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deadcactuswalking · 5 months

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 09/12/2023 (Christmas Garbage, Taylor Swift)

Content warning: It’s beginning to look a lot like…

Merry Christmas! It’s not like it’s barely December or anything. “Last Christmas” by Wham! is #1, again, and in fact most of the top five is Christmas. Mariah’s at #2, and “Fairytale of New York”, undoubtedly boosted by the tragic passing of the Pogues’ lead singer Shane MacGowan, is at #4. Otherwise, Jack Harlow’s at #3 with “Lovin’ on Me” and Noah Kahan of all people is at #5 with “Stick Season”. Yeah, it’s holiday season, the structure’s out the window, it’s REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

In fact, it’s the holidays, let’s get that stuff out of the way first. Entering the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - for the first week this year, we have some absolute classics, some of my personal favourites, like “What Christmas Means to Me” by Stevie Wonder at #75, “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders at #70, “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie at #68 and “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay at #50. These are some of the earliest highest positions these songs have ever had, and I am so thankful for that because these are, in my opinion, the best ones. Oh, and there’s also… the rest, with “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley at #73, “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby at #67, “A Holly Jolly Christmas” by Burl Ives at #61, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by The Jackson 5 at #52 (for some reason, the Official Charts Company credits MJ here separately as well), “Let it Snow, Let it Snow!” by Frank Sinatra at #45 (OCC adds an extra “Let it Snow” here for some reason), “The Christmas Song (A Merry Christmas to You)” by Nat King Cole at #43 and “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Love at #42. In the top 40, we don’t see any returns but it is chock-full of holiday tunes, some of which re-peaked or reached a new peak. Those are Jorja Smith’s cover of “Stay Another Day” at #26 and Sam Ryder’s “You’re Christmas to Me” at #12 of course thanks to Amazon, but this is also the highest “Santa, Can’t You Hear Me” by Kelly Clarkson and Ariana Grande has been at #23, with Ari also hitching a re-peak for “Santa Tell Me” at #11. Michael Bublé’s butchered “Holly Jolly Christmas” is at #21 for the first time and Dean Martin’s “Let it Snow” (this time, correctly said three times) peaks at #17. Like I said last week, this is a strong Christmas year and we may see even more of these for older tracks.

Given we obviously don’t have any non-Christmas gains, let’s take a look at what dropped out this week to make room, or at least the notable ones which, you should know the jist of by now. We bid a temporary farewell to “Selecta” by Chase & Status featuring Stefflon Don, “Won’t Forget You” by Jax Jones, D.O.D and Ina Wroldsen featuring The Blackout Crew, “Now that We Don’t Talk” (Taylor’s Version) (From the Vault) by Taylor Swift, “ten” by Fred again.. and Jozzy, “One of Your Girls” by Troye Sivan, “IDGAF” by Drake featuring Yeat, “Me & U” by Tems, “Would You (go to bed with me?)” by Campbell and Alcemist, assisted by a remix with Caity Baser, “Black Friday” by Tom Odell, “Disconnect” by Chase & Status and Becky Hill, “Dance the Night” by Dua Lipa from Barbie, “Teenage Dirtbag” by Wheatus from… the year 2000 and finally, “Pompeii” by Bastille.

That’s a really mixed bag when it comes to quality but I feel like the same actually can’t be said for our debuts, which should be a short little romp but honestly also promise quality out of the gate.

NEW ARRIVALS

#72 - “Everywhere, Everything” - Noah Kahan

Produced by Gabe Simon and Noah Kahan

This is actually a deep cut from Stick Season but of course, it recently got a duet version released so here it is charting, alas in its original version because… that’s OCC for you. How is the original song? Well, Kahan’s been a bit hit or miss for me but this one’s definitely quite Christmassy so it’s a fitting week to debut, especially the opening line of “it’s been a long time” and shaking percussion that is bothersomely in the centre of the mix but still sounds like sleigh bells over the otherwise pretty bare acoustic guitar balladeering, until of course, you get the expected crash into stomp-rock melodrama and, sorry, I just think this formula has been done better, and the chorus here is actually kind of insufferable with the inflections. I suppose the loving-you-until-the-end conceit is cute and well done, but it also doesn’t really fit with the stop-and-start rhythm. I don’t know, it’s really an awkward one, one that I don’t feel makes much of a lasting impact, and adding Gracie Abrams of all people is decidedly not going to help it out at least for me. It’s still alright though, and there is a level of quality here in the songwriting that sometimes you don’t even get on a chart week so I’m not complaining.

#63 - “Jingle Bells” - Meghan Trainor

Produced by a scumbag, a maggot and a cheap lousy…

Listen, even if this wasn’t an Amazon original, I don’t think I’d review this. It’s like cactus repellant. Naturally I went into my batch of song suggestions and this time picked out “Lights” by Charlotte Plank and Hybrid Minds. Plank is a UK singer who hit the top 10 this year with “Dancing is Healing”, and she’s working with yet another drum and bass act, Hybrid Minds being active in liquid funk since around 2012, though they’ve mostly avoided charting. Released in September, I’m honestly kind of surprised this didn’t chart with Plank’s low-register… terribly-mixed vocals, amidst the clashing mix of reggae piano chords, lowly guitars and overwhelming multi-tracking that sadly lessens the impact of that drop into heavy breakbeats a bit… but when it does come in, I mean, it’s a cheat code to drop in some Amen breaks. I could care less about the lyrics here, but it is a shame that outside of that drop, I don’t find much to like, mostly because for a song in this genre, there’s just not much actually there. I think there’s a secretly great atmospheric drum and bass track here, it just needs more layers and less focus on the hyperactive drop. Still a decent song though, and I appreciate the suggestion. I just don’t think this particular one is for me, though I may find songs I like in both catalogues here so I’ll definitely check out more when I get the chance.

#56 - “MY HOUSE” - Beyoncé

Produced by The-Dream and Beyoncé

You can kind of tell that this is a concert film leftover. I’m sure that the film itself is actually brilliant even if self-indulgent because, I mean, it’s Beyoncé and RENAISSANCE is my favourite album of hers by far, but I can’t exactly expect the same budget for vintage sample collage and hard-hitting, dynamic dance tracks for what is essentially a B-side penned solely by Bey and The-Dream. That doesn’t mean it’s not good though because it absolutely is. That smug chuckle that starts the song before the crowd vocal against triumphant horns set this up to be a killer at a live show, so it’s fitting it was for the concert film. Bey also has a violent rasp to her yelling delivery here, not sliding on the beat but instead spitting all over those strings and military drums, and if that’s The-Dream on backing vocals in her verse, God, I’ve never heard him like that. It doesn’t settle for that victory lap though because you know the Queen has to start riffing her way into a completely new song with an even tighter techno groove and wiry, almost neurotic bass synth that just goes crazy, especially with the shifting industrial percussion and Bey holding it down so effortlessly, to the point where it sounds kind of weird when she actually does put in effort, delivering an inspirational spoken word piece that sounds like a sample over another layered harmony vocal that sounds like another sample, but it’s all Bey. It’s actually kind of brilliant in that regard, and I can sigh at her touting her album as anywhere close to “revolutionary”, but If I did, I’d be complaining about pretty much the fabric of the entire album… and that amount of eye-rolling may be better fit for another time because this is a very solid diva house track, even for just a loosie release.

#44 - “Winter Wonderland” (Spotify Singles Holiday) - Laufey

Produced by Laufey and Spencer Stewart

I mean, it’s immediately better than what Amazon churns out because I can actually hear it. Anyway, our story for this one begins all the way back in 1934, when American composers Felix Bernard and Richard Bernhard Smith - yes, both Bernards - wrote this song that’s really just about romance in the Winter, not necessarily Christmas. First recorded by jazz bandleader Richard Himber and his orchestra, it’s been covered a barely countable number of times since, with new arrangements, compositions and added lyrics showing up from time to time. It makes complete sense for Laufey, who mostly dabbles in a vintage kind of jazz-pop, to cover this, and yeah, it sounds good, of course it is. The classy mix is actually less subtle than I’d perhaps want for such an easy-going song but it’s a pretty clean arrangement outside of that, and Laufey, though I feel she struggles to be all that convincing of a performer, has a warm, rich undertone and definitely some little nuances of personality that make this a worthwhile edition to this catalogue of covers. Whilst we’re here, I may as well give a brief history of the song on the UK Singles Chart, as this is the sixth version. Whilst composed in the 1930s, the charts didn’t exist then and it didn’t appear until 1958, with somehow-still-alive Johnny Mathis’ version that, whilst short-lived, did peak at #17, becoming the highest-charting “Winter Wonderland”, though I barely see it floating on streaming these days. It really started picking up in the 90s, as the late Doris Day’s version, originally released in 1964, was doubled with her version of “The Christmas Song” for a 1990 re-release that peaked at #87. Dream pop band Cocteau Twins released an EP called Snow in 1993 that of course charted on the Singles Chart at #58, doubling their version up with a cover of “Frosty the Snowman”. Macy Gray’s 1999 version resurged and peaked at #76 in 2008, and then the several renditions by the late Tony Bennett, both the solo version from 1968 and the Lady Gaga duet from 2014, probably helped him land a chart placement with his version in 2019. It re-charted and peaked at #94 last year and given he sadly passed this year, I imagine we may see a new peak, possibly in the top 75. This little chart history anecdote may be my favourite part of writing this series, so just for funsies, when the versions of “Winter Wonderland” hit their peak, these songs were #1: “It’s Only Make Believe” by Conway Twitty, “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice (also a pretty cold song), “Babe” by Take That (dethroning Mr. Blobby, may I add), Alexandra Burke’s cover of “Hallelujah”, “Merry Christmas” by Ed Sheeran and Elton John and of course, “Last Christmas”. It just goes to show you the longevity of this composition.

#20 - “You’re Losing Me” (From the Vault) - Taylor Swift

Produced by Jack Antonoff

You know you’re in the dregs of 2023 when several songs on your new entries list have subtitles. Jokes aside, this is one of Taylor Swift’s best songs: about her deteriorating relationship with Joe Alwyn, the track lyrically focuses on what may be the saddest ending to a relationship, that being gradual disconnect, especially when one person doesn’t even notice that something is wrong. The song acts as both a desperate plea to Alwyn to just rip the band-aid and end the relationship as well as a plea to herself to be the brave one and put an end to something that seemed perfect and is now far off the deep end, and not because of volatility or a toxic, abusive relationship, but instead, it just… doesn’t click into place the way it looked like it was going to. It’s a profoundly sad song, especially with the bridge demonstrating all the value and hard work Taylor is putting into this relationship only to see it not crumble, but fade in a tedious loss, and the production exemplifies this excellently, with the stray, pulsing synth bass - a killer detail considering that chorus - and the dynamic mix of airy synths from Jack Antonoff, as well as the production on Taylor’s voice, accentuating the human sighs whilst drowning some of her faded platitudes in Auto-Tune and multi-tracking, as she ends up on the opposite side of the room to her ex-partner. The strings are rushed against the quick yet oddly despondent drums, that feel like card just barely carrying the song on its shoulders. The harmonies and riffs in the second pre-chorus just sound so disconnected and sad; there are a lot of voices but none of them particularly stand out in how detailed yet scarce the song really is, thickening the air with indecision as she sings. The way the strings careen in the start of that bridge is one of my favourite moments in pop music this year, it’s an absolutely brilliant song, probably a perfect one in all honesty, and whilst I know it won’t stick around, it doesn’t mean it’s not a quality song. “My face was grey but you couldn’t admit we were sick” is a devastating line, gives me chills honestly. It took… nearly all year, but the Swifties have won me over big-time with this one. Christmas miracle.

Conclusion

Yeah, I mean Taylor Swift gets Best of the Week for “You’re Losing Me” and pretty handedly, but I should say that Beyoncé doesn’t trail far behind with the Honourable Mention for “MY HOUSE”. As for the worst, it goes to Noah Kahan by default for “Everywhere, Everything” but I really do think the song is okay, teetering on pretty decent, so take it with a grain of salt. We may actually get some competition amidst the festive onslaught with Nicki Minaj and Tate McRae, but part of me doubts they’ll end up too high. As for now, thank you for reading, rest in power to Benjamin Zephaniah, and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #christmas #taylor swift #beyoncé #noah kahan #laufey

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heauxtale · 1 year

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alias bri pronouns she/her age 25+ timezone est fc wishlist coco jones, simone ashley, odell beckham jr, dev patel, anne hathaway, jorja smith, song hye kyo, nathalie emmanuel, michael b jordan, themes and plots you'd like to explore good ol intense family dysfunction stemming from bad parenting + sibling rivalry, messy grown adult relationships that deviate from typical right and wrongs and stray into gray areas, coming of age twenty somethings who realize what they thought they want for their life is not what they want at all, questioning of family values, pining! angst! mess!, grown people falling in love for the first time like for real,also lesbian activities your summer of '23 anthem fly like me by chingy ft amerie & float by janelle monae

#sundrenchedrp

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lfcthelovesofmylife · 1 year

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Tagged by @thelatenightvibes to post my top 5 most listened to songs on Spotify this month

Here it is!

I tag @aggerdaniels @princessdemo and @uptheredslfc <3

#Spotify

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thuhelp · 2 years

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MOST WANTED FACECLAIMS RESOURCE MASTERLIST.

this is a masterlist of gif icons for faces on our most wanted list. please note that gif icons aren’t a necessity to be apart of this roleplay at all nor is it a focus.

resources for undergraduate men.

deivysnicola.

davinchi. ━━ ( one, two. )

swavy.lee.

algee smith. ━━ ( one, two, three. )

aj saudin. ━━ ( one. )

jordan lewis tucker.

jack harlow. ━━ ( one, two. )

jacob elordi.

zarruecos.

ellisiyayi.

trevor jackson. ━━ ( one. )

diggy simmons. ━━ ( one, two. )

dtjb3.

jdc prince. ━━ ( one. )

calvynjames.

christian combs.

zaefrance. ━━ ( one. )

reece king.

dominic fike. ━━ ( one, two. )

mason gooding. ━━ ( one, two, three. )

ruben loftus-cheek. ━━ ( one. )

lucas coly.

luka sabbat. ━━ ( one. )

2tone.

shai gilgeous-alexander.

devin booker.

jayson tatum.

rome flynn. ━━ ( one. )

jay critch. ━━ ( one. )

kelly oubre jr. ━━ ( one. )

princeton perez.

johnnylee. ━━ ( one. )

ben simmons. ━━ ( one. )

liangelo ball.

hugo d. almonte.

lil nas x. ━━ ( one. )

deaven.booker.

roddy ricch.

callmesyd21. ━━ ( one. )

des.qua ━━ ( one. )

guapdad4000.

ja morant.

jaden smith. ━━ ( one. )

resources for graduate, alumni, and faculty men.

broderick hunter. ━━ ( one. )

clarencenyc. ━━ ( one, two. )

tyler lepley. ━━ ( one. )

michael b. jordan. ━━ ( one. )

sarunas j. jackson. ━━ ( one, two. )

damson idris. ━━ ( one. )

daniel ezra. ━━ ( one. )

trevante rhodes. ━━ ( one, two. )

odell beckham jr. ━━ ( one, two. )

ye ali. ━━ ( one. )

vic mensa. ━━ ( one. )

keith powers. ━━ ( one, two. )

travis kelce. ━━ ( one. )

jeffloagz. ━━ ( one. )

kofi siriboe. ━━ ( one. )

trey richards.

asap rocky. ━━ ( one. )

drake. ━━ ( one. )

jae richards. ━━ ( one. )

resources for undergraduate women.

jamilla strand. ━━ ( one. )

jorja smith. ━━ ( one, two. )

lovie simone. ━━ ( one, two. )

glowprincess. ━━ ( one. )

dess dior.

dh3nny.

ryan destiny. ━━ ( one, two, three. )

rubi rose.

brixana. ━━ ( one. )

normani. ━━ ( one, two. )

chalynnmonee.

coi leray.

aaija_.

diamond white.

crystal westbooks.

mona leo.

flo milli. ━━ ( one. )

sofia jamora. ━━ ( one. )

itsreallycrystal.

briana marquez.

makayla london.

zendaya coleman. ━━ ( one, two. )

kysre gondrezick.

khadijah red thunder. ━━ ( one. )

jordyn woods. ━━ ( one. )

yandeh sallah. ━━ ( one. )

samaria leah.

hyphyywifey.

milliana.

imlilperfect.

vinterria. ━━ ( one. )

edie liberty rose. ━━ ( one. )

lala baptiste. ━━ ( one, two. )

khadi don.

samantha logan. ━━ ( one, two, three. )

kiana ledé. ━━ ( one, two. )

katelyn sade.

michelle domingos. ━━ ( one. )

actuallyalessandra.

resources for graduate, alumni and faculty women.

symphani soto. ━━ ( one, two. )

paloma elsesser. ━━ ( one. )

megan thee stallion. ━━ ( one, two, three. )

teaira walker. ━━ ( one. )

alexa demie. ━━ ( one. )

alissa ashley.

arnell armon. ━━ ( one. )

kaylar will.

amiyah scott. ━━ ( one. )

leyna bloom.

leslie sidora. ━━ ( one. )

young m.a.

resources for non-binary undergraduate students.

kehlani. ━━ ( one, two, three, four. )

quintessa swindell. ━━ ( one, two. )

lizeth selene. ━━ ( one, two. )

iamalonzoarnold.

resources for non-binary grad student and faculty.

simimoonlight.

#❑ 𝐓𝐇𝐔. ⟨ resource help.#to be added to.

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bretmichaels · 2 years

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#SpotifySaturday: Unbroken

"This song is about triumph versus tragedy. ... I hope that this song will empower you and make you feel awesome." Bret Michaels on today's #SpotifySaturday selection of "Unbroken." Listen at BretMichaels.com or on Spotify . #BretMichaelsMusic #Unbroken

#SpotifySaturday returns this week with “Unbroken”. Originally released in 2019, Bret wrote this song with his daughter, Jorja. This song is about triumph versus tragedy. This song right here is about being stronger than the storm. I have been a diabetic my whole life — five injections a day — been through a lot. I hope that this song will empower you and make you feel awesome.Bret Michaels

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#jorja michaels #spotify #Spotify Saturday #Unbroken

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gianniisantetokounmpo · 2 years

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🎵 ❤

Hello!

Michael what tf - IDK

A Prince - Jorja Smith

How to build a relationship? - Flume, JPEGMAFIA

Only child - Tierra Whack

The bigger picture - Lil Baby

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therhythmismyblanket · 2 years

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The letter L for the songs!!

Last train home - John Mayer

Love & Hate - Michael Kiwanuka

Lovesong - the cure

Loose Ends - Loyle Carner feat. Jorja Smith

Love on top - Beyonce

#thank you for the ask :) !!#this is fun #oh maybe I should have switched last train home with little of your love by HAIM 🤔

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fasthq · 29 days

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mw bipoc?

we would absolutely love to see : michelle domingos ( lovely admin drew's mascot ), reece king, salem mitchell, zaria simone, mason gooding, keith powers, sian lily, jaz sinclair, tamino amir, thomas weatherall, quannah chasinghorse, josh heuston, taylor russell, lizeth selene, brandon perea, xolo maridueña, d'pharaoh woon-a-tai, alisha boe, dev patel, khadijha red thunder, greta onieogou, zarruecos, mishti rahman, megan suri, jamilla strand, miah madden, camille hyde, laura harrier, cody christian, michael cimino, devery jacobs, paulina alexis, alex meraz, anna lambe, triana browne, megan pete, ayo edebiri, halle & chloe bailey, vanessa morgan, kahara hodges, myha'la herrold, ashley moore, drew ray tanner, laura kariuki, sisi stringer, samantha logan, michael evans behling, jorja smith, kiana lede, kofi siriboe, normani, nikki thot, and pinkpantheress.

#appless rp #oc rp #new rp #y2k rp #street racing rp #mw #admin snooki <3

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tibatibaffaan · 1 month

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Faceclaim Recommendations

A little heads up : you can check prohibited faceclaims here. If you found some recommendations in the list below are included as prohibited faceclaims, you may confim us through DMs.

➡️ MALE ⬅️

— NBA

Kelly Oubre Jr.

Jordan Poole

Jayson Tatum

Shai Gilgeous Alexander

Ja Morant

Luka Doncic

Klay Thompson

Nikola Jokic

— NHL

Hughes Brothers (Jack, Luke, Quinn)

Mat Barzal

Andrei Svechnikov

Mitch Marner

Sidney Crosby

Cale Makar

David Pastrnak

Jeremy Swayman

Roope Hintz

Brady Skjei

Auston Matthews

— Football

Trent Alexander-Arnold

Dominik Szoboszlai

Brahim Diaz

Fede Valverde

Aurelien Tchouameni

Phil Foden

Jack Grealish

Marcus Rashford

Declan Rice

Darwin Nunez

Alejandro Garnacho

— Tennis

Carlos Alcaraz

Andrey Rublev

Taylor Fritz

Jannik Sinner

Jack Draper

Ben Shelton

Casper Ruud

Alex De Minaur

Daniil Medvedev

— Formula One

Daniel Ricciardo

Carlos Sainz Jr.

Lance Stroll

Oscar Piastri

Charles Leclerc

Alex Albon

George Russell

Lando Norris

Fernando Alonso

— Actors

Michael B Jordan

Keith Powers

Dylan Minnette

Dylan O’Brien

Tom Hardy

Jacob Elordi

Hero Fiennes Tiffin

Robert Pattinson

Nicholas Galitzine

Drew Starkey

Paul Mescal

Logan Lerman

Theo James

Callum Turner

— Musician

Calum Hood

Matt Champion

Dominic Fike

Blake Richardson

Reece Bibby

George Smith

A$AP Rocky

Luke Hemmings

Ruel

Zayn Malik

Kevin Abstract

Jaden Smith

Boy Pablo

➡️ FEMALE ⬅️

— Athletes

Elena Rybakina

Paula Badosa

Aryna Sabalenka

Katie Boulter

Camila Giorgi

Zehra Gunes

Alexandra Bøjeg

Lily Muni He

Emma Raducanu

Caroline Garcia

Iga Swiatiek

— Actress

Zendaya

Margot Robbie

Lola Tung

Ayo Edebiri

Sydney Sweeney

Alexandra Daddario

Alexa Demie

Hunter Schafer

Jenna Ortega

Anne Heathaway

Florence Pugh

Jennifer Lawrence

Angelina Jollie

Ana de armas

Halle Bailey

Elle Fanning

Emma Stone

Lily Rose-Depp

Camila Mendes

— Musician

Gracie Abrams

Tyla

Dua Lipa

Clairo

Beabadoobee

SZA

Suki Waterhouse

Phoebe Bridgers

Ariana Grande

Billie Eilish

Lauren Jauregui

Lorde

Rihanna

Laufey

Pink Pantheress

Olivia Rodrigo

Willow Smith

Tate McRae

H.E.R

Danna Paola

Jorja Smith

Reneé Rapp

Kali Uchis

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byneddiedingo · 1 month

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Jane Russell in The Revolt of Mamie Stover (Raoul Walsh, 1956)

Cast: Jane Russell, Richard Egan, Joan Leslie, Agnes Moorehead, Jorja Curtright, Michael Pate, Richard Coogan, Alan Reed. Screenplay: Sydney Boehm, based on a novel by William Bradford Huie. Cinematography: Leo Tover. Art direction: Mark-Lee Kirk, Lyle R. Wheeler. Film editing: Louis R. Loeffler. Music: Hugo Friedhofer.

#The Revolt of Mamie Stover #Raoul Walsh #Jane Russell

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deadcactuswalking · 5 months

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 02/12/2023 a.k.a. a Deep Dive into '10 Hour Deep Relaxation'

Content warning: Christmas, some language, sex and politics

Welp, it’s officially Christmastime on the chart, and I really wanted an easy week in the first place. So thankfully they gave me one, no debuts in the top 75, “Lovin’ on Me” by Jack Harlow is still at #1, I’m going to do the rundown, two reviews for song suggestions and dip. Welcome to perhaps the least essential episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

Brenda Lee’s at #14, Mariah’s at #6 and for the first time this year, a Christmas song is in the top five: “Last Christmas” by Wham!. This means that I’m in the space every year when I can mess with the structure because there is no ordinary chart week from now on, and I’m kind of glad because things tend to get busy this time of year anyway. Our top five is rounded out by “greedy” by Tate McRae at #4, “Prada” by casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe at #3, “Stick Season” by Noah Kahan surprisingly at #2 and of course, Jack Harlow coming in for a third week at the top.

Whilst we’re discussing the non-holly and non-jolly songs on the chart, there are a few gains and returns that have nothing to do with the holidays. Drake’s “IDGAF” featuring Yeat returns to #61 in the stead of “You Broke My Heart”, which drops off from its debut last week, and then we have “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims gaining at #53. We then may as well bid adieu to the songs falling victim to the holiday plague this week, also known as our notable dropouts. They peaked in the top 40 or stayed in the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, for five weeks, but now they’re out, and they are: “Nice to meet you” by PinkPantheress featuring Central Cee, “Seven” by Jung Kook featuring Latto, “adore u” by Fred again.. and Obongjayar, “Desire” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith, “What Was I Made For?” by Billie Eilish, “Daylight” by David Kushner, “Calm Down” by Rema, assisted by the remix with Selena Gomez, “Another Love” by Tom Odell and of course, “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers.

Now for the surge of festivities - I’ve already told you the three highest and that’s all I’ll tell you for now until they creep higher into the top five. As for now, as with all Christmas weeks, I’ll only mention the songs that are making it to the top 75 for the first time for this year’s round in this week, or songs reaching new peaks. In the first category, we see the grand returns of “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade at #70, “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano at #60, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis at #58, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by WIzzard at #55, “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber at #54, “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney at #52, “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes at #51, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John at #47, “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea at #46, “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #45, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by the late John Lennon and Yoko Ono with the Plastic Ono Band and the Harlem Community Choir at #44 - only time I’m saying that one, always a relief. The sooner we get to that mouthful, the better. We then continue with “Snowman” by Sia at #40 and “Merry Christmas” by Ed Sheeran and Elton John at #17, with the Amazon original tracks “Stay Another Day” by Jorja Smith and “You’re Christmas to Me” by Sam Ryder reaching new peaks of #38 and #23 respectively.

And whilst we’re here, if I covered the entire top 100, which I have an array of reasons why I don’t but they’re becoming increasingly irrelevant, I would still only be reviewing one song: “#skeptacore pt. 3” by Ryder and Skepta, a cute little wistful weightless grime remix of a Skepta track that I actually checked out when it was released a month or two ago.I’m holding out for it to stick past Christmas because it’s actually pretty brilliant. If it doesn’t end up in the top 75 in January, well... it got Best of the Week in absentia. Let’s review randomly-selected songs from the batch provided to me by viewers like you.

SUGGESTED REVIEWS

Suggestion #1

Like Santa pulls gifts from his sack, I pulled out two randomly-selected song suggestions from the 49 that I now have, except I excluded a certain suggestion submission because he… sorry, it’s anonymous. SOMEONE added like morbillion songs so I actually chose from 20, and then I chose from 19, because someone else suggested Travis Scott’s “FE!N” as if I hadn’t reviewed it before. Regardless, our first suggestion is “Like a River” by Frederico featuring Tiffany Aris. Frederico is a German producer hiring Brussels-based singer Tiffany Aris for a dance-pop effort and it’s pretty effective. It has a decent amount of melodrama with the unnecessary reverb and how it starts with an overwhelming level of synth suffocation, and it almost reminds me of 2013’s weird blend of folk and EDM given the heavy and sometimes pretty stripped use of acoustic guitars as the main melody in the verses, it reminds me of “Counting Stars” especially with the snaps and several dusty layers of acoustics that eventually propel into a pretty typical house beat, with cascading synths pushing in during the chorus. I respect how it goes for more of a house format instead of a build-drop EDM structure, so the song - however basic its lyrics - does ground its narrative a bit more effectively. Aris is a good singer and whilst the chorus does feel cluttered with the several attempts at a hook, which only gets worse when she starts doing vocal riffs and backing vocals eventually, she is surprisingly emotive throughout all of it. As a song, it’s functionally fine, but it’s also just not my thing, honestly. I can appreciate a lot of genres but this kind of phase-through-you dance-pop glut feels more fitting for an advert than being on Spotify as a full song, and I do think it runs out of steam by the end. Like I said, the chorus throws a lot of hook melodies at you, in a pretty rushed fashion, and we get a song that sacrifices its respect for catchiness. That wouldn’t be a problem if those hooks were more punctuated or really damn good, but what we have here just isn’t all too up to par. Sorry.

Suggestion #2

Our second suggestion is… a bit unorthodox. One joker suggested one song and one song only, “10 Hour Rain, Thunder, and Lightning | Deep Relaxation, Meditation, and Sleep”. The song I assume they meant by this, the highest search result on Spotify and only one I could find with that exact name, even down to the Oxford commas, is far from 10 hours. In fact, it’s five minutes and three seconds. Released in 2022 on the label Truefin Music, which seems to be one guy, who is the same guy the song is credited to. It may be by “10 Hour Deep Relaxation” but in reality it’s by a self-declared “music man” from Miami, Florida, who also goes by Bluefin Music online. He released his first single in 2018 under the name Tropical Punk, and it’s a cute little Spanish jam called “Mar y Sol” that whilst amateurly mixed as one would expect, is actually decently professional and very fun for what it is. I could see it as a theme song for a show about some groovy Hispanic surfers, I don’t know, it’s fun. He released a second song in 2019, “Dragonfly_summernight”, and it’s not great, it’s more ambitious than the last as well as being slower and in English, and it just doesn’t feel like a very natural fit. He could have usually found himself in this pop rock lane though. It sounds a bit like a local band rather than a singer-songwriter but with some refinement I can see a lot of appeal in this sound that’s informed by 80s soft rock cheese whilst still being relatively contemporary and with an… interesting vocal take. Hell, I actually really like the bridge and think it’s a pretty inspired little detour. So, naturally, after I found out that the 10 Hour Deep Relaxation guy was a failed two-song singer-songwriter, real name Gustavo Ordunez, it’s not doxing if it’s on Spotify, I checked his social media to see if there was any explanation to why he switched to the ambient stuff. So I looked through ALL of his Tweets. Or Xeets, I suppose.

We do get kind of a story here. In 2011, he Tweets that he made his account because he has a chance of winning $1000, and maybe that budget when to recording his two songs, who knows? He appears to have been romantically involved with one “jellsbells07”, whom he pretty consistently made loving posts towards, and called her the prettiest white girl he knew. On March 5th, 2012, he posted that she was a dick, and then a minute later, that she was the “most beautiful lady in all the lands”. In November, he got a new phone and by December, he was making passive-aggressive Tweets about a girl missing out on Italian food, and given some other Tweets at this time, they may have broken up, as in early 2013, he Tweeted that he was on the cusp of reanimation, went to strip clubs, and in April, Tweeted separately: “Man mode active” and “#thisbitch”.

He started being all profound in May of 2013 before the end of the month where, maybe they didn’t break up, maybe it was temporary, maybe all this time they were friends, who knows? Either way, he started Tweeting jellsbells again, notifying her that he was listening to 2Pac outside of a Starbucks, “#thuglife”. Then he started tracking his runs, which he does for like half a decade on Twitter. Interestingly enough, in October of 2013, he was still Tweeting his possible former lover jellsbells with stuff like “Real man breakfast” and how someone “don’t need no women”, which just seems like harassment at that point but I’m sure I’m missing some needed context and deleted or private replies. In November, he Tweeted possibly the best one liner of all time: “Don’t piss and text. #splashmountain”.

By December of 2013, he was defnitely dating jellsbells again because he was hornyposting on main, and we find that he is still in education during February of 2014. He was grinding at the gym this year, setting “impressive cardio records” and being generally appreciate of human anatomy, stating that “thumbs totally […] rock”. He gets a bit boring talking about his workouts and biceps in brief anecdotes, but on Christmas Day… he posts feet. To be clear, he actually just retweets an image someone else had posted showing three people, one of which is Ordunez, with varying levels of footwear. I don’t know which one is him, but there’s feet regardless.

He once again started to Tweet reclusive, fake-woke one-liners in 2015, ones that I’m sure he’d be embarrassed by now, as well as continuing to track his runs. In May of that year, he Tweeted, without context, “Lol irony”, and in June, “I care for you. I really do, I really do”. I hope jellsbells07 is okay.

That month, he went on a bunch of runs and listened to Paramore’s “Ain’t it Fun”, and he was actually really active during this time but I can’t lie, most of it is abstract and slightly insufferable non-Tweets that are half-poetic. In July, he Tweeted, “the microchip has been compromised” and in August, “I beats meats man”. These are not the only political posts I could find from our protagonist, he Tweeted against capitalism in September, but I just like the dichotomy. He touched a manatee in February of 2016 and continued to track his runs. That’s what he spent most of the year doing, he didn’t Tweet much that year so I assume it was an inward-looking year. He had some what appear to be post-breakup posts, retweeted Neil deGrasse Tyson and some posts criticising Donald Trump, but that kind of appears to be it.

It’s much of the same in 2017, with even less of a Twitter presence, the vast majority of it being tracking his runs through the same third-party app, which he probably forgot was still doing that. In December, however, he did Tweet that his big regret from 2011 was “not staying in school full-time”, which is… interesting, given that he’d been more outwardly depressive and political in the years before? In January of 2018, he was actually still quoting and tagging jellsbells, and this seems to align with a new brief period of activity early this year, with mostly very positive, wholesome Tweets about how he’s blessed and filled with love, posting a rare selfie in April and yes, still tracking his runs. Possibly my favourite Tweet from him is on May 1st, 2018, and it reads: “BOY DO I LOVE DOING STUFF FOR PEOPLE I LIKE”.

In June, however, he had another one of those semi-poetic, vaguely coherent breaking down moments, which came with a lot of Tweeting as well, some of which was oddly funny, like him quote-Tweeting a picture of a snake in a boot from a year prior, questioning why he’s thinking about it, but most of it just seems a bit sad, but by August, he says he was in bliss… and thanked Taco Bell for words of wisdom. In October, he retweeted Russell Brand. I think he knew. In November, he released his debut single.

He went on a bit of a Twitter break until January of 2019, wherein he got even more abstract, with a lot of motivational weirdness throughout that entire year, and by the entire year, I meant two years because he was doing this in 2020 as well. In fact, he took most of 2019 off - despite apparently playing a gig around 2018 and 2019 time, probably to do with his single release - and returned to Twitter in July of 2020. It got borderline conspiratory at times. In November, he started streaming on Twitch, but he doesn’t have any VODs so I couldn’t find anything of interest. It seems like he was doing some gaming but also just livestreaming his musical creative process, which is really cool. He streamed on Twitch pretty constantly during the last two months of 2020, but he hasn’t Tweeted since 2021 or liked anything since 2022. Truefin Music appears to be his brand, I think he’s from Cuba, he seems like a decent guy, I just genuinely have no idea why he made this pivot other than I guess the streaming money but he didn’t announce it anywhere. Maybe he’s kind of ashamed? I don’t know, maybe I would be too.

It’s beautiful but also a bit worrying that I have created this perspective of Ordunez. I don’t really know much about this guy, but I also feel like I know everything from this journey. I’ve just created a guy, a character. In my mind, he’s married to jellsbells07 and he still listens to 2Pac outside of a Starbucks, just now the clean version in his car with his one-year-old son in the passenger seat. Maybe he made the 10-hour meditation single to stop him from crying.

For the record, his relaxation release isn’t even great, it’s a stream-trolling, maybe even stolen ambient palette that isn’t really dynamic enough to feel effectively like ambiance. It’s honestly quite the opposite, at least to me, it’s a bunch of fuzz most of the time instead of being what it describes itself as, but from what I see on his Twitter, the man is honest to a fault and also somewhat pretentious, but willing to put himself out there. I’ve looked through all this man’s non-reply Tweets - maybe the replies could be a further episode - and the singles he made in the late 2010s make so much more sense to me than this 2022 pivot, and it’s pretty telling that he only released the one ambient track.

I would like to end this weird, unexpected way of handling this suggestion by reciting two consecutive Tweets made by Gustavo “10 Hour Deep Meditation” Ordunez in 2013 that particularly resonated with me, and I think will provide a great deal of closure to our story. Ahem…

“A little nonsense, now and then, is relished by the wisest men.” “You know what guys get for free? Handjobs. From ourselves.”

Thanks for everything, Gustavo.

Conclusion

Hopefully next week there’ll be people starting to clammer for that Christmas #1? Or you know, anything at all? But I can’t lie, these slow weeks where I can have a nap and wake up to doing a really simple, dry episode… kind of growing on me, man. If you read this, thanks? Rest in peace to Shane MacGowan, and I’ll see you next week.

#pop music #song review #uk singles chart #christmas #10 hour deep relaxation

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