’t need their help - you are there to have fun.

However, Competitive is about winning games. Even though I encourage you to play heroes you are comfortable with or you want to play, try to see what is fitting for your team and switch your hero if it is not working out. ‘Maining’ a hero is a good think, being a ‘onetrick’ is not! (meaning: if there is a main hero you are best with, that’s great - but if it’s the ONLY character you can play, that poses a problem for your team)

That does not mean you let yourself be bullied into switching a character, even in Competitive. As soon as things start going bad for your team, a lot of people will have the tendency to blame the ‘weak link’ of the team - aka the person they think is contributing the least, which is often the hero pick they do not agree with. Hanzo, Sombra, Widowmaker, and plenty of other heroes are good examples of that. However, just because people are playing the blame game and have decided that you, as a Hanzo, are not doing well, does not mean you immediately have to switch. In a lot of cases, you might not even be at ‘fault’ for your team not doing well. Try to keep a clear head and assess the situation to see if there’s something YOU can do to make a difference. Are you doing enough for your team? Are you getting kills? Are you staying alive well enough? Are you getting enough damage in? Are you not dying constantly?

If you are fond of playing a hero a lot of people deem ‘unfit’ or ‘not meta’ and you know some people are going to have an issue with it, just communicate. When starting a match, just say something in chat like: “hey guys! I am a Hanzo player, it’s the character I’m most comfortable with and I can do well with him. If it’s not working out, I will switch, don’t worry! I can play [characters you are able to play], as well.” In some cases, you might have to compromise and play a different hero. That’s okay! Competitive is about winning - but do not play heroes you are not comfortable with. My advice is to learn 1 or 2 heroes in every category - so at least 1-2 tanks, 1-2 supports and 1-2 DPS you are good with. When starting a match, just feel free to pick the hero you want to play and communicate with your team with what you guys need to get a good composition going.

Please do not be discouraged by people being rude. Ranked is very hard in that matter that people are very scared of losing their precious SR and do not want to lose. Therefore, toxicity is higher there. Partly, Blizzard is at fault here for not enforcing a stricter banning and reporting system, but if we are to believe what they are telling us, that is getting fixed, soon.

I myself am taking a break from Ranked play for the moment. I was close to hitting Grandmaster, but my own frustration plus toxicity has ruined the experience for me for the time being. Sometimes all you need is a step back for some perspective.

Please just have fun and try to focus on your own personal addittion to your team. Even if you lose, you will know you did well in the end and helped your team in the best way you could have.

I hope my giant rant can help you and others somewhat. Sorry if it comes across sort of rambly, but I have a lot of feelings about sexism in games, haha. You do you and play the game the way you want to! ♥

#language cw #swears cw #adult language cw #sexism cw #long post #valhallan replies #nonsims #Anonymous

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allmymisters · 4 years

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For the Love of China

I just woke up. That’s a lie. I woke up around 2 hours ago. I awoke from a dream I can’t remember and a peacefully sleeping Mister who does that snoring that sounds like he’s whispering “poo”. I used to do this thing in my head, when I was about to go to sleep. It was to calm me and clear my thoughts, but I would imagine this little Iggy like character in my head, climbing through my brain to the top of the stairs. He had a little room there and he would turn on the light and there would be a very large blackboard full of doodles and writing and he would literally erase my thoughts. When he cleared the board, he would turn the light off and I would go to sleep. When I was a child, I never sucked my thumb, nor did I sleep with my parents. Across the hall I slept in my crib and then that crib turned into a bed eventually, but I was not the type of child who was uncomfortable being alone and my parents were not the kind that would coddle me. When I was a kid, I’d play with my hangnails to get to sleep. Strange I know, but I’d start at a quick pace and as I would slow the pace down to go to sleep. Some people count sheep, I played with my hangnails.

I wasn’t a nervous child. I was shy, but not nervous. Anxiety was something that occurred the night before a trip or the night before the first day of school. I never was affected by it the way my friends say they are crippled by it. Something has happened to me recently and I don’t like it, actually I hate it. The older I’ve gotten the more stressful my life has become. Job stress, money stress, relationship stress, health stress…what was invisible before has now ravaged my nervous system like a freight train. Why has this happened? What did I do that my mind and my body have decided to betray how I compute.

When you scroll down Facebook posts you’ll notice a pattern with people. It goes from “My kid said/did this” to “I have an opinion about the current state of the world” to “My (insert family member) died” to “Look how much fun I’m having on said vacation”. We know every anniversary, birthday, death, birth, new job, new partner, etc etc. Look, I’ve read and listened to a lot of psychologists and experts talk about how social media affects us and I think it affects us in different ways. For me, it’s more of a strange place where you can’t disagree with anyone or I’m reading about some pretty personal stuff for the world to see or I’m realizing how sad I am that I don’t have a cute baby to show everyone or a cute dog for that matter. As of two days ago, it was acknowledging that the two guys I dated in high school were arrested for some pretty serious sexual misconducts.

I have emotional OCD. I can’t help it and noticed my mom is the same way. We lash out in two different ways. We get angry and tell the world to fuck off and then we cry in the shower at how hurt we are. My family was always big on the “suck it up and move on” or “don’t ever let anyone see you’re weak, be smarter”. I think I’ve lived a majority of my life like this. I care way too much about things. Being a natural empath can be rewarding, but can also turn on you in a most wretched way. I fixate on things bothering me. I will go through scenarios, the why, the what, the how. I will talk to that person in my head and say exactly what I want to to them and then see them as though I have no complaints. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m bold enough, I just don’t see what it would really do but become my problem.

I’m trying not to care. I’m actually trying not to notice what’s happening to me. My body is falling apart. I thought I’d be one of those cool ladies you see memes and documentaries about. The ones that are growing old gracefully with designer bifocals and purple hair. My mind has grown and continues to do so, but my body is being an asshole. When you start to see the transition it gets scary. The grey hairs, the aches and pains, the weight gain (for some), the lethargy and most of all the crushing anxiety. I’m having serious issues with anxiety recently and the only thing that has helped are my new acupuncture appointments. But as with all things I experience, I don’t want to have to be helped or ask for it for that matter. It’s challenging, but I’ve always seen myself as someone who can handle her shit. So, I thought.

“Iggy where are you!?”

My mind races in the middle of the night. I go to bed fine, but if I awaken, it’s a nightmare. I try to get Iggy to come out and he’s there but he either erases the board and it refills instantly, or he just stands there looking at it, as though he’s stuck in some video game prompting me for his next direction.

What do I have to work on tomorrow? Can I sell this woman’s house? Am I doing the right thing with my life? Why does he have to work tomorrow? Am I going to lose my hair? I need to go to the gym. What should I get my parents for Christmas? I’m so angry about my camera! Why haven’t I heard from her, do they just not like me anymore? I want to go somewhere. I miss my dad. I hope my dad is ok. I wish my brother would come visit me. I wish I could afford to go see them, i hope those fires aren’t too close to him. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Ok, relax, deep breaths. Why is my heart beating like this, am I dying…fuck…fuck…am i ever going to lose this weight. I need to just go to the gym. Oh my god, stop snoring! I need new glasses, shit I need to reschedule the dentist because I don’t have money right now, how am I going to pay for the window…..

And it goes on and on and on and on. From me thinking I have cancer to wondering when the next tragedy in my life will occur to am I going to have a job tomorrow. I get it, I’m not alone, there are other people who have this stuff going on, I just don’t like it. It’s physically tearing me apart. I’m about to turn 47 and I’m wondering where my womanhood has gone because let’s face it, I’m 22 forever. It’s disorienting and for me, very frightening. I don’t want to have a heart attack in my fifties you know?

I used to love being an empath, recently I hate it. There’s an emptiness I’ve been carrying around with me and what used to be a simple brush off the shoulder and has now become some colossal underlying stress ball of unimaginable proportions. My doctors have told me that they are quite surprised I’ve gone this long without completely losing it. When I look at them with “tha fuuuck?” look, they explain going through that much trauma in one sitting can put most people over the edge, but two therapy sessions in, after a suicide, an excruciating end to my marriage, the death of one of my best friends, the news that my ex boyfriend and friend had died while at mentioned best friend’s funeral, the loss of my close knit circle and the loss of my job due to all of the above was good enough for me. I moved forward. Moved forward in a very zig zaggy, drunken fashion making no stops for breath while being accused of being unforgiving, angry and abandoned. Yep, seems about right. It’s been nine years and I’m afraid it’s finally all caught up with me, like a tsunami from hell.

“Take a Xany”

I don’t do pills. I will fight to self heal before having to take something for it. No offense to you who have found resolve in it, I’m just not that person. I just wanna feel better! I want to sleep. I wanna enjoy my morning instead of walking straight to my computer. I want to figure out a workout routine. I want to tell people no. I want to not feel like my heart is in the Kentucky Derby. I want my body to slow down. I want time to slow down. Slow the fuck DOWN! Why am I so apt to be that overachiever? I think because for so long I’ve been overlooked in my duties, and now, I’m finally getting recognition and to be honest it feels fantastic. My therapy comes from helping others, that’s my selfish reason for doing the things I do. So, how do I make it stop? I don’t have an answer. Right now, being in a dark room for one hour every week with pins sticking in me seems to be the only thing that’s been working. It’s sad that, it is the only place, I can breathe and not think of all the things, even though the cost gives me its own anxiety.

It’s not greek to me

A few hours ago I couldn’t finish writing this piece. I wanted to write something because writing is my catharsis and to be honest, I was upset. It helps me work it out in my head. Instead, I started talking about it while my man comforted me and asked what he could do. I broke down. Blubbering like a fool, telling him how disappointed I am in my life right now, how I don’t know why I can motivate others and not myself and how alone I feel a lot of the times. I just want to shut it off sometimes. My brain that is, not my system. I don’t want to be fearful because that’s not who I am, yet I feel like I’m fearful everyday with everything I do and say. When did that happen?

I just want to sleep like the dead again so I can feel alive. Remember in our 20’s? Bed at dawn, sleep til work, repeat. I want to eat a piece of chocolate without feeling like I’ll need to buy new jeans next month. I want to tell people to eat a dick every time they tell me what I should feel and what I should say. I’m not feeling very punk rock these days and that’s what it comes down to. All these feelings I have about the world, the non-reciprocated relationships I have, the allowance of urgency everyone needs from me, and the disrespect I’ve received in certain situations are an implosion waiting to happen, all because the one emotion I owned, anger, has become some sort of disease. Are we no longer allowed to express our discontent for anything except what has been deemed acceptable and determined by some invisible sensitivity police? I think not. It’s not just about being consumed by anger, it’s more about being able to express and release. You know, throw some plates against the wall and then have a martini after. Maybe I’m reading into it too much, but for me, I think it is part of the reason why I feel so handicapped recently. I wanna mad. I want it to run through my veins and shout it out! It doesn’t make me crazy. It doesn’t make me unable to cope (fuck anyone who says I can’t cope with shit) and it surely doesn’t make me non-confrontational. I don’t like this new, “Don’t let them hear you” mentality. It’s my right to embrace my humanity and that includes being angry and having my own perspective. So, I’m getting my plates ready, because I’m tired, so very, very tired, and there’s nothing Greek about that.

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jillmckenzie1 · 5 years

Text

We All Suck at Dating

A common lead question in the world of online dating is: “What are you looking for?”

Aside from being a grammatical nightmare, this question poses its own set of anxiety-ridden answers. Because how hard in the paint do you really go in response to this question when you’re on the third line of a burgeoning digital transaction? The words that your thumbs manage to string together will inevitably become the foundation for any further communication (or lack thereof).

Sidebar. Dude, didn’t you read my bio? It clearly states, “Looking for a real life human with whom to do rad things. Sucker for good teeth, nice calves, and witty banter. Here for the shirtless gym selfies (you guys, it’s a joke).” Seems pretty self-explanatory to me.

My typical response to the aforementioned question goes something like this: “Surely not looking to get laid off an app. And absolutely not interested in receiving dick pics. Would be great to find a real-life male with whom to do cool shit who also believes in hand-holding, ass-grabbing, Netflix binge-watching, and tag-team Whole Foods shopping.”

Once upon a time, I had a younger guy respond to this answer: “But does our age difference bother you?”

Cough. Cough. He clearly wasn’t aware of my subconscious bias towards younger men.

I replied, “Age is a number. Maturity is a barometer for compatibility. Why? Were you simply trying to send dick pics?”

*unmatch*

I’m sorry, WUT?! Respectable people say goodbye, or they’re not interested, or that they don’t find my humor to be as amusing as I do; they do not just act like [insert desired superlative here] and vanish into thin air (as if I wrote the book on this stuff or something).

Here’s the point. By all means, unmatch me. I don’t give any number of fucks about our premature termination of conversation. The guy I choose is going to choose me in return. He’s going to laugh at the fact that I attempt to turn him on by mentioning that I always return my shopping carts. He’s going to send me memes and screenshots of tiny houses. He’s going to share my affinity towards Mexican food and ask me for my LinkedIn profile instead of my SnapChat handle, and he’ll really mean it when he says that he’s not in search of a booty call.

At the end of the day, I have zero interest in entertaining a guilt-free ghoster. The issue here is the action. Because dammit, it’s hard enough out there. Can’t we all just play by some unstated rules that, at the very least, are governed by the premise of honesty?

I know. It’s asking a lot.

But that brings me to my next point. About dating. We all suck at it. Yes, all of us. I’m actually quite amazed by how many of us seek to individually claim this title from every rooftop, blog post, and digital message warehouse. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I just don’t think there’s anything unique about it.

We. All. Suck.

A small bit of evidence exists in our mutual affection towards Netflix and chill. I’ve seen enough dating profiles in these last few years to make one overarching and absolutely assertive statement: when given the choice, we’ll all opt for a night spent on the couch in sweatpants eating ice cream with our dog over any nightclub and party scenario. Seriously, I have yet to encounter any male in the digital stratosphere who prefers the latter.

Because, in my humble opinion, no one wants to find his or her significant other in a bar. Absolutely not. For some, sure, the bar provides a perfect backdrop for the infamous one-night stand; I’m quasi-drunk and you’re quasi-cute (could be up for debate in the morning), so in the words of Marvin Gaye, “Let’s get it on.”

But a match–someone who challenges us and makes our lives a whole hell of a lot better (even on the worst days)–yeah, we’re not walking into any bars with the expectation of finding a soulmate.

And, despite our current aversion to commitment that is fueled by our unrelenting fear of missing out alongside our limitless access to infinite information and individuals, we do want a soulmate. Not because we believe in this antiquated ideology that only one person was made for us. No, millennials don’t walk into this world with the Shakespearian belief that compatibility is reserved for a single Romeo and his Juliet.

We more appropriately approach the definition of “soulmates” as two people who show up to participate in a revolutionized companionship. We are a generation that fully understands the power of choice, and we want to exercise this right romantically as much as we want to frequent farmer’s markets in lieu of spending our dollars at chain grocery stores. We believe in making ourselves whole, as individuals, in order to more powerfully stand beside someone who is doing the same. So, we choose ourselves as the catalyst to choose our other.

And yet, even inside of this space of a beautiful and raw and authentic desire to find a forever partner-in-crime, we’re still ghosting and we’re still sending dick pics. I’m sorry, rescind. We’re still sending dick videos. Yes, apparently, I graduated into some upper echelon of male debauchery.

Let me expand. A guy who I sparingly chatted with months ago decided to Snap me one lonely night in February (if you don’t know what “Snapping” is, keep it that way). I opened the video (which is the extent of my SnapChat proficiencies), and bam, hello, hi. My brain immediately hit overdrive as I considered throwing my phone 23 feet across the entirety of my Airstream.

I’m sorry, I haven’t spoken to you since November – neither did any previous conversation incite such ridiculous swapping of privates – and I’m now supposed to be the proud recipient of your amateur x-rated video?! Please, no. PLEASE NO.

Of course, I fired back something saucy (as if I’m going to save the world one indecent digital exposure at a time). And in the spirit of true chivalry (insert massive eyeroll here), he said that it was a mistake: “Wrong Stephanie.”

I actually can’t even (read: bull-fucking-shit).

But my potential diatribe inside an app that was literally designed to delete user history wouldn’t be saving anyone. My only hope at such a stage is the block feature because, at the end of the day, I simply don’t have time for this nonsense. Much like I don’t have time for the old flame (think college) who thought it was cute to slide into my DMs with questions about the kind of underwear I happened to be wearing. Or, the fact that exhibit B continues to patronize me with pet names (even after we established, months ago, that a romantic relationship between us would simply be settling).

Newsflash: y’all aren’t cute. YOU ALL ARE NOT CUTE.

And around we go, hiding behind our phone screens because we want the one (or at least one of the viable ones) to drop into our lives with the same level of excitement experienced by teenagers across America when Usher finally released his third studio album, 8701.

If you ask me, the going around is getting quite old. In fact, my motion sickness is at an all-time high. In the metaphor, I’m projectile vomiting out the back passenger-side window. Don’t ask me who’s driving. I don’t know.

What I do know is that I’m not puking alone.

Fact one. We’re drowning in our individual and collective nausea without any idea of how to stop the damn car. Or, at very least, slow it down. And we sure as hell don’t know where it’s going.

Fact two. Together, we are more powerful than the driver. But I’m not sure if we believe that (yet), and if we do believe it, I’m not sure that we know how to take control of the wheel (yet).

Because I would hate for us to resign ourselves to the fact that this whole dating thing is out of our control. I would hate for our desire of depth to become clouded by our habitual superficiality. I would hate for us to throw away our integrity in the name of conformity.

And I write this to us because I write this to myself. Plot twist, people. I, too, suck at dating. My judgment of those without an inkling of digital wit is embarrassingly high. It is standard issue for me to ghost anyone who resorts to asking me about my day within the first 24 hours of communication.

We just met. It’s fine. My day was fine. Am I supposed to tell you what I ate for lunch? Or about the conversation that I had with my mom? Or the hours I spent browsing Amazon for a new duvet cover?

Seriously, ask me anything else. And, please, I beg you, be funny. And charming (but not too charming). Our future depends on it.

Case in point. In a land far, far away, some guy asked me if I’d ever seen a movie titled La Strada. Clearly, not English. My answer was (and still is) no.

He wrote, “It’s foreign, so you have to be okay with subtitles.”

Well, no shit.

Me: “Great, I learned to read at a young age and quickly surpassed all of my peers, so this is promising.”

*crosses fingers and begs for a witty response*

His reply: “I like that answer. I need someone confident in what sets them apart.”

No dice.

*waves white flag*

I surrender. I absolutely surrender.

And by “surrender,” I mean that I simply fell off the face of the planet, never to associate with this poor guy (who probably had zero interest in sending a dick pic, let alone a dick video) ever again.

I just didn’t have it in me to push through in hopes of unearthing my very own Steve Carrell.

I’ll give you ten minutes. Make ‘em count. Effortlessly get me to laugh out loud, and I’ll strongly consider fraternizing as real-life people.

Hold up. Real. Life. People.

Yes, let’s be very clear, any digital union that transpires in human-to-human interaction is call for a good old-fashioned golf clap. Because it’s an anomaly by anyone’s standards.

So here we are. Together. Meandering through the airwaves and the land mines. Motion sick beyond measure. And I’d like to believe that we’re not helpless here, so my challenge is that we take control of the car. My challenge is that we align our actions and our words. Because there is nothing sexier than honesty. And honesty–honesty will save us. Also, humor. But mostly honesty.

We must be able to articulate for who or what we are looking. It is a common lead question because it is the question. It provides the foundation for action and expectation so, to revisit my initial commentary, we should go as hard in the paint as humanly possible (think Zion Williamson type shenanigans) in our responses. Because this answer allows us to proceed in a space where vulnerability is safe–whether we both swiped right in a sea of digital profiles or, quite literally, ran into each other in the singles line of our favorite chairlift.

You do not have to be in the search for serious. But you do owe the community your truth. The power is in your voice. And please, for the love of all things beautiful, let’s commit to considerate farewells that make “ghosting” so 2018 (as in, bye).

Speaking of bye and the singles line and chairlifts, I had to text my ex-boyfriend the other day to get back my second key fob for the entrance to my RV park

I refuse to pay the $20 for a replacement, okay. Judge me.

It had been nearly a month of not communicating, so you can surmise that it was a conversation that I’d been consciously avoiding. To be honest, I had stubbornly supported the idea that he should contact me first.

Obviously, unsuccessful.

So I spent hours typing and re-typing and then re-re-typing some ridiculous message that started with a Nugget update and ended with, “Oh yea, I need that key fob back.” I then spent hours deciphering and re-deciphering and then re-re-deciphering his response: “No problem. I’ll bring it to work and you can swing by one day and grab it when you’re done riding.” Please note, there is nothing cryptic here.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit nervous to, once again, look our honesty in the eye. Our ease had existed in our shared interest of doing the work. We had used our voices. And we both believed in the power of a considerate farewell. Also, laughing, there was lots of laughing.

For all intents and purposes, we were great. Apparently, our timing was not.

I’m reminding myself that, at the very least, this relationship taught me that there is hope for our collective whole to be better. It was the catalyst for me to shed an intense layer of distasteful cynicism. And for that, I can willingly embrace the uncomfortable.

It’s just two minutes. It’s just a key fob.

Dating. It’s still a game of numbers. And we simply need to, in all of our honesty, keep showing up.

Together, we can stop the suck.

from Blog https://ondenver.com/we-all-suck-at-dating/

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