#it’s okay I’m disappointed in me too

[kingofbr00klyn]

Its late and I’m tried but not enough to sleep so instead I’ll make awful Bandstand art

Enjoy my ✨scribbles✨

#um I’d actually like to take a moment to talk about Wayne’s ass #Geoff Packard is packing let me tell you #it’s okay I’m disappointed in me too #bandstand broadway #bandstand #bandstand musical #julia trojan #donny novitski #wayne wright #jimmy campbell #bandstand my beloved #art kind of

[candyheartedchy]

Do any other self shippers feel guilty when they start focusing on a new f/o?

#okay so I feel kinda bad rn because scratch been my main for awhile now and still is #like my self ship with him is a comfort ship for me #but bill kinda took over and I feel a bit guilty because one) I’m not focusing a lot on scratch like I use too #two) I feel like people who probably followed me for my ship with him are going to get disappointed because I keep focusing on bill #like I make jokes about scratch always pulling me back everytime I get a new crush but I wasn’t expecting to fall so hard for bill #don’t get me wrong scratch is still my 1st main and I’m still going to draw my ship with him and work on that comic #but rn I’m just really focused on bill #like I know I have a habit of jumping f/o(s) at times but this feels different #and I been feeling kinda sad about it #so I don’t know if others in the community have felt this or worry about disappointing other who followed them for something else #and I know it’s my blog and I can do whatever I want but I still stress about it #💬 chy chatter 💬

[sweetest-honeybee]

Don't beat yourself up! Honestly, it's fine if a commission takes a little long, the last thing I'd want is the person I commission to stress themselves over a piece and getting frustrated. In my opinion I rather wait as long as possible for something that had time and effort put into it then receive a product the artist didn't have a good time working on!

I really appreciate it! It’s not for everyone to wait and that’s alright but genuinely, a lot of my best work comes out of patience and enjoyment. I put in a LOT of effort and fun details and take my sweet time cleaning up the piece when I know I’m gonna enjoy taking all that time to do it

Like hell, how I did the entire second version of that piece of the one oc and Frank? I had so much fun doing it and adding details that were harder to notice and taking the time to throw on some more layers to make a creepy one and I hardly minded taking that extra time to do it because I was in the zone and having fun 😌

#honestly I’ve gotten over the disappointment about not being fit for the job if someone decides like #they no longer want the commission (within reason ofc) or I’m just taking too long on a particularly simple step #because also? that’s my opportunity to say hey! I know an artist who’s just as good and so much quicker! #fun fact I did this for Xisuma once #we weren’t sure if I could do what he had in mind so I said that’s okay! #if I can’t I’m happy I was considered regardless and you took the time to message me about it #so here’s an artists that is an expert at what you’re looking for :) #little bit of a tangent but like yeah it’s not the end of the world #I do my job and can only hope I won’t disappoint a client in the process

[zakurohampter]

Fuck. I am getting a bad grade in research assistant maybe I should end it all

#uwahhhhh😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞 #I feel so bad every email I get back it sounds like the person is getting more frustrated w me :((((( #🥲🥲🥲to be fair. this could easily be fixed if I were not selfish and wanted Fridays off #but I don’t want to be at the lab every single day of the week and I want a day for catching up on work and going home early and whatnot #and also I’m not even getting paid for this. okay #I just convinced myself out of feeling too bad but I hate disappointing my grad students aaaaa #😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞 #eepy. and dreading going back to school #should I drop out….

[euphor1a]

Hello, my belovedest petals 🌸

It’s been,,, 365 days since I started posting on here 🎀 (the first post made on this blog, for reference!), and I just wanted to thank all of you for being here, from the bottom of my heart ♡

To celebrate, I’ve changed my blog theme entirely (both on mobile n desktop) >.<! I wanted to do something ~unusual~ that is not out of my reach and capabilities, so I thought maybe this would be a good idea... I mean, everyone likes to look at pretty things, right? So I hope you guys can look at all the pretty gfx I made and feel happy in some way 🦋✨🌆! It took me whole 4 days and probably 40+ hours of brainstorming and working on everything, so I really hope my hardwork paid off! 💖💜

Tumblr has never been an easy place for me to be on as I struggle with interactions, building connections, and as a result get lonely very easily. More than often, I’ve felt like an outsider on my own blog, because of how unwelcomed I had felt in a space that is created by me. But, I’m trying to work on those things slowly, especially on how to be rational with my own feelings, and not listening to my brain whenever it’s being unnecessarily mean. About interactions though, it’ll probably take me a long time to actually show improvements, but I promise I’m trying my best always ^^! I appreciate everyone who has ever made an effort to interact with me, I see you and I appreciate you lots, even if it doesn’t feel that way 🫂

That got a bit heavy, no? Don’t mind it, please :( those who have seen me for long enough probably know that I’m kind of like this, but still ╥ ╥

Lastly, I wanted to say thank you so much, once again! I hope my presence here can be a positive one for me and you all as long as I’m here; let’s be happy in this silly little corner of the internet ♡

much love,

aleyna 💌

#✦🎖️✦ milestones! #happy 1st anniversary to euphor1a 🌸💕✨ #it’s been a less bumpy ride than my previous blogs #still pretty bumpy but hey i’ll take this over my previous experiences without any complaints #so happy to be here and to be able to see this day with so many people who chose to stick around for one reason or another 🤎 #aaaaand a very special shout-out to those who have been with me since cupidchois & lushtans ♥︎ #me thinks it’s crazy that some people are still here even after watching me have like a million breakdowns over a variety of things #sorry to anyone who’s new here you actually signed up for a low-key insane person writing stuff once in a while #but always losing her mind over someone or something aksgsjks #🎉 – tumbversary! #i wanted to post this like 12 hours ago but i wasn’t done with all the work yet #i hope everything looks okay.... tbh i’m pretty disappointed bc it doesn’t look the way i thought it would :( #but too bad ig. i won’t be changing my theme until next year again. lol

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.

#this is a silly haha humor post but in all seriousness. #COVID rly is just making me stare all the internalized ableism in the eye #yes worth isnt defined by productivity and disability and the idea of being a burden is part of being human and isn’t shameful at all #until I have to minorly inconvenience people to meet my basic needs #I really want to eat dinner but that would require asking my roommates to make me dinner which is just. 5 kinda of mortifying. #even though if someone I knew was sick I would not be upset about making them food! sick people need to eat! #my parents ordered me chipotle yesterday bc they were so concerned bc of how I sounded over the phone #and my friend went out and bought me juice and Gatorade and popsicles and took me to the doctor #the support system Exists I just feel bad about having to use it T-T #I just want to be hugged and read to and reminded to eat food but I am an adult now and not at home #lonely TT-TT #it’ll be okay I’m probably just emotional bc I’m sick and hungry #I also just am struggling so hard because I want to catch up on my classwork Right Now #but I can get through maybe one assignment before I’m too exhausted to keep sitting up #and I have to lay down and close my eyes and sleep or do a light activity like playing candy crush for the fifty bazillionth time #I’ve gotten through like. 100 levels this week. #I’m losing my dang marbles. I am gonna be so behind in ASL Susan is gonna be so disappointed in me #I feel like I have all this energy when I’m laying down bored but as soon as I sit up I feel like I’m floating and about to fall over #so. so tired. why can’t I be healthy already and do homework T-T. #I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind. #<- is trying and failing not to be mad at herself for getting behind

[willowfey]

someone tell me to be brave and hit send on this email

#i wrote a story a long time ago that feels like it came from behind my ribs #and i’m about to send it to my author/publisher auntie #but. i’ve only let like. a few people in the world read this. and even tho they’ve all been lovely it makes my skin feel #too sensitive. u know what i mean? when ppl read my writing that isn’t fic. it makes my chest feel weird. like i’m sick #i don’t know why i want to be an author. well. yes i do but #anyway this is an auntie who has always thought the best of me even when she had no reason to. she was there at my birth #she’ll be there when I’M having kids. this is an Important Lady. #and she’s a wonderful writer and i just. #i never show anyone anything i’ve made or done bc i can’t bear the thought of being disappointing #i know it’s not a big deal but it is to me and if she tells me it’s just okay i think i’ll throw up possibly #i don’t want to prove her wrong. i don’t want to face the truth that i am not what she thought i’d be. #i know it’s just one little story and it doesn’t hold my entire worth i KNOW she will not be disappointed in me. so why can’t i hit send #WHY CANT I

[titsthedamnseason]

i think right now my biggest motivation for getting a real person job is that i NEED to be at opening night of taylor’s next tour and i need to have floor tickets to at least one show. i’ve dreamed about doing both forever and with every tour that comes and goes and i miss these once in a lifetime moments i get so sad

#I KNOW THIS IS A PRIVELEGED PROBLEM TO HAVE OKAY #i’m soooo grateful for the times i’ve seen her #i think watching all the videos of august from the floor yesterday and today really got to me #because she’s never going to give folklore this kind of treatment again and it seems so magical to have been up close for #but i also know that next tour is also going to be amazing so i try not to get too discouraged bc she never disappoints #and anyway i just love the rush of a surprise song and i think going into opening night with NO KNOWLEDGE is like the ultimate experience #truly i can’t imagine how being at opening night of a taylor swift tour feels #taylor swift #mine

[anidealistatbestburntoutatworst]

the ango apologist in me being resurrected with the (surprisingly decent) amount of ango content we got today and looking forward to continuing on my ango apologist bs for the foreseeable future (insufferably)

#i’m rewatching this show and you should be concerned #i’m about to be even more insufferable than i already am and i am perfectly okay with that #ango the depressed #ango sakaguchi #bsd ango #heyyy fandom sorry to disappoint you again #bungo stray dogs #i’m thinking about him #when my favorite fictional little guy comes on screen and i absolutely lose my marbles #i am way too excited about this #this show has been so emotionally intense not even my inner thoughts are peaceful anymore #i’m way too emotionally invested in these fictional characters and i have no intention of changing that #ango bsd #DID YALL WATCH THIS WEEKS EP #this show will be the death of me #this show is making me insane #my sincerest apologies to the fandom #shut up i love him #ango apologist on main again (whoops) #bsd anime #i’ve read the manga already but this is my formal anime based declaration teeheee

[godblooded]

honestly? the worst part of all this is just… seeing people go on trips and talk about hanging out. and everyone’s happy for a thousand reasons. and i just feel so much like it will never be my turn. i haven’t physically hung out with anyone in like a month. i haven’t gone anywhere away from this fucking place in more than a year. i can’t because i have too many responsibilities all the time. and all i want to know is: when will i get to live my life and not be permanently paying off the general debt of my own birth.

#ooc. o kaptain. #negativity / #negative / #[it’s making it harder to do everything and to feel okay. like. why am i working?? for no reason?? to continue to be disappointed and have #nothing to look forward to at all? no goijg someplace for a weekend in like a couple months. no going somewhere for a weekend because I’m #too worried about what’s going on and i have to make sure my aunt’s alright because we’re all we’ve got. and it’s just. crushing. it’s #just exhausting. I can’t see two feet in front of me at any given point but I have to work later. and hopefully this feeling will abate. #like. a little at least. I just needed to put it out there. it’s been a bad 2024 and it only just started.] #medical /

[bandsanitizer]

the way that it doesn’t just make me sad but angry that idols are expected to apologize not just for disappointing fans and their members but for harming them by so much as even having a dating rumor bc is it that bad they found love? or something that could become that? is it that bad for the people you supposedly love and support to be happy? yes I know the industry basically runs on the parasocial relationships but isn’t it high time to recognize that someone else’s happiness is not an attempt to ruin yours? that even if it is painful or difficult for you, that is not the responsibility of the idol. they should not need to apologize for their own happiness and events within their personal life which half the time come out as leaks (read: invasions of their privacy) rather than on their own time. and to go as far as to say it implies they don’t deserve their job or should leave their group… artists experiencing things in life? the emotions of affection and infatuation and love and endearment and everything else that comes with a romantic relationship? that’s only going to give them the capacity to create greater and more enriched art. i’m not saying they’re in a relationship to do (and I certainly hope not) but if you need any reason at all to refrain from causing these idols harm in the way you claim their happiness has so deeply harmed and disappointed you, then take it as them living. that life needs art and art needs life.

#i just 💪💪💪💪💪💪 #i actually don’t give a shit about if romance makes them a better artist tbh #i just think everyone deserves happiness and if they’re in a relationship then hooray for them #sick and tired of them needing to apologize for harming and disappointing fans #like the fact that dating rumors exist almost at the same levels as WAY MORE MESSED UP SHIT TO DO is absolutely gdkshckksjfjjdbfk angering #this is mostly about people’s reactions to josh but just in general tbh #esPECIALLY when it comes from leaks or like ‘so and so was seen in this blurry ass photo with a GIRL’ and i’m just!!!!! #fans be like ‘i’d be okay if they were private about it and didn’t rub it in our face’ #like bby!!!! people taking pics of them on dates when they got have their face covered and didn’t consent to the photo that got plastered #all over the internet is not them being obnoxious about it!!! it’s an invasion of their privacy #like fuck don’t you think it’s painful for the artist to know the expected norms and HAKFHKDJFKDJ i can’t even complete the sentence it make #me soooo upset just like !!!!!!!!!!!! and this isn’t even just the kaypahp industry #western fandom toooooooo but gfksjfksjfjsjfjjd BYE #alison speaks? #probably to delete #OHHHH and the idea that their members are upset about them dating too i just!!!!!!!!😤😤😤😤

[haaarry]

story time 🌚 so my bf (now ex) spent the night a couple nights ago and whenever he fell asleep idk WHY i got this feeling out of nowhere to check his phone and i am not like that so i was confused as to why i felt that but then i remembered my friend a few years ago felt the same way with her husband at the time and she said she didn’t know where the feeling came from but she went through her husband’s phone and found out he was cheating SO i went through my now ex’s phone and yeah he was cheating too … WITH HIS EX!!! and his ex used to beat him like whenever him and i got together she stalked us and got him out of the car and wouldn’t stop hitting him … like … he cheated on me with HER??? anyway the next morning (yes i still let him sleep in my bed after finding out bc he was drunk and i didn’t want to make him drive home) i confronted him about it and he got defensive but didn’t deny anything or apologize so he ended up just leaving (as he should) and we haven’t spoken since … i’m done dating for a while lol idk who to trust 😫

#and my ex was super sweet #for my bday he took off the whole day from work to be with me #and he would buy me bouquets of roses #and whenever i needed money for literally anything he would give me some bc he said he liked taking care of me #yeah and apparently another girl too 🙄 #i’m not even sad about what happened … just disappointed #but i actually feel okay today :)

[crybaby-bkg]

I’m writing a long fic about being a singer in a speakeasy that’s always visited by mafia bkg and I am struggling SO BADDDD trying to figure out an ending. everything I come up with feels so unnecessary and SCHEWPID and it’s annoying omg I’ve been actively writing it for over a month and it never takes me this long to finish fics but GODDAMN!!!!!!! why is this so hard I’m gonna cry

#like I genuinely have no direction for it #and I don’t wanna force an idea but honestly I’m ready to finish it #I have like 8 other wips which isn’t like me at all #I typically get an idea and write it immediately and then move onto the next #but I’ve been struggling to write latelt #lately* bitch #and I think it’s bc this semester w stats has genuinely been so hard and draining #everything is such a struggle ugh this is so shitty #I also had a wedding meet cute fic I started which I expected to be like 2-3k words of just smut #and I couldn’t even finish it #I was genuinely so disappointed in myself omg #as I type this I realize this is just my seasonal depression lmfao this happens every year and I’m surprised and confused every time #anyway I’m about to reread all my old fics and that’ll hopefully give me some inspiration #also I wrote for shiggy for the first time EVER and I actually kinda fucked w it #I wanna write for touya more too I’m so in love with his stupid ass I wanna str*ngle him in love #okay I’m rapping sorry #I have to gts I have somewhere to go tomorrow and OF COURSE #I have to be the appointed MUA bc I said I was gonna do my own makeup >:( #which means I have to wake up early so we won’t be late >:( #booooo I just wanna lay around and write and daydream about being loved :( #—in store chit chat! 🍫

[theguardianofmagic]

Episodes 1-7 of season four: OHOOOHOO look at all these good ideas. The foreshadowing! This is gonna be fun and painful.

Episodes 8-9: Does not follow the set up well, boring at best, offensive at worst with a few cool moments sprinkled in, homophobic, a major let down from all this set up.

I thought “being an outcast is okay” was a major theme of the show but episodes 8-9 kinda gave the opposite thesis but whatevs…

#stranger things #I’m so done with Stancy #I used to ship Mileven but I’m over that too #like it’s fine but I jumped over to Byler when season four started #this show can’t write romance and I’d wish it’d stop #Robin and Steve’s friendship is where it’s at #Why were Robin and Vickie the same character wtf #DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON WILL AND HIS PAINTING #I AM SO MAD #Also so much was just disappointing #like it ended and I was like huh okay #those final two episodes really killed me #I LOVED the rest of season four #they did NOT stick the landing #i’m so annoyed #if you enjoyed it I’m really happy you enjoyed something I couldn’t #i didn’t like it but I hope you did #I didn’t even LIKE Eddie tbh he gave me toxic DM vibes and it took a while for him to grow on me #but he did and killing him off was cheap af #I’m not an Eddie Stan at all but he shouldn’t have died like that wtf #Lucas is still MVP I love that boy I better not hear you speaking shit about him any more #ALSO WILL AND EL??? THEIR HUG? best part of the season tbh. #well best part of part two #anyway I’m mad and tired #stranger things 4 #stranger things spoilers

[milo-is-rambling]

Chronic pain really got me going to bed before it’s even dark out (also my little pink unicorn lights Millie got me look so cool in the second pic)

#my back and shoulder are killing me and I’ve done nothing but smoke weed and stretch and I just hurt so bad #so I’m gonna go to bed and hopefully feel better tomorrow #I work at nine again tomorrow so if anything hopefully going to bed early helps that #I’m excited to sleep hopefully a lot and hopefully really well bc 1) weed. 2) took sleepy cough meds to try and mooch extra pain reliever #out of meds in my cabinet. 3) took a back and muscle pain Aleve (even tho I hate taking pills and it took me like three whole min to get it #down my fucking throat. 4) tired from actually using my brain and anxiety from work tired #5) period tired and chronic pain tired #like guys my brain and my body are both exhausted and the idea of getting up tomorrow and doing any of it again makes me miserable and I did #nothing but sit at a computer for three and a half hours that’s itttttt #like doing two week road-trip then non stop either emotional or physical shit every day until my first day at work #like I’m already setting myself up for this to be the summer of the grind #gonna make a bunch of money (and spend too much and blame it on the summer time and needing a little treat every time I venture out into the #heat or work a day or do anything at all) and then save a bunch all fall winter spring and once it gets colder and I feel like I can handle #my job more I want to focus on how to make moving out happen. like I need to figure out if maybe there’s somewhere I want to live that has #an Office Depot I could transfer to cause office depots are everywhere and maybe that’s an added way for me to figure out where I want to #move #hmmm okay I’m gonna lay in bed on google maps looking at Office Depot locations in New England and I’m just gonna daydream and try to fall #asleep and I’ll look at / add to my Pinterest board of house and apartment inspo #going to think about the future because I want to live !!!! #anyways yeah this is the summer of being miserable and spending all my money on bullshit and daydreaming and disappointing my mother #and also the summer of my weed tolerance doubling forever until I’m back to smoking constantly to the point where I’m making myself sick and #then I’ll get sick of smoking weed for a bit and that’ll lead me into saving money again #or force me into a tolerance break where I stop buying weed #either way I’m going to smoke all summer it’s gonna be weed and sweat and fresh fruit and laying in my room during all of my days off and it #it’s gonna suck and I’m gonna be thinking about my dad the whole time and it’ll be depressing and isolating and lonely and I’ll come out of #the summer recentered and motivated towards big goals again like I always am #and then I’ll crash and burn next spring as always. cycles continue forever thank u seasonal depression. #I want to grow up and mature in the ways I deal with myself my health and advocating for my mental health I feel like I need to grow up a #bit so I hope I do that and it feels good. I hope I make friends and I can daydream about the future every night and my room will smell like #weed and incense and sweat and love and tears and it will be incredible

[calamitydaze]

okay i’m gonna go to sleep cause it’s late iiiiii hope i don’t wake up to nuclear bombs dropped on us

#tag ramble to try and unpack my feelings don’t take this too srs i’m just saying words: #i’m so so incredibly sad and disappointed #i never went into much detail on my feelings on the drama before this but my stance was that from q’s perspective he has a right to #be pissed (at least initially) and i don’t think he Had to say anything supportive of u.smp itself although it would’ve been nice #but once his fanbase started getting out of control (and now knowing to the extent it got) man that’s on you that’s your responsibility #ESPECIALLY if they had just previously been friends behind the scenes and dream was still under the impression that they were #i can’t fathom leaving a friend to the wolves like that #and when dream talked about things like trying desperately to reach out and getting nothing + the confusion of being friends one day and #ignored the next #and when he did things like alternating between cracking jokes about the ‘feud’ and being kinda shady— that all hit home for me personally #and if being in a similar situation hurt Me i can’t even imagine what he was feeling with his and his family’s safety in danger #and through it all he’s still being more gracious than i think i could be. i’m so so sad for him he’s always treated with such vitriol #and people don’t even think about it because it’s okay because it’s dream #and more than anything i guess i’m thinking about how it didn’t have to be this way #from dream’s perspective at least it seems like he was doing everything in his power to smooth it over and help both of them #(and he still is by changing his concept. which he shouldn’t have to do) #and one party wasn’t willing to cooperate. and i can’t wrap my head around that #if it was just dream not getting a response i could say Oh well maybe it was just a mistake maybe another horrible coincidence #but if what he says is true nobody was getting any feedback except to say they couldn’t be on both servers #and like i said i always want to hear both sides and i really hope q is willing to give his (to dream personally if nothing else) #but as someone who cares a lot for both of them and thinks they’re both great creators it just breaks my heart a bit #i’m trying to avoid being negative from the jump but i can’t pretend i haven’t lost respect for q over this #anyway. christ i wrote war and peace over here goodnignt i hope it all looks better in the morning #much love to you all #bella talks