#just looking @ whatever in the fuck is happening in these asks w reno like

[stagnantmako]

if you romance weiss, you get nero breathing down your neck making sure you are Good For His Brother but ultimately trusts weiss' judgement.

if you romance nero, weiss probably snaps you in half immediately bc he highly doubts you give a fuck about nero and knows affection is an easy way to manipulate him.

#ooc. #just looking @ whatever in the fuck is happening in these asks w reno like #thinking abt those fucking CONSENT REQUIRES THREE PEOPLE posters #instead of jesus its weiss and hes just what the fuck no #jokes on you weiss nero only wants toxic situationships that reaffirm that no one will ever love him

[seungmines]

tutor au | dance instructor minho

lee minho was the fuckboy of your university

and everybody knew that!!!

except for you (u just thought he was hot <3___<3)

so when you decided you wanted to switch your major to dancing

your best friend woojin was like

“NO!! Y/N WHY WOULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER-?”

and u were like ?? i love to dance ?? let me dance william ??

since you were a first year, you had no idea about any of the students at ur uni or ANYTHING

so you’re all excited the day before your first class and even more excited that a student usually led the class

since teachers gave you big anxiety and it’d probably be easier talking to a Fellow Peer.

u were wrong.

the next day, u were getting ready for class and as usual, woojin stopped by ur dorm with coffee like the perfect angel he is but he was in a Very sour mood that morning

“wake up on the wrong side of the bed, princess?”

“SH- SHUT UP!!! i’m nervous for you today :(“

and ur heart is like :( aw william its ok :( but ur brain was like

“what’s the big idea with this class anyway? why are u so stressed out??”

“minho is the student teacher”

“ok”

“OK!!! SO BE CAREFUL”

and ur like: i’m More than capable of taking care of myself <3 minho ain’t shit

yeah No

when you walked into that class On That Fateful Day.

minho’s eyes were the first ones on you and Boy were you flustered when he smiled at you

and

OH GOD HE’S WALKING TOWARDS U

good luck homie ur gonna need it.

you were so zoned out that when he was like “hey!!!” you didn’t hear him

so like any normal human being, minho yelled a Nice Loud “YAH!” which caught the attention of the whole class including yourself

all the girls were like >:( no Lee Know look at ME!! >:( but he was like

“are you y/n switched majors, right? hope you can keep up.”

minho then moves in front of the class and starts the warm ups

and u were like ??? I DONT KNOW ANY OF THESE ???

so u start stretching the way you normally did at home before you’d dance

which earned you some dirty looks but you didn’t understand Why

to make a long and tiring story short, your first class kicked your ass.

so when you were headed towards the door, you were stopped by None Other Than Lee Minho

“saw you struggling today.”

“yeah, i didn’t know you’d be right in the middle of learning a dance.. i feel so dumb switching majors because criminology was so much easier and i-”

“why don’t you come to the studio tomorrow night? i can help you learn if you want.”

and he was so confident you were going to say yes

because he’s lee minho and nobody really rejects him

but you heard woojins Annoying Ass in the back of your head

so you kindly said no and instead asked for a video of the dance for reference so you could practice later

which he gave you but not without bothering you

“are you sure you don’t want my help tomorrow night?”

“it’s easier with help from a real person, you know.”

“what, you don’t like me?”

you had to admit that saying no to him was Really hard because he was so captivating but you also knew that woojin would have an actual heart attack over you spending time with lee minho at Night.

so when u got home to ur small dorm and made urself some nice cheap chicken flavored ramen, there was BANGING ON UR DOOR and ur like O____O WHO THE FUKC

but don’t worry it’s just woojin <3

but woojin brought his friend w him and was like “hey <3 we were in the neighborhood.”

and u were like Woojin U Live Two Doors Down From Me but his friend was lowkey cute so u just shut up rlly quick ok.

woojin was like >:D this is my friend, CHRIS.

chris was really sweet to u and stuff and woojin was like nudging him the whole time they were over which made u suspicious but you’d bring it up to him later

“so how was your first day of class?”

“GOD SO. i zoned out when i first walked in, you know like how i always zone out, and Lee Minho Walked Up To Me and yelled and got my attention and all the girls in that class were so judgy, woojin i wanted to DIE. and then!!!! after class fucking minho walks up to me and asks if i want to practice with him tomorrow night-”

and woojin cut u off right there and threw himself at ur feet

“PLEASE TELL ME U SAID NO”

“i did.. why?”

chris who was watching you vent about minho in amazement was like

“that’s how he gets you, most girls never actually Practice with him.”

and the dots connected in your head and you were like WOW ARE U KIDDING

you felt really gross after that

why were men so GROSS

“men disgust me… no offense.. or Full Offense if you pick up girls like that..”

chris was like “if it was ME-”

and woojin was like “ME AND CHRIS HAVE TO GO NOW BYE Y/N” and fucking left while chris was mid sentence

so you cleaned up your Tiny dorm and practiced stretching like how they did in the class that day and then watched the video minho gave you to reference which OF COURSE was a video of him dancing

and boy were you fascinated with how good he was

but you got a lot of the dance down that night.

after ur shower u got into ur bed and chris followed u on instagram and u were like

wait.

waaaaaaait.

so ur thumbs went to work texting woojin like “what the fuck”

“did u like chris :D”

“am i that single that u have to set me up with your friends?”

“no.. maybe… he LIKES u…”

“whatever.”

so then you text chris who opens your message immediately and is like

“there’s a party at my frat tomorrow night <3 wanna be my date”

and ur like Not really. but u reply with “sure!!” and ok

wow so u got a date

but u know whos a frat boy?

Lee Know.

but u didnt know that

the next day you didn’t have a lot of work to do so you just!! practiced some more and chilled out until you had to get ready for the ~party~ and it was your first!! university party!! so you went ALL OUT and you looked like a FREAKIN SNACK

and chris was late picking you up but you told him it was okay

and things were fine

but woojin wasn’t there and he was always there whenever you were drinking

like your own lookout and that made you a little hesitant to drink at first but chris Insisted and you gave in

turns out minho was watching the whole scene

yeah okay he had a girl on his arm

but thats another story

it turns out that chris wasn’t as sweet as you thought he was

this became news to minho when his date uttered something like “another day, another helpless girl- that poor thing.”

and minho was like HUH?!!?!?!

and she explained how chris would get girls drunk and take advantage of them

minho didn’t like that

one.

bit.

you were on the verge of being completely wasted when chris asked if he could take you home which you said yes to immediately because you didn’t want to embarrass yourself while being drunk

but as you were being led out of the frat house, minho was leaning against the frame of the entrance

!!!!! wtf RENO?!?!

chris was like -____- what do u want

nd minho was like ? duh im taking y/n home?

u nd chris were like: BITCH- NO.

you don’t remember exactly what happened but the boys exchanged words and before you knew it, you seen chris being tackled to the ground and minho was goin AT IT BRO

and you were like wtf!!!!!!!!!!!

seeing the fight made you sober up a bit and honestly to be honest, minho was losing

w his stupid ass

chris got tired of beating his ASS and stood up, nodded at you and made a gross remark about you before walking away

and minho tried to get up and fight him again but he was WHOOPED

so you let him take you home

and cleaned up his face and knuckles

and made up the couch for him because he was exhausted and you figured he deserved to rest here since he DID stand up for you and save you from god knows what chris was going to do

but he was still minho the fuckboy

and woojin, barging into your dorm at the crack ass of dawn, was VERY unhappy to see mr Lee Know.

“hey y/n i brought coffee- WHAT THE FUCK.”

“morning, princess.”

and u forgot minho was on ur couch until u looked at him sleeping peacefully- nd he looked like a FUCKING ANGEL!!!

you then explained the situation that happened last night and woojin was like “it really be ur own people.”

no but woojin was really upset bc he adored u and didn’t want anything bad to happen to u

and blamed himself for not going to the party w you

your lil moment was interrupted when minho Rose and his shirt? gone!

so there he STOOD in just his sweatpants and man did he look like a SNACK

“am i interrupting something?”

“NO!” u said

“YES!” woojin said

minho jus smirked at u and put his shirt on, meeting ur eyes as u stared

but CAN I BLAME U? NO, HES A SNAKC!!!

anyway minho thanked u for letting you crash there and said he would see u later for class

BECAUSE OYU HAD CLASS!!! WITH MINHO AGAIN TODAY

woojin was like “-____- maybe i should come to class w you”

and u were like “william baby girl,,.. No”

woojin still doesn’t know why you call him william

you drank coffee and spilled tea w your bff as usual

and then it was time to get ready for class

nd woojin chilled on ur bed while u went and showered

in the shower you couldn’t stop thinking ab minho!!!

his stupid pretty eyes nd his stupid pretty EVERYTHING!!

you zoned out and woojin had to yELL to bring u back to earth

anyway you got ready and put a lil bit of effort into ur look! bc u were gonna see minho.. its really gross of u but thats FINE

imagine being a het :/

so class was torture like not as bad as before but it was like minho made things way harder jus to piss you off

after class, he didn’t approach you and you wanted to thank him for the previous night.. you know, sober.

so you walked up to him and he looked a Lil flustered but quickly covered it up and let a look of amusement spread across his features

“miss me already?”

“i just wanted to thank you for last night.. i still don’t know how to like.. show my appreciation!!”

minho was looking at u and u looked like an angel to him and he HATED it.

he had a class full of girls who were basically in Love with him but he was drawn to you only and it made him MAD!!!

“it’s whatever~ don’t worry about it.”

and u were like bet! bye!

and turned around and started to walk away

“wait!”

you spun around and he was Right there

“let me buy you food at least… i seen the lack of it in your dorm.”

the lights in the dance studio were dim and the only light that was coming in through the windows was the dulled brightness of the sun setting

all of the lights and colors hit your face perfectly

what a perfect opportunity, you know?

minho leaned in and before you knew it, you were leaning in too.

it was like you were both sent into a frenzy when your lips met each other

but nothing went too far because when minho tried to reach up your shirt

woojin barged into the studio and was like >:(!!!!!

but the three of u laughed it off nd yea!

btw woojin is so gay, but every1 thinks ur the love of his life

and u ARE!!

platonically

but romantically? woojin has a bf

and now so do u!!

nd yea everyone was doubtful bc it was Minho.. the FUCKBOY OF UR UNI

but you made him big happy!!! and he helped you dance

and fed you whenever you were hungry

and rarely ever slept at the frat house since he was always in your bed

every single night

clinging to u

its so CUTE!!

im happy for u <3

#lee minho #lee know #lee minho imagine #lee know imagine #stray kids au #lee minho x reader #lee know x reader #woojin!! #kim woojin #stray kids x reader #stray kids #tutor au #bang chan #chris bang #christopher bang #i made chris an asshole #im sorry BABY GIRL!! #fuckboy!minho #dance line #stray kids dance line

[sending-the-message]

There's No Helping Dizzy Gillespie by ljhall

I first met Dizzy Gillespie last week, about three months after she died.

(Her name wasn’t really Dizzy, it was Disney. Her mom was hyped up on something when she went in to give birth, and kept insisting that her daughter be named for a Disney princess. The nurses assumed she meant a specific princess and kept suggesting names to her, Belle, Jasmine, but she just kept shouting ‘Disney Princess, Disney Princess’ until Disney Princess Gillespie was printed on the birth certificate.

She got the nickname Dizzy later. Had nothing to do with the old jazz musician; it was because she was ‘clumsy’ and fell down a lot.

But I didn’t know any of this until recently. I didn’t know anything about her.)

In Reno there’s a paved bicycle path that wanders down by the Truckee River just off downtown. It’s sketchy in places (like Reno itself), but I’ve always felt safe walking the stretch between the Auto Museum and my apartment. During most of the year the river is wide but shallow, and you always see people on the rocks off the bike path, fishing or feeding ducks. Plenty of homeless people nap in the grass. None of that makes me uncomfortable.

The day I met Dizzy, I was headed home after work. In a hurry, because I didn’t have the money to stop and get food so I had to make sure something was in the oven before my boyfriend Colin got home. But I spotted her, crouching down by the water, and something made me stop instantly.

She was all alone, and she was tiny. I’m not too good with kids but I put her at being maybe six or seven. And god, she was thin. She wore dirty salmon-pink jeans and a threadbare t-shirt, and I could see the bones in her wrists and elbows from off the path. The sharpness of her shoulder under the thin shirt, the knobs of bone at her spine as she hunched over.

Her hair was long and tangled and mousy brown. Her hands, with their knobby wrists and bony fingers, were filthy.

I couldn’t look away from her.

She appeared to be playing idly, flicking her fingers in the water, rocking back and forth a little bit. There were some men fishing a good way down, but other than that this stretch of the path was empty.

I usually try to mind my own business, but this was too much. I left the path and moved over a few wider rocks towards her. Not wanting to scare her, or seem like some hovering pervert or something, I cleared my throat when I was still a few feet away.

She turned to look up at me. Her dirty hand pushed dirty hair out of the way of a dirty, shadowed face.

For a moment when she first turned I felt tense, nervous, like I was half expecting her to behave like a jump scare in a movie trailer. But she was just a normal little girl. Her eyes were too big and too round, her cheekbones pronounced, her skin really pale, though it was oddly yellow around her eyes.

She was so fucking thin.

I don’t know how to talk to kids, but I cleared my throat again, feeling uncomfortable. “Honey, is there somebody here with you? Do you need any help?”

The little girl tilted her head a little, stringy hair sliding off one shoulder. She smiled. “No help,” she said.

Her voice…it was too quiet, but I heard it clearly, from close up. It was like looking at a TV screen playing on mute, but hearing the sound through earbuds. Her voice shouldn’t have reached me over the flow of the water and the traffic up on the bridge. But it did, it came right to me like she was somehow standing right beside me, speaking into both my ears at once.

The strangeness of that only hit me later. All I could think about, looking at the girl, was that she was so skinny it made me want to cry.

We were only about a block and a half from the apartment. I knew Colin would throw a fit if there was a strange kid there when he got home, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“Hey, um. Why don’t you come with me? I’m gonna make some dinner, and we can call your folks or whoever to come get you.”

The little girl rose to her feet. Bare feet, and her dirty toes balancing on the wide, flat stone somehow made me want to cry even harder.

I didn’t move in closer but I held out my hand. “Come on, sweetie, let me help you.”

Her lips were so pale they looked white when she spoke. “No help,” she said, slow and solemn. Then the smile stretched to a grin, and her voice in my ears went sing-song. “There’s no helping Dizzy.”

Confused, I took a step closer.

Without a pause, without another word, without the slightest sound, the girl was somehow gone.

I was looking directly at her when it happened. One moment she was there, water dripping from her fingers, hair skirted by the breeze, solid and real. And then nothing. An empty rock.

I’ve never seen anything like that. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but I felt sick, damn near terrified, staring at the empty space where that little girl had been.

I’m dreaming, was the first thing I thought. But no, I remembered my whole shift at the call center, and waking up that morning. Everything else around me was still sharp and clear.

I almost reached out, almost went to that rock and felt around, because it seemed impossible that she just wasn’t there anymore.

But instead I moved back over the rocks to the bike path, and I stood there a long time watching the water. Hearing her voice in my head, like she was right there whispering in my ears.

There’s no helping Dizzy.

I wanted to tell someone about it, but I haven’t talked to my mom in a while and most of my friends aren’t my friends anymore (Colin says everybody moves on and that’s how it should be, us having a new life together without people interfering). Colin’s been tense about work lately, and the quieter I am with him the better.

So after I made dinner and he settled down with his X-Box, I headed for the internet.

I felt dumb even typing the searches into Google. ‘I saw a girl who vanished’ and ‘can people just disappear’ and of course those were pointless. I felt sick, though, bothered by the fact that people can’t just vanish, that I knew she was there, that I could still hear her voice in my head.

On a whim I Googled ‘There’s no helping Dizzy,’ and got a bunch of medical websites about vertigo. Then, thinking about it, I looked up just Dizzy, and Reno. Still a bunch of vertigo sites, and some links to doctors in Reno.

But at the top of the results, in a box my eyes had moved right past at first, there was a link to a news story.

And that’s where I learned about Dizzy Gillespie.

Her parents had been arrested. That was the news story. The police had gone into their home - they lived in an old RV parked at a trailer park south of where I lived - looking for drugs or something. They found the barely-alive body of eleven-year-old Disney Gillespie, locked into this tiny alcove of a back bedroom.

She died in the hospital the next day. Starved to death. Long term malnutrition. She was small for her age, the doctors said. Way too small, so this had been going on for years. All her life.

She hadn’t been to school in weeks, later articles said, asking how this child could fall through the cracks. I wanted to know that too, but then…I lived in the same city where all this happened and I never even noticed the news stories.

Affectionately known by her friends as Dizzy, the article said. It quoted her teacher, Mrs. Novak, who was just devastated by the news. Just shocked. Stunned. Who could ever do that? Their own child.

None of the articles had any pictures of her, but I guess that wasn’t surprising. There were shots of her mom, too young and hollow-eyed and bruised up the arms as she was led in cuffs into a police car. Her dad, thin from long-term drugs, long-haired, half his teeth crumbled away.

Colin came up behind me as I was looking at one of the pictures, making me go still. He put his hand down on my shoulder and pointed at the screen. “Jimmy Gillespie. Can you believe I went to school with that piece of shit?”

I don’t know why but I felt uncomfortable. “You knew about this? The little girl?”

“I had twenty different idiots sending me links on Facebook, sure. This is why I’m never having kids, shit like this. World’s nuts.”

“Yeah.” I sat still and waited until he wandered back to the couch.

There was a time I wanted kids, but. Not with Colin. Maybe not ever. I’m getting older than most women when they start having kids. He’s pointed that out before, a few times.

But I never really worried about it before now. Suddenly, though, there was a little girl’s thin, shadowed features in my head, a little voice chanting in my ears. No helping Dizzy.

That voice was right. She was dead. She died three months ago. There was literally no help anyone could offer anymore. It was too late.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her that night, or at work the next day. I take calls for a few different companies, some mail-order hair-growth formula, and a website that sells coins on QVC or whatever. Did you know people still call in and order CD compilations of Motown hits? They do. I take those calls, maybe three a day.

Nothing exciting, and I have a lot of time to get lost in my own head.

I had no doubt that I saw what I saw. Colin tells me all the time that I remember things wrong, that I think he said things he never said. But this was different. I knew it for a fact when I went on his Facebook during a break and saw some of the things people had sent. Saw a picture, finally, of Dizzy Gillespie herself, sitting on the lap of a mall Santa, gaunt-eyed and insubstantial. I knew I’d never seen that picture before, and I knew that was the same girl I saw by the water.

That meant something. It had to. I never believed in ghosts before, but I couldn’t exactly argue with my own eyes.

I went home the same way as always, and took it extra slow on the bike path as it edged down to the water. But there was no sign of her.

I was so distracted thinking about it that I didn’t get dinner started on time, and had to call Colin and ask him to pick up something on his way home. He showed up with a bag from McDonalds and one drink, and told me to figure my own shit out.

Which, I mean, was fair. I was the one who messed up. There was ramen, it wasn’t like I had to go hungry.

He went to bed early. Before he did he came up to me at the computer and he kissed my hair and told me he was sorry for being an asshole. He’s a good guy, really. He’s going through some things at work, and when things at home don’t go according to plan, he just…anyone would get mad.

I gave him a little while to fall asleep before I went back to the bedroom.

And there, by the bed, was Dizzy.

She was standing there, right in the pool of lamplight that came in through the window. Still wearing that thin t-shirt and those pink jeans. She stood without moving, looking at the bed. At Colin, as he slept. In the darkness, the sharp angles of her face looked almost carved, like she was just shy of being pure bone and skin.

I stood there frozen, just staring at this child, this impossible presence. I was scared to speak up, scared of waking him, or scaring her off, or something.

After a long minute, she turned her head to look at me. And I heard her voice in my head, loud and clear, though this time her mouth didn’t move to speak the words herself.

There’s no helping Dizzy.

And she was gone.

I called in to work the next day and took the bus down near the RV park.

I had no idea what was driving me to go. But I wanted to see.

There was a low gate at the road coming in, with an intercom you were supposed to buzz, but the gate was busted and hanging open anyway so I just pushed through and went in. It wasn’t a particularly scary place. Poor, obviously, but like the homeless on the bike path home poverty didn’t scare me in itself. I grew up poor, and had a pretty unlucky life. If it wasn’t for Colin I’d probably still be in some basement studio in a building that rented out most its rooms by the week.

There were trailers on the property, some with gates set up like little yards, with chairs and grills and things set out (and chained together so they didn’t get stolen). Some of the lots had RVs sitting in them, most of them looking like they hadn’t been on a road in years.

The RV that I’d seen in pictures, in articles about Dizzy, wasn’t there. Instead there was an empty lot waiting for its next tenant.

I don’t know what I wanted to find, but I stood there looking around for a little while, sure I hadn’t found it yet. Maybe it was in the RV itself, towed out to some police lot or junkyard or maybe pulled apart by the neighbors and integrated into their own lots.

“You looking for somebody?”

The voice made me jump, and I focused to see an older woman in the doorway to the trailer beside the empty lot. She looked nervous, peering out her door with paranoid, troubled eyes.

I hesitated, but approached her. “I was looking for…” I couldn’t think up a lie, so I just gestured to that empty lot as if it was an answer.

“You with the news?”

“No, I just…I knew her,” I said suddenly, out of nowhere. “Dizzy.”

“Dizzy.” The woman paled. She pushed the door open, moved off the little stair and down onto the gravel and grass that made up her lot. “You know we did everything we could for her,” she said to me, her voice pitched loud all the sudden.

I frowned, looking around, but there wasn’t anyone else in sight. “What do you--“

“I mean it. We did everything. We couldn’t have known. There’s no way we could have…”

Her eyes went past me and down, and her steps stumbled. She stopped moving, her sun-lined face losing color. “Oh god.”

“Ma’am? Are you okay?”

“She won’t leave me alone,” the woman answered, her voice suddenly ragged, her eyes horrified and growing wet as I looked. “She’s always here. Please…” She wasn’t talking to me, her eyes locked just behind me.

I looked back, and to be honest I was entirely expecting to see Dizzy there. It made sense to me, that she would show herself to these people. That she would be here, where home used to be, often.

But I didn’t see anything there.

When I looked back the woman was moving, stumbling backwards, making the sign of the cross with a shaking hand. “I’m sorry! Leave me alone, I’m sorry!”

The thin side door of the trailer slammed with a sharp bang.

I waited a moment, then turned around again.

Dizzy stared at the trailer, but looked up at me fast. She smiled.

For some reason, I smiled back.

My next trip was to North Nevada Middle School. It was about a mile walk and two busses to get there, but I never hesitated.

Children didn’t starve to death in a vacuum. Dizzy went to school. Dizzy lived in close quarters with other people, other families. Dizzy had been tiny and malnourished, had earned a nickname because she was so lightheaded and weak that she stumbled and fell all the time. But the neighbor said she couldn’t have known, and the teachers were just so, so shocked.

She was so small I thought she was half the age she really was. That wasn’t something people could just miss.

School was still in session when I walked up from the bus stop. I was alone, from what I could tell, but …I wasn’t alone. She was there, somewhere.

The kids in the classrooms I passed seemed a lot older than I expected. The teacher from the paper, her homeroom teacher, was Mrs. Novak. The school was basically one long hallway with side corridors for the lunch room and the gym, so she wasn’t hard to find.

Well, her room wasn’t.

When I peered in, there was a man at the head of the classroom, droning on to a pack of bored eleven-year-olds. Behind him, on a square cork board, homemade cards were pinned. Over it, written in dry erase on a whiteboard, was Get Well Soon Mrs. Novak.

I knew at once why she wasn’t there. I knew that she had looked out at her classroom more than once over the last three months, and saw a girl who shouldn’t have been there. A fatally skinny girl with stringy hair and pink pants. I knew it had driven her away, made her sick.

Good.

Feeling satisfied, I moved back down the hall without saying anything.

There was a small office with big open glass windows, right near the front doors. I passed them by slowly, wondering who else Dizzy appeared to. The principal? Other students? Friends of her parents who knew something was wrong but did nothing? Cops who had done welfare checks and left her in that RV? Her parents, sitting in jail with nowhere to run to get away?

The office door opened as I passed, and a woman - young, sweet looking, younger than me I think - peeked out at me. “Miss, is there something…” She trailed off. Her gaze drifted down, and horror filled her face. She let the doorway at once, slamming it behind her, and I could hear her voice. Muffled through the wall, but panicked, damn near shrieking. “She’s here! She’s here, Jesus help us.”

I headed out the door.

Outside the sun was blazing hot and merciless, and everything seemed to be stalled around me. Traffic was a distant hum, birds were quiet, probably napping in shade.

I looked over and down, and Dizzy was there. She looked up at me with the same sad smile.

“You don’t look like this when they see you, do you?” I asked.

She shook her head, her smile growing wide and mischievous. She pointed at me, and at herself, a question in her expression.

Did I want to see?

I wasn’t sure I did, but I braced myself and nodded.

It was as disconcerting as when she had vanished into thin air that first day. One moment she was one way, and the next…

I knew why that woman had screamed, and why the teacher stayed home sick.

Dizzy’s thinness had been horrifying to me before, but now she was a skeleton. Every bone clear through her skin, her head a skull with staring eyes and drooping hair. Her skin was shriveled, decaying, splotched with purple where it wasn’t paper-white. Her lips were spreading away from her gums, her eyelids were too wide, receding back the same way. Her mouth was open, shadows making it look black and empty and…

…hungry.

Permanently, agonizingly hungry.

This was the body they had found, I was sure. This was what the neglect of so many people had brought about.

In another moment, Dizzy was back to being the sad, skinny, but smiling girl I had first seen.

I felt the wet heat of tears going down my face, and absently swiped them away. “I’m so sorry.”

“There’s no helping Dizzy,” she said.

I wondered who those words first came from. Was it something her mother said to outsiders who expressed concern over the little girl, trying to convince them that her daughter just wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t grow? Was it something the teacher said, while calling the girl Dizzy like her stumbles were caused by a lack of grace and not a lifetime of neglect? Was it spoken with a laugh, a dismissive wave, a ‘kids will be kids, she’ll grow out of it’ kind of casualness?

How many times had Dizzy heard it, for it to be the only words she held on to now?

Another question came to me, and this was one I actually had to ask. “Why…how can I see you?”

Dizzy shrugged. But she reached out and pointed a bony finger at me.

I looked down, lifting the arm she was pointing at. I blinked in surprise to see a bruise I hadn’t noticed before, dark and wide and in a shape I recognized well.

He hadn’t meant to grab me so hard. I was in his way, he was running late. He hadn’t been sleeping well, he told me in apology before he left, kissing my head like always.

I rubbed at my bruised skin absently. “He doesn’t hurt me,” I said, looking down at Dizzy. “Not on purpose.”

She looked up at me, her smile faded into a tight line. “There’s no helping Dizzy,” she said again, pointing at my arm insistently.

And I wonder, even now…if I really do need it, is there any help for me?

#reddit #nosleep #scary #story

[wishingfornever]

9/17/17 – No Contact:  Road Rage on Memory Lane

Woke up at 5.  I’m leaving for Houston on the 30th. It may sound cliché but I always wanted to go see New York.  We’ve driven through it.  I was young.  We were seeing my brother and he lived in Massachusetts at the time.  My dad said he refused to go through New York so we had to as well.  Houston is the 4th largest city in the US, though, so I guess it’s like Texan New York.

My dad has been super chill lately.  It’s been nice.  At least he has been with me.  When we went to Reno, he got upset with customer service.  Ironically, I kind of felt like you and he was me.  Like you feel awkward and kind of want to go somewhere else.  It’s probably different for you… but similar circumstance. Someone was angry and you were riding shotgun with them. It wasn’t road rage.  He just wanted to see my sister at the casino she worked at.  He raised his voice and was a less than preferable customer to have.  My sister said she worked with a bunch of pansies because everyone was super scared of him at the desk.  She was chill with it (mind you, she got there after we did; she works night).  His anger is different though.  He takes everything personally.  I have a lot of unresolved issues that I leave unresolved.  It comes out while driving.  I didn’t used to be so bad. I sound like a broken record, I’m sure.  I’m reminded that my dad actively tried cockblocking me.  Again, wasn’t trying to get laid but geezuz.  I’m not sure we’d had gotten along at my age. I also realize that it’s a problem I have.  Like, I’m over what my dad did.  It’s fine, but I am a bit surprised.  I just wanted to have a conversation with her and then he tried overtalking me.  Daniel did the same thing with that 80 yo woman at the bar.  I was drunk so it became a competition.  I don’t like people talking over me because I guess it was always like that in between my dad and Janis.  So… a petty annoyance.  I guess when I get muted, blocked, or ignored it sucks too.  That is one of the downsides to trolling or at least the internet, where they remove my ability to speak. That might be one of the reasons I took this so hard.  I felt like you were keeping me from talking, though it’d had probably been better if I had just shut up.  I don’t know; pitching theories here.  I’ll bring up our relationship when I go to therapy.  I’ll try to be unbiased and I’ll see if that’s the reason.

I need to find a therapist first.  I don’t even know what to look for.

My lips are super chapped.  I was so dehydrated during the summer.  I’m looking forward to Adela’s where I can just grab a glass of water whenever I want instead of so many bottles of water.  Less wasteful, especially here.

I’ve been watching Rick an Morty Season 3 on repeat.  Part of a livestream that claims to have all episodes but only does Season 3.  I really shouldn’t because I could be working on my book, but eh.  The episode with the Vindicators.  Super Nova I think her name is?  I think you could cosplay her because she’s super skinny and has a nice ass.  ;D I know, I know.  Low standard but I think it’d be a cool cosplay to see in general.  Maybe soon, someone will do it. It feels like yesterday that I was still going to high school. Yesterday was ten years ago.  I’d have been starting my Junior year at about this time.  Hating life, stuck in self-isolation.  Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t hated… I was a self selected outcast.  I didn’t really have a clique.  David and I went to different High Schools and road the same bus.  Occaisionally, I’d go to his house to play Xbox.  During the summer, I’d spend a lot of time in between either his house or Jeremiah’s.  Jer and I spent two weeks playing nothing but Halo 3, iirc.  Might have been Halo 2, I don’t remember.  We were did a lot of multiplayer and we were fucking awesome.  That’s where we noticed red team always won.  Very seldom did blue win. Yeah, I think it was Halo 3.

I remember Jeremiah with short hair, btw.  It’s funny.  He looks a lot like Sean.  Go figure, eh?  ;)

We didn’t always just play Xbox.  He was sympathetic.  I told him a lot.  Anything that was on my mind.  That’s changed, though.  Not because I don’t trust him.  I guess somewhere along the way, I stopped opening up.  Might have had something to do with going to Texas the first time.  Not sure.

Told Ariel I was going back recently and she knows I hated Texas.  She worries a lot about me.  She remembers how bad Amarillo was on me.  How emotionally draining it was.  She remembers when I was in a hard time, partially caused by my niece fucking me over and robbing me, basically.  I was super thin back then.  After my hardships, though, I gained a lot of weight. I’ve gained over 80 pounds since I left Amarillo.

I’ve never felt so fat.  My self-esteem has never been so low.  I used to think I was fat when I weighed 240.  I was, but I didn’t realize I could gain anymore weight.  I let myself go.

I want to weigh 200 again.  That’s my goal.  I don’t need to weigh 180, that’s super thin.  I have a natural masculine build.  If I really dedicated myself, I could be a body builder.  I could get SO strong. I’d be petty and shallow about my own appearance, but life would be better.

I remember once in Amarillo when I was relatively skinny (not my skinniest; probably 210 or 220 if I had to guess) I had to save my niece from something stupid she got involved in.  She was confronted by a man and a woman.  The man was smaller than me, and immediately starting kissing up by saying, “Hey, Bro.  Do you work out?” and feeling my left arm.  I pulled away and told him no.

I don’t like being touched and I don’t like when people kiss ass. Your touch was the exception, of course.  This guy royally pissed me off. My niece made it back to my truck without too much hassle and they left her the fuck alone when I got there.  One of the reasons I didn’t get in many fights was because I never had to.  I was intimidating.  I didn’t want to fight anyone then.  The fights I did get in, I didn’t want to fight then either.  I rely on intimidation so I win the fight before it ever happens. Maybe that’s another reason you’re afraid of me.  Because it works. I don’t feel very intimidating right now.  I’m just… round. However, I’m confident no one would ever try to fight me.  It’s not in their best interest to, after all.  If they fight me, they might get hurt.  The average human is a coward. If someone is talking shit to your face, he’s building up the courage to fight you. With the two fights in Texas, they both swung first and they were both drunk.  The second fight, he had a friend help him. The first refused to go home and through a swing at me.  I punched him and physically dragged him outside.  He threatened me by asking, “Have you ever been shot, before?  Have you ever been shot with a gun before?” think that was scary.  I followed him to his apartment and he came out with a bench press bar.  Piece.  Of.  Shit.  He threatened to hit my truck and he threatened me with other things.  As he was trying to scare me, my niece pulled up with her boyfriend.  I turned to look, look back at this guy, and he was trying to… impale my face with it?  Like, he didn’t swing.  He thrusted.  I dodged it all and then hit him with a hook.  He ran back inside.  I asked my niece’s boyfriend to go drive my truck around the corner. As he drove off, the dude stepped outside and was reporting my license plate to the police.  I saw this and yelled, “Hey, go back inside!” and he fearfully looked at me and then went back inside. I waited for the police, wearing light pants and a tee shirt.  I knew they were coming and when they got there, I wasn’t expecting them to take me outside.  It was cold and I was freezing.  They said that they got a call that someone was threatened with a gun. Ironically, it was me but he said I had pulled a gun on him. So, they check my apartment and then they checked my truck.  I let them know that the seats fold up in the back and helped their search.  After they realized I didn’t have a gun (my rifle was at my brother’s so if I had kept it at the apartment, I’d be in serious trouble. Then again, someone would have stolen it like they did my other things).  They asked me if I wanted to press charges and I said no and that he was drunk.  Whatever. It honestly wasn’t that bad.  I threw less than five punches that night.  I was told that if he refused to leave, I had the right to shoot and KILL him. When I heard that, I was super shocked.  Of course, this was at Dunkin Donuts when I was told that.  It was before the cemetery.  I was content.  My rage and my sorrow was manageable.

The second time, I was spending some time away from the apartment with this girl.  I got an emergency text from my niece and I really didn’t feel like answering it.  She’d set up all these bullshit parties in our apartment and then rely on me to break it up when it got out of hand.  I was tired of it.

This time, it was different. This dude was getting a little too frisky and his advances were unwanted.  So, I ended up going back.  When I returned, she ran to the bathroom and I told the remaining few that it was time to wrap up the party and go home. This little turd eyeballed me.  He was the one trying to get frisky with my niece.  He was clearly angry and I was expecting him to say something.  He didn’t.  Just punched me and started punching me.  I grabbed him by the throat and pinned him against the wall while yelling, “What the fuck?!”  I was collecting my thoughts because I didn’t think he’d act so unreasonably.  His friend who was by the beer pong table charged me and grabbed me.  Thus, I had to fight these two guys in my own home. One of my niece’s friends came in and said, “What the fuck?!”  She was apparently a friend of the little turd’s friend and asked what the hell he was doing.  He said helping Little Turd.  I told her I told them to go home and he coldcocked me out of the blue.  She yelled at them and they left. She stayed and said I still looked handsome.  It was nice.  Things had gotten worse there which is why I didn’t want to party with them.  I was tired of the loud music and drinking.  I was sleeping on the couch and needed to hear it.  I didn’t show my appreciation then. The first fight was early on so the parties weren’t frequent.  Things weren’t that bad then.  I let my niece walk all over me and thus things started to go bad. That said, the second fight was less one sided.  Go figure; I was outnumbered.  I had a black eye and a bloody nose.  No permanent damage, except for a ruined shirt.  Blood and tears.  I was a little upset by it. The next day, I go to work and everyone joked about how I needed to stop hosting fight clubs in my apartment. That day, I also was offered a job at the cemetery.  I was given the job offer looking like an amateur boxer.  It took me a while to actually accept their offer.  I used to have a discomfort with being in cemeteries.  If it were a car dealership, I’d have taken it sooner probably.  I hate car dealerships, too. Less people would have threatened me at a car dealership.  But that’s a story for another time.