#anything abt what im dealing with

[yellowhearther0]

girls when they are trying their best but their best isnt good enough 😔😔

#sagittarius.txt #negative #stopped gaming and the horrors have returned #im just so fuciing pissed off. at the circumstances. in general #bc im stuck sittubg here with these shit ass feelings that no one can jack about until im either old enough to do something about it or #like. idek. #bc itsblike i cant say shit to my parents bc they wont take me seriously and lird knows i dont trust any of the adults at my fucking school #and im not going to make the handful of peiple i CAN talk to more worried about me when they already have atuff going on and they cant do #anything abt what im dealing with #but i dont even WANT to go to anyone because i dont wanna get mad at people when they tell me things i alreadybknow because i KNOW theyre #tryijg to help and they cant do much and its liek GRAH #im justvin such a shit plce bc i want to reach out but i have to do it of my own violition or else i'll just fucking shut down #im like a scared dog. in a cage. and he'll come to u if u just leave him be and let him do his own thing #but like. if im the svared little dog than everyone else is the big scary human who i slowly inch closer to and then suddenly the stick out #their hand right as im near them and then i run right back to where i was before and then we're back at square 1. does this make sense #and its litwrally no ones fault but my own #i just never know how to tell what other people are thinking so i think i project how i feel about myself onto what i thibk others rhing of #me and so i go into every potentially vulnerable conversation with my guard drawn high because im just expecting people to get sick of me #always complaining but never actually trying to better myself #idk man #im normal #i peomise

[puppyeared]

man

#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant #but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years #like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact #but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer #for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated #motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year #also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when #ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread #im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover #but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that #the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse #im so tired. im so tired #i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place #ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER #oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!! #and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously #vent #my art #myart #doodles #covid 19

[nochangeintheplan]

#idk what the big deal is about kanda he had it coming 🙄 #just more stupid things on my document that i drew and slapped on here even if it doesn't fit perfect w him #honestly been thinking about it dont expect anything that comes from my blog to be 100% representative of my feelings abt mine #i like memeing too much ig #mine yoshitaka #rgg #yakuza #yakuza 3 #like a dragon #the tboy thing though im down for just not the psycho murderfsksf

[hacksplatter]

girl help i cant stop drawing this lead poisoned thing and her hot wife

#tf2 soldier #tf2 #team fortress 2 #op #hesitant to put this under #my art #but i will anyway. #the her was purposeful btw. if you even care #jenna absolutely cursed my penis all im capable of caring abt right now is these hairy ass war criminals #after dealing with teens for 3 weeks i deserve the thought vacation but. I spliterally cannot draw anything BUT tf2 rn #also I decided he has a cleft lip scar bc this world is what I make of it

[tibli]

people really act like johndirk murdered their entire family or smth

#homestuck #john egbert #dirk strider #johndirk #dirkjohn #obvs its fine if you dont like it personally #but the amount of VITRIOL i've seen for a ship that is basically harmless is soooooo fucking funny #like oh you're mad? you're mad that the windy boy and the weeaboo boy are holding hands?? that they're kissing??? #that they're having the most homoerotically-charged prank wars known to man??? skill issue tbh #also meat!john needs to come back from the dead and make out sloppy style w ult!dirk. and then kick his ass for being a shithead #tbh tho i prefer like. mostly ignoring hs2 as a whole and choosing to think abt post canon just being like #everyone on earth c finally dealing with all their various emotional issues #and i think dirk and john could actually work rlly well together once their got past their own bullshit #john has a hard time like. understanding people's feelings on anything deeper than surface-level and tends to avoid uncomfortable situation #whereas dirk feels things so strongly and deeply but has problems expressing it in healthy/acceptable ways #john is 'free' to the point that he has unintentionally cut ties w his friends #while trying to deal with the trauma of losing his dad #whereas dirk is grounded but obsessed with keeping everything under control. because control makes things safe #and he had very little safety growing up under the condesce #ok im rambling on what was meant to be a funny post so i'll cut it off there

[silenthillbunni]

lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it

#idk it's just all too much to deal w #i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish #i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months #like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk #i just dont know what to do or how to handle it #im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job #im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself #i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it #idk the list just goes on and on and on #nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help #i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all #im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc #i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable #i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city #anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :(( #it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more. #so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk

[skunkes]

the way I've been raised has shown itself in a recent awful experience I had and the realization won't leave me because I'm not sure what to do about it.

I don't like feeling anger/upset and it's rare for me to feel it anyway but it's led to me being unable to tell what's worth getting upset over anymore. If my wants upset somebody, then, well, maybe I shouldn't have them? What is so serious that I need it to go completely my way...? What desires am I allowed to have. It's not that serious, it's okay if not, you can't always get what you want....

every time I feel Upset I am later wracked with guilt because it wasn't a big deal and I was just being selfish... What IS a big deal then? How can I tell? Its admittedly never a big deal... But I keep being upset. And stepped on....

#talkys #this is what led to me Staying for as long as i did #there would be issues but if I brought them up i wld then be made to feel guilty for feeling that way #but i cant reverse that bc well!! its true like is it really a big deal? life isnt that serious I dont need to get upset... #i get upset at something my parents do and in the end i feel ungrateful and selfish #i really cant tell anymore which is why i Stayed as mentioned above #in the sense of well yeah the way im being treated doesnt make me feel good but why do i need to feel good? #isnt that selfish...isnt that asking too much...isnt that making yourself out to be Better Than... #i really dont know. i get so ready to give up my position on anything because I dont want to be selfish #and because im no better than anyone else #my mom caused some drama on my birthday wrt my sister's family and it led to me not being able to go to the duck #pond on my birthday... which is the only thing i really wanted to do on an otherwise uneventful day #i was meant to feel shame abt it because well we can always go any other day!!! relax!!! #and it is true....! #we can go any other day why did i get upset? its not that serious...nothing is that serious...i feel so guilty + spoiled + selfish #i just felt humiliated for wanting to go in the first place. and for getting upset that we couldnt go. like a toddler. #*not that i actually get Toddler Level upset...but it always Feels like i did...ykwim #i just dont understand......idk if i can Repair this....

[constantvariations]

I remember someone saying "there's no such thing as a good racism allegory" and it's been bouncing around in my head for a while. I'm someone who typically thinks anything can work if given the right circumstances, but then I really started thinking about it and I believe they're right

Because if you want to talk about racism, you should just talk about racism

(This is unpolished and ramble-y, so strap yourselves in)

Racism is deeply ingrained into our society, no matter where you live. Imperialism and colonialism has ensured that no corner of Earth has been left untouched. Choices from hundreds of years ago are still being felt today. There's practically no end to the discussion of its effects on the world and its people

So, why should anyone feel the need to dress it up in cat ears?

I've consumed a lot of media where writers have consciously echoed in part some aspect of racism in their fantasy story: Bright 2017, Dragon Age, RWBY, the MCU, Harry Potter, Detroit: Become Human, etc. The biggest thing they have in common is that the narrative is told to side with the victims, but it somehow always ends up against them

It always sides with the status quo

It's confusing, maddening even, because the narrative oft goes out of its way to show how horrible the system is and how these folk don't deserve their treatment, so why are we going back to normal as if it's a good thing? Why are the people actively working to improve the system decried as annoying at best and monstrous at worst?

Then you look at the people who write these storylines. The beliefs they hold, the people they vote for, which charities and organizations they give to, and it all makes sense. Centrists (at best) trying to look progressive are the ones who need to dress racism up in cat ears and rainbow freckles. They set aside the long, brutal histories and crushing systemic realities to play pretend that racism is Not That Bad and is only done by Those Bad Individuals

That's why Velvet's ears are tugged instead of culled. That's why the Mantle drunkards say mean things to Blake instead of attempting to assault her. That's why everything surrounding the SDC's labor practices is so vague as to be useless while the biggest evidence of their malice is hand-waved away by a writer who says the victim "had it coming" as if someone can deserve being branded by being too much of a brat

These stories aren't meant to make the audience question why our society works off the bloodied backs of the exploited or demands we take good, hard looks at ourselves and how we've been duped into believing so much garbage about entire swathes of people. They're meant to satisfy the people who only feel bad that these things are happening because they (white folk) look like the bad guys. It's a self-congratulatory wank about how "I'm not like THOSE guys, therefore I'm a good person!"

And then there's the characters meant to convey this story in the first place: always inoffensive, mostly aimless, "not like the other girl" types that pander to that delicate palate. Blake - a conventionally attractive, pale skinned girl in fashionable clothes - used to be passionate about equality but only in the right way, and demonizes anyone who does not conform to this mindset despite having no reasoning to back it up while never once demanding better of the privileged people around her even when they do racially insensitive things

The biggest downfall of these racial allegories, be they about cat girls or orcs or elves or robots, is that they do something that marginalized folk have been forced to endure since the dawn of time: literal dehumanization. There are tangible differences between humans and whatever the allegory is, which undermines the very fundamental fact that black/asian/queer/neurodivergent/disabled/whatever folk are unapologetically, undeniably, exceedingly human. By dressing up their plights in cat ears or spottled blue skin, you're creating theater not for the people who actually live through these struggles as a means of connecting with them and providing them a safe outlet for their feelings, but giving the people who benefit from passively allowing the system to enforce said struggles a pat on the head for not being the grand wizard

I don't really know where I'm going or how to end this, so I'll just sign off with if you're going to talk about racism, just talk about racism

#rwde #like i said this is pretty all over the place bc i know what im Feeling but not how to word it yknow? so hopefully i got it somewhat across #i am whiter than sour cream tho so if i got anything wrong DO NOT HESITATE to blast me like team rocket #this did get me thinking abt star trek specifically the ep w the dudes who are black on one side and white on the other #and they hate each other because the colors are on different sides #that might be an okay allegory since its so on the nose its dancing on your sinuses #but its not my place to say one way or another so who knows #ive only seen people play detroit but holy fuck david cage should be tossed into a pit for that absolute nonsense #this dude had robots standing in the back of busses and quoting mlk jr but had the audacity to claim it wasnt the 60s civil rights allegory #this is just a really weird thing to happen over and over again #can they just not connect w people of color or whatever their target allegory is? #its almost always black folk tho james camerons avatar had LoAdS of fun w that indigenous parody #and theres like. never any sensitivity readers to double check this shit or the target group actually doing the writing #who said 'white people love talking about race as if they got something to say'? bc that should be the slogan for every one of these deals #yeehaw ig :?

[braintapes]

Question for ppl who've read the Doom Patrol comics: Is the emphasis on fathers/fatherhood as prominent in any of the comic runs as it is in the show?

I'm on my...like, 4th or 5th rewatch now and I just got to the end of S1 and I'm sitting here like. Man. This show is so very deeply about fathers, specifically shitty fuckup fathers and their children. And I'm wondering if that's something like Jeremy Carver's Supernatural influence seeping and oozing through or if that's important in the source material too.

I love the show deeply and so I'd love love love to get my hands on the comics eventually but rn I have zero knowledge on them

#doom patrol #side tangent: i wonder. if this is primarily a Show thing i wonder if its why rita's writing felt off to me #not off as in like. egregiously bad or anything her writing is perfectly serviceable n i like her a lot #but it's just that. serviceable. just fine. where the other main characters get REALLY juicy moments and times to shine #both in the deepest pits of their self loathing and also when they Try to deal w/ their own shit n grow as ppl #but something also felt...Missing. to me. from rita's plotlines #i always got the feeling like there was some fumbling around trying to figure out What To Do w/ her #idk maybe it's just me. i could be way off base but its been itching at me #in any case im curious to hear ppls thoughts and learn more. i rly wanna learn abt as much dp stuff as i can

[echoesofadream]

what does it mean if when walking to the psychiatry a young man appears and goes do u know where this place is (dentist office) and i go no and he says my gps doesnt work (sus thing nr 1) and asks for my help and i let him use map on my phone and he says hes gonna take a pic of it but doesnt (not necessarily sus bc its just a straight line 1 minute distance) and i say i am in a hurry (already late bc of the train) and he says me too but then brings up the name of some historian lecturer at the university and im like ok?? And he says did u go there im like yeah he says what did u study i say law he says my brother studies law there (ok??) and he says his name i say mine and hes like whats ur instagram i go uhhh hes like whats ur number im like hmm hes like ok let me call my phone from ur phone and im like oh fine im only gonna be more late than i already am and he laughs and hes like ok now type in ur number on mine and i do bc hes nice enough and then when making the contact on his phone hes like whats ur last name and im like my first name is enough he says ok and then when we start walking again bc we stopped he literally. Has to just walk straight intot he closest building door ??? Like thats where the dentist office was. Sus????? Hes like oh help me find this place btw whats ur number and then he finds the place immediately. Is this the first step of trafficking or is this how kids meet these days

#And what was the deal abt some historian lecturer?? Did he recognize me from uni or what? #I didnt but im also a little face blind #But i havent taken history or anything like that

[sillybouquetoflillies]

i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out

#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk #i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting #but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it #so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life #wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around #so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length #how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg #ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most #i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway #i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!! #i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well #i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately #I DUNNO #i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out #i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems #n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me #i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want #while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰 #i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts #i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!! #its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there #i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl #i just dont know what yet #concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent #ok i think this ramble is ovr #im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!

[h-doodles]

boy the sudden outpour of angst ideas for larissa weems x reader in my brain got me weeping so bad i feel a fever coming on

#ALL YALL POSTING ABT FALLING OUT OF LOVE BUT MY BRAIN GOING 700 MILES FASTER AND 3000 YEARS FURTHER WITH A #the love was still there. it didnt change anything. #ABT READER LEARNING SHE'S DYIG SOON. BUT KNOWS LARISSA IS SWAMPED WITH NEVERMORE & DEALING WITH THE KIDS. AND SHE ALSO LOVES #HER NEVERMORE FAMILY SO MUCH. SHE CANNOT BEAR TO MAKE THEM SAD #AND BC LARISSA IS SO BUSY. SHE HASNT REALLY LOOKED @ HER WIFE. AND TO READER ITS JUST OKAY. AND CREATES A MINI VIDEO JOURNEY #AND LIKE. ITS JUST ALL THE LITTLE THINGS SHE LOVED TO DO WITH LARISSA. AND THE KIDS. AND OF LIFE U KNOW. #and its wonderful and sad and beautiful #but she's dying and she doesn't want anyone else to know; her family had gone the same way too and thats how she wants it to end #and its just. augh. not my brain adding more angst rn #where her one & only friend notices #and is the one bringing her to all her doctor's appointments (outside jericho ofc. she knows her wife would know the instant had she been #diagnosed there) and like. Larissa getting more and more suspicious of their outings and accuses r of infidelity #.......and at this point r is just. done. and lies. #and gets out of Larissa's life. and everyone's just. shocked & devastated #R leaves but also begs her friend to go away. because she's just counting her days at this point. and you know what #the kicker here is that they agree knowing this was the last act of kindness they could give her. #AND LARISSA STILL DOESNT KNOW. #and wouldnt have known until Wednesday had a vision of a phonecall that'll shatter her #........shit. im crying again haha #anyways i love cinematic orchestra's i built a home <3 it really gives me such the best angst storylines #personal.txt #clown.txt #mod lee speaks stuff #idea.txt #larissa weems #larissa x reader #larissa weems x reader #lee writes #lee writes stuff #my fic

[prettyboysmlm]

ah. help.

(tw sa mention in the tags)

#so #pretty sure my friend lost her virginity last night #(not sure she hasn’t said anything yet) #but if she did #i know for a fact she’s gonna be hella annoying about it this week #bc she’s annoying about everything #but this is different #bc she’s gonna be bragging about how she had sex and how the rest of us are virgins #(two of us aren’t be she doesn’t give a shit she just wants to be better than us) #and i am going to be super uncomfortable if she talks about this nonstop (bc she will) #bc of. experiences. i’ve had. #that she knows abt. and that she has insulted and joked abt before. #and im terrified she’s gonna do it again in front of all of our friends #and i can’t take that i can’t fucking take that #she’s an idiot and she doesn’t think about what she says before she says it but that doesn’t matter bc there are some things you need a #filter for and she doesn’t seem to realize that #anyways i’m terrified of going to school tmr bc i don’t wanna deal with that #like yay i’m happy for u that u had sex with a guy you’ve been dating for two months! now please shut the fuck up! #anyways why am i venting on here? #bc i don’t wanna tell my friends bc they’ll think i’m a hypocrite #i’m the one friend who makes sex jokes and is the ‘horny one’ #bc i’m hypersexual bc of my. ‘experiences’. #and they’ll think i’m a hypocrite if i tell her to stop talking about sex when that’s what i talk about a lot #so i’m just gonna suffer and pray she doesn’t say something to upset me #k.txt #vent tw #sa tw

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#my therapist teaching me a mindfulness technique: so what do u think? #me: this is like how vulcans deal with their emotions. they recognize them and set them side. acknowledge and accept #also i need to send these thoughts away on icebergs in the ocean instead of on clouds in the sky #its the exact opposite of what u were saying but i think abt the terror so god damn much its infected me down to the bone #literally anything she tells me i gotta b like: how can i either relate this to media or fold this into a metaphor? #bc i guess thats just how my brain works idk. #ugh. saw the psychologist and psychiatrist today and now theyre perscribing me ab1lify #hope it works. i dont have the perspiration in hands yet. i wish my brain would just b Normal #but i feel generally better than i did last week already #they think im sensitive to medication. either my body or my mind. ie. i freak myself out and my body reacts #so i convince myself im having a reaction. they haven't said that but im sure theyre thinking it bc im also thinking it lol #cant pin me down. my mind is too slippery #things i did not think would happen to me: a bip0lar diagnosis and prescription for anti psychotics #unrelated

[beautifel]

i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am

#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately #like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad #i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic #and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me #the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic #let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything #like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing #i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard #the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know #with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things #n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case #it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has. #the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others #this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate #its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences #its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control #ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship #we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people #so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there #ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere

[silenthillbunni]

funny that therapists whose job it is to listen to u are the WORST listeners in society lmaooooooo. they dont hear a single word u say. they genuinely dont care abt what u say at all, they're just gnna take what theyve read in some textbook and apply it on to u. whatever u say you're not a person speaking words, your just a box filled with their judgements and pre constructed notions abt whatever diagnosis theyve assigned to u. therapists and psychiatrists are the most useless and incompetent ppl in society lmao. such a fkn joke it's insane how theyre even allowed to get paid for the shit quality job they perform ._.

#im not even convinced they process or register anything i say #also do they even have an education.....? #i've tried bringing up my depersonalization experiences and they just sit there like blank pages #and look at me like I AM THE WEIRD ONE!!!!!! u have gone to school for it yet i am familiar w more concepts than u?!?!?????? #they dont even know what DEPERSONALIZATION or derealization or any of that is!!!!!!!!! #they just look at me w a bored dead look in their eyes and say yeah u are depressed #i've even been called WEIRD!! by therapists!!!!!!!!!!! #i now know that it was avpd behaviors but when i didnt know and i talked abt it w therapists #they scrunched their eyebrows and got frustrated w me for not just having social anxiety so i could be easy to deal e #and they were like 'uh huh thats strange' ?!?!!???? #that made it SO much harder to talk in therapy bc now i just constantly overthink every single thing i say and wonder if theyre gonna call #me weird. like idk i just rlly... hate therapists. i hate them so much #and psychiatrists? 🤢🤮 they look at u like a lab rat or a statistic or an annoyance #they dont give a single fuck abt u. they arent even competent enough to help u!!! #like idk maybe u have to be rich and buy quality care but every single one of them i have met have been utterly worthless #rndz