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bakugoubabygirl · 3 years

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okay before I start she going to choose one. Don't worry if its not the one you wanted her to choose bc its going to be a Roller coaster of emotions and a lot of back and forth for awhile BC I FUCKING LOVE BOTH OF THESES BOYS. also there will be smut soon and it wont be vanilla .

YOUR POV

"Lets go before they find us" I whispered tugging on Bakugou arm. He didn't say a word and followed me. " Lets get some food at the stand" I gave him smile. Bakugou followed me he seem kind of moody though more moody then usual . " Are you going to say yes?" Was he asking about tododroki. I didn't give much thought to that . I like him a lot but if I was being honest with myself i had feelings for someone else. " I dont know I like him a lot and i think it would be amazing. But i also think I have feelings for someone else. To be fair they haven't shown no sign of returning this feeling. Maybe I ought to say yes and forget about the other guy like that" I admitted. " Who is this other guy" He asked. Why was he so damn interested and how can i tell him its him. "Not telling" I felt my face getting red. Next thing I Knew I was getting pinned against a wall. " Tell me" He growled. Why was this bothering him so much. If only he knew that telling him would ruin our friend ship . He would never look at me the way I look at him. because I was made to be the villan. Bakugou strive to be perfect at everything and I was not perfect. " Bakugou Its you stupid" Then I broke free from his grasp . I didn't want t o know his reaction or have him mocked me. I hurried and disappear into the crowd. Still haven't found any thing to eat my tummy started growl. When I heard my name being called out, The next thing I knew someone dragged me off somewhere quite. I'm so sick of being pulled around today. It was my dad, Honestly I was relived that it wasn't Bakugou . " Hey I know you and how your going to give it all but You need to make sure your head is clear. Ive been studying and your powers feed off you emotions. I want to make sure you have a clear head" he said worriedly . OH god I'm screwed my head is far from clear. " Yeah I'm not focusing on anything right now except for winning" I said and I fake smiled. " that's Great I Know your going to make me proud. I may be rooting midoryia but Your my number one and I hope you win more." He smiled. Pulled me and for a hug. " Thank you dad and don't worry Ill cut all there throats open" I laughed. Then it was time to to go back to the arena. Time to face bakugou mental and physical . I think mentally would be harder to do. Midnight call me and bakugou to fight first. I try not to think about what had conspire between us earlier. I need to focus to keep my head cleared. We both step into the ring. Bakugou goes to attack me and I dodge it just in time. Then I Blast one of my purple fire balls at him and he dodge to . This was really upsetting, and I Take one of my shadow hands out and it wraps around his body. I started to think about how he never loses. He was perfect and every way and would make a fine super hero one day. something you'll never be the voice was back again.

Bakugou POV

She had her hand wrapped around me. I had to escape and then I saw Her starting to levitate off the ground. Her eyes flash purple there was a gasp from the crowd. She slam hard into the ground with the shadow hand. She was Going to kill me. I jump up and fired another explosion at her this time using more force. She shield it and then made a big shadowy fist at the ground causing it to erupt . I almost fell but then I caught my balance. This time I used my full force now that I knew it wouldn't hurt her too bad. The explosion was so big she couldn't shield it. She was on the ground and lay there for several of seconds. I walked over her to see if I have won and if she was okay. She started to get back up again and she grabbed a whole of me again. She grabbed me so tight with the shadow arm I couldn't breath. My face started to turn purple I was pretty sure I was going to die. The crowed was screaming to let me go But she wouldn't listen. " Y/n Please let me go I cant breathe" I try to say but she didn't hear or listen. She wouldn't do this on purpose. Something was seriously wrong . this was not her. " Y/n Please I love you" at that point I didn't fucking care if the whole crowed thought I was a simp . I love her and I need her to came back. Her eyes turn back to e/c when I said that. " Bakugou" she gasps and then dropped me. I could barley move I'm pretty sure she won but she just stared at me. Her eyes started to tear up. " I give up" she yelled. Then ran out of the arena . They announced me winner and The nursing girl came to heal up my minor wounds. I was livid that I won that way. She threw the fight.

Y/N POV

I Brought shame on my dad and my school. I brought shame on myself. The whole world watch it happen too. They watch me turn into a monster. I almost killed bakugou and He never going to want anything to do with me again. I sat outside the stadium on the ground. I'm no hero I cant even go and face what I done. I must of sat there for hours and hours. It was finally dark and everyone left. it started to pour down rain. I decided to go back into the arena to pick up my bag and stuff. It was dark except for a couple security lights. I found my bag when I heard a familiar voice. " Tch where did you go?" Bakugou asked. Was he still talking to me. " heard you won congratulation" I gave him a smile. The air was so cold I could see my own breath.

BAKUGOU POV

" THATS NOT HOW I WANTED TO WIN" he yelled. " YOU GAVE UP THAT FIGHT WAS YOURS" " I almost killed you . I was created for one reason and one reason only. The whole now know so to. I let you guys down and I let my dad down. How can I be the princess of peace when I cant even find peace in my own head. I'm done," I said tears started to pour out my eyes. " IF i was the bad guy you would of won. Your powerful and just because its hard your going to pack up then Your not who I thought you were " he scoffed. " I almost kill you and maybe next time I will. I care about you too much for that to happen" I cried. I started to turn away. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me agaisnt him. " I know you wont. You stop because your good and you over came it. we just have to work on it. Please stay if not for yourself then the million you could save with that power. " I dont know how I stopped myself. All I remeber is blacking out and then waking to see me almost killing youself." I explain. " I said something to you and then you just snapped out of it" He said nervously . " Oh well what did you say" I asked. This could help me find the answer. " I told you I Love you" He blushed. This was a side of him I never seen before. I think im falling to. Todoroki was important to me but in the end bakugou been here. I wasnt sure if I was ready to say it back. I grabbed his face and kiss him. He started kissing back first it was soft but then its starts to get more rough and passionate. He grabbed my ass and pulled me agaisnt him. despite the freezing rain , I felt warm. He pulled away but remain eye contact with me as he pulled something out of his of his jacket. It was a small box and he handed it to me. " I wanted to give this to you when I ask you out after I won the festival correctly . That didn't go as I plan but I still want to win your heart. please accept this and be my girl. I never done this soft shit and I'm sorry if it not something I'm going to show everyday. Your worth taking my pride down a little I guess" His face was red. I open it up and it was a sliver bracelet with his name on it and diamonds. It was beautiful and way too much. I had no idea what to say. " Yes Ill be yours" he pulled me into a tight hug. " lets go to my place you need to get out of the rain and getting late" he said gently. It almost scared me the way he was being so kind. Bakugou POV We arrived at my place. She look like she was about to past out. Today was a lot on all of us. I didn't really won the sports festival but at least I won the girl. I just got to keep that damn icy hot away from her. I wanted to rip the necklace off of her that he gave her. She mine now. " Hey you stupid bitch your late" my mom bitch. No good job bakugou or nothing. " Fuck you too hoe" I said back flipping her off. She was about to really yell, until she saw Y/n come in after me. " Hey Y/n nice to see you again. I saw you tonight you should of just kill him and not worry about it' she laugh. The fucking old hag meant as a joke. Y/n face turn white though. I grabbed her hand and lead her up to my bedroom. She seem like she was still half in a daze. " Lets get out of these wet clothes. You can wear anything of mine for now." I said awkwardly. I knew we were dating but I didn't know her boundaries . There so much I want to do with her. She needed sleep tonight though. we both did. she started to strip off in my room. Oh, she wasn't paying attention to anything really. I couldn't help but to watch in amazement though. She took off her clothes and strip down till she was naked. I had to use all my self control to not do anything. then she put on one of my T-shirts that looked like a dress on her and then a pair of my boxers. I strip down to nothing and but my boxers and laid on my bed. " come here princess" I yawned. She crawled into bed and laid on top of me. She feel asleep instantly but then here phone started going off. I Pick it up and looks at it. Deku: hey are you alright. Me and your dad are really worried. Damn deku fucking worrying about my girl. I didn't want to give her a dad the pro hero a reason to hate me though. Me: yeah I'm fine just staying at a friend house. I'm really sleepy so I'm going to go to bed. Then there was other messages on the screen so I looked. Todo: hey Y/n I'm so worried about you. When you see this please answer and I was wondering if we could meet up tomorrow to talk about today and I have something I wanna ask you. I hope your safe and sleeping well beautiful. Oh hell no. She mine and he going to back the fuck off. I took a pictures of her sleeping on my chest and I sent it. Me: she mine and she sleeping fine thank you. Back the fuck off she mine now!!!!!! Todo: I see for now that may be it. I don't give up and I especially wont stop until she mine. You well slip and when you do ill be there for her. Your impulsive and abusive and don't deserve her. Me: You come any where near her your dead I blocked his number from her phone. I wrapped my arms tight around her and I pass out. The sun filled the room waking me up. She was still asleep. She was so beautiful and peaceful when she sleep. Her phone started buzzing causing her to wake. " Where my phone" she sat up straight looking for it. I handed it to her. The number didn't have a caller id. She scrunch her nose in confusion. " Hello who is this " she answered. " Todoroki, are you alright?" I heard him answered. Great rich boy has more then one phone. " Yes, what happen to your old phone number?" " Long story, where are you at?" " Bakugou house, why whats wrong?" she asked worriedly " Ill be there In 20" he said and then hung up. " Do you have anything else I can where by chance?" she asked " I think you look fine in that Idiot" I snorted grabbing her wait. " I cant go out like this" she said digging though the bag of mina and kiri clothes that they leave here. " Your not going anywhere with him and no way in hell wearing that" She hold up a short pink dress of mina. Mina was shorter then Y/n so this dress was gonna not cover anything. She took off my shirt and put on the dress anyways not listening to me at all. She grabbed my hair brush and tied it back out her face. she look stunning even though she didn't try and its for him. " I fucking mean it your not going anywhere with him" I yelled. " Chill out you have to trust me. He one of my friends and I'm yours so don't worry" she said try reassuring me. I almost lost her to him though. He going to try all Kinds of flirty shit. I cant be okay with this but I have too. She will leave if I'm too controlling. " One hour then come back" I grumbled. " I have to go home afterwards and talk to my dad" She sigh. She was right even though I wanted some time with her. The door bell ring and I hurried up to open it. IT was half and half baster. " Leave your hands off of her and no flirty shit or I will Murder you" I screamed and then Y/n push me put of the way. I grabbed her and kiss her so fucking hard in front of him. She push me away and laughed. " I'm sorry about him" she said. Walking out of the door with him. I kept trying to talk myself out of following them. I decided to invite shitty hair over to distract me.

IM open up to ideas and or request for my one shot books I'm doing. Thank you for read part 7 will be here Thursday at the latest

#bakougu #bhna #katsuki bakugou x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #bnha shoto todoroki #bakugou x reader #izuku midoria x reader #midoriya izuku #dekubaku #allmight daughter #almight #smut #fluff #angst #lovetriangle #jelouse katsuki

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years

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Hi honey. I’m sending this as a submission bc it’s going to be long; I just read your rant and I have a few things to say:

I’m so sorry and my heart bleeds for you right now. You have so much going on in your life and you’re feeling like you just need everything to slow down. I know it is all so much for you to have to take on at a time like this and I wish I could take some of your apprehension and anxiety for my own so that you weren’t hurting like this.

I truly hope your father gets better soon and all is well around your household again. It is very difficult to stick to the right path when a family member is ill. I’m keeping you in my thoughts, darling.

Self-care is not something which I am skilled in, but I do know that it is important and when we start to feel as you do right now, then we must take a step back and take care of ourselves first. Listen to your body and what it is telling you it needs. Does it need food? Rest? A shower? A fresh change of clothes? Love? Listen to your body and take care of it accordingly💗 your body will reward you if you treat it with all the same love and kindness as you do with Joker. He would love on you, darling, so why not love in yourself a little as well and make him even more proud of you than he already is?

As for the Covid testing, I know many who have had it done and most say it is not that bad. I don’t want to completely sugar-coat it, darling. It is a little uncomfortable, but it won’t be bad. We’ve talked at length about my experiences with this and so I tell you with the greatest certainty that it won’t be horrible at all. You will be fine, darling, just take a deep breath and it will be over very quickly. When I first started taking nasal sprays for allergies, I really had to psych myself up to do it because I cannot stans the thought of sticking something up my nose. But once I did it, it wasn’t so bad and now I do it without a thought. My point is that once you do it, you’ll realize it wasn’t so bad and then it’s over and you won’t have to worry anymore. I’ve found that usually the worst part about doing anything is worrying about it.

I hope you are able to get some rest tonight and find time to clear your head. I know Joker is there with you, ready to shower you in all the love and care you deserve. He is so so proud of you for making it through times like these. He knows them well, the poor soul, but now that you have each other to rely on during tough times, he doesn’t mind the rain so much because once the storm clouds clear he can see you for the stunning rainbow that you are💗

Take good care of yourself, Erika. I love you and so does Joker💗 @loveletterstoledger

Under a cut because Emotions pertaining to my recent venting posts are discussed.

Angel, omg 😭😭😭😭😭 I woke up to this after getting about three hours of sleep; I went to bed in plenty of time to get some proper rest last night but I was up so long worrying that in the end I only really had a nap, and this made me cry!💖 I really needed your kind words more than I realised and I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to send them to me, even with how you feel and with how much you’re going through. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

You’re right, now that I think about it... I do need everything to just... slow down. Things are happening all at once or not at all and every time I think I’ve got a grip on what’s happening in the world in general and also in my own life, every time I think I’ve processed something, there’s only something else to take its place. Time waits for no one, but jeez, I need a breather... I know I’m not the only one, of course I’m not, and I feel really guilty for putting negativity on people’s dashes and on my blog, which is meant to be a safe and warm space. People go to my blog to escape for a bit, not to face someone else’s problems. I put it all under a cut so people could choose for themselves to read it or not, but even so, I feel bad for it and I truly hope no one, especially you, was negatively affected by the venting posts I’ve recently posted. I apologise if so, loves.

My dad’s already getting better. He’s still not 100% but he’s much better than he was, which is a relief! Thank you so much for asking, angel! When my loved ones get sick, I get Very Scared. Even if they have a cold, I’m on edge until they get better because, especially right now, everyone’s at risk and people are dying everywhere and things are both not enough and too much all at once, if you understand what I mean. I’m just so, so scared, of everything all of the time and it’s truly exhausting. I put off bedtime every night until 2-3AM because I’m so scared that when I log off, someone I love on here will get injured or die or something and I’ll never hear from them again and I’ve even had dreams of death announcements on here and it’s... it’s not normal to have this high a level of fear for so long and funnily enough, I’m almost scared of how scared I always am and it’s a vicious cycle.

Thank you for that reminder, angel. I am... a mess right now. I’m functioning, but I’m definitely not okay. I’m barely eating (I am eating, but because my dad’s sick I just can’t bring myself to eat properly knowing he’s suffering), and because of how worried I am about everything, I’m barely sleeping... I slept three hours last night and grabbed an hour’s nap today. I’ll try to sleep more tonight but it’s just... everything just seems really hard right now. The only thing which is easy is sitting on my bed and watching the world pass me by and it’s a fight to not let myself totally zone out. I’ve been losing snatches of time - ten minutes here, half an hour there - and I’m trying to stay here, where reality calls. Thank you, angel; I very often forget to “tune in” to my body to find out what it needs and I’m definitely neglecting it. Today, I ate all three meals so I’m kind of proud of myself but at the same time, it’s concerning that that’s a point of celebration; it should be something I do so easily I don’t even think about it. OMG Joker 😭🥺 he’s with me, but there’s a very heavy air around him which I can’t read properly and I feel like he’s disapproving or maybe just super concerned. But he’s keeping me here ‘in touch’ with myself and I’m infinitely grateful to him and to you and to others for helping me to do the same. That’s very true omggg ~ 🥺🥺 I aspire every day to make my clown proud of me ❤ I hope that you’re looking after yourself in all the ways Pat and J want you to, my love! They’re so, so proud of you so why not make them prouder by treating yourself as they would?💜

I, ah... I did the Covid testing. I had to do it to myself and then a courier came and picked it up. I had to put a swab right to my tonsils and I wasn’t even half way into my mouth before I was gagging and then I had to use the same swab up both nostrils and that made me sneeze really badly afterwards and it was extremely uncomfortable and I got upset afterwards, but I did it. I hope the results help the government with their research, which is why I did the test! A moral obligation, if you will... thank you so, so much for comforting me with this too, angel. It’s extremely distressing, this pandemic, and I know that you’ve had your own experiences with it and I’m so, so proud of you for getting through it, angel! 🌷 I’m so sorry that you had to psych yourself up to do nasal sprays; I’ve never used them for the same reasons as you but I’m glad that they help you! Thank you, my love; and you’re right! The worrying was much worse than the actual test; I had panic attacks over something which was done in less than five minutes.

You are truly so, so wise and I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to send me in such kind, patient and loving words. That’s very true; if anyone knows what it’s like to lay awake worrying about things one can’t control, it’s our beloved Joker, the poor man. I can feel him here, in part; he feels heavy around me but he hasn’t left for even a moment, which I’m very grateful to him for. I’d be so lost without my clown. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are a real and true source of strength and inspiration for me and I cannot thank you enough for being who you are and for doing what you do. I love you, I love you, I love you. Please take care of yourself and know that you are loved, dearheart!💚💙

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habibialkaysani · 4 years

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okay so. a lot has been going on lately and I haven't had much time to be on here or time in general. now that the week is over tho things are starting to die down hopefully. and like I do with work emails I'm gonna just write a list, of all the things that have been going on, because I feel like my brain is about to explode otherwise.

lots of rambling, potentially triggering stuff under the cut:

1) pain. so much pain. I thought I'd moved past this endo thing, or at least that the pain was contained because of the meds the gyno gave me plus the progesterone that was definitely easing the pain for a bit during the month. but the ones my gyno gave me, they can only be taken during my period and mine isn't starting. so I've been in agony, like in so much pain, and the only relief has been a hot water bottle and codeine. and I don't want to take more days off when I've already taken sick days this year - which is not like me, at all. but potentially that might not be an issue for a while if I end up having to work from home. and in terms of addressing the root cause of the problem, that's unlikely, because the mri I had of my pelvis came back normal. no indications of endometriosis which I expected because this shit doesn't show on ultrasounds or mris. I do think there might be a chance it shows on a transvaginal ultrasound but they outright refuse to do that which really fucking pisses me off bc it's on the basis of me never being laid before which as I've mentioned is ridiculous.

2) speaking of. this motherfucking coronavirus is doing my head in. seriously i had to order hand sanitiser for the office and it still hasn't arrived. I did manage to get a few masks but god those were expensive. and just generally it's all anyone will talk about at work which is driving me nuts. and what makes it worse is that I'm going out of my mind thinking about speedy and if she gets it, because she's got a heart condition and her immune system isn't very strong even for regular flu. this shit will hit her hard and I'm terrified of that esp after hearing boris fucking johnson saying in his speech that people are going to lose loved ones. I don't know what I'll do if I lose her. actually I have an idea and it would not be good. I spoke to my brother who is a healthcare professional and he said that it's best to get in touch with the cardiology team that look after speedy to see if we can do anything preventative or get her tested.

3) in better news, my brother just announced to our family that he's getting married. already its causing arguments and his fiancee comes from a more well off family (the bar is low tho admittedly) so we're all gonna be scrambling to get our tiny house somewhat in shape for when my bro's future in laws visit in a couple weeks. but it's still good news I think because my bro is smitten and that's just nice to see. his fiancee makes him happy and that's something I'm really glad he found. they want a small wedding too so hopefully we'll have like 200 guests max, which would be sacrilege in any desi household lol.

4) I've been looking for a new job for a while now. things at work have been tough, ever since my old manager gave in her notice. I don't mind my current manager all that much, but she's in hr, and she's clearly never managed anyone before because she is nowhere near as good a support system as my old manager. I could go to my old manager and complain about something and she'd listen, and she actively made an effort to monitor my workload. this new one, she just doesn't put the same effort in and she also just doesn't understand the role I'm in either. she seems to think the job I do is easy and straightforward when it is neither, on the basis that she thinks admin is something anyone could do, and she does nothing to try and ease things when my workload gets heavy. plus my managers manager who is also in hr is just really not nice. she enjoys a power trip way too much. that and the fat cats that are our clients - well suffice it to say I think my time here is up. so I've been looking and I found a nonprofit that was hiring. I did my first interview with them and it went surprisingly well. and now I've got my second one next friday. I really hope that goes well too and that I get the job, just so I can see the look on my managers managers face when I give in my notice 😂 and this new job if I get it would be five fewer hours and I think that could do wonders for my wellbeing. and my sanity.

5) writing. I've done none of it. it's a problem. I don't know what to do to make my mojo come back because I write the best when I'm alone, and I'm never on my own nowadays unless I'm in bed in pain, in which case writing is the last thing I feel like doing. but I also really want to write. so badly. I feel like I'm emotionally more stable when I'm writing. I'm happier. and I just do not have that right now which is not fun.

6) reading - now this is something I have done. my dear friend reen recommended a series of books called reluctant royals, by alyssa cole, and omg. they are so good. I powered through three big novels and two novellas. like I devoured them. and I'm being reminded of how much I love books. good ones. they made me laugh a lot and I'm really glad my friend recommended them.

7) speaking of devouring. a few weeks ago I found on several occasions that people were offering their seats to me on public transport, presumably because they thought I was pregnant. it was this combined with my doctor admitting my bmi wasn't normal (tho only when I asked if this might be causing the pain) that made me realise that I needed to lose weight drastically, and to eat better and walk more. so I've been eating more veggies and salad. trying to put more greens on my plate. not have fast food as often. in all honesty I'm not sure how much of a difference its actually made, but I do know that I feel a little better having done so over the last few weeks. my brother also said I looked like I had lost weight. I've also noticed it a little in my tummy going in a bit too. but I also know that this is a rabbit hole I don't want to go down too far. I worry I might have already with the weighing which I've been doing far too often now that there's scales at work (for weighing big packages). I don't want this to spiral out of control. but I think I've done okay so far, minus the weighing thing - I've always eaten when I've felt hungry so it's not like I'm starving myself. and so far I've only lost about 3kg. which I feel is significant but also nowhere near enough when it comes to the nhs bmi calculator.

8) my little brother has been acting up for months now, and tbh it's starting to give me anxiety. my mother found weed in his room and he's just been rebelling in what I see as normal teenage ways like smoking and staying out late, but it's also affecting his school and I'm worried he won't leave with decent a levels bc he already failed once. and his school keeps emailing my dad about him supposedly being absent, and my dad's response to this for about two months now has been to post a screenshot of each email into the family group chat and demand where my bro has been. it doesn't help. and I don't need to be notified every time he skips school or whatever like that is not my fucking problem to have to see when I'm at work and have enough stresses as it is. my dad is an idiot and honestly some days I would dearly love to punch the man in the face.

9) I start my group therapy in a couple weeks. it’s for generalised anxiety and I am really, really hoping it will help me because the other group therapy I’ve done previously, like a couple months back, has proven to be really helpful. here’s hoping.

10) if anyone is still reading this far - I realise this sounds a lot like I'm feeling sorry for myself. maybe I am to some degree. but my life is just a lot right now and I'm genuinely a bit shocked I'm still in one piece and that I haven't had a nervous breakdown yet. everything is a lot and I feel like I'm going through a lot of change. that's hard. but I'm trying my best to get through this and I hope somehow I can. I actually left tumblr for a bit because for various reasons I didn’t feel as safe talking about my problems on here, through no fault but my own really. I’m hoping I’ve moved past that now.

#me.txt #personal #body image cw #ed tw #work tag #desi tag #uterus tag #long post for ts #tmi

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hangonimevolving · 6 years

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Attempting some gratitude, for once.

I need to post this, before the thought and the mood from which it’s sprung both dissipate into thin air.

I suck at gratitude, on the whole. Seriously, I do, and I know I need to work on that. I’ll spare everyone my sob stories, explanations, justifications, etc. for why I have had a hard time with gratitude in recent years, but suffice to say - I am aware that I suck at it, and I heard somewhere that the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one.... so fine. I admit it. I’m ungrateful and unappreciative in my life most days.

But today, I’ve had multiple - MULTIPLE - moments of just feeling this weird, inexplicable, warm and fuzzy, happy, sigh-inducing THING just bubble up in me. And I was like WTF is this feeling?! Why is my tummy all glittery and light? Why am I sitting here on the sofa smiling for no damn reason?! OHHHHH! Wait! Is this.....gratitude?! HOLY SHIT, I think it is! So I’m gonna write it down and note it for all posterity. I, Evolver, have felt gratitude on this 7th day of September, 2018.

It all started last Saturday night, where, right in the middle of Labor Day weekend and my sister Rithers’ visit to our hike in Miami along with her hubby, Uncle K, and her kids H20 and NiNi, our 5.5-year old Vevvy fell ill. We thought that perhaps he was just overly exhausted from a long and happy day in the pool when he felt warm to the touch on Saturday night, but mid-day Sunday, during a beach excursion - Vev’s FAVORITE thing in the world, he completely fell apart, acting listless, fatigued, and not having fun at all. One look at him, standing statuesque on the beach, staring out to sea longingly while tears rolled down his cheeks, said it all: “what is going on?! I’m so confused, mommy! I’m in my favorite place in the world, and yet I feel so miserable! What is happening to me?!” A hand on his forehead revealed that he was burning up. Without a moment’s hesitation, Dr. Spouse loaded him up in the car and headed for home, while I remained at the beach with Dey to host Rithers and co. a while longer. Poor Vev needed a shower, some kiddie Tylenol, and bed rest, stat.

the “I am siiiiick” face :(

Over the next seven - SEVEN! - days, Vev would continue to have relentless fevers or 101-103F even with continuous children’s Tylenol and Motrin. He also developed monster congestion in his sinuses and nose, headaches, body ache, and general fatigue. I was sincerely shocked and more than a little intimidated by his congestion snot (keeping it real), which was so thick and oppressive, it would choke his throat and inhibit his from breathing if he dared to rest in even a semi-reclining position.

The poor kid had no choice but to be completely upright if he didn’t want to gag on his own phlegm, which meant that he (and by transitive property, I) could really sleep no more than 90 minutes at a stretch for four nights straight. He was miserable, and I was doing everything I could to help him, staying with him each night either on an air mattress in my bedroom, or just holding him against my shoulder/chest in my bed while he desperately tried to sleep and breathe at the same time. I felt awful for him, and mused for a moment about parents whose children have respiratory disorders like CF who live their lives this way.... good health is such a blessing that we all take for granted.

As much as I hated every minute of Vev’s suffering, there was something a bit nostalgic in holding him sleeping in my arms for several consecutive nights. Wasn’t there a time in the not-so-distant past where this was the ONLY way he’d sleep?! I bitch and moan all the time about how clingy, dependent, and non-self reliant my kids are — but it has been years since Vev needed me at night this way. My Vevvy has grown up a lot.

And to his credit, despite all this sicky misery, he was really a trooper while ill. Against his traditional character, when sick or not, he really didn’t complain much - just went quiet and kept to himself for days, forming a little nest on the sofa each day with a warm blankie, big box of Kleenex, and his iPad, not really asking for much at all except quiet and rest. He never really complained when I had to give him medication, and he did his best to heed my urges to drink clear fluids even when I could tell he really didn’t want to. And - forgive the TMI here - but you know your kid is really growing up when they begin to have some way of forewarning you and/or running to the bathroom on their own steam and hitting the preferred target of the toilet when they’ve gotta vomit. Fortunately, Vev only puked twice this week, and I suspect that too was only bc he gagged on his own copious snot — but both times, he announced “throwwww uuuup!” to me before sprinting to the loo and handling affairs with no mess and accurate aim. HALLELUJAH! This should be considered a major developmental milestone!!! (And yes - poor, poor kid! I really am glad it was only the twice, because that must have sucked a lot for him!)

Yeah, so. He’s growing up. Way to go, buddy!!!... and, sniff.

(supposedly this says “Mommy I love you ”... but he always starts writing at the bottom of a page and works his way up. He may also be of the mind that “Mommy” is spelled “mom-E.” Yes, we’re gonna work on it)

It was only yesterday, Thursday, that we got an official pediatrician diagnosis of his illness: the flu, as in the legit flu virus, or Influenza A. The word came too late for antiviral medications to be of any great use to him, unfortunately, but I was grateful anyway that we got a halfway-decent pediatrician BRILLIANT nurse practitioner who needed my assertive request demand for a prophylactic prescription or Tamiflu for Dey. We’ve had shitty luck in South Florida with pediatricians who appear to be reactionary and unnecessarily nonsensical in their responses to my requests for help - but this time, our pedi NP was A+. She treated our family like competent, educated people and did things that made sense as far as ensuring this highly-contagious virus wouldn’t spread to another healthy child living in the same household. I wish she could be our regular PCP (but of course, I bet she can’t be, bc she’s not a doctor. Grr, fucking managed care. Oops, hold it - I’m supposed to be channeling gratitude here, not my customary bitchiness. My bad.)

Anyway, speaking of Dey, I’ve got to brag about him a bit here too. At 3.5 years old, Dey’s baseline is definitely chill, go-with-the-flow, glass-half-full, and a pleasant, happy and easygoing “whatever you want, dude!”-ness that Vev NEVER was at that age. It’s been really awesome to see. But this week, his general outlook on life, combined with impressive moments of being a team player, cooperating, helping out, and exhibiting formidable empathy really made me sooo proud.

It’s certainly understandable that he’d be potentially jealous that his older brother got to skip an entire week of school while he still had to go. It would be even more understandable since they are actual CLASSMATES at school this year (yes, our Montessori school groups ages 4-6/preschool, pre-K and kindergarten in one classroom, so they’ve been together at school and at home since the start of the academic year). So I was very impressed when Dey accepted his brother’s illness and his need to stay home from school, while he was forced to go. Without one word of complaint, he’d get up each morning, eat his breakfast, get washed up and dressed out in uniform, gather his things, then visit Vev quickly and dispense a goodbye hug and a “hope you feel better, Vev!” before loading up in the car for school drop-off. What a trooper. At afternoon pick-up, when I’d ask about his day at school, he’d say with a little frown, “oh, school was okay...but Vev wasn’t on the playground.” It was kinda weird feeling my heart simultaneously break a little, but also burst with pride at how much he loves his brother. Sweet kiddo.

At home, each afternoon he’d run excitedly to Vev to see how he was doing, his face full of hopeful anticipation that perhaps today, Vev was feeling better and could play with him... but when he’d find Vev too miserable and tired to play, his face would momentarily fall in disappointment, but then he would muster some compassion and understanding, silently shuffle away, and find a quiet game to do in the vicinity, just so he could be nearby without disturbing Vev. Or, cuter still, he’d snuggle down on the opposite side of the couch as Vev, and tune his iPad into the same YouTube video Vev would be watching, so they could give each other silly smiles and glances during the funny parts. The boy would periodically race off in the house to find his toy doctor kit, and would affix his little plastic stethoscope to his ears so he could “give Vev a checkup” and “make him feel better.”

(Dr. Cutie Pie is in)

It was adorable, man. His whole world spins because of his brother. It’s so touching. I don’t know how it is that I managed to have two kids who love each other so much, because karmically I’ve done NOTHING to earn this. My sister and I were rotten to each other as kids, and only really turned a corner on it in our... what, our late 30′s?! Haha :) But I’m so grateful for these two dudes. These two little people are the best of friends, and they can’t live without each other. The feels.

One more funny brag about Dey. Dr. Spouse and I often jokingly refer to him as Dory, i.e. the lovable blue fish, voiced by Ellen DeGeneres from the Disney movie “Finding Nemo.” Dory’s schtick is that she’s easily distracted and has short-term memory.

Fittingly, Dory is one of Dey’s favorite cartoon characters, and he’s not shy to let the world know....

youtube

Anyway. Remember that whole prophylactic script for Tamiflu? Mind you, I was so grateful to get it. But. Ummmm, pediatric Tamiflu tastes FOUL. It is seriously the most bitter, disgusting, viscous goo I’ve ever gingerly licked to mentally prepare myself for my kid’s reaction to. I began fearing Dey’s reaction, and the ensuing tantrums to come over the five-day course of the drug. But I spoke matter-of-fairly to Dey about how this was a medicine he’d need to take to keep himself healthy, and that it would be a little bit yucky, but that I’d give him a HUGE spoonful of sugar right after to make it taste better (and THANK YOU, blessed Mary Poppins, for your genius).

Luckily, little Dory just took my words at face value without any further thought, opened his mouth, and downed the nasty shot of devil’s semen Tamiflu that I dispensed into his mouth. Immediately his face went every shade of red, purple, and white, with a coordinating expression like “what the hell is this shit?!” — but I swooped in there prepared, like a crack-smoking Mother of Batman, giving him a swig of water then heaping a MASSIVE spoon of white sugar directly onto his tongue. The result was nothing short of magical - the kid instantaneously closed his eyes in pleasure, turned up his cute little round cheeks to the ceiling with a huge smile on his face, and loudly cooed “Mmmm!” as if it was the best damn thing he’d ever eaten in his life. Moments later, the sugar fully dissolved, Dey matter-of-fairly reminisced with a RainMan-esque tone, “hey mommy, that medicine was kind of yucky for me. Kind of salty. Kind of spicy. But the SUGAR WAS YUUUUUUMMMMMY!” I worried that at the next dosing (and man, the kid’s gotta take it morning and night, poor little dude) he’d run screaming from the salty spicy medicine, and wouldn’t fall for the sugar trick — but amazingly, when I announced “medicine and sugar time,” the child came RUNNING to me with a huge grin on his face like he’d just won the lottery. He gulped down the medicine like a champ, swigged the water himself, then began changing “Su-gar! Su-gar! Su-gar!” till I ladled a bit into his mouth. Naturally, my mind spun forward a bit, concerned that his ease of overcoming the Yucky Taste Barrier and downing this stuff for a cheap reward might translate into some unsavory teenage and young adult behaviors (err, tequila shot champion in the making?! Please god, help us). But, for now - eternally grateful for my little Dory’s easy distractability and forgiving memory!!! Vev, at that age and even now, would have NEVER gone along with this!

(is it just me, or do they even kinda sorta look alike, Dory and Dey? No one else sees it?! No one?!!! Hmm...)

Anyway. In conclusion, it’s not normal for me to have something kind of bad happen, like the flu hitting one of my kids, but finding some good in the mess. But here I am, in spite of myself, awash in all the warm fuzzies.

1. I’ve got two healthy, happy kids, when many people have children with serious health issues and have to live their lives watching their kids sick and miserable all the time

2. my kids are growing up, becoming wonderfully independent, self-reliant, empathetic and helpful. But they still sometimes need me, and that’s nice too.

3. They both have such fun, distinct personalities.

4. I admit that it’s pretty awesome that my second kid is so chill. Love them both to bits, but if kid #2 has been more ornery and neurotic, I think that would have sucked. Having a chill kid #2 is a godsend.

5. They frigging LOVE EACH OTHER. It’s a goddamn brotherly love fest up in here.

6. Last but not least - the flu sucks, but it isn’t forever, and life will go on. Soon, in fact. And we’ll be onto the next adventure together. Look forward to seeing what it’ll be!

#Vev #Dey #parenthood #influenza #flu #brotherlylove

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philanddanxreader · 6 years

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Not So Sober Secrets

Hello, Love Bugs!!

Phil X Reader

Warnings- drinking, smut. I made this a smut because I make the rules.

Can you write about how like the reader got really wasted bc she decided to just have a little fun one night after studying hard for college and her friend calls d/p (whichever) and they pick her up (bc they're like best friends or something) and drive her home and she starts telling them about how she likes them but doesn't remember any of it in the morning, thanks ^^

“I’m not drunk! You’re the drunk one!” your friend was holding your hair back as you announced this from the bush you had been throwing up in only moments ago. Midterms are hard. No one would ever disagree with you on that. What some may disagree with you on was your method of celebrating. It was a Thursday night when you showed up at your friends with a few mismatched bottles of random liquor you had found around your dorm room. If you were being honest with yourself you knew you should probably wait one more day before getting shit faced. But in Uni there are no real rules as to when it is and isn't acceptable to drink.

When you first arrived you had to try really hard to convince your friend to have a few drinks with you. She has a midterm on Monday so you told her that is more than enough time to study and that she needed a well-deserved break from studying. After the first few drinks, your mind went to that fuzzy place where you feel all warm and giggly but not too drunk that you can walk straight or you are spilling your guts to anyone willing to listen. The plan was originally only to get to this point and stop after that. Get on a bus and go to sleep in your tiny little dorm bed. That was the intended plan. What actually happened was your best friends boyfriend coming home after a long evening at work to find the two of you giggling on the couch. This to him was the perfect excuse to have a mini party with the three of you in the tiny apartment and the night had taken off from there. It was all a blur of drinks and singing to weird 2000’s songs from a band that never lasted past their two hits. The clock had hit about three when you realized that not only do you have class tomorrow but also that you couldn't take a bus anywhere at this time of night.

That's when you got the idea for your friend to call Phil to come pick you up. He owed you a ride from the last time you saved him so it only seemed fair that he return the favour. In both your own and your friend's drunken state this was a perfect idea. Sooner than you even realized you were being drugged outside by your friend as she announced to Phil down the drive how happy she was that he came to get you because in her own words. “I'm getting laid tonight take this lovely bitch home.”

You gave your friend one more hug goodbye before you let Phil practically push you into the passenger seat of his roommate's car. Unfortunately, this wasn't the first time that both Phil and yourself had been in this car with one of you drunk. Last time, however, Phil was the drunk one getting into the passenger. He had gone out with a bunch of the boys to a strip club for one of the boys birthdays and ended up calling you from outside in the alley begging for you to go to his dorm and steal his roommate's keys to pick him up and take him home. When you arrived he was a lot more drunk then one would have expected. Phil was in all the sense of the term a hot mess. The first clue was when he tried to get in the wrong side of the car. Once you had him a bit more situated and buckled in Phil’s weird drunk demands started to roll in. He couldn't pick between McDonald's or making a frozen pizza back at his place. You had ended up staying the night on the couch in the common area instead of walking back to your own dorm.

Once back inside the car, Phil tried to lean over and buckle you in before you swatted his hand away. “I can do it myselfs” you announced as you kept searching for the seatbelt repeatedly. Phil stayed patient as he watched you struggle before you finally got yourself safely strapped in. Phil started to drive the little car down the street as you let the warm air wash over you from the open window. It had been rather quiet in the car with only the light music coming from the radio to kill the silence. Your eyes were already feeling heavy and the mixture of the breeze and the music put you to sleep nearly instantly. fifteen minutes you work to a voice that seemed almost far away but familiar.

“Y/N were almost back to the dorms. Where is your student ID so we can get in?” You pulled out your bag from near your feet and started to search for the bit of plastic that had your face on it. Once you found it you tossed it into the cup holder before resting back in the seat. Your mind started to wonder as the silence between the two of you felt almost defining. Well, at least it did to you in that moment so you decided to fill in the space.

“So Philly? Tell me what's your favourite colour?” Phil paused for a moment before responding.

“I think blue.” your filter had somehow seemed to disappear along with your sobriety.

“How do you think you know your favourite colour? Silly boy. Well, you’re not a boy. You, sir, are a man.” Did you even recognize what was coming out of your mouth? “Hmmm, you know Phil I like you. I always say that Phil is the type of guy I would have no problem calling daddy all night long.” That just actually happened. “It's not just your face either. You are so sweet and funny. Man, I would do you. And that’s not just the drunk girl in me talking.” Oh hell yes it is the drunk girl in your talking. SOber you would have duct tape over your mouth so quick people would think you were in a hostage situation. Phil didn't end up adding more to the conversation and let you fall asleep again as he rounded the corner towards the university dorms.

The sun streaming in through the curtains was possibly the most annoying thing you have ever witnessed in recent memory. Usually, the sun doesn't shine into your window in the morning so you figured you must have really slept in. Trying to stretch you quickly noticed a hand resting on your hip. You tried your hardest to think of what the hell happened last night. Sure things were blurry but you don't remember picking anyone up. You were at a friends. Where would you find someone from there? Rubbing your eyes you decided to try and access the situation that you have found yourself in. The room seemed oddly familiar but you couldn't quite remember why. Stupid hangover headaches. Trying to think a bit harder a terrible thought came to mind. What if you had fucked one of your roommates.Peeking under the covers you were happy to see you were fully clothed and the only thing that was missing were your socks. So that ruled out that you made yourself a complete fool last night so your only option was to turn over and see who it was that was keeping you warm.

You counted to three in your head before slowly flipping over to find a pleasant surprise. Phil’s cute sleepy little face was smushed close to yours to be sure that the two of you could share the only pillow that fit on the tiny bed. Flipping completely over you watched Phil slowly wake up with a little smile on his face. He gave a quick little yawn before looking at you with his soft sleepy eyes.

“How are you feeling? I’m honestly surprised you didn't get sick last night. You were a pretty hot mess. I tried to take you to your dorm but you insisted that you come to mine. Something about freezing to death in your room.” You couldn't help the pink tones that were creeping on your cheeks. Good God, what did you say or even do last night? You don't even remember how you got here.

“Did I walk here?” Phil gave a little giggle as he gave a little stretch in the air.

“Wow I knew you were drunk but I didn't think you would forget that I came to get you in my roommate's car.” You honestly tried but even after being told Phil came and got you from your friends you still couldn't remember a thing.

“I'm sorry I insisted on staying in your bed last night. Also, I'm sorry you had to come and get my really drunk ass home.Did I… Did I say anything too embarrassing.” Suddenly Phil became a lot more quiet than usual. “Oh God, what did I say? If I told you my credit card number please just try and forget it.” This made Phil crack a smile before putting his serious face on.

“It was probably just the liquor talking but you were pretty admitted last night that you have a crush on me. I tried to reason with you but you insisted and would only call me. Well. You said that I should change my name to daddy because that's all you would be calling me if we were a couple.” You didn't think your eyes could become bigger but boy were you wrong. Only three people knew that you have a crush on Phil and Phil was not meant to be one of those people.

“I'm so sorry I will just leave thank you for saving me. Please just forget anything happened, you are too sweet.” As you went to crawl out of the little bed Phil grabbed your wrist making you turn around in a bit of shock.

“Y/N. Please. I wanted to wait until this morning until you were sober to admit that I really like you as well. I won't be calling you daddy anytime soon but I really like you as well.” You couldn't tell if it was the mix of liquor still in your system or if it was because you had been dreaming about this moment forever but for once you didn't think with your head about what if’s and just went with what felt right in the moment and pressed a kiss to Phil’s surprised lips. Thankfully it took Phil only seconds to start kissing you back as he pulled you back into bed to have you sit on his lap. If this was a dream you never wanted it to stop.

The heavy makeout session quickly turned into a heavy petting session filled with desire and pent-up feelings that were begging to get out. The next few minutes were a blur of clothes being shed and moans being mixed with named filling the air of the little room. Soon enough you had found yourself laid on your back with Phil hovering over you as he kissed his way down your hips.

You couldn't help the shiver that ran through you as Phil's fingers traced there way over your thighs and down your legs. He was rested comfortably at the end of the bed looking down at you with a look that screamed I want to fuck you. Almost without realizing you were nodding at Phil almost pleading for him to touch you. Phil gave a quick smirk before pulling your knees apart to reveal your still clothed core. Phil's hands slipped into the waistband of your panties to remove them in one quick motion.

You didn't even try to hide your smile as you watched the article get tossed across the room to land God knows where. Phil’s breath was tickling your inner thigh as he slowly leaned into run kisses along your skin before he reached where you so desperately needed him to be. You had imagined this over million times but even your imagination couldn't compare even fifty percent to the real thing that's happening now. Phil looked up at you from your waist waiting patiently for you to give him permission to continue. Reaching down you ran a hand through his hair looking down at the beautiful boy you had been pinning over forever. Even if this was just a dream you wanted to have this sight burned into your memory for as long as possible.

Taking a deep breath you gave Phil one more smile as you nodded and let almost a whimper of a yes escape your lips. Phil gave a few more kisses to the sensitive skin on your legs before pressing one of his kisses on your clit. You didn't even notice Phil move your legs so they were spread more as he wrapped his arms around the back of your thighs to hold you still. Even though you were expecting it the sensation of Phil’s tongue running over your clit was enough of a shock to the system he had to tighten his grip so you wouldn't be able to squirm away from him. Phil repeated this making sure to only run his tongue over your clit once then wait a moment before doing it again. It was almost agony to have this repeated over and over again. You had to beg Phil to stop. Not because it didn't feel good. But because the teasing was going to make you implode. Phil gave a little giggle at this before he started to suck at the little bundle of nerves. Was this worse than the teasing? You honestly couldn't tell from the lack of any thought besides trying not to scream so loud that every single one of Phil’s roommates would be able to hear you screaming his name. Your one hand was between your teeth trying to muffle your sounds while the other was in Phil’s hair pushing and pulling at the sensations you were feeling. Your brain was buzzing from everything making the question Phil was asking to go in one ear and out the other.

“Y/N? Love. Come back to me for a moment.” Phil’s voice brought you back to look down at him to only find him looking back at you.

“Sorry. Yes?” Phil smiled kissing your thigh with a little giggle.

“Do you mind if I finger you?” You actually let out a laugh before you realized he was being serious.

“Oh god, Phil you are adorable. You don't have to ask me every time you want to do something. I have and still do give my consent to you. If I wasn't comfortable with something I would let you know. Trust me. I’m beyond enjoying myself.” Phil shined a bright smile at you from where he was laying at the end of his bed. Leaning down you pulled Phil closer so you could give him a proper kiss. The mix of the taste of Phil and yourself on his lips was, in all honesty, a bit weird but you really didn't mind. Phil was the one to pull away first only to return his lips back to kissing other things.

His tongue slowly made its way down further to your entrance before you could feel him start to suck and lick making you feel like you were melting into the little bed. Phil’s mouth moved back to your clit making you release a sad little moan until one of his fingers slipped into you. That sad moan quickly turned into a happy one as Phil pushed his second finger into you. It wasn't very long that you were turning into an even bigger mess than before. Phil was quickly pushing you faster to the edge of orgasm then you thought was possible. Your hands moved away from Phil's hair and onto the sheets under you. It didn't take long before you could feel the complete build-up of your orgasm right before toppling over the edge. You meant to tell Phil or even say something but you didn't get much out past a few swears and the moans of Phil’s name mixed with sounds you didn't even know you made. Phil continued to suck and curl his fingers inside of you as your orgasm finally toppled over the edge letting the waves of actual bliss run through you from your toes up to your burning ears. Phil stayed in tune with your body as he continued to help your ride out your orgasm to get every second out of it.

Once the jolts stopped running through your body Phil crawled up beside you kissing your burning cheek before laying beside the best he could in the small single bed. Phil was reaching for the blankets to cover your naked body before you stopped him.

“Wait. What about you?” Phil gave you a small smile as he kissed your cheek again.

“I'm fine Love. Really. It was enough watching you. Besides I'm sure you are still exhausted from last night. I have a feeling we will be fooling around more times than this.” Cuddling into Phil’s chest you had finally felt safe and comfortable for the first time in a long time maybe you should confess your drunken love more often.

#amazingphil #amazingphil x reader #amazingphil smut #amazingphil imagine #amazingphil x reader smut #phil lester #phil x reader #phil lester imagine #Phil lester x reader #phil lester smut #phil lester x reader smut

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maynardtrash · 7 years

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Of All People~Josh Pieters

A/N: wowza it hasn’t been a month and i’m posting again go me. i’ve seen josh has been highkey unrepped in imagines and i feel like he’d fit this prompt so ye here u go all u filthy josh pieters’ stans. btw this is kinda AU bc i have no idea if grant went to school w caspar and josh pls dont abuse my inbox w aggressive facts k thank u.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been popular with my peers. Maybe because, for the most part, the popular people aren’t the ruthless satanists you see on TV. 99.9% of us are decent people. I’d like to think I’m a good person, at least. That being said, there are a certain few I’d have to associate with that represented our group poorly. They were all football players and they thought they were somewhat of demigods. There was always one specific group they would target as well. Those they considered beneath them. The theater kids.

There were three specific people they would target: Caspar, Grant, and Josh. I felt so bad for them. They didn’t deserve the abuse in the slightest. They were such sweet, caring, witty guys, especially Josh. Watching Josh get made fun of was especially hard for me to see since I’ve always had a little crush on him. I never really noticed him until our drama class, but when I saw him, I couldn’t get him out of my mind. He was so passionate about acting and the art of theater. I got lost in his debates and rants while trying to defend his critiques and praises of certain pieces. He got so heated, and so did I. I had to admit, when he was in his element, he was pretty damn hot.

I walked into drama to the usual scene: everyone in their individual groups mingling, then Jacobi and Martin, two of the football players, torturing Josh and Caspar. For some reason, I was not having it today. Maybe I had finally gotten sick of it, but I decided enough was enough. “Jacobi. Martin. Why don’t you just leave them alone?” I asked, exasperated.

“Because it’s none of your fucking business, (Y/N),” Martin snapped back at me.

“Yeah, since when are you gonna defend a bunch of losers?” Jacobi chimed in, his tone suggested he was hurt.

“Since I realized they’ve done nothing to deserve your abuse!” I spat. Before the two idiots could finish their argument, our drama teacher came in and we took a seat. I decided to sit with Josh and Caspar. “Are you guys good?” I asked.

“Yeah, we’re good,” Caspar responded. Josh did nothing but stare blankly. “Thank you for that.”

“Of course,” I assured him. “You guys are way better than them anyway.”

“Oh, trust me,” Caspar said. “We’re aware. They’re just insecure or whatever.” I laughed at his response and nodded. “They don’t even know the half of it,” I thought to myself. “Where’s Grant?” I asked. He would have come in by now, but he was nowhere to be found. “He stayed home for the day,” Caspar said. “He’s taking a personal day for video games and pizza. Lucky bastard.” I giggled at his response. Caspar and I talked for a bit while Josh just sat there. We were eventually hushed by our teacher.

There was about a half hour left of the class when the teacher hit us with a curve ball. “Okay, class!” she announced while we read through West Side Story. “I have an assignment for you all. I understand the weekend is upon us, so I’ll be giving you a gift!” The class clapped and buzzed with excitement. “You will be doing a summary and synopsis of West Side Story with a partner that I am assigning to drive you out of your comfort zone!” she announced. The class groaned in harmony. There’s nothing worse than having to work with someone you barely talk to over your weekend when you could be doing literally anything else.

She posted the list on the board right before the bell rang. We all shuffled over to see who we were stuck with. Once I saw who I was paired with, my heart fluttered. “(Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)-----Josh Pieters”. I was with Josh. I had to contain my emotions, but I was more than excited. I finally had an excuse to talk to him. He was beginning to pack up when I approached him. “Hey, partner!” I said excitedly. He looked up from shoving his books in his bag and stared blankly again. “Oh,” he deadpanned. “Cool.” I shifted my weight, feeling disappointment set in. “He could be a little more excited,” I thought to myself. “How about we meet at my house later? I wanna get this out of the way so we can at least try to enjoy the weekend, you know?” He only nodded, then began to walk away. “Wait!” I yelled after him. He turned with the same blank expression on his face. “Gimme your phone.”

“Why?” he asked cautiously.

“So I can give you my number and address?”

“Oh, yeah.” I typed my number in his phone then texted my address to myself so I could save his number. “Come by at five, okay?” I told him.

“Yeah, okay,” he responded without a hint of emotion in his voice.

Five o’ clock had rolled around, and there was no sign of Josh. I was about to be extremely upset, but, two minutes later, there was a knock at my door. I swung the door open to the tall ginger I’d been waiting for for so long. He gave an awkward smile and wave. “I’m here,” he said, a little more life in his voice.

“Perfect!” I responded. “Just drop your bag in there.” I led him to the living room and plopped down on the couch. “C’mere,” I said, patting the seat right next to me. “I don’t bite, I promise.” He placed his bag in front of the cushion next to mine and sat down. His posture was rigid and he looked extremely stiff. “You can sit back,” I informed him. “I mean, we’ll be here for a bit.” He only nodded and slid back. “So,” he finally spoke up. “Where are your parents?”

“On a business trip,” I told him and he nodded in response.

“So you have the whole place to yourself?” he asked.

“Yep! It’s pretty nice. I get to do whatever, whenever. I have it to myself for another week if you’d like to come back over.”

“You know, I don’t need your pity!” he snapped. I was taken aback. I did nothing to deserve the tone he had, and I was fed up. “Now, listen here!” I snapped back. “I don’t pity you! I think you’re a very interesting and dynamic person that I’d like to get to know! I’m not trying to treat you like a charity case, I just think you’re cute, okay!?” I realized what I said once it left my mouth and I went bright red. We sat in silence for a bit when Josh broke it and asked, “You... You really think I-I’m cute? Like, not in a baby way?”

“No, not in a baby way,” I responded with a giggle. “Like ‘someone I’d be interested in dating’ cute.” That’s when it happened. Josh grabbed my face and kissed me. His lips felt as soft as velvet. Everything happened so quickly. Before I knew it, I was straddling him and both our tops were gone. Our make out session was getting heated by the second, then Josh pulled away. I was upset to say the least. “I-I’m sorry,” he stuttered. I was awaiting rejection. “It’s just... you have no idea how often I’ve dreamed of this happening,” he said. “I never thought in a million years this would happen.”

“I feel the same way,” I added breathlessly. His face broke out into a goofy smile and we continued to kiss passionately. I then stopped the fun to lead him to my room. We walked in and he immediately closed the door and pinned me to it. He kissed my jawline and neck sloppily, bounding my wrists together with his one giant hand, the other hand exploring my curves. I whimpered under his touch. “It’s always the quiet ones,” I thought.

“Have you done this before?” I asked him. He chuckled darkly. “Jacobi and Martin may think I’m a gay virgin, but they’ve never been more wrong,” he answered. With that, his free hand went to my soaking panties. “Excited, are we?” he asked excitedly.

“Yes,” I responded breathlessly. He began to rub vigorously and I screamed in response. “That’s right,” he encouraged me. “Scream for me, babe.” I felt like I was about to burst from an orgasm when he stopped. I groaned in frustration and he smiled. “If you’re gonna cum, it’s gonna be on my cock,” he growled. He then threw me on my bed and I giggled in delight. This was the best time I’ve ever had with a guy, and it was with nerdy, quiet Josh. I couldn’t have been happier.

He leaned his thighs on the edge of the bed and before my open legs. He dropped his pants and boxer briefs at the same time and held his hard cock in his hand. He slowly stroked his erection to the sight of me, and I couldn’t help but touch myself in response. “Fuck, (Y/N),” Josh groaned. “You’re so fucking hot. Who got you this fucking wet, huh?”

“You did,” I whimpered in response.

“Louder!” he yelled as he stroked himself vigorously.

“YOU DID, JOSH!” I shrieked. He then stopped jerking himself off and climbed on the bed. He grabbed a condom from his pants on the floor and rolled it on. He sat down and pat his leg. “Sit on my lap, baby,” he commanded. I wasted no time and climbed on top of him. He lined himself up to my dripping pussy and rammed himself into me. We were in sync within seconds, pounding up and down at the same time. We groaned, moaned, and screamed as we pleasured each other. I came within what felt like seconds, and Josh followed shortly behind.

After we calmed down, I began to lay down as I thought it was over. Josh had other plans. “Lay on your stomach,” he told me. I followed his directions and lay on my stomach. “Now get on your knees so your ass is up in the air.” Once again, I did as I was told. I couldn’t see much as my face was somewhat in a pillow, but that’s when I felt him enter me again. I responded with a drawn out moan as he pounded me from behind. I felt all new sensations and did nothing but moan nonstop. We both came quickly from the position and because of how sensitive we were from our first round.

He then collapsed next to me and brought me into his chest. “So,” he said, his o slightly drawn out. “Does this mean... like... are we a thing now?”

“Do you want to be?” I asked in return.

“I think you know my answer.”

“Then yes.”

“But what are people gonna say?” He had a point. I could hear it now. “Josh Pieters? Really? Of all people?” But I didn’t care. As long as I had him, nothing mattered.

#josh pieters #josh pieters fanfiction #josh pieters smut #Buttercream Gang #buttercream imagine #buttercream squad #josh pieters imagine

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sumergosuigeneris · 5 years

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April 18, 2019 Part I

I love the way The Kids are Alright talks about kids.

Yesterday was exhausting.

I got up early enough to make it to work by 8:15-ish am. Yay! Got all the food set up on time. The talk by boss1 and boss2 was kind of enraging. And I haven’t really been able to talk to anyone about it yet. Not completely. Thankful for here!

Boss1 talked first. He talked about what his new job was gonna be, and how he was still gonna be very embedded with our group, and his vision for the group, which is gonna be very much research-based. It sounded like a) he isn’t really leaving, and b) the group will continue to be his own personal research group, but with more research and more faculty. He did this by talking about how much research and stuff the group has taken on in the years since he’s been there. He talked research a lot. But I felt like he blew my peeps’ group off! And they’re the research group! Also, he talked about how they’re trying to start a department, in a few years, and he expected the dept to be a large part of it. Again, without talking about the research group. Boss2 spoke and basically validated everything he said. All of this is different from what Boss2 had me expecting, so I got pretty upset. What it seemed is there are competing visions for how this split is gonna go, and despite what the brass want, Boss1 was going to continue to push his vision.

The final reason I was genuinely upset - he never actually thanked the dept for what it’s done for him and his career. I talked to someone after and she said he sort of did. That’s not really acceptable.

Then the questions, a lot of which were stupid. Suck up communications person (who always puts her work on me ( I mean, not always, but def when I started, etc) asked about his job. Who cares? This is supposed to be about the dept, not him?

After the meeting, the girl I’m pro/con about immediately went up to Boss2. Suck up. I actually, in the course of all my upsetness, decided to interrupt them. A tiny powerplay (that could have backfired). But also, I was freaking out a little and wanted to talk to Boss2 while it was possible to have a chance. Anyway, she sort of walked herself back a little/validated the meeting. But I told her that while I know I don’t really have any say, he’s trying to keep me for realsy, and I just don’t think the split is tenable. I said I prefer to be 100% either way. So, she’s got the big meeting on Monday. I also freaked out a bit b/c their was a minor issue with the corporate credit card. Not actually my fault, but for a minute it made me feel like I looked bad. Luckily, I didn’t do anything wrong, so we were able to talk it out. Apparently, the proper settings for the corporate credit card aren’t automatic for anyone, including dept heads. We fixed it.

Oh, and I found out that the group, what did I call them? Oh well, I’ll call them J group, some of them found out even further in advance than the day before! From clients?!?!?!?!

I had my shrink appt today. I ended up with us getting some free food, so I was trying to take care of it, so everyone didn’t steal it without me getting any. But a student came in who was late for a meeting (his english was very bad, relatively speaking) and was in the wrong location and freaking out. So, since i had to pop across town anyway, I went with him to get him where he’s going. And was 10 minutes early for my appointment!

I did see milquetoast. He may not have seen me, but I suspect he did glance over me. That was weird. The appointment went okay. Shrink didn’t know about the drama of the therapy ending, and gave me a chance to tell her. And said we were good. And if I did want to go back, she’d make sure it happened (but she said it discreetly lol). That was kind of awesome. But I’m smart enough to know this was a good thing really. We talked about my suspicion that I need a different kind of therapy. We talked about the fact that I probably need to stay on the meds at the levels I’m at, and pursue therapy. I was able to talk about how I hate it, but given a) my insistence on no addicting meds, and b) the issues with experimenting with new drugs, and c) I haven’t gotten everything possible out of therapy, it just makes sense. It was my decision. I think she would have pushed back if she thought it was a bad decision. Or if I wanted something bad, she might have tried to get me to come around to this decision lol. Also, her year ends at the end of June, so...I got my announcement long enough in advance to process lol. I cried in there. So yeah, I’m not in a great place, but it is what it is. There’s no miracle cure.

I waited around trying to meet with the J team and see if their manager had any news. But I didn’t have my laptop so I couldn’t work and I put a time limit on waiting. Chatted with used to be almost friends coworker. She’s the one that thinks he said thanks. Eh. Some people are worried about their jobs. She’s on a grant, so the thing she was worried about was whether boss1 is staying on it. He is, so she’s happy - too many new people on their group right now for her to welcome change.

Then I went to a place I’ve been avoiding 6 months for fear of seeing anyone I know, with two of the group. The only thing they could say was that they weren’t concerned about there being a new dept without them, because a) it’s years down the line, and b)they’d have to hire faculty (said as if they thought the u wouldn’t). I disabused them of that. Anyway, they’re not worried.

Okay. Whatever.

Got back and work friend was finally out of the manager’s office. I had to get back to location 2, so we walked outside together. I had to tease it all out of her, but yes, they are not allowed to pursue their own research agendas any longer - which is a major impact on 3, maybe 4 careers. Hopefully I’ll get the rest of the scoop today. And hopefully better answers on Monday. She did touch me again, and it’s getting frustrating. It’s not hugs, but damn it.

No one touched the food at my desk, but as soon as they saw I’d put it in the fridge, people were freaking out! I was planning on bringing it over to location1 b/c they liked it and never get leftovers, but that was kaboshed.

I met a few deadlines. The latinx group thing was a piece of work! After everything we went through to get them to use the corporate credit card, they told us they wouldn’t use it. And we had to give them a ton of justification. It took me some time to get untired, and focused, but I got it done, and it was good. I overdid the hell out of it because it’s fucking ridiculous. OUR BUDGET WAS APPROVED ALREADY!!!!!!!!! Just to send 9 people to fucking (cheap) conference.

And trying to get a bunch of last minute shit done. I stayed until 5:30pm! I would have stayed later, but I was wiped. Also, I forgot to mention. The day started off overcast and chilly - and ended up kind of muggy and warm. So I was hot as hell with all the running around. I walked between locations 1 & 2 but I almost didn’t bc it was so warm. And after work, I wanted/knew i needed to go for a walk to physically process the day. But I also knew that if I drove home to go for a walk, I wouldn’t. So I walked at work. I’ve been meaning to for the whole 1 1/2 year I’ve been there, but never did. I finally did last night. It was different. The view was nice. But I’m not a fan for walking. Biking yes, and maybe rollerblading. It was too straight, so it always seemed I’d gone farther than I actually had, and boring outside of the view. And it’s right next to a highway, so loud as hell. But I’m glad I went. But boy were my feet TIRED.

I went back to work with pettiness on my mind. I had decided that since I couldn’t take all the leftovers to location1, I’d take some of the pastries, and eat the hell out of the fruit plate. And I did. I had an italian beer - yummy, and 1 pastry, and ate so.much.fruit. I made myself sick but it was a definite impact on the fruit lol. So petty. I’d wanted a hamburger, but I was so full by the fruit, I couldn’t do it. I got home, vegged for a few bit, and bed. I’m also bummed to say, none of my twits took off. Not even my bracket. :( There’s got to be an algorithm.

I got up today and actually made myself put in a load of laundry!

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survivor-hosts · 7 years

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Ep. #7: “C’mon Rat, Follow the Cheese” - Jessy

The tribes merged and all of the pre-mergers were added to the merge tribe as the Karma Island twist was revealed. The players started campaigning to get back in and Cat, Austin, and Drew chose to drop out and become voters. After a whole day of scrambling and a messy voting situation, Connor was voted back into the game. The tribe was given their first immunity challenge and Matt was able to solve it and win immunity quite quickly. After no one talked the day before the vote, the players started scrambling last minute with one side trying to decide whether to vote off Sam or MJ while the opposing side was trying to decide between Allison or Connor. In the end, MJ and Sam's alliance threw their votes on Andrew to thwart any posisble idol play. Sam also used her vote negator to cancel Allison's vote for MJ. Andrew was sent home in a 5-4 vote.

HAHAHAHAHA so it's 9:58 and I should go to tribal and I was on call with Connah and then Lydia and MJ called and added Connah and MJ told me I might be getting votes so I might be getting voted out idk adios fuck this shit!

Can't wait to be seventh boot

[12:51:33 PM] mj ultra . _/: bih wtf. [12:51:39 PM] connah. i guess.: I didn't do anything. [12:51:40 PM] mj ultra . _/: oh you really wanna fight me tonight huh yes bitch i do. yes we are in a partnership but i'm not your bitch. i'm not gonna sit here and do everything you want but it's fine because people will hopefully see you as a bigger threat so if they gonna try take one of us out... can't say i'm too sorry about it. his ass wants to sit here and vote lydia back when we literally just voted her out? i see where he's coming from because we might be able to use lydia tbh but he's literally shutting down any ideas i had so i'm kinda angry rn.

mj's gameplay has really rubbed off on me... my ass just blindsided lydia and now i'm really down for voting her back in? i had my fun pre-merge but now it's time to really get this shit going

http://prntscr.com/fn4qxy http://prntscr.com/fn4r1v At first I thought Connor would have the highest chance of returning but after hearing a few things I think REGAN has the best shot??? When and how did that happen?

Hmmmmm I'm feeling really weird in this tribe. It's as if I don't belong.....That's the vibe I'm getting. Whatever. I'm sticking to my strategy of not talking to people. Hey it worked TWICE and got me to the end twice. It works. People come to me with information at once. I hope I can pull it off again.

so like I mighta just made a chat with myself Scott jessy Allison josh and Connor to save Connor bc David was a bust. Highkey still don't trust Scott and sam Matt mj and connah are trying for Lydia and I'm like no fuck off? When the phone battery goes down my chaotic gameplay goes up. Like idc whomstve is gonna be pissed i am GETTING Connor in this game. Drew and cat should have sacrificed themselves for him too so here's to fucking hoping. If Lydia comes in I'm dead straight up gay up!

push me to the edge i wish i was dead why is scott a snake scott u little snake push me to the edge i wish i was dead lydia im the wrong connor please stop making my life harder push me to the edge mask off, task off back off, mask off i dont really care that im crying but i really care that youre lying edge dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun mask off, task off

i have lost all my motivation. i am a shell of a man i used to be

i am fucked. if i somehow get out of this mess i got myself into it would be a miracle.

Okay it's time for my second confessional because it's getting really hard dealing with these people and I need to vent. Like I really cannot.

After the Lydia vote off succeeded I tried to do major damage control with Matt and Scott. They both seemed to understand but I know they don't trust me anymore. Iit's not like they even realistically did. Maybe Matt did, but his reaction really shows his game. Scott seems to think he can snake his way around the two alliances but I'll bring up that later in this confessional. Anyways, it's announced that Karma Island is in play and immediately I'm worried. I fell into a position where I had to lead on Connor, David and Regan all at once because I legitimately had no idea who I wanted to return. I received information from Scott that MJ was on call with Sam and Lydia. They were

[4:26:26 AM] Jessy: i have some tea ladies! [4:27:05 AM] Jessy: So Scott is playing both sides. [4:27:09 AM] Jessy: and MJ/Connah/Josh are too. [4:27:21 AM] Jessy: MJ wants me to stay so he can use me for next tribal to get Sam out.. [4:27:26 AM] Jessy: But sis he has another thing coming. [4:29:43 AM] Jessy: sam acts like a 4 year old [4:29:47 AM] Jessy: "jessy probs just wants all of us on jury bc we're the ppl who knew her pregame so we'd give her our jury votes" [4:29:52 AM] Jessy: she said this [4:29:57 AM] Jessy: like no i want u on prejury [4:29:58 AM] Jessy: zzksjksksks [4:42:41 AM] Jessy: mj and connah rlly think they're so smart huh [4:42:42 AM] Jessy: like ur not. [4:42:42 AM] Jessy: BKLMASDFMKLDSMKLA [4:42:46 AM] Jessy: i literally know what ur doing [4:43:03 AM] Jessy: this is ur mo mj... [4:43:05 AM] Jessy: ur forcing myself into a situation where i have to go w/ him b/c my numbers are cut. [4:44:25 AM] Jessy: Like I know he's pitting me against Samatthew by telling me this information [4:44:29 AM] Jessy: But like.. [4:44:37 AM] Jessy: Damn they're literally Spencer and Tasha [4:52:02 AM] Jessy: I'm reading their games to filth. [8:18:39 AM] Jessy: me again [8:21:05 AM] Jessy: God why'd i tell connor i heard his name [8:21:06 AM] Jessy: LSJLSSKKSKS [9:52:09 AM] Jessy: SCOTT IS SUCH A FUCKING LIAR [9:59:32 AM] Jessy: time to get reads [9:59:35 AM] Jessy: and intel! [9:59:41 AM] Jessy: im legit gonna interrogate him idc [10:01:03 AM] Jessy: Nancy Drew who???? [10:01:16 AM] Jessy: im GETTING the dirt. [10:01:24 AM] Jessy: spill the beans! [10:01:50 AM] Jessy: seeing Scott is typing... answering my questions is so funny [10:01:57 AM] Jessy: Like ur nervous huh sis [10:03:32 AM] Jessy: does scott really think ill eat the bullshit hes putting out for me on a platter rn? [10:03:37 AM] Jessy: Like bitch what the fuck LAKSKSKKSKS [10:08:25 AM] Jessy: OK SCOTT IS LYING OUT OF HIS ASS [10:08:29 AM] Jessy: IM SICK OF IT [10:08:35 AM] Jessy: HOW DOES MJ KNOW U WERE HIGH THEN [10:08:44 AM] Jessy: LIKE UGH !!! [10:09:53 AM] Jessy: ok sam could've told mj! [10:09:57 AM] Jessy: interesting! [10:14:37 AM] Jessy: mj and scott together ? conspiracy theory ? [10:18:18 AM] Jessy: Oh yeah, I also found out last night that josh did vote for Lydia, but Connah switched his vote from Lydia to Connor and Trevor wouldn't allow him to change it back [10:18:26 AM] Jessy: i thought sam was being distant huh scott [10:20:12 AM] Jessy: There's holes in this scheme. [10:22:32 AM] Jessy: "Same" [10:22:34 AM] Jessy: keh [10:22:51 AM] Jessy: guess i'm done here. [10:23:51 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: I'm samatthew [10:24:27 AM] Jessy: theyre literally spencer and tasha [10:24:32 AM] Jessy: mj is a cheap version of jeremy [10:26:00 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Who are you [10:26:45 AM] Jessy: i wanna say kelley but i don't wanna be cocky like matt

This is a recap on what happened before the Karma Vote. One reason is so that I can look back on it and the other is for Connor to read in the future. This is 100% what happened. Lydia made her pitch to me around noon yesterday and she had made valid points and I wouldn't mind her being back but my vote is locked to Connor at that point though I was still willing to listen to her so I can get info out of her. I messaged Connah a little later and he said he was going to vote Lydia back in so I had an inkling that something's up but shrugged it off because there's no way Lydia's coming back it's just not in the numbers. I went to bed and woke up at 6am with a bunch of messages and one of them was Lydia asking to call. I told her I only woke up randomly and was planning on sleeping a little bit more. I didn't know the vote was due at 8 and I woke up 30 minutes before the deadline. Jessy messaged me asking if MJ had come up to me and asked if Lydia's being voted back in and I said no because MJ and I haven't talked yet. A little while, Andrew messaged me asking who to vote and I said Connor and then I got added to the Saving Connor chat with Scott, Jessy, Allison and Connor. What surprised me the most is why Scott is there. I didn't understand. Next, MJ messaged me asking for my vote so that we can tie between Lydia and Connor. Now the thing is, I told them I would vote whatever they want to but my vote is locked to Connor unless they absolutely needed it because they're the two people I trusted the most in this game. And they really did need it. I went on call with Connor and told him that everyone's pulling my leg getting me to vote with them and then got on call with Connah making his case to me with Lydia and Lydia's on my pms making her case again and Scott and I were trying to figure out how we're going to go and mind you this is literally 5 minutes before the deadline and at that point everyone thought we could change votes. I was freaking out everyone was talking to me at the same time I felt very pressured that I just asked Scott to make a decision for me and he won't decide for me and Connah just started to tell me VOTE LYDIA VOTE LYDIA and without hesitation I changed. Now obviously that didn't fall through because Connor came back and he found out I changed my vote. Now he doesn't want to speak to me and probably burned my bridge with him and idk about the status of our friendship right now. I spilled so much critical information on Connor and if we went our separate ways and uses those against me then I'm fucked. I mentioned to Connor how I wanted to target Jessy because of how good she is and if that gets back to her than she's going to turn on me. My hope is that MJ, Sam, Scott, Connah and Matt form a 6 person alliance to get past this round. This game is taking a toll on me emotionally and I've been struggling to play since the first few days. I wasn't like this before. It isn't worth it. It's not worth it to lose a friendship over this. It's easy to say that you need to cut ties and turn the heart off but doing it for real is different. Connor, my explanation is probably something you did not want to hear and it's probably going to re-open wounds once this game is over because looking back on it now, the decision was stupid. It didn't have to be that way but I gave in because of pressure.

Honestly.... I just feel so defeated. I don't see myself really doing as great as I would have wanted to in this game, which is such a pessimistic way to think but its true. Like if I were to be going home tomorrow I wouldn't even care that I didn't make the jury. A lot just went down these past few days that made me realize why I retired in the first place. So to really go back, Lydia was blindsided. Not surprised that it happened cause I knew something fishy was going on, but surprised that out of everyone I was the most left out of the loop. Like no one bothered to tell me that the vote was getting split between Allison and Andrew. Like when Lydia left Jessy and Andrew had me on call and explained everything to me and why they did what they did. And like I'm really not mad at them for doing so. I think it was amazing on their part that they pulled it off. They told me how MJ and Connah were really wanting to get Lydia out, which caught me by surprise cause I thought they were really close. Afterwards, Sam gets me on call and is worried about what could happen in the future and who we have with us. And to my surprise, Matt Summers actually talked strategy with me for the first time. The story I got from them was that Jessy approached them and got them involved with voting Lydia. To make matters worse, we have to vote someone back into this game thanks to Karma Island. And I feel like this is gonna make things so much worse cause I'm starting to realize I only have myself in this game. Idk like in Maluku flipping was easy cause I had Maria and Mattica who I trusted more than anyone. I don't really trust anyone in this game, so it makes everything 10x worse. Connor talked to me and told me he doesn't hold that against me, and idk part of me really thinks if he IS going to come back, I need to vote him so I can prove to him that I can be someone he can actually work with later on. Especially with MJ/Connah/Sam/Matt being a sinking ship, I just feel like I need to find other resources when I need to. Plus the only person I trust in that group is Sam, and after hearing that MJ has wanted me out of this game for awhile now I don't see why I need to stick my neck out for them. That whole voting process was such a mess because I really didn't know what to do with all of that. Like I voted for Connor cause I was sure he was getting in, then Josh comes to me and says he didn't know what to do. Which like RIP cause I thought he already voted, and to make matter worse he told lydia and lydia went off on me in the pms. And like, the fact that this all went down when I was out with friends just made me realize that I'm too invested in this game and that I left for a reason. Idk the only reason why Connor is back is because Connah changed his vote and wasnt allowed to switch back. I'm just annoyed cause I'm really fucked in this game to the point of no return. And like Sam and them are trying to make sure I'm gonna vote with them but with Lydia out and the only person on that side i actually consider an ally being Sam, it just makes sense for me to go through with what I've been wanting to do for awhile and flip with Jessy and Andrew.

"fifth vote... lydia"

youtube

what the fuck is going on why is no one talking to me. fucking hell man, and then im gonna wake up again and have a shit ton of messages waiting for me when i check my phone. everything's happening at the very last minute in this game omg.

YALL TRIBAL IS 11 HOURS AWAY I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO AND IM GONNA BE ASLEEP IN 9 OF THOSE HOURS. FUCK IT.

you know how it'd be fun if i just go ghost the whole morning tomorrow lkfjskjdfhskjfs *deletes Skype*

OKA Y BUT S ERIOUSLY im sick and tired of waking up in the morning where a plan has already been made and i have no say in it. fuck it a guy needs his sleep its yalls fault for not making a plan during our off day ! btw if i get voted out tomorrow im gonna be salty af trevor why did you have to have the first merge boot not a jury member i dont want to miss out on JURY! !!!!!

everyone is getting on my god damn nerves TODAY !

On 25/06/2017, at 8:30 PM, connor wrote: > hi background music plays: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpLU8BI02wQ

Okay so I just laid out all the info I got today. I talked to Scott this morning I said does he know for sure Sam has a vote negator or is it a hunch? He said it was a hunch and he doesn't really know, so I got sus. He was high last night so maybe he let it slip MJ told me that Scott was high last night so I wanted to find a way to vertify what he said about Scott/Sam/Matt/MJ/Connah being all on a group call [6/24/2017 10:09:30 AM] Jessy: did you tell anyone you were high LMAOOOOO i'd be so non functional if i was high and game talking [6/24/2017 10:09:40 AM] Scott: I mean I told sam It's possible that Scott is either lying about him telling Sam specifically, or Sam just told MJ that Scott was high and he happened to tell me this He said this when I asked him about the Sam call: [6/24/2017 9:51:38 AM] Jessy: did anything important come out of the sam call [6/24/2017 9:51:58 AM] Scott: Honestly it just made me realize that she doesn't trust me [6/24/2017 9:52:17 AM] Jessy: fuck! [6/24/2017 9:52:25 AM] Scott: She asked me what my relationship was with you [6/24/2017 9:53:05 AM] Scott: And if I actually trusted you cause you're known to be deceiving for "organizing the whole Lydia vote and misting MJ/Connah" [6/24/2017 9:53:48 AM] Jessy: :$ would be me if i actually did! [6/24/2017 9:54:07 AM] Jessy: r they voting me [6/24/2017 9:54:25 AM] Scott: I mean we never got around to actually talking about it [6/24/2017 9:54:32 AM] Jessy: oh okay [6/24/2017 9:54:39 AM] Jessy: who do you think she would go for [6/24/2017 9:55:32 AM] Scott: But I wouldn't be surprised if that's what they were wanting to do cause sam really just kept mentioning how I felt about you [6/24/2017 9:57:03 AM] Jessy: that's offputtig [6/24/2017 9:57:08 AM] Jessy: *offputting [6/24/2017 9:58:02 AM] Scott: Yeah, but it's just really clear that damage was done last night so I'm not even sure what's gonna be happening from here on out It made me think that I'm unsure if Scott is just lying about the call or if MJ is just trying to come up with a scenario for me to think is happening so I won't pull any moves. Then, I talked to MJ about the vote and he said that he was going to be on a road trip today so he's probably asleep by now. I talked to Connah about the game while MJ was online and while we were talking about the whole thing of us being on different sides, MJ pmed me. He said he pmed me because Connah sent him a funny quote about a joke I made. Then, I asked him if Connah sent him any game logs. The game logs were about us being on different sides in the Lydia/Connor returnee vote and then he kept on acting like he didn't know who was going to go because no one was talking to him. I asked him if Sam would be a vote he would want, and he said it depends if we have the numbers. He said I have to convince Allison+Andrew+Connor myself because he doesn't want to get himself involved in something controversial this tribal council after last round. I asked MJ about this, and he said Connah specifically said: "idk if I wanna stick with jessy or go with sam" "like I'm just confused" This made me paranoid, because I didn't know if Connah meant "stick with jessy" as a vote or "go with sam" as a vote. It's possible that MJ made it look like he meant regarding alliances and not a vote off, but it still made me paranoid. MJ then told me Connah went on call with Sam. MJ said he asked Connah what was going on and they were just talking about who they wanted to go. MJ said they both leaned towards Connor leaving. MJ then said Connah thought he should go with Sam (as in alliances). MJ said he would try to convince him to "string me along" next round and use me to vote Sam off. MJ then said if Sam convinced Connah to vote for me, he would try to convince him to go after Sam this round. MJ said he would prefer Connor to go now and Sam next round, but he's willing to consider it by starting it off with a conversation with Connah tomorrow. Our conversation ended, and I thought that I should try to message Sam in some way and let her know that I'm "flexible". I then said that people probably think we aren't together in the game and we could play that to our advantage. She said she was down if I was, but proceeding this she kept on saying she didn't know what she wanted to do and that "she has no power to throw out a name." This really annoyed me so I asked her who does and she said she doesn't know. Our conversation ended, but during it Connah messaged me asking me if I'm talking to anyone because it's really quiet. I was feeling a vibe that Sam told Connah she was talking to me, so I told him I was trying to resolve my issues with Sam. It got awkward so our conversation kinda died off. During all this, Andrew, Allison and Connor didn't have a lot to say about anything. Connor said he was at work all day and came back at 10 PM EDT and said sorry he was at work. I said it was okay then asked him if he talked to Josh recently. He never replied and then I asked him again an hour later and still received no reply. Now, Scott says he's back and is messaging my alliance chat with himself and Andrew. I haven't talked to Matt at all this vote. I said hey to Allison in pms but she never replied because I'm pretty sure she's been offline. I haven't talked to Josh either, but I have an opportunity to tonight because it's 2 PM for him in Phillippines.

Decisions, decisions.... I hate my position in this game as the "middle man" Anyways, Jessy/Andrew I think are expecting me to flip and vote Sam with them this round, but tbh I don't think I can flip on Sam and vote her out. Like if she goes, I don't want to be apart of that just because she trusts me a lot with her game. However, if they can manage to get her out this round I'm all theirs. Sam/MJ and co. said they want to do Allison, and because I don't trust Allison i think it might be safest for me to just vote her out and only flip if they're wanting to vote out Jessy/Andrew. Also spoke on call with Connor and hes trying to convince me to flip. The only way I see myself voting with them is if they vote MJ. But I just don't think that is realistic since Jessy is set on voting Sam. Which I personally cannot do since she is the only one I trust on that other side. Idk its all very up in the air, hopefully it isnt me that goes

9wegwpirangwfj tribals in an hour and a half and I really don't know what I'm gonna do. Apparently Josh would be okay with voting out MJ but I'm not sure if he really would. Part of me is thinking I should just vote Allison and if it ties, then I flip cause I don't wanna be rocked out pre-jury, especially since the only person I trust on Sam and Co side is Sam. I just know this is gonna be one huge clusterfuck

So.... much.... stress.... Josh and I agreed on just voting with the separate blocks, but I forgot that Sam has a vote negator so now I have to decide if I'm actually gonna go through with that plan or just flip and vote MJ. hregehgoihiqrehie I HATE THIS GAME

This game? Is crazy. I want to die. Somehow, through almost FIVE HOURS of acumalitive calls, I have managed to flip Josh and Scott so that we have majority. MJ SHOULD be going home. I literally did that. Like, i LITERALLY did THAT. Good god. Fingers crossed. It just makes sense? With MJ being a winner already and very good at flipping votes and winning challenges, we have the time to take him out so lets do it. Sam would be easier to vote out and I know Jessy wanted to, but with Matt having another idol and being immune, the two of them are too close for comfort. Actually, this entire game is too close for comfort. end my life.

why am i in the middle. i mean i guess i should count my blessings because i'm not getting voted out but this is such a hard position to be in

#torchsnuffers

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