#kind of makes me hate myself and also never speak to anyone ever
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almost uploaded a picture of my bank statement instead of this header! happy days!
thanks for the tags @hippolotamus @kiwiana-writes @happiness-of-the-pursuit @rmd-writes
@nancygillianmvp @terramous @tellmegoodbye @freneticfloetry @beautifulhigh
@orchidscript @myheartalivewrites and @strandnreyes (don't think that was a real tag but i'm taking it anyway to force you to love me).
1. How many works do you have on Ao3?
49 (last time it was 46 but i feel like that isn't enough of a difference? disappointed in myself dfhskjh)
2. What's your Ao3 bodycount word count?
1,119,086 which does include some co-writes, but I also have around 200k of unposted WIP in my google docs so i'm counting it (including a fully written fic - someone put their hands around my neck and force me to edit it PLEASE).
3. Which fandoms do you write for?
red white and royal blue, 911 lone star, top gun maverick (flirting with winter's orbit always)
4. Top 5 fics by kudos?
the order of these has changed but not the identity:
Speak for Yourself (RWRB) (you know when eminem said he'd never be able to top My Name Is? this is my version of that)
Fifty First Dates (RWRB) (oodie agenda reigns supreme)
The RIng-In (Lone Star) (otherwise, lone star is in danger of being eviscerated from this top 5 lmao)
(Not) A Cinderella Story (RWRB) (NDAs are hot, apparently)
Cursed is a State of Mind (RWRB) (cursed caffeine is the main drawcard let's not lie)
5. Do you respond to comments?
i try my absolute best to. i am currently really behind and i apologise for that (the problem is, i reply to comments before i post anything and i haven't posted anything in ages).
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
serious answer - Contaminated
my answer - oh baby i'm a fool for you because we never find out if they actually watch twilight and that's a damn shame
7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
literally everything else - i don't really do open endings or sad endings! in the words of the great philosopher, skepta: "nah, that's not me."
8. Do you get hate on fics?
i used to, but i haven't in ages! thank god for that.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
yes, although i have to say i've been moving away from pwp lately. i feel my best smut is written into longer fics where the sex serves a plot or characterisation purpose within the frame of the overarching narrative.
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
yes, a RWRB/LS but i never finished it. ALTA is a veronica mars inspired tarlos fic which kind of feels like a crossover at times.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not to my knowledge :)
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
yes! Phonography (Lone Star) has been translated, as has Baby, Make Your Move (Lone Star) and Warm Whispers (Lone Star). I'm very grateful to the incredible people who have made these translations happen - you are so talented.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic?
yes, many with @dustratcentral. I also wrote a chapter of a co-written fic with a whole bunch of incredible RWRB authors called never the same twice.
@rmd-writes and I have created (Un)Professional Services and (upcoming) Call Me (By Your Name).
The Rainbow Fish was co-written with @strandnreyes.
I love co-writing so much and I am always open to anyone who wants to give it a go!
14. What's your all time favourite ship?
me + my unposted wips.
15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
probably the aforementioned crossover which was apparently also my answer last time.
16. What are your writing strengths?
i'm allergic to giving myself compliments but i would say maybe dialogue/banter and worldbuilding.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
keeping things short. also, exposition.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
kinda scared to because i don't speak any other languages and i'm so hesitant to annoy my very talented multi-lingual friends with my annoying questions.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
we don't talk about that.
20. Favourite fic you've written?
probably still Love Game because the experience was just so amazing and i never wanted to stop writing it.
heaps of people have already done this so leaving an open tag and also a couple of suggestions under the cut but apologies if you've already participated or been tagged 7 million times:
@bonheur-cafe @theghostofashton @thebumblecee @indomitable-love @eclectic-sassycoweyes
@tailoredshirt @vineofroses @liminalmemories21 @mikibwrites @birdclowns
@ladytessa74 @basilsunrise @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @rosedavid @sanjuwrites
@alrightbuckaroo @three-drink-amy @marjansmarwani @dumbpeachjuice @doublel27
@lemonlyman-dotcom @blueink3 @ambiguouspenny @clottedcreamfudge @emmalostinwonderland
@sail-not-drift @inexplicablymine @celeritas2997 @cricketnationrise @reyesstrand
@goodways @carlos-in-glasses @heartstringsduet @sunshinestrand @sherryvalli
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i want people to accommodate my autism the way they accommodate house like jeez im way nicer than him and no one makes up puzzles for me when im upset or just fucking let's me do whatever i want or still cares abt when i do something really fucked up bc they know that's just how i am and they signed up for that in having a relationship with me
#house md#i would like to stop being sat down and told i am fucking things up#kind of makes me hate myself and also never speak to anyone ever#yknow just sort of hurts when someone is basically like that was really inappropriate and embarrassing and u should know better#like yeah i should but if the way i am is bothering u like. tell me then. not 3 days later when ive done it like 5 more times wtf#and then be like no ur not weird why would u think that#anyways#this definitely isn't referencing anything in particular that happened like maybe wednesday or something w girl im dating#she makes me feel sooo autistic never had a relationship w someone that made me feel this fucked up lol#this is totally a house post definitely
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Our Love is Enough
Summary: You’re Tengen’s fourth wife. You pass out because you haven’t been eating and Tengen finds out. Furious, he confronts and later, confronts your bullies.
~*~
You woke up with a start. How long have you been asleep? God, you were so behind on your chores. You threw the blanket off you and were about to stand up when a wave of dizziness hit you. You sat back down, holding your head. This headache was still driving you nuts. How could you do your wifely duties while your head hurt?
“Ah, I see you’re awake,”
Damnit, someone needed to put a bell on Shinobu. How long had she been in the room?
“Yes, I am. How long have I been asleep?”
“Asleep?” Shinobu cocked her head. “Y/N, you passed out. You suddenly collapsed while making dinner for your husband and your wives.”
Oh no.
Your dizzy spells had been worsening, but you managed to hide them. When you passed out, you could always tell. Why had this one been so bad? Oh, and Tengen saw it! Tengen probably went ballistic; he was so protective of his wives. Suma was also so sensitive; she hated seeing people she loved hurt. God, this was such a mess.
“Y/N, how long were you planning on not eating?” Shinobu asked.
You didn’t say anything for a second. There was no way Shinobu hadn’t realized what was going on. While she wasn’t the strongest Hashria but she was brilliant. There was no one smarter than her.
“It was only three days,” You managed to answer.
“Oh, that’s fine. You only starved your body of nutrients needed to survive and caused yourself to pass out,” Shinobu’s voice had a bite to it. “Not only did you worry Tengen and your sweet wives, but you didn’t even think of poor little Zenistu.”
Shinobu was good at making your feel guilty. Granted, she was right. Zenistu had found out about you not eating; he heard your stomach rumbling. You explained and begged him not to say anything when he asked why. The secret was probably eating him up inside. Sweet Zenistu had always been so kind to you, partly because he had an obvious crush on you. What a terrible person you were to take advantage of him.
“I—-I—-” Your voice wavered. “I was trying to lose weight so I wouldn’t embarrass Tengen and the others.”
The first tear slid down your face.
“What?” Shinobu asked.
“Look at me!” You shouted. “My body is so unappealing compared to Suma, Makio, and Hinatsuru’s. I’m a fat tub of lard who doesn’t deserve four loving spouses! Tengen would be better off without me anyways!”
Tears begin to fall, and you hide your face, sobbing. All you had wanted was to be a beautiful wife to Tengen and your three wives. Now, you had failed. You had failed completely. They would never accept you back. What were you going to do? Where would you live? The idea of them rejecting you was worse than death in your eyes.
Shinbou grabbed your hair and slapped you across the face.
“That is enough! Y/N, I’ll poison you if you ever speak about yourself like this again!” She said. “How could you doubt Tengen’s love? Do you think he’s so cruel?”
“No, but—”
“While I think four wives is too many, there is no doubt in my mind that Tengen adores you,” Shinobu continued. “I remember when he came to me, asking for advice.”
“He came to you? Why?”
“He said it had been long since he courted anyone. He was nervous.”
“Nervous,” You deadpanned. “Tengen Uzui, the god of festivals, was nervous?”
“I know, I can barely believe it myself, but Tengen was enamored with you. And your wives? Oh, they were beside themselves. Didn’t you notice how Suma would always follow you around?”
The memory brought a smile to your face. Before marrying Uzui and your wives, you were a nurse at the Butterfly Mansion. When you met Uzui, you didn’t think much of his flirting. How come could someone like him be interested in a fatty like you? Then, you met Suma, Makio, and Hina. They were each beautiful in their own way, and you weren’t shocked when Tengen revealed he was married to all three of them.
What was shocking was all four of them had taken an interest in you. Suma would show up at the butterfly mansion and just trail after you. Even though she was squeamish around blood and broken bones, she never stopped following after you. Makio had been a bit more awkward, coming off as mean when she interacted with you. Your sweetness had won her over; that she what she told you. Whenever Makio showed up, you always smiled at her no matter what she said.
Hina was much more subtle, but you had caught her blushing a few times. When you asked why, she brushed it off, but eventually, you noticed her staring. You were naive at the time; you hadn’t dated much. Being a bigger woman meant a smaller dating pool. You didn’t pick up on these clues until Tengen came to you with a massive bouquet of flowers. It was filled with some of the most beautiful and unique flowers I had ever seen.
“Oh, those are beautiful, Tengen,” You said with a smile. “Shinobu will love them.”
“These aren’t for Kocho-san,” He said.
“Really? I thought they were a gift to thank you for constantly patching you,” You teased.
“It’s true; she has been a great help in keeping me in tip-top shape,” Tengen said. “But these are you for.”
That made you freeze. Was this a joke? No one had ever given you flowers. Well, your father had, but that didn’t count. You looked at him, searching for a bit of malice in his smile. No, that smile was genuine. Tengen wasn’t a person to lie; he was always honest about his desires.
“For me?” You looked at the flowers. “But wouldn’t this be something you give to some you want to court?”
“Oh, so you’re finally catching on,” Tengen handed you the flowers. “Y/N, my wives have been begging me to ask you a crucial question. It’s not a question I ask just anyone. Y/N, would you allow us the honor of courting you?”
The world had gone still at that moment. You were speechless for an eternity before you squeaked out a small ‘yes.’
“Wait, did you suggest the bouquet he gave me?” You asked Shinobu.
“I did,” Shinobu giggled. “He didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked, so he decided to get that big one, full of different ones. He was nervous even then. I had to push him into the mansion to get him going.”
This news was shocking. Tengen was the most confident man you knew. No one could even come close to Tengen’s bravado. He saw himself as a god and declared he was flashy constantly. But he had been nervous about courting you? That seemed impossible. It drove people crazy, but you personally found it charming. You wished you had at least a fraction of his confidence.
Your conversation was interrupted when the door flew open. There stood your husband, panting and slightly sweaty. Oh, you were in for it. He was going to be so mad at you. He made his way toward your bed and then grabbed your face.
“Are you alright?” He asked.
“Um—yes?”
“There are no bruises from the fall? Did you hit your head? What about a fracture?” He turned to Shinobu. “I want you to run as many tests as you can. What if she contracted a deadly disease?”
“Um–Tengen?”
“When she fell, she fell hard! Was there any bleeding?”
“Tengen?”
“Do we need to contact any other doctors?”
“TENGEN!” You managed to shout. “Tengen, I’m fine. I just passed out.”
“Yes, because you weren’t eating,” Tengen said.
Great, he knew. Zenistu had probably told him. You winced as he gave you what was known as the ‘Husband Stare.’ He was angry.
“It’s no big deal, I just—-”
“No big deal?” Tengen repeated. “No big deal? No big deal!? You PASSED OUT! You could have been injured when you fell!”
“But I wasn’t,” You tried to interrupt.
“And do you know what starving yourself does? That is not flashy! It thins out your hair, and your complexion becomes dull. I will not allow it!”
“I just–I was trying to lose weight. I thought it’d be faster this way,” You admitted. “I don’t want you to be embarrassed by me.”
“Embarrassed? Why would I be embarrassed by you?”
“Tengen, you’re so muscular and toned, while our wives have perfect waists. All of you are so perfect, and then there is me. I’m not even close to being on your level.”
“Who says?” Tengen asked. “Wait, were those assholes in town?”
“I—wait, you know?”
“Of course, I know. The blonde hair wimp told me. He was worried about you and used his hearing to figure out someone in town had been harassing you. Beloved, I don’t care what others think. It’s their fault for not seeing how brilliant and flashy you are. I’m also hurt. Do you think I’d leave you just because you’re not skinny?”
“Tengen,” You sniffled. “I—I’m sorry, I just got scared. You’re the best thing to happen to me, and I love our wives too. I’m just always afraid of losing this wonderful life.”
“Why?” Tengen asked, caressing your face. “Suma, Hina and Makio love you. I love you. Can’t our love be enough? The rest of the world can be stupid and not see your greatness, but you never have to worry about our love.”
“Oh, Tengen!” You hugged him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean you scare you or our wives. I love you all so much!”
“Please, don’t starve yourself to fit in. You don’t have to,” Tengen squeezed you. “Let’s go home.”
“Wait,” You looked over at Shinobu. “Shinobu, I want to thank you. Not just for your help but for talking to me.”
“You’re welcome. Normally, I’d recommend you stay in bed, but I have a feeling Uzui won’t listen to me,” Shinobu sighed.
“You’d be right,” Uzui said.
Uzui picked you up effortlessly. You squealed, wrapping your arms around his neck.
“I can walk!” You protested.
“The girls don’t want to be away from her,” Uzui continued. “Thank you for your help Kocho!”
“Tengen, I can walk!” You said again.
“Walking is for those who are unflashy,” He said, carrying you out of the mansion.
“Y/N, YOU’RE OKAY!”
Suma started bawling upon seeing you. The entire way back home, Uzui refused to put you down. When you entered the house, the wives all came running to greet you. Tengen put you down, and immediately, you were swarmed by the three women.
“I thought you were going to die!” Suma wailed. “You passed out, and it was so scary!”
“Stop smothering her; you’ll get snot all over her!” Makio said. “Y/N, don’t you ever do that to us again! You almost gave me a heart attack!”
“I’m sorry, Makio, Suma,” You said. “I wasn’t thinking.”
Your stomach growled loudly, interrupting the sweet moment.
“I had a feeling you’d be hungry,” Hinatsuru chuckled. “We prepared a special dinner.”
“Would there be any tempura?” You asked, hopefully.
“Of course,” Hinatsuru said.
“Yes! I love your cooking, Hina!” You hugged her.
“Hey, where is my hug?” Suma asked.
Tengen smiled as he watched his happy wives. It was chaos, but god, did he love it. People usually enjoyed silence and stillness but not Tengen. He wanted his house to be loud, filled with laughter and love. As the girls ushered Y/N into the dining room, Tengen slipped away. He was going to join them, but he had something else he needed to attend to.
Quietly as he could, he took off towards town. He reached the local bar; outside stood Zenistu.
“Are they in there?” Tengen asked.
“Yes,” Zenistu said through gritted teeth. “Once you’re done with me, I want to a turn! Those slimeballs insult Miss Y/N’s beauty! They’re going to pay.”
Tengen chuckled; Zenistu was many things, but he didn’t take people disrespecting women. It was flashy. Zenistu entered the bar and pointed towards a rowdy group sitting at a table. Tengen nodded as he marched towards them. He stopped before the group, waiting for them to notice him. A sloppily, dull man with greasy hair looked at him, unimpressed. It took them a minute.
“Can we help you?” One of them asked.
Tengen responded with a hand around the man’s neck. Without breaking a sweat, he threw the offender over an empty table. It shattered, and bar patrons took notice. The man gasped for air but had little time to breathe as Tengen picked him up by the feet.
“Daichi!” Someone yelled. “Hey, put him down!”
Tengen turned to look at the rest of the group. The rest of them froze as he gave them a cold, heartless stare. These were the people who harassed his wife; they had no rights. He dropped Daichi and strode over to the table.
“Which one of you said it?” He asked his voice low.
“S-said what?” One of them gulped.
“Which one of you called my wife a cow?” He asked. “Don’t act like you don’t know. Y/N Uzui, she comes to town frequently, and I was told that you unflashy lot are the ones who demeaned her. So who said it?”
The rest of the table was silent, giving each other glances. Tengen’s patience was wearing thin. He took his blades on and stabbed the table.
“It was Shouji!” Daichi managed, pointing at a man in a green kimono. “He was the one who started it! He even said she looked like a whale!”
“It’s true! He even oinked at her like a pig!” Another added.
“Seriously?” Shouji said. “Okay, so I called the fatty a cow! So—”
Tengen grabbed Shouji by the neck. Shouji started gagging, but Tengen didn’t let go. Instead, he left the bar with Shouji in hand. He passed by Zenistu and merely nodded. The yellow-haired boy returned the nod and ran into the bar. He could hear the young boy screaming up a storm, defending Y/N. Shouji kept trying to breathe, but Tengen ignored him.
Using his training, he jumped up into the air and landed on a building. No, it wasn’t high enough. Looking around, he saw a tower. Ah, that was perfect. He ran towards it, never releasing his grip. Tengen jumped up and ran up the building when he got close enough. When he reached the top, he held Shouji over the edge.
“Please, please don’t drop me!” He begged.
“Oh, I’m not going to drop you,” Tengen said with a twisted grin. “But you are going to suffer. I’m also going to make something clear. Don’t you ever interact with my wife again? Don’t look at her, don’t think about her, don’t even mention her name. Got it?”
Shouji nodded. Tengen brought him away from the edge and set him down. He got a kunai and held it against the other man’s throat.
“Get undressed, now,”
Shouji complied. Once he was down to his underwear, Tengen threw rope toward the man.
“Tie your arms up,” He said. “Hurry it up.”
Once again, Shouji obeyed. Once he was tied, Tengen grabbed the rest of the rope. He tied it firmly to the railing and then grabbed Shouji. Shouji started to beg for mercy, but it fell on deaf ears. Tengen tossed Shouji over the edge and watched as the man wailed. He hung there, naked and terrified. Tengen felt satisfied and decided to head back to his wives.
“Wow, you even made ramen? Just for me?” Y/N said.
“Of course! I even added extra pork,” Hinasturu said.
“Hina, you’re the best!” Y/N said.
“Hey, what about us? We helped you know,” Makio grumbled, crossing her arms.
Y/N laughed and gave Makio a kiss on the cheek. Makio tried to hide her face, but she was apparently smiling.
“I want a kiss too!” Suma pouted. “I was the one who made the dango!”
“There is dango for dessert? Hooray!”
Y/N pulled Suma forward and showered her with kisses.
“Hey, no fair!” Makio said.
Tengen managed to sneak back into the kitchen without his wife noticing. He laughed heartily, seeing Makio and Suma fighting over Y/N’s affections. Y/N noticed Tengen, and she got up to run to him.
“You’ll miss out if you don’t come and sit! If you don’t, I’ll eat all of it!” Y/N teased.
“Now this?” Tengen tickled her chin. “This is what I like to see. I like to see my Y/N happy and silly like she normally is. No more starving yourself?”
“Nope!” She said. “Now come on, sit down!”
Tengen sat down with his wives. He smiled as he looked down at his spouse. Y/N was feeding Suma a dumpling while Hinastru cleaned something off Makio’s face. Makio was blushing, trying to avoid Hina’s look. This was his perfect little family; he’d do anything to protect them.
#Rooty Writes#Demon Slayer#Demon Slayer: Kimestu no Yaiba#Uzui Tengen#Uzui Tengen x Reader#Suma Uzui#Makio Uzui#Hinatsuru Uzui#Uzui Tengen x Suma x Makio x Hinatsuru#polyamory
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tìngay
tìngay [English] n. truth
Anonymous Request: Metkaniya reader and Neteyam are friends with benefits but Neteyam is in love with them and wants so much more but is afraid to speak up because he fears that by doing so he’ll lose them.
So the situation hurts him a lot and he cries sometimes at night and one night he’s caught by a family member and they manage to give him some advice. Your choice of end please!
Neteyam has you - but only partly. He'd do almost anything to have you completely.
Adult Neteyam. 1,576 words.
As always, when Neteyam leaves Y/N's pod, a familiar feeling sinks into his chest, where it will stay until he sees her again.
It's an odd mix of joy, satisfaction, dread, sickness, and fear. It does not feel good.
It took him a while to figure out why he felt this way. Y/N was only ever kind to him, only ever excited to see him but... something was missing. It felt as if your relationship existed only in secret, under the cover of night, as if Y/N was ashamed of him or maybe, didn't take it seriously.
Meanwhile, he was absolutely desperate for her. She consumed his every waking thought, making it nearly impossible for him to focus on anything except the next time he might see her.
It didn't feel as if she was feeling the same... or if she was, she was much better at hiding it.
Either way, Neteyam was left alone most nights, forcing the tears not to fall as he thought of her, completely fine without him.
He almost hated himself for it, but he could never hate her.
--
Standing at the entrance of my pod, I watched as Neteyam walked away. When he glanced back, I slunk into the shadows so that he couldn't see me watching him leave.
I watched him leave every time he went, wishing that he would stay, but too afraid to ask. Instead, I pushed him out the door, before I started crying in front of him.
I was a fool to fall in love with Neteyam Sully. He was the son of Taruk Makto, and his presence here was probably temporary. It was also very obvious that he wasn't interested in anything serious, and was only wanting to relieve some stress; he'd said as much when he'd proposed the us of you have some 'fun' together.
That had been months ago, and he'd never addressed it again - so I knew, his feelings hadn't changed. Sometimes I felt used by him, but then there were moments, when he would hold me, or brush my hair out of my face, that I would feel so cherished and loved.
But I didn't allow myself to believe it, because I was being foolish enough already, carrying on like this.
I had to let him go.
--
Neteyam wiped his eyes and rolled over to look up at the stars, trying to calm his breathing, but he was too upset. Instead of laying there with his family, he got up and exited their pod, heading down to the beach.
He didn't know he was being followed until it was too late.
"Neteyam? What's wrong?"
He supposed, if anyone had to catch him in a vulnerable moment, he would prefer it was Kiri.
Sick of holding it all in, he pulled Kiri in for a hug, and she responded immediately, placing her arms around him and pulling her brother in tight.
"Neteyam, are you okay?" she asked, her voice thick with concern. "Is it Y/N?"
Neteyam stood back, shocked. He hadn't ever spoken of Y/N around his family.
"Oh, don't look so surprised. You think we don't notice how you look at each other?"
Neteyam shook his head. "Bah, she doesn't... she feels..."
Kiri rolled her eyes. "You are in love with her, and you haven't told her. Why not?" She reached up, and wiped her older brother's eyes free of tears. Seeing him in pain was hard for her, but she couldn't help but think it might be his own fault. She loved and respected her brother, but didn't imagine he was very good at romance.
"She doesn't feel the same. Every time I see her, she practically rushes me away at the end of the... date. And when we're around other people, she avoids me."
Kiri crossed her arms and thought for a moment. "Have you just, asked her? You're both adults. Have you talked about it? Because you can't go on like this, Neteyam. It's eating you alive."
"I don't know what to say."
"Tell her how you feel. If she doesn't feel the same, you can move on. Go tell her now - while it's fresh."
Kiri reached out, giving her brother a gentle shove. A panicked look crossed his face.
"Do you want to just suffer forever?"
"If I tell her, and she doesn't feel the same, I could lose her entirely. What if suffering like this is better than not having her at all?"
Kiri pushed him again. "That isn't healthy. Go. Now."
Neteyam sighed, and took off towards Y/N's pod.
--
The moonlight was so clear that night, reflecting beautifully off the water, and I couldn't sleep anyway, so I had made my way down to the beach to dip my toes in and try to relax, just a little.
Tomorrow, I would tell Neteyam that it was too hard and I couldn't see him anymore.
Tonight, I could relish the way his touch felt, remember all the times we'd spent together, and try to smile before it was gone forever.
Splashing to the right alerted me that I wasn't the only one out late. A tall figure approached, and I squinted as they got closer and closer.
Neteyam.
Oh, no. If he was here now, I would have to tell him now.
I pulled my shawl tightly around my shoulders and took a few steps back as he got closer. My breathing was coming erratically now, my hands starting to shake.
"Y/N," Neteyam said, his smile nervous, when he finally reached me. "What are you doing out here?"
I shrugged. "Couldn't sleep. Needed, uh, to think."
Neteyam nodded. "Me too. We must talk."
"Yes, I think so." I reached out my hand and he took it, and I lead him back to my pod.
I wasn't sure whether to sit or stand once we arrived, so I followed Neteyam's lead.
"You, uh, first," Neteyam said nervously.
"Oh." I gripped the edges of my shawl, and took a very long, deep breath. If I didn't calm down, I was going to cry as I spoke, and I could not imagine anything more embarrassing. "Neteyam, I don't think we should see each other anymore. I know you said you just wanted, well, something fun but I, that no longer works for me."
Neteyam stood stiff as a board before me, his eyebrows furrowed, lips pursed, ears lowered. "Why not?"
I put my hand over my face as the hot tears gathered in my eyes, and my chest burned with sadness. A lump rose in my throat, making it hard to speak.
"I feel... more. I feel more for you. It pains me, to only see you once in a while, to not hold your hand or swim with you, to not... be yours." My voice was broken, and the tears fell as I spoke, though I tried to wipe them as quickly as they came.
Neteyam stood at me, mouth open, and I wanted to sink into the ocean and never rise again.
--
Neteyam could not believe what he was hearing. She wanted to break up with him... because she liked him?
Seeing the tears fall from her eyes made him ashamed of himself. All of this time, she wanted to be with him, truly with him, and had felt as if that wasn't what he wanted?
How had he failed her so miserably to allow her to get this upset?
He stepped forward, and pulled her hand away from her face as she wiped away her tears.
"I came here to tonight to confess that I am in love with you, Y/N, and that it has been paining me that I thought you did not feel the same."
She took in a small gasp, her eyes wide. "What? Neteyam!" She sounded almost mad, which made him want to laugh, even though he knew it wasn't the time.
"I would be honored to call you mine. To ride together with you every day, to make a home with you, to bring you to meet my family. I am in love with you."
He thought she would stop crying, but to his horror, she began crying even harder, her chest heaving up and down with sobs as tears poured down her face.
"Shit," he hissed, and he pulled her against his chest. "Don't try. This is good news, isn't it?"
She laughed, and he felt only a little relief. "Yes! I just feel, I feel like we are both really stupid."
He had to laugh along with her. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
She stood up, and they smiled at each other, smiles so wide that their cheeks might start to ache.
"I love you, too, Neteyam. I'm so sorry I made you feel like I didn't. I have loved you since I first met you."
He caressed her soft, wet cheek, and she leaned gently into his palm.
"Let us be honest with each other, from this moment on. Let us always tell each other the truth," she said, and she placed a kiss on his open palm.
He felt such a pride and relief in his chest, he thought he might burst into tears next.
"And you must let me tell you every day, how much I love you," he replied.
She smiled once more. "So long as it is the truth."
Neteyam knew it always would be.
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Drabble request: Robert Fischer and his assistant maybe??<3 maybe Roberts always been lukewarm to her bcuz he likes her and is scared to admit it but tonight’s the night he builds up the courage to ask her to dinner ?:-)))
“are you asking me out?” — robert fischer x reader
you think your boss hates you, but really he just has a question that he’s too nervous to ask.
word count: 723
contains: fluff, nervous robert, assistant!reader
note: this is a drabble so it’s a bit shorter than my other works! feel free to request a drabble for any cillian character this evening :)
“He fucking hates me,” you buried your head into your hands dramatically as you sat across from your friend on your lunch break. “I love the guy and he can’t stand me.”
As Robert Fischer’s assistant, you spent a lot of time with the man. Sometimes you provided business expertise, sometimes you scheduled meetings, and sometimes you got him coffee (he took it black in the morning but in the afternoons he liked a dash of cream). But through all of that, he still felt like a mystery to you. He never talked about anything with you other than work and it was hard for you to pick up on a any sort of warmth when he was around you. One thing you knew for sure, though, was that he was gorgeous.
“He doesn’t hate you,” your friend assured you. “He’s just….a professional.”
“A professional at making me feel like shit,” you mumbled. “I hate having a crush.”
“Well, he might actually hate you if you don’t get back to work soon. You’re gonna be late.”
You checked your watch, realizing that your friend was right. It wasn’t uncommon for you to get caught up in conversation during your lunch hour, especially if the conversation was about Robert.
“Fuck, you’re right,” you sighed. “I’ll see you later, okay? We’ll grab a drink, I promise.”
Upon arriving back at the office, you found Robert lingering by your desk which was an odd sight considering the fact that most of the time he spent all of his time locked away in his office.
“Mr. Fischer?” you asked. “Is….everything okay?”
He looked a bit startled to see you as he met your gaze.
“Y-yes, I’m sorry, I— wasn’t expecting you back so soon.”
You looked at him before looking at your watch again.
“My lunch ended 10 minutes ago.”
He ran his hand through his hair, as he paced back and forth. He clearly had something on his mind.
“Right, yes.”
“Robert…” you lowered your voice. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
Part of you suspected cocaine. It wasn’t uncommon in the business world and that would explain the sudden behavioral change.
“Can I…” he sat down in your desk chair. “Can I talk to you about something?”
And now you suspected that you were being laid off. Great.
“S-sure….what….what is it?”
He took a deep breath before he started to speak, looking around first almost as if he didn’t want anyone to be around for what he had to say.
“You….if I’m being completely honest….are the best assistant I’ve ever had. You’re so on top of everything you do and sometimes I feel like you know me better than I do.”
You smile softly, happy to receive the compliments but ultimately unsure where he’s headed with this.
“Thank you, Mr. Fischer…that means a lot.”
He nodded, trying to think of the best way to phrase what he had to say next.
“And…I admire your intelligence so much but you’re also so beautiful. And kind. And…I- I want to know you better. Recently I found myself thinking about you outside of work and I realized that….I don’t know anything about you outside of our professional relationship. And I’ve always wanted to know more, I just, I don’t know….I guess I was too nervous to ask—“
“Robert,” you interrupted. “Are you asking me out?”
He looked at you for a minute, feeling both incredibly embarrassed and incredibly flustered.
“Y-yes…I-I’d like it if you’d have dinner with me. If you want, of course. I don’t want you to do this because I’m your boss or you feel like you need to. I just….I wanted to see if that’s what you wanted.”
You smiled warmly, attempting to calm his nerves.
“I’d love nothing more.”
He grinned upon hearing your response and you swore you could see his nerves completely wash away from him. A relieved chuckle escaped his lips.
“You have no idea how long I’ve been agonizing over asking you that.”
You circled around your desk to sit down on his lap, acceptable office PDA be dammed, planting a soft kiss on his cheek as you did so.
“And you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to ask.”
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your oscar primer was absolutely brilliant, thank you so much for posting it!! well-researched, well-written, and a good balance of educational and hilarious. if you want to share, i’d be very interested in reading any of the parts you mentioned that you cut out, like george-admiring, oscar’s psyche, etc, but no pressure ofc 🫶
omg no thank you so much for your kind words, i appreciate it a lot!!! :D andddd let me see... honestly i was just going to add a few more quotes & anecdotes from other people about his personality but i ended up incorporating most of them into the primer (e.g. mark's), but in general i think it's really charming how Every Single Adult who has ever worked with oscar throughout the years is so deeply and immediately convinced of his maturity. i did work in most of this old ask but it has a few extra quotes in there from mclaren personnel! anyway more below the cut:
i guess really the thing to Me about oscar is like...... idk if this makes any sense but i personally love how he's naturally a really gracious and diplomatic person but is also deeeeeply self-assured and objective, which on one hand means he presents as quite humble when he doesn't make excuses for himself or get caught up in deceptively high results, but on the other also means he refuses to give anyone else credit for his own success; if you remember me briefly mentioning prematax in that post he talks about it in the f1fs pod where he basically goes i didn't win because of PREMA, in fact i've NEVER LOST TO A TEAMMATE, SO. like any racing driver that is def a big source of pride for him, and i think it speaks to the "silent killer" (per lando) side to him, the guy who mark says "falls asleep" when hearing stories of his (championless) career, who said that he supported mark out of national obligation growing up but—let us not forget—vettel was the one winning everything back then anyway, who says he put even more pressure on himself to win his final race in f2 despite having clinched the title 2 races prior because he felt the innate urge to prove that he wouldn't simply ease off the gas pedal and still had it in himself to subjugate the field one last time.
along these lines oomf and i have discussed before how he and alex rank similarly on the kind/nice dichotomy in a way that is slightly diametric to lando, wherein he is always willing to offer tidy bits of sympathy for someone else's struggles but doesn't ever really envision any of them as relevant to his own experiences, because getting caught up in that "external noise" would be a waste of time (even with logan in the f3 finale it was honestly kind of like "aw man that sucks, i'd hate for it to be me... ANYWAY"). like not to maybe exaggerate his interiority but i enjoy that he carries an amount of hidden tension that he obviously consciously decides to not take reactionary measures over—though that doesn't mean it isn't there, it's just very well regulated (unrelated but he does actually work with mental coach emma murray, who also works with scott mclaughlin and whom he says helped him center himself at the end of his eurocup season). but he's still very... unfiltered about when he's been disrespected in an unperturbed, straightforward manner, like saying otmar confronting him on the sim over being promoted to the seat was "bizarre and frankly upsetting," the face he made when he was told they'd overtaken alpine in the standings in 2023, telling the kids in that hp tuners interview that the renault engineers treated his first f1 test too nonchalantly, etc. 😭 like every interview back when he was a reserve driver was soooo "i'm gracious about being stuck in this role but also i've proven myself way too much to Not Hate This Compromise and i'll be pissed as hell if i don't get a seat next year"... i'll stop here but basically he is truly a master of balancing gritted-teeth conviction with his tactical charm and it is one of my fav things ever about him!!!
also another quote i love is this one from david sera about his driving style, because 1) i love the correlation between it and his personality/calmness, 2) i'm obsessed with the dynamic of his early rc days helping nurture a style of "finesse" in his driving throughout his junior career that may not have appeared naturally if he'd only begun racing in karting (and subsequently how he had to learn to not get "muscled around" after moving to europe), and 3) of course as a noted jb22 appreciator i love when people note similarities in his inputs to jb because it is delicious to ME:
Coming from a remote control car background where concentration, finesse and smooth inputs, these were the traits we saw in Oscar in the cadet category. [...] You would often see other drivers have an advantage in the early part of the race, driving more aggressively, but Oscar had a more calm approach.
c__c but back to the first part of the ask and our good friend russell jorge, i'm mostly obsessed with oscar's reactions to his performance at the rollercoaster that was spa 2021 and the fact that he's been so vocally appreciate of george "outperforming" the car he was in. the 2 instances of the word HERO on his twitter:
and then this quote in an interview he did in 2022:
"[Success] is definitely not just defined by just world championships, and if you can outperform the car that you're in—I think George Russell has been a very fine example of that in years previous, you know, constantly getting the most out of that Williams and of course Spa. (laughs) Bit controversial, but he got a podium at the end of the day! And even without that, he qualified second, he outqualified everyone except Max in a Williams, which, you know, is an unbelievable result."
also george being the only f1 driver (i think) to tweet him for his f2 title :saluting_face:
AND ALSO THEM SHARING THE ANECDOTE OF THEIR AWKWARD FIRST MEETING ON THE FAST & CURIOUS POD??? aka oscar was told in his april 2023 ep that they were going to interview george next and he was like oh ok you can ask him about our "slightly left-field introduction," and then they had george on who was like oh yeah i met oscar for the first time washing our hands together in the bathroom on our way to the ausgp in 2020 😭 what a way to meet.
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PART 4 Intertwined with a mortal
Ascended Vampire Duke!Astarion x human!reader
Slight alpha Duke!Wyll x reader
Bridgerton x Astarion 👍🏻
Warnings: Olden times, swearing, age gap, tension, slow burn, vampire Mates, vampire things, angst, sexual, harassment, bigger reader, fat shaming, 18+, angst, Astarions trauma, anxiety, depression, learning to touch and love, big dislike for children lmao, AOB, artist reader, manipulation, jealousy
Previous part <-
I love Wyll so much he’s so precious and when I rejected him I cried 😭 I need some Wyll storys.
This feeling was horrible. You stayed in bed even when the servants tried to wake you up, you barely left your room and the thought of the social season festive was out the window along with your so called ‘will’ to find a husband. The next party wasn’t for another week thankfully, in all honesty you didn’t know if you even wanted to continue this season. Your routine lie in was interrupted, by your mother urging you to get dressed promptly and forcing you down stairs. You groaned at her and huffed before you saw a guest in your living room. Duke Ravengard stood there a smile on his face some flowers in his hand.
“Duke Ravengard” you said surprised putting on your ‘lady’ act again.
“Morning Milady, I fear we never got to speak” he said as your mum took the flowers and ushered you both to sit. You sat down staring at your hands in your lap as the duke sat by you. You tried not to breathe, tried not to look him in the eyes.
“If I’ve made you uncomfortable I can leave-“ he said worried and you froze snapping your head up.
“No, no gods no, I’m so sorry-“ you sighed remembering to breathe.
“Not exactly very lady like currently” you cursed yourself silently, an alpha duke! had come to see you, why were you feeling so down?
“You don’t have act lady like at all” he chuckled and you looked to him, he held a kind smile and kind eyes.
“You’re very sweet” you smiled.
“I’m afraid this season is starting out terrible” you sighed feeling at ease with him despite the guilt you held.
“Gaining the attention of Duke Ancunin is definitely going to set things into motion, bad or good” he said and you nodded, he had no idea.
“Well I can assure you that duke Ancunin is merely toying, I don’t know why, some cruel game maybe” you gulped slightly fiddling with your fingers. Before your mother called you out on it and you jumped.
“I’m not myself my Duke, perhaps you’d like to come back?” You said.
“If that’s what you wish” he nodded and you felt your heart drop at the sadness in his features.
“Please stay Duke Ravengard” your mother piped up before your father huffed at her.
“I’ll come by tomorrow I promise, see how you’re faring then” he stood as did you and you felt like someone punched you, but you also felt relief. The duke looked to you and grabbed your hand softly, pressing a gently kiss to the back of it before he smiled and left. You stood flushed before going to your room quickly so you didn’t have to speak to your parents. Jen came by later, she surprised you in your room while you were sketching aimlessly in your book.
“Goodness, where’s the light in here?” She said opening your curtains while you groaned at her.
“Selune guide me, what on earth has happened to you?” She said sitting down on your bed as you lazed.
“I’m feeling” you said and she tsked.
“Feeling too much apparently come over here” she demanded and you whined, but listened to the alpha as she shuffled back and laid against your pillows beckoning you to her lap. You laid your head down in her lap and stared at the ceiling as she detangled your hand.
“Now, what ever is the matter?” She asked and you hesitated.
“It’s Duke Ancunin isn’t it?” She said and you nodded making her sigh.
“I don’t know what his game is, you need to ignore him, he’s no good” she said and you sagged more.
“I hated dancing with anyone else, I long for him, I barley know him! When we dance it feels easy like where destined or something” you rambled.
“Duke Ravengard came by today and I was disappointed” you sad clenching your jaw lightly.
“Because it wasn’t Duke Ancunin?” Jen asked and you nodded.
“He’s such a sweet alpha, perfect, high stats, kind soul” you sighed.
“But he’s not Duke Ancunin” Jen finished and you groaned.
“I run off from him, I tell myself not to like him, he’s bad news” you sighed.
“He- he kissed me” you mumbled and she gasped.
“Please gods don’t tell anyone!” You said sitting up and begging.
“I ran to the garden last party I needed air and space, he followed me, told me things then kissed me, I pushed him away though I swear!” You felt tears down your cheeks as Jen brought you back to her embrace and hushed you.
“I don’t even know the man and he’s ruining my life” you cried. You both stayed silent for awhile, before you lifted yourself off the alpha.
“Duke Ravengards coming by tomorrow” you said.
“I’ll be presentable, a prefect lady and potential mate” you said numbly and Jen sighed sadly.
True to his word the duke returned, more flowers in hand representing new passion and friendship. You put on an act, gave your best smiles and laughs as you talked, all the while a burning rock sat in your stomach. The duke came over once a day, the more you got to know the more it hurt. You were out and about in his carriage just the two of you with the carriage men.
“Are you alright?” The duke asked and you smiled nodding eyes looking out the window.
“I don’t mean this rudely lady Y/n, but I feel as if this is an act” he said and you looked to him confused, but feeling guilt and concern in your gut.
“When I first visited you, you were yourself, you’re a very feeling person, not afraid of her emotions on display, has your parents said something to you? To make you act this way? As I said I do not mind the real you, it shows character” he spoke sweetly and honestly and you wanted to cry.
“I’m sorry” you said biting the inside of your cheek and looking away as you furiously blinked your tears away.
“Gods don’t be sorry, just tell me what’s happening” he held your hand in comfort.
“If I was myself I’d never find a husband” you scoffed lightly wiping your eyes with your tissue from your satchel.
“Says who?” He asked.
“Says society!” You sighed.
“I’m am distort and the last party’s I-“ you struggled with words.
“Duke Ancunin” he said sitting back slightly as more tears spilled, you’ve ruined this.
“Wyll you’re lovely, amazing, anything a mate could ask for” you let go of his hand, wanting to force yourself away.
“I don’t understand any of this” you said cursing yourself softly.
“Now I’m cursing in front of a duke” you kicked yourself mentally as you wiped your eyes.
“Perhaps what you need isn’t a mate, you’ve already found him” the dukes smile was hurt, but comforting.
“Perhaps you need a friend” he said holding out his hand for you again. Making you stare at him, he smiled at you, he wasn’t upset or angry, he just held compassion.
“I have two younger half sisters from my step mother, lady’s in our society are so shaded on love and what feelings go through it, what really happens during the social seasons, it baffles me, it leads to this, too many emotions to understand, ruining a lady’s day and night because she doesn’t know what to do” as he spoke you just stared at him, you swore you felt your heart jump and warmth filled you, not the same with Duke Ancunin, but a familiar warmth of family comfort.
“What?” He chuckled lightly.
“Where have you been?” You asked and he laughed giving your hand a squeeze.
“I’m sorry i didn’t come sooner” he said kissing your hand again with a smile.
Wyll told you things, things you were feeling and what they meant and you told him about what you were feeling when you were with Duke Ancunin how torn you were, what you spoke of in your brief moments, excluding the kiss. Wyll told you of what he knew of Duke Ancunin, a wealthy man with a good eye for exotic trade which is how he kept his wealth. Duke Ancunin was secretive though and like yourself Wyll noticed his perfectness to be too perfect, he sensed it was perhaps hidden meaning, covering up a bad past or issues he had and wouldn’t face properly, just kept up and act. The duke Ancunin was known for being well a rake, having taken many lovers, but none ever stayed, but what surprised you was that Wyll had never seen the duke dance like he had with you. Like there was something different about you to him. Stranger things too is that he never seemed to age, he’d go years without appearance and not change, perhaps it was his elven nature, but Wyll had his suspicions. There was more to the duke than his practiced smile and coldness.
Next part ->
#astarion x reader#astarion ancunin#wyll ravengard#Karlach#Shadowheart#x reader#aob#Bridgerton inspired#au
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I have things to say
I’ve been thinking for some time now to put this out, but now seems to be a most appropriate time if ever.
Blogging on Tumblr is not a profession, it’s a hobby.
Blogging is about wanting to share your passion with others and enjoying the little community that is built around that shared passion.
No money to be made here folks, well not by me nor any of the blogs I follow or am in touch with.
It’s time consuming and can most definitely be emotionally challenging.
I, for one, when I joined Tumblr late 2020, was unaware of the little community I would discover here. We gather here in this little space we have created, each to themselves, but also through interaction, together, and created this little bubble where we can share our thought and feelings and respect and support each other.
We don’t do this for money, nor fame, nor even appreciation.
But, and I can only speak for myself here, I am no spokesperson for anyone else, I do expect civility and respect and even kindness at the very least. Even when disagreeing.
Words are powerful things.
How you put those words to action is also so important.
You may not think you are disrespecting another or saying something hurtful. Perhaps, because you are saying it from your heart, or because you think that if you aren’t using derogative words, you think what you are saying isn’t hurting, disrespecting or even making another person feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
I don’t expect people to mince words. But I do expect them to be thoughtful of others as they would others be thoughtful of them.
Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself.
I most definitely understand that when you have passionate feelings about an issue you can get carried away. I most definitely have at times. But, I try my best. And if I am out of line and it’s brought to my attention, I will take responsibility for my actions. I am not infallible. I am human.
We are all human.
Owning up to your mistakes is key. Being able to admit you are in the wrong is key. Being willing to listen to other’s opinions is key. Sometimes, who knows, you might even be convinced. I was.
We cannot grow as human beings and be better people, if we are not open to listen and hear other opinions than our own.
I’ve said this in the past, I came from a more conservative background. My life beliefs now as an adult have changed immensely from what they were even in my 20s. And they are still changing, I can tell you that! But, if I wasn’t open to hearing others, weighing their words, without being dismissive, I would have never become the person that I am today.
I am sharing this with you, probably unnecessarily, because I feel that the world would be a much better place, this space of ours will be a much better place, if only we could be open to listening to others without dismissing them. This, I will say once again, being within the limits of respect and civility towards each other, and towards the people we are actually writing about.
You all know JK and JM are my faves, no secret there.
What is it that young intelligent man had to say about what people should have?
Respect
Understanding
Consideration
Three words that are really not that hard to follow.
And in order to be clear and not too vague:
Hating, calling names, disrespect as a whole (these are thing I’ve seen happen and will not accept: mocking one’s gender, looks, weight, colour of skin, religion, ethnicity etc.) and aggressive behavior/writing is unacceptable.
Criticism, calling out perceived bad or problematic behavior is, on the other hand, acceptable.
**Just a thought: If the person you want to call out is within this community, try reaching out to them via DM’s before you post it in public. At times this could be perceived as shaming them and the road from there is definitely downhill. DM’s are a great space to speak openly, privately, without being held to public judgement. Once again, it’s about putting yourself in their shoes.**
This is where the respectful discussion comes into place. Because there will be those who feel differently than yourself, and that’s fine, that’s ok. We need to know how to listen, think it over and sometimes accept the other’s opinion or sometimes not, but at the very least weigh it through and not dismiss them, nor their arguments off hand.
I am far from perfect and I know that I at times have sinned. If someone out there is reading these lines and thinking they were wronged by me, I do apologize. Could have been a bad day, could have been a bad mood, could have been too many annoying anons, could have been just me being an idiot. Like I said, I am far from perfect. Human, just like JK and JM and Tae and Hobi and Suga and RM and Jin are. HUMAN (psst… you see where I’m going there right? I’ll leave the math up to you this time).
Yah – it doesn’t mean you haters that show up in my blog once in a while. You deserved every word of it.
I know I’m babbling here, but I guess I need to get all of this off my chest.
So, where was I?
Ah, yes, our community.
Like I said, it’s built on our little individual personal spaces. This is supposed to be a place where we find a form of joy or contentment, because otherwise, why did we start it all?
And as such, we each have the right to curate our space, build it to our own liking, share what we feel the need to share.
If we want anons on and have the time and patience to answer the onslaught of asks that land in our inbox then great (I can tell you that having my anons on for less than 24 hours leaves me with hundreds of asks in my inbox, including some very nasty shit, as people love to hide behind the screen of anonymity). If we feel that it’s just too much for us and we would rather spend the little spare time that we have doing our blogging on creating content, then so be it.
If we decide to follow blogs we think might be interesting to us or unfollow blogs we feel bring us no pleasure or even cause us displeasure, so be it. I can tell you that I too unfollow blogs, I am sure each and every one of us does.
Personal space, personal decision.
Going to a blogger and calling them out for writing a post about a and not b, well dah, it’s their blog. You feel you need something to be written about b, go write it yourself in your own space.
Calling out a blogger for something they wrote, if you feel is problematic, not in their DMs, but publicly, is A-OK, as long as you are ready for a clap back as to why they or others feel that it is ok and are ready to have that discussion about why maybe, you yourself are wrong. Saying what you think or believe in is grand, but you need to accept the fact that others may think/feel differently than you and will tell you so. Be ready to have a respectful discussion.
Your blog, your beliefs. 100%.
Be respectful towards others beliefs too. Agree to disagree but don’t belittle them or call them names. I can tell you that nothing boils my blood (well almost nothing) more the loose use of the term delulu among ourselves. This is a term that is used widely to describe each and every one of us Jikook supporters, because we are considered out of our minds to believe that JM and JK may be queer and in a romantic relationship with each other. So turning this on another Jikook blogger is just not right in my opinion. It absolutely infuriates me as to how easily it’s thrown at others here, within our Jikook community.
I’m not sure that I’ve said everything I wanted to. You know, I’m not getting any younger, have been writing so much that by now I think I might have forgotten some points I wanted to make. But what can you do? C’est la vie.
I will end by saying that I, for one, consider myself as a JM/JK (Jikook is so much easier to type out) supporter. I believe these two, beautiful both in and out, young men are a long-term couple. I am not a shipper and do not hold shares in the shipping company. If one day they turn around and tell us “hey fuckers, fooled you, it was all fanservice and we ain’t no couple”, or if it turns out that they are no longer together (because let’s be real here for a second, that first scenario is never happening), then so be it. All I want is for them to be happy (not that I don’t want the others to be happy, but I have a very special place in my heart for those two. Maybe because JK reminds me of myself, maybe because they remind me of my daughters, idk the psychological reasons for it, it just is what it is).
I also love ALL of the other members. Be it not the same level as JM and JK (like I said, special place in heart), nor same way as each other. Each and every one of them is different, special in their own way and I love them for it, differently and specially.
All 7 are loved. None are beyond reproach.
Loving someone, in my books, is also being able to call them out when you think they are misbehaving or doing wrong.
I did/do that with my daughters and I will continue to do that here. And that includes you guys too.
And one more thing:
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for reading my content.
Thank you for reaching this far and reading this long winded post.
Thank you for all the love and appreciation you give me.
Love y’all.
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I've written and rewritten this post so many times, and I've debated even posting it at all.
And before we begin: I am not trying to make anyone feel bad, or place blame on anyone. I understand that many of you were manipulated or worse. But this is part of how this jackass and his behavior affected me, so I want to talk about it.
The first time I looked at his blog, it was after the wonderful @shelbydelrey messaged me to warn me that there was a new person in the fandom actively attacking Grace fans. Because I write many Tommy x Grace x OC-centric fics, I was concerned, so I took a peak at his blog to see what was going on.
And I have to say, I have never felt so unwelcome in (at least a part) of a fandom in my life.
Something I haven't seen discussed a ton is just the blatant bullying and misogyny that this man publicly displayed. Post after post of him attacking Grace fans, picking fights, laughing at them, shaming them, hurling insults at them...He'd go out of his way to find content featuring Grace and comment hate on them, and then laugh about it with his followers. And this misogyny wasn't exclusive to Grace, but seemed to spread to other women as well, just based on some of the non-Grace related posts I also saw that he made.
Now, I actually don't give a shit whether people like Grace or not. I personally have a soft spot for her, but I don't expect other people to share in my feelings, and I respect their opinions. Most of the time, if I see a post hating on her, I just keep scrolling.
But this...this really got to me. It was so disheartening to see someone behave in what-- at least to me--was such a blatantly and obviously misogynistic way while being cheered and egged on by a significant part of the fandom. It made me feel so uncomfortable and unwelcome. And considering his popularity and how so many people seemed to see no problem with his behavior, it made me question if I was even welcome in this fandom at all, and several times I considered deleting my blog and my fics and leaving entirely.
I'm not going to lie; it broke my view of this fandom a little bit. I can't begin to describe how saddening it was to see that this behavior was not only accepted, but actively enabled and seemingly practiced by so many. Obviously now I know that there were far more complicated things going on behind the curtain, but at the time, that's what it appeared to me: that an extremely large part of the fandom saw nothing wrong with speaking about women--real or fictional--in horrifically offensive and demeaning ways, and openly bullying those who did not share their views on certain characters/parts of canon.
I became paranoid, even after blocking him, that he or one of his followers would find my blog, and I would be the next target of a barrage of hate and harassment. So I blocked most people I saw associating with him (I've unblocked most of you now). Because it felt like that only way to protect myself. Not only did I not want to ever be associated with the kind of behavior he displayed on his blog, but I also was terrified of getting dogpiled onto by his followers, even for the simple act of having blocked him. I was literally convinced that if my blog was noticed by him or anyone closely associated with him, I would get run out of the fandom. So I chose to remain in my own little bubble of mutuals who I trust, and did not make any significant efforts to reach out to or connect with new people.
Again, this is not me trying to call anyone out except for him. I know many of you--or at least, I hope many of you--did not intend to enable a misogynist monster or a bully. And ultimately he was the one who created this hostile environment, and it is very possible, knowing now that he has a habit of making alternative accounts, that many of his "followers" who showed support for his behavior may have just been him on other accounts, or sending himself asks via anon.
I don't really have a specific point to this post. I just wanted to share these feelings somewhere, I suppose. I hate this man for what he has done to so many of you and this entire community. And for how he made me feel so frightened and unwelcome by huge parts of this fandom.
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#blue life update
- omg omg it has been a long time, hasn’t it?? three months?? i have lost count! but anyway, i’m still pretty busy but a part of me dreads for the kind of normalcy i had before and alsooo like i said it’s fontaine update! i’ve been pretty ia in genshin but writing and reading about them helps me be more active! after all,,, i need them primos for vil and furina i cant LOSE
- anyway actually my past few months had been HECTIC! I had 3 (theater) jobs along with my academics so it was difficult to juggle my time especially during july (ey i just turned 21 yay) where everyday there’s a show happening and i had no sleep, no rest, and definitely no time to even think about others or even myself. but anyway i succeeded! and now i have 70 hours left needed for my ojt hours out of 400!
- i actually started voice acting! i only had one job so far since i had been busy with theater tho but i enjoyed it! would love to voice act for anyone if you’re in need!
- my perspective in acting changed. like DRASTICALLY. idk if i’ve ever opened that here before but i have bad experiences in the past with acting,,, but after working outside of school (for once, finally), i felt some sort of spark inside me light up again,,, (and i may end up being a musical actress soon!)
- also i’m learning how to drive! well, this is my most recent update since i just took the test and passed like this weekend (ik i’m pretty late i’m sorry it’s a solo kid problem along with the fact that i never intended to learn after graduating)
- speaking of graduating,,,, THIS BLUE IS GRADUATING NEXT YEAR!! AAAA JUST ONE TERM LEFT AND I’M FREEEE (at least from uni,,, but i’ll have to work so maybe not totally free)
- i got into hsr! MY GODDD i’m loving it! tho i hate the relics i’ve been farming for 2 straight weeks and i have not got a himeko 5* body relic yet i am crYING
on another note, how have you all been? i missed everyone in here! i’ll make sure to write as soon as i can (with the winning prompt yesterday~) probably after i do my archon quest— I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GONNA SAY BLUE WHY-SORRY I HAD BEEN SO PREOCCUPIED KSKSK
#🎐#blue life update#i missed doing this lmao i was supposed to do this like a day ago but…. i kept forgetting about it ksksks
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Going to probably make myself worlds unpopular here, and get a lot of negative feedback (used to it), but I really have to say something.
However, before I start, lest you accuse me of being Ableist (I'm not. In fact, with my levels of physical disability, to call me Ableist would only prove how little you know me), I want everyone to understand that I've been a disability advocate for a very long time, and that includes ALL types of disabilities.
This isn't some kind of hate rant. In fact, quite the opposite. Consider it a gentle reminder (or as close as I can come to one... sorry, I'm a sarcastic, strange little shit, and I often say things in an effort to be funny that most people misunderstand *shrugs*).
Also, please remember that the same rules always apply to my posts. Whatever I say here is based on how I interpret canon, my own headcanon, my own life experiences, and my own opinions. It is NEVER meant to negate someone else's experiences, or to invalidate their opinions. Please, as you read, keep this caveat in mind.
Okay... Now that we've got all that out of the way...
I've seen a lot of talk about how "Of course Aziraphale / Angel!Crowley are Autistic. That's just how it is, and if you don't accept that, you're an Ableist."
EXCUSE ME? Unless you can point to the specific passage in the book or the specific moment in the show where they say "Aziraphale is Autistic/has Autistic tendencies" or "the starmaker is Autistic and that's why he does what he does" then you can't actually go around calling people names if they don't happen to agree with your personal experience of these characters.
I'm speaking with my authorial hat on, here. If someone read one of my books, and decided to declare themselves the end-all-be-all of authorities on my character(s) and tore other people down as "Ableist", "aphobic", "homophobic", etc just because other people saw something different in one of my characters (and without checking with me, the author, for confirmation), I would be highly annoyed. And since Neil has made a point of saying "if you see a character this way or that, then they are this way or that to you" (I emphasized the last two words for... well... emphasis), that implies that your way of seeing the character(s) is no more or less valid than anyone else's.
Now, I'll admit to being out on a limb in my defense of Aziraphale to the point that I don't think he's the villain he's being painted as, and I'm willing to die on that hill (this is my choice... I'm not conscripting anyone else to die on that hill with me), but my take of that has always been the understanding that it's been repeatedly said by the authors (both of them, to my knowledge) that Good Omens is a love story, and as such, the implication all along has been it's about Crowley and Aziraphale. That would make Aziraphale one of the heroes, and not the villain.
Also, at no point have I ever dissed Crowley (in any of his states of being) as being worth less than Aziraphale, either. They are, as I have continued to repeat, a matched set. That's how I see them. There's no one without the other. I see them as not wanting it any other way, either, based on what I've read in the book and seen in the series (and heard on the Lockdown audio)...basically, every canon source (as established by Neil Gaiman) portrays them as an equal pair, who want only to be together. And that has been my argument against the Aziraphale-haters all along. That if they truly want what's best for Crowley, and what would make Crowley happiest, then they should want him to be with Aziraphale, because that's what canon has established he wants.
Now, if you are Autistic, and you identify strongly with how Aziraphale (or the starmaker) acts as being similiar to you, then absolutely, for you, they no doubt are that way, and you are more than allowed to see them that way, and tell the rest of us all about how you see them that way, and why you see them that way. Write lots of amazing, ASD fanfic/comics/etc to show us your views. You're allowed to do all of that. What you are not permitted to do is call anyone who disagrees with you or sees them differently than you do "Ableist," as long as they're not being mean/derogatory about what they're saying. Calling people names for having a different opinion about fictional characters is just being exclusionary, and if you don't like it, don't do it.
This same rule applies for aroace people, demi/ace people (like myself), or anyone else in the LGBTQ+ community. Please, tell us all about how/why you see Aziraphale and Crowley a certain way. Write lots of fanfic/comics/etc that display whatever your personal sexuality/gender identity is. Draw all sorts of beautiful (or raunchy, if that's your thing) artwork that displays how you see them. But what you are not allowed to do is call people names or accuse them of "excluding" you, just because they choose to present their own viewpoint, as long as they're not being actively derogatory or rude. You don't have to read those fics/metas or look at those images. There are settings to avoid them if you wish.
My point is... there's plenty of room in the GO/Ineffable Fandom for all views and backgrounds. We just have to take a step back from our own narrow lenses sometimes, and realize where we're crossing the line from opinion into hurtful/rude. And we all need to keep in mind what the entire point of this fandom has always been -- to celebrate one of the most equal, beautiful relationships (however you define that word) to span the gap between literature and film. And a relationship requires more than one person, so lets just celebrate both Aziraphale and Crowley, and turn all this angsty animosity into creating a combined will toward their reunion and a happy ending for them both, together, in whatever form of relationship that takes.
Can we do that? Please?
#good omens#good omens fandom#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#aziraphale#aziraphale x crowley#crowley#azicrow#ineffable spouses#gomens#gomens fandom#go fandom
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Worthy (One-Shot)
I have never been more nervous about posting a fic in my life lmaooo... Trigger warning- this fic deals with heavy topics so I totally understand if yall rather skip out on it. The only reason I felt comfortable writing this fic and posting it is because I have firsthand experience with these kinds of topics/issues even though certain aspects of this fic are purely, well, fictional. I never wanna just gloss over serious topics like these or make them seem trivial... As always, thank you for reading and for supporting. (also the ending's a bit cheesy, I KNOW LMAO)💙💙💙
Pairing(s): Damian Priest/Fem. Reader
Summary: Reader has a horrible day at work, and to top it off, she gets a bit jealous watching Damian celebrate his NXT North American Championship win with beautiful women.
Tags: established relationship, jealousy, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, disordered eating, body image issues, plus size reader.
Word Count: 1,453
I should’ve been excited. Elated, even. I should have been bursting at the seams because my boyfriend Damian had just won the NXT North American Championship. And I was. I was so incredibly proud of him. But underneath that feeling pride, a horrible, and ever-familiar monster had awoken from its slumber.
Watching Damian celebrate, looking at his wide, pleased smile and appreciative eyes sliding over the curvy bodies of the models that surrounded him as he showed off his brand-new title… I was jealous. Admitting that to myself felt like swallowing acid, but I was. I could lie to myself and say that due to the fact that I couldn’t be there with him in person to celebrate due to being held up with my job, but I knew better.
I never felt jealous when Damian would show appreciation for other women. That wasn’t the issue. Lord knows I could appreciate a gorgeous woman myself. Women were magical, whether they had soft curves, thick thighs, not-so-thick thighs, flat toned stomachs, body rolls… it was all beautiful to me. So, I didn’t blame his wandering eyes.
And it wasn’t that I thought he would stray away from me in favor of any of these gorgeous and model-type women… nah, I trusted him implicitly.
But every time I looked, he seemed to be surrounded by these beautiful women. And I was very much aware of his past. Aware that within the slew of women he tended to go for in the past, I was the “rare gem” so to speak. Though I was a model myself, I have a much fuller figure that was… a little hard to love sometimes, as much as I hated to say that. I suppose every woman goes through these insecurities, especially with the rise in social media and its ridiculously deceiving and downright mind-warping filters. But for me in the past, these insecurities reached an excessive level of unhealthy behaviors that I had to pull myself out of on my own, too ashamed to admit it to anyone else and to ask for help.
And now at this very moment, when I should’ve been calling my man to congratulate him on his very much deserved win, I was instead talking to my personal trainer for some extra workout sessions, 6 days a week.
I wasn’t exactly careless with my body. I worked out- 3 days a week, max. And I was relatively good at watching what I ate. But I could hear that familiar monster in my head now… growling at me that I could do better. Screaming at me that I needed to compete, compete, compete, with and measure up to these women that I didn’t even know. These women who clearly put the work into their bodies that I very much could benefit from myself. And that my boyfriend clearly appreciated. Realistic body image standards, be damned.
It didn’t help that I had a tough day at work.
Being a plus sized model wasn’t always easy. There was still a lot of work to be done when it comes to what society deems an acceptable body type that’s worthy of basic respect. And today was just more proof of that.
I was in the middle of a lingerie shoot for a very famous lingerie company, and I felt like a million bucks. I felt hot as hell in every number they brought out… until one of the garments ripped. In the back of my head, I knew that it wasn’t my fault that the garment didn’t fit. I knew it was their responsibility to make sure that they had the appropriate sizes for all of their models. But that fucking monster called insecurity reared its ugly head back and bit me right in the ass again. Though the photographer and the stylists didn’t say anything outright mean to me, I could tell they were frustrated. They were frustrated that I wasn’t a “regular” sized 0 who they could fit into anything. I could see the contempt in their eyes and hear it in their voices. The type of contempt reserved for people they deemed unworthy and lower than them. People who they peg as someone who just didn’t take care of themselves as they should… This campaign was just a way to win brownie points, not something they all genuinely believed in.
It fucking sucked and I hadn’t felt this low in a very long time.
But I had decided from here on out that maybe… maybe listening to that monster was the right thing to do…
~~
And so, it began…
Workouts, calorie counting, lemon water that did absolutely nothing except douse my teeth in citric acid, but my trainer swore by it.
The day after I contacted my personal trainer, we both got to work. 2 hours at the gym, 6 days a week, 7 if I was feeling up to it, she said. those closest to me and Damian- and Damian himself- had no idea about my new workout regime. I knew they’d look at me like I was crazy, especially considering I didn’t have a career that merited such an excessive diet and workout regime. No career merited the lengths I was going to in order to lose weight, to be honest.
Nobody except Damian and Rhea began to notice the pallor of my skin. The missed meals, the almost obsessive way I’d scan the ingredients and calories at the grocery store.
I was losing weight. I was happy to see the number go down on the scale week after week, but I wasn’t prepared for it all to come to screeching halt….
~~
‘Damian, mate- pick up the fucking phone. Your girlfriend just fainted at the gym. Buddy and I are taking her to the hospital.’
Damian’s heart sank as he heard Rhea’s voicemail and the words that she spoke sunk in.
He figured this would happen, though. Though he didn’t really broach the topic with me like he felt he should’ve, he noticed how unhealthy my routine had become. His alarm bells started going off even more one day when he accompanied me to one of my workouts and he watched the way I pushed myself to my very limit. Foolishly, I had invited him that one day, thinking ‘well, this is working! So, it must not be that bad!’
And seeing his crestfallen and worried face fall as he walked into the hospital room I was in, felt just as bad as that ugly monster that was always lurking in the back of my head, ready to pounce.
“Muneca… what happened?” he asked, his tone pleading. Pleading to understand how we got here.
And so, with tears in my eyes, I unloaded. I told him everything from my past issues with eating and my weight, to the events that got me into this hospital room. And he listened. He didn’t interrupt me once until I was done.
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” Damian asked, squeezing my hand in his for dear life.
I shrugged.
“I dunno.. I didn’t want any sympathy, I guess. We all have shit we go through. Insecurities… It is what it is.” I shrugged again with a nonchalance I didn’t feel.
“… You know you’re beautiful to me, right? Mi muneca hermosa,” he said, smiling softly at me. So softly and tenderly that I swore I’d melt right into the sheets. “I know that’s not a magical cure or whatever, but still. I need you to know that. And that I’m here for you. Okay?” he asked, wiping the silent tears that cascaded down my cheeks.
I nodded, not trusting myself to not break into hideous sobs.
And yeah, it wasn’t a magical cure by any means. But seeing myself in that hospital room was what I needed to get back on track. Things weren’t perfect and I knew that that monster would always be there. Waiting…. Salivating as it waited for the perfect opportunity to sink its claws into me. And just knowing that I almost let it win scared the shit outta me.
But as I left that hospital with my boyfriend, my friends, a new therapist-and a new personal trainer, but they would have to wait a bit-, and a little more hope in my heart, I felt like I was finally taking the steps to be better. Not to change myself completely, but to just be the best version of me that I could be, for me. Not for Damian, not for designers and photographers who only viewed me as worthy if I could fit into their clothes and make them money.
For me. Because I’m more than worthy…
#damian priest#damian priest x reader#damian priest fanfic#damian priest fluff fic#damian priest angst fic#wwe fic#wwe fan fic#wwe fan fiction
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