#just to reassure you this is insanity

[forthlin]

hiiii do you have any headcanons for three ball john?

YES finally someone asks about him!! he's honestly extremely underappreciated in fandom. i think the relationship between three ball john and paul would be so interesting and more tense than two ball john and paul. there's like a love triangle (pentagon?) going on i actually did fan art for this below

#asks #i am so sorry no one take this seriously. please look away #unreality #just to reassure you this is insanity

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

#seriously another shout out to my mutuals #id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being #and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting #bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!' #hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over #and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic #sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭 #okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals #like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful #so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up #than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess #they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds #so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW #okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE #SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES #if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends' #then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context #but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic #and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF #okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this #ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day

[yashley]

"I blew out a city by myself. A block, decimated." "Intentionally?" "No."

#critical role #imogen x fearne #imogearne #ygifs #but I'm literally obsessed it’s okay #it's easy for imogen to stay steadfast against chetney's/ashton's stagnant cynicism in their perception of Power* #it's easy to hold firm to the reassurances of laudna/fcg/orym of imogen's conviction of character but then you have fearne #the way fearne's nature naturally challenges? imogen's conviction of her own nature has me literally losing it it's Everything #fearne quietly saying Why Not as imogen's adamantly saying No #not cos it's what she Feels or even what she Wants but cos shes Afraid of herself she's Afraid of how much she wants to say Yes #the way imogen says I Will Not Meet You In The Middle and fearne just Looks at her and nods. and Knows. #the ugliness imogen hates/fears in herself that fearne doesn't see as ugliness to reassure imogen against is Something To Me #what else would a character who only sees fear and destruction in herself need but a character who only sees That as Greatness #to say you are not great Despite your flaws but your flaws* are not Flaws* and they are not destined to damn you #and imogen shuts that down immediately and it's Sooooooooo Good #if 4sd isn't ashley/laura actually talking about this dynamic then that's fine I don't care but it's literally insane #it's insane that fearne backs off it's insane that they both trigger that primal reaction in the other while actively avoiding it #fearne Wanting* to push imogen even a little but she stops out of fear of pushing imogen Away is . . . . #the way they make each other Question themselves like ooooo k

[minamotoz]

(/copypasta) boy meets world season 5 episode 18 turned me into the joker

#boy meets world #shory #shawn x cory #im still in Shock at how explicitly romantic that line feels #and then the tender love confessions immediately after and the random guy reassuring them #by saying that his brother has also taken up an 'alternative lifestyle' #and then alan gets extremely mad over the influence shawn has over cory in a Very Charged argument #in which shawn says he 'showed cory how to feel good' HWLLO??????? #and then drunk!shawn dropping the whole 'i just want my best fwiends to be happy🥺' schtick #and becoming outwardly cruel and demeaning towards cory and topanga #basically flat out admitting his self destructive behavior is a ploy to get corys attention off of topanga and onto him? AM I INSANE? #anyways boy meets world 5x18 'if you cant be with the one you love' #is the worlds most homoerotic anti-underaged drinking PSA ever made #unrelated but does anyone like my priv pfp of peter st0ne on meth performing shared custody by studz

[suncaptor]

nothing will make you sympathise with conspiracy theorist ideology more than having a seemingly rare reaction to a vaccine lmao.

#reading articles that try to falsify genuine incorrect information about the covid vaccines from 2021 is making me feel insane #'there's no way the covid vaccine can trigger an autoimmune disorder' uhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHH #factually extremely wrong! #they're soooo condescening too like why on EARTH do you think people who are genuinely sick or scared would believe you. #they'll be like there's no scientific evidence that anyone can be harmed by the covid vaccine <3 blatantly untrue. #I know that part of this is retrospect like obviously since more studies have come out and all #but it's infurirating bc they're from the time *I* was having those symptoms *and* telling doctors about it *and* being told the connection #to my other severe symptoms from the covid vaccine were Utterly Impossible (since proven false) and that if the symptoms WERE related #it meant i had a life threatening illness at worst and had a high chance of losing my vision at best #likeeeeeeeee #doctors still DO NOT know what the fuck they're doing do NOT trust anyone who gives ANY 100% answers #i don't know why i'm doing this i just said to stop obsessing but i'm just reading pages and articles on countering misinformation to make #sure i don't -- i want to know the conspiracy theories to recognise them immediately right #and then people are just saying bullshit to defend themselves #i mean most of the anti covid vacc people were also far right so i don't have too much sympathy for their vaccine ideology #but like. fucking hell what a way to push people into conspiracies. #you CAN'T counter misinformation by SPREADING MORE MISINFORMATION #just because it SOUNDS BETTER and MORE REASSURING to say there's not chance of harm doesn't mean you should #there's A LOW chance of harm THAT IS MUCH MUCH less high than the impacts of covid #god I'm pissed off. 2021 i was so fucking terrified of spreading this shit just by talking about my lived experiences. #to say i was not taking the pandemic seriously OR anti vax is so blatantly ridiculous considering who I am as a person but that doesn't mea #that the covid vaccine specifically didn't make me ill :////// #delete

[amee-racle-ofmyown]

I AM GOING TO POST THE HEIST DUO BEING SOFT AND DOMESTIC AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME‼️

bye I reached the tag limit💀

#the power I wield as a mediocre artist is insane #I have been. Thinking about this specifically for so long ok #just imagine with me #perhaps day after a heist #maybe he offered to take first watch again. but ended up staying up all night to let you sleep. again. #and so maybe now he's super tired #you're just cleaning dishes or cooking or something #and he slowly sidles up behind you #tightening his arms around your waist #he just stands there #breathing in your closeness #there were one too many close calls for his liking #feeling how solid and warm you are is comforting. the even rhythm of your breaths reassuring. #maybe a kiss pressed to your neck #he's just glad you're okay :) #and happy to have you here with him. to share everything you do with each other #OK WOW DAMN I JUST MADE MYSELF ALL🥺🥺🥺🥰 #my art #ahwm #partners in crime #heist mark x y/n #heist!mark x y/n #mark iplier #heist mark #heist!mark #ahwm y/n #yn sona #a heist with markiplier #markiplier egos #markiplier cu

[ahappydnp]

i know you love the whole 2009×2015 time travel thing but. we never talk about fics with that concept!! do you have any recs? 🥺👉🏼👈🏼

ahh of course my mind is going completely blank rn when i know there's a bunch i've loved over the year 🥺 but ummmm i techinically did one (x) and not a year!crossover but one of my fav timeline crossover fics ever of dee meeting phil and fi meeting dan (x)

edit: WAIT HOW COULD I FORGET HARD TIMES BABY my beloved

#i feel like so many i remember are random tumblr one shots but i just love the concept so much ;____; #like the hope of seeing a confident older version of yourself and all the reassurance #but then also getting to physically see younger you and looking with an empathy and fondness you've never given yourself?? #but especially with dnp who would have neverrrr guessed how good it could get #and have become probably more than their younger versions ever even dared to dream of :(((( #also yes they're both insanely hot and i think that would drive them insane too like dan wants to fuck himself so bad as it is <3

[lavampira]

you know the day is going to be a doozy when you wake up with anxiety already eating you alive 🫠

#sorry not to once again vent about The Horrors #i’ve just been having an absolute weird one today lolol #and idek why this is where my brain has chosen to latch this time #somewhere between feeling too clingy for wanting to casually tell friends i love them or miss them or want to spend time with them #and being sensitive about slight changes with ones who withdraw from doing the same as often too #or changes in some routines i guess #like what if i’m just unaware that i’m the annoying person clinging to a friendship that’s fading #i don’t want to be too needy for reassurance or too pushy with being so sappy :o) #which is irrational of my brain but i can’t help feeling the way i do either #because i did lose touch with a former close friend recently and just. not realize that closeness wasn’t there anymore. lmao #but also ‘hi do you still love me. do you miss me if i’m not available. you haven’t said so in a while’ feels insane to ask shdghsd #ANYWAY that’s enough vulnerability for today. bye. #the life and times

[echo-s-land]

It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

#vent ig #i wish i could #but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i #wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the #short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent #but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar #and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie #we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant #the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and #'im not even remotely interested by any of you' #its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT #NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up #on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.) #anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point) #am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as #a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened #i hate feeling apathetic #and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them #cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life

[dirtbra1n]

I’m feeling regular today Whos going to answer for this

#i’m sure i’ve posted at least one of these pages before. whatever #genuinely. pages that reassure me that i’m not crazy (completely imagining things that don’t exist) while making me way crazy (insane) #LIKE. haahhhh i’m tired ITS. tashiro just throwing out the fact that he and hanzawa senpai have imitated each other’s hairstyles #miyano’s reaction to that. tashiro plainly texting hanzawa senpai to ask and immediately getting a coy response back #tashiro reaching into his memory with startling focus and accuracy to recall how many piercings his senpai had in just his left ear alone #i am now 100% certain i’ve posted something like this before. my mind is a closed circuit that inevitably returns to where it has been #with only a renewed vigor to show for it. i am not well #Oh just had a thought. huh #hanzawa to tashiro #hanzashiro #tashiro gonzaburou.. i would be nowhere without you….

[daimaoryu]

i want to lie in my bed and rot. dont even wanna play games or read books or watch random youtube vids

#this group presentation and stuff... #its genuinely taking everything out of me lol #i cant go to anyone for comfort bc no one fucking cares about my comfort #the only reassurance ive gotten is my groupmate saying shes also scared of it #but i KNOW the bullshit im dealing with is gonna look and sound insane to even her #its always 'oh everyones like that everyones scared of it at first!' until they see just how terrified i am #and then its 'what is WRONG with you its just a presentation'

[snapbackslide]

WHAT HAPPENED OMG how was it!!

it was a really good date, we spent 4 hours (!!!!) together just like, walking downtown and we got drinks which he paid for mine, said it was his bday gift for me 🥲 and talked a lot about everything, hockey especially, families, education/career, news, memes, travel, music...

i think he picked up on my hints, when we were walking i kept bumping lightly into him on purpose, and i'd tuck my hair behind my ear and lick my lips lmao. and i let him have a sip of my drink. cause i wanted him to kiss me, and he did, but i got so nervous and messed it up and pulled away 😭 (i buried my face in his chest and held him and i think he chuckled.. he could tell.. then he kissed the top of my head and i died 🪦 i texted him after saying sorry for the bad kiss LOL and he said 'don't apologize i thought the goodbye was very cute' .. omg)

it's just i never liked kissing but i wanted it with him, and he was good his lips were soft gosh, the second it was over i wanted it back.. this is crazy i miss him already 😭

#it was so hard for me not to dive right in i think maybe that's why i panicked #i'm just so passionate and i was holding back all night and he was so chill and calm... kinda drove me insane 😭 #i was having a hard time taking initiative.. like the bumping into him thing was me FIGHTING the urge to hold his arm #he didn’t seem like a super touchy guy idk if it was bc we had just met or that’s how he is but that was a little disappointing tbh #and a WASTE bc gosh he’s so comfy to hug. i had to physically force myself to pull away. i'm not joking #bc in our hugs i could feel him letting go & i didn’t wanna make him uncomfortable #but ugh our height difference & age gap are both literally -perfect- #he got a really cute laugh (and a deeper voice than i thought 😩) #oh yeah and he just ever so casually mentioned he was an argentina fan and i went full fangirl mode????? #oh. and he said he's a mama's boy... (& he likes the oilers.. & his fav movie is interstellar... *quiet voice* “tyson?” LMAOihaveatype) #yea and he said to let him know when i got home and when i forgot (bc i always do) he texted me 🥹 #he mentioned having been in a LDR before and how he didn't mind it... seems like only one of us was good at picking up hints 💀 #he asked if i'd ever been in one and i didn't realize until later like. oh. HEY maybe i should've said i wouldn't mind it either 🤦‍♀️ #ngl there were moments that were a bit awkward tho bc we were both quiet.. but he was so so sweet #like when i said i should go home he was completely understanding and would often ask if i was cold #just a very Gentle man like.. i felt so safe and comfortable 🥹 #and i really loved looking up at him and into his eyes it was the best lil moments... #like when i said i hope this wasn't too boring for you and he immediately reassured me and said he's having a great time #and asked if i was having a good time too and our voices got softer and that eye contact was just.. ugh ✨ #he really talks like a hockey player tho lmaooo 😭 #so yeah i've been up for HOURS replaying all this in my mind i barely slept... i really just wanna see him again asap #answered #brunch anecdotes w the girlies

[thyandrawrites]

As an angst lover and someone fixated with nuance I gotta say I love getting to read epinagi in japanese and finding out other tiny tidbits of lost in translation trivia that make the nagireo pain worse

#Just found one that makes me insane #Finally I have an answer to why Nagi's 'you and I will be the best in the world. That's a fact' is not remotely reassuring to reo #Cause in english that sounds perfectly fine doesn't it #But watch out! Cause in jp there's miscommunication in that line too! #I love these two. They're so shit at communication #I keep finding new and exciting ways to be mentally ill about them

[qualityrain]

i think abt shinpei in 23/24 so often. the contrast between the childish behaviour and the literal murder attempt is so insane. it lives in my brain rent free. he literally acts like a child trying to justify a loophole to a parent. but the loophole is abt drugging and murder.

#claude txt #theres so much. so much to think abt. its so interesting. #like the way. shinpei literally cannot comprehend satoko leaving. #in 12 he just lies to himself abt it right in 24 he does the same thing but satoko isnt helping w that #so he just. gets more extreme with it. #the more satoko doesnt reinforce the lies the more shinpei has to reassure himself where hes like #you love me right? i know you wont leave me. i know you wont replace me #and its such a BLATANT LIE it drives me insane #and we get that “we’ll be alone together until we die” line that. imo. i think most ppl tend to take literally? #like some ppl act like thats shinpeis goal?? #when imo its the most extreme form of him trying to lie to cover up his deep insecurity #its not abt being alone its abt satoko being unable to leave him or replace him #because he isnt convinced that satoko wants him around he has to make a scenario where she will never leave him

[gabriellovescandy]

Kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me

#I am so fucking tired of my parents #if I don't find a full time job soon (which i haven't been able to find for the past six months) #it's possible that my dad will be given the opportunity to live in our house by the state #apparently it can be done in around ten days once it's decided #can i trust my mother with these kinds of informations? absolutely not. but there is a 50/50 chances that it's true #i have saved as much as i could all my life in preparation of this moment and i do have enough money to move but it takes time #every other week my mother comes home with similar kinds of insane informations for me to process #one week she reassures me everything is fine and i have like a couple of years before leaving this house #the week after. this. #i have no idea of what's real or not #i am so stressed that last week i lost the ability to finction for three days straight #i am going insane #and i am in no condition to find jobs i've applied to very little positions in this timeframe also because of this stress that paralyzes me #i am not depressed but god i am indeed exausted #i also have surgery planned (do not know the date yet it's not a difficult one but i never had one and i am scared shitless) #and technically i am in a promising job selection but it's a public one so no one tells you nothing and it can take up to six months before #someone calls you back #so i am inside a limbo on every aspect of my life and it's unreal #i can't even see my psychologist because she's getting surgery next week so i'll see her the week after #i don't have the streight to write this new developement to friends #i think i'll just deadscroll for a while and then go to bed #i don't know. i'm so tired and at the same time not at all tired #i'm doing nothing with my days but i still need everything to stop #i don't know #stuff

[mechieonu]

romance peaked here

#the fealty man. it's boss + secretary but 'i would kill for you if you asked' #sayaka's loyalty and love for kirari is so insane it's boggling #i watchdd the tower of doors episode like two years ago and to this day it hasn't left my head #SAYAKA'S FALL. KIRARI JUMPING AFTER HER. EMBRACING HER AS THEY FALL THROUGH THE NIGHT SKY!!!!!!!!! #oh my GOD #NOT TO MENTION THEY FALL ONTO A MAT OF LILLIES WHICH IS A SYMBOL IN FICTION USED TO DENOTE SAPPHIC RELATIONSHIPS #you think kirari is being cruel in setting the tower of doors up #when it was just a long winded example of sayaka's prowess (which is smth kirari loves about her!!) #TOD was one big love letter to reassure sayaka that she's kirari's most important person #anyways. i love women #kakegurui #kirari x sayaka