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fandommomhater · 3 years

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okay so campie wampie..... i was in le appalachia and she was so pretty literally mountains do so much for us a society.... okay highlight reel

- got stung by a wasp had a bad reaction(im allergic ^^) but the nurse didnt want to use an epipen and call 911 so she gave me 5 benadyrll in the span of less than 6 hours which made me severely out of it. i slept for an entire afternoon, woke up, read half of a star trek novel but then got really upset about wesley and stopped, rolled out of bed to meet with the group and was apparently doing a “chaperone at a middle school dance” dance every time i was standing talking. there was a picture of gary the snail on the stage for a talent show and i was absolutely convinced he was looking at me. had an extremely vivid dream about the italian mafia coming after me. got so fucked by the concept of stairs when i was trying to go down a single flight and almost fell about 8 times

-also my counselors while this was happening were looking up “how much benadryll to get high” (spoiler it was the dose i was given ) and laughing their asses off at me. my cool counselor told her girlfriend about it. NOT COOL. anyway.

-also for the rest of camp my besties kept trying to mimic my dance they dont GET IT you have to bounce the kneess.... swing the feet... the arms are mildly desperate....

-erm lets see i had to do an amongus skit in front of the camp. the less we say about that the better

-like one day into camp my entire bunk started to use me as google because we didnt have internet and they thought i knew a lot. neurodivergent girls CANT stop winning at dead parent camp.

-my counselor put me in charge of the group so many times like girl i know i walk around with a little confident walk but i literally have the constitiution of a victorian orphan im shy im supposed to be stnading in the corner drinking a lukewarm water. not making announcements to the camp.... sighs.

-got to ride on a boat with our favie transmasc boat driver.... should clairfy he is actually transmac. i couldnt do the water activity cuz my hand was injured from le wasp sting so we fucking vibed..... i love boats so much....

-oh also i got to. theres this big blob thing in da lake and u can throw yourself off like a 1.5 story platform to jump onto it but everyone else was a pussy and couldnt jump so i did it like 7 times just me and da lifeguard hanigng.... everytime i hit it i got massive head truama and was like i shouldnt do that again. i have a terrible headache. and then i climbed back up and i was like wheeeeeee.

-erm okay this one is . okay i brought my favie little star trek magazines to camp cuz i needed SOMETHING to read.... anyway. one of them was an interview from an actor we can all guess who this is who may or may not be on this site i know how this sites search feature works i am not typing out his name you all KNOW who im talking about. okay. anyway my 4 person bunk loved him and made him like our unoffical cabin mascot. this is fine except that when i would come back from a grief activity and be like crying my eyes out and i would go to sit on my bunk and the magazine was just sitting there looking at me like. NOT THE TIME!!!!! HI NOT THE TIME!!!! it was fun

-they also gaslight me to thinking he died when we were at camp cuz no one had internet as soon as i had service i was like pleaseeee pleaseeeeeeeee. say it isnt so....

-omg speaking of i also had to wear so much mascara and eyeliner cuz thats my thing (goth) except i would always end up crying cuz. grief camp. and my mascara would run and i would go back and immediately apply more and then cry more . i couldnt just stop putting it on but i also couldnt stop crying so. functional impasse <3

-on like day 2 i was standing on the basketball course in the rain and just staight up said “i miss molly” except everyone heard me cuz i said it outloud and thought i was talking about molly our bunkmate and i was like. okay. okay well. okay well i have a parasocial relationship with this british cunt. i need him.

-also there was the camp director tee hee he had such pretty eyes omg every year its like omg hiiiiiii hiiiiii like. hee hee hi. i did this everyday when i saw him (not to his face im not that annoying) and it literally took until the last day of camp for my bunkmates to realize i was bi and not a lesbian.... nice job 10/10 guys also had the bi flag pattern ON MY NAME NECKALCE..... smh

-one girl did see my neckalce and go “are you bi” and i said “yes ^^” and she said “i couldve guessed from the unbuttoned hawaiin shirt cargo shorts and converse” and i was like. ok. ok. and then she was like “im bi too ^^” so i let that slide.

-one girl fell down a really steep hill but since i carried my little starfleet duffel with me everywhere and kept a first aid kit on me i did SUCH good first aid on her like 30 minutes before the aforementioned nurse came.... had those alcohol wipes disinfectant gauze bandaids AND a cold pack booyah! everyone thought this was very funny and thought i should be a doctor i say again IM JUST A LITTLE GUYYYY dont give me responisblity im just :pleading:

-last night i got to make a fire the counselor literally went inside and was like yah you can do i fire i trust you with that im going to sleep . and so i did it was fun i went mildly manic with fire privileges

-one night i had to replace a counselor and watch the 13-15 y/os at nightime and keep them quiet except i was still coming down from the benadryll and they were so rowdy and mean and i was there for like THREE HOURS.... ended up istting on the porch head in my hands getting really upset about mike townsedn

-SPEAKING OF PATHETIC MEN at the talent show when i was loopy someone wore wraparound glasses and i remembered norman my friend norman and went insane.

sorry tis is so long it was actually a really good week ^_^

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3pirouette · 3 years

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The Honey Trap (5/?)

Title: The Honey Trap

By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :)

A/N- Keep an eye ont he time stamps- it brings us back to chapter one somewhere around the middle- then we’re moving on from there with less jumping around :)

Chapter Summary: The holes in their story kept her up some nights. He acknowledged them, and often. She felt like he was trying to appease her, but every now and again it tickled something in her gut that made her queasy.

Chapter 5: How It’s Supposed to Go

~*~ November, 1944

There were bugs in the kitchen and sightlines out of the living area to a Hydra surveillance flat across the street, but Peggy thanked their lucky stars no one surveilled the shared loo or Richard’s bedroom.

She’d done things she wasn’t proud of before for her work, but repeatedly sleeping with a man she neither was married to or loved in any way was crossing a line she wasn’t prepared to step over.

Not when she still believed Steve was waiting for her and loving her.

She didn’t mind the kissing, was only occasionally bothered by the wandering hands on the couch, and she’d gotten very good at pushing him away and playing coy, at protesting that the shades were wide open and someone could see, before leaving early for the night or slipping into his bedroom.

Richard was also getting very, very good at sleeping on the floor.

“They’re less suspicious, you know, now that you’ve started staying over,” he observed, fluffing his pillow and dropping it at his feet. He smiled at her.

Peggy shook her head, unbuckling her shoes but not taking another thing off before slipping under the blanket on the bed. “Pigs, if you ask me. A woman’s desire to know a man biblically before they’re married has nothing to do with how much she loves him or how devoted she is to him.”

“I never said they were smart. Or understood anything.” He pulled his tie off and started loosening the buttons if his shirt. “If they were smart, they wouldn’t believe us at all.” He pulled it off and set it to the side, sliding out of his belt as well, but staying in his undershirt and trousers. “Our cover is good, but it isn’t foolproof.”

“Hardly,” she snorted, knowing that the holes in their story kept her up some nights. He acknowledged them, and often. She felt like he was trying to appease her, but every now and again it tickled something in her gut that made her queasy. Peggy leaned over and stripped the top quilt, handing it to him. “I’m starting to wonder why they haven’t questioned it more.”

Richard Wallace, Peggy had found, could be a hard man to read. The one thing she enjoyed about their little charade was that in his bedroom, more than any other place she’d ever been with him, he let his guard down. He frowned at her, and she could see the dark circles under his eyes and the frustration in his shoulders. “They’re desperate.” He shook his head and kneeled, setting up his little bed across from her. “I’ve never seen these men so scared and at the same time so daunting. The things they want to accomplish, and the lengths they’ll go to get them…” He sighed, sitting down heavily. “These men are so much scarier than Hitler, Carter. The things I’ve heard… We can’t let them win. Whatever it takes.”

Peggy knew, without a doubt, that he meant it. Even in the dark, the fear in his eyes was real.

~*~ The Same Night, 500 miles away at the French border

Bucky elbowed Steve, getting his attention and passing the canteen over. “I’m not missing the corn ring,” he joked, looking out into the night, his voice soft, “though I could do with a little turkey and gravy.”

Steve smiled a bit, a happy sound on his lips as he finished a gulp of the whisky. “Your ma’s gravy…” He hummed happily and slipped the canteen back to Bucky. It was a quiet night, and they were in friendly territory, which made it almost safe to spend their watch reminiscing about today being Thanksgiving.

“Yeah, and then a slice of your mom’s apple pie.” Bucky smacked his lips loudly, taking another swig of the whisky before he sealed the canteen and slipped it back into his pack. He looked out into the darkness, shaking his head. “I miss that apple pie.”

“Me too,” Steve whispered softly, the happy memories mingling with the loss of his mother that would never leave him fully.

Bucky sensed his melancholy and elbowed him. “She ever teach you how to make it?” Bucky smiled at his friend. “When we get home, you can make a million bucks with it. Everyone would eat it up, literally. Imagine it: Captain America’s All American Apple Pie.”

Steve laughed lightly, shrugging. “She worked off a recipe from my grandmother. It’s all stained and half smudged, but it’s at home, in the trunk I left at your Ma’s, I think.”

“We’ll take it on tour, like the USO.” Steve smiled as Bucky started spinning the tale, his excitement something easy to lose himself in. “We’ll have stands at every state fair from Brooklyn to San Francisco.”

“As long as I don’t have to dance.”

Bucky huffed out a laugh. “Dance? Nah. We give you an apron and a spoon and you’ll have all kinds of girls just eating outta your hands.”

Bucky saw the way his lips turned down even though he tried to avoid letting anything show. Bucky let out a long, slow breath and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “When are you going to tell me?” he asked softly.

Steve barely even moved his lips he was so stoic. “Nothing to tell, you know that.”

“What I know,” he started carefully, “is that all of a sudden, you two started acting stupid, then Phillips missed a detail the size of a blimp, and then instead of getting rid of you, who he’s considered a thorn in his side since the day you showed up at Lehigh, he shipped off his right hand woman and best spy to the typing pool.”

“Senator Brandt—”

“Senator Brandt my ass,” Bucky didn’t let him finish, and his frustration made his words harsh and clipped. “There are plenty of other bases they could have sent you to, hell- the Pacific theater’s been begging to get the 107th for months.” The way Steve wouldn’t look at him told Bucky all he needed to know. He softened, “So it’s bullshit?”

“It’s not—" Steve huffed, shaking his head and letting it fall into his hands.

“You can’t tell me.” It wasn’t a question, and he tried to keep it from being an accusation.

“No, I can’t.”

“We have the same clearance—”

“Not for this we don’t.” Steve almost barked. “No one has clearance for this.” The fight left his words and his frame. “It’s not even... there’s no paper trail even. Strictly need to know, full deniability.” Steve looked his friend in the eyes sadly, “As far as anyone knows, yourself included, we fucked up. Badly. And she paid the price. And that’s all there is to know.” Steve let his head fall again, watching as he drew patterns in the dirt with the toe of his boot.

Bucky filled long moments of quiet with pulling the whisky out again and slowly unscrewing the cap. He wasn’t sure what he could ask and what he couldn’t, but he knew he couldn’t leave it where it was. He took a long, slow breath and a quick swing of the burning liquid. He passed it over and rubbed his hands together, waiting until Steve had swallowed before speaking again. “Were you… did you…?”

His voice was almost too quiet to hear. “Once we heard what was at stake? We agreed to it, yeah.”

“And is it… is it over between the two of you? For real?”

Bucky looked at him, but Steve didn’t lift his gaze from the ground. “I hope not.”

Bucky rubbed his palms together slowly, not knowing what to say or do. His friend had held it in for so long, and he knew if he pushed too hard, Steve would let it all out and then hate himself even more in the morning. “Well, we better get looking for that apple pie recipe, huh? If you’re gonna have to win her back, better put your best foot forward.”

Steve almost, almost laughed.

~*~ December, 1944

Her heart was pounding in her chest. It had been months since she’d seen him, and she was supposed to somehow keep her cool.

Wallace had arranged it. He’d be arranging all of it from now on, which she didn’t particularly like. Peggy played with her wine glass, only half listening to the woman across from her. The microdot plastered to the back of her tooth tickled her tongue, and she had to sip the wine in such a way that it didn’t dislodge the precarious gluing job she’d done.

Her stomach was sick with worry and anticipation. If her companion for the evening didn’t buy the little skit they were about to put on, if she noticed that Peggy enjoyed kissing Steve a little too much or if she looked him his eyes a little too long, the whole thing could go up in flames.

The whole operation moving forward, and all they’d sacrificed up until now to get here, hinged on Ava, the girlfriend of a Hydra General, believing that she loathed Captain America enough that she’d betray him.

She didn’t even have to look to know when he walked in, she could feel the hairs on her arms rise. She took a deep breath, and turned her head.

~*~ January 2, 1945

The middle of the day was a risk she didn’t like. The harbor was a risk she didn’t like. Out in the open was a risk she didn’t like. Pretending to “run into him” was a plan she didn’t like.

Peggy wasn’t supposed to be a spy, she was supposed to be a scorned, confused woman willing to sell out the Allied powers for true love. No matter how long she lived with this cover, she didn’t think it would get any easier.

She wasn’t supposed to know Wallace was out there with one of the Hydra agents, watching her every move and listening to every word. Those above him had come up with the plan, had fed Wallace the idea who’d sent it to Phillips in a coded newspaper ad before he’d even run it by her. He’d made a convincing argument that trying to come up with a better plan would out them, and they needed to be one step ahead.

Somehow, she still felt like she was one step behind. She hated not being in control of the operation, not having final say on what she did or how she did it. The lack of input was starting to sew a seed of distrust in her. She wanted to believe Wallace, wanted to trust him, but he was cutting her out and partners didn’t do that when so much was on the line.

She was finding that little hint of queasiness deep in her gut was starting to happen more and more often. It was setting her on edge, and jeopardizing the mission.

She was going to find a way to change that.

She turned into the wind, letting it push her hair behind her instead of in her face. It wasn’t long before she could hear the footfalls behind her. He stopped only a few feet away, far enough that she couldn’t quite feel the heat from his body. She turned, shaking her head to keep the tendrils of hair out of her face. “How did you find me?”

He looked out over the harbor then back to her, shoving his hands in his pockets. “It’s not like you’re hiding.”

She could see how he fought to keep the smile off his face, she had to bite her tongue to keep from giving up any emotion at the sight of him. “I’ve said all—”

“And I haven’t, Peggy.” He stepped closer, moving to trap her in against the rail quickly. Her heart fluttered as she realized that he’d turned her just enough to keep their faces out of Hydra’s sight line. He pressed his forehead against hers, and she couldn’t stop herself from clutching at him, wrapping her arms around him under his coat. “I miss you so, so much, Peg.”

He pulled back just enough to see her lips, and she couldn’t keep the sadness out of her eyes when she mouthed me too to him just before she spoke. “And I haven’t spent a moment thinking about you at all, Steve.”

She saw him take a deep breath before pulling away. “That’s a lie.”

“I’ve moved on,” she touted, pushing away from him and back into view of the surveillance team. She let clutching at her jacket in the wind cover the sleight of hand where she pulled the coded message from his belt and slipped it into her own pocket.

“Please,” he begged, his own desperation easily seeping through the words. “Hear me out. Just… just talk. Dinner, maybe?”

She pretended to think it over, spent long seconds pushing the hair out of her face when she wanted to jump at the chance to be with him for more than a few seconds. “I’m seeing someone new.”

She couldn’t tell if the hurt was real or feigned, but the way his shoulders sagged made her heart ache just the same. The wind whipped up around them and he stepped forward, taming her hair behind her ear and taking her face in his hands. His kiss was soft, and so much more than their last rushed one was where they were fighting for the little dot of film between their tongues. This was soft, and filled with emotions. It was the “I love yous” they couldn’t say, the lonely nights and the frustrating days, the gentle ache that was always there while they were forced to be apart.

It was over far too soon.

He stepped back, just out of reach. He looked like he was coiled up tight, holding himself back from kissing her again. “The pub at the crossroads, you know it?”

Peggy nodded, unable to trust her voice.

“I’ll be there tonight at seven.” He swallowed hard, eyes pleading. This wasn’t part of the plan. The plan was a few chance encounters. A tidbit of dropped information here and there. Her constant refusals and her continued allegiance to Richard and Hydra. Not whatever was starting to come to life behind Steve’s eyes.

She was terrified and thrilled at the same time. It might risk it all, but it could finally give her a chance to take control of the little game they were playing. “Steve…” she croaked out, unsure of what she could say, how she could convey the emotions and the tactical necessity of what they were about to do.

He stepped forward swiftly, kissing her again. It was quick and passionate and everything she needed to be reminded to trust him, just like she always had. He left his forehead pressed against hers. “I won’t go another day without you, I won’t.”

His hand reached for hers, and when she laced her fingers with his, she felt another note, one that she hadn’t been expecting. She palmed it quickly and pulled back, crossing her arms and slipping the note into the inner pocket of her jacket. “You’re assuming a lot.”

“The pub. Seven.” He looked her up and down, then started backing away, slowly. “I’ll wait for you.”

She watched him until there was nothing left but a speck on the horizon, and kept her eyes peeled for him even when that speck turned past a building and couldn’t be seen anymore. Richard came up behind her, right on cue, just as Steve was nothing but a memory.

It had been the plan that she was “supposed” to be meeting Richard. That Steve was “supposed” to find her and beg her to come back, which would fuel her need to betray him even more. She turned and looked at Richard, who was smiling at her and babbling away about where they should go for lunch, “unaware” of what had just happened.

She was sick and tired of what she was “supposed” to do.

She followed him down the walk along the harbor and to a small stand that sold fish and chips. They weren’t as flavorful as she wanted them to be, and the vinegar tasted old and too sharp on her tongue, but few things seemed to be what she wanted them to be lately. Richard rambled on in the background as they paced the small waterfront in full view and in good hearing range of the Hydra agent.

She’d play her part, for now. “I saw Steve,” she blurted, stopping and waiting for him to turn to her, picking at the chips in the newspaper in her hand. “He’s still… he’s still hopeful.”

Richard tried to hide his smile. “And you’re…”

She sighed. She was supposed to say something like angry. Or upset. Or vengeful. She was supposed to make it so easy, too easy, for Hydra to want to use her for information. But she wasn’t an idiot, and neither were the spies Hydra employed. Sometime between the meat locker and now, something had changed, and no one was telling Peggy what that was or what it meant for the op. She was done leaving her fate in the hands of other men.

“I’m uninterested,” she replied quickly, “but I am going to meet him tonight. Hear him out.”

Richard blanched before her. “Maggie, do you really…”

“I want to hear what the man who ruined my life has to say for himself,” she huffed out, starting to walk again towards his flat. “Let’s get inside, it’s far too cold out here.”

~*~

Once inside the flat she let him kiss her, like she always did, and let him move her to the bedroom where he held his hand out for the little slip of paper she’d procured from Steve once the door was closed.

They both read it quickly. The encryption was simple, and she was convinced more than ever it was for show. She didn’t need a piece of paper to tell her that the 107th would be heading back to the front in three days, it was in half the communications she encrypted on a daily basis this week. She knew more about troop movements just from being a part of the typing pool than he was getting from this. “This is fantastic,” Richard smiled at her, pocketing the paper. “You don’t need to go see him now, we have what we need.”

Peggy smiled, but shook her head. “I think I need to go. Make a good show of it, you know?”

“You don’t—”

“I do.” She was calm but firm, and stepped back from him. “A woman doesn’t just walk away from a man like Captain America, especially if he’s coming to find me.” She tried to let the smile she faked be a balm. “It will be more suspicious if I don’t go, trust me.”

She saw the flicker of concern in his eyes before he nodded, giving in with what appeared to be good humor. “Very well. You’re not the best for nothing.”

Peggy turned, picking up her coat on the way out of his flat. Damn right, she was the best, and that was what made it so easy to see through the game he was playing.

It was only a few blocks to her own flat, which she knew was bugged and under watch, as well. She hummed and dawdled, picking out a dress and pretending, for all intents and purposes, that she was fairly unbothered by her meeting tonight.

Maggie would be unbothered, but Peggy was downright anxious. She couldn’t pinpoint where the nervousness ended and the anticipation began, but the pub he’d picked was an Allied strong hold. Even if a Hydra agent made his way in there, the men in there would cover their backs. If not for Peggy, then absolutely for Steve.

She palmed the second note Steve gave her, even though she was fairly certain they couldn’t see into her apartment with the windows closed, and slipped into the bathroom. She turned the shower on full blast and hummed loudly as she unfolded the scrap.

It was a receipt for one lighter. Peggy looked it over, tried to apply every decryption she thought Steve would know, and a few she knew he wouldn’t, to the scant few words and numbers, but came out with gibberish. She was about to give up when she had an idea.

Peggy pulled over the candle she kept of the vanity after finding out the hard way the loo was the last place she wanted to be without matches or a candle when a blackout hit or the air raid sirens went off. She lit it and blew out the match, a smile forming on her face. Very slowly she let the paper sit over the flame, the heat permeating it and the words slowly becoming visible.

“My clever, clever darling,” she whispered to herself, pulling it away when she was sure the full message was visible.

It was a string of numbers that only the Commandos used to create short messages to one another. The combination was simple, but effective, once she translated it in her head.

Danger. Cover blown.

Peggy passed the paper over the flame one more time to make sure she hadn’t missed anything as her heart pounded in her chest, then lit the corner on fire and dropped it in the sink, watching it burn until the paper was nothing but ash. She turned on the tap and let the remnants flow down the drain, mind moving quickly.

She was meeting Steve in a few hours. Until then, she had to make it seem like business as usual. Tonight, he was either pulling her out, or they were going to make a play for something bigger.

She wasn’t sure which option she wanted, but she knew now she had an even better partner, one she trusted completely, and the queasiness she’d been feeling was gone.

#Steggy Fic #steggy bingo bash #3P's Fic #The Honey Trap

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blessed-but-distressed · 4 years

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#FindEmmaSwanAFriend

Feeling left behind by her more successful, settled friends, Emma Swan moves to Scotland on a whim. Sure, she’s winning at Instagram, but something is still missing from her new life. Fortunately, her friends back home are on it. #FindEmmaSwanAFriend goes viral. Enter Killian Jones, reluctant columnist, who is on the hunt for his newest subject, and may just have found her. CS AU

***

also on ff.net and ao3

***

Tagging: @katie-dub , @wholockgal , @kat2609 , @whovianlunatic, @optomisticgirl, @ladyciaramiggles, @the-lady-of-misthaven, @emmaswanchoosesyou, @ilovemesomekillianjones, @biancaros3, @cigarettes-and-scotch-whisky, @ms-babs-gordon @ab-normality, @andiirivera, @fangirl-till-it-hurts, @onceuponaprincessworld , @natascha-remi-ronin, @kiwistreetswan and whoever else asks me.

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A/N: Part 2 of 2. Surprise, bitch. Bet you thought you’d seen the last of me!

***

Killian

How do you feel about improv? ES

Trepidatious. KJ

What if I told you some random just gave me last minute tickets to a Jane Austen inspired improv drag show, and I have a spare? ES

Curiosity alone compels me to say yes. Pleasance? KJ

George Square. ES

Thank fuck. I forgot my umbrella. KJ

If Killian had any sense, he'd approach the month of August the same way Robin did every year. Which mostly amounted to renting his house out to a troupe of Hungarian acrobats for extortionate sums of money and taking off for the south of France, thus avoiding the whole sorry spectacle.

A privilege reserved for those not living out of their older brother's spare room. Nor stuck writing Fringe reviews for his ailing periodical.

He thought his latest was his best yet.

Do you value your time? Your money? Your life? Then walk, don't run, as far from this act as you can. No one this incompetent should be wielding chainsaws, let alone juggling them. I may have been the only one-handed man at the preview, but with this shambolic spectacle set to run for the rest of the week, I expect I won't be the last. 0 stars.

Liam had accused him of being deliberately cruel, but he hadn't seen the show firsthand. The phrase 'culpable and reckless conduct' came to mind. His review went up online, unchallenged.

To his great surprise, his favourite show so far had been the improv show Emma had dragged him along to. It had all the subtle snark and invariable romance of Austen's classic novels, with the added benefit of Emma nearly passing out from laughing so hard. That alone would have justified his five star review, but the cherry on the cake had been when the man dressed as the elderley Dowager had picked August out from the crowd, and made him part of the act.

Killian generally condemned the casual cruelty of audience participation. Indeed, he lived in constant fear of it at every show he reviewed. But when it came for a certain novelist, he found his views on the matter suddenly rather... fluid.

Try as he might, he couldn't see what Emma saw in the man. What hidden virtues he possessed that had provoked such a ferocious loyalty. Killian wasn't stupid enough to voice such thoughts, of course, but that hadn't stopped him trying to figure it out.

The opportunity to continue this study was surely the only reason he'd opened an unsolicited DM from the man himself, when he should have been watching a Swedish comedy troupe send up classic films in a series of skits.

We have a mutual friend in need. How's your schedule looking uhhh… now?

Killian looked back to the stage. He couldn't be sure, but he thought the red streamers might signify blood. They were either up to Carrie or Jaws.

Trouble? Killian typed back.

Emma. The next message read.

We're in a bar in Leith and things have gotten a little… messy.

Killian checked the time. Barely past one in the afternoon. And fucking Leith? That didn't bode well. But at the same time, his review of the show was supposed to be online within the hour.

With a growing sense of unease, he typed out his reply. Which pub?

***

Stepping into The Marksman on Duke Street was not unlike stepping back in time. More precisely, to somewhere smack dab in middle of the Thatcher era, when Leith was a byword for deprivation and whatever comes after heroin chic. It was charmless, grimy and depressing, and Killian might've never understood the appeal until he caught the sign in the window. It opened at 6am.

Trying to avoid the abject stares of the locals, Killian found his quarry sat at the end of the bar on mismatching stools. Emma slumped forward, her face hidden, but August turned around swiftly at his approach, the alarm in his eyes quickly giving way to recognition.

"Oh thank god." August swept off his barstool, his relief so palpable that Killian thought he might hug him. He didn't look well. Thoroughly debauched, if one might say so, and in desperate need of a bath.

"Nice place," Killian remarked drily. "A bit off the beaten path…"

August pinched the bridge of his nose, looking weary. Or… wearier. "It's been a long night. And morning." He glanced back to where Emma sat propped by the bar, apparently still completely unaware of his absence, and drew closer, his voice lowering.

"You know that Graham guy?"

Killian couldn't explain it, but something inside his chest caught. Like flint striking steel. "Aye," he growled, not liking where this was headed.

"Married," August supplied, without preamble. "She didn't know. No one knew. She ran into them holding hands in the Tron. Matching wedding bands. The whole bit. So she threw her beer in his face and called it a day, right? But this morning, no, yesterday morning, the wife showed up. At the apartment. Emma's apartment."

Killian's fist clenched by his side.

"Yeeaah. It got pretty heated. Long story short, it's been a day and a half. I don't even remember how we got here. I'm not sure I even know exactly where here is. I have to be on a train at 4 to King's Cross or my publisher is going to sue my ass. Now, I can trust you? To get her home safely? You look at her like you're half a drink away from belting out Jessie's Girl at any given moment. I didn't imagine that, did I?"

Of all the places to grudgingly admit his feelings, not least in confidence to this man he wasn't sure he even liked, The Marksman was not the venue he would have chosen. And yet.

"There's very little I wouldn't do for that woman."

He was caught by surprise when the man launched forward and kissed him on the cheek, more still when he went back for the other cheek. August grinned enormously, grasping Killian by the shoulders. "Welcome to the family! Please don't fuck it up." And then consulting his phone, "I really need to go."

August made short work of the rest of his goodbyes, pulling Emma into fierce hug from behind, whispering something into her ear as he let her go. Then, with a wink in Killian's direction and a kiss blown at the nearest crusty Leither, he picked up his messenger bag and fled onto the street.

Steeling himself after that prologue, Killian turned back to where Emma sat by the bar, unseeing reddened eyes peeking out from under a tangle of blonde hair. He pulled out August's vacated stool, and took a seat.

"Swan," he began, with an imaginary tip of his cap.

"Jones," she replied, her voice flatter than he'd ever heard it.

"Of all the gin joints…"

She grimaced. Though her frown was so pronounced already, it didn't make much of a change. "We don't talk about the gin."

"At least tell me it was the good stuff."

She tried to smile, but the action seemed to cause her pain. "Don't do that. Don't be nice to me right now."

"Why not? You're not the villain in this story."

A small noise escaped her, half laugh, half sob. "Sure feels like it."

"No, that's the supermarket gin talking. We've talked about this. Nothing good ever came from a clear spirit at 35p a measure."

She sank further forward in her seat, her forehead resting against the bar top. "Don't be cute. Please just leave me alone to die," she mumbled.

He couldn't resist tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, making sure she could see him. "I'm not going to do that. I have a duty of care."

"Why? Because you'd have to find someone else to write a column about?"

"No," he replied levelly. "Because you're my best friend."

That had her lifting her head off the bar, albeit wincing as she did so. "I thought Robin was your best friend?"

He tapped his chin. "No, it's definitely you."

She considered that. Though how much of her internal brain processes had survived the pickling process over the last 24 hours, Killian couldn't be certain.

Of course, it was at that moment their bartender appeared, a middle aged woman with an ill-fitting polo shirt and bright green acrylic nails she drummed against the bar top. "Another top up, hen?" She didn't even glance at Killian.

He put his hand over Emma's glass. "Actually, I'm afraid we're on our way out."

Their server didn't much like that, a hand finding her hip. "Well that's up for the lass to decide, no?"

"It's okay, Tracy," Emma said, managing a consoling smile. "He's a friend. Are we all settled up?"

"We are." She gave Killian a cool once over. "Friend, you say? Mind you keep it that way. Looks like nothing but trouble to me. And you still raw after the last one. Liars and cheats, the lot of them."

Killian thought to take offence, but Emma already had him by the arm, pulling him off his stool. "Thanks, Tracy. Can you call me a cab?"

***

Getting her into the cab took some doing, not least because she had to pause twice to throw up in the gutter, and the first guy had driven off. Fair play to him. Thankfully by the time the second cab arrived Emma's stomach had settled, and she spent the drive curled harmlessly against Killian's side.

"Your lassie alright?" the cabbie asked, as Killian half lifted, half dragged her from the backseat out onto the gravel driveway. "You need a hand?"

It was a testament to how preoccupied he was that Killian didn't even stop to consider that might've been a crack about his prosthetic until Emma was already inside and passed out on his bed.

He texted Elsa first. A simple heads up.

There's an unconscious woman in the house. Don't freak out. KJ

It went about as well as you'd expect.

At least he had sisterly back up when he broke the news to Liam that he wasn't getting his review.

Needless to say, by the time Emma raised her groggy head from his pillow, the house was no longer silent, and it was no longer still. Elsa had insisted on rushing home, and boyish shrieks permeated the air, punctuated by the usual crashing and banging.

Killian sat in his one armchair, an ugly monstrosity of purple velvet which had been forbidden from the rest of the house, sipping his tea as she came awake. It took some time. One eyelid slithered open. Then the other. Never both at the same time.

"Do I want to know why someone is screaming in the next room?" Her voice was scratchy, and he motioned towards the glass of water by the bedside.

"Nephews," Killian said by way of explanation, as she crawled forward to grasp the glass in both hands, shaking with the effort.

She took a long draught, surveying her surroundings. He wondered how much she remembered from the last two days, if anything. If she even remembered his arrival at The Marksman, or August's leaving. She examined the ornate cornices, and floating beams. The collection of spent paperbacks stacked by the bed and the shabby, unmatched furniture.

"Your house. Your room?"

"My room," he confirmed. "We have guest rooms, but they're upstairs. And quite frankly, just getting you this far was nightmare enough. You're heavier than you look."

He earned a pillow to the face for that remark. It still smelled of her, which in her current state, wasn't much of a testimonial.

"Shower?" he ventured.

"Please," she said, rolling over until she could place both feet on the floor.

"Second door on the right. Elsa left some things out. Towels. Fancy shampoo. Paracetamol," he added with a waggle of his eyebrows. "Should be a set of clothes too."

She cringed. "Elsa knows I'm here?"

"Sorry. It's a new house rule of theirs. Radical honesty. Elsa knows you're having a rough time of it, and are convalescing. But that is the extent of her knowledge. Whether that remains the case, is entirely up to you."

"Right."

"Oh," he said, smacking his forehead. He scrabbled around on top of his dresser, before presenting her with a wooden triangle.

She took it automatically, seeming annoyed at herself for doing so. "Uh, thanks?"

"The bathroom door doesn't have a lock on it. Best wedge it under the door. Trust me when I say, you don't want Lachie walking in on you in the altogether. It's stressful for all involved."

"Good tip," she said, with a ghost of a smile.

She edged past him awkwardly to the door, her bare feet silent on the carpet. She'd already slipped into the hallway when her head appeared back around the door.

"Killian?"

"Aye?"

"I'm horrendously hungover so you probably can't tell, but I appreciate, uh…" she waved the wedge around vaguely. "All this."

"Swan?"

"Yeah?"

"I mean this in the nicest possible way, but please do shut up," he said with a wink. "Also, you're taking me out for pancakes after, so don't be too long."

Her eyes narrowed. "Oh, am I just?"

"You are indeed. Best thing for a gin hangover, in my limited experience. And it was very generous of you to offer."

"Very generous," she agreed, dubiously. "And Killian?

"Aye?"

"You're so full of shit. But... I do love pancakes. And one more thing?"

"Hmm?"

She kicked a toe into the carpet, eyes evasive. "You're sort of my best friend, too." Then she disappeared back behind the door, leaving Killian slack jawed.

***

He'd nearly finished two chapters of his book by the time Emma returned from her trip to the bathroom, shower soft and minty fresh.

"Better?" he asked, putting the novel aside.

"Much," she agreed. "Though full disclosure, I think I just used a $300 tube of lotion, and I kinda smell like a baby Porsche."

"The very best kind of Porsche," Killian assured her, offering her his prosthetic to take. "They're terrors once they hit the teenage years. Shall we?"

They crossed Bruntsfield Links just after sunset, the sky still streaked with pink and orange. He'd always loved summers in Scotland, that neverending twilight. It almost made shivering through six months of winter worthwhile. He was so busy admiring the scene, he nearly missed it when Emma detached herself from his arm, stopping in her tracks.

"Emma?"

She was standing entirely still, her eyes shut.

"Are you alright, love?"

Her eyes flickered open, almost surprised to see him still standing there. "Sorry, just… cataloguing."

"Cataloguing," Killian repeated, deadpan.

"Yeah, smartass," she said, walking forward to loop her arm under his again. "Cataloguing. Sometimes I forget, but this-" she indicated the kaleidoscope sky, the green-gold expanse of grass disappearing into the distant smudge that was Arthur's Seat, the group of laughing teenagers nearby trying to finish their mini golf game before they lost the light, "-Sometimes I still have to pinch myself."

She didn't elaborate, and Killian found himself oddly lost for words. He just reached over to squeeze her hand, and led her back towards the city lights.

For the time of year, they got lucky. The line was short, and it wasn't long before they were led to a red vinyl booth, complete with its very own mini jukebox. They both stared at it for a good minute before Emma fished a spare pound out of her pocket, and dropped it onto the table between them. "Your call. I'm going to the bathroom. Anything but Don't Stop Believin'."

Lord help him, but he thought he might love her.

He settled for a less foreboding tune, which morphed into another, then another, before he was fishing out his own coins to keep the party going. If he didn't know her any better, he might've thought she'd done a runner on him. Fortunately, he did know her better. Or at least, he was starting to.

She came back just in time for the guitar solo in The Chain, her I'm-bearing-up smile indicating she was doing nothing of the sort.

"Ruby texted," she explained, taking her seat opposite him. "About twenty times. She wouldn't stop until I FaceTimed her. I miss anything?"

"Just side one of Rumours. And your drink order." He indicated the glass of fizzy orange liquid in front of her.

She wrinkled her nose. "Fanta?"

"Irn-Bru. Best hangover cure there is."

She cast him a doubtful look.

"I'm serious. There's been studies."

"Oh well, if there's been studies." She slid the glass minutely closer, but didn't partake. Instead she watched as Killian lifted his own glass, and made a face.

He lowered his glass. "What?"

"Nothing. Just thinking about how I'm never drinking again. I didn't even know they served beer here."

"They do, but this is Dry Ginger."

She raised an eyebrow. "Ginger ale? You?"

Killian shrugged. "It's something I'm trying. Like a cleanse. But instead of drinking juice and doing yoga, I drink post-mix dry ginger and be less of a twat."

"Sobriety." Emma slapped her hand against the table. "I wish I'd thought of that. But I've barely seen you, when did you decide this?"

"Roughly…" he counted back the days, "43 days ago." When I thought I'd lost your friendship forever. But he didn't have to say it. From the look on her face, she already knew the significance.

"Huh." Emma sat back in her seat, absorbing that. But if she was planning on expanding on that thought, she was saved by the arrival of their waitress, who was all too eager to expound on the daily specials.

By the time they were alone again, Emma had cracked and was halfway through her Irn-Bru.

"I mean, it's not repellent…" she offered, by way of grudging approval.

"Trust me, it works." And then because he felt like they'd danced around it long enough, "So do you want to talk about it?"

She set down her glass, letting her fingers trace along the edge of the table top. "Nope. But somehow I feel like we're going to anyway."

"It was only about eight hours ago you wanted me to leave you to die in Leith's most depressing pub. I feel like it warrants at least a conversation."

She grimaced at the memory. Or perhaps where the memories ought to have been. It was hard for him to be sure.

"I fell in love with a married woman once. If you're worried about my judgement, you needn't be."

He wasn't quite sure where it had come from. This sudden urge to talk about Milah. But it was how they'd always operated, wasn't it? If he wanted Emma to take down her walls, he had to offer up a few bricks from his own. Well, this was more of a boulder, really, but at least he had her attention.

She snorted. "I wasn't in love with Graham."

"So what's the problem?"

"Because," she reasoned, tears springing into her eyes. "It's just so fucking mortifying. To be played for a fool, again. I thought I was smarter than that. I thought I could just, I don't know, flirt with a cute, intelligent guy and feel good about myself for five fucking seconds without it ending with his wife beating down my door demanding to know if I'd fucked her husband!"

She'd gotten a little loud towards the end there, with more than a few wary eyes glancing their way. Killian quickly stood up, and made his way over to her side of the booth, slipping in beside her. It was a tight fit, but it did succeed in sheltering her from most of the stares.

"Alright, so he's a tosser."

Another snort.

"Liam's bookie knows a guy. I could make a few calls?"

She shot him a sideways glance. "Don't tempt me right now. I just feel so stupid. But like, in an angry way."

"You're not stupid for being taken in by him. It's not a weakness to want to see the best in people, Emma. In fact, considering how many people in your life have disappointed you, myself included, I'd say it's pretty bloody brave."

Emma shook her head. "Is it though? I saw red flags. Even from the start he was kind of flaky. I wasn't even sure if I really liked him. It just appealed to my vanity, that he seemed to like me. So don't I deserve this? Just a little?"

"No." Killian wasn't sure where the vehemence came from, but he could feel it, welling up. "No, you don't deserve to be lied to, and dragged into the middle of someone else's messed up marriage without your knowledge or consent. No, you don't deserve being made to feel like the side-piece. You're not the side-piece. You're the heroine. And he's just a fucking wanker. What you deserve..." He looked up to see their server approaching the table, platters piled high with maple syrup topped goodness. He shot Emma a smile. "What you deserve, is pancakes."

***

It would've been remiss of him not to foot the bill, after his earlier declaration about her deserving pancakes, so there'd been a little bit of an argument about that as they wended their way down Clerk Street in the growing darkness. That Emma could argue about not paying for the pancakes he'd goaded her into in the first place, was a testament to the healing powers of Irn-Bru and a triple stack. No truly hungover person would have committed to such a futile battle.

But when they arrived at the beginning of her street, Emma stopped arguing and grabbed a hold of Killian's arm, pulling him up short.

She was shaking her hands out, like she was fighting off an attack of nerves, and Killian was instantly on the defensive. "Swan?"

She stopped when he said her name, plastering on what seemed to him a rather brittle smile. "Hey. Sorry. I'm just wondering, would you do me a favour?"

He had to chuckle at that. "Swan, if the last twelve hours have proven anything, it's that yes, I am available for favours. Unless of course they involve you paying me back for the pancakes. Because I'm afraid I'm rather immovable on that front."

"Great. So umm… Ruby has this theory."

"Ruby has a theory?" he repeated, hoping at some point, things would start making sense. "What manner of… theory?"

"Oh, god this is so stupid," she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm just going to say it. I'm just going to come right out and say it: I want you to kiss me."

Something very violent was happening inside Killian's chest, a feeling which was neither happiness, nor disappointment, but a crushing combination of the two. He felt hot and cold. He felt light-headed.

"You want-" he started.

Emma's eyes were screwed shut, as if bracing for a blow. Or in this case, the fallout. She already had regrets. And more than that, it had been Ruby's idea. But why would Ruby…?

Of course.

The best way to get over a man, was to get under a new one. Wasn't that the old adage?

It wasn't about him. It wasn't about them.

No, she'd been clear. I want you to kiss me. She'd chosen him. She trusted him to be the one to soothe her wounded pride. Maybe she'd hoped it would be him. Maybe he was just the most convenient option. In any case, the wondering would certainly kill him.

But not as much as going through with it.

He reached out and took her hand, waiting until she opened her eyes. By Christ, people weren't supposed to look so beautiful by yellow street light. It wasn't scientific. And yet.

"No."

Now it was her turn to look like someone had punched her in the stomach.

"Oh." She made to release her hand from his, but he held firm. In fact, he pulled her closer, just a little.

"No, I'm not going to kiss your bruised pride back into place. Because I promise you, it's going to heal just fine on its own. You don't need a kiss from me or anyone to remind you what you're worth. You never have. It's one of my favourite things about you. Understand?"

Her reply was a little choked up when it came. "Got it."

She gravitated closer, her eyes shining, and he felt like he was losing his mind. He was certainly losing his nerve. He settled instead for raising her hand to his lips, brushing a soft kiss across her knuckles.

"That's one for the road."

He released her then, though nearly every part of his was screaming at him to do the opposite. Thankfully, she looked just as shaken as he felt. He nearly twisted his ankle in a gutter trying to put a little distance between them. And then he had one perfect surge of stupid confidence, and turned back to face her. She was still standing under the streetlight where he'd left her, looking oddly incomplete.

"Will you do me a favour, Swan?" he called out.

She held up her hands in a helpless shrug. "Sure."

"When the time is right, ask me again."

Then with his heart hammering a million miles a minute, he turned away and slipped into the adjoining street, and back into the night.

#cs ff #cs au #findemmaswanafriend #the emotional return #been a while...

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fandomlurker · 3 years

Text

A Ponderous Rewatch: “Win Big”

And so we begin. For real, this time.

And to start, we have to go all the way back to Animaniacs season 1, episode 2, with the very first Pinky and the Brain skit which is named “Win Big”.

Interestingly enough, the duo are not directly trying to take over the world in this episode. The premise is that Brain needs money to buy the one part needed for his actual plan to take over the world using a machine he calls the “Super-Conductive Magnetic Infindibulator”, which will “deplete hydrogen and promote gravitational collapse [to produce] a magnetic charge from the center of the Earth so strong that every person who has loose change in their pockets will be magnetically drawn to the ground and stuck there”.

…

For those of you who are new to the series and for those of you who maybe can’t remember the show very well, I want to say that yes, what you’re probably asking yourself right now is true: Brain’s plans are almost always this complex and completely absurd with giant, glaring holes in logistics. There’s been a long-time “theory” that while their theme song says “one is a genius, the other’s insane” and intends to indicate that Brain is the genius while Pinky’s insane, it’s actually the other way around. And honestly? That doesn’t exactly hold up to any kind of scrutiny at all. Brain is actually a genius…he’s just also very, very short-sighted and lacks a lot of common sense. He’s so focused on his goal of world domination that he forgets to account for even the most obvious of details that would completely ruin what he’s trying to accomplish. And Pinky? Well, Pinky’s a lot smarter than he seems, but I wouldn’t exactly mark him as a genius. He’s just more worldly, more emotionally intelligent, and has a knack for pointing out the obvious. For you D&D nerds out there, think of it like this: Brain is a high INT low WIS character while Pinky is a high WIS low INT character.

As for which one is “insane”? Disregarding the…let’s just say “problematic” baggage that comes with that word, I’d argue that Pinky is just neurodivergent and Brain has a lot of problems. Like, a lot of problems. We’ll get more into that mess much farther down the line.

In any case, the opening of this episode has Brain pulling Pinky away from watching what is obviously supposed to be The Honeymooners, complete with “Bang, zoom, right in the kisser!” quote and everything. That quote, or one like it, was what the character Ralph Kramden would frustratedly yell at his wife, Alice, after she’d dismiss a get rich quick scheme of his. It was an ultimately impotent threat of violence, as he never did hit her. A lot of folks before me have delved into how messed up and controversial that whole running gag was, so I didn’t particularly feel the need to go over it here.

However, it does become immediately relevant because as Pinky laughs at the joke and excitedly quotes it while Brain is trying to get his attention, Brain reaches up and gently holds both their faces close for a few moments…

“Stop saying that, Pinky!...”

…then more aggressively tugs Pinky’s face down as he finishes with “…Or I shall have to hurt you.”

“Oh, okay. Sorry, Brain. NARF!”

Isn’t it interesting how the very first thing this series does is juxtapose Pinky and the Brain’s relationship with that of the main married couple on The Honeymooners? Like, it’s certainly not the most healthy of a relationship parallel to make, but in Pinky and Brain’s favour their world is governed by slapstick humour and thus any and all violence is much less serious. Also, there’s Pinky’s…uh…special relationship with physical pain that will become more apparent as the series goes on. Like, of course this kind of behaviour is wrong and appalling in real life, but this is a Warner Brothers Looney Toons-style cartoon and there’s a big difference between the two.

There’s also this little tidbit of information on the Animaniacs wiki regarding this episode and its writer, Peter Hastings:

“Although Peter Hastings has stated that he always tried to have Brain threaten to hurt Pinky but never actually hit him (because he felt this was both funnier and truer to the character), Tom Ruegger and the other producers would often have Brain actually hit Pinky. Even in this very first short, the Brain does follow through.”

Moving on, though, after Brain Rube Goldberg machine’s his way out of their cage and points out that Pinky has an “inordinately short attention span” after Pinky gets briefly distracted by another TV show that’s a very blatant parody of Jeopardy, he explains to Pinky his latest plan for world domination.

“EGAD, Brain, brilliant!”

“…Uh oh, no, wait…what if they take off their pants?”

^ The face of a man who somehow managed to forget that clothes are removable.

See what I mean about Pinky having a knack for pointing out the obvious? It’s very much needed to counteract Brain’s complete lack of foresight and introspection.

“Then…we’ll have to take over the world quickly.”

…Though there’s also something to be said for Brain’s stubbornness.

So they need a part for Brain’s machine called a Infindibulator, which is for some reason listed in the Farmer’s Almanac??? Which to my knowledge doesn’t sell anything at all??? Okay, Brain, whatever you say.

Brain actually kicks Pinky directly in the ass to get him up onto the Almanac to read it,

which would be alarming if not for Pinky’s completely happy and sincere “Thanks! :D” afterwards. It’s a mere hint to Pinky’s…predilections. I find it interesting that it’s so subtly foreshadowed in this very first short. I know you newer folks might think I’m joking, but I assure you I’m not. You will see.

As a side note, it’s so odd hearing Rob Paulsen’s early Pinky voice in these first several Animaniacs shorts. I’ve seen fans say that it’s more lispy than the standard Pinky voice that we’re all familiar with, but to me it just sounds like Pinky with a very, very bad cold and a stuffy nose. Get this mouse some nasal spray.

So Pinky finds the entry for the Infindibulator and it costs a whopping $99000. Where would two little lab mice find that kind of cash?

It sure is lucky and convenient that the TV is still on during that moment and tuned into an episode of Jeopardy—I mean “Gyp-Parody” (Really, writers? Really? In addition to being a horrible and lazy pun, I would rather not have to type a slur so much, so I’m just going to call it the name of the show it’s based on) where the reward for winning totals $99000.

And here we go, the first of its kind. The birth of the most famous running joke from Pinky and the Brain!

“Pinky… Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“I think so, Brain, but where are we going to get a duck and a hose at this hour?”

…Believe it or not, Pinky’s bizarre answers do have an explanation and a certain logic to them, but we find out the hows and whys much, much farther along in the series. That said, I’ll be damned if I know how he got to this particular train of thought right now. The inner machinations of Pinky’s mind are an enigma.

So Brain gets the idea to become a contestant on Jeopardy to win the amount of money they need for their plan. Pinky points out that the questions on the game show are very, very hard and Brain would have to get all of them right, and I just love Brain slowly turning his head to face Pinky with the most deadpan “Bitch, are you for real?” look on his face.

To Brain’s credit, he doesn’t berate the other mouse at all for his doubts. He just very calmly asks Pinky to quiz him about anything he can think of. When Pinky asks him “What is pie?”, well, see above for the summary of the answer Brain gives.

He then asks for a harder question, and Pinky asks him which TV character says “Bang! Zoom!—“ before Brain cuts him off with a wack of a pencil for quoting something inane and annoying him again.

Though he quivers a little before the smack, Pinky’s fine afterwards. Smiling, even.

And he happily gives Brain the answer anyway, complete with bows. “Ralph Kramden! TA-DAH! :D”

But Brain is insistent on preparing to go on Jeopardy, grabbing Pinky by the tail to drag him off-screen and Pinky is…

Hmm.

He’s, uhh, more than fine with it.

Now we get the debut of the human suit mecha. It’s quite the staple of the series; the go-to for a human disguise whenever the mice need one.

And it certainly is…something. You may be noticing the lack of a human head. Don’t worry about it. Brain certainly didn’t.

I love Brain’s playful little “Honey, I’m hoooome!~” when he pops his head out, despite having a deadpan look on his face the entire time. He’s having fun!

“Ahahaha! Oh, that’s a funny joke, Brain!”

“I am not devoid of humour.”

Pinky is having a little less fun with his tail accidentally tied along with the shoelaces, however.

It’s fine, he’s fine. He’ll be okay! Pinky is indestructible.

He’s a pocket pal now. He’s fine.

Makin’ my way downtown, walkin’ fast…~

Okay, sorry, he’s hailing a cab instead. Effectively, too!

Oh hi, Warners, nice to see you! Doing a literal running gag, I see. Nice, nice.

Goodbye!

So if you were wondering how regular humans would react to Brain’s “clever” and totally made without proper foresight disguise, well…

“Wh—HOA! Hey, if you don’t mind me askin’, bub, what happened to your head?”

“Nothing. I am a mouse in a large, mechanical suit.”

“Hehehehe! Okay, all right, my fault for askin’, right? Heh.”

Yup. This isn’t the first time this kind of thing happens. I guess since they’re in Hollywood the taxi driver’s seen worse.

So Brain gets on the show (don’t worry about how, shh) and the announcer calls him “Brian” instead and Brain politely tries to correct him. I can’t exactly fault the announcer because 1. “Brain” isn’t a name and 2. Look at Brain’s gloriously messed up handwriting.

The host walks on in. It’s pretty cute that they gave him the parody name “Alex Quebec”. It’s a suitable pun and rhyme to hint at the fact that Alex Trebek was born in Canada. Rest in peace, Mr. Trebek.

The first question is in the category of celebrity shoe sizes and asks what size sandals Plato wore. Umm. Okaaaaay… Thank goodness this show first aired before websites for foot fetishists cataloguing celebrity feet was a thing. Also is it just me, or does that font looks like something off of The Simpsons?

I don’t know if I should be worried or not that Brain got the correct answer to this question. (Seven and a half, if you’re curious.)

Question two is totally a trick question, though. There’s no such place as “Lestho”. “Lesotho”, however, is a real kingdom in South Africa. King Moshoeshoe I was indeed the ruler in 1820 as Brain answers, although the place was called “Basutoland” at the time and didn’t formally become a kingdom until 1822.

Educational!

Question three is a normal if extremely hard question for anyone unfamiliar with geographic locations off of the southeast of Asia. There are a lot of correct answers, and Brain answers correctly with “Bikar, Ailuk, and Ailinglaplap”. As this post notes, he is totally flexing on everyone by naming very obscure coral atoll islands that are some of the furthest neighbours from the Isle of Yap.

You smug asshole, Brain.

We don’t get the questions Brain answers correctly in the following montage, but we do get a close-up of his handwriting. Look at this. Just…look at it.

We get to see the aftermath of Brain’s monopolizing of the scores, though. The other contestants aren’t looking too good. Note that it seems there were times that they did manage to buzz in to answer before Brain did, but they must have got all of their answers or at least most of them wrong. They’re both in the negatives.

“Any plans on how you’ll spend your winnings?”

“Yes. I plan to take over the world!”

“...”

“…Ah haha, my fault for asking.”

Pinky claps and congratulates Brain on doing so well so far, because he’s a sweetheart like that, and

Brain flicks him back into the pocket. Man, you’re so quietly mean in this first episode, Brain.

Now it’s the final question, from the category “Quotable Quotes”. I remember this kind of category as usually being the easiest on Jeopardy, so it’s kind of surprising that it’s the Final Jeopardy question.

Uh-oh.

Looks like someone forgot that Jeopardy questions aren’t all science, history, and geography-related. Sometimes they’re about pop-culture.

Brain is…not very good with pop-culture. And Pinky’s been banished to the bottom of the coat pocket.

Whoops.

“Umm. Uh, who is, uhh… I, umm. Who is, uhh… Who is…uhh, Pinky…?”

Oh Brain, honey, it’s cute that you got so stumped and flustered that you just blurted out the only name that came to mind (and because Pinky was quoting it earlier, but still!), but it’s also so very, very sad.

Of course that’s incorrect, and Brain is just so monumentally defeated.

“And how much did you wager?”

“Everything…”

HUBRIS!

We then cut to the mice watching Brain’s horrible defeat on TV, and Pinky suggests a few other game shows they could try: Wheel of Misfortune, $10,000 Pile-A-Mud… The latter of which is supposed to be a parody of the old game show Pyramid, which wasn’t around in that format by the time this episode aired, so…good luck with that one, Pinky.

But no, Brain doesn’t plan on going on any more game shows. He instead walks sadly over to their cage to rest for tomorrow night.

It’s then that we are witness to the birth of the other memetic exchange this show is known for:

“Why, Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night?”

“The same thing we do every night, Pinky: Try to take over the world!”

That wink, though. It’s the confident wink that sells this and tells us all you need to know about the Brain. No matter how bad his defeat, how humiliated he gets, or how sad he feels about failing, Brain always gets back to business sooner or later. He has determination on his side. And Pinky, of course.

And that was the very first Pinky and the Brain short! A pretty good start for the series, really. Nothing spectacular, and definitely not the worst, just a good start that sets the tone of the series well and establishes several of the running gags the show is known for. The creators pretty much have Brain as a character down right away: serious but not devoid of humour, single-minded, stubborn, egotistical, smart, and determined to meet his goals. There are a few things missing from him that we get later, and he certainly softens a bit by the time the spin-off starts, but they’ve set up a solid foundation to build on so far here. Pinky’s character is a little more nebulous in this episode, though. He’s shown to be generally good-natured, smarter than he first seems, easily distracted but well-meaning, and willing and able to help Brain achieve his goals. Still, he’s missing the much of the overwhelming kindness and his enthusiasm for Brain’s plans and awe at Brain’s intellect that he has as we go further through the series. I mean, there are hints of it here, too, but it’s much more understated compared to later on. Not to mention that Pinky gains a bit of a sassy side to him that somehow still manages to be friendly, like when you gently tease your friends while still caring about them.

I understand that you can’t really squeeze all of that into the first, like, fifteen minutes or so of a series, though.

Also, the animation for this episode wasn’t exactly the best of the series. There are points where Brain looks kinda muppet-y and Pinky is uncharacteristically gaunt and gangly. I mean, Pinky is usually a little gangly but not as hunched over and his nose stretched out so much. It’s not the worst, either, and serves as a decent baseline of how the characters look. Wang Film Production looks to be the animation studio behind this one, and I’d say their style is the most “normal” quality of the ones that get to animate for PatB. They do settle into a better and more consistent style for the show, so I’ll try and be on the look-out for that.

I’m not sure if the other posts I’m going to do on this rewatch will be quite so play-by-play as this one was. Since this is the first, I felt the need to establish in more detail the kind of things that happen in your average episode of PatB and the general rhythm of the show. I’m definitely going to try and include every instance of the ongoing running gags the series has, though.

I feel I should also say that from now on I might have to double or triple the amount of episodes in one post, too. There are some episodes in a long-running series like this where not too much of note happens, I’m sure, and I know at least a few are either silent shorts, cameos in other Animaniacs skits or little music videos and you can only get so much out of those entries.

Yes, music videos. Including a cameo appearance in a Macarena parody. I’ll prepare as best as I can to cringe so hard from secondhand embarrassment that I morph into a pretzel shape.

We’re only getting started, folks. Things are only going to get weirder and more interesting from here on out.

#Pinky and the Brain #PatB #Win Big

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ajokeformur-ray · 3 years

Text

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend.

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go.

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo��🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~ *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E V E R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe.

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what”

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too...

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink...

��dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

ASDFGHJKL

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much.

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will.

b l o o d s m i l e

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel.

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

t h a t ‘s l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~

i l o v e y o u

#erileck #<- ref tag #arthur fleck #joker 2019 #erika talks

15 notes · View notes

yoitscro · 4 years

Photo

First thought: Homestuck^2 should've just been called Beyond Canon, and more people should call it that.

The 2 was put on for chuckles; HS trending the day it was announced with it being a sequel spoke enough about how such a thing shant be underestimated, and why Homestuck is ABSOLUTELY more than just our small twitter crowd (and the scrap of us still on tumblr). I say that because remembering the Beyond Canon part slightly reassures me about the fact that this is a fanwork that will do some weird shit, and things I don't agree with, but isn't something that I have to subscribe to enjoying all the way with how I engage with Homestuck.

Homestuck 2 is not the canon continuation. Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, is an OFFICIAL continuation.

Not having it on such an important stool and as the only content we all are only allowed to digest should come from both people who obsessively dislike it, and people who defensively support it. If a character says they kick babies then I can say, hey that's weird, maybe not great writing, but I can pretend they don't in my content, and i dont have to send threats or call people cishet white men for it! and, it's an absolutely great thing that we were all encouraged to create our own ideas without anyone who's influenced us to do so squinting their eyes when we actually go through with it. Glad I don't have to put this story up to the expectations of being a sequel to a 11 year, worldwide IP that's shooketh the internet landscape since it's merely optional, Death of the Author persists, and ideas aren't just dominated and revolved around the perspective of a 1% in this entire fanbase.

That said.

As an OFFICIAL continuation versus a canon one, HS2 is ok. It certainly has that fanfiction vibe, and a story it wants to tell. I can't really tell what that story is since we have like, 10 sub plots rn though. There's not a real a clear indicator on where the focus of main conflict is that connects all these stories together.

I thought that the prose in replacement of Vriska's battle was jarring, but not teeerribly surprising for the format HS2 is going for. It's more so using drawings to compliment text versus Homestuck's usual of panels being side by side with visual importance, or even itself being the one compliment. It sorta feels weird tho that it brought old fans back in with art just for them to get sneered at when they get a bit upset that there won't be main staples of art known to progress the story forward.

Also people who mock people for “having to read homestuck” knowing there’s language barriers and struggling focus from those who’ve been use to something that was never so dense, are ridiculous.

Personally this could be solved by knowing how old flashes worked, having way more artists on the team, maybe even an art director if not already, and noting that we're not asking for the next Cascade. Rome wasn't built in a day, but Rose Ride sure was, and Homestuck’s animation is absolutely not the same as a 12-24 framed 12 minute cartoon. That, or just snuff the illustrative art as a whole since it's very clear on where the focus is.

I’m sure you’re not here trying to see my opinions on how the outer workings are though, versus plot.

Uuuuh, let's see. Yiffy's still a name I don't care to use until I eventually get tired of any of my art that do not show up in tags. This is fine and not as offensive as people are saying it is. Minors who want to cosplay this character don't have to call themselves this character. Not wanting to be one letter away from accidentally entering a very NSFW space of twitter is fine. Also the lot of people call Tavros, Tavvy.

I hope Kanaya's anger at being cucked is actually seen versus being implied through fan guesses and another character having to say she was.

Roxy needs to be more of an involved character. Where are they during all this?

Jane should have a mention of her relations to HIC being a main/bad influence on her current parallels to Alternian dictatorship.

The PRE-RETCON GROUP should have a fun one-shot update for fans who like them, since they oughta be around if they fell through the ghost hole. Most of them. The sprites that aren't Jasprosesprite should also show up too, since they're around.

Aaaaaand I think we should be extra careful going into the future when it comes to the alien rebellion. It's weird that a lot of the writers are white and toy around with concepts that can be a not so great parallel to racism. Currently not great timing rn! If the characters are going to remain aracial, but with them still doing not much to reference other non-white earth cultures or getting new hair cuts that have different textures (looking at you, Rose), we shant make the species with actual biological benefits a racism commentary. the xeno joke at least had a play on words. If any writer has happened upon this then a, please don't get mad at me again haha, and b, consider having more black writers or directional assistance on your squad. You know who they are.

In the future. I casually want the ghost from the Dream Bubbles to be shown since it's a big elephant in the room to not have a single one of them in the bg despite a load of them appearing from the ghost whole. Don't gotta give them speaking lines, especially the dancestors. I personally don't know if I want that right now.

I also hope in the future that we don't get HS content that is only going to revolve around HS2, if it's optional enough to engage with without being the only option. That's why PQ could ended a bit better for me, and why I hope it's not the main thing that's keeping Hiveswap on the backburner. I don't think it's farfetched to consider that multiple HS content could come from more than just one team; to relieve work load, but to also strengthen the idea that Homestuck can be a various amount of perspectives when it comes to the ideas fans have. The most dedicated fans leading the direction of the story is not just a handful of them. If anything, at least acknowledge the massive ass fan projects going on once in awhile to showcase the different avenues.

"Hey Cro, you sure have bitched about this alot. Do you have anything good to say? Why don't you stop reading if you hate it so much!"

Not every comment needs to be golden, love. Again, some of these decisions I eck at, but ultimately they're just words on a computer that I'm not holding anyone at gun point to do, and I'm curious to see how the story handles itself going forward, since again, it's just a fanwork. Sometimes I wish to not only see where the plot goes, but to see a writer's craft in action.

Good Things:

The Art. Again, please have more artists. It'd help so much, especially since the main one is also double timing for VE. That said, HS2 sticks out to me because of the way the color composition is used. Aside from hair and other tiny things, I haven't seen black used a lot, which makes colors pop. It's really nice to look at. I hope we get more sharper styles of character in the future, since it builds on nostalgia and makes the trolls feel much less like they're from Repiton, but I can deal with it for the most part. I also like that one panel where the omega kids and vriska are talking in the dark room, and based on where they're standing, the text aligns. Tasty as hell.

Meat and Candy still do hold neat logic in the direction the stories go. Candy, while it could be more tasteless in some areas, is chaotic and too much of a good thing. Meat is having something a little more straightforward, though I'm not sure quite yet where it's going. I always found Candy to be the part of the epilogue that actually entertained me the most, from how much of a surreal Robot Chicken skit at 3am it felt. Sometimes the jokes slapped real nice and made me wonder, going in, how is this monkeys paw gonna play out and, hopefully, make people laugh or smirk like they got a good roast at themself?

The slightly episodic feel of each update is what I wanted from the Epilogues, so it's interesting to see that play out when it comes to switching different perspectives.

The bonus updates get points for featuring characters that a lot of us have been wanting to see for ages.

Hopefully this isn't unpopular, but I think the tension of Yiffy's introduction was nicely composed and written (ignoring some of the things I wish for Jane). It leaves you with enough want to see what'll happen next time. You could also say that despite her growling and making a lot of noise, it's not actually bad writing: I see it as the audience being forced to see her in the same perspective that Jane see's her; a dog. Upon no context we're seeing the same thing while knowing things are obviously off, and once we see this character in a new environment where their personality shines, it'll have a bigger impact her own character being humanized. So I like that.

Okay, I think that's all I got. I improv wrote most of this; hopefully I won't be taken out of context since I don’t think that HS2′s writing should ultimately be a judgement of the writers as people, nor treated as if they should hold the same unhealthy work environment that Andrew forced himself to do when writing the og comic. And I'm still like, donating to the patreon and everything, lol.

[runs away]

edit: i was going to put the cw as another positive thing for the comic...but...yeaaaah.

#hs2 #beyond canon #homestuck 2 //#i ran out of room so i posted this here lol.

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artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

Come on Baby, the Laugh Is on Me (Biadore) - Tanawrites

A/N - hey all! First time writing for this pairing so feel free to leave any constructive criticism, I honestly would love to hear any feedback as I’m my own beta at the moment. Using Bianca (she/her) and Adore (she/her) just because they’re in drag for the most part but am a firm believer of switching to he/him when they’re out of drag.

SUMMARY - AU in which both queens had never entered RPDR and met through doing the same gigs instead. Young, new drag queen on the scene Adore Delano can’t help butting heads with Bianca Del Rio, a self-proclaimed old seasoned queen who just doesn’t have the patience for her. Somewhat based on the comedy challenge in season 6 where Adore bombs (if Bianca had stepped in and helped her recover).

“Bianca!”

Only a well-trained hand stopped Bianca from jolting and smearing her otherwise perfect line or worse, stabbing herself in the eye in response to the sudden yell. Her hand drew away, eyeliner dangling midair and her eyebrow raised as much as she dared before her set.

“I have another twenty five minutes to get ready and you know an old hag like me needs every second of it.”

“The new girl, she’s dying out there.”

“And? Welcome to drag, queen.”

“C’mon, Bianca. She needs help and they’re all your regulars out there. Just go out, say Adore is a good friend of yours and everything will be fine.”

“Lying to the people. How original. Like the men in wigs weren’t enough, now we have to pretend to all be ‘sisters’ as well.”

A heavy sigh and a few more strokes under her eye, Bianca stood up and shooed past the show-runner. She pushed through a few layers of curtains, ignoring how closely the organiser was following behind her, practically jabbing her in the back with his clipboard to hurry up. She’d like to see him walk faster in heels with his dick taped between his ass cheeks.

To put it bluntly, as she often did, Bianca didn’t really like Adore. She didn’t like the little to no effort in appearance, the blasé attitude, the different approach that these younger queens were taking to drag with. Where she came from, drag was hard work and you only succeeded at it if you were willing to put the time in. Not just stumbling in hungover from the night before and hoping things would work out.

She didn’t feel responsible to help the younger drag queen either. It had been a long time since she’d been booed off a stage or people didn’t laugh for her jokes. That didn’t mean it had never happened though and that was a big part in learning for Bianca. Builds character to not always be adored, she thought to herself.

Since the younger queen had started popping up at most of Bianca’s usual gigs, she hadn’t heard of Adore flatlining though so she knew something about tonight must be different. The audience usually ate up listening to Adore curse, dance around the stage in whatever baggy yet revealing outfit Adore liked to pass off as “grunge” and her usual skit about pizza, party, being a chola from Azusa.

Nothing seemed unusual about the way Danny had rushed into the dressing room ten minutes before he was supposed to start and hurried about transitioning into Adore. Then again, Bianca wasn’t paying that much attention to him to pick up on anything that was wrong. That wasn’t personal though, just how Roy always got ready. Quietly and methodically as he painted his face into Bianca.

Pressing one hand gently to her hair, Bianca took another second to check her appearance in the small mirror on the wall before she was taking the microphone that was pushed rather unceremoniously towards her and stepping out onto the stage as well.

“Well, well, well. Who the hell do we have here?” She rasped into the microphone confidently, truly letting Roy take the backseat as Bianca commanded her usual spot as centre of attention, moving to where Adore looked visibly uncomfortable.

That’s your first mistake, Bianca noted, showing any kind of weakness allowed the few hecklers Bianca could still hear from the back of the club feel like they had an opening. She couldn’t help but feel a twinge of something close to compassion for the young queen as she spoke directly to the hecklers, telling them to shut up or at least fine tune their insults to be entertaining. These bastards could be rough sometimes and hell, she was just a kid once as well.

It only grew when Adore went to make her way off the stage, her expression clearly distraught. And who wouldn’t after having the next drag queen come on stage early but Bianca wouldn’t accept that and quickly intercepted. She slung one arm around Adore’s waist - uncinched waist, she noticed with a hint of amusement at how much confidence this young queen seemed to have and sent a quick reassuring wink that was purely for Adore before turning back to the crowd.

“I see you’ve all met my friend Adore Delano but have any of you heard her sing?”

After Adore’s and her own set’s time was up, she found herself still cackling at something Adore had said in their goodbye as they made their way backstage.

She didn’t know how they had gotten through the rest of Adore’s set as well as the entirety of her own as a duo but it had felt natural to keep going with the rhythm they’d eventually found together. Once Bianca had prompted Adore to sing, it was like the curse had broken immediately and the audience were back to practically worshipping the air Adore was breathing. She didn’t blame them either - Adore was mesmerising to watch perform.

Honestly she was surprised Adore hadn’t thought of it herself - Bianca wasn’t afraid to admit that Adore could truly sing. In fact, it was the only compliment she’d ever given Adore. After the first night she’d watched her on stage, she couldn’t help but applaud with the rest of the queens as they de-dragged at the end of the night when Adore walked in. The kid certainly had a set of lungs on her so Bianca couldn’t work out why that wasn’t a go-to for her when she couldn’t win over the crowd.

Bianca was more surprised how well their humour bounced off each other though. It was all too easy to poke fun at the younger queen because she’d been thinking most of it for months now. She felt herself softening as Adore served the banter right back to her though, not expecting such a sharp tongue. She was impressed. As much as she was known for being old and bitter, she was fair as well and would give credit where credit was due.

“I can’t believe that just happened.” Adore looked back at Bianca, clearly still feeling the adrenaline of a well received show. It was cute, Bianca had to admit to herself as she followed closely behind Adore.

“What part? Where you somehow forgot your whole script or the fact that you’re actually funny? Because I can’t believe it either,” Bianca quipped back but the smile she said with it said she was more amused than anything.

Apparently it hadn’t phased Adore either way though because she was still grinning from ear-to-ear as she slumped into the chair right beside Bianca’s in the dressing room.

“No seriously dude, that was awesome. Like I was totally drowning up there but we were so good.”

Bianca couldn’t help a small eye roll as she sat in her own chair, already bending to release her feet from the tight constraint of her heels.

“Some nights the crowd just aren’t picking up what you’re serving to them so I’m glad I could help, queen. You were great after you got out of your head.”

Then before she knew what was happening, she felt long arms curling around her shoulders and a barely combed wig against her cheek.

“Really, thank you for coming out there with me. And letting me totally hijack your set too. It was cool of you, so not like what we all say about you.”

Bianca laughed at that, reaching around to rub Adore’s shoulder a few times before they pulled away. “Don’t mention it. Seriously, don’t. Everyone will be up my ass to come perform with them if you start squealing.”

Adore looked like she had more to say but Bianca watched her expression change a few times, almost like she was reconsidering what to say each time. Bianca didn’t give herself a moment to consider her own thoughts, not wanting to read too much into them, before she was leaning forward to catch Adore’s gaze in the mirror.

“How about we do this, we get the fuck out of drag and I’ll take you to this bar down the street a bit. The first drink is on me.”

It seemed like it took a second for the offer to sink in for Adore and Bianca could understand, she hadn’t exactly been accommodating or particularly warm at all. So she was relieved when a smile, sweeter than she’d seen on stage or even towards any other queens when they were having a kiki after a show, broke across Adore’s face and she nodded.

“Okay, we’ll do it. Get a move on then, Delano. This clown make-up comes off a hell of a lot quicker than it goes on.”

#rpdr fanfiction #bianca del rio #adore delano #biadore #fluff #m/m au #come on baby the laugh is on me #tanawrites #concrit welcome #queen au

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crowdedimagines · 5 years

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Dodgeball - Harry Styles

summary// this is based on the james corden dodgeball video (even though it won’t play out the exact same) the reader is famous and is on the usa team and goes against her boyfriend on the uk team

I shouldn’t have been surprised that James would want us both to participate. When he called Harry the first thing he asked was if I was there.

“Uh, yeah. She’s right here next to me.”

I look up from my phone to see what Harry is talking about. I didn’t even hear his phone ring. He holds out his phone and puts it on speaker.

“Y/n, you there?” A voice calls out.

James called. That’s who is asking Harry if I’m there.

“Hi, James! Yes, I’m here.” I laugh slightly.

I send Harry and confused look and his expression matches mine. Well, he doesn’t know what this is about either. Harry and I have both been on his show promoting different things several times. Never has he called us on speaker phone together.

“I was wondering if you both would like to come on Late Late for a skit. We’re playing a game of team dodgeball, USA versus the UK.”

I can’t wipe off the grin now, I love competition.

“We’d love to.” I answer, I look over and Harry is smirking.

“Are you sure, love? Don’t want you to be too sad when you lose.” He reaches a hand toward me, I smack it away.

“I don’t think we’ll be worrying about that.”

A couple of weeks pass and soon enough, the game day is here. Harry and I have been smack talking the entire time. Shortly after the call from James, I found out that I am on Michelle Obama’s team along with several other celebs.

“This is going to be fun.” I grin as I take off my seatbelt before we walk towards the entrance of the gym.

“Yeah, I’m excited.” He reaches out his hand for mine. “I can’t wait to win.”

“Pffft.” I snort, “Why do you think you’re going to win?”

“Because the UK is better in every way.”

“Not sports.” I smile.

“We’ll see about that.” He rolls his eyes jokingly.

“Care to bet on it?” My grin getting wider.

“I would love to.” He turns to face me, he holds out his pinky. This is our usual way to place bets. “Our usual wager?”

“Yeah.” I smirk. “I win, I’m in charge tonight. You win, you’re in charge tonight.”

This is always our wager when we bet on things. Sex. We both still win in the end that way.

We make our way into the gym, both of us are still giddy and excited about what is going to come after this now.

James explains the rules to the camera and to us before we start our first round. I race forward and grab a ball, I notice Harry is one of the first up there too. He throws the ball and it hits Melissa McCarthy. I manage to get Benedict out which makes me proud. In a single moment of victory, Harry manages to get a ball and hits me in the shoulder with it.

My jaw drops and I turn to look at him. He has this perfectly guilty smile on his face.

“It’s just a game, love.” He yells, still laughing to himself as I walk over to the bench.

“Yeah, just remember who you have to go home with tonight.”

He cuts me a look knowing the double meaning to my words.

The game carries out and the UK team ends up winning the first round. They dance around like dorks cheering while Michelle gives us a pep talk. Harry points at me and holds up a one for their win.

“How are you doing, Y/n?” Mila Kunis asks with a laugh as she looks across to Harry to gesture to him. There has been smack talk since we are the only couple against each other.

“I’m fine, I’m going to destroy him next round.”

“Yeah, I don’t know what I would do if Ashton was on the other team.” She rolls her eyes.

Soon enough the second round starts and this time I stay back a bit. I wait for a ball to come to me. It doesn’t take long, James throws the ball and I manage to catch it. Michelle gets Benedict out while Harry gets Kate out.

I take the play right out of his book. He turns his back for only a second and I throw it as hard as I can. It launches through the air and nails him in the back.

“In the back? Really?” Harry laughs and feigns hurt.

It’s totally fair, even if he’s denying it. He turned his back on the game was his mistake.

“It’s just a game, love.” I say his earlier words back to him.

I get Reggie out and that’s game. Round two goes to team USA. It’s our turn to cheer obnoxiously and dance around. I point to him and he shakes his head.

We get into positions for the third and final round. The tiebreaker.

They blow the whistle and we all tear off to get a ball. Mila, Kate, and I all get a ball. Harry and James get the other two.

This game lasts longer than the other two rounds. We slowly all lose people, until finally we’re down to just two people.

Harry versus me.

“I’m not so sure this is good for the relationship.” Harry says loud enough for me to hear.

“Why? Every relationship needs some healthy competition.” I laugh.

“You have that evil look in your eyes, love.” He scrunches up his nose with an adorable smile on his face.

“Ugh, shut up.”

Harry starts to wind up to throw the ball, but I beat him to the chase. I throw the ball and he tries to jump out of the way, but it still manages to hit him. He drops to the ground in defeat which easily makes me chuckle.

Everyone breaks out in a cheer. The girls run over and give hugs, the room fills with confetti. After talking to the girls I walk over to the other side of the gym to Harry. He starts a slow clap when he sees me coming, jokingly I take a bow.

“Well done.”

“Thank you.”

I pull him in for a hug and he spins around, the confetti still falling around us.

“Congrats, honestly.” He puts me back down, my arms are still wrapped around his neck while his are at my waist, “It was a good game.”

We go to a small stage to get the award which makes everyone cheer again. We finish everything else out for filming and we get to go home. Harry and I walk out, his arm hung over my shoulders.

“Maybe we should start playing more sports against each other.” Harry brings up the idea.

“I don’t know if your ego can take me winning over and over.”

There are few things I love more than teasing Harry. He’s too easy to get riled up.

“Wow, someone is feeling awfully cocky.” He smirks looking down at me.

“I am. I kicked your ass today. Plus, I won so that means I’m in-charge tonight.”

I let my hand trace lightly down his chest.

“You minx.” he mutters, his breath catching in his throat, “What do you have in mind?”

“Now, why would I ruin the surprise? I can’t tease you that way.”

He ruffles up my hair making me push him away.

“I’ll race you to the car.”

“You’re on.”

#harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles x read #harry styles x you #harry styles gif #Harry Styles #james corden #dodgeball #harry styles au

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bisquett · 5 years

Text

Mobbed (David Dobrik x Reader)

Summary: You and the vs go out to eat and get mobbed by fans.

Warnings: assault

A/N: build up is insane in this one! I enjoyed writing it aaa, hope you like it! –Olivia

“David, you’ve been under that same blanket for 5 hours” Jason accused, your eyes traveled until you found David, a blanket barely covering his body, his eyes sleepy.

“All I’m saying” David lifted his palms “We can order something and have a nice chat, here”

“We’re always in your house!” Jason exploded, you chuckled, you loved to see Jason and David’s dynamics. “All day! Everyday! And you just nap! Who’s the lazy piece of shit now?”

David giggled.

“Listen, old fuck” he rubbed his face. “It- it’s just a waste of time, Jason, don’t you see it?”

“We can have a meal, at a nice restaurant. Get your head out of your ass for one second” Jason yelled, Joe was now recording their back and forth nonsense.

“What? Ok-ok, think about this” he said, sitting up. His hood was covering the messy hair. “We drive there, 20 minutes just lost” he made a poof motion with his fingers “If we’re lucky and don’t have to wait for a table, we order, right? 45 minutes to an hour, gone”

“Are you listening to him, Natalie?” Jason asked, shaking his head.

“Shut up” David cut him off “Then, we eat, another half an hour lost. I can just order a bunch of food for all of us, sleep, eat and sleep again”

“I’ll go with you Jason” Natalie spoke for the first time since she came out of her room. David gave her the biggest eye roll.

“Finally, some common sense” Jason said.

“I’ll go too” you chimed in. David looked at you, just for a second but you noticed it, you shrugged at Jason and turned to Natalie, showing her some outfit you saw on Instagram.

“Well if we’re going…” Joe turned off his camera.

“Fuck, I’ll drive” David sighed and walked to his room.

Joe bailed last minute so, when you got there, you picked a booth, with Zane you’ll be five so you all could squeeze in a booth no problem.

Natalie slips first and you sit next to her. In front of you Jason was next to the wall, in front of Natalie and David was sitting right in front of you.

“What are you having, Y/n?” David asks, his menu now closed.

“I’m thinking Cheese Ravioli” you said, your mouth watering instantly “So good and so bad at the same time, what about you?”

“Probably Chicken Alfredo” he said “Most definitely, actually” he smiled and put his hat backwards.

“Mr. Health is having Chicken Alfredo?” you raised your eyebrows.

“It’s my cheat day” a tiny smile “Anyway, don’t tell Chris. I’ve been so bad with training lately. And I’ve been doing all those mukbangs with Joe” he sighed and shook his head.

“Chicken Alfredo sounds like treason now” you dramatically said. “Can’t allow this under my watch, I’ll have half your plate so you don’t mess up that badly”

David leaned back into his seat and laughed.

“You can have half my plate if I can have yours” He proposed, his elbows now on the table, his hands folded.

“Awwwwwww” Jason teased looking at you both.

“Shit” He backed off, his hands falling on his lap, a slight blush on her cheeks “Fuck off Jason”

“You ruined their trade” Natalie added, not maliciously but curious and amused.

Before the situation became awfully awkward, the waiter showed up. You all ordered, ordered for Zane too, who was ‘almost there’.

The chat was circling on what can they do for tonight’s vlog. A skit was discussed, a party montage. You were silent, you barely had any input in the vlogs.

“Daddy Zane is here” you heard and smiled before turning around. “Scoot over” he asked making a hand movement. David rolled his eyes but complied. It was a funny sight. The three men squeezed together in a booth. Your eyes, however, stayed on David. He was stuck in the middle and looked miserable. “Did you guys order?”

“Yes, like 15 minutes ago” Natalie replied.

Zane nodded and pushed David to the left a little bit to have more space. David sighed. Zane grabbed his juul out of his pocket.

“Stop Juuling” David whispered yelled at Zane but he did it anyways.

“We’re going to get kicked out” Natalie added.

“There goes my nice, peaceful meal” Jason hit the table.

“Oh my god” Zane lazily said “Chill out, people, you’re giving me a headache.” With every word he said, a little bit of smoke was coming out of his lips.

You looked at the scene, it was a live action cartoon. Your smile dropped a little when you saw two waiters whispering to each other and discreetly pointing at your table.

Natalie saw the same “We are getting kicked out”

“What you mean?” David asked and turned around as best as he could.

“Maybe they just want a photo. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves” Jason tried to calm everyone down.

“I did one hit, that can’t be true” Zane said, looking at his juul with furrowed eyebrows. “Must be something else”

“I think it’s something else” you agreed.

You didn’t get any answers and the topic died quickly. Food was served shorty after and everyone was busy eating.

“Where you guys are heading?” Zane asked when you finally paid the bill and were walking to the doors.

“We can go back to my place” David replied, nodding at the door guy.

“Tight” Zane agreed, “See you there” he said, walking back and heading to the opposite direction, where his car must’ve been parked.

David looked around with squinted eyes “Can we stop at McDonald’s?”

You snorted.

“No, David, I’m on a diet” Jason lamented.

“I’m not tho” he pointed at Jason with a smile, raising his eyebrows.

“You are, tho” Natalie corrected him, mocking him.

They proceeded to mock each other’s voices.

“Let’s go” you broke the argument, pushing David so he’d get going. “You three fight like a married trio, married to each other”

“That’s gross” David said. “He’s my son”

“David!” a girl’s voice you didn’t recognize called him, he turned around. A group of three girls with their phones already out were looking at him, “Can we get a picture?” you immediately let go of him.

“Sure!” he answered, looked to you for a second and walked up to them.

You were left alone, Jason and Natalie engaged in a casual talk a few feet back once they saw fans approaching. You turned around, facing David again, only to find that those three girls were 9 now. Every single one of them with his phone up, probably recording him.

You heard a “Jason! Can I get a picture?” in the back. You heard Jason agree. A few girls called Natalie’s name, excited. You looked back a little and saw Jason and Natalie speaking with some fans.

Before you had time to get bored, a girl approached you and asked you for a picture. You said yes, but it felt so weird, so out of place. You smiled and thanked the girl.

Your heart jumped when your eyes searched for David and couldn’t find him, those 10 girls were now probably a couple of dozen people. But more and more were coming, girls covering their mouth and with their phones pointed at the multitude. You spotted David in the middle of the small crowd. You turned back to where Natalie and Jason were, you couldn’t find them.

Everything suddenly moved like a dream, oddly slow. You were pushed more into the crowd. You let them.

Your eyes were looking for David desperately, you spotted him again. Strangers’ hands on his hair, on his chest. He looked uncomfortable and anxious, he was trying to smile but now it was only a tight line smile. You could hear him “Please, guys. Move back.”

“I can’t take pictures right now, sorry” he looked around but all he saw were strangers’ faces, everywhere he looked. Y/n was beside him just minutes ago and now she was not.

They started to tug on his clothes, his hat was suddenly gone “Please, could you please move back?” he shouted as nicely as he could.

“David can you please say hi to my roommate Christine?” “David!” “Oh my god, I can’t believe he’s real” “Yes Morgan, he’s still here, come quick!”

All things he was hearing; his head was spinning. He felt short of breath, suddenly the wall of 50 people around him felt like it was crushing his lungs. He felt hands on his chest, on his hair, on his butt. He tried to pull away but more hands followed, screams.

“David!” he heard a familiar voice and a firm grip on his wrist. He looked at your hand and he quickly looked up. “Let’s go!” you mouthed, behind you a tall guy who was making a path for you to follow, your grip on his wrist grew firmer as you pulled him. Your other hand was grasping tightly to that man’s shirt.

David felt a little ripping sound and his sweater giving up a little when he followed you, but he kept walking, he was shut down, looking down at your feet moving, his moving behind yours.

The noise was gone as soon as the metal door was shut. You sighed, looking around. David blinked a few times and looked at his surroundings, looked at you.

“Y/n” he walked to you and wrapped you in a tight hug. “Oh my god, are you okay?” He buried his face on your shoulder. You could hear his heartbeat; his heart was beating so fast it sounded like it was going to jump out of his chest. “I was so scared. - I’m sorry, are you okay?” He pulled away a little.

“I’m okay, I’m okay” you said.

“I was looking around and I didn’t see you, I freaked out” he was talking so fast. “How? How did you do that?”

You then remember the guy who helped you, you broke the hug and turned around. “He helped me. Thank you so much.” you told the guy who came to you when you were in the middle of the crowd. He shrugged.

“I saw you guys at the restaurant, I knew my little sister watched you guys and I called her, I didn’t know it would become this mess. I’m sorry” He said, looking at you both, David was still in shock so he was pretty quiet. “I only called her, I promise”

“Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault” you assured him.

He nodded but he didn’t look too convinced “I’ll try to find the girl and the man, I’ll be right back” he said and he jogged to what looked like the kitchen.

You were left alone with David.

“David” you called him, firmly.

“Shit, that was terrifying” You took your time to really look at him, his sweater had a little rip and was way too stretched at the collar. His hat was gone. “You shouldn’t have been here, you shouldn’t have lived this, see this.”

“David- I’m fine, I was never in danger” you told him, putting a hand on his shoulder, he grabbed your hand and put it on his cheek.

“I was terrified, if anything would’ve happened to you-” he cut himself off, he kissed the back of your hand “it was all I was thinking” His worried eyes confirmed that he was telling the truth.

“David-”

From the corner of your eye you saw how Natalie and Jason were walking up to you, when they saw the scene, they stopped, not wanting to interrupt.

David didn’t seem to notice, he intertwined his fingers with yours, and pulled in closer until your lips were touching. At first, with the shock you stayed still, not for long though, you kissed him back.

“Fuck, sorry –I didn’t..” he pulled away, shaking his head.

“I did” you cut him off, grabbing his chin, he looked at you.

He smiled, and leaned in for another kiss.

#who am i posting again #david dobrik #david dobrik x reader #vlog squad #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik fluff

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xoruffitup · 4 years

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Adam Driver on SNL: 1/25 Dress Rehearsal Recap

I’m having dejavu of the best kind. I’m sitting here on the bus on my way back from NYC in hungover euphoria and overjoyed disbelief at everything I just experienced, texting new friends and old, recounting everything in my head and smiling so hard. The September 2018 weekend of Adam’s last SNL show lives in my memory in unmatched infamy, so my excitement was off the charts to do it all again. And because this show was absolutely fucking INCREDIBLE, this weekend delivered in every way all over again!! Seriously, my face aches from how I can’t stop smiling aksnksj HELP :’)

My friends and I were in the Dress Rehearsal, so below the cut are retellings of ALLLL the skits including those cut from the Live show - and no small amount of helpless emotional flailing.

I had an idea of what to expect after attending Adam’s 2018 show, but I nevertheless felt sky-high levels of anxiety when Sarah and we arrived at the NBC shop at 6:30. I knew rationally that our chances of getting into Dress were good with numbers #12 - 14, but every now and then there’s the occasional oddity of only a handful of Standby people getting in. Though even without any uncertainty in the equation, my entire being goes on Hyped/Anxious Overdrive anyway whenever I’m about to be in the same space as Adam sO really there’s nothing for it. :’)

They lined us up by numbers, I did a lot of emotional wobbling like “I can’t believe we’re here again together guys waaaah” (have I mentioned I met these girls at Adam’s last show? Full circle moment of the highest and most beautiful caliber and it had me hella verklempt), and thennnn - drumroll and hushed silence please - the main security guy comes up to the giant line and asks the first 20 people to come with him.

As they constantly remind you throughout this thoroughly nerve-wracking process, there is no guarantee you’ll actually get into the show until you’re physically in the seat. It’s a long, harrowing trip from the NBC store where the line gathers, up stairs, elevators, and through hallways to reach the studio, and you can still be cut even as far as the very last checkpoint if all seats fill up with the people ahead of you. So as you get closer, the excitement spikes higher and higher but so does the worry! We went through security, and then I clung to our new Standby line friend Catherine’s arm as they lined us up two-by-two on the first staircase, with Sarah and @reylonly right behind. I was likely extremely annoying as I couldn’t help being rambly and weird in my nerves and compulsively hugging my girls’ arms. @reylonly did her very best to calm my hot mess down, bless her.

About 45 minutes later (Maybe? I had no idea what time was, lbr) we reached the final point of the elevator and last hallway, and were held just outside the studio. THEN - the woman there instructed the next 4 to follow her in (thank GOD because we were terrified of being split up), WE WENT INTO THE STUDIO WHEW YAYAY OMFG WE WERE THERE!!! - but then oh no it happened so fast that she pointed @reylonly down to a single seat in the center and then the other 3 of us to seats towards the left side of the stage. They were all single seats, but thank GOSH they were all end seats of rows right next to each other. So Sarah was right in front of me and I could grab her shoulder (which I would do a lot in increasingly desperate excitement over the next 2 hours), and Catherine and I could reach across the aisle to cling to each other’s hands! @reylonly was on her own but in an incredible seat, and during commercial breaks we would lean forward to wave and blow kisses to each other and mime flailing or crying as one incredible sketch after another played out in front of us. I made sure to be friendly and talk to the people sitting next to me so they wouldn’t be too annoyed with me and Sarah always grabbing at each other, but LOL they probably thought I was at least a little insane. I mean, maybe for the moment alone when I saw a girl I’d made friends with in line but then lost track of in a seat not too far from me, and we started waving and dabbing at each other. Once we were seated there in the studio, all the anxiety gave way to surging excitement and I was practically bouncing in my seat, so overjoyed to be there and see my dear fandom friends there with me!

Michael Che warmed up the audience with some standup, the House band jammed, and Sarah and I momentarily got Extremely Excited when we saw them setting up the hell backdrop set for the cold open and thought at the time it was supposed to be Tattooine for a Star Wars skit, lolol. But then the actual show started, and with our Adam-eagle eyes Catherine reached out to whisper “there he is! In the blonde wig!” And, heart in my throat no matter how many times I see this man in person, I frantically squinted at all the people waiting just off to the side of the set until I saw that unmistakably Tol Broad back, and then he stepped onto the set and into the lighted camera’s view and I was cheering and clapping so hard for his first appearance that I couldn’t hear who he was supposed to be playing. xD I was just tapping Sarah’s shoulder in front of me, bouncing in my seat a little, and trying not to start levitating with the sheer force of my excitement and joy to be there.

OKAY from here I’ll break this up by skit! Anything that was different or missing from the Live show I put in bold font if you want to skip to that! Starting with...

Intro Monologue

WHAT A GOOD MONOLOGUE, ITS LIKE THEY JUST LET ADAM RUN WITH IT AND WRITE IT HIMSELF IT WAS SO HIM AND HILARIOUS AND WEIRD AND YET CHARMING IDEK I WILL NEVER COMPREHEND THE WONDER OF THIS MAN??

So when he dropped the bomb of “I’m a husband and a FATHER” I clapped Sarah’s shoulder SO HARD, then he made he joke “I’ve made it very clear to my son that he’s second in everything” and I could not bELIEVE the wonder of what I was hearing omfg. I heard the words “my son” come out of his mouth with my own ears WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED, SURE AS HELL NOT ME????

Then he went into the audience to demonstrate how “approachable” he is and was so awk/weird/hilarious I was just losing it, then took his time meandering around the stage and making weird faces into the camera and I was just LOSING IT. And AKSKSJA after that he wandered over to another camera that was lower and kind of hummed as he lifted his shirt and put it over the camera so we got a full on belly button view for 2 unbelievable glorious seconds!! He looked up at the monitors as he was doing it and went “oh you can’t see anything” so that’s probably why he sadly didn’t flash his belly in the Live show.

“Cheer” with Adam as one of the team coaches

I’m going by the skit order in Dress, and this one was first after the monologue. Best part for me was the accent reminiscent of Clyde Logan. :3 But tbh, of the 6 skits they did for the Live show, I kind of wish this one had been swapped for the one performed last in Dress that was sO Wild and would have made fandom absolutely lose its shit aksnksal more to come on that.

UNDERCOVER BOSS AKA RANDY THE INTERN

THE BEST GIFT WE COULD HAVE RECEIVED!! BLESS YOU SNL AND ADAM FOR GIVING US KYLO CONTENT TO BE HAPPY OVER AND LOVE WHOLE HEARTEDLY. T___T

Honestly, I cannot even properly describe my reaction when the Undercover Boss intro logo appeared on all the monitors oHMYLoRDDD. I nearly leapt out of my seat, like my heart nearly jumped clear out of my chest oh my fuck and I was legit holding onto Sarah so much I almost slid out of my seat - I just couldn’t believe it and I cheered SO LOUD. The entire audience erupted with this “HOLY SHIT” vibe outburst and I was SO happy to be there in that moment - knowing that our entire fandom was only hours away from this!! I honestly didn’t expect it at all - after they didn’t do one of these the second time Adam was on, I thought there was no chance. But IT HAPPENED AND IT WAS SO QUALITY HILARIOUS WE ARE SO BLESSED - THANK YOU TO RANDY’S LIL BEANIE AND VEST AND HIPSTER PANTS.

Pretty sure I like half curled up on myself laughing so hard my feet left the floor at OK BOOMER. And at the part with “will Rey take his hand?” I swear MY SOUL NEAR LEFT MY BODY I MEAN IS THIS THE REAL LIFE IS THIS JUST FANTASYYYY

..... Can someone come promise me we really didn’t just collectively hallucinate that??

SAG Awards Fashion Red Carpet

I’m not too disappointed this one was cut. Of all the amazing skits performed, I would have ranked this one lower. Adam and Kenan Thompson were fashion critics talking about celebs’ looks on the SAG red carpet. A minute in Adam says, “We should be paying more attention to the kids!” Kenan: *nervous laugh* “uh, should we??” Adam starts talking about/admiring the outfits for like Finn Wolfhard etc, with hilarious but bordering creepy descriptions like “masculine but not quite fully grown,” until Kenan is like “umm maybe we shouldn’t be talking about kids this much?”

They interview a girl who’s supposed to be Jojo Siwa and Adam’s like “you should know I think you’re beautiful. Kids need to hear more often that they’re beautiful.” Kenan panics, going “alRIGHT we’re gonna cut back to the studio now!” The skit ended with Adam: “I got a ticket to the Nickelodeon afterparty and I’m gonna swipe one of those kids in my pocket!”

“Slow” Digital Short

HONESTLY, this competes with Undercover Boss for my favorite skit of the night. I can’t even tell you - I had literal tears running down my face I was laughing SO fucking hard during this entire thing. From the first moment we heard Adam’s deep-ass voice I absolutely and entirely lost my shit oh my GOD. We’d been so pumped for Adam in some kind of rap sketch when we saw the photos of him and Kenan filming the day before, but it was SO FUCKING GOOD. I will never ever in all my days not bust out laughing at “Bring that ass here” and “In a 65 hour lane going 2” aksnskns I’m on the bus struggling to fight back laughter just thinking about it SEND HELP!!!

It’s just brilliant. The turtle next to his expensive loafers. His cheesy sunglasses. That shot of his glorious bare arms. His deep voice “Baby” when they’re at the door and “But I brought ice cream” oh my god I love it so much BLESS YOU SNL BLESS YOU. I never in all my days thought I’d get Adam rapping but it’s every single thing I never knew I needed.

Del Taco Commercial / “Aw Man I’m All Outta Cash!”

ADAM’S SLEAZY LOOKING LONG WIG LMAO. This one was a wild and funny time once you got into it and just let it go. Once Kyle, Beck, and Adam were all yelling the line and Adam went “You don’t want to kill yourself, you just want a taco, Jesus” everyone was ROLLING. I think the only difference (is this even worth color coding lol) was that after Kyle took his pants off Adam kept slapping his thigh during Dress bahaha.

“Hot Dad” Adam dealing with a clogged toilet at a teenaged girls’ sleepover

Adam and Kate McKinnon comedy together YES PLEASE. This one was all the same as far as I can remember, but I will say that a woop/cheer rose from the people sitting near the set for this one at the line about Adam being a “hot Dad.” Yep sounds about right.

(Halsey’s first song, Weekend Update)

Medieval Renaissance Fair

You can’t have Adam host SNL without giving him some ridiculous character skit ala Oil Baron Parnassus. I absolutely loved how intense and deep he was for this kind of nonsense xD We can thank this skit for giving us footage of Adam yelling “Whore!” and spitting, lmao. Also.... I’ll just say in that outfit and wig he looked even Extra Big in comparison to everyone around him.

Courtroom Trial / Sinbad on Cameo

I’m also okay with this one being cut, but I was biased to enjoy the hell out of it live because the set was right in front of where I was sitting and I had such a perfect view of him. <3

Adam was supposed to be the defendant in a case where a female coworker claims he harassed her by sending “threatening” videos. Adam goes up on the stand and the prosecutor asks “are you familiar with these videos?” Cut over to Kenan Thompson, who’s pretending to be Sinbad on the app Cameo, making videos for the woman that are like “Hey you better give Mark a chance! Otherwise he might come after you!” Adam responds with disbelief: “I have no idea who this Sinbad person is and frankly, your honor, this is pissing me off.” Kenan acts a few more videos which keep getting funnier because he keeps eating things or being in crowded public places while filming them. But in the final video he references Adam’s character’s name so it’s clear he was the one requesting the videos. Adam gets all sad on the stand: “It doesn’t matter. No one likes me anyway!” It ends with Kenan as Sinbad crashing into the courtroom in person.

This was more Kenan’s skit as he really was hilarious, but someone had to explain to me afterwards who Sinbad is and how the Cameo app works so I didn’t quite ~get it while watching. BUT more importantly - Adam looked great despite the weird brown wig he had on. During the second of Kenan’s videos when the cameras were on Kenan instead, Adam’s face definitely started quivering with suppressed laughter until he visibly locked it down like NO FOCUS ADAM. Most of my attention stayed fixed on the buttons of his shirt because hOOo boy were they straining! Without me even saying anything, Catherine reached across the aisle for me immediately afterwards and whispered, “That shirt did /not/ fit well.” OH YES I NOTICED >:33

PBS Science Show

Another one which was performed right directly in front of us!! I already knew this was going to be a good one because Adam went right over to the skeleton mannequin when he came on set and started playing with it, like making the arm and wrist wiggle around. The biggest dork cutie you’ll ever see.

He was standing right under me, which meant once he started handling the balloon I got mighty distracted watching his MASSIVE hands around that tiny-looking balloon. >:)) Then I cracked up so hard when he got exasperated and threw something back against the window. WE GOT TO SEE HIM SMASH SOMETHING IN PERSON YESSSS

Ketchup bottles

Oh my GOD EVERYTHING WAS AMAZING ABOUT THIS ONE FROM START TO FINISH. The best part though might have been the prep beforehand. Someone carried the giant Ketchup and hot sauce bottles onto the set before the actors came on and we were like wtf? (For a minute I was triggered remembering Kanye coming on in his Perrier bottle during the 2018 show) But THEN Adam and Cecily Strong came on in big red shirts and people started lifting the giant plastic bottles over them and LOL we realized where this was going. They definitely struggled for a minute getting Adam’s bottle up over his head because of his height xD People in the audience were already laughing just watching this costume set up, and once Adam got the bottle on a WOOT cheer rose which I later learned was none other than @reylonly aka my hero. It was followed by someone yelling “THATS HOT”, which akndosjan made Adam laugh and raise his arms with a hilarious little shimmy in the bottle. He really seemed to be enjoying himself during the whole show, but during this ridiculous and incredibly hilarious skit especially so.

Game Night / Movie Quote Competition

OKAY this is the skit it’s a real tragedy didn’t make it on air! There were lines in this I couldn’t beLiEvE my ears were hearing, and if we ever get a recording I’m pretty sure the fandom would basically implode.

Three couples are sitting around a living room having a game night. Adam is sitting with Kate McKinnon with his arm around her. After they finish playing Settlers of Catan, Heidi Gardner suggests they play a movie quote game where one of them says a line from a movie and the rest have to guess the movie. She is clearly very into it, and the others reluctantly agree. It quickly becomes clear that Adam is just as good at the game as she is, and they immediately start becoming competitive. They reach the point where they quote three lines from Captain Phillips in a row, trying to trick each other. As the game gets more heated, they exchange aggressive flirty banter such as:

Heidi: You really know your movie quotes, huh? Adam: Yeah I do. Heidi: And with some BDE over there. Adam: Yeah, I got that too.

AND !!!!!!!!!!

Heidi: You’re quite the movie flick daddy. Adam: I’m the world’s biggest flick daddy.

!!!!!!!!! HE CALLED HIMSELF A DADDY HELP CALL 911 EMERGENCY !!!!!!!!!!

The game keeps escalating until Kate tries to calm Adam down and he brushes her off. Everyone else tries to tell Heidi to relax, and she responds “What?! I’m supposed to lie back and let (Kate’s character’s name)’s hot husband rail me??”

I WAS FLOATING ON THE CEILING BY THIS POINT, I literally couldn’t believe what my ears were hearing alsdfjsldafjlsdkfj!

It gets to the point where they’re both standing, shouting completely vague snippets of lines at each other while the other continues to guess correctly. Until finally Adam exclaims, “I got a good one!” He grabs her and fULL ON kisses her.

(Pictures from The Adam Driver Files twitter.)

Immediately afterwards she goes, “I know! That was the kiss from (Movie X - I can’t remember the exact title).” Adam: “HOW DID YOU KNOW?!” Heidi: “From how you moved your tongue!”

I’m still reeling from this one. Adam calling himself a daddy, talk of “getting railed” by him, and intense kissing?! Oh my lORDDDD. I’m still trying to keep it playing on a loop in my ears. I’m not sure if we as a fandom could collectively survive a full video of this, but GOD I hope we get the chance to test ourselves. RELEASE THE UNAIRED VIDEO, YOU NBC COWARDS!!!

FLICK DADDY INDEED

...Aaaaaaand that was a wrap! After 10 skits and nearly 2.5 hours, it literally felt like I had run a marathon at a full sprint. I was just trying to process everything I’d just witnessed, while trying to focus on committing every single thing to memory. I just couldn’t believe the range of amazing and hilarious things I’d just seen Adam doing: Play a talking ketchup bottle, call himself a daddy, awkwardly talk about feminine products clogging his toilet, yell “WHORE” then spit and swing a medieval mace around, rap hilariously, and yell about umami?? It was all almost TOO MUCH.

For full-circle and emotional fulfillment reasons, I wore my Save Ben Solo shirt to the show just like I did at the 2018 show. I had debated beforehand whether it would be too bittersweet to wear it after TROS, but now I’m so glad I did. All these hilarious and zany skits were just what we all needed to continue the cycle of fandom excitement and positivity despite the last month. I’m so incredibly grateful to SNL for such great material for Adam to work with and us to laugh at, and for giving us the perfect reminder that there’s still so much to whole-heartedly appreciate and love. Most of all, Adam himself. <3

THANK YOU SNL AND ADAM FOR ANOTHER LIFE-HIGHLIGHT WEEKEND! <3

#Adam Driver #Saturday Night Live #SNL #driverdaily

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thewintersoldierdisaster · 5 years

Text

happy “david’s hosting snl” day!! enjoy this little smutty fic that i wrote in honor of the occasion :)

Hopper yawns and leans his head back against the couch, eyes closing slowly. You wrinkle your nose at him even though he can’t see it and nudge his side. “Jim!” you say quietly. “You’re falling asleep.” “‘M not,” he protests, grabbing your hand and holding it against his chest so you can’t poke him anymore.

“You are!” you complain, wedging your body closer to his on the couch. You fling a leg over his lap and Hopper’s free hand drops to rest heavily on your thigh. “I thought you were going to watch Saturday Night Live with me?” Hopper yawns again and rolls his head so his cheek is resting on the back of the couch and he’s looking at you. He blinks lazily, “I’m sittin’ here, aren’t I?” His lips curl into a wry smirk and you lean forward to kiss it off of him. The hand on you thigh slides up to cup at the curve of your ass and you shift so you can straddle Hopper’s lap. He grins into your mouth and plants his other hand on your rib cage, thumb brushing against the underside of your breast. You lean into his touch and loop your arms around his neck. His cock is growing hard under your ass and you smirk. “You have to actively pay attention,” you mumble breathlessly when you pull away from the kiss. Hopper’s hands continue their exploration of your body, sliding under your t-shirt. You shiver against the feeling of his calloused fingertips pressing into your skin. “What if I actively pay attention to something else?” he suggests, pressing hot kisses down the column of your neck. His beard scratches your skin and you giggle at the sensation. “Aw, come on, Hop,” you sigh, “I never ask you for anything.” You feel his laugh against your skin before you hear it. His chest vibrates under yours and the puff of air against your overheated skin feels good. “Sweetheart, I can’t even believe you can say that with a straight face,” he teases, his voice a deep rumble against your collarbone. “I only make gentle suggestions,” you sniff, threading your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and tugging gently. Hopper lets out a low growl and bites a quick mark just below your collarbone - where it’ll be hidden by a sweater for work tomorrow. You sink further into him, his hardening cock pressing into the seam of your ass as you rock back and forth. “Gonna kill me,” he mutters against your skin. “Who’d I watch Saturday Night Live with then?” you retort, gasping as Hopper’s mouth dips under the loose neck of your old shirt to suck gently at your nipple. A low moan slips past your lips and your brain short circuits briefly. Hopper’s fingers gently knead into the tight muscles of your lower back, giving you a little massage even as he rocks his hips up into yours. The boxer shorts he’s wearing do nothing to disguise the feeling of the blunt head of his cock pressing into your core. You wiggle on his lap, desperate for some friction to ease the throbbing between your thighs. “Jim...” you whine his name, before sucking in a harsh breath when one of his hands plunges into your shorts, two thick fingers entering you without warning. “Oh!” you gasp, throwing your head back and giving his mouth easy access to press tiny, biting kisses to your neck. “Whatta ya want, baby?” he rasps, plunging his fingers in and out of you. “More,” you gasp, hands scrabbling at his shoulders as your hips work in time with his fingers. He curls his index finger inside of you and bumps against your clit, sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. “Jesus,” you mutter, dropping your head forward and resting your forehead against Hopper’s shoulder. “Come on, sweetheart, just a little more,” Hopper grins, encouraging you before adding a third finger. “Fuuuck,” you moan. You feel impossibly full with Hopper’s fingers and grind against them, heat coiling low in your stomach. He pumps in and out of you a few more times, fingers slick with your arousal. The sound his pumping fingers make as they plunge into you is nearly obscene and you’re briefly glad that El is staying at the Byers’ house tonight. The muscles in your body tense up and you grip Hopper’s biceps with bruising force as he plunges his fingers inside you again and curls them, sending you over the edge of a powerful orgasm. You ride the aftershocks with his fingers still inside of you and your body slumped over his chest. Hopper’s other hand idly twists into your hair. The opening notes of Saturday Night Live’s theme music play softly and you lift your head from Hopper’s shoulder. “Hey,” you accuse, poking him in the chest, “you tried to orgasm me out of wanting to watch my show!” Hopper’s eyebrows raise into his hairline. “Are you serious?” he asks, disbelief coloring his tone. He withdraws his fingers from you, wiping them on his boxers. “You’re complainin’ about sex now?” He shifts underneath you and you’re reminded that his erection hasn’t been dealt with. You wince a little, but frown. “I’m not complaining about sex, Jim! I’m complaining about the diversionary tactics you’re using to get out of watching a show with me,” “You’re crazy,” he mutters, rolling his eyes. “I don’t get why you even care so much? S’not like this guy’s any good or anything.” “It’s not my fault you don’t like science fiction shows,” you retort, rolling off of his lap and landing back in your designated spot on the couch. Hopper grimaces at the loss of pressure, his hand almost immediately finding his cock and absentmindedly stroking at it. You nudge his hand away with your own and continue talking as you give him a hand job. “This is one of the most popular shows on TV! Everyone’s talking about it and having the main actor host Saturday Night Live is such a good gig for him.” Hopper’s cock twitches in your hand and he raises an eyebrow at you. “I see what you’re doin’ an’ I’m not gonna argue with ya,” he mutters, dropping his head back and enjoying the feel of your hand on his throbbing cock. “Good,” you grin cheekily. “Maybe you’ll even enjoy the show once you’re all relaxed.” “Doubt it,” Hopper retorts, cracking one eye open and looking at you sideways. You apply a little more pressure, even as the opening titles are starting, and Hopper inhales sharply. “Ah,” you chastise, “you have to be quiet. I don’t want to miss any of the monologue.” “Got a crush or somethin’?” Hopper rolls his eyes - in annoyance or pleasure, you’re not sure. But there’s definitely a tinge of jealously in his tone. “Only on you, baby,” you grin, pressing a sloppy kiss to his bearded cheek, “only on you.” Hopper winks lazily at you, curling one arm around your shoulders as you hand pumps him a little faster. He grunts at the speed, “Can’t believe I’m competin’ with some TV actor for your attention.” There’s no malice in his grumble and you giggle. “Oh, don’t be so whiny. Who’ve I got my hands on here?” You drift your thumb over the red, oversensitive head of his cock and Hopper groans. On the TV, the monologue gives way to the first commercial break and you quickly drop to your knees in front of the couch. Hopper looks down at you and before he can ask what you’re doing - even though it should be obvious - you suck the tip of his cock into your mouth. “Fuck!” Hopper’s voice is strangled and his hands fly to grip the back of your head. You grin around his thick cock, sucking him down further. Hopper thrusts his hips up involuntarily, his cockhead hitting the back of your throat. You suppress a little gag and drool slides past your lips. “Sweetheart...” Hopper grunts, his balls tightening as you lick the underside of his cock. “Hmm?” you take him back in your mouth and hum around him, one hand holding onto his thigh and the other cupping his tensed balls. His hand tightens in your hair and you know he’s only a few seconds away from release. You suck harder on his cock, taking nearly all of him into your mouth and swallow, the force causing his cock head to hit against the roof of your mouth. Hopper comes with a strangled moan, hot cum filling your mouth. You gag a little as it hits the back of your throat, but swallow it down. Once his cock starts softening in your mouth and you know he’s spent, you release him with a ‘pop’ and wipe the drool and stray cum from your mouth, grinning at him winningly as you tuck him back into his boxers. “Feeling more relaxed?” you ask, crawling back up into the couch and draping your body over his. Hopper’s arms wrap around your body, heavy and warm, and you cuddle into his chest. “Jesus, sweetheart,” Hopper chuckles, “that was probably the fastest turn from a hand job to a blow job I’ve ever seen.” You wink and nod your head towards the TV, where the commercials are ending and Saturday Night Live is starting up again. “Gotta give my full attention to my other boyfriend for the next hour and a half,” you tease. “Brat,” Hopper mutters affectionately, pinching your ass. You swat his hand away and shush him. He, mercifully, remains silent so you can watch, chuckling a little when he finds a joke or skit particularly funny. You smile to yourself every time you feel his chest vibrate with laughter. “You know,” you observe quietly during the next commercial break, “you guys look a little similar.” Hopper scoffs under his breath. “That guy? No way. I don’t see it.” “Really!” you insist. “If he grew a beard or if you shaved....” you trail off, shrugging a bit. “Nah,” Hopper dismisses you. “I’m never shavin’ and besides, we don’t look alike at all.” “Don’t worry,” you pat his chest consolingly, “I still think you’re much more handsome.” He opens his mouth to respond, but the commercial ends and you shush him. With an eye roll, he catches who the main players are in the skit and mutters, “Another one of these Julia Dreyfus sketches? They gotta get rid of her - she’s not funny at all. That John Belushi, he was funny. Shame he died. Show hasn’t been the same since him.” “I knew you liked this show!” you shout triumphantly, wiggling in his arms to face him. “I didn’t even know you back when Belushi was on the show so you had to have watched it of your own free will!” “Aw, shaddup, will ya?” Hopper mutters, the tips of his ears going red. “No!” you bounce up on your knees and poke at his bicep. “Why do you always have to be so grumpy? How difficult would it have been to tell me you like the show and you’d watch with me?” “It’s alright,” Hopper drawls quietly, grabbing at your wrists again to stop your incessant poking. “I don’t watch all the time and I think most of ‘em aren’t as funny as they think they are.” You roll your eyes and sigh dramatically. “You’re impossible, Jim Hopper!” He nudges your hip and juts his chin at the TV, “Your boyfriend’s back on.” You settle back against his chest and warn, “This isn’t over, Jim. I’ll get you to admit you like SNL.” His arms wrap around you again and you feel him rest his chin on the top of your head. “If they manage to make it a whole episode without tryin’ to make me think that Robert Downey Jr. is funny, I just might agree.” You wince at the mention of the cast’s most unfunny member. “I don’t know what they were thinking, hiring him. Poor thing’s never going to make it big. He’d be better off leaving Hollywood.” Hopper nods his agreement and you both lapse into a comfortable silence, punctuated every few minutes by laughter. The episode flies by and sure you enjoyed watching one of your favorite actors successfully host the show, but you enjoyed being wrapped comfortably in Hopper’s arms, laughing together, even more.

tag list: @0hour9am @joemhazzello @technicallykawaiisoul @loonimoonylooni @fangirlinginspace@pixiehex1985 @harleyh1989 @fingersock1 @bitch4bagels @pulplorrd @wearethebrokenones@crazyonesarethebest @thatisthemagic @thatprettymvthafvcka @daniphee @hufflepuff25@pwoperfangirl @laneygthememequeen @ayatimascd @kakyoin-cherryboy @justalittlebum@anxietysasshole @l0ve-0f-my-life @billyrussosbutt @onceuponathreetwoone @hartonsleeve-blog @ithisismyusernamebitch @daydreamerzk @coolgh0st @w0nder-marie @cainanelea @leia-saveourskins @happy-hopper @that-aesthetic-wannabe @winterxblogger @girlwiththenegantattoo@gellus-bitches @anmactireaonair @yipthegoddess @thesimsnextdoor @mybulletproofheart7 @aisling1985 @uglyshirts

#jim hopper #jim hopper x reader #jim hopper imagine #jim hopper x you #stranger things imagine #stranger things

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thegoodhausfrau · 4 years

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Basket of Gold: describe your family. I want to know where your fabulous self came from.

My family is essentially a very large group of farmland people cobbled together through many divorces, remarriages, adoption, and illegitimate offspring. When I say large I mean probably around 300 people when you add it all up and who the fuck has time for that?! Growing up I never even bothered to learn everybody's names as I had my immediate family, maternal and paternal families, two step families, and the 3 families I spent so much time with as child they were my other families. The majority of them live in a couple states in the Midwest, clustered around 4 towns, because they are not big city, or even medium city people. Nowadays since my stepdad died and my mother has since remarried I have a whole other step family too. I will never learn the names of my 6 new step aunts, not to mention their spouses and all their children, so I will never expect my partners to learn them either. Honestly it's the kind of complicated web that could make grown people cry. What if you come in just thinking I'm neat and you love me and then I'm all "Learn this whole ass textbook of my family tree before we hit any holiday parties!" I learned my new step siblings names (but not their kids) and picked a favorite aunt (the fattest one) and called it a day.

The different little families within the larger family web have their own quirks, totally rotten apples, and nice people. They're just conservative and religious simple town folk who have kids they take to pumpkin patches and main street parades to catch candy. I had a nice childhood if you just look at those moments. They can’t handle spicy food and they don’t know anything about ethnic food as their Mexican or Chinese food is very white. They go to church on Sundays and maybe Wednesday too, they don't care for trendy food and will eat well done steaks (childhood takes a dark turn, ha, but they're mostly Norwegian so that explains the lack of taste), they have big parties for any holiday, and you always feel welcome in their very spacious homes that they fill with nice decor even if you're just there for a perfectly manicured backyard cookout. They’re teachers, truck drivers, dental hygienists, ad execs, scientists, mechanics, builders and nurses. But the relatives who try to set their wives on fire or rob banks make for more entertaining stories. I don't see myself in any of them really. I've always been different and never felt like I belonged there. I was right.

I'm an amalgamation of limited pop culture, endless crime show paranoia, mental illness, the 1000 books I've read, and-

a mother who made major life decisions too early in life because her own parents were a mess. She turned it around and has has worked very hard to create an ideal life while she taught me to be better and more adventurous than she was. She only reads Danielle Steel novels, eats dry cereal by the handful for a snack, and lives for doing super touristy stuff like covered bridge tours. She’s the kind of person you’ll find wearing two pairs of sunglasses because she can’t feel them on top of her head. She never goes to Chicago because it’s too dangerous but eventually I’m going to get her there. She always tells me to be brave, try new things, while she herself cannot. She somehow finds the time and energy to always be go go go, have a huge social circle, and enjoy doing shit like vacuuming and tending to her yard. While I don’t have her green thumb, I have her appreciation for the little things, game night competitiveness, and we are the only people who can make each other laugh until we cry over something very mundane like furniture moving...

A stepfather played the drums in a rock cover band, listened to all the oldies, told a story about a dead pig that could make me laugh til I cried every time I heard it, would pull over while driving so I could pick purple clover to nibble on, and who tried to teach me about lawn care but for someone allergic to grass I was so not interested at all but I was very interested in driving the car which he started teaching me to do when I was 10. Less interested in the semi truck but I drove that once too. He made me ride on his motorcycle once. Did not like. My shoe melted onto his muffler so that never happened again...

A bipolar father (that I looked very much like before his prison stay) who modeled himself around fat 70's Elvis, worked as a used cars salesman for most of my childhood, only ate Cheeto products after midnight so he woke up with orange fingers, let me watch all the horror films (Chucky was my favorite since I was 2) but made them funny thus warping my perception of them for life, taught me you can say anything insulting as long as you say it a certain way so it’s funny vs. straight sarcasm, enjoyed Mystery Science Theater 3000 so we we turned every film we watched into our own version, quoted MADtv skits while never showing me anything SNL related so I have no reference for any of the pop culture references that clearly SNL won long term...

A stepmother who was a much fatter version of 90's Roseanne Barr that smelled like peppermint lotion and who taught me self care routines, every Stevie Nicks song, and that Savage Garden’s debut album was way better than one insanely overplayed song. In retrospect I don’t blame her for leaving my dad, dude was an asshole to his partners, but at the time it felt like a death as she cut off all contact and it set off a chain of events that shaped the outcome of everything...

A younger brother who annoyed the hell out of me, who merely by still being alive proved I’m not a sociopath because I would have snuffed him out so fast, and I feel has contributed nothing to my development in a positive way. I’ve been robbed of better presents at Christmas, parental attention, and my belongings that he lit on fire because he was a pyromaniac or traded with his friends for drugs. He gave me the scar on my bikini line but I broke off half his tooth that he’s never had capped. We’re even. He always wanted to be Oddjob when we played GoldenEye so I feel that tells you the kind of asshole I had to deal with.

And most importantly there are my partners. I'm an infusion of their tastes, quirks, expressions, and qualities. Not to say that I take what I want from them, like a Greatest Hits album or something of their best, but my love for them fuels a love of some of what they love and they inevitably rub off on me. If one looks they'll see little mirrored reflections of themselves in me. My own little love letters, pieces of you woven together with pieces of me.

#ask me

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billyboyblue · 5 years

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38 and 46 smutty harringrove pleeeease? (Preferably top Billy) Thank you 💛💛

Thanks so much bud! Top Billy is definitely needed for these, huh?

Harringrove~ I'm going to ruin you + Bite your lip once more, I dare you

***

Billy was going insane. He was burning from the inside out as he watched Harrington shift on the Wheeler's couch.

Shorts shorter than a hooker's and muscle shirt blinding white and frustratingly casual. Long tan perfectly slim limbs on full unabashed display. It was obscene is what it was.

[[MORE]]

The house was cool and air conditioned and everyone had plenty of space to flop lazily around the living room but Billy still felt stifled and warm. His shirt half buttoned and untucked helped a little but every time his stubborn eyes strayed anywhere near Harrington he could feel his stupid cheeks flush.

Someone so baby horse like shouldn't be that goddamn tempting.

Billy couldn't even remember what flick the dorks had picked to put on. It was all just flashes and sound on the periphery.

And the worst of it was that Steve, the slut, knew exactly what he was doing. Stretching his arms over his head too often to be natural. Lifting a leg onto the couch and resting his chin on the knee, running his long tempting fingers slowly up and down his leg. Subtly enough that Nancy and the boyfriend never caught on but Billy, sitting on the adjacent loveseat most definitely noticed.

But even with the stripless strip show Harrington was putting on, Billy was taken down to his metaphorical knees by Steve's incessant need to chew on his bottom lip like it was cherry flavored or something. His perfect movie star teeth bit into that perfectly pink lip whenever Billy was balls deep and making his pretty boy scream into the star streaked night sky in the middle of nowhere, so seeing the visual in such a mundane place was surprisingly erotic.

When Billy was in the right mood he could make Steve bite hard enough to draw blood.

And now? Now, Steve was getting his payback. Steve must know Billy was rock hard and revving to put his cock somewhere soft and pink. Be it, Steve's mouth or ass. Either way he needed something.

In the end it was the princess that put him out of his misery.

"Hey Billy, could you go pop up some more popcorn, pleeaase?" Eleven asked, eyes wide as saucers, holding out the gigantic bowl. The little punk was a menace with those.

He made for a long suffering sigh as he grinned at her. "Why me?"

"Because you do everything she says." Will piped up from his spot on the floor, mouth stuffed with too much pepperoni. "You're as bad as Dustin and Steve."

"Jealous." Eleven mocked as Billy chuckled, taking the bowl and holding it over his crotch. The party laughed and started their usual bantery skit, that Billy would never admit he found amusing.

"Come on, stretch. You're helping." Billy said as he passed by Steve, pulling the guy up by his scruff.

"Wha-? But I'm- I was-"

"Shut it, Harrington."

Thank fucking god the Wheeler's kitchen wasn't immediately visible from the TV room, he thought as he slammed Steve against a wall and attacked his mouth like a starving man.

"You're going to fucking pay for that, you little shit." Billy rasped into the blistering inch between them. "You think you're funny?"

Steve's smile was knowing and unashamed. He had gotten exactly what he wanted, and his cat wide smile was half infuriating and half tantalizing. His voice was hushed but riled, "But I didn't do anything."

"Like hell. You like acting like that? Like a whore showing off her wares? Huh?" Billy's wide rough hand closed over Steve's throat and gripped just tight enough to make him feel it. "Bite your lip one more time, I dare you."

Steve's eyes were shining and wide with excitement. The kinky fuck wanted this from the beginning.

"Please, Billy."

"Please what, slut?" Billy asked, licking a wet stripe behind behind his ear.

"Touch me please."

"You want me to touch you? Hm?" Billy asked as he pressed himself tight against Steve's front and slithered a hand into the back of Steve's shorts. He squeaked in surprise when Billy's fingers gripped a cheek and squeezed it hard. "You want me to put my cock right here? Right where you're hottest? Tightest for me?"

Steve's eyes were black as night, pupils dilated. His breathing was already rough and fast, gasping as Billy slipped in a finger into his still stretched hole.

"Yes, please, I'm sorry. I thought it'd be funny."

"You thought it'd be funny to act like some two cent trick?" His finger index was only first knuckle deep but Steve was already pushing back on it, wanting more. His little pro really was a slut. "You think you deserve it?"

Steve answered by driving his tongue into Billy's mouth. The pretty boy tasted like butter and chocolate, making his Billy groan in satisfaction.

"Fuck, you make me crazy Harrington." Billy started. "Make me want to do so many things to you, to this perfect. little. body."

He punctuated his sentence by pushing down on Harrington's sweet spot making him keen and knee-weak.

"I'm going to ruin you." Billy promised as Steve's eyes rolled back and he grabbed Billy's shoulders. Shaking from his core out. "Later."

He slipped out of Steve and move to the sink to wash his hands, casual as you please.

"What? But I-"

"Didn't you hear Princess? She wants more popcorn, and we still have to finish Ghostbusters."

"They're watching star wars."

"Yeah well that too." Billy answered, pouring the kernels into the giant popper. "Besides, I think you should feel a little of your own medicine. So what you're going to do is sit out there, and imagine just how hard I'm going to fuck that ass. Just how hard I'm going to drive my cock into your sweet little hole. And just how long I'm going to do that before I let you come, pretty boy."

"Wow, you do not respond well to teasing, huh?" Steve responded, pulling a packet of M&Ms from the cupboard for Eleven's bowl. She loved the sweet and salty mix like Steve, the weirdos.

"Oh sweet thing, you have no idea."

#harringrove #steve harrington #billy hargrove #stranger things #dacre montgomery #joe keery #my harringrove loving ass #manny!writes

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