#like I'm kinky in RL

[three--rings]

While writing today I was thinking...so I was writing something kinky, something that I find personally quite hot and that fit with the characters and scenario.  But I hesitated because...well I imagined people objecting to it on the grounds that it would be a Bad Idea to do In Real Life. 

And specifically, it reminds me of specific criticism I’ve heard leveled at the 50 Shades books.   And like, first of all I’m not here to defends 50 Shades, for one thing it would be really hard to do since I’ve never read them or seen any of the movies.  But also I’ve always thought some of the criticism they receive is unnecessarily harsh.  (Not all of it.  Just some.)

Because to me, a lot of people seem to really be unable to approach a work of fiction, and IN PARTICULAR a work about sex without pretending it is 100% Real.  And they direct their criticism accordingly: can you imagine doing this in real life, omg you would be arrested omg perverts omg sex crime omg dirtybadwrong.  

And like people never seem to stop and consider that...fiction is fantasy.  A safe exploration of ideas that are either unfeasible or impractical to enact in the real world.  I don’t care if your fantasy is being a pirate on the high seas or getting railed behind a supermarket, they are both impractical and full of moral, ethical and legal problems. 

But people act like, yanno exploring one of these things in fantasy is fine and the other is a sign that you’re a Secret Degenerate.  That you Don’t Understand That This Would Be Wrong. 

But like, I was brought face to face with this today, writing something that I’m very aware is at the least Extremely Morally Dubious in a real world context.  But writing it anyway because it’s hot to me and what the fuck is smutty fanfic for if NOT exploring these things safely.

And I just feel like so much of Media Criticism these days, especially of the tiktok/youtube variety, though I enjoy snarking at shitty things as much as the next person, but so much of it is pearl-clutching about fiction being unrealistic.  That if this Fictional Scenario Was Real it would be bad and unhealthy and dangerous and like, it’s always about the romance tho, isn’t it.  It’s rarely about how actually you’d get gangrene from that wound without antibiotics or whatever. 

And I’m really tired of this idea that Fiction for Women is bad because the audience is Too Stupid to tell the difference between fiction and reality.   And sometimes it’s about YA, and the argument is they’re too young.  Okay, fine.  But like, again, are you focusing on the bad advice about surviving in a wilderness or or you focusing on the unrealistic romances?

So yeah, I don’t know.  I think it’s important to acknowledge that fiction sometimes appeals exactly for the fact that it doesn’t follow the same rules as the real world.  That people can have something in fiction they wouldn’t want in the real world.  That, in fact, fiction is the appropriate place for that to happen. 

I don’t know, this isn’t coherent.  But I’m so tired of this argument that I see about oh people are too stupid to tell the difference between Art and Escapism and it’s all the fault of fanfiction and Dumb Media and like I think actually most people can tell the difference between indulgent media and stuff that’s supposed to be gritty realism but it’s armchair critics who equate everything to the same level of Depiction is Endorsement.  And unfortunately this has been the dominate form of internet media criticism for long enough that it’s all an entire generation has been exposed to. 

And as someone who writes indulgent smut on the regular and also has a degree in literature and psychology, like actually I’m not at all confused about the line between fiction and reality thanks. 

#idek #purity culture #writing #if you're curious specifically this was about kink in public #something that imo crosses the long into Not Actually Okay in real life #but also I'm not super worried cause no one is reading vegaspete fics unless they are way on board the Fun in Fiction but Not RL train #like I'm kinky in RL #I've Done Some Shit okay #but yanno #ANYWAY #then I saw a post that like set this off #and specifically about 50 shades like #some criticism is hella valid and some is like eww kink I think is gross

[rottenraccoons]

The ask about Cirrus being a kinky ace got me thinking about how the other LI's identify and what they would think of a kinky aro MC

(I'm aro myself but I like romantic VNs even if I don't do the whole romantic love thing in my RL)

Good question! Functionally, all the love interests are basically bi/pan/omni in terms of romantic attraction since all Vesper genders are equally canon (and for the allosexual boys that is true for their sexual orientation, too).

Francesco He's open to kinky shenanigans if they decide to explore that avenue together, but the lack of romance might be a bit tough for him to handle; he's very affectionate and a bit of a hopeless romantic at times.

Keir He does crave romantic interaction in his life, but it's something he could compromise on for the right partner. It's hard to say anything more than "it's complicated but he would put in the work". Ditto the kinkiness; Keir is pretty game to try things and can learn to like them, but significant kink is not his "natural inclination".

Oleander An aromantic partner (sexual or life) is not remotely a problem for him. And kinky is the opposite of a problem, obviously!

Cirrus Having the kink aspect to bond over is more important to him than the romantic aspect of a relationship. So them being aro is not a problem.

#obscura vn #rotten raccoons #asks #cirrus #keir #francesco #oleander

[olderthannetfic]

Many, MANY RL queer spaces are just as prone to acting like You Must Be This Queer To Ride as the overly online zoomers are, they just kind of do it in different ways. I'm a little tired of seeing people tell each other that RL queer spaces allow identities that would "blow your mind," or whatever. And I guess some of them do? Like they have to, somewhere. But a lot of mainstream ones are still big on policing what counts as a "real" queer experience and it has to be pretty normative—not too weird, not one of those "blue haired enbys," and god forbid you be older than 30 unless you're someone's kinky oedipal fantasy (no, lesbians are NOT immune to objectifying random strangers; it's not a fraught act of identity politics, it's just rude as fuck).

Like, when I was at college (early 00s), the LGBTQ reps in of our student union straight-up tried to eject the bisexuals from committees for 'passing.' I'm out enough to tell you this isn't necessarily weird and hasn't changed.

It's just like: hey, it's tough out here, too, guys.

--

[wibzenadarksiderwithasoftheart]

Fic Tag Game

Thank you so much for tagging me, @starwalkertales

How many works do you have on ao3?

30… I'm quite proud of the fact that I've made so many, and 29 of them in just 2½ years (granted, most of them are quite short, but there are a few longer ones in between)

2. What's your Ao3 word count?

272,066… Holy Force, according to a quick google search, that equates to about 3 average novels, damn.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars, mostly the prequel trilogy. I have two “older” Yu-Gi-Oh fics.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Rain with 298 kudos. This is actually my newest story and in just a week after I posted it, it had overtaken all my other works (I guess people like it). It's cute fluffy and smutty obikin, where our boys get stranded and given a small but much-needed holiday.

2. ‘Com’Passion with 280 kudos. I can't hide the fact that my guilty pleasure is threesomes. This one is smut with a lot of emotion, involving two experienced masters (Mace and Obi-Wan) taking Anakin to their bed after he walks in on them.

3. Nanika the daughter of the Force with 279 kudos. This fic, where Anakin is sent back in time as a woman, is my baby and biggest challenge.

4. Hearts' desires with 263 kudos. Sweet, smutty obikin with too much plot, featuring Anakin and Obi-Wan's first time together.

5. All I want for Christmas with 211 kudos. This is last year's tooth-rottingly cute and fluffy Christmas fic, where Obi-Wan returns home and realizes he can't escape Anakin and Padmé's love.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Always! (It can sometimes take a few days if RL is demanding my attention) Commenting is the lifeblood of fandom, and it's through commenting that I've found many of my friends here.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Um, I have a few that could compete for that title... but I'd have to say Fallen, it's short, ambiguous and it hurts so much. I have others equally angsty, my very first SW fic In The End is also very angsty.

7. What's the fic your write with the happiest ending?

All I want for Christmas, it is just SO happy that it is nauseating (I got fluff poisoning writing it)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, and I'm very grateful for that. I have a few people asking if I'm going to continue with Nanika soon... I will, promise!

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

Yes, I do... I don't know if it's a specific type... but it's not very kinky (I love reading all kinds of smut, I'm just not brave enough to write it yet)

10. Do you write cross-overs?

I have a few faint bunnies in deep freeze, but they're not very detailed and most likely won't be written… so no, but never say never.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nop, but I'm considering translating back one of my own stories at some point, just for the fun of it.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

I have. I wrote The Jedi and the darksider together with my sweet heart Zolita. It was an inspiring and challenging experience to write Melany and Zaya's story.

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

Obikin (I can't deny it), BUT they are not my only love, and I will happily let them take a third to bed with them at any given opportunity.

15. What's your WIP you like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Pirates of the Galaxy, and it is a damn shame!

16. What are your writing strength?

I've been told that I'm good at writing atmosphere, and admittedly, it's one of my favorite things to write, so it's not really surprising. Haunt me for a year is testament to that.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue... I struggle with it every single time, but I'm stubborn and will keep practicing so that maybe one day I'll feel like I've gotten good at it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?Probably not dialogue, but I'm toying with the idea of writing spells in other languages, preferably old Sith, there's just not much known Sith language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh, back in 2016 before I stumbled into the SW fandom and got lost in the galaxy far far away.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I love them all, they all have a very special place in my heart and it is almost impossible to chose, but I will say Tave Jen’drajuna; the dark family is just… it is me.

I want to ad a bonus question.

21. What fic would you want to rewrite one day.

My very first long fic Light and darkness. I still love the idea of vampire Sith Anakin, but I was so inexperienced when I wrote it and even though I adore the story the writing could be better.

I will tag anyone who wants to do this, and also @fleetstreetfatality @prahacat @barmadumet @demon----dean @tideswept @briliantlymad @fangeek-girl @dark--whisperings @lilredghost and @knightjane if you have already been tagged or have answered, please just ignore me, and of course there is no pressure.

#fanfiction #Ao3 tag game #fandom #stars wars #writing #20 questions #+ 1 #I realize this is shameless self-promotion… but well. #🤷

[dreamingdarklyblog]

Have you ever slipped up, and let on that you had kinky interests with friends who weren't in the know? Maybe playing a TTRPG when enchantments and mesmerism came up, or when a poorly chosen trigger phrase caused you to blurt out something?

Hrm. No.

I probably act a bit squirrely when certain topics come up in games or movies like that, I try not to, but I'm sure there's SOME kind of sign if someone was paying attention.

( I got SUPER uncomfortable watching 'Get Out' for example)

But I haven't actually gotten to play a game with other people like that in like... ten years, so there's not much opportunity for people to notice.

I've always been careful to keep any triggers or things private and selective, so there's nothing for them to catch there. I also don't have a lot of friends IRL ;). I'm not lonely, I have the people I love and hang out with, I just don't have the time or energy to do a lot of socializing.

That said yeeeeears ago in my early twenties there were friends who knew about my kinks. In fact it was because of them that I would get really cagey talking about RL stuff online, because I was worried about being ID'd. Some of them show up in the mostly true story "A Beginning", though under made up names of course.

They seemed "safe" to tell about it as they were pretty public about the BDSM relationship they were in. Though I've come to understand they were really bad at it. Long story. Lots of sordid shit, cheating, manipulation, etc. Kinda shitty people. Not friends with them anymore. Haven't even spoken to them in probably close to ten years.

[melancholic-pigeon]

And now for something completely different: this serves as a content warning for discussion of transgressive kinks, fetishization and misgendering.

So, I keep seeing posts floating around that I don't have any issues with, like, conceptually. The thesis, or at least the intent behind the thesis, is "make sure you're supporting trans people, not just saying you do as an attempt to excuse yourself for disrespectful, dehumanizing behavior towards real people".

I agree, completely and entirely.

I'm also an IRL kinkster. It's not my thing, but I know enough about kink overall to know that a lot of the people who are into degradation as a kink are into being degraded.

That person who's really, REALLY into "boypussy" or "girldick" might be a cis creep who dehumanizes trans people because it gets them off— or they might be a trans person who has feelings and a libido that sometimes does weird shit, engaging with that weird shit in an environment they control!

Just, idk, I'd like to see us be more careful so as not to throw trans people with kinks under the bus. Some people like being misgendered and degraded just like some people like CNC or hot peppers or knifeplay or spanking or immobilization. Having a fetish is not the same thing as fetishizing a group of people. One can be engaged with respectfully, the other is treating people like kink-fulfillment objects against their will.

I just think that's an important distinction.

I want to see none trans people as collateral damage. None. Zero. No matter how celibate, no matter how kinky, no matter how sexual, no matter how outrageous, no matter what they do or don't do in the bedroom, because nobody deserves that.

I'm a little wonky today, RL is caving in, don't mind me if this is disjointed it's just been annoying me recently.

#kink positive #rent lowering gunshots #trans stuff #collateral damage #lateral aggression

[fierceawakening]

The other thing that I keep noticing when I look at gendercrit blogs (to see if they're generally as conciliatory as some present when they engage on That post. Mostly no, but I'm much more stridently anti-TERF in my own space so I don't know if I can really fault it) is endless references to how the transcult killed Michfest (a weeklong? gathering for lesbians in the woods that a lot of people went to as a kind of yearly pilgrimage, started in I think the '70s. Trans women were excluded, as they're not "women born women," and there was activism intended to change this policy. (Some trans women often went anyway, not disclosing at entry that they were trans. Usually the report was that people didn't ask, or that they seemed to tell but wink and look the other way.) Ultimately, rather than change the policy and allow trans women in, the owner of the land shut down the fest entirely. Don't ask me what year, I want to say 201something.)

I never went to Michfest or to Camp Trans myself, so I'm not claiming to be an insider, but I DID become RL friends with one of the people involved for a time, and hang out on some message boards where she and others did activism.

The goal, as I remember it, was NOT to kill Michfest. The idea was NEVER "exclusionist spaces must be destroyed." The goal was simply to get the policy rescinded so that trans women could attend the fest openly.

Perhaps naively, I think all of us believed that the policy would change if we kept up the pressure. I for one was NOT expecting, or even really considering, the possibility that Vogel might shut it down in the name of preserving her vision.

The reason I (and I think probably others, but I can't speak for them) thought this would work was that it had happened once before, some time in the '80s. Leatherdykes (lesbians who do BDSM) were originally excluded from Fest, on the theory that kinky people are violent and are reproducing patriarchal abuse.

At some point, people pressed for change and the result was the creation of a space called The Zone, where leatherdykes were welcome to freely express themselves. Outside of The Zone they were expected to not do or talk about kink stuff. (I'm not sure if they were required to not wear leather community type clothes or if that was okay.)

My assumption, and I think the assumption of some others?, was that what would most likely happen would be a The Zone like area, Camp Trans within the festival space, where trans people could freely mingle (including be naked or topless if they wanted, part of the reason exclusionists argued for exclusion. "Penises are triggering and I might see you have one") and discuss trans issues openly and people who didn't want to date, flirt, or hang out with trans lesbians weren't welcome to express that. Where outside of that space people would be able to more openly "have the trans debate" as they say.

I was not around for the whole history of the activism. It's possible that some people DID realize Vogel was likely to shut the whole fest down and were okay with that.

But that's not at all what I remember, so I just want to set the record straight from what I know.

#conversations with gendercrits

[foggyparadisecandy]

A friend said "all your stories are kinky but it's kind of weird they are all hypno non-con knowing how much you love to negotiate around your partner's limits."

That's ... a super fair comment, tbh.

I'm ok with CNC but it starts with *CONSENT* and there are defined boundaries and ways to tap out or slow down the play.

But in RL, non-con is creepy AF to me.

So why do my stories always involve the same plot line:

Innocent young girl meets master manipulator who turns her into a horny, obedient, mindless slave - many times with no hint of their original personality or identity.

IDK.

I guess I find them hot AF is why. It might just be that simple.

When I was younger, I had a hard time keeping fantasies from real world desires. And that created some definite agonies and conflicts.

Now that I'm a bit older, I have made peace with my darker, kinkier thoughts.

I'm ok with having, holding, and expressing darker things that I wouldn't want to do in RL beause I know they would be too much for my sweet, kind nature.

Sometimes the idea of something is hotter than the doing of something.

And I'm ok with that.

If you really want to be abused, degraded, and completely lose your identity, I won't judge. You do you!

[If you ever need a break and want a dash of love and kindness, slide into my DMs or give me an ask - I love to praise and share love.]

For me, I'm ok writing my stories and hope some of you find them hot like I do.

Take care, sweeties.

#hypnosis #brainwashing #mind control #hypnotized #hypnokink #trancing #trance #thoughts

[shuckinbeanz]

✨S!NFULLY P!NNED✨

THIS BE ME MAKING CAVE P!NK ACCESSABLE FOR MOBILE FANS, MOSTLY COPY + PASTEY CUZ I B LAZY 💅

New pinned image! 😇 me: *passive aggressive keking noises, i dont need to see a random's "vinegar shrug"*

Am I using your artwork and you want it removed? HMU with the post title and I’ll remove the art ASAP.🙏

If you are under the age of 18 and have no age in your bio, head on over to @candybowbeansies to read my SFW posts!!

I can't help but notice that a majority of my blog is unaccessable from the mobile app!

So let's fix that, shall we?~

AGE!

As of August, 2023...27!

Don’t be rood, doods, please refer to this old person as forever 21 😂

PRONOUNS!

They/Them

INTERESTS!

In manga/manhwa/anime? Isekai, shoujo, music, horror. Literally just ab anything except watersports, noncon, incest, yuri and scat 😂 my guilty pleasure is yaoi even tho i can’t write it to save my life

I love zombies, wargames like Enlisted, Heroes and Generals plus Mount and Blade(an oldie but a goodie), paranormal stories/movies/games, and I freaking love ROBOTS and Arnie’s the only rl dude I simp for ngl <3

I love holographic colors and holo in general. (blame the nailpolish channel on yt) 

AND I FREAKING LOVE GAMES!

Ass😉ass😉in’s Creed, They are Billions, 7 Days to Die, Kynseed, Among us, Phasmophobia, the Dungeons series(i love slavedriving my minions and milking heroes of their ✨cash✨), Surviving Mars, Stranded Deep, and My Time At Portia to name only a select few. Aadit’s route needs to be completed!!11! 😭😭😭

Don't be afraid to hmu fellow simps! I don't bite. Much. 💅

Requestz

Open|Slow|Closed

Thirstz

Open|Slow|Closed

Limit

3/5

I’m slow as molasses, so keep an eye or two out for awhile if you send an ask! 💅 If the limit does not update within 12 hrs, it's safe to assume Tumblr ate your ask! I'm still figuring this stuff out. Thankies!~

Meet my new ✨S!NFULLY INDEXED!✨

Please keep in mind I only do this for

✨FUN!✨

So ask with a grain of salt, I may or may not submit our thirst, and the list of things I refuse to write may or may not grow. But still, try me! I’m pretty kinky. 🥴 THANKIES!~

My rules and info:

All Underage characters are aged UP!

No scat!

No (spit/piss)watersports! Willing to try cumplay.

No noncon or dubcon unless the character(s) specified and reader are consenting to yummy RolePlay. 🥴 (Don’t be shy to request Monster!ManxReader, including Incubi[they need Reader consent in dis hous]!)

No drowning, mummification, or full-on public nudity! I'm willing to try semi though~

WE NEED MORE YANDERE x CONSENSUAL!READER PULEASE 🥺👉👈

I don’t write reader skintones(white-POC-other). I will always endeavor to keep this sort of stuff neutral so readers can insert themselves. This blog is safe for everyone over 18, no matter ur ethnicity sweeties! 🥴 Also, to note; this ✨does not✨ expand to certain species!reader or species!character for obvious reasons-as an example, the typical fantasy orc is usually green, after all!

Who I write for!

Jujutsu Kaisen!

SUKUNA RYOMEN

MAHITO

KENTO NANAMI

SATORU GOJO

SUGURO GETO

YUJI ITADORI

MEGUMI FUSHIGURO

YUTA OKKOTSU

TOJI FUSHIGURO

TOGE INUMAKI

AOI TODO

My Hero Academia!

YAGI TOSHINORI

TAKAMI KEIGO

AMAJIKI TAMAKI

AIZAWA SHOUTA

SHIGARAKI TOMURA

BAKUGO KATSUKI

DABI

TODOROKI SHOTO

TODOROKI ENJI

KIRISHIMA EIJIRO

KAMINARI DENKI

TENYA IDA

TOKOYAMI FUMIKAGE

SERO HANTA

CHISAKI KAI

TETSUTETSU TETSUTETSU

TOYOMITSU TAISHIRO

SAKAMATA KUUGO

YOARASHI INASA

MIDORIYA IZUKU

TOGATA MIRIO

YAMADA HIZASHI

BUBAIGAWARA JIN

SIR NIGHTEYE

Demon Slayer!

HASHIBA

KAMADO TANJIRO

AGATSUMA ZENITSU

I Was a Teenage Exocolonist!

SYM

DYS

Trigun Stampede!

MILLIONS KNIVES

VASH

WOLFWOOD

I AM WILLING TO TRY WRITING OTHER CHARACTERS! ;D

COMMUNITY LABELS!~

I am taking part in Tumblrs new community labels update, and as of the day of this post, I've added labels to my corresponding pieces!

I write violent pieces(canon-violence and yummy yanderes), sexual content, and one or two(maybe more!) of my pieces include the use of or imply drugs and alcohol. If you are fine with these topics, and are the legal age for sexual content, please read this, it shows you how to tick everything! 💞

And please understand I live in a place where people under 18 are considered minors! Please respect this, as my works will forever be up and readable, so please wait until you are 18 to interact with my nsfw stuff in any shape or form! THANKIES!~

Fin

#✨beanz speakz✨ #big blog update! #have a gander 🥴

[olderthannetfic]

Having more fandom friends around my age/mindset (context: late 30s, rare fandoms, reads some nsfw but not the type to post about it a lot in my main account) might be nice. I ignored the fandom part of myself a long time due to my RL friends being shitty about it (I dumped the worst of them) and I'm trying to enjoy it more.

But I keep leaving comments on fic and art and don't get any reply, let alone a conversation or follow. When I do get a response, the person stops posting fic in that fandom shortly afterwards. In an earlier more active fandom, I would send requests to people (clearly open for requests!) and 99% of the time I'd be ignored, or they'd draw the request at a level clearly before their usual stuff then delete it because they didn't like it (their words).

I'm not writing anything inappropriate or critical? I try to make my comments more interesting than 'i love this write more thx', maybe they get too confusing and off-putting to read? It certainly isn't because my ship is too weird because even non-shippers ship my current OTP lmao

I am trying to be realistic about it, maybe they aren't replying because they don't have the energy, or they have a life and they can't reply to the comment immediately and forget to, or they moved on, or they think I'm a tit which is totally fine?

The issue is it keeps happening, it's depressing, and the follows I do get are people in the same fandom who only like the parts I'm not invested in at all, have really tired takes and are significantly younger to the point I'm concerned about looking like a creep if I interact with them at 100% of my full power. It feels very much like I'm wishing on a monkey paw.

I have a very small number of friends I can talk to about fandom stuff I will cling onto with both hands. I just wish there were more. This is mainly me venting but if anyone has any suggestions feel free.

--

Hmm... Well, I share your suspicion that if you're the common factor, you're at least somewhat contributing to this situation. It may not be that you're offputting but that you inherently like things most other fans don't like—not just rare ships but also rarer tropes.

Or it may not be rarity exactly but prompt style: while tons of people love found family and slice of life, a lot of prompts for those are so generic and boring that they inspire exactly zero new plotbunnies. Meanwhile filthy kink is not for everyone but often has the seeds of a specific fic in a prompt, so if you do like it, those prompts are super inspiring.

A lot of people are pretty terrible at responding to comments. I'm extremely hit or miss on AO3 myself. I'll respond to a zillion things on tumblr before I remember to actually answer comments on AO3. Partly, it's that I get said comments in my email inbox, not on AO3 itself, so I read them and appreciate them but am not in the space where I'd respond right at that moment.

Sadly, people making one fanwork and moving on just comes with the territory when you're in rare fandoms. It's much easier to make friends who like to vid Asian dramas or who are learning a language for fandomy reasons or who are doing fandom historical preservation than friends who share your exact current taste in blorbos and who will continue to do so.

In my case, I love rare things, but I also love to move from fandom to fandom rapidly, and I find it really stressful to have friends who end up resenting that.

I tend to befriend fans whose overall vibe I find compatible more than people I share ships with: people who will probably be in fandom for life, people who are loud and proud about it, people who are interested in fandom history and pan-fandom meta. I also tend to be drawn to accounts that are not only horny on main but horny for kinky shit that draws haters. It does a wonderful job of weeding out the whiny children and finding me fans with a spine. Hilariously, one of my closest offline fandom friends with whom I share the most character opinions doesn't even like sex scenes. But that's not somebody I'd have gotten to know online.

It's going to vary for the people you're approaching, but that may be one reason they're not as enticed by the sight of another fan of their current rare fandom: they may have totally different types of criteria for fandom friends.

It's hard to know how much of the problem is you without examining your internet presence more, but I get why going "here's my account, plz critique" is not attractive. This ask seems fine. No particular writing style red flags jump out at me.

I've definitely known people who were dicks about my tumblr popularity and wanted to know why I didn't reblog them... but it turns out they interacted with me only once every six months so I don't remember them or their tumblr is entirely shitposts or their writing style is incoherent or they sound angry all the time.

One problem you may be running into is that findable fans in their 30s and 40s are self-selected for Fandom For Life types who already have a bunch of close fandom friends. They're likely doing a lot of socializing in private with people they've known for ages. I like to think of it as people with very full dance cards. They tend to be the most attractive because they're living happy, fulfilling lives, but that same quality makes them too busy. Meanwhile, people who are sad and alone and desperate for friends are often less visible and less compelling. If someone figured out how to connect with them, they'd be a great friend, but fewer people are trying.

It's not that every compatible late 30s fan is too busy for new friends. It's that the fans who are visible enough that you know they exist and know their approximate age are a very specific slice of overall fandom.

As fans age, some of their fandom friends leave fandom or die, so there can be periods where people are going "Shit, I need new friends!" later on, not just in college and such. But I'd say late 30s is a tough-ish period. A lot of people are busy with young kids and/or haven't lost their inner circles from younger years yet.

In general, a lot of my closer fandom friends aren't actually looking for new friends and haven't been in quite a while. Some don't even post publicly anymore. I'm something of an exception because I'm both extremely friendly and always on the lookout for minions to convince to go to Escapade con or take up the banner of fandom preservation yadda yadda. I have a vested interest in remaining open to new people.

Thoughts, everyone? Have you gone through friend-seeking and full dance card phases?

[mercurygray]

AYYYY it's Saturday and being caught up on all my RL stuff like taxes and dishes, I've got prompts open for Soft Saturday.

This week, I’m featuring a list of one word prompts - and I'm trying to keep my fills to five sentences!

When sending a prompt, be sure to include a character or ship, the prompt number and the prompt itself in case I don’t get to it this week. (Ex: “Can you do Andy and Viv, 2, things you said when it was raining?”)

What I will write:

Right now I’m really into Band of Brothers, and my 1940s Girl Gang is getting all my love. There’s a complete list of Girl Gang members here and an ongoing list of GG ships here. Also I am…recently branching into The Pacific? A little? That’s a thing I do now?

I am…not really into writing the boys who like the boys. Sorry, just not my wheelhouse. See above comment about OCs.

I am an 18+ blogger, I identify as female and am attracted to men, and if you ask me nicely and I’m feeling it, I will write smut that reflects this preference because it brings me joy. I’m not a hardcore or kinky person and my writing also reflects this. I do my best to label and cut this content appropriately.

I may chose not to fill your prompt, either because I just don’t jive with it now or I’m out of time. I may also combine it with another! It’s not personal, and I may come back to it later when it does!

[you can catch up on previous weeks’ prompts on the thirsty thursday tag or the I have Written A Thing tag]

#soft saturday #thirsty thursday #bar is open

[petrichorblue94]

Fictional guys I'd totally screw

Peter Maximoff, my dream guy. The guy I'd marry if I met in RL. I've always said I liked RDJ's Sherlock and Sirius Black but I don't have any kinky fantasies for them. This guy now...

Kyle Spencer, my sweet n sexy and protective muse. But like seriously, I just adore Evan Peters.

WHIP. (Dave Martin) Okay I'm really salty that Augustus Prew is gay and he's arguably hetero in this role and he's quirky and witty, what more can a girl want, haha? (Hint: WHIP. NOT. TO. DIE. ) Idk, he looks like he'd also be protective, what with how he gutted the guy who was sexually harassing his previous gf, if I remember correctly.

Morally grey 11th Doctor. He might still be sunshine and wide smiles, but he'll make questionable choices and will be down to a steamy, animalistic, needy, hot sex 24/7.

Amnesia!Eric Northman. 6'4 tall and manly, incidentally also innocent and adoring and with a skyrocket libido, that's the way I like my guys.

#peter maximoff #kyle spencer #evan peters #11th doctor #eric northman #augustus prew

[abdomented]

Hey, I was referred to you by an author who thought you'd be a good fit for the fetishes I'm interested in, would you be interested in writing me a story on commission?

Hi, thanks for reaching out… I would be interested!

Here’s the skinny…

First and foremost, YOU MUST BE OVER 18 TO COMMISSION ME.

Also, if you haven’t already, go ahead and review my writing tag and make sure my style is what you’re looking for (obviously the whole tag isn’t formal fic, but I try to only tag things that exhibit at least some writing skill).

WILL WRITE

Any kinks I’m into (bellies, whump, body horror, medical, preg, xeno, etc.)

A lot of kinks I’m not into (I’m not squicked by much), just check with me beforehand - I reserve the right to turn down writing a particular kink, or to charge an extra $5 flat fee for writing something I’m not into

OCs or fanfic are both fine, but PLEASE SEE BELOW for other character restrictions

WILL NOT WRITE

UNDERAGE ANYTHING. This includes any character who is under the age of 18, aged-up fanfic of a character who is underage in canon, and high schoolers. (If they’re a high school senior and over 18, I GUESS it’s fine, but it still kinda skeeves me out.)

Scat (constipation/belly related stuff is fine but won’t write about anything kinky happening during/after defecation lol)

Furry (Anthro/hybrid characters are a maybe, but I’m really most comfortable writing humans)

MLP

Mecha

HOW TO COMMISSION ME

Please send me an email at [email protected] with the following:

What you want me to write (including do’s and don’ts, kinks to include, characters, etc.)

Target length of the fic/story (number of words)

That email will kick off a consultation period where I may ask you a few follow-up questions. I’ll then give you a price quote and receive your commitment in writing. You will not be invoiced for anything until I get your written commitment. (I.e. the consultation period is free, and you have not commissioned me until we both agree on what’s being written.)

PRICING & PAYMENT

I charge a fee of $2.50 USD per 100 words. Here are some sample breakdowns of what that shakes out to:

500 words = $12.50 USD

1000 words = $25 USD

2000 words = $50 USD

…and so on and so forth

There are a couple things that could earn you a discount:

If you recommend someone else to commission me, and they go through with it, I’ll give you a 20% discount (or a refund worth 20% of what you already paid for a finished fic)

You commission a story about my own OCs, hehe - that will also get you 20% off

I only accept payment through PayPal - I will give you all of that info once you give your written consent for me to start the commission. Here’s how it goes once we agree to get started:

I PayPal invoice you for 10%, NONREFUNDABLE before I start writing. I DO NOT begin writing until I receive that.

Once I am halfway done, I will send you a preview. If you like the preview, I will keep writing. If not, we will agree to go our separate ways and I won’t charge you any more.

Once I am completely done, I will send you a full fic. I’m fine doing 1-2 rounds of revisions complementary as long as it’s not egregious. Once you’re satisfied with the end product, I will invoice you for the remainder of the full commission price.  

If you let me get through writing the WHOLE FIC and THEN decide you don’t want to pay… let’s be real, I don’t have any legal means to enforce that you pay me. I’m a kink writer, doing this mostly for fun, and I don’t want to get my RL self embroiled in a big feud, legal or otherwise. HOWEVER. I DO reserve the right to COMPLETELY put you on blast in some kind of “writer beware” format on tumblr and wherever else, with receipts.

THANK YOU so much for your interest. I look forward to working with you. Regards, Ripley

#alrighty #guess i'm doin this now #le sweatdrop #rips commissions #long post #ripspeaks

[ruffoverthinksthings]

Thank you so much for the chad and freddie headcannons but she makes fun of my ships all the time and me because I'm overweight but she's the only person willing to be my friend

Note: LONG post ahead. I could have broken this up but I feel that would have erased a lot of the impact I wanted from the post. Apologies to all my followers, but I feel I REALLY need to do this for this specific Anon.

Let me take a break from headcanons and the self-esteem issues of fictional characters here and get to reality, specifically with you, Anon:

Don’t ever feel that there’s only one or a few persons willing to be your friend.

There are lots of people in the world. Just like Freddie told Chad, there’s at least one person out there who’s willing and happy to love him, and with friends, believe me, you will have LOTS of choices for people who will want to and will very much enjoy your company, you just have to go out there and find them or hope that someday, one day, fate brings them your way--and believe me, they will come, oftentimes when you least expect it.

Don’t ever feel like you can’t be friends with someone, or that people don’t want to be your friend--oftentimes, I’ve found that’s just an illusion, a lie we tell ourselves because we suffer from low self-esteem, traumatic past experience, or live in a location where we just don’t fit in.

And as a “weird” kid with ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome, an inability to speak or understand the local language well, a lack of interest in basketball (the national sport by popularity), local celebrities and their primetime teleseryes (Filipino for “TV series”), and being a Digimon fan in a country of almost exclusively Pokemon lovers, I know what it was like being different from others, being the odd one out, of never fitting in with most people and feeling like you’ll never be friends with other people.

But here’s the thing: I found friends anyway. Through luck, happenstance, chance conversations, and sometimes just taking the initiative and starting conversation with someone, I’ve made friends.

Great friends, mind you. Friends that have changed my life for the better. Friends who I enjoy hanging out with, and who love the fact that I am in many ways a freak with an addiction to Sin and yelling, an obsession with fictional lesbian (and some straight) couples and writing stories for them and my innumerable child OC’s, and overthink WAY too much about a fictional universe than is probably healthy.

(Shout out to my best bud @saveshootingstar!)

Even if you’re an outsider, even if you’re the weird kid, even if you feel like no one will ever want to be your friend because you’re just so different, there WILL be lots of someones out there who will want to be your friend.

Feeling like no one wants to be your friend, that you’re limited in your choices?

It’s a lie.

It’s an illusion.

It’s not true.

You just have to stop believing it, stop telling it to yourself, and start getting out there to prove yourself wrong.

I frequently believe that I can’t write, I’m not good, people will hate my work so I shouldn’t even try, but I soldier on anyway and write, just to flip myself the finger in the metaphorical mirror then congratulate myself on getting shit done in spite of my insecurities and lack of confidence in my writing ability.

I’m going to give your friend the benefit of the doubt and assume, once again, that your friend is a nice person. And hell, we have both RL and Auradon to show that “good” people can be mean plenty of times, oftentimes unintentionally or because they’re just unaware of how much it actually hurts people, or worse yet because abusive behaviour has been normalized for them.

But, you really should ask her to stop making fun of your ships and your weight, and more importantly, you should consider if this is a compromise you’re willing to do for the sake of your friendship.

And perhaps most importantly, you should go out there and start trying to make some friends. There’s plenty of MUCH better guides out there, but from what I’ve seen, I’ve made friends from the following actions:

Making fanfiction, then replying to the comments and messages I receive

Putting my headcanons out there, and attracting the attention of people who absolutely love them, or want to prod at my “never shuts up, EVER” brain more

Just being my loud, outspoken, weird, somehow considered wise and mature even though I consider myself about as far from the last two as possible, speaking up in class, talking about things on my tumblrs, and being unafraid to admit that I like weird things

One of my best friends, I met because I have gotten a reputation at every school I’ve been in for being the student that always takes every opportunity in class to recite and talk about interesting topics and whatever’s under the sun, the professor permitting. She caught wind of that, she decided to sit next to me and strike up conversation, and now we hang out twice a month at her place, talk over Skype regularly, and we have a blast at anime conventions.

Just recently, myself, her, and her sister went as Ruby, Yang, and Dr. Oobleck from RWBY, and it was fun as hell.

The point of my telling you all this, is the same thing that a lot of advice books have been saying over and over again:

Be yourself. Be you. Unless you’ve got a practical, very important reason for hiding parts of yourself like I do my being transgender out in public, don’t ever feel you need to hide what makes you, you.

And if it’s something weird, something out there, something possibly taboo? Speaking as an EXTREMELY kinky person (to put it lightly) who’s into a lot of other fringe stuff too, there ARE people just like you, and would love to be friends with you.

And Anon, two things before I go, one a very important lesson from Descendants itself:

The people that say they care about you and love you don’t always have your best interests in mind. Look at the Rotten Four and their parents, relationships where the parents manipulated their children’s natural desire to please them and earn their love to become their own personal tools to getting out of the Isle (Grimhilde), achieving world domination (Maleficent), or making their own lives slightly less shitty at the cost of making their kids’ lives living hell (Carlos, Jay).

I’m NOT saying this because I think your friend is this, and I sincerely hope they’re not, but because this is an important lesson all of us need to remember, even if we’re lucky enough to have all our relationships be healthy and loving without strings or ulterior motives.

And finally:

Hit me up for Chad/Freddie headcanons anytime, Anon.

#Chaddie

[olderthannetfic]

People calling BL fetishization are... have they not watched porn directed towards gay men (or any man) before? Admittedly cis gay white men, but still gay men. Almost every big porn site has a gay section that's marketed towards gay men and as someone who enjoys porn in a variety of mediums for a variety of audiences I think I'm in a good place to talk about the comparisons. I will admit there's a little less (open) incest and rape kink on major porn sites than BL or even indie erotica, but that matches the het side of those porn sites and it's not because people aren't into those things, it's because a lot of their servers are based in Canada and they've been trying to take down that content rather than doing anything useful about abuse or legal protection for those in the industry. Futilely of course, it's relatively easy to find, especially if you're familiar with what kinks individual studios and actors gravitate toward, and of course people keep reuploading stuff that isn't their's (mutters about how the true victims of poor copyright enforcement are porn actors and small studios, not Disney), but there's a lot less than there used to be when those sites had official incest tags. However there are plenty of porn studios with their own sites that cater specifically to those kinks. Mainstream live action porn, both gay and het, is far more intense than any BL I've read in terms of pure fetish.

And that isn't even getting into hentai which overwhelmingly caters to cishet dudes but also features plenty of rape, "reverse rape" (female on male rape which... I think that could be phrased better but that's how it's sorted usually), lolisho, incest, and so on. Or 3D animation which is a mixture of extremely vanilla blender animations of Overwatch characters, futanari, and intense monster rape that sometimes is also just bestiality. A lot of the better 2D animations I've seen often take an almost slapstick approach to rape. Of course I'm generalizing but if you want to go after BL, A) stop being racist, western animation and literature is just as kinky, and B) it's not the women or the straights, it's everyone, in every medium, in every place. I'm far more annoyed about the chikan subgenre of porn (which refers to molesting a woman on a train which is a huge RL problem in Japan) than a BL that features dom-sub sex between a pretty twink and a taller twink.

BL can be dark but compared to the depths of the internet I have trawled, it's often comparatively mild. Unless you're ready to call hetero porn a fetishization of the hets because it features common kinks, or can somehow justify to me why women finding men fucking hot is wrong without also damning straight porn and lesbian porn regardless of intended audience, fujoshis are fine and so is BL.

--

It usually boils down to "I am allowed to like m/m content and you are not."

[olderthannetfic]

re: asexuals in fandom, the discord I'm on (which chats about tons of horny stuff) has quite a few asexuals on and active along with a few "eh, maybe" or "potentially, still questioning" (including myself). Considering the supposed 1% statistic of asexuals (though considering how expansive asexuality can be yet strict official recognition can get might be underestimating the numbers) I'm always a little surprised by how high a ratio it is. And a lot of them are kinky! Lots of "into porn but not RL" or "into kink but not sex" or they find it fun in a not sexy or kinky way, just interesting to explore and read about.

Maybe it's because of the casual, open and accepting way that discord and fandom in general approaches sex (excluding the recent anti boom of course). I assume it can be kind of hard to find spaces that are accepting of weird relationships to sex which includes how the varying flavours of asexuality manifest. It's a good place to mess with sex and ideas related to it in a way you can control and even chat about with people who are chill and even excited to talk about whys and hows of liking one thing but not the other without getting super judgy. And of course the focus on primarily fictional focuses rather than real life people would be appealing to a certain subset of asexuals as well, and the distance provided by fiction.

--

I have no data to confirm this, but I have a feeling that your average writer of het self insert on Wattpad isn't any more likely to be ace than a rando off the street would be. There have certainly been fairly conservative and normative flavors of fanfic in the past. So it's going to depend on what part of fandom you're in, but yeah.

I too think there's a connection between the sorts of people who fantasize about smacking two barbies together but never about themselves and higher incidences of asexuality. (No, I don't think fantasy-life-is-never-self is literally asexuality and only asexuality. I think autochorissexual is only one manifestation of this very common fangirl fantasy orientation towards Not Self.)

I also think there's a connection between BL fandom with its presumed disconnect between the form of said barbie dolls and the form of the artist and audience and a higher incidence of asexuals.

And lastly, I absolutely think there's a link between internet subcultures of weirdos and people whose orientation gets shit on by regular society being overrepresented.

You know where else there's an overabundance of asexuals (and trans people, and kinksters)? Furry fandom.

Ditto any place monsterfuckers hang out. And all those robofuckers in transformers fandom.