#its more abt the trust the trust always gets me

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

is it so much to want to stab a beautiful man. god

#wow we immediately got 10x more murderous on main huh #GOD I JUST WANT TO USE A KNIFE ON HIM. THE HOMOEROTICISM OF THAT #also i think holding a knife on someone and them being 100% confident you wont hurt them is sooooo #its more abt the trust the trust always gets me #but yk. the blood #posting posting 💕

[turtletoria]

i feel like an incredible hater for this but i feel as i get older the more my tolerance for shipping decreases. like i went from an avid enjoyer to just tolerating ship art to now getting outright upset and fighting the urge to curse every time i see shipping content (this doesnt apply to my mutuals and friends who ship things because they can do no wrong ever)

#idk why it boils my blood like that. like genuinely it makes my online enjoyment really take a steep nosedive since 99.9% of any fandom- #content is shipping #maybe its the hater in me. maybe its the aroace tendencies in me. maybe im just antisocial and disagreeable. idk! #like shipping isnt morally bad or anything it just makes me so sad. idk #like ppl always prioritize romance over friendship and make fun of friendships as if they arent gay enough or smth and it rlly hurts me. id #like idk how to say it. everyone can have fun and stuff but it rlly makes me feel like im having fun wrong bc shipping looks fun but i cant #stomach it. like i miss having fun like that but i cant stand it anymore #like friendships r so devalued and even in frienship is magic type media friendships STILL take a backseat like whats up with that #like i hope this isnt coming across like a “i hate romance! i hate love!” kind of post but more so a why dont ppl focus on characters if - #they cant be romantically involved? #like i will alwaayyss be bitter abt willow from toh getting sidelined until she could be shipped with hunter like that pissed me off so bad #but like ur fave characters cant stand alone they neeeed to be romantically involved with someone for their love or dedication to be real #like love and dedication cant be genuine unless theyre romantically or sexually attracted? idk man #talking abt this is tricky bc u can fall into anti-sex/conservative rhetoric with this but i hope u can understand what im saying #like sex is great and romantic love is great but i wish the greater public would just have some freedom to explore concepts of dedication- #and trust that go beyond that framework. like there was a comment on reddit that framed aroace as the nonbinary of relationships and I- #thought that was really neat. yeah

[fishnchip3011]

everytime i actually open up sdv to play i get flashbanged with sebastian's white ass sprites because i always forget not everyone sees him as wasian💔 my current hc for him is half chinese (liable to change... but ik for sure he's half asian) but he is Not bilingual he can't rly speak or write the other language he can only understand it when listening but even then he's not very fluent LOL this is just turning into a sebastian hc post might as well go full out. to me sebastian Does have relationship experience but has been thru shitty ones in the past which is part of the reason why he's so pessimistic & brooding </3 and he'd hook up with ppl in zuzu city for a night for a while but it just made him feel shittier so he's stopped since ☝️ also people make him out to be way cooler than he actually is like yea sure he's kinda cool but he's also a Massive Loser especially when he tells you how he hates "seasonal fads" like pumpkin spice and that one line about the potluck soup where he's like "Why ruin the potluck? Hmm... I guess some people feel liberated when the rigid structures of society break down a little. Maybe I'm weird.” WHO ASKED😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 his ass also can NOT cook he can make spaghetti but it's mid. he probably has low ass stamina and yeah he's tall and lanky (rn i see him as around 5'9-5'10) but you could snap him in half over your knee. when he's in an actually healthy relationship he gets really flustered over certain romantic gestures cuz he's not used to feeling valued or being considered someone's #1. he picks up on little things and does acts of service but i also think he can be really callous and insensitive at times because while he can be pretty perceptive he is also Very Emotionally Stunted. he unlearns lots of unhealthy behaviors & mindsets with the help of his partner & family & friends ^__^

#i almost popped a vein trying not to mention rowan in all of this so this post is more. consumable i guess #but rowan to me is soooooo perfect for him to me because rowan's whole thing is empathy and warmth #where it's a strength but also a weakness for him because he's also a chronic people pleaser and a doormat #out of the need he feels to make people feel valued which is a good thing but not when its to the point of self negligence #rowan gives rly good advice but overburdens himself cuz he feels responsible for ppl&doesnt give himself the same treatment he gives others #when he's with sebastian he helps him feel valued and sebastian learns to trust people more and not to immediately assume the worst of ppl #and seb is sooooooo perfect for rowan bc seb is vocal about what he dislikes and when hes not happy w something/one #and is good at setting boundaries whereas rowan is Not. he helps rowan learn how to say no to ppl and be more assertive #& think abt his own feelings more! they both help e/o vocalize their feelings #for rowan its vocalizing his opinions more and valuing himself more & for seb its vocalizing more for the sake of better communication #w other ppl so he can establish better trust & relations w ppl. and stop being so closed off/unapproachable LOL #their differences match up well but it also leads to arguments/tension cuz seb doesnt communicate and resorts to avoidance #and rowan is too pliant sometimes to the point where it hurts not just himself but the ppl around him including seb #also fun fact rowan is the type to cry when he gets really angry/upset & when seb resorts to avoidance instead of reassurance #(which is what rowan wants) rowan sometimes ends up catastrophizing & also bottles up his emotions similarly to seb #they always reconcile in the end tho even if it takes a while </3 they r both learning ok!!!!!!!! #not perfect to the point where they dont argue bc thats Impossible but they suit each other well. they r good for each other qwq #eon babbles #stardew valley #farmer rowan #<- i talk about him in tags. hehehe

[jack-kellys]

as astra per aspera wbwbwbw :]

oh, of course :) gotta be shorter cause its for the banggg

Her gaze raises, likely to the window behind him. 

“We can’t stay grounded forever. It’s not in our blood,” she hums. “I trust you to find what you need from all this life you’re surrounded by, all this that inhabits our big world. You’re nearly eighteen, baby, and you have your path… but your father and I- we have to continue ours.”

“But,” Jack breathes, “you’re- you… you’re an artist.”

She laughs, pulling him into her arms. Her hand draws over his head, and Jack squeezes her tightly, as if she could float away at any moment. 

“I am,” she confirms. “Why do you think I have to go back out there?”

#anthropology and cultural/art history communications officer jack's mom my LOVE #yes jack has parents in this... yes it's tragic. its also like... a timeline plot device for why these younger ppl are first officers etc #u guys r just gonna have to trust me on this one. its abt space and exploration and being small being a beautiful thing more than star trek #tbh #newsies #newsies aus #star trek au #jack kelly #i am happy Always when i get to write his mommmm :))) #fizz answers

[toastsnaffler]

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests... #theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man #it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing #eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED #and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself #by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others #it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless #ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!) #but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking #and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk #oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao #and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3 #voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries #that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them #and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long #+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc #and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it #to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍 #anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite #if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^) #.vent #.diaries

[softshuji]

y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.

#i was thinking abt it earlier #but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why #actually i do kinda know why. #i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me #earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject #too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i #was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often #especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d #everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just #cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even #consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural #but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other #peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something #something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they #move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less #sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can #always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response #and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone #it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything #not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i #feel like im not actually being heard or listened to #and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you' #or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore #god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it #for everyone else all the time #is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say #this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice #god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover #and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel #like they actually like me

[lion-buddy]

being the resident nezuko liker is such a challenge sometimes

#ooo these tags contain complaining if u dont like that then see ya around <3 #i would love to scroll through the tag without being bombarded by. awfulness. both bot and fandom posted #yknow. yknow. that is a 12 yr old #it has become!!! genuinely frustrating! it always has been #and i dont mean to complain but. man. im just disappointed #and.while kinda begin the kny mascot she is barley present in fan made content. with meaning. and its all mostly reposted art ugh. #and even official stuff has her only as little child nezuko and!! i get it its cute whatever but it feel so pandery and wrong all the time #i just poitn. that is not her that is a facet u r choosign to hyperfocus on show me the real her #and lets be honest the og stroyline isnt kind to her etiher she is nonexistent after swordsmith #i remember for a time when idid post abt her i was one of the inly consistent nezuko artists who wanted to like. put her in scenarios #and i want reiterate again that drawing cute art and gifs of her is fine it doesnt hurt anyone. i love to see it actually #but like. in a fandom as big as this youd think. youd think they like her more!!!! but no #and. the last thing i want to insinuate is “if u dont like my fav character then u suck” cus thats is not how fandom content works. at all #fandom is a experience for u to cultivate for yourself. and sometimes it just comes up short!!! i guess #it jsut felt weird being lonely in your liking of an aspect of the series where there are so many ppl. yet they all only like the hot men. #which again. u do u. nothign wrong with it. its anime afterall. it can just be frustrating sometimes. #idk! im also not very social so maybe its just my fault but. man. id love to find some other resident nezuko likers that. isnt just shippin #i feel interacting would be so much easier if my fav was like. one of the main boys like everyone else. or i made ship content or somethin #but like i said fandom is for u and u only if that makes sense. the point is to create things u want to see. which is what i do and enjoy #just with nezuko specifcally. i dotn want to put my stuff of her in the tags anymore cuz i just. dont trust the fandom with her. its weird #but also. appreciate those who did interact. i hope ur all doing alright <3 ty for talkign with me :] #i just needed to get this out cuz its. kinda why i dotn post abt kny anymore. especially the s3 fandom im sorry i just dont vibe with it </

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#so thinking abt my inability to do things in thr context of my 0cd is interesting. bc i would say my primary problem is my obsessive #compulsive behavior and inflexibility. idk if thr inflexibility is inherent to me bc its part of the reason i got stamped with aut1sm or but #its part of what maked it so hard to tell if i had 0cd or not. bc im just so fucking rigid and structured abt literally everything without #any reason. y do i have to do X thing and i cant do Y thing? idk my brain just says i cant. which kinda does align with 0cd more or just #like something compulsive. and its sorta weird bc i think im a lot more aligned with purely obsessional 0cd. so i dont do a lot of external #ritual. its more abstract. like constantly i have to work or b perfect or else i start getting intrusive thoughts. always thr same ones. and #to make them go away i have to physically suffer usually thru overworking to my mental breaking point or sometimes more direct ways #when its really bad. and then i have to keep working. and i do a lot of fucking ruminating. fucking constand catogorizing and pathological #self reflection. again i have high standards and high affinity for self punishment which is a lot to deal with. its exhausting and misery #making. and the annoying thing is that im like this for a reason. i mean it makes sense. having a learning disability plus bad short term #working memory plus some mood weirdness. ive created a structure that makes me productive but also creates so much pressure thst i cant #function at all sometimes. and whats worse is that even then even with the amount of checking i do i am still a master of fucking up the lil #things. i forgot to write my name in the autoclave list and caused problems for ppl bc i forgot when i went up there Even tho i new i needed #to. i also forgot to put thr foam cap on a liquid nitrogen tank which would have been SO FUCKING BAD if it all evaporated. so many samples #woulf have been lost bc i just fucking forgot to put it back. that was just this week. idk i just forget things like that. i left a freezer #door open in hs and we lost everything in the freezer. i also fucked up an whole experiment by not reading a schedule right. and its really #frustrating not being able to trust that youve done the right thing in the past. not to mention all the bullshit i mislabel but thats more #dys1exia realated. alas. i check and check and get anxious spikes of: FUCK DID I DO X? for a reason. but also its no fun #unrelated

[arolesbianism]

Bro what do you mean endori is only 4 events from the graduation event. Stop it stop it Now

#rat rambles #band posting #bro theyre on the yukiran event rn with crying ran its so jover #yall arent allowed to be catching up thats illegal #well ok saying theyre catching up is egagerating a bit but still thats so scary #I only noticed this because Ive been thinking abt yukiran again because I alas love them still and I found out thats the current event in en #bro once mygo is in en thats rly when its going to be jover #and you know if endori does succeed in catching up one day theyll be in shambles immediately afterwards #although who knows I havent been keeping up with endori so maybe its miraculously become a functional english server again #like idk endori has never been perfect but at least its almost always been more usable than ensekai lol #bro the song list ui alone is enough to make me wanna beg ensekai players to delete it #its ridiculously ugly and unprofessional and also I hate a lot of the english names for songs (~close to grey~ is the big one for me) #also just in general ensekai is incredibly ugly and unstable even by sekai standards and it has done nothing to earn my trust in any regard #like idk if you care at all abt the actual rhythm game part of it I see no reason to not get the japanese version #like I get wanting to have a convienent place to read all the stories translated (even if I do Not trust the translators) #but like even with bndori which I started and played on endori for well over a year I still ended up drifting to jpdori as my main #the massively expanded songlist and up to date events just seem impossible to give up to me if you know how to access them #like ofc I wont go yelling at ppl to play on jp servers (plus theyd make multilives Much more unbarable) idc that much lol #but still I think if you can its a good idea to make a jp account if only so you can play jp exclusive songs if you want #this applies to both sekai and bndori to be clear although Id forgive an endori player for wanting to savor the old ui while they can lol #sekais new ui is fine but bndori's is literally sooooo ugly such a massive downgrade #also while I dont hate the new art direction as much as some ppl I definitely think its worse than the old one by a lot #its so dusty now </3 #anyways I got off topic there time to stop talking

[etherical-angel]

oh yea in 3 days its gonna be my 1 month anniversary of being in japan???? it literally has barely felt like a weak wtf(<- going thru the horrors)

#def forming some..new alters from this lol #been journalling abt my delusions most of the time just to stay sane(which is what i'd do at home anyway) #i always say shit like 'yea i cant talk to my alters' which im coming to terms with not entirely being true #its just not as much as it used to be. but the more isolated i am the more i notice it #(i was supperrrrr isolated during that og period which is why it got the way it did) #but i think it just comes with getting used to it. its more mixed n blurry when 2 alters are fronting so it makes it less distinct #but there is dialog happening. whether it just be back and forth or a helper coming in to get me thru the night. #'me' being whoevers fronting obv #like. i am in a small room that only fits a bed n a small desk n fridge. the air conditioner kills me stimulation wise. but i need it on. #outside its 29 degrees(hot) at NIGHT but i fight thru it just so i can go on my nightly sanity swings. i cant see the stars. #theres been a cold going around for weeks and i cant do anything about it. #at least the anticipation anxiety for my potential apartment has died down a bit..not entirely but its easier now #idk. even tho i know i'll probably only get the apartment for like 4 months(IF i get it) i have to tell myself its for my benifit #its not a fix all forever home. its a place to finally chill for a bit. to go to the beach. to go on hikes in the forest. #to have a bigger enclosure all to myself #godddd i need to buy a water filter i hate having to go BUY WATER everyday(<- doesnt trust the tap water. per usual.)

[headofhelios]

when i was a kid the idea of like surprise birthday parties was so like. idk i wanted it and it never happened but now its actually like. gonna happen to me but at a really really bad time when i am going to be very stressed and whatever the surprise thing is will probably make it worse so its like. hmm. early birthday gift of being nauseous with anxiety a month in advance

#my brother had good intentions telling me but also like. i have been tearing up all night and when i tried to explain my reservations to him #i just felt stupid so its. mm. this sucks #its also weird bc like. guuuhhgg i had a weird Thing a while ago that was apparently really bad i guess #so it feels like. idk. my mother trying to 'fix' that with this. so i feel like i cant say no to it #(especially bc she doesnt know i kinda know about it) #but its also like. well. when it happens i might really really freak out badly and that would ruin things for everyone. right. #kind of feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place here bc like i WANT to talk to my mother abt this but also again she doesnt know #that i know and i dont want her to be disappointed that my brother said something to me. even though i dont know what the surprise is #just that there is one planned #also in recent years ive realized i get i suppose anxious when people get me gifts i havent Asked for #so surprises like this arent really my thing anymore. i think when i was a kid i mostly wanted one bc in tv shows theres always a lot #of people there for it and i was a lonely child. #anyway i realize this is something of a stupid thing to complain about #in my defense i feel like a lot of things that should be 'about me' #(however self centered that sounds. it makes me wince to say trust me.) #are made to be more about other people namely my immediate family. #so like my gender isnt about me its about how my mother feels about it. and my birthday isnt about me its about other people celebrating it #again ik ik its a stupid complaint. just saying that because of that *points up* which ive been feeling for nearly 10 years now #its all a bit of a tender bruise. emotionally speaking. for me. #personal

[yellowhearther0]

girls when they are trying their best but their best isnt good enough 😔😔

#sagittarius.txt #negative #stopped gaming and the horrors have returned #im just so fuciing pissed off. at the circumstances. in general #bc im stuck sittubg here with these shit ass feelings that no one can jack about until im either old enough to do something about it or #like. idek. #bc itsblike i cant say shit to my parents bc they wont take me seriously and lird knows i dont trust any of the adults at my fucking school #and im not going to make the handful of peiple i CAN talk to more worried about me when they already have atuff going on and they cant do #anything abt what im dealing with #but i dont even WANT to go to anyone because i dont wanna get mad at people when they tell me things i alreadybknow because i KNOW theyre #tryijg to help and they cant do much and its liek GRAH #im justvin such a shit plce bc i want to reach out but i have to do it of my own violition or else i'll just fucking shut down #im like a scared dog. in a cage. and he'll come to u if u just leave him be and let him do his own thing #but like. if im the svared little dog than everyone else is the big scary human who i slowly inch closer to and then suddenly the stick out #their hand right as im near them and then i run right back to where i was before and then we're back at square 1. does this make sense #and its litwrally no ones fault but my own #i just never know how to tell what other people are thinking so i think i project how i feel about myself onto what i thibk others rhing of #me and so i go into every potentially vulnerable conversation with my guard drawn high because im just expecting people to get sick of me #always complaining but never actually trying to better myself #idk man #im normal #i peomise

[artificialcats]

u__u

#when ur love language is quality time but none of the friends arnd u show love that way nor do they make any attempt to accomidate every #once in a while. its not their fault and i dont blame them but i am suffering el oh el #and trust me im trying but trying to make plans w my friends has been an unending uphill battle w little to no pay off #i kno i need to try to accept the ways they do show love and i do most of the time but unfortunately-- #and ive talked abt this w my therapist but i get insecure in relationships w out in the form of even just a passing meet up #or convo and these friends r giving me neither in perosn time or digital convo so im like lolllllll cool cool cool #but then when we do hang out (usually in a group) its always 'lets hang out! lets hang out!' from them but #when i reach out? nothing. silence. put ur money where ur mouth is im getting so frustrated but more so just giving up hope of getting-- #closer to these ppl o(--< #anyways srry 2 vent also this is NOT abt anyone i kno irl that would see it here!!! #idk what to do man it sucks always having to b the instigator and Still not managing to make the connection

[toastsnaffler]

one unfortunate thing abt watching bloody violent up-close-and-personal movies is that it makes me even more crazy touchstarved than usual after.. I need to wrestle someone NOW

#i need to BITE. or lie in someones lap and let them stroke my hair #also now my family have left i probably wont even get a hug for a longass time......... its dire out here #ik my flatmate said a while ago she wouldnt mind if i wanted more physical contact or whatever but ik thats not true #bc she always seems so physically uncomfortable near me or moves so distinctly far out of my space like i get the message man #and its just difficult for me for so many complicated reasons. sigh #im just tired of feeling so lonely always all the time. and so ostracised or alienated in every community and relationship in my life #and i know thats my own fucking fault bc im stupidly incapable of allowing myself to trust and believe other people abt anything #and partly also bc im disabled and autistic as shit etcetc and so will always come across weird and Other and i have no control over that #but mostly its my fault. and i dont even know where to begin trying to fix that man. if its even fixable in this lifetime i dont even know #but it sucks ass im so tired of being sad and close to tears 90% of the time i cry on the fucking daily even on good days #dont get me wrong im doing pretty okay at the moment like i dont even really have any Real problems its all just in my fucking head #but unfortunately thats the head i live in. and will live in the rest of my life so i guess im always gonna feel like this on some level #so i need to just accept it and be grateful for the shit i have bc it could be so so much worse #and yet i cant just do that so here we are!!!!!!!!! oh well. #maybe a part of me likes being miserable. or feels like i deserve it. bc im really fucking good at it lmao #anyway i should go to bed soon before this gets worse. at least i dont have work tmr so i can do smth nice or chill all day #and there have been lots of nice things today too.. ah i just need to sleep #sorry for rambling my ass off with my mentally ill monologues again 🙃 well not that sorry bc youll see me do it again lol #.vent #.diaries

[none-tadashi-left-hiro]

I have started associating the ritual of brushing out your hair with forgiveness

#partially bc I always forget abt my hair and then it becomes very tangled #so it feels like a fresh start whenever I brush it out #and the longer I do it the more it's like #youre consistently forgiving yourself I guess and restarting the day through your hair #something something forgiveness gets easier over time the more trust is built #and it can be a constant process #it is a good practice for me bc I think looking for small was I can practice forgiveness rlly helps my ADHD brain not get stuck in #rumination mode #its also like you know grounding since it's a sensory thing #it is just a good reminder to trust myself in the present #also something that's very good for me with art is just 'forgiving' whatever else is going on with my day for a couple hours #and telling myself I can be fucked up abt it again after those hours #but not during and it helps me focus a lot better #not to be pro Disney but the sign that says #here you leave today and enter the world of fantasy the future and the past or whatever #i don't really remember #is like actually so helpful #anytime I went to Disneyland I made sure to read that sign bc I felt so much more in the present than if I didn't read it

[eevyerndracaneon]

Hrrrnggg food struggles are hard and stupid and I hate them

#thomas gets me food thats pretty much explicitly and only for me #bc im a weirdo that likes certain foods that just arent gotten often in this house #plus its easier for me to pick smth to eat when i know im not taking it away from someone else #but his brother took some of my food and is now wanting it more and now im like #wow cool i have to share. aka be afraid of taking food from someone else #even tho i shouldnt fucking give a shit i know i shouldnt #but god im. mad abt it #i dunno. #sucks living with ppl you dont know/trust w/ your everything #food shits always been hard for me im. genuinely actually upset #over fucking chicken nuggets. i feel stupid but im so upset #go from starving constantly to the point of regular stomach pains #to relying solely on the food thats in the house you moved into and making ppl upset in the process #and ruining your own gut from only drinking soda #and now that i have food regularly for myself only its suddenly being taken from me #i dunno its fucking stupid its just nuggets