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mortuarywriting · 26 days

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well hell. wip wednesday and i havent written much of anything so im just gonna share what I've got for chapter 2 i guess? poor reader is very tired and uh. exhausted to say the least.

Morbid below!

You just level a very tired look back to muttonchops, "is this the part where I'm taken out back like Ol' Yeller?" The big one tilts his head a bit, your gaze tracks the movement and you just sigh, "what? Bullets are cheap. I'm sure you have an allocated training amount for range days, I'm an easy target," at this you gesture inward, nobody would accuse you of being Small or Petite or any of that bullshit, "and it's not hard to move the brass from whatever secondary location to the range. Hell, knives are even cheaper," as you say it you know you have a goddamn preference. You don't wanna die like this of all ways but you don't exactly know how many rights you have since you are very publicly dead. Like in a perfect world you somehow get slipped back to your bedroom, you're fine, there's no bruising and you just had a wild dream. Second best you'll take a weird sleepwalking incident- mortifying in it's own way but a fun anecdote for later. You don't want to be talking about how easily they can kill you. How even if they let you off base what the hell could you do? You're entirely at their whims and that's sixteen levels of horrifying. "Don't think from the article there was enough left of me for uh, an open casket," you nervously fiddle with your hands, kinda all you could do with them, "and hell, cremation isn't exactly the hardest thing. Makes me more portable than I ever have been in life." You huff as you lean back, meeting the eyes of mutton chops and just. Matching his gaze. You know exhaustion is written in every line of your being. You just keep his gaze as long as the three of you sit quietly. You're half convinced there's some level of scent warfare you're still missing, but you can't find yourself to give half a damn. "Medical's initial assessment is back." You blink, that's not where you were expecting this to go, "okay? Can I talk with her about them or-" "You don't have scent glands. They want to do x-rays to analyze your sinuses-" "Wait aren't there laws about healthcare information privacy-" "- among other select tests, and we will make decisions upon further results." You go to jerk your hands up in exasperation, "awesome. I've been voluntold for more needlework. Joy of joys, is it a dissection or still a vivisection if I'm only legally dead?" He levels an unimpressed look at you, and you level your own right back. You can't help yourself from grumbling, "need to know just how much of my medical history gets to stay private with this bullshit." "I get access to records as your alpha-" You scoff, "I didn't vote for you." The big one shifts from foot to foot, but muttonchops continues as if you hadn't spoken up, "-assigned to your case and determining how to classify your presence on this base." Your brows furrow, "why would you need to be my assigned alpha for that, or granted my medical information. The way someone smells is no basis for a system of-" "Are you quite done," he sounds like he's at a resigned tired stage- which, fair- and the big one is looking at muttonchops… expectantly?

#rambles from the morgue #happy wip wednesday *confetti*

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malevolententity · 6 days

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no but im thinking once again about charlies world state for the suckening. because i havent made my personal decisions yet on how much Canon Cities actually matter. because charlie did something really interesting to me personally with using a canon city and then just ignoring absolutely everything established about said city. and that puts me in a very fun play position of jigsawing what i think from WoD canon could still be dubious canon to charlie and what just doesn’t matter at all. and some of that is going to also be influenced by my personal canon state of LA because my LA deviates from official canon because that’s just what happens in world states that are the real world and then white wolf or modiphius or renegade put out something official that just blows up your shit.

so heres a deranged history lesson on LA canon and where i might pen charlie as diverging from that canon

all cities are contentious on whos sect they belong too but LA is such a special case because it’s constantly flipping like on a literal 10 year cycle since the 90s and its kinda funny. v1 (1991) doesn’t talk about LA to my recollection there isnt an official stance on who controls it at this point. but in v2 (1994) we get our sourcebook in LA that talks about how from like ~1800-1944 LA was a cam city but then from 1944-1994 it has joined the anarch free state and we get a chronicle to explore a crumbling anarch city thats trying to not blow itself up while also trying to establish some sort of barebones government so it doesn’t just turn into a sabbat territory. at this point its kinda up to you what happened!

we then jump to v3 and 2004 with the videogame vampire the masquerade bloodlines! LA is back to being under the camarillas thumb this happened at some point between 1994 and 2003 we are never really told when prince lacroix came in and stomped on everyones shit. just that he did and everyones really mad about it. we then learn about 4 of the anarch barons isaac abrams of hollywood, nines rodriguez of downtown, and the voerman twins of santa monica. there are also 3 named primogen of the city gary golden of the nosferatu, max strauss of the tremere, and alistair grout of the malkavian. there is a shown ventrue and toreador primo but we don’t actually get to learn anything about them theyre ultimately not important. but we learn a lot of guys names! 11 days of insanity happen and the camarilla fall once again and LA turns back to being an anarch free state on october 31st/november 1st of 2004!

it is now v20 january of 2018 LA is once again in a contentious spot for the anarchs. san diego players are invading and looking to instate themselves as prince. there’s a set of hooks and various endings for chronicles mostly surrounding the idea of LA bending to a new prince (vannevar or tara) or being completely taken over by the kuei-jin(1) who have been in the city since 2004. there is an anarch rubble ending proposed but it is the least likely outcome. these plot hooks are part of the source book becketts jyhad diary to help bridge the gap from v20 to v5 which came out in august of 2018.

v5! september of 2018! the source book came out in august and the actual condition of LA is not mentioned. there is the officially produced actual play LA by Night and all of its events are canon to the official world state. LA is in limbo. vannevar thomas won the v20 san diego conflict and has claimed himself as prince of LA. and everyone really hated that and tried really hard to ignore him but his foothold grew. all of the barons and primogen from 2004 are still barons and primogen of their respective territories. and we learn some new ones! but by 2021 vannevar is removed as prince, denounced by the camarilla at large, and presumed to have met his final death. no one whos prince in LA ever has it good. or lasts long.

now that the canon history lesson is out of the way. i dont know if charlie actually knows any of that lore LMAO. i dont think any of it actually played a part in how he wrote the LA camarilla

BUT there are a few ways to split hairs on official LA canon still being somewhat real in his world regardless.

first can be that san diego vs LA instead ended with The Queen getting involved and instating herself as prince of LA. rather than vannevar. and the previous barons and primos meeting their ends at some point in this conflict. this ones just because i truly do not see charlie as an actual big long term vtm dweeb. who’d make another teams actual play canon to his actual play even if it is actual official world canon. i don’t think he’d want someone elses actual play world to effect his.

another is The Queen watching different princes claim LA and then in a few short years routinely getting final death’ed by the anarchs of the city, where she just in 2021 goes “okay. lacroix sucked. vannevar sucked. my city now. this won’t happen to me” and then she gets blown up by the grimslayers in 2023. its a cycle that no prince can ever have a true hold on LA. LA is inherently cursed to consume its princes. it doesn’t explain the primos changing if vannevar is canon but it could easily be twisted that during the riots against vannevar during the second inquisition raiding the city that the primos got caught in the crossfire. because i don’t know how else to make sense of them changing between reigns. because for me at least its hard to imagine the primos getting voted out with the loyalty they command. theyd have to die to change.

i think its also very likely that charlies world state could have The Queen taking charge between 1994 and 2005. this is the most neutral one as it ignores anything stated in v3 to v5 about LA. theres no messy wonderings on barons and primos that exist through those versions, because its just the v2 lore of anarchs are struggling, what nameless person will claim power next? and i think The Queen slots in very nicely here.

to have a definitive answer on what i ultimately believe is dubiously true id have to rewatch the first 5 episodes just to see if during shilo time theres ever a concrete mention of how long The Queen has explicitly ruled over LA because that Does effect all the possible outcomes of dubious canon. and charlie loves to play it fast and loose when it comes to timelines.

i think the most interesting and compelling for me personally would be taking over after vannevar even though i personally don’t enjoy or have vannevars reign being canon in my own world state. but her taking over after vannevar is so fascinating to have the hubris of princes thinking time and time again they wont fall to the curse of LA princes being short lived and then it keeps happening. especially with edward vying for prince and the boys immediately trying to take him down after the queens death. and then killing A Version of him on tv. the themes. the motifs if this timeline is real are just so juicy to me as someone who interacts with official canon. that i think id like to think its this one.

but most likely she took over by 2004. thats the cleanest diverging point regardless of if you do or dont know the history of LA and the only one that i think can be semi supported within suck canon at this time. with the single line mention that The Queen put emizel into his dads care pretty immediately after birth. and the twins are 18 or 19 so thats gonna be 2004 or 2005. because i dont think she’d put emizel in a city that she doesnt have any control over yet, and theres no mention of emizel moving cities as a kid (to my memory). despite the fun implications of the other two main broad options with her control being newer.

ultimately none of it is true canon at the time he wrote and recorded suckening last year. i do not think charlie in his marathon week of researching v20 and v5 rules and helping the boys workshop characters. that he looked into canon cities and really paid attention to what happened there and would in theory be happening in 2023 when this was recorded. i think he just picked LA as a city at random and went “imma make some weird guys that fit the archetypes of their clans, yeah okay heres the government” and that was it. maybe with the time since then and season 2 he might do some retroactive stuff with LA official canon but who knows! it seems s2 might be more global focused so digging into LA lore probably won’t happen.

this was just an excuse to think about the various possible histories of LA in charlies world state if somehow official canon is at play. it 99% likely isnt but, i think its fun to try and slot his takes on the world into the preexisting World of Darkness. instead of just only being, idk i might start calling it World of Charlie, i love WoC and trying to make it make sense with my like decade long beliefs on LA because he just HAD to choose a city that has an established official canon. instead of doing like houston, or san francisco, or portland or any other city. literally theres like 4 cities in the entire world that are officially extensively fleshed out and thats LA, New York, Chicago, and London. the rest of the world will Maybe have 3 official line mentions like Prague and Berlin. but no. he picked one of the 4 cities id go crazy about and it wasnt even on purpose. and m so glad he did this to me because its making me think too much. but also. how could he do this to me? its making me think too much.

#1.7k of me figuring out where i can slot suckening into a divergent WoD LMAOOOO #the suckening #the suckening meta #i cant stop info dumping about official lore and how that interacts with and effects my read on what charlie does in his world

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screamingfromuz · 7 months

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do people not read? you havent said anything hateful, your life is endangered and all you want is for everyone including palestinian people to be safe. youre in the middle of war and people are wishing such hateful violence on you during such a traumatic time. im sorry. you deserve better. you.. are not to blame for what's going on and we, the people on the other side of the screens who have no idea what it's like there have no right to blame you for something much larger and horrible.

i hope you make it out alive and safe. i hope peace can come for everyone. people can be angry all they want- its not our fight to fight, we ultimately cannot understand every nuance, and our words on the internet mean nothing and sending hate to you.. just further traumatizes someone going through horrors.

you are just another victim in all of this as well and i pray for you. i hope the people who have been so cruel learn that things arent so black and white and learn how to have compassion.

stay safe.. i will think of you.

People can read, but can they understand? that is a different question. this is pure hell right now and I am the lucky one who got out of the main war zone, and am not in reserve duty. but many of my peers and friends are not.

I am honestly at this point more sad and sorry for those people on the other side of the screen, they are so stuck within the propaganda they refuse to examine it and erase history. For them we are just whit European colonizers, which is both false and ignores the fact that most Jews weren't in Europe for the Exile. They tell us to "go back to were you came from" when the reason Israel exist is because their ancestors did the same. They tell us that we had no right to come back because the exile started so long ago, as if to say that our land was taken and we have no rights to it anymore.

They see the harm of Israel as inherently evil and the harm of Palestinians as inherently justified, they have yet to learn the fact that horrors are horrors, justifications be dammed. they claim we do not care for our horrors only because they cannot see the debate going on in Israeli society. they have yet to understand that this is not some American/European white colonizer narrative, this is a far messier and unique narrative that requires it's own understandings. They need a villain and a hero and refuse to understand that this is not like this. the it never been.

Thank you for the well wishes.

#israel #palestine #Iron swords #7/10/2023 #the israeli palestinian conflict #ישראל

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shitpostingsystem · 5 months

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bsd ramblings (season 3 and 4)

“is there really any value to this thing we call living?” dazai’s a mood

KID DAZAI AND CHUUYA OMFGOMFG

“what kind of suicidal punk are you” — chuuya to his future husband

omg i love the sillies

mori sounds like the kurzgesagt dude ngl

THEY HATE EACH OTHER OMG THEYRE SO IN LOVE

THE B A N T E R

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

chuuya being a shortie is so fun. “i’m still growing” growing my ass just kiss dazai already

THE ODA PARALLELS AAAAAAAAAAAAA

dazai you autistic motherfucker

chuuya being a gang leader is fun

dazai is my silly

wait so chuuya’s technically 7 years younger than he actually is?

gravity boi x suicidal manic, my favorite ship dynamic

THE BABIS ARE SKKING THE BABIS ARE SKKING THEYRE DOUBLE BLACK WKEHRUEHUFUEBDHDHSBEH

when are dazai and chuuya gonna kiss dammit

THE SILLIES ARE BANTERING JEUDHWHSUHE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

WHY IS DOSTOYEVSKY SO FINE

dostoyevsky is so silly

i am in dire need of more pm dazai. i need it all. i need more. i crave my husband’s past life. i need to see him and chuuya kiss while wiping out their enemies.

i can’t wait to write fanfic once i finish this show. i don’t wanna screw up anything canon wise so i’ll wait. i’ll watch all of the show plus the spin-off to get all the dazai i can. i’ve already pirated the movie, nothing can stop me now.

dazai is a slut and i love him for it. this is actually canon (at least during his pm years he was)

dazai x kunikida x chuuya

kyouka is my child, i love her so much

I HATE FANSERVICE. I THOUGHT BSD WOULD BE THE GOOD ANIME WITHOUT IT

KYOUKA MY BABY IM SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR PARENTS I LOVE HERRRRR

power of money?? real american o7 yeehaw capitalism

bro just walked into someone’s home, sat down, and started laughing

“black daniels” HEY THATS JACK DANIELS

“hey poe!! it’s so nice to see you!!” JUST KISS ALREADY YOU TWO

the random ass fish-eye cuts in this show 😭😭

“OBJECTION!!” what is this, ace attorney???

i love how the superhumans are called gifteds, implying they’ve taken at least one honors/ap course. by that logic, i’m extra gifted (im in honors history and english)

i haven’t seen dazai in a while wtf. where’s my husband?? i’ve barely seen kunikida, let alone chuuya. ok he’s here rn, prob won’t be for long

ok but seriously mori is a pedo. elise is getting used even though she’s a fucking brat who gets what she wants

oh shit they got blew up

nvm

DID AKUTAGAWA JUST NARUTO RUN

oh shit i forgot the catholic existed. puritan, whatever. same difference, both are culty at times

FUCK MORI. THAT FUCKING PEDO.

i think what i love about bsd is that the characters are complex. dazai can be considered a serial killer and definitely bad mentor to akutagawa but an amazing mentor to atsushi and is my husband

i love dostoyevsky’s english va. they did such an amazing job. 100/10 russian accent

MY HUSBAND GOT SHOT OMGOMGOMG MY BABYYYYYYYYYYYY

HI CHUUYA I MISSED YOU. AKUTAGAWA TOO HI HELLO

RANPO <33 MY SILLY GETTING SERIOUS OOOOOO

HI KENJI IT’S BEEN SO LONG I HAVENT SEEN YOU

CHUUYA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

virus cannibalism my favorite /j

kunikida has tear gas powers? what is he, a cop???

oh noooo a kid got shotttttt how terribleeeeee /s

THE SAD AF MUSIC I CANT WHY IS THERE A CELLO HERE

oh that’s why, dostoyevsky has one

I LOVE GIN <33

kenji the silly!!

“aren’t you the one who lost to dazai?” RANPO RUBBING THE WOUND IN DAMN

the music is autism frfr

KARL <333333

“if ranpo really were to die in that world though, what would i do with myself?” — edgar allen poe

katai’s dead? damn. rip ig

oh shit here’s the bowl cut lemon dude

the office girls are dating

damn fukuzawa and mori had a past together

WHY DOES NATSUME LOOK LIKE WALMART HITLER

dazai making his kids work together is gold

“what did you have for dinner last night?” “yes” GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW

the classical music omg

“you’re quite the rough ride, yknow” that’s what she said

“enough, you’re not paying for this ride” that’s what she said

incel (katai) isn’t dead

i love how dazai is the mafia boss in a different timeline

akutagawa and atsushi are so down bad for each other omg

my native english speaking ass hears theodore instead of fyodor. i’m pretty sure it’s the same but different languages but still

dazai <3

ranpo <3

BAR LUPIN BAR LUPIN WJSBAJBSKWUSMSIMSJDBHSJSHSHS IM GONNA CRY

wait so season 4 is fukazawa focused? dammit i wanted more dazai

HI RANPO MY SCRUNGO HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

i fucking love ranpo. the silly

he’s such a brat. good for him

IS THERE A CULT????? LOWKEY LOOKS LIKE CHRISTIANITY ON STEROIDS

oh it’s the play

“there something everyone else gets and i don’t get it” RANPO MY AUTISTIC SCRUNGO <33

ranpo my silly <33

honestly i keep forgetting they’re detectives

ranpo has adhd and autism

ranpo got fucking bitch slapped i love him

“as always, i have a hard time saying no to ranpo” ITS BECAUSE YOURE GAY POE

“but i got to see your rare, exasperated face so it was well worth the money!” poe you homosexual

“are you that detective’s fanboy or something?” “no i’m his rival!” how about boyfriend?

i fucking love ranpo omg

NIKOLAI IS SO SILLY

why can i handle anime gore but not irl organs omg

my gore levels are weird. organs and bodily fluids (beside blood) are a no-go but i can see a dead body no problem

when did atsushi become op

“a total of 625 charges…” MY BABY GETTING ARRESTED NOOO

GOD I FUCKING LOVE NIKOLAI

wait so the ada is a front? wtf??

i’m so confused wtf is going on

the decay of angels would be a cool ass band name

ok so moot says ada is innocent and shit like that. i trust them.

teruko is my child

everyone’s a shitty person i love them

HI CHUUYA OMG I MISSED YOU SO MUCH AAAAAAAAAAAA

why chuuya kinda 😳😳

kunikida has ocd (i’m not projecting wdymmm)

“i won’t let anyone mess up my schedule!” whole mood and a half there kunikida

WHY DOES THE FANDOM IGNORE KUNIKIDA BEING AN IDEALIST OMG

dazai <33333333333333333333

dazai and dostoyevsky are besties fuck you

“she’s so strong-willed! i love it!” MORI YOU PEDO

“Dazai is a good person SOMETIMES! But he’s also a criminal who has done fucked up shit! And he has a personality! He’s really smart! And lowkey manipulative to get what he wants! He’s not amazing!” my moot gets it!!

morally dubious characters <33

i love yosano so much

HI ANGO

i love lucy

sticking out your gyatt for the rizzlerrr you’re so skibidiiiiiiii you’re so fanum taxxxxxx i just wanna be your SIGMAAAAAAAAAAA

sigma is so silly. i love him

dazai is a weezer fan

chuuya is a nirvana fan

i’m terrible with names so i’m like “oh damn That Dude” both fictional and irl. like atsushi was Terrible Bang Traumatized Furry until i got his name

i don’t even read omegaverse but every time they say sigma i cringe

sigma has amnesia?? mood

bro’s a fictional character within a world of fictional characters

dostoyevsky <3333

sigma named himself??? nah don’t even he was born with an ao3 account

i don’t know shit about cosmetology but if i got ahold of sigma i would fix his hair

oh hey catholic scarlet letter man

if my beautician aunt saw atsushi and sigma she would take them out of the show, fix their hair, beat them up, and put them back as changed men

I LOVE DAZAI OMFG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHEN HIS VOICE GETS SUPER LOW AND AKENSISBIZHWHXHWBZUWBZIBQIXHWNXHD

WHERE THE HELL IS CHUUYA OMFG

#bsd #shitpost

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raisinchallah · 5 months

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its genuinely so pathetic contemplating school when ive never written a proper academic essay in my life i have always had a terrible grasp of written grammar and have never really understood how to put together a bibliography or properly cited anything more than like a single quote and i havent even finished basic high school mathematics or ever taken a biology class beyond the 6th grade but also id really like to study biology and history giant sobbing has pathetic fantasies of studying history of science and medicine but also probably wont be able to pass english 101

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twisted-wonderland-but-gayer · 2 years

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Imagine this:

Chernabog!Yuu with Grim as the monster but since Yuu isnt technically twisted from anything, they would not need to depend on Grim to overblot for them to then overblot? They themselves don't get giant because they are human but they can float in such a creepy way like those ghosts on bald mountain and I can imagine they have ink all over their body plus ink dripping on the floor since they dont have a magicstone to hold/control it so it just flows everywhere. This can be an advantage to everyone else since it can affect their eyesight etc. Since Yuu doesn't have powers and in such an extreme position, I feel like they wouldn't be able to have a conscience and wouldn't be able to speak but they would use body language to show that the blot hurts and is causing them migraines or something. Plus,they have a box(inspired by the Pandora's box since it contains evil) to contain the actual Chernabog power but instead of curiosity,they use it to attack them.

Instead of Yuu suddenly lashing out, they kind of slowly get into the overblot. Like how Grim might do it Like they slowly start to act a bit more strangely. More distant, actually feeling unwell due to the manifesting ink and snappier at wither big or small issues. I can imagine the first years getting worried about their behaviour because they think it will go away soon or they don't think a magicless person can actually overblot.I can imagine reader AND Grim having this problem.

But when they overblot, the are dull and have excessive anger at the same time which shocks everyone since they are normally the voice of reason and a lot calmer than even most of the calmer students .They are angry due to the blot,power of evil from the box and at their situation.If you havent seen Night of Bald mountain, this may not make sense but I can imagine Yuu also dancing with Skeletons and ghosts of Ramshackle in a creepy way(their blot influencing them since they dont have a soul/nature) as the ghosts go march around Ramshackle destroying all the mirrors since Yuu has grown paranoid to mirrors due to Mickeys encounter and the dark mirror/basically their history of mirrors arent really the best.

Basically the aim to get Yuu to stop overblotting is to get the box from them and put it back to original place(probably found in the mines) and to calm them down.In the end Grim stops overblotting and joins to fight against Yuu getting them more angry but they have the box taken away from them which makes them a lot easier to beat and they end up stopping the overblot but they pass out due to the blot, ink and magic corrupting them and since they are magicless humans, their body wasn't designed to hold immense power. They reach a coma like state for like 3 days as Grim + person of your choice visit them since Yuu helped them and now they feel like this is how it could be paid back, by actually giving a damn.

I can imagine this being the reason why they have to delay going home(Not like Crowley started 🙄) but also the reason why they start to get less annoyed and the dorm leaders/Jamil would probably have more of soft spot because they both seen each other overblot and know each others problems etc.

I noticed this was very long but I guess I have a big imagination. Hopefully I didnt waster your time and this was actually a good read.��

I don't know much of chernabog as my family didn't want to show my black sibs some of the racist stuff and makes them feel bad so i don't have much to add about chernabog.

This is indeed a really good read though!

#that little centaur was just as pretty as the white one's #smh #she was a charactier or whatever but i cant believe they tried to make her hair ugly like HUH?! that was my sis hair when she was lil #and she was beautiful #chernabog #overblot yuu #not requests #not writing

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system-of-a-feather · 1 year

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I'm sure I've said this before but just day 458 of me being really tired of how much gender dysphoria / trans help and advice / trans therapy / passing discussion centers around "what other people think" and the internalized idea of what a (insert gender) is and dismantling it or whatever cause like fair that fits a lot of people's issues and helps them but literally so little of my dysphoria comes from wanting to match some image of a man or a nonbinary or literally anything. I don't want to be like anything and quite frankly I don't care if other people don't see it - I just want to fucking be an honest version of myself and this fucking garbage body (I'm redirecting shit to aggression, don't correct me on this) just is a chronic fucking lie and I hate it. Like I'm just so tired of this shit and I'm on burn out break for most aspects of this other than my responsibility to never bend on our needs which is easy enough considering I'm still plagued with this shit and bending on it would just make shit worse

But I'm so fucking tired of working on this shit. It's been number one - maybe two at certain points in time - on my list of goals and priorities to work on and break down for three years and the bodys and brain have been at war about this for like 5 years and I'm tired and just so fucking tired.

I'm glad we are making great progress and I'll grit my teeth and keep biting my way to where we need to be and Riku will make their tortoise yet productive crawl carrying my ass on a wagon when I'm just sitting here biting at anything that gets in our way - but god its exhausting.

We got the hysterectomy and thats honestly great, but I think our brain said thats one source of dysphoria taken off the list, time to make room for *checks list* Other Dysphoria We Havent Had In 3 Years and Actaully Until Now Were Confidently Proud of Being OK With and now we have to consider top surgery which with the history of complications we had when considering it before means a lot more system talking and navigating if this is dysmorphia, OCD, or dysphoria before taking a direction and then all the fucking medical crap and work crap and relationship crap

And Riku and Ray have said and set them to divide the two out so I can get a break from the fucking headache all this has been, but 1) it doesn't keep me from looking and seeing how fucking exhausting everything ahead of me is because I can see it and 2) from still trying to plan and plot my way around all my issues because I do it withoout thinking due to how I - as a part was raised - and I can't really turn it off so I can't really properly take a break until I'm satisfied that I did my due diligence.

As a part I'm garbage at accepting help or letting anyone give me a break or anything and while I'm A LOT better with it in general with Riku and some parts of the system, often when I get like this I get a lot worse which is the catch 22 of hell cause the more I need support and need a break, the less likely I'll accept either so

Great moods and great feeling

Lowkey maybe I should drive to Florida and do shit I can't say cause it'd be a good distraction and relief and be possibly a little productive (JOKING)

But god am I tired.

Anyways I'm gonna go get shit to help Riku and Ray make progress on their ends cause I really can't sit by and not be actively involved in solving my issues, even if "I" am.

-XIV

#alter: xiv #trans #trans vent #dysphoria #gender dysphoria #vent #vent tw #transmasc #transmasculine #transgender

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hikari-ni-naritai · 5 months

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multiples of four.....

4. Movie of the year?

gonna be honest girlie i did not watch a single movie this year. at least nothing tht came out this year. i think i watched. some nasuverse movies this year. those were good.

8. Game of the year?

uhhh . opens steam. hold on. as far as stuff that came out this year. you know what game im picking. as far as all games ff14 obv

12. Talk about a new friend you made this year

im so bad at time i have no idea when i met anybody. safe bet is @kiarathesnek i think shes my most recent friend? shes cool i like to hang out and play games with her and the especially nice thing is that she streams games for me when i cant really afford to get out of bed to play anything myself

16. Post a picture from the beginning of the year

of me?? uhh. i havent taken any since nov 2022. oh heres something in my camera roll from march 3rd

this is the earliest ive got bc my phone died before this so i have none of the pictures from 2020-2022 unless i posted them on tumblr

20. What’s something you learned this year?

i have picked up rather a lot of history knowledge from the time of the byzantine empire due to my dearest friend @princess-rising-chaos streaming age of empires for me and teaching me things

24. Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

did i even MAKE any?

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paalove · 7 months

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period on its way so i need to be bitchy rn or i'll die. so as to not end up getting upset At anyone here's what i think about the army costuming in episodes 26-28 of (sadly short 40 episode long) cdrama chang feng du also known as destined.

this will make sense if you havent seen it but there are spoilers. and also it's bitchy commentary. read if you want this is for me tho

the costumes themselves are of course very well-made. the armies are nice and easy to distinguish from one another. there's four of them!

is our protagonists' army of a rapidly-diminishing 10,000, already guarding wangdu. the commanders of this one are our boy gu jiusi, and also ye shi'an and shen ming. shen ming is the only one of these three who is wearing the armour of wangdu, actually - the other two are dressed... differently. shen ming and the rest of the army are in a nice and cool black metal on black cloth combo - i always love when the heroes are in all black, it makes me happy!

is the defenders of wangdu, the 20,000 troops in zhou ye's hands. they were taken away from the coming battle to join the main forces of the youzhou army attempting to [sighs at plot changes due to censorship] Save The Emperor. anyway. these are one set of reinforcements and they are nice and cool in silver metal on dark blue cloth. so far so good - nice and easy to tell apart the two armies, what could be the problem? oh it's not with these guys, actually zhou ye has never done anything wrong in his life.

is the unexpected army of bingzhou, led by qin wanzhi who is the best. she's so cool. while the guys are busy having a solemn and history-laden reunion she's busy getting to the gates of the city and killing every guy currently breaking through them. i love her. but anyway their army is in silver metal over cloth of a nice deep red, making them the next-coolest after wangdu's black on black.

enemy time! the rebel prince, king liang is in charge of a cool 100,000 and they are all kitted up. these guys are very striking when theyre arrayed against a tiny hopeless city and they are wearing gold metal armour over bright red cloth. ah, you think you see the problem, right - two armies in red! nah that shit's fine, the metal provides the contrast, the two reds aren't super similar, and bingzhou normally act as a smaller force doing specific, clearly identifiable actions, such as the gate thing. nah, similarity between armies isn't the problem, what is?

the fucking commanders of wangdu.

SO. big battlefield shots are fun, but they make it hard to figure out where our special little characters are. are they in the part that just exploded, or are they fine? enquiring minds etc.

costumers solution: give those bitches different armour.

this is normal, this is fine, this has some historical basis - the guys on the field need to know where their commanders are. now, most of our commanders are wearing the same colours as their soldiers and are visibly distinguished in different ways. shen ming has different weapons, zhou ye has slightly different metalwork (and also is always in focus or on a horse) and qin wanzhi is both helmetless and often-shouting, with an easily distinguished voice.

gu jiusi and ye shi'an, however...

well. well.

(firstly, context - ye shi'an is the pure scholarly type who our leading lady, liu yuru, grew up wanting to marry. then he went through trauma and now he's a pure scholarly type with a gun bow and arrow. gu jiusi is our leading man and the one yuru actually married. arguably twice.)

ye shi'an, being a pure scholarly type, is naturally in armour of Pure White. white metal white cloth and white bow and arrow. whatever, baby, you can wear what you like. not sure where he got it, but good for him. he can be mistaken for absolutely nobody else. he can also be targeted so so easily, but. that's allowed. if he wants to do that he can.

gu jiusi, though.

hey, man, what the fuck are you wearing, bro.

oh, gold armour on red cloth? bright red cloth? the same shade as the rebel army's red fucking cloth?

WHY.

WHY BRO.

he is so hard to tell apart from them in big battlefield scenes!! most of episode twenty seven is big battlefield scenes. AT LEAST CHANGE TO THE FUCKING BLACK CLOTH DUMBASS.

...

....

........

phew.

okay to be clear i know why - one of the other fights is nighttime storming of the walls - he and ye shi'an are the only guys in bright colours on the walls for most of that, it's very striking, and even when the enemy soldiers do get up there the camera focus is close enough to the action that there's no confusion. it makes sense for him to be in exclusive bright colours.

also he and his wife do a romantic little vow renewal right before the main action (it's romantic bc theyre talking about how doomed-to-death they are) and she's in a red not-technically-a-wedding-dress-bc-this-is-the-not!song-dynasty dress and gold jewellery. they have to match.

so my real question is why is the rebel army in those colours. who decided this.

#okay spleen vented xoxo

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fiberglassandflowers · 11 months

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Hey hit me with the Mortimer lore :3 [if you want ofc]

YAYYY okay so this isn't gonna be thattt long because in all honesty i havent thought toooo much about the way it all works for them but ill tell it like i know it

[also for the record: this literally all came to me in a vision while listening to friends in low places by worthikids lmao]

so mortimer was alive in like the 1800s [i really really wanted latin to be their first language but apparently it just had to die out following the fall of rome sigh] and things are going pretty well for them. idk the specifics of anything but they're just out there living their best life

and then, oh no! one fateful day they end up getting mugged :-( but it gets taken a step way too far and he ends up getting his eyes. cut out. and also they get killed. oops

so then after they die and they're in. whatever like purgatory or something. but technically whatever heaven and hell are in this universe thing are controlled by laplace's inc [which i need to do a looott more worldbuilding on i dont know shit about it tbh]. so laplace [or whoever else, i doubt laplace himself would be doing the talking] is telling it like, Oh well if you don't wanna die for realsies and you still wanna stay in touch with the world we could make you a new death guy

[i havent figured out what else the death guys should be called so im calling them well. guess]

being a death guy is pretty much just grim reaper business. like not killing people per se but just. i dont actually know lol he's just one of the death managers thats the only way i know how to describe it because i dont really know myself

so mortimers like Yeah alright beats dying [!!!! trip parallels btw] so he becomes a new death guy and, well, the rest is history

also, it kind of travels sometimes from like place to place to do this stuff; even though mary bell is like its home its not where they always are. in fact people don't even see him around town all that much because its a pretty busy guy

annnnnd thats it i think other than the whole trip business but that's a different post. yay!

#explanations #mortimer #laplace's inc #<- probably needs its own tag at this point

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gr1evance · 1 year

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1, 10, 19 grievance??

1.) how would you describe the world your story takes place in?

its called the purpose and its. a minecraft superflat world. ok thats not entirely accurate it has some dimension to it but its an entirely flat plane of "nature" though theres not much variety and its not anything youd find in a mortal world. i havent nailed down exactly what it looks like but i imagine its not all green also green might be more of a minority color? i imagine it all very purple usually but i imagine theres some splashes of other color in there. the sky is entirely purple space, millions and millions of tiny stars visible and swirling i imagine its very pretty. the area you can actually see in is quite small though relative to the infinity this place technically takes up because that little area is circled in an surrounded by something called the darkness which is.. pure black darkness that forms a very stark and visible border where its suddenly just pitch black past that point. at the edges it looks like soot tags and i think theres occasional movement in it. generally very scary. in the area thats not the darkness theres a little sort of "town" its kind of just a mishmash of "houses" (some of them.. are not actually houses, like vinny's house, which is literally just a big greenhouse) of all different styles that dont really go together but they're the gods individual homes made to suit them. all the gods the story focuses on live there and then a ways away outside their little area is asterisk who watches over them and all of that. overall kind of sad lonely and mildly devoid of much life the purpose is just where all the gods... live forever.

10.) if your story is titled, why did you choose that title?

oh god i titled grievance like. 3 or 4 years ago so the memory is very hazy. but its pretty straight forward its about nix whos dealing with. grievances. so. the sequel to grievance, atrophy, was named during an in depth discussion of bone and muscle atrophy in a class and i thought the idea of relating that word to nixs loss of relationships and general stability and how that turns into a very physical atrophying of the world he lives in as he's forced to destroy what he knows of it all. which is all stuff that takes place in grievance and not atrophy but atrophy focuses on the aftermath of that and how things end up turning out alright in the end through rebellion against said atrophy. in a bunch of symbolic ways. hopefully that makes sense

19.) describe the sillies you think about but that dont go in the story.

oh god honestly theres not much that DOESNT make it into the story in some way or another. but just going through a few ideas. to take the prompt literally in summaries of the story it doesnt really come through because. its not like the summaries have all the jokes thatd be in the final written episodes but something i dont mention often is that grievance is actually a comedy (kind of a... dark comedy tragedy thriller really) in a way that like. things are presented as just jokes but then they linger for too long til they have to be taken seriously. things that happen are inherently comedic but thinking about them for too long is terrifying. youre meant to laugh and then feel bad for laughing, and not in any offensive way, but in a deeply hollow and horrific way. the main character, nix, is a walking punchline at every turn, but hes a depressed abused alcoholic forced to be the catalyst of his world's end. but theres still jokes and its funny and theyre silly furries and you laugh anyways and its not supposed to make you feel good :) something that doesnt make it into grievance and atrophy other that being hinted towards and implied that i find funny is the history nix and clueless have. they were friends with benefits for a time before nix got really mentally ill about it and clueless cut it off but they kind of just make each other worse and enable each others self destructive tendencies in a way thats like. how did you two ever think this was gonna go well Also how did you let this go on for that long. whats wrong with you. if i ever get to completely make grievance and atrophy theres a set of three mini comics id like to make and one of them goes into depth abt this hugs is also a character that doesnt show up til atrophy and doesnt get too too much spotlight but i think hes funny. hes way to dramatic and spiteful and hes funny to me

#captains log #ask #anon #grievance

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lesbianroland · 1 year

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hey this might sound weird but im writing a fic where a character is majoring in geology. you are the only person i know of who majors in geology. can you like, tell me some things or classes a geology major might be doing? no scenes are focused on school i just need some ideas for a throwaway line or two 😭 sorry if this sounds weird ajfjsjfjfsjakd

all good! i can help you but keep in mind that i go to an italian university so it might work different here than in the us

ill tell you some of the classes my university offers:

physical geography and cartography, inorganic chemistry, physics for geological sciences, maths, geology 1 (more specifically it was based on sedimentology and stratigraphy), mineralogy, earth physics, paleontology, petrology and petrography, geomorphology, geochemistry, geology 2 (no idea whats gonna be about because i havent taken it yet)

idk how you call these in english but the ones i just listed are all mandatory and you *need* to take those to graduate in my uni, the next ones are optional: geological risks, intro to vulcanology, intro to hydrogeology, gemmology, structural geology, history of geology, geology of [country]

some stuff you might want to know:

- polarising microscope: this is the kind of microsope you would use in a mineralogy or petrography laboratory, your character might mention it if theyre attending a laboratory for those classes?

- on field classes are very common, i've had on field classes for geography/cartography, geology 1 and i will have them for petrography and geology 2

- we have laboratories very often, some are focused on being able to do a macroscopic analysis of a geologic sample (geology 1, mineralogy), while other are focused on a microscopic analysis of a thin section (mineralogy again, petrography)

- if you want your character to complain about a class being difficult, geology 1, mineralogy and petrography especially are the ones they would complain about lol

if you need anything else let me know, i love to talk about things that are geology related! if you want your character to be passionate about one topic and talk about it i can help you w that (the curse of knowing about rocks is you will unconsciously start talking about them regularly because they are everywhere), like if your character is interested more in one part of geology, then they will enjoy one class more than the other etc

hope this helped? i tried to be as clear and exaustive as possible. dont be afraid to ask for any clarification because again i love to talk about geological sciences, i might just not know a lot about some of these classes because i havent taken all of them

#th.txt #asks

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doog20 · 2 years

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Waymond

So i have been rewatching Everything Everywhere All at Once, on repeat since i watched when it released, its become a sort of comfort movie. i can recite the lines from this movie 1:1 if that gives you an indecation of how much i have seen this. anyways thats besides the point, i wanted to chat about comic releaf and how this movie does it perfectly with Waymond.

by the way, pls bear with me, my writing style is more narrative based than anything else. think of this as a trip into my brain lol <3

life is hard, we all deal with it in different ways. some people deal with it dead on, and try to analyse it all, and decided things based on facts. but some, some very interesting souls, wholeheartedly reject this and seek wholeness in the fact that they dont need to see it all to understand it all. i myself probably fit somewhere in the middle, i feel very happy when i understand things and try my hardest to understand alot of things. but i find alot of safety in the idea that there are just some things that need to be joked about and not analysed at all.

When we meet Waymond he is in a bad place, his marriage is falling apart, his daughter and wife are feuding and to put a cherry on the top of this cake he is ablivious to this all, instead living life as if it was fine, its not, but he is still dancing and making costumers laugh.

Waymond fits into group 2, the people that dont need to know everything, everywhere all at once (see what i did there). BUT this must NOT be taken as these people not understanding the world or being somehow stupider bc they pick a different path. rather it should be taken as just another way to exist.

many comic releaf characters are only that, no 3 dymentionality, just there to cut the tension. this used to work well when movies were shorter and not as in demand. as we start to see things over and over they get boring, we all know this. the thing is though, we need comic releaf in every movie somewhere.

okay lets do an exercise, think of your favourite movie, now think of any scene in that movie serious or otherwise, i can take a shot in the dark and say that if you told a friend about this scene alone they wouldnt think much of it, bc they dont have context, they dont have a build up to any of this. now take a scene that has a moment of comic releaf, and tell this to your metaphorical friend about this scene, i can say with 90% confidence that they will for sure understand that scene better. what i am trying to say is that comic releaf makes things more palettable.

Waymond for almost the whole movie is kind of a joke... he isnt very serious and when he is its out of character for him, but come the 3rd act and its revealed that Waymond is doing all of this by choice, as the world just needs googly eyes every now and then.

this reveal hits so well on 3 levels. level 1 it informs the viewers more on Waymond and forces a reevaluation of him, level 2 it changes how Michelle Yeoh's character, Evelyn looks at he current situation and level 3 makes the comic releaf 3D!!! not only is he doing this to make it easier on himself but also on everyone else. this builds his character of just being a father and caring person, even with his costumers, he is just doing this to make them happier.

when i look at this movie a few things come to mind, 2 scenes the intro to the rocks where its just silence and text to read, the whole saga with the sausage fingers and Waymond as a character.

in closing, im very happy that The Daniels made this. this movie that was really funny, really insightful and really did give me my favourite character in movie history. I wish the them all the best and hope they keep knocking out BANGERS like this one

anyways thanks for reading, hope you have a good day :3

okay so that was really nice to write out, i havent been able to flex my writing muscles for a while, i am dyslexic and its just very energy consuming but very very fun to do when it comes together. its been real, doog signing off

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