#i just dont understand......idk if i can Repair this.... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

roobylavender · 9 months

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im fairly new to batcomics so forgive me for this dumb ask/being uninformed, but do you ever have like. doubt in your reading for bruce as a character, or feel bleak about it (?) im aware you dont really like the reading of him as an abuser, but from what ive seen he most often does emotional neglect/distance and parentification of a child, which /are still/ abuse, and this happens very consistently. from what i can tell there is more evidence of him being a bad parent than otherwise. people often say hes incapable of having a child without messing them up beyond repair, and from what ive seen that rings true😭 i also know you said u dont like alot of his modern portrays, but these types of abuse also occur in older comics as well from what i can tell. i myself often have doubt (perhaps this is because i havent read everything yet and im still informing myself on his character)-that maybe this /is/ just his character, bc of HOW consistent the pattern is. idk if im really asking a specific question. im more so wondering what your thoughts are, like on parentificafion of his kids and emotional neglect/distance, would this be different if DC portrayed him more empathetically/based on your reading, and/or is he just fundamentally unable to parent someone without abusing them like some ppl say. i understand i may have just opened a whole can of worms lol but im so curious

you are totally fine! canon is quite overwhelming in both volume and scope, and conversations about bruce being an abuser definitely dominate at present (not wrongfully btw), so i don't blame people for ascribing to them early on. i will say at least from what i have read (and i will admit here that my pre-bronze age reading is not nearly as consistent as my post-bronze age reading so i have kept less track of specific writers and runs there) that i think the aspects that largely define present interpretations of bruce as an abuser tend to take from canon post-crisis onward. so that's probably why in a sense it looks like bruce has "always" been an abuser, bc realistically speaking if you're a new dc reader it makes most sense to start with the aftermath of the crisis and go from there. most conversations about "canon" tend to be about post-crisis canon (ie what has taken place on new earth/prime earth) and usually when you're looking up batman reading lists they will start with year one rather than with anything in pre-crisis. the crisis was nearly forty years ago after all! it covers a lot of territory and unless you're a really dedicated comic reader with a lot of time on your hands i don't think most people have the time or energy to go further back (to no fault of their own obv)

all that being said. pre-crisis canon is obv not monolithic in nature and there are definitely blogs out there who have dedicated themselves to compiling individual issues or moments they would personally interpret as evocative of abusive behaviors on bruce's behalf. i don't think that's inherently wrong to do per se and to each their own reading but my primary divide with that practice is that it's often performed within a vacuum. to me the most important thing when it comes to being a comics reader (or any kind of reader really) is taking into account real life context and genre conventions. how do the politics or culture of the time shape the way a given narrative is written and with what tone it's written? all of that is crucial to incorporate into an analysis. i'm going to use a pretty famous example of why. world's finest comics #153 (1965) is the origin of a pretty famous panel you may be familiar with:

on its face this looks pretty bad (and it'll actually factor into when i discuss parentification later) but contextually this issue imagined an alternate reality wherein superman was responsible for the death of bruce's parents and subsequently became the face of bruce's relentless revenge and pursuit of criminal activity. obv that's not a bruce who actually exists in reality and this was merely written for the sake of exaggeration and entertainment but it can also give rise to some interesting questions about what the writer here was specifically trying to satirize and why. primarily it's obv trying to poke some fun at the idea of bruce's crusade to begin with (which i am sure most people would agree was quite cartoonish in the early decades of dc despite the more layered portrayal and analysis it was afforded in later decades). but what's also pertinent here is the sort of "natural" exaggeration of bruce's dynamic with dick. in even as far back as the original bob kane comics, bruce and dick had a dynamic where dick was comedically portrayed as the more morally responsible one of the two. it wasn't much reason for concern back then bc the stakes weren't nearly as high and dick's tendency to question some of bruce's decisions (eg his tendency to always let selina go or to allow some villains to die horrifically) was almost always played off with a laugh. but the foundation was still there and you can recognize it in these panels despite that foundation obv being taken to an extreme. all of which is to say: the portrayal of bruce as an abuser largely depends on what a writer is willing to exaggerate, and why, and how. this issue was obv a one-off with no relevance to actual canon but it was nonetheless a peek into what that dynamic between bruce and dick could look like given a writer willing to pursue a darker tone and to explore the potential extremes of what was on its face merely a gag

the novelty of cape comics is that they are a place to explore anything and everything. extremes are possible bc no writer/artist and no editorial staff are ever on a book forever. what creatives want to explore with what they're given can hugely vary esp if a particular editorial staff is liberal enough to allow that exploration. and i think it's fair to say that a lot of writers are interested by the idea of that what if the above issue explored. not out of malice per se but certainly out of a growing curiosity as to how far disbelief with respect to the internal reality of cape comics can actually be suspended. the big question for batman in the 80s was whether having a kid sidekick constituted child abuse. this was primarily explored via the starlin run that ended in a death in the family. and obv following that we got the triple whammie of year three, a lonely place of dying, and knightfall. these arcs to me were what really cemented the foray into parentification in batman comics. the fledgling idea of it had always existed in a sense. dick was the more morally upright character of the two known for chiding some of bruce's decisions. he was the leader of the original teen titans, who historically demanded more respect and support of their mentors (i do not think it all inconsequential that dick and roy were developed so closely). and increasingly as we moved from the bronze age into the modern age we saw a dick who simultaneously desired to be independent of bruce and to be recognized by him. so the components to take that fledgling idea to its natural extreme were all there. editorial merely had to create the right circumstances to mesh those components together, and those circumstances were the buildup to and execution of the death of jason todd

i really do not think it can be underestimated in any sense what an enormous impact that event has had on the entire bat mythos at large. beyond utterly shattering the readers' suspension of disbelief wrt sidekicks' place in cape comics what a death in the family did was create an unavoidable void. this was not an event that could merely be skimmed over and moved on from. the aftermath and the consequences had to be dissected to their fullest extent otherwise batman editorial risked falling into the exact same problem the crisis was written to avoid: circular and aimless continuity. everything had to have concrete, forward moving direction and the consequences had to matter long term for there to be meaningful character development. so when you created the circumstances for a child dying bc batman had him gallivanting around as a masked vigilante, he had to retreat into his shell and utterly fall apart from the guilt of it all while everyone else fought like hell to keep him standing. it was pretty riveting and compelling. knightfall is probably one of my favorite arcs ever despite how utterly boring it is bc the introspection into bruce and his breakdown following jason's death was superb. but the circumstances it created for everyone else in bruce's vicinity to act like his emotional crutch while he took the next decade to recover obv had significant long-lasting consequences. dick had to be relegated to acting as the go-to family man rather than ever again pursuing his own dreams as he had in the 80s and early 90s. when jason came back he had to deal with all of bruce's grief and guilt being projected onto him while his own concerns went unheard. tim had to spend his teenage years deluding himself into believing he was the only one who could hold gotham together while bruce was falling apart. cass had to expend an enormous effort trying to prove herself to bruce bc all of the built up circumstances from the last decade drove him to insane paranoia about having sidekicks at all. and damian had to deal with whatever bruce had become by the time all of that was over

all of this to say: do i think bruce was always meant to become an abuser? not really. but did editorial avail themselves of and relentlessly pursue narrative circumstances that allowed that path to be realistically taken? absolutely. it's ultimately a debate of whether or not you agree they should have taken that direction long term. and i know it may look like i would probably be a hard no on that but personally i find myself more in the middle between these two imaginary camps. bc i'm not unsatisfied with what knightfall explored. i found it hugely interesting to explore the natural conclusion of bruce taking all burdens upon his shoulders and making himself highly vulnerable to collapse bc he refused to open up to anyone out of a fear of burdening them in turn. but knightfall was also followed by contagion and legacy and no man's land and murderer and fugitive. it was bruce taking one hit after another until he was utterly ripped to the core and had to start over from scratch and ig that's what i fundamentally disagree with. i don't think they needed to have gone any further than where knightfall took him and to me the end of knightfall should have signaled that bruce was ready to turn a new leaf where he could healthily balance his emotional commitments without letting them be guided by fear. publishing comics takes a long time so i think people often forget that despite there being a decade worth of comics between the events i immediately listed above what actually transpired in real time in the pages was two years or less. if we want to go all of the way back to a death in the family and account for that as well it becomes four years. four years isn't at all a long time nor is it unsalvageable. but by the time knightfall was over i truly think editorial was so obsessed with its own ideas on exploring bruce's collapse that it failed to see little else in the way of that. everything became about how people responded to him rather than about how bruce responded to the world. ironically by being the main character of his books he became the maker of his own demise. bc everything and everyone had to relate to him and his problems first before they could ever have any of their own. that is why keeping him in a perpetual state of emotional collapse has been so profitable. it is the easiest way to tell a story without ever having to make an effort on anyone else in it

note: one clarification i forgot to make earlier is that everything i wrote above is specifically with respect to bruce’s emotional abuse. i personally think there is zero justification for bruce’s physical abuse and that it can’t actually be extrapolated from anything about him as a character at the core, so whenever writers resort to it in the pages i dismiss it completely

#outbox #i know this meanders a lot but i hope it answers your question somewhat 😭#ironically i feel like my views have changed a lot since i first started reading comics and like even in the middle of writing this #it gave me a lot to think about and the concessions i'm willing to make. so thank you for stimulating the brain worms!

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toddstool · 2 months

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Hello

I started looking into radical feminism a little over a year ago while I was rebuilding and repairing the damage to my life caused by men. It gave me a sense of belonging and made me think critically about a lot of things I had always taken for granted. I especially enjoyed how everyone seemed to encourage one another to question everything consistently. It was very good for my outlook and mental health.

Over time, the posts seemed to shift from educational to sensational. Im not saying this was the fault of the posters, I’m just saying what I experienced. It went from primarily discussing nuanced topics with no real answer which i thoroughly enjoyed since it encouraged thought, to primarily posts highlighting the depravity of men. I tried to filter these out as the thought of women being brutalized can cause me distress and panic.

The biggest shift, however, happened when I expressed my opinion on female separatism. I am quite pro and strongly believe that it is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your female loved ones. I did not understand in the slightest how women who claimed to be radical feminists could marry a man while continuing to hold their beliefs and values. I expressed this. I was blocked by a few mutuals and even more radfems I had never even spoken to. I knew upon making a “radblr” account that I would be blocked by half of tumblr but I didnt think it would be by the same people preaching to question everything and have open nuanced discussions. I considered deleting then because the website became almost unusable.

Instead, i found other radfems to follow. I became less likely to express an idea i was unsure of. I started step back from radblr as a place of learning and discussion and viewed it as an anonymous social media website. I was overwhelmed with the amount of posts detailing abuse and femicide. I understand that these events need attention for things to change, but as they were it felt more dirty. Like exploiting their stories for rage bait.

So with little to no traction on posts trying to discuss nuanced feminist topics and an overflow of notes on any silly dumb argument post, I, without intending to, began to seek out more fights. I noticed that I became more prone to showing my ass by replying with what i knew would get the most attention. I am not perfect. I crave attention and community like anyone else. When I became aware of what I was doing, I deleted the tumblr app. I felt weirdly empty and only managed to stay off tumblr for about three days. After that three days I saw the “I love men” post that I showed my whole ass on.

After that interaction was done, I started getting anons asking me how I could use the “dont forget your birth control” line since it was so obviously misogynistic and lesbiphobic. This would have been the ideal type of nuanced discussion i love if that’s what it had been. Is that line misogynistic? Why or why not?

But thats not what happened. What did happen was mutuals calling me names and blocking me. Radfems talking about how they always suspected I was lesbiphobic. I guess that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I realized that, at least for that account, everything I enjoyed about radblr was all but lost and everything I hated about the fandom/tra account I had was there. At this point I am just trying to stay off social media entirely, but it has become obvious that I am addicted to it. Pretty evident since I’m even typing this huh?

I may come back. I may not. Idk rn. We’ll see but for right now, I just wanted to tell someone why I deleted. I thought about making a post but that would be kinda dumb right? Haha.

I’d love to find a new place to discuss and philosophize but I dont think social media is the place to do it. Its not whats rewarded here.

Good luck and happy discussion, critical thought, and feminism!

-the blog formerly known as @lookupmedicalmisogyny

*for context: a while ago i made a post asking what happened to lookupmedicalmisogyny and she found it and sent me this anon :)*

not 100% sure if I should or shouldn't post this but hey it's whateva.

i totally agree that a lot of radblrs most popular posts nowadays are ragebait/sensational type posts that feel heavily focused on women's suffering or arguing with others on here, rather than educating or respectful discussions between our community. i don't really mind as I just scroll past stuff like that if I know it'll emotionally stress me out or if I find it uninteresting. these past 2 years anyway I've just used radblr to have fun with my mutuals/keep up with them and have a configurated feed to scroll made up from like-minded and or funny women. of course this works for me because I already got to experience and read well written and thought out posts when i was first getting into radical feminism. i mean one should read theory from genuine essays and books, but you can't disagree that quite a lot of girls and young women are first being introduced to radical feminism from social media ("properly" ig opposed to just thinking about it themselves). i think what a lot of women need are irl communities, and they replace that with online communities, because in person can be scary or difficult to do.

anyway kinda off topic there. i didn't see the post that you're talking about, so I'm not sure about any lesbophobic allegations. im not sure how "don't forget to take your birth control" could be considered lesbophobic according to a radblr prospective so idk 🤔 i do miss your educational posts. i remember them bringing topics to light that I had never known about when i was first getting away from liberal/capitalistic "feminism" that i was indoctrinated into as a kid. perhaps you could have one blog for writing serious/important posts for the feminist community and another more personal one that's for fun and to talk about mutuals. while I don't think online community is exactly the best, I wouldn't entirely discredit it. after all it allows us to connect with women all over the world and learn about their experiences! that's pretty awesome. and i can imagine men don't like the idea of women learning about our historical and worldwide oppression, connecting with women everywhere, and understanding intersectional feminism lol. i guess to sum it up as long as you have in person community that's involved with your local government and helping women near you, then i think online stuff is fine and actually a positive thing as well.

do what u feel is best for yourself! social media can be extremely damaging nowadays so take it easy and I hope everything gets better :·)

#trix talking #radblr #radical feminism #radical feminist community #female separatism #feminism #lookupmedicalmisogyny

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commsroom · 11 months

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OHOHOHOH i like this train of thought with car guy eiffel who always has a tiny screwdriver/one of those with interchangeable heads in his pocket eiffel going to engineering and screwing around with spare parts and fixing things when he needs to think eiffel who always has little metal bits and screws that hes messing with on his desk eiffel who makes little metal trinkets for his loved ones. he sits and rambles to hera about engines and different manufacturers and they design the perfect car together with her knowledge of the world and his brain for design and mechanics. im thinking very much kaylee from firefly who never understood people but somehow machines just talk to her and spring to life in her hands. doug eiffel who wanted to go to college for aerospace engineering and work for nasa but never went to college and picked up a job hauling scrap parts to pay for said college degree before he dropped out and ended up working as head mechanic and whose dreams of building space ships were reignited when cutter found him in prison. or, my saddest thought yet, eiffel already planning on building a car with his daughter for her sixteenth birthday before she was taken from him.

idk also brings new life to his relationship with hera as the ship and how no one else on the hephaestus was really fit to do big repairs, but if he had a background in mechanics he could understand her on ANOTHER level that the other crew members dont get

oh gosh, i really don't think he'd be into anything that complex! like - don't get me wrong, eiffel is smarter than people (including himself) give him credit for, but he's a handyman, not an engineer. he is like the model for undiagnosed adhd class clown; he got through high school because he tests remarkably well without ever studying, and that was just enough to keep him from failing on account of all the homework he didn't do. i fully believe that eiffel never went to college, and never intended to. he's unambitious, and i love that about him.

maxwell's got the genius mechanical aptitude, minkowski's got the hard work and dreams of spaceflight... eiffel's passion is radio. when i say he's a car guy, i don't think it's his thing like radio is his thing - he's just a guy with a head full of american pop culture biases, who likes tinkering with stuff, and who lists "monster trucks" as one of the top ten things he misses about earth. like - i feel bad that so much of this is me disagreeing with you, these are just very different things! eiffel's definitely got tools on hand, he keeps one of his tool bags by his bed, he likes building things out of spare parts - canonically, he's got a lot of technical know-how, but it's in a much more practical, hands-on way. i don't think he'd be telling hera about design, much less his own design concepts, as much as he'd be ranking his dream cars. and i do not think functionality factors in as much as "he thinks it's cool" and/or "they used that make and model in a movie that he liked."

and speaking of hera, honestly, like... eiffel's good with his hands! and he can follow her instructions and do repairs if necessary. but the kind of electronics eiffel works with are nowhere near as complex, and i don't think spaceship maintenance comes naturally to him - and it's certainly not something he wants to do!! and while it makes a pretty big difference whether we're talking general station maintenance vs. specifically hera's hardware here, i think the fact that he doesn't know how to navigate this stuff without her input is part of the reason she feels safe with him. he didn't even think about what "optical system" could mean. eiffel couldn't (intentionally) mess with hera's systems even if he wanted to. hera is so used to people who "understand" her in that way taking advantage of her; i think it's reassuring eiffel has no interest in it. he is a people person; hera's just a regular person to him.

but anyway. i think he was looking forward to teaching anne how to drive, and that would be a depressing note to leave this on, so. eiffel could not be an engineer, and i think even the thought of the work that would require would make him break out in hives, but he could be a mechanic, for whatever length of time it'd take him to get fired. and i think that would be hot. put him in another set of coveralls and get him greased up. that's what's really important.

#he's just an analog guy!! he's got a knack for radio. he could tinker with your stereo to optimize the sound quality.#he can change his own tires / oil / etc. and generally identify problems with his car but that doesn't mean he necessarily does.#he'll spend all day trying to fix a heap of junk as a hobby but routine repairs that'll take him 15 minutes? he'd sooner die #he cuts corners where he probably shouldn't. etc. eiffel hates doing anything as soon as it's work.#... i'm sorry! i really feel bad how much of this is disagreeing with you. i really appreciate the ask!#thank you for talking to me about eiffel #asks #also i've been meaning to write a post. i keep thinking about writing it but i've been so tired. but i want to talk about how #there some key ways eiffel really doesn't understand hera or what it's like for her. and that's actually important to me. like.#eiffel is really bad about assuming his experiences are universal and he loves hera and in loving hera he has to learn to decenter himself.

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raisinchallah · 10 months

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sits here like ok yuri becoming a meme and as someone who has read various yuri manga off and on since i was a teen im like ok great people are finding things they personally enjoy but i also do not understand the narrative popping up around it like its the most perfect lesbian uwu genre i guess pushing back against like people saying its entirely weird porn for men or something which idk has never been the dominant narrative in the spaces of tumblr i frequent so i cannot judge how much this is a narrative that needs to be defeated but its like again weird people essentially making up origins of the genre with no sources like to my understanding its a bit contentious when everything coalesced into yuri as we know it now various tragic school girl manga that have later been incorporated into the canon again things i read like old shit from the 70s thats like miserable girls turning straight or dying at the end of like a 4 chapter story like this shit exists it was influential its not entirely lesbian positivity again a lot of works actively engage with the messy elements of the genre the idea of love between girls being a youthful foolish thing you grow out of or the fetishizing porn elements like i feel like pretending this stuff doesnt exist is silly and again kind of makes u lose out on context for different works idk i think actually the funniest argument ive seen is people who go so far in the yuri is great direction theyre like oh well yaoi is entirely made by evil fetishizing women and thats why its tainted beyond repair but yuri is just made by gay writers and thats it and thats why its good like again the genres come from different places are not as equivalent as people make it but like literally what is this level of commitment to just like lying...... yes there is in fact yuri manga that is like extremely uncomfortable porn made by straight dudes like this does not inherently taint the genre beyond repair but like can we stop lying????? like can people please just own enjoying things that arent like perfect and not like pretending the unsavory shit doesnt exist... i dont even care like i have enjoyed plenty a weird guys think lesbians are hot type media its just idk again funny on the fujos dont interact website to see these statements ok again im sorry i do actually enjoy plenty of yuri im being very negative in this post but again theres a lot of cool yuri and like a lot of interesting things written by gay writers and so on :3c

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alyssapoprocks · 2 years

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idk, i think we did get deku's pov on repairing their relationship, over and over. just bc their dynamic is different from say, deku and uraraka (their most recent convo was more for uraraka's arc than anything, and rly cemented them as supportive friends/heroes on their way to save who they can), doesn't mean they dont care abt one another. deku is always candidly supportive and bkg is fiercly looking out for him in his own prickly way

it's also so weird that deku has been avoiding acknowledging the apology/bkg in general, and i cant help but wonder if its bc he doesnt want to think abt the fact that someone he cares abt would break themselves for him just like he does for everyone, and its scary af!

his lack of self-preservation is infectious‼

But imo that's not him repairing the relationship, it's like they've completely brushed over the whole situation. Midoriya is still acting like Bakugou has never done anything wrong, and followed him around like Bakugou was the greatest person ever, which made sense at first when they were in middle school, because Bakugou was the only one that gave him attention at school (even if that attention was physically and verbally bullying him) but since they've been at UA, Midoriya has met many people who genuinely care and have been nothing but supportive of him, and Midoriya still acting like he and Bakugou were anything more than childhood bully and victim has always been so off to me, and I just feel that needed to be addressed prior to this arc.

Bakugou didn't show any sort of care for Midoriya before OFA, he was the one causing Midoriya pain. And that's exactly why it should have been talked through before now. It's the entire reason I hate the way Horikoshi has written them. I want their friendship, their friendship signifies Bakugou growing up and learning to trust and care for the people around him, Midoriya included, but we've only seen that from Bakugou's side, not Midoriya's, when it's Midoriya that was the victim. We saw how much Bakugou regretted everything he did, how sorry he truly is, the apology was beautiful, but it was still such a one-sided situation, when it shouldn't have been. We should have seen Midoriya coming to terms with the fact Bakugou truly and utterly hated him until recently, we should have seen Midoriya confront that and understand it, especially considering we've seen Midoriya standing up for other people being bullied by Bakugou when they were kids. The way he just let Bakugou get away with everything he did to him is the thing that annoys me. He never calls him out, never acknowledges that Bakugou did him wrong. He's just blindly following him like Bakugou hasn't done anything, and that bugs me. Always has in the story.

Like, not that long ago timeline wise, Bakugou literally threw something sharp at him, stabbing him, because he hated the way Midoriya was excited about unlocking more of his power. And Midoriya just shrugs it off like it's nothing. The way Bakugou's bullying towards Midoriya in specific has just been brushed over throughout the story is an issue, and the entire reason they needed to talk things through before this arc and not after it

#bnha spoilers #manga spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #mha manga spoilers #bnha 359

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crustaceanenjoyer · 4 years

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:) kinda doing anxiety rn ✌

#broooo i dont want to try to rekindle the hope tht i can get an education just to realise once again that my brain is broken beyond repair?#and ik thats not rational and its the anxiety taking up space 😏😘 but lajk.. um.. what if i want to believe it bc im too comfortable #being mean to myself to do recovery correctly 😏🤔#hahahahhahahahaaa 😐😐😐😐 ik im doing self sabotage ik its ok even if this doesnt pan out i just #have a history with stress about school and stuff #and yeah its a different form of studying 😶 but 😶 whetever i will not think about this more rn #also i have a vivid memory of the time before i dropped out the first time and the term leading up to that when i was a walking corpse #and most of my days were occupied w listening to comedy bang bang bc i was so unwell and couldnt be alone w my thoughts i felt like 🤔#and ya i still do escapism to cope and its not ideal but this is really nothing in comparison #bc i was really really depressed at that time. and now im only like. uhh thoroughly but not to the point where its an emergency #idk. now its like im just floating in the quicksand rather than struggling and getting pulled down ^_^ but i have kinda given up too #in a way 😑 although idk what recovery Means For Me And I Should Also Acknowledge That I Have Been Recovering In A Way..#i just dont know how to understand or conceptualize recovery and thats valid and now im gonna stfu

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corvidaedream · 6 years

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i talked shit about iPhones and within 24 hours i ruined the touchscreen on my Galaxy Note 5, and im not explicitly saying that the ghost of steve jobs slapped my phone out of my hands, but i am absolutely saying that.

#messages from the ouija board #the screen still recognizes my stylus but not my fingers #and my stylus? is literally taped together anyway #bc i cant take care of the things i own and if they are small and stylus-shaped maybe i sometimes leave them on the floor and step on them #hhhh i dont have money for this right now #maybe i can convince my dad that getting my phone repaired would be my birthday gift from him this year?#its... close enough to my birthday ...#honestly this phone is so fucked up idk if i maybe want to just get a refurbished one to replace it instead...#it might be cheaper to do that instead #i know i just reblogged a huge reference post about why repairing ur own shit is revolutionary #but i also... know my own skill set and anything newer than a walkman is just complete nonsense to me #my phone might as well run on witchcraft or antimatter fields for all i understand the inner workings of it #also... considering maybe getting a landline when i finally have money to get internet service

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dailytatsu · 3 years

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Hello! I saw request were open so i was wondering if i could request some headcanons of the Archons and/or the Adepti meeting a God reader who is the God of Chaos and destruction. The reader is not a Archon tho and travels all over Teyvat cuz small bits of destruction were ever they go. They're pretty mischievous and somewhat smug but despite how they act they're actually a good person. They dont mean to cause problems(most of the time anyways) chaos follows them were ever they go. Idk if you have a character limit but if you do please tell me so i wont make a mistake again. And if there is you can just do Zhongli and Xiao. Optionally could you make them a dendro user, there not a lot of dendro content and if not thats fine. I understand. Could you make the reader Gn or Non-binary they/them pronouns please? If not male reader is totally fine. Im so sorry for the long post and I hope you have a good day/night!

Ohmy, it’s my first time just writing headcanons! I’m use to write a lot, so let’s hope I did it right (^ ^' )7

Thanks for the request! ✨

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[HC] God of Chaos! Reader and the Archons + Xiao

Characters: Zhongli, Xiao, Venti, Shogun Raiden (Ei).

Gn! Reader

I tried doing it with everyone but I’m no still that confident to try writing with some characters ＿|￣|○

Sorry for any mistakes!

Request are open!

Genshin Masterlist

Second part ->

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VENTI

To be honest, he didn't notice your presence at first. He had other concerns on his mind that day to perceive the chaotic (and slightly threatening) aura that Mondstadt was infected with that day.

Barbatos is a person of habit, so he couldn't help but be curious when the crowd in front of him began to look a little agitated instead of seeming to enjoy his lyre and his songs.

But then a series of domino events appeared in front of his very eyes.

The purity of the chaos was such that he felt overwhelmed, even without the white-haired boy around, if it wasn’t Bennett fault, then how was it possible for everything to be ruined in such a short time?

His patience ended when, out of nowhere, the strings of his lyre jumped close to his face as they snapped. Making that awful noise that couldn’t mean nothing good.

Okay, enough, who is messing around in here? No more joking in his nation!

He concentrated a little, a faint but unique presence kept his nerves on edge, as if he was being watched from afar. He moved away from the busy areas and then chased that ephemeral energy to the highest point of the church, where the bells were ringing in an irregular and stressful way.

Then he found you. Snoozing against one of the columns, somewhat tired because the trip you made to reach Mondstadt.

Surprisingly, Barbatos understood you since the first exchange of words. A god of chaos who was also a free spirit, you followed no rules ever written in Teyvat, and you had no plans to apologize for the mess you made.

Both of you were Zhongli’s worst nightmare, but that’s another story.

He managed to through your arrogance and your teasing nature that you, in fact, were a lonely spirit that liked to witness the life from above of everyone.

The difference between teasing someone accidentally and committing a crime was really visible, but he still couldn't help but feel like he should scold you after your mere presence messed up with the guild's baskets full of fish.

But hey! He also enjoy the company! Venti tried to teach you how to enjoy the calm and the whisper of wind, music can also contain chaos, feelings, old stories waiting to be told again, expressions and desire united, in a wonderful piece of-

As you yawned his lyre broke up again. Making clear the message.

Okay, not even God of Freedom and Wind can control chaos. Anyways, what a tragedy, but there’s nothing a simple bard can do, smh.

“Do you like kids, don’t you?” He said once, after a nice day of hearing him sing before your chaos reached his little concert. Again watching everyone from above on the hands of the statue, with your attention caught by some kids playing tag.

“… I don’t know what do you mean.” Once discovered you had no choice but to remain defensive, pretending to be disinterested.

“Heh, you aren’t a good liar.” It may not be the wisest thing to make fun of someone who could destroy the place where you were resting, but Venti was confident that he knew you well enough to know that you were not so explosive. “You know!, I just have some pieces, but I think it’s because they are little walking concentrations of pure and innocent chaos, am I wrong?”

He wasn’t, no at all. But you would never confess something that embarrassing.

This guy wrote a ballad about the days when Mondstadt got immerse with that strike of bad luck. Kind of an apology of not being able to handle the situation.

Now there’s the rumor that says that, every time somebody sings that song, something unlucky will happen in front of you.

The song is cursed.

One night when the moon was shining on the Cider Lake his well tuned ears distinguished a melody that was broken from time to time by the accidents of his performer, distracting him of his way to look for you.

It could be painful to listen to, but Venti could certainly feel the dedication of the one who was playing the imperfect song.

The ballad of the god of chaos, hummed like a lullaby that instead of making you sleep makes you question the events of the day. Wishing for the slightest thing to be different after an exhaustive week of peace and tranquility.

A lonely spirits cursing their existence, sitting in the highest point of a stranger’s palace, where you can reach the sky by only rising your hand.

The next day, Barbatos invited you to drink some wine, this time near Windrise to avoid accidents in the city.

As he almost dropped the bottle when a lot of slimes were attracted by your presence, he confirmed the theory about that the way to spend time with you would not be his personal definition of hanging out.

➷➹➷➹➷➹➷➹➷➹➷➹ ➷➹➷➹ ➷➹➷➹ ➷➹ ➷

ZHONGLI

Okay, there’s only two scenarios that could happened when you set a foot in Liyue.

Old man has a soft spot for you for being a relative young deity.

Or he’s always lecturing you for not having control of your aura and powers.

How u dare bringing chaos to the nation of order? It’s that a death wish?

Jokes aside, you’re not really a threat. And he could sense that after he saw how you tried to avoid having direct contact with the city. Rex Lapis found your silhouette jumping and crossing through the mountains until reaching the fairest point that allowed you to enjoy the view of the streets that were filled with life and light as the sunsets.

He even noticed how you sighed in frustration when a storm started out of nowhere. A rain dedicated just for the arriving of the God of Chaos. Not even bothering of getting shield, you stayed in your place to look at all the people who were getting back to their places.

The rain seemed to stop over your head, for a second was enough to stop you from being cruelly swamped by the very weather you had created. An elegant umbrella covered you, the long awaited surprise you expected from someone as outdated as Morax.

You looked up, and found his expression calm and attentive, watching you. As if he had made a great discovery that he could not believe

“May I have a moment of your time to keep you company? Letting out your sorrows in the middle of a torrential storm is not what I would recommend as way to spend a good day.”

“… What are you talking about? Get in your own business, old man.”

“Well, you should know that a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved.”

Next time you knew was that he was helping you to dry your hair with a towel once you let him guide you to his place.

Zhongli picked you up like a abandoned cat that day. Even if having you near meant to deal with new the roof leaks.

Also kept you away from Hu Tao, if you two ever get along for being partners in crime he would seal himself underground-

For all the time you spend exploring Liyue, there he was. Like a little kid showing his treasures. But also like a worried father looking after his child for them not to stumble making their first steps.

Look at you! Almost crushing those Treasure Hoarders when a bunch of rocks fell down after you jumped at the edge of the cliff.

Wait, no- come back here! You should verify the surroundings and be aware of the weight of your power if you’re going to explore in that bold way. You, chaotic brat.

Another one who believed fervently that your mood was to blame for the constant chaos you caused. He also tried to show you the wonders of peace and calm, teaching you how to prepare tea while listening to the storyteller (also both being a little far away from the rest of them, just in case).

He couldn’t help but sigh when the teapot arm broke as soon as you tried to serve the tea. What a waste, he thought.

You apologized to him, kind of stressed with yourself after you took all the pieces with your bare hands to run away with them. Leaving a confused Zhongli behind.

Next day you were back, with the teapot repaired and just like new.

He let out a lot of thankful words, some flattering and a lot more cheesy things that you never had received before.

With that unexpected affection you couldn’t help but react flustered; then a cat that was chasing a bird jumped through a lot of decorations and merchandise, almost starting a fire as the chained events kept going.

Yeah,, uh, Zhongli got some useful mental notes about you and your chaos that day.

Hey, before you go, want to make a contract? You won’t regret it!

But as the wandering spirit you were you had no problems in reject his offer, but also promising that you would visit Liyue if he wanted you to.

Of course he wanted! But.. maybe next time you should stay in Huaguang Stone Forest instead of roaming near the city,,

➷➹➷➹➷➹➷➹➷➹➷➹ ➷➹➷➹ ➷➹➷➹ ➷➹ ➷

XIAO

Tried to kill you.

I mean, your aura is threatening and full of a destructive energy, how is possible that you weren’t a demon to eradicate??

Sorry, but he had a point.

Your first met was on your way to reach Huaguang Stone Forest along with Zhongli for introduce you with the Adeptus.

Xiao, in the other side, thought that you were about to attack Morax from behind, so he just struck against you. With his polearm near to go through your chest, just stopped because you felt him before.

Lifting your hand at his direction, summoning chaos, this time, on purpose. The wind gained a wrathful nature and the biggest roots that were hiding under his feet rose to caught him.

And when you were about to hit each other Zhongli’s shield appeared just in time to separate both of you. Preventing a real catastrophic event.

Now stop fighting and introduce to each other.

Nice(n’t) to meet u.

What if you tried to awake Azhdaha to bring chaos and destruction to Liyue? What if you wanted to summoned Osial? What if… ?

Zhongli had to confirm and promise to him that those cruel possibilities won’t be a near future for respecting the real reason of your travel.

No matter if he wasn’t comfortable with your presence, it wasn’t his decision to allow you to roam freely, so he had to get use to it.

He immediately knew after hearing about your nature that was your fault that lately there were a lot more demons and monsters. Even his karma was getting more painful than usual.

(If you ever meet Hu Tao, please think twice before doing Xiao a prank)

You both didn’t interact a lot, and being honest, it was better that way.

He hadn’t a single intention of talking with you again until the day you were practicing the song that your Anemo friend taught you. By the other hand, Xiao noticed that the melody had the same nature as the one he once heard before being consumed by the karma.

It wasn’t a flute, but a worn lyre that was still in one piece after weeks of being repaired again and again.

“That song… ”

“Do you know it?” Xiao just nodded, staying in silence, being your very first audience even if you still have a lot to learn about playing a lyre.

It wasn’t as effective as the original, but was still… nice, kind of nostalgic.

Next morning, the Yaksha called for you. Made you stay still in the middle of a plain and then he disappeared of your sight.

He abandoned y- wait, what’s that? Why those monsters has that weird dark aura?

You were about to defend yourself until Xiao appeared back just in time to defeat them.

That day you became his personal bait for demons and monsters. Naturally you attracted chaos, so anyway you were, there will be also something to fight.

I guess this is your way to pay for all the troubles you made for him and his duty, so no complaining about it.

If you ask for a unexpected experience to Ganyu she would said that once she found both of you fighting along against the catastrophe, looking after each other’s back and almost having a perfect synchrony.

➷➹➷➹➷➹➷➹➷➹➷➹ ➷➹➷➹ ➷➹➷➹ ➷➹ ➷

SHOGUN RAIDEN; EI

Also tried to kill you.

Well, the puppet tried to.

And then Ei tried when you had the opportunity of facing her.

But since killing a god just mean the releasing of a lot, pure, energy she couldn’t afford that risk, much less considering your “speciality”.

Who knows what would happen to Inazuma if your vital energy burst across the nation. Just like that old story about Sal Terrae and their goddess.

She just defeated you. Letting you rest and recovering in the midst of the plane of her reality within her mind. Your inert body in the middle of the battlefield as she kept meditating.

When you woke up she ignored your presence, but also denying your complaints about letting you go out back.

In her words, you were a burden, another enemy of eternity. Something as unpredictable as you and your “accidents” couldn’t get along with her utopia.

Ei could banish you from Inazuma, but she knows your type. Stubborn and not accepting the most simple orders to obey.

She knew that you would found a way to be back.

It’s better like this.

And in the hypothetical case of you being freed when she trapped the traveler (kicking you out) and then having a chance to see her again after the end of the war, then things would be somewhat different.

There’s not that much of civilization on some islands, so she allowed you to explore as much as your heart wanted. But if something serious happen, she promised that would end her work in the middle of the sea so your remains never be found.

Okay, message clear. Just do chaos near monsters and bandits, got it,,

Even if she wanted to spend some time with you and telling you some stories about Inazuma and other gods she couldn’t found the right time to call you at her presence.

As the current ruler of Inazuma she was busier than the rest of Archons you have meet. Maybe just some letters now and then like a way to keep a logbook, but not really a face to face talk.

Until she got the opportunity of a day off, just to found you messing around near some ruins. Trying to solve a puzzle before your speciality strikes in. The structure fell down after your fingertips reached the stone.

When the dust dissipated, you discovered her figure judging you from the other side of the remain ruins.

Give her a good reason for not errase you from the map, I dare u.

You felt the worst was about to come when Ei ordered you to follow her after a long sigh. Crossing her arms and starting to walk away from the bunch of old and worn rock.

Plot Twist, she actually invited you to rest under a tree, asking in her serene voice the reason for your journey and your origin. In such a direct way that it seemed more like a sentence than a talk to get to know each other better.

You answered what you could remember and then the silence stayed like the only way of interaction between you two.

Ohno, you know this pattern. Something’s about to happen-

“There is some strange beauty in the chaos, it may be the calm after the storm, but the catastrophe itself is seen as a necessary evil to appreciate the stillness. How much it would last until the lighting hit the valley?”

“So I arrived to keep order between the humans?”

Well yes, but actually no.

“… You see, if there is nothing but order and a lack of problems, mortals are likely to create them on their own. Their minds feels the need to be tested, to prove their worth, so I guess some of your chaos may be part of the history.”

“… then shall we take a walk in Inazuma?” You did not know if you were right, but you thought you saw a faint smile through his lips in the same way that lightning can be seen in the sky.

“I’ll allow it.” She said.

Her only condition was for you not to approach the huge boxes of fireworks down the street.

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wintermutal · 3 years

Text

since im already going off on fountain pens i am now going to hold you all at gunpoint and force you to absorb the fountain pen knowledge ive gained through osmosis in the fountain pen subreddit over the past few weeks whether you want it or not. this is all coming from someone who really didnt use pens at all until i found a tester fountain pen for $1.50 in a staples clearance box and it was like adopting a puppy when youve never had one before

- modern fountain pens look normal. like theyre just normal pens with a different nib, so its not like youre causing a scene or even really looking pretentious if you write with one in public. this was a big surprise to me. they're also very functional, as in like, you dont need to dip them in a little ink well to use them or anything. like its the same but it just feels...different. nice

- the cheapest ones are the model i found initially, the pilot varsity model, which go for $3.50 full price and are good for that price. the most popular 'normal' ones above that are the lamy safari models in the $15 range, which come in a few aesthetically pleasing colors; i started using these to study around my birthday and got one as a gift, and its like, very nice all around, 10/10 writing utensil, and you can change out the ink if you want instead of throwing them away when they run empty (more on this later).

- im guessing the people on the FP subreddit know this and don't seem to care, or maybe like, im just not enlightened enough to understand, but it really seems like there's a rule of diminishing returns with these pens. the switch from a ballpoint pen or pencil to a cheap fountain pen is very nice, and the switch from those to a lamy one is also very nice and gives you the added feature of changing the ink, but once you get past that, it seems like...like they just get fancier without much noticeable improvement if youre just like, some guy using a fountain pen for writing things? like from there you get to real afficianatos showing off their new Elsador F69420 Boot Ass that they got for $40-$80, and then the people showing off their $170+ fountain pens that they got for their wedding or something, and then you can get golden nibs that get even more pricey (which are apparently to die for...for some reason?) and thats without considering all the repairs and work you can have done on them like youre taking your car to the shop? like maybe if youre a jaded fountain pen diehard user the upgrades here liven things up again but i just...i do not see the utility. like again im probably just not enlightened or something

- the nibs. the nibs come in different metals and different sizes, and they all can fit different pen bodies. some are engraved with elaborate little swirlies and such. these nibs can be cut in different ways to let you write in different ways, and there are services, like i mentioned above, that offer a menu of fountain pen tune-ups and nib alterations and stuff like that. there are certain ways nibs can be cut to write in very specific kinds of calligraphy or script, and you can like, pack your pen in a little box and order a $45 alteration to the nib to make it Epic on one side and Based on the other (to be fair...i do see the utility in this, because the people who have this done seem to know exactly what they want and what kind of work they want to do with it, and when you see that work its clear that these changes do have significant effects...but, as is warned explicitly on the webpages of some of these services, only if you know how to wield them correctly). these same services offer tune-ups to normal nibs for like $15-20 up to specific artisan work for golden nibs that are like, $150, and can 'reforge' a nib for a certain price (i have no idea what that means). im guessing the differences here are because the nib has a little split down the middle that can part and leave a wider line or a thinner one or whatnot, so different softer or harder metals will have different resistances and flexibility? i still dont know the deal with the golden nibs, though, and if you're like me youre just jabbing that shit onto the paper in whatever direction it comes up in like a 4 year old with a crayon and thats good enough

- the inks. there are hundreds of inks. the subreddit has a list of the community's favorite inks for each color. all of them are different. i am not an artist, i am a simple man, i use whatever ink comes with the ink in the pen, but people just...really like using different inks. they have full ink collections with a ton of different colors, but from what i understand it takes skill to change them out, because you need to clean the pen in a special way, then use a special syringe to fill a converter that lets it drip into the cartridge...maybe this is why people also have a lot of pens, so you dont have to do this a million times if you want another color (although it seems like changeable cartridges are a thing too, so maybe you just switch those out??). im not even going to call the different colors frivolous, though, because even to me, a cynical basic bitch fountain pen user who uses them without even considering the angle which you have to hold the pen to write the best with it (too much work), i can see the difference, and by god is it satisfying. as you can imagine, even the bottles of these lined up on a shelf look satisfying.

- the paper. i think this is more of a general art thing, and if youre an artist you probably know more about this than i do, but this was news to me. i knew vaugely that there were thicker papers and thinner papers, but there are some papers that are better than others where the ink looks nicer, it feels better to write on them, and they don't bleed through as much. one of the favorites of the FP subreddit is rhodia, which is pretty affordable ($4-9) and sells basic notebooks that are 80g/m2. 80g/m2 is apparently a good baseline paper weight for fountain pens. i found a place that sold rhodia and got one, because the ink was bleeding through the weak plebeian spiral notebook paper i was using and part of the appeal is making it look satisfying, and it is, indeed, good paper. idk much about paper but i appreciate this paper. it is nice, it is an aesthetic. maybe thats why people buy really expensive pens and gold nibs and stuff, like a good deal of it is an aesthetic, but what aesthetic, exactly....i dont know. i havent fully uncovered the deep fountain pen lore yet.

anyway, im sure im just forgetting things i want to say but there is my long rant about fountain pens

#hello new followers. this is your life now #fountain pens #vandal.txt #long post

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firstknightss · 3 years

Text

GWAINCELOT ESSAY THREE???

[commentary voice] ah yes and this gwaincelot essay.... which turned into a fic was inspired by @nextstopparis and @little-ligi

GWAINE TEACHING LANCELOT HOW TO READ. and thats how they actually CONFESS.

imagine gwaine seeing lancelot trip up reading leon’s plan for the day, seeing him trying to understand it. and gwaines, hes a little in love. Hes. Hes a little hit with feelings for this Noble (tm) knight. So OF COURSE he CANT EMOTION and he tries to show his affection for lancelot without yknow being in ‘loVE’

he comes over with his swishy hair and bantery tone like “oooOhHh LANCELOT! Lancey! Hey! Hello! Can’t read leon’s goddamn awful handwriting huh?”

And Lancelots embarrassed and flushes red and gwaine thinks hes Fucked Up (and he really doesn’t want to fuck this up, this is the first time he’s actually felt emotions this deep for someone) and tries to fix it panickedly, like the Anxiety Clown He Is.

He keeps on saying sorry and apologising, and Lancelot, the EVER CALM KNIGHT GUY, goes “it’s fine, it’s okay. It’s nothing to do with you...” and then he hesitates. He HESITATES. “....it’s just that...” and then he BITES HIS LIP and gwaine thinks he might just faint there and then, “...i cant read.”

and now it hits him, gwaine, gwaine, who thought literacy was something trash and something he didn’t really need, realises how important it is. and so, yknow because hes kind of wrapped in those Emotions (tm), he pulls lancelot’s sleeve after practice, when they’re alone in the changing room. (and if lancelot wasn’t so tired and miserable, he would have easily seen gwaine BLUSH)

And he, shyly asks if lancelot wouldnt mind being tutored by him.

Now Lancelot is OVERJOYED, and he’s borderline CRYING because lancelot, poor old village boy lancelot who’d been kicked out of the knights of camelot, and had to become a MERCENARY and fight for masters who didn’t care for him, has NEVER HAD someone literally CARE about him so much. (Apart from Merlin. He loves merlin <3)

so now imagine lancelot waking up an hour early the next morning, and showing up into gwaine’s room. He knows gwaine literally doesnt sleep with a lock, so he just barges in, and starts shaking gwaine.

Now GWAINE sleeps like a Log (had so much shit going on irl, time to sleep it away) and when he opens his bleary eyes, seeing lancelot in one of his stupid v neck shirts over him, hes like “....h...helo??”

and lancelot’s all like. “We- werent YOU gonna give me reading lessons.” And gwaine nods, yawning (and in that moment lancelot thinks gwaine looks unimaginably cute, so cute that he wants to literally ruffle gwaine’s hair and run his hands through how silky and brown it is.)

THEN gwaine pulls on the dont care-ish mask, and makes his arms into a pillow under his head, as he leans against the wall behind his bed, in some kind of somewhat???flirty??? manner??? [i dont...i dont know what hes trying to do. On the other hand! Not does Lancelot :) ]

Lancelot, does not realise this is gwaine’s poor attempt at flirting - since he’s seen gwaine ACTUALLY flirting and this is like. Nothing. And its also poorly executed. Which is NOTHING like gwaine.

So he pulls gwaine’s arm, and half hauls him out of bed.

As gwaine’s head crashes into lancelot’s stomach, he can smell lancelot’s clothes. They smell of flowers, and cotton and everything so natural and gwaine, who literally smells of wine, and wood and Tavern. (And aftershave, or the 500AD equivalent)

[see here, see im trying to bring themes of dionysis okay. OkayyyyyyyyY. yours truly likes looking at greek mythology. And both these two complete dionysis]

Gwaine, in his sleepy stupor, nestles his head on Lancelot’s hip, who gives a sigh and stands there. One hand clutching gwaine’s, leaving the other free.....

....to rake through his soft, flowy brown hair. And twirl his fingers through its waves, and Gwaine cuddles in further.

And since Lancelot left the door open, Leon (the other bitch who wakes up at 4am to do idk nothing) sees them two...like that, illuminated by the SUNLIGHT behind them, and smiles a little.

And then he trips over the stairs, the moment is lost.

Gwaine and Lancelot pull away at the same time, and gwaine’s face turns back to “ha ha im a Jerk (tm)” and if he wasnt too busy trying to hide how flustered he was, he’d see Lancelot looking at him the way he used to look at GWEN.

They both blink and look at each other, understandingly, neither of them to speak of this again.

And then Gwaine drags himself out of bed, and Lancelot raises his eyebrows as he watches him (totally not checking him out) haul out a book from his cupboard.

Gwaine’s too sleepy for this, he keeps yawning and rubbing his eyes (looking like a cat, Lancelot notes) and Lancelot takes a deep breath, his eyes understanding.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“Lancelot, I love..” he bites his tongue, cursing his half asleep mind “..doing this, and love hanging out with you...I just cant stay up this early.”

Reading lessons, from now on, are at 1:30am-whenever Gwaine and Lancelot stop rambling about Odysseus and Circe and Telemachus

[i dont know any other ancient books apart from like. Ancient greek/Roman ones. So i guess. Its not historically accurate,,,,BUUIT this is a fanfic for a pair who had like no scenes together SO i think i can take some ✨creative liberties✨]

Lancelot has heard of the journey of Aneas from travelling bards, singing songs in his native old english. Gwaine’s eyes are quick at latin, and he learnt the flaws of Romulus and Remus in his pure latin. Gwaine’s a good teacher, and lancelot is a quick study, and it’s not long before they’re arguing over which Goddess caused the most harm in the Illiad.

Gwaine’s never met someone who he could reveal that he loved reading to, he loved doing.

Lancelot’s never met someone who he could tell he couldn’t read, and ask if they could teach him, love learning.

They make it work.

The other knights notice, of course they notice. Percival notices how Lancelot stumbles into the Gwaine’s room at night, bright eyed. Elyan notices Lancelot and Gwaine’s voices from Gwaine’s room opposite him; sometimes slow, Gwaine speaking slowly and Lancelot following; sometimes heated and passionate.

(They’re arguing. They’re arguing about how to pronounce Minerva)

Merlin finds the two, in the early hours of the morning - when the birds are figuring what song they sing today - on Gwaine’s bed.

Gwaine leaned against the bedframe, his trousered legs splayed over the sheets. Loosely braided, long brown hair fell over his closed eyelids, his mouth in a small smile.

And Merlin follows his arm draped over Lancelot, snuggled beside him, his head on his broad shoulder, every breath of wind pushing against curly black hair, making it almost /bounce/. His eyes are covered by the other man’s hair, and he looks...content. More content than Merlin has ever seen him.

He slips out as quietly as he came in, and smirks, hes gotta tell arthur they finally got their shit together oh GOD

Its no surprise to anyone but them, when Arthur pulls Lancelot out of training, and into his chambers.

“I’m glad you’ve found someone Lancelot.” He starts, his face geniune, his voice giving away hints of relief. (He thought he was never going to see his knight smile again after all the ordeals that had happened to him)

“Oh...” Lancelot’s heart sinks, “...how did you find out, Sire?”

Arthur blinks, taking in the change of mood in Lancelot, maybe it wasn’t anything important, maybe they were trying to keep it casual, hell they didnt want the king knowing.

“I- uh, I just noticed...” Goddamnit Merlin, and Goddamn his need to tell him everything he saw. (Merlin had advised him not to do this, as they sat on his bed after a long night. This was really his fault.)

Lancelot pales, and he places his hands down on the table beside him, palms slapping stone as he did so.

“Well, I guess I should tell you the whole truth then,” his voice is quiet, and Arthur steps closer, “Sire I am not of Noble birth, and was born in a village - as you know.”

Arthur nods, his arms crossed, but his Kingly Bravado fell away at the sight of his knight, and one of his closest friends, being this vulnerable.

“Yes I know, but what does this ha-“

“And we children in the village we-“ he falters, “-we were never taught to read.”

“Yes, no I understand, I-“ he pauses, Lancelot’s words hitting him a bit too late, this was about literacy?

This, this whole conversation was about literacy?

Not being gay?

Merlin was going to have a field day

“Sire?”

“I understand Lancelot, and is this why you feel a little out of place with the other knights?” He carries it on, with a smile, he has a few questions to ask merlin.

“Yes, and that’s why I asked Gwaine to tutor me from time to time, although, the sessions carry through late into the night, which may have been affecting my performance at practice. I’ll have you know that this is a temporary th-“

“It’s fine Lancelot,” Arthur places a hand on his shoulder, “You are still exceptional at practice,”

“Thank you Sire,” Lancelot twinkles.

✨

“Theyre, theyre not together?” Merlin cant stop laughing, tears streaming down his face, “theyre not TOGETHER?? oh my God arthur what did you DO”

They sit together on Arthur’s bed, drinking wine from stemless cups together, with Arthur recounting the events of the day; red faced.

“I mean, it was your idea Merlin.”

“I just saw them, and I assumed...I didnt...I didnt think youd ASK them.”

“What do you think I’d do then?? Let them be on their merry way.”

“Yes!”

✨

“Do you like me?” Gwaine asks, unexpectedly, one night, the moon vibrant against the loud sea.

“You’re...tolerable...” Lancelot says, a smile tugging at his lips, as the silver moonlight falls against his hair, a halo around him.

✨

The knights give them the look every morning, as the two of them stumbled out of the same room, more frequently than ever.

Sometimes Lancelot would throw on Gwaine’s shirt, when he’d crumpled his own beyond repair. Sometimes Gwaine would put some of Lancelot’s hair oil on, when his hair was frizzy.

They gave each other knowing looks when Gwaine and Lancelot started whispering and giggling like a bunch of schoolgirls.

✨

And then Stupid gwaine had to go get fucking stabbed, and their delicate dance was like trying to waltz through a minefield.

Lancelot clutches onto Gwaine’s arm as Merlin feels his forehead with shaking hands.

“He’s burning up.”

“Infection...?” Lancelot sounds broken, and nods, fumbling with his pack to find some bandages.

It was just a simple quest; a save the day, get the girl, do various harmless shenanigans type of quest.

He’d half expected Gwaine to get the girl, and he cant help but give out a half choked laugh. Gwaine had no idea what hit him when she turned out to be the evil one all along.

He tries to forget that Gwaine showed no interest in her, he tries to forget that Gwaine’s been less frequent at the Tavern, he tries to forget that he hasn’t seen Gwaine with anyone since months now.

Gwaine, his beautiful Gwaine was lying on his lap, hot red blood rushing from his side, staining his polished chainmail with dark, sticky blood.

He’s been out for nearly an hour now, and Lancelot remembers carrying him, through the entire forest, forgetting his sword and his helmet and just grabbing Gwaine and getting the shit out of there.

Gwaine’s lack of self preservation was really rubbing off on Lancelot nowadays.

Merlin watches as Lancelot holds back tears, his own eyes stinging. Gwaine can’t die like this, he can’t die like this....

“hælan beorn adl”

Merlin’s eyes flashed gold, and Lancelot could feel warmth coming back into the fingers he was grabbing.

He was coming back.

And then the weight of everything hits him.

He was in Fucking Love.

✨

“Hey.” Gwaine’s voice is rough from disuse, but Lancelot nearly sobs when he hears the voice.

“Don’t fucking do that to me again, amor meus.” He puts his head down on Gwaine’s chest; finding the hammering of his heart calming.

He shimmies onto Merlin’s bed, which Gwaine had been lying in for the past few days.

“Did you mean, ami meus?” Gwaine sounds tired, too tired to be awake.

“Huh? Did i say something else?” Lancelot decides to play dumb, a sparkle in his eyes,

“I thought I heard amor meus,” Gwaine pushes his nose into Lancelot’s hair, taking in the wonderful smell of coconut.

“Well then, at least your hearing’s okay, amor meus.”

Gwaine gulped, and was sure Lancelot could hear his loud swallow.

“Lancelot, I hope this isnt a big joke with me teachin you latin and all,” Gwaine’s voice is a little wobbly from the slee deprivation and the magic and the pain numbers, “because I’ll have you know that I really love you, and I cant go on like this any longer,”

“Its okay Gwaine, I learnt latin from the man I love, of course it’s not a joke.”

“The man you love? Who’s tha-“

Realisation hits him like a brick.

Oh.

“Me?” His voice cracks, and Lancelot looks up, a smirk on his face.

“Of course dumbass.”

“Like I’m meant to know that,” Gwaine tries to keep his dont care-ish aura, but they both know he’s too exhausted to keep that up.

“mmm?”

Gwaine kisses him on the nose, and he wraps himself around him.

And thats how Merlin finds them later that day, eyes blinking as he stood there.

✨

“I’m glad you’ve found someone, Lancelot.” Arthur coughs.

“Is that what that whole talk was about???”

“Answer the question.” His words sound harsh, but he’s barely hiding a smile.

“I’m glad too, I’m Glad I found Gwaine too.” Lancelot blushes, turning to gwaine.

“Why are you asking anyway, Princess?”

“Oh just, making sure this time.”

#shit this turned into a fic #im sorry #uhh #gwainecelot #gwaine #lancelot #gwaine x Lancelot #gwaine/lancelot #i should post this onto ao3 #but like. fix it up first #fun times #first tumblr fic yall #im growing!!!#IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN ESSAY WHAT IS THIS #gwaincelot #im SO sorry

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nextstopparis · 3 years

Text

fic tag game - thnk u for thinking of me @southfarthing 🥺❤️❤️

how many works do you have on ao3?

29..... its rlly bothering me i need to get one more up gbjjhbhb

what's your total ao3 word count?

130,758 (???? WHAT???? I DONT THINK IVE EVEN SAID THIS MANY WORDS IN THE LAST TWO YRS WTF)

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

ive only written for merlin:)

what are your top five fics by kudos?

1. all the things we did not become, 2.08 fix it fic for glompfest

2. he won't tell you that he loves you (but he loves you), a lil fluff for merthur week 2020

3. frozen deep blue (you painted me golden), angsty arthur returns fic bc i sort of got annoyed by the idea that the only issues they would encounter would be arthur adjusting to the modern world.

4. how it was supposed to be, like pre s4 fic (except uthers already dead lol) based on a tsoa scene that i sob over every time.

5. build a house in paradise, modern au slice of life fic full of domesticity.

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

yes i do! it might take a WHILE though bc im just. bad at things. idk i get stressed over saying thank you to strangers online ok leave me alone. but yes id o eventually. (at least i have thus far)

what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

omg. OMG WAIT LOL i was gonna say none bc i dont tend to do angsty endings BUT I DO HAVE ONE!!! (well two, but thisis the angstier one i think): tell me why this has to end is pretty angsty although it does. like. end as the show did lol. well anyway. omg i completely forgot abt that fic:/

do you write crossovers? if so, what is the craziest one you've written?

i dont write crossovers

have you ever received hate on a fic?

errr not that ive been made aware of lol.

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i do not write smut.. the closest ive gotten is alluding to it skdjncjsnc

have you ever had a fic stolen?

lol why would anyone want to steal my fic skjdncskjncs but no

have you ever had a fic translated?

nah

have you ever co-written a fic before?

NO BUT ID LIKE TO ONE DAY i think itd be really cool:(

what's your all time favourite ship?

well hm. *looks at entire blog dedicated to merthur and like 600 bookmarked fics also about them* ummm,,,, thats a really hard question aha...

whats a WIP that you want to finish but dont think you ever will?

is it a wip if its still just an idea that i havent actually written anything for??? its based on gold rush by taylor swift (ohmygod im so annoying) and i REALLY like the idea but i think im just too scared to start it bc like. it deserves better than me u know sjdcnksdjnksnc ugh.

what are your writing strengths?

my english teacher in hs once told me that im good with voice which is great for writing crack i think

what are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue, plotting, tenses really kick my ass too bc i can never decide if i want to do it in the present or the past. like wtf

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

errrr.... i dont really have that much of an opinion on it? it would be nice to understand what im reading though,,

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

m...merlin..

whats your favourite fic you've written?

invent the future. its the longest thing ive written which already makes it something im really proud of, but i also just like the ideas i explored in it about forgiveness and justice and the nature of destiny and stuff (wowzers im sort of so-fist-o-kate-id huh). it started out as a single sentence and then accidentally became a pendragon siblings relationship repair fic which. i mean. whatever lol. also its the first merwenthur fic ive written which im pleased abt bc i LOVE THEM. and OKAY. so maybe its also just 60k words of an arthur character study. GOSH leave me alone...

tagging: @shana-rosee , @witchmd13 , and @queerofthedagger (if you want ofc!!)

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